Underlined and italics refer to complaints that actual people made.
—> Arrows refer to somebody replying to the numbered complaint.
Bold indicates my sarcastic/witty/hilarious/serious responses.
For those of you not familiar with this recurring segment since TAR Canada 3 (and read on a religious basis by pretty much every TAR Canada producer), the Funniest Complaints blog was born based on two ideas:
a) To demonstrate how over-the-top and ridiculous many complaints can be on the Internet.
b) Give a voice to those in production who can’t exactly respond to the criticisms without losing their jobs.
Last week, I was caught up in the first controversial moment in the six year history of this blog. I just want to say I have spoken to nearly everyone who was either angry, frustrated, and/or confused regarding this blog and were new to me as an individual.
Everything is good now. Other than some random fan of TAR who I know has a history of being volatile, I think 99.9999999% of any damage that was done has been repaired. Hell, I think this whole incident may have been a blessing as it gave newcomers a chance to become familiar with me as a person, and I couldn’t feel more motivated to keep going. Isn’t it a lot more fun to walk away with the positive of a situation rather than the negative?
Also, if you are new to this blog and find yourself unhappy when reading this. . .then perhaps reading my material is not the best use of your time. There are seven billion dots in the universe. I am sure there is at least one dot out there who will be more enjoyable than I am. This is just something I do for fun.
For those of you who find yourself in a situation requiring conflict resolution in the future, especially when it comes to comedy, don’t follow his template. You’ll go back to being a janitor for Weird Al in no time.
Instead, be like her.
Aight. It’s time for the 20th Funniest Complaints blog. Let’s dive in!
1) More like The Annoying Race! Can’t wait for a couple of these teams to hear …. You have been eliminated
There is always the ‘mute’ button.
2) It has become The annoying race that stopped being amazing !! I am sure lots of them are nice young people, BUT there is seriously only so much you can endure 45 min, of self indulgent, screaming, chaotic, teens. I really miss the variety of ages and personalities, that used to be TAR. I just re-saw season 13, that also had young players such as star and dallas, but they behaved in a manner that was symphatic…. this is just annoying. What a shame.
Cole and Cam are receiving all forty-five minutes of airtime?
This week truly was unbearable with Cam’s assertativeness and the way he screamed at Darius, or the way he shouted at Erin and Brittany to help him find the clue at the Detour.
As for Starr, she received a lot of flack when TAR 13 aired. The second she was accused of pushing a bra off the window ledge at the pit stop, which indirectly led to a permanent rule change in TAR 14, anytime she cried or whined was instantly criticized by the audience.
In fact, encouraging others to U-Turn Kelly & Christy in Bolivia led to her having a reputation of being two-faced.
And Dallas, well, he was cool. He should’ve stayed awake in History 12 during high school, though. My 99 percent mark in that class would have led to successfully tutoring him in his studies.
3) Blair. That shrill voice that shatters glass. And when she’s around her dad, she becomes like a 5-year-old. “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” How old IS she?? Yikes.
—> She is 22. Sure doesn’t act like it.
wow – same age as me
The only other thing I know that shatters glass is the crotch grab from Alien Ant Farm’s Smooth Criminal music video.
4) I found it funny and embarrassing on her part that one of the contestants didnt even know what an emerald was! If its pink, uts NOT an emerald.
How many times have we been over this?
Just because it is green does not mean it cannot be an emerald.
5) Why when anything gets tough or goes wrong they start crying? When has that ever solved anything? suck it up buttercup
Eh. I dunno. It might involve human emotion, or something.
If only there was a remix where The Foundations released a ‘man up’ version of their hit songs.
“Buttercup can’t break his heart. I doubt he was even beside the phone waiting for her to call. It doesn’t matter if you’re over at ten–he probably has some other chick in line for a one-night stand. He waits for no one. Everyone is just a toy to him. He doesn’t need you more than anyone, darlin’. Oh, and he can bench press three hundo.”
Yeah, that would be the least appealing and douchiest take on this Foundations classic.
6) I love my husband more than anything but I could NEVER do the Amazing Race with him. It would end in divorce. Can I just fake it and bring a girlfriend and we can go as a power lesbian couple? I always like them.
You can be the Gayle King and Oprah Winfrey of TAR!
And thanks to my mother’s obsession with Oprah growing up, I know waaaaay too much about Oprah and Gayle’s relationship. Did you know they went on a road trip together? Oprah had never heard what a garage sale was before going to Nebraska!
But seriously, there could be a whole season with this theme of power lesbian couples.
It would be TAR 30: Pittsburgh Slim Edition!
7) For anyone who can’t watch the episode. Marty and Hagen were eliminated cause they were stupid and didn’t take a cab
I really want to see this guy try to create log lines for upcoming cinematic features.
Rocky: Story about boxer who couldn’t get the job done.
Citizen Kane: Some rich dude who cries about his wealth when he could have done something about it.
Star Wars: A New Hope: Film where an evil man could have put the damn effort into reinforcing the Death Star, but didn’t because of his lazy ass.
8) I love the Amazing Race but this season, these contestants are annoying. I hate that the mother daughter team went home. Should of been the so called super smart brothers (black guys). They’re stupid and don’t even realize it.
Well, at least you are educating them on this. In addition, I am sure this blog will reach out to the right people who can pass along this message. No child left behind, folks!
EDITOR’S NOTE: Cam & Darius are the only pair of brothers on this season. The fact that this person had to write “(black guys)” in parenthesis makes it entirely unnecessary and unintentionally ridiculous.
9) Am I crazy or did the one girl NOT have a bathing suit but made sure to pack a hairdryer AND curling iron?? We see what her priorities are.
Again, Blair packed a one-piece bathing suit in a video she posted online prior to the race. I have yet to be told directly as to the whereabouts of this missing clothing.
And compared to some of the other complaints on this page, I believe your sanity can be verified by yours truly.
Perhaps Francesca stole Blair’s bathing suit. It’s the logical scenario.
10) * Contrary to most other fans I only know 17 seasons of the show (and blog about it since Season 18 on a small forum), and during that time I have seen a lot of stupidity. But packing a hair dryer and a curling iron instead of a bathing suit (like that was ever used on the show, pah!) easily makes the Top 10.
* Also, Team Hatchlings more resembled a snail than a racing team, and were only saved by Team Smile High Club being stupid with their taxi. I mean, if you see that the road may be long, why not run back to the taxi? Or at least try to steal the one that’s on the beach? I know, may not be fair, but if it’s cheating or elimination I feel you could play dirty.
* So one member of Team Clevver once got a fish stuck in her private parts. (Too much information!) So, is she the one who can really claim that she “smells like a fish down there”? (Also, will those two EVER shut up? I have a fear for tinnitus whenever they say something. Or when Blair goes on her “Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy” whines.)
* Quote of the Week: “I have a pink thing. I don’t know if that’s an Emerald.” (In the same way that Orange is the new Black, I am sure that for Emeralds Pink is the new Green, Dana.)
This is like Hollywood Squares. Do I read the funny answer first or just go straight to the serious answer?
a) I don’t know if Blair’s excessive beauty products in her pack is the “stupidest” thing ever on TAR. I mean, she -did- recognize she made a mistake and threw out a few things at the end of the first round.
For it to be the stupidest thing ever, you need to be in complete denial about where you went wrong. (e.g. Heather & Eve choosing to take a taxi to the pit stop rather than walk on foot to the pit stop or Nick & Vicki thinking several teams can take the Fast Forward whenever it appears).
b) Perhaps Marty & Hagan did not return to their taxi because they were taking a calculated risk that the pit stop would be within walking distance of the Detour, and already knew they were cutting it close with Cam & Darius? And at one point do you determine you are not close enough to the Detour, and need to retreat back to your taxi? Are you saving any time doing so?
c) If you fear tinnitus while watching a show on television, turn down the volume on your remote. Not everyone is going to speak with as humble of an attitude as a Cho Bro from TAR 10.
d) I’ll credit you with an Orange is the New Black reference. However, I have yet to watch it on Netflix because I was never a big fan of Laura Prepon on That 70s Show, but will admit she is pretty cool for being a UFC fan since day one. She represents an internal conflict at best.
—> DANA: I knew the emerald was green for the ten thousandth time- it’s called editing. I destroyed my clue in the mud and I was up there alone so I didn’t know for sure that there were multiple colored gems in the volcano – so I figured I’d be safe and check before I threw it back and would never see it again. I say about 2 million times I know it’s green but it’s a lot more fun if I look like a moron. And this is a really nice list- You’re a real doll.
The truth tends to be less fun. 😦 By the way, where were the other nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine times where Dana explained this? Her fingers must be burning.
And yes, we all are a lot more fun when we’re morons.
11) Did anyone else notice on the father and daughter team that Blair was willing to serve the fish to the people even after dropping it but her dad threw it away
—> I wonder if they gave it to those hungry looking dogs!
If anyone has the screencap, there is a dog that refuses some of the fish. Even Colombian dogs have high culinary standards.
Wake us up when a proper meal is made. We’re willing to split a plate of spaghetti if need be.
What can I say? I love dogs.
12) No thanks. Hate this season already. Can it just go back to being normal people who are not “celebrities” or famous for doing nothing?
—> What huge thing have you accomplished apart from that nose?
Jimmy Durante was a great comedian for his time, you jackass. So what if one of Durante’s distant relatives has negative feedback for The Amazing Race? Everyone is entitled to an opinion, yes?
13) How do the camera guys run around with those huge cameras! Why can’t they use a smaller one?
Because then it would be no fun.
14) bring back the cowboys!!
Sit down. Thanks.
15) it was the blondey and her mom
—> and you have to spoil it because? you think its cool! smh
It already aired so it’s–nah, this is too easy.
Spoiling is the equivalent of smoking cigarettes on the Internet. You think it is really cool, rebellious to the status quo, irritate those who try to carry themselves in a respectful manner for all, and will help you fit in with the folks who count in the social hierarchy. . .and it’s true! Start on those Tareytons, stat!
16) My question is for this page admin: Why was my comment deleted on one of the posts below? All I said was this cast was boring. After watching this show since season 1 episode 1, I cannot voice my opinion?
If my paid full-time job was to moderate comments on pages for television shows without being able to respond to anything myself, I think I would shoot myself. It would make me feel like a freakin’ robot.
Seriously. Could there be a more boring job on the Internet? Delete. . .Delete. . .Delete. . .Post. . .Read 10, 000 negative comments. . .Delete. . .Delete. . .Delete. . .
17) The Amazing Race is no longer ”amazing.” This show jumped the shark 2 seasons ago. This new format, which was put in place last season, is terrible. The editing is even worse. The casting director is either a 13 year old kid or an alcoholic. The show has now become a parody of itself!
Or in Spanish television where the 13 year old -is- an alcoholic! Hola, infant communion!
18) I’m literally disgusted with the community. WE GET THAT YOU WON’T WATCH. SHUT UP FOR GOODNESS SAKE! No one cares. Honestly. Go do something else and stop wasting your time.
—> Why do you care? I’ve been watching the show from the beginning and was a huge fan. I think it’s fair to let the network and producers know how disappointed I am.
—> are you even old enough to have a FB account?
—> get over yourself. If it weren’t for middle age people, middle school-acting special snowflakes like you wouldn’t be here. Maybe you should just stick with making monkey faces for inane selfies.
<insert Michael Jackson eating popcorn here>
19) BRITTANY: Such a great episode! Congrats to Korey and Tyler! Also, huge respect goes out to the REAL fans of TAR who are giving our season a fair chance! The cast is made up of very talented and extraordinary individuals. Some people need to realize that each leg has about 30 hours or more of footage to be edited. It is after all, reality tv
—> Ah, Brittany, so you are telling us who the real fans of the show are? And you are in a position to do that because? (And thank you, by the way, will have to remember that statement for my review of Leg 3. :P)
Brittany is the authority on everything when it comes to The Amazing Race. She will even get to pick who is cast for the next all-star season. Move over Jodi Wincheski. It’s all in the new contract.
20) In this task, Teams must produce 2 proper kilos of cocaine, bring it to Phil, and he’ll give you the next clue, oh yeah, and don’t forget a straw, Phil will need the straw for personal use….
—> Such a nasty comment! I am Colombian and people like you and from your country who consume drugs speak for themselves and think that we do! Jerks!
—> You’re ridiculously sensitive, Colombia was once the drug and kidnapping capital of the world, so get over it, and stop playing the victim.
You know what? It’s truly impressive we went nineteen complaints without a cocaine joke or a Shakira reference in Colombia’s debut.
Hell, even -I- went nineteen complaints and a full week without making at least one Shakira reference. I am sorry, but it’s not a nasty comment. That would be like if an Italian was angry after TAR visited Italy because a viewer made a joke that teams should have had a task involving pizza.
Fun story about Colombia:
At the end of the sixth grade, several of my closest childhood friends had moved away. Therefore, I became a bit more socially isolated. To pass the time during the final year of elementary school, I wrote fanfiction for Survivor, TAR, and 24 when I was bored.
Anyways, during my TAR fanfic I had written a round for Colombia. Twelve-year-old me created a Roadblock task where each team had to track down a member of the Colombian drug cartel.
I think it is safe to say that if this episode had aired twelve years ago, this blog would be fulfilled with an endless supply of cocaine jokes.
21) We’ve been there 🙂 Watching Amazing Race and it’s bringing back so many memories of when we did our excursion to that same mud volcano in Cartagena, Colombia…. I’m glad I did not have to dive into it like they did on the show
Were the emeralds all green?
22) If you seem to always be confused and lagging behind in the race, you should maybe stop with the we’re so brillant and intelligent and smart.
Cam & Darius are the most brillant racers I know.
23) Out of everyone left, Cameron and Darius are, by far, the quietest team remaining, and are nowhere near as high-strung as the other teams
CAN’T TELL IF THIS IS A COMPLIMENT
OR A COMPLAINT
24) More brains next season please. This is The Amazing Race, not The Amazing trial-and-error DIY camping.
More brains? That’s what you want for next season?
Whatever you say, Amanda Kimmel.
P.S. If you love DIY Camping, watch the first episode of TAR 8.
25) As I said, I’m not watching it. They might be like you, but they’re not people like me. “YouTube personality” isn’t really a job.
—> Then don’t watch. I love it. It’s people just like u and me with different jobs. Oh well
—> Fine. If you want to spend your Friday night arguing with a stranger who doesn’t like a TV show you like, feel free. I have better things to do. Bye, Felicia.
—> Bye Felicia is the DUMBEST OLDEST SAYING.
Is Bye, Felicia the “dumbest oldest saying”? If I recall correctly, it was only six months ago that my brother-in-law and I went to the theatre to watch Straight Outta Compton as we sported our Dodgers hats (and regretted not bringing our Raiders jackets or Pittsburgh Penguins jerseys), and everyone in the whole theatre found the “Bye Felicia” scene to to be the funniest part of the film.
Not to mention it was also used as a joke in the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
—> BRITTANY: it’s not a real job? You may want to check out some of the net worths of some of the cast- because I can GUARANTEE they’re higher than yours. We’re in 2016- digital is completely taking over. Welcome!
Uh oh. The past two weeks have been spent trying to convince everyone that Social Media Stars are not rich.
Now we’re seeing an argument that not only are they not poor, but are richer than the casual fans who are complaining about them.
This is troubling. Perhaps whenever this issue arises, the defense should be “the net worth for many of these contestants hovers around the national median for income per person”.
26) I want an “Convicted Felon” season of TAR. Two cell mates from different prisons around the US. At the end, Phil can go “Congratulations on winning the million dollars. You can spend that after you finish serving 20 years to life!”
—> DANA: You already made this joke.. And it wasn’t funny before either.
—> BRITTANY: omg Dana I’m crying
I know, right? How lazy is it for someone to come up with a joke and repeat that joke until it is rammed into the ground. Who does that?
Okay, that was just one joke.
Alright. Two repeated jokes. It’s not the worst thing in the world.
I admit it–three is pushing it.
27) Sorry, but I feel Korey and Tyler should have been penalized for taking an extra emerald stone. It made the odds worse for all the others.
That is a sound and legitimate complaint. Other than incidents involving public safety issues or it being done through no fault of the team, there hasn’t been a situation in twenty-eight seasons where a team has not been penalized for not retrieving an item in their possession.
Freddy & Kendra were penalized for taking two clues in TAR 6.
The Globetrotters were penalized for taking someone else’s bag by mistake.
Don & Mary Jean had to return a car they grand theft auto’d in TAR 6.
Teams weren’t allowed to switch donkeys once they picked one in TAR 12.
Mark & Michael received one of their many notorious penalties for tampering with the publicly available equipment in TAR 14.
I think producers happened to drop the ball in this situation, and since none of the contestants protested, everyone assumed it was all fair and moved forward. If you are going to call ‘foul’, you have to do it by the end of the round if you are a racer.
28) The mud volcano (Totumo volcano) is more or less close to Cartagena, but its not in Cartagena, AND the emeralds are found very very but very far from Cartagena, I mean in Boyaca (a department that is in the center of Colombia up on the mountains) and Cartagena is in the northern coast touching the Caribbean Sea. I don’t understand how r u mixing those two things…. It would be nice if in the show this explanation is made…
I doubt they are mixing it up–sometimes you have to ditch the truth in favour of getting away with good footage for television. You only have to go back a few episodes to the TAR 27 finale to find another example of a resource inaccuracy.
29) Well we all know if you put an “O” at the end of every English word it automatically sound Spanish.. e.g. El Raco… (Sacarism)!!!
Who put you up to this sarcasm?
Was it El Barto?
30) I wish TAR would have shown more of actual Cartagena. I have been all over that city twice. The only thing I recognized was the airport and the pit stop .
This sounds like a complaint more for TAR Canada. Because many of the locations in TAR Canada are familiar to its viewers, the Funniest Complaints blog was filled with people saying “They didn’t go to the real Halifax!” “They didn’t go to the real Edmonton!” “They didn’t go to the real Sudbury!”
But here, you have a handful of viewers saying Colombia was misrepresented. Granted, it is nearly impossible to show off any city when you have a limited budget and all eleven teams still in the race.
Perhaps this complaint was anticipated by producers as we will see Cartagena for another round tonight. After that the city may be properly covered.
31) Text book smart won’t get you through life…you gotta be common sense smart as well to win the race…this season is boring.
Have you met people with excessive book smarts? We have a tendency to be intimidating at playing games, expressing our thoughts, and having a great deal of observation skills, but we really really really suck at a lot of things because our brain is overloaded with useless information.
And how is it boring when Cam & Darius and Marty & Hagan are in an unofficial contest to see who can out-blunder the other? I do not see how the two are connected.
32) PLEASE STOP SHOWING VIDEO OF HOMELESS DOGS ON YOUR SHOW!! Or please help the dogs. I might not be able to watch anymore it’s just too sad for my daughters and I to see the homeless dogs. Please help amazing race!
If you turn your head two inches to the right, I bet you can see a cat hanging out on the road outside of your window.
33) Ehhh, skipping this season to watch paint dry
I can’t imagine what your Friday nights were like before TAR made their switch eighteen months ago.
34) You should be racing here in the philippines. Here, fun is everywhere. lols
—> And a branch of al queda!
Don’t you mean El quedo?
35) I was hoping for Steve Harvey to be there
Something tells me the above Philippines complaint triggered this remark.
“Congratulations Marty & Hagan you are the tenth team to arrive!”
“Oh wait, you’re actually the last team to arrive and you’re eliminated from the race. It says so right here on the card!”
36) I wonder when will they come to Puerto Rico …. but I think its too danegerous to come here ….
If they have a Non-Elimination Leg in Puerto Rico, the penalty for the last team to arrive will go back to the TAR 5-9 tradition of taking all of your money, and the team would be left bankrupt.
37) Did Pablo Escobar say yes to this???
—> Colombia is a Beauty country and for Your information Pablo dies many years ago; Colombia is not just cocain, upload your mind; and yes I’m from Colombia.
TLC Colombia Presents: Say Yes to the Feds!
38) Oh my God! This Blair girl is SOOOOOO freakin’ annoying. Dana and Coal too. The rest didn’t really bother me today, but I can’t stand Blaire. Why they always keep such annoying people?
I must admit the way that this is typed and punctuated is very Blair-esque. I can’t stop giggling to myself. All this person needed was to throw in a ‘Daddy Daddy’ in there, and they would be set.
39) Hey everyone!!!!!! let’s all watch multi-millionaires all compete for a chance to win a measly million dollars! let’s see how hard they work as they are already making many times that. they are already not even caring so I doubt they’re really going to be working real hard for a million dollars when they’re worth that many times over and are constantly paid to travel and take vacation-like trips.
—> …and you know they are multi-millionaires how? Please give proof.
Proof? Nah, unsubstantiated claims are much more fun.
If we wanted proof, Mr. Wright would have been summoned.
40) So… much… screaming!!!!!
41) Can someone tell me who got eliminated i fell asleep
—> It was Marty and Hagan. Hope you had a good sleep. Didn’t miss anything good.
—> Was trying to keep my eyes open. I saw the first two teams come in. Then I woke up 10 min after it finished. Now im up lol. The daughter seemed like a whiner anyways. Ty
This sounds like an exact transcript of how my mom and my aunts talk about late night television on the phone each day. Eerie.
42) [Blair’s] voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard….and she never stops
I think Blair needs to join the Heather Relief Group to get through the insults about her voice online.
43) I’m curious – through past seasons, no contestants made comments about ongoing episodes (that I saw anyway). Now, this social-media centered group is posting comments on a regular basis. I don’t like hearing about your personal experiences while the show is still on. That’s part of the fun of the show – the unknown. Can’t you leave it alone until the season is over like the other contestants?
Actually, none of them are the actual contestants–they are just all fake accounts I created on Facebook to troll the casual fans. Every single one of them. Just wait until I unleash my fake Darius Benson account next week!
In all seriousness, I do understand this from a casual fan perspective. Presenting your thoughts on an episode or opinions about specific racers may intimidate you if you know contestants and their fans may be breathing down your neck.
Before around Survivor: Samoa, you never had to worry about contestants entering the fray. Heck, they weren’t even allowed to say a single word publicly unless it was directly approved by CBS. Even conducting interviews without CBS approval -after- the season aired used to be a struggle.
Now that CBS doesn’t really care about the barrier between contestants and fans, which was originally put in place to protect the contestants from the crazier fans, we are seeing this double-edged sword.
On one hand, contestants being accessible and providing you with behind-the-scenes facts instantly has never really been seen before up until the past couple of years.
On the other hand, this provides a space for contestants and fans to directly argue with one another, and since many people involved may be obsessive about the subject, things can escalate really quickly.
It’s fascinating to watch this play out.
For me, it doesn’t really matter either way. If every contestant ignored me, I’d be fine. As other reality TV journalists can tell you, it is easier to write about “characters” when their “real life personality” is an unknown to you.
If every contestant liked me. . .then that’s fine too. As long as it doesn’t interfere with the integrity of what I publish, then hey, there is really no issues there.
44) I’m sitting out the rest of this season. I don’t feed narcissists.
—> BRITTANY: Why not? We’re hungry.
For those of you are going to miss out on the rest of the season, I feel the need to spoil an upcoming task for you later this season.
It’s a Switchback. Remember in TAR 3 when the five teams in Switzerland were able to call home using a T-Mobile phone, and could not continue racing until they ended the call?
Well, that task will be adapted for this season. Teams will receive a shiny mirror, and they cannot head into their taxi until they put the mirror into the garbage.
It’s a wonderful twist, in my opinion.
45) Get some blacks who can swim, and cam think to buy their plane tickets before trying to eat please!!!!
JAISON ROBINSON TO THE RESCUE!
46) You lost several generations !!!
If CBS is promoting a genocide mandate, I must have missed it.
47) Bring back Hayley & Blair!!!
Anyways, per my usual sign-off, remember to be kind an honest to those around you. In the words of Hal & Joanne, Keep Fit and Have Fun!
By the way, I will be putting nearly all of my focus on the TARstorian project in the coming weeks. I really want to be done blogging TAR 18 sooner rather than later.