Which Amazing Race Canada Contestants Do I Think Smoke The Marijuana?

I saw Snoop Dogg in concert yesterday. It made me think about The Amazing Race Canada this season.

Who do I think smokes marijuana? I decided to analyze what we know about the racers so far and come to an (in)appropriate conclusion.

NOTE: I don’t know if any of these racers actually smokes marijuana. If you take this article too seriously, you are dumber than a casual fan. This is done without any acceptable evidence to back back back it up.

ANOTHER NOTE: Again, I have never had this discussion with any of the racers this season. In fact, I have never smoked marijuana. Contrary to popular belief.

OK. Let’s begin with Korey & Ivana.

korey ivana

In the last episode of Amazing Race Canada, Ivana suffered from chronic back pain during the synchronized diving challenge. In fact, her chronic back pain was so severe she had to switch Detour tasks.

So what’s the best cure for chronic back pain?

chronic

The Chronic for Chronic Back Pain.

As for Korey? I would assume it would be similar circumstances. Many pro athletes use it when they are not expecting to be drug tested.

nate diaz.jpg

I believe their slogan is “suffer now then you can blaze up later”.

So let’s move onto our second team.

zed shabbir

I do not mean to bring down the mood of this conversation, but Shabbir underwent chemo therapy to treat his cancer.

Therefore, Shabbir would probably not be one to smoke marijuana, but I would assume his doctor would prescribe him some medicinal marijuana (or perhaps nabilone).

It’s a good ol’ toke for the old bloke!

And what about Zed? The Jose Bautista clone? Has he ever used it?

vancouver

Oh right, he’s from B.C. There’s your answer.

Now let’s move onto a team that has sadly been eliminated from the race.

megan courtney

Does The Goofy Newfie want a Doobie?

goofy

How else do you think they would be so goofy?

cheesecake.jpg

And it explains why they would have a craving for cheesecake at breakfast. Some people have a banana, an apple, maybe some cereal, eggs, or toast, but no, these Goofy Newfies had a hankering for cheesecake.

ken ryan

Like this is even a debate lol. GIVE’R! Or should I say, TOKE’R?

sam and paul

Sam did suspiciously well with measuring out those ingredients at the Roadblock in Beijing.

And the couple who smokes together stays together.

 

adam andrea

They are Quebecois. That must be such a depressing fact to wake up to every single morning. It probably did not take them long to figure out the solution to ease that mental trauma–even if it is just a brief period of time.

What about our other Quebecois team, Andrea & Ebonie? The friends who fled to Costa Rica to start up a yoga business?

andrea ebonie

A picture says a thousand words.

And then we have our Frankie Grande-esque social media moguls Dan & Riya.

dan riya

How else can they record some of those React videos to unfunny Filipino Instagram comedians? Knowing from personal experience, those who smoke marijuana have a tendency to laugh at EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of my jokes.

If you record a React video and just sit there watching comedians while completely stone-faced (no pun intended), then chances are you’re not going to have many views.

You have to do whatever is necessary to draw in your target audience. Laughing is contagious. It’s why The Big Bang Theory has insisted upon having a laugh track over all of these years.

dharma greg

Or Dharma & Greg.

Then there’s married couple Karen & Bert.

karen bert

Eh. Probably not. Dirt Gritie keeps it straight-edge, kids.

Meanwhile, Karen is the one wearing the Bob Marley wristband. And yes, I did use Google to confirm those are Bob Marley’s identifying colours.

Granted, she probably smokes it like 0.01% of the time that Bob Marley did.

bob marley.jpg

I SHOT THE ICE SKATER

BUT I DID NOT SHOOT THE SKELETOR!

Lastly, we have our first boots Aaron & Deb.

aaron deb

This mother-son duo are together in a JOINT business venture.

And I have a feeling all of those urns do not contain strictly ashes.

I mean, they even quote Snoop Dogg lyrics saying they are the “Real Teal Deal”.

snoop dogg

And their puns are good enough

So they’ll take a small piece of that funky stuff.

And that’s all ten teams!

So yeah. They all smoke weed. Except Bert. The end.

jon montgomery argentina

P.S. That Ginger who binges on Campbell’s Soup and Mentos while throwing up Russell, Manitoba gang signs probably does it too.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in The Amazing Race, The Amazing Race Canada 3 Blogs, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Which Amazing Race Canada Contestants Do I Think Smoke The Marijuana?

  1. Can I share this on r/theamazingrace? This is a high-quality (no pun intended) shitpost.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s