The Amazing Race Canada 4 Funniest Complaints Blog Week 5 Edition

There are eleven women and three men who competed in Haida Gwaii. Guess which three racers didn’t receive any criticism this week?

 

canada 4 week 1 complaints 1

Wait. Everyone begging for the borderline useless Express Pass added something to the show? Are you serious? I mean. . .we can agree that the Double Express Pass was really dull after Jessica & Anders butchered every angle of it in TAR 22, right? There is a reason why even TAR US has retired the twist.

In fact, TAR Canada copying TAR 25’s format of doing an additional task to obtain it has made it barely interesting, and that’s only because Ashley had a hilarious reaction to when Steph & Kristen handed it to Frankie & Amy at the pit stop.

Oh, and I love how every thread eventually mentions how much they hate Jillian.

hitler.png

It’s like the saying about every conversation inevitably leading to a discussion of Hitler. You just know it’s going to happen every time.

NOTE: No, Jillian is not Hitler. No matter what the casuals say.

canada 4 week 4 complaints 2

Sour Toe Cocktails endorsed by Bootylicious albums in Dawson City?

destinys child.png

I don’t think Canada is ready for this jelly.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 1

I doubt Prince Rupert would offer them a tour package. This is the town that made everybody do logging during their limited time spent in town. In a return visit, they would probably make Julie & Lowell work in a textile factory.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 3

Don’t forget, you know nothing about how the competitive reality TV genre works.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 4canada 4 week 5 complaints e.jpg

Oh, great. So now fans want the integrity of the race to be broken for Julie & Lowell.

a) They should have received the Express Pass no matter what. Sorry Steph & Kristen, but you don’t get to have a say on this.

b) Allow Lowell to swap out with Julie if a Roadblock becomes too difficult.

Julie & Lowell aren’t our five year old nieces who we let win a game of Ker-Plunk just so they feel better. Let ’em fight it out.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 5

#TeamEnoch? 

ernest jin lao

Your spelling is atrocious. I believe it’s #EKnock. And Jin is just as much apart of the team as E-Knock is.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 6

Wow. I really don’t need to know that somebody is watching TAR Canada with a Stephan Bonnar in their pants. Grrrrrrreat.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 7

Michael Harmstone and his trademark sarcasm is hard at work.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 8

If you thought somebody from Aldergrove gloats when somebody misses a water bus, just wait until you cast a team from Surrey.

And yes, it really is Amy’s team.

frankie amy

Because, you know, nothing about Frankie’s personality makes her stand out.

And see? Another conversation that randomly turns into every comment being about Jillian.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 9

anne tanya

Anne & Tanya probably would’ve gotten lost. This explains why the Hamilton episode used taxis rather than being a self-drive leg.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 10

If I ever personally know somebody who goes on TAR Canada, I am going to mention it on every thread possible (and no, hanging out with Elias Theodorou in a Kelowna parking lot at a UFC fan event does not count–as much as I wish it would).

canada 4 week 5 complaints 11

. . .You do know Joel & Ashley are either number one or number two in terms of airtime out of all of the teams this season, right? Only the established competitive reality TV alumni are matching them on screen.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 12

They goof to Alex’s hood? That’s one Eric Wright remix I would love to hear.

eazy e

The goofs in the hood are always hard,

They love playin’ with trash,

And crash their cars,

Knowin’ nothing in life,

But to be silly dicks,

Don’t quote them boy,

Cause they only say stupid shit.

 

canada 4 week 5 complaints 13

This is not the publicity Hotels dot com wanted. Yeah, that was probably obvious.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 14

Finally. Somebody not stumped by the 3-second on-screen Mentos black and white advertisement. The casuals are growing stronger.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 15

I dunno. Comedians who talk about competitive reality TV, UFC, and video games may be further down the list of recognition.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 16

Wise words. Poorly written, but wise nonetheless.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 17

Is everyone determined in responding to this thread with the same prefix? You’re all a bunch of PUNks.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 18

But what happens when you find a bunch of all-female teams who prove to be better than most of the characters you have found in the previous three seasons? Then is TARC trying way too hard? I mean, look at what happened when casting couldn’t put together an A-list cast from top to bottom last season. They learned their lesson.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 19

TAR Canada 5: Double Express Pass + Canada’s Express Pass where producers use a Time-Turner to go back two months and hand the fan favourite team an Express Pass.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 20

Ugh. Nothing screams a casual fan in the Survivor or TAR community once they start to use the word “deserving”. That is when I ignore them.

destinys child 1.png

Here is some more Destiny’s Child. I am moving on. The one on the right is Michelle Williams. If you are as casual about Destiny’s Child as you are about The Amazing Race Canada, I think you would need this pointed out.

I bet you didn’t even know there were two other members named LeToya or LaTavia either. Pssh. Casual.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 21

So many countries? 

canada map.png

vietnam map.png

All two of them!

canada 4 week 5 complaints 22

You’re going to be really pissed when Prince Rupert is renamed Prince Minty Fresh.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 23

naggers

Naggers are the worst.

*

Well, TARC producers conducted an exit interview with Kelly & Kate where fans could ask questions in real time. 

canada 4 week 5 complaints 24

Kelly & Kate are older than Anthony & Brandon and Rita & Yvette. Yes, Anthony who nicknamed himself “Boobie Miles” is viewed as being more mature and older than Kelly & Kate.

And we do acknowledge Kelly & Kate crushed it in the international legs a.k.a. a true measure of a team’s strength on The Amazing Race, right? Kelly & Kate were eliminated because of a puzzle in the middle of the Canadian woods that could have really taken place anywhere. That’s not exactly the sign of a weak team.

Fun fact: The tone of their voice and being smaller women are the two biggest factors why this person labelled Kelly & Kate as too young and immature even though they are a few months older than me.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 25

Kelly & Kate are coming back next season?!

canada 4 week 5 complaints 26

I dunno. It seemed to stump quite a few teams. Or does the puzzle itself possess a lack of intelligence? It’s an inanimate object. What do you expect? It’s a freakin’ puzzle. You are giving it as hard of a time as you are with Jillian.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 27

There are two people from Terrace who will get a shoutout on this blog.

sukhi jinder

And it ain’t gonna be Brook. Sorry Brook.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 28

You didn’t know Lowell was blind until the fifth episode? How did you miss that? Are you deaf?

.

.

.

finale adrian collin 16

I take that back.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 29

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT JILLIAN! JESUS!

canada 4 week 5 complaints 30

That’s right, producers. You should have reworked each task to cater to Lowell. In other words, be the opposite of what TAR US producers did with Luke in TAR 14 and 18.

kolkata margie luke adams 16

I am not kidding about that, by the way. The very first pit stop in TAR 14 was the only time where teams had to LISTEN TO THE MUSIC to find Phil on the mat. A few episodes later there was a task where you had to pick up a telephone to hear the location of the next destination. Two rounds after that? A karaoke Detour task. One round after that? Teams had to dance in rhythm to music, and this was already after there was a dancing task earlier in the season.

It was as if producers went out of their way to make it an anti-Luke race for that one season. So weird.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 31

The program does not promote Canadian products. It is an international version of a competitive reality TV show. MEC, Hotels dot com, and Mentos are all primary sponsours. 

Hell, Mentos were made by the Dutch.

old dutch

And no, not Old Dutch. Although Old Dutch products are almost as bad as the real Dutch. I switched to Miss Vickie’s or Kettle chips and never looked back.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 32

I had to Google what these places were. Apparently they are the other villages in Haida Gwaii. Haida Gwaii altogether has less than 5, 000 inhabitants. I think spending three-quarters of an episode there was more than generous for such an isolated series of islands. Producers pretty much covered everything you can do in Haida Gwaii.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 33

Actually, Canada is not the greatest country in the world.

According to goodcountry.org, Canada barely makes it into the top ten.

goodcountry

Sweden, Denmark, the Dutch, UK, Switzerland, Germany, Finland, France, and Austria are ahead of us based upon several factors. It says we are 3rd in Health & Well-Being, but after seeing everyone else’s reactions to Jillian, I think we need to re-think that ranking.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 35

That’s right. Why didn’t we have two or three rounds in Haida Gwaii. Port Clements could have hosted a feasting task and the teams could have been forced to do TAR Canada’s 1, 000, 000th dancing task on the shores of North Beach.

Damn you, producers!

canada 4 week 5 complaints 34

I hate you.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 36

Somebody is lagging behind. . .oh wait. I shouldn’t be one to talk.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 38

Not sexual intercourse, from what I’ve heard. You can be rest assured he is not doing that with her.

Instead they are stuck listening to each other’s problems or go grab a coffee or go for a jog together. You know, the fun things that exes do.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 37

To be fair, none of us knew who Anderson Cooper, Jeff Probst, Phil Keoghan, Arisa Cox, or Julie Chen were before their respective hosting gigs.

arisa

Sorry, Foxy. Nobody watched the first season of The Lofters. Again, sorry.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 39

I have a friend who used to live in Prince Rupert for years and later became a giant douchebag, but you don’t see me bragging about that connection on the TAR Canada page.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 42

What’s the worst? Jillian’s voice or nails on a chalkboard or. . .this?

canada 4 week 5 complaints 1

tellement

Upon further research, platte means boring. Our French-speaking contingent of the casual fanbase has deemed this to be a game for little girls (and the complaint is very amusing to say in an obnoxious French accent–try it for yourself. You shall be giggling as much as I have). They want a refund for the tens of dollards they have invested into this season.

armstrong.png

He is almost as stereotypical as Jean Armstrong from Phoenix Wright.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 2

Funny you should ask. Every time Monty has been waiting for teams to arrive, Bickerton’s dog takes a giant crap on the middle of the pit stop mat. They are trying to convince the dog to use the grass or, you know, any other space outdoors around them, but the dog is still in the puppy stage.

However, by the end of the season, the dog should be trained and racers will be stepping onto the pit stop mat like the good ol’ days.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 3

Well, that shall change until CTV does one of the following:

a) Become a tougher negotiator with sponsours

b) Throw more money at producers so Mentos will keep its fucking candies off of Haida Gwaii art or stop Chevy from wanting to insert fake revving sound effects.

Until this happens, we have no choice but to accept sponsours. Well, anyone except Air Canada. Screw Air Canada. 

buzz lightyear

As for when CTV will have more money to throw at production. . .

canada am.png

It won’t be happening anytime soon.

canada 4 week 5 complaints f.jpg

Yeah, Emmett & Jillian are being so greedy. There is so much money to be made if you sign up for a Canadian competitive reality show!

And you stopped watching after BBCAN1? That was the worst season. You missed out on the best season, BBCAN2, and then really fun characters like Sarah and Queen B.

As for BBCAN4? Eh. . .I am okay with you skipping that. #JaredAndKelseyGettingTooMuchAirtimeForSevenWeeksUntilProducersRealizeTheAudienceDidNotCareAboutThemAtAll

canada 4 week 5 complaints 4

Are you?

canada 4 week 5 complaints 5

Geez. I think these casual fans alone would have broken up Emmett & Jillian if they hadn’t already prior to TAR Canada 4.

avril lavigne.png

“She’s like so ‘whatever’, Emmett can do so much better. . .”

It’s like a never-ending chorus of Avril Lavignes for the past five weeks. Sigh.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 6

I know you will ask “Does this fight continue?” but sadly, it does not.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 7

I don’t think TSN has much else going on.

ufc tsn.png

Especially when they don’t even bother with airing UFC events unless you subscribe to TSN 5 or TSN The Ocho. Sportsnet did so much better with supporting the UFC. Sigh. Screw TSN.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 8

So are all of my brother-in-law’s family and friends. At my brother-in-law’s birthday, they were raving about them going to India, Chile, and Argentina last year. Then, without me saying a single word, all made harsh jokes Sudbury.

“What are they doing in Sudbury? The Big Nickel? There’s nothing else there!”

‘Twas hilarious.

Good news is this is the last season they will be traveling almost exclusively within Canada. Things shall change for next year. This season is essentially just cleaning up the remaining few locations they needed to visit. . .and Hamilton.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 9

Man, Julie is legally blind too? Retinitis Pigmentosa is truly contagious.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 10

Harmstone and Johnson, my fellow RTV Warriors correspondents, summed up my responses better than I could.

canada 4 week 5 complaints 11

a) No.

b) No.

 

canada 4 week 5 complaints 12

Ending the Funniest Complaints blog this week with a joke about meth? Seems like a good place to stop. Good luck in Hamilton, teams: The Land of Meth!

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One Response to The Amazing Race Canada 4 Funniest Complaints Blog Week 5 Edition

  1. The goodness that is casual fans continue! lol

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