It’s a weird week as we draw upon complaints from unusual sources for this week’s funniest casual fan complaints blog.
We leave off from last week’s Justin vs. Jody Army saga as one of its members penetrates Racers Recap’s live chat. Let’s just say ethereal kicks us off with some trolling.
That’s right. Jessica is a certified genius.
She makes David Murphy and the other members of MENSA look like idiots.
What other podcast could you be thinking of p Fucanan? Was it that one? And disliking Jessica makes random fans online a woman hater?
If I recall correctly, Jessica was the one who dragged down a fellow woman by saying “she wears the pants in the relationship”.
But I have a feeling ethereal didn’t come into the chat room for a rational discussion. Let’s see where this goes.
“omg i’m being attacked! Who knew attacking Justin in the chat room for his own radio show would lead to people being angry with me in the chat room? Help meeeeeee.”
It would be like if I went to a New Kids on the Block concert and started quoting Eminem’s version of “Summer Girls” by LFO. Like, what am I going to expect to occur?
And Diana is jealous that Justin is obsessed with Jessica? Dude. Every single message in the chat room has been you being obsessive about Justin’s thoughts on Jessica. If anything, you are simultaneously obsessed with Justin and Jessica. Will Diana be jealous of you?
But I did.
Anyways, Conor of Team Indy was being interviewed by Justin and said he had to leave due to dinner reservations.
I don’t think he would lie about having dinner reservations. That would be an elaborate way to peace out on Justin.
I do think his dinner reservation was at McDonald’s, though.
What are we counting? The number of times you will be featured in the Funniest Complaints blog? Because that count would be accurate at this rate.
Let’s move on to Reddit. Last couple weeks they talked about Evan in a disturbingly sexual way. Who shall be objectified this week?
A sexy photo shoot from over a decade ago? Man, the Internet has been around for a while.
NOTE: Don’t waste your time clicking on the photo. There are no shots from the back. Sorry.
I want these two to be featured on the next TAR. And yes, Jen talked about the sexualization of female athletes which serves as the perfect contrast to Reddit lusting over an old school lingerie photo shoot of Kristi.
And yes, people commented on Jen’s article from back in the day. It’s time for a very unique segment.
FUNNIEST CASUAL FAN COMPLAINTS OF THOUGHT PIECES FROM EXTREME SKIERS WEEK ONE EDITION
Oh fuck. I have to read paragraphs. My Twitter brain can’t be that attentive! If you’re here for the next Amazing Race related complaint, just ctrl+F “You’re so fucking original” and can continue your journey there while I experiment with this new segment.
As somebody who frequently writes about gender expectations and performance while growing up through the Western Canada school system, I applaud Jen for tackling such a dense topic in only a few paragraphs.
I would like to bring up a point about older people wanting things beyond who are the “hottest” in their respective sport. From older people that I know, they tend to be far hornier than those who are around my age. Not only does their mind constantly think about sex, but they assume whenever somebody else says why they did something that there was some sort of sexual undertone.
Old people’s brains just progressively rot over the years.
Look at Mel White. One of the oldest contestants in TAR history and he couldn’t keep away from his groin for more than an episode.
For those of you who don’t know, I have paid a lot of attention to the growth of women’s MMA. If you look at how they cast seasons of The Ultimate Fighter, and the original women to be brought into the UFC from Invicta and Strikeforce, there is a common theme.
Look at Paige VanZant. She was the first female MMA athlete to cross over to Dancing With the Stars. Dana White promoted the hell out of her and gave her opponents who had more abilities than her. But guess what? Because of her looks, she was promoted to the UFC without a single win in Invicta, and has lost three of her last four fights without even a hint of her being demoted to Invicta.
Consider that Gina Carano, Miesha Tate, and Ronda Rousey were all the major female MMA icons who all went into modeling, movies, entertainment, etc. and the fact Cyborg has been undefeated for ten years before becoming a major star herself, it is definitely a trend in women’s MMA. Again, look at who they cast for the female seasons of TUF.
I can’t speak for other pro sports since I don’t give a fuck about sports in general and MMA isn’t really a sport in my books. Therefore, due to my lack of being able to draw upon knowledge of women in other sports, my point ends here.
So Jen put out a fairly tame opinion about female skiers being praised more for their looks than their achievements, and going back and forth regarding both sides in her article. Let’s see how much the comments overreact to it.
a) What about my Paige VanZant example?
b) When I picture a “ripping female free-skier,” it makes me think of a woman who snaps trees in half with her bare hands and starts chomping down on halfpipes. I have an active imagination.
c) You decide to counter her argument by judging her physical appearance and grading her on a 10-point must system.
This really is MMA.
d) Every man and woman in the ski industry is there to look good and have their picture taken? You mean they are not there to challenge themselves and chase after potential Olympic dreams? They gotta doll themselves up, make sure they’re targeting the right muscles in the gym (but not target them too much), and if they are selling energy drinks then that’s just sad.
Even the Black Eyed Peas knew when to stop. I think they paused when they were approached with selling anthrax or Hootie and the Blowfish mixtapes.
e) Jen ought to be “fucking grateful” because she isn’t like the 99% who degrade themselves at a job they hate? Jen isn’t saying her lifestyle and position sucks. She is just proposing an idea that can improve her and her peers’ positions. In the words of Jonathan Baker, do you just want her “to be the woman and be quiet”?
f) The guy referred to himself as ‘Femanazi’. Is that a type of Italian-German car I am not familiar with?
Well, the topic of the article was sex and female athletes, so. . .that title seemed appropriate.
However, if the article was titled Sex WITH the Female Athlete, then we’d expect a lot more clicks.
Isn’t that right, Marshall & Lance?
And as for the point about human nature resulting in physical beauty magazines being sold frequently, well, then we’re diving into a huge cavern of gender performance which I could go on and on about.
Michael Jordan sold underwear. Like, that’s one of the top five things he is known for. Other than Space Jam.
Cartoon Bestiality and the Male Athlete.
“Meet Eddie. 23 years old. Fed up with women for acting like brats and the way things are going, he decides to go on a meninist rant. Before he hits ‘send’, his conscience refuses to come into play.”
But seriously, let’s dissect this. “A country dominated by a capitalist ideals uses sex appeal to sell.”
Does that mean Karl Marx thought everyone, man or woman, were equally “ugos” and didn’t have any physical advantage over each other because they all look like shit?
I don’t think Jen ever said there was anything wrong with a popular skier being referred to as ‘sexy’. Perhaps being noted as ‘skilled’ is something she wants prioritized over being referred to as ‘sexy’.
Let me break it to you in a fellow heterosexual male scenario:
When you are with your girlfriend, which of the following do you do:
a) Go out in public and see a movie with her or go out to a restaurant with her. Talk about what each of you did today, and be genuinely invested in the conversation. THEN go home and spank her butt?
b) Decide you’re too tired to go out, spank her butt first, shoot down her ideas to go out to a movie or go for a walk or hang out with members of her family or your friends, and get all pissed because you find her too demanding and annoying, and sigh about how getting you out of bed or off the couch is ruining your day.
If b) seems like a ridiculous option to you, then you my friend understand my point.
Because real life isn’t like music videos where you can just give somebody some salsa and have them magically remove their underpants. Even if you are also the lead singer of your band.
You’re so fucking original.
I. . .I think you guys are not getting a good read on Lucas & Brittany’s personalities at all.
Jessica’s return for All Stars is going to be hilarious. It’ll look like she had been on slop for an eternity!
They planted the vomit and dirty diaper too.
On what planet is Brittany fat?????? What’s next?
Cardi B needs to lose a few?
Kat DeLuna should watch her figure!
Amerie is starting to get a bit bloat-y!
Maybe Americans have so many people issues with their own weight and health because of the extreme standards they put on body shape ideals of people on TV. It’s better than what it used to be, but here we are in a world where people tell Jen and Brittany that they are unattractive.
And all of this commentary is coming from a Canadian who laughs whenever somebody walks in the room with an ugly boyfriend. Am I really supposed to be the moral compass here? Jesus Christ.
James is right.
“How did those terrorists enter our country?”
“They put their seasons of 24 on pause and instead switched it to The Amazing Race for advice.”
We know what your plan really is Bertram!
You’ve. . .you’ve never been to Europe, have you Rose? Travel is safe, easy, and smooth in the EU because of it.
Swing and a miss.
“All I said on Facebook in a comment is that I really don’t like the Jews. I’m glad you’ve concluded that by a random comment I made on FB lol”.
See how that logic may not always work, Lisa Chrisman?
One of my brothers married his eventual wife after they had a casual conversation to get married when they had lunch once. They had been dating for over five years.
As for my co-workers, they got married after being together for over a decade.
Lucas nor Brittany are apart of “Team Well-Strung Along”. Sometimes people don’t feel they need to have the official status of being married until they feel like it, yo! Traditional marriage paths are changing in the US of A.
Rude and Rude?
Is that what we’ll get for season 31? Ravishing Rick Rude being cloned and racing with himself as a partner? Rude and Rude!
I don’t think using a team who started dating on Big Brother and then proposing after seven months of dating is the classic and traditional example of what a healthy and natural relationship looks like.
I think a Chip & Kim is what you’re looking for.
Yeah, I think Tony Roma still sticks as the best comparison. Ray Romano isn’t even close.
Because Evan was anti-social and the other three teams had been aligned since day one. Not because Yale is “sooooo anoying”.
If I recall correctly, Kristi told Jessica to stop talking about Henry & Evan and instead focus on the leg.
And. . .this is a complaint not about Henry & Evan, Lucas & Brittany, or Cody & Jessica. Does this mean I’m going to have to come up with new material? Because I prefer recycling the same jokes over and over.
Every time we go to Zimbabwe we always engage in a conversation about animal activism. Let’s see where this goes. Will Cecil the Lion be brought up?
Usually conversations about animal rights on TAR tends to go over-the-top. This was surprisingly civil. Well done, folks. I have no jokes to make here.
Phil Keoghan ain’t a human Wikipedia, man. It’s why people like me exist.
lol old people.
Freedom of speech in the US doesn’t apply to private websites such as Facebook, actually. They can delete you if they wish. Even if you are 64 years old.
Or Nintendo 64 Years Old.
That’s, um, er, um, errr. . . .
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
They went to a freakin’ animal reserve and then downtown Harare. Zimbabwe isn’t exactly too industrialized in contrast to its neighbouring countries like Rwanda, Mozambique, Tanzania, and Zambia which are experiencing economic booms.
Who is angry about this, anyway?
Ah. I should’ve known.
a) That rule is still in effect. It’s just been relatively few Roadblocks this season.
b) Yes, Dandrew bought shoes with race money too.
c) Ratings are higher than they have been in a very long time.
Kalani didn’t watch the last episode, eh?
And how was Thailand a convenient leg to have a NEL? We still had one NEL to go. Oh, and Speed Bumps have been shitty for a very very very long time.
“Here, Bill & Cathi. Untie this knot.”
I think Debbie meant she is pissed TAR US doesn’t -air- in Australia.
Mallory’s bubbly personality is the last Australia visit for TAR.
Ah. I see Kathy is making up her own rules.
Kathy doesn’t know what the word opinion means.
Michael Harmstone is a dude and there are no cats living in his home. Furthermore, he isn’t fat nor old.
Huh. The Janices disagree.
Good ol’ Tiffany and Lucas.
It’s good to see her engaged after nine years.
Jessica is pregnant? That’s news to me. . .and news to her as well. And I have never heard of anyone being dumped like a hot potato.
It’s not like a relationship is a freakin’ Mario Party mini game.
MFEO = Made For Each Other? I learned a new acronym today.
This is already a thing? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!
I can only imagine what Funniest Complaints will be like next week if she does.
Joyce stole my joke. Shame on you, Joyce.
This ain’t a competition based on social dynamics and winning. . .it ain’t real life, y’all.
Evan is not Hermione. They. Don’t. Have. Any. Similarities.
And I think Mary summed it up well. Evan excluded herself from the group and is paying for it now.
This is the best complaint ever. I don’t even know how to respond to this. Is it serious? Is it a joke? I can’t tell. You win. I’m not even being sarcastic right now.
“I put it right on the nips! Milk milk milk! It was a weird sensation! You gotta milk the teet!”
In all seriousness, we go from Evan wearing strap-ons to somebody suggesting Conor sleep with Henry’s mom. Can we pause for a moment to think about how weird this all is?
Stop The World? Sounds like the name of another hit reality show to anger Chris.
Considering 95% of the complaints over the past seven weeks have been directed towards the female racers this season, the awareness of she-monsters has been widespread. Sigh.
I can only imagine what his opinions are on Carol & Brandy.
So below we talk about Jessica & Cody some more. Do people want them to win?
This escalated very quickly.
What is this? The “Where Were Jess & Cody Five Months Ago” report?
Holy shit. There were four other teams in the episode, dude.
The bad news: Racers can move forward from what has happened on the race, and move on from the casual fans.
The good news: The casual fans never move on, and will always be crazy as fuck. I will never be out of a(n unpaid) job. God bless the Internet!
Alright folks. See y’all next week.