The Amazing Race Asia 4 episode 6 rankings

Sixth leg

“Crying, Not Harassing”

COUNTRIES VISITED

MALAYSIA – SRI LANKA – PHILIPPINES – NEW ZEALAND – AUSTRALIA – INDONESIA – SOUTH KOREA – SINGAPORE

This is the midway point of TAR Asia 4 a.k.a. our farewell to beloved Allan Wu. So far it has been pretty good. Nobody really irks me in this cast.
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Oh, right. Hussein is still in. I retract my prior statement.

And I wish we would shift to a narrator other than Richard Herrera. It is odd to see tasks take place that will later be repeated numerous times by other franchises. I never thought TAR Asia 4 would be a trendsetter (slight Sri Lanka pun intended).

The boot order is right on par with what I think it should be at this point. We only have one Non-Elimination Leg which means we do not have to worry about losing momentum. Only one team will receive a late game reprieve.

Oh, and this leg means we double the number of continents visited in comparison to TAR Asia 3. Time to get some Aussies n’ Kiwis into our race diet. This is our third trip in TAR Asia to New Zealand.

Previously on TAR Asia: Eight teams raced from Colombo, Sri Lanka to Legazpi in the Philippines. Learning to communicate without speaking was difficult for some. . .and others didn’t understand the challenge at all.

While some teams showed off their dancing skills, the Richards got down and dirty with the local livestock as Ethan & Khairie raced across the ocean to take first place, it was Manas & Sahil who had to say goodbye.

Seven teams remain; Wu will be eliminated next?

– Intro time.

TEAMS MENTIONED IN THE PREVIOUSLY ON SEGMENT TALLY

SUNAINA & DIMPLE: 2
HARDIN.HERRERA: 5
HUSSEIN.NATASHA: 2
YANI.NADINE: 2
MANAS.SAHIL: 2
JESS.LANI: 2
ETHAN.KHAIRIE: 4
WENDY.ALAN: 3
MICHELLE.CLAIRE: 2
IVAN.HILDA: 3

FUN FACT: All three all-male teams were mentioned. The other five teams that consist of at least one woman was ignored. Ha.

– Allan describes Bahi Beach as a playground for the rich and famous.

ALLAN: Ethan & Khairie, who were first to the pit stop, will receive a surprise reward but only after the teams have departed.

– Richards depart first at 4:48am. They read that they must fly to Invercargill, New Zealand. They must search for a clue in a marked camper van at the airport.

ALLAN: It is a town at the very bottom of New Zealand.

Have you read a map from Australia or New Zealand? According to them they are on top.

invercargill vans

Camper vans? Is this Family Edition all over again?

– Hardin wanted this win for the Philippines, but decided to take second.

– Michelle & Claire depart second at 4:49am. This is confusing because they are technically third. Claire is happy to climb four places from seventh, but is disappointed they are not doing better. They catch up to the Richards and start flailing their arms and screaming as they run.

invercargill beach

My guess is that teams start on the other side of Bahi Beach where the Intersection was. Otherwise we are not seeing teams take the Jeep, jet ski, and kayak back to shore.

Yes, this is the first time in TAR history where the first place team does not get to depart first.

– Sunaina & Dimple depart third at 4:58am. Sunaina’s reaction to heading to New Zealand?

invercargill sunaina dimple

“You mean we get to see hobbits and goblins?”

– Sunaina describes New Zealand as being in the middle of the woods and the other side of the planet.

invercargill sunaina dimple 2

The other side of the planet is where Sunaina found that hat, too.

– Jess & Lani depart fourth at 5:07am. They start cheering, jumping, and doing the haka.

invercargill jess lani 2

What naturals.

yokozuna

Although it looks more sumo than a haka.

mark hunt

Unless you are searching for a mix of both. His name is Mark Hunt, by the way. Say his name ten times really loudly in a library. People will wonder what you’re looking at on the Internet.

invercargill jess lani

What the heck? Since when does a strip club manager decide to have her and her friend model the latest in snowboarding trends?

– Lani says they have to stop being emotional. Chill out and take it as it comes. A real snowboarder doped up approach.

– Ivan & Hilda depart fifth at 5:16am. Ivan says this would be like a cruise rather than a race if it were not all fun and games.

The Amazing Race: Not all fun nor a game. Yeah.

– I have been thinking about this, but what if Jess managed a past or future racer at her strip club? Well guess what? She found the perfect person to become the next great stripper.

mark mallory

“I got hired cause by the end of the night, I ain’t got no clothes!”

invercargill ivan hilda

ROADBLOCK: Define a game show.

– Hussein & Natasha depart sixth at 6:22am. So much for being minutes behind Ivan & Hilda at the Detour, because they must have lost a ton of time cleaning the beach with Manas & Sahil.

HUSSEIN: You have to get used to this.
NATASHA: I am getting into this.
HUSSEIN: You get upset, don’t you? She gets a little bit emotional.

invercargill hussein natasha

Between Natasha, Jess, and Lani, we have learned that only women can be emotional on TAR. I am sure they love hearing that.

– Ethan & Khairie depart last at 6:40am.

How do they determine their departure time? Eighteen minutes after the last place team? That makes zero sense.

I think Ethan is the first person to read a clue stating ‘congratulations’ when you check out in last place.

invercargill ethan khairie

“Congratulations, f–k you. You’re in last. P.S. F–k you.”

Nah, just kidding. The prize is really good.

invercargill ethan khairie 2

Really good.

KHAIRIE: Congratulations, you have won a heavy express pass.

An Express Pass? Is this the first utterance of ‘Express Pass’ in The Amazing Race series history? I think so, folks.

– The Express Pass is not the same prize that we will know all too well starting with next season’s blog (TAR 17), but rather is something that will be used right on the spot.

They are told that they will fly directly to Legazpi Airport via helicopter.

invercargill helicopter

This twist is very familiar. . .

india helicopter

Ah yes. The same reward Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 received during the Macau round in TAR Asia 3.

– This reward is epic since they get to hover above Legazpi. Khairie has never been in a helicopter before. The ride ends in seven seconds. Jess & Lani and the other teams are at Legazpi Airport.

JESS: I’ve been in helicopters hundreds of times. My boyfriend’s a pilot.

Well good for F–KING YOU! She may as well stick her tongue out at Ethan & Khairie. Way to steal their thunder, Jess.

And did Jess say her boyfriend is a pilot? In an earlier leg I said she liked hanging out in the cockpit, but now I can add that she is a likely member of the mile high club.

– Richards check into Cebu Pacific. All teams are on the same flight to Christchurch, New Zealand.

HARDIN: Christchurch is where the drama began.

invercargill richards

It’s tough to take you guys seriously when you look like those d—-bags who wear short-sleeved shirts under long-sleeved shirts under short-sleeved shirts.

It’s probably that stupid necklace which gets to me the most.

– Natasha describes the stampede throughout the airport. Ethan & Khairie and Michelle & Claire were the only ones not running, and simply went to a customer service desk.

invercargill airport

Running like maniacs. . .

invercargill ethan khairie 3

Outwitting and mocking the maniacs.

– There is an 11:30am flight to Invercargill. The counter was right next to the teams at the customer service desk, but teams initially ran to the opposite of the airport looking for it. Hussein & Natasha, and the Malaysian alliance are all on the flight. Jess & Lani are next to the counter. Richards have a faster agent, and secure one seat but the other is on standby.

– Jess & Lani note this, and are pissed that a team behind them got a guaranteed seat rather than them.

JESS: That chick works faster than him. Stupid wa-ker!

Yes, they bleeped it out on air.

– Jess says outright to the “stupid wa-ker” that it did not matter they got to the counter first because he was too slow.

As somebody who has worked in customer service, I would not be particularly pleased to hear that.

invercargill airport 2

Note that Fast Chick’s face is not blurred, but Stupid Wa-ker’s is. Something tells me he would not like to be known as the Stupid Wa-ker of Christchurch.

– Hilda whines at the counter. Ivan decides against buying standby tickets, but choose to go with the guaranteed 1:45pm flight. The 1:45pm flight is filling up too.

– Sunaina & Dimple beg for 11:30am flight. Dimple is pissed because Sunaina did not listen to her about going to the office.

invercargill sunaina dimple 3

Puppy dog eyes won’t do s–t, I’m afraid.

– Ethan does a French laugh in a confessional when he sees Sunaina & Dimple are unable to make the flight.

invercargill sunaina dimple 4

Hahahaha, fail.

– Jess & Lani enter the departure gate for the 11:30am flight and begin begging for tickets onto the flight.

invercargill jess lani 3

I would laugh so hard if everyone gets annoyed and heads to the nearest Starbucks in the airport.

– Richards finds a grey-haired man who responds to Hardin’s plea. He agrees to sit in the pub for three more hours and gives up his ticket.

invercargill airport 3

Kiwi Wally Bransen agrees. I wonder why anyone would agree to sitting three extra hours in an airport? Maybe he is flying home to his wife? Ohohohohoho.

– Jess said the crying and pleading did not work. Lani is shocked. Richards are grateful towards the men for the switch.

HARDIN: I love the look on the other teams’ faces right now.

invercargill jess lani 4

Muffin.

FIRST FLIGHT (11:30am): NATASHA & HUSSEIN; ETHAN & KHAIRIE; MICHELLE & CLAIRE; RICHARDS

Want to see more of the mopefest?

invercargill jess lani 5

“Why won’t any of the men do what we want?????”

– Commercial. We resume. Jess & Lani are called to the ticket counter.

invercargill airport 4

JESS: We’re not harassing, we’re crying to them.

If somebody approaches me on the street and cries as they repeatedly beg for money, I think I may be open to classifying that as harassment.

SECOND FLIGHT (1:30pm): SUNAINA & DIMPLE; IVAN & HILDA

– Jess & Lani do not even get to make that flight. They are stuck on the final flight. Jess is not disheartened. She wants to be in New Zealand and have fun.

– The leading teams are in Invercargill.

invercargill jess lani 6

Lani is not. Muffin.

linda holmes

“Airport sexism is slowly killing The Amazing Race.”

– They read that they must drive 157 kilometres to the fishing village of Te Anau. They must find a fisherman who will give them their next clue.

NATASHA & HUSSEIN-RICHARDS-MICHELLE & CLAIRE-ETHAN & KHAIRIE is the caravan order according to Ethan.

– We now have another TAR first.

invercargill car

The driver’s partner can sit in the front passenger seat! Say whaaaat?!

– All of the teams are annoyed with Hussein’s slow driving.

An old man who is driving too slow?

invercargill hussein natasha 2

Nah, can’t be! He is having too much fun!

– Michelle wants him to get out of the way. No one is able to pass.

invercargill polar bear

Ethan brings out the polar bear from within! He is going to go all Churchill, Manitoba, Canada on Hussein’s ass!

– Then the sirens are heard. Lights start flashing too. Ethan is pulled over for something that I have never heard in a show called The Amazing RACE.

You’re never going to guess this one.
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They were pulled over for going too SLOW. That’s right. In a race for a million dollars, local law enforcement pulls over a team because they are driving very slowly.

invercargill police

New Zealand has been very known for its presence of law enforcement in TAR Asia.

TAR Asia 1: Andy gets his license taken away because he was driving 275 kilometres over the speed limit.

TAR Asia 2: Somebody tries to kill Pamela & Vanessa in a roadside collision.

TAR Asia 4: Ethan & Khairie are pulled over for driving too slow because Hussein is blocking the whole line of traffic.

Incredible run, really.

KHAIRIE: Pulled over for going too slow? Never had -that- happen to me before.

Khairie’s way of saying that it would not have happened if not for an old man being in control of the lead for the first time all season.

HERRERA: They’re mad strict here. Make sure you don’t break the speed limit.

Yes, the Richards have no idea what happened. Nobody would associate a team who has won two legs with being too slow under municipal law.

– Michelle & Claire pull over at some sort of information centre. They ask where they would find a fisherman in the area.

LADY: You’ll be lucky to find somebody just fishing at this time of year.

invercargill michelle claire

“But the clue is never wrong. . .”

– So Ethan & Khairie are in last and keep driving and. . .

invercargill fisherman

A fisherman who is just fishing at this time of year.

invercargill ethan khairie 4
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invercargill ethan khairie 5

“Objection! This fisherman directly contradicts the lady’s statement!”

– Ethan & Khairie read that they must drive to Pillan’s Paddock near Kingston and choose a traditional wood-sawing station. They must slice off five pieces, and in a gruelling physical test, they must do two individual pieces each (Hilda has to do something, in other words). Once their task is complete, they will receive their next clue from the lumberjack.

invercargill sall

breaking bad hank schrader

Who looks a lot like Hank Schrader from Breaking Bad.

Or Schrowduh if you’re Mayor Quimby’s nephew.

– Richards (who did not play basketball in the Filipino basketball task in TAR 25, depressingly enough) have their next clue. Hussein & Natasha are there in third. Hussein asks if he is last. Fisherman tells him otherwise. Michelle & Claire receive their clue in fourth. Luckily they did not believe the lady.

– Khairie says they are driving a little over one hundred kilometres per hour. He assumes the Richards are way ahead.

invercargill camper

Ethan & Khairie’s New Zealand Family Vacation continues.

FINAL FLIGHT (3:30PM): JESS & LANI

That is correct. They are two hours behind the previous flight. This is not good for them.

– The second flight lands. Ivan & Hilda and Sunaina & Dimple enter their campers. Ivan says they drove off course for twenty-five minutes looking at mountains rather than roads. So did Sunaina & Dimple.

– Jess & Lani landed. None of this matters as Richards and Ethan & Khairie see hours of operation are 8:45am to 4:30pm. They missed it by thirty minutes. The leading teams are upset.

– Jess & Lani overtake Ivan & Hilda because Ivan is driving only sixty kilometres per hour in a one hundred kilometre zone. Kiwi police somehow missed that slow geezer.

invercargill ivan evetovics

You know you are an embarrassing driver when you are super muscular and macho, but yet Hussein’s grandpa drives faster than you.

– Hilda insists that Ivan has to get out and ask people. I guess it is difficult for her to do: move and talk. Hilda comments on Jess & Lani’s speed as they pass.

– Why don’t more people drive one hundred kilometres per hour in a camper?

invercargill jacinta james

Mainly because they do not want to die.

– JESS: Maybe we should go a bit slower.

No kidding.

– Sunaina & Dimple pull over to ask where they can find a local fisherman. But where to ask?

invercargill caltex

Only a Caltex can help, of course!

– Jess & Lani jump out. Lani sees somebody holding a torch. It is the local fisherman. Wow, they made up a ton of time. Ivan & Hilda are next to hop out and grab the clue. Sunaina & Dimple followed them to the fisherman. The last three teams see the hours of operation.

IVAN: It is an opportunity to get ahead again.

– 8:45am is here. Teams run to start sawing logs.

invercargill ivan hilda 2

Except Ivan & Hilda.

– So time for the TAR 8: Family Edition sawing task!

invercargill saw

louisiana 1

Time to go for the record, Richards! They put up a good time.

– Jess is having a tough time. Sunaina & Dimple nearly kill the safety person behind them with how “choppy” their method is. Dimple tugged as hard as she could and it moves all at once.

– Hussein complains that Natasha is bending the saw. Natasha sees her dad is bending it too, but is not complaining. He even complains aloud in the task.

INSTRUCTOR: No, she’s not the one bending.

invercargill hussein baron

HUSSEIN: . . .
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HUSSEIN: Water. I need water.

– Natasha states in a confessional that her dad was complaining about everything including water.

invercargill hussein natasha 3

This team is such a trainwreck. At least Ron could do things, and with a hernia no less.

– Hussein asks Natasha to cut it on her side to adjust the saw in the middle. The lumberjack standing in the middle between them has to shoot down his crazy idea.

invercargill natasha sutadisastra

“I would use Flo from The Amazing Race 3 by this point!”

– Now Hussein asks Natasha to open up her hands when pulling and pushing the saw.

invercargill hussein baron 2

Let’s just say Hussein is not an outdoorsman. He should stick to diplomacy and sewing.

invercargill richards 2

This marks the first time where a local overseeing the task is shown blatantly checking out another racer. Who can resist two mactor basketball players?

tyler james intro

Who, uh, aren’t on drugs and hanging out with guys who spell ‘Tyson’ as ‘Thai Sun’.

-NATASHA: We have to be unified FIRST, Father!

So formal the Indonesian father-daughter dynamic.

– KHAIRIE: It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done because it required a lot of. . .um. . .
ETHAN: Physical strength.

Heh. Ethan just called him weak. At least it wasn’t Navi Araz yelling “you are WEAK and stand for NOTHING!”

– Hussein continues to fail at helping with the saw. He is not pushing nor pulling.

dave cruser

Dave Cruser’s performance in the second immunity challenge with the heavy puzzle logs was more helpful than Hussein’s.

invercargill natasha sutadisastra 2

Fun times with Dad. Operating a two-person sea-saw alone should be no problem.

– Richards continue working at their station.

HERRERA: If somebody came up to us saying you are using the ‘Rhythm Method’, which I think is also a form of birth control, not an effective one.

invercargill richards 3

Spoiler Alert: Knows from personal experience. Richard Herrera became a father when he was seventeen. Oops.

juno

That was a special edition of ‘Did Ju No?’ Trivia.

– HILDA: You pull! I pull! You pull! I pull!

ludacris stand up

HILDACRIS: When you pull, I pull! When you pull, I pull! Just like that!

– The single slices is when it gets tough. Michelle & Claire are just finishing off their doubles. Michelle is drained. The angle looks awkward.

MICHELLE: Boom! Shakalaka Boom!

invercargill michelle claire 2

Is Michelle quoting Steve Roland of all people?

whoomp there it is

Logging people!
Tag Team!
That’s them!
M & C!

steve roland

And an irrelevant guy you’ll never hear referenced in a song again who is named Steve Roland!

Working the rhythm!
It goes like this
Log Jam
Back again
Checked it in the records in Family Edition
Let’s begin
Push it on
Lumberjacks let me hear some noise

galle allan wu 5

Allan’s in a hwuse jumpin’ for joy
There’s a lumberjack over here!
A lumber jack over there!
Gaghan kids with their hands in the air
Last time it was followed by Lauren Bransen showing her derriere
Slice it!

whoomp there it is
Whoomp!

invercargill log

There it is!

invercargill lumberjack

This is one of the tougher physical challenges I have ever seen. You have to have enough co-ordination to angle the sea-saw correctly, and you have to have the physical strength and technique to slice those pieces off.

– Richards are first ones done. Michelle thinks the Richards beat another new record. Richards read it is an instant Detour. Plunge or Swing.

ALLAN: In what could be one of the most punishing Detours in race history as one team could be given a no way out Detour. Their choice? Plunge or Swing?

No way out? Really?

invercargill allan wu

And he is dead fWucking serious.

– Plunge is a flashback challenge to season one where teams had to plunge off a gondola.

ALLAN: Who can forget the blood-curling screams as teams attempted to jump.

I did. I completely forgot about this task entirely. And I even blogged about it.

ALLAN: It’s now back with a Twustos Twust where both teammates MUST complete the challenge.

invercargill jump

Did Allan create this sign too?

invercargill jump 2

Hey Andrew. Screw Melody’s cameo in TAR 25. Andrew’s brief flashback in TAR Asia 4 is where it’s at.

I should note this is TAR Asia’s first official Switchback. It also happens to be the first official Switchback in the entire TAR franchise to have it as part of a Detour choice.

ALLAN: Teams that put their life on a 134-metre line for a 8.5 second freefall will have a -jump- on the competition.

invercargill allan wu 2

Go ahead. Give us the other option so we can get that pun out of the way too.

– In Swing, teams must take a swing at the world’s famous bungee because it is the world’s highest swing and be flung 153 metres before receiving their next clue.

ALLAN: Soaring for a distance of 120 metres, teams will really have to push each other if they hope to get in the swing of things.

invercargill allan wu 3

Mission Wuccomplished.

invercargill swing

World’s Highest Swing–just in case you couldn’t figure it out. . .

invercargill swing 2

Or from this.

recess swinger girl

Swinger Girl just passed out in pure joy.

– HARDIN: We’re gonna bungee.

Be more specific.

– Michelle tries to slice a piece by herself. She injures her shoulder when the piece comes off. I am sure it does not hurt too much.

invercargill michelle ng

But nothing is broken or dislocated.

stephenie lagrossa

estonia shawn king

Yeah, tough it out, Michelle.

– Jess and Ethan finish their pieces. Heck, even Hussein gets one.

– Ethan & Khairie finish second. Choose bungee. Lani does a cheer for Jess letter by letter. Jess wants to bungee, but Lani refuses and goes with Swing.

– Hussein corrects Natasha on how to slice her piece, but she insists the man gave her good directions.

NATASHA: Take a rest.
HUSSEIN: Okay, good. You’re gonna make it in no time. Yeah, you’re gonna do it.  Four! Five!

invercargill hussein natasha 4

NATASHA: Dad, it’s not helping.
HUSSEIN: Okay.
NATASHA: You’re making me nervous, okay?
HUSSEIN: Okay.

You’re not going to believe what Hussein does next.

invercargill hussein baron 3

He starts f–king whistling. Sewing Master, Diplomat, and now. . .Internet Troller.

invercargill natasha sutadisastra 3

“Father, please f–k off.”

– Hussein starts chuckling about the whistle in a confessional as Natasha expresses her frustration. Just imagine if there was a whoopee cushion involved.

– HUSSEIN: It’s making you faster.
NATASHA: No I’m not. It’s making me pissed.

invercargill hussein baron 4

HUSSEIN (waving): Hey sir! We’re getting our clue card next.

invercargill hussein natasha 5

NATASHA: Shhhhh.

– Commercial. We resume. Natasha is sea-sawing in peace.

invercargill hussein natasha 6

For the two seconds it lasted, anyway.

– Natasha is done. She could not seem angrier.

invercargill hussein natasha 7

“Team hug! Wasn’t that fun?”

– Hussein wants to do Swing. Boo.

– Ethan hopes Jess & Lani break down and run out of fuel.

KHAIRIE: Why such evil thoughts?
ETHAN: Bwuhahahaha!

invercargill ethan lim

Ah yes. Evil Ethan. The alliteration fits.

– Lani meanwhile hopes Ethan & Khairie went the wrong way. We switch to the Richards.

HARDIN: Ivan was having a tough time over there cause Hilda has to help him. Imagine Hilda on the saw by herself.

invercargill ivan hilda 3

Ivan looks away out of a mixture of disgust and boredom.

9adam bethany9

I think Bethany Hamilton could do a better job at this task than Hilda.

– Dominatrix finish the lumberjack task in fifth. Sunaina & Dimple are close to being done in sixth. Hilda yells at Ivan because he is not watching her do it.

Did she really pull the childlike “Hey, Ma! Pa! Look at me! Look at me! Guyyyyys, you’re not looking. Look at this trick!”

– Sunaina & Dimple finish the task in sixth. Both are happy to bungee jump. Hilda finally gets ‘er done in last, and wants to do Plunge after Ivan repeatedly confirms it with her.

Yes. Hilda chose the harder option. Voluntarily.

– Jess & Lani are in Queenstown. They went off the beaten track and got directions from a gas station.

– Ethan notices their fuel tank is getting low. He has to U-Turn on the road, and head back towards a gas station. This is a lot of time lost.

– Richards are at the bungee site. Hardin (a.k.a. Pretty Boy according to the other Richard) has a fear of heights, and intends to conquer them. Michelle & Claire are there second. Sunaina & Dimple show up in third. Holy crap. They wonder where The Malaysian Boys (Ethan & Khairie) are. Sunaina & Dimple laugh as they think about them being lost.

invercargill sunaina dimple 5

Two can play the evil laugh game.

– Ethan & Khairie get directions on the road from a lady in a car.

LADY: Go back the other way and turn left.
KHAIRIE: Turn left?
LADY: Yes. Turn left!

Heh. She makes it sound like Khairie is an idiot.

– We cut back to the plunge site.

HERRERA: At least I know I’ll come out of this with my pants on.

invercargill richard herrera

“Because this is the first task to not require the Rhythm Method.”

– Herrera jumps. You know how it is. Jump off, camera with awkward close-up, and a far zoom-out to demonstrate how big it really is.

HARDIN: When I got out onto the platform, that was the longest five inches I ever went in my life.

invercargill richard hardin

The furthest five inches since an event that used the “Rhythm Method”, of course.

– We get a very unique shot of TAR Asia. Hardin is freaking out asking the safety guy to hang onto him. Breathing hard. They count him down and he jumps. The jump is shown in super-slo-mo with nothing but wind serving as a soundtrack.

invercargill richard hardin 2

And we never heard from Richard Hardin again.

– He grunts before shouting “F–k yeah!”

– Michelle & Claire are swinging. Hardin slaps himself in the head yelling “Oh my Lord” a couple of times. We cut back to Dominatrix’s swing.

CLAIRE: I am peeing my pants. Just a little bit.

– Hardin reads that they must drive to Queenstown Event Centre and score a Try against three New Zealand rugby players. Some of them are former All-Blacks–the New Zealand national team.

hong kong rugby

Yes, the same task in TAR Asia 3 where they had to get by high school rugby players. The weakest defence ever.

– Once they score a Try, they must kick a conversion. If they do not score it within ten attempts, they will receive a ten minute time penalty along with their next clue. Somehow Holly & Brett have already completed this task.

bodybreak 2

F–k off, All-Blacks.

– But seriously, would three former members of the All-Blacks really let a few inexperienced Asians get by them without backing down just a little? Like poor Michelle Ng would be squished, and Hilda Tengku would quit instantly upon contact.

invercargill all-blacks

Look! This guy poses a bigger risk to small female racers than Bill Cosby.

– Oh, and guess what?

u turn weeds

“Are these Asians ready for ME again, motherf–ker?”

invercargill u turn

Well, somebody -really- wasted their U-Turn. They clearly cannot remember who is even still in this race.

invercargill allan wu 4

At least we know Allan was not stupid enough to U-Turn them because the board is still empty.

– And yes, teams can only use the U-Turn only once on the race, but that crap does not matter as this is its lone appearance on the course.

– Michelle & Claire say swing was faster because a team could do the task simultaneously rather than waiting for each individual jump. Smart thinking.

– Richards choose not to U-Turn anybody. Which means about .2 seconds later. . .

invercargill u turn 2

“Payback’s a bitch!”

It’s funny, really. Sunaina & Dimple Yielding Michelle & Claire had zero suspense during the final edit, and here we are with the U-Turn and Dominatrix U-Turning Sunaina & Dimple also had zero suspense.

These two teams dislike each other that much to the point where editors had zero desire to create a bluff.

Dominatrix try to sabotage Sunaina & Dimple at the airport, the latter gets back with a Yield, and Dominatrix refuses to let the score be even as they get it back once more in their favour.

Oh, and between two U-Turns in TAR 12, two used in TAR 14, one in Asia 3, and two used in TAR 16, none of these teams have ever survived the U-Turn.

– Hussein & Natasha swing together. It’s Natasha’s turn to make noise. Sunaina meanwhile plunges. I love how we pretty much know nothing about her and Dimple. Especially Dimple. Dimple has a funny scream when she jumps. She also utters “that’s scary” with an amusing accent.

– Hussein & Natasha are at the U-Turn board. Natasha laughs out loud when she sees the results.

– Jess & Lani try to Swing.

invercargill jess lani 7

But Steve Smith from TAR 16 is the instructor, and elects to take a more hands-on approach. Hopefully he is not drunk at this altitude.

– Jess mocks Lani’s facial expression.

invercargill jess lani 8

Round six: Lani becomes possessed. Fear of heights will do that to you.

– Sunaina & Dimple are at the U-Turn board. They are not surprised.

SUNAINA: We are not surprised. They are small girls with small minds.

invercargill sunaina dimple 6

Okay. Maybe they got even after all.

– Jess & Lani complete the Detour in fourth.

invercargill jess lani 9

Back slowly away from Steve Smith. . .slowly.

– Sunaina & Dimple brag that they get to do both tasks. They swing. Wow, Ivan & Hilda and Ethan & Khairie are lost.

SUNAINA & DIMPLE: Thank you Claire and Michelle!

Yes, they get to do a jump on a trip that would normally cost thousands of dollars for them.

– Richards are first to the rugby field. Teams have to pick a number. I guess teams cannot group up and rush past the defenders. Hardin thinks they have an advantage because they have played a variation of football. Herrera thought he got it into the endzone but he was touched just before it. We see the Richards get touched plenty of times. Michelle & Claire are there next.

invercargill michelle claire 3

Sadly there are no weight classes in rugby. Protect that shoulder, Michelle!

invercargill michelle claire 4

What kind of toss was that, Michelle?

invercargill rugby

Rough time for the Richards.

invercargill axiata

First time jerseys are not provided by Caltex in TAR Asia history.

– Richards score a Try. Hardin makes the first kick. Goal.

HARDIN: It was the Amazing Race Asia Kick of the Year.

invercargill shoe

The shoe probably kicked the ball a second time and is the reason why it got through the goal.

– Richards have the clue. It is an instant Roadblock. Teams must drive themselves to the First Aid Patrol Hut at Coronet Peak. They must use an avalanche rescue locator to find the object hidden in the snow.

In other words, it is identical to TAR 11’s round five Roadblock in Argentina.

ALLAN: Teams that can’t face up to the elements while searching for this clue on this massive plot of snow may be buried by the competition.

invercargill allan wu 5

Thankfully it is the last pun of the round.

– Herrera is going to do the Roadblock.

– Michelle & Claire score a Try. Michelle says the conversion is impossible. We see them kicking it about three or four feet.

– Ethan & Khairie are at the Plunge task. Khairie notes how quiet and solemn Ethan is before the jump.

invercargill ethan lim 2

I think he is suffering from a breakdown.

– Commercial. We resume. Ethan jumps without making a sound. Khairie is amazed how quiet he is. So am I. People always scream when they jump. At the very end Ethan shouts “OH MY GOD! F–K YOU KHAIRIE! I HATE YOU!”, but those are his only words.

– I wish Sahran was U-Turned at this Detour.

– Michelle & Claire play it smart by kicking the ball ten times as fast as they can to go straight to the penalty. Hussein & Natasha suck at rugby. Khairie makes his jump.

invercargill khairie khaire

He was definitely the one in the team who wished to do this task.

– Ethan & Khairie have their task in sixth. Michelle & Claire have finished their penalty, and Claire volunteers to do the Roadblock.

– Hussein & Natasha score a Try. Jess & Lani are the slowest runners as they get tagged repeatedly. Well, unless Gus from TAR 6 did this. Hussein is very close to scoring the conversion, but ultimately fails.

invercargill natasha sutadisastra 4

Close is not the word I would use to describe Natasha’s attempts, though.

NATASHA: I bet the only one who did it were the Richards.

If only that was the challenge.

– Jess & Lani score a Try. Sunaina poses with the ‘5’ tag.

invercargill sunaina guila

Not since Oswald & Danny has anyone ever expressed an interest in the career of Clue Modeling.

– Jess’ kicks suck but Lani is very very close. Sunaina & Dimple find the concept of passing it backwards confusing.

– Jess & Lani eventually suffer from the penalty.

– Hussein & Natasha wait out their penalty, and shake hands with the whole team. Such diplomats. Hussein decides to “come to the rescue”.

– Jess & Lani wonder where Ivan & Hilda are. They are curious if Hilda is afraid of heights.

– We cut to the plunge. Hilda is on the platform, but steps back away freaking out.

HILDA: Babe, I’m really really scared.
IVAN: Do you want me to do it first? But are you going to do it after that?
HILDA: Yes, because you’ll tell me how fun it is.

lol that’s now how it works.

– Sunaina & Dimple’s kicks are AWFUL.

india world cup

Which should be a surprise to no one given India’s soccer background.

DIMPLE: If it was Cricket I would kick ass. I’m a great batsman.

FUN FACT: Because of my province’s high East Indian population, Cricket has quite the following in the Vancouver area. In fact I was walking around Stanley Park this September and we happened to see a full tournament taking place. The scoreboard was impossible to read, and oddly enough, there was not a single White person playing.

I think nearly all of Vancouver’s Pakistani community was present for the event.

– Jess & Lani’s penalty is over. Lani thinks she can come to the rescue.

– Ivan climbs back up and tells Hilda it is only eight seconds. She is wincing, shrieking, and all in her thick accent which is making it hilarious.

invercargill hilda tengku

arnold

“I knew I should have stayed home today.”

HILDA: If I don’t do it, it is four hours penalty?
IVAN: Four hours penalty. I’ll tell you we are out.
(IVAN folds his arms and tries to create the most intimidating look possible.)

invercargill ivan evetovics 2

“Plunge or Ivan. Not sure which one is less dangerous at the moment.”

– Commercial. We resume. Ivan asks her to close her eyes. She repeats that she cannot. Hilda begins crying. Ivan realizes he made a mistake with his approach and tries to comfort her.

HILDA: Okay babe, I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me. Right now I don’t care.  I’m not brave. I am the weakest of all in this way, it’s okay. Everybody not scared to jump. Only me. You say ‘why?’, well, cause I have phobia. What are you going to do?

invercargill hilda tengku 2

invercargill hilda tengku 3

If only she could take a dragon down into the abyss.

invercargill ivan hilda 4

Once the toque is on, the decision is final and the penalty will be applied immediately.

– Ethan & Khairie are in a comfortable sixth at the rugby pitch. Sunaina & Dimple finish their penalty in fifth. Ethan scores the Try.

– Ivan & Hilda switch Detour options to the Swing. Yes, Ivan does the first ever self-imposed U-Turn.

invercargill ivan hilda 5

You know what? I bet tasks like this can be relaxing and more fun when you know you are in dead last. Ivan probably drove sixty kilometres all the way here, Hilda freaked out for thirty minutes, and since they already left the lumberjack task in last, they must know they are a minimum of ninety minutes or so behind.

The stress of the race is essentially gone.

HILDA: Thank you Amazing Race. I love the swing!

invercargill ivan hilda 6

Ah yes. She just wanted to do a task with Ivan. Hilda claims she was not scared during the Swing.

HILDA: High fiiive!

invercargill ivan hilda 7

For Hilda, a high five is truly a high five because everyone in the room is much taller than her. She practically has to jump to connect.

–  Khairie grunts after each kick. They burn through all ten and have the penalty.

– Richards are at the Avalanche Centre. It really is huge.

invercargill snow

Hold it a minute, how is there snow in The Amazing Race Asia? I have waited four seasons for this! I love Snow!

snow everybody wants to be like you

Well, fifteen years ago, anyway. I remember when this track originally came out. Did you ever see his episode of MTV Cribs? I once did a write-up of it online.

emirates snowman 9

Dubai snow does not count.

snow imposter

Dubai’s Snow is indeed an imposter.

– Dominatrix, Hussein & Natasha, and Jess & Lani are all at the summit too. Hussein is having a tough time with the climb. Claire is not making any sense of the locator. Hardin is first to find the locator.

– Herrera reads that teams must drive by 4×4 RV to the top of Coronet Peak and race on foot to the pit stop.

HERRERA: Last team to arrive may be frozen out.

Heh, even the clue squeezes in a final pun.

1, 649 metres tall makes Coronet Peak the best ski resort in all of Queenstown.

invercargill allan wu 6

What is Allan Wu auditioning for?

snowboard kids 2

Snowboard Kids 3?

– So, back to the task at hand and–

snowboard kids flying fish

Hey, cool flying fish!

– Anyways, as I was saying before, Richards enter an RV. They are not allowed to drive. A pro has to do it.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the first self-drive round of the season since the beginning, and this round they were only able to do it for half of the leg. That is perhaps the biggest strike against the season so far. Not being able to drive until you are minutes past the halfway point of the whole season is a bit of a problem. I wonder if Ivan & Hilda or Hussein & Natasha would have both been eliminated earlier as we have now learned about their slow driving abilities.

– Ethan & Khairie complete the penalty and run over to the All-Blacks to receive their clue.

invercargill ethan khairie 6

Making up for lost time. . .

invercargill ethan khairie 7

Dang, they’re fast. . .

invercargill ethan khairie 8

Too fast, I should say.

– You know what the All-Blacks do when they see Ethan & Khairie both completely bail just centimetres away from them? I’ll let Margie describe it.

guilin margie 4

“THEY LACK CO-ORDINATION AND THEY ARE -LAUGHING- AT THEM! AND THAT’S JUST RUDE! THEY’VE LIVED WITH THIS THEIR WHOLE LIVES!”

– The All-Blacks and Ethan & Khaire all laugh together for a while. Ethan blames Khairie for falling in front of them.

– Claire and Hussein are using their locators. It is directing them to the same clue. Hussein orders Claire to go elsewhere, but she refuses.

invercargill snow 2

A 50-year-old father trying to tell a 21-year-old female rebel what to do? Yeah, not gonna happen.

– Ivan & Hilda are on the rugby pitch. Hilda is AWFUL at running with the ball. It is hilarious. Ivan is visibly annoyed. At one point he throws up his arms into the air.

– Richards are at the pit stop.

invercargill pit stop greeter

No idea who the pit stop greeter is. I’ll assume it’s Paula Taylor or Melody Chen.

FIRST PLACE: RICHARDS

They have each won a four-day three-night stay at Marina Bay Sands in Singapore. There is also a dinner for two at a famous restaurant and a spa treatment. It is valued at $5, 100 US Dollars.

Very good prize.

invercargill symmetry

Although I do not know why the massage has to force everyone to pose in a symmetrical fashion.

– Hussein finds it before Claire, but she is not too upset. We get to see Claire slip a bit on the snow. Nothing over-the-top though. I think her outfit weighs more than her boy itself.

– Dimple is excited because she has never touched snow before. She is now up on the hill. Lani is there too.

– Natasha refuses to run. Hussein does not want to run either.

SECOND PLACE: HUSSEIN & NATASHA

What the hell? I thought they only finish better than second-to-last if there is a sewing task? I hate the idea of giving them more credit than necessary.

Four rounds: Finish second-to-last.
Two rounds: Finish in second overall.

They are very specific about their placements in The Amazing Race Asia.

THIRD PLACE: MICHELLE & CLAIRE

– Ivan & Hilda score the Try. Ivan succeeds with the Conversion on the first “try” as well. He volunteers himself for the Roadblock. Hilda appears bummed.

invercargill ivan hilda 8

Hilda. You twisted your ankle on steps during the first Roadblock of the season. What makes you think you are going to climb up a steep mountain peak with tons of snow without injuring yourself?

– For some reason laser sound effects play as Lani digs. Same sound effect when she opens the clue.

invercargill jess lani 10

Something tells me that Jess is not used to cold climates.

– Dimple does not understand the locator. Ethan is stumped too. Khairie is stunned that they have caught up with Sunaina & Dimple a.k.a. Indian Girls because he thought everyone was way ahead and done the leg.

– Ethan says each time he fell that the locator pointed him closer and closer to a clue. He has it. They move up to fifth.

FOURTH PLACE: JESS & LANI

Slowly improving.

– Dimple is shovelling snow along the mountain.

invercargill dimple inamdar

Including the grass, for some reason.

– Ivan & Hilda are shown in a separate frame as Ivan begins the task. Dimple eventually finds the clue. She and Sunaina reunite without commenting on Ivan & Hilda’s “presence”. They enter the shuttle.

– Ivan has it seconds later. Hilda starts cheering.

FIFTH PLACE: ETHAN & KHAIRIE

– They greet the Indian Girls.

SIXTH PLACE: SUNAINA & DIMPLE

– Sunaina & Dimple are the first team to officially survive an effective U-Turn (sorry Nic & Don, your title does not count).

Apparently it does not matter that Ethan & Khairie’s closest friends are the enemies of Sunaina & Dimple.

– No suspense here.

invercargill ivan hilda 9

LAST PLACE: IVAN & HILDA

Yeah, that final NEL is not going to be used here.

– Hilda talks about the Detour. She says it is usually her fault. Ivan interrupts her and says a marriage is about balancing each other’s faults blah blah.

– Ivan concludes that this race confirmed why they are together. He likes there is a bigger race called life, but the guy in Japan who is 130 years old would call it anything but a race. The end.

Next Time on TAR Asia: A new franchise record is set. But what could it be?

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

SUNAINA.DIMPLE 6.2
HARDIN.HERRERA 8.2
HUSSEIN.NATASHA 3.5
JESS.LANI 8.5
ETHAN.KHAIRIE 11.10
MICHELLE.CLAIRE 4.6
IVAN.HILDA 8.0

Team Averages

Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.

e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.

Therefore their average is 8.2.

Bulls— Round One/Starting Line Eliminations
Eric & Lisa N/A
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A

— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0 TAR 4
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0 TAR 3
11th Adrian & Dana 11.0 TAR 16
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0 TAR 14
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0 TAR 13
11th Ari & Staella 11.0 TAR 12
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0 TAR 11
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0 TAR 10
11th John & Scott 11.0 TAR 9
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0 TAR 7
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0 TAR 6
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0 TAR 5
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0 TAR 2
11th Matt & Ana 11.0 TAR 1
10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race TAR Asia 3
10th Yani & Nadine 10.0 Would have survived round two, but were marked for elimination and thus officially finished in last both rounds TAR Asia 4
10th Jody & Shannon 10.0 TAR Adventure 16
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0 TAR 9
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0 TAR 11
10th Neena & Amit 10.0 TAR Asia 3
10th A Black Family 10.0 TAR 8
— F +–
10th Steve & Linda 9.4 TAR 14
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????) TAR 13
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.) TAR 7
11th Garrett & Jessica 9.5 TAR 15
10th Kate & Pat 9.0 TAR 12
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0 TAR 11
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0 May or may not be gutsy. TAR 2
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0 TAR 6
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF TAR 3
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33 TAR 12
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33 TAR 4
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2 Saved by NEL once TAR 6
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0 TAR 10
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0 TAR 1
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 Yielded TAR 9
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 Sucked. TAR 13
7th Mika & Canaan 7.67  Why the heck did they sign up? TAR 15
9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 Bald. TAR 15
9th Isaac & William 7.5 TAR Asia 3
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33 TAR 5
9th Alan & Wendy 7.25 Saved by NEL once TAR Asia 4
8th Manas & Sahil 7.0 TAR Asia 4
8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/) TAR Asia 2
8th Aiello Family 7.0 TAR 8
–D minus–
8th Tom & Terry 7.0 TAR 10
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta TAR 1
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0 Producers refused to hay bail them. TAR 6
10th Hope & Norm 7.0 TAR 2
7th Christie & Jodi 6.67 Saved by NEL–Became the Devil of Casting Later TAR 14
9th Brad & Victoria 6.67 TAR 14
7th Niroo & Kapil 6.75 TAR Asia 3
6th Maria & Tiffany 6.57 Saved by NEL once and Justin’s blunder again TAR 15
9th Rogers Family 6.5 R.I.P. Renee. TAR 8
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5 TAR 7
6th Henry & Terri 6.44 Used Their Yield; saved by a non-elimination round THREE times. R.I.P. Henry. TAR Asia 2
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43 Saved by NEL once TAR 1
9th Brett & Kinar 6.33 Rocky finish. TAR Asia 2
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 6.33 TAR Asia 1
8th Pailin & Natalie 6.33 TAR Asia 3
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25 TAR 9
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2 TAR 13
7th Paul & Amie 6.2 TAR 1
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF TAR 4
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF Saved by NEL once TAR 10
–D+–
8th Lance & Keri 6.0 TAR 15
9th Zev & Justin 6.0 Passport lost. TAR 15
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0 TAR Asia 1
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0 TAR 4
6th Andre & Damon 5.86 TAR 3
7th Daichi & Sawaka 5.83 TAR Asia 2
7th Dave & Lori 5.83 Saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Kami & Karli 5.8 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8 TAR 3
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8 TAR 2
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn TAR 12
9th Heather & Eve 5.75 Legal team beaten by rule book. TAR 3
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67 R.I.P. Nancy. Saved by NEL once. TAR 1
7th Jeff & Jordan 5.67. Saved by a stupid Blind U-Turn once but dead next day. TAR 16
6th Gaghan Family 5.5 TAR 8
10th Alison & Donny 5.5 TAR 5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF TAR 4
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF. Beaten by a bunch of rules. TAR Asia 1
–C minus–
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36 Saved by NEL twice TAR 7
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF TAR 4
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33 TAR 5
9th Monique & Shawne 5.33 TAR 16. Praise Jesus.
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33 TAR 7
7th Gus & Hera 5.29 TAR 6
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25 Saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25 TAR 5
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned TAR 12
5th Mark & Michael 5.22 Saved by NEL once but came up just short TAR 14
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 13
7th Silver & Gold/ Wil & Grace 5.17 TAR 3
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14 TAR 13
7th Ray & Deana 5.0 FF TAR 7
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0. Screwed over by weird penalty for another team. TAR Asia 1
9th Steve & Josh 5.0  FF TAR 4
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0  FF TAR 1
9th Mark & Bill 5.0  Wah. TAR 13
5th Fran & Barry 4.89 TAR 9
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88 TAR Asia 1
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded TAR 10
7th Ivan & Hilda 4.83 TAR Asia 4
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF and saved by NEL once TAR 3
6th Mai & Oliver 4.8 In a car TAR Asia 3
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83 TAR 11
7th Schroeder Family 4.75 TAR 8
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield TAR 9
6th Brian & Greg 4.71 TAR 7
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70 TAR 10
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 6
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67 TAR 10
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 6
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF TAR 3
8th Kris & Jo–er, Amanda 4.50 U-Turned TAR 14
5th Paula & Natasha 4.45 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 2
4th Louie & Michael 4.36 saved by NEL once, used U-Turn. & trained wolf cubs TAR 16
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Joe & Heidi 4.40 – Blind U-Turned with Injured Knee; TAR 16
1st Dan & Jordan 4.33 – FF once TAR 16
3rd Brent & Caite 4.33 – Used U-Turn TAR 16
4th Kisha & Jen 4.27 Saved by NEL once, U-Turned once TAR 14
3rd Brian & Ericka 4.25 saved by NEL once TAR 15
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF TAR 2
–B minus–
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23 saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Gary & Matt 4.22 saved by NEL once and c—blocked once in Saunabuss TAR 15
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned TAR 12
4th Linda & Karen 4.17 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15 TAR 11
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.) TAR 2
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield TAR 8
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11 TAR 7
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded TAR Asia 1
5th Carol & Brandy 4.00 – U-Turned. May or May Not Be Mean. TAR 16
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL, grew goatees TAR 4
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
2nd Jaime & Cara 3.92 TAR 14
2nd Pamela & Vanessa 3.92 TAR Asia 2
4th A.D. & Fuzzie 3.90 – U-Turned and saved by NEL once TAR Asia 3
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF TAR 2
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85 Saved by NEL twice TAR 4
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
4th Diane & Ann 3.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 2
4th Jon & Al 3.73 TAR 4
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71 TAR 5
–B+–
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF TAR 4
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 12
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL once TAR 11
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
6th Mel & Mike 3.57 TAR 14
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56 TAR 6
3rd Ida & Tania 3.54 Saved by NEL twice TAR Asia 3
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded TAR 9
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46 TAR Asia 1
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded TAR 6
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45 TAR 12
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st TAR 12
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 2
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield TAR 5
6th Steve & Allie 3.38 – TAR 16, and ain’t got no clothes.
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF TAR 1
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25 TAR 13
1st TK & Rachel 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 12
4th Godlewski Family 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 8
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once
–A minus–
2nd Sam & Dan 3.17 U-Turned Pointlessly TAR 15
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17 TAR 10
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL twice TAR 8
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF TAR 4
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 7
4th Toni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia TAR 13
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF TAR 3
2nd Geoff 26 & Tisha 31  3.09 Used Yield and U-Turn TAR Asia 3
4th Herb & Nate a.k.a. Flight Time & Big Easy 3.09 TAR 15. Znarf!
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF TAR 10
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 7
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00 – TAR 12
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 6
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield TAR 10
2nd Bransen Family 2.85 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 8
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield TAR 8
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 1
–BEST OF THE BEST–
3rd Margie & Luke 2.75 Used U-Turn once TAR 14
5th Henry & Bernie/Bunn-Eh 2.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 3
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield, Choked TAR 11
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 3
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF TAR 3
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2, Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 11
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 13
2nd Jet & Cord 2.58 – Saved by NEL once TAR 16.
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF, Yielded, and saved by NEL once TAR 5
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF TAR 2
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF TAR 1
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF, Used Yield, and saved by NEL twice TAR 9
1st Vince & Sam 2.45 FF TAR Asia 3
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF TAR 13
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF TAR 10
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF TAR 1
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38 TAR 6
1st Tammy & Victor 2.33 Used U-Turn Once TAR 14
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31 TAR 7
1st Adrian & Collin 2.23 FF TAR Asia 2
1st Meghan & Cheyne 2.00 FF TAR 15
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF TAR 9
lol 3rd Marc & Rovilson 1.46 Used Yield and Yielded TAR Asia 2

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)

11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 10 + 11
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 3 + 11
18 legs Danielle 4.78 yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF TAR 3 + 11
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF TAR 1 + 11
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 TAR 5 + 11
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF, saved by NEL thrice TAR 1 + 11
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2, saved by NEL twice TAR 7 + 11
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF, yielded x3, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3, used Yield, saved by NEL twice TAR 2 + 11
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 used Yield twice, saved by NEL once TAR 10 + 11
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF, yielded x2, saved by NEL once  TAR 9 + 11
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 Used Yield TAR 7 + 11

* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.

Rank the Teams

1) Ivan & Hilda

I think Ivan & Hilda were pretty close to a top tier team in terms of entertainment value. Initially I thought they were Henry & Terri Lite, but they clearly have their own unique set of qualities.

For one, Terri doesn’t study dragon culture for a living. It sounds like a made-up occupation from Coach on Survivor, but it isn’t. She is like somebody who watched too much Game of Thrones and made a profession out of it.

Secondly, they have a sense of humour. A lot of jokes and remarks would go way over Henry & Terri’s heads. If Ivan & Hilda had all of their money taken away at a Non-Elimination, I doubt they would challenge producers and get into a verbal argument with Allan Wu.

Furthermore, Ivan is a Eastern European professor working and living in Malaysia. Henry never had that nerdy quality to him–he was a strict military guy spending his fortune in the Philippines.

In addition, Hilda never personally took out her emotions on Ivan. Their jabs at each other were passive. It was not like Henry & Terri where they personally accused the other of being the devil on a weekly basis.

Hilda just had a tough time with most tasks. This became evident from when she sprained her ankle at the opening task, needed to be carried down, but then was miraculously healed.

Okay, Hilda was not completely useless. I exaggerated it a bit for comedic effect, and when you compare to the notorious reputation of strong women in the TAR Asia franchise (minus Natalie Glebova and Monica Low who are half-Canadian coincidentally), of course she will be weak.

But would Flo, Kendra, or Mika ever cut off two pieces from a log alone? Absolutely not.

Compared to females within some American dating couples on TAR, Hilda is much stronger.

Ivan is a gentle giant. I loved it whenever he tried to act intimidating to motivate his wife. You knew not to take it seriously, and would back down and apologize if it had the opposite effect. Also, Ivan never felt more -alive- throughout the race. These are big differences compared to Henry.

The largest difference of all: The other competitors really liked Ivan & Hilda. They were easy to get along with, and could actually win a leg and do well.

I am satisfied with the amount of content we got from Ivan & Hilda during their six-round run. Too bad Hilda never got a confessional during her boot episode, though.

2) Yani & Nadine

In seasons prior to Asia 4, we suffered through weak Speed Bumps that had already aired between seasons twelve and sixteen of the American version. With the twenty-fifth season currently airing, Speed Bumps are openly mocked by all fans.

But seeing the Asian format continue on with Marked for Elimination is refreshing. The penalty puts you in a crappy spot. Particularly when an equalizer halfway through the round makes it nearly impossible for you to beat anyone by much of any time, let alone thirty whole minutes.

Nadine really screwed up the first Roadblock on the cruise ship which earned them that penalty.

Furthermore, Yani failing at the underwater puzzle and being one of five teams to be assessed the four hour penalty put the nail in the coffin.

As I said earlier, they are not the worst team ever. They did beat Jess & Lani and Hussein & Natasha if the thirty minute penalty was erased. Edwin & Monica checked in dead last both legs before the marked for elimination penalty was even factored in.

Their love for Indonesia did not do much to rival with their supposed hatred of Malaysia as they could not do much of anything for two legs. Why, Yani nearly quit over the anaconda task. If Nadine was told by producers to not use physical force, they would have been out right then and there.

In other words, they both contributed to a poorly organized team. They sucked at directions, they sucked at tasks, and could have survived this leg if they could have chosen Rapid Fire as opposed to Rapid Water. So they were bad at decisions too.

Hussein & Natasha choosing Rapid Fire truly made the difference.

Outside of their performance, I thought Yani & Nadine were alright as characters. It appeared they enjoyed their experience for the most part, and got along well. We have seen a lot of mactors in the past do awful in the American and Asian seasons in terms of possessing zero competitive willpower or an interest in the adventure.

So let’s salute what little the second worst statistical team in TAR Asia history were able to accomplish!

3) Manas & Sahil

An East Indian all-male team who goes early? Who saw that one coming? Their average is right around the absolute worst for a team to finish in eighth (7.0 after five rounds of play). Even Sahil & Prashant did well a couple of times. Niroo & Kapil had one good round to pull off a 6.75 round.

They might be in the running for worst all-male team in their 20s. In fact, they are. I just looked at the Team Averages. I cannot help but feel sympathy for them that they were beaten by Hussein & Natasha repeatedly who suck overall.

But seriously, they were the first all-male East Indian team to not act like complete divas in TAR Asia. They were also the first ones to not be completely bitter about their eliminations. I think after finishing near the bottom a few times that they knew their days were numbered. Five rounds and being the third team out was a longer life expectancy than anticipated.

They delivered some great moments in their elimination round. Well, it started off with Manas shaving his head for no reason right after the Richards did it for a Fast Forward. They picked a plane rather than a bus knowing the bus is scheduled to arrive earlier than the plane. Sahil completely messes up the pinata game and chucks the stick across the field, and nearly hit a kid in the head. Manas & Sahil were given a miracle thanks to the Intersection due to ditching Pig and the Jig. They went on to screw that up too as they slowed Hussein & Natasha down at stick collecting. Lastly, Manas’ good luck shave did not pay off at the Roadblock, and

Also, begging money from other teams to pay off a cab driver before Alan & Wendy showed up ten minutes later was an unprecedented move. It bought them an elimination.

Manas is better off finding success with the next season of The Bachelor India. Sahil will just go back to depression. I guess.

4) Alan & Wendy

A bickering couple is so rare to find on TAR!!!!!!

They fought a lot by Asian standards not named Mai and Oliver. I am amazed both enjoyed the experience, but Alan was fed up when it came to certain elements of the race.

You need to have some level of cooperation on TAR, and that was certainly not the case with them. Alan screwed up the Roadblock in leg two, they switched Detours and fell behind in leg three, and found themselves with a solid lead this leg but blew it by not understanding the bus system.

However, something tells me the other teams were lucky to be on the express buses rather than knowing they were avoiding the one that was “pulling all the stops”.

The best part about Alan is that his last name is Luk. Everybody in TAR Asia needs to get in on the puns.

Wendy was definitely the better person out of the two, mainly because she was not super jealous all the time and was the only one capable of narrating. Alan was good for the occasional laugh, but hey, there are other characters who provided good laughs too.

I am not saying Alan was bad. . .it is just that his good moments are sprinkled here and there. If anything his Hong Kong English dialect is what made him funnier than what most people would expect from his personality.

Rank the Legs

1) Legazpi, Philippines -> Queenstown, Mount Coronet, New Zealand

This is the first round where we were spared from a sponsour-related task. The worst of it was a Caltex station or an Axiata jersey. No route markers or direct promotional tasks, thankfully.

Also, this was the first self-drive leg since the middle of the second round. Sri Lanka and the Philippines just wasn’t too safe, man. It was about freakin’ time. Watching Ethan & Khairie get pulled over for driving TOO SLOW was hilarious, and seeing them be punished for running too fast on the rugby pitch. New Zealand traffic issues are too common in TAR.

I enjoyed watching Jess & Lani cry after they begged for tickets in the airport. Sure, an equalizer and Ivan’s slow driving spared them at the lumberjack route marker, but that initial doubt as teams had a big lead on them was fun.

Finding a fisherman hours from the airport was good for a route marker, I guess. The lumberjack was physically demanding, the Detour/Switchback fusion was a classic thrillseeker’s TAR staple, the rugby task was highly improved from TAR Asia 3, and the avalanche locator Roadblock required great mental agility.

I just wish teams had to work a bit harder to find the pit stop on their own. -_-

Plus how often do we see snow outdoors in the TAR Asia franchise? It is quite the rarity.

Who can forget Hussein trolling his own daughter at the lumberjack task? And not quitting a task on his own for once? Somehow they beat five other teams this round.

Lastly, the U-Turn marked a rare time where direct payback for an earlier Yield/U-Turn occurred. Dominatrix punished Sunaina & Dimple, but Sunaina & Dimple became the first to survive a Detour.

In short, I loved the balance of this round.

2) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -> Colombo, Sri Lanka

Yes, round three is our first clean round of the season.

What was with the Axiata route marker in Kuala Lumpur before heading to Colombo? Was it just a way  for the trailing teams to have additional time to catch up and show up to Colombo together? But the temple was an equalizer anyway.

Yeah, this had to be just for the sponsour money.

Other than that the only complaint is that the Detour had a counting task which we already saw in the premiere. It is a bit too early to cycle through similar tasks in a season. TAR 16 had a few counting tasks too so I really am getting sick of them.

I enjoyed seeing the Yield revived. I dunno why but I like it when vintage twists are acknowledged by the franchise.

The ice carry (in Sri Lanka of all places), the sewing Roadblock, and selling peanuts were all good tasks. Also the task of surviving the lethally fast taxi drivers or the lethally priced fares for the cab rides.

Watching Manas & Sahil’s approach of asking other teams to pay their own cab was intriguing to watch because that had not happened since the mugging non-elimination penalties in the American version. Yes, Asia 2 used that penalty but Henry & Terri somehow did not need money from other teams after they protested at the mat.

Also, I wish I had Jess & Lani with me whenever someone tried to rip me off.

My favourite part is how surprised I was that it was a non-elimination round. Outside of TAR Asia 1, TAR 3, TAR 5, and TAR 6, this is the first time in a while where a non-elimination surprised me. Nobody had opened the season with two of their three non-elimination legs being used in the first three rounds.

It means teams will be eliminated rapid fire for the remainder of the season. And that’s not such a bad thing compared to other American ones.

In conclusion, the Yield did nothing and Hussein is a sewing beast. The end.

3) Galle, Sri Lanka -> Legazpi, Philippines

The most expensive leg in TAR Asia history. Planes, buses, Jeepneys, boats, kayaks, tuk-tuks, jet skis, and Jeeps. That is truly an adventure.

The Detour of catching pigs or doing a dance becomes an international TAR staple whenever Legazpi is a destination.

I -love- that teams were able to decide between traveling by bus domestically or by plane. That had never been done in TAR before. Two teams knowingly made the wrong decision while six teams all took a bus into the lead, and guaranteed to survive the round.

It was also a truly great episode for comedy. Proper pig catching techniques, people dissing Manas & Sahil’s racing abilities, Hilda’s tambourine usage or lack thereof, Manas shaving his head for good luck only to be ousted, and the amusing Jeepney designs.

Oh, and what TAR Asia leg would be complete without an easy Caltex task that has nothing to do with actual racing? Well, to make it ridiculous you turn it into an Intersection of course! I did not like how close the Intersection was to the end of the leg because it served as a minor equalizer, and the only task after the Intersection was a Roadblock dependent upon luck. Producers put as much effort into that Roadblock as Manas did into catching pigs.

The Legazpi environment was great, though. It is a bummer they are suffering from major storms at the moment here as 2014 comes to an end.

By the way, where were Sunaina & Dimple this round? They were rarely shown.

And how the heck did Hussein & Natasha survive again?

4) Colombo, Sri Lanka -> Galle, Sri Lanka

I love that this round goes from plane to train to walking on foot to bus to tuk-tuk to crossing on a tightrope.

That is a lot of modes of transportation in one round, and this is not even the round notorious for the extensive transportation used.

The equalizer was at the beginning, and the route doesn’t mess around for the remainder of the leg. I like how Alan & Wendy start off with a strong lead, but completely screw up by not researching the bus system properly. Vintage TAR at its finest.

Compared to the previous Sri Lanka round, there is very little crossover with other franchises. Sure, it was unoriginal that there was another lock-based task just two rounds since Kota Kinabalu, or that the coconut rope course was nearly identical to TAR 6, but I do not want to be greedy.

Wait. TAR 12’s Learn Ten Words was the other side of this Detour.

And TAR 4’s Match a Mask with a Performer was an active route info.

And the Fast Forward was a head shaving task which we have seen at least three or four times by this point, and was the first offered outside of India.

And Dialog’s sponsourship was already used two rounds ago, and Hilton just one round ago.

And searching through a pile of cell phones for the clue was identical to searching through a pile of Blu-Rays for a clue, but far less time-consuming.

In other words, nothing was all that original about this leg other than the constant struggle with transportation.

I loved Jess & Lani witnessing somebody vomiting, Alan praying for a car crash, and Hussein nearly falling to his death. Lastly, nothing says a good time like having traffic cops laugh at your passport photo.

That was fun.

P.S. There was an original component to one of the tasks. The treasure chest could only be unlocked if you knew Sri Lanka’s history.

5) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -> George Town, Penang, Malaysia

Running backwards up a narrow staircase at the starting line? Counting steps at Batu Caves? Driving yourself to a route marker that was aired just a few months ago in the US version, and directly acknowledging it?

Refusing to properly explain a soccer penalty shootout task?

Creating a Detour where ten teams all pick the same Detour where one member pretended to clean a window and the other took a picture?

All of the teams finishing within an hour of each other?

Sorry, that was Bethany Hamilton ranking this leg.

I am glad nobody was eliminated because nothing really happened this round. I applaud producers for trying two unique tasks and a unique visual for the starting line, but re-using Kuala Lumpur and Penang so soon again made it feel stale.

Not to mention my ears burn from hearing Amazing Grace. By the way, did teams ever start forming relationships with each other? I feel like we learned almost nothing about everyone other than a few occupations and country of origin.

Nothing very laugh out loud funny either other than Hilda becoming the new Terri and Jess picking up locals that do NOT like being used.

Losing in your home town is always fun to watch, but seeing you finish in first place for that round comes off as boring as Tammy & Victor. Sorry Ethan & Khairie.

Maybe I just have something against having any more rounds in that whole peninsula. Los Angeles, northeastern China, and the Malay peninsula will always be under fire in these blogs.

I will praise them for doing a Roadblock and a Detour in the season premiere. Lots of tasks squished into one episode, come to think of it.

6) George Town, Penang, Malaysia -> Kampung, Malaysia

What a dumb round design.

An equalizer halfway through the leg?

Give a lousy twenty minute advantage for a team eating 275 chicken balls knowing that failure to complete one of the tasks will automatically give five teams a four hour penalty?

Petting the anaconda looked dangerous.
The underwater puzzle Roadblock was complicated.
The Detour was on par with most tasks in TAR history. Adventure task versus coordination.
Self-drive legs are always what TAR is all about.

But a four hour penalty for a team failing to complete the underwater puzzle Roadblock within ten minutes? Four hour penalties should only be assessed if a team QUITS a task.

angry video game nerd

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

Allan never explains this crucial detail before the task starts. We just see Claire be led out of the water being told time is up fifteen minutes later, and the screen displays a four hour penalty for her. Viewers are led to believe that producers made up this penalty on the spot, but we know there is no way this can be true.

Maybe Allan said it aloud and producers replied “no, when you say it aloud, the twist sounds stupid”.

Well, if it sounded dumb when Allan says it then maybe the idea is REALLY STUPID IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Following TAR 16’s unnecessarily high levels of nastiness towards each other, it is nice to watch a season where everybody gets along. The closest thing to a rivalry is Sunaina & Dimple simultaneously hating and loving Michelle & Claire who they nicknamed Dominatrix.

Lastly, the Richards should be given ten bucks just for spooking Hilda twenty feet from the pit stop mat. Classic.

And screw you TAR 24 for copying half of the round and ruining any good task that occurred for this leg. Shame on you.

***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbDKINwn7uE

An Amazing Race podcast that I help co-host celebrated its one year anniversary and its 50th podcast simultaneously. Hooray!

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