With the premiere of TAR 30 just 24 hours away, the complaints from the casuals are as predictable and lame as ever. With two previous TAR contestants chiming in, this should be fun! Let’s dive in!
Wow, I didn’t expect the 5th place contestant from TAR Asia 5 to comment. What I did expect however was for him to make a comment about the team of models in the cast. On the other hand, what I also didn’t expect was for JK to talk about a pair of models having something ‘huge’ and follow it with a noun that had nothing to do with their bodies.
You’re learning, JK!
“I don’t want gimmick casting that’s meant to please the lowest common denominator. . .but I want them to cast a season full of teams that are meant to please the lowest common denominator!”
Although any theme of early boots that results in the Gutsy Grannies being brought back to see if they accidentally die on the race course this time around would be a hilarious experiment.
Hell, let’s throw Mel White in there too to up the odds.
That’s right! You shut your goddamn mouth about these people not being real people, and just acknowledge the fact JOEY CHESTNUT IS AN AMERICAN LEGEND for eating 70 hot dogs in 15 minutes!
Although eating 70 hot dogs in 15 minutes should also make Parvati Shallow an American legend. . .
I HAVE a question. . .how do YOU determine WHICH words are CAPITALIZED for emphasis IN your sentences?
If TAR 24 wasn’t the first season you decided not to watch, then I think you’ll be watching TAR 30.
Can you believe we all were willing to waste twelve weeks of our lives investing in this pile of a shit season? I mean, if I wanted to hear an old man yell about how his life wasn’t unfair while everything was coming up Milhouse for him in the end, I would walk outside for ten minutes and go to my downtown district.
That’s right. The team that we will be rooting for this season is the every day twin firefighting plaid-shirting dudes from the South. Such a common archetype in middle America.
I don’t know if Rachel won BB so much as producers were freaking out saying “oh shit if we don’t have Pandora’s Box when we are down to six then Kalia is going to win. Shit shit shit shit MAKE THEM TEMPORARY DUOS! WE’RE SAVED!”
Could’ve been on TAR 20 then make an old man angry over nothing in TAR 24. Oh, the alternate timelines.
It’s like The Legend of Zelda but replace the ocarina with shitty reality show seasons.
Another season proposed of gimmick casting to replace gimmick casting and a guy complaining about the token gay couple. You don’t like token gay couples, Joseph?
But what about a tokin’ token gay couple? A team that is down with that REAL sticky icky–WOOOO WEEEE!
Why is everything about Cody and Jessica?
How is every single thread turning into essays about Cody & Jessica? This thread put out by CBS had nothing to do with them! At this rate The Simpsons will have a couch gag in season 31 about Jessica & Cody. My god.
I think Allan Wu’s cameo in TAR 16 is the closest we’ll ever get.
And why are Chris & Alex referred to as Diaper City?
Is it because everybody pooped themselves when they passed Tara & Wil during the run to the finish line?
And if Cowboys are the “mine champion” of casual fans. . .then we’re in a lot of trouble for season 31.
This is still the thread about the winners but somehow it gets turned into a thread about politics and Jessica & Cody. . .or maybe one of the goat yoga instructors is a secret gold digging hooker and one of the NBA players is a deadbeat dad. In fact, that’s the secret twist!
They are ALL gold-digging hookers and deadbeat dads! All twenty-two of them! Maybe even Phil and/or Bertram! I CRACKED THE CODE! I CRACKED THE CODE!
Guys. . .they were just posting about the twenty-nine teams that have won The Amazing Race. I don’t think CBS would post a list of future winners. Especially if TAR 31 may not even happen at this point. . .nor has it even been filmed.
HOW IS A LIST OF CBS’ RIDICULOUS TOP 25 FAIRLY FORGETTABLE TEAMS TURN INTO YET ANOTHER DISCUSSION ABOUT CODY & JESSICA?! Jesus Christ.
Maybe they just wanted to please two of the guests at the official starting line who will be podcasting about them? Gotta please #TheGreenTeam
How is a team that saves lives daily have anything to do with animal abuse?
Except for that time when a shark caught onto somebody’s arm at the beach and wouldn’t let go, and Brittany had to beat the shit out of the shark with a stick until it let go. She suppresses that memory well.
Who knew that young girl Brittany saved would go on to be a future Amazing Race contestant.
Actually, Big Brother 19 was the most-watched primetime television show in Iceland for 2017. They couldn’t be happier about Paul’s downfall. It was the talk throughout all of Reykjavik.
Even the Icelandic Shopping Lady from TAR 6 couldn’t help but be glued to her TV!
I wonder how much people would be pissed off if they had TAR 31: CEO Wall Street Billionaires Edition for next season.
“They’re regular people! Just. . .just rich as fuck.”
Welcome to Generation Y, Alecia
“You can be anything you want! Just never give up on your dreams, man!”
Now let’s move on to what everyone thinks of the Ivy League educated team Henry & Evan (a.k.a. Not Jessica & Cody).
Perhaps the most intelligent thing of all is to not have six figures of student loan debt. Henry & Evan would have a tough time debating against that. They are already losing against the casual fans which is not the best start.
All we can hope is that they are far less douchey than celebrity ring girl Arianny Celeste. Like, a lot less douchey. In fact, I bet Arianny was the initial pick for TAR 30 but was so douchey that Dessie & Kayla were chosen as the back-up plan for production’s back-up plan to back-up their back-up plan.
But Sheri, there’s nothing regular about two guys who are around seven feet tall!
They’re taller than five Mark & Michaels stacked on top of each other!
At least they are nicknamed #TeamWellStrung instead of #TeamWellHung for CloudNimbus’ sake.
Well that was a delayed criticism of an irrelevant use of a U-Turn that took place three seasons ago.
Ah, somebody is exploiting Jessica & Cody’s casual fan attention for their own social media usage. How original.
The Doctors? Could you be more specific?
Were you talking about Cindy & Rick, right?
Yes, CBS is notorious for rigging their seasons of The Amazing Race in favour of minorities against White people. How about we discredit anything a pair of minorities do on The Amazing Race, eh? -_-
I am moving on. . .
His bitch? This isn’t The Amazing Race: Prison Edition, Wldrose.
For those of you not aware, this is Dessie & Kayla’s catchphrase in the preseason interviews of The Amazing Race.
“Anything you can do, we can do together.”
Yeah, about that. . .
Now let’s cut to a random discussion about somebody watching old school Amazing Race and about LGBT representation in one of the more hardcore Amazing Race groups. It’s true. The US version rarely ever ever casts all-female couples in contrast to other TAR franchises. Let’s see how this civilized discussion plays out.
Seriously? We went the Ron Burgundy route in a civilized discussion? Very well, Thomas.
No matter where I look, the TAR community is giving me reasons to drink.