Mr. Wardog from this season of Survivor, Edge of Extinction, has been making headlines in the online community for how frequently he blocks fans, bloggers, reality TV journalists, podcasters, and fellow RTV alumni during the first three weeks of the season.
So here is a thorough guide of how to get blocked by Wardog on Twitter:
1) “WHAT GROWN MAN REFERS TO HIMSELF AS WARDOG? LOL!”
This is just a gimme.
“What grown man refers to himself as Wardog? Fuck you, that’s who!” Wardog says as he blocks the assailant on Twitter.
2) “YOU’RE REFERRING TO YOURSELF AS WARDOG ON SURVIVOR?! SOMEBODY IS DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION!”
“I don’t need attention. I’m a fuckin’ Wardog! YOU are the one who needs attention! Maybe you should get a more interesting nickname than Scott or Hollywood or Smitty. You know what your nickname is now, bitch? #BLOCKEDBYWARDOG! Use that in your Twitter and Instagram handles, fool!” That exceeds the 240 characters so Wardog has to split it over multiple tweets.
3) “WHY DO YOU HATE WENDY/VEGETARIANS/PEOPLE WITH TOURETTES?!”
I don’t hate vegetarians, fool! When I go to my Buddhist friend’s house, I happily eat whatever rice or curry dish is thrown in front of me! I’m polite! Wardogs are always polite! I can even use chopsticks to poke at the super sticky rice! Tofu is an excellent substitute–I have nothing against tofu!
And why would I make fun of people with Tourettes? I say you probably hate people with Tourettes because one of my ticks is he blocks pieces of shit like you on Twitter when he gets harassed!”
4) “WHY DO YOU HAVE A HARD-ON FOR KELLEY WENTWORTH?! WHY ARE YOU SACRIFICING YOUR OWN GAME TO PROTECT HER?! WHY DIDN’T YOU PROTECT CHRIS, WHO ALBEIT IS BORING AS FUCK, BUT IS YOUR OWN ALLY?!”
“I don’t have a hard-on for Wentworth! She’s the perfect shield! If I had a hard-on for Wentworth, why would I be behind her as a shield? Everyone knows the Wardog is a Titty Man and not an Ass Man! Standing behind would go against everything the Wardog likes a woman! Plus blondes aren’t my style! Everyone knows the Wardog is into that ginger shit!”
5) “HEY WARDOG, DID YOU KNOW BRUCE WILLIS WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME IN THE SIXTH SENSE?!”
“I was about to watch that movie tomorrow! Everyone tells the Wardog what it means to be M. Night Shyamalan’d and now I have no incentive to watch it! Suspense thrillers are the Wardog’s shit! Now the only M. Night Shyamalan movie I can watch is The Last Airbender, and those tomatoes are ROTTEN! That’s why I only eat meat–I can’t eat rotten tomatoes! My stomach would gurgle! The Wardog’s stomach would GURGLE!”
6) “WHY DO YOU BLOCK EVERYONE ON TWITTER, WARDOG? YOU’RE SUCH A SNOWFLAKE! HEY GUYS, THE WARDOG IS A SNOWFLAKE!”
“No, bitch! Why you so bothered about who the Wardog blocks on social media? Why does that affect you so much? YOU’RE THE SNOWFLAKE YOU LITTLE BITCH! Ha! #WardogBlindsiiiiide. Yeah, Russell Hantz has nothing on the Wardog! If you creep me on Instagram, I block you there too!
So there you go. Just six of the ways The Wardog blocks people on Twitter.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Logan Saunders is a 27 year old Canadian currently circumnavigating the globe over the course of 180 days through four continents and twenty countries. He has been watching Survivor since season 1 episode 2 at the age of eight. Australian Survivor 2017 and Survivor: Pearl Islands are his two favourite Survivor seasons. He used to host online Survivor games for several years and writes recaps for RHAP. He is known as the Amazing Race Historian and has attended multiple Amazing Race finales in California. He is also the co-founder of RTV Warriors podcast which has covered Big Brother Canada, every version of The Amazing Race you can think of, Wie is de Mol, and De Mol (Belgium).
P.S. I still want to see PK and Tom from Survivor: South Africa get into a fight.