Let’s jump into what feels like my tenth freakin’ post of 2018. Remember when I went backpacking last year and I only had one TAR post in the first four months? Oh, those were the days.
Man, I go through a break-up two weeks ago and it feels like I have been blogging and podcasting about The Amazing Race non-stop over the past fourteen days. Let’s keep up my insane output as this Canadian winter keeps me indoors. Hey, last break-up I went to town on ice cream and M&Ms. Something tells me this temporary habit is healthier so let’s vamos!
WEEK THREE WINNER’S EDIT PROJECTIONS (The following is the order of those who have the best chance of winning based on the edit set forth by production)
1) KRISTI & JEN
“Will you be the fourth all-female team to win?!”
“You’re so fucking tough that you are the only team shown holding back from vomiting out Icelandic alcohol!”
“What? You dropped a few spots in the second round and did unnecessary parkour over a truck? We’re going to minimize that and say you’re the toughest motherfuckers in this cast!”
All-female teams rarely receive a universally well-liked positive portrayal in the American version of TAR, and Kristi & Jen have entered this territory. Usually you have to look to Asia for this.
So they’ll be here for now since it’s early in the season.
2) LUCAS & BRITTANY
If Lucas proposes this episode, their slot drops a few spots. It is just odd to see somebody receive airtime about a proposal before the starting line even happens.
The negative perception of them from the first episode has already been erased. Editors have done a better job of portraying Brittany as a comedic psycho rather than. . .well, a psycho.
I am curious where this all goes for episode three.
3) JOEY & TIM
“We have never been on a team together; can we possibly work together and win in a big upset on #THEMOSTCOMPETITIVESEASONEVER?”
That is their only storyline right now, but if they were the winners, they would be pushing this storyline down the audience’s throats right from the beginning just like how they push hot dogs down theirs.
4) ALEX & CONOR
All Indy 500 references, the main storyline surrounds Conor finding a path off of Alex’s couch. Will he succeed? Or will they fly back home at the end of the race and resume their following routine:
a)Conor stirring from the couch because he heard a noise in the house and checks on his buddy only to find there is a sock on his bedroom door handle
b) Shrugging then going back to the couch to play Xbox with a headset on as long as the sound is low and CONOR KEEPS HIS VOICE DOWN
c) Putting out food for the cat
d) Waking up in the morning and seeing not one but TWO women exiting from Alex’s bedroom wearing his button up shirts and pouring themselves milk and cereal at the breakfast table
e) Conor wondering why the two women aren’t acknowledging him before he sniffs his
own clothes, is repulsed by his own odour, then frowns and resumes playing Xbox again.
The only reason I have Alex & Conor this high in editing analysis is because I can’t help but think “How WOULD you edit Alex & Conor if they win this thing? Those guys don’t have a compelling narrative to offer. They’re no Brooke & Scott. Jesus.”
5) HENRY & EVAN
“We’re not physical but we’re holding our own! We never give up because we have the Eye of the Frita! We’re book smart but we will demonstrate why we have diverse abilities over the next ten episodes!”
Yeah, Henry & Evan’s obvious storyline right now is if they can go beyond the Ernie & Cindy-esque book smarts and being addicted to preparedness. Can they learn to adapt over the next several rounds? Given their significant amount of airtime, we will find out.
These are the top five teams I consider to truly be in the running right now. The bottom three below? Not so much.
6) CEDRIC & SHAWN
“I was in the NBA!”
“So was I!”
“My family watches The Amazing Race!”
“I hate heights.”
“WHAT?! I wasn’t even helping him in the Roadblock! Where does it say that in the rules?”
Ladies and gentlemen, Cedric & Shawn’s edit after two episodes.
7) TREVOR & CHRIS
I had seven of the eight spots filled in my Editing Analysis and my Predictions sections. After ten minutes I gave up and went on Wikipedia to figure out who was missing–it was Trevor & Chris.
If a TARstorian like me has completely blanked out on you during the middle of the season regardless of the fact I love your sense of humour, I have to put you at the bottom for that reason alone.
Trevor & Chris need a breakout moment from a narrative standpoint. Hell, CBS didn’t even properly label their relationship when uploading the biographies up onto the CBS website. If these dudes won, CBS would, you know, say they are friends rather than dating, right?
I think it is safe to say we are all hangry for more Trevor & Chris airtime.
They did get the episode title quote, Trevor’s biceps burned, and they talked about their quick travel which means they have -something- to work with for now, but not much.
In fact, I would put them last if not for the quick travel confessional.
8) ERIC & DANIEL
If they were the winners, they should have had a HUGE edit in the previous episode. They were trailing by three hours and are saved by a last minute twist to take out a team that was patiently waiting. Phil would have made a big deal about it, and there would have been twenty confessionals–including one about Daniel’s newborn son.
Instead we got jokes about autocorrect, ink on their hands, and other teams talking about how far behind Eric & Daniel are.
Consider their invisible edit in episode one and we have no meaningful content for Eric & Daniel. This edit is a horrendous one, and I imagine they will not be making a deep run in this season or come remotely close to winning this thing.
WEEK THREE LEG PREDICTIONS (The following is the order I expect everyone to arrive at the next pit stop)
1) KRISTI & JEN – 2.0 Team Average
I don’t see them being defeated by Cedric & Shawn two weeks in a row. Therefore, they shall be back on top.
2) ALEX & CONOR – 5.0 Team Average
I can’t see them succumbing to the pressure of a third world country. They wear ten layers of clothing in tight cars which means the heat will be nothing.
These dudes are relatively calm but also extremely competitive. Conor is living on his buddy’s couch, for crying out loud. Who wants a million dollars in this cast more than that guy?
3) HENRY & EVAN – 5.5 Team Average
Something tells me that the Yale students will have difficulties with coping in hotter climates. Henry and Evan worked their fritas off to survive elimination last leg, and I think the extreme heat is going to drag down a pair that probably doesn’t spend much time in the sun or in third world countries.
4) CEDRIC & SHAWN – 5.5 Team Average
The preview suggests Cedric is in trouble with an injury. Of course, this means they can’t be eliminated.
With one strong finish in a shortened leg after a weak finish in the premiere due to amateurism, it is tough to gauge where Cedric & Shawn will finish this week.
5) LUCAS & BRITTANY – 6.5 Team Average
The preview suggests Lucas & Brittany are in trouble because their gnome is stolen by some random local. Of course, this means they can’t be eliminated.
I think Lucas & Brittany’s mishaps will be minor for now, and that they just aren’t well-rounded enough to be at the top of the leaderboard.
Perhaps we will see them hover around fifth or sixth for a while.
6) CHRIS & TREVOR – 4.0 Team Average
The team with the eighth best selling classical album will hopefully do better than the eighth best placing team for this leg of the race.
I want to see passion from this team because right now they are not selling me that they will be anywhere near the top of the leaderboard anytime soon. I am getting very Ryan & Rob vibes from TAR Canada 2.
7) JOEY & TIM – 6.5 Team Average
These guys have never been on a team together. One has awful cardio and one is not good with directions or getting to important destinations quickly.
Did you see the behind the scenes clip where they nearly went on the wrong train at Schipol Airport? I have been at that very train station in Schipol and it is quite easy to navigate.
I think the perfect way for them to build on their storyline is if they barely avoid elimination this week.
8) ERIC & DANIEL – 8.5 Team Average
They can’t navigate, they don’t do well at tasks, they are too similar in terms of how they think, and lack a fire that we have yet to see on-screen.
It is tough to picture them surviving another elimination unless Cedric & Shawn forget the rules of the race once more.
Now watch me be wrong. Enjoy tonight’s episode!