The Amazing Race Canada 1 Episode 9 Rankings: Terry Fox Quotes, Fish Kissing, and Anti-Busking Busking Amazing Extravaganza

NINTH EPISODE

EPISODE BLOG #354: Terry Fox Quotes, Fish Kissing, and Anti-Busking Busking Amazing Extravaganza

COUNTRIES VISITED

CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA

The Facebook group I admin: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TAR247/
My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/supacoowacky/
My Twitter: https://twitter.com/logsupacoowacky
The Podcast I Co-Host: https://rtvwarriors.podbean.com/

As always, this blog is dedicated to my deceased wife Jee-an. It has almost been two years, but we all still love you and miss you.

*

Previously on TAR: The final four teams raced from Iqaluit to the east coast. Sisters Vanessa & Celina struggled to get things in gear, and with another W-Turn looming they plotted to work with Jet & Dave but in the end the W-Turn Board was left empty. Jody & Cory aced the east coast and won their second leg in a row. The brothers and all of the teams were told to keep on racing which saved Vanessa & Celina from elimination.

The remaining four teams continue on to win Chevrolet Stingrays, $250k, Air Canada first class tickets, and I am sure other unmentioned sponsoured prizes.

Previously on TAR Mentions:
TIM & TIM 5
HOLLY & BRETT 5
JET & DAVE 5
VANESSA & CELINA 4
KRISTEN & DARREN 3
JODY & CORY 3
JAMIE & PIERRE 2
HAL & JOANNE 2
TREENA & TENNILLE 1

Monty introduces us to Port aux Basques-the primary seaport of entry into Newfoundland. Located on the extreme southwestern tip of the island, this quaint sea village is named for the Basques sailors who are believed to have fished these waters over 500 years ago and entering her port today is the MV Highlanders who is a ferry carrying the final four teams on a race across Canada.

What a unique landscape from up above.

Thankfully no one uses this ferry as an excuse to shout “I’m king of the world!!!”

In the Previously On segment we see Jet & Dave open and look at this clue, and then when Jody & Cory read the clue at the pit stop we get to see it again.

The clue clearly says “In St. John’s, find The Rooms and search the grounds outside for your next clue.”

The funny part?

It went completely unaired.

The Rooms is an art gallery and archives which is completely up TAR Canada’s alley, but something must have happened for it to go unaired.

We see (and Jody & Cory repeat) they have $300 dollars on their Interac debit card. I assume they are taking cabs today.

Monty narrates that all four teams traveled together six hours by bus to Sydney.

Not that Sydney.

And then after that traveled an additional eight hours by ferry to Port Aux Basques.

This took a minimum of fourteen hours out of their day.

Remember how I said teams didn’t bother using the W-Turn because they knew it’d be a NEL? Well the second they opened their clue at the pit stop it was an instantaneous mega equalizer.

CORY: Because it was a Keep on Racing leg, we lost our lead.

I. . .I don’t think that’s an actual rule on TAR, Cory.

Funny thing is in TAR Canada 3 we will have a mass equalizer at the start of EVERY. SINGLE. LEG. which is hilarious.

“Hey Cor, is that Kent & Vyxsin trying to find the airport?”

Vanessa wants to see the underdogs come out on top (herself).

Once in Port-Aux-Basques, teams will race to St. John’s almost 900 kilometres away.

That is a full twenty-four hours or so of travel. Jesus. I remember when I traveled through New Brunswick and PEI last year how getting from Saint John, New Brunswick to Charlottetown, PEI by bus was effectively a ten hour effort.

Monty says at the dock they will sprint to three marked shuttles. The first two shuttles will carry one team apiece and the final shuttle will take the final two teams. Each shuttle will leave fifteen minutes apart.

In other words, over fourteen hours of transit time will be meaningless but a quick one hundred metre dash to shuttles will determine who has the advantage for this leg. Wonderful.

I hope they all stretched.

JET: This is our race to lose. We can only beat ourselves at this point and we have no intention of doing that.

Jody & Cory and Tim & Tim have just beaten you on each of the last two legs.

I guess the rule is that the first team to place both hands on a shuttle car. It looks completely chaotic.

Everyone has to check to see if any team has already placed both hands on the shuttle before moving to the second one.

Poor Tim Jr. was first to both shuttles but his dad completely fucked it up.

Jody & Cory are on the first shuttle; Jet & Dave are on the second.

JODY: I almost fell over three times.

Jody & Cory are more in the position of “it’s their race to lose” compared to anyone else right now.

They have been third, first, and first over the past three rounds of play.

JUNIOR: What happened?
SENIOR: I got cut off.

Junior is supremely frustrated.

SENIOR: I am the last one to get to the shuttle and I immediately know I messed this up.

I like how it’s May when they filmed this and both Nova Scotia and Newfoundland (but not Labrador) both look really cold.

I can’t tell if Senior is crushed for being responsible for their last place start or for being responsible they will now have to be cordial with Vanessa & Celina for 900 kilometres of driving across Newfoundland.

Monty informs us teams are driving overnight across Newfoundland to the provincial capital of St. John’s. Once they arrive, they will make their way to the Terry Fox Mile Zero Memorial Site. Located on the shores of St. John’s Harbour, this monument is dedicated to the Canadian hero and marks the spot where he dipped his artificial leg in the Atlantic (I am sure Jody will have thoughts about this) to start his heroic Marathon of Hope. Although Terry never finished his Trans-Canada run, what he started lives on in the hearts and minds of people the world over.

MONTY: History has provided Canadians, including myself, with the hope and inspiration to live life on our own terms and overcome any challenge. If we can dream it, we can achieve it.

Don’t make it about yourself, man.

Also. . .

“Focus. Dream. Achieve.”

NOTE: For those who didn’t grow up in the Canadian public education system, EVERY. SINGLE. FREAKIN. YEAR. the teachers would pull out the same damn grainy VHS from the school library and pop in the twenty year old cassette tape about Terry Fox’s Marathon of Hope. It was the same video. EVERY. SINGLE. FREAKIN. YEAR. During the third week of the school year each year, we would jog one lap around the school.

During high school, I lived across the street from my school. We had to do a couple laps around the neighbourhood. Instead of participating, I just went home and played Mario Kart: Double Dash for about twenty minutes then returned to class.

ANOTHER NOTE: Most of Terry Fox’s family resides in and around the Vancouver area. During the TAR Canada 3 finale, they went to Terry Fox Plaza.

YET ANOTHER NOTE: TAR Canada 7 would visit another Terry Fox Memorial in Thunder Bay where Terry Fox died and his Marathon of Hope ended.

That’s right. In seven seasons of TAR Canada, they visited EVERY location strongly tied to Terry Fox across the country.

Many schools around Vancouver are named Terry Fox Elementary.
St. John’s claims the birthplace of the Marathon of Hope.
Thunder Bay claims the conclusion to Terry Fox’s life and the Marathon of Hope.

And TAR Canada made sure to visit all three of these locations within seven seasons.

If there’s ever the 100, 000th sign that TAR Canada is running out of locations, that’s another one to add to the list.

NOTE: The shuttle dropped teams off at The Rooms where they searched for their next clue. After that they hit up the Terry Fox Memorial Site.

Maybe they were too worried about accidental copyright issues with Tommy Wiseaux.

Jody & Cory cross Newfoundland but not Labrador from their travel bucket list.

We cut from daytime to night time to daytime once again.

We see the St. John’s landscape.

I like how Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Newfoundland but not Labrador look the same to me.

Six hours by bus plus eight hours by ferry plus eleven hours by driving and we have a grand total of TWENTY-FIVE HOURS of transit time within the Maritimes. That doesn’t include the waiting time in between each mode of transportation too. It was probably closer to thirty hours.

Jody & Cory quickly reach the Memorial Site.

Jody & Cory read the clue.

JODY: Memorize the inspirational quote behind the statue of Terry Fox. YES!
CORY: Nice.

“YES! MEMORIZING QUOTES! FUCK YEAH! UH! UH! RIGHT IN MY WHEELHOUSE! EVERYTHING IS COMING UP MILHOUSE!”

Monty says once they have memorized the quote they will travel by taxi to the village of Quidi Vidi and find a traditional Newfoundland but not Labrador kitchen party where locals welcome to the island by screeching them in. Each team member will have to kiss a cod and drink a shot of rum known locally as screech. Once screeched in, they will receive their next clue.

To gain entry into the party, they must first recite the Terry Fox quote found at the monument.

“‘Quidi Vidi Vici’ is Latin for ‘I Came, I Saw, I Went Back to Europe Because What the Fuck is This Place.'”

I like how this is the fourth fishing village in just two rounds of play.

I wonder how many people at that table have been spanked by that paddle.

What the heck is that thing?

I wonder how long they’ll do that chant for?

“Who wants to get Dustin Diamond’d?”

Drinking Screech makes you feel as trash as Zack Morris.

And Zack Morris IS trash!

Jon Montgomery kisses the Screechfish.

Which is somehow more pleasant than kissing the Screechhuman.

Monty is drinking on the job.

Jody & Cory split the quote by the comma between the two of them.

Jody pats Terry Fox on the lower back.

JODY: That’s my boy.

“You’re my boy, Terry!”

As we fully expected, we cut to a confessional of Jody talking about Terry Fox as a personal hero of his.

JODY: We were honoured to be at the spot where he dipped his foot in the Atlantic.

Wouldn’t the exact spot be, you know, in the ocean?

We get the mandatory close-up of Jody’s artificial legs.

Jet & Dave are the second team to be dropped off and they get a cab.

Jet crawls into a cab.

DAVE: Do you know where the Terry Fox Memorial is?

Fail. Jet & Dave hire one of the most inexperienced cab drivers in TAR history.

Well, one of the most inexperienced.

“Did you mean Terry Funk?”

JET: We got an awesome cab driver. She’s not from Newfoundland, though. Great driver just doesn’t know the roads. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.

“Vanessa & Celina are starting the day fifteen minutes behind us. We have to make it look somewhat competitive for the viewers today.”

Jody & Cory are first to the Quidi Vidi Brewing Company.

FUN FACT: The Quidi Vidi Brewing Company is operated out of somebody’s basement.

The woman at the door asks for the code.

JODY: I just wish people would realize that anything ‘s possible if you try. . .
CORY: Anything is possible if people try.
WOMAN: Try one more time!

“Oh, I wasn’t saying the quote. I was just trying to inspire you about my life after I got hit with an IED in Afghanistan.”

In all seriousness, Jody & Cory fucked up the quote.

By the way, it’s a five minute drive back to the memorial. I am sure they could just ask somebody to look up the quote on their smartphone.

NOTE: Quidi Vidi Brewing Company is located between Ladies Lookout Point and Cuckold Head. I am sure these two locations have a direct relation to one another.

And yes, teams drove by the town of Dildo on the way to Cuckold Head.

Jody recalls his quote while Cory stands there with his fist clenched staring into space.

“Anything is possible if you try. . .hard?”

“ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!”

It sounds more like a Kevin Garnett quote than a Terry Fox quote. Apparently Terry Fox has been KG’ing it since the 70s.

Jet & Dave’s cab driver talks to her dispatcher. The dispatcher sounds BORED. She sounds like she hates herself even more than the Vernon Taxi dispatcher.

Jet & Dave are second to the Terry Fox Memorial.

We get to see the full clue which doesn’t directly mention the Quidi Vidi Brewing Company.

I presume Production wanted to pretend like it was somebody’s house rather than a private business.

We see that Cory’s half of the quote after the comma is “dreams are made if people try.

“Do or do not; there is no try.”

Yoda and Terry Fox would have some SERIOUS philosophical differences.

Jet practices with his back to the quote.

Jet & Dave appear to be making a quick move into first place here.

The third shuttle drops off Vanessa & Celina and Tim & Tim–the two teams who have never won a leg and have combined to be saved by all three NELs. It will presumably be one of these two teams ousted today.

There is only one cab on the street. Both teams have to run a few blocks and take separate crosswalks to get there.

Vanessa & Celina successfully outrun and outmaneuver the International Court of Justices.

I am sure Vanessa & Celina will take this victory in a humble stride. . .

Nevermind.

Vanessa & Celina bounce in their seats and laugh hysterically. I’m surprised they didn’t moon Tim & Tim as their cab drove by them.

The Hagues see another cab.

SENIOR: HEY!
JUNIOR: HEY!
(JUNIOR starts barking.)

You know desperation mode has set in when teams just start making howling and barking noises to ensure they get a cab.

We cut back to the Quidi Vidi Brewing Company where Jody & Cory go over the quote in their heads.

The Screech host is warming up this paddle. Personally I think a spanking task is more fitting as a Speed Bump rather than an Active Route Info, but whatever.

They try the quote again.

CORY: Anything is possible if people try?

Nope.

I should note a brief local quote memorization task is something you’d see more in locally run versions of TAR. We’re almost in the “put on a costume and do a local dance” or “memorize something a pioneer said” territory for TAR Canada.

Jody & Cory hop back in the cab and start running over the quote.

They drive for about five seconds before Cory remembers his half of the quote.

CORY: Dreams are made possible if people try?

Cory counts the number of words on his fingers and it matches.

JODY (confessional): He says “DREAMS! SOMETHING ABOUT DREAMS!”

“SOMETHING ABOUT DREAMZ!”

“SOMETHING ABOUT CASSANDRA!”

“SOMETHING ABOUT LISI!”

Jody puts on his best politician voice.

Cory recites his quote correctly.

“You’re good!”

The door was unlocked the whole time. Jody & Cory could’ve just walked in.

“I hope he doesn’t ask us to bend over.”

JODY:There’s a whole group of happy Newfoundlanders singing and dancing and telling stories. We fit right in.

That’s not exactly what comes to mind when I think of Jody & Cory.

PADDLE MAN: For this next part I need you two down on your nooks. Down on your nooks.

I really don’t want to see them down on their nooks.

“Maybe we don’t fit right in after all.”

Ugh. Maybe they are getting spanked. I was just joking, guys.

JODY: I have never been screeched. I have dranken plenty of Screech!

“In college, I was a full time Screecher. In fact, that was my nickname in college too!”

The Screechmaster holds up the cod.

PADDLE MAN: Pucker up, buttercup!

Gross.

CORY: Not the worst kiss I’ve ever had.

That’s one way to troll your ex-girlfriend on national TV.

Jody takes it to a new level.

JODY: It was salty and delicious.
CORY: Gave it a good smooch too.

PADDLE MAN: Lift it up to your lips you scums into your gums and latch it back!

We call this the Newfoundlander but Not Labradorian Rite of Passage.

The bell is rung.

Jody & Cory open a clue free of narration: They must head to Shea Heights Overlook and search for their next clue.

“THE HOME OF HAROLD DRUKEN–DRAFTED VANCOUVER CANUCKS 1997”

That’s just hilarious.

Jody & Cory shake the paddler’s hands.

PADDLE MAN: Godspeed, boys!

Did he just give them the horns?

Vanessa & Celina and Tim & Tim arrive at the Terry Fox Memorial Statue seconds apart.

THEY ARE NOT TIED FOR LAST PLACE. VANESSA & CELINA REACHED THE CLUE BOX IN THIRD PLACE. JESUS HOWARD CHRIST.

JUNIOR: Let’s memorize this sucker.

First person to refer to Terry Fox as a sucker.

I don’t know if the International Court of Justices are plugging their ears to not hear the other person repeating their half of the quote or to just block out hearing Vanessa & Celina’s voices after riding with them in a car for over nine hundred kilometres.

Vanessa’s memorization technique is to jump and hop around like a bunny rabbit as she repeats the quote over and over.

SENIOR: If there’s one thing that Parkinson’s has taught me, it’s that an isosceles triangle has two equal sides and one unequal side.

Nah, just kidding.

These confessionals were recorded pre-season.

SENIOR: If there’s one thing that Parkinson’s has taught me, it’s the ability to stop and calm yourself.
JUNIOR: I have always thought my dad is Superman.
SENIOR: You will drag us off the race.

“What did he say about drag?”

The Hagues tell their cab driver to go to Quidi Vidi Brewing Company.

DRIVER: My favourite spot.

I’m not surprised. That mustache is screaming “I drink craft beer as a hobby.”

Jet & Dave are second to the Quidi Vidi Brewing Company. Jet recites the whole quote by himself.

Showoff.

Jet & Dave proceed to dance around the table.

JET: People from London, Ontario know we’re no stranger to the dance floor.
DAVE: Yeah, the D Floor. That’s what we call it.

The D Floor means something else to most people.

“Too many D’s
On the dance floor
Too many D’s
On the dance floor”

These dudes are confident in their lead.

Now it’s just getting excessive.

DAVE: People know I just want to hit the D Floor as hard as I can.
(Telephone ring sound effect.)
JET: Jet & Dave. Hello. We’ll be there.
DAVE: There. In.

It’s like a bad Chilltown impersonation.

The Screechpaddler speaks.

PADDLE MAN: Did anyone not tell you to nose up our doll house, boys?
JET: . . .Didn’t catch a word of that.

“I said ‘do you wanna get smashed with your boy, Screech?”

Jody & Cory make it to Shea Heights.

I still laugh out loud at a town’s only achievement is getting some random guy onto the Vancouver Canucks. That’s just hilarious.

Jody & Cory open the clue. It’s a Detour.

DETOUR: WAG A TAIL OR TELL A TALE.

The landscape has a whole lot o’ nothin’.

Monty says teams will get to experience two activities Newfoundlanders but not Labradorians are famous for. It’s their call: TELL A TALE OR WAG A TAIL.

TELL A TALE

Teams will attempt to master the unique storytelling ability that sets Newfoundlanders but not Labradorians apart from the rest of Canada.

First, they’ll find their way to Petty Harbour which is, get this, a historic FISHING VILLAGE just south of St. John’s where two local fishermen await to tell an old tale of the sea.

Once teams have heard and memorized the story with its unique Newfoundland but not Labradorian dialect, they’ll cross the dock and retell the story to the gathered locals. If they can successfully recount the story without it going awry, they’ll receive their next clue.

Monty is really embracing the lumberjack look today.

“My attempt at speaking French sounds clearer than when they speak English. I didn’t think that was possible.”

Yep, it’s another fucking Maritimes fishing village. I’ve lost count how many we’ve seen in two rounds.

MAN #1: And he says he will be a fishbater.

TMI, man.

MAN #2: He was jiggin’ for codfish.

Who the hell gets jiggy with codfish?

You know there isn’t much for teams to do in Newfoundland but not Labrador when the first two tasks of the leg involve memorizing a quote and retelling it to a woman then memorizing a story then retelling it to a group.

But hey, if you’re going to do a domestic route for your first season, you have to do an episode in Newfoundland but not Labrador.

WAG A TAIL

Teams must make their way to Harbourside Park and team up with one of St. John’s hardest working gentle giants–the Newfoundland Dog.

Once they pick their canine partner, they’ll load its cart with milk and eggs for delivery to four homes on Holloway Street which is known to locals as Heart Attack Hill.

Should teams spill or break any of the groceries, they’ll have to return to the park and load up for another delivery. Once teams have delivered all of the supplies in one piece, Derek the Grocer will hand them their next clue.

It looks like another historic fishing village.

MONTY: Hey Newman!

Michael Harmstone is so jealous right now.

Newman smells camera.

Heart Attack Hill is where they film the BBC program Coronary Street.

Teams get a 30 minute penalty if they cry over the spilled milk.

Derek the Grocer is hoping this bit of camera time will launch him into a career in Hollywood North.

Because Cory couldn’t memorize six words earlier, Jody & Cory opt to do Wag a Tail. Good choice.

We cut back to Quidi Vidi. Vanessa & Celina and Tim & Tim are shown entering seconds apart.

Vanessa recites the quote at world record speed. I doubt the woman even understood what she said.

Jet & Dave aren’t as far ahead as we thought. Vanessa & Celina and Tim & Tim watch Jet & Dave on their knees pre-Screech kiss.

“You can kiss my fish.”

JET: We’ll kiss anything you put in front of us.

It reminds me of that classic Geoff Pierson quote from Dexter:

“You’re in trouble right now. You better get on your knees and kiss anything that resembles an ass!”

Jet & Dave are about to have Jody & Cory’s herpes transmitted to them via Screech.

Prepare to become a Miticondriac!

That’s the same reaction my friend had when they had to watch Peggy & Claire’s sex tape.

Jet made the same face when he watched the season premiere of TAR Canada 7.

Too much tongue this episode.

DAVE: You kissed the anus!

Indeed he did.

The Screechmeister hands them their shots.

JET: I get drunk off a beer bottle cap. We don’t drink. I haven’t been drunk in over ten years. People assume just because of our personalities and we’re out there they are like “man, you guys are so drunk.”

“Just say you’re Mormon then you don’t have to consume alcohol on TAR!”

“We’re not drunk–we’re just always high as fuck. We know not to mix the two.”

By the way, this is a pre-season confessional. Production was hoping to eventually use their booze free lifestyle as a storyline.

SCREECHMEISTER: Up the lips over the gums look at them over there they’re scum.
JET: Took the words out of my mouth.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”

DAVE: I feel tougher!

Jet reads the clue with a faux Scottish accent.

Dave is not impressed.

We get a rare full on song produced. This is the first one since that lame ass country song from the Calgary Roadblock. I have never heard of it. I’ll wait to look at the credits in this episode.

“WHERE THE DOGS
WHERE THE DOGS
WHERE THE DOGS AT
YO”

Riveting lyrics.

Jody & Cory are at Wag a Tail. Both of them love dogs. Jody has two large dogs.

Gotta love digital camera photos in 2003. How many megapixels is it?

Jody & Cory pick a dog.

It’s like choosing your Starter Pokemon.

I wonder who is more disappointed about not being picked: The owners or the dogs?

Their dog’s name is Wavy.

Cory loads up 48 eggs and a dozen glass milk jugs.

Also known as Gaston’s daily breakfast.

Cory yells at Jody to slow down because Wavy is running too fast to keep up with Jody.

They hit their first major curb of the walk.

I’m surprised Robaxin didn’t become a sponsour for this task because of how much Cory’s back will hurt by the end of this.

Teams aren’t aware about Heart Attack Hill on the route.

Jody & Cory say the hill is a 45 degree angle.

Cory’s is more accurate.

Wavy is unhappy.

“Look at me, Wavy–I have two prosthetic legs and I’m making it up this hill just fine. You can do it too.”

Terry Fox jumps in to give Wavy some encouragement.

“I just wish Wavy would realize that anything’s possible if you try; dreams are made if Wavy tries.”

“Why would I pull a wagon up Heart Attack Hill? What’s in it for me you greedy son of a bitch?”

Meanwhile, Vanessa & Celina and The International Court of Justices kneel together.

Vanessa puts on lipstick.

Vanessa is ready to tattoo her lips on Screech.

Either Screech is blushing or the lipstick is there.

The Screechmeister barks as Celina kisses Screech.

That fish is getting the most love out of anybody in Newfoundland but not Labrador today.

It’s as awkward as Oscar Nunez and Michael Scott.

Tim Jr. is the only person whose kiss is unaired. I guess even his kisses are too boring for TV.

SCREECHMEISTER: Up the lips over the gums if you don’t youre scum.

Because Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina showed up at the same time, he only gets to have three shots instead of four today.

AGAIN, IT’S NOT A FUCKING TIE! SOMEBODY IS MULTIPLE STEPS CLOSER TO THEIR OWN TAXI CAB BECAUSE I HIGHLY DOUBT PRODUCTION USED A TAPE MEASURE!

Jet & Dave are second to the Harold Drunken Overlook (I assume his name is Harold Drunken because of all of the Screech he drinks).

We get to see the full Detour clue.

Jet & Dave are both actors and immediately go for Tell a Tale.

JET: We’re both actors. We can learn lines. This is gonna be quick.

You two are both actors, eh? Let’s research this.

I completely forgot Jet was in Atlas Electric as “Jet Black” and both of them appeared in Katie Chats playing the role of “Self.”

Teams are using City Wide Taxi this leg.

And it sucks.

Jet & Dave are in with their four day old cab driver.

DAVE: Petty Fisherman’s Co-Op. Is it far?
DRIVER: How do I get there?

To quote Kathy Griffin from Celebrity Mole: Hawaii, I think Jet just mentally executed the cab driver.

We cut back to Heart Attack Hill.

That cat ain’t pullin’ no wagon.

Jody & Cory get Wavy to hustle up the hill. The Terry Fox quotes must have worked.

“Does this SMELL like the milk you’ve ordered?”

We get a graphic for the deliveries.

It’s the Canadian sequel sequel to 999–48 Eggs 4 Deliveries 9 Doors.

Jody & Cory are eager to keep their lead.

Jody & Cory complete the second delivery.

Vanessa & Celina open the Detour clue before the International Court of Justices.

Vanessa & Celina beat Tim & Tim to the clue box but the editor is on crack so it’s listed as a tie for now.

Vanessa & Celina choose Tell a Tale because Vanessa has been acting since she was fourteen. She is an actress unlike, you know, Jet & Dave.

Tim & Tim choose Wag a Tail. They may have chosen it to get away from Vanessa & Celina.

We cut to Jet & Dave. Their driver Eva made a wrong turn.

EVA: I turn left now, right?

“Right.”
“Wait, do I turn right?”

JET: Eva just made her first wrong turn.

JET (mouths): Five!

JET: It’s okay.

“Maybe I’ll take my foot off of the accelerator a bit.”

Sure enough Vanessa & Celina catch up to Jet & Dave and pass them.

Jet & Dave’s driver is really sabotaging them.

Vanessa & Celina say Jet & Dave’s driver is laughing while being passed.

Vanessa & Celina and Jet & Dave show up to Tell a Tale together.

The accent, the details, and the weird analogies perplex Vanessa & Celina and Jet & Dave.

It’s a story about the old man’s friend named Alf Budger. He was fishing off the coast and caught a fish. The fish opened its mouth and it was a baby boy. Alf was flummoxed. Since the baby was a boy, they called him Johnny after Alf’s grandfather. They say he will be a fishbaiter.

“You too can be a fishbaiter.”

“Is. . . is that it????”

OLD MAN: Amaaazing. . . . ………

There is a long awkward pause before they realize the story is over. . . . .

VANESSA: . . . …….Nice.
CELINA: . . . ……..Nice.

Vanessa & Celina try to be as polite as possible.

Jet & Dave do nothing and let Vanessa & Celina figure out where to run to tell the tale. Vanessa & Celina start sprinting. Jet doesn’t even bother running yet. Dave suddenly bursts past Vanessa & Celina screaming random shit.

Dave passes them in about a second.

Jet comically high-steps it past Celina to the point it comes off as borderline taunting.

Vanessa reaches the storytellers first but Jet & Dave are there second and third.

VANESSA: JET! BACK OFF!

That’s not how it works. Just ask Tim Jr.

In an ironic turn of events, Celina was the one who was too slow for the team.

VANESSA: Celina, you have to be faster.

To quote Celina’s own words from the Iqaluit leg, it was her who needed to “SHUT UP AND COME!”

This feels like the 500th time they’ve been outrun by Jet & Dave this season.

Jet & Dave present the story to the crew hanging out at the dock. Jet puts on an accent that I think effectively offended all of Newfoundland but not Labrador.

JET: Lend me your ears!

Trust me, Jet–they have nothing better to do today.

DAVE: We’re both great storytellers, right? So I gotta believe that this story will be easy to retell.
JET: We could probably even improve upon it.

Neither Jet nor Dave can remember the name Johnny (it sounds like it’s supposed to be Dave’s turn).

“Dafuq is his name?”

DAVE: Now! What’s his name. . .
JET: . . .
DAVE: And once he got him home!
JET: Listen to this!
DAVE: So you’ll never believe when they got him home. . .he got him home!. . .

. . . .

JET: Stay tuned! We’ll be right back!

First attempt is abandoned.

Vanessa & Celina make an attempt.

VANESSA: And it opened its mouth wide and a huge baby POPPED OUT!

Vanessa is doing the worst Newfoundlander accent I have heard in my entire life.

The redhead shakes her head. I guess this isn’t even remotely close to the correct order of events.

Celina doesn’t put on an accent.

VANESSA: A baby! He was flummoxed!
CELINA: Flummoxed. . .Al and Filomena have never had a baby. . .
WOMAN: Not how the story goes.
VANESSA: Great swimmer.
WOMAN: It’s not how the story goes.

She is flummoxed by how Celina could screw up the story so badly.

VANESSA: Celina, you didn’t remember any of yours!

The story can’t be very long if Jet & Dave are already waiting for their second attempt.

Tim & Tim show up to Wag a Tail.

JUNIOR: These dogs are massive which is so much fun.
SENIOR: They drool.
JUNIOR: K. They drool. It’s a little drool. So what? It’s. . .a little drool isn’t going to kill you.

“A little drool isn’t going to kill you. . .but Heart Attack Hill will.”

“Why are these Winnipegers hounding me to go up this hill?”

Senior tries to motivate the dog by feeding him his meat and let the dog lick his hand.

SENIOR: I think he could sense I wasn’t impressed.

“Is that a hint of muktuk I detect on your fingers?”

Junior laughs in the confessional about how the dog refuses to move.

JUNIOR: C’mon. C’mon.
SENIOR: C’mon. C’mon.

“I don’t think so, Tims.”

Jody & Cory complete their third delivery.

JODY: Please count to make sure we have twelve good eggs.
CORY: I think we have eleven. Yeah, eleven.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Jody & Cory go down the hill as The International Court of Justices pass by them on the way up.

SENIOR: This game changes on a dime.

Ironically enough, when teams received their clue on an actual dime, the game didn’t change at all as everyone arrived at the Bluenose II in the exact order they received a dime.

The International Court of Justices complete their first delivery. Cory collects extra eggs and milk as insurance.

Jet & Dave’s story is rejected on their second attempt. Ahmaaaaazing.

Vanessa & Celina are on their second attempt. Celina is super nervous and talks really fast.

Vanessa acts like she’s performing a song.

CELINA: I have no storytelling skills.

Don’t give her the flashlight on Halloween.

CELINA: A baitfisher!
VANESSA: Ahmaazing!
CELINA: Ahmaazing!
VANESSA: Ahmaazing!
JET: Hit the bricks, sister!

Back of the line, ladies.

DAVE: Ya bunch of hacks!

I like how Dave just called one of Canada’s most successful actresses a hack.

CELINA: I don’t know it. I’ll do your part. I find your part easier.
VANESSA: Alright. Let me hear you say my part.
CELINA: . . .I don’t know.

“That’s what I thought.”

Senior switches with Junior to lead the dog. Junior does much better with leading the dog.

SENIOR: Mr. Charming here, and she’s right into this and away she goes. . .we got the dog whisperer happening.

Tim Hague Jr.

The International Court of Justices complete their second delivery.

“Don’t mind the sunglasses, ma’am–I am hung over from all of the screech.”

Jody & Cory made their deliveries to the same people. That means this man with the ultimate receding hairline has twenty-four eggs and six glasses of milk. Maybe if he had less dairy products he would still have a full head of hair!

And not look like a freakin’ Crash Bandicoot villain.

“Hi, would you like to buy some girl guide cookies?”

Jody & Cory pass by an outgoing Tim & Tim.

This could have been the first Face-Off in TARC history: Dog fighting!

But sadly Michael Vick ain’t a TAR Canada producer.

Tim & Tim complete all four deliveries before Jody & Cory. Jody & Cory’s lead is lost.

SENIOR: Let’s get out of Dodge.

I wait for the inevitable Dodge sponsourship whenever Chevrolet gives up after season ten or eleven.

SENIOR: We are smoking Cory and Jody.

I dunno if a one minute lead counts as “smoking” them, but whatevs. Knowing TARC, they’ll label it a tie.

Tim & Tim have a very rare lead this season.

I hate how the B doesn’t have a space after the ‘ in “O’Brien.”

We get to see the full clue.

The International Court of Justices read they must make their way to O’ Brien’s Music Store.

Monty says teams must make their way to O’ Brien’s “legendary” Music Store–it is one of St. John’s oldest shops. Here they’ll find their next clue.

I have only heard of this “legendary” music store in this episode.

Seriously. Has anybody outside of the Maritimes heard of this place?

Jody & Cory quickly complete the Detour in second place.

Jody & Cory and Tim & Tim have consistently been in first and second for three legs in a row. It’s funny because these two teams struggled in Western Canada.

We cut to Jet & Dave’s third attempt.

JET: Hey! Stop me if you’ve heard this before!
(The group laughs.)

We see their third attempt. They fail. They assume only one word is missing. Ahmaaazing. Ahmaaaazing.

JET (casually): Which part didn’t you like?

“Do you not like the Screech on my breath?”

Celina is REALLY struggling here. The third attempt is done even before it has started. She can’t stop laughing.

VANESSA: What’s wrong with you? This isn’t a joke anymore!

This is TAR Canada. TAR Canada is always a joke.

Tim & Tim are first (first!) to the Roadblock.

ROADBLOCK HINT: Who needs to get their act together?

Jessica Ver Steeg?

WARNING: This is the most controversial Roadblock in TAR Canada history. They’ll never do a task like this again.

Monty says St. John’s has a rich musical tradition–some of which can be enjoyed on George Street. Known for its vibrant mix of street performers, the area is the perfect place for teams to put their talents to the test. First, teams must enter O’ Brien’s Music Store and grab whatever they need to busk for money. Then they’ll find a crowded spot, set up their busking station and attempt to entertain the crowds to earn $50. Once teams have earned enough cash, this George Street fiddler will give them their next clue.

I wish her name was “Jane the Fiddler.”

It’s the CTV spin-off to “Jane the Virgin.”

You know you’ve made it as a musician when you’re busking in St. John’s.

I don’t think this is the worst task for TAR Canada because of the following reasons:
a) It’s not a “Shop at Michael’s or find the Samsung kiosk” task;
b) It’s not a “There’s nothing here so memorize this quote and/or poem” task;
c) It’s not a “There’s nothing here so put on this costume and do a dance” task.

This is a locally relevant task.

People may say “Fifty dollars is a lot of money to earn on the streets of St. John’s in low season!”

However, this is the freakin’ penultimate Roadblock of the season to determine the Final Three. This season is already easy because it is a domestic route. Of course the difficulty should increase.

I wonder if Monty ever fiddled a fiddler when he was in college.

Junior reads an important note.

“NOTE: Celina, Dave, Jody, and Tim Sr. MUST perform this Road Block.

In other news, everyone has to have an equal Roadblock count heading into Leg 10.

Because nobody completed the RCMP Fast Forward in Saskatchewan, the Roadblock hint didn’t even need to be there.

Senior doesn’t sing or play any instruments but he sees juggling balls.

“Tim Senior keeps playing with his balls for everyone to see!”

Thanks, Jonathan LaPaglia.

SENIIOR: Yes! Tim knows how to juggle at three balls!

Why only three balls? Did one of the dudes get one removed due to testicular cancer?

SENIOR: Step right up! Come see the Winnipeger juggling balls on the corner of St. John’s, Newfoundland but not Labrador! You don’t see this every day! It’s worth at least a buck!

I think Senior needs to PAY the locals a buck for bothering everyone.

Senior sees a cop approach and ask for money. Only problem?

He literally drops the ball.

COP: Another time.

That always means no.

This challenge quickly gets uncomfortable to watch.

SENIOR: You’ve got a soft heart! I can see it! And he’s running now. He’s scared of me.

I wonder how long before Senior gets desperate enough and starts referencing Parkinson’s? That’s what I’d do if I was him.

“I’m so glad I am not doing this.”

JUNIOR: Fifty dollars seems like so much right now.

WOMAN: Bless your heart.

Senior got a toonie out of pity. Well done, sir.

Jody & Cory are second to the Roadblock.

JODY: I have to do it, and I don’t know how to play any instruments.

Jody could start juggling his other pair of prosthetic legs in the street. That’d earn him $50 quick.

JODY: I don’t sing, I dance badly, and I play no instruments.

“These are the three reasons why I’d rather be in Afghanistan right now.”

Jody sees a woman walk by.

JODY: Hi, how’s it going?
WOMAN: . . .

That woman just ignored a vet!

Jet & Dave are listening to the story again.

OLD STORYTELLER: He made him snug inside his jacket. . .and he said he will be a fishbaiter.
JET (sarcastically): Ahmaaazing.
DAVE (sarcastically): Ahmaaaazing.

Translation: It’s not ahmaaazing.

DAVE: I haven’t been saying “snug” in his jacket. I’ve just been saying “in his jacket.”
JET: Well snug it up!

They rejoin the group.

JET: You guys are going to want to sit down for this one.

But they’re already–oh. Nevermind. I got ya.

Dave references the baby boy being snug in this jacket.

ASL for snug.

JET: Ahmaaazing.
DAVE: Ahmaaaazing.

It’s approved. I can’t believe we saw all four attempts.

Jet flexes.

Jody keeps asking for extra money. He switches tactics.

JODY: Where you going?
MAN: Going back to work.
JODY: Got time for a story?
MAN: A story?
JODY: I can’t sing, I can’t dance, obviously (gestures to prosthetic legs),

I told Senior to exploit the hell out of his Parkinson’s because Jody sure as hell is competitive enough to exploit his war stories to get further ahead in the race.

Here we go.

We get an unintentionally hilarious montage of Jody telling the story of how he lost his legs in Afghanistan (and then I found them!–ugh, what am I supposed to do with this scene?).

It’d be funny if we cut to an auditorium next then the inside of a men’s bathroom stall as he keeps telling the story.

Jody has the date he lost his legs tattooed on his arm (January 11 2007) and how he married one of the medics who saved his life.

Editors are eatin’ this up.

The money counter goes up to $8.

Vanessa & Celina are on their fourth attempt. They fail again. Vanessa keeps interrupting Celina. It triggers a fight because Celina keeps repeating Vanessa’s parts.

Celina is ready to backhand her own sister.

We get an ad break. We resume with Vanessa & Celina’s fifth attempt. Ahmaaazing.

CROWD: So close. Really close, girls.

Ahmaaaazing.

Jet & Dave are third to the Roadblock.

JET: You’re more entertaining than these hacks.

Dave can sing. Apparently Jet & Dave have played in bands together.

Jesus Christ. Holy Goth, Batman.

DAVE: I actually sing. I’m kinda pumped. I can crack out some tunes.

I assume Dave can only sing from a pre-approved list of songs.

I guess that means Dave’s cover of Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana is off the table.

Dave just needs to take his shirt off and start playing to easily collect the fifty bucks.

Vanessa & Celina succeed on their sixth attempt.

VANESSA & CELINA (confessional): Ahmaaaazing.

Vanessa & Celina complete the Detour in dead last.

Ahmaaaazing.

Vanessa & Celina assume they are very far behind.

We cut to Dave starting to busk. The funny thing is that eleven years ago EVERYONE thought this task was super unfair to Dave. However, Dave has the WORST strategy here watching

DAVE (offkey and yelling): ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT.

Jet is confused.

JET: I don’t understand–Dave is multi-talented and he’s singing “Row Your Boat.”

Meanwhile, Jet looks like he is holding the pipe that belongs to that old storyteller. Ahmaaazing.

We continue hearing Dave sing “Row Row Row Your Boat.”

Also, we don’t see anybody walk by Dave.

NOTE THE FOLLOWING:
a) Dave knows Jody will be doing this task and will likely use his prosthetic legs and Afghanistan stories;
b) He knows Tim Sr. could talk about his Parkinson’s;
c) Celina could talk about her mother’s thalidomide affliction and may or may not have a performance based background along with Vanessa.
d) Dave said in interviews that he was only allowed to sing rights free songs. I wonder if there was an automatic penalty if he sang a song that he pretended to believe was rights free when it wasn’t. Would Production look the other way or enforce that as a hard penalty?

If I was Dave, I’d be removing my shirt and pants within about 0.2 seconds to draw more attention to myself.

And he isn’t even picking instruments that can be played!

DAVE: Ma’am, would you like to donate? You’re looking like you want to!

She doesn’t.

He is using the same freakin’ stick that Lisi used during Survivor: Fiji.

DAVE: I’m never going to get fifty dollars. I have like. . .eighty cents.

Who’s the hack now, Jet?

Senior keeps hyping up his Winnipeg origins as he keeps making money. Junior turns to the camera to say Senior has been a nurse his whole life but also likely would’ve been a successful salesman too. He is up to $14.

Senior keeps gaining loonies. We cut to Jody. . .

That hug from that woman earned Jody twenty bucks.

JODY: She gave me twenty bucks! The big face bill!

Vanessa & Celina are last to the Roadblock. Celina has to do it. She picks the ribbon and a hula hoop.

CELINA: I’m wearing a pink shirt–this is going to get a lot of attention.

Especially in St. John’s.

Again, unlike TAR US, non-participants give advice. Vanessa gives Celina some very helpful advice–

That’s right.

Jody has prosthetic legs.
Tim Senior has Parkinson’s.
Celina has a hot pink shirt and exquisite breastuhses.

Dave is doing nothing.

CELINA: The ribbon is pink and pretty–and the hula hoop you’re moving your hips around.

Or as Celina from the Nunavut leg would say. . .

“SHUT UP AND COME!”

This is the closest St. John’s will come to experiencing Shakira.

CELINA: Please please please! Anybody feel like donating any money?! Anybody feel like to help me???

. . .

“Ahmaaaazing.”

The editors throw in a hip hop track like it’s from a lesser-known Cassie track.

She’s gettin’ that paper quickly.

DAVE: I would donate to that.

Dave really needs to come up with a legit strategy or find some horny dude to blow for $50 because Celina is already at $7.

DAVE: She’s shakin’ that moneymaker and it’s making money.

Pardon me, $17. Yeah, Dave needs to strip and do something drastic QUICK. Do SOMETHING, man.

DAVE: Merrily merrily! EXCUSE ME! Can you donate money, pretty please? I need money really badly! It’s for a good cause!

Oh my god, Dave. STRIP! TWERK! DO SOMETHING!

Pull a Bryan Williams and make up a fake Afghanistan story. D-O S-O-M-E-T-H-I-N-G.

DAVE: I’m feeling very desperate at this point.

Dave is -feeling- desperate but not -acting- desperate.

DAVE: My worst nightmare is a Roadblock that I fail at which costs us everything.

We are treated to a montage of Dave yelling “PLEASE! PLEASE!”

Jet is worried.

We cut to Dave switching to using Devil Sticks. What are Devil Sticks?

FUNNY STORY: Somebody in my immediate family who I haven’t spoken to in about ten years once bought me Devil Sticks for Christmas when I was a young boy. Him and his wife bought me Devil Sticks. I remember playing with them once and throwing them away. I don’t know anyone who uses Devil Sticks.

DAVE: Hey! Hey! Come over here! This will blow your mind!

DAVE (quietly): This will not blow their minds. This is pathetic.

A woman giggles while passing Dave.

DAVE: I know what you’re thinking–“I can’t wait to donate to him.” Right there, ma’am if you would. Oops! You took a wrong turn! You missed it!

“He is trying to busk, and the Newfies are LAUGHING at him! And that’s rude!”

I really really really hope there was a rule against removing your shirt because this is just sad.

One good point somebody else brought up: “The busking challenge was likely never attempted in TAR Canada because why have them play instruments when they don’t have rights to any music? All you’re doing is essentially forcing teams to dance and/or beg for money on the streets. That’s not busking at all.”

We’ll dive into this more but I think there are many reasons TARC never did this type of task ever again.

We cut to Jet.

This is what Dave should be doing with the locals.

Two dudes walk over to give money. Celina is at $25.

And is at $35 0.2 seconds later.

Celina quickly counts the money.

CELINA: Anybody feel like helping my sister and I? Please???

Editors throw in fake car horn sound effects.

Nevermind. It’s a real car.

Whatever you do, Celina: Do NOT enter that vehicle.

Wow. He dropped a $20.

I don’t know who is more desperate: Dave or the lonely men of St. John’s.

Vanessa & Celina complete the Roadblock in first place.

Jody has $46. He starts yelling “C’mon, I need four more bucks!” at people who pass by.

“If you don’t give me $4 I’ll call all of your friends and tell them you hate veterans!”

Jody switches to “Do you wanna hear a story? Do you?” to random people.

JODY: I need a little extra money to win a contest.

He can’t say “The Amazing Race Canada” to locals?

WOMAN: I’m trying to get money for food for myself, but I believe in paying it forward.
JODY: Wait a minute, for food I can’t take–
WOMAN: No, sir.

Jody promises to pay it forward to someone else.

FUN FACT: This woman is currently homeless on the streets of St. John’s.

QUESTION: Where did the $200+ dollars go that teams earned during this leg? That money had to go somewhere. Did it pay for a production assistant’s lunch? A taxi ride to the airport? A local charity? I’m curious.

Vanessa is in disbelief when she sees Celina.

Unless they get a taxi driver as inexperienced as Jet & Dave’s, they’ve got that ticket punched to the Final Three.

JET: The first team to complete the Roadblock was Celina which was interesting because they arrived LAST.

“It’s me or you, buddy.”

Vanessa & Celina open the clue.

“Make your way to the most easterly point in North America.”

Monty says teams must travel by taxi to Cape Spear. Located on the easternmost point of North America, this rugged coastline is both beautiful and dangerous. On the eastern edge of Canada, teams will check in to the ninth pit stop in a race across the world–er, Canada. Last team to check in WILL be eliminated.

Sadly, we won’t see Sideshow Bob here.

It’s another cold day on TAR Canada for Monty.

Jody & Cory receive their clue.

We get to see the pit stop clue.

The woman reading the clue over Jody’s shoulder is making me laugh.

Vanessa & Celina are inside of a cab. They see Jody & Cory outside whistling for a cab too.

We immediately cut to the pit stop.

I can’t wait for Monty to tell Vanessa & Celina they have won the leg.

VANESSA & CELINA: Do you see it? Yeah, we need to run up the stairs to the white thing.

VANESSA: Be careful running up the stairs, Celina! Don’t hurt yourself!

Jody & Cory see Vanessa & Celina running up the stairs from their cab. Jody & Cory prepare to run up the stairs. However, the taxi driver intervenes.

Oh my word. Vanessa & Celina had first place in the palm of their hands and are running in the wrong direction of the mat.

The cab driver tells Jody & Cory to follow a pathway downhill to Cape Spear.

“It’s down there, fellas.”

Jody & Cory walk by the Cape Spear plaque confirming it’s the most easterly point. Vanessa & Celina see Jody & Cory’s cab.

I find it hilarious that Vanessa & Celina are running AWAY from the ocean. The easterly point is inland, didn’t you know?

Sadly there aren’t any rakes at Cape Spear.

I like how this is the fourth time Vanessa & Celina have been overtaken on the way to the pit stop. That has to be close to a global record. They always fuck up the final dash and/or jog to the mat somehow.

“If you squint enough, you can see Dave blowing a dude to the tune of “Row Your Boat” for $50 to secure third place.”

The dogs aren’t wearing the provincial flower. Shameful.

Jody & Cory step on the mat in first place.

That’s hilarious how Vanessa & Celina blew this lead.

PIT STOP GREETER: Welcome to Newfoundland and Labrador–the most beautiful place on Earth.

I dunno about that.

We can see Vanessa & Celina running down the stairs in the background.

FIRST PLACE: JODY & CORY

Jody & Cory secure the second hat trick in TAR Canada history in plain sight of Vanessa & Celina. These all-male teams have now dominated the majority of the season.

Monty says they’ve won one year of Altitude Super Elite 100K Status which includes. . .well, we don’t exactly know.

Vanessa & Celina are disappointed as they hop on the mat. Monty tries to cheer them up.

SECOND PLACE: VANESSA & CELINA

MONTY: Not a bad time to find your stride.
CELINA: We should’ve been here first.
VANESSA: We ran all the way down there.
CELINA: Two is good.
(Both dogs bark during all of Vanessa & Celina’s explanation of blowing the first place finish.)

Dogs aren’t interested in their excuses.

Monty informs them they have qualified for the Final Three and the potential to take the title as the first TAR Canada champions.

Jody & Cory have also won a chance to call home using a BBM video chat on a Blackberry Z10. Ugh. Sad music plays. Jody cries. Cory cries. Jody talks to his wife and his two girls. Military reference. It’s exactly what you’d expect blah blah blah.

“We just saw one of our opponents blow a dude on George Street! You wouldn’t believe it!”

HILARIOUS SIDE NOTE: Only Jody is shown to talking to his family. Cory’s conversation goes unaired. I guess Cory’s conversation with his loved ones was too boring for television. Or Blackberry thought it was too boring. They really wanted “Military vet talks to his wife and kids using Blackberry products” as their primary promotional material.

We cut back to Senior and Dave doing their respective “tricks.”

“AHHHH I can’t believe we might lose to the team saved by two NELs.”

Senior is up to $46 as he keeps telling everyone he’ll juggle until daybreak tomorrow.

SENIOR: It’s got to be worth at least a loonie.

DAVE: What?! How did he do that?! How is that happening?!

It’s like the tricks Jesus used to do.

Ta-da!

Dave is up to $36.

We cut to Senior.

SENIOR: LADIES! -YOU- are my salvation!

Senior sounds like one of those televangelists asking the viewers for seed money. “For just $4 you can be my salvation!”

And they indeed provide the seed money. He cashes in the fifty bucks. Maybe Mike Bickerton or Michael Yerxa went to snort some cocaine with the fifty bucks. I dunno.

“Well, I’m fucked.”

The International Court of Justices read the clue in third place.

JET: All hope is not lost. If Dave can get here in the next five minutes or so we’ll still have a chance.

Jet ain’t optimistic.

I don’t think Dave will be anywhere near done in the next five minutes as he keeps playing with sticks.

He has a better chance of finishing if he starts singing Styx or The Tragically Shit.

Dave is running down the street.

DAVE: Hey guys, wanna donate?
MAN: No!

The couple frantically dodges talking to Dave like he is one of those religious fanatics going door-to-door to talk to people.

Poor Dave is all alone on the street.

Hagues quickly hire a cab to go to Cape Spear.

Dave convinces a group of four women to donate the remaining $15.

A woman was seated at the coffee shop and stood up to take pictures of Dave on her phone.

ANOTER IDEA: Dave could’ve told strangers he is on a TV show (the cameras and producers asking locals if they are fine with being on camera would support that fact) and he could’ve signed autographs and taken selfies in exchange for money.

Jet & Dave hire a cab. Jet tries to remain positive.

But it’s certainly a lot easier to be pessimistic.

The International Court of Justices are dropped off and run along Cape Spear. We see Jet & Dave in the next shot run down Cape Spear too. We don’t see both teams in the same shot, though.

We see the International Court of Justices run to the mat.

THIRD PLACE: TIM & TIM

“Goodie.”

MONTY: What’s it going to take to cross first?
SENIOR: We’re going to take it to ’em. No holds barred. All bets off.

NOTE: Vanessa & Celina and Tim & Tim have combined for hitting last on all three NELs AND have not won a single leg combined. Meanwhile, Jody & Cory have won three legs and never finished last once.

I can safely say going into this final leg that all of Canada expected Jody & Cory to win in the finale.

Jet & Dave, the favourite team of about 99 percent of Canadians watching when this season originally aired, prepare for the inevitable.

LAST PLACE: JET & DAVE

Monty makes it official and says they have been eliminated.

And all of Canada collectively cringes.

“I fucking blew it for us, man.”

MONTY: Gentlemen, what happened today?

Every two to three seasons Phil Keoghan always has that moment of being visibly torn up over a team’s elimination.

Here this is the first time Monty is visibly torn up over a team’s elimination.

JET: . . .. .
DAVE: . . . . .
JET: It was not our day to be entertainers.

“Ahmaaazing.”

Dave says it was his worst nightmare to be the one to do a Roadblock. . .and. . .and. . .and. . .

I think Dave just rolled an 8 from Free Parking because that dude just landed on Water Works.

DAVE: This was my nightmare getting a Roadblock that I didn’t do well on and that would cost us a leg. I totally let myself down and more importantly I let my buddy down which sucks. Just to be one leg away from the finals is just gut-wrenching. Sorry man I feel terrible.

Jet & Dave no longer spoke after this leg.

JET: It’s disappointing but I think we can be proud of what we’ve done.

“I mean, we won a leg in Regina. Regina is pretty sweet.”

MONTY: This is the end of the line, gentlemen but I have a sneaking suspicion we haven’t seen the last of Jet & Dave.

We certainly haven’t seen the last of Jet & Dave.

*SIX YEARS LATER*

lol

As of February 2024, Jet & Dave are the only returnees in nine seasons and 10+ years of TAR Canada history. They returned as the most popular team of all time and were eliminated about twenty-four hours after the start of the race, and lost by the second-greatest margin of any first boots in TAR Canada history.

And they didn’t even appear until TAR Canada 7 which coincidentally happened to be TAR Canada’s next domestic season, and the decision to bring them back as part of a fan vote between them, Brent & Sean, and Frankie & Amy didn’t happen until two weeks before filming.

If that doesn’t summarize how bizarre TAR Canada has become since season six, I don’t know what does.

But for now, Jet & Dave will go into hiding for the next six years.

Because Jet & Dave broke into the top echelon of popular TAR teams, they get a black and white montage.

That’s when you know fans like you.

DAVE: Winning is amazing, but the journey is important as well. Maybe I’m just saying that because I’m a loser but that’s what losers say and now I know why.

I don’t think he’ll say the journey through Kamloops was important.

Next Time on TAR: The Final Three teams head west to Toronto in the final leg in a race across the country. Racers will find the most extreme challenges where fears will reach new heights and bring frustrations to a boiling point. It’s a family face-off in an epic fight to the finish: Sisters versus brothers versus father and son.

Next Time on TAR Mentions:
VANESSA & CELINA 3
HOLLY & BRETT 1
TIM & TIM 1
JET & DAVE 1

CONFESSIONAL COUNT
TIM SR / TIM JR 7/6
VANESSA / CELINA 4/5
JET / DAVE 15/10
JODY / CORY 10/11

Rank the Legs

1) Whitehorse, Yukon -> Regina, Saskatchewan

This is by far the best leg in TAR Canada history. I have held to that since TAR Canada (1) originally aired over a decade ago. It is incredible this episode still holds up this well ten years later.

Given TAR Canada’s drastic decrease in quality since season five, this episode will never be toppled from the top spot.

It has all of the strengths that were unique to the TAR Canada.

They traveled to a Canadian location that has enough to offer for a single episode and hadn’t been used yet.

They had tasks with a high difficulty including the unaired police simulator task for the Fast Forward.

We had peak U-Turn drama. The two biggest teams went head-to-head by taking the same penalty and both being U-Turned. One team was seen as the favourites to win the season, and the other team has been at the centre of controversy. Furthermore, a third team interjected themselves into the drama to make it as compelling as possible.

We strayed away from the typical negatives in TAR Canada such as distracting sponsours, going to lame small towns, re-using the same city centres over and over, dancing tasks, or an over-emphasis on being super serious with Canadian patriotism.

Even the patriotic task–the RCMP pit making Roadblock, was seen as comedic and satire rather than nauseating over-indulging nationalism.

Oh, and Jet & Dave and Vanessa & Celina were hilarious on the side.

I wish CTV and Insight would rewatch this episode and understand why fans of The Amazing Race used to praise TAR Canada during the first four seasons.

The only downside to this episode is that we lost Hal & Joanne in episode five with another five episodes to go.

2) Drumheller, Alberta -> Yellowknife, Northwest Territories -> Carcross, Yukon

Constant eagle screeches, Jet & Cord music, and cymbals when there were missed hatchet tosses aside, this is the first truly great TAR Canada episode in history. This will mark the first of four consecutive great episodes we will see this season. As I said before, the beginning phase and the ending phase to the season are by far the weakest in contrast to the middle of the season.

First, we visit not one but TWO of the territories in the same leg. Production was eager to cover every single major region of Canada in the inaugural season. That’s one thing I credit this season with doing well–Production acted as if this was going to be the only season of TAR Canada, and made sure every region was showcased. Contrast this with today where British Columbia and Ontario host fifty percent of every season.

We did get our first dreadful “Memorize and recite this written Canadian work” task, but thankfully it was a quick little Speed Bump for The Hagues. Nobody will recall this task by next week.

This leg had the popular Canadian trend of polar bear dips. Throw in lumberjack mini games, rafting, and cool landscapes and you have yourself a decent leg design.

We also had a sign-up sheet which fooled nearly everybody. Multiple teams ran by it and it should have been the season-ending blunder for Jody & Cory. Cory signed up for the final flight by accident and was riding with two teams who had Express Passes. The last ditch effort to appeal to Hal & Joanne’s definition of sportsmanship could have been a great concluding storyline for them.

Speaking of Hal & Joanne, we saw them continue to demonstrate they are the most skilled team in this cast. They’re well-liked, they excel at every task despite Joanne’s unaired torn hamstring, and were well-prepared for the season.

Given how linear the Detour and the race to the pit stop were, Jody & Cory should’ve been dead. It should’ve been a foregone conclusion. Vanessa & Celina and Kristen & Darren use their Express Passes, and Jody & Cory go home by default.

No. No. No. That didn’t happen.

Despite TAR 22 Episode 4 airing just weeks before filming of TAR Canada 1, Kristen & Darren had their own “Oy Vey” moment.

So let’s quickly compare and contrast Jessica & John handling of the Double Express Pass with Kristen & Darren handling of the Double Express Pass.

It was TAR Canada’s first experience of “See, everybody? We CAN have moments that match the American version.”

Jessica & John can be given some slack because it was an unprecedented twist in the race to figure out. After the season aired everyone knew you should just honour whatever agreement was made and keep everyone happy. If you agree to hand it off to the second place team, you should hand it off to the second place team to preserve trust amongst your allies.

Kristen & Darren instead swapped it to “we don’t like Holly & Brett so we’ll give it to the weakest team in the race.”

However, Vanessa & Celina are aware that they are a weak team and know when they needed to use it. If it’s a showdown with just one or two other teams, they have enough sense to know they’ll likely lose that showdown and need to get the hell out of there.

Kristen & Darren made identical mistakes to what Jessica & John did.

a) Stirring up mistrust for multiple rounds;
b) They had too much confidence in their own skills to think they would ever need it;
c) They got distracted by a fun couple of tasks and wanted to experience every task.

John’s judgment was clouded because he was having too much fun in Bali. Kristen & Darren were having too much fun because of the Yukon landscape and a rafting task.

The parallels were uncanny.

I am trying to think if this episode would have been well-received if it was just Jody & Cory going home by default because two Express Passes sent them home. Suddenly Cory signing up for the wrong flight would have been the blunder of the season.

The absurdity of the Double Express Pass Blunder in TAR Canada doesn’t reach the same comedic levels as TAR 22. Namely because Kristen & Darren weren’t spitting out ridiculous quotes at the pit stop nor Jon Montgomery didn’t break the third wall to cement how big of a mistake was truly made.

Canadian reality television tends to go easier on its contestants when they make mistakes in contrast to American reality television. Look at all of the quitters in Big Brother Canada and you’ll see what I mean.

Overall, this is the first episode in TAR Canada that is ranked above “meh.”

3) Quebec City, Quebec -> Iqaluit, Nunavut

In 2013, I wouldn’t have ranked this leg terribly high. I would’ve criticized this leg for being too physical and just having a quick food challenge before heading to the pit stop without really any interaction with locals.

However, eleven years later and this episode ages really well because as I’ve said many times it is the only leg ever in Nunavut.

Furthermore, I have been trying to reach Nunavut myself and it is VERY expensive. Combine that with the isolated and environmentally harsh conditions, and I have come to appreciate how ambitious putting this leg together would have been.

Holly & Brett have a pretty epic downfall in the tundra. It is poetic they go home one elimination leg after Hal & Joanne.

Also, Vanessa & Celina survived one of the most physical legs in TAR worldwide. We could’ve easily ended up with an all-male Final Three in the inaugural season.

Yes, this leg didn’t have any tasks that deviated from the Nunavut stereotypes (dragging a sled, harpoon throwing, whale eating, snowmobiling, an inukshuk at the pit stop mat, and igloo building) but hey, I’m fine with this leg being distinct. At least there weren’t any dancing challenges.

Overall, this episode is one of the most unique experiences.

4) Regina, Saskatchewan -> Quebec City, Quebec

It’s hilarious how Quebec City possesses the biggest language barrier of any city in all of Canada for TAR Canada to visit. Aside from a singular task based on an indigenous language at a museum or in the territories, and going to a Chinatown somewhere in British Columbia, this is the only proper language barrier teams face in TAR Canada.

This is the third leg in the four part stretch where the season peaks (the season drops off after the Nunavut leg).

I like how this leg was unintentionally offensive comedy from start to finish. That’s when TAR Canada is at its most entertaining for me.

Jet & Dave’s overconfidence led to them screwing with the other teams as much as possible including the famous fake clue created during an overnight rest period.

Vanessa & Celina threw away a first place finish as they repeatedly second-guessed their own decision making. Jet & Dave didn’t take this as a sign that Vanessa & Celina do indeed have potential.

I found it hilarious how even Tim & Tim hate Holly & Brett because of a misunderstanding when Brett tried helping them.

Quebec City is the most European-esque town in America and Canada, and these tasks certainly took advantage of that. Seeing the Old City was neat to see.

Making crepes, although stereotypical for French Canada, was better than some French language memorization task that would’ve been a likely alternative.

I liked the ice shaving Detour and the mural task. I like how the vocabulary at the mural was difficult enough so even those with intermediate French speaking skills weren’t guaranteed to complete the task in less than a minute.

The Lacrosse Active Route Info task was super forgettable. Editors made the right call by editing this task to occupy as little airtime as possible.

Tim & Tim were saved by the second NEL of the season which leads to Junior’s infamous “I don’t think anyone has been saved by two NELs in international history!” that I like to make fun of repeatedly.

Jet & Dave scored the first hat trick in TAR Canada history. Even with their winning streak, this episode made it clear that Jet & Dave are FAR from unbeatable.

With Hal & Joanne’s exit, Vanessa & Celina and Jet & Dave pick up the slack with providing us with legitimate entertainment value. It isn’t just resting on Holly & Brett’s unconditioned pediatric shoulders.

Also, how did Tim & Tim get themselves trapped in the fort?

5) Kelowna, BC -> Vancouver, BC

Wow. This leg confused teams much more than I remembered. The round starts off with a foregone conclusion Jamie & Pierre are absolutely dead as their flight is several hours behind the other teams. We see Kristen & Darren being quite vulnerable this leg as they argue and botch directions numerous times. Two faulty cab rides and a poorly navigated SkyTrain ride made it clear this team is not as well-rounded as we think.

Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett both set themselves apart as the strongest teams. Hal & Joanne picked up standby tickets to leap ahead and use their physical ability and wits to stay in a strong position. Holly & Brett’s pure wit preserved their spot at the top of the leaderboard but the consequences of their social game are starting to pile up.

We see the rivalry between Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina continue as Tim & Tim return the taunts from the previous pit stop.

We see a lot of Jet & Dave content this episode. We saw them waste three hours on the Detour. If Jamie & Pierre were on the first or second flight, Jet & Dave would’ve been the second boots in TAR Canada history. Jet & Dave are prone to making massive blunders. They tend to blast through a leg or get greatly hindered by one.

The ice skating Roadblock at the Richmond Oval was lame. I remember thinking about how lame it was when it originally aired nine years ago. It made me feel like I was watching somebody try to interpret a cheap knock-off version of The Amazing Race.

However, the Detour made up for it. We really tapped into Vancouver’s ever expanding Chinatown culture.

The industrial site Active Route Info was a fine way to represent Vancouver Harbour.

The sponsours weren’t distracting this leg. They were integrated well.

The pit stop was a scenic location.

This leg was a near perfect representation of Vancouver overall. The only major landmark they missed in the heart of Vancouver is the River Rock Casino. What’s amusing is we will see a Chinese casino inspired task in TAR Canada 2. I’m actually surprised we haven’t seen the River Rock featured after eight seasons of TAR Canada and multiple Vancouver legs.

Production did the best they could to create suspense if Jamie & Pierre could get out of last place, but didn’t put too much time into it. They backed off once the audience knew it was clear they had no chance of overcoming the deficit. Now that Jamie & Pierre are gone, it felt like we had seven teams on an overall level playing field.

6) Niagara Falls, Ontario -> Kelowna, BC

Out of all of the legs this season, this is the one I am the most familiar with in my personal life. Add in the fact that this was the first ever leg of TAR Canada, and that makes it a bit special. While this was filming I would’ve been sitting in a classroom just a two minute drive from the airport and fifteen minutes away from where most of this leg took place.

Jee-an’s number one thing to do on her bucket list was see Niagara Falls. That starting line certainly brought about a lot of emotional memories from last year.

While a chunk of the audience would groan when they clued in that this was going to be a domestic season, the rest of us had to accept this would ultimately be a beta test of a season. Just nine teams? Only ten legs? No language barriers? No culture shock? An obscure penalty that occurred 24 hours later takes a team out? What is this. . .?

Although I didn’t point it out during the episode, I remember how much the music was out of sync with the episode. I talked about it when it originally aired. The goofy placements, the ties that weren’t ties, and camera angles that failed to capture the perfect moments. It’s great to see what an episode of The Amazing Race looks like with an inexperienced crew that isn’t too well-versed in competitive reality television.

The premiere is a fun glimpse into how an inexperienced crew handles one of the most ambitious reality shows to produce. It makes you appreciate how well Michael Mackay handles everything with TAR Asia, Australia, and China Rush, and how well Bertram Van Munster and Elise Doganieri handle the American version.

We witnessed a very emotional exit between two teams and a whole lot of unintentional comedy. This is one of the funniest season premieres I’ve seen. Yes, a lot of the comedy is unintentional but that’s the type of comedy I prefer.

Jet throws in a hell of a lot of one-liners, multiple alliances formed, and we get a super unlikely rivalry where the youngest all-female team is after the oldest all-male team who also happen to have Parkinson’s. Good luck thinking of that in your fan fiction.

The ending to this episode is wonky. It’s a very very close foot race, but it didn’t matter the team won the foot race as they were going home by default due to a penalty that happened about 30 hours earlier. That’s a strange one.

Kelowna was represented really well. Waterfront activities, Ogopogo, and a trestle bridge. The pit stop being located at a winery was also fitting.

Throwing in the earlier flight for more “frightening” terrariums is a bit subjective, but hey, it beats the hell out of a shitty dancing challenge. I’ll take it.

Overall, this was a surprisingly well-put together leg for the first season of TAR Canada. For the next three seasons, they’ll try to one-up the premiere each season as we progress.

7) Vancouver, BC -> Drumheller, Alberta

It’s the second leg in a row with a choreography task, and this time it was a mandatory task.

The first leg had the excitement of being the series premiere with Canada as well as fans of TAR worldwide being intrigued what a TAR Canada would look like. A team was eliminated.

The second leg emphasized the Chinese culture prevalent throughout Vancouver. A team was eliminated.

This third leg had a couple of odd locations: A place to do a country dance and a place to shovel coal. A team wasn’t eliminated.

It is by far the weakest leg of the first half of this season.

It was more of a bridge episode as Kristen & Darren betrayed Holly & Brett by going back on their word, and instead hand off the second Express Pass to Vanessa & Celina. It signals that the “Everyone Wants Holly & Brett Out” storyline is now in full swing.

The rivalry between Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina continue. I forgot how much Tim Sr. went after them in his confessionals. It’s interesting to note just how much the other teams weren’t concerned by the Tim Hagues and Vanessa & Celina during the season. Jet mocked Vanessa & Celina’s strategy, Kristen & Darren handed them an Express Pass because they’re the weakest team, and the Tim Hagues finished in dead last. The two bottom feeders have the biggest rivalry with one another and also have the least amount of respect from the rest of the cast. That’s an unusual combination.

As I stated earlier, this is the first NEL in TAR Canada history and also the first “put on a costume and do a silly dance” in TAR Canada history. And also the first Alberta leg in TAR Canada history.

It was a shame that the Speed Bump, which fans were already getting bored with by TAR 22 US, was also adopted by TAR Canada. What’s funny is that TAR US has stopped using the Speed Bump penalty but yet TAR Canada has continued to use it through all eight seasons to the present day.

Also, it is clear from this episode just how much of a slog it is to get through the “put on a costume and dance” task. We’ll get to dissecting other puzzling permanent decisions Production has made over the years, but boy oh boy is it clear from the get-go that this type of task is not interesting to watch at all. I truly believe it is strictly used when Production needs to save money on the budget or can’t find anything to do that’s relevant to the area. This ranks up there with TAR Canada’s other favourite of “memorize this speech/pattern” in the early seasons. With dwindling budgets and lacklustre locations as the seasons progress, “put on a costume and dance” will become increasingly frequent. The one benefit is it makes my TARstorian episode recaps much faster to get through.

Overall, I don’t have much to say about this leg. Seeing the Royal Tyrell Museum brought back some pleasant childhood memories. I wish they had put the clue box at the top of the gigantic dinosaur at the Royal Tyrell Museum like in my childhood TAR fanfic. Those steps can be exhausting!

8) Quebec City, Quebec -> Lunenburg, Nova Scotia

As I said earlier, the running joke about Maritimes legs in the early seasons of TAR Canada is they were always the lamest and most boring episodes to watch.

Rewatching the first Maritimes leg over a decade later, and MY GOD WAS THIS A LACKLUSTRE EPISODE.

Blackberry Scarecrow Recreation Roadblock where the task could be completed without a Blackberry.

It was a Non-Elimination Leg which was telegraphed the second Holly & Brett were eliminated. This meant none of the teams bothered using their U-Turn. Furthermore, there was an instantaneous equalizer at the start of Leg 9 which made this episode COMPLETELY pointless.

Other than the Puerto Vallarta legs from TAR “36” which aired a few weeks ago, most of this leg covered a very tiny area within Nova Scotia. Three of the route markers including the pit stop and both Detour tasks was metres apart rather than kilometres apart. Nova Scotia isn’t even the smallest province in Canada.

Vanessa & Celina and Jet & Dave formed an alliance while sipping on Booster Juice while Tim & Tim and Jody & Cory have this hatred for each other which came out of absolute nowhere this season.

Vanessa & Celina continued the cringey tradition of all-female teams who can’t drive a stick to save their lives. They quickly fell to last place.

Jet & Dave continued to make everyone rethink their position as the strongest team of the season as they flirted with a near last place finish once more. They are quickly losing steam like the original Bluenose.

I couldn’t help but laugh how teams didn’t connect the Bluenose II to Nova Scotia. That was the most obvious pit stop location in all of Canada.

Although Vanessa & Celina’s guess of “A coin factory????” was a classic moment. I’m never going to let them live that down. I know it was in the heat of the moment and the stress of the race, but the fact they verbalized it for the microphones to pick up was a secret reward for the viewer.

The Detour of catching lobsters and guessing and identifying sausages are typical TAR tasks. The mnemonics implemented to memorize sausage names was hilarious. Uninspired Detour, but fine given this is Atlantic Canada. They had to do Atlantic Canada things. At least it wasn’t a fucking dance.

Again, the scarecrow recreation Roadblock was a neat idea for a task in a small town but made a bit dumb by the lame product placement. Production should always tie the product placement to the dullest task of the episode. Use it for the lobster retrieval side of the Detour where you have to take pictures of the lobsters. Without the product placement, the scarecrow Roadblock would’ve been a Stand-Up Double. Instead the Blackberry tie-in turned the task into a Single.

NOTE: Production learned to not throw U-Turns into a Default Final NEL leg. Thankfully they weren’t slow to catch on to this obvious broken game play mechanic.

ANOTHER NOTE: This Default Final 4 NEL format will be quickly abandoned in TAR Canada. Instead they’ll adopt a more sports-like format with labelling the Final 5 leg as the “Quarterfinals,” the Final 4 leg as the “Semifinals,” and the Final 3 leg as the “Finals.” Therefore, nearly all future seasons will use up all NELs by Final 5 or earlier in the season. Again, NEARLY all seasons.

NON-ELIMINATION NOTE: TAR Canada 2-5 ALL have their final NEL at Final 5. TAR Canada 6-9 all have their final NEL at Final 6. I dunno why, but I find it funny how Production makes their final NEL placement as predictable as possible and the only solution is to just bump it up one leg earlier every few years.

9) Lunenburg, Nova Scotia -> St. John’s, Newfoundland but not Labrador

I was torn about ranking this leg dead last for the season because it is one of only two legs to take place in Newfoundland but not Labrador across nine seasons, but this was really really lame. It’s like what you would see in the later seasons of TAR Canada.

In fact, both Newfoundland but not Labrador legs in TAR Canada are two of the worst through the first five seasons.

I am not surprised Production gave up on holding legs here. The weather isn’t great for filming in late April, it is the most expensive PROVINCE for them to visit during their filming schedule, and it’s difficult to really find anything for contestants to do.

I am glad they came here during season one during an all domestic route to properly represent EVERY region of Canada as Newfoundland but not Labrador doesn’t have much cultural overlap with the other three Atlantic provinces. Ask anybody from the area and they will say Newfoundland but not Labrador is truly its own country.

The funny thing is I will be visiting St. John’s in about two weeks. Newfoundland but not Labrador is my final province to visit in all of Canada.

Production just had a tough time finding anything for teams to do here. The most interesting part was the 2, 500 hours it took to get to St. John’s from Lunenburg.

The 100 metre sprint to determine the three shuttles to St. John’s was lame.

Memorizing a Terry Fox quote was even lamer.

Memorizing ANOTHER story was even lamer at the Detour.

And the busking Roadblock that didn’t involve busking was the most uncomfortable and controversial task of the entire season.

The delivery task involving dogs walking up a steep hill and kissing the fish were the two most interesting tasks and were the most culturally relevant.

Jet & Dave deserved to go home here. They went out as the most popular team and the team fans thought “deserved” to win this season. Of course both accolades would be erased when they 100 percent deserved to go home first about 2.7 seconds into season seven and just didn’t have the same charm and personality they had here in season one. It’s another reason why I just don’t bother with returnee seasons of reality TV ninety percent of the time. Nearly everyone loses their stock upon returning.

In short, I don’t fault Production for coming to Newfoundland but not Labrador, but my god was this the worst leg of the season. And this was the penultimate leg of the season that determined who went to the Final Three! I can’t recall a season that led into the finale with this much of a whimper other than maybe the Godlewski elimination in freakin’ Montana in Family Edition.

Rank the Teams

1) Hal Johnson & Joanne Mcleod

Keep Fit and Fuck Off!

Er, Keep Fit and Have Fun.

I love Harold Johnson & Joanne McLeod’s inclusion in this season.

They were apart of the greatest episode and elimination arc in TAR Canada history.

Hal & Joanne were the only truly famous team going into this season when it aired (sorry Vanessa Morgan), and it was the first time many Canadians had heard from Bodybreak in about ten years or so. They were mainly known as 90s icons.

Seeing their career and standing in Canadian pop culture get completely reinvigorated after TAR Canada was great to see.

I know Hal Johnson is annoyed that their edit wasn’t the most dynamic, but they definitely served their purpose in this season. They were the team that was clearly on the path to winning season one, and hell, I could see Hal being promoted to being host for season two after his failed audition to be the host of this season.

I think if Holly & Brett went home in Leg 5, we could’ve had an intriguing grudge match between the Tims and Hal & Joanne. That’s the one negative impact from their elimination is that the only leftover rivalry is Tim & Tim versus Vanessa & Celina.

One other great thing about Hal & Joanne’s presence is a lot of the jokes write themselves. They have the perfect personalities and career backgrounds for satire.

And they didn’t feel like stunt casting compared to other reality TV crossover contestants or social media influencers because Hal & Joanne feel like “regular” people who just naturally fit in with The Amazing Race.

When you know how hardcore of a fan they were of this show and they auditioned just like anybody else, it felt like they were picked for being the best older couple out there with an interesting personality that was in the available casting pool.

It wasn’t a case of “random Olympians who were cast because they were Olympians.”

I know people have talked about wanting to have a TAR Canada All Star season since about season three or season four because that’s what today’s reality TV fans obsess over.

I never want to see an all star season for any TAR franchise.

However, if CTV greenlights a TAR Canada all star season for season ten, it seems like a gigantic waste of time if you don’t have Hal & Joanne AND Holly & Brett on it. That would be a requirement.

Hal & Joanne’s dominance during the Alberta leg is one of the most dominant legs I have seen air in any TAR franchise.

I’m glad Hal & Joanne were picked to be within the first four seasons that are part of the true core of the TAR Canada timeline. Thank god they weren’t wasted on season five and beyond.

2) Holly Agostino & Brett Burstein

Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett being cast together on the same season was a dream come true. Switch these two teams with anybody from season five onwards and this season would have greatly suffered.

Holly & Brett were repeatedly labeled as villains but didn’t even make any of the top three villainous moves of the season.

They never even used the U-Turn!

They never even lied to Kristen & Darren who broke the deal about the Double Express Pass!

They tried helping Tim & Tim avoid last place in Quebec City, and Tim & Tim interpreted it as a deception!

That’s just hilarious. Holly & Brett (specifically Brett) just had this personality that made the rest of the cast want to punch him in the face from the starting line all the way to Nunavut.

Everybody did a great job of playing off of Holly & Brett, and Holly & Brett did a great job of playing off of everybody else.

In the reunion episode you’ll see why everyone just always seems in this constant state of irritation with Brett which is hilarious.

I always maintain this: TAR Canada will never attempt to do an all-star season unless they can cast Holly & Brett AND Hal & Joanne together.

Both teams are A+ casting and Production got lucky both teams were in the inaugural season.

And it is very clear both teams were big positive contributions to this season because the quality of this season goes downhill quickly as soon as we lose both teams. The dynamic between everybody shifts drastically.

P.S. HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL HOLL. . .125 times.

3) Jet Black & Dave Schram

Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett were by far the two most interesting teams cast this season, but Jet & Dave definitely snagged the fan favourite award. They were such fan favourites that fans voted them back in to play six years later. Competitive reality TV fans aren’t known for having long memories, but yet Jet & Dave still beat out more recent teams to get voted back in. That is a testament to how popular they were here in season one.

Jet & Dave’s personalities were all over the place. On one hand, they were the first team to win three consecutive legs and viewed as the strongest team. On the other hand, they made these careless mistakes that nearly got them eliminated several (seven?) times during the season that made them look like complete dumbasses at times.

They would trash talk other teams calling them Malnourished Hippies and saying they didn’t have any competition. On the other hand, they were the most well-liked by the other teams.

Then throw in their pranks such as planting fake clues out of boredom or just giving up on a task that determined who would make Final Three.

When they were focused and dialed in, they seemed unbeatable. When they got bored, they instantly fell to the bottom and were the court jesters.

One thing is certain: After Hal & Joanne’s elimination, Jet & Dave really kept viewers tuned in for the remainder of the season. Fans did NOT like the finale episode, and I think most of that backlash is that they were still upset about losing Jet & Dave in the penultimate round of play.

It still boggles my mind that we are likely going to have ten seasons of TAR Canada and Jet & Dave’s one leg cameo is the only time EVER that a team gets to play TAR Canada twice. That’s just downright hilarious and the most Jet & Dave-esque thing that could happen to them.

4) Treena Ley & Tennille Dorrington

They made HI-STO-RY. Treena & Tennille were eager to be competitive and outrun cowboys on their feet, but sadly the game is a game is a game.

Six of the eight seasons feature absolutely legendary first boots. Treena & Tennille get to start this legendary trend. Sadly, they will be one-upped by our first boots in season two. I can’t wait to talk about that.

Although this was a tragedy for Treena & Tennille, this proved to be a comedy for the rest of us.

As I said before, I’m curious how much nerves and the overall excitement impaired their racing abilities on the first leg. They made a lot of mistakes. They failed to read clues and couldn’t find things in plain sight. On The Amazing Race, that’s a deadly combination to send you home instantaneously.

It was great their bond with Jamie & Pierre was showcased throughout the premiere. It felt like we were really saying goodbye to Jamie & Pierre rather than Treena & Tennille during this episode as both teams had their storylines come to an end here.

I can’t help but be amused Treena & Tennille couldn’t even win the foot race to their backpacks after their speed being emphasized in the intro. The last place team in the initial foot race was the one team they had to beat to the winery mat.

Treena & Tennille gladly recognize their place in HI-STO-RY and if a team is okay with being an answer to the most commonly asked trivia question, that holds more value than seeing some town in the Maritimes.

I don’t know how far Treena & Tennille would’ve gone in the race if not for the #ButterflyPenalty, but based on what we saw, you can’t help but feel that being an early boot was inevitable for them.

They provided a lot of entertainment in just one episode. And that’s ultimately all we can ask for as an audience. An audience is an audience is an audience.

5) Kristen Idiens & Darren Trapp

Kristen & Darren went home at the right time. They weren’t the most interesting team in the cast. In fact, they were the least interesting team in the cast after Jody & Cory. “The Malnourished Hippie Dating Couple” as Jet & Dave would label them.

They were one of the most capable teams in this cast. They won the first leg and botched the strategy of the Double Express Pass as badly as Jessica & John did which is entertaining.

Kristen & Darren were prone to silly mistakes like running instead of using the metro.

And then they were also prone to a massive mistake like being in a tie for last place heading into the final task of the episode with two teams. One of these teams has an Express Pass, and the team that didn’t would choose a different Detour task from them. Oh, and then not use their own Express Pass in the process too.

Kristen & Darren’s own rafting obsession clouded their judgment and sent them home in a very memorable fashion.

They would go home in a memorable way and become a piece of trivia as the first team to exit TAR Canada with an Express Pass in their pocket. Given Kristen & Darren’s personalities, going home via blunder was probably the best way for viewers to remember them long term.

Overall, they played their part in the season. If they made it any further, they would’ve occupied a spot in the cast that would have sacrificed a more entertaining team.

P.S. I went through Kristen & Darren’s social media. Darren’s dreadlocks are gone and I don’t see a single photo of them together on either of their social media. I doubt they are still together, but perhaps they just don’t take photos together.

6) Jamie Cumberland & Pierre Cadieux

Remember how I say some teams get really sensitive about being viewed as a team with minimal skills on TAR and interpret it as an attack on who they are as people? And then I have to remind fans and alumni that being called terrible racers doesn’t mean they are terrible human beings.

Jamie & Pierre should be contenders for some of the worst racers I’ve seen on TAR. I don’t know if they are the absolute worst, but it’s tough to picture any season of TAR where Jamie & Pierre could participate without being one of the first three or four boots.

They were supposed to go home first due to being slow runners but were saved by Treena & Tennille’s errors with reading comprehension. They switched Detours. They were lost frequently. They couldn’t excel at any strategic component.

However, they aren’t really fearful or outright refusing to do any tasks and aren’t injury prone. That’s why they aren’t in that bottom rung of worst performing teams ever.

I am glad Jamie & Pierre didn’t get humiliated in the second leg by arriving at the pit stop when it was dark while all other teams checked in during broad daylight hours. I am happy they were able to exit with some dignity. This leg ended up being closer thanks to Tim & Tim and Jet & Dave’s Detour screw-ups.

As people, Jamie & Pierre seem absolutely wonderful. Pierre being a fellow widow is something editors didn’t need to include this episode but I’m absolutely glad they did purely for my own selfish reasons. The way I have chased after continuing those life experiences this summer is similar to how Pierre chased after these experiences on TAR Canada. That’s a dude who is glad he did this show even if it meant being last to step on the mat both legs.

I hope those dudes are doing well.

Team Averages:

Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.

e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.

Therefore their average is 8.2.

Because of how long this list has become, I only show the relevant section where the eliminated team from this episode has fallen amongst the ranks of what TAR history has to offer.

2nd Sam & Dan 3.17 U-Turned Pointlessly TAR 15
2nd Brook & Claire 3.17 U-Turned Once TAR 17
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17 TAR 10
2nd Romi & Coral 3.15 Used U-Turn Three Times, and Saved By NEL Once Hamerotz LaMillion 3
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL twice TAR 8
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF TAR 4
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 7
6th Long Điền & Kim Dung 3.14 TAR Vietnam 2014 (Only 9 Teams Cast)
8th Adriano & Monada 3.14 Used Yield Four Times Hamerotz LaMillion 5
6th Pundak & Moti 3.125 Used U-Turn Four Times Hamerotz LaMillion 2
4th Michael & Ran 3.11 Used U-Turn Once Hamerotz LaMillion (1)
4th Wu Jianhao & Yao Fengfeng 3.11 Fast Forward Winner and Used U-Turn TAR China 3 (Only 8 Teams Cast)
5th Ihor & Vasyl 3.11 Velyki Perehony (TAR Ukraine)
5th Kym & Alli 3.11 TAR 25
4th Toni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia TAR 13
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF TAR 3
2nd Jesse & Marika 3.09 Used Express Pass
2nd Geoff 26 & Tisha 31  3.09 Used Yield and U-Turn TAR Asia 3
4th Herb & Nate a.k.a. Flight Time & Big Easy 3.09 TAR 15. Znarf!
1st Giovanni & Juan Carlos 3.08 TAR Latino America 6
2nd Darío & Esther 3.08 Saved By NEL Twice TAR Latino America 5
1st Patrícia & Sane 3.08 A Corrida Milionaria (TAR Brazil)
3rd Kostyantin & Yakiv 3.08 Velyki Perehony (TAR Ukraine)
1st Nat & Kat 3.08 – FF and Used U-Turn Once TAR 17
1st Laura & Tyler 3.08 Used U-Turn Once TAR 26
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF TAR 10
2nd Tara & Joey 3.08 Used U-Turn Twice and Saved By NEL Once TAR 29
3rd Xuân Tiền & Mỹ Linh 3.00 Fast Forward Winner TAR Vietnam 2019
4th Chí Bình & Hồng Long 3.00 Used U-Turn Once TAR Vietnam 2012
7th Edison & Edison 3.00 Fast Forward Winner TAR Latino America 2
1st Amit & Raz 3.00 Used Yield Four Times, and Used U-Turn Twice Hamerotz LaMillion 5
2nd Hadj & Yacim 3.00 Saved By NEL Once and Used U-Turn Once TAR France (Only 9 Teams Cast)
4th Jet & Dave 3.00 TAR Canada 1 (Only 9 Teams Cast)
6th Hal Johnson & Joanne Mcleod 3.00 Used U-Turn Once and U-Turned Once TAR Canada 1 (Only 9 Teams Cast)
1st Tim & Rod 3.00 U-Turned Once and Used U-Turn Once TAR Australia 4
1st VoldeMussolinis a.k.a. Gino & Jesse 3.00 Fast Forward Winner Used U-Turn Twice TAR Canada 3
3rd Brendan & Connor 3.00 Used Express Pass and Saved By NEL Once TAR Canada 8
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded, Saved By NEL Once TAR 7
3rd Jill & Thomas 3.00 – Used U-Turn Once and Used Express Pass TAR 17