The Amazing Race 22 Episode 12 Rankings: How to Troll David Aiello of the Aiello Family

EPISODE BLOG #345: How to Troll David Aiello of the Aiello Family

TWELFTH EPISODE

FRENCH POLYNESIA (FRANCE) – NEW ZEALAND – INDONESIA – VIETNAM – BOTSWANA – SWITZERLAND – GERMANY – SCOTLAND – NORTHERN IRELAND – ENGLAND – UNITED STATES

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As always, this blog is dedicated to my fiancée Jee-an who passed away on June 13. During my birthday party which I celebrated with eight women who had all met Jee-an, they talked about the first time they met Jee-an when she came for her first Canadian Christmas. We referenced motorboating and Jee-an didn’t know what that was. Every time Jee-an visited Canada after that she was always reminded of motorboating at a party. Therefore, there is one motorboating joke somewhere in this finale blog in her honour.

Previously on TAR: Oh, I get to write this one. Awesome. The Sexy Six began the leg with the intent of knocking out Mona & Beth. Mona & Beth became increasingly frustrated as Bates & Anthony remained off of everyone else’s hit list.

After arriving in Belfast, Caroline & Jennifer followed Mona & Beth and strayed from the Sexy Six alliance. This proved costly as Max & Katie and Bates & Anthony picked up a critical time advantage. Things would get worse for the Country Singers as Jennifer’s lack of comfort in the water dropped them to last place, and also getting lost on the way to the Detour.

However, an opening was made when Mona didn’t understand the Detour. Anthony would give Beth the crucial piece of information to keep the Roller Derby Girls alive.

Caroline & Jennifer became the first team knocked out of the Sexy Six.

By the end of this leg, one team will be crowned with the not-so-distinct position of being the twenty-second pair of winners in TAR US history.

BATES & ANTHONY

Thanks to Jessica & John’s bizarre behaviour at the start of the season, Bates & Anthony quickly picked up some much needed allies who protected them from multiple U-Turns. After early victors were eliminated by the midway point of the season, it seemed like the brothers would steamroll to the winner’s circle. However, they narrowly avoided last place on one occasion and have lost the past three legs in a row to an increasingly confident Max & Katie who are locked in.

Bates & Anthony’s social skills and physical strength have carried them through much of the season. With social skills no longer in play, Bates & Anthony will need to find other powers to overthrow Max & Katie.

MAX & KATIE

Max & Katie began the season in the disastrous position of taking a 4 hour penalty during the first leg and very narrowly avoided elimination. After later being saved by a Non-Elimination Leg, Max & Katie have clicked. They led an antagonizing four-team alliance with Pam & Winnie for much of the season, and are on a scorching hot three leg winning streak. If they can continue making smart decisions and slow down to use their intellect, the most important victory of all is in their grasps.

MONA & BETH

Mona & Beth are the last surviving team of Jessica & John’s alliance. They have been U-Turned and saved by a Non-Elimination Leg. They haven’t won a leg all season but yet have earned the respect of their opposition for hanging in there all the way to the end. Mona & Beth avoid making any huge errors which allows them to stay in leg after leg. They also seem to have survived by being the ones from Jessica & John’s alliance who annoyed Max & Katie and Bates & Anthony the least since leg three.

Coming off of TAR 21’s victory by Josh & Brent, nothing can be ruled out in the final leg. Can the unthinkable happen as not only have a third pair of American women take the crown but also get their first W when it matters most?

PREVIOUSLY ON TAR MENTIONS:
BATES & ANTHONY 6
CHUCK & WYNONA 5
MAX & KATIE 5
JESSICA & JOHN 4
DAVE & CONNOR 4
JOEY & MEGHAN 4
PAM & WINNIE 2
CAROLINE & JENNIFER 3
MONA & BETH 2
MATT & DANIEL 1
IDRIES & JAMIL 1

*

Phil re-introduces us to Belfast, Northern Ireland. It was established in the 17th century. Its impressive architecture includes Ulster Hall. . . .and I guess just Ulster Hall. Phil doesn’t give any other examples.

Is that John Wayne depicted in the left mural?

It’d be funny if all of my readers tweet Phil Keoghan about the TAR 22 finale nearly ten years after it originally aired.

Max & Katie, who arrived at an unspecified time, will depart first at 5:04am.

Max reads they must make their way to the final destination city. To find out where it is, they must take a ferry across the Irish Sea to Liverpool. Once there, they must take a train to London, England. Once in London, they must find the Euston Tap (it’s near Euston Train Station) and order a pint to receive their next clue.

NOTE: Michael Harmstone and David Bindley both informed me that Euston Tap is not a landmark or even a well-known bar in London. This was used as an excuse for Production to have teams to pick up a clue near Heathrow Airport which they’ll inevitably fly out of to get back to the United States.

We get a two second glimpse of Liverpool.

Yes, I have been to Liverpool and I have been to London multiple times. I was just there a little over a month ago with Michael and my brother-in-law Ryan.

It should also be noted that the Euston Tap is a technique I used when dancing at parties in my mid-20s.

Max says they have been dreaming about this since leg one. Katie says any newlyweds who can get through this will be in for an easy marriage. Both are confident about earning the W. Max can feel the million.

Bates & Anthony depart second at 5:05am.

I doubt they have to worry about rushing too fast. Production has never let the Final Three spread out over multiple flights in a very long time.

BATES: It feels pretty frickin’ awesome to make the Final Three.

Bates lost the Stanley Cup and doesn’t want to lose another big championship again.

Too bad TAR doesn’t have a trophy you can eat a bowl of cereal out of.

BATES: I like our chances of being able to find a bar. That seems to be something we’re good at.

The Lucky Bs have Not-So-Lucky Livers.

Mona & Beth depart last at 5:47am.

Despite screwing up the Titanic Detour, Mona & Beth only have a 42 minute deficit.

Mona feels she has a lot to prove to other moms, her kids, her husband, the roller derby team, the Colorado Rockies, the Pope, Michael Jackson, ladies, and all the single ladies. All the single ladies. Beth thinks she has a great shot at winning this race.

Beth is not going to like the media’s predictions going into the finale.

Max & Katie are at the ferry terminal. The next ferry is at 10:30am. Bates & Anthony show up next.

If you need a cab in Belfast, call 90-33333333333333333.

Who came up with the number for that cab company?

Michelle Pearce-Denovan?

ANTHONY: I want it to be Caroline & Jen with us, but I think it’ll be the Roller Girls for the last spot.

“My Lucky Bs are becoming Lucky Blue Bs.”

Mona & Beth roll up.

BETH: They’re going to be so happy to see us.

“Hiiiiiii!”

“Fuck.”

“I knew I should’ve stayed home from school today.”

“Yay! No more bagpipes nor country music!”

Bates pats Beth on the arm congratulating her.

I can’t imagine what the celebration would’ve been if it was Caroline & Jennifer instead of Mona & Beth.

It’s time for another ferry ride.

All three teams are on the ferry. Max tries opening a door leading to the deck. The wind is STRONG.

FUN FACT: When I was in Malta, I was stuck in a ferry terminal for twelve hours because of strong winds. The ferry I took before and after made it nearly impossible to be on the deck due to the strong wind. I recorded a video of the chairs sliding from one side of the cafe to the other side of the cafe on the ferry because of how strong the waves were. It was also in December.

If this were Family Edition, one of the kids would’ve been blown into the water by the wind.

Whatever you do don’t take a selfie right now.

Mona informs us it’s an eight hour ferry ride. Beth anticipates a mad foot race after the ferry. Seriously, Production? We all know an equalizer at Heathrow is coming.

MAX: It’s like the calm before the storm.

The calm? What calm? There’s no calm. It’s all storm. I just saw Mona nearly get blown overboard.

Bates notes it’s time for Max & Katie’s streak to end. When he and Anthony had their own three leg winning streak, the following leg in Germany was rough. He hopes Max & Katie suffer from a similar pattern.

“It’s all storm!”

We cut to London. Sorry, Liverpool.

The London Eye is neat at night. One ride on the London Eye today sets you back $55 CAD or $43 USD. That’s expensive.

Teams disembark at Euston Railway Station.

I guess people don’t like riding the train late at night on a weekday in early December.

Mona & Beth and Max & Katie run across the street into Euston Tap. Everyone orders two pints.

That’s insultingly close.

“Ummm, a tip, please?”

I wish the man behind Mona joined in and clinked his glass too.

Presumably both teams finish their pints as they don’t open the clue until they get outside.

Mona & Beth read they must fly to the nation’s capital: Washington, D.C. It’s the final destination city for the race. Once there, they must figure out their next clue is on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial where MLK gave his famous I Have a Dream speech.

Washington D.C. was last visited in Leg 2 of TAR 8: Family Edition.

Oh, this route marker location is absolutely trolling David Aiello of the Aiello Family. I recently did a quiz on Reddit to name the first names of all forty people from Family Edition. I got 34/40. The Rogers Family and Kim Black were on the tip of my tongue but I drew a blank. However, the three Aiello son-in-laws were just complete guesses. They might be the one team in all of TAR US history where I can’t think of their names.

Given I can recall thousands of names of reality TV contestants off the top of my head, but yet a team from a show I’ve been watching for over twenty years has slipped my mind gives you an idea how memorable the Aiello Son-in-Laws were.

So why is this route marker trolling Superstar David Aiello of the Aiello Family?

DAVID: I lived ten minutes outside of D.C. for three years. D.C. is like home to me. The reflecting pool is actually between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial.

PHIL: Teams must find their next clue at the Reflecting Pool outside of the U.S. Capitol Building.

“Oh. Huh. There’s actually two. The clue said the Reflecting Pool outside of the U.S. Capitol Building. I guess when the clue said ‘Go to the Reflecting Pool outside of the U.S. Capitol Building’ they didn’t mean the one outside of the Lincoln Memorial because that’s the one I know. Sorry guys.”

When David Aiello of the Aiello Family is the one who fucks you out of a million dollars.

*

So there you go David Aiello of the Aiello Family. This route marker is at the Reflecting Pool outside of the Lincoln Memorial. If only you were on TAR fourteen seasons later.

I wonder how much more of an impact this route marker would have if visited in TAR 33 or later.

Max & Katie read the clue.

MAX: Wanna go finish our beer?
KATIE: . . .

KATIE: No.

It can’t be very good beer then.

Mona & Beth hire a cab. They’re excited to go home.

Bates & Anthony pop into Euston Tap for a pint.

Sadly no foam moustaches are formed.

Bates reads the clue and says he lived in D.C. for a while. He likes having that advantage. We’ll see if he pulls a David Aiello of the Aiello Family and goes to the Reflecting Pool outside of the U.S. Capitol Building. I’d laugh so hard at that irony.

I really hope the bill on Capitol Hill gives out a clue this leg. I mean, he hasn’t had much to do lately. He has been stuck in committee doing fuck all. After all, he is just a bill. He is only a bill. . .on Capitol Hill. It’s been a long journey for him and the other teams to the capital city. They’ve had a lot of patience and courage to get here.

Mona & Beth and Max & Katie show up to Heathrow at 11:30pm. There is a marked counter for United.

You know there’s a zero percent chance of a flight scramble when teams are assigned to a specific airline. Mona & Beth are the only team who run.

This is why nobody panicked over Mona & Beth being in first place.

KATIE: We’re sleeping here.

The airline ticket counter at Heathrow Airport is the cheapest honeymoon suite in all of London.

Bates & Anthony celebrate the ticket counter being closed.

Sadly we don’t get an absurd ice hockey analogy out of this reprieve.

They join the other two teams in a lounge.

“Hmmm, I found this book called 50 Shades of Grey at one of the kiosks. Do you think it’s any good, Mona?”

“Dammit, I was hoping they would stop to get shit-faced at Euston Tap.”

We get the typical UFC-esque promo hype once more as everyone is on the plane.

MAX: We’re not going to be intimidated by a couple of professional athletes.

I dunno, if those couple of professional athletes were Cain Velasquez and 90s OJ Simpson, I’d feel a little bit intimidated.

ANTHONY: Max & Katie, we’re coming. We’re coming to getcha.

They had to cut off the confessional before Anthony said “one way or another” to avoid paying royalties to Blondie.

Bates & Anthony should start shooting spitballs and kicking the back of the chair while moaning “Mona & Beth, we’re borrrrrrred.”

Unlike TAR 8 where they got to D.C. by driving from a shoehouse in Pennsylvania, teams will reach Washington D.C. via a long haul flight from London.

At this point everyone assumes Bates & Anthony or Max & Katie are going to win this leg. One duo will forever be immortalized as TAR winners and the losers will be tossed away as mostly forgotten sidekicks.

Whoever wins will essentially be Eminem of D12 while the losers will be perceived as, oh I don’t know, Proof or Bizarre of D12.

We get a bunch of shots of the capital city as the flight lands.

Anthony still has his backpack. Mona & Beth do too. Max & Katie don’t. Bates has been sold on the German black market.

I am pointing this out because we’re going to reach a point in TAR where it becomes common knowledge for everyone to ditch their bags for the final leg. It’s amazing how it is season twenty-two and we haven’t quite reached that point yet. TAR started in 2001. TAR 22 was filmed in 2012. It would take a couple more years before everyone would be doing podcast interviews and special videos detailing every tip they used to succeed on the Race. Yes, there were articles especially in the early years, but there wasn’t anything like a twenty minute breakdown of what every active team on social media packed for the race.

Everyone hails a cab.

I always feel bad for cab drivers on the million dollar leg. If they screw up while driving, they must be a little afraid of either the team or their obsessive fans tracking them down in D.C. to beat the pulp out of them for robbing them of the million bucks and the title.

Although I have never been to D.C., I can’t imagine there being a big Sikh population like there is here in British Columbia.

BETH: I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

Even Martin Luther King Jr. didn’t even address women as being equal on The Amazing Race. You know it’s bleak when even Martin Luther King Jr. automatically discounts the possibility of an all-female team winning TAR.

BATES: Those are iconic words.
ANTHONY: I’ve never heard you say iconic.
BATES: That may be the first time I’ve ever used that word.

It’s not. . .it’s not like you have to be a wordsmith to say ‘iconic.’

Max & Katie are first to be dropped off at the Lincoln Memorial. Bates & Anthony are second to be dropped off. Mona & Beth are last. Everyone is running.

“Look Katie, this is where Martin Luther King Jr. made his ‘I Have a Dream’ speech. . .and right next to it is where Daniel Fienberg made his ‘I Hate Charla & Mirna But Wish to Marry Rob Mariano’ speech.”

“They need a clue like I need a hole in my head.”

Max & Katie find the exact spot.

KATIE: So this is where he stood–

And a man comes over to interrupt Katie.

And confirms what she said just two seconds earlier. It’d be great if he just starts rambling.

“And over there is where I went to college to become a secretary. My son John is a well-respected doctor here in D.C. And his wife, if you can squint, works as a dentist at the building not too far behind the Washington Monument. She has a cousin, Gracie I think her name is, works for a construction company and she does. . .give me a second here, I’m trying to remember her exact title. . .”

Just kidding. He is actually part of Production and not some random guy lecturing them about D.C. history. He gives them their next clue.

Mona & Beth see Max & Katie chatting with that dude.

What a sweet American moustache.

“This is the exact spot where he made his speech? Are we allowed to step on it?”

Max & Katie read that they must head to 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue.

“Hail to the Chief” plays as Max & Katie read the clue.

It’s been close to twenty years since I’ve seen My Fellow Americans with Jack Lemmon, but all I can think of are the made-up lyrics they make up for Hail to the Chief.

There you go, folks. One of the most family-friendly political comedy flicks you’ll ever see. None of you thought I was a Jack Lemmon fan, did you? I’m surprised Grumpy Old Men hasn’t come up more frequently in this blog over the past decade.

Anyways, once at 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue they will have a Secret Service agent will escort them to have their picture taken with President Barack Obama.

“The sea is green, bee-yotch.”

I wish Production hired Glenn Morshower to be the Secret Service agent.

“I got it from Obama. I got it from Obama.”

Anyways, Max & Katie, who have been referenced as being Republican voters a couple of times during the season, are now going to meet the most famous Democrat in the world.

“This is where he had his ‘I Have a Dream.’ Now let’s drop this MLK Commemorative puck.”

Mona & Beth also read they’ll be meeting El Presidente (not Ramon Martinez).

They may or may not be more excited about it than Max & Katie or Bates & Anthony.

I like how Production had to dedicate a whole paragraph telling the teams to be respectful. I can’t recall how far ahead these clues are typed and printed, but amongst the last six teams I’m fairly certain had just voted for Mitt Romney a couple weeks prior to filming this season (it was filmed in late 2012 and the US federal election was in November 2012).

The night when Obama was re-elected, one of the most famous final words in Survivor history aired when Jeff Kent said “I want this freakin’ million dollars in this game. And it’s not even a million bucks! It’s 600 grand by the time Obama takes it!”

CBS had a lot of fun with Obama’s re-election in Survivor and TAR in the span of a few months.

Max & Katie say they need to go to 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue. Mona & Beth and Bates & Anthony ask their cab drivers to take them to the White House. Mona & Beth say 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue too.

It looks like Mona & Beth and Bates & Anthony will be dropped off at the wrong address. 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is the White House.

We cut to Max & Katie in the cab.

MAX: You’re telling me the President is going to give us our next clue?
KATIE: Apparently.

“Hopefully Michelle will at least provide us with a healthy lunch.”

Max & Katie say they’re excited. Max admits he is a big Republican.

MAX: I’m a pretty big Republican but a majority of people voted him in and I respect that. So I’ll just leave all of my politics alone here.

. . .
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.
.
.
.
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It was a different time in America in 2012 when it came to how election results were treated.

That’s one of the fun things about doing these TARstorian blogs nearly a decade later. Some quotes age well. . .some quotes don’t.

Mona & Beth still don’t believe it is for real. There is some hesitation to believe it.

“I wonder if he can issue an Executive Order to U-Turn Bates & Anthony and Max & Katie.”

Max & Katie get dropped off.

They’re at the correct address.

The Mr. Anderson Trio brief Max & Katie.

Somehow Max & Katie’s microphone packs didn’t buzz.

Mona & Beth tell the driver they need to go to 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue. The driver is confused and says they’d have to walk from 1600 to 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue.

This is as close as Production is allowed.

Mona & Beth must be so exhausted that haven’t figured out that the clue said nothing about going to the White House.

And those backpacks are going to slow them down even more.

Bates & Anthony re-emphasize the 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue address. They get dropped off.

And once again it’s a showdown between Bates & Anthony and Max & Katie.

Max & Katie are led through a shopping mall full of Christmas decorations and head down a set of stairs.

Oh. Dammit.

MAX: It’s not real. It’s not the real thing.
KATIE: Oh man. Oh god. I was so excited.

What would have made this even better is if they thought it would be the president, show up to this studio where it’s just a poster of Obama, AND THEN have the real Obama appear at the last second.

Now THAT would’ve been genius.

MAX: It’s a bit of a relief I wasn’t being marched in to meet President Obama. I respect the office but I am an unapologetic Republican.

This is the equivalent of buying last week’s lottery numbers for a friend, recording last week’s draw, and then fooling your friend into thinking they had won the lottery.

“You met Barack Obama.” That guy goes all in on trolling.

I can’t wait to talk about the TAR 23 finale when teams are instructed to go to the house of Rick Astley. You don’t remember that task in the season finale of TAR 23? I’ll hook you up with a YouTube clip.

Yeah, the Final Three effectively got Rick Roll’d with this Obama task.

The next major trolling in TAR is when teams think they’ll get to skydive in TAR 26 but instead they’re just chasing down a skydiving Travelocity roaming gnome to its landing zone in Namibia.

Katie reads they must find the paddleboat dock near the Tidal Basin.

Once there, they must find a marked car and knock three times on the rear passenger window to receive a briefcase containing their next clue.

This seems awfully familiar. . .

We started off by trolling David Aiello of the Aiello Family and now we’re picking up a briefcase at the Tidal Basin.

It should be noted in TAR 8 they had to find a limo on 3rd Street and then go to the Tidal Basin with the briefcase. Here in TAR 22 we’re skipping the 3rd Street bit.

Max tells Katie to put the clue away so none of the other teams can see. She tells him to fuck off and she can do whatever she fucking wants. Nah, just kidding. Katie doesn’t say that.

Mona & Beth are at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. They are trying to figure out how they can get into the White House. Just jump the fence, ladies. C’mon.

They’re not brave enough to hop the fence and ask a security guard where 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue is.

The security guard has to lower his arm to prevent clobbering that woman trying to squeeze between Mona & Beth and the guard. They hop into a cab at 1300 Pennsylvania Avenue. It’s the last leg. Now is the time to use up all of the money you’ve saved up during the race.

Bates & Anthony are led into the photo studio. They are unhappy with being trolled.

Bates looks like he is ready to strangle the photographer.

ANTHONY: Seriously?
BATES: I took my hat off because I thought if I am meeting the president I shouldn’t wear this thing.

Instead he is posing for his mugshot.

“Listen to me Anthony, I am the president. . .I am the president of operations at this studio.”

It’s the only time Bates and Anthony have ever worn a suit. . .well, other than that time their friend hosted a Pulp Fiction costume party.

We get to see the full clue.

Bates & Anthony get their asses into that Fairway Cab Ass’n. They tell the driver to haul ass to their million dollar destination.

Seriously, how has this never come up before online? Fairway Cab Ass’n. That’s by far the funniest cab company name I’ve ever seen in the 500+ episodes of TAR that I have seen.

Mona & Beth show up to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

MONA: Are you here to escort us?
SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Yes.

“We can escort you too!”

If Caroline & Jennifer made it to the final leg, they would’ve been the ones to escort the secret service agents rather than the other way around.

Although all of the secret service agents Caroline would’ve wanted to escort all retired about twenty years ago.

Max & Katie are first to the Tidal Basin.

No wonder Max & Katie were first–they got the Five Star Cab Ass’n treatment. If this leg goes on much longer, everyone will be suffering from a classic case of Cab Ass.

Katie explains this task to the audience. I don’t know why this task that was so straightforward it was on Family Edition needs to be explained to the audience.

Max knocks on the window three times.

Max has done this before to get a case of imported Cubans since the embargo. That’s where the real money is in the cigar business.

I learned that from Kramer in Seinfeld. For some reason nobody is interested in Dominicans.

Except for this guy from TAR 29.

Max & Katie walk to a bench to open the briefcase.

Max nearly sprains his ankle while falling over.

Max opens the clue. It’s a Roadblock.

PHIL: Teams will now face an Amazing Race Switchback.

That’s right. We’re doing the briefcase Roadblock from TAR 8: Family Edition.

If you were on Draft Kings and took a bet that DJ Paolo would be featured in a montage fourteen seasons after Family Edition, you have just become very rich.

Searching around the iconic Tidal Basin, the centrepiece to Washington’s famous memorials, teams must figure out which one of these fifty agents is carrying their next clue.

Using their secret password, they must solicit the correct response from one of these agents. When they do, they’ll exchange briefcases and get the clue to open it.

When they come up with the right combination, they can open up the case to find their next clue.

They’re all ready to hunt down Neo and Morpheus.

TEAM MEMBER: The Washington Monument Reflecting Pool is beautiful.
SPY: That’s great. David Aiello of the Aiello Family will never find it.

Just kidding.

TEAM MEMBER: The cherry blossoms are beautiful here in April.
SPY: I will have to bring my mother next spring.

All I can think of is Larry Middleman from Arrested Development when I see these spies.

The combination for opening it is the order they finished in New Zealand, Indonesia, and Vietnam.

That would be very lame if this was the finale memory task.

Phil Keoghan could be the next Claudia Jordan whenever he quits hosting TAR.

Katie suggests Max should do it, but he is worried it could be a memory task. However, if it involves a lot of running, he should do it. Max eventually agrees to do it.

MAX’S PASSWORD: “Where can I get a good half smoke with chili?”

Max & Katie quickly check out the parking lot.

“Ah, fuck.”

ROADBLOCK HINT: Who’s ready for some covert ops?

Bates & Anthony retrieve their briefcase.

Max & Katie’s lead is barely over a minute.

Bates volunteers for the Roadblock.

BATES’ PASSWORD: I did not dress warm enough for this weather.

Editors throw in cheesy James Bond music.

Max and Bates say their passwords to every single spy. They all say either “Sorry” or “Sorry, I can’t help you” in response.

SPY: You’re not part of my operations!!!

Except for that guy. God, that guy needs a Snickers.

Mona & Beth meanwhile are the third and final team to be trolled.

This man takes his fake job very seriously.

BETH: Logically we assumed Barack Obama would make time in his schedule to take a picture with Mona and I.

Whoever shows up last should get to meet the real Barack Obama as a consolation prize. The third place team frequently gets edited out of the second half of the finale.

Mona & Beth hop into a cab to go to the Tidal Basin.

Max and Bates are now running together.

Bates quickly runs ahead of Max after this.

Bates reaches another man.

I’d laugh so hard if it was just a generous man who hands over his gloves to Bates.

Max is annoyed to see Bates exchange his briefcase quickly. Max gets rejected a couple of more times.

Max better bank on Bates suffering from CTE thanks to his NHL career.

Bates flips through a notepad. He and Anthony have been taking as many notes as they can throughout the season.

It’s going to be at least a few more seasons before Production wises up and bans notes during a memory task. I am surprised it hasn’t been banned by TAR 22 since nearly all teams have been keeping track since TAR 9’s ultimate lesson.

Bates tries opening the briefcase and. . .it doesn’t open. He starts pounding it out of frustration.

“Does anyone have a screwdriver?”

KATIE: I don’t see him. We’re going to be in last place because he’s an idiot.

Twenty-one days is proving to be too long for a honeymoon.

Bates realizes he screwed up his New Zealand placement.

I can’t make out any of Bates’ scribbles. It’s too difficult to read except for the word “coconut.” Feel free to give it a shot.

Bates opens the briefcase and takes the clue. He runs back and links up with Anthony. Katie groans.

Anthony reads the clue loud enough for Katie to hear.

Katie is helpless as she has to watch first place slip away.

ANTHONY: Make your way to the home of the Nats.
BATES: Nats? What are the Nats?
ANTHONY: Nationals. Baseball.

As a Canadian, they’re still the Expos to me, dammit.

Katie slumps onto the bench.

Mona & Beth show up to the Tidal Basin.

BETH: It’s a very familiar scene. Bates & Anthony are wrapping it up and leaving just as we’re showing up and getting started.

This will turn into Beth’s 200th “Why didn’t anyone else U-Turn them when they had the chance?” rant.

Beth is going to do the Roadblock.

MONA: Use this password–the cherry blossoms are beautiful in April. Huh. We were just talking about that!

She’d love Japan in spring.

Max estimates the Tidal Basin is a four mile track all around.

Maybe it’ll be part of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe’s DLC in the coming months.

Beth starts dancing between spies.

BETH: Hey you! The cherry blossoms are beautiful here in April!

“I’m not getting out of your face until you give me that briefcase.”

Max is getting annoyed, frustrated, and is out of breath.

KATIE: If he hasn’t found it by now, he has no idea what he’s doing.

Max is ready to curl up on that bench and cry with that stranger.

MAX: What the hell? What is going on?

Beth can’t exchange a briefcase either.

MAX: I don’t see anymore. I got to go back.

Oh my word. Max has done a full lap and now he’s going to do the lap in mirror mode.

Meanwhile, Bates & Anthony are already at Nationals Stadium.

Er, Nationals Park. Surprisingly, the stadium’s name isn’t named after a company sponsour like nearly all MLB stadiums.

CLUE: Play ball in a high flying game of catch.
PHIL: It’s time for teams to. . .
CATCHER: Play ball!

TAR 22 is in the middle of the trend of seeing a lot more final legs where pro sports stadiums are used (TAR 16, 19, 26, 29, 30, and 32 also use pro sports stadiums).

This can largely be attributed to Alaska and Hawaii being used far less frequently in final legs. TAR 23 is the final time we see Hawaii or Alaska.

While one team member is suspended high above the stadium, the other will be dressed as a giant baseball.

The high-wired teammate will zip across the stadium while throwing a ball to their partner. If they drop or miss the ball altogether, they must stop and reset and try again. When teams successfully make the catch, they’ll have their next clue.

Calm down, Giant Baseball. You can still be the centre fielder for the Boston Red Sox.

I wonder who the baseball is?

Albert Destrade from Survivor: South Pacific?

Hopefully sweat doesn’t smear the ink on the baseball when it’s caught.

Keep off the helmets.

Anthony will be flying in the air and Bates will get to be a baseball.

It’s a good thing TAR decided to use Washington D.C.’s MLB mascots rather than the NFL mascots for the finale. 2012 was a different time.

Anthony expects to be good at this because they are an all-male team and both played baseball growing up. Bates interjects to say they didn’t do this while wearing mascot uniforms.

They’re both suited up.

Bates runs backwards between first and second base.

Bates says the uniform was really hot inside. That’s impressive given it is December.

Anthony is ready to fly. He drops it at the perfect time but Bates can’t handle the lack of depth perception on the first toss. He says it’s like catching a ball with one eye closed. The harness resets.

Max and Beth keep struggling with finding the spy.

Max has blown the whole lead. Beth has the briefcase.

Beth says she could kiss the secret agent. Sadly he doesn’t ask if it is a possibility or an invitation. His loss for failing to follow up.

Evidently all three teams have to remember the same leg sequence.

“So. . .our code is 1-1-1?”

We cut to Max finding his spy.

“If I was a city planner, I’d put U and I street together.”

The spy gives Max the same set of instructions.

Beth and Max make it back to their partners almost simultaneously. Katie has to remind Max that she can’t help him.

Beth opens up the briefcase quickly. So does Max. Both teams figure out the clue refers to the Washington Nationals. Both teams are fighting over cabs.

If Max attracts a cab first, Mona & Beth will have to deliver a Million Dollar Roller Derby elbow to push him out.

Max & Katie successfully hire a cab.

A passing car viciously honks at the cab. Road rage on the final leg would’ve been a hilarious way for a team to lose.

Mona & Beth are back in third place within a matter of seconds.

Anthony tosses the ball a second time. Bates catches it.

BATES: Great success!

Worst Borat impression ever.

Bates & Anthony reunite. Bates shows the clue to the camera.

Bates would make for a great Lingo contestant.

Bates & Anthony think there is still a long way to go in this leg. Given there is only sixteen minutes left of airtime before the season ends, I would state otherwise.

Max & Katie are second to Nationals Park.

Mona & Beth try to figure out the gate they need to find at Nationals Park. They are running around the home plate gate. The clue is at the center field gate.

Katie is rigged up while Max is in the mascot uniform.

It must be so fun up there.

Katie decides to lob the ball down rather than throw it. Max narrowly misses.

Max gets hit in the head with the baseball. What’s the concussion protocol here guys? This is a few years after the Chris Benoit incident so I know one is already in place for baseball.

“SAFE!” Screech is trolling Max hard.

And no, I didn’t say Screech because Dustin Diamond is underneath the mascot. The name of the Nats’ mascot is indeed Screech.

Max says it inflated so you can’t get your arms down but you also can’t see because of the cage.

Katie tells Max to catch the ball with two hands.

Mona & Beth are in the outfield stands still looking for the clue.

Mona & Beth took the scenic route to the clue box.

We get to see the full clue. The unaired part of the task is visible here. After retrieving the ball, it had to be thrown to a pitcher. The pitcher would then pitch it to the batter who would hit it into the outfield. The player in the mascot uniform then had to run into the outfield to retrieve the ball.

This is why we see a pitcher, batter, and a catcher on the field during this task. They weren’t just there for decoration.

Beth says she used to play softball so she’ll catch while Mona soars.

Bates & Anthony are at Hains Point. They anticipate a mental challenge. Bates & Anthony can see the setup for the final task of the season.

BATES: Uh oh. What the hell is that?

I guess Bates & Anthony aren’t as excited to see a gigantic ball pit as Caroline & Jennifer would.

Bates reads the clue.

“You made your way around the globe. Where did you go?”

Phil says after 10 countries and 30, 000 miles, teams must face a final challenge before heading to the finish line.

One team member must search through an enormous collection of globes with each showing a highlighted country. They’ll need to find the ten countries they visited on the race and toss the globes to their partner. They must then put the globes in the correct order to complete the challenge and get their next clue.

Remembering the order of countries isn’t difficult by general memory task standards. This task is far more physical than it is mental.

I bet Phil could do this challenge faster than the contestants.

Anthony descends into the ball pit.

ANTHONY: It’s Chuck E. Cheese all over again.

ANTHONY: It was hard to move. I’ve never been in a pit with that many balls before.
BATES: They were some big balls.

This is why Chuck E. Cheese uses small balls. We can’t have anyone suffocate or drown in there.

“Not even Phil Keoghan’s jock strap could contain those balls.”

Meanwhile, Katie drops another ball and Max gets clobbered again.

*clunk*

KATIE: You suck at baseball.

Max says Mona & Beth’s presence added pressure (even moreso than Bates & Anthony’s absence).

Max catches the next ball before Mona & Beth’s first attempt.

Teddy Roosevelt is delighted.

Anthony is grabbing and examining more balls than a urologist. He is frustrated since there are so many balls in there.

Anthony throws out Tahiti. Vietnam. Bates & Anthony say they would’ve had no chance of identifying the countries prior to the race, but being on planes and looking at maps during the race has made this much easier.

We cut back to Nationals Park.

Max is sweating more than the Nationals GM after Juan Soto turned down a $440 million dollar deal.

Meanwhile, Screech is getting down with some of the founding fathers.

BETH: Oh, this is so cool. We’re on Nationals field in the most ridiculous outfit on the planet! How does my butt look in this baseball?

Well, it’s white, big, and round. That’s a very rare and highly idealized combination ever since Ice T’s wife became famous. I think Screech earned his nickname after checking Beth out in the baseball outfit.

I know Beth and Screech are on second base right now, but Screech is desperate to get waved all the way home.

Mona does a slight throw when dropping the ball. It bounces off of Beth’s neck. She needs to protect her neck like the Wu says.

Anthony tosses Botswana to Bates. We cut back to Mona & Beth.

“What the fuck, Mona?”

“You’re killing me, Smalls.”

MONA: It’s alright. Let’s focus, okay?
BETH: Oh, thank you for those helpful words of encouragement. I haven’t been focused until now.

Beth notes the absurdity of the situation.

“Mona is off the roller derby team.”

They’re in Washington D.C. Couldn’t they pass an amendment really quick to make this task easier and create more suspense for this leg?

I wish there was an amendment to be.
An amendment to be.
I hope CBS will ratify thee
For when alpha male teams like hippies
Have an excessively big lead
Otherwise they’ll crush all opposition to be
And I’ll make Phil Keoghan pay
I’ll say that he has to be my maid.

Beth says the mascots come to pat her on the ball.

BETH: Oh wow. How romantic.

Abe Lincoln grabs Beth and makes her motorboat him right between his Honest Abes. Classic Lincoln.

Anthony is trying to find Indonesia. Bates keeps checking the street. Max & Katie haven’t shown up. Bates tries to guide Anthony to a globe that looks like Indonesia. It isn’t. Katie hopes Bates & Anthony are struggling at a task.

“That’s Antarctica.”

Beth finally catches the ball on the 17th attempt.

Tommy J is stoked.

Beth fist pumps the Nats.

Max & Katie are still in the cab.

KATIE: There’s probably still a lot of race to go.

Incorrect. There is barely nine minutes of airtime left, and the final six minutes is dedicated to teams crossing the finish line. This isn’t looking good.

Bates says Bali was their worst leg overall and isn’t surprised Indonesia is giving them trouble now. Anthony tries throwing Indonesia at Bates.

Mona’s toss to Beth was about 100x closer than Anthony’s toss to Bates. Jesus.

Bates doubts it is Indonesia but gives it a try.

BATES: Nice job, Anton.

Indeed. Bates & Anthony have completed each of the final two tasks before either of the other two teams have shown up.

All I can say is this. . .

Gaaaaaame overrrrrrr.

With only about three or four minutes of airtime to go before the winners cross the finish line, it’s officially impossible for anyone else to catch up.

Bates reads they must make their way to the home of the first president. Phil says teams must now figure out the finish line is located at George Washington’s Mount Vernon.

Mount Vernon shouldn’t be confused with my home of Vernon, British Columbia, Canada, which will coincidentally enough be featured in this week’s episode of The Amazing Race Canada 8.

In the end, only one team can cross the finish line first and win one million dollars. . .and The Amazing Race.

Bates & Anthony get back in the cab.

“Wait, you’re supposed to hold your cab on the final leg?”

Max & Katie arrive at an empty Hains Point. That has to be really discouraging.

Max nearly drowns. They do say the world is 70 percent water.

Bates & Anthony are nervous.

BATES: The rest of my hair may fall off or turn grey in the next five minutes.

That’d be a sight to see.

Mona & Beth are the last team to Hains Point.

I bet the taxi driver didn’t want this to be his TAR cameo.

Katie tells Max that Mona & Beth have shown up. That’s how you know you’re really far behind. Max doesn’t want to switch roles with Katie because he has good energy. He finds Switzerland. Mona jumps into the pool of globes.

Either there wasn’t much time in between attempts at Nationals Park or Max & Katie got lost in the taxi or Max is really struggling with finding the correct countries because I am shocked Mona & Beth caught up after needing seventeen attempts at the Roadblock.

Max tosses out a globe.

KATIE: Uhhhh. . .this is South America.

Yeah, they switch.

Mona & Beth have already switched unannounced.

“Eeeek!”

Katie finds the last globe. The clue is theirs.

If Bates & Anthony get a flat tire or a fatal car crash, they still have a shot at this.

We get to see the final clue.

Max asks to go to to the home of the first president.

“I hear his wig has cigars rolled up in his curls inside.”

Mona & Beth switch yet again. Mona belly flops into the pool of globes.

We never see Mona again. She’s like one of the citizens of Iron Town being swallowed up by the tentacles of a demon boar in Princess Mononoke.

Bates & Anthony are at Mount Vernon. There isn’t any suspense built up whatsoever. I can’t recall a season finale where editors don’t even bother trying to make it close.

Well, anytime prior to season 32.

Two dudes who likely have ancestors who were here at Mount Vernon when George Washington was alive are crossing the finish line first. How fitting.

Caroline & Jennifer may overlook Bates’ one pair of underwear now knowing he is $500, 000 richer.

If Bates & Anthony appear on their podcasts, Joey & Meghan will certainly get a fair chunk of new subscribers.

“Hopefully they spend some of the money to take me huntin’ overseas for exotic meats!”

That is the happiest I have ever seen Matt. . .although I think Droopy the Firedog has been happier.

Bates & Anthony follow proper etiquette and run onto the finish mat.

NOTE TO FUTURE RACERS: If you know you have won the leg by a significant amount of time, it’d be hilarious to rub it in by pretending to use a walker for the last fifty steps or so to the finish mat. I’d totally do that.

I wonder how much time Idries & Jamil practiced swimming at Elimination Station. Usually it’s in Portugal, Mexico, or Bali.

One of my readers likes to see Pam & Winnie pointed out whenever they’re on screen. So there you go.

These Lucky Bs lived up to their name.

ANTHONY: Give it to me.

That’s Phil’s cue.

PHIL: Bates & Anthony, 10 countries, more than 30, 000 miles. . .I am pleased to tell you that you have won the one million dollars AND you are the official winners of The Amazing Race!

I can’t wait for TAR Canada 8’s finale in a month when Jon Montgomery has to say “1 country, 4 provinces, and 4, 000 kilometres. . .”

Anthony channels his inner Goldberg and fucking spears his brother.

I wonder how many viewers at home are whining “but professional athletes don’t neeeeeed the money” right now.

“Did you two U-Turn Joey & Meghan? Did you know it is inappropriate to U-Turn YouTubers?”

I wonder if Anders would still be applauding if he knew Bates constantly referred to him as The Sniveler in confessionals.

Bates & Anthony says it hasn’t sunk in yet. Phil makes one of the most unusual statements at the finish line I’ve ever heard.

PHIL: You made it all the way around the world with your false teeth. They didn’t fall in your mouth. You didn’t choke.

That’s right. Phil just mocked Anthony for being cosmetically challenged. Yes, we all know Phil is only making fun of Anthony’s teeth because he knows it’s not going to offend him and can take a joke like that.

Imagine if Phil did this at every finish line where he mocked the contestant using their one obvious physical trait.

“You made it all the way around the world despite not being able eye level with my kitchen counter.”

“You made it all the way around the world despite being greyer than my father’s pubes.”

“You made it all the way around the world despite being as chunky as a can of Campbell’s soup in my cupboard.”

“You made it all the way around the world despite being blinder than a Zubat from Pokemon.”

“You made it all the way around the world despite being a grumpy ass who constantly unleashed the real truth flavour.”

I miss Ron & Christina. Few contestants make me laugh as much as Ron.

ANTHONY: I can buy some new [false teeth] now.

Bates can’t remember the last time he felt like this and it hasn’t come from hockey in a long time. Bates & Anthony wouldn’t have raced with anyone else. They preferred the journey rather than the destination. If they hadn’t won the million dollars, experiencing the world is priceless.

BATES: The entire experience is just like the title says. It’s ama–
ANTHONY: Amazing.

The brothers just finished each other’s sandwiches once again.

There is so much time until second place shows up that everyone is allowed to break the line formation and circle around Bates & Anthony.

FIRST PLACE: BATES & ANTHONY

Max & Katie eventually show up.

There they are.

Max & Katie hop onto the mat.

SECOND PLACE: MAX & KATIE

“Fuck.”

To borrow Max’s business term, Max & Katie were close but no cigar when it came to winning the million.

Phil says they should be proud of themselves. Blah blah blah they have a strong marriage now blah blah blah you get the idea. It’s like nearly every married couple who has ever crossed the finish line in TAR.

I don’t know why they chose this close-up of Katie.

It is noticeably darker outside when Mona & Beth show up.

I’m curious if they struggled at the globe task more than what was shown. Or maybe Mona had a nap after she flopped into the pool of globes.

The two teams quickly shuffle over.

Phil confirms for them they are indeed third place. Seeing the other two teams at the finish line may or may not have already tipped them off about their placement.

THIRD PLACE: MONA & BETH

It should be noted so few all-female teams make it to the finish line in TAR US that Mona & Beth’s third place finish is nearly treated like winning the season. They get even more applause than Max & Katie for it. They’re only the eighth all-female team to cross the finish line in twenty-two seasons.

Phil asks Mona & Beth what is one thing that all six of Mona & Beth’s kids will say about them.

BETH: That their moms are badasses, I hope.

I’m sure their kids will make a point to have it written on their epitaph when they both pass.

PHIL: And that you’re not just moms!
MONA & BETH: And that we’re not just moms!
PHIL: And that you’re not just moms! You’re wives too!

Just kidding. Phil didn’t actually say that. But that would’ve been really really funny.

Mona plans to take so much from this race. She’ll take a pen, one of the clue envelopes, a lock of Chuck’s hair, etc.

Beth says having kids super young put her life and Mona’s life on pause for a while. It’s life-changing blah blah blah.

Everyone is now free to hug at the mat and–

Yeah. Production is wasting no time to hype up Dave & Connor for their inevitable returnee appearance. Dave is disappointed he went out the way he did and something something achilles tendon update.

Connor has a lengthy confessional and ponders what could have been, but somehow is happy for Bates & Anthony although I think that’s a lie.

We even get a close-up of Dave’s rehab boot. Hilarious.

“Fuck. The father and son are stealing our thunder at the finish line.”

TAR 16 is when we started hearing from one eliminated team (or two) at the finish line. Guess what? We get to hear from another.

CAROLINE: We are SO happy that Bates & Anthony won.

“We brought several pairs of underwear for Bates if he didn’t win.”

They’re both happy for Bates & Anthony too.

JENNIFER: We went through something together that nobody else would understand.

I just went through my 20s. I understand about things like that more than you think, Jenn.

Caroline goes on about Chuck & Wynona and Joey & Meghan.

It’s like the ending to a sports video game. Bates & Anthony run out in front of the group while all other competitiors are applauding like AI as fireworks explode in the background.

Also, all other winning teams must be fucking jealous they didn’t have fireworks erupt when they won The Amazing Race.

Lucky Bs.

NOTE: At least one member of the winning team gets the final confessional of the season to make everything come full circle. It’ll either be a quote to wrap everything up or some little funny catchphrase.
.
.
.
This didn’t happen. Caroline of all people gets the final confessional of the season. This should’ve been the first hint for all of us that Caroline & Jennifer were being brought back.

Again, I’m as confused as the rest of you as to why Production really really liked Caroline & Jennifer. As I said last episode, I think Caroline & Jennifer were brought back because Production enjoyed working with them throughout this season and were pleasant to be around.

Unfortunately, to quote David O’ Leary, it is inappropriate to break tradition and not let the winners have the last words.

Given that TAR 24 would’ve been casting at the time the TAR 22 finale aired, I presume that heavily influenced Dave & Connor and Caroline & Jennifer getting the final confessionals of the season.

It’s like why department stores get rid of their summer stock and replace them with Halloween stock by early August. They’re already focusing on making money by promoting the next major event on their schedule. Bates & Anthony, Max & Katie, and Mona & Beth are no longer useful to CBS’ future to promote TAR.

This is Reason #7891 why I hate returnee seasons on reality shows. We’re not even finished with the TAR 22 finale and we’re already taking the spotlight away from the finalists who worked so hard to achieve such a special feat.

Who is David Gibbs? If my trivia knowledge is right. . .

I knew the Bee Gees had the last names Gibb or Gibbs. Maybe Barry or Maurice were close friends with Bertram Van Munster or Elise Doganieri or Phil Keoghan. It was worth a guess.

No, apparently David Gibbs was a guy who did aerial shots for TAR and died during a tragic helicopter crash while filming a Discovery Channel series.

I’m glad they threw in that acknowledgement in there at the end of the finale.

*

CONCLUSION

Internet fans of TAR typically don’t like alpha male teams when they win. In fact, there’s a chunk of the fanbase who DESPISE alpha male winners. Bates & Anthony were the first duo of alpha male winners since Tyler & James. Fans went easier on Bates & Anthony in contrast to the rest given how rare alpha male winners had become. It had been twelve seasons since Tyler & James won.

The only thing that would’ve changed Bates & Anthony to being a despised duo is if they really played up for the cameras more or started rapping “I’m The Man” by Belly at the finish line after Phil declared them the victors.

TAR 22 neither excelled nor failed miserably. A dynamite first half was followed by a very average and not-so-thrilling stagnant second half. Combine these two factors and you have an average season in the TAR timeline that has very much faded into obscurity.

Where will it rank out of all of the seasons we have covered up to this point in the TAR timeline? 22 US seasons, 4 Asian seasons, and 2 Australian seasons are now in the mix. Scroll to find out!

Next Time on TAR:

Holy shit. I finally made it. O Canada. Until I get the series premiere of TAR Canada up, remember to keep fit and have fun.

NEXT TIME ON TAR MENTIONS:

DAVE & CONNOR 3
CHUCK & WYNONA 2
JESSICA & JOHN 1
CAROLINE & JENNIFER 1

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

BATES/ANTHONY 19/16
MONA/BETH 4/8
MAX/KATIE 10/9
DAVE/CONNOR 1/1
CAROLINE/JENNIFER 1/1

Rank the Legs

1) Windwhistle, New Zealand -> Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia

It was funny to see teams experience culture shock in Bali given ninety percent of the population are expats, digital nomads, and young tourists. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been spoiled by Bora Bora and New Zealand for three rounds.

There was another awesome flight scramble this leg. Teams even improved upon their flight during a layover. Classic TAR right there.

Seeing Jessica & John and Bates & Anthony battling for last for most of the leg was a great change of pace after three rounds. Chuck & Wynona are on the verge of being dead last once again but barely survive as one of the bigger underdogs in a while.

Pam & Winnie getting featured as the leading team was a great opportunity to see more of them. It’s funny they and everyone else ultimately lost this leg to a guy on crutches who couldn’t do the Detour nor the Roadblock. Connor shows off his TAR prowess and defeats Winnie in a battle of wits.

I am disappointed the Roadblock and pit stop were at the same location, and was also disappointed the Surfing Capital of the World goes the route of “find a picture of something you encountered” rather than any actual surfing.

The Detour was culturally relevant to Bali. It was difficult enough for a team to swap Detours out of frustration. Both tasks involved women putting heavy things on their head.

We also got an extra culturally relevant task that Jessica & John did that wasn’t even part of the show.

And of course, everything I said above is overshadowed by Jessica & John being the only team in TAR history to not use their Express Pass. They achieved this in the most bizarre fashion that left every viewer baffled, and scratching their head as to what the hell they just watched.

All of this culminated with Phil staring at the camera in the final two seconds of the episode, and utter an “oy vey” to the viewers at home showing he was as confused as the rest of us.

To this day the “oy vey” moment is still referenced.

It was great to revisit this episode eight years to see if it stood the test of time.

It certainly has. It’s in the running for the longest blog I have ever done.

P.S. If you ever wanted to see Workaholics do an episode based on The Amazing Race, John’s journey is exactly how it would play out. John is Anders. He goes from being stuck as a telemarketer. He uses his brains and hard work to get out of his shitty position. He achieves his goals and has power over other people, and it gets to his head he starts to piss everyone off. Then the overconfidence and pride leads to him crashing and burning within just a week.

2) Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia -> Hanoi, Vietnam

This was a roller coaster of an episode. It has a lot of great elements that Production never intended to have happen. It stirs up controversy, a fan favourite team quits thus rescuing an underdog team, and a W-Turn which heats up the rivalry between two factions.

Pam & Winnie and Chuck & Wynona both delivered some great content here. Pam & Winnie burned so many teams here, and you could make an argument she is the most aggressive team within the alliance of Pam & Winnie, Max & Katie, Bates & Anthony, and Caroline & Jennifer. Wynona uses the camera really when frustrated with Chuck.

The Roadblock, controversy aside, was a decent task. I think another layer could’ve been added to the Roadblock to create a larger gap between teams. However, it was entertaining and showed how close Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth really are. Joey & Meghan likely lost the chance to overtake Pam & Winnie because of it.

The Detour was fine. Using live pieces to create a Chinese Chess board makes for amusing interactions with locals. Especially when Caroline & Jennifer have to figure it out on their own. The pho task proved to be a big obstacle for teams as there was a big language barrier. Do you take the basket of chickens? Do you trust the local who speaks English to obtain the correct weight for you? Do you know how to cook pho? Chuck & Wynona felt the stress of the task.

The final kick at the end where viewers likely forgot Dave & Connor were medically removed from the race therefore saving Chuck & Wynona from certain elimination for the third round in a row is an amusing ending.

3) Motu Piti A’au, Bora Bora, French Polynesia -> Windwhistle, New Zealand

This leg did its best to balance the melodrama of Dave & Connor but also the absurd comedy of Jessica & John and the other teams. It is arguably the most focus put on one team while the other eight teams are in the background. Especially Mona & Beth who get absolutely shut down from having any meaningful content other than being adopted by Jessica & John.

One of the most underrated comedic scenes ever, Jessica & John and Dave & Connor think they are sneaky with the Express Pass handoff but it was in plain sight of Bates & Anthony who were -right there-. This triggered a lot of alliances. On one side, Jessica & John, Joey & Meghan, and Mona & Beth aligned against Bates & Anthony.

Bates & Anthony countered by rounding up Caroline & Jennifer and later Max & Katie.

As for Chuck & Wynona, Dave & Connor, and Pam & Winnie? They weren’t recruited. Pam & Winnie love their solo path, Dave’s injury is assumed to be terminal within the context of the race, and Chuck & Wynona aren’t seen as valuable allies.

It was great to see scrambles for flights. I love a good flight scramble. It’s my favourite part of an era gone by.

I also like a good self-drive leg. That’s the great part about legs in first world countries that aren’t densely populated. Production feels safe enough providing teams with vehicles.

This was also a really long leg. I miss the long filming schedules. It allowed for all of the dynamics between teams to evolve.

The Detour had a fun driving task and. . .fishing. Luckily only two teams tried fishing. It didn’t make for the most riveting television. Thank goodness we had Chuck & Wynona doing that task to make it entertaining.

There was a lack of explanation as to why teams shuffled getting back from the Detour, but Dave’s injury occupied a lot of airtime.

The Shemozzle Roadblock was a genuinely fun task to balance the dark comedic nature of Dave’s injury. John was doing John things, Winnie was doing Winnie things, and Anthony nearly did a Lyoto Machida-esque kick to Jennifer’s face in the manure pool.

Also, there were dogs showcased this episode. I like dogs.

4) Makgadikgadi Pans National Park, Botswana -> Maun, Botswana

It is unusual that the transit point of the previous leg serves as the location for the current leg (except in TAR Canada where they use Pearson Airport in Toronto about five or six times per season). By today’s standards, they would have just had the previous leg in Maun and then this leg would’ve been in Makgadikgadi Pans. Either they’d have to be in and out of Maun no matter what or there was some sort of scheduling conflict where they needed to use Makgadikgadi Pans in the previous round.

On paper this leg should’ve been really lame. Drive from the pit start to the route marker. Once there, deliver a couple of goats. Then ride all the way to the Detour to either memorize ten cutouts or guide two donkeys. Then run a couple hundred metres to the pit stop. If you’re Max & Katie, throw in a quick dance.

Thankfully, Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer both got pulled over speeding and had an extra route marker in the form of a ticket payment at the Maun police station. It was like an unplanned Speed Bump. Seeing Caroline & Jennifer be forced to ask a stranger to exchange cash for them was a high risk venture that saved them in the race.

Max & Katie were humiliated even worse than they were the last leg by being beaten by Joey & Meghan fair and square. If it weren’t for Pam & Winnie’s blunder, this would’ve gone down as one of the most nail-biting finishes in any episode of TAR. It’s a funny nail-biter when donkeys start fighting each other. However, Max & Katie were left leaving the mat wondering why the hell they are shitting the bed so much in Botswana.

Bates & Anthony had another easy leg. They show up to the Fast Forward task and ace it in one try and coast to the pit stop. Given no one really felt threatened by the outsiders Mona & Beth, Chuck & Wynona, or Joey & Meghan, I am sure Bates & Anthony headed into the pit stop wondering if all bets were off.

Pam & Winnie were at the same location as the pit stop in second place. All they had to do was move some donkeys or spot the ten animal cutouts that Chuck & Wynona did on their first try. Pam & Winnie gave up on the first challenge after twenty minutes, and the backup option failed them miserably. Their inability to spot an ostrich eliminated them from the race. It proved to be a larger setback than a speeding ticket.

Oh, and we found out Joey & Meghan are awful at self-navigation. I think even Michael & Moe would’ve beat them in TAR 33.

The Speed Bump seemed like a pointless albeit fun task. They could’ve just integrated that when a team shows up before the Roadblock so everyone could participate. The Roadblock was amusing as teams fought with each other while trying to keep goats under control. There was also the fear at both the Roadblock and Fast Forward of falling into the water and being eaten alive by crocodiles like it was a spin-off to Jaws.

Overall, the cast delivered more than Production did. I still can’t believe only two locations were planned for this episode. It’s too linear even by contemporary TAR US standards.

P.S. This marks the final leg filmed in Africa until TAR 25’s Morocco visit. Apparently we needed more legs in already visited European countries.

5) Los Angeles, California, USA (yet again) -> Motu Piti A’au, Bora Bora, French Polynesia, France

This was one of the best season premieres for TAR in a while. Perhaps since TAR 17 or TAR 12.

We get the extremely rare South Pacific visit to kick off the season. Although Bora Bora is a ridiculously small area to host the first leg, Production found three things for them to do to make it a proper leg. Skydiving out of a helicopter, digging up a clue amongst hundreds of sandcastles under the brutal sun, and an outrigger canoe race that had some amusing visuals.

There wasn’t really any navigational issues or cultural barriers here as this is one of those rare legs to take place entirely within a resort island. Using this location for two legs was definitely excessive.

We had self-driving to sign up for flights which was great. We got to see teams interact much more than we usually do in premieres at this time. Everyone was utilized properly, particularly the absurdity of John of Jessica & John. It’s interesting to reflect on how popular Dave & Connor were after the premiere, but how often they bring down the mood of a very fun atmosphere. I think editors could’ve given Dave & Connor more fun footage.

The ending for this episode is what everyone remembers. Having three teams agree to give up on a task to roll the dice on a last second sprint to the pit stop was very memorable. The team you expect to survive is the one who goes home and it’s not even close. The heavily underestimated Caroline & Jennifer make it through, antisocial Max & Katie break through after being the ones who propose the plan, and other underdogs highlighted this episode such as Mona & Beth and Chuck & Wynona also make it through.

If this were an earlier season, Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer would’ve definitely gone home as the next two teams due to a lack of equalizers. However, they played the TAR structure that we’ve come to know by twenty-two seasons.

The Double Express Pass twist was very interesting at the time. It really only needed to be used for this season, and this was the correct season for the twist to be used. I remember celebrating when Jessica & John got the Double Express Pass because I thought John was absurd before the season even began and made the Workaholics connection instantaneously. You could tell the minimal power the twist offers went to his head. Idries & Jamil and the rest of The First Five offer a convenient way to make the twist uneventful, but Jessica & John are contemplating how to botch it the second they hit the mat. It really sets up the first third of the season quite well as everyone speculates if Jessica & John are going to honour the deal and give it to Dave & Connor.

Overall, a very entertaining premiere and insight to what TAR looks like if an entire episode took place on a resort.

6) Belfast, Northern Ireland -> London, England -> Washington D.C., USA

For a finale leg, it wasn’t the worst nor the best.

The biggest con about the final leg is that Bates & Anthony crushed everybody starting with the Roadblock at the Tidal Basin. It was no longer competitive after that and editors didn’t waste any time convincing us otherwise.

Production took advantage of doing tasks based around being in the nation’s capital. The Obama Photo Op Fakeout was hilarious. It’s one of only two things I remembered about the finale prior to rewatching it.

I don’t understand the purpose of the route marker at Euston Tap and mentioning teams had to stop in Liverpool. The only reason why Production bothered to include those details is because they wanted to fill up the forty minutes of airtime in an anti-climatic finish. They could’ve just quickly said teams needed to fly to D.C. via Heathrow.

One of the most unexpected surprises about this final leg is we have Family Edition acknowledged. Production views TAR 8: Family Edition as the only season to truly fail. Nobody has been invited to return except the Linzes for TAR 31, and they were cut at the last minute. Therefore, it was a big shock to see the spy Roadblock become an official Switchback seven years and fourteen seasons later. It’s the only Family Edition Switchback to date. I don’t mind the early seasons being referenced in TAR, therefore I am okay with this Switchback. I just wish they found a way to design the task to make it fair for everyone on such an important leg. Bates & Anthony get their lead here.

The task at Nationals Stadium–er, Nationals Park was a fun one. As someone who grew up in a baseball family, this is more of a fun task. Seeing Max and Beth tumble over was hilarious.

There were two memory tasks squeezed into this finale. The briefcase code was extremely easy. Bates failed on the first attempt but was able to refer to his own notes to quickly correct it. The final memory task where teams needed to know the outline of a country in a gigantic pool of globes was a neat visual. However, the task seemed far more physical rather than it be an emphasis on one’s memory. It is by far from the worst memory task we’ve seen (I am looking at you TAR 16’s Order of Elimination that took everyone two minutes). However, it doesn’t stand out like the TAR 12 final memory task puzzle. Overall, it’s just another memory task that fades in with the ones we see in TAR 23, 27, 28, and 29.

By TAR 22, we need to kick it up a notch. You want to know how to have an intense final memory task? Watch TAR Canada 1.

TAR 19: Jeremy & Sandy held the lead until right before the end of the leg and were overtaken by Ernie & Cindy.
TAR 20: Art & JJ blew it on the final Roadblock. Dave & Rachel skipped the second Roadblock and prematurely arrived at the finish line.
TAR 21: Josh & Brent win in the absolute biggest upset in TAR history. It had the insanely difficult Hello-Goodbye final task.
TAR 22: Bates & Anthony pick up a lead early on in the leg and increase it as the finale goes on.

As you can see, TAR 22’s final leg just fades in contrast to what we had seen over the three seasons before it. TAR 23 and TAR 24 will have much worse finales but at least are memorable for being awful. TAR 22’s finale is just kind of “there.” It’s not awesome but it’s not awful either.

7) Berlin, Germany -> Edinburgh, Scotland

Scotland is revisited for the first time in nineteen seasons and it is the only time they visit Scotland’s most iconic city–Edinburgh.

Obviously with a location like Scotland you’re not going to get any culture shock. Scotland is a very comfortable place for Americans and Canadians to travel.

What’s funny is this leg didn’t even stick to the major landmarks inside Edinburgh–most of it was outside the city.

This leg utilized all of the Scottish stereotypes in a single leg: Haggis, a pub sport, a castle, alcohol, Robert Burns, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, bagpipes, and a cobblestone alleyway as the pit stop.

Most of the intrigue of this leg was with the flight scramble. Max & Katie try to deviate from their allies to have a lead on everyone else. Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth think they’ve got the better flight over their fiercest competition in Bates & Anthony. Then the tables get turned at the last minute as Bates & Anthony and Caroline & Jennifer unknowingly find themselves on the first flight with Max & Katie.

Sadly the leg instantly becomes a head-to-head showdown between Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth as the other three teams agree to U-Turn both teams. All of the tasks were too easy as several attempts at bowling or bagpipes wasn’t enough to diminish a lead or a deficit for any of the teams.

This sets up the endgame as Caroline & Jennifer have helped their allies so much to the point one of them is bound to win, but Mona & Beth may not go as quietly as the frontrunners would assume.

This leg also benefits from a lot of unintentional comedy throughout the episode.

8) Grindelwald, Switzerland -> Berlin, Germany

Once again TAR goes to a city they have been to before (and will go once more after this season) within a country they are visiting for the eighth time as of TAR 22. Hanoi in TAR 10, The Makgadikgadi Pans in TAR 7, Grindelwald from TAR 3, and Berlin from TAR 6 all used over the past five consecutive rounds in TAR 22. That’s a puzzling decision by Production.

It’s not helping that the remaining legs after this round are all in countries with minimal culture shock and speak English as a first language.

This was definitely much better than the Grindelwald leg. The only equalizer was the train ride to Dresden. After that teams had to drive themselves for the rest of the leg. This made for interesting dilemmas. The theme of the leg was based all around Bates & Anthony. Every team is thinking about their relationship with Bates & Anthony–should they back out of their alliance with them? Should they do tasks with them? Bates had his bag stolen which put Bates & Anthony in their worst position all season. Caroline & Jennifer left them alone twice, and Mona & Beth wondered why the hell they led Bates & Anthony to the pit stop only to be passed at the last second.

Max & Katie emerged on top for the first time all season–in fact, it was the first leg won by somebody other than Bates & Anthony out of the remaining teams. It builds suspense to the season.

The Ford Fusion trivia challenge was extremely lame. It could’ve been more than three freakin’ multiple choice questions with a pool of eight choices combined. That’s the easiest quiz ever.

You get to see more of the contrasts in personalities thanks to the Roadblock. Seeing how everyone reacted to the haunted nightclub maze provided a fair amount of insight.

The Detour was good. The letters proved to be difficult enough where a team had to switch due to cracking the letters. Furthermore, the train tracks took a minimum of six attempts per team. Not to mention the conductor’s moustache was a real highlight.

We also saw teams struggle with self-navigation which is TAR at its core. It is great to see things not very linear.

Overall, it was a decent leg that sets up the remainder of the season as we hit the final NEL of the season.

9) Edinburgh, Scotland -> Belfast, Northern Ireland

Although I’m glad Northern Ireland is crossed off the list, I never want to see two UK legs in a season as well as it being the penultimate leg of the season. It just doesn’t push everyone’s anxiety levels as high as a penultimate leg in Vietnam, Cambodia, or Indonesia. Northern Ireland is way too chill of a place to have a penultimate leg.

The only thing I remember about this penultimate leg before rewatching it is Jennifer screwing up the Roadblock. I forgot about the Titanic and graffiti tasks entirely. Prior to rewatching a penultimate leg nearly a decade later, I tend to remember a lot more moments.

I like this leg was entirely self-drive. Navigation mattered. Caroline & Jennifer lost a lot of time because of their inability to navigate correctly. If you hated Andy & Tommy’s elimination in TAR 19 because of cab drivers, you can’t complain about that here. Caroline & Jennifer lost fair and square.

The bog snorkeling task was really easy. Look at how fast three teams completed it on their first attempt. Mona was really struggling but yet had more than enough time on the clock.

It was interesting to see the Sexy Six essentially break off the alliance this leg. Caroline & Jennifer took that calculated risk which was a fun dilemma. Max & Katie and Bates & Anthony working together to win their sixth consecutive leg between the two of them was a choice people dissected after the finale. Mona & Beth following Max & Katie to The Thing With a Ring as well as getting that crucial bit of information (tm Ken & Gerard in the F4 leg of TAR 3) from the opposing alliance thanks to Anthony is what sunk Caroline & Jennifer.

I really wanted to see Caroline do the Titanic task to see if she could handle going up and down the stairs so many times. She really did look exhausted.

The Spray It graffiti task has probably the least amount of airtime I’ve seen given to an aired Detour task that was completed. There was a ton of interesting things to do at the skate park, and following an outline of a single stretch of graffiti just wasn’t one of them.

Overall, this is a leg that you would have as a second or third leg of a season. It’s not what I’d do for a highly coveted spot in the Final Three. I do appreciate it was self-drive and Caroline & Jennifer showed it can be difficult if you aren’t one hundred percent focused and on your game.

Mona & Beth also screwed up on the Titanic task far more than Production likely ever anticipated. How much time did they actually lose, though? Given it was still daytime when all four teams completed the leg on a December day in Northern Ireland, I’m guessing this leg was no more than six hours. That doesn’t seem long enough for a leg with ultra high stakes.

10) Hanoi, Vietnam -> Makgadikgadi Pans National Park, Botswana

Yay! Departure times are shown!

Nay! A very specific repeated location!

Nah, I won’t do that for the whole write-up. Although we won’t see any more legs on the African continent until TAR 25 after this Botswana visit, it is annoying that most of this leg took place during TAR’s only other Botswana visit–Makgadikgadi Pans. I understand a nature reserve in southern Africa, but it would have been great to see an alternative location in Botswana.

There was an unaired task with a dancer. I wish we could’ve seen it instead of an extended look into Guinea fowl snares, unsuccessfully rubbing sticks together, and scorpions.

It was a very linear leg once teams landed from Maun, Botswana. No one got lost despite it being a self-drive leg. The only time the leaderboard truly shifted was when teams caught on the Fire task was too hard and switched over to Fowl.

We got insight into how strong Bates & Anthony are as they were the only team to make fire and cruised to an easy victory this leg.

The idea of having the initial task be “Fly to the city of Maun in a country you must figure out” was a creative idea, but with terrible execution. Everyone was allowed to use smartphones, laptops, or just keep supplying random guesses until they were allowed to book on the same equalizer flight as everyone else.

The lion sighting was a cool moment and everyone’s varied reactions to the scorpion. Also, Pam & Winnie’s confessional about Chuck was hilarious.

11) Motu Toopua, Bora Bora, French Polynesia, France -> Motu Tapu, Bora Bora, French Polynesia, France

From pit start to pit stop was a grand total of 6.5 kilometres. This leg is as linear as it gets on TAR.

Wait for water taxis. Take a water taxi to a chapel without any navigation. Grab your gear. Return to water taxi which you don’t have to navigate to the Detour location. Unless you’re gonna drown, everyone can finish either Detour task within minutes of each other. Ride jet skis on a small map to a nearby island where you’ll be so close to the other teams nearly everyone can follow each other there. Use stilts to kick a coconut 35 yards. Run about one hundred feet to the pit stop.

I bet you everyone finished this leg before noon except Idries & Jamil and -maybe- Pam & Winnie.

The big storyline was if Max & Katie or Caroline & Jennifer were going to win the showdown over taking the Roadblock penalty in the previous episode. However, it didn’t matter as neither team finished in the bottom two. Instead Pam & Winnie struggled a little navigating on the jet ski and at the Roadblock, and Idries & Jamil made a colossal error “diving” for pearls.

Because of how linear and uneventful the leg itself was, a lot of airtime was put on Jessica & John’s refusal to give up the Express Pass this round to Dave & Connor. Dave & Connor are commented on by nearly every team for being so strong. This built up to the highlight of the episode (and really the highlight for TAR over the next three seasons) where Dave ruptures his achilles tendon.

Pam & Winnie refusing to give up and finishing in ninth place is a footnote. Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer overcoming their 105 minute deficit is a footnote too. And I bet by episode three everyone has forgotten about Idries & Jamil because of Dave’s achilles injury.

To quote the review of Pokemon Sapphire & Ruby, this indeed did have too much water for the second leg in a row.

Granted I do see -why- Production wanted two legs in Bora Bora because they doubted they would ever have the budget to reach the South Pacific ever again. Fast forward eight seasons later and this is still the only South Pacific visit.

So I’m fine with having two legs in French Polynesia if this is we’re all ever gonna get in our lifetimes.

12) Maun, Botswana -> Grindelwald, Switzerland

Why no Detour, son?

TAR is usually pretty good with putting NELs on their most equalizer heavy legs since the start of the series. Especially when it’s a leg that happens during the mid-to-late chunk of the section when NELs are more frequent.

However, Production made this an elimination leg. That seemed like an oversight on Production’s part. This leg truly came down to Wynona holding up Meghan at the Roadblock and then the decision to not take a taxi to the pit stop. Bates & Anthony won the leg because they could run up the hill faster than three other teams.

As I’ve said before, TAR tends to exploit Switzerland for scenery porn but doesn’t really know what else to do with it. I’m still scratching my head why we needed multiple Switchbacks to the alphorn AND the cheese hill. The whole design of this leg is extremely bizarre. Only the infamous train ride during the Switzerland leg in TAR 28 tops it (which happens to be a nominee for the worst leg in TAR history).

The St. Bernards were pretty neat.

This is one of those rare cases in TAR US history where a penalty eliminated a team from the race. In fact, this is the final time in TAR history where a team got eliminated strictly due to a penalty for something they did during a task or elsewhere on the race course.

Furthermore, it is going to be all the way until the TAR 29 premiere where a team doesn’t arrive at the pit stop in last place, but a penalty at the mat eliminates them from the race. Meanwhile, this happens in TAR Canada almost every other week.

I would love to see the additional info the Cheese Hill task. Chuck & Wynona did -use- the sleds. We clearly saw them use the sleds at teh top of the hill and at the very bottom. How clear was the clue stating that they weren’t allowed to roll it down the hill? Phil’s own words state they got penalized for not using the sleds “properly.” What constitutes proper usage of the sleds? That seems rather subjective.

I am sure it went unaired, but if I was them I would’ve contended that point on the mat. It seems like a lousy way to go out of the race. I would’ve seen how teams would’ve handled Chuck & Wynona still being in the race heading into leg nine. Max & Katie, Caroline & Jennifer, and Bates & Anthony have been in a tight alliance but seem to get along well with Mona & Beth rather than Joey & Meghan. Chuck & Wynona are viewed as the weakest team in the whole race. Would the trio have just U-Turned Mona & Beth and Chuck & Wynona? Or would everyone shift their thinking to “man, I’d love to have Chuck & Wynona in the final leg with us.” It could’ve very well turned into a fight for everyone trying to get to the Final Three with both Caroline & Jennifer and Chuck & Wynona.

By Chuck & Wynona being eliminated, the divide between The Outsiders and the Anti-Jessica & John Brigade is made much clearer in a 3 vs. 2 divide. It’s quite similar to the divide we saw just one season earlier in TAR 21.

Because very little happened in this leg other than in the closing five minutes, it opened the door to a lot of fun character scenes. Max & Katie step up the villain role a bit more, we actually know there’s a team named Mona & Beth, the relationship between Bates & Anthony and Caroline & Jennifer is made clearer, and we see Joey & Meghan now being branded as underdogs. We also got a lot of interesting Chuck & Wynona content.

Overall, this was definitely the worst episode of the season. Sorry Phil, but a cheese hill isn’t anywhere near the most memorable challenge of all time. I can’t even recall the last time somebody referenced Chuck & Wynona’s penalty occurred -because- of the cheese hill. In fact, I’d take it one step further and say very few people remember this penalty happening at the pit stop. I bet people remembered Chuck & Wynona were eliminated for being a weaker team rather than a #ReadYourClue moment.

Rank the Teams

1) Pam Chien & Winnie Sung

I forgot how much hilarious content Pam & Winnie had during TAR 22. Because editors were focused on hyping up Jessica & John’s Express Pass blunder and Dave & Connor’s inevitable return invite for an all-star season that I am sure Production already had on the table, Pam & Winnie’s edit was limited early on.

However, starting leg five things really picked up for Pam & Winnie. There were so many vicious confessionals. In fact, their final confessional went after every other eliminated team. We rarely see competent all-female teams, and not only that but competent minority all-female teams who are entertaining.

I recall lots of fans online assuming Pam & Winnie were a lock for the next all-star season. When TAR 24 was announced as a returnee season, Pam & Winnie had the following traits on their side:

a) All-female team;
b) Strong;
c) Minority;
d) Shit-stirrers;
e) Competed less than 24 months prior to filming
f) Made it over halfway in the season
g) Won a leg

Somehow they get snubbed. Not only that but only two all-female teams are brought back for TAR 24 including. . .Caroline & Jennifer?! over Pam & Winnie?! If you’re going to cast Caroline & Jennifer, you’ve got to cast Pam & Winnie at the very least. We’ll talk about it more when we reach TAR 24, but I’ve always felt bad for Caroline & Jennifer’s TAR 24 run because Pam & Winnie’s snub meant fans were predisposed to disliking Caroline & Jennifer before the season even began airing through no fault of their own. It is Reason #748 why I don’t bother tuning into returnee seasons of reality TV shows anymore with very rare exceptions.

Over the years I’ve seen fans here and there who over-compensate for endorsing all-female teams for returnee seasons. I’ll see somebody say Liz & Marie from TAR 19 should be brought back or Maria & Tiffany from TAR 15 or Nary & Jamie from TAR 20.

I remember how much outrage there was when people saw the cast release from TAR 24 and saw Caroline & Jennifer took the all-female slot over Pam & Winnie. It also must be an awkward experience for Caroline & Jennifer.  It’s not their fault Production picked them instead of Pam & Winnie. I’ve never understood fans who get angry at a specific team who accept a second shot to play. What the hell are Caroline & Jennifer? Decline a shot at a million bucks and eternal glory because a bunch of fans online are unhappy with a shitty casting job?

If TAR 24 was cast using CBS’ BIPOC 50 percent quota implemented in 2021, I am sure Pam & Winnie get asked within 0.1 seconds.

Pam & Winnie brought so much to the table. I wish we could have reduced Dave & Connor’s airtime by about thirty percent and awarded it to Pam & Winnie. I think their elimination in leg seven would’ve been much more shocking.

Pam & Winnie’s circumstances surrounding their elimination would fit the criteria of major ‘What If?’ teams that are given a second chance.

They were on cruise control as much as Bates & Anthony. They were in a dominant alliance that was coasting to the finale. They always did well at every task and could navigate efficiently. They were cunning. There were teams statistically much weaker than them in leg seven who I’m convinced they would have likely destroyed in subsequent rounds of play. Pam & Winnie stood a damn good shot of making it to the Final Three as Wynona will continue to face pressure in Roadblocks, Mona & Beth and Joey & Meghan are U-Turn magnets, Max & Katie psych themselves out when things aren’t going perfectly, and Caroline & Jennifer very very rarely reach the podium on any given leg.

Pam & Winnie join that big list of teams of “Why the hell weren’t they asked back in a returnee season?” How Caroline & Jennifer, Joey & Meghan, Jessica & John, and Dave & Connor all return instead of Pam & Winnie from this season is beyond me.

2) Jessica Hoel & John Erck

Oy. Vey.

Excluding terrible twists implemented by Production, the early parts of a season after the premiere tend to not be terribly memorable.

Jessica & John single-handedly prevented that this season. Even if Dave hadn’t ruptured his achilles, Jessica & John’s ridiculous handling of the Double Express Pass would’ve been enough for editors to get by.

The “oy vey” moment went from an underrated comedic moment to overrated to now an appropriately rated comedic moment.

If any of the other ten teams receive the Double Express Pass, this season plays out in a completely different manner. Dave & Connor likely can’t even complete the New Zealand leg as they wouldn’t have an Express Pass to bypass the Detour, Bates & Anthony wouldn’t be rounding up troops and convince them there is a common enemy they can all rally against, and we wouldn’t have Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth the constant subjects of U-Turn schemes.

It has a massive ripple effect on the season. I assume this is why Production will try the Double Express Pass twist for the next two seasons. Sadly, lightning wouldn’t strike twice because everyone paid attention to how poorly Jessica & John handled the situation.

The best thing about Jessica & John’s storyline is I picked up on John’s unintentional ridiculousness pre-season. I just could not get the Anders image out of my head whenever he spoke. Episode one went exactly as I expected and his behaviour kept cracking me up. However, what nobody saw coming was somebody being so oblivious to the strategy of TAR that he would alienate most of the cast AND be the only person in TAR US history to go home without using the Express Pass.

The best part is he -knew- he was fighting for last place. The previous leg was a NEL. You know Wynona nor Dave have started doing Roadblocks yet which means their days are numbered especially Dave’s. You know this leg can’t be a NEL, but there are at least two more NELs coming down the road. This is the best leg to use an Express Pass regardless of position.

And he STILL doesn’t use it. Even if he wasn’t thinking long term about the structure of the race, he was in an immediate fight for dead last and still refused to use it.

I’ve read the exit interviews and to this day nobody can figure out why exactly John didn’t use it, and I have a feeling John doesn’t know why either. I think he was feeling invincible after three top three finishes to start out the season. He didn’t expect to drop from second down to ninth and go home.

I know I’ve left Jessica out a lot of this writeup (much like how the editors did) but that’s because she was the “straight man” in this duo. In a buddy comedy, you need one person who is completely outrageous and one person who is normal so the contrast is that much funnier. Jessica played her role. It’s just tough to analyze Jessica beyond “I wish she was more aggressive with using the Express Pass or talking John out of bad decisions, but she opted to be more supportive of her teammate and thought that was the better approach.”

It’s tough to write too much about that.

Production decides to bring back Jessica & John just two seasons later because of this “Oy vey” blunder alone and due to Production’s obsession with TAR 22 heading into TAR 24.

Unfortunately John was much more grounded during TAR 24 and resulted in Jessica & John having one of the most unmemorable runs I have seen returnees go through on any reality show. I have never ever seen people discuss Jessica & John’s run on TAR 24 nearly eight years later. Jessica & John only work as a team if they are the strongest team in the cast with power. Power clearly gets to John’s head. If you don’t have that to play with in the editing room, you’re ultimately going to give them the Jeremy & Sandy treatment.

I understand why Jessica & John were brought back, but it’s just the 1000th lesson of why returnee seasons rarely work on reality shows. Their errors were really clear to them and they knew to remedy them ahead of their second appearance. If you’re going to bring back a contestant, you need a contestant who has a bit more of an internal struggle or faces uncertainty with what they want to do during their second stint.

Overall, thanks for being on your A+ entertainment game, Jessica & John. Kristen & Darren will be calling you shortly.

3) Max Bichler & Katie Bichler

Unlike the most fabricated moment in TAR history where people credit Rob Mariano for orchestrating a Mass Quit at the notorious food eating Roadblock in TAR 7, Max & Katie can be directly credited for triggering the Triple Quit at the sandcastle Roadblock here in TAR 22.

Max & Katie provided confessionals that were required of your villains but never crossed into that territory of inducing eyerolls.

They went from being really close to a humiliating storyline of “early losers who get beaten by everyone they dissed” to winning three consecutive legs heading into the finale. That’s quite the turnaround.

Max & Katie had the rare storyline of going straight from a wedding to TAR being their honeymoon. Because of this I think they had more fun with the experience than other teams did on the course.

They had a really fun dynamic within the flirtatious alliance of Bates & Anthony and Caroline & Jennifer. I wish we had more scenes of Max & Katie playing off of Pam & Winnie.

Max & Katie couldn’t be more of a contrast to Joey & Meghan. Joey & Meghan were at their most entertaining when they were stuck in a room with Max & Katie. If you ever wanted insight to the two different types of young people you see in American political culture, Max & Katie and Joey & Meghan fulfill that spectrum.

Once we got through the chaos of losing Jessica & Anders, Dave & Connor, and Pam & Winnie all in a row, we really needed a team to step up to make the second half worth watching for the general audience and thankfully Max & Katie fulfilled that role.

4) Chuck McCall & Wynona McCall

Chuck & Wynona were funnier than I remembered. Every season we get that team from a rural environment that are out of their element. Based on Phil’s comments, you can’t help but feel they were cast strictly because of Chuck’s hair.

Chuck & Wynona had an interesting path. Because of Wynona’s leg injury prior to filming, Chuck did as many Roadblocks as possible which is why their count got so damn lopsided. It’s also why Wynona ended up with not-so-ideal tasks during the season as she tried to even up the count. This is before TAR 24’s rule of “Let Connor Do However Many Roadblocks He Feels Like” came into effect.

They got saved many times during the season:
a) During the third leg they got saved by a NEL which didn’t have a Speed Bump on the following leg;
b) Jessica & John refused to use their Express Pass at the Roadblock;
c) Dave & Connor withdrew from the race in leg five;
d) The Detour Mishap in leg six which flipped the standings.

Yep. Four saves in the span of five legs where they were guaranteed elimination. It’s funny that their elimination was due to bad luck because Production enforced what “proper” use of sleds happened to be. I guess it had to balance out.

Chuck & Wynona were able to get five additional legs than they should’ve. I think we ought to consider that a victory.

Wynona had some fun and witty confessionals. You knew she was something special when she announced her diet in leg one largely consists of vodka and 7Up. If Chuck wasn’t a passive person, we would’ve seen some VERY explosive content between this couple.

The biggest mystery for me is what the other four teams would’ve done if Chuck & Wynona hadn’t gotten eliminated in leg eight. Would they have been targeted at the final Double U-Turn location in leg ten? Would every team be eager to help them? How many more Roadblocks and running around could Wynona do before she crumbled? Would she have toughed it out all the way to the finish line if necessary? It would’ve been interesting to see play out.

Chuck & Wynona definitely made the short list in the minds of viewers for being possibly invited back for TAR 24. I’m a bit surprised they weren’t as they were clear Production favourites. I know Chuck & Wynona would’ve been eager for a second shot. Oh well. They weren’t the only ones to get potentially fucked over by TAR 24’s casting choices.

Wynona’s trademark glares at the camera shall forever be burned into my memory.

5) Mona Hinman-Briscoe & Beth Domenico

Mona & Beth were the only team to make the Final Four who weren’t part of the majority alliance.

Out of all of the all-female teams to make it to Final Three, Mona & Beth are the most forgotten.

I know for a fact when this season originally aired back in 2013 that they were CONSTANTLY compared to the Bowling Moms Linda & Karen from TAR 5. They were treated as a knockoff of Linda & Karen which is why Mona & Beth were never supported as a major team in the season. After 33 seasons of TAR US and countless other English language seasons of TAR, this comparison seems a bit unfair now that we’ve been exposed to a lot more all-female teams who make a deep run.

However, Mona & Beth were never able to shake off that label as the Linda & Karen understudies. Therefore, they were never taken seriously as contenders to win the season and faded into obscurity quickly. It didn’t help that they had a weak showing in the final leg of the season. If they finished on a stronger note, they probably would’ve gotten more respect from the audience. That would’ve boosted their odds for an invite to a returnee season.

Unfortunately, Mona & Beth are labelled as the Linda & Karen Understudies who scraped by week to week who never won a leg. That’s funny when you think statistically they are very similar to Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer.

They were more fun than I remembered, and I’m glad I got to write about the cute roller derby ladies for twelve episodes.

6) Bates Battaglia & Anthony Battaglia

Typically when you go online you see a lot of criticism for alpha male winners in TAR. Bates & Anthony have never received criticism. Granted they very rarely receive praise either online. Winners tend to get discussed frequently in the TAR community, but Bates & Anthony rarely come up in the American franchise. Given that a lot of TAR winners tend to not be the most exciting of characters, it’s funny that even within that category Bates & Anthony are the least mentioned.

Bates & Anthony were well-liked by everyone in the cast. The only person they ever went after in the cast was Anders as “The Sniveler.” They had a showmance with Caroline & Jennifer which surprisingly didn’t irritate viewers.

They were a very strong team from start to finish. The only time they were ever vulnerable during an elimination leg was when Jessica & John royally fucked up their Express Pass. So funny.

Throughout the season you have Mona & Beth and Joey & Meghan saying “why the hell is nobody else going after the ice hockey players?!” Bates & Anthony were definitely the strongest team overall, but everyone liked them and therefore were able to stick around. That’s just Competitive Reality TV Strategy 101. If people are charmed by you, you get a longer leash.

I don’t have too much to say about Bates & Anthony. Their physical strength really helped them get leads on everybody in order to win the most legs as well as the season, their social game protected them from U-Turns and sabotage, and they never made any stupid mental mistakes.

The only two times they trailed all season was because of a bad cab driver in Bali and when they broke a letter. Otherwise, it was a nearly flawless run for the Lucky Bs.

7) Idries Abdur-Rahman & Jamil Abdur-Rahman

For anyone who isn’t aware of how Casting works for TAR, they create the route and the tasks first -before- casting teams. Why cast a team who can’t swim when you know the first two legs are about ninety percent swimming and the other ten percent involves the beach?

If they were on any of the other thirty-one seasons in the TAR catalogue, Idries & Jamil would’ve breezed through the first two rounds of play. Why Casting didn’t put them on seasons 23 or 27 is beyond me.

I only learned about the whole “African-Americans can’t swim” stereotype because of watching Survivor and TAR. Gervase in the very first season of Survivor was forced to paddle because he couldn’t swim. Sean and Vecepia were blamed for Maraamu’s losses in water challenges. Ted was classified as a “non-swimmer” by Helen. Osten had to be rescued from drowning during Pearl Islands. Phillip Sheppard told the story about being trapped in the water and had to forfeit the immunity challenge of the same episode he was eliminated. In Cagayan, Bryce and Cliff Robinson were the only two people who sat out of a swimming challenge. LaTasha had to be rescued from drowning in Second Chances. Kisha and Jen -really- struggled at The Water Cube during TAR 14.

Jaison Robinson in Survivor: Samoa was the biggest exception during the first decade or so of CBS shows.

My parents and I have had conversations about this while I was growing up. I’m curious why CBS put themselves in a situation to highlight this stereotype once more on TV where Idries & Jamil were left to be somewhat humiliated in each of the first two episodes on TV.

Luckily Idries & Jamil had some fun moments too. They got to be on that first flight to troll Pam & Winnie, and came up with the “Whichever team finishes second from our group automatically receives the second Express Pass.”

I’m glad their reputation won’t forever be boiled down to “that team who couldn’t swim.”

I will say Idries & Jamil -did- have an out here. All they had to do was to pick the Take a Trunk Detour. They likely don’t finish this round a minimum of two hours slower than all other teams. They didn’t even see Pam, Max, or Caroline at the Roadblock! I can guarantee you Idries & Jamil both had to be medically cleared after they needed to be rescued from drowning before they could switch Detour options.

Also, poor Idries having to spend over three hours digging sandcastles. Idries’ only two tasks on TAR involved sunstroke and drowning.

Idries & Jamil were really unlucky with the cards they were dealt.

8) Dave O’ Leary & Connor O’ Leary

Achillesachillesachillesachillesachilles.

OK. I got that out of my system.

People reading this are going to fall into one of two camps:
a) I am ranking Dave & Connor too low;
b) I am ranking Dave & Connor too high.

It’s tough to talk about Dave & Connor’s run in TAR 22 without referencing TAR 24. After TAR 24, Dave & Connor became one of the top five most hated teams of all time with a small minority who really really likes them (I’d say it’s about 85 percent really really hated them after TAR 24, 13 percent who really really like them, and about 2 percent somewhere in the middle).

I think we’d all be lying if we said Dave & Connor weren’t big fan favourites after they made their exit in TAR 22. They had the story, they got along with everybody really well, and were the first team to be officially medically evacuated from TAR (you could make the case Marshall & Lance were the first team to be eliminated due to an injury, but never got pulled from the race by a doctor). Given Dave & Connor won both legs AFTER the injury, and also had two other podium finishes, there was a massive ‘what if.’ I know Dave only did one Roadblock all season, but there is a very real argument over whether they would’ve won the whole season if it wasn’t for the injury.

They would’ve held onto an Express Pass going into leg five, and weren’t on anybody’s radar for the U-Turn. It would’ve been interesting towards the end of the season if teams would’ve aligned with Bates & Anthony or Dave & Connor.

On a rewatch nearly a decade later, the achilles and cancer references gets extremely repetitive and takes away from the viewing experience. It really disrupts the flow of the season as we had some other more intriguing dynamics going on.

Clearly Dave & Connor were instant locks for the next all-star season as Production let them participate in leg five just so they could go to the pit stop and talk with Phil when quitting. Production really wanted to make a big deal of it on TV. It definitely wasn’t a subtle or quiet exit.

9) Caroline Cutbirth & Jennifer Wayne

And now to talk about the runner-ups of the team won the all-time TAR franchise award of “Why were THEY brought back?!” after Chris & Amanda in TAR 14 and 18.

After re-watching this season for the first time in nearly a decade. . .I still don’t know why Caroline & Jennifer were even remotely considered to return.

Did they have a rivalry with another team this season? Nope.
Were they the most popular all-female team from this season? Nope. They were the least popular all-female team from this season.
Did they perform better than most all-female teams this season? Nope. They performed the worst overall.

So to leap from that to picking Caroline & Jennifer as an “all-time great” in any of those three categories seems absolutely ludicrous to most people. People are still bitter Caroline & Jennifer got picked for TAR 24 to this day.

Especially when all I ever read on the Internet prior to TAR 24 is everyone BEGGING for Pam & Winnie or Brook & Claire to be brought back (Brook & Claire always get pregnant at the worst possible times).

The only thing I could pick up on is that Production thought they were a really pleasant team to have around. Look at how tightly aligned Caroline & Jennifer were throughout the season. You rarely heard anybody trash talk Caroline & Jennifer other than “why won’t they U-Turn Bates & Anthony???”

I know to most people that seems like a lame reason to bring a team back, but that’s the best explanation I have for you. This is why so many RTV contestants try to stay in Production’s good graces even if they have grievances with the show because they want to get that call back for a second shot at a million bucks. Producers clearly liked working with Caroline & Jennifer.

Caroline & Jennifer’s legacy would have been so much better if they had played only TAR 22. Here they were known as the weaker flirtatious all-female team who were very likable and told off-the-wall hilarious stories throughout the season. An eleven episode run would’ve been the perfect amount.

However, Caroline & Jennifer’s legacy was tainted so much more after TAR 24. They aligned with the wrong team, they earned a couple of unfortunate records in the records books, and got blasted on social media non-stop for always using their looks to get ahead (it’s a perfectly valid advantage to use by the way) and relying on everybody else (also a perfectly valid way to stay in the race too). This is mixed in with “they took a different all-female team’s spot in TAR 24” which ensured their reputation would never be repaired.

I’d be very curious to hear from Caroline & Jennifer if they ever regretted coming back for TAR 24 and wish their legacy from TAR 22 is what everyone remembered them for. I distinctly recall TAR columnists who made fun of Caroline & Jennifer in TAR 22 intentionally defended them in TAR 24 because 99 percent of the Internet was crapping on them.

I wish Caroline & Jennifer were left alone and remembered as a team who had a funny run in TAR 22 and had these little moments. Caroline & Jennifer probably wish the same thing.

10) Joey Graceffa & Meghan Camarena

Joey isn’t as frustrating of a presence as I recall my brother-in-law making him out to be nearly a decade ago.

Joey & Meghan had a very minor role in this season. When you think of all of the storylines and big characters in the season, Joey & Meghan serve as the side attraction as “The YouTubers.” They didn’t really receive much distinction aside from being clumped in the alliance with Jessica & John and Mona & Beth.

Given we have Leo & Jamal famously being targeted in TAR 23 and TAR 24 at U-Turns and W-Turns, I guarantee you most people have forgotten that Joey & Meghan were the first team to be U-Turned twice in the same season. The obscurity of that knowledge is aided by Dave & Connor forfeiting the Vietnam leg. That really overshadowed everything else that happened.

Joey & Meghan served as great contrasts to Bates & Anthony, Caroline & Jennifer, and Max & Katie.

Most of my friends in real life are like Bates & Anthony, Caroline & Jennifer, Max & Katie, and Mona & Beth.

However, some of my friends online and my closest friends when I was in high school were a lot like Joey & Meghan. They definitely cater to that younger and Twitch/YouTubing audience.

Joey & Meghan aren’t really associated with TAR 22 when most people talk about it. They fade very quickly after the season. However, Joey & Meghan later return for TAR 24. Aside from the three-timers, Joey & Meghan win the award for the biggest ‘wtf’ choice of the season given the number of co-ed teams there were to choose from.

The only reason I can think of why Joey & Meghan will soon play for a second time is because of the timing of TAR 22 and they have by far the biggest social media following of any team from the season.

As noted at the start of each of my TAR 22 blogs, Joey & Meghan both did individual episode recaps for all ten episodes of their run which received millions of views. I presume CBS was happy with all of this free promotional material.

After Joey & Meghan’s run on TAR 24. . .they didn’t record a single episode recap for the season. I love how TAR 24 has such a poor reputation that one of its own teams didn’t even bother doing recaps for it. Joey & Meghan didn’t do the -one thing- CBS hoped they would do.

Joey & Meghan had a decent albeit unmemorable run in TAR 22. I doubt most people even remember they were on TAR 24 or being the first US team to be U-Turned twice in the same season. I’m fine with their role in TAR 22.

11) Matt Davis & Daniel Moss

As I said before, whichever team out of the three who took the penalty and got eliminated
would be perceived as idiots by the public. Unfortunately for Matt & Daniel earn that distinction.

They’re the first team to go home due to making a pact with all remaining teams on the course to take a four hour penalty and be certain they could hit the mat before them.

You can see the logic in their decision. Why give Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer the opportunity to be lucky and find clues buried in the sand before you, and thus guarantee your elimination? If you’re level and you have canoeing and paddling experience, you must have a large amount of confidence there’s no way you’re going home.

Sure, Max & Katie might be decent at canoeing, but Caroline & Jennifer? Bah! Firefighters vs. country singers? Who’s gonna have more stamina after four hours of digging in the sand? I bet Matt & Daniel didn’t even think it would be close.

Of course they looked rather foolish when their va’a tipped twice, and Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer strolled on the mat together.

I presume the idea with casting Matt & Daniel was to have the all-male heroic team. Nice humble firefighters could’ve been low-key fan favourites. I’m surprised they haven’t been cast for season four of Tough As Nails.

As for their entertainment value and personalities. . .they weren’t the most charismatic team. Matt did his best Droopy impression for the entire premiere. I’ve never seen somebody frown so much pre-season and during the leg since Mark of Mark & Bopper.

Overall, I doubt Matt & Daniel remember their names specifically. After this season, they’re always referred to as “that team who couldn’t paddle in that first episode of that season where all 3 teams took a penalty cause they couldn’t find a clue inside a sandcastle.”

I’m sure they got PTSD when this task was repeated for TAR 25.

Team Averages
—

Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.

e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.

Therefore their average is 8.2.

Because of how long this list has become, I only show the relevant section where the eliminated team from this episode has fallen amongst the ranks of what TAR history has to offer.

Bullshit Round One/Starting Line Eliminations That Do Not Count
—
Eric & Lisa N/A
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A

— F- —

12th Debra & Steve 12.0 TAR 4
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0 TAR 3
11th Matt & Daniel 11.0 TAR 22 (4 Hour Roadblock Penalty)
11th Rob & Sheila 11.0 TAR 21
11th Misa & Maiya 11.0 TAR 20
11th Ron & Tony 11.0 TAR 17
11th Adrian & Dana 11.0 TAR 16 (Failed to Complete Roadblock)
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0 TAR 14
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0 TAR 13
11th Ari & Staella 11.0 TAR 12
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0 TAR 11
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0 TAR 10
11th John & Scott 11.0 TAR 9
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0 TAR 7
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0 TAR 6
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0 TAR 5
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0 TAR 2
11th Matt & Ana 11.0 TAR 1
10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 (Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race) TAR Asia 2
10th Yani & Nadine 10.0 Would have survived round two, but were marked for elimination and thus officially finished in last both rounds TAR Asia 4
10th Jody & Shannon 10.0 TAR Adventure 16
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0 TAR 9
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0 TAR 11
10th Neena & Amit 10.0 TAR Asia 3
10th A Black Family 10.0 TAR 8
11th Adam & Dane 10.0 TAR Australia 2

— F+ —

10th Andie & Jenna 9.5 TAR 17
10th Steve & Linda 9.5 TAR 14
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 TAR 13
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 TAR 7
11th Ron & Bill 9.5 TAR 19
11th Garrett & Jessica 9.5 TAR 15
9th David & Mary TAR 11: All Stars 9.0 TAR 11
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0 May or may not be gutsy. TAR 2
10th Dave & Cherie 9.0 TAR 20
10th Kate & Pat 9.0 TAR 12
10th Idries & Jamil 9.0 TAR 22
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0 TAR 6
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF TAR 3
10th Anne-Marie & Tracy 8.67 TAR Australia 1
8th Mo & Mos 8.60 Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 1
10th Mel & Mike 8.33 Mel died. TAR 18
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33 TAR 12
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33 TAR 4
8th Gary & Will 8.25 Unsuccessfully Used U-Turn Once and U-Turned TAR 21
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2 Saved by NEL once TAR 6
9th Elliot & Andrew 8.0 TAR 20
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0 TAR 10
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0 TAR 1
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 Yielded TAR 9
9th Jaime & Cara 7.8 U-Turned and Used U-Turn TAR 18
8th Liz & Marie 7.8 Saved by NEL once TAR 19
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 Sucked. TAR 13
7th Mika & Canaan 7.67 Why the heck did they sign up? TAR 15
9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 Bald. TAR 15
9th Isaac & William 7.5 TAR Asia 3
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33 TAR 5
9th Richard & Joey 7.25 U-Turned once TAR Australia 1
9th Alan & Wendy 7.25 Saved by NEL once TAR Asia 4
8th Manas & Sahil 7.0 TAR Asia 4
8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/) TAR Asia 2
8th Aiello Family 7.0 TAR 8

— D- —

8th Tom & Terry 7.0 TAR 10
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta TAR 1
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0 Producers refused to hay bail them. TAR 6
9th Kaylani & Lisa 7.0 Hazarded. Saved by Ryan Storms ™. TAR 19
10th Hope & Norm 7.0 TAR 2
10th Ethan & Jenna 7.0 TAR 19. Double Eliminated.
11th Ryot & Liberty 7.0 TAR Australia 1
5th Lucy & Emilia 6.9 Saved By Salvage Pass TAR Australia 2
8th Kerri & Stacy 6.8 TAR 20
7th Niroo & Kapil 6.75 TAR Asia 3
7th Christie & Jodi 6.67 TAR 14 Saved by NEL
9th Brad & Victoria 6.67 TAR 14
7th Alana & Mel 6.67 TAR Australia 1
6th Maria & Tiffany 6.57 Saved by NEL once and Justin’s blunder again TAR 15
9th Rogers Family 6.5 R.I.P. Renee. TAR 8
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5 TAR 7
11th Amanda & Kris 6.5 TAR 18 Automatic U-Turned.
6th Henry & Terri 6.44 Used Their Yield; Saved by a non-elimination round THREE times. R.I.P. Henry. TAR Asia 2
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43 Saved by NEL once TAR 1
8th Margie & Luke 6.4 TAR 18
9th Caitlin & Brittany 6.33 TAR 21
9th Brett & Kinar 6.33 Rocky finish. TAR Asia 2
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 6.33 TAR Asia 1
8th Pailin & Natalie 6.33 TAR Asia 3
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25 TAR 9
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2 TAR 13
7th Paul & Amie 6.2 TAR 1
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF TAR 4
6th David & Mary 6.13 FF Saved by NEL once TAR 10
6th Chuck & Wynona 6.125 U-Turned. Saved by NEL and a forfeiture TAR 22

— D+ —

5th Kent & Vyxsin 6.0 Used U-Turn and Saved by NEL once TAR 18
7th Ron & Christina 6.0 TAR 18
7th Rob & Kelley 6.0 Used U-Turn Once, Used U-Turn Once and Unsuccessfully U-Turned Once TAR 21
8th Lance & Keri 6.0 TAR 15
9th Zev & Justin 6.0 Passport lost. TAR 15
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0 TAR Asia 1
10th Amy & Daniel TAR 21
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0 TAR 4
6th Andre & Damon 5.86 TAR 3
7th Daichi & Sawaka 5.83 TAR Asia 2
7th Dave & Lori 5.83 Saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Kami & Karli 5.8 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8 TAR 3
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8 TAR 2
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn TAR 12
9th Heather & Eve 5.75 Legal team beaten by rule book. TAR 3
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67 R.I.P. Nancy. Saved by NEL once. TAR 1
7th Jeff & Jordan 5.67. Saved by a stupid Blind U-Turn once but dead the next day. TAR 16
9th Sue & Teresa 5.67 TAR Australia 2
5th Bill & Cathi 5.5 Saved by NEL twice, U-Turned once and Used U-Turn once TAR 19
6th Nary & Jamie 5.5 Saved by NEL once TAR 20
6th Gaghan Family 5.5 TAR 8
7th “Joey” Fitness & “Danny” 5.5 TAR 20
6th James & Sarah 5.44 TAR Australia 2
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF TAR 4
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF. Beaten by a bunch of rules. TAR Asia 1
8th Katie & Rachel 5.4 Had all of the tools to finish with a 5.4 ratio TAR 17

— C- —

4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36 Saved by NEL twice TAR 7
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF TAR 4
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33 TAR 5
9th Monique & Shawne 5.33 TAR 16. Praise Jesus.
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33 TAR 7
7th KevJumba & Michael 5.29 TAR 17. NEL once + Heather & Eve Syndrome.
7th Gus & Hera 5.29 TAR 6
4th Nick & Vicki 5.27 TAR 17 Saved by NEL twice
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25 Saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25 TAR 5
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned TAR 12
5th Mark & Michael 5.22 Saved by NEL once but came up just short TAR 14
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 13
7th Silver & Gold/ Wil & Grace 5.17 TAR 3
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14 TAR 13
5th Chad & Stephanie 5.11 U-Turned TAR 17
7th Ray & Deana 5.0 FF TAR 7
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0. Screwed over by weird penalty for another team. TAR Asia 1
8th Ross & Tarryn 5.0 Salvage Pass User and Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 2
9th Steve & Josh 5.0  FF TAR 4
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0  FF TAR 1
9th Mark & Bill 5.0  Wah. TAR 13
9th Kym & Donna 5.0 TAR Australia 2
4th Caroline & Jennifer 4.91 TAR 22
4th Vanessa & Ralph 4.91 U-Turned once TAR 20
4th Joseph & Grace 4.91 Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 2
5th Fran & Barry 4.89 TAR 9
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88 TAR Asia 1

— C+ —

3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded TAR 10
7th Ivan & Hilda 4.83 TAR Asia 4
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83 TAR 11
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF and saved by NEL once TAR 3
6th Mai & Oliver 4.8 In a car TAR Asia 3
7th Schroeder Family 4.75 TAR 8
9th Connor & Jonathan 4.75 TAR 17
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield TAR 9
6th Brian & Greg 4.71 TAR 7
5th Joey & Meghan 4.70 U-Turned Twice; Used U-Turn Once TAR 22
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70 TAR 10
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 6
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67 TAR 10
3rd Hussein & Natasha Saved by 4.64 NEL once TAR Asia 4
6th Gary & Mallory 4.625 TAR 17
5th Mark & Bopper 4.6 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 20
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 6
1st Josh & Brent 4.583 Saved by NEL once and about five miracle acts of God TAR 21
6th Jet & Cord  4.56 – U-Turned, saved by NEL once TAR 18
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF TAR 3
6th Chris & Anastasia 4.50 TAR Australia 1
8th Kris & Jo–er, Amanda 4.50 U-Turned TAR 14
5th Paula & Natasha 4.45 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 2
3rd Amani & Marcus 4.42 Saved by NEL once TAR 19
8th Joe & Heidi 4.40 – Blind U-Turned with Injured Knee; TAR 16
6th Laurence & Zac 4.375 Used U-Turn and U-Turned TAR 19
4th Louie & Michael 4.36 saved by NEL once, used U-Turn. & trained wolf cubs TAR 16
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 11
1st Dan & Jordan 4.33 – FF once TAR 16
3rd Brent & Caite 4.33 – Used U-Turn TAR 16
3rd Mona & Beth 4.33 – Saved by NEL once, U-Turned Once TAR 22
4th Jess & Lani 4.3 TAR Asia 4
7th Justin & Jennifer 4.29 TAR 19
4th Kisha & Jen 4.27 Saved by NEL Once, U-Turned Once TAR 14
2nd Max & Katie 4.25 Saved by NEL Once, Used U-Turn Once TAR 22
3rd Brian & Ericka 4.25 saved by NEL Once TAR 15
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF TAR 2

— B- —

3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23 saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Gary & Matt 4.22 saved by NEL once and c—blocked once in Saunabuss TAR 15
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned TAR 12
4th Linda & Karen 4.17 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15 TAR 11
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.) TAR 2
7th Pam & Winnie 4.14 Used U-Turn TAR 22
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield TAR 8
6th James & Abba 4.125 FF and Saved by NEL once TAR 21
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11 TAR 7
5th Dave & Kelly 4.10 TAR Australia 1
1st Shane & Andrew 4.083 Used U-Turn Twice TAR Australia 2
2nd Sam & Renae 4.083 Saved by NEL once and Used Express Pass TAR Australia 1
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded TAR Asia 1
5th Carol & Brandy 4.00 – U-Turned. May or May Not Be Mean. TAR 16
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL, grew goatees TAR 4
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
2nd Jaime & Cara 3.92 TAR 14
2nd Pamela & Vanessa 3.92 TAR Asia 2
4th A.D. & Fuzzie 3.90 – U-Turned and saved by NEL once TAR Asia 3
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF TAR 2
6th Sunaina & Dimple 3.875 – Used Yield, U-Turned TAR Asia 4
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85 Saved by NEL twice TAR 4
2nd Michelle & Claire 3.81 Used U-Turn and Yielded TAR Asia 4
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
9th Jessica & John 3.75 – Double Express Pass Winner. Failed to Use Express Pass. TAR 22. Oy vey.
2nd Herb & Nate a.k.a. Flight Time & Big Easy 3.75 U-Turned and Used U-Turn TAR 18
4th Diane & Ann 3.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 2
4th Jon & Al 3.73 TAR 4
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71 TAR 5

— B+ —

3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF TAR 4
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 12
7th Sticky & Sam 3.625 Must Vote U-Turned and Used Express Pass TAR Australia 2
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL once TAR 11
2nd Jaymes & James 3.583 “U-Turned” once and used U-Turn once TAR 21
2nd Jeremy & Sandy 3.58 TAR 19
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
6th Mel & Mike 3.57 TAR 14
5th Ethan & Khairie 3.56 TAR Asia 4
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56 TAR 6
3rd Ida & Tania 3.54 Saved by NEL twice TAR Asia 3
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded TAR 9
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46 TAR Asia 1
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded TAR 6
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45 TAR 12
4th Zev & Justin 3.45 TAR 18
3rd Brendon & Rachel 3.42 U-Turned and Used U-Turn TAR 20
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st TAR 12
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 2
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield TAR 5
6th Steve & Allie 3.38 – TAR 16, and ain’t got no clothes.
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF TAR 1
1st Kisha & Jen 3.33 TAR 18
2nd Paul & Steve 3.33 U-Turned Twice and Used Yield TAR Australia 2
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
4th Matt & Tom 3.27 Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 1
4th Natalie & Nadiya 3.27 Saved by NEL once, FF used, and Express Pass used TAR 21
3rd Gary & Mallory 3.25 Saved by NEL once and Used Express Pass TAR 18
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25 TAR 13
1st TK & Rachel 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 12
4th Godlewski Family 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 8
3rd Trey & Lexi 3.17 TAR 21 Used U-Turn once TAR 21
3rd Jeff & Luke 3.17 TAR Australia 1
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 10

— A- —

2nd Sam & Dan 3.17 U-Turned Pointlessly TAR 15
2nd Brook & Claire 3.17 U-Turned Once TAR 17
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17 TAR 10
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL twice TAR 8
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF TAR 4
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 7
4th Toni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia TAR 13
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF TAR 3
2nd Geoff 26 & Tisha 31  3.09 Used Yield and U-Turn TAR Asia 3
4th Herb & Nate a.k.a. Flight Time & Big Easy 3.09 TAR 15. Znarf!
1st Nat & Kat 3.08 – FF and Used U-Turn Once TAR 17
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF TAR 10
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 7
3rd Jill & Thomas 3.00 – Used U-Turn once and Used Express Pass TAR 17
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00 – TAR 12
8th Dave & Connor 3.00 – 2nd Express Pass Recipient TAR 22
3rd Michelle & Jo 2.92 Yielded once and used U-Turn twice TAR Australia 2
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92 – Saved by NEL once TAR 6
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield TAR 10
2nd Bransen Family 2.85 – Saved by NEL once TAR 8
1st Ernie & Cindy 2.83 – Used U-Turn Once and Express Pass TAR 19
5th Abbie & Ryan 2.78 – 2 Million Dollar Chance, U-Turned Once TAR 21
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield TAR 8
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 1

–BEST OF THE BEST–

3rd Margie & Luke 2.75 Used U-Turn once TAR 14
5th Henry & Bernie/Bunn-Eh 2.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 3
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield, Choked TAR 11
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 3
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF TAR 3
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2, Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 11
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 13
4th Andy & Tommy 2.64 TAR 19
2nd Jet & Cord 2.58 – Saved by NEL once TAR 16.
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF, Yielded, and saved by NEL once TAR 5
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF TAR 2
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF TAR 1
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF, Used Yield, and saved by NEL twice TAR 9
1st Vince & Sam 2.45 FF TAR Asia 3
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF TAR 13
1st Bates & Anthony 2.417 FF, Used U-Turn Once TAR 22
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF TAR 10
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF TAR 1
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38 TAR 6
1st Tammy & Victor 2.33 Used U-Turn Once TAR 14
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31 TAR 7
1st Richard & Richard 2.27 FF TAR Asia 4
1st Tyler & Nathan 2.25 Used U-Turn TAR Australia 1
2nd Art & JJ 2.25 U-Turn and FF TAR 20
1st Adrian & Collin 2.23 FF TAR Asia 2
1st Meghan & Cheyne 2.00 FF TAR 15
1st Dave & Rachel 1.83 FF and EP TAR 20
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF TAR 9
lol 3rd Marc & Rovilson 1.46 Used Yield and Yielded TAR Asia 2

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)
—
11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 10 + 11
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 3 + 11
6 legs (lol) Amanda & Kris 5.17 U-Turned twice TAR 14 + 18
17 legs Jaime & Cara 5.06 Used U-Turn and U-Turned TAR 14 + 18
10 legs Mel & Mike 5.00 TAR 14 + 18
18 legs Kent & Vyxsin 4.94 Used U-Turn Twice, Saved by NEL twice TAR 12 + 18
18 legs Danielle 4.78 yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF TAR 3 + 11
18 legs Ron & Christina 4.44 TAR 12 + 18
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF TAR 1 + 11
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 TAR 5 + 11
16 legs Zev & Justin 3.875 TAR 15 + 18
20 legs Gary & Mallory 3.80 Saved by NEL once, Used Express Pass TAR 17 + 18
23 legs Kisha & Jen 3.78 Saved by NEL once and U-Turned once TAR 14 + 18
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF, saved by NEL thrice TAR 1 + 11
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2, saved by NEL twice TAR 7 + 11
18 legs Margie & Luke 3.61 Used U-Turn TAR 14 + 18
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF, yielded x3, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
21 legs Jet & Cord 3.43 Saved by NEL twice, U-Turned TAR 16 + 18
23 legs Herb & Nate 3.43 Used U-Turn once and U-Turned once TAR 15 + 18
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3, used Yield, saved by NEL twice TAR 2 + 11
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 used Yield twice, saved by NEL once TAR 10 + 11
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF, Yielded x2, saved by NEL once  TAR 9 + 11
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 Used Yield TAR 7 + 11

*I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.

1. The Amazing Race 5 – 9.2/10

“After a year off the air, and TAR comes back with its most epic race course ever. Producers put all of their chips on the table like UFC owners did with The Ultimate Fighter 1, and the payoff was enormous.

We had TAR 6 and 7 green-lighted, produced, and aired less than ten months after TAR 5 did. Everyone and their mother was talking about what was going on in TAR 5 throughout the summer.

The two teams you wanted out the most were gone in the first two episodes. The second team did so by repeating Amanda & Chris’ feat from TAR 4.

The most format changes until TAR 12 would take place for this season as producers wanted to give viewers a new feel to the series. Not the least of which was the beginning of the Yield which began the tradition of allowing one team to flip off another team and shove them into the dirt for a pre-determined amount of time. What was even better is that the Yield was offered -every- round. Unlike today where U-Turns only appear twice or thrice per season.

Colin & Christie, Chip & Kim, and Charla & Mirna are three of the ten biggest characters in TAR history. We were amazed to see them all be cast for the same freakin’ season. Because they all made it at least halfway through the game, there was never a dull moment.

Include a supporting cast of Marshall & Lance, Bob & Joyce, Jim & Marsha, Bowling Moms, and the antics of twins Kamkar made for a top of the line cast.

It is a crime that neither Colin & Christie nor Chip & Kim have been brought back. Colin & Christie did not compete in TAR 11 because Christie was pregnant.
.
.
.
So was she pregnant during TAR 18 and TAR 24 too? Where was Charla & Mirna’s invite for TAR 24? Where are Chip & Kim’s invites, too?

These three teams made headlines all season long to the point that Charla & Mirna were incorporated into numerous TV sketch parodies for the following year. They were the face of TAR for season five, and returned to be the faces for TAR 11. Again, how did the Globetrotters, Cowboys, and Margie & Luke play three times instead of them?

Oh, the route? Incredible. It holds a permanent record of being the best route of any TAR season. Argentina to Russia to Egypt to Tanzania to Dubai to India to New Zealand sends chills down my spine.

I mean, they went to freakin Egypt. Can we just give it a nine for that alone?

So why is it not a ten? They eliminated my favourite twist known as the weekly Fast Forward starting with this season, Brandon & Nicole survived for nine rounds too long, Colin didn’t actually get thrown in jail for the night in Tanzania, and Kamkar didn’t fall off the map for their stupidity.

Caviar, chocolate, and eggs also makes for too many Roadblocks involving local delicacies.

P.S. A TAR book was named after a Colin quote from this season. How is this not number one?

EDIT: My Ox is Broken returned in the tenth round of TAR 25.

P.P.S. This ranking was written EIGHT YEARS before Colin & Christie would return TWENTY-SIX SEASONS LATER to win TAR 31. I never anticipated Colin & Christie would ever be returning to TAR when I wrote this let alone come back and now be in an elite club of winners.

2. The Amazing Race Australia 2 – 9.1/10

TAR 5 is the greatest season in the American franchise.

TAR Australia 2 is the greatest season to film outside of the United States.

I ran a poll on Reddit to determine which season people liked more. Other than a random person yelling at me that TAR 4 should be above both seasons, TAR 5 was the consensus and I agree.

Firstly, TAR 5 traveled to all six inhabited continents. TAR Australia 2 missed out on both Africa and South America. Given the time we wasted in Istanbul and perhaps drop one of the India, Cuba, or Canada legs, it was very possible for all six continents to be visited.

Secondly, TAR 5 was so awesome at such an early period in the TAR timeline. TAR Australia 2 had the benefit of having well over 30 seasons air internationally before being produced. TAR 5 only had four seasons to plan by.

Furthermore, TAR 5 visited Egypt which to me will always be the coolest location that has ever visited. Cuba is damn close and I love how TAR Australia took advantage of their positive diplomatic relations.

In addition, TAR 5 and TAR Australia 2 matched each other by attempting new twists that had never been done before. None of the twists used in either version were game-breaking and neither format backfired. . .except the Intersection in the second Istanbul leg which royally screwed over Ross & Tarryn.

Now let’s end the comparison between TAR Australia 2 and TAR 5.

TAR Australia 2 is the final truly outstanding TAR season to ever air on TV. Given the budget cuts, COVID, and more and more franchises leaning more towards domestic routes, I can’t see a season ever investing as much money and thoughtfulness as TAR Australia 2 did.

We had plenty of self-drive legs. We had very limited funds which teams had to be very diligent about all season long. We had several legs push teams into pure exhaustion. We had the incredibly ambitious single round of Istanbul -> Paris -> Havana. TAR Australia 3 will have Buenos Aires -> Hollywood -> Australia but there weren’t any culture shocks in that span.

TAR Australia 2 had at least one twist on each of the first ten legs. The Salvage Pass on the first leg saved the most popular underdog team of the season, and we finally got to see what it was like if true first boots don’t go home on the first round. Well, other than Edwin & Monica in TAR Asia 2 and Yani & Nadine in TAR Asia 4 who all got clobbered in back-to-back last place finishes on the first two legs.

Lucy & Emilia were the ultimate underdogs, Paul Montgomery is perhaps a contender for most fascinating character to ever set foot on The Amazing Race, Michelle & Jo used a lot of envy to become one of the strongest all-female teams ever, Grace was a fantastic villain, James & Sarah were a fun version of the bickering couple due to Sarah’s hunners, Sue & Teresa’s rituals provided a lot of entertainment in the first three legs, Kym & Donna had hilarious confessionals, Ross & Tarryn had a bizarre storyline of going from super strong to burning out early, and Shane & Andrew are one of the oldest winning teams ever and also possess the record for most slang ever used in one season.

Paul & Steve and Michelle & Jo pointing each other out as the biggest threats from leg one all the way to the finish line only to come in second and third as Shane & Andrew snuck into the winner’s circle was a great ending to the season.

Both Must-Vote U-Turns (although one went unaired), the Life Drawing Fast Forward, Salvage Pass, and the 30 Minute Advantage Challenge all worked out well on the season (unless you’re Sticky & Sam who also possessed an unaired Express Pass).

The only twist which left us confused was that Intersection in Istanbul right before the final task on a Marked for Elimination leg. Why?????

We also saw teams get eliminated in very extreme ways from the first elimination in Adam & Dane and the final elimination in Joseph & Grace.

This season filmed in the fall of 2011, and here we are in spring of 2021 and more people are talking about it now more than ever. Ten years later and this is still considered the last true peak of TAR.

3. The Amazing Race 12 – 9.0/10

You want to fix the worst problems with TAR, but have your first new cast after All Stars be a bunch of people from California? This season could have gone down as a failure.

But it worked against all pre-game logic. Cutting down on non-eliminations, experimentation with U-Turns and Speed Bumps, new players, fewer rounds of play, shorter rounds, and eccentric old people made for a really fun season of television. This was the most popular season of TAR in terms of US ratings.

Annoying and useless teams went home first, but the villains rightfully went home in the penultimate round.

Sprinkle in a couple of stars along the way, and you have a very feel-good season. Feel-good television typically does not apply to fierce competitions like TAR and Survivor. But really, it is very relaxing. It is the ideal season for a re-watch.

The final Roadblock task is considered the best final task ever done in TAR history. A difficult brain teaser combined with remembering what happened on the race is all that is needed to satisfy viewers.

Sure, you may find the winners likeable but boring, but look at the winners we have on the horizon until TAR 16’s amazing upset.

I love that players approaching seventy years old can find success in TAR, and not be super entitled about it. I love that some racers have their personalities change throughout the course of the season. I love that a sibling team you thought would win every round would instead get eliminated halfway through in a big upset.

Along with TAR 5 and TAR 9, it was responsible for helping the series recover and gain its primetime hold. There may not be any -huge- moments, but just a fun race course that will make you laugh, smile, and sit back along the way.”

4. The Amazing Race 7 – 8.8/10

Wedged between TAR 6 and TAR 8: Family Edition, TAR 7 really needed to deliver.

The stakes of the non-elimination penalties were raised, and production intentionally set up intense foot races to avoid being last at the mat.

Villains were known even before the game began as Rob & Amber came off their boring stint on Survivor: All Stars to potentially corrupt TAR.

They annoyed most of us with exploiting Danny & Oswald’s Fern strategy by combining it with their temporary celebrity status. They were essentially the precursor to the Harlem Globetrotters Strategy except Romber were a bit better when working on their own compared to the Globetrotters.

Ray’s rivalry with the elderly, the Mendoza Meat Roadblock, The Legend of Brian & Greg, the car crash, head shaving and other over-the-top India adventures, and old people falling in underground caves contributed to a memorable season.

But it was all topped by the season finale. Uchenna & Joyce had nothing in the middle of a third world country after coming last in the shortest leg in TAR’s seven season history. They begged and begged and begged for resources until they had enough to get out of the country. Somehow they make up a 200 hour time deficit and get on the same flight as Romber to Miami.

Uchenna & Joyce miraculously build up one of their rare leads when it mattered most-the final destination city before realizing they could not pay their cab at the finish line. What ensued was one of the craziest scrambles ever as viewers were ready to torch CBS Studios if Romber would casually stroll by a frantic Uchenna & Joyce to win the game.

A great finish truly makes a worldly difference in competitions. TAR 7 is no exception.”

5. The Amazing Race 3 – 8.7/10

“Ah, the beginning of my obsession with Survivor, TAR, and The Mole. Survivor Thailand, The Mole 2, and here we have TAR 3 all airing close to simultaneously.

It has been close to three years since I last watched this season, but before that I watched it at least once per year. The only reason why it is not number one is because it had too many equalizers, and I have yet to decide whether I love or hated that the ending to the season trolled me.

Twin Hunt.
Dieselgate.
Epic Flat Tires.
Tramel & Talicia’s lone celebration.
The fall of Heather & Eve.
The fall of Gerard on a punt.
A cop is placed under arrest.
Michael “213” & Kathy.
The heroics of John Vito & Jill.
The emotional and racing turnaround of Ian & Teri.
Flo.

Just two of these elements in any season would be great. But here in TAR 3 we were spoiled as all of these went down in the span of thirteen rounds.

I will forever remember being in the sixth grade and having my classmates and teacher watch Heather & Eve’s humiliation for all of us to re-watch. I still have a copy of the tape I specifically brought to class that day.”

6. The Amazing Race 17 – 8.65/10

If producers of ageing competitive reality shows need to know what it takes to make a strong season after being on the air for a decade and having done so many seasons before, this is the quality you are still capable of reaching.

When I was in high school, a mark of 86% or higher was considered an ‘A’. I think TAR 17 is worthy of this grade.

The only reason I put this above TAR 9 is because while Eric & Jeremy vs. BJ & Tyler may be one of my favourite rivalries with an overall fantastic conclusion as the hippies take the prize, TAR 17 had a bit more depth to its cast.

Brook & Claire, Nat & Kat, Nick & Vicki, Chad & Stephanie, and Gary & Mallory with a couple of other teams in the supporting role makes for an insane cast to have squished into one season.

With only one team going on record to return to play again, this makes TAR 17 an overall hidden gem of the series. There is so much more to it than just being “the first time an American all-female team won”.

Visits to Ghana, the Arctic Circle, Bangladesh, and a hilarious round in Hong Kong made for the best route designed since TAR 12. Seriously, TAR 14-16 had the least inspired race courses, and TAR 17 decided not to fall into a rut.

Watermelons to the face, car slices to the eye, apples being bitten, shoes being smelled, testicles being crushed, butts falling on ice, and YouTubers having dreams crushed all made for a hilarious season.

There was also a high level of penalties this season which is unusual for TAR US. Heck, it is in that mid-range of penalties with TAR Canada 3.

So why does this season not get ranked any higher regardless of a great cast, worthy all-female teams, and a wonderful route?

Well, there is a couple of mistakes producers make.

a) The start of the modern day Express Pass. It was irrelevant in TAR 17, and am happy people like Hamilton & Michaelia are saying it is also irrelevant now.

b) The first leg in St. Petersburg was such a mess for producers to the point they intentionally equalized everybody in the following round, and erased Nick & Vicki’s Speed Bump. That is sloppy for TAR standards.

c) The last couple of legs were not exciting, and Los Angeles is a lousy place to finish a season.

Overall, this is the last truly great season TAR US will produce for a long time, and thank god we had something to break the awful trend of seasons between TAR 14-16. Ratings were at its lowest point after TAR 16, and TAR 17 is exactly what was needed for the series to be recognized as a mainstream hit. The praise for TAR 17 will be so strong that the audience will continue to follow the series until producers lose their trust with TAR 24.

It is amazing to think out of all twenty-six US seasons that this is the season I followed the least during its original airing. Oh well. That’s what happens when TAR 14 and the premiere of TAR 15 temporarily killed my spirit.

7. The Amazing Race 9 – 8.6/10

“Perhaps the most unexpected pre-All Star season to do well. Coming off of Family Edition which pushed the show to 10:00pm timeslot and inevitable death, TAR was close to being written off.

Much like TAR 5 and TAR 12, TAR 9 is right up there for saving the series. Greece, Sicily, Moscow, Oman, and Tokyo all delivered with their respective debuts. This season was really the story of two teams having one epic season long showdown. Sure, Fran & Barry, Lake & Michelle, and Ray & Janet Jackson were decent supporting characters, but Eric & Doug Roobaker versus BJ & Tyler is what we all remember.

Not John & Scott, and MoJo, surprisingly.

BJ & Tyler are pretty much the Tom Westman of TAR. Ninety percent of all viewers absolutely loved them, and everyone always says ‘my favourite season? That one with the hippies’.

Editors embraced the 10:00pm timeslot as this season had some of the most mature content ever released, but also happened to be a season long comedy show. Fran & Barry’s missed clues, Lake’s yelling, 24th greatest team of all-time Lisa & Joni’s run (with full bladders nonetheless), Dani & Danielle not knowing they were terrible, Dave & Lori’s adorable nerdiness, and locals enjoying their interactions with teams.

Shockingly, Mugged for Elimination would end with this season despite it being the most entertaining Mugged for Eliminations ever where BJ truly had no clothes. It is parallel to Exile Island ending immediately after Coach went there in Survivor: Tocantins. Exile Island could not top Coach’s presence just like how Mugged for Elimination could not be topped by BJ just trying to find some freakin’ pants.

EDIT: San Juan Del Sur brought back Exile Island a few months ago. Sorry Coach.

This features the second most exciting finish in TAR history. Eric & Jeremy are ahead at the final task. All you have to do is match up several flags in the order you visited them. In a Rovilson-like fashion, Eric chokes as BJ passes him with the finish line in plain sight.

It was easily the most exciting moment that the state of Colorado had ever seen.

Lastly, Doug Roobaker may be my favourite moment in TAR history.”

8. The Amazing Race 2 – 8.5/10

“Sadly this is the season I have seen the least, but that does not stop it from getting a high rating.

Sure, the route was lame considering how much overlap it had with the original, but we saw a ton of new and neat locations. TAR was not quite out of the documentary stage yet as we saw raw travel footage. This is reality TV nostalgia right here along with TAR 3.

Shola & Doyin were the original tragic characters as nothing would go their way, Tara & Wil may be the biggest jackasses to ever dominate the race, and the beginning of Metrosexual Loners Danny & Oswald. Remember Fern?

A ton of crazy things happen despite it being only the second season. The Africa drunken pit stop fight between Pastor Russell, Wil the Jackass, and Alex the Slightly Less of a Jackass? Gutsy Grannies being the original players to sleep through their pit start but somehow surviving two eliminations as well as being the only team to enter Europe all season (not wise to connect through a city in a continent that producers are not visiting in your season), the Blake & Paige/Hope & Norm car controversy, and lastly. . .it deserves its own paragraphs.

The most talked about final twenty minutes in perhaps any reality TV season. The love triangle of Tara, Wil, and Alex finally facing off for a million bucks. Chris & Alex have done terrible most of the season. They had been saved by non-elimination twice because Wil screwed them over. Tara & Wil meanwhile showed nice guys can GTFO as they had few problems staying ahead of the competition, and Tara manipulating Chris & Alex for a good chunk of the race.

Then everything leading up to Baker’s Circle, and concluding with the most iconic foot race to end a worldwide marathon. You have undoubtedly seen the footage 20, 000 times as TAR bashes you over the head with it. Chris & Alex were disliked for 95% of the season, but their reputation turned around in a matter of ten minutes of exciting television.”

9. The Amazing Race 11: Real All Stars – 7.2/10

“The best all-star format of any season seen in Survivor, Big Brother, and TAR history. Phil submitted a list of fifteen teams that he would love to see again. They were either really popular and/or really skilled. Production picked ten of these teams, and added the hybrid team of Eric & Danielle because Eric & Jeremy would have had a 1.10 race average if they competed.

Would we love to see a winning team from each season, and two Linz teams to have an eleven-team all winners edition? Absolutely. Would we have loved to see each season represented including Lance Bass? Absolutely. But for what reputation Survivor and Big Brother had with their all-star seasons, what TAR gave us was very fair and above average.

The route, the tasks, the travel, the stories, and the characters all collided for a season that for some odd reason was not well liked by the audience. Perhaps the LGBTQ community was pissed a Frat boy managed to whip an all-male gay team and two all-female teams at Final Four. Also, this Frat boy had a partner who was viewed as spoiled and worthless (she did get 500k for her “efforts”).

Compared to casting for TAR 18 and 24, this all-star had the only true all-star cast of the entire series. None of the choices evoked a “Mary Who?” response, and catching up with our original stars along with new frontrunners made for an interesting clash.

It truly marks the end of an era as many familiar format rituals will be disregarded almost immediately after the season is over (Yields, Intersection, four NELs, 13 rounds, Marked for Elimination, multiple final cities in final leg, non-memory final tasks, etc.).

This is what makes TAR 11: Real All Stars such a great season. It effectively wraps up the core of the TAR franchise, and closes the chapter on some of the most important reality TV characters who can pat themselves on the shoulders for preventing TAR’s cancellation.

I urge the many people who view this as a bad season to re-watch and think about everything TAR accomplished because of the people playing, and enjoy the insane Africa rounds. Also, please appreciate Eric a bit more. Otherwise, there is no hope for you.”

10. The Amazing Race Asia 2 – 7.19/10

The golden season for the Asia series. Producers went all out for this season, and boy oh boy, they were rewarded for it. Adrian may be the most badass contestant we have had to race with a disability, and go on to win.

Until David O’ Leary suffered from the affliction of Crybabyitis, that is.

Producers learned from their mistakes in TAR Asia 1 except for the part where they once again were stuffing the race with five non-eliminations.

Perhaps a case could be made that Marc & Rovilson were too rich/well-travelled/athletic/good at everything except flags for them to be allowed onto the race.

Put that aside and you have a base for what separates good seasons from great seasons. Anything above a 7.0 is a -great- season to me.

Seeing Marc & Rovilson dominate, er, I mean SLAUGHTER everyone for 80% of the race until Adrian & Collin began to rally, and top it all off with Adrian passing Marc & Rovilson at the final task had an incredible payoff. Oh, and Pamela & Vanessa passing Marc & Rovilson at the final task too equated to the biggest choke in TAR history.

Later on we would see Czech Republic make its debut even before TAR 15 could get there, and certain places in South Africa we had never seen before.

We also were exposed to the only team in TAR history to truly finish in dead last in back-to-back legs at the beginning of the season. Somehow those two were not named Henry & Terri, who were a different team that were saved by three non-eliminations as Terri may be one of the most uncooperative racers ever.

Paula & Natasha were a rare combination of being young, all-female, nerds, and doing well in the race.

We also had two mothers from Malaysia (Ann & Diane) become the villains in the eyes of the other racers as them, Pamela & Vanessa, and Paula & Natasha made it very possible for an all-female team to win yet again in TAR Asia. In fact, they are three of the strongest all-female teams in the entire TAR franchise.

Lastly, the first four rounds were single-handedly carried by French Born Aurelia as we ventured through familiar New Zealand and Philippines. Seriously. Watch the season just for French Born Aurelia alone. I cannot even come up with the French word for why she is amazing.

R.I.P. Henry.”

11. The Amazing Race Australia 1 – 7.1/10

We also saw multiple Intersections in the same season. The first and only proven use of the Express Pass that saved a team. A season where only one U-Turn was available. The revival of having multiple destinations in the final leg. Unique penalties.

Those were the unique aspects of TAR Aussie’s debut.

This season’s biggest strengths were visiting Israel, lots of self-drive legs, and excellent casting.

In contrast to TAR US casting minor celebrities and pro athletes in recent years, TAR Australia went with everyday people.

Anne-Marie & Tracy work in a freakin’ supermarket, Renae is a model who fixes cars, Alana & Mel were sisters who hadn’t seen each other in a very long time and have polar opposite personalities, Mo & Mos were a Muslim team that lasted more than one leg, and we had a middle-aged motorcycling couple that were perceived as devious.

Oh, and cowboys who weren’t total douchebags and who also had no idea what a bagel was.

We also had one of the best early boots of all time in the form of FOCUS! BELIEVE! ACHIEVE! I can’t believe supermarket ladies kicked their asses most of the time.

It’s tough to pick between French Born Aurelia & Singaporean Sophie as my favourite early boots against Richard & Joey.

Chris & Anastasia’s fight during the Guns n’ Roses Detour becomes one of the most absurd TAR fights in history.

The only weak team in the cast happened to go home first. Everyone else brought something to the table. Yes, even Jeff & Luke. A few pieces of unintentional comedy were in play every single leg.

Tyler & Nathan were worthy winners. They had some goofy moments, some heartbreaking moments, a compelling social game, and a great rally from having all of their money stolen in a season where you needed to hang onto whatever cash you could until the very end. This isn’t TAR Canada where they hand you thousands of dollars.

This season was strong overall, but it suffers in my eyes from too much overlap with activeTV’s other TAR production of TAR Asia (locations and/or tasks from the first four seasons), and a few instances of disappointing leg design and a luck-based finale along the way.

If you don’t care about the TAR Asia overlap, this season would go up a couple of spots in this ranking. I just wish a bit more creativity was involved.

Overall, it is above the Mendoza line of TAR 1. All seasons ranked above TAR 1 are considered strong seasons in my books. TAR Australia 1 definitely belongs in this category in my books.

12. The Amazing Race (1) – 7/10

“The adventure and experiment of a lifetime begins as Bertram Van Munster, Elise Doganieri and Phil Keoghan are apart of the first season. It is tough to rank it because it is edited more as a travel documentary rather than a competition.

For those of you who only know the Guidos and Kevin & Drew from their laughable performances in All Stars, watch this season. Your opinion of them will change for the better.

Note that this season featured so few equalizers that the top two teams managed to build a lead of well over 24 hours on the trailing two teams by the end of the season. This will never happen again.”

13. The Amazing Race Asia 4: “The Race of a Lifetime” – 6.81/10

“The final season of TAR Asia is a relatively good season. I think this is the perfect season to be positioned in the middle of my rankings. Nothing great happened to take it to the next level, but nothing infuriating that would make this a bad season.

Along with TAR 19, TAR Asia 4 is the season I have heard people talk about the least since its airing. You know TAR 19 was lacklustre when it shares a record with an obscure foreign edition.

It is tragic that this is the final edition of the Asian franchise, but an overall natural conclusion to the series. There is not much more they could have done with the series given the limited options for producers.

Casting was equally strong to TAR Asia 3. Scratch that, this cast was stronger than TAR Asia 3 since nobody was as much of a dud as Isaac & William. No real weak links in this cast.

Furthermore, nobody in casting was repeatedly irritating me. Hating on a certain father-daughter team or Dominatrix’s logic was more fun rather than being a strike against the season. Only downside is that producers failed to avoid mactors and mactresses yet again. Oh well.

The tasks and locations faired reasonably well. This aspect of the race was successful in the long run that American seasons, and Asian producers for the Australia series, would recycle these tasks and locations. Trendsetters in their own right.

However, many of the tasks were poorly explained. A rare problem I have encountered in TAR. How do you drop the ball after twenty English-speaking seasons?

Allan kept bringing the puns. I enjoyed that.

Perhaps the biggest reasons why this season has fallen into obscurity is because of the following:
a) No significant rivalries or conflicts. Besides docks, an EVIL EVIL man, the early U-Turn and Yield, not much happened.
b) No characters that are over-the-top to an extreme.
c) Winners are likeable, and won in an acceptable fashion.

On the flipside, these are the exact reasons why I like this season. It was a breath of fresh air. Nearly everyone was a source of comedy. Manas threw sticks, Hilda being carried away without breakfast, Hussein falling off of things, Jess & Lani wasting the money they begged for on clothes, Yani petting a snake, Dominatrix eating chicken balls and making funny faces, Richards with their comedic errors, Ethan with his polar bear outfit as well as his sheep herding, Sunaina & Dimple attempting to ski, and Alan feuding in broken English.

Experimenting with another Intersection as well as record-breaking early NELs was welcome to the series.

TAR Asia 4 could burn through all three NELs by top six for two reasons:
1) They have only ten teams to begin the season.
2) Episodes run four to ten minutes longer than US episodes.

Therefore characters have enough time to be developed from day one, and thus editors do not need to worry about giving a team an invisible edit because too many teams are left after seven rounds of play. This was the perfect format to have all six teams be alive with zero NELs left in the race.

In short, TAR Asia 4 is the epitome of a good season. Every series needs seasons like these. Unfortunately easy-going seasons are tough to rank near the top of the chain.”

14. The Amazing Race 21 – 6.805/10

TAR tends to have predictable and perhaps not-so-dynamic winners. It is a big breath of fresh air when you have winners the viewers had written off leading into the finale, but also winners who upset an extremely powerful and season-long alliance. Thirty-two seasons of TAR US later, and Josh & Brent’s victory is so iconic it is used as a verb in nearly every season since (“Maybe we can rally and pull off a Beekman!” “It’s time to Beekman our way back in this!”). Thankfully Josh & Brent were entertaining underdogs.

Unfortunately a few things brings this season down.

a) No new countries visited this season for the first time ever;
b) A first half which was very forgettable for a good chunk of the audience;
c) No self-drive legs until the tenth round.
d) Many fans were unhappy the final task of the season was purely trial and error rather than testing any memory skills or their geographical knowledge.

Luckily we had a very tough second half that wore teams down, and some additional upsets leading up to the finale. Amy & Daniel’s exit in the second round after their opening round victory, James & Abba disqualifying themselves from the race, the late season scrambles for flights, Abbie & Ryan getting U-Turned in a mastermind plan, and Natalie & Nadiya choking right in the last ten minutes before reaching the Final Three.

If we didn’t have Josh & Brent dodging elimination on five separate occasions, Abbie & Ryan’s antics, Natalie & Nadiya’s lack of filter, and Jaymes’ commentary, I don’t know if we would have had much of a season.

Oh, and #DoubleYourMoney goes into the TAR Gallery of twists that went nowhere along with the Hazard and TAR 16’s Intersection format.

15. The Amazing Race 13 – 6.8/10

“This season has a very unique combination of being funky and good. This marked the final season in TAR’s transition era. No U-Turns were used and much of the format including the shortened eleven round format was copied from TAR 12.

The route was great for the first half of the season, but spending four of the last six rounds in Delhi and Moscow really hampered the season. A mixture of jaw-dropping blunders never before seen on TAR through no fault of the teams being terrible, watching a team prove that you can indeed virtually win every leg as well as the season, and decent casting made for an entertaining season.

Not only did we see the first ever super duper dominant brother-sister team take the first sibling crown, but a mother-son team proved that you can do well on the race as long as you hang onto your passport. Frowny McFrownerson was simultaneously a buzzkill but fun to irritate, the bra gate incident which led to teams forever being sequestered at pit stops, the great tale of Dandrew, the whiniest male contestant since Adam from TAR 6, Cabbie on the Street, and Mark & Bill all contributed to a fun adventure.

Tina tried to exchange this for a bigger rating, but it failed. Seeing Cambodia and Bolivia debut is the only reason why I have this above TAR Asia 3. Yes, again, seeing a team lose their passport at the most painful point possible gives this a boost as well.”

16. The Amazing Race 22 – 6.75/10

“This is roughly where TAR 22 falls for me. Somewhere in the middle of the rankings with a C+ grade is a nice fit for it.

Why did this season eventually have so many returnees? Other than being in that sweet spot of just one year before TAR 24, I don’t really know. Why were Pam & Winnie, Max & Katie, Mona & Beth, Chuck & Wynona, and Bates & Anthony none of those teams? Again, I don’t really know.

We don’t necessarily have any new countries, but we do have two new regions in the form of French Polynesia (owned by France) and Northern Ireland (part of the United Kingdom) are visited for the first time. Whether you count that as new countries or just as yet another visit to the UK and France is up to you.

TAR 22 is one of those rare seasons where the first half is far stronger than the second half.

The Double Express Pass twist debuts this season, and in my opinion, truly only works as a twist here. Because of Jessica & Anders’ massive blunder, no one else dares to do anything remotely risky with their Express Pass. I know people hear me diss TAR’s later years a lot, but eventually dumping Express Passes is something I praise.

Now we just need to get rid of Speed Bumps. 😛

Anyways, the four episode arc with the Double Express Pass was nearly perfect. Two clear alliances were formed with Chuck & Wynona doing goofy things unintentionally on the side which set up nearly every storyline for the whole season. Jessica & John’s poetic and hilarious demise led to everyone targeting Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth for the remainder of the season. It’s better than not seeing teams interact whatsoever.

We also had the huge storyline of Dave & Connor, statistically the best team through the first four legs, becoming the first team ever to resign from the race due to injury. If not for the injury, Dave & Connor would’ve held onto their Express Pass heading into leg six and weren’t on anyone’s radar for a U-Turn. Besides, it’d be inappropriate to do so.

After two unprecedented eliminations of the two biggest stars of the season up to that point, everything had to shift. Pam & Winnie are extremely underrated confessionalists. Max & Katie rose up as a team who finished near the bottom frequently to dominant villains. We then had the highly flirtatious relationship between Bates & Anthony and Caroline & Jennifer which kept Bates & Anthony protected from any U-Turn.

In contrast to prior seasons such as the ugly fights in TAR 20 or people losing their shit over Natalie & Nadiya’s antics, things just seemed more fun in the second half between all of the teams.

Although the first leg had the historic Triple Quit at the Roadblock because they were dying of dehydration in Bora Bora, tasks overall seemed easier this season compared to recent ones.

Also, a lot of repeat cities and spending way too much time at the end of the season in the UK made it one of the most stale routes ever (only to be outdone by TAR 23 and TAR 24).

Bates & Anthony as winners didn’t draw neither criticism nor acclaim.

Overall, TAR 22 was a season which had a really fun and unprecedented first half followed by a second half which was pleasant to watch but not noteworthy.

17. The Amazing Race Asia 3: Toughest Race Ever – 6.7/10

“This season was definitely a step down from TAR Asia 2’s amazing route and cast, but it provided a surprisingly solid season.

Hyped as #toughestracever , what it really meant is that vomit-inducing cuisines, physical activity in really high temperatures, super extended rounds, late night tasks, and needle in a haystack tasks that made unrolling Swedish hay bales look like a cake walk, covered the first six rounds of the game.

The second half saw a drop in overall difficulty but a favourable route for quitters Sam & Vince. Tragically, Sam & Vince would go on to win the game just one day after taking a four hour penalty when Sam could not pull himself twenty more feet across a gorge.

Why is the rating for this season nearly as high as seven out of ten despite bad winners, needle in haystacks, and a bad route?

Well, because the casting was “really really goooood” in the words of Audrey from TAR Canada 2.

Ida & Tania were simultaneously dominant and underdogs throughout the season as their late season run pointed towards a victory in the final leg, but was sadly not meant to be.

Mai & Oliver, Henry & Bunn-eh, Niroo & Kapil, Geoff 26 & Tisha 31, and all-male team A.D. & Fuzzie set up for an incredible cast.

It would have been 6.8 if not for Isaac & William. What the hell were producers thinking when casting them?

Perhaps the biggest improvement upon previous TAR Asia instalments is that the number of non-eliminations was dropped from five to three. Although with this cast it was always sad to see anyone go.”

18. The Amazing Race 20 – 6.69/10

I feel comfortable placing TAR 20 here. I know some people who really really hate this season because of the cast (it had an overexposed reality TV couple and an abundance of law enforcement teams). However I didn’t mind the cast and therefore it is saved from ever being ranked at the bottom.

Furthermore, we had two debuting countries this season: Paraguay and Azerbaijan. We will see Paraguay return in TAR 32. The problem is we have no idea when the hell TAR 32 is going to air (it filmed in the autumn of 2018 and it is now October of 2019).

One huge bonus for me about TAR 20 is that they had three Fast Forwards. Sadly this is a just a one-off and Fast Forwards will go back to being on the border of extinction. That third Fast Forward made a lot of teams panic as they were not strategically prepared for it.

There weren’t any major dud twists this season. No Hazards, no Double Elimination Legs, no Intersections, no Starting Line Eliminations, no Automatic U-Turn penalty. In fact, there was only one U-Turn placed on the entire route. It highly resembled a classic format.

One thing which will make this season stand out is the fact we saw a team kick a lot of ass. Dave & Rachel secured the all-time leg wins record for an American team. Seven years later and only one team will come close to tying or breaking their record. The only problem with the record being set is it came in a long string of seasons where the strongest team was always winning without much opposition. Nick & Starr, Tammy & Victor, Meghan & Cheyne, Nat & Kat, and Ernie & Cindy were all teams favoured to win from the very beginning of their season. Dan & Jordan and Kisha & Jen, while not dominant in their respective seasons, were extremely consistent and never fell to last place when they won either.

For a cast that was extremely unpopular, three of these teams will return in the future. One player in particular will return two more times.

The legs had very mixed designs. Some of them had too many equalizers or were very quick legs to save on budget. Other legs were self-drive and had an output of difficult challenges. The finale was one of the series’ best as that jaw-dropping moment of Dave & Rachel skipping a Roadblock to go to the finish line, backtrack, have a final showdown with Art & JJ, and then go on to win the season anyway and make history was a very memorable ending.

Given the seasons surrounding TAR 20, it is an above average product. However, when you take into account the TAR franchise as a whole, it is a very average season. The number of alliances will set the stage for what we will see in TAR 21 and TAR 22 as TAR will temporarily switch to a more Survivor-esque mini era of backstabbing and betrayals.

19. The Amazing Race 10 – 6.5/10

“Its two biggest faults: An opening round twist which eliminated one team halfway through the premiere, and perhaps a contender for the dullest winners to date in a horribly designed finale leg.

In between that you have a strong season. Mongolia, Madagascar, Mauritius, Ukraine, and Kuwait all appear for the first and only time this season. The Six Pack versus Rob & Kim and Tyler & James lasts all the way to the end, Rob breaking down cars, an out-of-shape all-women’s team is the first all-female team to be in the Final Three, brother-sister team David & Mary, Social Outcasts/Chipmunks Dustin & Kandice, Condescending Quitter Peter/Prequel to Rex Harrington & One-Legged Sarah make up for the beginning and ending.

This marks the first of three Intersections and the first of two seasons with the Marked for Elimination penalty.

It is perhaps the most creative production and the most epic route that TAR has ever done. Again, a jump to an eight or higher is very possible if not for its start and conclusion.”

20. The Amazing Race 18: Unfinished Business 6.4/10

“This season was expected to be the worst season of all time, and had a best case scenario of being an average season. Thank God the absolute best case scenario happened, and the season was ultimately saved from being utter shit.

I don’t know what producers were thinking prior to the start of the season. Very few of their decisions made any sense.

Pick FIVE teams from the worst season ever? Check.
Plan a route which heavily favours these five teams, and insert only one new country for a third of a round? Check.
Plan a terrible twist at the beginning, and do absolutely nothing interesting for the remainder of the season? Check.

This was the season I was originally going to come out of my TAR hiatus to watch live five years ago, but all of these factors made me delay watching this season until this TARstorian project.

I see why now it is not a despised season: Producers really lucked out by having their bad decisions not play out the way they wanted it. Hallelujah.

Unlike TAR 11: Real All Stars, this season was full of snubs with teams they could clearly replace in this cast. Sorry, TAR 13.

We saw a revamped version of the Eliminate Somebody at the Starting Line for No Apparent Reason twist from TAR 15 where Amanda & Kris were doomed after the opening minutes of the race (they will be automatically U-Turned during the first elimination round and essentially screwed–brilliant!). Thankfully, Amanda & Kris are the biggest head-scratcher of a team to be chosen to return in TAR history, and took the well-deserved bullet for everyone else.

Things got better. Nearly everyone else from TAR 14 fell in a row at the start of the season, and allowed teams like Gary & Mallory, Zev & Justin, Kent & Vyxsin, and Ron & Christina dominate the airtime for nearly the whole season. Because of this, there were a ton of hilarious moments. Kent & Vyxsin’s insane blunders and meltdowns alone kept us going for weeks.

Luke’s epic fail at the tea Roadblock in India was perfect dark comedy. Some, for odd reasons, state it was one of the saddest reasons in TAR history–I view it as the exact opposite. There are few times where more unintentional comedy has been provided for a viewer in The Amazing Race.

Ron eating, Christina falling out of cars, Kent & Vyxsin losing their passport or driving twenty hours in the opposite direction and pointlessly betraying other teams, Zev making inappropriate jokes, Justin providing great commentary, and Mallory being a 24/7 cartoon character kept us going from week to week. Oh, and who can forget Jet & Cord’s delicious elimination in the ninth round?

Kisha & Jen’s victory provided a minimal reaction for the audience. It is not bad, but not super compelling either. Everyone can accept their victory, but not have a strong opinion about it.

TAR 18 was a strange way to wrap up another era of TAR. It was all over the place, a lot of it never really made any sense, there were a couple of good seasons here and there, but somehow the series continued to survive.

Perhaps the biggest fault for this season is it never addressed any of the long-term complaints that the audience had about the show for the past decade. This failure to address the viewers is why TAR 18 will mark the end of the program’s grip in American pop culture, and fade more and more into a niche market until. . .well, until today where TAR 29 has already been filmed, but no word on when it will air beyond it being a “mid-season replacement”. And perhaps the other major fault is that this season does not have any major highlights or anything significant to keep it alive outside of Kent & Vyxsin’s humongous blunder in Japan where they couldn’t even make the required flight. The following season, TAR 19, will also suffer from being unmemorable, but without the strong characters to save it.

Lastly, any season involving returnees needs to have challenges which are a step above a “regular season”. TAR 11 accomplished this, but sadly TAR 18 did not. None of the tasks felt like the teams were playing for keeps.

If anything, this season should have been a lesson for producers to start listening to the experts who support the series.

P.S. This season is the first one to not even have a planned Fast Forward.

21. The Amazing Race 4 – 6.25/10

“TAR 4 offered very few new things. An overall likeable cast, a route that spent too much time in Europe while going virtually nowhere new despite it being only the fourth season, and is the only season other than TAR 8 and 24 which pushed TAR closest to cancellation. The show goes away for a full year after this season.

Due to early frontrunners and underdogs all going home prior to the Final Four, the season lacks a cohesive storyline because everyone in the Final Three weren’t significant to any storylines for the first half of the season. It’s not until India that David & Jeff win a leg, people notice Kelly & Jon because of what happens on the Mumbai train to Kelly, and Reichen & Chip are no longer petty guys who hang onto door handles and get hit in the nose by Millie but rather become intense laser-focused contenders.

There are a few highlights, though. For instance, Kelly & Jon are odd figures to become villains at the end of the season. The initial dominant alliance gets slaughtered very quickly which hadn’t really been seen before. Monica & Sheree talked about luxuries of being married to NFL players, and the most important figures on reality TV for the gay community (even as much as Richard Hatch) appear this season.

Oh, and remember Jon & Al who had a 96% popularity rating? Even more popular than Jessie Camacho from Survivor: Africa? They help carry this season. The creepy and gropey Mumbai local did not have a 96% popularity rating, sadly.

It will be the last season to have a Fast Forward offered each round, and was the most fascinating part about the series. Sadly it will never return.”

22.The Amazing Race 19 – 6.2/10

I feel like I am splitting hairs when it comes to TAR 4 and TAR 19. Both seasons have an identical perception in the TAR community: Seasons that run smoothly and are unmemorable.

It became clear that TAR 19 is slightly inferior to TAR 4.

TAR 19’s highlights:
Kaylani losing her passport.
Double Elimination Leg.
Andy & Tommy’s elimination.

TAR 4’s highlights:
Mumbai train culture shock.
Millie’s asthma, Millie Mole, punching DK’s face, and Malaysian meltdown with Chuck.
Millie & Chuck vs. Kelly & Jon
Reichen & DK’s victory entering mainstream pop culture loosely and their late game showdown with Kelly & Jon
David & Jeff and Jon & Al within miles of freakin’ North Korea and start getting scared.

Overall, TAR 4 is the clear winner here. Even if TAR 19 had more new countries than TAR 4 somehow.

Perhaps the cultural aspect is what was missing from TAR 19. Or rather, teams being worn down by the cultural aspect and it becoming a storyline. We had too many teams who behaved calmly and didn’t do anything offensive or dumb in some of the sketchy situations in Indonesia, Thailand, and elsewhere.

The one bit of praise I will give TAR 19 regarding its unique twists is that they knew it didn’t work. Double Elimination Leg and the Hazard are never to be seen again. It fell completely flat.

Production didn’t seem too keen on Ernie & Cindy’s victory. The audience didn’t like them from day one, and it showed as there was great disinterest heading into the final episode of the season.

Furthermore, not a single team was invited back for TAR 24. Ernie & Cindy make a cameo during the TAR 29 finale, but that has been it for this season being acknowledged.

If you want to watch a season that won’t make you emotionally invested out of love or hatred, this is definitely the one to watch. You also get the neat Denmark-Germany-Belgium leg, and a few little quirks along the way like the subtle absence of clue boxes and random costumes from a comic strip. You also get the goofy antics of Liz & Marie which I had completely forgotten about.

There’s also a bunny obstacle course. It’s so adorable!

I don’t have too much else to say about TAR 19 given this season’s reputation. It’s a safe season in what has now become a massive TAR timeline. There are funny moments and bits and pieces of narrative here and there. You just have to look a bit harder. This is ideal to watch if you just finished a season that you absolutely hated.

23. The Amazing Race 16 – 5.8/10

“Well, it did not have terrible winners, a horrible impromptu elimination twist, and five non-elimination rounds. I will give it credit for that and why it is not much lower.

But yeah, a rating of 5.8 indicates that this season is not very good. That is a ‘C’ or ‘C-‘ in the eyes of most people.

Adrian & Dana, Monique & Shawne, and Steve & Allie received invisible edits. Heck, we did not know who Steve & Allie were until the seventh round. Even the winners Dan & Jordan were not acknowledged by producers until the end of the game was drawing near.

Instead the narrative of the season revolved around irrelevant Jeff & Jordan, over-the-top Jet & Cord, and the rivalry between Brent & Caite and Carol & Brandy. These are not exactly people who can bear the responsibility of a season on their shoulders. U-Turning Joe & Heidi early on did not help matters much either.

Only one new country being added to the catalogue was beginning to hurt the series. Is there any reason to keep watching if the show is going nowhere new?

The Intersection twist made teams work cooperatively on a Roadblock rather than a Detour, but is now more of an answer to a trivia question rather than reviving a twist in an interesting manner. I would say the Intersection is a very interesting twist in concept that producers put zero effort into running with it.

The biggest and most talked about moment is when Dan & Jordan cut in line in the final leg. It led to the audience blasting a ton of hate in Dan & Jordan’s direction because everybody was desperate to see Jet & Cord (the team to receive the most biased edit ever) to win the season. Thankfully that desperation was not appeased, but it created an outcome where Dan & Jordan were made to feel guilty while everyone else was bitter.

Even the third place team was threatened into guilt because of what they did three rounds earlier to Carol & Brandy leading to the first ever finish line fight.

Overall, this did indeed play out like a season, albeit a bland one, and it concluded with much needed underdog winners.

There are comedic subtle moments in every round. You just have to look a bit harder.

In short, I find this to be an inoffensive season. It reinforced the idea for the sixteenth time that two women cannot win TAR together as all-male teams once again filled three of the top four spots, and was our youngest Final 3 ever.”

24. The Amazing Race 15 – 4.9/10

“The season premiere, the return to the hay bales task, and the finale are three rounds that should never happen in TAR. Eliminating a team at the starting line and having nothing to do in Japan before a non-elimination; making teams roll hay bales AGAIN; and a dealer who screwed Brian & Ericka out of what could have been the most unexpected victory of all time.

Flight Time & Big Easy were the first team to be cast without using their real names, and also the first to be representing a brand. This is a horrible direction that the series would go into over these next five years, and probably until it gets cancelled by the time TAR 25 wraps up in the Friday Night Death Slot.

There were also recruit casting choices who quit too such as Maria & Tiffany and Mika who were truly incapable of reaching the finish line, Yes, Maria & Tiffany had one good round, but they could not have reached the end. It is no surprise that Meghan & Cheyne essentially raped the competition once they put more effort into winning each round.

It may be billed as a season full of blunders by players with visits to Czech Republic and Estonia for the first time, but the above errors by producers when it came to casting and twists were outrageous that it ultimately makes it a failure.”

25. The Amazing Race Asia (1) – 4.55/10

“The first expansion outside of America. It featured the first all-female victory ever, albeit one of the winners indirectly worked for the TV network which produced the season.

Again, five non-eliminations really held up the momentum of the season. Andy & Laura can only do so much, Mardy & Marsio could only eat so much like they were Brad Pitt or Sally & Tyson, Sahran’s constant fear of heights, and Sahil & Prashant’s rage attack after their receiving the penalty that eliminated them.

The locations were repeated from the US TAR for the most part. Their inexperience was noticeable when they had things like the Bali beach task where producers had to change the rules on the spot, and a huge number of penalties for the first half of the season that left everyone confused. Remember the formula of being penalized the following round for two minutes per kilometre driving over the speed limit?

Luckily TAR Asia improves greatly for seasons two, three, and four. You can partially forgive its failing debut. It does not have the same excuse as TAR 6 or 14 where American producers should have a full grasp on how to make a good season regardless of the circumstances.”

26. The Amazing Race 8: Family Edition – 4.0/10

“This is what the audience wanted. Production earns points for having a unique theme and giving it a try to please the audience.

Unfortunately, the restrictions of travel, and a glaring drop in difficulty of tasks turned off the audience. In fact, it is what pushed the series to the brink of cancellation again as the show finds itself airing at 10:00pm on Wednesdays until it recovers during TAR 10.

As soon as teams exit Costa Rica and enter Arizona, the Midwest theme along with teams putting up with an unprecedented FIVE non-eliminations in the second half of the season bored everyone.

The crazy antics of the Weavers being isolated, being the first to be yielded twice, and asking producers to help them behind the scenes kept up the raw entertainment along with Linzes and Christine Godlewski. And did you know it is just over a year before Billy and Carissa could sign up as a duo for TAR? Scary.

Why is it not the absolute worst? Because producers tried something new and fresh to comply with the wishes of the audience. And some of the teams do not disappoint.”

27. The Amazing Race 6 – 3.9/10

“When three seasons are filmed in less than a year, one season is bound to be forgetful and be shorthanded when it comes to finding compelling teams to cast.

The route is surprisingly unique for its time. Making every team complete their fair share of Roadblocks for the first time in history would become a staple for the series until TAR 24.

However,  the horrible decision to think the hay bales task, too many flight equalizers, the dullness of Scandinavian locations, and Freddy & Kendra’s victory over a popular but really dull team dropped the reputation of the season.

Oh, and remember Jonathan shoving Victoria? An incident that was so controversial that it led to them being invited onto an episode of Dr. Phil, and followed even later by Joe Rogan kicking Jonathan Baker’s ass.

Lastly, the final leg was virtually the only one without a flight equalizer as Freddy & Kendra managed to get a time advantage over Kris & Jon in Chicago.

Due to TAR 5 and 7 airing in the same year and both being incredible seasons, you will see TAR 6 fade within a year in the eyes of the audience and the eyes of the producers.

It is no wonder why none of these teams have been invited back.”

28. The Amazing Race 14 – 2.5/10

“A mediocre route which also introduced us to Jodi Wincheski who would become not only the worst casting director for TAR in subsequent seasons, but also would be guilty of indirectly corrupting future casting choices.

An unlikeable Final Four, combined with five rounds being set in areas that Tammy & Victor were more than familiar with, led to the most suspicious victory in TAR history. Anyone who believes Tammy & Victor were awarded the title rather than earning it have a solid case.

Mix in boggling casting choices like Amanda & Kris, Enabler Margie who would be rewarded with two additional appearances, and you have a contender for the worst season of TAR ever played.

The imbalanced editing is another big contributor to its awfully low ranking.”