I know. I am nearly two weeks behind. This will be a shortened post as I want to get this out of the way and advance to the episode seven complaints. Besides, 99% of the complaints are the same as every team is accused of being a bully or racist towards
Lester The Unlikely Vanck.
Before we get to the complaints, I think we need some background music to set the tone and pour our hearts to Vanck & Ashton. What they went through was so traumatic. Not only does America weep, but also Canada, UK, Australia, Vietnam. . .and for some reason, China. There are real tears in my eyes. Let’s do this.
Wow. We starting out strong from the gate. How does Malea know everybody who is against Vanck & Ashton being U-Turned is a BernieBro? Besides, don’t you have to be at least eighteen to be apart of BernieBros?
But seriously, let’s see what Bernie Sanders’ opinion is about the sixth leg of The Amazing Race 29.
“If you elect me, I will personally oversee the production of The Amazing Race myself. All U-Turns will be removed. Every round will be a Non-Elimination Leg. Whichever team has saved the most race money by leg six will have twenty percent deducted from their next pit start, and be distributed to the three poorest teams. THAT is my promise to YOU, the voter! Now where is that sonofabitch Larry David?”
If that’s the case, then we may actually see Winston Payne win a case in the courtroom!
If casual fans held a dinner, Brooke would be as welcome to the table as Sydney Poitier was in the early 60s. Guess who’s coming to dinner!
Why does it matter if Brooke’s whine isn’t sexy?
I know Americans were fascinated by Britney Spears’ nasally antics in the early 2000s, but did they really think her self-proclaimed sexy whining is a standard that other women needed to live up to? My god. Britney is stuck in the depths of Vegas with Celine Dion and Olivia Newton-John. She is old news!
And Facebook already has the 100x ‘Like’ button. Apparently if you hold the ‘Like’ button down it balloons in size more and more until it takes up half of my screen. It is obnoxious.
Where did the ‘sexy’ comment even come from anyway?
Wait wait wait. Some random dude went on the TAR Facebook page just to post Brooke is sexy? I know Brooke wouldn’t mind people defending her on the page every once in a while, but probably not in -that- way. I have a feeling she will not want this guy as her defense attorney.
I. . .I have never seen Master Chef Junior, but I don’t think they have a format structured where several of its players can team up to sabotage one specific contestant.
Did you know Matt has broken out in a cold sweat every single night over the past year since Vanck & Ashton were eliminated? He can’t even concentrate when going through a halfpipe. His appetite has decreased. He has withdrawn from his social circles in Colorado. He even wets the bed. Nothing has gone right.
In fact, Matt once said he would give an arm and a leg to take back what he did–
I take that back.
And if anybody makes fun of one of my favourite PlayStation 2 games, then you are bullying the bully from Bully!
By the way, I bet some racers would ‘like’ that comment twice if they could. Finally, someone who does not think the racers are bullies.
Oh. Somebody did ‘like’ it twice. Well played.
It’s true. Some people never really leave high school.
They really don’t.
And yes, Vanck is really not like us.
I mean, Vanck was a video game character as a teenager. At least Ashton served as a casting agent before going on the race.
This is why we don’t have a reunion show for The Amazing Race. It would just be casual fans lining up to smack Brooke.
By the way, everyone who talks about how terrible this cast is for bullying are regular donours of Rodney’s anti-bullying foundation, and volunteer for several other charities on a regular basis. It is stunning that they even have spare time to complain about how awful the contestants are on the official TAR Facebook page.
Grade A? Do they even have that grade in high school? Is this one of those fancy private schools where the students become the teachers, and the parents of the students put on a play for everyone in this school. This is surprising because I thought everyone was stuck in high school.
Any season that doesn’t follow Stassi and Hunter Schroeder’s antics.
Hold up hold hold up. We’re measuring a contestant’s “gayness” and accusing producers of inflating the gayness?
Does Becca have a meter for that to help measure? If the #Fun Metre malfunctions, it turns into a #Gayness Metre?
No, they’re just going to go door-to-door and take your lunch money as they give you a wedgie.
Leave Varner alone with his jar of peanut butter. It is really sad that the contestants won’t let Vanck sit with them.
Vanck has a greater chance of sitting at a table with Regina George than he does with the cast of TAR 29!
According to the casual fans who are spending their spare time measuring his “gayness,” Scott’s true colours may or may not be identical to the Skittles logo.
Seriously. These casual fans are dumber than usual. That is saying a lot.
Matt is Redmon’d sidekick? I can’t wait for the Motorola cell phone task next week that Matt will have to perform on his own.
“Matt, they sent you?”
“I can help! I can do this Roadblock! Oh. No bars.”
This is in reference to Michael being agitated during the race because he missed out on Father’s Day with Pearl. It is obvious how Michael treats women in real life by how he yelled at Liz a couple of times because he was struggling with a competition that has an enormous amount of money on the line after traveling for weeks overseas. We know -everything- about Michael now. Some would say the casual fans know Michael better than he knows himself. We could even do a quiz and the casual fans would know Michael’s favourite ice cream flavour while Michael would be an indecisive son of a bitch.
I am not kidding. The casual fans know. It’s obvious.
Swing and a miss.
How is the Colorado snowboarder not the one accused of looking like he is high!
Matt is not only a sidekick, but he is also a bystander who watches the world burn. Man. Matt can’t escape the heat.
Matt when he was in elementary school. Always playing third fiddle to Kearney and Jimbo.
The casual fans are angry elves?
That sounds like an insult pulled from the Anchorman’s leatherbound books. Oh wait. Am I being the bully?
a) One-Legged Moron
b) Bearded Moron
c) Sour puss
e) Dirty Mean Looker
That is a lot of insults hurled in the span of a couple paragraphs.
Redmond is a bigger target than the opening round of Archery in Wii Sports Resort. I think even Mary Jean could probably fire an arrow on Redmond without missing. It’s that easy!
Bullying is not equivalent to being a creep. You want to know what a creep is?
These women can explain it to you, and in a really catchy way! Yeah.
How is Redmond threatening? Is he going to throw his prosthetic legs as if it is a two-handed throwing axe?
Yeah. I can’t wait for when they stop being racist towards the Vietnamese guy for being Chinese.
Imagine if the cast of TAR 29 had to race against William Hung. He would be U-Turned all three times. . .
. . .But he would always survive. That’ll show those bullies!
Vanck & Ashton would have to settle for breakfast at best.
Ever since this exchange, Michael accepted that he is racist and has gone to counseling on a daily basis. Things got really awkward when he referred to Vanck as “boy” during each session.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but I think my blog posts balance it out by being very very right.
And it’s a third right if you add in an appearance by the guy who sang “I’m Too Sexy”.
Zoe–The most hated contestant in the history of The Amazing Race.