EIGHTH EPISODE
EPISODE BLOG #353: Vanessa Morgan in “Yet Another All-Female Team Can’t Drive A Manual on The Amazing Race” and The Tim Hague Caravan
COUNTRIES VISITED
CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA
The Facebook group I admin: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TAR247/
My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/supacoowacky/
My Twitter: https://twitter.com/logsupacoowacky
The Podcast I Co-Host: https://rtvwarriors.podbean.com/
As always, this blog is dedicated to my late wife Jee-an. We all love you and miss you.
Previously on TAR: Five teams raced north to Iqaluit, Nunavut where the Arctic’s harsh elements took a toll on everyone. But Jody & Cory’s brotherly bond helped them win their first leg of the race. At the Detour Jet & Dave fell to the back of the pack and despite a Speed Bump Tim & Tim moved from last to second place. Celina struggled at the Roadblock allowing Jet & Dave to climb past them for a third place finish. Doctors Holly & Brett struggled against the Arctic and were eliminated from the race.
Now four teams remain as they race across the world–er, country, and play for $250k, some cars, and airline tickets.
Previously on TAR Mentions:
TIM & TIM 5
HOLLY & BRETT 5
JET & DAVE 4
KRISTEN & DARREN 3
VANESSA & CELINA 3
JAMIE & PIERRE 2
VANESSA & CELINA 3
HAL & JOANNE 2
JODY & CORY 2
TREENA & TENNILLE 1
Through seven episodes we’ve covered the territories, the Arctic, the west coast, the Okanagan, Quebec, and the prairies. And we all know the finale will be in Ontario.
That leaves us with one region left for this season:
Yep. The Maritimes. Four out of Canada’s ten provinces are here.
Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, PEI, and Newfoundland (but not Labrador through nine seasons).
We’ve got two rounds in the Maritimes.
During the first four seasons of TAR Canada, the Maritimes was treated much the same way as a Meg episode.
Dammit, it’s a Maritimes episode.
These were always the most boring episodes every season as it felt like Production was just checking a Maritimes visit off the list each season to keep that part of the viewership happy.
Fredericton was the final provincial and territorial capital to be visited in TAR Canada. Every provincial and territorial capital was pretty much visited by TAR Canada 2, but Fredericton had to wait until TAR Canada 6 which was hilarious.
How lowly rated were the Maritimes episodes in TAR Canada?
Take a look through the RTV Warriors archives. Every podcast we ever recorded always has a running time of approximately one hour.
We have multiple TAR Canada podcasts from the Maritimes episodes where the running time was twenty-five minutes.
There really was very little to say about the Maritimes legs through the first five seasons of TAR Canada.
Although I’ve only seen about 1.5 episodes total since TAR Canada 6’s premiere, I do find it funny how Production has scaled it down to one Maritimes leg per season because over seventy percent of every season is in BC and Ontario.
The tables have turned apparently in recent years as the Maritimes legs are the big treat to offset the dull pattern of “insert generic Ontario suburb here” and “a leg in Vancouver/Calgary/Edmonton/Winnipeg/Toronto/Montreal here” every season.
However, I am going to warn you now: After that epic run of Kristen & Darren’s elimination, Hal & Joanne’s elimination, the Quebec City leg, and then Holly & Brett’s elimination, the momentum comes to a screeching halt here.
The one thing I remembered for years is that Jet & Dave play a prank by putting in a fake clue during an overnight rest at a route marker. It turns out that was actually in the Quebec City leg.
Going into these pair of episodes I only remember two things:
a) The very controversial Roadblock in episode nine which I believe the audience overreacted to;
b) The U-Turn we will see here in Leg 8 where everyone knew it was going to be a NEL and therefore all four teams agreed not to use the NEL. Production would never make this mistake again.
As someone who can remember multiple details from every single episode I have only seen once or twice over the past decade or so, that’s a true achievement. I have no memory about what the two Detours, the third Speed Bump, or what the Leg 8 Roadblock is for this season. I just remember the locations are Nova Scotia and Newfoundland.
By the way, this is me from my only trip to Nova Scotia. I was here for 18 hours on my way home back to Vernon about eight days after I was in Poland and found out my wife died. My brother-in-law and I booked an 18 hour layover in Halifax just so I could cross another province off of my list.
*
Monty introduces us to Nunavut–a boundless expanse of the Canadian Arctic. It’s the largest of all provinces and territories and yet the least populated. There’s only one person per every sixty-five square kilometres of frozen tundra.
Monty operates a dog sled as he continues his talk about how it’s the land of the midnight sun where summer’s light never sets on the unspoiled wilderness and is an adventurous paradise and the eighth starting point in a race across the world–er, Canada.
MONTY: Hee-yah! Mush, doggies!
This is when Monty really separates himself from Phil, Allan, Grant, and yes, even Beau.
Watching Jon Montgomery operate a dog sled is more fun than watching a leg in the Maritimes.
We see snow flurries in strong winds as Jody & Cory depart first at an unspecified time. Cory reads they must fly to Halifax, Nova Scotia.
And yes, Halifax is indeed the most famous Maritimes city.
By the way, I have stayed overnight in three Maritimes towns:
Halifax, Nova Scotia;
Charlottetown, PEI;
Saint John, New Brunswick
Saint John, New Brunswick was my favourite followed by Charlottetown. Halifax was pretty neat for a one day layover too, though.
Monty says all teams must now fly over 2, 000 kilometres to the Maritime city of Halifax, Nova Scotia. Once there, they will find a Chevrolet Sonic and their next clue.
Pro Tip: Visit the rooftop of the Halifax Library. You won’t regret it.
Cory reads there is a U-Turn ahead and they have $30 on their Interac card for this leg.
We get a rare delayed departure time of 11:39am.
They talk about living far apart frequently and how the first six or seven legs was all team building. They get excited over the Chevrolet Sonic cars having a manual transmission.
JODY: Nice!
Well, that’s an ad spot.
The weather is not cooperating with Production today.
The International Court of Justices depart second at 11:53am.
Please get saved by all three NELs this season.
Senior says this reminds him of a time when he was the stay-at-home dad and Junior cried for him more than his mother.
This is the type of cringe only parent-child teams can offer on TAR.
Senior wants to use this as #ManTime.
Jet & Dave depart third at 11:55am.
JET: Sounds warmer.
I’m sure it’s twenty below Celsius in Iqaluit. It would be tough for it to not be warmer given it is a three or four hour flight south.
Jet & Dave are fully expecting a U-Turn from Tim Hagues because they U-Turned Hal & Joanne.
JET: If they’re smart, they’ll U-Turn us.
Or maybe they won’t because they think your hat trick was one big fucking fluke and think you two are a weak ass team.
“We won three in a row. Oh, and ignore Dave. He’s stoned.”
And Vanessa & Celina, the only team without four testicles, departs last at 11:57am. I didn’t know Jet & Dave managed to beat them to the mat by two full minutes.
Vanessa & Celina say they are representing ALL Canadian women in this race. They call for a cab. I should note the other three teams got a cab too.
I doubt Vanessa & Celina ever returned to the Arctic again.
Celina reads about the Chevrolet Sonic.
CELINA: These vehicles have manual transmissions.
VANESSA: What?????
“Can we change our flight from Halifax to Riverdale?”
Vanessa talks about how they each tried driving a car with a manual transmission once and had minimal success. I assume they had more failures than success with it.
“I hate Chevrolet.”
“Thank god this is a NEL.”
We cut to teams boarding the plane. They are flying to Halifax via Ottawa.
We see the flight map.
They land in Ottawa. Vanessa & Celina repeat their manual transmission concerns.
VANESSA: We want Jet & Dave to U-Turn another team if they get there first.
They certainly can’t approach the Hagues or Jody & Cory unless they want to hear about Afghanistan.
“hiiiiiii boyyyyyys.”
“What up, ladies? Wanna sip of my Boost?”
Booster Juice must be a sponsour otherwise it’d be blurred.
Vanessa & Celina tell them they should U-Turn another team, and it’d be smart for Jet & Dave to keep them in the final leg.
“Please save us. I have been Nessa’s au pair rather than teammate this race.”
Vanessa says they are perceived as the underdogs (no shit) and that other teams would prefer to race against them.
I mean, Jet & Dave confirmed that for us during the Quebec City leg.
And Kristen & Darren gave further confirmation when they rescued Vanessa & Celina with an Express Pass just to stick the middle finger to Holly & Brett and betray them.
Jet keeps sipping the Boost during Vanessa & Celina’s proposal.
DAVE: I’m not opposed to that.
VANESSA: I think the brothers are more of a threat.
Funny thing is Jody & Cory are the only team not in this room who have won a leg. The other team has been saved by two NELs.
VANESSA: We always beat the Tims.
Funny thing is Vanessa & Celina have beat the Hagues five times and Jody & Cory four times up to this point. So the argument really has very little difference for either team.
So now this artificial race between Jet & Dave and Jody & Cory to the U-Turn board has been born.
We cut to Jody & Cory using a strategy we don’t normally see until a season finale in TAR US, and has now been adopted as a full season strategy since TAR 30:
Ditch a backpack.
It’s funny that it took until TAR 30 for teams to run full seasons with just one backpack.
JODY: I am from Ottawa so we’re going to check it into the lockers.
That’s right. Jody can easily ditch a backpack for a week or so because he lives here anyway and has to come home to this airport.
If that’s not a sign of how small the route map is for TAR Canada, I don’t know what is.
Jody starts making jokes about feeling lighter.
DAVE: Are you nervous about the driving thing?
CELINA: A little bit.
DAVE: Oh! It’s ALL hills!
“I wish this was an elimination leg.”
CELINA: What’s all hills?
DAVE: Halifax.
CELINA: No, it’s not.
JET: It’s all uphill.
“Am I going to die today?”
The look on Dave’s face is priceless. He can’t wait to see this footage on TV.
Jet & Dave aren’t even trying to fuck with them for once–Halifax is mostly hills. My brother-in-law insisted we got an Uber because of it.
Jet & Dave give a manual transmission tutorial.
DAVE: If you’re neutral and facing up a hill, as soon as you take your foot off the brake you’ll start to roll so you need to give it gas instantly.
JET: But not too fast or the wheels fall off.
“Trust me. It happened to me when I was sixteen.”
Vanessa & Celina’s Chevrolet Sonic in Halifax.
DAVE: I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’ll definitely make the news.
Jet & Dave are having too much fun right now.
“I think I’m gonna be sick.”
CELINA: OK, I think we need to stop talking about this because I’m getting anxiety–
VANESSA: Yeah me too.
It’s going to be a fun flight to Halifax.
We cut to teams boarding the plane.
Booster Juice DEFINITELY paid for an ad spot. Every team except Tim & Tim have clear shots of drinking Booster Juice.
Monty cuts in to remind us all four teams are on the same flight to Halifax and must locate their Chevrolet Sonic on the roof of the airport parking garage. Inside their clue is the USB key they’ll plug into the port for a message on the MyLink video system.
I didn’t watch a single episode of season nine but just the excerpt for the Smithers leg has shown that these Chevrolet Sonic and Booster Juice ads are much milder compared to what is the norm today.
Teams land in Halifax and run after each other up the stairwell to the parking lot.
SENIOR: It’s here, Timothy!
Or Jimothy. I dunno.
Celina is struggling to operate the vehicle.
VANESSA: Celina, you need to calm down.
Chevrolet Execs watch closely as they decide whether to sponsour season two.
AMAZING RACE CANADA PRODUCERS: Please don’t fuck up our sponsourship money, Celina. Please please please please.
Celina isn’t touching the stick. I can’t figure out if she is trying to get the car to move or try to get the video clue to play.
Jody yells at Cory to stop driving and play the video clue.
Monty says they will take a trip back in time and discover a place where millions of Canadians began a new life.
Singapore?
They must drive themselves to the national historic site known as Pier 21.
If you’re a White Canadian reading this–ninety-nine percent chance your ancestors came through Pier 21.
I should note I didn’t get to visit Pier 21 when I was in Halifax and was super bummed out about it. It’s my primary reason for going to Halifax again.
“Where am I?”
Senior is frazzled driving as Junior has to keep telling him to change direction.
Jody has to warn Cory about a car coming in from the right.
“Use the Chevrolet Sonic MySwerve feature to get around that car!”
JET: Driving out of that parking garage not knowing how to drive a stick will be a hoot.
A hoot.
Celina keeps stalling. Vanessa tells her to release it slowly with the gas.
CELINA: Oh, the brake is on.
It makes weird noises and can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. Both of them take turns laughing and crying.
Lights on.
Lights off.
VANESSA: I don’t get what the issue is.
CELINA: I don’t know either.
VANESSA: We’re going to be last.
CELINA: Yeah, we are.
“Hopefully we use cabs or an automatic in Leg 9 when it matters.”
Vanessa & Celina are NOT helping the all-female team being unable to drive a manual transmission stereotype on The Amazing Race.
Jet & Dave say the International Court of Justices drive “like there’s no tomorrow.”
CORY: Ghost of Eliminations Past x2.
JODY: Like cockroaches.
To quote Ike Dubaku, they really want to kill the cockroach.
Teams arrived at dusk into Halifax which means there will definitely be an overnight rest period at Pier 21. This is going to give Vanessa & Celina a solid twelve hours to get over this learning curve.
Celina says she will never figure out how to drive this Chevrolet vehicle.
VANESSA: OK, be positive. What are you doing wrong right now?
“I. . .I don’t know.”
VANESSA: Keep your foot on the thingy.
And that is why Vanessa isn’t allowed to drive.
The Hagues, Jody & Cory, and Jet & Dave are all driving behind one another.
JUNIOR: Where are you going???
JODY: The Tims just turned left where they are not allowed to turn left.
JUNIOR: Ah, crap, Dad. Where did you go?
SENIOR: You want to come drive this new stick and tell me how to do it? You are complaining–
JUNIOR: No, I’m not–
SENIOR: Yes, you are. You navigate and not tell me how to drive. You let me worry about the speed and the driving.
JUNIOR: Well, so far–mmm. K.
Junior backs off before Senior follows through on a threat to have Vanessa drive their car.
We cut to Vanessa & Celina approaching a red light. Celina is scared of coming to a full stop due to fear of stalling again. Vanessa tells her to just start driving really slow towards the light and hopefully it’s green by the time they get to the intersection.
Let’s get this Chevrolet Sonic down to five kilometres per hour.
If they stall at the intersection, it’s not the worst thing to happen.
Leo would probably jump out of his car and help them out.
VANESSA: Hopefully it will turn green when we get there.
“We’re going 0.88 Marty!”
Success!
Nevermind. Celina’s car has stalled. We hear honking and cars zooming by but it sounds like sound effects as I’ve heard these exact sound effects in other TAR Canada episodes. They use car honks to cover up Celina’s profanity.
CELINA: It stopped it stopped it stopped. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh my god my god my god.
There’s a non-zero chance we’re about to see our first team be eliminated by fatality on The Amazing Race.
CELINA: Oh my god oh my god oh my god. This is very dangerous. Vanessa, this is so fucking dangerous.
VANESSA: C’mon. C’monnnnnnn.
CELINA: Don’t go “c’mon!”
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
“C’monnnnnnn, Celinaaaaaa. My talent agent specifically wrote it into our contract I wasn’t allowed to die on The Amazing Race.”
Again, we continue the trend of all-female teams stalling on major highways.
We have an ad break as the audience ponders if Vanessa & Celina are going to be rear ended after the commercial break.
We resume to see this situation resolved.
Editors update Celina’s current position.
Celina is able to start moving the car again.
Jody & Cory are first to pull over at Pier 21. Then Jody & Cory. Then the Hagues. They all run in almost simultaneously.
And yes, Pier 21 Museum isn’t open 24/7. It’s an overnight rest period as any experienced viewer would have assumed.
Monty cuts in to say teams must spend the night inside of Pier 21 and resume the race at 6:00am.
Jody is already seeing how much more time he has to spend with the other fellas.
TAR US only occasionally shows overnight rest period accommodations within the episode.
However, TAR Canada almost always shows us where teams are spending the night if it happens during a leg.
JET: My back can’t do this! I can’t sleep! I took a pre-workout! I can’t even blink!
Tim & Tim and Jody & Cory aren’t the biggest comedians in the group. I don’t think they’re eager for another overnight rest period of Jet & Dave’s antics and commentary.
CORY: The verbal diarrhea from Jet & Dave doesn’t interest me.
The human embodiment of verbal diarrhea.
JODY: I could sleep on this floor every night. Wouldn’t hear a complaint out of me.
Editors resist the temptation to use this as a transition into a confessional about Afghanistan.
Vanessa & Celina eventually show up to Pier 21.
CELINA: The car stinks. The car is rubber.
“lol women drivers”
VANESSA: Hopefully tomorrow Celina will be a bit better.
(Huge awkward pause.)
. . .
. . .
. . .
Vanessa & Celina break down in laughter. They know they are fucked tomorrow.
We cut to an extended sunrise shot. Man, they’re really filling up this episode with whatever they can.
It’s six o’ clock in the morning as teams prepare for only one thing. . .Luis & Michelle?
“It’s Raaaace Day!”
Thank you, guys.
If you listen very closely, you can hear the voices of the VoldeMussolinis say “you have everything you need right here in Canada–you never have to leave.”
Monty talks about how between 1928 and 1971 over a million immigrants entered Canada through Pier 21. Today one in five Canadians have a connection to this port of entry. All of their stories are preserved here in this museum.
MONTY: Teams will get a chance to reflect on the courage of the people and make it what it is today.
OK. OK. We get it. I know this message gets more and more heavy-handed as we approach the #Canada150 and Heroes Edition seasons, but you guys gotta pull back when you start to sound like my ninth grade high school math teacher who gets all worked up over anybody who dares to do anything that doesn’t involve directly helping the community.
I know this topic has been beaten to death ever since Harmstone and I podcasted every episode of TAR Canada 2 through 5 for RTV Warriors, but the ultra nationalism (and indirect xenophobia) is a big turn-off. There are times where you can throw it in there when it fits.
Re: The Normandy episode of TAR Canada 2. THAT is when you use it.
But otherwise it leaves a bad taste in our mouths as The Amazing Race is a celebration of the world–not just one country out of over 190ish that exist on this beautiful planet.
We watch teams go through Pier 21 in an extended montage.
Hopefully more things are intact compared to when I visited the RCMP Heritage Museum in Regina back in September.
Although I can’t see it as intact as the Human Rights Museum in Winnipeg–that place was freakin’ awesome. I went there in September.
Cory points out the ship their grandparents and their father came in on.
“And there are Jet & Dave’s grandparents right there.”
Halifax Immigration Officers show up. Which of the four teams is here in Canada illegally and is about to be deported?
Jody & Cory are banking on it being the human embodiment of verbal diarrhea.
When my wife visited Canada for the first time, she was thrown into an interrogation room for over an hour with an immigration officer. I wonder if it was either of these folks?
Monty informs us teams will go to an immigration desk and pick up a passport. Exploring the museum, they will find seven stamp kiosks. Once they have all seven stamps, they’ll receive their next clue.
The ironic thing is teams can run this entire season without using their passport once.
Why stamp your passport if you’re not leaving the country?
The four teams run around Pier 21 to stamp their passports. Dave summarizes the history of Pier 21.
JET: Great stamps.
That’s the highlight of this whole task.
Jet & Dave complete the task first followed by Jody & Cory, The International Court of Justices, and then Vanessa & Celina. It doesn’t really matter as everyone quietly queues up.
IMMIGRATION OFFICER: Welcome to Canada!
This feels like the old timey village from South Park.
Jet & Dave stand awkwardly.
Jet & Dave read they must drive to Mahone Bay, Nova Scotia. Their clue will be across the street from the St. James Bay Anglican Church.
I had never even heard of this place and I crossed into Nova Scotia twice since 2022.
The town has fewer people than Iqaluit. . .than Iqaluit.
From when Monty finished his explanation of the passport stamp task to when Vanessa & Celina received their clue, it had a grand total of forty-nine seconds of airtime.
Wow, this Active Route Info task was a dud.
Jet says Mahone Bay is in the Lunenberg area.
DAVE: That’s where the Bluenose was built.
Ah. That’s why they are going there.
Junior can’t find his map. He needs a map to find his map. He looks in the back of the car for his map.
Vanessa & Celina don’t know where to go. She is following the other teams. A car pulls out and blocks Vanessa & Celina from tailing the other three teams. Vanessa doesn’t know the address of the route marker.
The car temporarily stalls AGAIN. Celina burns a shit ton of rubber as a cloud of smoke forms outside of the car. Celina yells at Vanessa to get the address.
It’s hard to tell, but that’s how thick the smoke was before it cleared.
I have always wondered what the camera and audio crew are thinking during these situations when teams stall on train tracks or on busy roads knowing they shouldn’t intervene to preserve the integrity of the race.
JUNIOR: Apparently I have lost the map.
JUNIOR: Ha. I have found the map.
Riveting storyline that went nowhere.
Jody & Cory think the International Court of Justices are tailing them. They bulldoze their way through a gas station to lose ’em.
SENIOR: I have them highly irritated that I am following them.
JODY: Let’s lose these idiots.
Jody hates everyone this leg.
Junior locates Mahone Bay on the map. Senior is nervous because Jody & Cory drove in a different direction.
CORY: We’re not going the right way.
Junior outwitted Cory at navigation. Hilarious.
JODY: That [mistake] was worth getting the Tims off our asses.
Jody Mitic is a grumpy cat.
This is a hoppin’ place.
The flag makes the clue box too easy to spot.
Jet & Dave open the Roadblock clue in first place.
JET: I love phones.
Air Canada, Booster Juice, Chevrolet Sonic, Interac, and Blackberry are all referenced in less than ten minutes of airtime. Jesus Howard Christ.
By the way, whenever Reality Realnesss, Reality Daily, or Dan Heaton and Jessica Liese at RHAP do episode recap podcasts for seasons eight or nine it feels like half of the recap is just referencing and/or joking about all of the sponsoured tasks.
But this is by far the most egregious culprit in season one.
NOTE: I distinctly remember a certain Maritimes leg in season two that involves Dairy Queen that would also be a big offender.
I assume Maritimes legs are sponsour heavy since there are so few landmarks for contestants to visit.
ROADBLOCK HINT: Who wants to find their long lost twin?
Emily & Molly? I’m pretty sure that’s the right answer.
Monty says the tiny town of Mahone Bay located on the south shore of Nova Scotia is known as Canada’s loveliest little town [that nobody has heard of] and is home to the great Scarecrow Festival. In this Roadblock, teams will search this Maritime community for the exact scarecrow pictured on their Blackberry Z10. The twin scarecrows are mixed with others on lawns throughout downtown. Once they have found one of the right scarecrows, they must bring it to the gazebo. Then they must build its identical twin using the items found here.
When they are ready for inspection, they must take a photo on their Blackberry Z10 and hand it over to the local expert. When the local scarecrow expert feels they have created the perfect twin, she’ll hand over their next clue.
MONTY: Good lookin’ fella, ain’t he?
Meh.
NOTE: Bindles pointed out that the Blackberry, much like the Samsung phones used for various tasks in TAR Canada 9, is completely pointless in this task. They have the original scarecrow standing in front of them at the beginning of the Roadblock. Needing a separate picture on a phone adds nothing to the task as teams already know the scarecrow they are looking for.
“If only I had a Blackberry.”
Dan & Riya.
People who have me blocked on Twitter.
Plot twist: Monty owns an iPhone.
“The more scarecrows we build, the more likely tourists will visit and we won’t have to spend $55, 000 on an episode.”
The only gazebo in all of Mahone Bay is reserved for today.
We see all of the original scarecrows in the gazebo just as Bindles said.
I wish the scarecrows were modeled after the Trailer Park Boys rather than Red Green. That would’ve made this task entertaining.
Jet is going to do the Roadblock. We see him running around the village.
JET: There’s only one road?
“Follow the only road
Follow the only road”
Matt Stone and Trey Parker would have a field day with this.
Jet keeps running until he finds an old man and asks if he has seen any of the scarecrows on his phone.
“Because my eyes are really weak, this phone is great because the images are crystal clear.”
We cut to the images Jet is showing him on his phone.
Wait a second. There wasn’t a pond around the old man’s house. This is a completely different location!
The old man tells him the scarecrows are at the other end of town.
NOTE: The old man didn’t need to see the pictures. All Jet would’ve had to do is ask “where are the scarecrows?” and he would’ve had the same response. Again, the old man said all of the scarecrows are on the other end of town.
JET: So I’ve gone the wrong way?
OLD MAN: Yes you have.
I think the old man is just happy to be on TV for the first (and only) time in his life.
Jody & Cory follow the International Court of Justices to the parking lot.
SENIOR: I do not want these guys beating us to the clue box.
Who gives a fuck? It’s a Non-Elimination Leg.
Junior mockingly high steps it to the clue box like he’s Nate Quarry fighting Kalib Starnes.
JODY: You found it without us in front of you. Crazy.
SENIOR: We finally found our map.
Where did this conflict come from?
Junior volunteers himself for the Roadblock; Jody volunteers Cory.
JUNIOR: I’m doing the lady.
Junior’s heterosexuality confirmed.
Cory talks about how the scarecrows are having parties and getting drunk.
Look at the tiny waist and huge booty on that scarecrow. I’m surprised there isn’t a Sir-Mix-A-Lot scarecrow standing next to it.
The Jimmy Durante scarecrow.
Jet takes a picture of his “gypsy babe” on his phone.
JET: I’ve got my gypsy babe!
The correct answer we’re looking for is Roma babe. Roma babe.
JET: Still in first.
Behold! Jet’s Roma babe!
Jet runs back to the starting point where Dave, Jody, and Senior are seated together.
JET: My gypsy babe!
DAVE: She’s hot!
It’s like a construction site right now.
Or the most lacklustre grouping for the “Me and the Boys” Spiderman meme.
Jet talks about how there is a mountain of clothes to recreate the scarecrow.
This is Jet’s first date in three years.
JET: Scarecrows? How many have I built? Zero. How many women have I helped get ready for a Saturday night? That’s a different equation.
The answer: One. His mom.
This goes against every instinct Jet has–he wants to take clothes off of a woman rather than putting their clothes on.
It comes off like a prom dress despite Jet’s best efforts.
Junior finds his scarecrow. Cory finds his scarecrow.
Hopefully Tim Jr.’s wife doesn’t think he is having an affair.
Cory has his Red Green scarecrow.
CORY: This guy has had a rough day. His foot fell off.
I wonder if the scarecrow lost its foot because it stepped on an IED in Afghanistan too.
Vanessa & Celina are in their car. We hear the car make a very terrifying sound as Celina turns left.
CELINA: Holy frig.
Celina was warn about her use of fucking profanity.
And Vanessa proceeds to utter her catchphrase. . .
VANESSA: Where are you going????
VANESSA: Let’s stop and ask somebody.
Vanessa & Celina hop out at a construction site to ask for help.
I don’t think the International Court of Justices will hit all three NELs.
He looks like a future Big Brother Canada contestant.
Vanessa & Celina drive on the 103 West and hope someone got lost.
Jet, Junior, and Cory are putting their scarecrows together.
Its hips don’t lie.
JET: I’d like to find the bosoms.
To quote Michael Scott, the scarecrow currently has “sunken chesticles.”
Everyone is playing in the clothing pile. Jet finds what he is looking for.
JET: Money!
The editors say Jet is Tim Jr. for some reason.
Unless it’s a Freaky Friday II: Scarecrow Switchup sequel, editors screwed up.
SENIOR: You’re doing good, bud!
JET: Thanks, Tim!
SENIOR: Not talking to you.
Rude.
Cory says finding the yellow clothes in the pile was easy.
DAVE: Does Cory have a lot of experience with scarecrow building?
JODY: Yeah, he was third in his class in high school.
“He gets a cooking Roadblock when he’s a semi-professional chef AND gets a scarecrow Roadblock when he was in the top five percent in his class at scarecrow building? You two get all the luck.”
Cory gives the scarecrow stuffing, chicken wire, and water noodles.
Well, people sure as hell ain’t swimming in Nova Scotia. They need to use water noodles for something.
lol this phone is so out of place.
SCARECROW JUDGE: OH MY!
CORY: Oh, sorry. Scroll to the next one. Ignore that one.
SCARECROW JUDGE: Why do you have a picture of Phil Keoghan in his underwear on your Blackberry?
CORY: Skip that one too!
Just kidding. It’s actually the scarecrows.
Jet is watching the judge look at Cory’s scarecrow.
JET: She better not give this to him.
Karen Hayes from season six of 24 approves, and the clue is Cory’s.
KAREN HAYES: Congratulations, you’ve made a twin.
Again, the phone was unnecessary. She can just look at the scarecrow ten feet away from her lol.
Jody & Cory are back in first place.
“HOO-RAH!”
Jody & Cory receive their next clue.
Monty says teams must now drive themselves to the world heritage town of Lunenburg, Nova Scotia and visit the Fisheries Museum of the Atlantic. Amongst the town’s 260 years of history in fishing, ship building, and rum running they will find their next clue.
And this is the exact moment everyone knew the Bluenose was going to be the pit stop.
Jody & Cory have audio stripped from another scene as they talk about the U-Turn being up ahead.
Dave asks Jet to go faster.
JET: I have had everything for a long time, but I have nothing to put her bra onto.
Jet puts it on without something to put her bra onto.
JET: Sans arms and chest.
Funny thing is the judge would have to flip in the photo album between the two photos to make sure they didn’t match rather than just look up from her phone and see they don’t match RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.
Somehow the scarecrow’s twin wasn’t born armless and chestless. It’s not approved.
DAVE: Shocker!
Jet & Dave never do well with detail-oriented tasks.
Jet looks at the Monty scarecrow.
JET: Is that supposed to be Jon?
JET: I’d rather be building Jon.
Vanessa & Celina are last to Mahone Bay. Vanessa is doing the Roadblock.
My blog will share Mahone Bay with about 72 people. I did my part, Mahone Bay.
Vanessa quickly retrieves her scarecrow.
It’s twice as tall as Vanessa.
“Thank goodness Jody wasn’t around to hear that one.”
Tim starts adorning a scarecrow that looks like one of my brother’s mother-in-laws.
Junior is looking for a white shirt but none of them are identical.
SENIOR: He’s touched every shirt out there. He’s hauling them around. Put one on the damn dummy!
SENIOR: TIMOTHY! YOU’RE BEING TOO FINICKY!
JUNIOR: Dad–not helping.
“Maybe I can use mind control like Professor X and make him put one on the damn dummy.”
In TAR US, Senior’s outburst of advice would result in a 30 minute penalty.
Senior hangs his head in disappointment in front of the Bank of Montreal.
Oddly enough, BMO would become a sponsour of TAR Canada for seasons 3, 4, and 5.
I’m not kidding. There will be clues that say “go to the Bank of Montreal in X Town to find your next clue.”
Senior waits patiently by manspreading on the bench.
SENIOR: That’s just the way it is in our family. If it needs to be said, it gets said and you just have to be man enough to take it.
JUNIOR: He can tell me what he thinks and. . .
SENIOR: Take it with a grain of salt and toss it.
JUNIOR: That’s not true.
SENIOR: That’s not true.
(JUNIOR becomes the shifty-eyed dog from The Simpsons’ Mel Gibson episode.)
So he does take it with a grain of salt.
Now’s not the time watch Jeff & Jackie’s adult film on your Blackberry, Tim Jr.!
Just kidding. It’s the scarecrows.
Junior puts a random white shirt on it and takes the redundant picture and hands it off to the scarecrow judge.
Junior’s scarecrow is approved and has completed the Roadblock in second place.
Dammit, Junior you’re supposed to get last again.
A detail-oriented task has dropped Jet & Dave down to third.
Junior is so excited he talks about why he delayed solving the Roadblock but Senior just wants him to open the damn clue.
JUNIOR: Second place!
SENIOR: I want first place. I want to catch Jody & Cory today.
That ain’t happenin’.
We cut to Lunenburg. We get a unique soundtrack I have never heard in any TAR season.
I dunno what it is with Maritimes towns having horse-drawn carriages for tourists. Charlottetown, PEI was the same way too.
Jody & Cory find the Fisheries Museum. Our second museum of the day. They pull over and run up the stairs.
It’s another freakin’ museum.
Jody & Cory find the clue.
The museum looks SMALL.
DETOUR: SURF OR TURF.
We see a part of the clue.
Monty once again says Lunenburg is a world heritage site and a fishing village on the south shore. Teams will get a chance to experience one of two delicacies familiar to Lunenburg locals. It’s their call: Surf or Turf.
Ah, we’re getting a lobster task.
SURF
Surf requires teams to become savvy sailors and board a boat on its way out to open sea. Once in deep water, teams must find the lobster trap lines and haul up a total of six traps. They must then fish out each lobster and band each claw. Once they have collected and banded all of their lobsters, teams must return their boats to the harbour and deliver the catch to the head chef at the Grand Banker Bar and Grill.
If all six lobsters are up to Chef Nick’s standards, they will receive their next clue.
I’ve heard you’re more likely to catch crabs rather than lobster in Nova Scotia.
Somewhere out there Cosmo Kramer is illegally picking up the trap lines.
The Claw!
I’m heading to Google Maps to see if this restaurant is still open or if it shut down like that Internet cafe we saw in Leg 3.
Indeed it is. 4.4/5 stars. Not bad.
Chef Nick is the first clue giver named in a while.
TURF
Lunenburg is infused with a rich German heritage. Turf requires teams to get tasty with one of Lunenburg’s tastiest foods–sausages. First, teams must make their way to the Boscawen Inn and find this sausage vendor. They will then have to sample and study twelve types of sausages and memorize their German names. When they feel confident in their sausage knowledge, they must head down to the kiosk at Zwicker Wharf.
They must correctly identify and name each sausage. When the teams correctly identify each wurst by name, they’ll receive their next clue.
MONTY: Mmmmm.
Monty ain’t no vegetarian.
Coincidentally enough, this task was copied during the Cologne leg in TAR 35 a couple months ago.
I didn’t know bison meat was legal. Aren’t they endangered? Pardon my vegetarian naivete.
Let’s look up the Boscawen Inn and see if it’s still open.
R.I.P. Boscawen Inn. We hardly knew ye. It shut down two years ago.
Jody & Cory take their time to examine each Detour option.
Again, they know it’s a mandatory NEL this leg. They can take as much time as they want to make their decisions.
Currently unemployed.
Jody & Cody choose Surf because they are already at the task location.
“You’re goin’ lobsterin’ are ya, eh?”
Who wrote down the team names? e.e. cummings?
CORY: Any idea how long this is gonna take, sir?
Cory laughs awkwardly.
I think this lobsterman sees more lobsters than people.
Jody & Cody board the lobster boat.
We can see everyone’s breath when they speak. This filmed in early May and it’s still freakin’ cold in the Maritimes.
Dave is still wearing shorts and hops around because he is so damn cold.
DAVE: We’re coming up on hour two.
Man, that officially makes it the longer than any task in the past four seasons of TAR Canada.
Vanessa is dressing up her scarecrow like it’s a doll.
VANESSA: I’m gonna call him Luigi.
CELINA: Mr. Luigi.
I don’t think the scarecrow consented to being assigned that name.
Roadblock cuts to what Jet needs for his scarecrow.
The International Court of Justices are at the Fisheries Museum. They choose Turf and examine the map. It’s uphill.
SENIOR: Of course it’s uphill. Just what my butt needs.
And I’m officially traumatized.
Cory yanks on a lobster trap line then Jody yanks on the lobster. The lobsters CLING to the lobster trap.
That lobster doesn’t want to let go as Jody uses all of his strength to yank its claws from the lobster trap.
“You’re going to rip its claws off, son.”
JODY: Splash it with some water or something.
Cory uses SPLASH.
It’s not very effective.
CORY: He was like “er, uh” and can see his eyes blinking and moving.
Dunno if Cory is talking about the lobster or the weird ass sea captain.
We cut back to Jet at the Roadblock.
JET: I put my hand on your hip.
Unfortunately editors had to stop right there because otherwise they would’ve had to pay royalties to Freak Nasty.
Jet fashions the arms and chest. Dave is confident Jet has it assembled correctly. Jet’s scarecrow is approved.
Jet & Dave drive out of there in third place.
JET: Together we are strong. Divided. . .
DAVE: . .We fall.
Did they rehearse that shit?
JET: Just sad in a way.
“At least Vanessa & Celina didn’t beat us.”
Jody & Cory devise a strategy to pretend they aren’t there and then SNATCH the lobster when it least suspects it. It works.
“Where’d those two assholes go? I knew I should’ve listened to my mom and buy some glasses.”
JODY: BAM!!!!
Cory is able to avoid being Fabio’d by the lobster’s claw and they put the lobster in the bucket.
“Check out the lobster in the buckkit.”
The International Court of Justices reach the twelve plates of sausage. Senior says memorization isn’t Junior’s strength.
We learned that during the poem Speed Bump.
They both double check there are indeed twelve plates of sausage.
“Should we just eat one of the plates and make it eleven?”
They both relucatantly decide to stay with Turf.
Jet & Dave are at the Fisheries Museum.
JET: Start with Surf.
DAVE: -Start- with Surf?
JET: Yeah.
DAVE: What do you mean START with Surf?
JET: I assume we’re going to get U-Turned so Surf sounds easier.
Dave couldn’t read between the lines of Jet’s pessimism.
Senior stands behind the labels and comes up with mnemonics.
SENIOR: Schweinefleisch looked very pale and looked fleshy so that made sense.
. . .Whose flesh have you seen, Senior?
SENIOR: Bison is darker than Schweinefleisch. Fasan looks different than anything else. Elk has pepper in it.
JUNIOR: Are you going to tell these two apart from, say, Lamm?
“My mnemonics need work.”
DAVE: I love lobster so this is a dream of mine.
JET: I have other dreams. They don’t smell as fishy.
“When I grow up Dave, I’m going to Bovine University.”
Jody & Cory have tossed three lobsters into the bucket.
We cut back to Vanessa.
VANESSA: I am looking for a black boot.
Das Boot.
Celina says Vanessa doesn’t keep an empty closet at home and is used to rummaging.
Vanessa finds the black boot.
Vanessa takes the redundant picture while a man stands at the street corner STARING at Vanessa.
The Blackberry Scarecrow Judge looks at the picture.
Ewwww. Kate & Pat’s sex tape is on your Blackberry, Vanessa? THAT’S DISGUSTING!
Nah, just kidding. It’s the Montoya scarecrow.
“Hello, my name is Luigi Montoya. This is my twin brother Inigo. You killed our father. Prepare to die.”
Vanessa & Celina complete the Roadblock. Vanessa thinks their only chance of surviving this round is if somebody else is U-Turned.
Dave is shaking the cage to get the lobster out.
JET: You backed him into a corner! You don’t do that with animals!
I bet the sea captain feels better about himself whenever he makes a mistake at his job.
JET: I’ll push him towards you!
DAVE: EEEEEE!!!!
Dave is fully expecting to be clamped on.
JET: He’s a righty.
You gotta switch your stance to southpaw to confuse him, Dave.
Senior lectures Junior to remember his.
It’s only a two minute jog down.
Dave retrieves the lobster.
DAVE: I DON’T WANT TO!
JET: Good boy. There you go.
DAVE: I got ’em.
JET: Spit on him or something!
That’s not far off from what Jody & Cory did.
Dave is not looking comfortable here.
DAVE: Combined? We have a total of about. . .zero hours of lobster fishing.
City slickers.
Dave drops him onto a crate instead of into the bucket.
JET: Pick him up.
DAVE: I can’t!
Jet & Dave are being undone by scarecrows and lobster fishing.
Jet is able to grab and band the lobster’s claws.
JET: Clickety clack. He’s disabled.
Jet Million Dollar Baby’s the lobster.
Jet & Dave start talking to their lobster like they are Mark Wahlberg.
“Say hi to your mother for me, okay Lobsta?”
Jody & Cory retrieve their sixth lobster which apparently is their sixth lobster.
The International Court of Justices are at the wharf.
SENIOR: We have labels for them?
JUNIOR: No.
SENIOR: So I don’t understand what we’re doing then?
JUNIOR: We are naming them each. We have to identify them. How are you feeling about this?
SENIOR: Not great.
Senior just finally understands the challenge.
NOTE: I think Senior expected twelve labels in a pile and that he would assign the labels to each sausage rather than point and verbalize the sausage types.
Vanessa & Celina are last to the Detour. They are last to the Detour. They choose Turf.
We see most of the Detour clue.
Vanessa is sure she wants to do Turf. Vanessa & Celina hopes someone has gotten U-Turned.
The International Court of Justices start naming off the sausage. Senior’s memory gets hazy after the first few.
Senior was able to get five sausages deep though. He also tried spelling them out loud if he sucked at the pronunciation.
Senior’s mind is getting all Zwicker’d up.
Jody & Cory deliver the lobster to a very empty restaurant.
Chef Nick counts out the lobster. There are six. The clue is theirs.
Cory reads they must head to St. John’s Anglican Church to find their next clue.
ROADBLOCK CLUE: St. James’ Anglican Church.
W-TURN BOARD: St. John’s Anglican Church.
How original.
Monty says teams must now search inside of the historic St. John’s Anglican Church and find their next clue inside these tiny wooden boxes. The church is also the location of the W-Turn. That’s right. All four teams could be involved.
I think that’s where Darren keeps his rolled up joints.
I wish the W-Turn was in the middle of the altar. The gods from up above should have a front row seat to the carnage down below.
Jody & Cory re-read the clue to make sure they can drive to St. John’s Anglican Church.
Junior names off his six. They have one left.
Senior names his missing sausage. I assume this was all done on their first attempt. Senior makes a really funny sound when they open the clue.
It’s at 32:16 of the episode.
They see Jody & Cory driving on the road as they exit the Detour.
Senior is determined to catch ’em.
Jet spins the rope slack around himself as he yells.
“Cocaine is a hell of a drug.”
DAVE: I feel like a surgeon.
To be fair, Dave is more qualified than most surgeons I encounter in the back alleys of Vernon. . .And Jet looks like a dad holding up a newborn baby with the umbilical cord intact.
Jet & Dave have secured four lobsters.
Meanwhile, Vanessa is taking charge of memorizing the sausage.
I can’t figure out if Vanessa is tasting the sausage to boost gestational memory or if baby girl is just hungry from a long day of racing.
She didn’t even get to fill up on muktuk like Celina did.
They chuckle over the German names.
Jody & Cory ask a random family for directions.
JODY: The team most likely to U-Turn is Tim & Tim because they are ruthless and here to win. They U-Turned Hal & Joanne. They’ve already broken that U-Turn Barrier. It’s easier to do something a second time that you’re not comfortable with.
So many Nova Scotian retirees helping teams with directions today.
International Court of Justices talk about being the only team remaining to use a U-Turn. They say they will read it again. They are at what they think is the church and run around to a series of locked doors. Senior asks for the clue. Junior checks his pocket. It’s in the car.
Junior is worse at misplacing things than I do with my house keys.
Jody & Cory find the correct church.
Jody & Cory elect not to U-Turn. Moral high ground achieved.
Jody reiterates that in his confessional saying they wouldn’t U-Turn if in the lead. . .and I presume also if it’s a certain NEL.
They look inside the tiny box for their clue.
As teams correctly assumed all day, the Bluenose II is indeed their pit stop location for this round.
Bluenose II is the TAR Canada equivalent of Snowball II. I presume the first Bluenose also ran into something or ran over by something.
MONTY: Teams must search for the very familiar fishing vessel known as the Bluenose II. You might be asking yourself “where do I recognize this ship from?” Well, you’ll find this schooner on the Canadian dime. Undergoing restoration in preparation for its next voyage, the Bluenose II, also known as the Pride of Nova Scotia, teams will check in here in a race across the world–er, Canada.
I thought Alexander’s Beer was the Pride of Nova Scotia.
Jody & Cory say the Bluenose II is next to the Fisheries Museum.
It reminds me of that episode of Family Guy where Peter wants to go golfing so he sends Lois out on a scavenger hunt to keep her busy for the day and sends her back to the same location twice because he couldn’t think of any other spots.
It’s only the first ever leg in Nova Scotia and Production already ran out of ideas.
This is why we only see one Maritimes leg per season since about TAR Canada 4 or 5.
The International Court of Justices find the correct church.
SENIOR: It was founded in 1753. Oh my goodness.
Neat.
Senior’s glasses come off. This W-Turn business is some serious shit for him.
Junior didn’t know what to do with this U-Turn.
SENIOR: We knew Jet & Dave were struggling, and the girls were, well. . .they were having a bad day.
They probably envision Vanessa & Celina experiencing carbon monoxide poisoning.
We get an ad break during this irrelevant decision.
We resume with the International Court of Justices opting not to U-Turn.
JUNIOR: What’s that? The boat? Is that a big deal here?
SENIOR: One would guess.
Neither Senior nor Junior know the Bluenose II????
Man. Public education system failed ’em.
Or maybe it’s just the Manitoba Education Board not finding any relevance in Nova Scotia trivia.
I am sure a game of Louis Riel Trivia would lead to me getting my ass kicked, though so I can’t mock the International Court of Justices for not knowing the Bluenose II.
Jody & Cory are back at the Fisheries Museum and run to the mat.
JODY: Bluenose Deux.
Thanks for translating it for our Francophone viewers, Jody.
Another greeter another flower.
Jody & Cory run to the mat.
“Did you hide in one of the boats when we were at the Fisheries Museum the first time, Monty?”
The pit stop greeter looks a lot like my dad.
He introduces Nova Scotia as the home of the legendary Bluenose (II).
FIRST PLACE: JODY & CORY
They win their second leg in a row and Air Canada is providing two round trip tickets to anywhere they fly in South America.
AC flexing their travel network.
CORY: It’s going to be a nice hot summer for the Mitic brothers.
Nobody wants to see the Instagram series “Hot Mitic Summer.” That will not sell well.
MONTY: Are you guys ready for a break?
JODY & CORY: Absolutely. Oh yeah.
MONTY: I regret to inform you that I CANNOT give you a break. . .the race is still on, fellas.
“PSYCH! You just got Monty’d, boys!”
JODY: Out of nowhere, Jon says “hey! Here’s your next clue.”
By the way, this is just after TAR 22 aired when “Keep On Racing” Non-Elimination Legs were more than established at this point in the TAR timeline.
They open the clue and read they must take a ferry to St. John’s, Newfoundland (but not Labrador).
Translation: Air Canada doesn’t fly between Halifax and St. John’s.
Jody & Cory quickly jam out of there.
Jet & Dave collect all six lobsters.
Vanessa & Celina attempt to name the sausage in the rain.
Celina gestures to the sausage like she is a Price is Right model.
“I think Tim Jr. touched this one.”
Celina points out which sausages are Vanessa’s. She made the same mistaken assumption as Tim Sr. and thought the names would serve as a word bank and then they would match.
I like how the professional actress is having a tough time with memorizing words compared to her teammate.
Vanessa & Celina have to go back up. Celina knew her six but Vanessa didn’t know hers.
Vanessa wants to switch, but Celina refuses the offer.
Jet & Dave clearly are on meth as they make up one of the worst songs I’ve heard in my life and Dave proceeds to dance to their own made-up song.
Don’t do crack, kids.
P.S. I don’t recall anyone ever using the #insidetherace hashtag on Twitter.
The International Court of Justices pull over to ask a couple on a bench for directions.
The newest TV show: Asking Couples on Benches Drinking Coffee For Directions.
JUNIOR: Does this boat mean anything to you–
WOMAN: Oh, the Bluenose (II)!
JUNIOR: Where do you find that?
WOMAN: At the end of the harbour.
JUNIOR: Thank you very much.
MAN AND WOMAN: Have fun!
. . .And keep fit?
SENIOR: Oh, the Bluenose of course!
JUNIOR: I feel a bit dumb I didn’t know that before, but whatever.
Vanessa has memorized the order of the sausage but not the names.
Vanessa is having trouble with Schweinefleisch.
That was the sausage that Senior described as looking “fleshy” as a mnemonic.
Vanessa & Celina resort to a particularly unique mnemonic.
Celina starts gesturing with her hands and hips and turns Schweinfleisch into a beat.
Whatever it takes.
Vanessa & Celina run to the warf.
CELINA: No talking.
Jet & Dave find the Grand Banker restaurant. They see Vanessa & Celina running to the wharf.
DAVE: Are you kidding me???
Yep, you guys are sucking that much today.
Jet & Dave deliver the lobsters to Crit Nick.
Wait, not Crit Nick.
I mean Chef Nick.
Jet & Dave read the clue in the rain.
Dave is fully expecting a U-Turn.
We cut to the Hagues.
SENIOR: Every second counts.
OK, Stassi Schroeder.
The International Court of Justices step on the mat.
SECOND PLACE: TIM & TIM
Senior punches his son in the arm in celebration.
MONTY: Are you two looking forward to a break?
“Is Kit Kat sponsouring this season too?”
SENIOR: No.
JUNIOR: We want to keep going, man.
MONTY: . . .Well, that’s good.
SENIOR AND JUNIOR: Let’s go!
Monty wasn’t prepared for a team having such a positive reaction to not having a rest period.
We cut to Jet & Dave inside the church.
JET (confused): It looks like nobody has U-Turned anybody.
Jet thinks he is at the other St. John’s Anglican Church with a W-Turn Board.
DAVE: I feel good to see we haven’t been U-Turned. Good and slightly confused.
Jet is still confused.
JET: I was stunned. These people are foolish.
Maybe you’re not as strong as you think you are, Jet.
JET: What nice Canadians. We choose not to U-Turn anybody.
As Hal Johnson said in his interview with RTV Warriors, all four teams agreed not to use the U-Turn on this leg because of the NEL. If there was a chance of this being an elimination leg, Jet & Dave would’ve one hundred percent U-Turned Vanessa & Celina out of self-preservation. They know Vanessa & Celina aren’t far behind.
Vanessa & Celina are halfway through the sausages. Celina pauses at one of the sausages. There is only two minutes of airtime left in the episode but editors throw in an ad break here.
We resume with Celina recalling the name of the sausage she paused at. Editors had a really tough time with that cliffhanger.
Vanessa starts picking up and biting the sausage samples of the ones they haven’t named yet.
“Is there one that’s low in fat?”
They have all twelve. The clue is theirs.
He speaks German when handing out the clue.
Jet & Dave find the Bluenose (II).
Who does Dave think he is?
Misa & Maiya?
Jet has to yell at Dave to go the right way.
DAVE: I’m like a gazelle!
They keep running.
DAVE: Whoa! Slippery! Slippery!
Jet grabs Monty for balance. Again, we missed out on the opportunity of seeing everyone tumble over.
Jet braces for potential bad news.
THIRD PLACE: JET & DAVE
Deep exhale.
Monty presents them with their next clue.
“Ah, shit.”
Vanessa & Celina are at the church. The Tims are going to feel much better after what happens here.
VANESSA: That’s our clue? Money? The dime?
Vanessa & Celina don’t do well with cryptic hints.
VANESSA: Maybe there’s a money factory.
CELINA: Like a mint?
Ladies. . .the Royal Canadian Mint is in Winnipeg.
CELINA: What do they need ten cents for in this town? It must be something. Is there a Wishing Pond?
“Excuse me sir, is there a Wishing Pond in Lunenburg, Nova Scotia?”
Vanessa & Celina approach a woman and her kids in a car.
VANESSA: Does the ten cent coin have any symbolism to you?
“If you don’t help us, we’ll stand in front of your car.”
“The Bluenose is on the dime. See that down there?
Vanessa & Celina catch on that it’s the pit stop location.
“Now please go that way.”
CELINA: That could be it.
Well, it’s certainly a better idea than Wishing Pond, the Royal Canadian Mint in Winnipeg, or a money factory.
Jon Motgomewright.
Vanessa & Celina jog onto the mat.
Because TAR 32 hasn’t happened yet, Vanessa & Celina are quickly told they are last while the audience knows they are one hundred percent safe. Actually, Vanessa & Celina know they are safe too.
MONTY: Are you disappointed?
VANESSA: Would’ve been happier with top three, but–
CELINA: We did well.
VANESSA: We did well.
Vanessa & Celina aren’t even reacting like a team expecting to be eliminated.
“Here. Just take the damn clue.”
Vanessa & Celina just stare blankly at Jon Montgomery. I don’t think they know a Keep on Racing leg is even a twist on The Amazing Race.
Eventually they take the clue and run off once Monty makes it clear they have to keep going.
Monty shakes his head after they leave.
NOTE: Teams throughout the Detour, the W-Turn Board, the route marker, and going to the pit stop location kept repeatedly saying “do we run or do we drive?”
That’s because ALL FIVE of these locations were within ONE SQUARE KILOMETRE. Excluding the Scarecrow Festival and Pier 21, the other five locations were all essentially within jogging distance.
Next Time on TAR: Teams keep on racing to Newfoundland but not Labrador where they get screeched in by the locals. One Detour has teams lost for words and another goes to the dogs and racers take it to the streets in an all out battle for a spot in the finale.
Stay tuned to see Newfoundland (but not Labrador).
Next Time on TAR Mentions:
VANESSA & CELINA 3
HOLLY & BRETT 1
TIM & TIM 1
JET & DAVE 1
CONFESSIONAL COUNT
TIM SR / TIM JR 5/6
VANESSA / CELINA 7/6
JET / DAVE 13/10
JODY / CORY 8/10
Rank the Legs
1) Whitehorse, Yukon -> Regina, Saskatchewan
This is by far the best leg in TAR Canada history. I have held to that since TAR Canada (1) originally aired over a decade ago. It is incredible this episode still holds up this well ten years later.
Given TAR Canada’s drastic decrease in quality since season five, this episode will never be toppled from the top spot.
It has all of the strengths that were unique to the TAR Canada.
They traveled to a Canadian location that has enough to offer for a single episode and hadn’t been used yet.
They had tasks with a high difficulty including the unaired police simulator task for the Fast Forward.
We had peak U-Turn drama. The two biggest teams went head-to-head by taking the same penalty and both being U-Turned. One team was seen as the favourites to win the season, and the other team has been at the centre of controversy. Furthermore, a third team interjected themselves into the drama to make it as compelling as possible.
We strayed away from the typical negatives in TAR Canada such as distracting sponsours, going to lame small towns, re-using the same city centres over and over, dancing tasks, or an over-emphasis on being super serious with Canadian patriotism.
Even the patriotic task–the RCMP pit making Roadblock, was seen as comedic and satire rather than nauseating over-indulging nationalism.
Oh, and Jet & Dave and Vanessa & Celina were hilarious on the side.
I wish CTV and Insight would rewatch this episode and understand why fans of The Amazing Race used to praise TAR Canada during the first four seasons.
The only downside to this episode is that we lost Hal & Joanne in episode five with another five episodes to go.
2) Drumheller, Alberta -> Yellowknife, Northwest Territories -> Carcross, Yukon
Constant eagle screeches, Jet & Cord music, and cymbals when there were missed hatchet tosses aside, this is the first truly great TAR Canada episode in history. This will mark the first of four consecutive great episodes we will see this season. As I said before, the beginning phase and the ending phase to the season are by far the weakest in contrast to the middle of the season.
First, we visit not one but TWO of the territories in the same leg. Production was eager to cover every single major region of Canada in the inaugural season. That’s one thing I credit this season with doing well–Production acted as if this was going to be the only season of TAR Canada, and made sure every region was showcased. Contrast this with today where British Columbia and Ontario host fifty percent of every season.
We did get our first dreadful “Memorize and recite this written Canadian work” task, but thankfully it was a quick little Speed Bump for The Hagues. Nobody will recall this task by next week.
This leg had the popular Canadian trend of polar bear dips. Throw in lumberjack mini games, rafting, and cool landscapes and you have yourself a decent leg design.
We also had a sign-up sheet which fooled nearly everybody. Multiple teams ran by it and it should have been the season-ending blunder for Jody & Cory. Cory signed up for the final flight by accident and was riding with two teams who had Express Passes. The last ditch effort to appeal to Hal & Joanne’s definition of sportsmanship could have been a great concluding storyline for them.
Speaking of Hal & Joanne, we saw them continue to demonstrate they are the most skilled team in this cast. They’re well-liked, they excel at every task despite Joanne’s unaired torn hamstring, and were well-prepared for the season.
Given how linear the Detour and the race to the pit stop were, Jody & Cory should’ve been dead. It should’ve been a foregone conclusion. Vanessa & Celina and Kristen & Darren use their Express Passes, and Jody & Cory go home by default.
No. No. No. That didn’t happen.
Despite TAR 22 Episode 4 airing just weeks before filming of TAR Canada 1, Kristen & Darren had their own “Oy Vey” moment.
So let’s quickly compare and contrast Jessica & John handling of the Double Express Pass with Kristen & Darren handling of the Double Express Pass.
It was TAR Canada’s first experience of “See, everybody? We CAN have moments that match the American version.”
Jessica & John can be given some slack because it was an unprecedented twist in the race to figure out. After the season aired everyone knew you should just honour whatever agreement was made and keep everyone happy. If you agree to hand it off to the second place team, you should hand it off to the second place team to preserve trust amongst your allies.
Kristen & Darren instead swapped it to “we don’t like Holly & Brett so we’ll give it to the weakest team in the race.”
However, Vanessa & Celina are aware that they are a weak team and know when they needed to use it. If it’s a showdown with just one or two other teams, they have enough sense to know they’ll likely lose that showdown and need to get the hell out of there.
Kristen & Darren made identical mistakes to what Jessica & John did.
a) Stirring up mistrust for multiple rounds;
b) They had too much confidence in their own skills to think they would ever need it;
c) They got distracted by a fun couple of tasks and wanted to experience every task.
John’s judgment was clouded because he was having too much fun in Bali. Kristen & Darren were having too much fun because of the Yukon landscape and a rafting task.
The parallels were uncanny.
I am trying to think if this episode would have been well-received if it was just Jody & Cory going home by default because two Express Passes sent them home. Suddenly Cory signing up for the wrong flight would have been the blunder of the season.
The absurdity of the Double Express Pass Blunder in TAR Canada doesn’t reach the same comedic levels as TAR 22. Namely because Kristen & Darren weren’t spitting out ridiculous quotes at the pit stop nor Jon Montgomery didn’t break the third wall to cement how big of a mistake was truly made.
Canadian reality television tends to go easier on its contestants when they make mistakes in contrast to American reality television. Look at all of the quitters in Big Brother Canada and you’ll see what I mean.
Overall, this is the first episode in TAR Canada that is ranked above “meh.”
3) Quebec City, Quebec -> Iqaluit, Nunavut
In 2013, I wouldn’t have ranked this leg terribly high. I would’ve criticized this leg for being too physical and just having a quick food challenge before heading to the pit stop without really any interaction with locals.
However, eleven years later and this episode ages really well because as I’ve said many times it is the only leg ever in Nunavut.
Furthermore, I have been trying to reach Nunavut myself and it is VERY expensive. Combine that with the isolated and environmentally harsh conditions, and I have come to appreciate how ambitious putting this leg together would have been.
Holly & Brett have a pretty epic downfall in the tundra. It is poetic they go home one elimination leg after Hal & Joanne.
Also, Vanessa & Celina survived one of the most physical legs in TAR worldwide. We could’ve easily ended up with an all-male Final Three in the inaugural season.
Yes, this leg didn’t have any tasks that deviated from the Nunavut stereotypes (dragging a sled, harpoon throwing, whale eating, snowmobiling, an inukshuk at the pit stop mat, and igloo building) but hey, I’m fine with this leg being distinct. At least there weren’t any dancing challenges.
Overall, this episode is one of the most unique experiences.
4) Regina, Saskatchewan -> Quebec City, Quebec
It’s hilarious how Quebec City possesses the biggest language barrier of any city in all of Canada for TAR Canada to visit. Aside from a singular task based on an indigenous language at a museum or in the territories, and going to a Chinatown somewhere in British Columbia, this is the only proper language barrier teams face in TAR Canada.
This is the third leg in the four part stretch where the season peaks (the season drops off after the Nunavut leg).
I like how this leg was unintentionally offensive comedy from start to finish. That’s when TAR Canada is at its most entertaining for me.
Jet & Dave’s overconfidence led to them screwing with the other teams as much as possible including the famous fake clue created during an overnight rest period.
Vanessa & Celina threw away a first place finish as they repeatedly second-guessed their own decision making. Jet & Dave didn’t take this as a sign that Vanessa & Celina do indeed have potential.
I found it hilarious how even Tim & Tim hate Holly & Brett because of a misunderstanding when Brett tried helping them.
Quebec City is the most European-esque town in America and Canada, and these tasks certainly took advantage of that. Seeing the Old City was neat to see.
Making crepes, although stereotypical for French Canada, was better than some French language memorization task that would’ve been a likely alternative.
I liked the ice shaving Detour and the mural task. I like how the vocabulary at the mural was difficult enough so even those with intermediate French speaking skills weren’t guaranteed to complete the task in less than a minute.
The Lacrosse Active Route Info task was super forgettable. Editors made the right call by editing this task to occupy as little airtime as possible.
Tim & Tim were saved by the second NEL of the season which leads to Junior’s infamous “I don’t think anyone has been saved by two NELs in international history!” that I like to make fun of repeatedly.
Jet & Dave scored the first hat trick in TAR Canada history. Even with their winning streak, this episode made it clear that Jet & Dave are FAR from unbeatable.
With Hal & Joanne’s exit, Vanessa & Celina and Jet & Dave pick up the slack with providing us with legitimate entertainment value. It isn’t just resting on Holly & Brett’s unconditioned pediatric shoulders.
Also, how did Tim & Tim get themselves trapped in the fort?
5) Kelowna, BC -> Vancouver, BC
Wow. This leg confused teams much more than I remembered. The round starts off with a foregone conclusion Jamie & Pierre are absolutely dead as their flight is several hours behind the other teams. We see Kristen & Darren being quite vulnerable this leg as they argue and botch directions numerous times. Two faulty cab rides and a poorly navigated SkyTrain ride made it clear this team is not as well-rounded as we think.
Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett both set themselves apart as the strongest teams. Hal & Joanne picked up standby tickets to leap ahead and use their physical ability and wits to stay in a strong position. Holly & Brett’s pure wit preserved their spot at the top of the leaderboard but the consequences of their social game are starting to pile up.
We see the rivalry between Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina continue as Tim & Tim return the taunts from the previous pit stop.
We see a lot of Jet & Dave content this episode. We saw them waste three hours on the Detour. If Jamie & Pierre were on the first or second flight, Jet & Dave would’ve been the second boots in TAR Canada history. Jet & Dave are prone to making massive blunders. They tend to blast through a leg or get greatly hindered by one.
The ice skating Roadblock at the Richmond Oval was lame. I remember thinking about how lame it was when it originally aired nine years ago. It made me feel like I was watching somebody try to interpret a cheap knock-off version of The Amazing Race.
However, the Detour made up for it. We really tapped into Vancouver’s ever expanding Chinatown culture.
The industrial site Active Route Info was a fine way to represent Vancouver Harbour.
The sponsours weren’t distracting this leg. They were integrated well.
The pit stop was a scenic location.
This leg was a near perfect representation of Vancouver overall. The only major landmark they missed in the heart of Vancouver is the River Rock Casino. What’s amusing is we will see a Chinese casino inspired task in TAR Canada 2. I’m actually surprised we haven’t seen the River Rock featured after eight seasons of TAR Canada and multiple Vancouver legs.
Production did the best they could to create suspense if Jamie & Pierre could get out of last place, but didn’t put too much time into it. They backed off once the audience knew it was clear they had no chance of overcoming the deficit. Now that Jamie & Pierre are gone, it felt like we had seven teams on an overall level playing field.
6) Niagara Falls, Ontario -> Kelowna, BC
Out of all of the legs this season, this is the one I am the most familiar with in my personal life. Add in the fact that this was the first ever leg of TAR Canada, and that makes it a bit special. While this was filming I would’ve been sitting in a classroom just a two minute drive from the airport and fifteen minutes away from where most of this leg took place.
Jee-an’s number one thing to do on her bucket list was see Niagara Falls. That starting line certainly brought about a lot of emotional memories from last year.
While a chunk of the audience would groan when they clued in that this was going to be a domestic season, the rest of us had to accept this would ultimately be a beta test of a season. Just nine teams? Only ten legs? No language barriers? No culture shock? An obscure penalty that occurred 24 hours later takes a team out? What is this. . .?
Although I didn’t point it out during the episode, I remember how much the music was out of sync with the episode. I talked about it when it originally aired. The goofy placements, the ties that weren’t ties, and camera angles that failed to capture the perfect moments. It’s great to see what an episode of The Amazing Race looks like with an inexperienced crew that isn’t too well-versed in competitive reality television.
The premiere is a fun glimpse into how an inexperienced crew handles one of the most ambitious reality shows to produce. It makes you appreciate how well Michael Mackay handles everything with TAR Asia, Australia, and China Rush, and how well Bertram Van Munster and Elise Doganieri handle the American version.
We witnessed a very emotional exit between two teams and a whole lot of unintentional comedy. This is one of the funniest season premieres I’ve seen. Yes, a lot of the comedy is unintentional but that’s the type of comedy I prefer.
Jet throws in a hell of a lot of one-liners, multiple alliances formed, and we get a super unlikely rivalry where the youngest all-female team is after the oldest all-male team who also happen to have Parkinson’s. Good luck thinking of that in your fan fiction.
The ending to this episode is wonky. It’s a very very close foot race, but it didn’t matter the team won the foot race as they were going home by default due to a penalty that happened about 30 hours earlier. That’s a strange one.
Kelowna was represented really well. Waterfront activities, Ogopogo, and a trestle bridge. The pit stop being located at a winery was also fitting.
Throwing in the earlier flight for more “frightening” terrariums is a bit subjective, but hey, it beats the hell out of a shitty dancing challenge. I’ll take it.
Overall, this was a surprisingly well-put together leg for the first season of TAR Canada. For the next three seasons, they’ll try to one-up the premiere each season as we progress.
7) Vancouver, BC -> Drumheller, Alberta
It’s the second leg in a row with a choreography task, and this time it was a mandatory task.
The first leg had the excitement of being the series premiere with Canada as well as fans of TAR worldwide being intrigued what a TAR Canada would look like. A team was eliminated.
The second leg emphasized the Chinese culture prevalent throughout Vancouver. A team was eliminated.
This third leg had a couple of odd locations: A place to do a country dance and a place to shovel coal. A team wasn’t eliminated.
It is by far the weakest leg of the first half of this season.
It was more of a bridge episode as Kristen & Darren betrayed Holly & Brett by going back on their word, and instead hand off the second Express Pass to Vanessa & Celina. It signals that the “Everyone Wants Holly & Brett Out” storyline is now in full swing.
The rivalry between Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina continue. I forgot how much Tim Sr. went after them in his confessionals. It’s interesting to note just how much the other teams weren’t concerned by the Tim Hagues and Vanessa & Celina during the season. Jet mocked Vanessa & Celina’s strategy, Kristen & Darren handed them an Express Pass because they’re the weakest team, and the Tim Hagues finished in dead last. The two bottom feeders have the biggest rivalry with one another and also have the least amount of respect from the rest of the cast. That’s an unusual combination.
As I stated earlier, this is the first NEL in TAR Canada history and also the first “put on a costume and do a silly dance” in TAR Canada history. And also the first Alberta leg in TAR Canada history.
It was a shame that the Speed Bump, which fans were already getting bored with by TAR 22 US, was also adopted by TAR Canada. What’s funny is that TAR US has stopped using the Speed Bump penalty but yet TAR Canada has continued to use it through all eight seasons to the present day.
Also, it is clear from this episode just how much of a slog it is to get through the “put on a costume and dance” task. We’ll get to dissecting other puzzling permanent decisions Production has made over the years, but boy oh boy is it clear from the get-go that this type of task is not interesting to watch at all. I truly believe it is strictly used when Production needs to save money on the budget or can’t find anything to do that’s relevant to the area. This ranks up there with TAR Canada’s other favourite of “memorize this speech/pattern” in the early seasons. With dwindling budgets and lacklustre locations as the seasons progress, “put on a costume and dance” will become increasingly frequent. The one benefit is it makes my TARstorian episode recaps much faster to get through.
Overall, I don’t have much to say about this leg. Seeing the Royal Tyrell Museum brought back some pleasant childhood memories. I wish they had put the clue box at the top of the gigantic dinosaur at the Royal Tyrell Museum like in my childhood TAR fanfic. Those steps can be exhausting!
8) Quebec City, Quebec -> Lunenburg, Nova Scotia
As I said earlier, the running joke about Maritimes legs in the early seasons of TAR Canada is they were always the lamest and most boring episodes to watch.
Rewatching the first Maritimes leg over a decade later, and MY GOD WAS THIS A LACKLUSTRE EPISODE.
Blackberry Scarecrow Recreation Roadblock where the task could be completed without a Blackberry.
It was a Non-Elimination Leg which was telegraphed the second Holly & Brett were eliminated. This meant none of the teams bothered using their U-Turn. Furthermore, there was an instantaneous equalizer at the start of Leg 9 which made this episode COMPLETELY pointless.
Other than the Puerto Vallarta legs from TAR “36” which aired a few weeks ago, most of this leg covered a very tiny area within Nova Scotia. Three of the route markers including the pit stop and both Detour tasks was metres apart rather than kilometres apart. Nova Scotia isn’t even the smallest province in Canada.
Vanessa & Celina and Jet & Dave formed an alliance while sipping on Booster Juice while Tim & Tim and Jody & Cory have this hatred for each other which came out of absolute nowhere this season.
Vanessa & Celina continued the cringey tradition of all-female teams who can’t drive a stick to save their lives. They quickly fell to last place.
Jet & Dave continued to make everyone rethink their position as the strongest team of the season as they flirted with a near last place finish once more. They are quickly losing steam like the original Bluenose.
I couldn’t help but laugh how teams didn’t connect the Bluenose II to Nova Scotia. That was the most obvious pit stop location in all of Canada.
Although Vanessa & Celina’s guess of “A coin factory????” was a classic moment. I’m never going to let them live that down. I know it was in the heat of the moment and the stress of the race, but the fact they verbalized it for the microphones to pick up was a secret reward for the viewer.
The Detour of catching lobsters and guessing and identifying sausages are typical TAR tasks. The mnemonics implemented to memorize sausage names was hilarious. Uninspired Detour, but fine given this is Atlantic Canada. They had to do Atlantic Canada things. At least it wasn’t a fucking dance.
Again, the scarecrow recreation Roadblock was a neat idea for a task in a small town but made a bit dumb by the lame product placement. Production should always tie the product placement to the dullest task of the episode. Use it for the lobster retrieval side of the Detour where you have to take pictures of the lobsters. Without the product placement, the scarecrow Roadblock would’ve been a Stand-Up Double. Instead the Blackberry tie-in turned the task into a Single.
NOTE: Production learned to not throw U-Turns into a Default Final NEL leg. Thankfully they weren’t slow to catch on to this obvious broken game play mechanic.
ANOTHER NOTE: This Default Final 4 NEL format will be quickly abandoned in TAR Canada. Instead they’ll adopt a more sports-like format with labelling the Final 5 leg as the “Quarterfinals,” the Final 4 leg as the “Semifinals,” and the Final 3 leg as the “Finals.” Therefore, nearly all future seasons will use up all NELs by Final 5 or earlier in the season. Again, NEARLY all seasons.
NON-ELIMINATION NOTE: TAR Canada 2-5 ALL have their final NEL at Final 5. TAR Canada 6-9 all have their final NEL at Final 6. I dunno why, but I find it funny how Production makes their final NEL placement as predictable as possible and the only solution is to just bump it up one leg earlier every few years.
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