LEG 5 RECAP PODCAST RECAP BLOG BATTLE ROYALE
It’s time for our fifth week of the Recap Podcast Recap Blog Battle Royale! It’s the blog where we listen to -every- Amazing Race 33 recap podcast on YouTube and award them points based on the following criteria: Accuracy, Humour, Analysis, Effective Striking, and Octagon Control.
I gave everyone a couple extra days this week to ensure they could be featured in this week’s edition. Let’s take a look at the current standings!
CURRENT STANDINGS:
Racers Recap. 51 pts.
TARstorian/Me. 50.5 pts.
Holdernesss Family Vlog. 47 pts.
Nerdtainment. 41 pts.
The Pit Stop. 39 pts.
The Reality Guys. 35 pts.
Amazing Armchair Race/Woodwir Cinema. 34 pts.
RobHasaPodcast. 33 pts.
The Nullified Take. 29 pts.
Lulu LaLa. 28 pts.
Angelcake Entertainment 23 pts.
Silent Podcasts. 22 pts.
Arun & Natalia. 18 pts.
Tribal Council Blog (ReRACEables). 18 pts.
Live Reality Games. 15 pts.
Reality Realnes. 14 pts.
The CUP of Reality. 8 pts.
Two and a Half Brains. 7 pts.
Literally The PitStop Podcast w/ Dusty and Cayla. 6 pts.
Survivor Gumball. 5 pts.
Jenn Scott TV. 5 pts.
Once Upon An Island. 4 pts.
Jack and Cyndi Podcast. 2 pts.
CJUneditedPodcast. 1 pt.
Amazing Reviews a.k.a. Hurls and Calbert Podcast. 0 pts.
Also, do you think I am awesome? Here are some links if you want to be exposed to more of my content:
The Facebook group I admin: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TAR247/
My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/supacoowacky/
My Twitter: https://twitter.com/logsupacoowacky
The Podcast I Co-Host: https://rtvwarriors.podbean.com/
In the spirit of the upcoming American Super Bowl, I feel “Mary J. Obliged” to post the new results faster than I did last week after leg four. Once again Nerdtainment was first on the draw.
And like Mary J. Blige screwing up in a kebab shop, if you ordered chicken to go with this blog but instead “got beef? Your problem not mine.”
If this were the Wild Wild West, Nerdtainment would be undefeated in duels. Nobody has a faster draw in the West than them!
NOTE #1: I have not seen any of the episodes so far this season, but I do quickly check the Wikipedia page before listening to these recap podcast clips to understand what the hell everyone is talking about.
NOTE #2: Do you want me to appear on your recap podcast? Well, I won’t give away the location spoilers here (although the locations were confirmed by CBS), but I have been to the locations in each of the final three legs we will see in this season. I plan on tuning into episode 8 and possibly episode 9 out of pure curiosity. So feel free to reach out to me then! Unless the presumed location for episode 8 will be used in episode 7.
1) Nerdtainment (Recording Time: 41:29)
Timestamp: 10:00-13:00
DAVID: Oh, she is inching her over to the edge. It is a struggle for her.
Soooo, we’re talking about Sheri I presume?
DAVID: It does feel like she needs a little push.
SARAH: Can they push you? Y’all would have to push me.
Apparently Akbar called Sheri a straight up G for jumping.
I missed the lyrics in Dre and Snoop’s Ain’t Nuthin But a G Thang where jumping off of a Swiss dam is the reason that Death Row pays them and how Sheri is unfadeable so please don’t try to fade her.
SARAH: [Akbar says] “I can’t say [anything bad] the rest of the race.” That didn’t even last this leg, sir.
DAVID: But in -that moment-. . .nice sentiment, sir.
Man. If I was podcasting this season I would have so many Akbar jokes. I hope he’s a good sport when listening to all of these recap podcasts. He is giving us way too much material to work with for unintentional comedy.
David says Raquel & Cayla are having a blast on the bungee jump. Cayla screams.
Natalia jumped out James Bond in N64 Goldeneye style. They are driving to a lake town. A town on the lake. It’s a town on the lake. A lake which holds a town. They discuss the Detour.
DAVID: . . .This Bartender Race. . .
SARAH: Okay. . .so why did some people choose that?
DAVID: You saw the stairs.
SARAH: You walked by it.
DAVID: Yeah.
SARAH: You. . .okay.
DAVID: And you said okay. I’m gonna do that.
I’ve never seen a TAR recap podcast so disappointed in teams who chose Bartender Race.
It’s the same expression of disappointment when somebody finds out you’ve been to a Nickelback concert.
“Did you know what you were doing when you made that decision?”
“Did you really think things through?”
“I think we lost a bit of respect for you.”
Although the ironic thing here is just three weeks ago Sarah talked about how she’d be all over the whiskey task due to its liquor content. I guess if the bartenders were serving up shots of whiskey instead of four bottles of wine and nuts, then Nerdtainment would be more understandable with the decision.
DAVID: They each bring three bags of nuts?!
SARAH: That’s nuts!
It’s a pun!
SARAH: You can carry more than that! Give me a break!
Unless the nuts they are carrying up the stairs are as heavy as “deeeez nuts.”
I can’t believe Snoop Dogg is going to be performing at the Super Bowl this week. That’s nuts.
2) Tribal Council Blog a.k.a. ReRACEables (Recording Time: 47:45)
PENALTY POINT #1: Caro & Ray withdrew because Caro is a non-US citizen and was living in Serbia when TAR 33 restarted. It was impossible for her to participate in the restart due to visa issues.
PENALTY POINT #2: They proposed the idea of one person from multiple teams come back as a team. That actually did happen, but Production declined the hybrid team.
Perhaps too much trauma from past seasons when it comes to hybrid teams.
Timestamp: 20:00-23:00
One guy talks about how he can see teams on a decline.
ONE OF THE CO-HOSTS: It is literally a country-by-country game. Very frustrating.
Somebody literally channeled their Inner Cayla.
They wonder if Ryan & Dusty’s struggles in the preview will result in them being eliminated. It would be messed up if Arun & Natalia are safe over a team that has pummelled them repeatedly in all five episodes, and lose their two hour lead from the previous pit stop.
ONE OF THE CO-HOSTS: There was no mention of a Speed Bump for them. . . .I don’t know if it just happened and won’t be seen again or what they’ll do with that.
Wikipedia says there will be a Speed Bump. Let me watch the final seconds of the episode to see if another penalty point needs to be assessed.
*ONE MINUTE LATER*
Phil said nothing about them performing a Speed Bump. Wikipedia just assumes there will be one. I do appreciate the dig of “maybe there is a Speed Bump but we won’t get to see it again.”
How you don’t air a Speed Bump when it’s one of very few instances over the past decade where a Speed Bump is responsible for a team’s elimination is beyond me. Not to mention it is being used as the thumbnail for the episode on Paramount Plus.
If anything it is Paramount Minus because it was subtracted from the episode!
They wonder if the Speed Bump will be replaced by having a larger time gap between the second and final departure times in contrast to the gap between the first and second time gaps.
They discuss the NEL penalty between seasons five and eleven when all of their money was being taken away and preferred that NEL as opposed to the pointless (unless you ask Michael & Moe) Speed Bumps. They don’t like the “mugging” NEL penalty in third world countries. However, it was creative to see how teams would try to get from Point A to Point B due to lack of funds.
There were some long pauses when speaking.
3) Angelcake Entertainment (Recording Time: 14:53)
Timestamp: 6:00-8:00
Natalia jumps and then her and Arun drive so far in the opposite direction “by some guy in a park.” They essentially drive twice as long as they anticipated.
Drew summarizes the two Detour tasks for this episode. Why do I need to talk about the two tasks in this blog? If you’re reading this, you likely saw this episode so why the hell do I need to explain it for you? You’ve got twenty-two TAR recap podcasts to explain it for you.
Drew picks Sausage Encase because it is less physically demanding. He also is afraid of the balancing act of the wine glasses on a tray for Bartender Race. His hands are always shaking. He may want to get that checked out. I suffer from the same thing.
Drew talked about how Dusty & Ryan were gassing out during the challenge. Due to Dusty’s lack of water intake, he was cramping by the time he got to the pit stop.
Or maybe Dusty was cramping due to menstruation. I dunno.
Drew thought the smart strategy was to carry all of the nuts at once. He found Akbar & Sheri tough to watch due to Akbar grilling Sheri. Drew even stops to sigh and stare at the ceiling contemplating his very existence.
4) The Reality Guys (Recording Time: 10:07)
Timestamp: 1:00-3:00
MAIN HOST: One thing I wanted to talk about. . .Poor Sheri.
This fits in with the latest TAReddit topic that I am determined to get trending called “Nope, Akbar, just stop.”
And yes, I’m aware people online are being jackasses and DMing Akbar telling him how horrible they think he is because of something that happened on TV. It’s all just going to blow over especially when Survivor 42 starts airing. It’s not necessary for Akbar to make appearances on the recap podcasts of fellow contestants asking them to tell the audience how awesome he is. It’ll probably just give the haters online more fuel to ignite when they presumably DM him some more.
Anyways, they talk about how Sheri has gone through the ringer throughout the weeks.
MAIN HOST: Sheri takes a lot of crap, man.
I know. I felt bad because I thought their team name was Akbar & Division I.
MAIN HOST: She had to do the #GoldeneyeJump.
The one guy is wearing a Mario Kart T-shirt. I own every Mario Kart game except Mario Kart 7 and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. I miss not having all of my Nintendo consoles while globetrotting. I didn’t even bring my 3DS.
BONUS POINT #1: The Mario Kart shirt.
The one co-host squeezes in a couple of F bombs.
BONUS POINT #2: A F bomb is dropped (“Fuck it. . .fucking. . .five fucking wine bottles.”)
They talk about how Sheri takes all of the verbal shit from Akbar. She’s playing the long game with this conflict.
They wonder why teams don’t ask for directions more frequently. It likely takes a while to get the locals to sign the release before they can be shown on camera.
It’s no longer the Dan & Andrew Days of TAR 13 where Dandrew try to ask for directions as fast as possible and drive away before Production asks the local for a release and waste five minutes or so.
5) Holderness Family Vlog (Recording Time: 1:05:30)
Timestamp: 30:00-33:00
They had to drive but they drove the wrong way for half an hour. Kim was anxious about the jump and she was the navigator. When they asked for directions, they forgot to hit the recentre button on the woman’s phone. That fucked em up. They could see the lake from anywhere but the roads were “so wonky.” They ended up on a hill over train tracks.
PENN: Can I tell you a funny story?
No.
(PENN proceeds to share the story regardless of me saying no.)
PENN: So I was getting frustrated because I was asking you for directions and you would say ‘left,’ and I would say ‘left’ then you would say ‘yeah, right.’
KIM: So there was the adrenaline. Right?
PENN: Right?
ME: So NOT left?
KIM: The adrenaline has left my body and my brain is mush. . .It says ‘go to the lake’ and I said ‘lets go over the hill.’
PENN: I just didn’t want to tell you you were doing it wrong that day.
KIM: He was like ‘I will just let you lead me in the wrong direction. I am not starting a fight right now.’
It sounds like the banter between Jee-an and I when we are navigating or having miscommunications based on cultural linguistics.
e.g. Jee-an and I were looking for our driver.
ME: Jee-an, just go to the road there where I can see you and try to flag our driver down. I’ll stay back here where we have wifi so I can call on the driver through the app. Signal to me when you see him.
(I talk to the driver on the phone asking if JEE-AN sees him. I yell to JEE-AN if she sees him and she waves. I quickly run to the road.)
ME: Where is he? You waved me over. Is that his car there?
JEE-AN: Huh? No, I was waving at you to say I don’t see him! That’s what we do in the Philippines. If you don’t see somebody, you wave to say he’s not there.
ME: Dammit, that’s not what we do in Canada!!!!
I always laugh at miscommunications involving linguistics.
Kim is annoyed that Penn let her take them to the wrong spot.
PENN: I did try. I really did try. . .I should’ve been assertive, but if I was assertive–er, uh, I didn’t know what to do.
Kim talks about how she was a news reporter prior to the invention of GPS.
Granted GPS isn’t always helpful on TAR.
Kim says she was Magellan in the backseat.
I can’t tell if she was gellin’ like Magellan in those Dr. Scholl’s orthotic commercials or Magellan as in an extremely strong navigator and illegally smuggling weaponry to the opposing Moorish army.
Kim said Ryan & Dusty stopped to ask for directions which gave Kim & Penn a thirty minute lead until they got mentally checked out prior to their arrival in Logano.
NOTE: Logano, Switzerland is named after me.
Kim & Penn talk about how 1, 200 people are dressed in 300 dollar sandals and Brioni suits. They all were smartly dressed.
KIM: They must be CBS plants because there’s no way people look this attractive in real life.
Clearly, Kim & Penn have never met me yet or everyone living around them in Raleigh, North Carolina is a sea of people that are ugly as fuck.
I certainly hope it’s the former.
I’m going to give myself #OneMoeChance at getting the attention of Kim & Penn. However, knowing me I will be “Moe Badgering” some more next week.
Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure Moe Badger was the husband of Helga Hufflepuff in Harry Potter. How else was that house born?
6) Reality Realnessss (Recording Time: 1:03:54)
They talk about nuts before I have a chance to jump to the timestamp. Chantele talks about how nuts taste and how she didn’t like nuts in Europe. Phil’s background is just a picture of big nuts.
Yeah, let’s just jump to the timestamp. That was a weird start.
Timestamp: 45:00-47:00
Chantele’s audio and video is a bit off today. Chantele summarizes Arun & Natalia being rescued by a NEL. Phil is aware there are ten episodes total.
PHIL: If [Arun & Natalia] aren’t going to do better than what they’re doing now, then I hope they go next. I don’t want them to just barely survive next leg.
But that’s where it gets absolutely hilarious like Lucy & Emilia. Arun & Natalia need to have high dosages of luck every. single. leg. to supply an endless amount of comedy. Lulu & Lala need to accidentally drive off of a cliff. Ryan is mistaken for a Corsican outlaw on the run and be imprisoned for a few days until CBS’ lawyers get him out. Kim & Penn stop on the way to the finish line because Penn -really- wanted to participate in spontaneous flash mobs.
It gets funnier each week Arun & Natalia survive.
Chantele doesn’t see Arun & Natalia making up their thirty minute deficit. She agrees the previous leg should’ve showed the Speed Bumps and make it a NEL instead of this leg.
PHIL: If it wasn’t one of the two returning teams who went first, that would not have looked good.
Indeed.
7) RobHasAPodcast (Recording Time: 1:27:46)
Timestamp: 35:00-37:00
Mike Bloom says it is a big little lie scenario. Jessica Liese says the tactic is go up the stairs and then there is a slide. Mike Bloom wants an airplane slide provided. Mike thinks Bartender Race is an odd term. Jessica says the Detour should’ve been Bartender Racing or Sausage Casing. They had 19 months to come up with cool Detour names and therefore have no excuse. Rob Cesternino says the Sausage Encasing was a 2/10 on the Difficulty Scale. They talk about previous seasons with sausage making tasks.
JESSICA: If you had watched the previous seasons, 21 maybe.
MIKE: I think they did it in 11 too.
JESSICA: No, that was the sausage in your face task too. . .Hmmm, maybe they had to stuff the sausage too. It’s been a while.
PENALTY POINT #1: It wasn’t TAR 21 nor TAR 11 where they made sausage.
It was the infamous “Bolo Likes Sausage to the Point Young Logan Was Repulsed” during TAR 6.
Seeing TAR recap podcasts trying to flex their trivial TAR knowledge is the equivalent to me flexing my knowledge of Juelz Santana and other rap verses by heart at parties in my 20s. Sure, it’s gonna impress one or two of the ladies in the room who are familiar with Juelz Santana, but all of the other women are just going to roll their eyes and keep away from you and focus on dudes who express interests that have more mass appeal.
It was either that or show off my knowledge of world capitals. I play the cards that I’m dealt.
Knowing the capital of Djibouti doesn’t get you that booty.
Speaking of small Djiboutis, look at how many jokes I made about Kaylynn & Haley on the RTV Warriors podcast last season. Some of those jokes felt like I was rolling the dice like it was a game of Yahtzee. One wrong joke and I’ve got the whole TAR 32 cast on my ass.
8) The Nullified Take (Recording Time: 1:03:31)
Timestamp: 31:00-33:00
CHRIS: Rusty and Ryan. . .
Dusty, man.
His name is Dusty as in the manager of various Major League Baseball teams for the past thirty years. Granted that reference would not make sense to somebody from South Africa and Flight of the Conchordsville.
All of my Hung in Cheek humour aside, Chris said that Dusty & Ryan were cramping (due to the aforementioned lack of water in their system). Michelle said the Bartender Race looked awful. She is stunned Akbar & Sheri tried to take all twelve wine bottles at once. Hands become weak.
Chris used to train in half marathons like I do. Cramps are the weirdest feeling in the middle of the race.
CHRIS: You can’t out-think a cramp.
Yep. You just have to tough it out.
Chris talked about how Ryan stripped down. Michelle talks about being in Switzerland in September rather than October like the TAR 33 contestants. She doesn’t recall Switzerland being entirely warm.
Chris pulls out a comment that Phil stumbled over his words a bit. He definitely did from the 45 seconds I saw to fact check Tribal Council Blog.
MICHELLE: I think Phil really wants an older person to win, and Arun and Kim and Penn fit the mould.
The definition of “an older person” has really shifted over the past twenty years on TAR.
By TAR 40, Cam & Darius will be viewed as middle-aged contestants on TAR. You’re past your peak, dudes! Your life only goes downhill from here!
Chris says Lulu & Lala are doing it for everyone who has lost a loved one over the past two years. Chris agrees with Lulu & Lala’s strategy to flirt for a few minutes with the locals. For me it only takes me a few seconds to flirt with someone to get what I want.
“What’s up, butterfly?”
Michelle talks about how women on social media hate the flirtatious teams. Chris says if he was Ryan he would run around in shorts showing off his calves and bend over to pick up pens.
Who keeps dropping pens in Switzerland?!?!
9) Once Upon An Island (Recording Time: 49:52)
Timestamp: 20:00-22:00
THE MALE CO-HOST: When this podcast is over I am hugging you. . .CLOSELY. She’s my wife. Don’t worry.
Man, I’m missing some context.
The female co-host notes something about Akbar & Division 1’s bungee jumping. One of the bungee jumping employees was calming Divison 1 down. Akbar is chopped liver after Divison 1’s jump.
Apparently the female co-host’s name is Mary.
THE MALE CO-HOST: We’re not here literally to comment on every literal thing to happen this episode.
Caylanavirus is spreading amongst the podcasters.
Apparently episode 5 hasn’t been uploaded to Paramount Minus yet. Raquel & Cayla thought they were in first place but discovered they were fifth place after driving the scenic route. Teams who don’t see anybody for extended periods of time typically makes them really nervous.
The male co-host is amused by the Detour task names.
I skipped through and didn’t catch any Rob & Amber references. No penalty points to be assessed this week!
10) Hurls and Calbert/Amazing Reviews (Recording Time: 1:03:41)
OK, Hurls and Calbert’s recap podcast isn’t new for this season. It’s just that they always upload so late and so infrequently that they never make the deadline. This week they were able to upload a combined TAR 33 episode 4 and 5 recap podcast. Therefore, join me in welcoming Hurls and Calbert to the fray!
Timestamp: 30:00-32:00
They have a special guest co-host named Goldberg.
If Goldberg doesn’t come back as the guest co-host next week, then naturally I have to ask. . .who’s next?
They talk about the team discussing how good of shape they are in. They were happy a team was taken down a peg.
For some reason, it sounds like a glass cup is being filled up with water.
They talk about which Detour was faster. The one co-host said his team in the draft were a bunch of “dum dums” for not picking Sausage Encasing. They said Lulu y Lala saved a lot of time by making extra sausage. Isn’t it a part of Latino culture to make sure there’s always extra food for everybody at a gathering? That’s what I know from personal experience.
Hurls said Penn didn’t have a good episode because he cried and didn’t find the vendors. Calbert said it can’t be a bad episode if they still comfortably finished second. They ramble some more about Kim & Penn. They laugh at Arun & Natalia’s inability to navigate. Suddenly they get confused about where they are in their notes for the episode. Are they talking about the pit stop? No, no Calbert. We’re discussing the Detour again.
They talk about how teams had to retrieve a photograph from their Travelocity Roaming Gnome and drive to the pit stop depicted in the picture. They jump to the check in order at the pit stop.
I don’t have time, but there are 29 minutes left. They successfully talked about episodes 4 and 5 in the span of 33 minutes but thirty minutes about. . .general chitchat? I dunno.
P.S. Other video recap podcasts either have edited clips from the episode on the screen and/or the faces of the podcasters. Hurls and Calbert just have those head icons that light up when somebody speaks like it’s Lana from Too Hot 2 Handle.
11) Live Reality Games (Recording Time: 47:59)
Timestamp: 24:00-27:00
PENALTY POINT #1: They said this was episode 4 and leg 5. Incorrect. It’s episode 5 and leg 5. Don’t worry. You guys weren’t the only one to F that up this week.
Bill said that Phil didn’t mention a Speed Bump again and referenced the unaired Speed Bumps. Could the Speed Bump be unaired once more?
Bill shows off his notes written on a piece of paper. I miss the days of having four pages of notes prior to recording each podcast. Now I just have it up on my laptop.
Bill struggles with saying “Non Elimination” a few times before he spits out how he thinks the EL-NEL format will be structured for the remainder of the season. It’s quite a tongue twister. I’m glad I didn’t have to say it on a recap podcast.
It was a temporary Joe-esque Stutter but Bill recovers.
Connor says Bill talked about how he wanted to rant a couple of things prior to when they started recording.
BILL’S RANT #1: Survivor 41 was over-hyped and under-delivered.
BILL’S RANT #2: TAR 33 stuck to a stale format and thinks having teams depart at 15 minute intervals a la TAR Australia 4 and 5 isn’t very creative. It has become a low rent version of itself.
BILL: Whoever came up with the W-Turn idea should get a raise.
Too bad Natalie & Nadiya broke the W-Turn in TAR 21. We need Triple U-Turns or Deaf W-Turns!
Bill says TAR has become very predictable and was once based upon the “impossible” becoming “possible.” Was it a budget reason? Was it a pandemic reason? Is the pandemic really impacting it when there aren’t that many safety protocols in place.
Wow. I have listened to this podcast far longer than any other recap podcast over the past four weeks.
Bill and I really need to have an extended chat about TAR one day. Maybe when I get back to BC this spring and stop in Vancouver before going home to the Okanagan.
12) Lulu y Lala (Recording Time: 24:02)
Timestamp: 8:00-10:00
Lulu suddenly goes on an angry rant about the sexist comments people had who are
LULU: The people online who are saying we and the flight attendants are being sexist because we want an all girl team to win instead of Ryan & Dusty because we don’t want a guy-guy to win are on some bullshit. Fuck what you heard.
Nah, just kidding.
Those are lyrics from a Nina Sky song. Lulu never said that. I got you good.
*
Lala said she kept her eyes open the entire time and wanted to see everything. She found it so peaceful in contrast to Kim and Sheri. Lala felt like a bird.
She was Nelly Furtado.
Lulu was freaking out about her sister. She told Production if Lala snaps out of it then she’ll jump after her.
LULU: We came into this world together–we’re gonna leave together.
Fuck. That’s a hell of a pact. Lala should avoid visiting Lulu if she turns out to be terminally ill. It’ll be the easiest murder-suicide case to solve ever.
LALA: Our Mom is deathly afraid of heights–she’ll be so mad at me. She always said ‘I never want to find out you bungee jumped or skydived–
LULU Y LALA IN UNISION: “Over my dead body!”
Lala was desperate to urinate prior to the Roadblock like a pregnant woman.
Well, it’s time to move on when the urine discussion comes up.
13) Pitstop Podcast w/ Dusty & Cayla (Recording Time: 53:34)
PENALTY POINT #1: They uploaded it as the “episode 4” podcast but it’s actually “episode 5.” The two hour premiere was two episodes back-to-back. It’s pretty depressing when you don’t even know what episode you’re talking about -of the very episode you’re appearing on.-
It’d be like if Seth Macfarlane was being interviewed about season 15 of Family Guy, and he kept referring to it as “season 14.” It’s your own show, man! When Arun & Natalia go home next episode by default, that means y’all will be guaranteed to be on this season for seven episodes or more. How can you screw that up?!
Timestamp: 23:00-26:00
They talk about the Detour.
DUSTY: Any future Amazing Racers–do the wine bottles THEN the chestnuts.
File that info away for when it’s a Switchback on TAR 53.
Dusty estimates he walked two thousand stairs during the Detour. Ryan & Dusty said it took them four runs while everyone else did it in three runs. Dusty’s legs collapsed due to cramps/dehydration. He is proud he did one extra run and still got first place.
DUSTY: That felt good–not to my legs but to my dignity and my soul.
Such a poet.
Dusty asked one person for directions on the way to the market and saw a little red and yellow flag. He was adamant about getting “good” directions first. Anytime he got in trouble on TAR was when he went against their own personal rules.
Cayla talks about how Dusty & Ryan and Kim & Penn followed each other throughout the leg. Cayla asks if they saw each other at the Detour.
NOTE: Cayla is drinking from the biggest wine glass I have ever seen. She tilts her head to the side when drinking like she is copying the Kermit the Frog meme.
I think we’ll jump to the next one on that note.
14) JennScott TV (Recording Time: 27:48)
SCOTT: We’re almost halfway.
It -is- halfway. There are only ten episodes this season, man.
JENN: Look at Akbar not being a total piece of shit–
SCOTT: But it doesn’t last long.
Akbar & Divison 1 really need to not listen to any TAR recap podcasts for the remainder of the season. There are going to be a lot of jokes made at their expense.
A bonus point that will be awarded in future weeks will be anyone who quotes the TAReddit thread titled “Nope, Akbar, just stop.” It’s a fun family-friendly running joke that I’m hoping catches on.
Timestamp: 13:00-15:00
SCOTT: Natalia ends up jumping last.
JENN: She didn’t give a shit.
Natalia was essentially a honey badger.
Ryan & Dusty don’t like heights.
They discuss the Detour. Scott rolls his eyes at the idea of carrying a Travelocity Roaming Gnome.
Jenn’s microphone cuts out here and there. She finds the sausages and sticks disgusting. I’m not going to elaborate upon that point.
Scott points out the classic TAR editing of panning over to a clue when a team doesn’t see it in plain sight.
They laugh when Penn proposed to carry everything at once. Jenn groans when Akbar & Sheri are mentioned showing up to the Detour. Jenn imitates Sheri’s attempt to carry as much as possible. Scott says Ryan & Dusty helped Akbar & Sheri but not Kim & Penn because Kim & Penn were too far away.
OK, I’m good. Let’s move on to number fifteen.
15) Silent Podcasts (Recording Time: 1:25:31)
Isiah isn’t there but instead some random woman named Naomi. Let’s listen to Sasha and Naomi.
Timestamp: 27:00-29:00
Naomi references the iconic waterslide moment with Mika from TAR 15. Sasha reveals she can’t swim but still goes to water parks and has the lifeguard catch her at the end of the slide.
NOTE: I swim two kilometres or more per day at Patong Beach in Phuket, Thailand. Back in Canada I live near somewhere rated as one of the top ten beaches in the world–Kal Beach. I always have a tough time comprehending the idea of people not being able to swim. I had to save somebody from drowning while in the Philippines once because the other guy was swallowing so much water despite wearing a life jacket. I had to grab him and pull him to his raft. He didn’t speak any words in English but I gestured and made it very clear “DO NOT LET GO OF THIS RAFT.” Fun times.
Sasha has a lot of filler words. She tries to pronounce the name of the N64 Goldeneye Dam. She asks Naomi if she would be afraid of being impaled by a gnome. They have an extended conversation.
SASHA: You have to do the Titanic pose.
“I’m Queen of the Recap Podcasts!”
Naomi talks about fixers on a food travel show in Croatia. A fixer is a liaison with the American crew of the country you are visiting. They help purchase things and find locations ahead of time. The fixer had a Travelocity Roaming Gnome in his office.
NAOMI: The fixer worked on The Amazing Race a couple seasons ago.
I’m going to take a wiiiiild guess and say it was the TAR 31 Split episode because that’s the only TAR US episode to film in Croatia since TAR freakin’ 12 when they were in Dubrovnik.
Fun Fact: I was in Split when the TAR 31 Split episode aired on TV. It was a hell of a coincidence.
PRO TIP: I have been to Croatia three times. If you ever visit Split, don’t stay in Split. Stay in one of the seven nearby Kastelas (villages). Buses run from Split to the seven Kastelas every fifteen minutes 24/7, and accommodations are cheaper here than in Split. Also, if you stay with a local family like I did, they’ll be eager to show off the absolutely beautiful Kastelas. The beaches aren’t as packed too. My accommodation was seventy metres from the beach where I would swim every day.
Split is fun for day trips but you’ll encounter an excessive number of tourists. The Kastelas stick with me fondly.
NAOMI: I said “oh, you have a gnome?” and he said “yeah, from The Amazing Race,” and I said “that’s so fucking cool.”
BONUS POINT #1: F bomb being dropped.
OK. Interesting story is over. It’s time to move on. If I ever return to India, I shall offer Sasha free swimming lessons. Wait, she doesn’t actually live in India? Oh. Then nevermind. She’ll have to come to Phuket or BC.
16) The Amazing Race With Jack and Cyndi (Recording Time: 24:46)
The Amazing Race with Jack + Cyndi: Ep 6.4 “Stairway To Hell”
PENALTY POINT #1: They referred to this as episode 4 instead of episode 5. C’mon y’all. You’ve had four weeks to figure out the episode numbering for this season.
Timestamp: 12:00-14:00
Jack can’t say Natalia’s name correctly. Jack and Cyndi keep repeating Arun & Natalia drove the wrong way repeatedly.
JACK: In one spot they speak Italian. How many different languages do they speak in Switzerland?
German Swiss, French Swiss, Italian Swiss, Luxembourgish Swiss, Dothraki Swiss etc.
Jack & Cyndi say they made the mistake of assuming everyone spoke English or German in Switzerland. That’s not surprising given they mixed up Liechtenstein and Luxembourg.
“You can’t tell your Luxembourg from a Liechtenstein in the ground!”
Jack & Cyndi say Swiss people are so nice if you don’t want to pick on them. They laugh at Kim & Penn being unable to see the chestnuts. They agree Lulu y Lala, Kim & Penn, and Dusty & Ryan are the three good teams. Jack thinks Lulu y Lala are getting stronger and stronger and being set up as the winners of this season. Cyndi is surprised.
I’m moving on.
17) The CUP of Reality (Recording Time: 42:50)
Timestamp: 18:00-20:00
Lana talks about how Ryan & Dusty were supportive of each other. Logan groans when Lana mentions Akbar & Divison 1. Logan sighs when Lana points out how Akbar yells at Sheri for not running up the stairs fast enough.
Lana admits she’d be frustrated if Division 1 wouldn’t change her mind until Kim & Penn say it’s too difficult.
Logan and Lana use the word “like” an excessive amount of times. They discuss the definition of insanity because Akbar has yet to catch on Division 1 can’t keep up with everyone else.
LOGAN: You left the Roadblock seeing NO ONE and knew you were in fourth! Like–
LANA: Why are you trippin’?
“Why are you trippin’, Akbar?” is another new contender for a running joke.
It should be noted that the term “running joke” wasn’t meant to be a pun.
18) Survivor Gumball (Recording Time: 14:48)
Timestamp: 3:00-5:00
Gumball puts Arun & Natalia in dead last because other teams have consistently proven to be more capable than them. Akbar & Division 1 put them in fifth. He notes Akbar is too heavy to do a lot of tasks, and they have issues completing tasks in general. It’d be cool to have a special guest power ranker that rotates every week for Gumball.
He could do something similar to Gordon Holmes’ power rankings battle during every season of Survivor.
Gumball puts Kim & Penn fourth in his power rankings because the top three teams have better storylines in the editing room. He finds Kim & Penn to be consistent.
19) The Pit Stop (Recording Time: 52:06)
Timestamp: 30:00-33:00
BONUS POINTS #1 and #2: James personally DMed me the link to his F bomb at 6:50. I appreciate the initiative. Where the fuck is everyone else’s initiative?
WILL: Fuck, my balls.
Lay off the steroids, man.
WILL: Penn is right. The Amazing Race wouldn’t let anyone die.
There’s a first time for everything. Everyone has to die some day. Why not while filming The Amazing Race?
PENALTY POINT #1: Where are Leo & Alana at?
I wouldn’t be surprised if Leo & Alana start their own TAR recap podcast next week and usurp the number of viewers James & Will have for their recap podcast.
They talk about the official preview for next episode and read out the official ViacomCBS press release. James discusses the Instagram Live with Leo & Alana. Leo notes there are a lot more outdoor and active challenges. James is looking forward to canyoneering next round.
I really hope teams get to drive canyoneros. They smell like a steak and seat thirty-five! Canyonero! It also is 12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, and 65 tons of American Pride!
Although PETA isn’t going to be too happy when teams are driving and their Canyonero turns into a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!
Will notes Ryan & Dusty are cooking in the preview. He thinks it is a great balance to a physical challenge like canyoneering. Will says every team has had that experience of encountering one task which really crushes their spirit.
The strongest team worldwide also encountered that–as the final task of the season in TAR Asia 2.
Will & James note how Hung & Chee fell to the back of the pack because they kept switching Detours. Will doesn’t believe Ryan & Dusty will go home next round but won’t win the round either. James thinks the “New and Improved Lulu y Lala” could win a leg.
As opposed to the “Old and Atrocious Lulu y Lala who couldn’t do shit.”
BONUS POINTS #3 and #4: Out of curiosity, I was wondering if Will & James mention me by name at the end of the recap podcast. They do. No one else did. Not only did they mention the RTV Warriors recap podcast, but James referenced this very blog as well.
20) Racers Recap (Recording Time: 1:06:16)
BONUS POINT #1: Justin drops a F bomb almost immediately.
BONUS POINT #2: They plugged competing other recap podcasts.
Timestamp: 20:00-23:00
Justin has had four or five crying moments in his life where the thought of losing Diana makes him cry. Covino said Kim did it balls out. What did I miss?!
COVINO: I watched everyone’s dangle to see if I had the same sensation and I didn’t.
(HARMSTONE needs to record that sound clip.)
Covino is going for the Guinness World Record of Sound Clips People Take Out of Context.
He’s like Fez from That 70s Show. We can never tell if he is being serious with the way he phrases things or if the joke was being set up.
Covino tried his hardest to not like Kim & Penn.
Justin asks Jen what she thinks about the rock-paper-scissors battle to see who goes first.
JEN: I’m not remembering this.
PENALTY POINT #1: Even after Justin explains the rock-paper-scissors to determine who goes first, Jen completely missed that scene. Sounds like somebody was texting while watching TAR or raising a young child!
Jen thinks that is too diplomatic. She wouldn’t do that but Kristi would.
Justin referenced in a bonus CBS clip that Dusty & Ryan wanted to do rock-paper-scissors to make it fair with Kim & Penn because they think a foot race wouldn’t be fair. Oddly enough, Kim & Penn won the foot race because Ryan stopped to look over the edge.
COVINO: Why did Ryan jump first then?
JUSTIN: Dusty jumped first because he beat her in Rock-Paper-Scissors.
COVINO: I thought she won?
JUSTIN: No. She put paper on top of scissors.
COVINO: I don’t know how to play that game. When I was a kid, we just hit each other with whiffle ball bats to the back of the legs until someone stopped.
Or maybe Covino always lost at rock-paper-scissors and hitting his opponent with whiffle ball bats was the contingency plan to get his way.
I’d love to see Kathy Griffin from Celebrity Mole Hawaii and Joey Covino enter a class of How to Play Rock-Paper-Scissors. Kathy choosing “Sci” instead of “Scissors” in Celebrity Mole Hawaii always makes me laugh every time I watch that season.
21) Woodwir Cinema (Recording Time: 12:01)
Jake says a “little old man” talked to him because he saw Jake take pictures of the building with a few steps behind him. He asked Jake if he was taking pictures because it was a historical building. Jake lied saying he was doing advertisements for the building (which he does) but that his intention was to film it for his Amazing Race recap video.
Then Jake reveals he filmed the intro twice because the first time he looked like a pale vampire.
I’d tune into a TAR recap podcast with Bela Lugosi.
Timestamp: 3:00-6:00
JAKE: The episode had the Great Cheese race and I really want to do that task.
PENALTY POINT #1: Praising anything about TAR 14 is frowned upon in this blog. If you’ve ever seen my TAR season rankings for my TARstorian blog TAR 14 is at the very bottom out of all 26 seasons I have covered to date. TAR 14 is one season of reality TV I vow to never watch again.
Jake’s uncle planned to do a swan dive for a bungee jump but froze, and his body said to “fuck off” and the instructor pushed him and they all thought his uncle was dead because he wasn’t moving.
BONUS POINT #1: A F bomb was dropped.
Jake is amused Akbar mixed up the clue box with the fire hydrant. They’re both red and yellow!
I wish somebody in Switzerland was Vietnamese-Swiss and happened to have the Vietnam flag hanging down from their apartment.
Jake references his Germanic roots and knows how to pack a sausage.
.
.
.
No comment.
Jake thinks he’d be lured into Bartender Race on paper instead of Sausage Encasing. Well, until you see the 400 steps. That’d be a dream for me as I ‘d love running up and down 400 steps. I love that about some European cities.
For some reason we cut to a clip of Sadie (Jake’s sister). She explains on camera that their living room has a trail of sticky little stains from little bits of Coke that splatter out of Jake’s glass from the kitchen to the basement.
DEREK (Jake’s cousin): Don’t wear white around Jake.
KATIE (Girlfriend): Hmmmmm no.
AARON THE GOAT: Jake. . .Jake doesn’t spill his drinks? (Constant laughter.)
JAKE 2: I invite Jake over to my family for Thanksgiving. . .he goes to grab the gravy, he bumps into my cousin and in front of him is my grandma and he spills piping hot gravy down the back of her neck.
BRETT (Cousin): I once saw him yard sale an entire skid of canned goods. The entire orphanage didn’t get to eat that day.
Jake counts eight steps and he carries bottles of Pop Shoppe sodas. It’s just him running up and down the eight steps repeatedly. He ends up breaking a glass.
Man. What the hell did I just watch.
22) Arun & Natalia (Recording Time: 18:52)
Timestamp: 7:00-10:00
Natalia asked the lady to double check the directions she provided. Arun said the directions sometimes weren’t in English when they checked. Natalia said the pandemic made it difficult to ask to handle people’s phones. The route provided by Google was the same scenic route as Cayla & Raquel. Arun wasn’t aware the shorter route was 2 and a half hours while the longer route was 3 and a half hours.
Arun said when they went the wrong way they wasted 45 minutes. Natalia talks about a scene where they struggled to find their car at the pit start. Apparently Production wanted all of their cars in a specific area. During the rest period Production moved cars to that specific area. Some teams had already parked in that specific area but Arun & Natalia didn’t–that’s why they wasted a minute locating their car.
Arun & Natalia didn’t notice they were provided with a map in their car until about halfway into the drive because on previous legs they weren’t always provided with a map.
As long as you can spot Phil Keoghan at the pit stop, you always have a chance to survive.
23) Pavement Road Productions (Recording Time: 39:37)
They -just- released their recap podcast right before I uploaded this very blog. It popped up on my YouTube notifications. Both hosts caught the Omicron variant and were hit hard by it. I guess I’d feel like an asshole if I expected them to record a recap podcast while hooked up to ventilators. I hope y’all are feeling well!
Because I am sympathetic, I’ll let them do their Episode 4 recap podcast and have it count towards this week.
Timestamp: 13:00-15:00
The main host is talking really fast. They talk about how much Buffalo sucks as a city. I think they are talking about Michael & Moe. They argue if they are in their 30s or their 40s. If they were in their 40s, they would be made out to be “an older team.” They argue if Michael & Moe were in good physical shape or not too.
Michael & Moe didn’t get last on any of the NELs and clearly the audience didn’t get a good feel for them. As I said earlier, we really need to get the hashtag #OneMoeChance trending. Michael & Moe will be kicking ass, taking names, and putting everyone in cuffs for TAR 34.
They talk about how Michael & Moe were “pawns” for the good players and were never intended to win. It’s the same way they cast pawns for Survivor. They think recent TAR seasons intentionally cast fodder.
THE MALE CO-HOST: There are certain teams head and shoulders better than everyone.
Oddly enough, Head and Shoulders is not a good product to use for your hair. I’ve been using a Pantene product. When I have my hair all brushed out, I feel like Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia.
Or Elias Theodorou.
ADDITIONAL PODCASTS
1) RobHasAPodcast / TARpit w/ Sasha of Silent Podcasts (Recording Time: 1:48:08)
LEG 5 RESULTS
TARstorian/Me. 24 pts. I laughed at a lot of my own jokes this week and put more time into this week’s recap podcast recap blog than any other week. I also did a great job of promoting this. I liked -everyone’s- uploads onto YouTube as well as post a comment on everyone’s YouTube videos. Great job me.
The PitStop. 23 pts. James DMed me after the recap podcast to be awarded his bonus points. None of the other recap podcasts did that. My blog and (Michael and I’s) podcast were mentioned on air. I’m non-partisan. I’m neutral. I’m like. . .well, Switzerland. Take the initiative and mention me in a positive manner. It will take you far in life. . .and in this recap podcast recap blog battle royale!
Woodwir Cinema / Amazing Armchair Race. 22 pts. As Julie Chen would say, expect the unexpected when you watch a recap by Woodwir Cinema. I hope he cleaned up all of the soda he spilled on those steps!
Racers Recap. 21 pts. Pay more attention to the episodes, Jen. Pay more attention to Rock-Paper-Scissors, Covino. Otherwise it was fun as always.
Live Reality Games. 20 pts. Bill had a lot of intellectual points this week. Connor, despite not wearing his Inspector Gadget hat this week, was able to refrain from experiencing any technical difficulties. Good for him.
Arun & Natalia. 19 pts. They didn’t talk about urine as much as Lulu y Lala did. They are ranked above Lulu y Lala by default because of this.
Lulu y Lala. 18 pts. I’d rather listen to recap podcasts with fewer urine stories.
Silent Podcasts. 17 pts. I always like hearing travel stories which give me excuses to share my own travel expertise. Thank you for giving me that opportunity, Naomi.
Holderness Family. 16 pts. I think the whole bit with having all of the teams join at the end of the podcast left a slight sour taste in my mouth. Apparently the idea of having Akbar & Division 1 on just to defend Akbar to the public was a bit of an excessive move. It just gives the dumb fans online more fuel to work with in subsequent weeks. Just let it blow over. I’ve seen situations play out approximately one hundred times over the past twenty years in the online reality TV community. This wasn’t necessary, y’all. It’s something I would see maybe the TAR 28 cast do.
The PitStop Podcast w/ Dusty and Cayla. 15 pts. I always feel like I am excessively unfair to White women. Therefore, I’ll give Cayla a boost in this week’s standings. However, my prejudice will likely return next week.
Nerdtainment. 14 pts. Sarah and David always provide recaps with lots of energy.
Angelcake Entertainment. 13 pts. Sadly, no crossover episodes for Drew Angleman this week. However, he did take some of my advice and share which Detour task he would choose and respond with his own insight. Drew does a great job for tackling these recaps solo.
The Nullified Take. 12 pts. I wasn’t expecting The Nullified Take to be the one to rave about Ryan’s good looks this week. I’m sure there’s an inappropriate prison joke to be made here somewhere.
JennScott TV. 11 pts. This was by far their best production value yet. I like seeing recap podcasts that strive to make minor improvements.
The Reality Guys. 10 pts. I can’t recall a week where a recap podcast consisting of three co-hosts has a shorter recap podcast than those consisting of just one host. The Reality Guys had by far the shortest recap podcast this week. It was over two minutes shorter than the next shortest recap podcast, and that was a solo recap podcast. If the goal is to have your best damn material make the final cut for the recap podcast that week, I think you guys could make it to the fifteen mark. My shortest recap podcast for RTV Warriors was somewhere around 25 minutes and that was one of the Atlantic Canada episodes in TAR Canada 2 or 4. It was just Michael and I co-hosting for that episode.
Once Upon An Island. 9 pts. There weren’t any Rob & Amber references that I could find this week. The penalty point multiplier has come to an end. The video editing transitions are neat while they speak.
Survivor Gumball. 8 pts. In a three minute clip I was able to hear multiple power rankings with references to performance and editing. These power ranking recap podcasts are short and sweet.
The CUP of Reality. 7 pts. Apparently Logan Murphy (a.k.a. The Other Logan) created a new intro for them this week. That’s cool. Their discussions always amuse me. You guys need a specific Instagram handle rather than just individual handles for y’all on social media.
Tribal Council Blog. 6 pts. I kept going back and forth between giving you 7 points or 6 points. I decided upon six points for no specific reason I could pinpoint.
The Amazing Race With Jack and Cyndi. 5 pts. I’m ranking them this low because they don’t have a specific Twitter or Instagram handle for me to follow and DM.
Hurls and Calbert. 4 pts. I’ll give them additional points to help catch up with everyone else.
Pavement Road Productions / Two and a Half Brains. 3 pts. Great job for recording after recovering from Omicron. I appreciate the dedication. Please pick one name for your recap podcast, though. It’s confusing.
Reality Realnesss. 2 pts. There were a couple of technical issues this week. I think Reality Realnesss is still trying to find its voice. All of the other recap podcasts have found their schtick halfway through the season, but I’m not really sure what unique qualities Reality Realnesss offers. The format is very similar to Nerdtainment’s in terms of it being a recap podcast that interacts with its listeners, but Sarah and David always offer more passion and has a cleaner presentation. The podcast wasn’t bad by any means, but it doesn’t really have an identity yet.
RHAP. 1 pt. Well-produced.
CURRENT STANDINGS:
TARstorian/Me. 74.5 pts.
Racers Recap. 72 pts.
Holdernesss Family Vlog. 63 pts.
The Pit Stop. 62 pts.
Amazing Armchair Race/Woodwir Cinema. 56 pts.
Nerdtainment. 55 pts.
Lulu y LaLa. 46 pts.
The Reality Guys. 45 pts.
The Nullified Take. 41 pts.
Silent Podcasts. 39 pts.
Arun & Natalia. 37 pts.
Angelcake Entertainment 36 pts.
Live Reality Games. 35 pts.
RobHasaPodcast. 34 pts.
Tribal Council Blog (ReRACEables). 24 pts.
Literally The PitStop Podcast w/ Dusty and Cayla. 21 pts.
Jenn Scott TV. 16 pts.
Reality Realnes. 16 pts.
The CUP of Reality. 15 pts.
Survivor Gumball. 13 pts.
Once Upon An Island. 13 pts.
Pavement Road Productions / Two and a Half Brains. 10 pts.
Jack and Cyndi Podcast. 7 pts.
Amazing Reviews a.k.a. Hurls and Calbert Podcast. 4 pts.
CJUneditedPodcast. 1 pt.
OTHER NOTES
The median podcast length was 47 minutes and 45 seconds this week.
If you listened to every recap podcast, it would take you roughly nineteen hours. A single episode of TAR is around 41 minutes. Why not just stick with that?
BONUS POINT CRITERIA
a) You mention me, the TARstorian blogs, or the RTV Warriors podcast at the start or at the end of your podcast. You’ll get two bonus points if you just blurt it out without any context whatsoever in the middle of your podcast. “And the Detour I would have chosen is LOGAN SAUNDERS THE TARstorian is Sausage Encasing.”
b) Any OutKast, Amerie, Kardinal Offishal, Busta Rhymes, Lumidee or Nina Sky song titles and lyrics. I’ll let Justin of Racers Recap get a bonus point if he references Rakim because I know he likes that guy.
c) You refer to Sheri as “Division 1” rather than by her real name. That’d be hilarious.
d) Start referring to “Dusty” by a rhyming name such as “Rusty,” “Musty,” and my personal favourite, “Busty.” The Nullified Take has inspired this to be a bonus point.
e) Compare the contestants to characters from The Simpsons.
As always, DM me if you believe you deserve credit for your bonus points.
That’s it for this week! May all of your dreams come true.
Thesupacoowackiestblogintheuniverse's Blog 
“PENALTY POINT #1: It wasn’t TAR 21 nor TAR 11 where they made sausage.”
Except they did in Poland in Season 11. “Ladies and gentlemen, Miss California!”
“Never eat sausage off your own supply.” All I focused on was the sausage vomit while eating sausage rather than the creation portion.
BONUS POINT #1 for Eauxps.
1 point total is pretty good for not having a podcast to begin with.