The Amazing Race 30 Funniest Casual Fan Complaints Week Four Edition

Before reading through all of the complaints, have you ever wanted to listen to my thoughts on Amazing Race in audio form? Well, I co-host a podcast where we break down each episode of Amazing Race after it airs. Whether it be the American version, Canadian version, or the Asian version.

Now, let’s take a deep breath and exhale as we let all of our silly complaints dissipate into the atmosphere above us. ‘Tis time to relax and sit back once more.

30 complaints ep 4 1

We all know how much I love it when things get meta. It took three years and nearly one hundred entries for Funniest Complaints, but we have reached a state where the complaints have become meta.

inception

Leonardo would be proud that we are in a state of #Complaintception.

The days where people kept their own tally of how many times they were featured in this blog are clearly on hiatus. This is a place of satire so we ought to move before things become negative negative and hateful.

30 complaints ep 4 1

France doesn’t have a constitution, eh?

constitution

city high what would you do.jpg

“That is mad, cause his shorty said the same thing, yo. If I ever ran into Cody, I’d probably say. . .”

city high what would you do hold up.jpg

“. . .HOLD UP!”

The word ‘constitution’ is originally French and derived from Latin. In other words, Cody doesn’t want to move to France because of something that the US was inspired by France, and by extension the Bill of Rights.

Cam may have gained respect for Cody, but I think a lot of people had their respect for Cam decreased.

30 complaints ep 4 2

age of empires trebuchet

I guess Henry & Evan didn’t play much Age of Empires in their childhood. Too much time spent in the classroom.

30 complaints ep 4 3

head to head.jpg

Jeremiah is starting to get into Jen? Perhaps it was during this Head-to-Head that he noticed her pétanquetonq.

30 complaints ep 4 4

That’s a helluva project for the folks who develop Virtual Reality games.

san francisco jordan pious 9

Although you just need George Lucas to recreate a task from the TAR 16 finale.

***

Now let’s skip ahead to the Head-to-Head discussion.

30 complaints ep 4 6

Just the fact that the one detractor used a #hashtag renders their opinion null and void.

30 complaints ep 4 7

Three heartaches?

cedric shawn dab

I think Cedric wishes that is all that happened to his heart!

And why is “His” capitalized? Is Cedric suddenly God or something?

morgan freeman god

Because I am certain Morgan Freeman already has that position occupied.

30 complaints ep 4 8

amazing race canada

Unfortunately those of us north of the border know this will not change no matter how much we beg.

30 complaints ep 4 9

Sick of hearing about Hen?

henry

Try some Zen!

30 complaints ep 4 5

jon montgomery argentina

Like Jon Montgomery would ever leave Canada more than twice per year.

30 complaints ep 4 25

Actually, the casuals weren’t very receptive to April & Sarah as a team and still hated the Head-to-Head when it debuted in TAR US a couple of weeks ago. Therefore your political commentary is unfounded. Your trolling has essentially failed. Nice try, though.

30 complaints ep 4 24

probst dig

“You have to dig my excessive shouting, Susan and Jessica!”

survivor samoa bocce.jpg

What’s funny is that bocce ball is such a weak challenge by Survivor standards that Jeff wasn’t even around to commentate it. Phil Keoghan is the first CBS host to commentate bocce ball.

30 complaints ep 4 20

We go from Cedric being God to saying he crucified himself. The religious references never stop with him.

30 complaints ep 4 23

finland.jpg

The Finnish contingent is on Kristi & Jen’s side? That’s a pretty big fanbase to snag! Watch out Jessica & Cody, the Finnish Contingent is ready to battle your army!

30 complaints ep 4 19

That’s right. There was so many flaws with Cedric in his team.

the mole.jpg

He sabotaged his team as much as he could. No wonder he wanted to do so many Roadblocks!

30 complaints ep 4 22

Bosci ball?

italy flag

It’s like bocce ball but for my mother’s ancestors who make the best pizza and have an unusual amount of chest hair!

30 complaints ep 4 18

29 scott 4

Dissing Queen Brooke is not a good look on you.

30 complaints ep 4 21

Thanks for reminding me that we missed out on this hilarious visual.

prague big easy 25

And Big Easy thought the Znarf Roadblock was tough in Prague! He would find being in stocks to be a real bitch!

30 complaints ep 4 17

Greg brings up yet another issue with the Head-to-Head twist. I will be covering this in a future blog post.

So. Now to the main event of Wednesday’s episode–The Proposal. Lucas proposes to Brittany. Sadly it was not a stereotypical Telenovella scene, but that didn’t matter as the casuals went on the attack.

30 complaints ep 4 15

There are so many things wrong with Sam’s assumption. Let’s just pretend I take him seriously and counter his points.

  1. If you are with someone for nine years, chances are you have stayed with them through various weight fluctuations.
  2. People who are in love couldn’t give less of a damn how much they clock in on a scale. After nine years, their worst traits, habits, or greatest physical ailments “outweighs” how many pounds they are.
  3. Brittany rescues people who are trapped in the ocean. Even if she gains weight, she is still very fit. It’s not like she will be out of shape or winded if she gains a bit of weight.
  4. If Lucas dumps Brittany because of her weight, I think A LOT of friends and family will be tracking him down to kick his ass.

long beach connor jonathan

Even Connor & Jonathan will hit the gym and deliver a major ass whooping. Hey, if it’s 2-vs.-1, at least they stand a chance against Lucas! If it was one-on-one, well, hopefully they block their vocal chords to preserve their singing careers.

30 complaints ep 4 16

Between the five episodes total, I don’t think Lucas & Brittany have even reached fifteen minutes. Considering they have not been featured on television or on any major media outlet prior to TAR, and have no intention of extending their fame after this season airs, I don’t think their goal was to absorb as much airtime as possible.

Producers just wanted to let their beautiful and natural story be told. I think the fact that Lucas wasn’t even doing it with the intention of being an attention whore is WHY editors were letting it overtake a chunk of the fifth episode.

30 complaints ep 4 14

ridonculous race

bitchin race.jpg

Don’t we already have enough TAR parodies?

30 complaints ep 4 10

Tony Romo?

tony roma.jpg

The steakhouse guy? I am not seeing the resemblance.

tony romo

Oh. This guy. I guess a guy who doesn’t have a mustache and is White is much more accurate.

30 complaints ep 4 13

Yeah. A woman waiting nine years for her best friend to propose is SCREAMING with desperation.

You want to see desperation? Come with me to the nightclub on Saturday night when I show off my dance moves and some of the women  who throw themselves at me.

30 complaints ep 4 9

lucas brittany

“I would run for the hills. . .”

miami.jpg

.

“. . .But Miami has no hills!”

Bella believes everyone is nuts for thinking Lucas is the abusive one because CLEARLY Brittany is the abusive one.

Has it ever occurred to anyone that 90% of couples who disagree verbally don’t proceed to have a pro wrestling match when the cameras are absent?

shrek chair

“The chair! Give him the chair!”

The worst most couples get when verbally disagreeing is some tears every now and then, then they make it up to each other either thanks to food, talking, or cuddling together and watching Netflix. I know this from my own experiences too. There is absolutely no evidence that the newly engaged couple physically strikes one another.

pineapple.jpg

Unless it’s part of some erotic adventure, is consensual, has some boundaries, and has a fruity safe word. Then they just have at ‘er.

30 complaints ep 4 12

As somebody who has personally visited France, cheese and wine would be perfect during the pit stop after being newly engaged.

jean robert

“Et how about having zee baguette! Ah haw haw haw!”

30 complaints ep 4 27

I have a feeling Jess being a fan of the same NFL team as Timothy will not change Timothy’s intention of making the joke.

tom brady

Tom Brady can only bring so much unity.

30 complaints ep 4 8

Eh, Mary could be happily married and just takes judging temporary competitive reality TV characters and how they must be in their real lives to an extreme. In fact, knowing everything I do about middle-aged women who watch these types of shows, that is the most likely possibility.

30 complaints ep 4 11

GOOD NEWS FOR AMY: Not only will Brittany be slapped by Lucas, but Brittany will also slap Lucas.

BAD NEWS FOR AMY: It won’t be each other’s faces being slapped like I presume Amy was hoping for. I assume a newly engaged couple have a different spot in mind.

akon eminem

I think it is more appropriate if Akon makes it clear exactly where they’ll be slapped. These casual fans are odd.

30 complaints ep 4 26

Jani makes a good point. The Amazing Race is the most popular program on TV amongst elderly people who identify as Conservatives. It is a demographic they have dominated since the series began.

So Jeff is actually responding to “triggered Conservatives” rather than “triggered libs”. His strategy backfired.

30 complaints ep 4 7

This is why Josh has never been cast for The Amazing Race.

30 complaints ep 4 5

lucas brittany

“Soon to be Mrs. Wuss! I have been waiting over nine years to make the name change!”

30 complaints ep 4 6

. . .I think you have made your point, Bella. Lucas probably appreciates that you are looking out for his long term well-being, though.

30 complaints ep 4 4

roadblock count.jpg

Two, Bella. Two.

30 complaints ep 4 3

Irma is starting to understand the game.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF TAR PROPOSALS

colin christie

Early Show.

hayden aaron intro

TAR 6 Final Four Elimination.

ray yolanda sao paulo 3

Also Early Show.

vietnam garrett jessica 4

Elimination Station.

oman chad stephanie 14

TAR 17 Oman leg.

alain audrey

TAR Canada 2 Normandy leg courtesy of Mentos.

germany sally tyson

TAR Australia 3 on an empty bladder.

matt ashley pit stop

TAR 26.

In other words, it is happening at the same rate as it has been since day one.

30 complaints ep 4 2

nicki minaj

A donk without the badonka. The biggest punishment of all.

donkey kong

If there is any type of Donk that Lucas can hope to be in this scenario, it would be DONKey Kong.

Alright folks. That’s it for this week as we have all finished decompressing. Life isn’t meant to be taken too seriously, and hope you’re all having a fun and happy week. Peace out, y’all.

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