The Amazing Race 19 Episode 2 Rankings

There is something about a special lady friend being forced to go home after a two week visit that makes me pump out two episode blogs in the span of a week. I guess it’s as important as ever that I find a way to have fun and entertain all of you!

SECOND ROUND

EPISODE BLOG #287

“Andy Denhart’s Farewell Party of Rage”

This is known as the episode that pissed off Andy Denhart so much that he quit watching TAR until season 29. And I’ve got a feeling his return earlier this year was a one-off.

https://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/2011/09/the-amazing-race-19-overcompensation/

https://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/2011/10/the-amazing-race-19-done/

https://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/2011/10/the-amazing-race-19-ethan-jenna-interviews/

And you thought I was upset after TAR 14.

COUNTRIES VISITED

CHINESE TAIPEI – INDONESIA – THAILAND – MALAWI – DENMARK – GERMANY – BELGIUM – NETHERLANDS – PANAMA – UNITED STATES

Previously on TAR: Eleven teams began a race around the world. At the airport, teams recognized former Survivor winners Ethan & Jenna.

SANDY: They both won a million dollars.

Once in Taipei, siblings Justin & Jennifer clashed. At the Roadblock, Cindy pulled away from the pack earning her and Ernie a first place finish and a “valuable” prize. After spending the day lost in Taipei, Bill & Cathi came in last but were spared elimination and then got another surprise.

Eleven teams remain; which two teams will be eliminated tonight?

NUMBER OF TIMES MENTIONED IN THE ‘PREVIOUSLY ON’ SEGMENT

JUSTIN & JENNIFER 1

ERNIE & CINDY 1

BILL & CATHI 1

EVERYONE ELSE 0

Intro time.

Phil introduces us to Taiwan—a place that has a rich history dating back thousands of years.

yogyakarta scenery

And has funny little temples like this.

yogyakarta dragon

And has a statue of a man with a dragon penis.

In the heart of its capital, Taipei, there is a place called Martyrs’ Shine. This impressive memorial was built to honour the more than 300, 000 soldiers who have died for their country.

yogyakarta phil keoghan

And of course is the second pit start in a race around the world.

Ernie & Cindy, who arrived first at an unspecified time, will depart first at 9:28pm.

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen

I am going to take a wild guess and assume the pit start was later on in the same day to meet the twenty day schedule rather than it being a 30 hour pit stop.

yogyakarta clue

For some reason, their first clue contains a map of the country. Endgame memory challenge, perhaps?

It is TAR US’ first visit to Indonesia after TAR Asia visited the nation first multiple times and the recent TAR Australia 1 also had a leg in Bali.

This will essentially become the India replacement as TAR US will come here for this season, TAR 21, 22, and 23 for a total of nine legs.

This first leg will require teams to fly to Jakarta then take a train to Yogyakarta (pronounced Joe Jer Carter).

joe jer blow

joe carter.jpg

Named of course after winner Joe Jer from TAR Asia 1 and Toronto Blue Jays Hall of Famer Joe Carter.

Several years later it will be known as the city where JK & Mike call Treasuri a “fat bitch” before being narrowly defeated by Yvonne & Chloe because they ran down the wrong alley in a very close foot race finish.

The flight shall span more than 2, 100 miles and Phil’s voiceover sounds really weird.

Cindy reads aloud the Double Elimination Leg announcement.

CINDY: Oh no! The last two teams to check in will be eliminated. . .We’re pretty nervous about the double elimination. Not because I think we’ll get eliminated but because there will be so many twists to this game and you can only imagine what’s next.

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen 1

Actually Cindy, there is only one twist left in this season and it happens in this leg. So yeah, this will be the only leg with a twist all season. Way to be needlessly nervous, Cind!

Jeremy & Sandy depart in second at 9:36pm.

JEREMY: You’re headed to. . .

JEREMY & SANDY: Indonesia.

JEREMY: This leg will be a Double Elimination Leg.

SANDY: AAAAAHHHHH!

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline

SA NDY: Let’s roll. Airport.

(They get into a taxi.

SANDY: Big surprise there is a Demo–Double Elimination. Very scary. We have to beat two teams instead of just one.

Justin & Jennifer commence in third at 9:39pm. They borrow a smartphone from a taxi driver as Justin makes airplane noises to indicate he wants to go the airport.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young

The smartphone era is officially here.

Justin says that sibling rivalry is a real thing. When Jennifer gets angry, he says he’ll get angry back.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 1

“O rly?”

Justin tries to take over smartphone duties.

JUSTIN: You want me to do it?

JENNIFER: Nope.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 2

“Bitch won’t let me play Bubble Bobble on her phone.”

Ethan & Jenna, the hidden Survivor winners, depart in fourth at 10:07pm.

ETHAN: I was actually okay with fourth place. If we came in first there might have been a bigger target on our back if everyone is like “oh, they’re the Survivor guys and they came in first”. This is kind of cool they make mistakes and are just like everyone else.

yogyakarta ethan jenna

“And our goal on this leg is to finish in tenth to ensure the target is off of our backs completely. . .oh, tenth gets you eliminated this leg? Fuck.”

yogyakarta ethan jenna 1

Ethan taking it all in.

Amani & Marcus start in fifth at 10:15pm.

MARCUS: Indo-nesia. In-do-nesia.

For some reason, Marcus repeatedly breaks this word into two. I think I know the joke he is trying to make (because it’s the same joke I love to make) but producers aren’t letting him do it on-air.

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard

“Indo-nesia. I’d trade in ten Express Passes for some of that Indo-nesia.”

Laurence & Zac start in sixth at 10:22pm.

LAURENCE: You’re headed to. . .Yokayakavaka!

yogyakarta zac laurence sunderland

You’re not even trying to read the clue, Laurence.

Zac talks about the twist for the camera.

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ZAC: . . .Yeah.

And Zac’s confessional is stopped there.

Andy & Tommy start in seventh at 10:23pm.

ANDY: Indo!

TOMMY: Dude, Indo!

yogyakarta andy tommy

They’ll have a great time with Marcus.

TOMMY: Go catch some waves, dude.

yogyakarta andy tommy 1

Well, I officially cringed.

Ernie & Cindy book a China Air for 8:45am. No flights until morning.

CINDY: So a night at the airport.

ERNIE: Yepppppp.

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen 2

“And Andy & Tommy are gonna dude us big time.”

Ron & Bill are eighth to depart at 10:48pm.

yogyakarta ron bill

“Bill, your top button isn’t done up properly! Your grey hairs are poking out!”

BILL: We’re not on a mission to change the way people think about gay couples. We have a thirteen year relationship built on trust and honesty. We’re truly in love with each other and truly best friends.

yogyakarta ron bill 1

A personal confessional from a team that was low key in the premiere? Well, they’re going home!

Kaylani & Lisa depart in ninth place at 11:09pm. That’s usually when they wake up in Vegas I presume, so this is ideal conditions for them.

yogyakarta kaylani lisa

jon jones

Illegal eye poke! Lisa is the Jon Jones of this team!

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 1

Aren’t you glad you found your passport, Kaylani?

yogyakarta man

The taxi driver laughs at Kaylani’s pain.

Liz & Marie depart in 10th at 11:31pm.

LIZ: I don’t know what’s going to happen.

MARIE: Yeah, I’m just being negative. We’ll figure it out.

LIZ: You can’t be negative. We just started our day.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan

What do you mean you don’t know what’s gonna happen? Two teams are being eliminated. I think that was fairly clear.

Ethan & Jenna are at the airport as Jeremy & Sandy warn Justin & Jennifer about Ethan & Jenna approaching the counter.

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 1

JEREMY: Here they come.

JENNIFER: Are they coming now?

JEREMY: Yeah.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 3

It’s behind you!

ETHAN: Hi guys!

JENNA: Hey guys!

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 2

“What do we do? Hold up garlic or something?”

SANDY: Ethan & Jenna are gonna be tough. They both look strong. They already won Survivor which is crazy. So they have a pretty good chance

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 3

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 4

“We’re so enthused to see you!”

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 5

“We’re more into Big Brother.”

Justin thinks Ethan & Jenna are top contenders because of their experience.

ERNIE: Jenna has that Medusa eye thing where you can’t really trust her.

yogyakarta ernie halvorsen

Ernie has turned to stone!

yogyakarta ethan jenna 2

“Jenna honey, what did you do to Ernie? . . .Honey?”

Sandy talks to Cindy.

SANDY: Do you think that someone went home last night, or no?

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 6

Although finishing in ninth and being safe sounds better than being required to finish eighth this round.

Everyone wonders if Bill & Cathi were eliminated because of the Double Elimination twist.

CATHI: Excellent job with the ripping.

yogyakarta bill cathi

If only that was the Speed Bump.

yogyakarta bill cathi 1

3:57am?! Wow, they finished nearly five hours behind Liz & Marie, and over six hours behind Ernie & Cindy. It is incredible they lost the first leg of the race by that much. Teams have finished the first leg in last place by that amount of time only in the event that they had to take a penalty.

santiago dana adrian davis 3

Like Dana & Adrian’s four hour penalty at the Roadblock would probably still put them within six hours of Jeff & Jordan after serving their penalty.

Cathi was surprised by the second opening round NEL in TAR US history.

BILL: We have to work hugely hard.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden

I thought you guys are teachers?

CATHI: The kids won’t be so excited to see us because they think we are toast but we are not toast yet.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 1

“We’re still in the bag with the rest of the loaf.”

Bill & Cathi are spotted in the airport by Justin.

JENNIFER: Yay. I’m gonna cry.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 4

Jennifer didn’t want them toast. Hell, there was no way she could spread butter on them and devour them either.

yogyakarta kaylani paliotta

“Yay!”

yogyakarta applause

Bill & Cathi receive a round of applause for being saved by an experimental twist from production!

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 2

Bill pretends to hobble around like an old man.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 3

Jenna already wants to guarantee Bill & Cathi’s elimination this round.

Morning is here and everyone is on the same flight to Jakarta.

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen 3

“Goochy-goochy-goo.”

yogyakarta airplane

yogyakarta airplane 1

Everyone is on the same red line to Jakarta and take the same overnight train to Joe Jer Carter.

yogyakarta performer

That statue looks like a performer in a Broadway musical.

The plane lands in Jakarta.

SANDY: Good job, babe.

Everyone is running in the airport.

yogyakarta marcus pollard

MARCUS: I feel like OJ!

MARCUS’ UNNECESSARY FOOTBALL ANALOGIES COUNT: 2

Liz & Marie and Jeremy & Sandy wait for the train.

LIZ (OR MARIE?): At least it’s right here.

JEREMY: Yeah. At least.

yogyakarta train

Red and yellow train? It must be theirs!

yogyakarta line

Everyone is in line.

BILL: It’s like a school of fish.

yogyakarta line 1

I think Bill could ‘school’ any of us on how to correctly refer to groups of various animals. . .and how the hell did they outrun Justin & Jennifer?

Everyone gets tickets for the same train that arrives at 5:30am.

SANDY: I think we’re all going together.

AMANI: Yeah.

Justin asks Jennifer if she wants to bug a local to arrange for transportation once they get into Joe Jer Carter.

JENNIFER: Sure!

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 5

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 6

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 7

Was that sarcasm, Jenn?

JENNIFER: Justin and I fought a lot when we were kids. Like, a lot. There were fist fights.

JENNIFER: Do you want to make this phone call or do you want to make this train?

JUSTIN: I want us to be a better team than we are right now. . .you’re hostile.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 8

(JENNIFER is muttering throughout all of this.)

JUSTIN: Like, I just asked you a question like with this attitude. . .I am your brother I am not like some other team. We’re on the same team.

JENNIFER: You need to calm down with all of the yelling. You are driving me absolutely insane right now.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 9

Most argumentative siblings ever.

Jennifer refers to Justin as being by the book while she is a hothead.

JUSTIN: Give me something. Give me what you want me to give you.

JENNIFER: This is it.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 10

Jennifer gives Justin the temporary shunning experience.

JENNIFER: We need to stop cause this is what you’re gonna get right about now.

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen 4

yogyakarta ron bill 2

Other teams listen awkwardly.

JUSTIN: You treat me like shit every day. What do you want to do? This is your moment to get it out.

JENNIFER: I want to get on this train. That’s what I want to do.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 11

Did we mention this is an overnight train?

I should note this was tough to transcribe because Justin & Jennifer talked over each other during the entire fight. None of these statements were uninterrupted.

Commercial break. We resume. More fighting.

JUSTIN: Every time I say something, I get–

JENNIFER: No, every time -I- say something you give me the noope neh neht.

yogyakarta jennifer young

Jennifer proceeds to do all three motions.

yogyakarta jennifer young 1

The noope.

yogyakarta jennifer young 2

The neh.

yogyakarta jennifer young 3

The neht.

JUSTIN: This is an incredible opportunity. Not only is this an amazing trip, but this is for a million dollars. If we can’t get beyond this then all of that comes to an end.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 12

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 13

Jennifer appears to be over this ‘incredible opportunity’.

Everyone gets on the train. Cathi even makes the chugging motion with her mouth when it approaches.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 3

Hilarious.

MARCUS: Chattanooga Choo-Choo ain’t got nothin’ on this bad boy!

Only time I have heard that referenced is in ‘Humble Mumble’ by OutKast.

yogyakarta train 1

“All aboard the Stankonesia Express!”

There is an unaired route marker where teams had to go to a hotel in Joe Jer Carter and grab a key. The key would refer to one of two departure times from the hotel in the morning that is twenty minutes apart.

However, what we are led to believe on screen instead is that the next clue requires teams to take a cab to Goa Jomblang where they will receive their next clue.

yogyakarta cave

And yes, this is the EXACT location that featured the infamous “Treasuri, you fat bitch!” scene with JK from TAR Asia 5.

yogyakarta clue 1

No clue boxes yet. Just and red and yellow flowers to be found.

yogyakarta jogjakarta

Why doesn’t the English translation use the letter ‘J’ like the Indonesians do for the local translation into English? Jesus. Or should I say, Yesus?

Everyone is hailing taxis.

MARCUS: You know EXACTLY where that is?

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard 1

Marcus is intense.

Bill & Cathi’s taxi is in first place somehow.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 4

“See this, children?”

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 5

“We’re in first.”

Amani & Marcus decide to ‘push’ their taxi. . .from the inside.

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I don’t know how pretending to row a boat with your ass inside of a taxi helps, but okay.

It works, though. Amani & Marcus pass teams.

MARCUS: That’s how you drive. That’s how you drive!

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 2

“Are they ass rowing?”

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard 6

Whatever gets you those extra ten yards.

It is now 7:30am.

Bill discusses the Speed Bump.

BILL: We’re anxious to find out where it is and what it is.

They aren’t that anxious, are they?

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 6

Well, Cathi is.

Everyone comments on the crazy roads. Liz & Marie are very nervous about the lack of speed limits.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 1

The Twins hang on for dear life.

yogyakarta motorcycles

Just imagine every vehicle on this road going sixty miles per hour.

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Jennifer will never criticize her brother’s driving ever again.

ERNIE: He drives like a bat out of hell.

yogyakarta man 1

“What? No. I am severely depressed and am on a suicide mission!”

BILL: Oh Lord! The blood pressure is up! You’re so intense right now.

RON: I’m just watching–

BILL: Yeah. That’s okay.

yogyakarta ron bill 3

I think they have both sweat through another shirt.

Bill & Cathi are still in first and compliment their cab driver.

yogyakarta driver

He did it all while holding his smartphone. I assume there are no fines for it in Joe Jer Carter!

Bill & Cathi are first to grab a clue.

BILL: YABBA-DABBA-DOOOO!

yogyakarta bill alden

fred flintstone.jpg

Our weekly reminder of how old Bill & Cathi are on The Amazing Race.

Phil tells us that Indonesia has hundreds of intricate cave systems.

yogyakarta flashlight

Who forgot the flashlight?

yogyakarta cave 1

How do trees grow down here?

PHIL: Here is where teams will go spelunking.

flonkerton

I thought they call it Flonkerton?

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I think Phil just spelunked himself.

yogyakarta gong

*rimshot*

Descending 160 feet into this dark cave, they must search for a Javanese mask and an indigenous dagger called a kris.

yogyakarta spelunk

Spelunk it up!

yogyakarta teeth

Future rock n’ roll lead vocalist.

yogyakarta kris

miami amanda kris

In TAR 14 and 18, the kris was not visible to the naked eye.

Once they’ve collected the artifacts, they must scale this towering bamboo ladder and deliver them to a patani to receive their next clue.

yogyakarta mask

Classic case of Mask Ass.

yogyakarta bamboo

Charla & Mirna could pretend to be ninjas on this thing.

yogyakarta man 2

Show yourself at once, Patani!

yogyakarta man 3

He is. . .terrifying.

Bill sees their Speed Bump board.

BILL (calling out): Cathi. . .come here! This is us, honey! We’ll see what it says.

yogyakarta bill alden 1

It’s like they got their first bill for hi-speed Internet in the mail.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 7

That’s going on Instagram.

yogyakarta phil keoghan 2

“I stole Jeff Probst’s shirt!”

So what’s our Speed Bump?

PHIL: This Speed Bump requires them to untie this knotted rope. Once they’ve worked out enough kinks to reach this carabiner, they can continue with the race and make up for the time they’ve lost.

yogyakarta phil keoghan 3

The knot was much bigger when it was a regular task in TAR 13’s New Zealand leg.

yogyakarta knots

I can’t believe this is the best fucking idea they came up with.

yogyakarta knots 1

It’s like a quarter of a Survivor challenge.

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And the rope is two feet away from the clue.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 8

It’s Saturday night and I am watching a sixty year old couple get kinky on The Amazing Race.

BILL: Christmas Vacation right here! This is Christmas Tree Lights gone crazy!

The other cabs drive on the really rocky road.

yogyakarta road

Marcus adds in some fun commentary. I like how any problems with basic infrastructure makes every American think of Detroit.

yogyakarta rope

Oh, and Bill & Cathi are nearly done their Speed Bump before any of the teams have arrived.

Ernie is shocked to see Bill & Cathi ahead of them.

yogyakarta spelunk 1

Cindy volunteers to spelunk.

Liz & Marie are third to the clue box and read the hint.

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LIZ & MARIE: I TOLD YOU!!!

They knew it was going to be spelunking?

Marcus is hurting inside of the small taxi.

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MARCUS: Oh lordy. I know how you feel, Big Easy.

Marcus gives another big athlete a shoutout.

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Meanwhile, Bill mercy kills the lamest Speed Bump in TAR history.

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The Speed Bump is only a few feet away from the equipment for spelunking. I would assume Bill & Cathi lost no more than six or seven minutes at this task.

Amani & Marcus are fourth to the clue.

AMANI: Who is ready to. . .splahknock?

Marcus decides to do it even though he has no idea what it is.

splatoon.jpg

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard 8

“Hopefully it has something to do with Splatoon. I love that shit. There’s a lot you can do with a Roller. And you thought I was competitive in the NFL!”

Cindy loves rappelling and any type of outdoor activities.

CINDY: We’re like in a Jurassic Park jungle!

yogyakarta cindy halvorsen

All that’s missing is the guy who looks like Colonel Sanders.

Cindy comments that one of the twins is coming down (probably because she doesn’t know which one).

MARIE: I’m going to pee my pants!

I hear you go in the suit just like the astronauts.

Yes, Marie is indeed doing it.

yogyakarta marie canavan

And production feels our pain by giving us confirmation.

Marcus tells us he is a deer hunter.

MARCUS: I’m a deer hunter so I’m always up in trees. This is no fear for MP.

Member of Parliament? That’s what we call a MP in Canada.

yogyakarta marcus pollard 1

Oh my god, he is referring to himself in the abbreviated third person! MP is Marcus Pollard! He is such an athlete!

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Do you see Cindy being like “CC gonna take y’all out in this Confucius Roadblock! Seven years of Chinese school has got me all prepped for this!”

Of course not. People would think she’s an asshole.

But Marcus? Marcus gets away with it. And he’ll get away with it every time.

yogyakarta liz canavan

LC watches her favourite MC try to kill this Roadblock.

Marcus hits an expected obstacle.

MARCUS: Get away from me tree. You bothering me.

yogyakarta marcus pollard 2

“Why don’t you make like a tree and leave?

Jeremy & Sandy are fifth to the clue.

SANDY: Who is ready to spelunk? You are.

Andy & Tommy are sixth to the clue. Tommy is gonna spelunk.

Justin & Jennifer are seventh. Justin will do it.

Ethan spots the clue. Jenna makes Ethan spelunk.

Kaylani & Lisa are ninth. Kaylani will do it.

Laurence & Zac try to decipher spelunking. Zac assumes it has to do with the cave. Laurence tells Zac to do it.

Ron & Bill reach the Roadblock in last. Ron tells Bill to do it.

Cindy, Marie, and Bill are in the cave. It is dark and really muddy.

MARIE: I can literally only see what’s in front of me.

yogyakarta cindy marie

That’s what happens when you are literally spelunking.

The gong is hit which triggers Cindy and Marie to scream and Bill to do the most stereotypical old man yell I have heard in my life.

yogyakarta man 4

How long has this guy been down there, you think?

Cindy narrates for us what Phil has already said about this Roadblock. They collect the mask and kris.

yogyakarta spelunk 2

They hope it’s not a bat sitting on a stick.

Jeremy is in the middle of his descent.

JEREMY: Ohohohohoho my god! Holy smokes! Wow!

yogyakarta jeremy cline

And that’s it for Jeremy for the rest of this episode.

Ethan says he feels like a monkey flying from tree to tree.

yogyakarta ethan zohn

Just a Survivor monkey thrown back into the jungle.

Editors make Cindy continue her role of pointlessly narrating the task.

A bunch of teams enter the cave.

JEREMY: This is spectacular. Its own cave.

yogyakarta jeremy cline 1

Sorry, this is it for Jeremy’s speaking lines for the remainder of this task.

ETHAN: It’s like Indiana Jones and The Temple of Jakarta.

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Ethan now just needs a boulder to roll and wipe out one of the teams ahead of him.

yogyakarta bill smith

Cliff from Veronica Mars is enjoying his current last place position.

Cindy, Marie, and Bill all start climbing the wall at the same time.

yogyakarta wall

american gladiators sabre

laser sabre

All we need is for them to have a thirty second headstart before production sends up Sabre, Turbo, Laser, and Pyro to chase after them and take ’em down.

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The rungs become so far apart that Cindy’s short legs need extra help from her upper body to keep climbing.

Marie jokes about having longer limbs than Cindy and was able to destroy her on the wall.

yogyakarta wall 1

Meanwhile Marie and Cindy are both being whooped by somebody who is three times their age.

JEREMY: Oh my gosh. Oh yeah.

Jeremy grabs a mask on a stick in the cave.

yogyakarta jeremy cline 2

Hopefully it is too dark for him to notice that it is someone’s decapitated head.

Tommy, Justin, and Ethan all marvel how awesome the task is.

Bill is first to complete the Roadblock. Everyone applauds Bill when they see him.

CATHI: Sixty-three and still running!

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Although I don’t think Bill wants to run too much more for the rest of the day.

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Bill bows before the patani.

He opens the clue. It’s an Insta-Detour. Shake Your Money Maker or Be a Ticket Taker.

In Shake Your Money Maker, teams must go to a congested intersection and earn tips. One must learn a traditional dance while the other accompanies them on a gamelan. Once they earn 30, 000 Rupiah (US $3.40) they will receive their next clue.

In Be a Ticket Taker, teams make their way to a popular mall and work as a motorbike parking attendant. Once they’ve parked enough motorbikes to earn 15, 000 Rupiah (US $1.70), they must hand over their ticket book to complete the task.

Both Detours require teams to travel to this orphanage which is home to scores of children orphaned by the devastating 2010 eruption of Mount Merapi. There they must donate their Detour earnings to receive their next clue. But that’s not all! In addition, teams must notice this sign which instructs teams to hand over ALL of their money in their possession.

yogyakarta dance

Not the type of dance Kaylani & Lisa are expecting after a lifetime in Vegas.

yogyakarta gamelan

Gamelan is Javanese for “nipple drum”.

yogyakarta motorcycle

I didn’t know they had Hell’s Angels in Joe Jer Carter.

yogyakarta mall

I was not expecting a mall to be sponsoured by a cigarette company.

yogyakarta motorcycle 1

I was not expecting to see a poster for the movie Cars in this leg of the race.

yogyakarta orphanage

Since this isn’t TAR 27, no U-Turn is in sight.

yogyakarta orphanage 1

“Save us, Tara Basro!”

There have been so many visits to orphanages in TAR that we are not far off from a Rank the Orphanages ranking.

TAR Australia 1, TAR Asia 3, TAR Asia 5, TAR 7, TAR 19, and TAR 27 are quick ones that come off the top of my head.

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.

1) TAR 7

Brian & Greg tell kids to not do drugs, Uchenna & Joyce have their emotional scene about adopting, and that one kid gets kicked in the head with a soccer ball.

2) TAR 27

Because they had a U-Turn. . .at an orphanage.

3) TAR Asia 5

Every team had a super emotional scene there.

4) TAR Australia 1

Alana & Mel delaying to help an orphanage because they wanted to tinkle. Also, those kids tried to follow the teams EVERYWHERE.

5) TAR Asia 3

Sam & Vince were really confused about shoes.

6) TAR 19

This stupid stupid stupid sign that is about to come into play.

There you go. I just ranked the orphanages on The Amazing Race.

yogyakarta mount merapi

Why do all of the devastating eruptions happen in Indonesia?

yogyakarta gift

Their Detour earnings alone will grant them this amulet. . .they just won’t get to know about the looming penalty.

yogyakarta sign

If they miss this sign, the amulet should come with a middle finger that Phil will reveal at the pit stop.

yogyakarta sign 1

Sadly teams will not get to see the red underline.

Bill & Cathi decide to ticket take. Liz & Marie opt to entertain which happens to be neither option.

Bill & Cathi want to drive away in their cab.

yogyakarta car

What’s the hold up?

yogyakarta cars

Oh. That’s a problem.

BILL: Hey hey hey! Cha cha cha!

oswald danny

Hellooooooo.

yogyakarta bill alden 7

BILL: Bah-bah-bah!

perth sam schoers 15

You have my Bubba?

Liz & Marie jump into first place.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 3

“We literally jumped into first place!”

Marcus finishes the Roadblock in fourth.

MARCUS: Lord have Mercy! Ohhhhhh Lordy!

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard 9

“MP’s dogs are barking after spelunking!”

Jeremy climbs the ladder alone.

JEREMY: Holy smokes!

Justin, Tommy, and Ethan are all climbing separately.

Zac has a mask. He says everyone is ahead of him but that is not true as Kaylani enters behind him. He tells her where the mask is.

yogyakarta kaylani paliotta 1

This would probably be one of the worst places in the world for Kaylani to lose her passport.

KAYLANI: It’s anybody’s game right now.

Well, not until the orphanage mindfuck task but whatever.

Kaylani lifts up the mask while sticking her chest out as much as humanly possible.

yogyakarta kaylani paliotta 2

Some people lift with their back, some people lift with their knees, but Kaylani lifts with her chest.

Jenna Morasca was on Survivor: Amazon, but it really should have been Kaylani. Hear Kaylani roar!

Bill is in dead last and says Ron is a great motivator for him.

yogyakarta split

The last three teams at the Roadblock are increasingly nervous.

Liz & Marie are approaching downtown Joe Jer Carter.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 4

“Are we literally there yet?”

yogyakarta man 5

“Yes, literally here.”

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 5

That pole is NOT part of the local dance.

Liz & Marie freak out as they cross the street and put on their costumes. Liz is going to dance while Marie drums.

LIZ: Shake your money maker!

moneymaker.jpg

ludacris pharrell

“Shake ya moneymaker like somebody about to pay ya”

Which is true because Liz needs to be paid 30, 000 Rupiah for shaking her money maker.

ludacris pharrell 1.jpg

“It take ya mama just nine months to make both of ya. . .so may as well shake what’cha mama gave ya.”

That’s true. Liz & Marie’s mother was very efficient. She cut down eighteen months into nine months by pumping out Liz and Marie simultaneously.

yogyakarta motorcycle 2

Hopefully there is a motorcycle gang in there who will be willing to throw their extra dough at Liz.

yogyakarta marie canavan 1

Marie plays the nipple dreams like a natural.

yogyakarta liz canavan 1

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Liz briefly shakes her hips.

When people said they wanted to watch two young blonde-haired blue-eyed twins dance, this is not what they had in mind.

LIZ: I saw you laughing.

yogyakarta liz canavan 3

Maybe it was that. . .good?

yogyakarta liz canavan 4

“The light is green! Get out of the way, Liz!”

They only made 6,000 Rupiah at the first light.

Bill & Cathi are terrified of the streets on the way to the mall.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 9

The real Speed Bump for Cathi is going over a Speed Bump at sixty miles per hour.

Bill & Cathi are at the mall.

CATHI: We’re ready!

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 10

“And if you pay me extra, I’ll bake you a pie!”

Cathi sounds so much like Kitty Foreman.

kitty foreman.jpg

Although Kitty prefers being a nurse over a motorbike parking attendant.

Ernie & Cindy also are at the mall to park bikes.

yogyakarta bill alden 8

yogyakarta cathi alden

It’s like Indonesia’s version of Wal-Mart greeters.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 11

Bill does his best impression of a NFL referee. Marcus’ field goal attempt is good!

BILL: Park your bike here! No. . .not down there.

yogyakarta bill alden 9

Somebody chose to park their bike in the abyss rather than have Bill do it. That must be tough for Bill’s ego to swallow.

Jeremy finishes the Roadblock.

SANDY: Shake Your Money Maker or Be a Ticket Taker. I’d rather dance cause I can’t ride.

JEREMY: OK.

Justin is done in sixth. They are going to park bikes.

Tommy is done in seventh. They decide to ticket take.

SANDY: We cannot make a mistake at all. If we make a mistake right now it’s fatal.

Ethan is done in eighth. They are going to dance.

ETHAN: There’s only one team behind us.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 4

Ethan can’t do math.

Zac is done in ninth and wants to park motorcycles.

Kaylani is finished in tenth. In the shocker of all shockers, they opt to dance.

Bill completes the task in last. He has an exchange with the patani.

RON: Babe, we’ve got to make up some time. We’re in last.

yogyakarta bill smith 1

But he really wants to shake his hand, Ron! Gotta keep it classy around the world.

Ron & Bill are gonna dance.

yogyakarta ron bill 4

Of course not. Editors have portrayed you guys as vital characters to this season.

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I think Will Smith has some super secret dance moves up his sleeve.

will smith 1.jpg

Super smooth moves.

Commercial break. We resume.

Ron assures Bill that they are not going to go home on the second leg.

Marie tells Liz to swing her hips more.

yogyakarta liz canavan 5

So intricate. So mesmorizing.

LIZ: It’s just this one move.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 6

walk like an egyptian

It’s like half of an Egyptian.

yogyakarta liz canavan 6

That one move is killing her.

Jeremy & Sandy are about to arrive at Shake Your Money Maker.

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 7

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Sandy is like a cat who woke up from a cold shower.

Ernie says he and Cindy are doing the task faster because they are at the start of the street where the motorcycles turn while Bill & Cathi are hanging more towards the middle of the mall.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 12

usain bolt.jpg

Bill pretends to be Usain Bolt.

yogyakarta helmet

No helmet for the little guy? That’s just reckless!

Andy & Tommy are sixth to the Detour.

yogyakarta sandwich

It’s a Ma and Pa Sandwich for Andy!

Justin & Jennifer are seventh to the bikes.

yogyakarta scooter

I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to find one here, Andy.

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Andy & Tommy are getting really involved with the bikes.

Ernie & Cindy finish the Detour. Cindy asks for a high five.

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Ernie decides to punch Cindy’s palm as much as possible.

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Ernie’s face decides to go all Popeye on her.

Jeremy & Sandy prepare to perform.

JEREMY: You ready? Let’s go.

Liz notes Jeremy & Sandy and Amani & Marcus dancing.

LIZ: They’re gonna work their corner now.

You guys are on The Amazing Race—not Six American Prostitutes Having Territorial Issues.

yogyakarta mask 1

Sandy refuses to put on her mask.

MARCUS: I’m breaking out the latest Michael Jackson! Let’s ride baby! We need to find the biggest spenders!We need to hit the jackpot! I’ve got the kind of jingle now we need the pho!

yogyakarta marcus pollard 3

Going to the cars rather than the motorbikes is probably smart.

SANDY: It’s for children.

Bill & Cathi are done in second. Liz & Marie are done in third.

yogyakarta cathi alden 1

Either that guy is sick or he is protecting himself from the smog.

yogyakarta marcus pollard 4

It’s a hot day to be wearing an outfit like that for Marcus. I am surprised there was one in his size.

Liz & Marie talk about their next destination.

MARIE: I have never been to an orphanage ever. In my entire life.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 7

Really? Most people go to one every Tuesday during their lunch break.

Liz & Marie talk about recently losing their dad.

yogyakarta motorbike

I could not nap like that.

Ethan & Jenna pick their outfit. Jenna complains about hers.

ETHAN: So how do I look, hon?

JENNA: Ridiculous.

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Ridiculous by Indonesian-New York Jew nipple drummer standards?

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Ethan goes in for a kiss.

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This is such an odd kiss.

JENNA (rejecting ETHAN’s kiss): Get busy! Get busy!

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I like how even the mask looks shocked by being rejected.

ETHAN: Bring home the bacon! Bring home the bacon!

Better than bringing home the ham.

yogyakarta jenna morasca

. . .Is Jenna doing the sprinkler?

yogyakarta bikes

“Is that Jenna from Survivor?”

Cindy asks Ernie if he has “orphanage money”.

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“Orphanage money”. . .like real money. . .but for orphans.

Ernie & Cindy enter the orphanage.

yogyakarta swing

The most depressing swing ever.

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Ernie & Cindy hand in the money while we see the red underlined note appear on-screen.

CINDY: You’re so cute.

Ernie & Cindy receive the amulet.

yogyakarta cindy halvorsen 2

I would be really embarrassed if I had to come back later on in the day and say “sorry, I accidentally short-changed you.” Nobody wants to be seen short-changing an orphanage in a third world country on national TV.

yogyakarta orphanage 2

“It’s okay, Cindy. I guess Roberta -won’t- be getting a new tricycle this year, but I’m sure she’ll be happy with the deflated soccer ball that she has been playing with for the past five months!”

Ernie & Cindy check out the amulet. It should guide them on foot to Kraton Palace—the residence of the Sultan of Joe Jer Carter.

yogyakarta pit stop

PHIL: This expensive home is the pit stop for this leg of the race.

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I like how it’s not even a landmark. Phil just refers to it as “an expensive house”.

PHIL: The last -two- teams to check in here will be eliminated.

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The sultan should be with him at the pit stop.

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Does the Sultan not have any friends to hang out on his property?

yogyakarta sign 2

We get another extreme close-up of the sign accompanied by a sinister drum effect just in case the audience didn’t realize that Ernie & Cindy forgot to give up ALL of the money in their possession.

They are told the picture on the amulet is of Kraton Palace and are given directions.

Bill & Cathi’s taxi drops them off.

CATHI: We have enjoyed you today.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 13

Having a sixty year old woman tell me “she enjoyed me” would make me a bit more worried than that taxi driver.

Bill & Cathi enter the orphanage.

CATHI: We have had a wonderful day in your city today.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 14

“Maybe one day I can take you on a school field trip to go spelunking.”

Bill & Cathi give up their money when we see another close-up of their sign. We see ANOTHER close-up when Liz & Marie drop off the money.

yogyakarta sign 3

Oh my god. We get it. None of them followed the instructions! We’re 0-for-3!

Andy & Tommy and Justin & Jennifer keep going on the Detour. Andy & Tommy finish the Detour in fourth and Justin & Jennifer finish in fifth.

Laurence & Zac run into an outgoing Andy & Tommy. They enjoyed the task.

yogyakarta andy tommy 3

“That was a fun task. Those motorcycles were rad.”

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“Where the hell are these orphans?”

What a dichotomy between the two teams.

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Zac & Laurence start flailing their hats in the air as some sort of strategy.

SANDY: Thank you.

Marcus and Sandy start counting the money.

SANDY: Twenty-nine. . .Thirty thousand Rupiah.

yogyakarta sandy cline

I don’t know why Sandy feels it is necessary to stare directly into the camera when she finishes counting.

Ron & Bill are last to the Detour.

BILL: Let’s give ’em somethin’ to talk about.

Oh boy.

BILL: Look at your little purple pants!

RON: I’m gonna pop a blood vessel.

yogyakarta ron zeitz

That fabric will really have to stretch.

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I hear the clothes absorb sweat much better.

yogyakarta ron zeitz 1

Ron nipple drums in the most depressing style I have ever seen.

BILL: How do I dance? Just whatever?

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This is painful.

ludacris money maker

“Bill shaking his money maker will make you harder than a cinder block maaaan!”

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“All aboard the party bus!”

yogyakarta bus

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No party bus for Bill.

Ernie & Cindy find the pit stop.

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The sultan greets them at the mat.

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Phil will be greeting a lot of teams at the pit stop today.

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“We won another leg?”

PHIL: Ernie & Cindy, you are the first team to arrive. . .however, there is a problem. . .

yogayakarta split

Meanwhile, Andy & Tommy are giving high fives to everyone at the orphanage. They wrap it up and start to walk away.

 

yogyakarta andy finch

“Hold up, bro.”

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Tommy reads the sign to confirm they must give up ALL of their money to the orphanage.

We go back to Ernie & Cindy at the pit stop where Phil tells them to go back and hand over their money before returning to the mat.

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen 10

And with that, Ernie & Cindy are no longer the top dogs.

CINDY (running and crying): I can’t do this!

CINDY: Growing up in a competitive Asian environment, there is nothing short of success. Like, ‘how can you be so stupid to miss one thing’?

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen 11

Isn’t the word ‘competitive’ a bit redundant in that sentence?

TOMMY: Wow, dude. Good freakin’ eye. Who is gonna blow that one, huh?

A lot of people, Tommy. A lot of people.

yogyakarta orphan

“Make sure the money is all there, man. Don’t make me count again.”

ANDY: Walk or taxi?

TOMMY: We don’t have any money.

ANDY: Oh yeah. Let’s do this, Tommy.

yogyakarta andy tommy 5

yogyakarta andy tommy 6

“Unnecessary pylon jump!”

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Ernie & Cindy keep runnin’. I love how much Cindy is overreacting to this penalty.

Commercial break. We resume. Cindy is still crying.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 9

Ethan & Jenna complete the Detour in eighth.

ETHAN: Do you have everything? Do you have your fanny pack?\

JENNA: Yep.

yogyakarta detour

Well, that shot was definitely added in post-production.

Laurence & Zac finish the Detour in ninth. Kaylani & Lisa are done in tenth.

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 3

I don’t know why but Kaylani is dressed up like a St. Patrick’s Day Pirate.

Ethan & Jenna get in the cab. Ethan asks if she has the clue. She doesn’t and turns it around on Ethan.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 10

He searches his really large pockets.

ETHAN: Do you have the clue?

JENNA: In your pocket.

ETHAN: I don’t know where it is. I don’t have it.

JENNA: Ethan. You wrote the orphanage’s name down in your pocket.

ETHAN: I don’t have that!

JENNA: Why not?

yogyakarta ethan jenna 11

It’s rare to see either of them frazzled.

ETHAN: I gave you the clue.

JENNA: It’s over with the clothes. I forgot it.

ETHAN: Why would you forget the clue?!

JENNA: Cause it was an accident, Ethan!

yogyakarta ethan jenna 12

“Hey, are those Survivor winners Ethan and Jenna forgetting their clue?”

SANDY: Is this it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Down there. . .oh, here here here.

Justin & Jennifer, Amani & Marcus, and Jeremy & Sandy are all at the orphanage.

yogyakarta orphanage 3

This is the sign for the orphanage if you were curious.

They all receive the amulet close together.

JEREMY: Thank you.

SANDY: Thank you.

JEREMY: Thank you. Thank you so much.

SANDY: Thank you.

yogyakarta jeremy cline 3

Jeremy was so close to noticing that sign.

Liz & Marie are “second” to the pit stop.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 8

“Are we literally team number two?”

Liz & Marie are informed of their penalty.

yogyakarta liz marie canavan 9

“Bummer.”

Laurence & Zac are at the orphanage.

yogyakarta zac laurence sunderland 5

They notice the sign even before reaching the table.

Kaylani & Lisa come in immediately afterwards. Guess who is the final team to notice the sign?

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 4

That’s right. A team that can’t keep track of their passport is somehow one of only three teams observant enough to notice a discreet sign.

Bill & Cathi are team number “three” and are immediately turned around.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 15

Third place did seem a little too good to be true, didn’t it guys?

Ethan & Jenna are back at the Detour location. Ethan is freaking out as he mimes the clothes.

yogyakarta ethan zohn 3

Ethan is all in a panic.

yogyakarta ethan zohn 4

Ethan finds the Detour on the ground. He re-enters a taxi that has been pushing them back all day.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 13

“Please move faster you slow piece of shit.”

Ethan confirms with Jenna the location of where she keeps her clues on her person.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 14

This was the true start of their relationship woes.

Andy & Tommy are “fourth” to the pit stop.

yogyakarta andy tommy 7

PHIL: Andy & Tommy, you are the fourth team to arrive. [voiceover kicks in] However, because other teams ahead of you had to go back to the orphanage, you are now officially team number one.

FIRST PLACE: ANDY & TOMMY

They have won a trip for two to Ireland. Five nights in a suite. Golf on a championship course, play archery, and enjoy the spaaaaaa.

yogyakarta andy tommy 8

They are so upset about not getting that Express Pass.

yogyakarta andy tommy 9

Flex.

Ernie & Cindy keep running.

CINDY: I’m such a nerd! Gosh!

yogyakarta cindy halvorsen 3

There is nothing nerdy about needing a Salbutamol inhaler to do The Amazing Race, Cind.

Ernie & Cindy are already back at the orphanage and hand in their remaining money in about two seconds.

yogyakarta cindy halvorsen 4

“It was nice seeing you too.”

Bill counts his money at the Detour.

yogyakarta ron bill 8

BILL: That’s the most amount of money I’ve made with my moneymaker.

chris moneymaker.jpg

Since the time he received advice on how to play poker from Chris Moneymaker.

yogyakarta ron bill 9

Ron does celebratory nipple drumming when they reach their goal.

Jeremy & Sandy are “fifth” to the pit stop.

PHIL: Did you hand over all your money at the orphanage?

SANDY: We did not. Just 30, 000 Rupiah.

PHIL: You will need to go back and hand over all your money before I can check you in.

SANDY: OK. This is the sprint of our life.

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 9

yogyakarta jeremy sandy cline 10

Rejected.

Justin coaches Jennifer into running faster.

JUSTIN: We have a team right behind us. We have to move. Jennifer, we have to move. It’s a million dollars.

JENNIFER: I can’t! Do you want me to pass out?! Leave me alone! If I say I can’t run, I can’t run!

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 16

Justin is better off using reverse psychology.

Justin & Jennifer are “sixth” to the pit stop. Phil rejects them.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 17

I couldn’t resist.

Amani & Marcus are “seventh” to the mat. They are also rejected.

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard 10

Go back like a quarterback.

Liz & Marie return to the orphanage.

Ethan & Jenna prepare to pull up to the orphanage.

ETHAN: This challenge is really cool because we get to raise money, and this money is going to an orphanage . .and that’s what I’m all about.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 15

That’s right, folks. Ethan loves giving money away. In fact, he would give the orphan the shirt off of his back.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 16

“Yeah, that’s what I am all about. Giving money away.”

Liz & Marie see Ethan & Jenna coming.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 17

Ethan & Jenna could easily leapfrog from tenth to fourth with this maneuver.

They start giving up their money until. . .

yogyakarta ethan jenna 18

JENNA: See this twenty dollar bill, kids? Yeah. It’s staying with me.

ORPHANS: Ohhhhhhh.

Laurence & Zac are “eighth” to the pit stop.

LAURENCE: Yes!

ZAC: I’ll take it!

yogyakarta zac laurence sunderland 6

Couldn’t be happier!

Phil reveals the penalties for nearly everyone else as he bumps them up six spots in the standings.

SECOND PLACE: LAURENCE & ZAC

yogyakarta zac laurence sunderland 7

It elicits the same reaction.

Bill & Cathi and Jeremy & Sandy run into each other.

SANDY: We’ve got to beat Mom and Dad.

Jeremy & Sandy are back at the orphanage. Bill & Cathi are seconds behind them.

SANDY: Everything?

JEREMY: That’s it.

SANDY: All of our money.

JEREMY: Thank you so much.

SANDY: They’re right behind us, sweetie.

JEREMY: Good job you guys.

CATHI: Yeah. You too.

Ethan & Jenna are “ninth” to the pit stop.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 19

They know something is not right.

PHIL: You did not hand over all your money at the orphanage, is that correct?

ETHAN: We did not hand over all of our money total.

PHIL: You need to do that before I can check you in.

ETHAN: OK.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 20

Jenna is not too pleased with production at the moment.

ETHAN: Unbelievable. How is that possible?

JENNA: That sucks. We just have to beat two other teams.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 21

I just watched Ethan Zohn screw up a charity challenge.

Kaylani & Lisa are “tenth” to the pit stop.

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 5

They know what’s coming.

PHIL: And you know this is a Double Elimination Leg?

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 6

Kaylani can’t even make eye contact with Phil.

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It’s like Kaylani ate a whole bunch of sour candies at once.

PHIL: But because you guys did what you were meant to do. . .

yogyakarta phil keoghan 7

Which was. . .?

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 8

“You’re still team number ten. Psych!”

PHIL: You are now officially team number three.

KAYLANI: I hate you for doing that.

yogyakarta phil keoghan 8

“I’m co-executive producer now. Nobody can hate me for anything.”

yogyakarta kaylani lisa 9

“I still hate you.”

Ernie & Cindy return to the orphanage. They are huffing and puffing.

FOURTH PLACE: ERNIE & CINDY

yogyakarta ernie cindy halvorsen 13

They’ll take it.

FIFTH PLACE: LIZ & MARIE

SIXTH PLACE: JEREMY & SANDY

SANDY: Sweet. Stuck in the same boat. You did awesome.

SEVENTH PLACE: BILL & CATHI

PHIL: Great recovery today.

CATHI: Oh, wonderful recovery. And by next leg we’ll learn to read.

yogyakarta bill cathi alden 16

So close to first place after doing a Speed Bump, guys.

EIGHTH PLACE: JUSTIN & JENNIFER

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 18

Jennifer is stoked.

JUSTIN: I definitely think the race is harder than we thought it would be. I didn’t come out here to pick on my little sister or beat up my sister. It’s to win a million dollars.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 19

Jennifer doesn’t buy it.

JENNIFER: I feel terrible. I can’t run through this.

yogyakarta justin jennifer young 20

Well, they’re not winning this season.

Ron & Bill are last to the orphanage.

BILL: We have special gift for you.

yogyakarta ron bill 10

It’s money in a cup!

Ron & Bill see teams running back to the orphanage but don’t think anything of it.

Amani & Marcus repay the orphanage. So do Ethan & Jenna as they see Ron & Bill heading for the pit stop.

ETHAN: We can outrun Amani.

Can you?

Ron & Bill are last to the pit stop.

PHIL: Do you have any money on you at all right now?

BILL: Just our money for the leg.

yogyakarta ron bill 11

“Just tell us we’re ninth already.”

PHIL: You were meant to hand over all your money.

yogyakarta ron bill 12

“Oh. . .so we’re fucked.”

game over

GAAAAAME OVERRRRR!

Amani & Marcus are trying to run back. Marcus pokes her to get her to move faster.

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard 11

Although I think it just pushes Amani one step closer to collapsing.

It’s a showdown for not second-to-last.

NINTH PLACE: AMANI & MARCUS

yogyakarta amani marcus pollard 12

Amani & Marcus -barely- avoid elimination today. No football analogies, surprisingly.

Ethan & Jenna run to the mat.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 22

keith whitney

Even Keith & Whitney will have a more successful Survivor crossover than them.

Phil breaks the news to them.

TENTH PLACE: ETHAN & JENNA

My hero is eliminated in a one-time twist.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 23

Seeing my superhero hang his head in shame is sad to see.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 24

Ethan offers a kiss to his fallen comrade.

PHIL: I’m really sorry to tell you that.

yogyakarta phil keoghan 9

“Mainly because I wanted to see Liz & Marie go home. If I have to hear them ask if they are ‘literally still in the race,’ I might chop my own ears off.”

Ethan says you have to try. Their short run is still a blessing given everything they have gone through in the past eighteen months.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 26

Ethan is so positive about everything.

yogyakarta ethan jenna 25

“So. . .can we still do Survivor: South Pacific?”

Ethan & Jenna exit.

Ron & Bill give back all of their cash then walk to the pit stop.

BILL: We have way more than what you could ever win on a TV show.

yogyakarta ron bill 13

Bill, you have no money in your pocket at all right now. Orphans currently have more money in your possession than you do. You have exact opposite of having more than you could ever win on a TV show—you have zero dollars and zero Rupiah.

BILL: People would pay millions to have what we have.

yogyakarta ron bill 14

People would pay millions to have sweaty clothes and no cash to spare???

Ron & Bill check in to the pit stop. For real, this time.

BILL: We can take it, Phil. We’re strong.

yogyakarta ron bill 15

I guess they know it can’t be a NEL.

PHIL: Ron & Bill. . .

BILL: Yes, Phil?

PHIL: . . .

yogyakarta ron bill 16

BILL: I know you don’t want to say it.

yogyakarta phil keoghan 10

PHIL: You are the last team to arrive.

yogyakarta ron bill 17

BILL: And I know you definitely don’t want to say this. . .

yogyakarta phil keoghan 11

“Actually, you’re wrong about that. It’s my favourite part.”

PHIL: And I am sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race.

yogyakarta ron bill 18

And they’re eliminated.

BILL: It’s been incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Ron found it exhilarating, fun, and amazing. Bill defines it as a chapter in their relationship.

yogyakarta ron bill 19

Ron reflects on the race like the sunlight reflects off of his glasses.

yogyakarta bill smith 4

I haven’t seen Will Smith so sad since he read YouTube comments about the Karate Kid remake.

Ron & Bill walk away together.

yogyakarta ron bill 20

Awwww. At least they had fun!

Next Time on TAR: Ernie & Cindy break down while Bill & Cathi slip up. An ancient temple runs teams around in circles.

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

ANDY/TOMMY 3/2

ETHAN/JENNA 5/1

LAURENCE/ZAC 1/1

ERNIE/CINDY 4/9

JUSTIN/JENNIFER 5/3

BILL/CATHI 5/5

LIZ/MARIE 4/6

JEREMY/SANDY 0/2

RON/BILL 1/5

AMANI/MARCUS 1/4

KAYLANI/LISA 1/0

RYAN STORMS 0

NUMBER OF TIMES MENTIONED IN THE ‘NEXT TIME ON’ SEGMENT

JUSTIN & JENNIFER 1

ERNIE & CINDY 1

BILL & CATHI 1

EVERYONE ELSE 0

RANK THE LEGS

1) Taipei, Taiwan -> Joe Jer Carter, Indonesia

First off, thank god production chose to not do the Contradicting Sign Twist ever again.

Racers are instructed to follow what’s in their clue as the primary source of instruction. During the Detour, they were told to give up the Rupiah they earned to the orphanage. It said nothing about giving up your American Dollars. Teams said that even if they noticed the sign (primarily the words of Jenna Morasca) that they still would have followed what it said in their clue rather than some random sign. I believe that since Phil could have penalized them at the pit stop for not following their clue correctly or unintentionally trick teams into giving up precious money for the following round of play.

It is even worse that this twist occurs simultaneously with the Double Elimination. If the sign wasn’t there, Ethan & Jenna finish this leg in ninth and are saved over Kaylani & Lisa. That’s a potentially big change to have a ripple effect throughout the rest of the season.

This round also had what many consider to be the dumbest Speed Bump of all-time. Untying that rope took somewhere between 5-8 minutes based on the order of events on-screen. I am sure the audience was happy to see Bill & Cathi take the lead after doing the Speed Bump, but we all wished they did a bit more to earn it. Sadly nearly every Speed Bump in the future will go on to be a joke collection of tasks. I have been long advocating for a new type of NEL penalty because clearly the Speed Bump is not working.

The Roadblock was a cool location and was a decent task. A spelunking obstacle course was fun.

The Detour wasn’t particularly memorable. Because of the nineteen teams checking into the pit stop, it was one of the most condensed tasks in TAR history. I think we saw about twenty seconds of dancing and about thirty seconds of motorbikes being parked. It didn’t appear to be memorable or difficult.

The only reason this leg isn’t at the bottom is because Indonesia was a brand new location for TAR US. Other franchises beat them there but it was nice for TAR US to get it off of their check list.

Jeremy & Sandy’s only storyline of wanting the Survivor winners effectively comes to an end this round. Watch their airtime dwindle even more.

Justin & Jennifer was more annoying than it was fascinating to watch. I think the pettiness of the fighting outweighed the comedy of it which is a shame. I wish they recorded some of their physical altercations when they were younger, though. Did anyone get a broken nose?

Despite Bill & Cathi dropping to seventh because they had to run several kilometres, it was still a great comeback for a team that finished the first leg over six hours behind almost all other teams. Yes, two massive equalizers helped but at least they are no longer perceived as a team of fodder.

Kaylani & Lisa’s airtime essentially dropped down to nil this episode. For a team that made a huge blunder in the first leg and were extremely lucky to be saved this round, production didn’t want to focus on them when they aren’t doing anything jaw-dropping.

And I think Ron & Bill finished where most people expected them to this season. They were too mellow for the race.

2) Los Angeles, California -> Taipei, Taiwan

I hate Starting Line tasks. I hate pointless Speed Bump-esque penalties that aren’t entertaining and/or serve no purpose to the race other than ‘look at this repackaged twist that we are pretending is brand new!’

I am becoming increasingly more open to NELs in the season premiere, and surprisingly I am okay with the setup for the Double Elimination twist. Eliminations in TAR have always been arbitrary, and choosing to eliminate the bottom two teams in exchange for saving a team this round is perfectly fine with me. . .even with who eventually goes home because of it. -_-

I like that producers didn’t use a single clue box this round. We had a tough billboard challenge that left old people scrambling for five hours.

The other tasks weren’t particularly interesting to watch.

The umbrella task came down to pure luck for most teams at the starting line and led to a pointless penalty that was even more pointless because of the NEL. It just cost us precious Taipei time.

The Hazard required only one person to participate while their partner did nothing.

The dragon boat task wasn’t really a task. It was all to be done in a fixed amount of time for the most part. They had twenty people helping them.

The Confucius Roadblock was alright. I wish the phrase was just a little bit longer, but was enough to stump Liz for a really long time.

I am seeing evidence of why this season doesn’t make a big impression on people. You either didn’t like the twists or were indifferent to it, and no major storylines really developed.

Cindy is controlling.

Marcus loves football.

Kaylani & Lisa had the worst start ever in TAR history, but somehow finished the leg in ninth. How far can they go? And that whole incident with Reality Fan Forum was a memorable moment.

Bill & Cathi are nice. Hopefully they don’t screw up this second chance.

Ethan & Jenna were on Survivor.

Premieres need to either grip you in with story or be hilarious to make people settle in for the ride–this was neither.

Overall, the good cancels out the bad and leaves us with a very mediocre season premiere for TAR.

 

RANK THE TEAMS

1) Ethan Zohn & Jenna Morasca

This is more of a ranking to reflect Ethan’s presence rather than Jenna’s. It is always how I have felt about this seven year dating couple on Survivor. Their Survivor personalities were repeated here in TAR 19. Jenna was always pissed off and making big mistakes like forgetting the Detour clue while Ethan was positive, interesting, and fun to watch.

Editors appeared to have very little interest in showing Jenna. They wanted Ethan to do all of the talking which was probably wise in their limited run.

Out of all of the teams to go home on the first elimination leg, Ethan & Jenna rank high up there in terms of attention attracted by the other teams. There was a surprising number of scenes where teams were talking about how much they wanted Ethan & Jenna eliminated from the race. Thankfully Ethan & Jenna weren’t completely segregated as they were shown having fun with teams like Laurence & Zac and Andy & Tommy.

It is a shame that the Contradictory Sign and the Double Elimination twist had to combine their bad taxi driver to put them in a guaranteed spot to be eliminated. I am sure Ethan was mildly embarrassed to be eliminated because of a task that required them to give money to charity.

This was supposed to be Ethan & Jenna’s epic return to competitive reality TV, and they are barely a footnote in this season. In fact, Ethan nor Jenna have not made another appearance on Survivor or TAR since then. They really should have taken that initial offer of competing against each other on Survivor: South Pacific.

I am sad. My ten year old self wanted to watch Ethan try and win again.

2) Ron Zeitz & Will Smith

I don’t have much to say about Ron & Bill. They liked sweating through blue shirts, Bill didn’t know how to dance, and had fun with Phil when they were eliminated.

Ron received very little airtime in contrast to Bill. None of the other teams ever talked about them, and they were never shown interacting with the other teams.

They just wanted a fun adventure as a couple. Unfortunately, their lack of hustle kept them on the bottom after their initial arrival at LAX. In fact, LAX is a great way to describe how they ran the race.

They were somehow eliminated before other teams who almost always struggled this season.

Team Averages

Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.

e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.

Therefore their average is 8.2.

Because of how long this list has become, I only show the relevant section where the eliminated team from this episode has fallen amongst the ranks of what TAR history has to offer.

Bullshit Round One/Starting Line Eliminations That Do Not Count

Eric & Lisa N/A

Bilal & Sa’eed N/A

— F minus–

12th Debra & Steve 12.0 TAR 4

12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0 TAR 3

11th Ron & Tony 11.0 TAR 17

11th Adrian & Dana 11.0 TAR 16

11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0 TAR 14

11th Anita & Arthur 11.0 TAR 13

11th Ari & Staella 11.0 TAR 12

11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0 TAR 11

11th Vipul & Arti 11.0 TAR 10

11th John & Scott 11.0 TAR 9

11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0 TAR 7

11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0 TAR 6

11th Dennis & Erika 11.0 TAR 5

11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0 TAR 2

11th Matt & Ana 11.0 TAR 1

10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race TAR Asia 3

10th Yani & Nadine 10.0 Would have survived round two, but were marked for elimination and thus officially finished in last both rounds TAR Asia 4

10th Jody & Shannon 10.0 TAR Adventure 16

10th Lisa & Joni 10.0 TAR 9

10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0 TAR 11

10th Neena & Amit 10.0 TAR Asia 3

10th A Black Family 10.0 TAR 8

— F +–

10th Andie & Jenna 9.5 TAR 17

10th Steve & Linda 9.5 TAR 14

10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????) TAR 13

10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.) TAR 7

11th Ron & Bill 9.5 TAR 19

11th Garrett & Jessica 9.5 TAR 15

10th Kate & Pat 9.0 TAR 12

9th David & Mary TAR 11: All Stars 9.0 TAR 11

9th Peggy & Claire 9.0 May or may not be gutsy. TAR 2

10th Meredith & Maria 9.0 TAR 6

10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF TAR 3

10th Anne-Marie & Tracy 8.67 TAR Australia 1

8th Mo & Mos 8.60 Saved by NEL once TAR Australia 1

10th Mel & Mike 8.33 Mel died. TAR 18

9th Marianna & Julia 8.33 TAR 12

10th Russell & Cindy 8.33 TAR 4

8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2 Saved by NEL once TAR 6

10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0 TAR 10

10th Kim & Leslie 8.0 TAR 1

8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 Yielded TAR 9

9th Jaime & Cara 7.8 U-Turned and Used U-Turn TAR 18

8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 Sucked. TAR 13

7th Mika & Canaan 7.67 Why the heck did they sign up? TAR 15

9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 Bald. TAR 15

9th Isaac & William 7.5 TAR Asia 3

9th Jim & Marsha 7.33 TAR 5

9th Richard & Joey 7.25 U-Turned once TAR Australia 1

9th Alan & Wendy 7.25 Saved by NEL once TAR Asia 4

8th Manas & Sahil 7.0 TAR Asia 4

8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/) TAR Asia 2

8th Aiello Family 7.0 TAR 8

–D minus–

8th Tom & Terry 7.0 TAR 10

8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta TAR 1

9th Lena & Kristy 7.0 Producers refused to hay bail them. TAR 6

10th Hope & Norm 7.0 TAR 2

10th Ethan & Jenna 7.0 TAR 19. Double Eliminated.

11th Ryot & Liberty 7.0 TAR Australia 1

7th Christie & Jodi 6.67 Saved by NEL TAR 14

9th Brad & Victoria 6.67 TAR 14

7th Niroo & Kapil 6.75 TAR Asia 3

7th Alana & Mel 6.67 TAR Australia 1

6th Maria & Tiffany 6.57 Saved by NEL once and Justin’s blunder again TAR 15

9th Rogers Family 6.5 R.I.P. Renee. TAR 8

8th Susan & Patrick 6.5 TAR 7

11th Amanda & Kris 6.5 TAR 18 Automatic U-Turned.

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One Response to The Amazing Race 19 Episode 2 Rankings

  1. Ekmal Sukarno says:

    Logan, regarding orphanage visits in The Amazing Race, you forgot to mention the Intyatyambo Community Centre in Khayelitsha, South Africa. It was visited in TAR Asia 2 and that place does count as an orphanage.

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