The Amazing Race 31 Funniest Complaints Blog Episode 1

I am in South Africa on day 118 of my trip around the world. Because of travels and keeping up with my tutoring job, my funniest complaints blog shall be shorter this week.

Needless to say I have gone back and done something waaaaay beyond watching season 20. I don’t know where interrogating “I Love Cake” Nary & Jamie and “Big Brother are idiots because they can’t do anything on their own” falls within the competitiveness range, though.

But alas, everyone is entitled to be wrong.

The Amazing Race is supposed to be good, fun, and unapologetic. If you want to see teams apologizing to each other for any bad behaviour on-screen rather than leaving it as off-screen post-show reconciliation may I suggest. . .

TAR Canada 5: The Biggest Snoozer.

The hilarious thing is that Corinne & Eliza have yet to come up with a clever way to describe Art & JJ’s elimination yet the random casual fans online are doing a better job of it.

You don’t know what it means to edit a narrative after a season is finished filming, do you?

I think the real loser here is the guy who screencapped it into his blog. I win!

Where’s my million, Phil?!

I am sure Art & JJ returned for a second appearance just to have their reputation and entire legacy hit rock bottom. They effectively went from “one of the strongest performing teams to never win the race and they could’ve had the leg wins record if not for Rachel & Dave’s presence” to “the team who went against five newbie teams and were close to dead last for the entire leg, and quit a Roadblock which Terrible Challenge Performer Rupert from Survivor could do on the first try.” That’s how they will be remembered by from now on. That is always the danger when you come back to do a second race.

I was going to say “that guy who plans to murder you in your sleep Dexter Morgan style” mixed with Dwight K. Schrute from The Office, but sooky la la works too.

Better than a guy who got evicted three times on a reality show.

Holy shit. This is the casual of the casuals.

How bummed out were you when he was voted out after the merge on the Edge of Extinction?

No. I love one season per year. It makes CBS/Bertram swing for the fences because they know it can make or break them. With two seasons per year, they always phone one in. Look at that era from TAR 14 through to TAR 24. It’s just too much work for them. I love focusing on one central product per year.

Rupert? Strong?

The only time Rupert ever won a challenge on Survivor was if it was the popularity challenge on day 24 of Pearl Islands or if he had a good chance at a threesome in Survivor: All Stars.

Fuck.

You just gave Tara & Joey an ego boost. Do you not know what you have done?!

You don’t understand Colin & Christie? The. . .the team that brought back TAR from being permanently canceled and instead converted it into a mainstream product?

He confronted cops in Tanzania refusing to pay a taxi driver and willing to get arrested.

He founded a brand new sex position.

He became the first person to act like Blanka from Street Fighter in real life.

His ox broke.

They won a leg by the largest post-Guido Fast Forward blunder margin in TAR history.

They fought a friend and her midget.

And did I mention he almost got arrested?

lol super fit athletes

Now you’re just back-pedaling.

Rupert is a sweetheart?

JON, WHO THE FUCK U-TURNED ME?!!!! JON–I MEAN, PHIL!!!

Because they just want to give me material for my blog. ^_^

Wasn’t it always a soap opera?

BUT WHAT ABOUT COLIN & CHRISTIE. THEY COULD CAST TEN PILES OF STEAMING SHIT (which they almost did) but at least we got Motherfucking Colin & Christie to make up for it!

Well. . .we have a new Survivor fan? That was easy. Clearly they don’t need a reality showdown to boost ratings.

Well, a partial showdown.

It’s true. Either that or move to Canada.

Let’s bring back the team that is the most hated amongst the TAR alumni. Wonderful.

Don’t they let everyone cheat on Big Brother on their way to victory though?

Facebook is not a fun place for Rachel Reilly.

#RealLifeJobs

Whoa, slow down. This isn’t the Olympics. It’s a fucking pointless reality show.

It’s not like Bertram and Elise introduced new stoning laws for the last team to get eliminated from the race. Boycott is excessive.

Ugh. Why. Do. You. Post. How. Often. You. Audition. Every. Single. Week. I have learned way too much about food trucks and how much you love Homophobe Jet McCoy. Ugh.

Sigh. That’s it. I quit for this week. Why can’t you all watch 40+ seasons like I have. Fucking wannabe fans.