I saw Snoop Dogg in concert yesterday. It made me think about The Amazing Race Canada this season.
Who do I think smokes marijuana? I decided to analyze what we know about the racers so far and come to an (in)appropriate conclusion.
NOTE: I don’t know if any of these racers actually smokes marijuana. If you take this article too seriously, you are dumber than a casual fan. This is done without any acceptable evidence to back back back it up.
ANOTHER NOTE: Again, I have never had this discussion with any of the racers this season. In fact, I have never smoked marijuana. Contrary to popular belief.
OK. Let’s begin with Korey & Ivana.
In the last episode of Amazing Race Canada, Ivana suffered from chronic back pain during the synchronized diving challenge. In fact, her chronic back pain was so severe she had to switch Detour tasks.
So what’s the best cure for chronic back pain?
The Chronic for Chronic Back Pain.
As for Korey? I would assume it would be similar circumstances. Many pro athletes use it when they are not expecting to be drug tested.
I believe their slogan is “suffer now then you can blaze up later”.
So let’s move onto our second team.
I do not mean to bring down the mood of this conversation, but Shabbir underwent chemo therapy to treat his cancer.
Therefore, Shabbir would probably not be one to smoke marijuana, but I would assume his doctor would prescribe him some medicinal marijuana (or perhaps nabilone).
It’s a good ol’ toke for the old bloke!
And what about Zed? The Jose Bautista clone? Has he ever used it?
Oh right, he’s from B.C. There’s your answer.
Now let’s move onto a team that has sadly been eliminated from the race.
Does The Goofy Newfie want a Doobie?
How else do you think they would be so goofy?
And it explains why they would have a craving for cheesecake at breakfast. Some people have a banana, an apple, maybe some cereal, eggs, or toast, but no, these Goofy Newfies had a hankering for cheesecake.
Like this is even a debate lol. GIVE’R! Or should I say, TOKE’R?
Sam did suspiciously well with measuring out those ingredients at the Roadblock in Beijing.
And the couple who smokes together stays together.
They are Quebecois. That must be such a depressing fact to wake up to every single morning. It probably did not take them long to figure out the solution to ease that mental trauma–even if it is just a brief period of time.
What about our other Quebecois team, Andrea & Ebonie? The friends who fled to Costa Rica to start up a yoga business?
A picture says a thousand words.
And then we have our Frankie Grande-esque social media moguls Dan & Riya.
How else can they record some of those React videos to unfunny Filipino Instagram comedians? Knowing from personal experience, those who smoke marijuana have a tendency to laugh at EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of my jokes.
If you record a React video and just sit there watching comedians while completely stone-faced (no pun intended), then chances are you’re not going to have many views.
You have to do whatever is necessary to draw in your target audience. Laughing is contagious. It’s why The Big Bang Theory has insisted upon having a laugh track over all of these years.
Or Dharma & Greg.
Then there’s married couple Karen & Bert.
Eh. Probably not. Dirt Gritie keeps it straight-edge, kids.
Meanwhile, Karen is the one wearing the Bob Marley wristband. And yes, I did use Google to confirm those are Bob Marley’s identifying colours.
Granted, she probably smokes it like 0.01% of the time that Bob Marley did.
I SHOT THE ICE SKATER
BUT I DID NOT SHOOT THE SKELETOR!
Lastly, we have our first boots Aaron & Deb.
This mother-son duo are together in a JOINT business venture.
And I have a feeling all of those urns do not contain strictly ashes.
I mean, they even quote Snoop Dogg lyrics saying they are the “Real Teal Deal”.
And their puns are good enough
So they’ll take a small piece of that funky stuff.
And that’s all ten teams!
So yeah. They all smoke weed. Except Bert. The end.
P.S. That Ginger who binges on Campbell’s Soup and Mentos while throwing up Russell, Manitoba gang signs probably does it too.