EPISODE BLOG #344: Bog Snorkeling and Chartreuse Jelly
ELEVENTH EPISODE
FRENCH POLYNESIA (FRANCE) – NEW ZEALAND – INDONESIA – VIETNAM – BOTSWANA – SWITZERLAND – GERMANY – SCOTLAND – NORTHERN IRELAND – ENGLAND – UNITED STATES
As always, this blog is dedicated to my fiancée Jee-an. We all miss you. You were taken away from us way too soon.
The Facebook group I admin: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TAR247/
My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/supacoowacky/
My Twitter: https://twitter.com/logsupacoowacky
The Podcast I Co-Host: https://rtvwarriors.podbean.com/
Previously on TAR: Eleven teams got some game-changing news and began a race around the world. Along the way they experienced adrenaline rushes, faced their greatest fears, and dealt with a heart-breaking injury. Alliances were formed and battle lines were drawn. Two Express Passes propelled an improbable success and led to a colossal collapse. Seven teams were eliminated.
Country Singers Caroline & Jennifer began the race on the wrong note but with true grit, true faith, and a flirtatious friendship, they fought through the tears and sang a different tune as they found a way to make the Final Four.
Roller Derby Moms Mona & Beth raced steady and strong. Forced to square off against their allies, they found a way to overcome a Speed Bump and a U-Turn to earn a spot in the Final Four.
Hockey Players Bates & Anthony rode a roller coaster ride filled with highs and lows. Through it all the professional athletes maintained positive attitudes, and getting some help from friends as they skated into the Final Four.
Newlyweds Max & Katie has been a tale of two races. Bora Bora pushed the couple to the brink of elimination and Botswana sent them spiralling to new lows. But then they found their grove in Europe and upped their game. Winning back-to-back legs on their way to the Final Four.
One of these four teams will win (after the following leg) one million dollars and The Amazing Race 22.
PREVIOUSLY ON TAR MENTIONS:
BATES & ANTHONY 6
CHUCK & WYNONA 5
MAX & KATIE 5
JESSICA & JOHN 4
DAVE & CONNOR 4
JOEY & MEGHAN 4
PAM & WINNIE 2
CAROLINE & JENNIFER 3
MONA & BETH 2
MATT & DANIEL 1
IDRIES & JAMIL 1
*
NOTE: It didn’t occur to me until I walked outside yesterday, but Production didn’t point out we had two all-female teams in the Final Four. Whenever an all-female team is even remotely close to winning a season of TAR, Phil goes into overdrive with “ARE YOU GOING TO BE THE NEXT ALL-FEMALE TEAM TO WIN THIS THING? WELL, WILL YA? WILL YA? HUH?! HUH?!”
TAR 22 is the last season of TAR to feature two all-female teams in the Final Four.
TAR 10, TAR 11, TAR 14, and TAR 17 were the previous four seasons to do so.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: In the eleven seasons of TAR US since TAR 22, only five all-female teams have made it to the Final Four at all. Maybe if the Dating Couples season for TAR 26 allowed lesbian couples, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.
*
Phil introduces us to Edinburgh. It has been the capital of Scotland since the 15th century. It is divided into two distinct areas–New Town and Old Town. The Old Town is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and also the site of the start of the eleventh leg of TAR 22.
I like how Niddry Street isn’t even specified when Phil talks about the pit start location.
Max & Katie, who won the last leg of the race and arrived at an unspecified time, will depart first at 4:07pm.
a) The Pit Start is clearly not in Niddry Street as you can see Edinburgh Castle behind them;
b) You know it was filmed in December when it’s 4:07pm and it is already dark outside. That must be miserable as a contestant.
Max reads they must now travel to the capital of Northern Ireland–Belfast. They’ll take a train from Edinburgh to Stranraer, Scotland. Once there, they’ll hop on a ferry across the Irish Sea to Belfast, Northern Ireland (from the town of Cairnryan, Scotland which Phil doesn’t specify for some reason).
See? Two completely different towns. I don’t understand why the former is mentioned if it’s not where they’re catching the ferry to Belfast from. They have to take a train all the way to Cairnryan unless they took a cab from Stranraer to Cairnryan.
I hope The Amazing Race gets cancelled over making this error.
They will then pick up a Ford Fiesta in a specific warehouse and drive themselves to Peatlands Park where they will find their next clue.
Prior to the first route marker we’ll see teams run on foot to a cab, take a cab to the train station, ride a train, take a ferry, run to a warehouse, and drive themselves to the first route marker of the leg.
All that was missing was a plane.
Although it’s nice we’re ticking off another “country” from the TAR catalogue, seeing the United Kingdom appear in each of the final three legs isn’t exactly the toughest endgame for teams to endure. It disrupts the payoff of the season if the easier countries to travel to are at the end of the season rather than the start of it. That’s the downside of a westward route where Western Europe is typically saved up for the endgame.
FUN FACT: All of the countries in the United Kingdom will be visited repeatedly between TAR 22 and TAR 25.
TAR 22: Scotland, Nortern Ireland, and England.
TAR 24: England and Wales.
TAR 25: England and Scotland.
TAR hadn’t been to the UK since TAR 17, but they really start an extensive UK spell here.
*
Max says he feels like the hot team at the moment.
Although one would argue there’s nobody who feels hot in Edinburgh in December.
Max & Katie hop into a cab.
Bates & Anthony depart second at 4:15pm.
No cab driver wants to pick up the guy who has been wearing the same pair of underwear for the third consecutive round.
Bates & Anthony think Mona & Beth are the strongest team left and want them out prior to the final leg. They see them as their last big obstacle. Bates says Mona & Beth are the strongest team left including themselves.
Let’s look at that data real quick.
TEAM AVERAGES AFTER 10 LEGS:
Bates & Anthony: 2.6
Mona & Beth: 4.6
Max & Katie: 4.8
Caroline & Jennifer: 4.9
It should be noted that Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer both took the Roadblock penalty during the infamous sandcastle Roadblock. If you go by the previous nine legs, the averages are as follows:
TEAM AVERAGES OVER PREVIOUS 9 LEGS:
Bates & Anthony: 2.67
Max & Katie: 4.33
Caroline & Jennifer: 4.44
Mona & Beth: 4.56
In other words, Bates & Anthony are twice as strong as all three teams remaining. Mona & Beth are in a near 3-way tie with Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer according to the stats.
This akins back to Mona & Beth’s main point since leg four: Why isn’t anyone else trying to knock Bates & Anthony out of the race?
This is the penultimate leg and we’ve got a 3 vs. 1 battle against the team who has performed the worst since leg two.
Bates & Anthony and Max & Katie quickly board a train.
Caroline & Jennifer, who spent the pit stop bagging bagpipers, will depart in third at 5:27pm. Their shitty driving and shitty bagpiping cost them eighty minutes last leg.
Caroline & Jennifer anticipate a frigid leg in Belfast.
Caroline thinks they have made Final Four due to having fun and having positive energy. They have been friends for seven years and believe in each other.
JENNIFER: We’re the Little Engine That Could.
They make it sound like they are enormous underdogs like a pair of 80 year olds making it to the Final Four. They’re a young team with strong social skills. Those aren’t exactly “how the hell did they make it this far?” qualities.
They get picked up by a driver named Charlie.
CAROLINE & JENNIFER: Thank you sooooooo much, Charlie.
I’m amazed they didn’t refer to themselves as Charlie’s Angels.
Mona & Beth depart in dead last at 7:27pm. They are 3 hours and 20 minutes behind Max & Katie.
BETH: Somewhere warm maybe?
All four teams were -really- hoping for a Caribbean destination for the Final Four leg.
Although I think Belfast is known as the Hawaii of the northwestern United Kingdom.
Mona & Beth talk about their relationship being based around competition and scaring other teams. Maybe they wear hockey masks and knock on the hotel room doors in the middle of the night. I don’t know.
We cut to the first train arriving in Stranraer, Scotland. Max & Katie and Bates & Anthony take a cab to the ferry terminal. They are told the ferry doesn’t leave until 7:30 in the morning. It’s a forced equalizer.
It was wishful thinking to think they could coast to the final leg without an equalizer.
She’s just happy to have company for the night shift.
Caroline & Jennifer show up third to the terminal. The cute roller derby ladies are last to the terminal.
BETH: Oh sweet Baby Jesus, thank you.
I think Talladega Nights was intentionally referenced. Next time Beth should thank Bearded Jesus.
Beth has a confessional in a hushed voice. I guess nobody wanted to go outside for a confessional. Beth is happy that everyone is equalized and there isn’t any scrambling for earlier boats or flights.
I guess the #SexySix aren’t eager to gather around Mona & Beth.
“Do we really have to go over there and confront them about the W-Turn?”
For the second season in a row, we have an awkward 3 vs. 1 situation in the penultimate leg. Mona & Beth briefly join the trio. Max goes straight to trolling.
MAX: What did you think when you saw two cars in the parking lot?
MONA: We–
MAX: Sorry. I had to laugh. You’re still here so it doesn’t matter.
“lol, I’m just fucking with you. You should’ve seen the look on your face.”
I think Beth is ready to unleash one of her lethal roller derby elbows right about now.
Max has a confessional talking about how he wanted to know how Mona & Beth felt when they discovered they weren’t ahead by three hours like they thought they were in Edinburgh.
“The answer I got? They didn’t feel good about it.”
For some reason we are getting two flashbacks to the parking lot and airport scenes from the last leg.
MAX (confessional): I couldn’t help myself. I had a laugh. And just said to her ‘we U-Turned ya,’ and they knew.
BETH: We fully expected it, dude. And we would’ve done the same thing.
Beth substitutes aggression against Max for aggression against her very own cheekbones.
Mona & Beth have yet another confessional about how they’re dumbfounded nobody U-Turned the team who is by far the strongest left in the race.
“2.6 versus 4.6? Hello!”
It’s 7:30. I’m sure everyone had a lovely sleep on the floor of the terminal. Mona & Beth have printed off directions.
I like how the printed off directions have an ad for “Great savings on ferry tickets!” halfway into the directions.
Prior to smartphones, everyone would have to print off directions off of Mapquest to know where to drive on a road trip.
“I can’t wait to use my smartphone when driving again.”
Everyone else is also looking up directions and info on the ferry. What else is there to do?
“OK Katie, you look up directions while I make trades in my Fantasy Football league.”
Bates & Anthony talk about how it’s the calm before the storm.
Although I can’t picture the Irish Sea being calm in December.
KATIE: Once we get that next clue and we’re in Ireland, it’s game over.
. . .There’s two legs left.
This flag shown is the Ulster Banner. There was previously a time where Northern Ireland was nearly renamed Ulster.
The ferry docks in Belfast.
All four teams are at the warehouse and running off in different directions.
This must be fun for the camera operators.
Teams catch on it is inside the warehouse and everyone sprints inside.
Katie nearly traps half of her hair when closing the door.
All four teams drive out of the warehouse in their Ford Fiestas.
I’m sure Ford is glad they didn’t go ahead with the ad of R. Kelly singing “Fiesta” in their commercials. My my my my my oh my, Ford dodged a bullet on that PR disaster.
Mona & Beth are at the front of the Ford caravan. The trailing teams pull over to pass Mona & Beth on the road. That didn’t last long.
Ford getting their money’s worth in the finale.
Bates & Anthony plan to stick with Max & Katie. That’s their plan in their faux Irish accents. It doesn’t sound much different from their faux Scottish accents.
Katie thinks they drove too far and tells Max to turn around. Bates & Anthony follow suit.
I wonder how long before they say “They’re always after me Lucky Charms.”
Mona & Beth don’t turn around. Jennifer talks Caroline out of turning around.
CAROLINE: Why have we been divided? We’ve been officially separated from the boys. That sucks. Max & Katie and Hockey Players are going to the right; us and the roller girls are going to the left. One of us is right and one of us is wrong. I hope we’re right.
Don’t you mean you hope it’s left?
I know it is just a split second decision, but regardless of whether or not you’re correct presents an interesting dilemma.
If Caroline & Jennifer turn around to join their allies, and Mona & Beth are the only team going the wrong way, the #SexySix have guaranteed they are all going to the Final Three. If the #SexySix are wrong, then there’s a 1-in-3 chance of likely going home or all of them work together to catch up to Mona & Beth quickly.
If Caroline & Jennifer stick with Mona & Beth and are correct, one of the only two teams to win a leg since Leg 5 are likely going home. If they’re wrong, they now have a 50/50 shot of going home as the only two teams to win a leg are likely going to preserve their lead over you.
I’m sure Caroline & Jennifer didn’t have enough time to break it down like I just did, but Caroline & Jennifer chose the riskier option here.
Max breaks out the shades for the first time all season.
And spots the sign for Peatlands Park. The two strongest teams are working together and draw first blood in the penultimate leg.
Mona & Beth stop to ask for directions from a passing car. Where is Peatlands Park?
“Ah, fuck.”
BETH: Darn darn darn darn.
I’m sure Beth really wanted to say “fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
Max & Katie and Bates & Anthony run out.
MAX: Good call turning around, fellas. Let’s not give up our lead for the rest of the day.
I don’t think Max cares too much if it’s Mona & Beth OR Caroline & Jennifer going home today. It’s too close to the end for a three team alliance.
ROADBLOCK HINT: Who wants to get bogged down?
Katie agrees to do it and sees she has to compete in a bog snorkeling competition. Where’s Phil to explain it?
PHIL KEOGHAN: I’m shitfaced! Let the intern explain the Roadblock!
Conceived over a pint of beer, teams will now take part in what may be the quirkiest sport on Earth: Bog snorkeling.
Well, the quirkiest sport outside of Finland.
We’re talking about the country which has Wife Carrying as an annual world championship. The winner is awarded their wife’s weight in beer.
This Roadblock requires teams to race in the murky marsh.
Murky Marsh is Marky Mark’s Irish cousin.
First, teams must ride a train out to the bog. Then wearing a mask and snorkel, a wetsuit, and flippers, they must cannonball into a pit of mud, and complete a 100 yard swim through the bog in under four minutes. Once they do, the bog snorkeling official will hand them their next clue.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. CAN I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. I HAVE JUST BEEN HANDED AN URGENT AND HORRIFYING NEWS STORY, AND I NEED ALL OF YOU TO STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND LISTEN.
CANNONBALL!!!!
“I’m running out of time in this bog,
And all I’ve got is four minutes,
Four minutes.”
I wonder what type of qualifications you need to have in order to be a bog snorkeling official.
Max & Katie and Bates & Anthony find the green train.
It’s not quite the Shinkansen.
BATES: We’re going to snorkel for a pot of gold.
Damn. I should’ve guessed Bates would go the pot of gold route instead of Lucky Charms.
Mona & Beth and Caroline & Jennifer show up to the Roadblock in a tie for last. Mona has to do another Roadblock by default. Caroline volunteers Jennifer as tribute. Sadly, we never get to see the Roadblock clue this episode.
Katie is unhappy about snorkeling in freezing cold water.
But what Katie IS happy about is anybody who purchases a copy of her novel Beneath the Sand which is available on Amazon and presumably other retailers as well. Use the promo code TARSTORIAN to get a 4.8 percent discount in honour of their current racing average after ten legs of The Amazing Race.
KATIE: It’s going to be not cool.
That’s true. It’s not going to be cool. Because if it’s not cool. . .
Then it’s ICE COLD!
Bates helps Anthony into the wet suit.
BATES: The hardest part for me is trying to help squeeze his junk into the wet suit.
Bates has the unfortunate task of squeezing Anthony’s Lucky Bs into his wet suit.
“Ow, my Lucky Bs.”
You know Anthony never took steroids as a professional athlete. Otherwise his Lucky Bs would be small enough to get into the wet suit with relative ease.
Max is helping Katie into her wet suit.
I couldn’t resist.
This isn’t much better. Look at Anthony’s vertical!
Bates refers to Anthony as Spiderman. Katie exits the tent too.
MAX: You look amazing right now.
She may as well be walking down the runway right now.
Max is ready to see what his blonde Bog Hog is going to do at this Roadblock.
Mona is annoyed she has to do this Roadblock.
MONA: What is bog snorkeling mean? Any idea?
JENNIFER: They’re not going to make us get in the water, right?
“Right? Right????”
The whistle blows for Anthony.
I wonder if that whistle is an official Bog Snorkeling whistle that meets regulation standards.
Anthony cannonballs into the pond.
Bates is there with a stick to help Anthony out of the pond.
BATES: Can you see where you’re going?
Splish splash Anthony is taking a bath. I think his vision is bogged down.
Anthony says he is a good swimmer but the toughest part was breathing because the mask was filled on the inside with dirt. He could hardly breathe. There was mud coming out of his nose.
ANTHONY: Look at the size of this thing.
Anthony has a Mini Durante.
Max advises Katie she should use her feet when swimming.
KATIE: This is not part of the honeymoon trip.
Couples always want to go snorkeling on their honeymoon. Max & Katie just didn’t specify what type of snorkeling they were hoping to do on their honeymoon.
Anthony is over halfway through his time and–oh that’s it.
ANTHONY’s final time: 2 minutes and 18 seconds.
Anthony only used 57.5 percent of the time limit on his first attempt. Bates & Anthony destroy yet another task.
“If the whole hockey thing doesn’t work out, feel free to try out for our national bog snorkeling team.”
Bates & Anthony read they must drive back to Belfast and find The Thing With a Ring.
As Daniel Radcliffe would say, the ring don’t mean a thing. The thing with a ring does, though.
“I got hitched!”
If this were TAR Canada 8, it would be a sponsoured task by Marvel to find a statue of The Thing wearing a ring.
Mona & Beth and Caroline & Jennifer are on the train.
MONA: The two things that I hate are being cold and in dirty water.
To try and to fail are the two things I hate.
Wait. No. Those are the two things that Jay Z hates in HOVA.
Max jumps back to avoid getting mud on his Race Pants. There’s nothing worse than getting mud on your Race Pants!
Katie is struggling with pulling herself out of the bog. I’ve been stuck knee-deep in mud before during a trail run and it takes A LOT of core strength to pull yourself out. This is not easy.
Max repeatedly tells Katie not to fall. She is very off balance.
It’s like she stopped at the Guinness Factory in Dublin before doing this Roadblock.
MAX: She doesn’t love swimming. She likes tanning on the beach. Not so much swimming. Not so much swimming in bog water.
We see Katie swim really fast at first but she is burned out right away.
Meanwhile, the second train drops off the four ladies.
MONA: Beth, you’ve gotta run!
BETH: I’m running AS FAST as I can!
Beth’s primary motivation to run faster now is to catch up and tackle Mona’s ass to the ground for yelling at her.
Caroline comments the bog smells awful.
Katie is doing the backstroke.
MAX: C’mon. She’s doing the back flop?
She’s going to backflop into the grass.
Katie has just one minute left. Her mask fogged up and has zero visibility. Max is afraid Katie would suffer from claustrophobia and muddy water and the cold.
Katie stops the clock with fifty seconds left. It wasn’t even close.
She demolishes the clock in the process.
ANTHONY’S TIME: 2 minutes and 18 seconds
KATIE’S TIME: 3 minutes and 9 seconds
Max & Katie read the clue.
Ah! We get to see the clue!
Mona gets special instructions from the Bog Snorkeling Official. Her time starts shortly thereafter.
Beth isn’t there with a pole this time. Was there only one pole and Katie broke it? I’m curious why it isn’t the same setup anymore.
Mona is on her final lap. Beth says she is almost there. Mona is simultaneously shivering and trying to speak through her snorkel. She is freaking out. Her mask is all bogged up too.
She’s speaking the same language as a Pianta right now. I know she’s traumatized, but because I know she’s fine afterwards means I can’t help but laugh at this scene. Vrrreeevvrvvrrrruhvvvvvrrrr.
There we go. The editors were able to hear some English words they could subtitle for the viewers.
BETH: There has never been a moment that I didn’t think she wouldn’t pull it out, but I didn’t think that she would pull it out.
There has to have been at least a few times where Mona wasn’t able to pull it out. Otherwise, how in the world does she end up with as many kids as she does?
“I shouldn’t have used up all of my Roadblocks so quickly.”
Mona’s swimming speed is drastically decreasing.
Knowing Mona is physically stronger than Jennifer, Caroline becomes visibly nervous.
Mona is at the ladder.
Mona gets out of the bog.
She stops the clock much faster than Katie did.
ANTHONY’S TIME: 2 minutes and 18 seconds
MONA’S TIME: 2 minutes and 53 seconds
KATIE’S TIME: 3 minutes and 9 seconds
Mona starts wandering around confused despite the Roadblock being over. She’s still trying to speak through her snorkel’s mouthpiece.
Mona does her best impression of Vito Corleone playing with the orange slice in The Godfather.
Mona eventually finds Beth and the clue.
MONA: Seriously I don’t know if I have ever been that crazy.
Nobody respond to that.
They race back to the tent and Mona is still freaking the fuck out.
MONA: Unzip me! Unzip me! Hurry! Hurry!
Mona is simultaneously crying and panicking.
I wonder how concerned CBS’ medical staff is at the moment.
Bates & Anthony are in the car. Bates says something in a country accent that I can’t understand.
“Huh. I got a hangnail.”
Jennifer attempts the Roadblock. Katie and Mona both finished with 51 seconds or more to spare despite visibly struggling.
Jenn fails at the cannonball technique.
It’s like she is on a leash.
Caroline wishes she was doing this Roadblock because she is a really good swimmer and Jennifer doesn’t really know how to swim as well as hates water.
I thought everyone had a swimming pool in Beverly Hills.
This led me to Google something with hilarious results.
That’s right. I Googled “Did John Wayne know how to swim?”
In case you didn’t know, John Wayne is Jennifer’s grandfather. I thought I’d remind you in case you missed the other twenty-two episodes where it’s mentioned.
Apparently John Wayne is the worst swimming teacher. This is how Jennifer learned how to swim.
Yeah, he’s dead.
As someone who has actually taught people how to swim. . .that’s pretty much the worst way to do it. No wonder Jenn can’t swim well and hates the idea of swimming.
Jenn completes the first portion in two minutes and jumps into the next bog. She then has to climb back onto the bridge and swim the first bog again.
“GO FAST!”
“Eh, I’ll just hang onto this post.”
“Fuck.”
Jennifer is swimming on land like Julio Rodriguez of the Seattle Mariners.
Jennifer makes it back into the original bog and we cannot see her arms as she swims. That isn’t good.
Jennifer was last to go and is the only one to not make it back in the four minute time limit. That is a horrible combination.
Caroline tells her to save up her energy for the next attempt and not finish this failed lap.
JENNIFER (in the funniest helium voice possible): I don’t think I can do it.
The clock is at almost five minutes.
The more attempts Jennifer makes the more fatigued she is going to get. Her improvements on technique will have to outweigh her lack of energy for her next attempt.
“You need to be Belfast instead of Belslow.”
The Bog Snorkeling Official says Jennifer doesn’t have to jump into the secondary bog.
Jennifer is devastated she did extra work in the Roadblock. C’mon, it’s TAR 22. All tasks are easier than they seem!
Caroline tells Jennifer they aren’t quitting.
Max & Katie pull over for directions. So do Mona & Beth right behind them.
“Heeeey, can the #SexySix become the #SexyEight for today?”
WOMAN: IT’S ON THE ALBERTS BRIDGE–
MAX: Shhhhh shhhhh shhhh.
I think the woman was trolling Max by intentionally speaking loud enough for Mona & Beth to hear.
Since the stranger doesn’t care who wins $1, 000, 000 USD, Mona receives directions too.
Max & Katie and Mona & Beth drive. Mona & Beth opt to follow Max & Katie.
MAX: I watched Mona & Beth in the rearview mirror. It was just monkey see, monkey do. I hate being followed.
“I’m a Republican; I don’t believe in handouts.”
I doubt Beth cares about Max’s feelings whatsoever right now.
We cut back to the Roadblock. Caroline asks Jennifer to focus on getting the Roadblock done rather than the negative. Jennifer feels claustrophobic. Caroline offers to adjust her mask.
If Jennifer doesn’t get into the bog soon, Caroline is going to toss her in there the same way John Wayne did.
After several repeated pats on the bum, Jennifer is psyched up enough for a second attempt. That’s why baseball players do that to discouraged teammates all of the time. It works.
Jennifer still can’t cannonball on her second attempt.
It would’ve been hilarious if Jennifer lost her grip on the stick and fell back into the bog.
Caroline runs along with Jennifer as she swims. She keeps saying “I can’t” but Caroline will hear none of it. Jennifer is so exhausted she stops before the bridge. That’s not good.
JENNIFER: I can’t breathe. I really can’t.
“Keep going, Jenn! I’m hearing none of this shit!”
CBS trolls Caroline & Jennifer by referring to them as 2 Broke Girls because they’re quickly falling out of a shot at the million dollar prize.
NOTE: Bog snorkeling isn’t even an Irish thing. It’s a Welsh thing. It should have been saved as a task in TAR 24. It’s not the first time Phil Keoghan lies to us about something on The Amazing Race. Remember the infamous “Switzerland is the birthplace of democracy” bit in TAR 31?
We cut to everyone driving in Belfast. Katie sees The Thing With a Ring. So does Mona & Beth.
This is the best monument Belfast has got.
Max & Katie are first to the clue box. It’s a Detour.
TRAY IT
Teams will be required to descend into the dry dock where one of the most famous ocean liners in history was built–the RMS Titanic.
Using a menu and seating chart as reference, teams must serve five courses of actual dishes served on the Titanic. With one team member preparing the dishes in the kitchen and the other running them over to the dining room, they must serve the five courses in the correct order to a table of first class passengers while also making sure each passenger receives the correct dish.
Once all five courses have been properly served, the captain will hand over the next clue.
“I’m king of the world!”
I wish there was one bagpipe player in the band.
Three asparagus is all that was served as one of the courses? Three asparagus? If you tell me, that’s the real disaster.
Hey Phil, stop sucking up to the captain and deliver everyone their fucking food. They’re starving, man. Get back to work.
SPRAY IT
Teams are required to visit an urban arts and sports centre. They must finish one side of a piece of graffiti art using a picture for reference. When the crew feel their artwork has been properly painted, they’ll receive their next clue.
“Are you allowed to spraypaint?”
“I think it’s highly discouraged.”
I think Bertram Van Munster missed out on tapping into the Tony Hawk and Dave Mirra trends from the early 2000s by about a decade.
Please God let that not be Jeroen from Wie is de Mol.
I want to see Phil give graffiti art a proper go.
Max & Katie choose Tray It. Mona & Beth are second to the Detour. They choose Tray It. Bates & Anthony are shockingly in third. They also pick Tray It.
The clue doesn’t specify the number of first class passengers. It’d be hilarious if they show up and there were forty or fifty first class passengers.
All three teams need to drive to the docks.
Jennifer has retreated into the tent. Caroline is refusing to let Jennifer quit after Jennifer successfully coached her into completing the bagpipes Roadblock.
“I’m going to write a country song that’ll make me sound more pissed than Taylor Swift is after a break-up if you throw in the towel right now.”
Caroline talks about how Jennifer is strong but knew at the time she was extremely frustrated with the task.
Caroline will have to throw her in John Wayne style to get a third attempt out of her.
Max & Katie are at Belfast Harbour. Katie says it is essentially a giant hole in the ground.
That tent is where our hungry passengers await.
Max & Katie look at the seating chart. There are only two courses listed on the sheet. However, the menu is separate from the seating chart.
I would not eat a single thing on that menu.
“Missing something, losers?”
I looked up the passengers at Max & Katie’s table. Some of them do correspond to the names of actual passengers on The Titanic. Judge Dewitt is probably more a play on the last name of Rose’s mother from the movie Titanic. Godfrey and Krause checked out as actual passengers.
Max starts grabbing plates.
The chef is worried the passenger will get food poisoning after Max’s nose touches the plate.
Katie knows something is off and checks the menu because the clue specifically stated five courses.
Katie saves the day here.
Max & Katie serve oysters first. Katie delivers the first course.
I think Beth and Caroline will be running up and down these steps.
It’s a long trot to the tent.
That moustache is legendary.
Katie completes the first course.
We cut back to the tent. Caroline gets on one knee as if she’s about to propose to Jennifer. Are we about to get M. Night Shyamalan’d here?
Nevermind. Caroline leads Jennifer into a prayer. I wonder if Jesus ever went bog snorkeling in Wales.
“Dear God, please give Jennifer the strength to complete this Roadblock. Oh, and while we have you on the line, please provide Bates with a second pair of underwear. Otherwise the #SexySix becomes the #SexyFive.”
Jennifer makes her third attempt. She changes her technique to breathing slower. Slow breaths is an ideal technique when swimming. Jennifer completes it.
Jennifer stops the clock at 3 minutes and 43 seconds.
ANTHONY’S TIME: 2 minutes and 18 seconds
MONA’S TIME: 2 minutes and 53 seconds
KATIE’S TIME: 3 minutes and 9 seconds
JENNIFER’S TIME: 3 minutes and 43 seconds* 3rd attempt.
Caroline & Jennifer exit the Roadblock in dead last. I estimate they are about 45 minutes behind everyone.
Max & Katie explain how the second course had two options and that’s where the seating chart comes into play to specify the choice. The other component to the task is that there isn’t any clues to what consomme is or what barley is.
Max and Katie switch positions. Max is faster doing deliveries and Katie figure out the menu and prepare the dishes.
Max correctly delivers the second course.
Bates makes the first delivery without consulting the menu. Anthony consults the menu after Bates is already at the tent.
“Huh. We fucked that up. Who knew.”
The waiter informs Bates that this is not what the passengers ordered. The editors throw in a fail horn sound effect. Weeeee-oooooo.
“Dammit.”
Mona & Beth are third to Tray It. They note the menu and seating chart but make the same mistake as everyone else did anyway.
Caroline & Jennifer stop for directions.
It’s a pawn shop called “IT’S DEAD HANDY.”
Oddly enough, Joey Covino experiences a “dead handy” whenever he’s alone for too long on a daily basis.
MAN: There’s a jaaaaant ring.
JENNIFER: What’s that?
MAN: You know, a giant?
He has to resort to gesturing.
CAROLINE: A giant?!
MAN: A giant.
JENNIFER: Oh! A giant!
CAROLINE: A giant ring!
Oh. Jesus Christ.
MAN: You’ve never met a man like me.
CAROLINE: I know. You’re great. Too bad we can’t be together.
“Sorry, I only date older men. I banged a 252 year old man named Robert last episode.”
Caroline gives the bloke a hug.
You know you’re resorting to extremes when the best tourist attraction you’ve got is the “world’s largest dry dock.”
Bates and Max are delivering their courses.
I would not eat a meal that was put on the floor seconds beforehand.
Bates completes his first course; Max completes his third course.
Beth messes up the first course.
“Ah, crap.”
Max completes the fourth course. Anthony sees the second course with the two options. Bates says six plates on a tray is heavy when going up and down numerous flights of stairs. Bates completes the second course.
Mona & Beth still haven’t caught on. Beth gets rejected for a second time.
WAITER: These are not what these people ordered.
“If you reject me again, you’ll be ordering a knuckle sandwich.”
The OCD part of me is greatly annoyed Katie is putting that tray down on the pavement with the sun beating down on it.
Max picks it up assuming it’ll be his final trip.
Anthony carries the tray to pass off to Bates.
Well, there goes any shot at first place this leg.
BATES: Who did that?
KATIE: Anthony.
BATES: Idiot.
BATES: C’mon. He’s got the freakin’ easy part.
“Maybe there’s a Fast Forward in here!”
We cut to another scene.
Where the hell are we? This doesn’t look like downtown Belfast.
Caroline & Jennifer quickly catch on it isn’t it and find locals for more directions.
“If you ask me, Caroline & Jennifer are in a ruff position this leg. If they think the clue is here, they’re barking up the wrong tree.”
Caroline & Jennifer are given the correct location–the Beacon of Hope.
For once, an older man let Caroline & Jennifer down.
Caroline & Jennifer get back in the car.
MENNIFER: We need a Beacon of Hope right now.
Mennifer in with a solid pun.
If you followed my coverage of Wie is de Mol 2014 with RTV Warriors, you would understand that joke.
We cut back to the Detour. Katie notes Mona & Beth have no clue what they’re doing.
Mona sets up Beth for a third failed attempt.
These waiters look so bored.
Bates completes the third course.
BETH: I used to be a waitress. You think I’d be better at this.
Beth is rejected for a third time. She swaps two plates. It’s still wrong.
“This is a disaster,” says the man who is about to die aboard the Titanic.
Beth should’ve tailed Max & Katie at the Detour as well as on the road.
Max and Katie debate over what chartreuse jelly is. I have never heard of it either. I hope it doesn’t come up in a trivia competition.
They decide chartreuse is likely green then. I Google chartreuse. It is. It’s treu.
BATES: Better win this challenge. Hope I get tipped well.
Waiters who only own one pair of underpants tend to work harder for tips than other waiters.
Bates completes the fourth course.
Caroline & Jennifer are last to The Thing With a Ring. They choose Spray It. I doubt Caroline would’ve wanted to run up and down several flights of stairs.
Beth’s first course is rejected for a fourth time (possibly more than what we see on TV).
Bates’ final course is wrong. Bates is having a slight meltdown. Anthony is contemplating what colour chartreuse is too.
“What the hell, man? We used to eat chartreuse jelly once a week growing up!”
BATES: This is why I’m serving. Skill right there.
Who taught him how to spin like that?
Herb & Nate?
Anthony comes out and admits he is just making a guess with chartreuse jelly.
I forgot that bit on the Titanic where the first person to die was the waiter by hanging himself from the deck.
Max completes the final course. The captain gives him the clue.
ANTHONY: I hope chartreuse is red. The other jelly is green. Bates is gonna kill me if he comes back with another full tray.
Maybe it’ll be a murder-suicide.
The waiter gives Bates the bad news.
“ANTHONYYYY!!!!”
BATES: I’m gonna kill him. Worst partner ever.
Eh. I don’t know about that.
BATES: YOU KIDDING ME!!!!
“I don’t think he got it right.”
If only there was an ice hockey team called the Edmonton Chartreuses instead of the Edmonton Oilers, they would’ve been done the Detour by now.
Anthony asks Bates if he knows what colour chartreuse jelly is.
BATES: You’ve got to be kidding me. One thing he has to do. He’d be off the team in hockey right now. He’s off the team.
That’s something my two older brothers would say. Anytime one of us screwed up at something they would say “you’re off the team.” What team? They never specified. Somebody is off -a- team.
Max & Katie get the terrible Jet & Cord music when they reunite.
MAX: That’s going to take everybody a lot of time except for us because we’re brilliant.
Max proceeds to celebrate.
“YIPPEE!”
Max & Katie read they must drive themselves to Belfast’s most illustrious hall–Ulster Hall. It is famous for hosting Charles Dickens, Led Zeppelin and EVEN the Dalai Lama. This impressive venue will be a rare indoor pit stop for this leg of the race. Phil specifies that the first three teams to arrive will race for one million dollars. The last team to check in here will be eliminated.
Ever since its debut in TAR 14, TAR loves going to the well with the occasional fully indoor pit stop. We had an indoor finish line just last season for TAR 21.
Beth is frustrated. Mona thinks the order of who gets what at the table is wrong.
Max & Katie get directions at a cafeteria. I doubt many people want to be outside in December.
Ah. A woman is wearing a Christmas hat and there’s a Christmas tree nearby.
Smartphones really help.
Jennifer spots the Skate Park on the map, but there aren’t street signs on the road.
Anthony can’t figure out the chartreuse jelly. Bates is impatiently waiting for Anthony to make a decision. Anthony goes with green. Bates doubts Anthony’s decision.
BATES: I don’t know why, but I don’t think that’s chartreuse. Somebody will be hurtin’ when I come back.
That’s right. Bates and Anthony will be the first two grown men ever to get into a fist fight over chartreuse jelly.
Beth speaks to Anthony.
BETH: Did you serve all five as the first course?
ANTHONY: I just went down the list of the courses.
BETH: What do you mean down the list of the courses? On the seating chart?
ANTHONY: No, there’s a list of the courses up there.
BETH: Gotta talk to Mona to make sure she’s looking at the right thing.
I’m surprised Anthony is helping Beth here. I wonder if it’s because they have been at the Detour so long that everyone presumes Caroline & Jennifer quit or took a four hour penalty at the Roadblock. Anthony has to assume it’ll be between Mona & Beth and Caroline & Jennifer for last.
Or Anthony is genuinely just a nice guy and is why nobody U-Turned him all season long.
BETH: Are you looking at the list of courses? He says there’s a list of courses.
MONA: This is the order of the very first thing in the order going around 1, 2. . .it’s got to be in the right order. I’m sure.
“I tried.”
Max & Katie exit the cafeteria. Max says they’ve won the last two legs because they were smart and under control.
Bates makes another attempt at the final course. It’s correct.
The crowd applauds Bates.
BATES: Big tip, right? Big tip.
Ask Caroline & Jennifer.
Anthony opens the clue.
“Gimme that shit. Your clue reading privileges are revoked.”
Bates & Anthony drive to Ulster Hall. They see Max & Katie walking on the sidewalk.
I don’t know how they made up that time so quickly.
Max & Katie see Bates & Anthony parking behind them. Bates & Anthony must’ve made up around ten minutes or so.
I wonder if there’s a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.
Max & Katie hit the mat.
I wish one of the dancers lagged behind saying “Welcome to Belfast, Northern Ireland” by a half second or more. That would’ve been hilarious.
MAX: Thank you! Well done, ladies.
“Whatever you do, don’t play the bagpipes.”
Phil points out another team is creeping up from behind.
It is in this moment both teams know this is how the final leg is going to go.
FIRST PLACE: MAX & KATIE
SECOND PLACE: BATES & ANTHONY
“There is a one percent chance that another Josh & Brent upset will be pulled in the next leg.”
It should be noted Bates & Anthony and Max & Katie have each scored a hat trick one after the other. No other team left has even won a leg. The last leg that wasn’t won by either of these two teams was Leg 5 which was won by Pam & Winnie.
Max & Katie win a trip to the Dominican Republic. Obviously it’s to Punta Cana. They’ll get butler service. Oddly enough, Dominican Republic has yet to be visited by TAR US.
Max tells Phil they’ve won the last three legs.
MAX (confessional): Bates & Anthony got a lot of athletic ability, but we’re not going to be intimidated by a couple of professional athletes. Those guys are getting old.
Max has a very different definition of who is old compared to Caroline & Jennifer’s standards.
The mat chat continues.
MAX: There’s this recurring dream I keep having. It’s running around the corner and knowing that we’re first.
BATES: I have the same one but I run out in front of him.
Imagine if this actually happens? That’d be spooky.
Caroline & Jennifer are lost, frustrated, and tired on the road. Jennifer tells Caroline to turn left. Caroline doesn’t.
JENNIFER: Left right up at these lights. Left!
CAROLINE: That was it right there?
“Oh, you said left right up. That really confused me.”
Caroline starts breaking down and crying on the road.
Imagine if a semi-truck starts vigorously honking right now because Caroline stopped to cry at an intersection. “GET OUT OF THE WAYYYYY!!!!”
Mona thinks they have it. Beth gets her first course rejected again. She keeps swapping plates. It’s wrong. Wrong again. Wrong again.
BETH: I hope it isn’t our destiny to go down like the Titanic.
In TAR Asia, all-female teams tend to do really really well and repeatedly kick everyone’s ass.
In TAR US, the all-female teams tend to struggle a hell of a lot more. The strongest all-female team this season went home just after the halfway point.
All-female teams in TAR US tend to be more disastrous than the Titanic.
Beth yells at Mona it is all wrong. She repeats Anthony’s advice about the list. Mona finally looks at the menu.
MONA: BETHY! I FIGURED IT OUT!!!
“Dear God I hope no one else starts calling me Bethy.”
MONA: GOD, WE’RE IDIOTS!!! We ran right past that and didn’t even see what it said which was ridiculous.
Mona yells at Beth what she has is all wrong and to come back for the correct plates.
“DAMMIT, WOMAN! I JUST RAN UP AND DOWN THESE STAIRS WITH FULL TRAYS SIX TIMES! IN THE WORDS OF JOHN STOSSEL, GIVE ME A BREAK!”
Caroline & Jennifer show up to Spray It. We see a few tricks.
NI 2012 likely stands for Northern Ireland 2012. I’m a genius.
Look at that air!
We get the most casual explanation ever.
MAN: So this is the area you have to spraypaint, so uh. . .basically you have to do this.
Caroline & Jennifer should write a song about this guy and the skate park.
Oh fuck, Avril beat them to it by about ten years. On behalf of Canada, I’m sorry.
I miss Avril’s Donkey Kong tie.
Caroline is not excited about spraypainting. Apparently there’s nothing sexy about graffiti.
Even back then we struggled with putting our masks over our nose. And why is the sk8r boi lurking behind them like a shadow with his hood pulled so far we can’t see his face? That’s creepy.
They just have to paint on the lines.
It’s like Crazy Cutters or Trace Race on TAR.
Mona passes the tray to Beth. She tells her to go as fast as she can.
BETH: That just cost us the race.
Mona talks to the camera.
MONA: We could definitely be in last. . .I’m not going to sit here and cry about what place we’re in.
“I’m not going to SIT here and cry about what place we’re in. . .I’m going to STAND here and cry about what place we’re in.”
Beth is annoyed she’s gone up and down the stairs ten times already. The first course is done. They applaud.
Mona doesn’t know if Caroline & Jennifer are at Spray It or are completely lost.
We cut back to Caroline & Jennifer. Neither one is into street art.
I guess country music isn’t known for graffiti connections.
What’s funny is when I travel I specifically seek out streets that have great graffiti art. One time I was in Santiago, Chile and the owner of a hostel told me there is one neighbourhood that is dangerous but has awesome graffiti art.
So naturally I went there, and I don’t regret it.
Beth completes her second course. We keep cutting back and forth between the two teams.
It’s easier than bog snorkeling.
And now for something completely different. . .
BOOM! That’s why you wear knee pads, bro!
Otherwise you’ll be walking around like Marshall & Lance by the time you’re twenty-five!
Beth completes the third course. The passengers applaud again. Mona is dreading what might happen.
“We’re going to be subject to the ridicule of Max & Katie for all eternity if we go home because I can’t read a menu like Kevin Malone.”
Beth talks about missing her family and the money would mean a lot for her three kids.
BETH: This is absurd! The absurdity of it!
“I’m going to lose out on a million dollars because I couldn’t serve oysters and chartreuse jelly to Irish people pretending to be passengers of the Titanic in a tent where the Titanic was built for a TV show.”
Caroline & Jennifer ask for a check on their graffiti work.
JENNIFER: Beautiful!
CAROLINE: Wow! Are you kidding me? It looks like the same person did it.
“Sharpen those edges.”
Man. The shadow man is a no-nonsense graffiti artist. If only he were eighty years old or 252 years old he would be charmed by Caroline & Jennifer.
Beth delivers the final course.
BETH: My kids are getting Mac and Cheese for the rest of their lives.
I remember being a kid and saying “Kraft Dinner? Jesus mom, why can’t we have Chartreuse Jelly? It perfectly compliments Mr. Noodles or KD.”
Beth gets her clue from the captain.
BETH: You must think I’m such an idiot.
“You’re right. I’m going to tweet about it the second you leave this tent.”
Mona & Beth read the clue in third place.
Thanks to Shen on Twitter, Mona & Beth preserved their third place position because Caroline & Jennifer lost a minimum of eleven minutes by going to Giant’s Ring prior to the Beacon of Hope.
Yes, I looked up the route on Google Maps from Peatlands Park. 42 minutes if you drive directly and 53 minutes if you stop at Giant’s Ring. Remember Caroline & Jennifer stopped to ask for more directions as well as missing a crucial left hand turn too. I’d estimate they lost a solid twenty-five minutes in contrast to the other three teams.
Otherwise Mona & Beth are likely in last right now.
Caroline & Jennifer sharpen the edges and think they are done.
CAROLINE: What do you think, sir? They’re identical.
Maybe if Caroline & Jennifer were identical they’d have their clue sooner.
He approves. Hugs ensue.
Jennifer is excited over Ulster Hall.
We cut back and forth between the two teams. Mona & Beth ask a man for directions. Jennifer finds Ulster Hall on the map.
He is easier to understand than the guy who gives dead handies.
Mona & Beth hit the mat.
Given this was the first half of a two hour finale, editors are eager to get into the final leg.
Phil gives them the good news. Mona was clearly crying prior to hitting the mat.
THIRD PLACE: MONA & BETH
MONA: What??????
BETH: You’re joking. You’re joking. You’re joking.
MONA: Are you serious?
PHIL: I’m not joking. I’m not joking.
(They cry for a minute.)
BETH: Really?
PHIL: Really really really.
*ONE HOUR LATER*
BETH: Wait, you mean–
PHIL: For the hundredth time, YES! JESUS CHRIST!
Nah, just kidding.
BETH: Whoever thought we would be here.
NORM: Nobody predicted pre-season that Mona & Beth would make it into the Final Three. . .well, actually, one person did. That is Cleveland fourth grader Soon Duk Kim. Congratulations.
Nah, just kidding.
In terms of pre-season polls and blogs, I couldn’t find anyone who had predicted Mona & Beth would be in the Final Three.
However, many people predicted Mona & Beth would get the third slot out of the four teams remaining at the start of the season finale. Thank you, Google.
Caroline & Jennifer take the lonely walk of loneliness. Phil gives them the bad news.
LAST PLACE: CAROLINE & JENNIFER
Phil eliminates them from the race. Caroline says they enjoyed every bit of the experience and saw so much of the world. Jennifer says people are good around the world. They get their own montage. They talk about how much their friendship has been strengthened.
JENNIFER: We’re going to go home and write a lot of songs about things we went through.
I can’t wait for that set list.
TRACKS
1) Bog Snorkeling and Foursomes
2) The Sexy Six
3) The 252 Year Old Heart Throb
4) Sk8r Boi (may or may not result in lawsuit)
5) F*ck The Botswana Police
6) Pucks and Sticks
7) U-Turn That Frown Upside Down
8) Sink or Swim
9) Sandcastle Blues
That’s a CD I’d never buy.
*
We cut into yet another finale UFC style promo. Max & Katie have three first place finishes in a row. Bates lost in the Stanley Cup Final and doesn’t want to have that feeling again. Mona insists they are strong women. All three teams insist they will win. Confidence is good.
Next Time on TAR: Nine years later, and I finally wrap up this season. Holy Jesus.
NEXT TIME ON TAR MENTIONS:
DAVE & CONNOR 3
CHUCK & WYNONA 2
JESSICA & JOHN 1
CAROLINE & JENNIFER 1
CONFESSIONAL COUNT
BATES/ANTHONY 7/6
MONA/BETH 10/6
MAX/KATIE 10/11
CAROLINE/JENNIFER 4/3
Rank the Legs
1) Windwhistle, New Zealand -> Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia
It was funny to see teams experience culture shock in Bali given ninety percent of the population are expats, digital nomads, and young tourists. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been spoiled by Bora Bora and New Zealand for three rounds.
There was another awesome flight scramble this leg. Teams even improved upon their flight during a layover. Classic TAR right there.
Seeing Jessica & John and Bates & Anthony battling for last for most of the leg was a great change of pace after three rounds. Chuck & Wynona are on the verge of being dead last once again but barely survive as one of the bigger underdogs in a while.
Pam & Winnie getting featured as the leading team was a great opportunity to see more of them. It’s funny they and everyone else ultimately lost this leg to a guy on crutches who couldn’t do the Detour nor the Roadblock. Connor shows off his TAR prowess and defeats Winnie in a battle of wits.
I am disappointed the Roadblock and pit stop were at the same location, and was also disappointed the Surfing Capital of the World goes the route of “find a picture of something you encountered” rather than any actual surfing.
The Detour was culturally relevant to Bali. It was difficult enough for a team to swap Detours out of frustration. Both tasks involved women putting heavy things on their head.
We also got an extra culturally relevant task that Jessica & John did that wasn’t even part of the show.
And of course, everything I said above is overshadowed by Jessica & John being the only team in TAR history to not use their Express Pass. They achieved this in the most bizarre fashion that left every viewer baffled, and scratching their head as to what the hell they just watched.
All of this culminated with Phil staring at the camera in the final two seconds of the episode, and utter an “oy vey” to the viewers at home showing he was as confused as the rest of us.
To this day the “oy vey” moment is still referenced.
It was great to revisit this episode eight years to see if it stood the test of time.
It certainly has. It’s in the running for the longest blog I have ever done.
P.S. If you ever wanted to see Workaholics do an episode based on The Amazing Race, John’s journey is exactly how it would play out. John is Anders. He goes from being stuck as a telemarketer. He uses his brains and hard work to get out of his shitty position. He achieves his goals and has power over other people, and it gets to his head he starts to piss everyone off. Then the overconfidence and pride leads to him crashing and burning within just a week.
2) Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia -> Hanoi, Vietnam
This was a roller coaster of an episode. It has a lot of great elements that Production never intended to have happen. It stirs up controversy, a fan favourite team quits thus rescuing an underdog team, and a W-Turn which heats up the rivalry between two factions.
Pam & Winnie and Chuck & Wynona both delivered some great content here. Pam & Winnie burned so many teams here, and you could make an argument she is the most aggressive team within the alliance of Pam & Winnie, Max & Katie, Bates & Anthony, and Caroline & Jennifer. Wynona uses the camera really when frustrated with Chuck.
The Roadblock, controversy aside, was a decent task. I think another layer could’ve been added to the Roadblock to create a larger gap between teams. However, it was entertaining and showed how close Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth really are. Joey & Meghan likely lost the chance to overtake Pam & Winnie because of it.
The Detour was fine. Using live pieces to create a Chinese Chess board makes for amusing interactions with locals. Especially when Caroline & Jennifer have to figure it out on their own. The pho task proved to be a big obstacle for teams as there was a big language barrier. Do you take the basket of chickens? Do you trust the local who speaks English to obtain the correct weight for you? Do you know how to cook pho? Chuck & Wynona felt the stress of the task.
The final kick at the end where viewers likely forgot Dave & Connor were medically removed from the race therefore saving Chuck & Wynona from certain elimination for the third round in a row is an amusing ending.
3) Motu Piti A’au, Bora Bora, French Polynesia -> Windwhistle, New Zealand
This leg did its best to balance the melodrama of Dave & Connor but also the absurd comedy of Jessica & John and the other teams. It is arguably the most focus put on one team while the other eight teams are in the background. Especially Mona & Beth who get absolutely shut down from having any meaningful content other than being adopted by Jessica & John.
One of the most underrated comedic scenes ever, Jessica & John and Dave & Connor think they are sneaky with the Express Pass handoff but it was in plain sight of Bates & Anthony who were -right there-. This triggered a lot of alliances. On one side, Jessica & John, Joey & Meghan, and Mona & Beth aligned against Bates & Anthony.
Bates & Anthony countered by rounding up Caroline & Jennifer and later Max & Katie.
As for Chuck & Wynona, Dave & Connor, and Pam & Winnie? They weren’t recruited. Pam & Winnie love their solo path, Dave’s injury is assumed to be terminal within the context of the race, and Chuck & Wynona aren’t seen as valuable allies.
It was great to see scrambles for flights. I love a good flight scramble. It’s my favourite part of an era gone by.
I also like a good self-drive leg. That’s the great part about legs in first world countries that aren’t densely populated. Production feels safe enough providing teams with vehicles.
This was also a really long leg. I miss the long filming schedules. It allowed for all of the dynamics between teams to evolve.
The Detour had a fun driving task and. . .fishing. Luckily only two teams tried fishing. It didn’t make for the most riveting television. Thank goodness we had Chuck & Wynona doing that task to make it entertaining.
There was a lack of explanation as to why teams shuffled getting back from the Detour, but Dave’s injury occupied a lot of airtime.
The Shemozzle Roadblock was a genuinely fun task to balance the dark comedic nature of Dave’s injury. John was doing John things, Winnie was doing Winnie things, and Anthony nearly did a Lyoto Machida-esque kick to Jennifer’s face in the manure pool.
Also, there were dogs showcased this episode. I like dogs.
4) Makgadikgadi Pans National Park, Botswana -> Maun, Botswana
It is unusual that the transit point of the previous leg serves as the location for the current leg (except in TAR Canada where they use Pearson Airport in Toronto about five or six times per season). By today’s standards, they would have just had the previous leg in Maun and then this leg would’ve been in Makgadikgadi Pans. Either they’d have to be in and out of Maun no matter what or there was some sort of scheduling conflict where they needed to use Makgadikgadi Pans in the previous round.
On paper this leg should’ve been really lame. Drive from the pit start to the route marker. Once there, deliver a couple of goats. Then ride all the way to the Detour to either memorize ten cutouts or guide two donkeys. Then run a couple hundred metres to the pit stop. If you’re Max & Katie, throw in a quick dance.
Thankfully, Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer both got pulled over speeding and had an extra route marker in the form of a ticket payment at the Maun police station. It was like an unplanned Speed Bump. Seeing Caroline & Jennifer be forced to ask a stranger to exchange cash for them was a high risk venture that saved them in the race.
Max & Katie were humiliated even worse than they were the last leg by being beaten by Joey & Meghan fair and square. If it weren’t for Pam & Winnie’s blunder, this would’ve gone down as one of the most nail-biting finishes in any episode of TAR. It’s a funny nail-biter when donkeys start fighting each other. However, Max & Katie were left leaving the mat wondering why the hell they are shitting the bed so much in Botswana.
Bates & Anthony had another easy leg. They show up to the Fast Forward task and ace it in one try and coast to the pit stop. Given no one really felt threatened by the outsiders Mona & Beth, Chuck & Wynona, or Joey & Meghan, I am sure Bates & Anthony headed into the pit stop wondering if all bets were off.
Pam & Winnie were at the same location as the pit stop in second place. All they had to do was move some donkeys or spot the ten animal cutouts that Chuck & Wynona did on their first try. Pam & Winnie gave up on the first challenge after twenty minutes, and the backup option failed them miserably. Their inability to spot an ostrich eliminated them from the race. It proved to be a larger setback than a speeding ticket.
Oh, and we found out Joey & Meghan are awful at self-navigation. I think even Michael & Moe would’ve beat them in TAR 33.
The Speed Bump seemed like a pointless albeit fun task. They could’ve just integrated that when a team shows up before the Roadblock so everyone could participate. The Roadblock was amusing as teams fought with each other while trying to keep goats under control. There was also the fear at both the Roadblock and Fast Forward of falling into the water and being eaten alive by crocodiles like it was a spin-off to Jaws.
Overall, the cast delivered more than Production did. I still can’t believe only two locations were planned for this episode. It’s too linear even by contemporary TAR US standards.
P.S. This marks the final leg filmed in Africa until TAR 25’s Morocco visit. Apparently we needed more legs in already visited European countries.
5) Los Angeles, California, USA (yet again) -> Motu Piti A’au, Bora Bora, French Polynesia, France
This was one of the best season premieres for TAR in a while. Perhaps since TAR 17 or TAR 12.
We get the extremely rare South Pacific visit to kick off the season. Although Bora Bora is a ridiculously small area to host the first leg, Production found three things for them to do to make it a proper leg. Skydiving out of a helicopter, digging up a clue amongst hundreds of sandcastles under the brutal sun, and an outrigger canoe race that had some amusing visuals.
There wasn’t really any navigational issues or cultural barriers here as this is one of those rare legs to take place entirely within a resort island. Using this location for two legs was definitely excessive.
We had self-driving to sign up for flights which was great. We got to see teams interact much more than we usually do in premieres at this time. Everyone was utilized properly, particularly the absurdity of John of Jessica & John. It’s interesting to reflect on how popular Dave & Connor were after the premiere, but how often they bring down the mood of a very fun atmosphere. I think editors could’ve given Dave & Connor more fun footage.
The ending for this episode is what everyone remembers. Having three teams agree to give up on a task to roll the dice on a last second sprint to the pit stop was very memorable. The team you expect to survive is the one who goes home and it’s not even close. The heavily underestimated Caroline & Jennifer make it through, antisocial Max & Katie break through after being the ones who propose the plan, and other underdogs highlighted this episode such as Mona & Beth and Chuck & Wynona also make it through.
If this were an earlier season, Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer would’ve definitely gone home as the next two teams due to a lack of equalizers. However, they played the TAR structure that we’ve come to know by twenty-two seasons.
The Double Express Pass twist was very interesting at the time. It really only needed to be used for this season, and this was the correct season for the twist to be used. I remember celebrating when Jessica & John got the Double Express Pass because I thought John was absurd before the season even began and made the Workaholics connection instantaneously. You could tell the minimal power the twist offers went to his head. Idries & Jamil and the rest of The First Five offer a convenient way to make the twist uneventful, but Jessica & John are contemplating how to botch it the second they hit the mat. It really sets up the first third of the season quite well as everyone speculates if Jessica & John are going to honour the deal and give it to Dave & Connor.
Overall, a very entertaining premiere and insight to what TAR looks like if an entire episode took place on a resort.
6) Berlin, Germany -> Edinburgh, Scotland
Scotland is revisited for the first time in nineteen seasons and it is the only time they visit Scotland’s most iconic city–Edinburgh.
Obviously with a location like Scotland you’re not going to get any culture shock. Scotland is a very comfortable place for Americans and Canadians to travel.
What’s funny is this leg didn’t even stick to the major landmarks inside Edinburgh–most of it was outside the city.
This leg utilized all of the Scottish stereotypes in a single leg: Haggis, a pub sport, a castle, alcohol, Robert Burns, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, bagpipes, and a cobblestone alleyway as the pit stop.
Most of the intrigue of this leg was with the flight scramble. Max & Katie try to deviate from their allies to have a lead on everyone else. Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth think they’ve got the better flight over their fiercest competition in Bates & Anthony. Then the tables get turned at the last minute as Bates & Anthony and Caroline & Jennifer unknowingly find themselves on the first flight with Max & Katie.
Sadly the leg instantly becomes a head-to-head showdown between Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth as the other three teams agree to U-Turn both teams. All of the tasks were too easy as several attempts at bowling or bagpipes wasn’t enough to diminish a lead or a deficit for any of the teams.
This sets up the endgame as Caroline & Jennifer have helped their allies so much to the point one of them is bound to win, but Mona & Beth may not go as quietly as the frontrunners would assume.
This leg also benefits from a lot of unintentional comedy throughout the episode.
7) Grindelwald, Switzerland -> Berlin, Germany
Once again TAR goes to a city they have been to before (and will go once more after this season) within a country they are visiting for the eighth time as of TAR 22. Hanoi in TAR 10, The Makgadikgadi Pans in TAR 7, Grindelwald from TAR 3, and Berlin from TAR 6 all used over the past five consecutive rounds in TAR 22. That’s a puzzling decision by Production.
It’s not helping that the remaining legs after this round are all in countries with minimal culture shock and speak English as a first language.
This was definitely much better than the Grindelwald leg. The only equalizer was the train ride to Dresden. After that teams had to drive themselves for the rest of the leg. This made for interesting dilemmas. The theme of the leg was based all around Bates & Anthony. Every team is thinking about their relationship with Bates & Anthony–should they back out of their alliance with them? Should they do tasks with them? Bates had his bag stolen which put Bates & Anthony in their worst position all season. Caroline & Jennifer left them alone twice, and Mona & Beth wondered why the hell they led Bates & Anthony to the pit stop only to be passed at the last second.
Max & Katie emerged on top for the first time all season–in fact, it was the first leg won by somebody other than Bates & Anthony out of the remaining teams. It builds suspense to the season.
The Ford Fusion trivia challenge was extremely lame. It could’ve been more than three freakin’ multiple choice questions with a pool of eight choices combined. That’s the easiest quiz ever.
You get to see more of the contrasts in personalities thanks to the Roadblock. Seeing how everyone reacted to the haunted nightclub maze provided a fair amount of insight.
The Detour was good. The letters proved to be difficult enough where a team had to switch due to cracking the letters. Furthermore, the train tracks took a minimum of six attempts per team. Not to mention the conductor’s moustache was a real highlight.
We also saw teams struggle with self-navigation which is TAR at its core. It is great to see things not very linear.
Overall, it was a decent leg that sets up the remainder of the season as we hit the final NEL of the season.
8) Edinburgh, Scotland -> Belfast, Northern Ireland
Although I’m glad Northern Ireland is crossed off the list, I never want to see two UK legs in a season as well as it being the penultimate leg of the season. It just doesn’t push everyone’s anxiety levels as high as a penultimate leg in Vietnam, Cambodia, or Indonesia. Northern Ireland is way too chill of a place to have a penultimate leg.
The only thing I remember about this penultimate leg before rewatching it is Jennifer screwing up the Roadblock. I forgot about the Titanic and graffiti tasks entirely. Prior to rewatching a penultimate leg nearly a decade later, I tend to remember a lot more moments.
I like this leg was entirely self-drive. Navigation mattered. Caroline & Jennifer lost a lot of time because of their inability to navigate correctly. If you hated Andy & Tommy’s elimination in TAR 19 because of cab drivers, you can’t complain about that here. Caroline & Jennifer lost fair and square.
The bog snorkeling task was really easy. Look at how fast three teams completed it on their first attempt. Mona was really struggling but yet had more than enough time on the clock.
It was interesting to see the Sexy Six essentially break off the alliance this leg. Caroline & Jennifer took that calculated risk which was a fun dilemma. Max & Katie and Bates & Anthony working together to win their sixth consecutive leg between the two of them was a choice people dissected after the finale. Mona & Beth following Max & Katie to The Thing With a Ring as well as getting that crucial bit of information (tm Ken & Gerard in the F4 leg of TAR 3) from the opposing alliance thanks to Anthony is what sunk Caroline & Jennifer.
I really wanted to see Caroline do the Titanic task to see if she could handle going up and down the stairs so many times. She really did look exhausted.
The Spray It graffiti task has probably the least amount of airtime I’ve seen given to an aired Detour task that was completed. There was a ton of interesting things to do at the skate park, and following an outline of a single stretch of graffiti just wasn’t one of them.
Overall, this is a leg that you would have as a second or third leg of a season. It’s not what I’d do for a highly coveted spot in the Final Three. I do appreciate it was self-drive and Caroline & Jennifer showed it can be difficult if you aren’t one hundred percent focused and on your game.
Mona & Beth also screwed up on the Titanic task far more than Production likely ever anticipated. How much time did they actually lose, though? Given it was still daytime when all four teams completed the leg on a December day in Northern Ireland, I’m guessing this leg was no more than six hours. That doesn’t seem long enough for a leg with ultra high stakes.
9) Hanoi, Vietnam -> Makgadikgadi Pans National Park, Botswana
Yay! Departure times are shown!
Nay! A very specific repeated location!
Nah, I won’t do that for the whole write-up. Although we won’t see any more legs on the African continent until TAR 25 after this Botswana visit, it is annoying that most of this leg took place during TAR’s only other Botswana visit–Makgadikgadi Pans. I understand a nature reserve in southern Africa, but it would have been great to see an alternative location in Botswana.
There was an unaired task with a dancer. I wish we could’ve seen it instead of an extended look into Guinea fowl snares, unsuccessfully rubbing sticks together, and scorpions.
It was a very linear leg once teams landed from Maun, Botswana. No one got lost despite it being a self-drive leg. The only time the leaderboard truly shifted was when teams caught on the Fire task was too hard and switched over to Fowl.
We got insight into how strong Bates & Anthony are as they were the only team to make fire and cruised to an easy victory this leg.
The idea of having the initial task be “Fly to the city of Maun in a country you must figure out” was a creative idea, but with terrible execution. Everyone was allowed to use smartphones, laptops, or just keep supplying random guesses until they were allowed to book on the same equalizer flight as everyone else.
The lion sighting was a cool moment and everyone’s varied reactions to the scorpion. Also, Pam & Winnie’s confessional about Chuck was hilarious.
10) Motu Toopua, Bora Bora, French Polynesia, France -> Motu Tapu, Bora Bora, French Polynesia, France
From pit start to pit stop was a grand total of 6.5 kilometres. This leg is as linear as it gets on TAR.
Wait for water taxis. Take a water taxi to a chapel without any navigation. Grab your gear. Return to water taxi which you don’t have to navigate to the Detour location. Unless you’re gonna drown, everyone can finish either Detour task within minutes of each other. Ride jet skis on a small map to a nearby island where you’ll be so close to the other teams nearly everyone can follow each other there. Use stilts to kick a coconut 35 yards. Run about one hundred feet to the pit stop.
I bet you everyone finished this leg before noon except Idries & Jamil and -maybe- Pam & Winnie.
The big storyline was if Max & Katie or Caroline & Jennifer were going to win the showdown over taking the Roadblock penalty in the previous episode. However, it didn’t matter as neither team finished in the bottom two. Instead Pam & Winnie struggled a little navigating on the jet ski and at the Roadblock, and Idries & Jamil made a colossal error “diving” for pearls.
Because of how linear and uneventful the leg itself was, a lot of airtime was put on Jessica & John’s refusal to give up the Express Pass this round to Dave & Connor. Dave & Connor are commented on by nearly every team for being so strong. This built up to the highlight of the episode (and really the highlight for TAR over the next three seasons) where Dave ruptures his achilles tendon.
Pam & Winnie refusing to give up and finishing in ninth place is a footnote. Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer overcoming their 105 minute deficit is a footnote too. And I bet by episode three everyone has forgotten about Idries & Jamil because of Dave’s achilles injury.
To quote the review of Pokemon Sapphire & Ruby, this indeed did have too much water for the second leg in a row.
Granted I do see -why- Production wanted two legs in Bora Bora because they doubted they would ever have the budget to reach the South Pacific ever again. Fast forward eight seasons later and this is still the only South Pacific visit.
So I’m fine with having two legs in French Polynesia if this is we’re all ever gonna get in our lifetimes.
11) Maun, Botswana -> Grindelwald, Switzerland
Why no Detour, son?
TAR is usually pretty good with putting NELs on their most equalizer heavy legs since the start of the series. Especially when it’s a leg that happens during the mid-to-late chunk of the section when NELs are more frequent.
However, Production made this an elimination leg. That seemed like an oversight on Production’s part. This leg truly came down to Wynona holding up Meghan at the Roadblock and then the decision to not take a taxi to the pit stop. Bates & Anthony won the leg because they could run up the hill faster than three other teams.
As I’ve said before, TAR tends to exploit Switzerland for scenery porn but doesn’t really know what else to do with it. I’m still scratching my head why we needed multiple Switchbacks to the alphorn AND the cheese hill. The whole design of this leg is extremely bizarre. Only the infamous train ride during the Switzerland leg in TAR 28 tops it (which happens to be a nominee for the worst leg in TAR history).
The St. Bernards were pretty neat.
This is one of those rare cases in TAR US history where a penalty eliminated a team from the race. In fact, this is the final time in TAR history where a team got eliminated strictly due to a penalty for something they did during a task or elsewhere on the race course.
Furthermore, it is going to be all the way until the TAR 29 premiere where a team doesn’t arrive at the pit stop in last place, but a penalty at the mat eliminates them from the race. Meanwhile, this happens in TAR Canada almost every other week.
I would love to see the additional info the Cheese Hill task. Chuck & Wynona did -use- the sleds. We clearly saw them use the sleds at teh top of the hill and at the very bottom. How clear was the clue stating that they weren’t allowed to roll it down the hill? Phil’s own words state they got penalized for not using the sleds “properly.” What constitutes proper usage of the sleds? That seems rather subjective.
I am sure it went unaired, but if I was them I would’ve contended that point on the mat. It seems like a lousy way to go out of the race. I would’ve seen how teams would’ve handled Chuck & Wynona still being in the race heading into leg nine. Max & Katie, Caroline & Jennifer, and Bates & Anthony have been in a tight alliance but seem to get along well with Mona & Beth rather than Joey & Meghan. Chuck & Wynona are viewed as the weakest team in the whole race. Would the trio have just U-Turned Mona & Beth and Chuck & Wynona? Or would everyone shift their thinking to “man, I’d love to have Chuck & Wynona in the final leg with us.” It could’ve very well turned into a fight for everyone trying to get to the Final Three with both Caroline & Jennifer and Chuck & Wynona.
By Chuck & Wynona being eliminated, the divide between The Outsiders and the Anti-Jessica & John Brigade is made much clearer in a 3 vs. 2 divide. It’s quite similar to the divide we saw just one season earlier in TAR 21.
Because very little happened in this leg other than in the closing five minutes, it opened the door to a lot of fun character scenes. Max & Katie step up the villain role a bit more, we actually know there’s a team named Mona & Beth, the relationship between Bates & Anthony and Caroline & Jennifer is made clearer, and we see Joey & Meghan now being branded as underdogs. We also got a lot of interesting Chuck & Wynona content.
Overall, this was definitely the worst episode of the season. Sorry Phil, but a cheese hill isn’t anywhere near the most memorable challenge of all time. I can’t even recall the last time somebody referenced Chuck & Wynona’s penalty occurred -because- of the cheese hill. In fact, I’d take it one step further and say very few people remember this penalty happening at the pit stop. I bet people remembered Chuck & Wynona were eliminated for being a weaker team rather than a #ReadYourClue moment.
Rank the Teams
1) Pam Chien & Winnie Sung
I forgot how much hilarious content Pam & Winnie had during TAR 22. Because editors were focused on hyping up Jessica & John’s Express Pass blunder and Dave & Connor’s inevitable return invite for an all-star season that I am sure Production already had on the table, Pam & Winnie’s edit was limited early on.
However, starting leg five things really picked up for Pam & Winnie. There were so many vicious confessionals. In fact, their final confessional went after every other eliminated team. We rarely see competent all-female teams, and not only that but competent minority all-female teams who are entertaining.
I recall lots of fans online assuming Pam & Winnie were a lock for the next all-star season. When TAR 24 was announced as a returnee season, Pam & Winnie had the following traits on their side:
a) All-female team;
b) Strong;
c) Minority;
d) Shit-stirrers;
e) Competed less than 24 months prior to filming
f) Made it over halfway in the season
g) Won a leg
Somehow they get snubbed. Not only that but only two all-female teams are brought back for TAR 24 including. . .Caroline & Jennifer?! over Pam & Winnie?! If you’re going to cast Caroline & Jennifer, you’ve got to cast Pam & Winnie at the very least. We’ll talk about it more when we reach TAR 24, but I’ve always felt bad for Caroline & Jennifer’s TAR 24 run because Pam & Winnie’s snub meant fans were predisposed to disliking Caroline & Jennifer before the season even began airing through no fault of their own. It is Reason #748 why I don’t bother tuning into returnee seasons of reality TV shows anymore with very rare exceptions.
Over the years I’ve seen fans here and there who over-compensate for endorsing all-female teams for returnee seasons. I’ll see somebody say Liz & Marie from TAR 19 should be brought back or Maria & Tiffany from TAR 15 or Nary & Jamie from TAR 20.
I remember how much outrage there was when people saw the cast release from TAR 24 and saw Caroline & Jennifer took the all-female slot over Pam & Winnie. It also must be an awkward experience for Caroline & Jennifer. It’s not their fault Production picked them instead of Pam & Winnie. I’ve never understood fans who get angry at a specific team who accept a second shot to play. What the hell are Caroline & Jennifer? Decline a shot at a million bucks and eternal glory because a bunch of fans online are unhappy with a shitty casting job?
If TAR 24 was cast using CBS’ BIPOC 50 percent quota implemented in 2021, I am sure Pam & Winnie get asked within 0.1 seconds.
Pam & Winnie brought so much to the table. I wish we could have reduced Dave & Connor’s airtime by about thirty percent and awarded it to Pam & Winnie. I think their elimination in leg seven would’ve been much more shocking.
Pam & Winnie’s circumstances surrounding their elimination would fit the criteria of major ‘What If?’ teams that are given a second chance.
They were on cruise control as much as Bates & Anthony. They were in a dominant alliance that was coasting to the finale. They always did well at every task and could navigate efficiently. They were cunning. There were teams statistically much weaker than them in leg seven who I’m convinced they would have likely destroyed in subsequent rounds of play. Pam & Winnie stood a damn good shot of making it to the Final Three as Wynona will continue to face pressure in Roadblocks, Mona & Beth and Joey & Meghan are U-Turn magnets, Max & Katie psych themselves out when things aren’t going perfectly, and Caroline & Jennifer very very rarely reach the podium on any given leg.
Pam & Winnie join that big list of teams of “Why the hell weren’t they asked back in a returnee season?” How Caroline & Jennifer, Joey & Meghan, Jessica & John, and Dave & Connor all return instead of Pam & Winnie from this season is beyond me.
2) Jessica Hoel & John Erck
Oy. Vey.
Excluding terrible twists implemented by Production, the early parts of a season after the premiere tend to not be terribly memorable.
Jessica & John single-handedly prevented that this season. Even if Dave hadn’t ruptured his achilles, Jessica & John’s ridiculous handling of the Double Express Pass would’ve been enough for editors to get by.
The “oy vey” moment went from an underrated comedic moment to overrated to now an appropriately rated comedic moment.
If any of the other ten teams receive the Double Express Pass, this season plays out in a completely different manner. Dave & Connor likely can’t even complete the New Zealand leg as they wouldn’t have an Express Pass to bypass the Detour, Bates & Anthony wouldn’t be rounding up troops and convince them there is a common enemy they can all rally against, and we wouldn’t have Joey & Meghan and Mona & Beth the constant subjects of U-Turn schemes.
It has a massive ripple effect on the season. I assume this is why Production will try the Double Express Pass twist for the next two seasons. Sadly, lightning wouldn’t strike twice because everyone paid attention to how poorly Jessica & John handled the situation.
The best thing about Jessica & John’s storyline is I picked up on John’s unintentional ridiculousness pre-season. I just could not get the Anders image out of my head whenever he spoke. Episode one went exactly as I expected and his behaviour kept cracking me up. However, what nobody saw coming was somebody being so oblivious to the strategy of TAR that he would alienate most of the cast AND be the only person in TAR US history to go home without using the Express Pass.
The best part is he -knew- he was fighting for last place. The previous leg was a NEL. You know Wynona nor Dave have started doing Roadblocks yet which means their days are numbered especially Dave’s. You know this leg can’t be a NEL, but there are at least two more NELs coming down the road. This is the best leg to use an Express Pass regardless of position.
And he STILL doesn’t use it. Even if he wasn’t thinking long term about the structure of the race, he was in an immediate fight for dead last and still refused to use it.
I’ve read the exit interviews and to this day nobody can figure out why exactly John didn’t use it, and I have a feeling John doesn’t know why either. I think he was feeling invincible after three top three finishes to start out the season. He didn’t expect to drop from second down to ninth and go home.
I know I’ve left Jessica out a lot of this writeup (much like how the editors did) but that’s because she was the “straight man” in this duo. In a buddy comedy, you need one person who is completely outrageous and one person who is normal so the contrast is that much funnier. Jessica played her role. It’s just tough to analyze Jessica beyond “I wish she was more aggressive with using the Express Pass or talking John out of bad decisions, but she opted to be more supportive of her teammate and thought that was the better approach.”
It’s tough to write too much about that.
Production decides to bring back Jessica & John just two seasons later because of this “Oy vey” blunder alone and due to Production’s obsession with TAR 22 heading into TAR 24.
Unfortunately John was much more grounded during TAR 24 and resulted in Jessica & John having one of the most unmemorable runs I have seen returnees go through on any reality show. I have never ever seen people discuss Jessica & John’s run on TAR 24 nearly eight years later. Jessica & John only work as a team if they are the strongest team in the cast with power. Power clearly gets to John’s head. If you don’t have that to play with in the editing room, you’re ultimately going to give them the Jeremy & Sandy treatment.
I understand why Jessica & John were brought back, but it’s just the 1000th lesson of why returnee seasons rarely work on reality shows. Their errors were really clear to them and they knew to remedy them ahead of their second appearance. If you’re going to bring back a contestant, you need a contestant who has a bit more of an internal struggle or faces uncertainty with what they want to do during their second stint.
Overall, thanks for being on your A+ entertainment game, Jessica & John. Kristen & Darren will be calling you shortly.
3) Chuck McCall & Wynona McCall
Chuck & Wynona were funnier than I remembered. Every season we get that team from a rural environment that are out of their element. Based on Phil’s comments, you can’t help but feel they were cast strictly because of Chuck’s hair.
Chuck & Wynona had an interesting path. Because of Wynona’s leg injury prior to filming, Chuck did as many Roadblocks as possible which is why their count got so damn lopsided. It’s also why Wynona ended up with not-so-ideal tasks during the season as she tried to even up the count. This is before TAR 24’s rule of “Let Connor Do However Many Roadblocks He Feels Like” came into effect.
They got saved many times during the season:
a) During the third leg they got saved by a NEL which didn’t have a Speed Bump on the following leg;
b) Jessica & John refused to use their Express Pass at the Roadblock;
c) Dave & Connor withdrew from the race in leg five;
d) The Detour Mishap in leg six which flipped the standings.
Yep. Four saves in the span of five legs where they were guaranteed elimination. It’s funny that their elimination was due to bad luck because Production enforced what “proper” use of sleds happened to be. I guess it had to balance out.
Chuck & Wynona were able to get five additional legs than they should’ve. I think we ought to consider that a victory.
Wynona had some fun and witty confessionals. You knew she was something special when she announced her diet in leg one largely consists of vodka and 7Up. If Chuck wasn’t a passive person, we would’ve seen some VERY explosive content between this couple.
The biggest mystery for me is what the other four teams would’ve done if Chuck & Wynona hadn’t gotten eliminated in leg eight. Would they have been targeted at the final Double U-Turn location in leg ten? Would every team be eager to help them? How many more Roadblocks and running around could Wynona do before she crumbled? Would she have toughed it out all the way to the finish line if necessary? It would’ve been interesting to see play out.
Chuck & Wynona definitely made the short list in the minds of viewers for being possibly invited back for TAR 24. I’m a bit surprised they weren’t as they were clear Production favourites. I know Chuck & Wynona would’ve been eager for a second shot. Oh well. They weren’t the only ones to get potentially fucked over by TAR 24’s casting choices.
Wynona’s trademark glares at the camera shall forever be burned into my memory.
4) Idries Abdur-Rahman & Jamil Abdur-Rahman
For anyone who isn’t aware of how Casting works for TAR, they create the route and the tasks first -before- casting teams. Why cast a team who can’t swim when you know the first two legs are about ninety percent swimming and the other ten percent involves the beach?
If they were on any of the other thirty-one seasons in the TAR catalogue, Idries & Jamil would’ve breezed through the first two rounds of play. Why Casting didn’t put them on seasons 23 or 27 is beyond me.
I only learned about the whole “African-Americans can’t swim” stereotype because of watching Survivor and TAR. Gervase in the very first season of Survivor was forced to paddle because he couldn’t swim. Sean and Vecepia were blamed for Maraamu’s losses in water challenges. Ted was classified as a “non-swimmer” by Helen. Osten had to be rescued from drowning during Pearl Islands. Phillip Sheppard told the story about being trapped in the water and had to forfeit the immunity challenge of the same episode he was eliminated. In Cagayan, Bryce and Cliff Robinson were the only two people who sat out of a swimming challenge. LaTasha had to be rescued from drowning in Second Chances. Kisha and Jen -really- struggled at The Water Cube during TAR 14.
Jaison Robinson in Survivor: Samoa was the biggest exception during the first decade or so of CBS shows.
My parents and I have had conversations about this while I was growing up. I’m curious why CBS put themselves in a situation to highlight this stereotype once more on TV where Idries & Jamil were left to be somewhat humiliated in each of the first two episodes on TV.
Luckily Idries & Jamil had some fun moments too. They got to be on that first flight to troll Pam & Winnie, and came up with the “Whichever team finishes second from our group automatically receives the second Express Pass.”
I’m glad their reputation won’t forever be boiled down to “that team who couldn’t swim.”
I will say Idries & Jamil -did- have an out here. All they had to do was to pick the Take a Trunk Detour. They likely don’t finish this round a minimum of two hours slower than all other teams. They didn’t even see Pam, Max, or Caroline at the Roadblock! I can guarantee you Idries & Jamil both had to be medically cleared after they needed to be rescued from drowning before they could switch Detour options.
Also, poor Idries having to spend over three hours digging sandcastles. Idries’ only two tasks on TAR involved sunstroke and drowning.
Idries & Jamil were really unlucky with the cards they were dealt.
5) Dave O’ Leary & Connor O’ Leary
Achillesachillesachillesachillesachilles.
OK. I got that out of my system.
People reading this are going to fall into one of two camps:
a) I am ranking Dave & Connor too low;
b) I am ranking Dave & Connor too high.
It’s tough to talk about Dave & Connor’s run in TAR 22 without referencing TAR 24. After TAR 24, Dave & Connor became one of the top five most hated teams of all time with a small minority who really really likes them (I’d say it’s about 85 percent really really hated them after TAR 24, 13 percent who really really like them, and about 2 percent somewhere in the middle).
I think we’d all be lying if we said Dave & Connor weren’t big fan favourites after they made their exit in TAR 22. They had the story, they got along with everybody really well, and were the first team to be officially medically evacuated from TAR (you could make the case Marshall & Lance were the first team to be eliminated due to an injury, but never got pulled from the race by a doctor). Given Dave & Connor won both legs AFTER the injury, and also had two other podium finishes, there was a massive ‘what if.’ I know Dave only did one Roadblock all season, but there is a very real argument over whether they would’ve won the whole season if it wasn’t for the injury.
They would’ve held onto an Express Pass going into leg five, and weren’t on anybody’s radar for the U-Turn. It would’ve been interesting towards the end of the season if teams would’ve aligned with Bates & Anthony or Dave & Connor.
On a rewatch nearly a decade later, the achilles and cancer references gets extremely repetitive and takes away from the viewing experience. It really disrupts the flow of the season as we had some other more intriguing dynamics going on.
Clearly Dave & Connor were instant locks for the next all-star season as Production let them participate in leg five just so they could go to the pit stop and talk with Phil when quitting. Production really wanted to make a big deal of it on TV. It definitely wasn’t a subtle or quiet exit.
6) Caroline Cutbirth & Jennifer Wayne
And now to talk about the runner-ups of the team won the all-time TAR franchise award of “Why were THEY brought back?!” after Chris & Amanda in TAR 14 and 18.
After re-watching this season for the first time in nearly a decade. . .I still don’t know why Caroline & Jennifer were even remotely considered to return.
Did they have a rivalry with another team this season? Nope.
Were they the most popular all-female team from this season? Nope. They were the least popular all-female team from this season.
Did they perform better than most all-female teams this season? Nope. They performed the worst overall.
So to leap from that to picking Caroline & Jennifer as an “all-time great” in any of those three categories seems absolutely ludicrous to most people. People are still bitter Caroline & Jennifer got picked for TAR 24 to this day.
Especially when all I ever read on the Internet prior to TAR 24 is everyone BEGGING for Pam & Winnie or Brook & Claire to be brought back (Brook & Claire always get pregnant at the worst possible times).
The only thing I could pick up on is that Production thought they were a really pleasant team to have around. Look at how tightly aligned Caroline & Jennifer were throughout the season. You rarely heard anybody trash talk Caroline & Jennifer other than “why won’t they U-Turn Bates & Anthony???”
I know to most people that seems like a lame reason to bring a team back, but that’s the best explanation I have for you. This is why so many RTV contestants try to stay in Production’s good graces even if they have grievances with the show because they want to get that call back for a second shot at a million bucks. Producers clearly liked working with Caroline & Jennifer.
Caroline & Jennifer’s legacy would have been so much better if they had played only TAR 22. Here they were known as the weaker flirtatious all-female team who were very likable and told off-the-wall hilarious stories throughout the season. An eleven episode run would’ve been the perfect amount.
However, Caroline & Jennifer’s legacy was tainted so much more after TAR 24. They aligned with the wrong team, they earned a couple of unfortunate records in the records books, and got blasted on social media non-stop for always using their looks to get ahead (it’s a perfectly valid advantage to use by the way) and relying on everybody else (also a perfectly valid way to stay in the race too). This is mixed in with “they took a different all-female team’s spot in TAR 24” which ensured their reputation would never be repaired.
I’d be very curious to hear from Caroline & Jennifer if they ever regretted coming back for TAR 24 and wish their legacy from TAR 22 is what everyone remembered them for. I distinctly recall TAR columnists who made fun of Caroline & Jennifer in TAR 22 intentionally defended them in TAR 24 because 99 percent of the Internet was crapping on them.
I wish Caroline & Jennifer were left alone and remembered as a team who had a funny run in TAR 22 and had these little moments. Caroline & Jennifer probably wish the same thing.
7) Joey Graceffa & Meghan Camarena
Joey isn’t as frustrating of a presence as I recall my brother-in-law making him out to be nearly a decade ago.
Joey & Meghan had a very minor role in this season. When you think of all of the storylines and big characters in the season, Joey & Meghan serve as the side attraction as “The YouTubers.” They didn’t really receive much distinction aside from being clumped in the alliance with Jessica & John and Mona & Beth.
Given we have Leo & Jamal famously being targeted in TAR 23 and TAR 24 at U-Turns and W-Turns, I guarantee you most people have forgotten that Joey & Meghan were the first team to be U-Turned twice in the same season. The obscurity of that knowledge is aided by Dave & Connor forfeiting the Vietnam leg. That really overshadowed everything else that happened.
Joey & Meghan served as great contrasts to Bates & Anthony, Caroline & Jennifer, and Max & Katie.
Most of my friends in real life are like Bates & Anthony, Caroline & Jennifer, Max & Katie, and Mona & Beth.
However, some of my friends online and my closest friends when I was in high school were a lot like Joey & Meghan. They definitely cater to that younger and Twitch/YouTubing audience.
Joey & Meghan aren’t really associated with TAR 22 when most people talk about it. They fade very quickly after the season. However, Joey & Meghan later return for TAR 24. Aside from the three-timers, Joey & Meghan win the award for the biggest ‘wtf’ choice of the season given the number of co-ed teams there were to choose from.
The only reason I can think of why Joey & Meghan will soon play for a second time is because of the timing of TAR 22 and they have by far the biggest social media following of any team from the season.
As noted at the start of each of my TAR 22 blogs, Joey & Meghan both did individual episode recaps for all ten episodes of their run which received millions of views. I presume CBS was happy with all of this free promotional material.
After Joey & Meghan’s run on TAR 24. . .they didn’t record a single episode recap for the season. I love how TAR 24 has such a poor reputation that one of its own teams didn’t even bother doing recaps for it. Joey & Meghan didn’t do the -one thing- CBS hoped they would do.
Joey & Meghan had a decent albeit unmemorable run in TAR 22. I doubt most people even remember they were on TAR 24 or being the first US team to be U-Turned twice in the same season. I’m fine with their role in TAR 22.
8) Matt Davis & Daniel Moss
As I said before, whichever team out of the three who took the penalty and got eliminated
would be perceived as idiots by the public. Unfortunately for Matt & Daniel earn that distinction.
They’re the first team to go home due to making a pact with all remaining teams on the course to take a four hour penalty and be certain they could hit the mat before them.
You can see the logic in their decision. Why give Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer the opportunity to be lucky and find clues buried in the sand before you, and thus guarantee your elimination? If you’re level and you have canoeing and paddling experience, you must have a large amount of confidence there’s no way you’re going home.
Sure, Max & Katie might be decent at canoeing, but Caroline & Jennifer? Bah! Firefighters vs. country singers? Who’s gonna have more stamina after four hours of digging in the sand? I bet Matt & Daniel didn’t even think it would be close.
Of course they looked rather foolish when their va’a tipped twice, and Max & Katie and Caroline & Jennifer strolled on the mat together.
I presume the idea with casting Matt & Daniel was to have the all-male heroic team. Nice humble firefighters could’ve been low-key fan favourites. I’m surprised they haven’t been cast for season four of Tough As Nails.
As for their entertainment value and personalities. . .they weren’t the most charismatic team. Matt did his best Droopy impression for the entire premiere. I’ve never seen somebody frown so much pre-season and during the leg since Mark of Mark & Bopper.
Overall, I doubt Matt & Daniel remember their names specifically. After this season, they’re always referred to as “that team who couldn’t paddle in that first episode of that season where all 3 teams took a penalty cause they couldn’t find a clue inside a sandcastle.”
I’m sure they got PTSD when this task was repeated for TAR 25.
Team Averages
—
Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.
e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.
Therefore their average is 8.2.
Because of how long this list has become, I only show the relevant section where the eliminated team from this episode has fallen amongst the ranks of what TAR history has to offer.
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36 Saved by NEL twice TAR 7
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF TAR 4
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33 TAR 5
9th Monique & Shawne 5.33 TAR 16. Praise Jesus.
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33 TAR 7
7th KevJumba & Michael 5.29 TAR 17. NEL once + Heather & Eve Syndrome.
7th Gus & Hera 5.29 TAR 6
4th Nick & Vicki 5.27 TAR 17 Saved by NEL twice
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25 Saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25 TAR 5
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned TAR 12
5th Mark & Michael 5.22 Saved by NEL once but came up just short TAR 14
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 13
7th Silver & Gold/ Wil & Grace 5.17 TAR 3
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14 TAR 13
5th Chad & Stephanie 5.11 U-Turned TAR 17
7th Ray & Deana 5.0 FF TAR 7
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0. Screwed over by weird penalty for another team. TAR Asia 1
8th Ross & Tarryn 5.0 Salvage Pass User and Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 2
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 FF TAR 4
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 FF TAR 1
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 Wah. TAR 13
9th Kym & Donna 5.0 TAR Australia 2
4th Caroline & Jennifer 4.91 TAR 22
4th Vanessa & Ralph 4.91 U-Turned once TAR 20
4th Joseph & Grace 4.91 Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 2
5th Fran & Barry 4.89 TAR 9
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88 TAR Asia 1
Thesupacoowackiestblogintheuniverse's Blog 
And to think that Caroline & Jennifer were one poorly designed final task away from winning TAR 24.
I can’t help but ponder how Production changes the way it hypes up all-female winners if Caroline & Jennifer had won TAR 24. Any all-female team winning TAR US is treated as a special distinction.
If Caroline & Jennifer had won, I don’t know if Production chases that narrative anymore.
Given that Season 20 had/has the worst Final Four in the show’s history and 21 its very best *, it’s quite fitting how 22’s has the most mediocre, unremarkable, and thus ultimately forgettable F4 of all time.
* C.f. 24/False-Stars depicting Brenchel as reformed demons versus the Twinnies (and Mallory) as fallen-angels.
I’ve been thinking about the timing of TAR 22. It’s wedged between two seasons that are polarizing then the ultra underdog season before it (20 and 21) and the most hated season then most popular season after it (24 and 25).
TAR 22 was doomed to be unmemorable and viewed as a mediocre season because of these circumstances. Especially the second half given 22’s early boots end up on 24 and almost nobody from the second half is ever brought back.
I don’t think former contestants actively really care much about their RTV legacies if they’re not involved in the community (it certainly mattered more in the early days when the alumni base was smaller). It’s really just fans that think about it. To the players, it’s just a fun experience and another paycheck.
Yeah, it all depends if contestants are eager to get involved in being involved in a profession where they need that social media praise or they can transition away from it completely.