I am almost four weeks behind. I can never win, can I?
You know who else can’t win? The contestants with the online casual fanbase.
For those of you who suffer from the same short term reality TV memory loss as my parents do, this is the round where Liz & Michael are saved by a Non-Elimination in Venice. There is also some overlap with comments from the previews for the Greece episode being incorporated into this round of complaints too. For some reason, they all got saved into the same folder.
Reddit is not big on U-Turns. Luckily board room meetings at CBS are not determined by downvotes!
Instead of a grape snow cone as the primary motivation to play Little League, Brooke’s main motivator is half a million dollars.
And why does Brooke HAVE to be encouraged like a Little League baseball player? I mean, everybody is going to be encouraged like a Little League player when the Bob Harper clone is your teammate.
Somebody. . .really did their research.
Somebody really overreacted to one of Armin’s essays.
I have come to the following conclusion:
first part: When you saw how long the post was, why the hell would you read the whole thing if you were disinterested?
second part: Just imagine how upset they would be if they came across my TARstorian blog posts.
You don’t like obnoxious millennials?
Please somebody troll Peggy into watching season 33 of Survivor.
Wait a second, Sami. You’re saying production didn’t NOTICE an event associated with London & Logan? Even the Venetians are in the same boat as the rest of us.
Egg from Arrested Development would have more airtime than them.
Get this crap show off the air, eh?
So much for Amy’s demands! Also, Phil Keoghan is going to take your lunch money.
Your greatest accomplishment was not winning a Spelling Bee.
Chelsea doesn’t have a sense of humour, eh?
I have heard of alliteration, but this is ridiculous.
I personally prefer the other 3 B’s of Brains vs. Brawn vs. Beauty.
Man, Survivor really does love their alliteration.
WHAT?! A TEAM BEING SAVED BY A NON-ELIMINATION TWICE?! THIS IS FIXED! FIXED, DAMMIT! IF THEY WIN WE -KNOW- IT WAS RIGGED ALL ALONG!
Wow. A fan is wishing somebody gets assaulted by a donkey on national television?
And I thought watching a grandmother get her ass kicked by a cow in TAR 16 was more than enough for the viewers.
If there is any silver lining to this, at least Egan only asked for a donkey kick rather than a donkey punch. A donkey punch would have been. . .yeah. Thank goodness he didn’t ask for that!
Remember all of those mosques in Venice and Lake Como that teams visited over the past two weeks?
Fun fact: Becca & Floyd kidnap the goat. They secretly care and nurture for it over the next several rounds. They steal a car and get into an epic car chase across eastern Europe. They free the goat into the wild as it evades the pitchforks of Balkan farmers.
It has a happier ending than the goats Ethan delivered in Survivor: Africa. I’ll just say that.
Or those goats from the Burkina Faso leg in TAR 12. Is it even alive?
P.S. Your local newspaper is fake news.
P.P.S. Yes, I am vegetarian.
If you are Israeli, Chinese, or Canadian, then yes.
Only one show is allowed Triple Eliminations, and TAR ain’t one.
Trust me, TAR US doesn’t need to add to the stockpile.
a) It would be the most overpriced catering service of all time
b) They would be too snobby to allow a camera crew to film their wedding
c) The racers would have to purchase designer clothing to be able to attend. I can’t picture Michael putting up with that shit.
. . .And? Your ellipsis indicates more is coming. No? So I just sat here for ten minutes for no further commentary? What a waste of my time.
At least the only forced dating storyline this time around is Phil and Logan.
The contestants seemed aware of the new rules prior to the start of the season.
It’s not like the third U-Turn popped up with the unlimited U-Turn rule and Sergeant Doakes popping out of nowhere shouting “SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKA!”
The Gay? Who are you?
How do you know this is everything that annoys men about women?
Did she survey 100 people and discover all seven answers on the board?
Also, wouldn’t it be weird if forty years later she deems herself a failure because she measured the personality traits of her children by a reality TV character on a show with declining ratings in the spring of 2017?
Just think about it. Maybe not even forty years from now. Maybe she checks in after ten years or so.
“OH MY GOD! MY CHILD TOUCHES THEIR FACE WITH THEIR HANDS THE SAME WAY THAT BROOKE DOES? I AM NOT A WORTHY PARENT! I FUCKED UP! I FUCKED UP!”
In other news, if you are measuring your parental skills by someone you watched on TV for ten weeks. . .I don’t even know what to say at this point.
What is with this recent trend of blaming the parents? It is going to be a sad day when I watch the news to see a story about Shamir’s mom being smacked by a complete stranger for the way Shamir acted to the whole ball-crushing incident.
Shamir’s rage over his testicles = His mother deserves to be physically assaulted.
Feel free to dissect that logic.
“I had to stop her from parenting!”
The people who stop to take in the views, the culture, and walk around in circles on the race are. . .well. . .
Going to end up like these guys. And guess what? It’s not a free trip around the world if you don’t even get to the finish line in the first place! If you stop to take in the views and culture, Brazil is all you’re gonna get. Oh, and being able to explore every angle of Elimination Station.
Does Vanck have to lecture about percentages again?
Before ladies had an attitude,
Before fellas were in the mood,
Before we just stood there,
Before we struck a pose,
And realized there’s nothing to it!
No. Only people on the couch who critique a show they didn’t even apply for deserve a million bucks.
And I am amazed Redmond is asking the guy to go home. Mainly because I can’t imagine Gilberto being anywhere but home when he made that comment.
GILBERTO: Yo dawg, I know we are two frames away from wrapping up this game, but I gotta surf the official TAR CBS Facebook page and divulge my thoughts on casting decisions for the current season! It’ll just be a sec, bro!
Somebody is not up to date.
Oh look. Shevonne is inciting the hatred of the online community by attacking a fellow TAR alumni in her own community. What else is new? You ran out of disparaging remarks to make about Tiffany & Krista that you refuse to apologize for?
You are saying a defense attorney doesn’t have any convictions? Wouldn’t that be a good thing for her clients?
I am hesitant to believe that Scott is a saint. I mean, my knowledge of Christian saints is limited, but I don’t recall there being a St. Zach currently in the mix. Although I hear these things can take a while.
At least St. Francis would care for those goats and donkeys in Greece. He earned it.
“A Speed Bump and being U-Turned ain’t no thang!”
Cry the way out? How has she cried the way out? She has done four Roadblocks and does not have any four hour penalties to her name. What a freeloader!
Oh, so Mike isn’t allowed to have an emotional reaction when he is lied to or U-Turned in the season? Believe it or not, people will be visibly upset during the peak of competition, but will be over it like the next day. Hell, everything may be resolved by the time they finish the leg when the pressure is off.
Then there is that moment of “man, I really was too amped up today. I kind of feel bad for trashing all of the other teams like that.”
But nope, Mike is entitled and spends 24/7 bragging about his IQ.
“I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE! NOW WATCH ME BUTCHER THIS DUCK!”
I veto the use of the phrase “game-changing” or any variation of it.
The comments section of the TAR Facebook page is not the ideal place to pick up somebody.
We have evolved from donkey kicks to threats of strangulation.
Much like the guy from Poolhall Junkies, this is when I bail out of the conversation.
I could see one person wishing strangulation, but we have a second person? My god.
Hey there, what do you say there, world. . .world. . .world. ;_;
Somebody managed to come up with a nickname for Shamir that doesn’t involve his testicles. Thuy is a greater person than I.
Participation trophies are bad? Let’s look into this.
Hey, the millennials helped stimulate the economy with participation trophies! What are you baby boomers and Gen X’ers doing about the trophy industry? Nothing!
Waldo. This is North America, pal! Who the fuck is Wally?
Yeah, if only Vanck could smack a ho, am I right? Actually, I think he does. Look at him mean’ muggin at the starting line!
“I have no problem with you fucking me
But I do have a little problem with you not fucking me”
It’s either The Supremes or The Team That Is Used to the Luxuries of Being Married to Professional Athletes.
Seriously. It’s always one or the other. No joke.
Will I be able to catch up with all of the complaints by the end of the season? Probably not, but I’ll give it the best meta try!
By the way, Betty Davis, this blog loves you.