The Amazing Race Australia 1 Episode 10 Rankings

Tenth leg

The Dingo Crusades

Episode Blog #283

COUNTRIES VISITED

INDONESIA – VIETNAM – CHINA – SOUTH AFRICA – THE NETHERLANDS – CZECH REPUBLIC – POLAND – ISRAEL – SRI LANKA – SINGAPORE – AUSTRALIA

Previously on TAR Australia: Teams raced from Poland to the Middle East. An odyssey through the desert left Dave & Kelly exhausted and didn’t even make it to the pit stop.

Tonight, the finish line is in sight but the strain is starting to show as teams struggle through the Holy City. Will one crucial mistake be the end for surfers Tyler & Nathan?

Just four teams remain; who will be eliminated next?

THE BIG QUESTION: Will TAR Australia producers copy TAR US and have their final NEL before the Final Three, or will somebody go home tonight?

Intro time.

I really hope Mike Bickerton from TAR Canada is following this season.

Grant re-introduces us to the desert fortress of Masada.

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It looks like the surface of Mars.

King Herod built this on a cliff top overlooking the Dead Sea. It was the site of a brutal siege during the Jewish-Roman war and became a symbol of the Jewish struggle for freedom.

jerusalem grant bowler

Now watch me fall backwards and plummet hundreds of feet to the desert below. On the way down, several doves shall swoop down from the Heavens above and carry me to safety.”

During the pit stop, teams record video messages for their loved ones.

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Mr. McKay loved forcing this task in TAR Asia 4 so much that he is making everybody do it again in legazpi richard hardin

Hopefully nobody cries worse than Richard Hardin did.

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We’re the last women standing! We can quit now!”

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We don’t have camcorders on our ranch.”

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Dear Mom,

How is Wilbur doing? Did we have to put him down yet?

Love,

Matt”

jerusalem canon

Ah, this is all an ad for Canon. Not the Sony Cybershot.

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Hopefully Matt isn’t recorded while he accidentally cuts his tongue on the adhesive.

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Wouldn’t production know which address to send it to? Teams have enough to do during their mandatory rest period as is.

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That cowboy charm.

I shall transcribe these video messages for you.

MATT: Hello Mum. As you can see, I am on The Amazing Race Australia.

TOM: Over here, at the, uh, Dead Sea in Israel.

JEFF: Just want to let you know Luke and I are having the most amazing time.

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And just in case I am boring you, you can check your ticket for last week’s lotto numbers on the bottom of this video.”

LUKE: I’ll be home really soon.

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And I am going to buy a GPS right when I get home.”

TYLER: Hopefully I come home with some cash in my pocket.

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Although I would trade that in for some cash right now so I can stop whoring myself out to the local women just to survive the next leg. I haven’t eaten in three days.”

NATHAN: I miss you so much. I love you so much.

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But I miss having cash in my pocket even more.”

SAM: We have been doing the most amazing things. Life-changing things and it made me realize how much I love you so much.

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And my vocabulary is dwindling by a lot of much because we have been racing too much.”

RENAE: I just want you to know I am thinking of you every second. I love you, okay?

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I love you too, Renae.”

Man, Renae misses Captain Caveman more than I do. I can’t wait for that family visit on Australian Survivor 5.

JEFF: It’s really been amazing. Love you.

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Turn it off, Luke. It’s game over, man. Game over.”

Well, that was a gigantic waste of fucking time.

Matt & Tom, who were the first to arrive at an unspecified time will depart first at 6:31am. They read they must search King Herod’s Winter Palace Ruins in Masada for their next clue.

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I can’t wait to see how much Matt & Tom won the last leg by.

Teams must now ride a huge cable car to the very top of Masada Plateau and search for the ruins of King Herod’s Winter Palace where they will find their next clue.

jerusalem herod

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I am just glad to hear they aren’t leaving Israel after one leg for like France or something.

Tom says they have a good shot at making the Final Three and continue to pretend that they are racing to avoid last place in this leg.

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You’ll be last very quickly if you observe the pottery.

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The random teenager in baggy pants shall lead the way.

MATT: Take the bull by the horns and give it to her.

I don’t think that could air on TAR Australia. They’ll air you saying shit, but not that, Matt.

Matt & Tom enter the cable car. They say they will be walking down if the clue isn’t up there.

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That’s gonna be a long walk.

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A forty-four minute lead on Jeff & Luke? That’s it? They didn’t dominate the Know Your Partner task as much as the previous episode made it out to be.

LUKE: King Herod’s Winter Palace? There’s nothing wintery about this place.

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King Herod would have frozen to death in Canada.

Luke says the room for error is getting smaller and smaller now that they are in the “business end” of the race. Ugh. Didn’t Luke have a confessional just like this for the past couple episodes?

Jeff says the $250, 000 grand prize would make a big difference in their lives.

Matt & Tom comment on how old the castle is and the great views it provides.

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Where is Tom?

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That camera was really far away.

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Almost like an Earl Cole helicopter shot from Survivor: Fiji.

Matt & Tom think the Winter Palace is down below.

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Tom leans over the railing like a child.

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I have a feeling a Winter Palace will stick out in the middle of the desert.

Jeff once again tells us about his Bible knowledge and how cool it is to be amongst all of King Herod’s shit.

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Luke finds Bible study as intriguing as the rest of us.

Matt & Tom run down several flights of stairs.

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The stairs lead into a chasm.

Matt & Tom find the Winter Palace.

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It wasn’t as hidden as they thought it would be.

Matt & Tom they must drive over one hundred kilometres north to Qumran–it is the site where the ancient Dead Sea scrolls were found only sixty years ago. This is where they’ll find their next clue.

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The area above the cave looks like a webbed foot.

MATT: Stairs aren’t my forte.

Thank god for the cable car back up to the top.

Tyler & Nathan depart third at 7:56am. Only one hour and 25 minutes Matt & Tom despite wasting 45 minutes on the way to the pit stop. They talk about racing quite well.

Jeff & Luke struggle with a sense of direction. Jeff wants them to leave their backpack at the top. Luke offers to carry it for him.

JEFF: I am coming up with different logic for saving time.

No kidding. It’s called “risk all of your possessions getting taken” but whatever.

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Something tells me the path to the Winter Palace was a lot more treacherous than this two thousand years ago.

Jeff & Luke have the clue. Back up the steps you go, boys.

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It would be funny if now was the time when Jeff dumped his bag onto Luke.

Matt & Tom read that there is a border crossing.

TOM: Border crossing? Does that mean between two countries? What’s a border crossing? What’s West Bank? You don’t know?

MATT: Do I look like I know?

MATT: I’ve never been overseas before this race. I don’t know where we were. We’re in Israel. I don’t know how many countries we’ve been to.

TOM: We come from a large country on a ranch in Australia.

Ummmm. . . .I know EU countries don’t have a border crossing, but they definitely crossed over into other countries while on the trains in central Europe.

West Bank? Isn’t that the place near Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada on the other side of the bridge?”

How little do Matt & Tom know about Israel? Well their unaired confessional is really awkward.

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There are Jews here????? I thought it was just one of those religions they made up in Lord of the Rings or Schindler’s List.”

Tyler & Nathan spot Jeff & Luke.

TYLER: Do you have the clue?

LUKE: We have a map! Do you want it?

JEFF: The map helps.

Well, Jeff & Luke have proven they are useless with maps so you may as well give it to a team that knows how to use one.

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The only alliance left in the race stays strong.

JEFF: Nathan and Tyler are really top racers.

LUKE: We are really happy to help out a little bit.

Isn’t that a reason to make sure a team doesn’t make it to the Final Three and kick your ass?

Tyler & Nathan have wanted to work with Jeff & Luke for a while despite knowing how bad they are with directions and understanding some of the tasks. I haven’t researched exit interviews yet, but my assumption is that part of Tyler & Nathan’s endgame strategy for the past two or three rounds has been to make sure Jeff & Luke are in the Final Three with them.

Tyler & Nathan study the map and continue their way on the path.

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I know Tyler & Nathan say they aren’t religious, but I must add that those beanies are the closest in shape to a yarmulke that they’ll ever wear on their head.

Matt & Tom are in the town of Kumquat–er, I mean Qumran.

ken ryan

Qumran also happens to be Kevin & Ryan’s favourite “film”.

Roadblock Hint: Who is not lost in translation?

In this Roadblock, one team member must use a translation guide to decipher a Hebrew scroll. The message is written in the Hebrew style–right to left. Therefore they’ll have to transcribe it left to right in order to receive their next clue.

GRANT: Teams who have a nact for codes will be able to decipher this next challenge.

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Well that pun was lazy.

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The contestants from Hamerotz LaMillion would kill this challenge.

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Good ol’ Jerusalen.

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Did you know the Hebrew alphabet is based upon taking strokes away from the Star of David? Future TAR applicants, you never know what might prove to be useful on the race!

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Good ol’ rainbow pockets.

Matt has a theory about the Roadblock.

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TOM: I’d say so.

MATT: You can have it.

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It’s all you, Tom.

Tom doubts every team will remember to go from right to left.

Sam & Renae depart last at 8:28am. Their ninety minute mistake and Sam misreading a question led to them being only one hour and fifty-seven minutes behind Matt & Tom.

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Working with Mo & Mos is more detrimental to your race than thinking Anne Marie & Tracy could lend you a helping hand.

Sam & Renae talk about being the last all-female team standing blah blah blah. Nat & Kat and Kisha & Jen already beat you to what you’re trying to do.

Tom says he enjoys Sudoku and crossword puzzles. He loves doing one on the race.

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I didn’t even know Sudoku made it to rural ranches in Australia.

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We put in the ‘k’ and. . .it says “Go Fuck Yourself”? That can’t be right. . .

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Wait a second. Does that one word say “raper”? It says e-raper! Like an online rapist! Man, so that’s what part of the word ‘prepare’ looks like backwards. Not good.

Tyler & Nathan are third to find the Winter Palace clue. Tyler hasn’t heard of the Dead Sea scrolls. They get directions and off they go.

Matt hates it when people are yelling at him when doing puzzles. So he decides to lend his mental support.

MATT: I decided to have a bit of a kip.

A kip?

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Or as well call it here, a nap.

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Matt’s mental support.

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He uses ESPN to communicate.

Sam & Renae run into the crowd of tourists and want to catch “The Boys”.

redmond

#TheBoys.

Considering there are six boys, Sam & Renae will need to be more specific.

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Sam is the one wearing pink in the crowd. Gates for Masada must open by nine.

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Tom reveals his puzzle to the judge.

9-8-7-5-3-2-1-6-4

6-2-1-8-7-4-3-9-5

. . .Just kidding.

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Does he get penalized for adding in the smiley face?

Tom receives the clue. They must travel by taxi to the MAIN post office in Jerusalem.

jerusalem city

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Sweet.

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Jerusalem–The Holy City. The Mother of All Meccas.

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Oh my word. The Dome of the Rock.

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Know Your Role and Shut Your Torah.

Grant describes it as the city that was first settled over five thousand years ago and is the holy site for Jews, Christians, and Muslims. And CNN in the 90s.

What are they going to do in Jerusalem first? They are going to mail their SD card at the post office where they will receive their next clue.

jerusalem post office

A post office? What is this?

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TAR 2 in Namibia?

Matt & Tom pound fists in cab in celebration of going to Jerusalem. Sam & Renae keep looking for the Winter Palace. Renae says they have been lost for a -long- time.

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The other side of the mountain? Not again!

Commercial break. We resume. Sam & Renae find the stairs. Last to the clue box. No equalizer today, ladies. You’ve gotta hustle.

Sam & Renae find a local who tells them the Dead Sea scrolls are in Qumran.

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Hiiiigh fiiiive.

Sam starts cheering and turns into an airplane.

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Fly like an eagle, Sam.

Jeff & Luke are second to the Roadblock. It is Jeff’s to even out their Roadblock count.

JEFF: Glasses!

LUKE: We’re racing in this one!

JEFF: We are!

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Clearly Jeff thinks it is a NEL because he couldn’t give less of a shit.

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Now Jeff just has to touch his right ear three times, his forehead twice, and needs to find a Scientologist who can lightly scratch his back. Then he’s all good to go!

nomar garciapaara

Jeff is the Nomar Garciapara of TAR Australia.

JEFF: Fifteen seconds to put my glasses on.

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Fifteen? JUST fifteen?”

LUKE: The little things Dad was doing was really really irritating.

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Telling the girls it opens at six rather than eight was one thing, but taking fifteen seconds to put on your glasses is too much!

LUKE: I’ll take your pack here.

JEFF: No, that’s alright.

LUKE: Just give me your pack, please.

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Luke won that game of Tug o’ War pretty quickly.

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Luke is somehow outwalking Jeff.

JEFF: It was quite complex as I found out while deciphering the clue.

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I can help you out with the Roadblock, Jeff.

Matt & Tom are on their way to Jerusalem in the taxi.

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By the way, that’s Jerusalem in case you have forgotten that is the next destination in the past two minutes.

They are at the main post office according to their cab driver.

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Which is a small building next to a dumpster.

MATT: We need to go to a big one.

TOM: Is there more than one?

DRIVER: This is a post.

TOM: This is the main post office? Number one?

DRIVER: I don’t know.

jerusalem taxi

I wouldn’t be so stressed if that camera wasn’t staring me in the face.”

Matt & Tom go inside.

TOM: Do you speak English?

Eighty percent of Israelis do.

TOM: Is there a main post office in the city?

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Everything is Jaffa in Israel.

The man and the driver speak in Hebrew.

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Ohhhh. The main -mail- office! They were just talking about the main -post- office or the number one one!

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Thumbs up, mate!”

TOM: So number one post office?

DRIVER: Yep.

TOM: The big one?

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Sarcasm much?

Tyler & Nathan are third to the Roadblock.

NATHAN: I’m going to struggle with it but I’ll do it.

Such optimism.

Tyler cheers on his Nate Dogg. Nathan is breezing through it.

NATHAN: Jeff was still doing it. Once I sat down and got the first couple letters easily. I picked it up straight away faster than I thought.

JEFF: It was quite complex. It’s very subtle as a language. One tiny brush stroke can mean the difference between a letter being an ‘e’ or a ‘y’.

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The biggest challenge for Nathan is swatting away the flies.

JEFF: You wanna collaborate?

NATHAN: He’s like “you wanna work together on cracking this code”? I was thinking ‘what code are you trying to crack? You’re just spelling out the words’.

Nathan agrees.

NATHAN: What letters you go–

JEFF: Let’s have a look.

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Nathan doesn’t have a choice. Jeff is essentially the new Andre & Damon to Nathan’s Ken & Gerard.

NATHAN: Dude, you’ve got it all wrong. You’ve got some letters wrong in there.

NATHAN: I’m like ‘what is he doing’?

Nathan explains the whole task to Jeff.

JEFF: It was clear it was a message from right to left rather than left to right.

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Because Nate Dogg just explained it to you.

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Study Hebrew Every Day!

JEFF: That’s. . .that’s ‘M’.

NATHAN: No, that’s an ‘A’.

JEFF: That doesn’t make sense.

NATHAN: Once he sat there I couldn’t tell him to go away.

Nathan has to explain each individual letter to Jeff. Hilarious.

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It’s like playing co-op fighting video games against your grandpa. You’re just going to have to do everything for him.

Sam & Renae say there is no point stressing out and refuse to give up as they drive.

JEFF: I’ve got a ‘Y’ in there. No, that’s a ‘W’. That doesn’t make sense.

NATHAN: That’s a ‘P’.

JEFF: It’s a ‘T’.

NATHAN: First letter is a ‘F’. You’re getting your P’s and F’s wrong, dude.

JEFF: Trust me on it. I’ve got a ‘F’.

NATHAN: No, it’s not. That’s a ‘S’. Spell.

JEFF: Whoa. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

JEFF: We work incredibly well with Nathan and Tyler so we decided to work together.

NATHAN: It was like two heads clashing. He wasn’t checking it out enough. Like oh my god. Like you’re kidding. He was a bit all over the place.

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I think Jeff is -this- close to being smited right now.

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Or Nathan is ready to take on the role of Abraham and Jeff is his Isaac.

Meanwhile, Matt & Tom notice a guy eating a bagel.

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Yeah, it’s just a bagel. What’s the big deal?

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Matt looks so serious. This is killing me. He is ready to kill for that bagel. I guess he just likes staring at round things with a hole in the middle.

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Matt couldn’t be more perplexed by this.

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What does it do? What does it do? What does a bagel do?

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It roundhouse kicks you in the face.

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It makes out with your Armenian cousins.

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It rigs the ending to the third season of The Amazing Race in the most iconic way possible.

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It tears down that wall.

It’s a fucking bagel, Matt.

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MATT: . . .

Matt still doesn’t get it.

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Even Smalls from The Sandlot understood what a s’more was after Porter explained it to him. Some more of what? Classic.

Matt & Tom enter the main post office. There was a complimentary bagel on the way out. Nah, just kidding.

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Be funny if it wasn’t the main post office. The guy just took the letter and did his job properly.

It’s a Detour.

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MATT: Pilgrim Trail or Holy Grail.

Grant leaves out the bad puns this time.

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Which is for the best.

In Pilgrim’s Trail, teams must make their way to the old city of Jerusalem. Then collect an eighty kilogram wooden cross and carry it along the Via Dolorosa. Christian pilgrims follow this path daily to retrace the final journey of Christ. The street passes the nine stations of the Cross to the Church of the Holy Sebokah on the site built where Jesus was crucified then buried.

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Forcing two people to carry a huge cross across a far distance?

 

joe son

Kimo Leopoldo and Joe Son would have loved this task.

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Jesus passed through a Hard Rock Cafe on his way to his death?

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You’re telling me he stopped for nachos and looked at posters of James Dean before the Roman Emperor left him for dead?

That’s tough to believe.

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The nine stations are marked with Roman numerals.

Once they find the final resting spot, they will receive their next clue.

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The next clue is gonna be another Roadblock.

ROADBLOCK: Who wants to be crucified? Note: Whoever performed the last Roadblock cannot perform this one.

Easter came a little early this year!

jerusalem wall

Meanwhile, locals gather to stare at a wall.

In Holy Grail, teams must make their way to the Western Wall in the old city then walk through the coal tunnels to an active archaeology dig and unearth a clay pot. Take the clay pot to the nearby ruins of the City of David, wade through an ancient underground aqueduct, and deliver the pot to an archaeologist to receive their next clue.

GRANT: Teams will need patience to tunnel through this task.

Dammit, Grant.

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Next time just leave it alone, sir.

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TAR Australia producers sure love underground locations over the past few rounds.

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Be funny if they unearth Jesus’ bones rather than a clay pot.

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Apparently ‘City of’ is ‘Tit’ in Hebrew. It doesn’t matter whether they’re reading it right to left or left to right. It’s still ‘Tit’.

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I know those are candles in the middle, but are those other things? They look like octopus arms. Or Zoidberg arms.

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The aqueduct is so cool.

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His hat is more Aussie than Jewish.

Matt & Tom choose crucifixion.

Nathan keeps correcting Jeff on the Roadblock. They are about to hand in their answer.

JEFF: With Temple Mount.

NATHAN: I don’t think so.

JEFF: Trust me on it.

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JEFF: We burned through it quickly.

-We-?

How do I know Nathan knows it’s wrong?

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Because Nathan walks away even before the judge says anything.

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Jeff should change that smiley face to a frowny face and draw angry eyebrows on it.

Jeff exhales deeply. Commercial break. We resume. We watch Jeff exhale.

Jeff knows they are ninety-nine percent there.

NATHAN: With ‘a’ temple mount.

JEFF: Let’s put an ‘a’ in there.

NATHAN (confessional): I had to just look over the thing and it was just an ‘a’ we were missing and he was like ‘oh yeah, alright, I see where you are going’.

Jeff presents his guess. It’s correct then summons Nathan.

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C’mon dude. I’ve got it. You’re slowing me down a bit, mate.”

Nathan tells Tyler about how much of the work he did as they run to the taxi. He nearly says it within earshot. Both teams are in their cabs.

JEFF: Working with Nathan and Tyler is like a dream. It’s like working with two more sons.

NATHAN: He had the wrong letters all over the joint.

JEFF: They’re just easy to work with. They collaborate. They’re intelligent.

NATHAN: He wouldn’t have got that. There is no way. He was reading it the wrong way.

JEFF: They’re got ethics.

TYLER: Go around this guy in the car ahead. Just go.

JEFF: We do it and we help each other.

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It’s like we’re Batman and they’re Robin.”

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Jeff’s a fucking moron who can eat my dung street.”

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Nicest boys you’ll ever meet.”

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My niece in pre-school could have finished that challenge before Jeff.”

Renae is slightly ahead of Sam as they run to the clue box.

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The camera couldn’t capture Sam’s fall as it was happening, sadly.

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I hate the lotto.

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We don’t roll around on the sand Sam, man.”

Renae lifts Sam back up.

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Sam goes back to being an eagle again. She says she has some bruises on her leg, but everything is all good.

RENAE: Shes got so many bruises she doesn’t care anymore.

Sam wants to do the Roadblock because she is good with “looking things” cause it’s like a puzzle in her head. Renae agrees that this is an ideal task for Sam.

Matt & Tom comment on what they are about to do.

TOM: We’re following the road of Jesus Christ, mate. How about it?

MATT: Pound it.

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We’re following the route of a guy who got crucified two thousand years ago.”

Pound it!”

I wasn’t expecting that response.

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TOM: Surely they can’t do that to us.

Nah, there’ll just be locusts.

Matt & Tom bid farewell to their crappy taxi driver.

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I think she just finished watching TAR 24 for the first time.

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And now they’re retaliating on her behalf.

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Excuse me, are these two hundred pound crosses for us?”

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debra steve intro

It’s like carrying either Debra or Steve through Jerusalem for a task.

Jeff & Luke are inside of the post office. Luke has to direct Jeff to the flags right in front of his face because his dad is so disoriented. They choose to do Pilgrim Trail.

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It’s surprising Jeff chose Pilgrim Trail because the clue says it requires commitment, and Luke may or may not disagree that Jeff has always possessed that trait.

Jeff & Luke ask their driver to open the boot. Huh. Aussies talk like the British. Tyler & Nathan are fourth into the post office. Nathan leaps over a barrier and onto the road to catch a cab.

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The barrier is sponsoured by TAR considering it’s red and yellow.

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That bus certainly helped stall traffic enough for Nathan to catch the cab behind it.

Sam is finding the Hebrew task easy.

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Where are the bruises?

How is Renae lending her mental support?

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She’s your Venus, she’s your fire, your desire.

That’s right. Renae has no choice but to shave her legs during a Roadblock because producers forced her to make an hour long video for her family at the pit stop while sleep-deprived.

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Maybe at the next Roadblock Jeff can hire somebody to shave his back and then at the final one Nathan will finally shave his head.

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Too bad Sam’s legs were partially shaved when she took that tumble a few minutes ago.

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Needless to say this task is easier when Jeff isn’t shouting out random letters to distract you.

RENAE: She pretty much sat down for five minutes and said “I’ve got it!”

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Well, that was after Anne Marie & Tracy secretly lent her a helping hand.”

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Renae approves.

Sam receives the clue and asks if Renae really did shave her legs. She did and they have a nice giggle about it before getting into their cab. Sam & Renae ask their taxi driver to go as fast as possible because they are the only girls left in the race.

jerusalem bono

u2

Unfortunately for them Bono from U2 is their taxi driver.

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jerusalem tourists

Matt & Tom casually walk by a group of tourists with a gigantic cross.

TOM: The path we’re walking in is the same trail as the big man did with his cross back in the day.

The big man? You mean Jesus?

shaq icy hot sleeve

Now Shaq is a big man. You don’t see Jesus as the centre for the Bethlehem Lakers. “That’s another slam dunk for the big man! Hey-Zeus! Hey-Zeus! Hey-Zeus!”

Matt & Tom keep walking through the stations.

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Matt doesn’t want to damage his good hat.

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Would JESUS casually put down his cross and take a breather guys? Weak sauce!

Jeff & Luke and Tyler & Nathan get to the crosses at roughly the same time.

maeby

Aren’t they T’s?

LUKE: Fancy seeing you blokes here!

Haha, Aussies.

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Man, with that technique Nate is going to be wearing that cross for a crotch.

Jeff says Luke took the front because Luke is a Hercules when it comes to that sort of stuff.

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He can carry it from left to right.”

JEFF: I’m only eighty-three kilos. I am carrying my own body weight. It was challenging, but I was up for it.

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You were probably up for the challenge because it was half of your body weight that you were carrying. Also, you weigh more than me.

Matt & Tom have to pause for a second.

jerusalem tractor

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Because a freakin’ tractor is going to block Jesus’ path.

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They have no choice but to hug the side of the tunnel.

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That can’t be comfortable.

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dj khaled 1

WE THE BEST SHOES!

Matt & Tom set it down again. Matt thinks they may have to redo it because he didn’t see any of the stations.

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Especially when Matt’s head is tilted like Ralph Wiggum when he doesn’t know how to use an earring.

ralph wiggum

My ear hurts and I am being crucified. I have two owwies.”

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Tom approaches the two soldiers.

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Meanwhile, Matt starts humping Jesus’ cross. That’s a sentence I never thought I would say in this blog. I think it was the bagel’s round hole that did it for him.

Matt & Tom are told to go straight and right. Matt thinks it is cool to walk the same path as Jesus in real life.

Sam & Renae are last to the clue. They hire a cab. They decide to not do a task that is more than their combined body weight and go with Holy Grail.

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For some reason somebody is carrying a random scale through the market.

Matt & Tom find the finishing point (not to be confused from the finishing point in the middle of TAR 4’s second India leg).

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Matt & Tom try to carefully put Jesus’ cross on its side. It would be hilarious if they screw it up and the cross falls flat while making a roaring thud sound that echoes throughout Old Jerusalem.

Matt & Tom read that they must walk the Ramparts Wall to find their next clue.

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Ah. How cool.

Nathan wants to switch to carrying it like a surfboard. After a few seconds Tyler disagrees.

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Probably because there are no waves to catch here, bro.

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Jeff is considering to collaborate with Tyler & Nathan on this task.

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You’re doing a fine job, guys. . .Please don’t ask me to help.”

Tyler admits they didn’t really bring their clue so they have no idea where they’re going.

TYLER: Nathan and I have struggled the last two legs with directions.

Because you’ve been hanging around Jeff & Luke too much.

NATHAN: What’s VI?

TYLER: Four. That’s four.

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Somebody needed to watch more Rocky movies.

Tyler asks a local the way to the ninth station.

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He gestures them to the right.

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Follow the yellow Jesuses.

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Jeff & Luke continue to “collaborate”.

Sam & Renae run past a bunch of rabbis.

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Heyyyyy Rabbiiiiiis.

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Don’t you need a degree for this?”

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Yeah, c’mon guys. Don’t break a two thousand year old ancient artifact.

Sam says there a lot of rocks in the digging site. It provided a lot of false hope because every time you hit a rock you think you hit the vase.

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This is very similar to the Detour task they chose last week.

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Just replace bottle caps with rocks for this round’s Detour. It’s also better than all of the used condoms they found on Jerusalem Beach last round too.

Jeff frequently switches shoulders to use “the fleshy part of his shoulder and there’s not flesh up there”.

JEFF: I felt the crush that Jesus must have felt by the cross that was significantly bigger and heavier on his own.

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I dunno. I’m pretty sure he had a buddy named Simon help him out on that one.

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If only Jesus had some followers telling him to “focus, believe, achieve” to move a bit faster through the streets.

Tyler & Nathan grin and bare it while carrying the cross. Jeff & Luke lose their collaboration partners.

Matt & Tom see the wall where locals and tourists write notes and shove them into the wall. Tom talks about Dung Gate.

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TOM: It’s near the Dung Gate. It’s in somewhere not out of somewhere.

Sam & Renae find the long pot.

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Renae cleans it off.

Tyler & Nathan get lost again with their cross.

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They are making this a lot harder for themselves than it needs to be.

NATHAN: Do you want to read the clue again dude so we’re not walking around like chickens with our heads cut off?

TYLER: I don’t have the clue.

Commercial break. We resume.

NATHAN: Do you want to read the clue again dude so we’re not walking around like chickens with our heads cut off?

TYLER: I don’t have the clue. I only have the additional info.

Well that was a misleading cliffhanger.

Tyler insists there were no signs as they read the part about the nine stations. Nathan says there were.

TYLER: Yeah.

NATHAN: What do you mean year?

TYLER: There were.

NATHAN: Dude, we’ve got to follow that stuff.

Tyler’s position flipped quickly.

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Maybe Tyler was accidentally reading the clue from left to right.

Luke comments on the old stone in the withered streets.

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The woman reaches out to touch Jeff like he is a member of The Beatles in the 1960s.

JEFF: We walked past people saying “I love you,” “bless you”.

jerusalem woman 3

jerusalem woman 4

I touched his wood!”

jerusalem woman 5

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A little overdramatic.

JEFF: The little holes in the wall that were shops–at one point I could imagine smelling the spices and things that must have been present two thousand years ago. To put the cross down and know we were within metres of where Jesus was crucified was an amazing experience.

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All hail the Downes!

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I’d pay Jeff ten shekels to go up to the clue giver, sniff him, and exclaim “I can smell the spices on you! You smell like you are two thousand years old!”

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Luke shields the clue from the onlookers.

Sam & Renae carry the pot.

RENAE: I feel like I could qualify us for the Olympic Power Walkers Team.

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And should they fall any further behind, Renae can take out her frustration on the pot by using it to qualify herself for the Olympic Javelin Team.

Sam & Renae get help to find the City of David.

SAM: I wonder why we got so much help.

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Dude.

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Dude.

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More dudes.

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Even more dudes.

RENAE: There’s not a lot of blondes in this area.

SAM: Now that I think about it, the only people who helped us were men.

Sam has to explain what adjacent means to one of the locals helping her. It might not be the best help that they’re getting.

Tyler & Nathan have to retrace some of their steps.

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Not Nathan’s most ideal position.

NATHAN: What’s this phone, Tyler? What’s this phone?

TYLER: Nothing. It’s a flag. Go.

I think it’s just a phone.

jerusalem phone

Screw sending a letter to your loved ones–just grab this phone and give ’em a shout right now!

jerusalem hats

I hope the women in the Pikachu hats are cast for the next Hamerotz LaMillion.

Tyler & Nathan arrive at the final station. The clue is theirs.

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There’s a lot of tourist groups hovering around in the area.

Sam & Renae find the City of Tit.

jerusalem david

I mean David.

Sam tells Renae to not drop the pot as if they are experimental high school students once they are inside.

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How was this a city?

metropolis

Unless it was like Fritz Lang’s Metropolis.

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Current Population: 2

jerusalem sam schoers 8

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Sam says the water was up to her knees.

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On Renae? Not so much.

By the way, in some unaired footage there is somebody right behind Renae who is directly walking on top of the water. I don’t know who it is, but he seems to have a gift.

SAM: The water is up to my knees.

RENAE: It was only up to my ankles.

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Renae is awarded the most smug expression of the season.

Renae admits to being claustrophobic.

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It’s The Blair Renae Project.

RENAE: I’m good! I’m good! I’ll tell you when I’m not!

jerusalem renae wauhop 10

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Like right about now.

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This is so fun, Renae! Renae?”

Renae hits her head a couple of times. Too damn tall.

jerusalem renae wauhop 12

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In other news, Renae got a concussion.

Alas, Renae is rescued and they complete their trek through the aqueduct.

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The ancient bong belongs to the archaeologist. Use it well, my friend. Use it well.

Matt & Tom are completely lost and absolutely no one has heard of the Rampart Wall.

TOM: We were bushed for quite a while.

Ah, more Aussie-isms.

jerusalem matt tom 26

Just keep going up, I guess.

jerusalem matt tom 27

They nearly get run over by a bus.

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Matt & Tom really have no idea where to go.

Jeff & Luke are near the Western Wall.

JEFF: Take your time. On your left, that’s the Wailing Wall. Take your time. Just suck it in.

kirby.jpg

Suck it in like a cultural Kirby.

JEFF: We’re in the sharp end of the race now but we’ll still take time to experience the significance of historical places.

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JEFF: Alright. Let’s stop for a minute.

LUKE: What are you–

jerusalem jeff luke downes 18

This picture is priceless.

JEFF: I just want you to look at that.

LUKE: I’m looking. That’s why I turned this way.

jerusalem jeff luke downes 19

Suck it in. Suck it in.

jerusalem jeff luke downes 20

Culture successfully sucked in. Let’s go.

Luke says they always try to take in the environment while racing.

jerusalem music

jerusalem music 1

The guy in the green is awesome.

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Jeff & Luke don’t even stop for a second. Clearly they are full on culture for the day.

Every single team is looking for Dung Gate. Nathan gets directions from a local. Tyler doesn’t follow and asks the guy to repeat it in perfect English twice. After they start walking, Tyler is doubting if they even walked through that area as Nathan confirms they did.

jerusalem tyler atkins 3

scatman john

I love the guy rocking the Scatman John moustache.

Matt & Tom finally find somebody who knows the Rampart Wall.

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Up there, my friends.”

jerusalem matt tom 30

Matt & Tom run to the clue box. They read to head to the Aish HaTorah World Centre on the Western Wall for their next pit stop.

jerusalem man 2

There sure are a lot of letters in that limestone.

jerusalem wall 4

In 20 BCE in the Holy City of Jerusalem, the Western Wall was built by King Herod. It’s one of the holiest sites in the world for Jews.

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I’d advise against a pun on this one, Bowler.

jerusalem beard

And that guy possesses one of the holiest beards I have ever seen.

It is also known as the Wailing Wall and attracts thousands of worshipers every day who leave written prayers in the stonework. The Aish HaTorah World Centre overlooks the stone wall. Last team to check in may be eliminated.

Matt & Tom scramble to find the pit stop. Jeff & Luke get directions to the clue box from a local.

jerusalem jeff luke downes 22

Jeff’s ascot returns.

After receiving directions, Jeff wants a high five.

jerusalem jeff luke downes 23

High five?”

jerusalem jeff downes 6

Not quite.

jerusalem jeff downes 7

Try again?

jerusalem jeff downes 8

Boooom! Brothers from another mother!

jerusalem jeff downes 9

I don’t know how this was advantageous to Jeff.

Jeff & Luke are second to the clue box. Matt & Tom are asking for directions to the race flags that they see.

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I’m surprised nobody decided to go there rather than Rampart’s Walk.

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They spotted the race flags from quite a distance.

There is a lot of running around throughout Old Jerusalem. Many steps. Who shall be first to the pit stop?

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Grant chillin’ with a rabbi. Just another day on the job.

Matt & Tom are there first.

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Matt side-steps onto the mat.

MATT: You like your stairs here.

FIRST PLACE: MATT & TOM

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Another calm handshake.

They have won ten thousand dollars courtesy of NAB.

jerusalem asterisk

That asterisk is free and happy running around.

jerusalem asterisk 1

What the hell happened to the asterisk? It’s on a cross!

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He crucified the asterisk! My god!

TOM: We followed the path of Jesus and it ended up leading us to the right direction and getting us there first. Maybe he was looking down on us favourably today.

MATT: He gave us that guiding touch.

cape mo mos 24

They’re the only Muslim team that had a chance to be racing around in Israel, and Mo & Mos really could have spoiled the Christian theme of this leg (and the last one) by winning one of these two rounds. Especially this one. It only would have been more hilarious if two raging atheists had won it.

Missed opportunity for the folks at Active.

jerusalem jeff luke downes 24

We’re the two very best friends!”

SECOND PLACE: JEFF & LUKE

jerusalem jeff luke downes 25

They sure are sweaty.

By the way, absolutely no mat chat for them again. We immediately cut to Tyler & Nathan running around to find Dung Gate. They’re told to backtrack. The locals are offering contradictory directions. Frustration is setting in. Sam & Renae are also running around.

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Sam & Renae appear to be close to the wall. They are stumped by a turnstile.

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It turns out to be an ‘Exit Only’ turnstile.

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It sure is fun to play with, though.

It’s a long search for Dung Gate. Tyler & Nathan are getting increasingly frustrated. Nathan tries to calm Tyler down but it doesn’t go over well.

TYLER: We’re trying to find a clue, dude. That’s where we’re going. What do you mean where we go?

NATHAN: Chill out, mate.

TYLER: I’m just saying, dude.

NATHAN: You’re so stressed.

TYLER: I’m not stressed.

NATHAN: Yes you are. Chill out, mate.

TYLER: I’m trying to find a clue, dude.

NATHAN: Yeah, but look at how stressed you are!

TYLER: Shut up, mate! I’m in a fucking race!

jerusalem tyler nathan 12

NATHAN: Chill out.

TYLER: You fucking idiot.

NATHAN: Chill out mate. Don’t call me a fucking idiot.

jerusalem tyler nathan 13

Yeah, don’t call him a fucking idiot.

jerusalem tyler nathan 14

Not when he has the smallest manbun known to man.

Commercial break. We resume. Tyler & Nathan’s fight is replayed. Nathan breaks out some sass.

NATHAN: Let’s walk the wall where the wall is like the clue says. You wanna do that?

TYLER: I don’t know.

jerusalem nathan joliffe 7

jerusalem nathan joliffe 6

Tyler & Nathan find the clue.

jerusalem aish clue

Aish HaTorah?

aisha tyler

The Jewish cousin of Aisha Tyler.

Sam & Renae are last to the clue box. Editors aren’t going to fool us. It isn’t that close. As Sam & Renae cross the street, Renae asks to hold her hand.

jerusalem sam renae 24

Hold my fin, baby girl.”

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Rejected.

It’s a race to Aish Hatorah.

jerusalem canada

Wait. Canada? The Dan Family of Canada? I was not expecting Canada being mentioned on the Jerusalem leg of TAR Australia.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leslie_Dan

And as somebody who has now been working in a pharmacy for nearly four years, I finally learned who was behind Novo and Teva brand pharmaceuticals. What a random connection to find in this episode for me.

jerusalem pit stop

They have no choice but to wait.

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Sam & Renae have been running by tourists all day.

THIRD PLACE: TYLER & NATHAN

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Not the happiest pair.

GRANT: You look a bit frustrated.

Tyler & Nathan answer that not reading clues properly and getting stressed out is why they are annoyed and stressed.

jerusalem grant bowler 6

It’s more than what’s happening to Matt & Tom or Jeff & Luke at the moment.”

Tyler says they should have finished in second place today, and that their struggle over the past couple rounds has been a major kick in the ass.

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Or a slap in the face.

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That’s a team who highly suspects a NEL.

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No tears yet.

jerusalem rabbi

It’s tough to be angry around a happy rabbi.

LAST PLACE: SAM & RENAE

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The breakdown is coming.

GRANT: I have to tell you. . .this is a pre-determined non-elimination leg. Therefore you have not been eliminated from the race.

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Relief.

jerusalem sam renae 33

jerusalem sam renae 34

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Thank Heavens!

hamerotz scratch 1.jpg

hamerotz scratch.jpg

If only they received this news via scratch card.

SAM: We were pretty lucky to have dodged this bullet.

TAR 1, TAR 2, TAR 4, TAR 5, TAR 6, TAR 7, TAR 8 (x2), TAR 9, TAR 10, TAR 11 (x2), TAR 12, TAR 13, TAR 14, TAR 15, TAR 16, TAR 17, TAR Asia 1, and TAR Asia 3 have all had a NEL at Final Four up to this point.

If anything, it would be extremely unlucky if they didn’t hit the final NEL on this leg.

Sam & Renae are Marked for Elimination. If they don’t arrive in first place on the next leg, they will incur a thirty minute penalty.

SAM: We realize how far we’ve actually come in the competition, and to be the last two girls standing here we’ve won. To us we’ve won.

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Actually, you haven’t won. The only way you win is if you’re the first team to cross the finish line on the final leg of the race.

Renae wants females in the top three, and girls can do it half their size, half their age, and half their strength.

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Aren’t they older than Tyler & Nathan?

SAM: Hopefully we can do it.

RENAE: Hopefully.

Sam & Renae didn’t exactly present the most compelling case that they would overcome this penalty in the next leg. Let’s see how it plays out.

Next Time on TAR: The Final Four teams run a tight race in a sprint towards the finale, but in the battle for a quarter of a million dollars which team won’t make it into the final leg?

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

TYLER.NATHAN 8.14

MATT.TOM 6.8

SAM.RENAE 9.11

JEFF.LUKE 13.7

Rank the Legs

1) Krakow, Poland -> Masada, Israel

TAR goes to Israel. Well, other than Hamerotz LaMillion which is the Israeli version of The Amazing Race (you smartass), but the American version hasn’t even gone to Israel after 29 seasons.

There is a sense of satisfaction to watch a version of TAR that visits a country that the US version has not dared to visit yet. TAR Australia and TAR Canada will later repeat this with Cuba.

Cuba being dismissed by TAR US is obvious. But Israel? How did Australians go there but not the Americans or Canadians?

Yes, Israel is still a very controversial country to this day, but their extremely close ties to the States makes you think that an Israel visit for TAR US would be very easy for them to do.

Like, I know TAR Asia could never go there since some of its teams would not be allowed to visit, but TAR US? How come they can’t go?

As somebody who grew up in the 90s and early 2000s, news stations filled up endless material with things happening in Israel. The Gaza Strip, the West Bank, various attacks, etc.

I know things aren’t kosher and hunky-dory with its surrounding countries there now, but it fills up a lot less of the daily news cycle than it did about ten years ago.

It was really neat to see its debut as a casual TAR location. The Australian teams expressing genuine shock they were going there, and how Tel Aviv looked like any western metropolis, and then Jerusalem Beach looking like any other ordinary beach.

It’s like “here is a regular ol’ country that just happens to be home to stuff you read in the Bible”.

Oh, that thing over there? King Herod built it.

And it gives me the chance to make a bunch of jokes that hover around the line of what is considered offensive. We all win.

The storyline of Tyler & Nathan clawing their way to survival with minimal funds since the robbery continued. They ended up with a pile of phone numbers (and rubbers) by the end of this leg.

Dave & Kelly became public enemy number one and were considered the worst thing since Hitl–er, Kevin & Ryan in TAR Canada 5 as everyone labeled them as the team that absolutely had to go home. I have no idea where that sentiment came from.

A self-drive leg to the pit stop resulted in four out of five teams getting lost on the way to the pit stop. Hell, Dave & Kelly didn’t even get to the pit stop. The only team who didn’t get lost was also the team who were already in first after the Detour. Matt & Tom ran a flawless leg as they completed every single task in the fastest time this round. Even Grant commented that they did this leg in about two seconds. Hopefully we get departure times at the start of next round.

Seeing two teams be absolutely certain they were being eliminated only to discover they were safe was fun to watch. That’s why I like self-drive legs.

Matkot was alright for a task.

Seeing the return of How Well You Know Your Partner task was refreshing. Particularly because Sam misread a question and nearly royally screwed Renae. Thank god Renae knew all of the other answers with certainty.

Jeff acting like a maniac for half of the episode was also a surprise.

Israel being a location automatically shot it high up in these standings regardless of the production design or editing this leg–everything else was just icing on the cake.

2) Masada, Israel -> Jerusalem, Israel

All of my religious jokes in the blog aside, it is still really really cool that TAR Australia visited Jerusalem.

I understand why they focused more on the biblical part of the city rather than the current political climate, but it was still awesome to see the city be added to the TAR catalog. I am very curious to see how TAR US or TAR Canada will treat Israel when they eventually visit the country.

It was a bit anti-climatic as this was the shortest episode of the season in terms of airtime, and since NELs on the penultimate leg aren’t allowed anymore it had to be the final NEL of the season. It didn’t help that there were no equalizers and the tasks were easy enough for everyone to stay in the exact same position as they did in the last leg.

The Holy Grail task was a bit too similar to what we saw in the metal detector search task from the previous round. However, instead of a beach we get an awesome trek through the mysterious city of David.

Seeing teams go to the site of the Dead Sea Scrolls as Renae shaves her legs, Matt takes a nap, and Jeff couldn’t understand this task at all made it an entertaining Roadblock for everyone.

Watching Tyler & Nathan deal with mounting pressure, stress, and attrition was interesting to watch play out. They have surprisingly unique ways of coping with this in the race.

The letters to be sent home ultimately amounted to nothing. What was the point? There was no payoff with it.

Sam falling was funny. Jeff being the Slow Grandpa was funny. The Kimo Leopoldo crosses were funny. Matt being seduced by a bagel was funny.

There was a mixture of self-driving, taxis, and racing on-foot to make this an integrated round of play.

It was a quick round, but we really needed two rounds in Israel and producers did a pretty good damn job with it. I approve.

3) Macau, China -> Port Elizabeth, South Africa

It took four episodes, but we finally get some original material. After copying tasks from prior seasons of TAR Asia, nothing is repeated as the cast exits Asia for the rest of the season.

What is even better is we visit a part of South Africa that has yet to be seen on The Amazing Race. In other words, not Cape Town.

This round earns a lot of points for being an extreme self-drive leg. After flying for a full day, teams were forced to drive six hundred kilometres only to be equalized until the morning.

Richard & Joey’s storyline was set up perfectly for this round. After pissing off everyone else this season, it did not come as a surprise that they would be the only team to be U-Turned. Add to this that they were stuck in the mud more than any other team, Richard wasting time wanting a better goat, and both of them going insane during the Detour was great entertainment.

This round had the perfect balance of tasks. A couple of scenic locations, a difficult driving challenge through mud, a Detour where you pick between either coordination or skill, a record-breaking bungee jump task, and lastly a fun goat-herding challenge.

This is when TAR is at its best.

There was lots of fun moments this leg. Most of them came from Alana & Mel nearly dying as they learn how to drive a stick shift. Matt & Tom were pulled over by the friendliest police officer ever, and Mo & Mos barely surviving elimination yet again despite not even being able to stand up on a ferry just a day earlier.

An episode like this is why I love The Amazing Race, and why it makes me sad when I watch a season like TAR 24 or the majority of TAR 28 where the soul of the series continues to fade away. Or the season premiere of TAR Asia 5. What the hell was that?

4) Cape Town, South Africa -> The ‘Dam, Netherlands -> Prague, Czech Republic

I will award this round fifty points for traveling to two separate non-bordering countries properly in a single episode (as a reader pointed out, TAR Asia 1 and TAR Asia 2 had done this before). We saw teams fatigued before they were even at the second challenge.

The twist of providing the leading teams with comfortable accommodations while providing the trailing teams with a punishment is something I don’t recall seeing before. Unless you’re Danny & Oswald and take it from your own pocket.

Furthermore, the $50 Roadblock race bonus at the bow and arrow task was also a creative twist. None of the other versions had ever done that before either.

However, this leg blatantly copied three of the TAR Asia 2 challenges that they also did in Prague. Back in 2011 I doubt too many people had watched the TAR Asia seasons prior to TAR Australia, but I can’t help but penalize production for a lack of creativity for the majority of the episode.

Dave & Kelly accidentally making fun of a blind man, Tyler & Nathan describing themselves as underdogs, Matt as Robocop, Jeff & Luke unintentionally misdirecting Sam & Renae, the princesses being called fat, and Mel’s twinging elbow strain all contributed to an entertaining round of play.

And just think of Jeff & Luke did not give away their arrows, Matt & Tom would have been eliminated! So close, guys. So close.

5) Port Elizabeth, South Africa – > Cape Town, South Africa

This round is hilarious. I thought this season would suffer after Richard & Joey’s exit, but that is not the case.

I have two complaints with this round. One of them is that the Intersection is as weak as the American version. Why doesn’t any of the franchises want to do something more with the Intersection? Just one lousy task and that’s it?

Although it was funny to see Intersected teams lose each other while driving on the road to the same place.

The other complaint is that they copied a luck-based task from TAR Asia 2 in the exact same location. I love how Anastasia thought it was necessary to one-up Collin’s accident. The air she got was ridiculous.

Speaking of Anastasia, the reason why this episode ranks so high is because of how volatile Chris & Anastasia were from start to finish. The wine Detour blowup is memorable for any hardcore TAR fan. They were even fighting in confessionals from start to finish this episode. Not to mention they lost their keys in the desert, needed Renae to release their key, and Anastasia nearly died. I imagine more absurd fights are on the horizon.

Mo & Mos’ adventure this leg started out with a series of bathroom breaks prior to jumping out of a plane. Or their pointless search of a random beach that didn’t have their next clue. I can picture their friends and family cringing at home as they make their jihad jokes when firing at clay targets on the shooting range.

The Detour featured a classic pun–Guns or Rose. I guess that is a thing. Neither Detour seemed difficult unless you are a couple preparing to break up. It wasn’t a terrible Detour, but not brilliant either.

The skydiving task may be a tired formula in TAR by this point. Thankfully Alana, Dave, and Mo provided a bit of entertainment within it.

Dave & Kelly donating an extra map to the orphanage led to one of the more amusing moments of the round.

The Matt & Tom vs. Tyler & Nathan rivalry continues to build without it being too boring. Luckily all four racers are somewhat entertaining.

Mo & Mos were -this- close to surviving the leg. It would have made a better ending as Chris & Anastasia being eliminated would have been the best way to cap their shitty day.

Lastly, Luke overplays how old his dad is on screen. It never gets old. . .unlike his dad.

6) Melbourne, Australia -> Lombok, Indonesia

A Starting Line task where nobody is penalized? Wonderful.

A NEL that doesn’t involve a stupid Speed Bump? Wonderful.

A round where the prize up for grabs is an Express Pass? Meh, but I’ll forgive this since the twist was still relatively new.

This round loses points for being the closest thing to a copycat of another prior TAR leg that I have ever seen. When half of the tasks are identical, nearly every single location is identical, and the host’s own puns are plagiarized, I think that is a bit extreme.

I know it is tempting because this Lombok leg was well-constructed in TAR Asia 4. It had the freakin’ Ethan & Khairie vs. The Richards fight to set the tone for a very competitive leg.

But c’mon, replacing a tomb with bakso soup is not enough to make this its own leg. We still had a clue covered by a net in an outrigger, the rice cake massacre, diving into the water, counting money, and riding a cidomo to a pit stop.

The only interesting part about seeing a group of people repeat a leg from a different season is if it plays out any differently. Knowing how exhausted teams were by the time they needed to count the money demonstrated that this was a true test for everyone involved. My initial assumption that Tyler & Nathan would stroll through this round easily was erased halfway through the episode.

Sam & Renae obliterate eighteen seasons of TAR US’ history with young blonde all-female teams by slaughtering everyone on their way to the pit stop. They were also responsible for slaughtering that poor asterisk. It gave you ten thousand dollars and THAT is how you repay it?

One of the weirdest trends was seeing Mo & Mos repeat fellow Muslim team Bilal & Sa’eed by having a horrendous opening leg. Luckily, they were saved by a NEL unlike their Cleveland counterparts.

The lopsided rivalry of the intense Richard & Joey versus the goofy and giggly Anne-Marie & Tracy begins here. I hope this lasts for a while because it is a hilarious storyline. Anne-Marie & Tracy must be oblivious to the target on their backs. By the way, I love Anne-Marie & Tracy win round one of this war.

After Alana & Mel were awful with self-driving in Melbourne, I cannot wait to see how they handle driving in foreign countries.

Chris’s roided up reactions to everything during this leg amused me. So was Dave & Kelly’s commentary.

Lastly, Liberty vomiting after kissing a dozen Lombok men. Did their cheeks nauseate you that much?

Overall, this round was anything but its own original piece, however the cast and the fact this was a strong leg in TAR Asia 4 makes up for it. A seventy-minute episode did not drag whatsoever.

7) Zimni, Czech Republic -> Niedzica, Poland

Despite it being a To Be Continued round, there wasn’t an equalizer that resulted in all six teams being forced together at the start of the day. Yes, the gap narrowed at the salt mine, but it wasn’t enough to make Dave & Kelly and Matt & Tom be on an equal playing field with the other teams.

Tyler & Nathan being robbed on the train is one of the most shocking moments in TAR history. James & Abba will suffer a worse fate just over a year after this season airs, but James & Abba weren’t the extreme frontrunners like Tyler & Nathan had been all season long. It would be like if Colin & Christie lost their passports at the end of the tenth leg of TAR 5–the strongest team being taken out in the unluckiest way possible.

Thanks to it being a self-drive leg and having many allies, Tyler & Nathan mounted a comeback and nearly won this round. If you had any doubts they were going to win this season, they were certainly removed after this round of play.

Surprisingly, none of the tasks in Poland referenced World War II like they did during TAR 11: Real All Stars’ visit. It’s just castles, salt mines, and views of the lakes and mountains.

The salt mine task was a bit too much of a needle in the haystack for me. The crypt was cool, though. And Nathan nearly damaging the equipment was amusing as well as Matt being forced to damage his own equipment thanks to the tight overalls.

Dave & Kelly continuing to pile on fatigue and physical injury was amusing. Every time they beat Matt & Tom on navigation and how pissed Matt & Tom were also added a dash of hilarity to the episode.

The Detour, where it was so lopsided that everyone chose the sheep anyway, was full of funny moments. Renae lifting up fat sheep, sheep escaping through every pole or hole possible, and the cute little way they all run away from the contestants had me laughing. It was also a fun task to watch.

It was painful to see the Intersection be the last task before the pit stop. I know it wasn’t the shortest drive in the world, but nearly everyone checked into the pit stop in pairs.

Now for the Intersection task itself–the TAR Asia 4 woodcutting challenge on steroids. The log was three times as high, and the tools used required A LOT of physical strength. Was it too unfair to the group that had three women and only one man? That’s up for debate. Can you imagine if Charla & Mirna had to do this task?

There was hope for Chris, Anastasia, Sam, and Renae when Sam & Renae made it through their first cut, but Anastasia’s lack of strength made it clear that the lead they had since the previous round was going to be sacrificed. At least there was suspense if Kelly had enough in her to complete this challenge. The editors had me wondering because of what happened with Anne-Marie & Tracey and Mo & Mos at the zodiac challenge earlier in the season.

But Anastasia was the only one who couldn’t do it. The four hour penalty was assessed, and Sam & Renae were caught in friendly fire as they had a two hour penalty dumped on them. I think Sam & Renae should not have received a penalty at all because they weren’t allowed the chance to prove they could make the second cut.

Jeff & Luke finally nab their first victory of the season. It was well-earned as this was Jeff & Luke’s most entertaining episode to date. What time is it, old man?

It would be interesting to see how social media would have reacted to Chris & Anastasia if social media platforms were as big in 2011 as they were now. Something tells me Chris would have had a much tougher time dealing with the public reaction.

Overall, this was a solid round but too much TAR Asia copying, an oddly placed Intersection, a Detour where one option was extremely unappealing, and a luck-based challenge drops it in the rankings.

8) Prague, Czech Republic -> Zimni, Czech Republic

If I recall correctly, this is by far the shortest episode out of the first seven episodes (while other episodes were up to seventy minutes of running time, this one is only 43 minutes).

Matt & Tom set a new record by being stopped by police TWICE in the same round. Somehow they were not detained or fined by law enforcement in either situation.

The ice hockey challenge proved to be difficult as we saw some extremely painful falls by our dear Aussies. Dave’s incidents were cringeworthy to watch.

Production trolled teams by setting up a Detour task that they knew would be borderline impossible for everyone involved. Seeing three teams fall for this trap was funny.

Sam & Renae receive bad advice from a fellow team for the second round in a row as Matt & Tom were unaware of how to properly succeed at the Russian spy challenge. The comrade was always good for a laugh as he repeatedly insulted Tyler.

You could see this season being taken to the next level as the showdown at the beer stacking between the three trailing teams became more physical than what I was expecting. With five rounds left in the season, we could very well shift to it being a cutthroat battle.

This round does have a lousy ending, though. No prize given to Chris & Anastasia for finishing first, and whoever finishes last on this leg will not be penalized despite it being a Non-Elimination Leg. Sigh.

A mid-season NEL leg can be dull most of the time, but here it holds up reasonably well. A self-drive leg, a unique penalty for failing at a task, and a physical active route info all contributed to a decent round of play.

Oh, and there was abseiling. I almost forgot about it since it was only shown for two minutes.

9) Lombok, Indonesia -> Hue, Vietnam

Although this leg ends in Hue, we cannot glance over the fact that we were in Ho Chi Minh City for one task before equalizing all of the teams.

For the second round in a row, we get an excessive amount of overlap with a TAR Asia leg. Well, two TAR Asia legs if you include the carabao task from TAR Asia 2.

I like how teams were given even less instruction with the dynasty coins task compared to when it was run during TAR Asia 3 (it was also twenty degrees Celsius warmer back then to balance things out).

The Detour was extremely physical. Either you relied on the carabao to drag you through the mud to find a clue, or you caught a bunch of chickens and had to carry the heavy weight over a long course. Considering multiple teams switched tasks, nobody had any energy left.

However, forcing half of the players to run up and down stairs during what would normally be billed as a mental challenge led to them scrounging what little energy they could to finish off the leg.

Perhaps my biggest beef with this leg is underediting the broken deal between Alana & Mel and Richard & Joey right before the pit stop. Both teams were minutes away from being eliminated, and Richard & Joey gave into temptation to guarantee they stayed alive. Since both teams entered the pit stop seconds apart, we should have seen Grant Bowler host a mat chat on the spot.

In fact, Ryot & Liberty could have been told they were eliminated and start crying while Mel and Joey engage in a shouting match. That would have been great TV.

Rich & Joey was not the only team to piss off everyone this episode. Chris did his part as he infamously berated Anastasia at the airport in Lombok. Furthermore, the name-calling continued until Anastasia was the first to complete the Roadblock over ten other teams. Then things changed.

We saw alliances begin to form and enemies made. I don’t understand why we needed a double equalizer before the true round could start, but whatever.

I do find it funny that this cast got to travel by plane rather than bus or train to Hue. Special treatment for Aussies!

Mo & Mos and Anne-Marie & Tracy staying alive through the first elimination was the ideal start to the season. Ryot & Liberty were not the best choice for first boots, but it is not the worst option out there. Besides, we saw how physically fit Liberty was in the first episode–I am surprised she held up through this round without vomiting again.

While wonderful storylines developed and amusing moments were present, the lack of originality and a missed opportunity for the editors drops this episode down a bit in the rankings.

10) Hue, Vietnam -> Macau, China

Let’s get this out of the way: For the third leg in a row, many of the challenges and locations are unapologetically ripped off from TAR Asia. The fortune cookie search, placing Zodiac lanterns in the correct order, dancing in a lion costume, playing a simple card game in a casino to win points, and A-Ma Cultural Village being used as the pit stop were all apart of TAR Asia 3.

This episode used too many luck-based challenges. That is always disappointing.

The only Fast Forward of the season appears, and features the famous traditional head shaving challenge. Whether you are annoyed this task is unoriginal or like the nostalgic factor is completely up to you.

Seeing Richard & Joey go from the team viewed as underperforming and pissing off everyone else in the race go to “lucky bastards” who jump to the front and take the Fast Forward and skip three-quarters of the leg sets up the team everyone wants to knock out of the race.

This round contains one of the most frustrating moments in TAR history. The bottom two teams, beloved Mo & Mos and Anne-Marie & Tracy are at the final Roadblock. Mo & Mos decide to take a four hour penalty, thus setting up Anne-Marie & Tracy to beat them by default. However, Anne-Marie & Tracy quit -after- them despite knowing it would guarantee their elimination, and end up going home in what could have been a case of having all-time great characters.

We had name-calling in the form of Chris referring to Dave as a fat oaf, a kung fu task where Renae accidentally punched concrete to make her hand bleed, and Anne-Marie & Tracy successfully performing an aerobic lion dance.

Oh, and Mel being angry with Alana’s hesitation to step up for a Roadblock was funny. We’ll have to work on that, Alana.

This round featured a TAR franchise first which has yet to be repeated: An Express Pass which saved a team who had a 50/50 shot at being eliminated. Sam & Renae used their Express Pass in an episode where editors buried them. This round in Singapore was absolutely brutal for them.

P.S. How dapper were Matt & Tom? They were as dressed up as the Texan guy from The Simpsons.

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3 Responses to The Amazing Race Australia 1 Episode 10 Rankings

  1. First of all, “TIT” is actually ״דוד״, which is just Hebrew for David, since Hebrew is right to left.

    But more importantly, HOLY SHIT YOU USED MY LITTLE HAMEROTZ TRANSLATE AS A SCREENCAP AHHHH I’M SO HONORED! THANKS!

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