The female racers are called bitches, somebody invents a new U-Turn twist, an army goes after Justin from season 27, and education is frowned upon. Welcome to another day in the life of Funniest Complaints as we travel through Zimbabwe!
Let’s decompress after the events of the past week in the TAR universe.
One complaint in and we are already calling racers bitches. Is Evan that stuck up because she attended Yale? In fact, it’s not even past tense. I believe at the time of filming she was still attending Yale.
For anyone who has experienced being in university and living on campus, and especially someone like Evan who is likely really involved with her school, being at university is a huge component of your life at the time.
a) You are constantly attending classes there
b) Nearly all of your friends are people on campus and are your entire social life
c) All of your financial decisions is based around the hundreds of thousands of dollars in tuition you owe for currently attending Yale
d) Any activities or opportunities you experience during these years is probably coordinated through the faculty
Therefore, it’s not much of a surprise that Henry and/or Evan bring up Yale because they probably have nothing else interesting to talk about.
I mean look at Rory Gilmore. She attended Yale because her grandpa wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it.
C’MON RICHARD! RORY WAS POISED TO GO TO HARVARD OR PRINCETON AND YOU POISONED HER MIND! YOU POISONED HER MIND AND NOW SHE’LL KEEP THINKING ABOUT WHAT HER LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF SHE HAD FOLLOWED HER INITIAL DREAMS! MAYBE SHE WOULDN’T BE KNOCKED UP BY LOGAN! YOU RUINED HER LIFE, RICHARD! YOU RUINED HER LIFE!
At this point in the season, I could go on the TAR Facebook page and talk about newborn puppies and have somebody shift the conversation into talking about Jessica or Cody.
Go ahead. Make this about Cody or Jessica, casual fans. I’m sure you’ll find a way.
Armin, think logically. There could have been an equalizer on the next leg to make everyone go back to their original partners again. It wouldn’t have been too hard.
I can only see this logic being used in reverse.
“Should do more rhythm and singing. Eating more local delicacies and have to cook them are ANOTHER SHOW”
And who vomits around diamonds? Who are you?
Dr. Zoidberg at a Beck concert?
Foul language? Too much foul language? I don’t even recall the foul language being used! You want foul language on TAR?
Watch TAR Asia 5 where racers call each other fat bitches. No joke.
A TAR version of Punchout!! would be great DLC that I would be too tempted to buy within seconds.
At least there was a heart at the end of the complaint. I can’t stay mad at chu.
Oddly enough, Donald Cyr doesn’t receive the awarded for the biggest conspiracy theorist in Funniest Complaints history.
Yes, there was a new twist invented where a team could U-Turn two teams of their choosing. The show is evolving!
They argue over everything? I think your rubric for ‘everything’ would shift if you had watched past seasons.
They once fought over sunglasses. Sunglasses. And pizza. I am not kidding.
You guarantee. . .or guarantee that you are speculating?
Now let’s talk about Evan some more.
Ah, Evan being referred to as bossy. I’ll be here next week for more coded sexist terminology! Hooray!
We. . .we don’t even know if Henry and/or Evan were one of those who campaigned for those famous safe spaces at Yale. You’re just presuming they did. Did anyone bother to ask them if they were part of those protests? Can you spot them in this video?
By the way, do you know what their favourite level from Diddy Kong Racing is?
Yep, Snowflake Mountain. I’ll be here all week!
“I can’t stand ’em!”
I don’t know if either of them have specified that they are more intelligent than the other racers. They may have said “we are intelligent,” but not “we are the most intelligent.”
Unless they said they were smarter than Conor. I mean. . .c’mon, do you see Conor ever getting into Yale? I don’t think NASCAR has the intention of offering Ivy League scholarships.
When Joey & Kelsey won season 27, Joey was suddenly getting e-mails and letters from his Buttita relatives in Italy. “Well hello second cousin Giorgio, how is your marble business going? Were you looking for someone to invest in your new orange grove?”
How in the world is Evan anything like Hermione from Harry Potter?
First off, she married a Ginger Weasley. Evan is currently dating a top Yale student!
How she was able to ditch Bulgarian hearthrob Viktor Krum and trade him in for Ron fuckin’ Weasley is mindblowing at worst.
And Hermione was attacked by trolls and wizards who specialized in the dark arts. What has Evan had to endure?
A boat gone rogue and a bag of French Fries?
Furthermore, Evan hasn’t involuntarily dressed up as a really believable cat for Halloween! And for the record, it’s not the same if it is a slutty cat costume with the huge ears and the low-cut top in the unitard. Completely different animals!
Larry, are you saying Pam experienced a #ReadYourPost moment on The Amazing Race?
And as for that theft incident, Pam:
a) Production told Natalie & Nadiya it was OK for them to take James & Abba’s money that they left unattended.
b) It all happened within the confines of the game
c) No local laws were broken.
Therefore, you are foolish on three accounts.
Maybe Evan has no shame in asking for help; it worked. Eric & Daniel and Jen all assisted her.
I would probably be like that too. I would throw it in anybody’s face on The Amazing Race during the confessional if they asked me for help, but I would take about 0.02 seconds to fake cry and beg for help from other teams if I was ever in trouble.
Lastly, she looks like Henry’s superior because he is such a freakin’ quiet guy. Evan is definitely the talker in that duo.
And your IQ is not high enough to see that Scott & Brooke played one of the most impressive games of TAR that I have ever seen.
Are you sure it’s Cody’s sister and that you’re not being catfished????
We go from people pretending to be Eric & Daniel’s stepbrother to pretending to be Cody’s sister. What’s next? Somebody will pretend to be Phil’s nephew when fans complain about his stubble next week?
Also, feel free to forward the phone numbers of all racers to Garry. They’re all hot!
It’s chili pepper time!
Yeah Rhonda, how would you like it if people talked about you like that? Falling off a cliff?
Granted it’s more of a Flo thing than a Jess & Cody thing.
One day Barbara-Ann will note Ben’s high degree of sarcasm. I have been dealing with it for seven years.
And you thought people randomly hating on Brittany and Evan for odd reasons was over? Not quite, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s proceed down below.
If I was Ben, I would note he used ‘2’ rather than ‘two’ (in standard English, you type out all numbers until you reach thirty), and ellipsis at the end of a statement indicates you are going to expand upon your thoughts rather than have it come to an end.
However, more of this will be coming up in the Funniest Casual Fan Complaints spin-off called “Funniest Spelling and Grammar Corrections In Relation To Commentary About The Amazing Race”.
I feel sorry for whoever attempts such a venture.
Times like this remind me how the English language isn’t logical at times. We say gnome and knife but yet the first letter is silent in both cases. What is stopping people from thinking it is spelled knome? It makes as much sense as the ‘g’.
And Evan vines across to people? Who is she?
I don’t want to detract the discussion, but if Reddit ever saw a thread with the headline “Evan Gets Her Ass Beat,” especially on a day like Valentine’s Day, let’s just say they are going to experience the most disappointing foreplay of their lives.
It must be strange for someone who has never been on TV to propose to your wife national television, and then sift through comments about people calling your new fiancée a bitch repeatedly, and random people on the Internet who don’t understand her sense of humour and tell you that you are wrong that somebody you have known for the majority of your life really wants to spend a million bucks on the wedding.
That’s right. Immediately after experiencing a wedding similar to that of the British Royal Family and a honeymoon in St. Lucia, Lucas & Brittany retreat to their one-bedroom apartment in Miami. But it was worth it!
I’d spend it all on drugs.
Sorry Styles P! You sampled it, but I still prefer Freda!
Nah, just kidding. I don’t do drugs. I’d spend my million much more wisely. I would help people pay for student loan debt after they graduate from university.
Well, the Eminem way, anyway. I can’t help but make it rain when I have the chance. It was sad before when I could only use Monopoly money.
So now we’re going to not like people because of how their voice naturally sounds. Something they can’t control.
Coming Up Next: Somebody doesn’t like Luke because he can’t hear.
Coming Up After That: Fans don’t like Mel White because he can’t remember what he had for breakfast this morning. Those blueberry pancakes were a blur!
And Anne Deal not picking somebody because of the sound of their voice would have terrible consequences if she ever played Diddy Kong Racing.
She wouldn’t pick Pipsy, the best character to use as a beginner when beating the game for the first time, because she wouldn’t be able to put up with her annoying voice.
She would be stuck with somebody who has a deep voice like Krunch. His handling and inability to gain top speed quickly would absolutely fuck her over when playing Diddy Kong Racing. All because Pipsy had an annoying voice. Sigh.
I would only accept Mark’s points if he accompanied it with a Judge Judy GIF. Otherwise I have no clue what the hell he is talking about.
I wonder if anybody ever gave Willie a chocolate chip cookie. That’s the real issue here.
And now for the main event of this week’s Complaints blog. Jessica & Cody, who have never interacted with Justin from TAR 27, blocked him on Twitter without explanation. The Jody Army and Justin engage in a dialogue. Just like any war, there are no winners. Let’s watch this play out.
Yes, what recent content on his Twitter feed, Amanda? Let’s find out.
That’s right. If they watched TAR 27 all the way through, they would know Racers Recap is the equivalent to Justin acting like a combination of Mother Theresa and Sam Simon from The Simpsons for one hour each week.
If Jessica & Cody were real fans, they would know this about Justin!
I know Justin. If he is telling you to own it, then he’s just saying own it. He is not infusing it with an undertone of liking you or disliking you.
And why is OWN constantly capitalized by everyone?
Are we talking about Oprah Winfrey or something?
I like how Justin is just talking about one minor incident and the responses turn into a landmine of super defensive replies or making references that are completely irrelevant in regards to the straightforward point Justin is making.
Reading through this argument is like the exact opposite of how Bruno Mars and Cardi B define as finesse. I am blaming everything on the measurement of everyone’s tweets.
What fight can Justin even pick? Jessica & Cody did a pre-emptive blocking. He was just talking about The Amazing Race on a podcast.
And why should Justin worry that Cody & Jessica might win? Are they going to fly from Texas/LA/NYC/Wherever the hell they live now and gonna fly to Pennsylvania, track down Justin, and Cody start wailing on Justin like he is his teenage older brother?
Is Cody gonna give him a noogie or something?
Today I learned that Big Brother fans have private group chats dedicated to contestants, invite them, and invite their family members, and it is taken very seriously.
If anyone out there is reading this, please never let me ever reach that extreme of any fandom ever. This is the kind of stuff I would write articles about in university. Jessica & Cody clearly have a very intense fanbase, and I am guessing it is having a more negative influence over Jessica & Cody rather than a positive one.
I am very curious to see how Jessica & Cody react to being in the spotlight for a little bit longer or if they want absolutely nothing to do with the competitive reality TV/Hollywood universe within a year.
So the Jody Army doesn’t want a relatively impartial member of the TAR alumni, which overall is a fairly tight family, to have access to their Twitter content because they aren’t actively cheering for them moreso than the other teams and are deciding to be equal? And by everyone going after Justin, they pretty much trigger a rift within the TAR community since Justin likes everybody?
Very well then.
I. . .I don’t think Justin was exactly targeting the younger members of the Jody Army as his audience for Racers Recap and his other radio content.
In fact, knowing Justin, he is quite content without them viewing his content.
I think the only endorsement Justin wants from a younger audience member would be from Carissa Gaghan because, well, it’s Carissa Gaghan.
It’s the equivalent to the Colbert Bump.
Let’s put this on pause for now and switch to more people randomly bashing Evan and Brittany.
“Yeah, Brittany and Evan aren’t bitches. . .but lose that FUCKING HAT!”
Seriously, how can somebody not be a hat person?
Well, other than Kevin Federline. K-Fed just. . .Yeah, I agree any type of head apparel is not for him. Just no.
Alright, let’s cut back to the Jody Army once more. How do they view this season in general?
In other news, developing any sort of story with Lucas & Brittany is viewed as “a waste of time”. I wonder which team they would prefer production showed during each episode?
Anthony & Stephanie, I bet.
“We want a full story of the race as much as possible. . .but skip over that whole being engaged thing. It is completely irrelevant to the storyline of the couple who has been dating for nine years.”
Like, let’s get a full progression of Jim & Pam’s relationship in The Office, but let’s skip their first kiss on casino night, their wedding, the birth of both of their kids, and let’s only leave in the pranks they pull on Dwight K. Schrute.
Just like Fonzworth Bentley and his temporary sunglasses, I just can’t with this anymore.
Remember: Nobody within the Jody Army even knows the reason why Jessica & Cody blocked Justin. They speculated and decided to go after him about random things.
But every competitive reality TV contestant ever has their crazy horde of fans that will go after other competitive reality TV contestants on social media. Hell, I even talked about this with TAR 28 contestants in person. This was an unaired storyline in TAR 28 and how U-Turning a specific team could incur the wrath of that team on social media.
I highly doubt Jessica & Cody blocked Justin because he said “watch out for Jody fans”. They know exactly what he is talking about, and so do we.
Granted I don’t think I have ever heard Justin say “watch out for Preston and Jennifer fans” ever.
He invited them to be on his show. That’s as fair share as you can get.
Hey, let’s check in on Reddit this week.
This sounds like almost any single older dude who I have ever had a conversation with at a bar.
“At first, I thought she was a cute sweet blonde. She conquered my heart with her warm smile and ‘cute’ appearance. Appearances can be deceiving. . .then she wouldn’t put out.”
Or Caleb during his younger days.
“She wears the pants in that relationship and can be quite condescending and bitchy. . .”
I think both of them wear pants in the relationship.
Unless Shirin and Donald Duck started to date. In which case, nobody wears pants.
Naturally, everyone is quick to point out the user’s misogyny.
Oh, cervical_cancer was just trolling us and trying to get us angry if we didn’t agree that Evan shouldn’t be called a bitch or was being bossy. How fun.
Actually, it’s the Wednesday @ 8pm timeslot that is boosting the ratings rather than those not-so-ideal Friday and Sunday timeslots. But sure. . .let’s attribute it to a team getting their fifteen minutes because we know how much Social Media Edition boosted ratings.
And it is for that reason somebody shouldn’t let loose their army on a random guy with a radio show or a recently engaged couple who don’t have a pre-established fanbase to bother defending them on social media.
It’s pretty much identical to what Jet & Cord did to Dan & Jordan at the end of TAR 16, and part of the reason why none of the alumni really talk to Jet anymore.
Gotta keep those fifteen minutes goin’.
And that is why I could never interact with a hardcore Jody Army member. This is what we call a one-sided conversation.
It’s like talking to Nick DeCarlo about clowns. Clearly he is the expert.
Reddit resumes their bashing of Evan and her exclusive pants-wearing abilities.
Nobody actively dislikes Evan, but she sure wasn’t being as social as a Kristi & Jen or an Alex & Conor during the game. Sometimes having a weak social game and being strong is enough to get you U-Turned rather than a team who has a strong social game and is also strong. It isn’t that Evan was acting like Hitler in contrast to the other racers, or anything.
“I WEAR ZEE PANTS IN THE RELATIONSHIP!”
If she was that much of a jerk, I don’t think she would be a champion debater. Debaters have to listen to the other person’s points in order to create a worthy argument.
I don’t know about you, but I am happy to see the word ‘pretentious’ being used. Just because it isn’t ‘bitchy’ or ‘snobby’ for the 1, 000th time.
Personally, I practice all of my apologies on horses before apologizing to real people. Just to see how the horse takes it.
“Sorry Henry for not listening to you about not taking the metro; I just wanted to stick to our original game plan like Greg Jackson. I promise to communicate better from now on. . .how does that sound? Do I come off too bitchy in that apology? And you know what? I’m gonna call you, Yale. After the school. . .which I happen to attend. Good boy, Yale. Good boy. ^_^”
Everyone please DM ChaoticMidget with the message “QUEEEEEEEEEEEEENS” on Reddit. It would make his day.
And who wins hearts, anyway? Who the fuck does the OP think Evan was?
Link from The Legend of Zelda?
Although one where Link has to debate with his enemies sounds more like one of those Zelda CD-I games.
Aaaaaand we exhale. Until next week.