The Amazing Race Canada 1 Episode 7 Rankings: Vanessa Morgan in Shut Up and Come; Brett Burstein in Igloo Architect

SEVENTH EPISODE

EPISODE BLOG #352: “Shut Up and Come!”

COUNTRIES VISITED

CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA

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As always, these TARstorian blogs are dedicated to my late wife Jee-an who passed away in June 2022. We all love you and miss you.

Previously on TAR: Five teams raced from Regina to Quebec City. Despite their lack of French, Jet & Dave broke the language barrier to win their third leg in a row. Holly & Brett and Jody & Cory battled their way from the back of the pack to a second place photo finish. Choosing the wrong set of directions plummeted from second to last place for Tim & Tim but lightning struck twice and father and son were saved yet again.

Five teams remain to win $250, 000 cash, cars, some flights, and likely some other sponsoured prizes, because, you know, Canadian television.

Previously on TAR Mentions:
TIM & TIM 4
HOLLY & BRETT 4
KRISTEN & DARREN 3
JET & DAVE 3
JAMIE & PIERRE 2
VANESSA & CELINA 2
HAL & JOANNE 2
TREENA & TENNILLE 1
JODY & CORY 1

Monty tells us about Quebec City–it was built atop a cliff high above the St. Lawrence River. This French-speaking capital is the only remaining walled city north of Mexico and home to one of the largest Francophone speaking populations outside of France.

Battlefields Park, where British and French empires previously clashed, is the seventh starting point as teams race across the world–er, Canada.

Jet & Dave, who arrived at an unspecified time, will depart first at 3:05am. I assume that departure time is designed around whatever is the first flight out of the airport.

Jet stretches his clue-ripping arm.

Jet opens the clue.

JET: Pour vous.

Way to keep it French while still in Quebec, Jet.

Jet reads they must fly to Iqaluit, Nunavut. They have $100 on their Interac debit card. I guess Iqaluit can take Interac. Jet reads once there they must search outside for their next clue.

Is Iqaluit such a small town that having the clue say “search outside” is an easy enough instruction for teams to find their next clue?

JET: My pants are at the bottom of my bag.
DAVE: My jacket!

Monty tells us teams will fly north to the Canadian Arctic-Iqaluit, Nunavut. Iqaluit means “Place of Many Fish” in Inuktutuk and is the transportation hub of the Eastern Arctic. This northern outpost is famous for its sealife, wildlife, and breathtaking scenery.

Many people ask “If you dislike TAR Canada 7-Present day so much because they only travel within Canada, why do you give TAR Canada 1 a pass despite it being domestic too?”

Well, it’s because of legs like this right here.

Through nine seasons of TAR Canada, this is the only leg to use Nunavut.

Every region of Canada is represented in the inaugural season. The Okanagan, the Pacific Northwest, all three territories, the Prairies, Ontario, Quebec, and the Maritimes are ALL represented in just ten episodes.

There is a clear divide between that and airing eight of eleven episodes set in Ontario and BC.

“Why is this the only episode set in Nunavut?”

a) It’s very expensive to fly to Nunavut. From BC it costs about $2, 000 round trip to get to Iqaluit.
b) TAR Canada always films in late April and early May. It is still below freezing almost every day during this time of Nunavut which is a big challenge for Production.
c) Nunavut is the least densely inhabited populated place ON THE PLANET. The infrastructure is quite minimal.
d) Because of the lack of infrastructure, transporting teams between route markers is very difficult. I researched all of the route markers for this leg and this episode covers a distance of about twelve kilometres total in and around Iqaluit. Everything is five kilometres west and six kilometres east of the airport.

Which circles back to my previous point: Domestic seasons for TAR Canada was ever only going to work once or twice. There just isn’t enough diverse locations in Canada to keep it remotely interesting for a TV audience.

As a one-off, though, an all domestic route is fine for an inaugural season of TAR Canada. It just should have never happened again.

The Interac symbol on the side of the cab makes me laugh.

Dave feels the momentum after winning three consecutive legs.

We get a peek as to how cold Iqaluit will be–Jet & Dave are wearing winter gear and very thick gloves.

JET: Any success we have is due to skill and ability–we’re more than just a set of pretty eyes and great hair.

The hat trick is truly inflating Jet’s ego.

Holly & Brett and Jody & Cory depart together at 3:38am.

What a tight group of friends.

I would normally mock everyone’s pronunciation of a city on TAR, but I truly have no idea how to properly pronounce Iqaluit.

JODY: Today’s plan is to get ahead of Brett & Holly and never see them again.

“And we don’t mean in the context of the race–we mean, like, ever. For the rest of our lives.”

Cory is stoked to see all three territories and cross it off of his bucket list.

Brett says winning TAR Canada is important.

BRETT: As two physicians early in their careers, we have a lot of debt.
HOLLY: A LOT of debt.
BRETT: A colossal amount of debt.

“I should let the jury know that Holly & Brett may have a lot of debt, but physicians make a lot of money once employed. I implore the jury to look to other criteria as to why a team should win TAR Canada.”

Mick Trimming didn’t fool Jaison and neither did Holly & Brett.

Brett wants to make a contribution to the Children’s Hospital.

In the shocker of all shockers, everyone is on the same trio of flights to Iqaluit according to Cory.

Holly & Brett ask for seats next to Jody & Cory.

And just as I suspected, the first flight is at 6:00am. The departure times were one hundred percent planned around this flight.

Vanessa & Celina depart fourth at 3:44am. Vanessa says being perceived as a weak team has been to their advantage and will continue to be to their advantage.

Just ask the #MalnourishedHippies.

Fourth, producers. Vanessa & Celina are fourth.

Vanessa handles her enormous bag of winter clothes. Who are those clothes meant for?

Big Easy?

Tim & Tim depart in dead last at 4:15am.

We see Junior pay for the cab ride by Interac.

This is the third Interac ad spot in under five minutes of airtime. Jesus Christ.

JUNIOR: To have Jon tell us for the second time that we’ve never been saved by a non-elimination–that doesn’t happen. I don’t think that’s ever happened.

That’s never happened, Junior? A team that has never been saved by two NELs prior to TAR Canada 1’s airing in 2013?

Let’s go easy on the International Court of Justices and just go with seasons they would’ve had access to on Canadian cable television–twenty-two seasons of the American version.

Joe & Bill.
Chris & Alex.
Flo & Zach.
Kelly & Jon.
Meredith & Gretchen.
Weavers.
BJ & Tyler.
David & Mary.
Nick & Vicki.
Mark & Bopper.

“A team who has never watched The Amazing Race prior to competing–that’s never happened before.”

The Hagues loosely surprise the teams at the airport. They were somewhat suspecting a NEL.

“Hang loose, y’all.”

JET: We think the Tims are gone and of course they round the corner. . .I’m not even faking joy when I see them this time.
DAVE: Technically they should’ve been eliminated twice now. They’re becoming a folklore–you can’t finish them. They’re zombies.

Dave’s best attempt at fake joy.

“Can we get saved by NELs twice too?”

Monty confirms all teams are flying from Quebec City to Montreal to Ottawa to Iqaluit.

And I’m 99.9 percent sure this will be the only Nunavut visit TAR Canada will ever get. We’re eleven years deep into this franchise and this is still the only Nunavut leg. You’re about to see allofit in Nunavut.

And yes, that sign is in three languages: English, Inuktitut in its original alphabet, and Inuktitut using the Latin alphabet.

Once they land, teams must search outside. . .the airport terminal for their next clue which is written in the Inuktitut alphabet.

It’s going to take them forever to find a clue outside of the Iqaluit Airport.

Typing “Iqaluit” and “inuktitut” repeatedly on a keyboard is a very unusual combination of letters for me to type.

Behold! The inukshuk on the Nunavut flag!

“It’s so cold my testicles became ice cubes and involuntarily amputated from my body like an icicle. Woof Woof.”

That’s a pretty cool mural.

We don’t even see the flight land. We cut straight to the chilly dash to the clue box.

JET: I SEE THE CLUE BOX!!!!!!!!

I’m guessing the clue box was very very easy to find.

They open the clue. Everyone heads back inside the airport to find a translator. Vanessa instantly starts panicking.

VANESSA: What does that mean?! What does that mean? What does that mean?

Calm down, Nessa.

I know what this says:

It’s a series of dance moves they have to perform. Iqaluit was the birthplace of the Bust-a-Groove franchise for the Playstation 1.

Hopefully PaRappa the Rapper is inside the airport to help translate for all of the teams.

In all seriousness, any linguistic challenge in TAR Canada is always welcome–especially given the severe cultural limitations of a domestic season.

Vanessa Morgan panicking two seconds into the start of the day is adorable on so many levels. What does that meeeeeean. What does that meeeeeean.

I think this is the only time where all teams find a clue outside of a commercial airport only to then run back inside again.

Half of Iqaluit appears to be inside the airport.

The dude who looks like a cross between Dr. Wright from Sim City and Dr. Ryuta Kawashima from Brain Age is able to translate it for Vanessa & Celina.

I hear studying Inuktitut activates your prefrontal cortex!

Sylvia Grinnell is not the name of a woman I dated in university, but rather is the daughter of a man who financially backed American explorer Charles Francis Hall’s expedition across the Arctic–Charles Francis Hall was the first non-indigenous man to make it to this part of the world. He named the Sylvia Grinnell River and Sylvia Grinnell Territorial Park to show his appreciation for the financial backing he received.

VANESSA: Wow! That’s like a different language!

It is. Inuktitut is a language spoken by 42, 000 people.

Teams must hire a cab driver to drive five kilometres west to reach Sylvia Grinnell Territorial Park–also known as “The Coldest Fucking Park in Canada–Brrr Brrr Brrr Fuck Fuck Fuck.”

Then they’ll be driving six kilometres east of the airport after this.

Monty says Sylvia Grinnell Territorial Park was formed by glacial activity that occurred over 7, 000 years ago. Once here they will have to search the vast tundra for their next clue.

I can hear Ray Romano’s voice from Ice Age.

I hope the clue is hidden way the hell out there in the tundra.

Ten bucks says that woman helping Jody & Cory is an anthropologist.

Vanessa & Celina are off and running first. Jody & Cory are in second place.

Contrary to popular belief, there are in fact roads in Iqaluit.

VANESSA & CELINA: We are currently in first!
VANESSA: Have we ever been in first, Celina? *giggle*

I think there was one other moment recently where Vanessa & Celina were in first, but this is definitely the first time Vanessa & Celina have known with one hundred percent certainty they are first.

Jet finds someone to translate the clue but doesn’t expect to hear the name Sylvia.

WOMAN: Sylvia.
JET: Sil Veh?
WOMAN: Syl-vee-uh. Grinnell. Park.

“Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?”

I think Jet was expecting a more “exotic” name.

Holly & Brett find a local to translate inside the airport too.

I like how there’s only one other town labelled on this map. That’s how desolate Nunavut is.

The International Court of Justices also have their clue translated.

Dave looks so damn cold.

Jet & Dave are third to catch a cab. Jet says being in the middle of the pack is DANGEROUS.

We cut to Holly & Brett hailing a cab in fourth place.

BRETT: Holl, Holl.

The Tim Hagues are once again in last place.

Vanessa & Celina then Jody & Cory are dropped off at the territorial park.

Vanessa & Celina run through the blinding snow.

Jody & Cory quickly locate the clue box and are in first place. It was fun while it lasted, ladies.

Vanessa & Celina are completely disoriented.

VANESSA: Where do we go??? This way????
CELINA: Down this hill.
VANESSA: Where??? Here???

Classic Vanessa & Celina right here. This is why a team like Jet & Dave were able to win three legs in a row.

We get to see the clue.

Monty says teams must search for two Inuk throat singers. This amazing form of musical expression was once used by Inuit women as a means of entertainment while the men were away hunting (why didn’t they just play Nintendo Switch instead?). Where teams hear the music, they will find their next clue.

Don’t join in on the throat singing, Monty. Even when I was in university in the early 2010s the phrase “cultural appropriation” was already coined.

And no JK, just because their two faces are close together doesn’t mean these two ladies are going to make out.

Monty isn’t comfortable introducing the names of these throat singers–he isn’t accustomed to speaking in Inuktitut.

The idea of a sniper in Afghanistan who transitions into running for political office going on TV to booty scooting down a snowy hillside is hilarious.

It would be like if Bradley Cooper was making snow angels or jump into a pile of leaves.

Vanessa & Celina find the clue box. Vanessa reads they must find the throat singers.

VANESSA: Where do we go???
CELINA: You’ve got to calm down.

The fact today is an elimination leg is really fucking with Vanessa’s head today.

The Tim Hagues hail a cab in last place.

JUNIOR: Do you know where this is? Sylvia Grinnell Territorial Park?

Iqaluit only has 7, 000 people, man. I think the park is one of about only two major landmarks in all of Iqaluit.

“I need to use the bathroom.”

JUNIOR: The bathroom?!

Oddly enough, a bathroom break takes longer than most Speed Bumps. That’s why Junior is concerned.

SENIOR: No, we don’t have time for the bathroom. Get out. Get out. Stop. Sorry sir. We don’t have time for the bathroom.

Iqaluit is so small that the driver probably drove by his own house and thought “now is a good time to use the bathroom.”

Luckily I think they hadn’t really left the airport yet and got another cab quickly.

Holly & Brett and Jet & Dave are at the clue box.

BRETT: Holl, let’s go. . .Holl, go go go. As fast as you can.

Jet uses the throat singer clue to do a terrible impression of a beginner choir practice.

Jody & Cory find the throat singers.

We are seeing a long-standing Inuit tradition through the lens of two middle-aged White dudes on Canadian television.

That sums up Canada pretty well.

Jody & Cory receive the clue.

DETOUR: HARPOON HUNTER OR IGLOO BUILDER?

HARPOON HUNTER

In Harpoon Hunter, Jody will be equipped with a rifle and hunt down the two members of the not-so-beloved Canadian hip hop group Harpoon Missile.

To survive the harsh and frosty environments of the Arctic tundra, the Inuit had to adapt and rely on crucial skills. This Detour teams will attempt to master one of two survival techniques: It’s their call: Harpoon Hunter or Igloo Builder.

Did Monty build that himself?

HARPOON HUNTER

In Harpoon Hunter, wearing snow shoes and armed with a traditional Inuit harpoon, one team member must drag their partner on a sled one kilometre across the tundra across the open sea ice.

Once they both harpoon the target, the team member who rode in the sled earlier must drag their partner back where the Inuit hunter will give them their next clue.

And just like that, we knew all three all-male teams would finish in the top three for this leg.

It gone!

I’m surprised he can grip the clue with those gloves on.

IGLOO BUILDER

In Igloo Builder, using only the tools provided, and these pre-cut thirty pound blocks of snow, teams must build one of the oldest forms of shelter–a traditional igloo. One that would be able to withstand the unforgiving Arctic environment.

Once the Inuk elder feels the igloo can withstand a harsh winter’s night, they’ll receive their next clue.

I’d love to see Amazing Race Asia teams attempt this task.

This task is not Debra & Steve friendly.

“How much is the rent here?”

This would cost $1, 000 per month to rent in Vancouver.

The igloo is up to code.

In a surprise to no one, Jody & Cory choose the task involving a target.

Vanessa & Celina are second to the throat singers.

I wonder how tempted Vanessa was to join in on the throat singing.

Vanessa & Celina choose Harpoon Hunter. Hmmmm. This could be hilarious.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

I haven’t seen anyone have this much fun since Disco Kid entered a boxing ring.

Jody instructs Cory how to put on a snow shoe.

Jody says they have to ride toboggans during their winter training in the military. He rigged up a quick harness for Cory to pull too.

“OK Cory, the bunny goes around the tree. . .”

Celina says she is struggling to push it like Salt n Pepa.

Even Cory is struggling to gain that first bit of momentum while pulling the sled. This is not going to be Vanessa & Celina’s Wil Forte.

Celina prepares to pull Vanessa.

VANESSA: Where are we even going??????

I think that’s the whole premise of The Amazing Race, Vanessa.

Vanessa & Celina ain’t getting first place as they compete against a professional sniper in a target shooting task.

Jet & Dave are bright enough to not make any of their jokes here.

DAVE: . . .Cool.

We get to see the Detour clue.

Jet faceplants hard on the Arctic tundra.

Jet would be known as the “Naboob of the North.”

I’d laugh so hard if the throat singers had a confessional about how they are annoyed with Brett & Holly.

Brett talks about how many of his patients in Montreal are from Iqaluit.

NOTE: Whenever I research flights for a vacation to Iqaluit, every flight comes from Ottawa or Montreal. I assume the reverse is true for Iqaluit residents who need medical treatment. They would be flying to Ottawa or Montreal.

“Do either of you have kids who need to get treated for an ailment?”

Holly & Brett look miserable in this confessional.

Holly & Brett aren’t comfortable in winter gear.

BRETT: Come on. Holl. Holl.

“Holl. Holl.”

Holly & Brett choose what I assume Vanessa & Celina would’ve chosen–building the igloo. However, those thirty pound ice blocks are likely going to be a bizzle to shift and hoist up too. Harpoon hunter may not be quite as physical.

Cory keeps dragging that sled.

I wish Jody would show up to City Hall like this.

Cory says the shoes, the snow, and Jody’s weight is making this absolutely brutal for him to pull.

Cory is absolutely spent.

Celina starts pulling Vanessa. That initial pull for momentum is brutal.

CELINA: Ohhhh no. Ohhhh no, Nessa.

Vanessa is already thinking about her turn.

CELINA: You would think pulling my sister in a sled would be easy because she’s extremely tiny.

INTERVIEWER: So do you think you just have weak arms or did Vanessa get really fat after eating at each pit stop?

“She has weak arms. One of the many defects of their kind.”

Ummmm, yeah. I don’t think we can say that, Dwight K. Schrute.

Celina is flustered saying how it’s impossible and she can’t do it.

Celina says it was one of the hardest things she has ever had to do.

VANESSA: Run Celina, run.
CELINA: How am I supposed to FREAKIN’ RUN?! LET’S SEE HOW YOU’RE GONNA RUN WHEN YOU’RE DOING THIS? “RUN, CELINA?!” HOLY COW!!!
VANESSA: . . .You’re doing good, Celina.

Celina wishes they had done the igloo task. She is certain they’ll be out today.

Vanessa scans the Arctic tundra for another Express Pass.

Jet & Dave are at the igloo building task. They watch the demo.

Which happens to be the most direct and quickest demo of any task in TAR history.

“Do this. It should look like that.”

JET: How do you get it to stick?
DAVE: Pee on it.

“Please don’t make me inspect a urine-soaked igloo, fellas.”

Holly & Brett show up to the igloo task too. Brett said they decided to do igloo building because the other task looked overly physical.

BRETT: We tend to have more difficulty with physical challenges.

But you beat semi-professional athletes at a CFL task.

Holly counts the number of ice blocks in the demo igloo.

The International Court of Justices are last to the throat singers. They choose Harpoon Hunter. Senior straps on the harness.

SENIOR: This sucks!

This is the most despised task of the season by the contestants.

Cory passes out at the imaginary finish line for the sled pull.

I noticed Jody & Cory’s sled is called Labrador.

Oddly enough, Labrador is the only major region in Canada to never be visited across all nine seasons of TAR Canada.

Jody misses his first harpoon toss. Cory is left-handed. They have to run and grab the harpoon after each toss.

The distance is further than I expected. Granted they only have to hit the target once. Running after the harpoon after each toss would get exhausting quickly.

Jet & Dave say the igloo construction is much more difficult than anticipated.

The weight of one of Brett’s ice blocks pulls him to his knees which is hilarious. Brett asks Holly to hold up multiple ice blocks at once.

BRETT: Holl, hold here hold here.
HOLLY: It’s gonna fall in.

Brett’s knees are going to be destroyed by the end of this Detour.

Celina keeps huffing and puffing as the International Court of Justices very slowly overtake Celina.

CELINA: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Vanessa starts crying after Celina falls.

Oooof.

VANESSA: You’re okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.

SPOILER: It’s not okay.

The Hagues are close to crossing the imaginary finish line.

Jody said Cory moved to Edmonton after he got wounded in Afghanistan. They didn’t spend much time together. Now they’re spending time together.

Cory hits a target; Jody hits a target too.

Jody’s turn to pull the sled.

Holly & Brett are now building the roof. Jet & Dave’s igloo is turning into a castle. It’s very uneven.

The pieces are falling into–er, out of place.

JET (to the elder): You don’t give hints, eh?

Brett looks like he is about to hit Holly in the head with an ice block.

Senior talks about how his left side doesn’t work when his body is tired due to Parkinson’s.

SENIOR: I can’t change Parkinson’s but it can’t take Amazing Race away from me.

Senior pulls a Cory at the finish.

“Only Holly & Brett giving bad directions can take Amazing Race away from me.”

Celina is under severe physical stress. She stops multiple times.

VANESSA: Celina and I were raised by the strongest woman we know.

Chyna?

So this confessional wasn’t from the Iqaluit leg.

Nevermind, Vanessa & Celina talk about their mother having thalidomide and pushing through any obstacle because of it.

JODY: Breathe deep!

Jody and Celina have a rare interaction.

TAR Canada hit the trifecta: Parkinson’s, Afghanistan, and thalidomide were all mentioned in under sixty seconds of airtime.

At least in this scene it properly fit what was happening rather than being forced into the edit like other episodes where it’s “wow, Canadians can overcome anything omgz” that everyone grew frustrated with after a couple seasons.

Celina crosses and she doesn’t even collapse to the ground at the finish line like the overly dramatic men.

Celina is officially awarded the title of “The Baddest B in the Arctic.”

She stayed standing on her own two feet after the finish line. No dramatics from her here–just a case of badassery.

Holly & Brett continue playing their cute little game of House outside.

Jet & Dave see Jody & Cory are already done the Detour. They contemplate switching or finishing.

DAVE: I feel like we’re close but far.

They talk about how they could have it done in fifteen minutes. . .but would they?

Jet & Dave opt to switch.

JET: GOOD LUCK! WE SUCK!

Fellas need to get that shit trademarked.

DAVE: This is what happens when you suck–you switch.

Jet & Dave’s decision was based on assuming they could finish harpooning before Holly & Brett could finish constructing their igloo.

Knowing the exact length of time it took for Jody & Cory to finish Harpoon Hunter really helped them here too.

Jet thinks Brett & Holly will have difficulty on the top layer.

Brett fails miserably at bracing the ice blocks with his leg.

“How dare they let my beloved igloo real estate crumble.”

Brett talks about how the Igloo task was more physical than anticipated.

BRETT: OK Holl, we just need to keep going.

Brett asks her to hold it.

HOLLY: I’m holding it.
(HOLLY screams.)
BRETT: Holl, you can’t just pretend–
HOLLY: I almost got a block of ice on my head, Brett!

Holly lacks arms. She needs about six more arms for this task.

BRETT: Holl, Holl, Holl, Holl. Holl, you need to lift it.
HOLLY: I am not strong enough to lift it. I am doing everything I can do!
BRETT: It’s not enough.
HOLLY: Do you want to switch now?
BRETT: No, we have to finish this. If this is the end of us, this is the end of us.

This is a true Hollmark moment.

Their decision to stay at the Igloo task is a tough one.

I assume their rationale is the following:
a) They’ll never overtake the three all-male teams at the Harpoon task and they all had a significant headstart. They’re banking on Vanessa & Celina being out of their element if they do switch.
b) Even if they struggle for a while at building the igloo, chances are they can get it done before Vanessa & Celina can hit targets AND each take turns pulling the sled across the tundra.

Jody & Cory complete the Detour in first place and receive their clue.

I can see a part of the Additional Info.

ADDITIONAL INFO: You MUST stay behind your camera team at all times. This means you MUST not travel faster than 40 km/hr.

We see the clue.

Monty repeats what we read in the clue: Teams must hike the large snow-covered hill to a waiting snow machine. They’ll drive north across the frozen ice of Frobisher Bay to the historic Hudson’s Bay trading post where they’ll find their next clue.

Hudson’s Bay: The company you learned all about in your grade ten Social Studies class in Canada.

Jody talks about how this leg is a first for “Jody Mitic and his prosthetic legs.” He talks about being thankful for Cory.

Jody’s prosthetic legs have been to all three Canadian territories. My entire body has been to zero. I don’t feel good about being three-upped by prosthetic legs. It makes me feel sad about myself.

We see Cory repeatedly fall down which is hilarious. The funniest stumble is when he tries to charge up his run like Sonic the Hedgehog but falls anyway.

I have rewatched this about five times and laughed out loud every single time. I like how this is supposed to be during an inspirational confessional.

Cory Mitic.

Celina uses her full strength and the harpoon hits the target. The International Court of Justices hit both targets and pull away.

CELINA: It bothers me they’re off leaving when they’ve been eliminated twice already.

“We can’t hear you over our two free passes.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Here is Vanessa Morgan almost destroying her body while throwing a harpoon in the Arctic.

CELINA: She’s trying but she’s not going to be able to get it. So. . .

Keep the faith, man.

Vanessa Morgan keeps falling after every harpoon toss.

She’s like Mitch Williams of the Philadelphia Phillies in the 1993 World Series versus the Toronto Blue Jays–dude always face-planted after every single pitch he threw.

Holly & Brett continue constructing their igloo.

ELDER: Hopefully you didn’t pick up one of Jet’s piss-filled ice blocks, Brett.

Holly is almost fully enclosed.

That ain’t looking stable.

Holly asks to switch as her voice shakes.

BRETT: Holl, hold this one. Hold it.
HOLLY: The bottom is not steady. Oh my god–AHHHH.
BRETT: Holl, you’ve got be careful in there. K? Let’s just focus and rebuild what we had.
HOLLY: We’re nowhere near finishing this.
BRETT: I know you’re wearing down, Holl. I know.
HOLLY: I’m not wearing down. I think we’re making a big mistake right now and you’re not listening.
BRETT: OK. Fine. You quit?
HOLLY: What do you think?
BRETT: Holl, I want to keep going.
HOLLY: Just think it’s hopeless.

Man, it’s a Holl overload here. It’s another four right there.

We call that the Arctic Tumble.

Brett looks like he is going to chuck the ice block at Holly if she decides to switch tasks.

We hit an ad break and have a portion of the scene replayed.

BRETT: Holl, you make the decision, Holl.

Brett keeps coaching Holly how to make it catch, but the bottom part of the structure is shaking. Holly thinks it is increasingly shaky.

Holly says it is shaking. Brett agrees to switch tasks.

The igloo building task is one of those rare Detour tasks in TAR history where multiple teams put in a reasonable effort but yet nobody is able to complete it.

The International Court of Justices complete the Detour in second place with clue in hand.

Jody & Cory ride a snowmobile.

I hope the environmentalists are cool with this.

Jody & Cory talk about how insignificant they feel driving the snowmobile with nobody else around (except the camera and audio crew).

Jet & Dave watch Vanessa still throwing harpoons.

Repeated grunts have not helped.

Celina has grown so bored she has opted to sit down and isn’t even watching anymore. She is watching something else as her booty becomes increasingly numb.

Vanessa hits the target but it doesn’t collapse. It still counts.

Vanessa & Celina are blown away by seeing an incoming Jet & Dave.

VANESSA: Dave?! What are you guys doing?
DAVE: Igloos are old-fashioned, man.

Yeah, Dave is all new school–like pulling a sled to get between places.

Vanessa & Celina are excited by having a chance. Vanessa pulls Celina. Celina is laying down in the sled for presumed even weight distribution.

Jet & Dave are at Harpoon Hunter.

Something tells me Jet & Dave will quickly make up time.

DAVE: We tried to get ourselves into the Inuit mind-state.

ALL OF NUNAVUT: What would the Inuit mind-state be, fellas?

DAVE: We are hunting a whale–if we don’t kill this whale then we’re going to go hungry.

Unless it hides in an igloo–then Jet & Dave will starve for all eternity.

Brett is pulling Holly.

HOLLY: Don’t miss where you’re going, eh?

Eh? Eh? Amazing Race Canada, Eh?

Holly keeps putting her hands on the ground to “help” Brett push the sled faster. What’s funny is each time Holly puts her hands on the ground it is likely extra weight Brett has to pull. It’s like putting your foot on the ground to brake while riding a bike.

Vanessa Morgan keeps grunting as she pulls the sled.

VANESSA: It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life!

It would be the worst pain she felt for the next seven years until the day she experienced childbirth.

And yes, I just went to Wikipedia to see if Vanessa Morgan became a mama just so I could make a childbirth reference.

There you go.

FUN FACT: Vanessa named her son River. Why River?

Because that was the show which made Vanessa Morgan really famous.

Now why did the Canadian actress have to play a character named Toni Topaz?

Well, because Topaz Brady is the name of Canada’s most famous contestant from season one of Big Brother Canada.

*

Whoa. Whoa. We went down quite the rabbit hole there.

Brett asks Holly to keep pushing. I just noticed Holly is so far on the other end of the sled that the front end lifts up. That means Brett is using extra effort to have the sled repeatedly pulled back down on its front end.

I assume it would be lighter if it the front end always stayed up but it isn’t.

BRETT: Push, Holl. Push, Holl, Push. Push push push.

“Oh, now she’s having twins!”

Scott Flanary from TAR 29 starts making fun of Vanessa Morgan for being dramatic during the sled pull.

“goo.”

We cut to Jody & Cory on their snowmobile.

JODY: I feel like I’m riding a bull. Yippie kay-yay!

“Yippie Kay-yay, mothercluckers.”

Jody & Cory read the Roadblock. Jody is doing it because it is his turn.

ROADBLOCK HINT: Who needs to fatten up?

We see the hint.

Monty says one person must consume an entire serving of muktuk.

Monty picks up a piece.

MONTY: Mmmmm.

Monty says this traditional Inuit meal is composed of raw whale skin and blubber. It’s rich in Vitamin D. It has been a staple of the northern people of Iqaluit for thousands of years. The locals call it Inuit chewing gum as the combination of raw skin and fat make it tough to bite and extremely chewy. One team member will have to consume all ten pieces without an ounce of whale blubber left they’ll receive their next clue.

It’s like sushi.

Harpoon tossing, igloo building, and whale blubber eating are the three tasks for this leg of the race.

They hit the first three things every single Canadian thinks of when they hear the word Nunavut.

The fourth thing would be the inukshuk symbol that we used during the Winter Olympics in 2010.

JODY: I am a picky picky eater.
CORY: I think super picky would describe him–like SUPER picky.
JODY: I’m pretty picky.

Jody.

I wonder what he ate in Afghanistan.

Jody is greeted in Inuktitut.

Jody is freaked out by the whale blubber. The first piece hit his gag reflex.

I don’t think vomiting a traditional Inuit dish is going to play out too well on TV.

Cory points out there’s a cup of water for Jody to drink.

JODY: Everyone who knows me will be saying “WHAT?! He is eating whale blubber?
CORY: “He won’t even eat a tomato!”
JODY: “The guy doesn’t even like mushrooms!”

Jody takes advantage of the water.

Om nom nom.

JODY: I started thinking “Corvettes, half a million dollars worth of stuff,” so I just gulped gulped gulped.

They have to eat ten pieces. Jody has six pieces down.

JODY: OH! Brain freeze!

Jet & Dave nail both targets.

Vanessa is able to run with the sled.

Jet is sprinting with his sled.

Vanessa & Celina complete the Detour in third place.

CELINA: How are we going to get up here?

Walk?

The Hagues encounter their second Speed Bump of the season.

Of course it’s a dog sled run.

The Winter Olympian is having way too much fun today.

Monty says dog sleds have been used in the Arctic for hundreds of years and can travel at speeds up to thirty kilometres per hour. The Hagues must lead a dog sled team across the frozen waters of Frobisher Bay to retrieve a food cache.

When they deliver the food cache back to the starting point, they’ll have successfully completed the Speed Bump and can move on with the rest of the race.

“Some people say
They know they can’t believe
The Tims have a dog sled team
We have the one Senior
And the one Junior”

I wonder if the food cache is full of muktuk.

JUNIOR: We seem to have our best days on our Speed Bump days.

What does that tell you about Speed Bumps?

It’s yet another version of TAR with a dog sled task.

Whether it be Banff or Alaska.

The instructor tells them to hang on right away because the dogs will run before they are ready.

Junior doesn’t look comfortable.

“It’s show time, bitches.”

“Bow wow wow
yippie yo
yippie yay
Where my dogs at?
Sled with me now”

It’s unclear how far the Hagues have to travel on the dog sleds.

Holly & Brett have made it alone to the Harpoon Hunter task.

Brett admires the intricacy of the artwork on the harpoon.

We see Brett quickly hit a target. He tells Holly to throw it like she is throwing a dart.

That harpoon only makes it halfway to the target.

Jody eats the tenth and final piece.

CORY: Any salt and pepper?

I wish.

This task would’ve been a true challenge without the water.

Roadblock complete.

And we get a rare clue that is truly a clue–travel one kilometre northwest to the pit stop.

I wish more pit stop clues were like this.

I assume this was done here in Nunavut because there is such a lack of infrastructure.

Monty says teams must travel on foot to the top of a mountain that is marked by an inukshuk used to navigate the barren and majestic landscape surrounding Iqaluit. The panoramic lookout is the seventh pit stop in a race across the world–er, Canada.

Of course there’s an inukshuk at the mat.

Vanessa is wheezing.

The one caution sign in all of Nunavut.

CELINA: Oh my god, there’s a carcass.
VANESSA: Oh my gosh! What the hell?! What creature is eating these things?

Ogopogo has mutated into its tundra form.

CELINA: They’re gonna eat you.
(VANESSA giggles.)

Jet & Dave complete the Detour in fourth place. They run to the snowmobile.

JET: We started sprinting up this hill. Sprint turns into a jog. Turns into a quick walk. Turns into a walk. Turns into a. . .

“Ummm, are we cool with only beating Holly & Brett today?”

The Hagues retrieve their food cache.

It’s like an ice crater.

Jody & Cory are following marked race flags. Well this makes the pit stop way too easy to find. They keep running on foot and turn a corner.

CORY: We’re kicking our head in with our frozen muckluck.

Isn’t that Krusty the Clown’s favourite word?

Cory helps Jody up the hill.

This has been a ridiculously physical leg.

The International Court of Justices complete the Speed Bump.

JUNIOR: SPEED BUMP DONE! WOOOO!!!!

Fuck, he’s fired up.

The Hagues board their snowmobile just as Vanessa & Celina arrive.

SENIOR: See ya ladies!

Vanessa & Celina keep the Hagues’ snowmobile in sight.

SENIOR: I have to give them so much credit.
JUNIOR: We see everybody as our competition and the girls are no exception. If they have a shot, they’ll beat us and they’ll take it.

I know the Tims were NOT popular at all when this season aired, but even in their rivalries with other teams they never really discredited other teams.

Jet & Dave repeatedly crapped on Vanessa & Celina in their confessionals and Kristen & Darren did so indirectly too.

Tim & Tim are just more annoyed by how competitive and equal Vanessa & Celina have been with them all seven legs.

I know we’ll talk more about why the Tims (and specifically Tim Jr.) received a lot of negative vitriol at the end of this season, but man was it undeserved.

Holly is on her eighth failed attempt of the harpoon. It doesn’t seem like many throws, but because this leg is in such a small area and seems relatively quick to complete, eight throws is a big deal here.

BRETT: You’ll have to get it, Holl. You can do this. . .You’re close, Holl. . .You’re getting closer, Holl. . .Holl, you’ve got this.

Holly is crying as we see a montage of Brett’s advice and Holly’s failed attempts.

Because her tosses always fall so short, she doesn’t have to walk far to retrieve her harpoon.

Brett calls a timeout on the field.

BRETT: Holl, it’s okay. Holl, Holl, don’t cry about it. If it takes you a hundred more, it takes you a hundred more.
(HOLLY fails again.)
BRETT: So close, Holl!

Vanessa & Celina are second to the Roadblock clue. The Hagues are third.

CELINA: It’s actually you who needs to fatten up, but I’ll do it.

Hollywood is merciless.

Dave zips up then starts the engine.

Uh–whoa!

Jet was not prepared.

Dave is focused on just beating Brett & Holly.

Senior quickly eats the first few pieces because the locals have been eating muktuk for centuries and haven’t died from it.

I wish they’d add in a graphic about how many pieces the local fellow has eaten so far.

SENIOR: Celina was doing the Roadblock and I was pretty sure she was going to puke.

More like a mukupchuk.

“That’s enough out of you.”

Alicia Callaway-inspired finger wag.

VANESSA: It’s just sushi!
CELINA: Stop talking!

“FML.”

Vanessa is thoroughly enjoying this.

CELINA: It’s thick, it’s rubbery, it’s horrible and also there’s a very seafood-y taste.

Oddly enough, she just perfectly described Tim Hague Sr.’s penis.

CELINA: I love sushi but this is not sushi.

We get treated to the vomit-iest sounding burp in TAR Canada history.

Cory keeps helping Jody up the hill.

They make it to the mat.

“Please don’t let this be an eight hour pit stop.”

We get a pit stop greeter that isn’t complaining about the absence of a pro sports team for over twenty years.

Jody & Cory secure their first W of the season.

FIRST PLACE: JODY & CORY

They’ve won two Air Canada tickets to anywhere in the Caribbean.

Jet & Dave’s streak ends at three.

BRETT: Aim up, Holl. Aim up. . .So close, Holl.

That was insultingly close.

Holly gets it on her 28th try. They lost an additional fifteen to twenty minutes from all of those tosses, I assume.

Holly now has to pull the sled. They talk about their stable relationship.

BRETT: Go Holl, Go.

Again, I don’t think this technique is helping.

Celina is freaking out about seeing the original source of the muktuk. She doesn’t like the texture.

I hear the red stuff is either blood or feces.

Senior eats the final piece. Vanessa & Celina are impressed.

JUNIOR: Stomach of steel right there!!

I bet pre-season Tim Hagues weren’t saying “man, I can’t wait for the Nunavut leg because that’s when we’ll shine!”

Celina is in the background gagging while the Tim Hagues read the clue.

Jet & Dave join Vanessa & Celina at the Roadblock.

This is going to be a one-time visit to Nunavut for Celina.

Celina tells us there is a rule that if you vomit then you have to restart the Roadblock.

In other words, vomit once and there’s a very high probability you’re taking a four hour penalty.

Celina is on her ninth piece and the vomity-sounding burps reach an all time high.

She sounds like Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe coming down to the ground after drinking fizzy lifting drinks.

We get the hilarious cliffhanger of Vanessa yelling “No!” as Celina’s burps sound increasingly vomit-y.

The temperature update is sixteen degrees below Celsius.

Celina keeps the ninth piece down.

VANESSA: It was a close call but you kept it down.

Celina finishes the final piece just before Jet & Dave join the table.

Vanessa & Celina can’t run fast.

Jet & Dave open up the Roadblock.

“What you lookin’ at me for?”

Dave says he is already fat and therefore Jet has to fatten up.

JET: I have a specific meal plan and whale fat is nowhere near it.

Yeah, not even Brooke & Robbie touch whale meat.

JET: It’s so hard!

DAVE: You don’t chew it–you just swallow it.

C’mon, Jet. Swallow the juices of that hard meat! No one will judge!

JET: Beach season is coming up.
DAVE: You’ll have a six pack and ten random pieces of fat.
JET: Just sad.

His bodybuilding career will be over.

We cut to the International Court of Justices at the base of the hill.

That is one steep motherfucker. It doesn’t matter if you have prosthetic legs or Parkinson’s–TAR Canada shows no mercy.

SENIOR: This one is for Winnipeg.

Said no one ever.

What’s the name of that flat drum the pit stop greeter is banging? I’d love to know the name.

Monty gives them the great news.

SECOND PLACE: TIM & TIM

Senior is crying on the mat. Junior talks about how his dad was repeatedly told how Parkinson’s would make him too tired and too shaky to do anything.

SENIOR: I think I left half of me on that hill. That’s rough, man.

So that’s what that creature ate on Vanessa & Celina’s trail.

We get a framed inukshuk shot.

SENIOR: That’s my boy holding me up a mountain.

Man, they are 10x more likable than Dave & Connor.

Tim & Tim know the next leg has to be a NEL. They should just throw the next leg and be saved by all three NELs.

Jet completes the Roadblock.

“Gah!”

Jet & Dave, knowing they are perfectly safe from elimination this leg, decide to push their cramping bodies to try to beat Vanessa & Celina to the mat.

“Is that Holly & Brett?”
“No, the boys.”
“OK, I don’t care. Let them beat us up this hill.”

Holly finishes pulling the sled.

They still have to run up the hill to the snowmobiles, drive the snowmobile, eat the whale blubber, and run up the one kilometre trail to the pit stop before Jet & Dave or Vanessa & Celina who only have about 0.5 kilometres to the pit stop.

Yeah, I think we can safely say. . .

GAAAAAME OVERRRRRRR!!!!

It’s an instant cut to the snowmobile.

BRETT: You never really know, Holl.

We cut to Brett & Holly at the Roadblock. Brett wants to fatten up.

Vanessa begs Celina for help up the mountain. She is ready to pass out.

VANESSA: Can you take my coat?
CELINA: Is this a joke?

Nope. She was dead fucking serious.

CELINA: I’m looking at this young twenty-one year old who should be able to run this hill and she’s barely moving.

Celina decides to burn Vanessa.

CELINA: Do you want to just give this to them now?
VANESSA: Stop being so negative!
CELINA: I’m ten years older than you. You can go.
VANESSA: Stop picking on me, Celina!!!!!

And we get the most unintentionally hilarious line of the episode. . .

CELINA: SHUT UP AND COME!!!

Oddly enough, I had this experience of an ugly ex-girlfriend shouting this at me many years ago prior to meeting Jee-an. Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long.

Vanessa is moaning.

We get an ad break with our fourth temperature update of the episode.

“It’s cold!”

Vanessa says the most she can give is walking during the end stretch up the hill.

Vanessa is neither shut upping nor coming much to Celina’s chagrin.

Jet & Dave overtake Vanessa & Celina in the final seconds.

They all pushed themselves to the brink of death for a third and fourth place certainty. They’ll regret this decision tomorrow.

THIRD PLACE: JET & DAVE

FOURTH PLACE: VANESSA & CELINA

Vanessa & Celina realize it will be one big sausage fest for the rest of the season.

We cut back to our doomed team for this round.

Holly thinks it took Brett ten seconds to get through the muktuk. Brett ate it fast because he was really hungry.

I don’t think there was much variance in how long teams ate ten pieces of muktuk.

Holly & Brett start a light jog to the mat.

BRETT: Come on, Holl.

Off they go.

HOLLY: I’m so tired.
BRETT: I know, Holl.
HOLLY: I’m trying so hard. My legs hurt.
BRETT: Come on, Holl. Come on.
HOLLY: I’m trying so hard, Brett.
BRETT: Push, Holl. Push.

Brett & Holly step on the mat.

Brett looks like a character from Top Gun who found himself in Iqaluit of all places.

Monty quickly breaks the news.

LAST PLACE: HOLLY & BRETT

The sunglasses come off.

BRETT: Saw that coming.

He saw it coming from a mile–er, kilometre away. This course was VERY linear today (and it’s the one time where I won’t be too hard on Production for that–I mean, it’s freakin’ Nunavut).

MONTY: Holly, are you absolutely spent right now?
HOLLY: Yeah, I have nothing left and I feel bad because I feel like I lost for Brett–
BRETT: You’re fine, Holl. You did great.

He snuck one more Holl in there.

That cheeky bastard.

Brett & Holly are happy they supported each other and held it together during a devastating leg for them.

Holly hangs her head in shame.

Normally the final shot of a team is when they walk away from the mat, but I think Holly is so tired she can’t physically walk away from the mat yet.

And that concludes the only leg of The Amazing Race worldwide to take place in Nunavut.

Episode 1 “Holl” Count: 15
Episode 2 “Holl” Count: 7
Episode 3 “Holl” Count: 20
Episode 4 “Holl” Count: 19
Episode 5 “Holl” Count: 19
Episode 6 “Holl” Count: 13
Episode 7 “Holl” Count: 32
Total “Holl” Count: 125

Next Time on TAR: Teams race out of Nunavut and into Nova Scotia but Vanessa & Celina have a hard time getting into gear. Dave loses patience with Jet at a scary Roadblock and the stakes are raised at the second U-Turn of the race that everyone knows is a NEL.

Next Time on TAR Mentions:
VANESSA & CELINA 3
HOLLY & BRETT 1
TIM & TIM 1
JET & DAVE 1

CONFESSIONAL COUNT
TIM SR / TIM JR 5/5
VANESSA / CELINA 6/8
HOLLY / BRETT 7/9
JET / DAVE 13/14
JODY / CORY 11/10

Episode 1 “Holl” Count: 15
Episode 2 “Holl” Count: 7
Episode 3 “Holl” Count: 20
Episode 4 “Holl” Count: 19
Episode 5 “Holl” Count: 19
Episode 6 “Holl” Count: 13
Episode 7 “Holl” Count: 32
Total “Holl” Count: 125

Rank the Legs

1) Whitehorse, Yukon -> Regina, Saskatchewan

This is by far the best leg in TAR Canada history. I have held to that since TAR Canada (1) originally aired over a decade ago. It is incredible this episode still holds up this well ten years later.

Given TAR Canada’s drastic decrease in quality since season five, this episode will never be toppled from the top spot.

It has all of the strengths that were unique to the TAR Canada.

They traveled to a Canadian location that has enough to offer for a single episode and hadn’t been used yet.

They had tasks with a high difficulty including the unaired police simulator task for the Fast Forward.

We had peak U-Turn drama. The two biggest teams went head-to-head by taking the same penalty and both being U-Turned. One team was seen as the favourites to win the season, and the other team has been at the centre of controversy. Furthermore, a third team interjected themselves into the drama to make it as compelling as possible.

We strayed away from the typical negatives in TAR Canada such as distracting sponsours, going to lame small towns, re-using the same city centres over and over, dancing tasks, or an over-emphasis on being super serious with Canadian patriotism.

Even the patriotic task–the RCMP pit making Roadblock, was seen as comedic and satire rather than nauseating over-indulging nationalism.

Oh, and Jet & Dave and Vanessa & Celina were hilarious on the side.

I wish CTV and Insight would rewatch this episode and understand why fans of The Amazing Race used to praise TAR Canada during the first four seasons.

The only downside to this episode is that we lost Hal & Joanne in episode five with another five episodes to go.

2) Drumheller, Alberta -> Yellowknife, Northwest Territories -> Carcross, Yukon

Constant eagle screeches, Jet & Cord music, and cymbals when there were missed hatchet tosses aside, this is the first truly great TAR Canada episode in history. This will mark the first of four consecutive great episodes we will see this season. As I said before, the beginning phase and the ending phase to the season are by far the weakest in contrast to the middle of the season.

First, we visit not one but TWO of the territories in the same leg. Production was eager to cover every single major region of Canada in the inaugural season. That’s one thing I credit this season with doing well–Production acted as if this was going to be the only season of TAR Canada, and made sure every region was showcased. Contrast this with today where British Columbia and Ontario host fifty percent of every season.

We did get our first dreadful “Memorize and recite this written Canadian work” task, but thankfully it was a quick little Speed Bump for The Hagues. Nobody will recall this task by next week.

This leg had the popular Canadian trend of polar bear dips. Throw in lumberjack mini games, rafting, and cool landscapes and you have yourself a decent leg design.

We also had a sign-up sheet which fooled nearly everybody. Multiple teams ran by it and it should have been the season-ending blunder for Jody & Cory. Cory signed up for the final flight by accident and was riding with two teams who had Express Passes. The last ditch effort to appeal to Hal & Joanne’s definition of sportsmanship could have been a great concluding storyline for them.

Speaking of Hal & Joanne, we saw them continue to demonstrate they are the most skilled team in this cast. They’re well-liked, they excel at every task despite Joanne’s unaired torn hamstring, and were well-prepared for the season.

Given how linear the Detour and the race to the pit stop were, Jody & Cory should’ve been dead. It should’ve been a foregone conclusion. Vanessa & Celina and Kristen & Darren use their Express Passes, and Jody & Cory go home by default.

No. No. No. That didn’t happen.

Despite TAR 22 Episode 4 airing just weeks before filming of TAR Canada 1, Kristen & Darren had their own “Oy Vey” moment.

So let’s quickly compare and contrast Jessica & John handling of the Double Express Pass with Kristen & Darren handling of the Double Express Pass.

It was TAR Canada’s first experience of “See, everybody? We CAN have moments that match the American version.”

Jessica & John can be given some slack because it was an unprecedented twist in the race to figure out. After the season aired everyone knew you should just honour whatever agreement was made and keep everyone happy. If you agree to hand it off to the second place team, you should hand it off to the second place team to preserve trust amongst your allies.

Kristen & Darren instead swapped it to “we don’t like Holly & Brett so we’ll give it to the weakest team in the race.”

However, Vanessa & Celina are aware that they are a weak team and know when they needed to use it. If it’s a showdown with just one or two other teams, they have enough sense to know they’ll likely lose that showdown and need to get the hell out of there.

Kristen & Darren made identical mistakes to what Jessica & John did.

a) Stirring up mistrust for multiple rounds;
b) They had too much confidence in their own skills to think they would ever need it;
c) They got distracted by a fun couple of tasks and wanted to experience every task.

John’s judgment was clouded because he was having too much fun in Bali. Kristen & Darren were having too much fun because of the Yukon landscape and a rafting task.

The parallels were uncanny.

I am trying to think if this episode would have been well-received if it was just Jody & Cory going home by default because two Express Passes sent them home. Suddenly Cory signing up for the wrong flight would have been the blunder of the season.

The absurdity of the Double Express Pass Blunder in TAR Canada doesn’t reach the same comedic levels as TAR 22. Namely because Kristen & Darren weren’t spitting out ridiculous quotes at the pit stop nor Jon Montgomery didn’t break the third wall to cement how big of a mistake was truly made.

Canadian reality television tends to go easier on its contestants when they make mistakes in contrast to American reality television. Look at all of the quitters in Big Brother Canada and you’ll see what I mean.

Overall, this is the first episode in TAR Canada that is ranked above “meh.”

3) Quebec City, Quebec -> Iqaluit, Nunavut

In 2013, I wouldn’t have ranked this leg terribly high. I would’ve criticized this leg for being too physical and just having a quick food challenge before heading to the pit stop without really any interaction with locals.

However, eleven years later and this episode ages really well because as I’ve said many times it is the only leg ever in Nunavut.

Furthermore, I have been trying to reach Nunavut myself and it is VERY expensive. Combine that with the isolated and environmentally harsh conditions, and I have come to appreciate how ambitious putting this leg together would have been.

Holly & Brett have a pretty epic downfall in the tundra. It is poetic they go home one elimination leg after Hal & Joanne.

Also, Vanessa & Celina survived one of the most physical legs in TAR worldwide. We could’ve easily ended up with an all-male Final Three in the inaugural season.

Yes, this leg didn’t have any tasks that deviated from the Nunavut stereotypes (dragging a sled, harpoon throwing, whale eating, snowmobiling, an inukshuk at the pit stop mat, and igloo building) but hey, I’m fine with this leg being distinct. At least there weren’t any dancing challenges.

Overall, this episode is one of the most unique experiences.

4) Regina, Saskatchewan -> Quebec City, Quebec

It’s hilarious how Quebec City possesses the biggest language barrier of any city in all of Canada for TAR Canada to visit. Aside from a singular task based on an indigenous language at a museum or in the territories, and going to a Chinatown somewhere in British Columbia, this is the only proper language barrier teams face in TAR Canada.

This is the third leg in the four part stretch where the season peaks (the season drops off after the Nunavut leg).

I like how this leg was unintentionally offensive comedy from start to finish. That’s when TAR Canada is at its most entertaining for me.

Jet & Dave’s overconfidence led to them screwing with the other teams as much as possible including the famous fake clue created during an overnight rest period.

Vanessa & Celina threw away a first place finish as they repeatedly second-guessed their own decision making. Jet & Dave didn’t take this as a sign that Vanessa & Celina do indeed have potential.

I found it hilarious how even Tim & Tim hate Holly & Brett because of a misunderstanding when Brett tried helping them.

Quebec City is the most European-esque town in America and Canada, and these tasks certainly took advantage of that. Seeing the Old City was neat to see.

Making crepes, although stereotypical for French Canada, was better than some French language memorization task that would’ve been a likely alternative.

I liked the ice shaving Detour and the mural task. I like how the vocabulary at the mural was difficult enough so even those with intermediate French speaking skills weren’t guaranteed to complete the task in less than a minute.

The Lacrosse Active Route Info task was super forgettable. Editors made the right call by editing this task to occupy as little airtime as possible.

Tim & Tim were saved by the second NEL of the season which leads to Junior’s infamous “I don’t think anyone has been saved by two NELs in international history!” that I like to make fun of repeatedly.

Jet & Dave scored the first hat trick in TAR Canada history. Even with their winning streak, this episode made it clear that Jet & Dave are FAR from unbeatable.

With Hal & Joanne’s exit, Vanessa & Celina and Jet & Dave pick up the slack with providing us with legitimate entertainment value. It isn’t just resting on Holly & Brett’s unconditioned pediatric shoulders.

Also, how did Tim & Tim get themselves trapped in the fort?

5) Kelowna, BC -> Vancouver, BC

Wow. This leg confused teams much more than I remembered. The round starts off with a foregone conclusion Jamie & Pierre are absolutely dead as their flight is several hours behind the other teams. We see Kristen & Darren being quite vulnerable this leg as they argue and botch directions numerous times. Two faulty cab rides and a poorly navigated SkyTrain ride made it clear this team is not as well-rounded as we think.

Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett both set themselves apart as the strongest teams. Hal & Joanne picked up standby tickets to leap ahead and use their physical ability and wits to stay in a strong position. Holly & Brett’s pure wit preserved their spot at the top of the leaderboard but the consequences of their social game are starting to pile up.

We see the rivalry between Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina continue as Tim & Tim return the taunts from the previous pit stop.

We see a lot of Jet & Dave content this episode. We saw them waste three hours on the Detour. If Jamie & Pierre were on the first or second flight, Jet & Dave would’ve been the second boots in TAR Canada history. Jet & Dave are prone to making massive blunders. They tend to blast through a leg or get greatly hindered by one.

The ice skating Roadblock at the Richmond Oval was lame. I remember thinking about how lame it was when it originally aired nine years ago. It made me feel like I was watching somebody try to interpret a cheap knock-off version of The Amazing Race.

However, the Detour made up for it. We really tapped into Vancouver’s ever expanding Chinatown culture.

The industrial site Active Route Info was a fine way to represent Vancouver Harbour.

The sponsours weren’t distracting this leg. They were integrated well.

The pit stop was a scenic location.

This leg was a near perfect representation of Vancouver overall. The only major landmark they missed in the heart of Vancouver is the River Rock Casino. What’s amusing is we will see a Chinese casino inspired task in TAR Canada 2. I’m actually surprised we haven’t seen the River Rock featured after eight seasons of TAR Canada and multiple Vancouver legs.

Production did the best they could to create suspense if Jamie & Pierre could get out of last place, but didn’t put too much time into it. They backed off once the audience knew it was clear they had no chance of overcoming the deficit. Now that Jamie & Pierre are gone, it felt like we had seven teams on an overall level playing field.

6) Niagara Falls, Ontario -> Kelowna, BC

Out of all of the legs this season, this is the one I am the most familiar with in my personal life. Add in the fact that this was the first ever leg of TAR Canada, and that makes it a bit special. While this was filming I would’ve been sitting in a classroom just a two minute drive from the airport and fifteen minutes away from where most of this leg took place.

Jee-an’s number one thing to do on her bucket list was see Niagara Falls. That starting line certainly brought about a lot of emotional memories from last year.

While a chunk of the audience would groan when they clued in that this was going to be a domestic season, the rest of us had to accept this would ultimately be a beta test of a season. Just nine teams? Only ten legs? No language barriers? No culture shock? An obscure penalty that occurred 24 hours later takes a team out? What is this. . .?

Although I didn’t point it out during the episode, I remember how much the music was out of sync with the episode. I talked about it when it originally aired. The goofy placements, the ties that weren’t ties, and camera angles that failed to capture the perfect moments. It’s great to see what an episode of The Amazing Race looks like with an inexperienced crew that isn’t too well-versed in competitive reality television.

The premiere is a fun glimpse into how an inexperienced crew handles one of the most ambitious reality shows to produce. It makes you appreciate how well Michael Mackay handles everything with TAR Asia, Australia, and China Rush, and how well Bertram Van Munster and Elise Doganieri handle the American version.

We witnessed a very emotional exit between two teams and a whole lot of unintentional comedy. This is one of the funniest season premieres I’ve seen. Yes, a lot of the comedy is unintentional but that’s the type of comedy I prefer.

Jet throws in a hell of a lot of one-liners, multiple alliances formed, and we get a super unlikely rivalry where the youngest all-female team is after the oldest all-male team who also happen to have Parkinson’s. Good luck thinking of that in your fan fiction.

The ending to this episode is wonky. It’s a very very close foot race, but it didn’t matter the team won the foot race as they were going home by default due to a penalty that happened about 30 hours earlier. That’s a strange one.

Kelowna was represented really well. Waterfront activities, Ogopogo, and a trestle bridge. The pit stop being located at a winery was also fitting.

Throwing in the earlier flight for more “frightening” terrariums is a bit subjective, but hey, it beats the hell out of a shitty dancing challenge. I’ll take it.

Overall, this was a surprisingly well-put together leg for the first season of TAR Canada. For the next three seasons, they’ll try to one-up the premiere each season as we progress.

7) Vancouver, BC -> Drumheller, Alberta

It’s the second leg in a row with a choreography task, and this time it was a mandatory task.

The first leg had the excitement of being the series premiere with Canada as well as fans of TAR worldwide being intrigued what a TAR Canada would look like. A team was eliminated.

The second leg emphasized the Chinese culture prevalent throughout Vancouver. A team was eliminated.

This third leg had a couple of odd locations: A place to do a country dance and a place to shovel coal. A team wasn’t eliminated.

It is by far the weakest leg of the first half of this season.

It was more of a bridge episode as Kristen & Darren betrayed Holly & Brett by going back on their word, and instead hand off the second Express Pass to Vanessa & Celina. It signals that the “Everyone Wants Holly & Brett Out” storyline is now in full swing.

The rivalry between Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina continue. I forgot how much Tim Sr. went after them in his confessionals. It’s interesting to note just how much the other teams weren’t concerned by the Tim Hagues and Vanessa & Celina during the season. Jet mocked Vanessa & Celina’s strategy, Kristen & Darren handed them an Express Pass because they’re the weakest team, and the Tim Hagues finished in dead last. The two bottom feeders have the biggest rivalry with one another and also have the least amount of respect from the rest of the cast. That’s an unusual combination.

As I stated earlier, this is the first NEL in TAR Canada history and also the first “put on a costume and do a silly dance” in TAR Canada history. And also the first Alberta leg in TAR Canada history.

It was a shame that the Speed Bump, which fans were already getting bored with by TAR 22 US, was also adopted by TAR Canada. What’s funny is that TAR US has stopped using the Speed Bump penalty but yet TAR Canada has continued to use it through all eight seasons to the present day.

Also, it is clear from this episode just how much of a slog it is to get through the “put on a costume and dance” task. We’ll get to dissecting other puzzling permanent decisions Production has made over the years, but boy oh boy is it clear from the get-go that this type of task is not interesting to watch at all. I truly believe it is strictly used when Production needs to save money on the budget or can’t find anything to do that’s relevant to the area. This ranks up there with TAR Canada’s other favourite of “memorize this speech/pattern” in the early seasons. With dwindling budgets and lacklustre locations as the seasons progress, “put on a costume and dance” will become increasingly frequent. The one benefit is it makes my TARstorian episode recaps much faster to get through.

Overall, I don’t have much to say about this leg. Seeing the Royal Tyrell Museum brought back some pleasant childhood memories. I wish they had put the clue box at the top of the gigantic dinosaur at the Royal Tyrell Museum like in my childhood TAR fanfic. Those steps can be exhausting!

Rank the Teams

1) Hal Johnson & Joanne Mcleod

Keep Fit and Fuck Off!

Er, Keep Fit and Have Fun.

I love Harold Johnson & Joanne McLeod’s inclusion in this season.

They were apart of the greatest episode and elimination arc in TAR Canada history.

Hal & Joanne were the only truly famous team going into this season when it aired (sorry Vanessa Morgan), and it was the first time many Canadians had heard from Bodybreak in about ten years or so. They were mainly known as 90s icons.

Seeing their career and standing in Canadian pop culture get completely reinvigorated after TAR Canada was great to see.

I know Hal Johnson is annoyed that their edit wasn’t the most dynamic, but they definitely served their purpose in this season. They were the team that was clearly on the path to winning season one, and hell, I could see Hal being promoted to being host for season two after his failed audition to be the host of this season.

I think if Holly & Brett went home in Leg 5, we could’ve had an intriguing grudge match between the Tims and Hal & Joanne. That’s the one negative impact from their elimination is that the only leftover rivalry is Tim & Tim versus Vanessa & Celina.

One other great thing about Hal & Joanne’s presence is a lot of the jokes write themselves. They have the perfect personalities and career backgrounds for satire.

And they didn’t feel like stunt casting compared to other reality TV crossover contestants or social media influencers because Hal & Joanne feel like “regular” people who just naturally fit in with The Amazing Race.

When you know how hardcore of a fan they were of this show and they auditioned just like anybody else, it felt like they were picked for being the best older couple out there with an interesting personality that was in the available casting pool.

It wasn’t a case of “random Olympians who were cast because they were Olympians.”

I know people have talked about wanting to have a TAR Canada All Star season since about season three or season four because that’s what today’s reality TV fans obsess over.

I never want to see an all star season for any TAR franchise.

However, if CTV greenlights a TAR Canada all star season for season ten, it seems like a gigantic waste of time if you don’t have Hal & Joanne AND Holly & Brett on it. That would be a requirement.

Hal & Joanne’s dominance during the Alberta leg is one of the most dominant legs I have seen air in any TAR franchise.

I’m glad Hal & Joanne were picked to be within the first four seasons that are part of the true core of the TAR Canada timeline. Thank god they weren’t wasted on season five and beyond.

2) Holly Agostino & Brett Burstein

Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett being cast together on the same season was a dream come true. Switch these two teams with anybody from season five onwards and this season would have greatly suffered.

Holly & Brett were repeatedly labeled as villains but didn’t even make any of the top three villainous moves of the season.

They never even used the U-Turn!

They never even lied to Kristen & Darren who broke the deal about the Double Express Pass!

They tried helping Tim & Tim avoid last place in Quebec City, and Tim & Tim interpreted it as a deception!

That’s just hilarious. Holly & Brett (specifically Brett) just had this personality that made the rest of the cast want to punch him in the face from the starting line all the way to Nunavut.

Everybody did a great job of playing off of Holly & Brett, and Holly & Brett did a great job of playing off of everybody else.

In the reunion episode you’ll see why everyone just always seems in this constant state of irritation with Brett which is hilarious.

I always maintain this: TAR Canada will never attempt to do an all-star season unless they can cast Holly & Brett AND Hal & Joanne together.

Both teams are A+ casting and Production got lucky both teams were in the inaugural season.

And it is very clear both teams were big positive contributions to this season because the quality of this season goes downhill quickly as soon as we lose both teams. The dynamic between everybody shifts drastically.

P.S. HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL. . .125 times.

3) Treena Ley & Tennille Dorrington

They made HI-STO-RY. Treena & Tennille were eager to be competitive and outrun cowboys on their feet, but sadly the game is a game is a game.

Six of the eight seasons feature absolutely legendary first boots. Treena & Tennille get to start this legendary trend. Sadly, they will be one-upped by our first boots in season two. I can’t wait to talk about that.

Although this was a tragedy for Treena & Tennille, this proved to be a comedy for the rest of us.

As I said before, I’m curious how much nerves and the overall excitement impaired their racing abilities on the first leg. They made a lot of mistakes. They failed to read clues and couldn’t find things in plain sight. On The Amazing Race, that’s a deadly combination to send you home instantaneously.

It was great their bond with Jamie & Pierre was showcased throughout the premiere. It felt like we were really saying goodbye to Jamie & Pierre rather than Treena & Tennille during this episode as both teams had their storylines come to an end here.

I can’t help but be amused Treena & Tennille couldn’t even win the foot race to their backpacks after their speed being emphasized in the intro. The last place team in the initial foot race was the one team they had to beat to the winery mat.

Treena & Tennille gladly recognize their place in HI-STO-RY and if a team is okay with being an answer to the most commonly asked trivia question, that holds more value than seeing some town in the Maritimes.

I don’t know how far Treena & Tennille would’ve gone in the race if not for the #ButterflyPenalty, but based on what we saw, you can’t help but feel that being an early boot was inevitable for them.

They provided a lot of entertainment in just one episode. And that’s ultimately all we can ask for as an audience. An audience is an audience is an audience.

4) Kristen Idiens & Darren Trapp

Kristen & Darren went home at the right time. They weren’t the most interesting team in the cast. In fact, they were the least interesting team in the cast after Jody & Cory. “The Malnourished Hippie Dating Couple” as Jet & Dave would label them.

They were one of the most capable teams in this cast. They won the first leg and botched the strategy of the Double Express Pass as badly as Jessica & John did which is entertaining.

Kristen & Darren were prone to silly mistakes like running instead of using the metro.

And then they were also prone to a massive mistake like being in a tie for last place heading into the final task of the episode with two teams. One of these teams has an Express Pass, and the team that didn’t would choose a different Detour task from them. Oh, and then not use their own Express Pass in the process too.

Kristen & Darren’s own rafting obsession clouded their judgment and sent them home in a very memorable fashion.

They would go home in a memorable way and become a piece of trivia as the first team to exit TAR Canada with an Express Pass in their pocket. Given Kristen & Darren’s personalities, going home via blunder was probably the best way for viewers to remember them long term.

Overall, they played their part in the season. If they made it any further, they would’ve occupied a spot in the cast that would have sacrificed a more entertaining team.

P.S. I went through Kristen & Darren’s social media. Darren’s dreadlocks are gone and I don’t see a single photo of them together on either of their social media. I doubt they are still together, but perhaps they just don’t take photos together.

5) Jamie Cumberland & Pierre Cadieux

Remember how I say some teams get really sensitive about being viewed as a team with minimal skills on TAR and interpret it as an attack on who they are as people? And then I have to remind fans and alumni that being called terrible racers doesn’t mean they are terrible human beings.

Jamie & Pierre should be contenders for some of the worst racers I’ve seen on TAR. I don’t know if they are the absolute worst, but it’s tough to picture any season of TAR where Jamie & Pierre could participate without being one of the first three or four boots.

They were supposed to go home first due to being slow runners but were saved by Treena & Tennille’s errors with reading comprehension. They switched Detours. They were lost frequently. They couldn’t excel at any strategic component.

However, they aren’t really fearful or outright refusing to do any tasks and aren’t injury prone. That’s why they aren’t in that bottom rung of worst performing teams ever.

I am glad Jamie & Pierre didn’t get humiliated in the second leg by arriving at the pit stop when it was dark while all other teams checked in during broad daylight hours. I am happy they were able to exit with some dignity. This leg ended up being closer thanks to Tim & Tim and Jet & Dave’s Detour screw-ups.

As people, Jamie & Pierre seem absolutely wonderful. Pierre being a fellow widow is something editors didn’t need to include this episode but I’m absolutely glad they did purely for my own selfish reasons. The way I have chased after continuing those life experiences this summer is similar to how Pierre chased after these experiences on TAR Canada. That’s a dude who is glad he did this show even if it meant being last to step on the mat both legs.

I hope those dudes are doing well.