EPISODE BLOG #347: Pierre Cadieux and the Interac Mishap Presented By Michelle Pepin
EPISODE TWO
COUNTRIES VISITED
CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA – CANADA
As always, this blog is dedicated to my recently deceased wife Jee-an. Last week was supposed to be our wedding. We all miss you and wish you were still here.
Normally I ignore all of the relevant links I post in each blog, but I figure anyone reading this would want to hear the interview I did with Hal Johnson four years ago. The interview happened in August of 2018. The recording time was well over four hours and Michael Harmstone did a great job of editing it down to two and a half hours. It’s the only interview anybody in my family ever listened to.
Hal Johnson Interview I Did: https://rtvwarriors.podbean.com/e/hal-johnson/
The Facebook group I admin: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TAR247/
My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/supacoowacky/
My Twitter: https://twitter.com/logsupacoowacky
The Podcast I Co-Host: https://rtvwarriors.podbean.com/
Previously on TAR: Nine teams gathered at the starting line of the first ever. . .race around the COUNTRY. After a race to Kelowna, one Roadblock tested teams’ abilities to go deep while a second Roadblock sent racers to new heights. Kristen & Darren won the leg while Tim & Tim were surprised at the mat losing their fifth place finish to Vanessa & Celina who were less than gracious. In a battle to avoid last place, Jamie & Pierre took on Treena & Tennille but another penalty was handed out to send the twins packing. Eight teams remain as they race across the country.
I’m cutting out all of the sponsoured prizes Monty always has to announce in every Previously On segment.
Previously on TAR Mentions:
KRISTEN & DARREN 1
TIM & TIM 1
VANESSA & CELINA 1
JAMIE & PIERRE 1
TREENA & TENNILLE 1
NOTE: Upon further research, I noticed the TAR Canada 1 has a high average age for its cast. In contrast to TAR, Big Brother, and Survivor in the US, TAR Canada 1 has only four contestants in their 20s. Everyone else is 30 and above.
It’s nowhere near the average of Wie is de Mol or De Mol Belgium contestants, but still. That’s unusual to see for Canadians who are only exposed to American reality television.
*
Jon Montgomery re-introduces us to Kelowna. He talks about how Kelowna is cradled deep in the Okanagan valley. Kelowna is blessed with pristine lakes, pine forests, and given that Jon Montgomery got married in Lake Country, we’re going to take a leap here and say it was also blessed with the Montgomerys’ passionate honeymoon sex.
Built on one of the most beautiful corners of Okanagan Lake is Quails’ Gate Winery. It is the start of the second leg in a race across CANADA.
I’m so happy to call the Okanagan home. Look at that shit. Aren’t you fucking jealous just looking at it?
Kristen & Darren, who arrived first at an unspecified time, will depart first at 5:00am.
I doubt Kristen & Darren were able to wake up early enough for breakfast. Jet must be worried as he thinks both of them were malnourished beforehand.
Kristen & Darren open the clue. They read they must fly to Vancouver. Monty says teams must fly to the coastal city of Vancouver, B.C.
JON MONTGOMERY: Known as one of the most livable places in the world, Vancouver’s unique mix of cultures, endless activities, and mild climate, makes it the supermodel of North American cities.
Paid for by the Vancouver Tourism Board.
Nah, just kidding. Vancouver is super multi-cultural (specifically Richmond), and Vancouver typically finishes as the runner-up in the world’s most livable places category. Do you know which city usually beats out Vancouver?
Vienna. Vienna usually gets ranked #1.
Vancouver has a pretty skyline. . .when it’s not clouded over and raining.
Footage found only from about 30 days of the whole year.
Just kidding.
For those of you who don’t know, I was born about thirty minutes away from Vancouver. I moved to the Okanagan at a very young age, but still have tons of family and friends living around in Vancouver.
My co-host Michael Harmstone from England and I originally met in person for the first time when he visited Vancouver during September of 2014. I hadn’t been to Vancouver for over five years prior to that.
After seeing Michael, I always made sure to go to Vancouver at least once per year for the next three years to visit family and friends.
Nobody in my family wants to ever move back to the Vancouver area because, and this is true, it will cloud over and rain for twenty consecutive days at a time. It won’t flood (well, aside from two years ago when everything flooded), but it’s just that general dreary miserable consistent rain. Oh, and don’t forget the mild climate so you get the freezing rain on the power lines during winter which leads to power outages.
My next door neighbour also moved up from Vancouver because he loves outdoor sports and the Okanagan is a much better spot to do that than the Okanagan on a consistent basis. I couldn’t agree more.
Also, Vancouver was visited for the first time in TAR Australia 2. That season aired just a year before TAR Canada 1. We’re going to be comparing and contrasting these two episodes at the end of this episode blog.
Well, Hal Johnson’s moustache flew off of his face and onto this taxi driver’s. We now have solved the mystery of where Hal’s moustache went. It flew onto this taxi driver’s face!
DARREN: Being in first place feels pretty awesome but at the same time feels pretty scary.
“It’s more scary than watching Big Momma’s House 3.”
Kristen & Darren have shown what they can do and think teams won’t feel bad about shuffling them to the back if given the opportunity.
It’s a good thing Kristen & Darren made the First Flight alliance to protect themselves. We just finished TAR 22 a few weeks ago and saw how valuable it was for frontrunners Bates & Anthony to put a tight alliance together early during the race.
Holly & Brett depart second at 5:16am.
Since I know I have a few Filipino readers out there, I know you guys are amazed to see how light it is in Canada during the summer by five in the morning. So here’s more proof of this phenomenon. You’re welcome.
Holly & Brett talk about how they work under stressful conditions on little sleep, assess the situtation, take a plan of action, and move forward.
We see Holly & Brett hop into a cab that they reserved beforehand.
Brett looks like me when I think I have forgotten something.
Hal & Joanne didn’t reserve a taxi beforehand. Neither did Jet & Dave.
It just occurred to me this is TAR Canada’s first foray into editing departure times. So far we’ve seen four out of four departure times. Granted Jet & Dave aren’t even shown at the pit start. It’s the first shortcut we’ve seen.
Hal tore his hamstring during the first leg. Therefore, Jet is able to overtake him as they run together.
Both teams find the same fancy hotel together where taxi vans are parked.
JET: [Dave] wouldn’t be surprised if we win, I have no doubt we’re going to win.
Although God may have other plans now that you refused to let Canadian fitness icons take the first available cab.
Hal knocks on the door wondering where the hell the driver is for the taxi next to them.
The cab driver is in the washroom? Who is their driver?
Tyson?
“Oh, he gets to use a toilet while the rest of us have been using chamber pots to save time? We should really show that cab driver bladder and bowel exercises to make his body run more efficiently.”
JET: You have 200 bones on your Interac debit card for this leg of the race.
I don’t think it said “bones” in the clue.
Well, unless Hal & Joanne replaced Mike Bickerton as the showrunner. Then maybe there’d be two hundred bones.
Yes Jet, there are bank machines at an airport. I am sure taxi drivers advocated for that.
I assume that’s a WestJet sign being blurred out. You have to keep Air Canada happy.
The departure gates for Kelowna Airport are all in a small room (especially nine years ago prior to expansion). Holly & Brett have to recap who is on the flight. I wouldn’t be surprised if the other teams can overhear them.
“Your handshake is really weak, Darren. Jet was right. You really are malnourished hippie. You gotta do at least one pump man or make it firm. The pomegranate shakes aren’t doing you any favours.”
We have a continuity error. Hal & Joanne and Vanessa & Celina show up to the airport.
Vanessa & Celina are at the counter in the arrival section asking for tickets, but Jet & Dave are standing behind them. We just saw Jet & Dave shaking Kristen & Darren’s hands in the departure room. This is just blatant.
Vanessa & Celina and Hal & Joanne are told the next flight is 8:20am.
I wonder if she enjoys having the camera so close to her face.
“It’s an emergency to get to Vancouver. I accidentally left my moustache behind at a speaking engagement there. I am nothing without it.”
Hal quietly asks to purchase stand-by tickets for the 7:00am flight.
HAL: Is your heart pounding?
WOMAN: No not at all.
HAL: Mine is.
Is. . .Is Hal Johnson hitting on her?
“Is your heart pounding? Mine is. I’m Date Mike. So nice to meet me.”
Nah, just kidding. He’s probably just asking if her heart is pounding to ensure her body has a healthy heart rate.
I hear healthy people make for an ideal dinner.
Heart rate monitors wouldn’t be such a bad addition to TAR. It’d be great to see when teams get really nervous and who stays cool under pressure.
Oh, and we didn’t get to see Vanessa & Celina’s departure time in fifth place.
Furthermore, we do not see Tim & Tim nor Jody & Cory whatsoever. We skip to Jamie & Pierre exiting the pit start.
The good news is we get to see the full spread from first place to last place. Kristen & Darren won the first leg by exactly two hours over Jamie & Pierre.
JAMIE: We are dead last so we have to pick. it. up. today.
“No mistakes. We can’t make a single mistake today.”
Jamie & Pierre stumble upon the same hotel where Hal & Joanne and Jet & Dave picked up their cabs.
Pierre asks the driver to take them to a bank machine.
PIERRE: Our plan is to run into a bank machine, get some money, come back to you.
You know they’re telling the truth when they take their hats off.
Pierre talks about being married for eleven years. His partner died in November of 2010.
PIERRE: There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think what my life would’ve been like. It gets a little bit easier every day, I guess.
Given I just lost Jee-an a little over two months ago, this scene is hitting me way harder than it should right now.
We cut to the first three teams boarding the 7:00am Air Canada flight.
It’s one of those tiny Air Canada Rouge propeller planes. I have ridden on those about fifteen times between Kelowna and Vancouver. It’s always a battle to put my backpack in the overhead compartment.
AGENT: Paging Harold Johnson.
Who the hell is Harold Johnson?
Oh. Hal Johnson. Hal isn’t his real name. I was today years old when I learned Hal is short for Harold.
Vanessa & Celina are stunned that Hal & Joanne got on.
VANESSA: Obviously they are very smart. They have a lot of experience. They were thinking. They’re good. . .Oh, sneaky sneaks sneaks.
“Sneaky sneaks sneaks.”
We immediately cut to Hal & Joanne doing an evil laugh in a confessional.
The inventors of the freakin’ Ab Master are getting the villain edit this episode.
They may as well have done the Dr. Evil group “muahahaha” laugh from Austin Powers.
Interac doesn’t get the most flattering use of airtime as Jamie & Pierre struggle with withdrawing money.
INTERAC: Not cowboy user-friendly. . .nor LGBTQ+ user-friendly.”
We zoom in on their parked cab and zoom back out to see Jamie & Pierre continuing to work on the ATM.
If you’re asking “aren’t Jamie & Pierre going to waste a lot of money paying their cab driver to wait?” I have an answer for that.
In TAR Canada, money works very differently. Teams have all of their money taken away at the end of each numbered leg.
Therefore, there isn’t any incentive to hanging onto your cash heading into leg three since it will be taken away regardless.
I doubt most of you reading this even know about that rule.
NOTE: That rule was still in play as of TAR Canada 4. I don’t know if that rule remains to present-day for TAR Canada 8, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Tim & Tim and Jody & Cory receive tickets for the 8:20am flight. It’s the first time we see both teams on screen.
The Tims take out all of their cash because they don’t know what to expect.
Vanessa & Celina, Tim & Tim, and Jody & Cory are all seated or standing together in the departure lounge.
TIM JR: The only team we haven’t seen is the cowboys.
CORY: Where are they?
TIM JR: I haven’t seen them yet.
“Oh wait. They’re right there.”
Just kidding, but that would’ve ruined the whole conversation.
JAMIE: We hope there are other teams there is what I’m really hoping.
“I feel like it has said ‘Currently in Last Place’ permanently since we ran from the starting line in Niagara Falls.”
The three teams are already boarding the 8:20am flight.
Jamie & Pierre ask for tickets on the fastest flight. I assume they mean the earliest flight because the fastest plane with a nitro boost might not take off until 5:00pm.
The woman tries not to laugh as she tells Jamie & Pierre they missed the 8:20am flight.
Jamie looks like he is about to vomit all over YLW.
Of course Jamie & Pierre miss the only flight in Air Canada history that takes off on schedule. That is REALLY unlucky.
JAMIE: We’re beating ourselves up because. . .
PIERRE: Did we take too much time taking money out of the bank machine. . .
JAMIE: I don’t see anybody.
Jamie & Pierre likely aren’t at a severe disadvantage. Nearly fifty percent of all flights departing from Kelowna head to Vancouver. It was only eighty minutes between the first two flights. How long do Jamie & Pierre have to wait?
Oh. Jamie & Pierre depart two hours and thirty-minutes after the SECOND flight. They are three hours and fifty-five minutes behind the first four teams.
Oh, and it is only twenty-five minutes of flying time between Kelowna and Vancouver. Everyone will be in Vancouver Proper before noon including Jamie & Pierre. This means not even an overnight equalizer can save their asses.
Therefore. . .
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAME OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
This “Game Over” Moment is brought to you by our friends at Interac.
I should note during TAR Canada 3 that EVERY leg has a mass flight equalizer. Jamie & Pierre were on the wrong season.
One argument that the “I Like Equalizers at the Start of Each Leg” or “I Hate Airport Drama” crowd has in their favour is that it ensures anybody can go home on any given day of the race.
An episode like this is when that crowd gets annoyed. We’re only seven minutes of airtime into a 44 minute episode and everyone knows Jamie & Pierre are absolutely dead unless this is a Non-Elimination Leg.
Every position is uncertain this episode except for the one that is most important–who will finish last and be eliminated.
Jake & Holly could have quit seven different tasks instantaneously this episode and beat Jamie & Pierre if we were playing under the TAR Australia 6 format of only using 30 minute penalties.
Monty says teams are on three different flights to Vancouver. Once they land, teams must make their way to the Maple Leaf Lounge inside the Vancouver Airport to receive their next clue.
This is how you incorporate a sponsoured clue on TAR. A travel company fits much better into The Amazing Race than a freakin’ Marshall’s that recently shut down in Toronto.
Holly & Brett are the first team to run through the airport. Brett says they are not a physical team and rely on making smart choices to optimize their chances.
#TheOptimizers
So what did they do on the plane?
“Brett. I’m pregnant.”
Nah, just kidding.
They took a look at the map of YVR and knew exactly which way to run when exiting the plane. Smart.
Holly & Brett quickly snag the clue and exit the lounge.
BRETT: There’s always strategy.
Well, TAR will do its best to limit strategy over the years.
Clue boxes hidden inside of the airport is quite rare, but I must say Holly & Brett did really well with creating a strategy that works for this situation.
They read they must make their way to the Richmond Olympic Oval and outside is where they’ll find their next clue.
I should note this season was filmed just over three years after the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics. It’s why we’ve got Jon Montgomery as our host. I like how it only took two episodes before we went to a location from the very Olympics where Monty won his gold medal.
Jet & Dave, Kristen & Darren, and Harold & Joanne pick up their clues in that order.
We get a close-up of our sponsour.
All four teams head for the SkyTrain. Self-driving around Vancouver would be too much of a nightmare and taxis are too expensive.
Just ask James & Sarah.
Three teams make it onto the SkyTrain.
Harold gets left behind. Poor Harold.
Jet & Dave conclude the oval is located between two stops. Kristen asks Darren if it’s the closest one. He says it is and that they look the same.
The SkyTrain map is laid out pretty clearly on board.
Darren’s malnourished brain may not be interpreting the map correctly.
Holly doesn’t intervene as Kristen & Darren hop out.
JET: The hippies are getting out.
DAVE: . . .Really????
JET: Do they know something we don’t know?
“Do. . .do we have any competition this season?”
Kristen & Darren jump out one stop too early. Given my SkyTrain experience, I’d say it costs them about ten to fifteen minutes on foot. They could run all the way to Burnaby before Jamie & Pierre’s flight gets into Vancouver.
DARREN: I’m thinking if we stop at the first stop then we can beat them in a foot sprint.
#ProfessionalFootSprinter.
So who gets to the Richmond Olympic Oval first.
Not Kristen & Darren.
It’s a Roadblock.
Monty says that person must participate in one of the fastest human propelled sports in the world–speed skating.
Dressed in regulation skates and uniforms, one team member has to race against the clock and complete two laps around the oval in under a minute and thirty seconds flat. If they manage to rock the clock and cross the finish line champion speed skater Michelle Pepin will give them their next clue.
She is not to be confused with Michel Pepijn from Wie is de Mol 2011.
I should note TAR Canada will frequently introduce the clue giver by their full name or their first name. If I recall correctly, I only recognize one clue giver and two pit stop greeters in the entire series run.
It essentially becomes a running gag of “Do You Know This Random Canadian? Well You Should!” throughout the entire series run.
NOTE: No, I have no idea who Michelle Pepin is. I am unusually obsessed with the Olympics, and the only female Canadian speed skater I could name off the top of my head is Cindy Klassen. If you gave me a list, I’d recognize more names.
However, I haven’t heard of Michelle Pepin before in my life and that’s with me having speed skating as one of my favourite Winter Olympic events (especially short track where it is essentially Mario Kart on ice).
Also, TAR Canada in the first season will have tasks with an intentionally large audience. Other franchises tend to avoid this setup.
ROADBLOCK HINT: Who is skating on thin ice?
TAR Australia as a franchise.
Holly says Brett has to do it. Jet Black volunteers himself.
He has no relation to Jully Black.
Kristen & Darren are still out walking.
Kristen asks Darren if there are any street names on the map. Darren gets snippy. Kristen says don’t get mad for asking.
“Wanna stop and get a Timmy’s? Jamie & Pierre are still three hours behind us.”
DARREN: The city has intimidated us a bit.
That’s right. The team from BC is intimidated by the most famous city in BC.
There are frequent debates as to which franchise has the strongest teams overall, and if TAR Canada teams could realistically compete with teams in a proper season of international travel. Given other franchises travel in the world’s biggest cities, I don’t think Kristen & Darren would do well.
KRISTEN: Fairmount is very secluded. . .we have a population of aboot (tee-hee) three hundred people. We’re used to deer crossings versus human crossings.
They ask a human for directions.
KRISTEN: We don’t actually know where we are. . .friiiig.
Maybe they would have been more comfortable asking a deer for directions.
Holly doesn’t skate and therefore Brett is doing the Roadblock.
BRETT: I also don’t skate.
Let the physical comedy ensue!
Brett falls down in such a way that he is unintentionally doing an ab exercise highly recommended by Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod.
“Oooof.”
BRETT: Speed skates are like huge flappy feet with no ankles.
Oh! He’s doing leg raises!
If you listen to the audio at 10:44 of the episode, you’ll hear somebody make a mock crying sound in the audience. It’s hilarious.
Brett transitions to swimming on top of the ice. He is copying Julio Rodriguez’s technique.
Harold & Joanne are third to the clue box. Kristen & Darren are about fifteen seconds behind them. Harold and Kristen volunteer as tribute.
Brett is so close to crossing the red finish line on his feet.
Nope! I spoke too soon.
Brett even crosses the next red line while still on his ass. Thankfully Michelle Pepin gives him the thumbs up.
BRETT’S ALLEGED TIME: 1 MINUTE 8 SECONDS. It’s the most recent time we see on the timer before he finishes.
“This Roadblock is like getting kicked in the ass with a frozen boot.”
The second flight lands.
I doubt that is the exact plane carrying the teams.
We don’t see teams from the second flight collect the clue in the Maple Leaf Lounge. We see Tim & Tim, Vanessa & Celina, and Jody & Cory scrambling to get on the SkyTrain.
The Tim Hagues confirm this is the Canada Line and get on. Both men are excited as the SkyTrain shuts its doors before the other two teams get on. They see Vanessa & Celina.
“So long, suckas.”
CELINA: He was just waving and laughing.
Celina copies Tim Hague Sr.’s wave.
Tim Hague Sr. continues to wave at Vanessa & Celina. Man, they did NOT like Vanessa & Celina taunting them at the pit stop in Kelowna. That’s pure vengeance right there.
NOTE: One thing I really can’t help but notice is how different the Tims, Vanessa & Celina, and Jody & Cory are personality-wise. I can’t imagine those three teams having much in common or voluntarily spend time together. In fact, look at this cast as a whole. All nine teams don’t have many overlapping traits with one another.
As many of you know, I try to contact teams at the start of each new season of the TARstorian blogs. Usually I can get in contact with half of the cast or more at least once during the season or happily observe quietly.
Given I podcasted about TAR Canada 1 through 5, I can safely say TAR Canada 1 is BY FAR the toughest cast to contact. Furthermore, they’re the toughest cast for me to connect with out of ANY SEASON I have ever blogged or podcasted about over the past twelve years.
I’ve been trying to put my finger on as to why Hal Johnson has been my only point of contact over the past nine years, and I think it is because of just how drastically different all eighteen personalities are this season.
NOTE #2: Tim Hague Sr. was recently at a TARC event with Craig & Catherine.
“I would’ve wiped the floor with everyone in TARC 8.”
CELINA: This is so depressing. We might be out today.
When you think there’s a possibility Jamie & Pierre will outlast you in TAR Canada.
We cut to an ad break which is followed by repeating Tim Hague Sr.’s taunt.
VANESSA: Where are we going?
CELINA: Calm down!
Vanessa did not calm down.
TIM HAGUE SR: Rock on, my son! Rock on!
“There’ll be peace when this leg is done. Don’t you cry no more.”
We cut back to the Richmond Oval.
If only they had to race against this guy.
Jet looks like he is ready to take on Griff in 2015.
We’ve got Jet Black in black.
Let’s be honest–this crowd is just waiting for him to fall. Otherwise why would they show up to this?
JET: Catriona Le May Doan!
Jet tries to pump up the crowd.
“Charles Hamelin can eat my shit!”
JET: That was enough hockey skates.
“I spoke too soon.”
Jet gets back up. We don’t even see the timer once whatsoever.
Jet leans his head in while crossing the finish line like Olympic sprinters do. What’s funny is in speed skating you should lean your head back and push the blade of one of your skates forward to gain the split second advantage.
Jet completes the Roadblock in second place.
JET: That was enough hockey skates.
Brett still needs time to recover.
ROUTE INFO: Make your way to the Millennium Gate in Vancouver.
ROUTE INFO IN TAR CANADA 9: Make your way to the Willennium Gate in West Philadelphia.
Monty jumps in to say that the Millennium Gate is the symbolic entrance into Vancouver’s historic Chinatown. It’s the closest to international travel they’ll get all season.
Welcome to Vancouver.
Holly & Brett go inside of a hotel to ask for directions to the Millennium Gate. Jet & Dave are sprinting outside to snag a cab.
Holly & Brett have a helpful receptionist who summons a taxi for them. Jet & Dave are still running on the road like maniacs.
Jet & Dave finally have a taxi!
Ooof. Once again Holly & Brett outwit their competition.
Dave runs up to the passenger window.
DAVE: Can you call us a cab?
HOLLY & BRETT: Don’t. Don’t. Don’t call them a cab.
DAVE: . . .Just messing with them.
“Did they seriously just sabotage me in second place out of eight teams?”
Holly & Brett’s cab drives through the intersection.
HOLLY: We’re done with them.
On one hand, Holly & Brett really strategize in terms of overcoming obstacles and tasks. However, their social game is going to take major damage along the way (some of it went unaired which will be brought up by Harold at the reunion and in post-game interviews).
I don’t understand why they’re sabotaging a team right to their faces on leg two. They don’t even have the Express Pass from Kristen & Darren yet. If Jet & Dave and Kristen & Darren have a debrief next round, Kristen & Darren are going to be quite hesitant about this deal.
Furthermore, Holly & Brett aren’t a physical team. Jet & Dave are a physical team but not the mentally strongest team. Holly & Brett would benefit from an alliance with Jet & Dave moreso than aligning with any other team in the cast. Burning that bridge on leg two when we haven’t even knocked out Jamie & Pierre yet seems like a very very premature move.
I can’t see a single benefit to refusing to call a cab for Jet & Dave. It’s such a minor sabotage too when both teams are clearly safe for this leg.
This move is a headscratcher.
Harold is out on the course.
KRISTEN: Hal knows what he’s doing.
I swear I’ve seen this before. . .
Hopefully Hal doesn’t shove Michelle Pepin while skating as a prank.
Hal has a flawless victory.
Kristen is fourth and she completes the lap without falling.
However, her victory lap is cut short.
Kristen & Darren exit the rink.
Kristen is in a bit of pain after her fall. The clue envelope serves as a substitute ice pack.
KRISTEN: Eh, I can’t walk so fast. I can’t keep up. I can’t even feel my ankle.
DARREN: You don’t have to keep up. I’m just trying to get to the elevator. Chill out. You want to push the button? I didn’t know you wanted to push the button.
KRISTEN: Darren, seriously. If you’re stressed, I don’t just go ‘chill out, chill out, chill out.’ Talk to me. Like, help me stay positive and don’t just shove it down my face.
DARREN: Alright. I’m just trying to push the button. I’m just trying to help you out.
KRISTEN: OK! I get it.
“I’m ready to hurl this skate at you if you tell me to chill out one more time.”
If Darren’s brain wasn’t so malnourished, he’d know you never tell your partner to “calm down” or “chill out” repeatedly as it typically has the exact opposite effect.
Jamie & Pierre touch down in YVR in dead last.
ROUTE INFO: lol.
Jet & Dave continue to struggle with hailing cabs. Kristen & Darren jump into a cab before Jet & Dave. They’re annoyed, but get their own cab shortly thereafter.
DAVE: When push came to shove. . .we definitely got pushed and shoved.
Holly & Brett see the Millennium Gate.
BRETT: Go Holl, go.
EPISODE 1 “HOLL” COUNT: 15
EPISODE 2 “HOLL” COUNT: 1
TOTAL “HOLL” COUNT: 16
Holly & Brett open the clue. It’s the first Detour in TAR Canada history. Teams will get a taste of Chinatown’s ancient or fascinating culture.
JON MONTGOMERY: It’s their call. . .Draw It or Dance It.
Yes, Monty’s trademark “it’s their call” for every Detour began with the inaugural Detour.
Also, a V-Neck star shirt isn’t something you see Monty wear every day.
We get to see the Draw It clue.
DRAW IT
In Draw It, teams must first locate the Ten Ren’s Tea and Ginseng Company in Chinatown. After enjoying a cup of traditional tea, each teammate will study and memorize a Chinese Zodiac written beneath their saucer. Then they must head to the Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Garden and recreate the symbols using a tapered brush on rice paper. If either rendition is rejected by the calligraphy expert, teams must start again with new zodiac symbols. Once the calligraphy expert is satisfied with both completed symbols, she’ll hand over their next clue.
. . .I wonder if she knows Michelle Pepin.
DANCE IT
Teams must first make their way to the Chinese Cultural Centre and pick up a list written entirely in Mandarin. The list contains items required to assemble a traditional Lion Dancing costume. Teams must translate the Mandarin to locate the four shops with items needed to perform their Chinese Lion Dance. Once their Dance has satisfied their Master, they’ll be rewarded with their next clue.
. . .I wonder if he knows Michelle Pepin.
Holly & Brett choose Draw It.
Tim & Tim are at the Roadblock.
TIM JR: Who is skating on thin ice? I am.
TIM SR (using a Bruce Lee-esque voice): You are!
What the fuck, Tim Sr.? What am I watching?
Enter The Hague?
Tim Sr. refers to Junior as “Timothy” throughout the task. Junior “Woo!”s before and after the Roadblock.
“Woo!”
Kristen & Darren are told they are at the Millennium Gate.
“Hmmmm, something doesn’t seem right.”
The driver tells them the Millennium Gate is on their right hand side.
Instead they are dropped off at the Orpheum Theatre which is a famous theatre in Vancouver.
However it is a staggering 1.5 kilometres away on foot.
“B.C. really needs to embrace Uber.”
Kristen doesn’t tell Darren to chill out. Hopefully he doesn’t start beating the shit out of the next cab driver who screws him over.
The B.C. natives have messed up with directions twice now.
They still have a big lead over the other teams.
We cut to Cory agreeing to do the Roadblock and walking on the ground in ice skates before entering the rink.
JODY: C’mon buddy.
CODY: You have no idea how much it hurts to walk in these damn things.
JODY: I might have an idea how much it hurts to walk.
Maybe the double amputee isn’t going to be your best source of sympathy in this situation, Cory.
And yes, because this is TAR, we do get a close-up of amputated legs.
NOTE: I Googled it, and yes, you can ice skate with prosthetic limbs. Some amputees have a custom-made ice skate. I presume Jody & Cory didn’t have to pick Cory by default.
Cory missed his calling as a Winter Olympian. He almost looks like one of those ice hockey trading cards.
We cut to Vanessa & Celina gearing up for the Roadblock. Apparently Vanessa is going to do it. We sure are getting a lot of key scenes edited out of this episode.
Celina gives Vanessa a positive pep talk.
VANESSA: Did you say “we’re gone,” Celina? I really can’t handle your negativity. I’m so exhausted right now. Kinda losing motivation cause Celina keeps saying we’re out.
Note to self: Don’t take Celina to your next audition.
Jet & Dave are second to the Millennium Gate. They choose Dance It.
We see the Dance It clue.
Jet & Dave run off in case another team spots them.
Harold & Joanne are at the Millennium Gate in third place. They choose Draw It.
Holly & Brett are at the Ginseng Company. I must say through two episodes the sponsoured tasks are much more fitting than a freakin’ Marshall’s or Subway. Holly & Brett look at their individual cup and make sure not to look at their partner’s.
“It tastes much better than that Guru crap.”
Holly says memorizing Mandarin characters is equivalent to memorizing non-English medical words.
Holly & Brett leave the store.
HOLLY: Don’t talk to me now? We’re not going to talk.
They’re in the same boat as Jet & Dave.
Vanessa sees the crowd as she enters the rink.
Celina escorts her to the rink. I don’t think Vanessa is comfortable on skates.
Oh. She completes it without making a mistake. That’s disappointing. I was hoping to see a Rumpus Fallus.
Vanessa & Celina hire a cab.
Jet & Dave study the Lion Dance costumes.
Kristen & Darren run through the streets of Vancouver.
DARREN: Oh, frick! Right there.
lol. Oh frick. It’s like he’s eleven years old who is too afraid to swear in front of his parents.
Hal & Joanne enter the ginseng shop.
JOANNE: I like tea.
“I love lamp.”
I see Hal Johnson is wearing #23 in honour of Michael Jordan.
Joanne closes her eyes and uses her arm to repeat the necessary brush strokes. She is committing it to muscle memory.
That’s our Bodybreak tip of the day.
Holly & Brett write out the characters.
HOLLY: A doctor’s handwriting is not a pretty thing.
I worked in a pharmacy for six years. Do you know how many doctors in Vernon alone I want to punch in the face for deciphering their Rxs?
Oddly enough, some doctors have I know have written prescriptions that look just like calligraphy.
Holly & Brett hand in their work.
BRETT: Here’s our drawings.
I don’t think Chinese people refer to it as drawings.
We barely hear the woman’s approval.
Holly & Brett they must make their way by taxi to DP World. Monty cuts in to say teams must go to Vancouver’s Inner Harbour and locate DP World. This massive marine terminal is one of the busiest harbours for shipping and receiving goods between Asia and the Northwest. Once there, teams must race to the top of a 250 foot crane where they’ll need to use a pair of binoculars to scan the horizon for their next pit stop.
Hmmmm, a TAR franchise where a Season 1 Episode 2 task involves using a pair of binoculars to spot the pit stop from a distance? Where have I seen that before?
Oh yeah. LENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Does anyone have a fear of heights?
Holly & Brett could repair some goodwill if they can collaborate with a team on this task.
A split screen is the only way we’ll ever see Holly & Brett and Jamie & Pierre on the screen simultaneously.
PIERRE: We don’t have any clue how anything is going at this point because we’ve been so sheltered. . .you don’t jump off a bull halfway through the ride.
I recently attended the PBR event in Kelowna. A bull ride is eight seconds. That means Jamie & Pierre are proud they didn’t quit this leg within four seconds. Good on them.
JAMIE: Cowboys don’t quit. Look. We’re on The Amazing Race Canada. -Us.- Haha!
“Us. We’re on The Amazing Race Canada. Us! We don’t even know how we got here! We just happened to be walking around Horseshoe Falls when a team sprained their ankle during press pictures, and we were asked to fill in! Us! We’re on The Amazing Race Canada!”
Mr. Cumberland doesn’t look comfortable on those skates.
Pierre cheers him on and says he has lots of time.
The cheering section was -full- for previous teams. I guess nobody wanted to stick around for one last team except for those who might be scouting for RFF or something.
Jamie & Pierre are the most positive team in this cast. They know they are absolutely out of it this leg, and I think they’re having the most fun of any team this round (except Tim Sr. when he was on the SkyTrain taunting Vanessa).
Jet & Dave run around Chinatown absolutely dumbfounded. Dave says they have been running for hours. Jet doesn’t know what place they are in because they haven’t seen another team.
Jet Black is struggling in Chinatown more than most teams in actual China on The Amazing Race.
They are bumpuzzled.
We head to an ad break and the same footage repeats for twenty seconds. We finally get new footage of them running through the streets.
Kristen & Darren find someone to translate Mandarin for them. She rattles it off in Mandarin all at once.
“Uhhhh. . .can you tell us what that means in English?”
She tells them that the writing is instructing them to walk one block.
Tim Sr. notes they are underneath the Millennium Gate and asks to stop. They arrive at the clue box in fifth place.
“If we stop underneath it, I hear it’s bad luck!”
Jody & Cory are at the Detour in sixth place. Tims choose Dance It. Jody & Cory choose Draw It.
Harold & Joanne are EXTREMELY focused doing calligraphy.
HAL: Just calm. Peace. Ahhhhhhh.
I wonder if this garden is where Hal & Joanne filmed their Tai Chi Under the Stars Bodybreak segment.
Vanessa & Celina are seventh to the Detour. They choose Draw It.
Hal & Joanne bring forth their calligraphy. It’s approved. They are in second place.
Holly & Brett are first to DP World.
BRETT: C’mon, Holl. . .C’mon Holl.
Holly’s hands and legs are shaking. She is scared of the heights and also physically exhausted.
BRETT: The binoculars are on the floor, Holl.
Episode 2 “Holl” Count: 4
Holly is having a tough time spotting the pit stop. I wonder why?
That’s right, Holly should stand up. . .unless the pit stop are the yellow bars in front of her and Jon Montgomery is hugging the railing, she’s not going to be able to spot it from a sitting position.
Kristen & Darren retrieve items.
DARREN: We’re going to steal a head for a bit. We’ll bring it back. Maybe.
“If I don’t, Interac will cover it.”
Vannessa & Celina are drawing but are in distress. Vanessa is an actress and should be an expert at memorizing “lines.”
Vanessa is wondering what the hell Celina is drawing.
Now she’s wondering what the hell she herself is drawing.
Vanessa & Celina turn in their work.
I hope she isn’t ripping them because Vanessa & Celina’s characters now accidentally translate to “you suck” and “old hag” in Mandarin respectively.
“Rut roh.”
Vanessa & Celina have to return to the ginseng shop.
Brett asks to check out the building with a needle.
In Vancouver, doesn’t every building have needles? Don’t even get me started on East Hastings Street.
Holly assumes it has to be a significant landmark.
Holly identifies the yellow and red flags on top of the roof.
BRETT: Yes, Holl. Holl, that is it.
Episode 2 “Holl” Count: 6
Jon Montgomery jumps in to say the six acre living roof on top of the Vancouver Convention Centre is the largest green roof of its kind in all of Canada. Today this eco friendly meeting place will act as the second pit stop in a race across CANADA. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.
They really did pick a fairly scenic pit stop in Vancouver without going into North Van.
Jamie & Pierre are last to the Detour.
JAMIE: Two of the twelve animals. . .that sounds better. I know all of the characters. I’m a horse, and you’re a. . .you’re a. . .you’re a tiger, I think.
Well, at least Jamie could recall the one that is most closely associated with what you’d find in Rural, Alberta. We’re just happy he got Tiger on the board.
Jody & Cory’s drawings are approved. They finish the Detour in third.
I don’t think Chinese calligraphy is what Jody & Cory thought would push them from sixth to third in an instant.
Hal & Joanne are using the binoculars. Joanne points at something without using binoculars.
If Joanne spots it without binoculars, she’s got more of an eagle eye than Louie & Michael.
Kristen & Darren study the Lion Dances. They have to perform the moves themselves which means. . .
TAR CANADA DANCING TASK COUNTER: 1
TAR CANADA SPEECH MEMORIZATION TASK COUNTER: 0
Trust me. These two types of tasks will become big TAR Canada staples.
Kristen watches three different dances then decides they are ready.
KRISTEN: I don’t know what I’m grabbing onto.
It’s called a lion, Kristen.
Kristen & Darren’s dance moves include eating cabbage.
“Om nom nom.”
For someone who is malnourished, Darren gets a decent amount of vertical on his jumps.
The judging seems loose here as Kristen & Darren are approved on the first go.
Vanessa & Celina are annoyed they didn’t do the “damn dancing.”
Vanessa suggests they make a story out of each character.
VANESSA: That looks like a snake. There’s a tongue coming out of the snake. He’s taking a little pee. There’s a little lever. It’s going to launch the thing to kill the snake. A ninja. Stabbing towards the tongue.
Vanessa is. . .Vanessa has quite the imagination.
VANESSA: Take your time. We’re not coming back.
(CELINA finishes studying her cup.)
CELINA: Don’t talk.
We skip over their new calligraphy session and go straight to them handing it to the woman.
Celina touches the paper too many times. The woman says something to her in Mandarin and Celina freaks out retreating her hands back towards her body. It’s a hilarious split second moment.
Vanessa & Celina’s calligraphy is approved. They jump up to fifth place.
The Tim Hagues meander with their lion heads. They are barely at a walking pace.
TIM SR: we’re gonna switch.
TIM JR (unenthusiastically): Which we should’ve done ages ago.
Tim Sr. has quite the habit of talking into the camera. Who does he think he is?
Jim Halpert?
Tim Sr. and Tim Jr. both sound deflated. That’s a team who is convinced they’re in dead last right now.
Jet & Dave are putting on the outfit to dance. They say they have spent over three hours on this Detour, and aren’t confident they picked up the correct outfits.
Jet & Dave run over to a poster which shows the Mandarin character for the twelve Zodiac signs.
Dave points his index finger at each character.
DAVE (pointing at the ox character): I can’t write this.
“My ox calligraphy is broken!”
DAVE (continues going around the circle): I can’t write that. Maybe. Impossible. . .let’s just go back to the airport and fly home.
JET: Yeah, okay.
If Jet & Dave were on the second flight, they would be behind Jamie & Pierre right now.
Jet re-reads the Detour clue.
JET: I thought we had to draw two EACH. We just have to each draw ONE.
DAVE: I mean I guess we can.
JET: I’m making a decision.
Dave looks like he’d rather be on Touch the Stove than on The Amazing Race Canada right now.
“I knew I should’ve stayed home today.”
Jet says they broke their rule of never switching Detour tasks.
Jamie & Pierre are officially ahead of Jet & Dave and Tim Sr. & Tim Jr. as they write the Zodiac characters. They go through multiple pieces of paper on their first attempt and can’t quite get the rhythm down.
JAMIE: Take your time. . .if you get it right then we are laughing.
It’d be a hell of a comeback for them to go from DOA to a miraculous second-to-last place or third-to-last place finish over Jet & Dave AND Tim Hagues.
Jody & Cory pull into DP World. Joanne spots the pit stop. Hal borrows the binoculars to confirm Joanne was right. He growls and laughs. They see Jody & Cory.
JOANNE: Jody & Cory were the ones on the second flight so we’re really behind.
Surprisingly Hal & Joanne are still in a solid second place. Jody & Cory are just destroying this leg.
We get another close-up of Jody’s prosthetic legs because this is TAR and that’s what TAR does when someone has prosthetic limbs.
Jody talks about how binoculars were a vital piece of equipment when he was a sniper. We cut to another photo of Jody as a sniper.
“Peace out, A-Town.”
Jody spots it quickly. Cory didn’t even need to participate. They head to the pit stop in third place.
Kristen & Darren are dropped off at DP World.
Kristen & Darren are in third place–WAIT A MINUTE. What???? Holly & Brett, Hal & Joanne, and Jody & Cory have all spotted the pit stop. Kristen & Darren aren’t even at DP World yet.
Maybe the editor in the editing suite was drunk and/or high while punching in the lower third graphics.
That’s just sloppy, guys. Where’s the proofreader?
Kristen & Darren aren’t dropped off at the DP World sign like the other teams.
KRISTEN: Do you see what we’re looking for?
DARREN: We’re at 375. . .it’s a terminal entrance so it’s going to be a waterfront thing.
KRISTEN: 33. . .we need to be going the other way. We need to be going the other way.
DARREN: . . .
In other words: No, he doesn’t see what you’re looking for, Kristen.
Darren makes fists and growls.
KRISTEN: No more trusting people.
Kristen & Darren got fucked over by the second cab driver of the day.
Maybe it’s a good thing Holly & Brett didn’t call a cab for Jet & Dave. They would’ve gotten Kristen & Darren’s cab.
Holly & Brett enter the Vancouver Convention Centre.
Holly & Brett go up the escalator and run through the Hol–er, I mean hall.
BRETT: I know, Holl. C’mon.
Episode 2 “Holl” Count: 7
BRETT: Talk to me, Jon.
You’re not even on the mat yet, man. Slow your roll.
The pit stop greeter is a member of the Squamish Nation where the mountains meet the ocean.
Holly bobs her head back and forth waiting for the good news.
Monty confirms their assumption.
FIRST PLACE: HOLLY & BRETT
Holly & Brett are off to a good start through two rounds.
“I am number one!”
Brett is really sticking it to the camera that he is number one like he’s first on the mat in Nellyville.
Monty informs them they have won two round trip tickets to ANYWHERE in Asia.
Yemen it is! Or that dangerous-as-hell-mountainous-airport in Bhutan! Or if you’re Jet & Dave, maybe you suggest Afghanistan to them! Have fun being a sniper, Brett!
BRETT: Hug my body!
“Aw yeah! Put that Monty on me! Put that Monty on me! Come with us to experience another DP World, man!”
Jet & Dave drink some tea. I wonder what ingredients are in the tea? We never do find out.
I guess that’s what they call an ancient Chinese secret.
Jet is the optimist while Dave is the pessimist studying the two characters.
Jamie & Pierre hand in their papers.
This is probably the first time in history that two White men from Rural, Alberta have ever tried to write anything in Mandarin.
Here we have Tom Cruise’s Minority Report of the minority groups that live in Jamie’s hometown of Airdrie (Rural, Alberta is not a real town). The Chinese population there is really really low. Although I couldn’t find a Minority Report for Innisfail, I assume it’s going to be quite similar demographics.
Let’s see what the Chinese Roseanne Barr has decided. . .
*rip*
Not impressed. Both are torn.
JAMIE: It feels like she just reached in, grabbed our heart, and crushed it in front of us.
Well, we need somebody’s heart to continue feeding Hal & Joanne’s Santa Clarita Diet.
Uh oh. I know that look. Don’t switch don’t switch don’t switch.
PIERRE: OK, are we doing this again because that is EXTREMELY hard!
Jamie concludes they won’t be able to improve upon their first attempt (I really hope other attempts were edited out of the episode due to time constraints).
Kristen & Darren finally make it to DP World. Vanessa & Celina see them.
VANESSA: We’re not as behind as we thought. They just got here. What number are we?! The team that was number one we just saw was behind us.
CELINA: They should be like two hours ahead of us and we don’t understand why they’re over there right now.
I think Celina learned a very valuable lesson much earlier than some teams do on TAR–don’t overreact to your own mistakes thinking you’re automatically dead last.
Kristen & Darren are also thinking “What number are -we-?”
Jamie & Pierre pick up the lion heads.
JAMIE: We got a head.
Please note Jamie said “we got a head” as opposed to “we got ahead” because the latter will never be in their vocabulary this season.
PIERRE: We got the head and the body, grandpa.
. . .There’s not that much of an age difference between Jamie & Pierre, is there?
Jamie & Pierre run back to the cultural centre.
Jet & Dave submit their work.
JET: We take it to Madam Judge. Speaks no English. Very poker face. Admittedly I’m worried inside.
DAVE: I’m worried. I don’t want to be the half of the team that doesn’t get this right. I’m nervous. Oh god I’m nervous.
Jet says nothing about her level of nourishment, though. We can assume she is well-nourished.
Dave treats the judge as if the punishment for failure is an immediate execution.
The Chinese woman approves of Jet’s work in Mandarin. Jet & Dave don’t know if she approved it. She keeps talking about each submission.
Dave looks like he is preparing to cry, urinate, vomit, and defecate simultaneously.
Jet & Dave are relieved when the envelope is unveiled.
Jet & Dave hug it out.
Dave grabs the clue and he spanks Jet repeatedly on the way out.
Jet regrets ever completing this Detour.
Jet & Dave estimate they wasted three hours.
DAVE: Just terrible, dude. Just terrible.
Dave channels his inner Charles Barkley.
Tim & Tim are quickly shown doing calligraphy and handing it in. They get the clue.
Tim & Tim have had the least amount of airtime of any team this leg
Everyone has completed the Detour except Jamie & Pierre. They really should not have switched to the task that only one other team has been able to complete.
Not even Jordan Romano can save them.
Vanessa & Celina are on the roof before Kristen & Darren, but Darren spots it right away.
Vanessa & Celina now use the obvious strategy of trying to figure out what could’ve been in Darren’s line of sight.
Vanessa eventually spots it.
VANESSA: And we were in front of the Gypsies! And they probably took our taxi too!
Are we still allowed to say gypsy on TV?
I thought Borat did a pretty good job of ensuring people didn’t say gypsy on G-rated television.
Jamie & Pierre do the Lion Dance.
They’re a bit stiff on their feet.
Jamie & Pierre put on the costume. Jamie is in the front. Pierre coaches him into taking the lettuce/cabbage.
“Cowboys don’t eat vegetables. Pleh!”
Jamie & Pierre are certain they failed the routine.
However, they are approved and things escalate really quickly.
I bet Insight wished they could’ve had the rights to “Buy U A Drank” for this kiss and hug.
We cut to Harold & Joanne touching down on the mat.
Jody & Cory are right behind them and are expecting a low finish.
SECOND PLACE: HAL & JOANNE
“WOW!”
Jody & Cory jump onto the mat.
THIRD PLACE: JODY & CORY
Cory felt great going from seventh to third.
Jet & Dave are at DP World. Dave scans the mountains. Hopefully he does a 180 degree turn eventually.
Kristen & Darren and Vanessa & Celina both run inside the Convention Centre. Kristen turns Darren around as she refuses to enter an elevator.
Kristen has been feuding with elevators all around Vancouver today.
Kristen & Darren are intense while Vanessa & Celina keep giggling all the way up the escalator.
Kristen & Darren dropped their bags somewhere on the roof.
I’m surprised they aren’t drooling over this eco friendly pit stop.
FOURTH PLACE: KRISTEN & DARREN
Kristen & Darren exhale deeply. Their home province was not much of an advantage today.
NOTE: Most legs in TAR Canada take place in B.C. or Ontario. Most teams are from B.C. or Ontario. Therefore, these teams should have a consistent advantage every season.
Vanessa & Celina are on the mat.
They seem nervous.
FIFTH PLACE: VANESSA & CELINA
Vanessa & Celina sadly don’t have anyone Tim & Tim to taunt at the pit stop again. It’s not about how you start the leg, but how you finish the leg, Hague Sr.
The International Court of Justices are climbing up DP World.
Dave spots the flags. Jet confirms it for himself too.
JET: Good job with your baby blue eyes.
DAVE: Yeah, these eyes just aren’t for looks. They’re for looking.
Multi-purpose baby blues. I’m so jealous.
The Junior International Court of Justice spot the flags. We never see them in the same frame as Jet & Dave. The edit is definitely misleading.
“Got it!”
Jet & Dave and Tim Hagues hail cabs.
TIM SR: Let’s go, Timothy. Get in the cab, man.
You know a parent is getting impatient with their child when the name is extended.
The Tim Hagues are driving right behind Jet & Dave. We cut to a commercial break before resuming as if this is the fight for last place.
Senior sees Jet & Dave jump out. Jet asks a barista how to get to the roof of the building.
I guess he doesn’t want to spend more time exploring his workplace than he has to.
Jet & Dave and Tim Hagues run around inside the building.
They step onto the mat.
SIXTH PLACE: TIM & TIM
The Hagues do a half-hearted Bash Brothers celebration.
Jet & Dave are in an outright sprint to the mat.
They gained a whole twenty seconds thanks to their sprint.
Monty spares them.
SEVENTH PLACE: JET & DAVE
Do you know how many germs are on your hand, man?
JET: We’ll take it.
We cut back to DP World. Oh yeah. Jamie & Pierre.
This is one of those extra rare legs, especially for TAR Canada, where a team is unseen from the pit start all the way to the pit stop by all other teams. Nobody saw them at the Roadblock, either side of the Detour, or this DP World Active Route Info.
Pierre spots the pit stop without the aid of binoculars. Jamie says Pierre completed this task really fast (he never saw how long it took other teams to complete it so we’ll just take Jamie’s word for it).
PIERRE: You wanna see a flag?! I’ll find you a flag!
I’m glad Jimmy Kimmel didn’t use this confessional for one of his Unnecessary Censorship montages.
Jamie & Pierre get into a cab. Jamie refuses to quit until he hears Jon say they are eliminated.
Pierre thinks about what his spouse would say, and would say just to do it and do the best he can do.
Jamie jumps onto the mat with a bit of zing and pep.
LAST PLACE: JAMIE & PIERRE
Jon Montgomery eliminates them.
They are much better at handling their own elimination than Treena & Tennille’s elimination.
Monty asks what kept them going today.
JAMIE: It’s the cowboy way. You never give up. You get ‘er done.
Jon Montgomery nods politely as Jamie & Pierre go through EVERY cliche eliminated friends say on The Amazing Race. Monty is close to throwing himself off the roof of the Vancouver Convention Centre.
And away they go.
PIERRE: I am proud of him.
JAMIE: I’m proud of YOU today!
*
JAMIE: Our friendship was taken to another deeper level which I didn’t think it could even get to.
PIERRE: Not that deep.
So. . .we’re ending this episode with a sex joke? Aight.
P.S. I fully advocate for Michelle Pepin to be in TAR Canada 9.
P.P.S. I rewatched the first two episodes with all of Holly & Brett’s scenes.
Episode 1 “Holl” Count: 15
Episode 2 “Holl” Count: 7
Total “Holl” Count: 22
Next Time on TAR: Teams head to big sky country: Calgary, Alberta. Holly & Brett try to steer the herd in a different direction. At the Roadblock, teams get lined up and knocked down. And a dirty Detour kicks the soot out of the racers.
*
CONFESSIONAL COUNT
TIM SR / TIM JR 3/2
JAMIE / PIERRE 8/7
KRISTEN / DARREN 3/5
VANESSA / CELINA 3/1
HOLLY / BRETT 6/5
JET / DAVE 5/3
HAL / JOANNE 1/1
JODY / CORY 1/1
Now let’s compare TAR Australia 2’s Vancouver leg and TAR Canada’s inaugural Vancouver leg.
What’s funny is America is Canada’s next door neighbour, but only three rounds in TAR US have ever visited Canada: Calgary and Banff which had TWO unaired tasks during the TAR 5 finale, and then the consecutive episodes at the end of TAR 8: Family Edition when they visited Montreal, Toronto, and Niagara Falls.
It amazes me Vancouver is only visited once outside of the Canadian version.
I remember when the Vancouver leg originally aired in TAR Canada that people joked “TAR Australia did Vancouver better than TAR Canada did Vancouver.”
Let’s take a look at the two Detours.
In TAR Australia 2, the Detour was lumberjack themed. They either had to balance on a log and spin on it several times before receiving their next clue. If they fell, they fell into a VERY cold pool of water. Or they needed to land ten axe throws out of forty on a target.
Both tasks were quite time-consuming for several teams. It was very culturally relevant as lumberjack shows are frequent throughout rural Canada. In TAR Australia, the focus was more on things that are reflective of Canadian culture as a whole rather than being Vancouver specific.
The Detour in TAR Canada was surprisingly slightly more difficult in contrast to TAR Australia. We saw many teams switch multiple times. The Lion Head dancing part of the Dance It task was quite lame, but we saw teams such as Jet & Dave, Tim & Tim, and Jamie & Pierre all reluctantly switch.
TAR Canada’s Detour focused on Vancouver’s absolutely massive Chinese influence. Given we’re going to see about sixty to seventy other domestic TAR Canada legs where they absolutely struggle with incorporating foreign cultures, I’m glad Production really took advantage of it here in an all domestic season.
So I consider both Detours satisfying.
ROADBLOCK
TAR Australia’s Roadblock was batshit crazy. Teams had to be on top of a cable car going up Grouse Mountain and collect flags that are hanging from the wires. If they failed after three attempts, they incurred a race-ending four hour penalty. The visuals for this task were absolutely spectacular and seeing teams have everything on the line in their third attempt was nerve-wracking to see.
TAR Canada’s Roadblock was. . .skating around an oval while a group of locals cheered them on while goofy sound effects played. Everyone completed the lap under the generous time limit. Aside from choreography, script memorization and out-of-place sponsoured tasks, I remember ranting about this task specifically in my podcast and how it made the Canadian version feel far inferior to the American version.
TAR Australia 2 CRUSHES TAR Canada 1’s Roadblock, and that’s even with them not having Michelle Pepin.
ACTIVE ROUTE INFOS
In TAR Australia 2, teams had to watch an indigenous dance ceremony, receive a blessing, and then in the morning paddle out from the Vancouver Rowing Club to a spot where there were long phrases to decipher using maritime flags. Obviously we didn’t have maritime flags in TAR Canada yet because Production are going to wait until. . .well, until they get to the Maritimes to do a Maritime flag task.
This round’s Active Route Infos were to use binoculars to spot the pit stop nearby from an industrial site and collect a clue from Air Canada’s Maple Leaf Lounge.
Although I appreciate the TAR 1 Episode 2 callback, TAR Australia 2 clearly wins on the ARI front.
FAST FORWARD
Yes, there was a Fast Forward in Vancouver during TAR Australia 2. It was the inaugural Life Drawing Fast Forward. Oddly enough, this will be used as a Fast Forward in TAR Canada 2 (I have some great/disgusting behind the scenes details about that Fast Forward next season).
TAR Canada 1 eventually has a Fast Forward. . .and it goes completely unaired.
Overall, TAR Australia 2’s Vancouver leg was much better than TAR Canada 1’s Vancouver leg. It’s not even close.
Oh, and multiple teams ran out of money taking taxis around Vancouver. It’s what screws over James & Sarah.
TAR Canada never has a scenario where a team goes completely bankrupt. I’m shocked Kristen & Darren didn’t because they botched two cab rides in Vancouver. In TAR Australia 2, botching even one cab ride was a near death sentence, and two botched cab rides would downright guarantee elimination.
It is interesting to see how many tasks from TAR Australia 2’s Vancouver leg alone make it into TAR Canada 2. Clearly Production watched this season.
Rank the Legs
1) Kelowna, BC -> Vancouver, BC
Wow. This leg confused teams much more than I remembered. The round starts off with a foregone conclusion Jamie & Pierre are absolutely dead as their flight is several hours behind the other teams. We see Kristen & Darren being quite vulnerable this leg as they argue and botch directions numerous times. Two faulty cab rides and a poorly navigated SkyTrain ride made it clear this team is not as well-rounded as we think.
Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett both set themselves apart as the strongest teams. Hal & Joanne picked up standby tickets to leap ahead and use their physical ability and wits to stay in a strong position. Holly & Brett’s pure wit preserved their spot at the top of the leaderboard but the consequences of their social game are starting to pile up.
We see the rivalry between Tim & Tim and Vanessa & Celina continue as Tim & Tim return the taunts from the previous pit stop.
We see a lot of Jet & Dave content this episode. We saw them waste three hours on the Detour. If Jamie & Pierre were on the first or second flight, Jet & Dave would’ve been the second boots in TAR Canada history. Jet & Dave are prone to making massive blunders. They tend to blast through a leg or get greatly hindered by one.
The ice skating Roadblock at the Richmond Oval was lame. I remember thinking about how lame it was when it originally aired nine years ago. It made me feel like I was watching somebody try to interpret a cheap knock-off version of The Amazing Race.
However, the Detour made up for it. We really tapped into Vancouver’s ever expanding Chinatown culture.
The industrial site Active Route Info was a fine way to represent Vancouver Harbour.
The sponsours weren’t distracting this leg. They were integrated well.
The pit stop was a scenic location.
This leg was a near perfect representation of Vancouver overall. The only major landmark they missed in the heart of Vancouver is the River Rock Casino. What’s amusing is we will see a Chinese casino inspired task in TAR Canada 2. I’m actually surprised we haven’t seen the River Rock featured after eight seasons of TAR Canada and multiple Vancouver legs.
Production did the best they could to create suspense if Jamie & Pierre could get out of last place, but didn’t put too much time into it. They backed off once the audience knew it was clear they had no chance of overcoming the deficit. Now that Jamie & Pierre are gone, it felt like we had seven teams on an overall level playing field.
2) Niagara Falls, Ontario -> Kelowna, BC
Out of all of the legs this season, this is the one I am the most familiar with in my personal life. Add in the fact that this was the first ever leg of TAR Canada, and that makes it a bit special. While this was filming I would’ve been sitting in a classroom just a two minute drive from the airport and fifteen minutes away from where most of this leg took place.
Jee-an’s number one thing to do on her bucket list was see Niagara Falls. That starting line certainly brought about a lot of emotional memories from last year.
While a chunk of the audience would groan when they clued in that this was going to be a domestic season, the rest of us had to accept this would ultimately be a beta test of a season. Just nine teams? Only ten legs? No language barriers? No culture shock? An obscure penalty that occurred 24 hours later takes a team out? What is this. . .?
Although I didn’t point it out during the episode, I remember how much the music was out of sync with the episode. I talked about it when it originally aired. The goofy placements, the ties that weren’t ties, and camera angles that failed to capture the perfect moments. It’s great to see what an episode of The Amazing Race looks like with an inexperienced crew that isn’t too well-versed in competitive reality television.
The premiere is a fun glimpse into how an inexperienced crew handles one of the most ambitious reality shows to produce. It makes you appreciate how well Michael Mackay handles everything with TAR Asia, Australia, and China Rush, and how well Bertram Van Munster and Elise Doganieri handle the American version.
We witnessed a very emotional exit between two teams and a whole lot of unintentional comedy. This is one of the funniest season premieres I’ve seen. Yes, a lot of the comedy is unintentional but that’s the type of comedy I prefer.
Jet throws in a hell of a lot of one-liners, multiple alliances formed, and we get a super unlikely rivalry where the youngest all-female team is after the oldest all-male team who also happen to have Parkinson’s. Good luck thinking of that in your fan fiction.
The ending to this episode is wonky. It’s a very very close foot race, but it didn’t matter the team won the foot race as they were going home by default due to a penalty that happened about 30 hours earlier. That’s a strange one.
Kelowna was represented really well. Waterfront activities, Ogopogo, and a trestle bridge. The pit stop being located at a winery was also fitting.
Throwing in the earlier flight for more “frightening” terrariums is a bit subjective, but hey, it beats the hell out of a shitty dancing challenge. I’ll take it.
Overall, this was a surprisingly well-put together leg for the first season of TAR Canada. For the next three seasons, they’ll try to one-up the premiere each season as we progress.
Rank the Teams
1) Treena Ley & Tennille Dorrington
They made HI-STO-RY. Treena & Tennille were eager to be competitive and outrun cowboys on their feet, but sadly the game is a game is a game.
Six of the eight seasons feature absolutely legendary first boots. Treena & Tennille get to start this legendary trend. Sadly, they will be one-upped by our first boots in season two. I can’t wait to talk about that.
Although this was a tragedy for Treena & Tennille, this proved to be a comedy for the rest of us.
As I said before, I’m curious how much nerves and the overall excitement impaired their racing abilities on the first leg. They made a lot of mistakes. They failed to read clues and couldn’t find things in plain sight. On The Amazing Race, that’s a deadly combination to send you home instantaneously.
It was great their bond with Jamie & Pierre was showcased throughout the premiere. It felt like we were really saying goodbye to Jamie & Pierre rather than Treena & Tennille during this episode as both teams had their storylines come to an end here.
I can’t help but be amused Treena & Tennille couldn’t even win the foot race to their backpacks after their speed being emphasized in the intro. The last place team in the initial foot race was the one team they had to beat to the winery mat.
Treena & Tennille gladly recognize their place in HI-STO-RY and if a team is okay with being an answer to the most commonly asked trivia question, that holds more value than seeing some town in the Maritimes.
I don’t know how far Treena & Tennille would’ve gone in the race if not for the #ButterflyPenalty, but based on what we saw, you can’t help but feel that being an early boot was inevitable for them.
They provided a lot of entertainment in just one episode. And that’s ultimately all we can ask for as an audience. An audience is an audience is an audience.
2) Jamie Cumberland & Pierre Cadieux
Remember how I say some teams get really sensitive about being viewed as a team with minimal skills on TAR and interpret it as an attack on who they are as people? And then I have to remind fans and alumni that being called terrible racers doesn’t mean they are terrible human beings.
Jamie & Pierre should be contenders for some of the worst racers I’ve seen on TAR. I don’t know if they are the absolute worst, but it’s tough to picture any season of TAR where Jamie & Pierre could participate without being one of the first three or four boots.
They were supposed to go home first due to being slow runners but were saved by Treena & Tennille’s errors with reading comprehension. They switched Detours. They were lost frequently. They couldn’t excel at any strategic component.
However, they aren’t really fearful or outright refusing to do any tasks and aren’t injury prone. That’s why they aren’t in that bottom rung of worst performing teams ever.
I am glad Jamie & Pierre didn’t get humiliated in the second leg by arriving at the pit stop when it was dark while all other teams checked in during broad daylight hours. I am happy they were able to exit with some dignity. This leg ended up being closer thanks to Tim & Tim and Jet & Dave’s Detour screw-ups.
As people, Jamie & Pierre seem absolutely wonderful. Pierre being a fellow widow is something editors didn’t need to include this episode but I’m absolutely glad they did purely for my own selfish reasons. The way I have chased after continuing those life experiences this summer is similar to how Pierre chased after these experiences on TAR Canada. That’s a dude who is glad he did this show even if it meant being last to step on the mat both legs.
I hope those dudes are doing well.
Team Averages
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Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.
e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.
Therefore their average is 8.2.
Because of how long this list has become, I only show the relevant section where the eliminated team from this episode has fallen amongst the ranks of what TAR history has to offer.
9th Treena & Tennille 9.0 TAR Canada 1 (Only 9 teams cast)
9th David & Mary TAR 11: All Stars 9.0 TAR 11
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0 May or may not be gutsy. TAR 2
10th Dave & Cherie 9.0 TAR 20
10th Kate & Pat 9.0 TAR 12
10th Idries & Jamil 9.0 TAR 22
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0 TAR 6
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF TAR 3
10th Anne-Marie & Tracy 8.67 TAR Australia 1
8th Mo & Mos 8.60 Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 1
10th Mel & Mike 8.33 Mel died. TAR 18
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33 TAR 12
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33 TAR 4
8th Gary & Will 8.25 Unsuccessfully Used U-Turn Once and U-Turned TAR 21
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2 Saved by NEL once TAR 6
8th Jamie & Pierre 8.0 TAR Canada 1 (Only 9 teams cast)
9th Elliot & Andrew 8.0 TAR 20
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0 TAR 10
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0 TAR 1
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 Yielded TAR 9
9th Jaime & Cara 7.8 U-Turned and Used U-Turn TAR 18
8th Liz & Marie 7.8 Saved by NEL once TAR 19
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 Sucked. TAR 13
7th Mika & Canaan 7.67 Why the heck did they sign up? TAR 15
9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 Bald. TAR 15
9th Isaac & William 7.5 TAR Asia 3
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33 TAR 5
9th Richard & Joey 7.25 U-Turned once TAR Australia 1
9th Alan & Wendy 7.25 Saved by NEL once TAR Asia 4
8th Manas & Sahil 7.0 TAR Asia 4
8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/) TAR Asia 2
8th Aiello Family 7.0 TAR 8
— D- —
8th Tom & Terry 7.0 TAR 10
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta TAR 1
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0 Producers refused to hay bail them. TAR 6
9th Kaylani & Lisa 7.0 Hazarded. Saved by Ryan Storms ™. TAR 19
10th Hope & Norm 7.0 TAR 2
10th Ethan & Jenna 7.0 TAR 19. Double Eliminated.
11th Ryot & Liberty 7.0 TAR Australia 1
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Just a suggestion and feedback. Maybe instead of countries visited for the TAR Canada recaps, you can use “Provinces Visited” instead?
Yeah, I’ll probably start doing that with season two. It’s funnier to do it for season one given it’s an all domestic route and really drives the point home lol.