Is this my third Canadian season of digging up my favourite complaints from the Internet? My god. You guys still need me for this shit? I’m here to bring the power to the people, I guess.
Even though the premiere provides a bleak look into the remainder of the season, at least production, contestants, and superfans can gather at the cringeworthy commentary provided by casuals.
Kim and Sarah weren’t even trying to follow this conversation, eh? This is the group of casual fans I’ll be roasting this year? Now I feel bad.
The good news is that it will make things too easy!
It’s The Big Easy of roasts!
I should note casuals are FINALLY justified in complaining about the lack of representation of PEI, New Brunswick, Saskatchewan, and the Territories in TAR Canada.
New Brunswick = 2.1 % of Canada’s population.
Now that 52 teams have been picked for TAR Canada, New Brunswick should have a team.
PEI = 0.04% of Canada’s population.
OK, PEI is fucked. They won’t stand a chance until Canada’s 250th birthday.
Saskatchewan = 3.2% of Canada’s population.
lol Everyone sucks there.
All Territories Combined = 0.03% of Canada’s population.
Not only are they isolated from the rest of Canada, but they are also isolated from competing in Canada’s greatest summer past time! Start your own YouTube channel, guys!
They usually finish the race where it started? Usually? Or do you mean, like, never?
TAR Canada 1: Niagara Falls, Ontario -> Toronto, Ontario
TAR Canada 2: Jasper, Alberta -> Ottawa, Ontario
TAR Canada 3: Quebec City, Quebec -> Whistler, British Columbia
TAR Canada 4: Yellowknife, Northwest Territories -> Montreal, Quebec
So there you have it. TAR Canada 1 is the only season to even start and end in the same province, and I wouldn’t really say Toronto and Niagara Falls are in close proximities to each other.
It ain’t the Red Rock Ampitheatre, folks.
Oddly enough, there were actual snowflakes hovering around Signal Hill at the starting line. . .but I have a feeling Dean wasn’t being literal here.
Or Snowflake Mountain from Diddy Kong Racing.
So nobody is even paying attention to season five at the moment, eh? Wise decision.
Age and/or blindness–that’s how you get into the casual fan’s hearts!
Although I do love that Julie & Lowell are viewed as such icons that the year they appeared follows their names as if they were an Olympic host city. Lethbridge 2020! Or in Lowell’s case, 2080!
Oh dammit. I’ve already used that joke. I am recycling my own material. At least CTV and I have that in common!
Although recycling my own material has been my own specialty for a while.
Yes. Kenneth & Ryan will grow on all of us. Like a fungus. A sweet sweet fungus.
It’s time for the casuals to feel funky, but not the good kind.
Brooke is awesome.
Kenneth & Ryan are not. Don’t mess with the Queen, everybody.
Some of us should think before we speak. It’s good to be reminded of this every once in a while before we start doing craaaaazy talk.
If only there was a pre-season tutorial by these guys on how to study Morse code.
And not a single one of them ate butts before they went on Survivor: Palau.
Balut, however, is another story.
If this is the new millennial fanbase that producers were talking about pre-season that they are aiming to bring into the show, then the discussion pages are going to be giving me chronic ulcers in no time.
In all seriousness though, somebody should have replied to Jaime that teams were given 600 US Dollars, and that is why they were able to do so much with that cash. That would have pissed off the Canadian viewers big time.
Which is why we have never heard a rap song called “All About The MacDonalds”.
It didn’t specify what you had to walk ON, though.
Some people walk on their hands (like Jody Mitic is forced to do when his friends hide some of his prosthetic limbs while he is sleeping) or my nephew who used to do the “booty scoot” before he learned how to stand up.
Or if you’re Michael Jackson, you moonwalk across that tightrope. Tee hee hee!
It fits in with my theory that producers are hoping for controversial blunders to be committed by blunders this season.
At least they waited two weeks to throw in twists that don’t make any sense.
I am worried a bit when basic words you learn in elementary school are complete mysteries to contestants.
My hope is that what they really meant was “What’s polo? Like, I know it has to do with horses and swinging a club, but how does it have to do with bikes in Vancouver?” or “I know a tightrope has to do with a circus, but what does that have to do with the hotel? Wait, you mean. . .”
So perhaps it was for comedic effect or contestants *cringe* truly haven’t heard of those words. Let’s say it is the former and save the contestants the embarrassment this go around.
You could replace that tweet with anybody from Niagara Falls, Quebec City, Jasper, or Yellowknife.
This is part of the problem with TAR Canada. Because the current viewers who chose to stick around for five years are getting their wish of it being a race that is almost strictly in Canada, everyone gets pissed off if their home area isn’t represented “properly”.
Whether it be in the form of a team from their area being cast for the show, or going around to all of the locations they view as iconic in their area to present to the rest of the country because they want to boost tourism.
And that is really starting to burn my cannoli after five years.
Eh, it’s the fourth time it has happened in the first five season premieres. We have half a dozen teams who are now “pathetic & just plain stupid,” whether it be intentional or unintentional.
And I imagine that list will continue to grow for season six.
Yeah, but then we don’t get half a season of Nic & Sabrina–our silver lining to TARC 3 ❤
And we’ll get to the Triple Express Pass. . .we’ll get there. Unfortunately. -_-
No, but then it’s probably because I didn’t care.
In the words of Taylor from Kid Nation: Get over it. If you didn’t get over it by 2013, you’re not gonna get over it now.
Especially this season where they did an extra casting call in Saskatchewan, and because nobody from Saskatchewan posts videos of themselves reacting to shitty Instagram comedians on YouTube or shouts GIVE’R! GIVE’R! GIVE’R! GIVE’R! GIVE’R! a quadrillion times, nobody was chosen.
Personally I’d prefer it if nobody was cast from Saskatchewan if it meant we get two dudes in Roughriders jerseys shouting PUNT IT PUNT IT PUNT IT PUNT IT.
Zed can get it, eh? You just need those X and Y chromosomes to be drawn to you and Zed is yours. =)
Don’t stop, get it get it. Get that hed from Zed in the bed until your eyes go red.
You might be the smartest casual fan alive.
Now that Kenneth & Ryan live in BC, can the housing costs go down in Vancouver as a way to balance the inevitable population decrease that the province will suffer from by the end of this summer?
Soon to be selling for $800 per month, hopefully.
Hey, not ALL YouTube creators don’t know what a tightrope is.
Just check out Bozo The Clown’s video podcasts on YouTube. He loves that shit.
Kenneth & Ryan may not be brothers by blood, but they do make our blood boil!
Wow. Kenneth & Ryan are single-handedly destroying TAR Canada, and it’s only one episode.
I can already picture the editors working overtime in the editing suite as they redo the next few episodes to switch Kenneth & Ryan’s edit into that of Ryan & Rob or a Jeremy & Sandy. That is if they want to keep their job for 2018.
What did they ever do to producers?
Part of me feels bad that editors missed the mark with the season premiere, but I can’t help but laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. It almost makes up for knowing production refused to listen to Michael Harmstone’s pleas at the end of season four. Almost.
The torch has been passed.
Overwhelmed yoga instructors for two years in a row and a guy who nicknamed himself Boobie Miles. /thread
After the resurrection of TAR US thanks to how they pulled off TAR 29. . .I reluctantly agree with Sugar. TAR 29, while incredible, is going to expose all of TAR Canada’s long standing weaknesses very very very quickly.
Yes. Hey, it’s Canada’s 150th! Gotta be LOUD and PROUD!
Normally I would agree, but Andrea & Ebonie did eat an animal’s butt in preparation for the race. I can’t get over the fact that a team made the mistake of eating butt rather than learning Morse code before going onto the race.
.–. — .-.. — / .. … / .- / –. .- — . / .–. .-.. .- -.– . -.. / -… -.– / .-. .. -.-. …. / -.- .. -.. … .-.-.- / – …. . -.– / .- .-. . / .- .-.. … — / .- / – -.– .–. . / — ..-. / -. .. -.-. . / … …. .. .-. – / — .-. / .- -. / . -. -.. .- -. –. . .-. . -.. / -… . .- .-. / -.– — ..- / ..-. .. -. -.. / -. . .- .-. / – …. . / .- .-. -.-. – .. -.-. / — -.-. . .- -. .-.-.-
Morse Code can be a real bitch on The Amazing Race.
That’s putting it lightly.
Chris Azzato, ladies and gentlemen! By the way, does anybody know where Krista from TAR 27 has been lately?
Oh poor naive Reddit. We tried to warn you. Please never change.
Chris is gonna Chris.
Well, we found the one casual fan who we know won’t complain about the penalty not being harsh enough for Ebonie.
Or maybe Ebonie has been shunned since the end of the season. If only her mother encouraged her to go into cryptogramming and encoding rather than modeling and yoga!
The casual fans are slowly turning against each other. Everything is going according to plan.
Four seasons of domestic geography lessons and viewers still don’t know which provinces are in the Prairies. Sigh.
..-. ..- -.-. -.- / — ..-. ..-.
So. . .two teams from BC this year?
Kids, kids, kids, calm down. . .You’re all fucking rude, wrong, and annoying. Bye!
Alright folks, that does it for me this week. As you can see, many of the complaints are the same ol’ shit we saw back in 2013. I thought I would run out of jokes by now, but somehow I haven’t.
As always, be fun, positive, and happy with whatever you do in life. Don’t take life so dang seriously. Peace out, y’all!
P.S. If we get another overload of “GIVE’R!” and “Canada 150!” in the next episode, I am nailing Roger Rabbit to a cross. Please don’t make the same mistake two weeks in a row, producers. Please don’t kill the only reason I bother to watch a cable TV show during the summer.