The Amazing Race Asia 4 round 5 rankings

Fifth leg

Good news everyone: The screencaps are of higher quality this round! Hooray!

“The Great Legazpi”

COUNTRIES VISITED

MALAYSIA – SRI LANKA – PHILIPPINES – NEW ZEALAND – AUSTRALIA – INDONESIA – SOUTH KOREA – SINGAPORE

Previously on TAR Asia: Nine teams set off from Colombo, Sri Lanka and traveled by train to Galle. The Richards speed paid off at the Fast Forward, but it was their speed that led them into trouble with the local police.

The coconut challenge tested Hussein’s stamina, and it was fatigue that caused them to fall behind.

Alan & Wendy set out strong but at the Detour Alan could not keep his cool, and Team Hong Kong had to change Detours but it was all too late.

EDITOR’S NOTE: They have never ever been referred to as Team Hong Kong before or after this point.

Once again the Richards took first place, and Alan & Wendy came last.

Eight teams remain; who will be eliminated next?

TEAMS MENTIONED IN THE PREVIOUSLY ON SEGMENT TALLY

SUNAINA & DIMPLE: 2
HARDIN.HERRERA: 4
HUSSEIN.NATASHA: 2
YANI.NADINE: 2
MANAS.SAHIL: 1
JESS.LANI: 2
ETHAN.KHAIRIE: 3
WENDY.ALAN: 3
MICHELLE.CLAIRE: 2
IVAN.HILDA: 3

– Intro time.

legazpi hilda tengku

I wonder if Hilda has been loud so far in this season because she has to make up for being really quiet in her full-time job.

– Allan reminds us that we are located at Kalutara Kalido Beach–a place on Sri Lanka’s west coast.

legazpi building

Where we hide a building behind trees for our own amusement.

– The Richards, who arrived first at 1:35pm, will depart at 1:35am in a so-called race around the world.

– Hardin reads that teams must fly to Manila. Yes, he and Herrera are excited instantaneously.

We go from visiting Sri Lanka which is a country notorious for fast drivers to Philippines which has been repeated in every TAR Asia season as having even crazier drivers? Rovilson said they are the craziest, and the Richards say Colombo was ‘almost like Manila’.

Are the producers trying their hardest to ensure a racer gets into a major car crash this season? Who in their right mind spends two rounds in Sri Lanka, and presumably another two in the Philippines? You are just asking for trouble.

wyclef jean fast car

It is like Wyclef Jean and Paul Simon had influence over this season’s initial route.

Wow, a TAR Asia 4 blog coinciding with a destination in TAR 25?

I SHALL CALL THIS. . .
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legazpi thrilla in manila

The Thrilla in Manila!

– Once there they must fly or travel by bus to Legazpi. In Legazpi, find a clue in a marked Jeepney. Just like any other TAR visit to the Philippines, the Jeepneys are explained as fashionable World War II vehicles that have caught on permanently.

Wait. Fly OR travel by bus to Legazpi? Is this the first time teams have been allowed to choose an alternative form of transportation besides flying? Feel free to correct me on this, but I think it is a first.

Or maybe they have had the option before, but traveling by plane to a clue ten kilometres away was probably too stupid to consider.

Legazpi is a city 540 kilometres away from Manila. So much for our Thrilla.

– Why are the Richards excited about going to Manila?

legazpi richards

No clue.

– Sunaina & Dimple depart in second at 2:35am. Richards’ lead is not as big as I thought it would be. Dimple thinks they can win as long as the right challenges come along.

legazpi kid

The first challenge is to cut in front of this kid in line. I think he is suspicious of Dimple, if you ask me.

– Richards yell to them that this is the wrong airport and to go back. Yeah, it does not work.

– Ethan & Khairie depart in third at 2:45am. Ethan says they have US $150 for this leg. He does not want to hang around other teams because he does want to lie. Furthermore, he wants to have fun.

legazpi caltex

More like fun with Caltex!

– One other team is really excited about the Philippines.

legazpi jess lani

Cue the music!

dmx party up in here

dmx manila

Huh. Part of the music video filmed in Manila. I did not know that.

– Besides the infamous trip to the Philippines in TAR 5 (and this week’s round in TAR 25), the only other Philippines visit was in TAR Asia 2. Henry & Terri barely survived in their home region because Edwin & Monica were still there, and Marc & Rovilson dominated as expected.

philippines carabao

But for some reason the expression “My carabao is BROKEN” did not quite catch on.

– Jess & Lani say they are doing much better now because they are calmer, and everything is falling into place. For some reason finishing fourth in the fourth round as their best finish means they are on top of their game.

– Hussein, the greatest character in TAR history, and Natasha depart in fifth at 3:21am. Natasha is getting tired of the race because her dad will ask the same question in one day five times.

legazpi hussein natasha

SPOILER ALERT: That trait belongs to most parents, Natasha. My mother is the epitome of repetitive questioning, and my dad is the epitome of impatience. This makes for a lovely combination at home while growing up.

– Ivan & Hilda depart in sixth at 3:37am.

IVAN: We feel we have made some mistakes.
HILDA: Both of us.

Yes, Hilda. It’s not like we get a kick out of blaming you for everything.

– Ivan says they are going to come back. He expresses his confidence going into the leg.

HILDA: We’ll try our best. . .even though there are two Filipino teams.

Yes. Hilda is already providing an escape route for herself in the event that she loses.

It truly is an annoying trait in reality TV. It is like contestants want you to put an asterisk beside their elimination. Well f–k you Hilda, that ain’t happenin.

– Michelle & Claire begin the leg in seventh. They instantly declare that the Filipino teams will rule.

heidi strobel

Yes, even before Heidi did.

– Claire says it is not a good start to the day when they are seventh. Now it is time for the last team to commence. . .

legazpi manas katyal

What the hell. . .

legazpi manas katyal 2

. . .is going on here?

legazpi manas katyal 3

Did Manas just shave his head for fun? He does know the Fast Forward was a one-time thing, right?

legazpi richards

I am serious. Manas shaved his head twelve hours after the Fast Forward was completed. He did a task viewed as being a major sacrifice just for kicks.

But it fits. In TAR 5 and 7, we are taught that shaving your head is viewed as being a source of good luck in India. Since Manas & Sahil are from India, they will double their good fortune.

legazpi manas katyal 4

Yes, Manas feels the horseshoe that is forming in his skull. With the hair gone, the horseshoe can grow.

legazpi sahil banga

Sahil decides to be a literal buzzkill as he refuses to shave his own head.

– Manas is doing this because he is obsessed with his own hair too much (I know that feeling), and it allows for them to ditch gel, checking on himself in the mirror, shampoo, and oil.

legazpi manas sahil

Does the good fortune cancel out if Sahil refuses to do it?

shakira hips dont lie 3

Next week we get to find out who this is. Will she shave her head too for good luck?

– Sahil reads they have 160 dollars for this leg.

– We “fast forward” to all teams riding the same plane to Manila. A journey of over five thousand kilometres.

legazpi flight

Also known as a far distance.

– Flight lands in Manila. It was a seven hour flight as Ivan describes teams spending the whole time deciding between riding a bus or booking another flight.

– The Richards are in a cab and head to the bus station. Hardin announces he will show his Filipino Love once he gets on the bus.

– Dominatrix are in a taxi. Michelle says that if the bus is on schedule then it would officially be earlier than a plane that gets in at 6:00am.

What time the bus gets in is unknown to us, sadly.

– Sunaina asks the driver if a bus or plane would be faster. How the heck would he know? She says in a confessional that they knew the bus would get in earlier.

So WHAT THE HECK WAS THE POINT OF ASKING?!

– Jess & Lani say that other teams view them as having a huge advantage this round, but point out the Malaysian team did not exactly sweep both legs. Lani adds that Ethan & Khairie went out of their way to try and screw other people over. Lani refuses to help anybody.

legazpi jess lani 2

And yes, they are wearing I ❤ Manila shirts and wearing hats that would combine to form the Filipino flag.

– Ethan & Khairie confirm with the driver that a bus would be a ten to twelve hour bus ride.

legazpi ethan khairie

Khairie’s reaction says it all. After seven hours of flying plus a couple hours of checking in before the flight, they must now take a taxi to the bus station and sit on that bus for a really long time.

This adds up to a full twenty-four hours of traveling.

vietnam natalie 2

In other words, Natalie Glebova’s worst nightmare.

– Ivan states that “everybody” seems to have decided to take the bus.

legazpi hussein natasha 2

Yes, Hussein does not count. F–king Hussein wants to play it safe. Playing it safe means taking a flight you know in advance will be behind all other teams if things are on schedule.

It is like somebody who says “technically”, but uses it in a manner to describe an alternative to an event if it were not ruled by the book.

Personally I think Hussein just did not want to sit on a Filipino bus for twelve hours. Hussein is not really known for his willpower so far this season.

NATASHA: We knew there was a 50/50 chance that me and my dad would be there first or one of the last teams to arrive.

50/50? The bus is scheduled to be there EARLIER than the plane. That is far from a toss-up. Your odds of being there before the bus bank on the bus’ arrival time being pushed back.

I wonder what Hussein’s diplomat friends think of him?

the diplomats dipset anthem

I dunno, but I think they fly high on a private jet.

Santana, aye! Yeah, I haven’t listened to Juelz much since I was in my senior year of high school.

HUSSEIN: We don’t wanna take the risk of riding the bus.

Taking the bus is the OPPOSITE of a risk! My word.

I have never noticed this before but Natasha looks a lot like my friend Leona from high school. Huh.

– Nobody else is silly enough to fly to Legazpi, right?

legazpi manas sahil 2

Oh right. They’re still here.

– Speaking of Manas & Sahil, Jess & Lani dish about them.

legazpi jess lani 3

You don’t say?

legazpi jess lani 4

Racist.

LANI: I want them to get the boooot. They rub me up the wrong way, really.

I should Lani says this with the thickest Aussie accent I have heard in me life.

JESS: They’ve got a bit of an attitude.
LANI: Yeah, a bit of attitude.

legazpi lani pillinger

An expression of attitude.

– Jess & Lani treat this conversation as if there has never ever been an East Indian team in TAR Asia history with an attitude.

taiwan niroo kapil 11

Okay, just two examples now. But it’s not like there was a team who had an even bigger attitude to the point that they were angry with Allan over the rules of the race when they were eliminated.

sahil hitchhike

Wow. All three East Indian all-male teams have major attitudes. Needless to say everybody except Niroo happen to be Bollywood mactors. Coincidence? I think not.

nwa straight outta compton

Move over Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, and Eazy E. There’s a new show in town.

iwa east indians with attitude

Indians With Attitude! Straight outta Mumbai, might I add.

– Teams arrive at the Legazpi bus station.
legazpi sign

Also known as Legaspi Polangui Daraga.

– Ethan and Michelle dance for the drivers and beg them to go. Suddenly Jess & Lani are on board much to their dismay.

FIRST BUS (700PM): ETHAN & KHAIRIE; MICHELLE & CLAIRE; JESS & LANI

legazpi bus

They -were- going to leave on time, but could not figure out your freakin’ interpretative dance.

– Claire demonstrates her sarcasm when seeing Jess & Lani.

legazpi claire goh

Over-the-top sincerity.

– Herrera asks Ivan to order the driver to go, but Sunaina & Dimple are aboard.

SECOND BUS (SOON AFTER): RICHARDS; IVAN & HILDA; SUNAINA & DIMPLE

– We cut back to the airport.

legazpi sleep

As Natalie Glebova would say, only people treated worse than humans would sleep in an airport. She really would hate this round.

I am amazed Hussein & Natasha do not wear “I ❤ Indonesia” jackets.

– Manas & Sahil say they had a great sleep in the airport. Morning is here. They are on the flight to Legazpi.

– All six teams get into Legazpi by the two buses. They must travel by Jeepney to Lignon Hill. This is where teams will find their next clue and a nice view of Mayon Volcano which is NOT located in the Yucatan.

legazpi lignon hill

What the heck is that on Lignon Hill?

ETHAN: A Jeepney is a pimped out truck. It is super cool.

– Richards state they are used to this as Monday traffic as they always inhale the fumes. Let’s take a look at the odd designs.

legazpi hood ornament

Nelson Muntz would gladly take that hood ornament.

legazpi design

I wonder what they would have thought about Jeepney culture.

legazpi design 2

Especially when the Jeepney next to them shows a female supermodel extinguishing a cigarette with her butt. A whole new meaning to the term “cigarette butt”, I suppose.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I am amazed this aired as a PG rating on cable television (considering only violence is allowed to take it too far. . .odd exception if you ask me). It reminds me of Jon in TAR 4 in the final round of play. I will take this screencap down if anyone finds it exceptionally offensive. . .for some reason.

jon dog eat dog

Classic.

legazpi design 3

Caltex is everywhere. . .and because I know I have many readers from the Philippines, feel free to call this number for me.

– Richards declare that this is a Jeepney Drag Race. Again, nothing new for them.

legazpi richards 2

You know it’s serious when you have to grab the bar with two hands.

legazpi lani pillinger 2

Geez, Lani. Aren’t you overdoing the Filipino pride a bit? At least Marc & Rovilson had the decency to stop at bandanas.

– Lots of craziness as teams jump out at the route marker. Richards have the clue first. They read that they must travel to Barangay Budiao. Once there they must use an all-terrain vehicle on a marked course to the Cagsawa Ruins. Teams will find their next clue.

This is the second round in a row where they are throwing a ton of modes of transportation at us. I like it.

– The top six teams all have a clue. Everyone is shown reading their clue head on.

legazpi jess lani 5

But this camera operator decides to do a semi-overhead shot. Why is that?

legazpi jeepney

“You are the Jeep Knee’s!” as the locals say during the 1920s.

Speaking of overhead shots, we get this one here of five of the six Jeepneys tailing one another. Such a beautiful landscape in Legazpi.

super off road

It’s like Super Off Road but with Jeepneys.

– Hardin explains to us that he grew up riding ATVs with his father. All six teams are already at the ATVs and starting to ride.

legazpi atv

Oddly enough, the racers will be operating the ATVs at a safer speed than locals.
finale adrian yap 5

Or Adrian & Collin.

– We cut back to Manas & Sahil and Hussein & Natasha who are enjoying their nice leisurely flight.

legazpi hussein natasha 3

lil mama

Natasha has her Lil Mama lip gloss moment. Is it popping? It’s poppin’?

Never thought she would get a repeated performance in this blog. If another artist makes a song about lip gloss, they will be the first to replace Lil Mama.

Seriously, she is a forty year old woman going to high school in this video. Was Lil Mama that desperate to re-live her high school days that she had to play the new student in this music video?

I think Hans Moleman did a better job of posing as Bart Simpson at Springfield Elementary.

– The plane lands outside. I am not joking when I say that I have never seen such a slow walk from a group of people in my life. They all look like zombies.

legazpi plane

Playing it safe.

– Hussein & Natasha and Manas & Sahil are both shown strolling to their cars. This is ridiculous.

legazpi manas sahil 3

Even the locals off the plane made it to the Jeepneys faster than Manas & Sahil!

– We witness some weird editing as Hussein & Natasha and Manas & Sahil are never in the same shot, but both get to the clue box in two seconds separately.

– We cut back to ATV riding. Khairie proclaims it is the coolest ride. Ethan was freaking out and yelling behind him.

ETHAN: My eyes are too big for this!

legazpi ethan khairie 2

Ethan: Not returning to the ATV scene anytime soon.

– How are other teams doing at riding the ATV?

legazpi sunaina dimple

Bollywood actresses do not use ATVs, I am guessing.

aaron arianne

They are riding an ATV about as well as Gold & Silver did in TAR 3.

– Richards pass by Ethan & Khairie. Hardin is driving unbelievably fast.

HARDIN: Ain’t no stopping us!

He hits the side of the mountain, and it gets stuck in water. Editors loved that.

HERRERA: This bike was not meant for the beating he gave it.

legazpi atv 2

Who knew the guy wearing the wife beater would be accused of being too abusive at a task.

– Ethan & Khairie are first to complete the course. Slow and (somewhat) steady won that race. They read that they must play a traditional game called. . .

legazpi pukpok palayok

Filipinos love their alliteration.

The annual Philippines Pukpok Palayok Party.

– By the way, Pukpok Palayok is played in solitary. Nah, just kidding.  One person is blindfolded must hit a pot (called a puk) and their teammate can communicate only using a tambourine. Once the teammate breaks the pot to release candy and a clue, they have completed the task.

legazpi tambourine

brooke robbie

“Isn’t that a maraca?”

legazpi candy

I for one would take the candy over the clue.

– Ivan’s experience with ATVs allows him to drag Hilda into second place. Hilda, surprisingly, chooses to play the tambourine. She loves making noise. This is perfect for her.
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But wait. This is perhaps the funniest moment of the season so far. Hilda’s role is to be noisy as possible. The locals have not yet been told to plug their ears and prepare to flee.

legazpi ivan hilda 2

Get ready to plug your ears, folks. . .

legazpi ivan hilda 3

It’s coming. . .

legazpi ivan hilda 4

Even Khairie is looking back waiting for the noise.

legazpi ivan hilda 5

There you go, buddy. Geez, Ivan is experiencing what it would be like if Luke did this task.
legazpi ethan khairie 3

Ethan Lim: Irony Lover.

KHAIRIE: Funny thing was like standing there in silence.

ETHAN: First time I’ve heard Hilda just be quiet.

Yes. The one time Hilda is INSTRUCTED to be noisy, and she refuses to do so.

– Ivan goes off course multiple times.

legazpi hilda tengku 2

Hilda two seconds after being told that her cat died at home.

legazpi ivan evetovics

At this rate, Ivan is ready to strike Hilda’s head rather than the pot.

– Richards are there third. Hardin starts swinging at it with one arm. Ethan gets it with a good technique. They read that it is an instant Detour.

legazpi allan wu

Allan on a WuTV.

In this Detour, teams will choose between two traditions. Jig or Pig.

In Jig, teams must dress in traditional outfits and dance a traditional Ibalong dance. Once -two- (twice as hard!) judges approve, they will receive their next clue.

ALLAN: Only teams who can STEP UP to these complicated dance moves will receive their next clue.

legazpi dance

I wonder if he said “wuves” but nobody noticed.

In Pig, teams must participate in a tradition of catching two oily pigs each.

ALLAN: While catching these feisty pigs is a challenge of itself, teams will need to hang on tight or watch their chances literally slip away.

legazpi pigs

Splashing oil in the eyes of pigs? PETA will not be impressed.

legazpi pig

Now that is a neat hat.

legazpi pigs 2

I think trains in Mumbai have more space than this.

– Ethan & Khairie choose Jig. They enter the Jig area and start learn.

ETHAN: Where’s my Lady Gaga?

– Hilda wonders what Ivan is doing. Richards are done. They decide Jig.

HERRERA: And that’s where the fun REALLY began.

HARDIN: I know our capabilities on the dance floor, you know what I’m sayin’,  but the moves they were doing. I said to Rich “let’s change to the pig one”. He said, “aight, let’s do it”.

HERRERA: The dumbest move we could have possibly made.

I love Hardin’s balla talk, and Herrera is signalling the start of what we should expect.

What happens when you throw two models into a mud pit full of oily pigs?
legazpi pigs 3

Although this pig suffers from Seasonal Depression in Philippines (which its proximity to the equator makes it just ‘depression), which should make the task much easier for the Richards.

legazpi lard

Lather on that lard, boys!

– Herrera steps in with his nice jeans. The locals laugh when he starts hopping because of his shoes. The shoes are the first casualty. He finally gets one.

legazpi pigs 4

Herrera’s very own Bay of Pigs.

legazpi richard hardin

“I hope it’s not going to mess up my hair.”

legazpi richard herrera

“Maybe I won’t wear shoes when I go in.”

– I should note this is the first time ever that I have heard a country music soundtrack in TAR Asia history.

– Jess pronounces the Pukpok Palayok game as if she is Joan Rivers uttering the words “pokuh playah”.

– We cut back to Ivan & Hilda who are still doing the task.

legazpi ivan hilda 6

Finally! Hilda hits the tambourine once. It is a weak hit, and she only does it when Ivan is close. In other words, a bad strategy.

legazpi lani pillinger 3

The exact opposite of what Jess James’ shirt calls for.

– Hilda starts yelling like a caveman out of frustration because Ivan moves after the tambourine hit. She starts moaning when he drifts further away.

HILDA: He didn’t see that the pinata was up on his head.
legazpi ivan hilda 8

“You looked like such an idiot when you walked by the pinata while blindfolded.”

IVAN: But because I was blindfolded–
HILDA: No, he just didn’t see that.

That’s what he’s freaking trying to say. Hilda is not understanding this concept. At all.

legazpi ivan hilda 7

“USE YOUR F–KING TAMBOURINE!”

– Oh, because Hilda was moaning aloud. . .

legazpi ivan hilda 9

Yeah, Filipinos can hear, Hilda. Back to the start Ivan goes.

– Jess completes the task. Her and Lani choose Jig. Ivan hits the pot so hard that he was covered in a paint that makes his arms a cross between Incredible Hulk and Shrek.

legazpi ivan hilda 10

“I blue myself.”

– Ethan & Khairie are struggling with the task, but see the Richards tripping and stumbling with the pigs. The final pose for the dance is amusing, by the way.

legazpi ethan lim

The prequel to Bill and Cathi lunging in TAR 19.

– They are rejected, and must start over.

legazpi dance 2

The Filipino version of the YMCA except EVERYONE dresses up like the First Nations band member.

– Dominatrix are fifth to the pinata game. Michelle is barely tall enough to hit the pot. She finds the task hilarious and got some of the paint in her mouth.

legazpi michelle ng

See? The pot really needed to be adjusted for height. They choose Jig.

– Hardin is repeatedly failing at diving to catch a pig. It is a decent sports reel that Marc & Rovilson will be recapping in their homeland.

legazpi richard hardin 2
silver surfer

He is the Filipino Silver Surfer.

I wonder if anyone else knows what it is like trying to dive in a muddy pit but with no success?

joel chet

corbin bernsen

Oh. Right.

– Commercial break. We resume. Hardin has a pig. Herrera says the key is to eliminate the feet to ensure they have no power. Dig your thumbs underneath their legs, and bear hug em as you transport it back. Herrera shares the most critical tip of all.

HERRERA: Keep your mouth closed. A pig got me in the mouth. I’m still tasting it.

legazpi richards 3

Herrera even circles his cheek with his tongue, and Hardin cringes at the thought of a pig kicking mud into his mouth.

james clement

Maybe that is what James meant by “keep your mouth shut”.

– Ivan & Hilda go with Jig because Hilda is a natural dancer. Ivan thinks he is fairly co-ordinated, and be a good match.

Nope. It proves to be a disaster as Ivan dances as bad as me. He blames it on being super technical. Rejected instantly.

legazpi ivan hilda 11

“Wait, what am I supposed to do here?”

– Michelle & Claire commence jigging. Sunaina & Dimple are the last of the first batch to get to the pot task. How is it going for Sunaina?

legazpi sunaina guila

Let’s just say it will be a while.

– Sunaina is swinging wildly. She eventually gets closer. Bugs Bunny piano music is playing. Another first for TAR Asia. She gets it after a few more seconds.

SUNAINA: I can’t dance. I’m dyslexic. The other one.

legazpi sunaina dimple 2

But yet she is reading the clue. . .?

I love how far behind they finished at the ATV task. This has not been their day.

– Michelle’s long shirt and short jeans is out of place amongst the dancers.

legazpi michelle claire

That is not proper attire. . .and they are rejected.

– Ethan stops for a second to look around and take in the laughter from the audience. Him and Khairie succeed. They read that they must race on foot to. . .

legazpi intersection

The last Intersection we will see for a while. They may be dead in the American version as we just finished covering TAR 16, but I can assure you that the Australian series will keep this twist alive after this season is over.

– Allan recaps what the Intersection is for us.

legazpi allan wu 2

Or rather, a Wuntersection.

– Michelle & Claire leap into second. Very impressive. They see the Intersection.

KHAIRIE: Our best candidates for an Intersection are Michelle & Claire. Lo and behold three seconds later Michelle & Claire come running. It is the All-Star Dream Team

legazpi ethan khairie 4

Ethan -really- likes them.

– Khairie reads that teams now have a chance to clean up. They must head to Misibis Bay and clear debris from a storm-ravaged area to receive their next clue.

legazpi misibis bay

This act of goodwill is brought to you by Caltex!

– Both teams start cheering and screaming over cleaning.

CLAIRE: Michelle has OCD about cleaning. She likes cleaning everything except her own room.

MICHELLE: There’s no other team I would want to work with other than the Malaysian Boys. We kinda understand each other really well when we talk.

Yeah. Michelle has a point. I can understand these two teams much better than Hussein, Alan, Ivan & Hilda, Sunaina & Dimple, or Manas & Sahil.

legazpi powers

“Proper” English-Speaking Malaysian Powers Activate!

– Jess & Lani think they could do well at dancing, but realize it is only possible after a couple of drinks. They describe the dance moves as “Grab the tree, grab the leaves, and cut the grass, and take the pot, tip the pot”.

You mean two women associated with strip clubs could not even do it? Lani was even spotted by famous people during this task. What do they have to say about her?

city high what would you do

“Her name is Lani, she went to junior high with me. I asked her “why you up in this dance for clues, there’s been a whole lot of change since I’ve seen you last”.

Yes, I used to listen to City High’s only CD. I hear Claudette Ortiz is a jerk.

– By the way, Ivan & Hilda and Jess & Lani both get slow headshakes from the judges.

legazpi judges

Not impressed.

– Richards finish the task in third. They did not lose as much time as we expected. Richards reach the Intersection and are stuck waiting there.

HERRERA: If that’s not down and dirty, I don’t know what is.

legazpi richards 4

This screencap quality is the only other contender I can think of.

– Sunaina & Dimple leap up to fourth as they complete the dance. Into the Jeepney they go with the Richards.

HERRERA: I would love to wait to stick around and see the Indian guys in there. I would take a four hour penalty to watch them do it. Maybe next time.

Not sure if Herrera is referring to Pig or Jig.

– Jess & Lani reach the Intersection in fifth. Their only option is to wait for Ivan & Hilda to finish dancing, and wow, neither are doing a good job.

legazpi jess lani 6

They are better off waiting for Becky Lee & Sundra Oakley to finish their active route info of making fire before Ivan & Hilda show up.

– Ivan & Hilda mess up. We go to commercial. Leg resumes. Ivan & Hilda continue to struggle.

LANI: Chop! Chop! We want to go and get out of here.

There is nothing particularly funny about this quote, but the way she says it in her Aussie accent is amusing.

– Hussein & Natasha and Manas & Sahil are in their ATVs.

legazpi ox

“No one will let me ride in an ATV. Nobody likes poor Eeyore.

– The two teams are desperate to make up time. Manas and Hussein are driving. Natasha yells at her dad to drive faster.

legazpi manas sahil 4

Manas driving the ATV into a pile of rocks?

jeanne hebert

Smawt.

– So the round continues and–

legazpi dog

A dog!

– Manas & Sahil are seventh to the pinata game. Hilda may be the worst player with the tambourine, but Sahil may go down as the worst blindfolded player at it.

legazpi manas sahil 5

“I blew it all by MySeLf”.

You want to know how stupid Sahil was?

legazpi sahil banga 2
Sahil winds up. . .

SAHIL: One, two. . .

legazpi sahil banga 3

The toss. . .

legazpi sahil banga 4

And it’s not even close.

MANAS: Stupid!
SAHIL: What?
MANAS: You don’t need to throw it. You need to go and hit it. You’re going to break someone’s head. You need to walk and then you need to break it.
SAHIL: Sorry guys! I didn’t read the clue!

legazpi manas sahil 6

Dangit, Manas. It would have been funnier if you let Sahil try to hit the target a few more times despite it being over fifty feet away.

legazpi manas sahil 7

Sahil starts smacking his own head out of embarrassment and shame. I think he just dropped a couple castes.

legazpi manas sahil 8

Sahil -hates- traditional decorations.

– Hussein parks the ATV. He shoulder checked numerous times on the way in. Husein is the one blindfolded. Sahil and Hussein are both doing terrible.

– Sahil and Hussein are both shown completing the task at roughly the same time.

– Natasha wants to do Jig. Hussein & Natasha are shocked to see Ivan & Hilda still there. Ivan notes that ninety minutes has passed.

legazpi ivan hilda 12

And likely another ninety will.

– Ivan knows giving up is not an option.

Fact: It is. That is why it is a Detour.

– Ivan & Hilda complete the task. They agree to team up with Jess & Lani. Into the Jeepney they go.

– Manas & Sahil opt to do Pig. Manas enters the pit. Sahil wanted to do this task because he wanted to hold a pig and it looks cute.

legazpi manas katyal 5

Manas enters stage right.

legazpi manas katyal 6
Eh.

legazpi manas katyal 7

Eh.

legazpi manas katyal 8

. . .

legazpi manas katyal 9

Exit stage right.

– MANAS: If I cannot do it, I am sure he cannot do it. It was next to impossible.

You didn’t even dive like the Richards did. Manas refused to run at the pigs. That may be one of the laziest attempts at a task that I have seen if your name is not Mika Combs.

– The top two Intersected teams are at the beach. Khairie claims everyone knew what to do by instinct.

– NATASHA: I do not mean to sound cocky, but that dance had some really simple steps and I am a traditional dancer so it was easy for me.

SPOILER: It sounds cocky.

– Hussein admits he enjoys dancing too, but says disco was his era. We see him do this stutter stumble when moving. I spat water out of my mouth when seeing him do that for the first time.

legazpi hussein natasha 4

Indonesian Disco Stud.

– Natasha mocks other teams for needing to take forty-five minutes to an hour. They have it done. They are at the Intersection and must wait for their main competition. Manas & Sahil are rejected once. What’s the best way to pass the time?

legazpi hussein baron sutadisastra

Having a fifty year old dance while making his daughter have no choice but to watch.

– Natasha kills the mood by correcting Hussein on the correct dance sequence. I would have done the same thing because, you know, it’s Hussein.

– Manas & Sahil supposedly complete it on their second try.

legazpi manas sahil 9

I think this fashion trend will catch on.

– You know how Manas was able to do the dance correctly?

legazpi manas sahil 10

Because Manas believed in himself.

butch

That’s right, Butch. A foreign exchange student took your words to heart.

– Natasha assumes they will catch up because Manas & Sahil are physically stronger and are men.

Did. . .did. . .did you see them trying to catch a pig?

– Richards and Sunaina & Dimple are at the beach.

– Dominatrix and Social Misfits complete the task. A man thanks them for cleaning up the beach courtesy of Caltex.

– Intersection over.

Wow. That is a really really really lame Intersection. Perhaps the lamest ever. You had to cooperate together and pick up trash on a small plot of beachfront. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

ROADBLOCK HINT: Who has the row to paddle patiently?

– It is a Roadblock. In this Roadblock, teams must search the fish farm for a clue. Teams will take a boat to Kala-something Beach. Then select a kayak and paddle out to the flagged fish farm. Once there they must search amongst hundreds of clues for the one marked ‘Correct!’

legazpi kayak

At least paddling the kayaks will test skill.

legazpi roadblock

This, however, will not. Urghhhhhhhhhhhh.

legazpi allan wu 3

ALLAN: While this task may not be physically demanding, teams will realize it is an exercise of patience before they can jet on out.

legazpi allan wu 4

Damn it.

– Khairie and Claire are doing the Roadblock. Ethan is not patient, and Michelle cannot paddle.

– Richards say Sunaina & Dimple are smart and work really hard. Herrera comments on how good of shape they are in too. He thinks they finished the challenge in a lot less time than the Malaysian Proper English Squad.

– Ethan is first to checking out the clues.

legazpi water

At least the paddle distance is far. If John Carroll or Robert “The General” Decanio had to do this task, they would never make it to the clue section.

And why are we still calling them ‘clues’ after TAR 1? Clues only act as clues about one percent of the time. The other ninety-nine percent is just instructions with specific rules.

treasure hunters 4

Now Treasure Hunters. . .that is a show where everything was a clue. No instructions in that show.

legend of zelda link to the past

Clues in TAR would be like if Link is outright told to light a fire on a marked bush located at specific coordinates.

If it were Treasure Hunters, all Link would know is “combine wax with a field and you will light the way. Find the dungeon, find the triforce”.

– Ivan & Hilda and Jess & Lani are cleaning. Khairie has a clue already.

legazpi michelle ng 2

She wanted to be first pretty bad, Terry.

– Ethan reads that they must travel by jet ski to the pit stop on Bahi Beach. Once there a Jeep without knees will drive them up a marked track to the pit stop.

legazpi water 2

Official Kickstarter: Buy Logan a house there!

legazpi jet ski

Why is this guy wearing a mask?

wave race 64

Did he play too much Wave Race 64?

– According to Allan, Bahi Beach is one of the leading efforts in going green, but we are not told how they are accomplishing this task.

legazpi bahi beach

Needless to say they have a sweet amphitheatre.

– Ethan & Khairie hop onto the jet ski. . .

legazpi jet ski 2

Which they are not allowed to drive. This irks me because now you are relying upon the jet ski drivers to stick to a fixed time for driving to Bahi Beach. Just don’t pick the seventy year old near-sighted driver.

– Herrera is doing the Roadblock. Hardin comments that Herrera paddled out extremely fast and is “super strong”. Claire keeps searching. She sees the one flaashing correct and has it. Herrera is right there as Claire hopes he will not find it. But he doesn’t anyway, and Hardin passes her in the paddle. Dominatrix fall to third.

– Sunaina watched the other teams do the task and knew the general area of where to go. This task seems ridiculously easy considering it is at the end of the Intersection. You are guaranteed to see the other team get the clue if they are right there with you.

legazpi paddle
Pretending to check a couple extra clues as Claire did will not do much good.

legazpi richards 5

This is an interesting transportation arrangement.

legazpi michelle claire 2

And so is this, too.

legazpi helicopter

Look at that scenery. This is back when TAR’s budget allowed the use of helicopter shots.

legazpi ethan khairie 5

Khairie rockin’ out on the jet skis.

ETHAN: I hung on for dear life, man. I have never strapped so hard I was like ‘AHHH AHHH AHHH’. It was so hard.

legazpi ethan khairie 6

Ethan is a great confessionalist. I can safely conclude that with this round.

– Jess & Lani and Ivan & Hilda are done. Ivan is doing it to the surprise of no one. Jess is tagging along as well.

– Ethan & Khaire enter a Jeep, ride up the hill, and run as they hit the mat.

legazpi ethan khairie 7

This is a Pants Off Dance Off fused with a blatant copy of Marc & Rovilson’s celebration.

– The pit stop greeter who sounds a lot like Corinne Kaplan’s excited voice from Survivor: Gabon welcomes them to the mat.

legazpi pit stop

That is either Paula Taylor from TAR Asia 2 or Melody Chen from TAR Asia 1. Not sure which one she is, to be honest.

FIRST PLACE: ETHAN & KHAIRIE

legazpi ethan khairie 8

They are happy about this win because it feels much more legitimate than winning in your hometown.

– They have each won a beach holiday for two to the Philippines and part of Caltex’s conservation commitment. A retail price of $3, 500 US Dollars.

legazpi ethan khairie 9

Yes to the beach for Ethan. . .
No to the conservation commitment for Khairie.

– Allan asks how they keep their energy up. Khairie says the key is having fun along the way.

KHAIRIE: When you have fun we want some more.
ALLAN: Well you’re gonna get some more!

Okay, Allan!

– Hardin hangs onto Herrera for dear life as they encounter big waves because of the speed. Richards and Dominatrix both enter Jeeps. Commercial. This is really a foot race? Nether team is in the same shot when shown running.

legazpi jeeps

How is this close?

– We resume. The suspense music is not fooling nor exciting anyone.

SECOND PLACE: RICHARDS

THIRD PLACE: MICHELLE & CLAIRE

– Allan congratulates both teams and asks them (but mainly the Richards to clean up).

FOURTH PLACE: SUNAINA & DIMPLE

Sunaina is sad because they are not number one.

– Hussein & Natasha and Manas & Sahil are cleaning the beach. Natasha describes Manas’ strategy of throwing twigs and sticks without watching people’s heads. Hussein thinks they are the type to never get their hands dirty because of being city boys.

legazpi manas katyal 10

One stick, Manas? One stick? Are you crazy? You do know there are roughly 990 more sticks in that pile, yes?

legazpi manas katyal 11

A couple more sticks. He is improving.

legazpi sahil banga 5

Look out, partner!

Yes, Sahil is nearly taken out by his own teammate. Last time that happened was with Ernie & Jeena.

– Jess retrieves the clue. Both run to the jet skis. Ivan has the clue seconds later. He paddles like a beast. Jess orders the evil evil man to start driving the jet ski.

– Jess & Lani enter the Jeep. Seconds later they are at the mat.

legazpi jess lani 7
Jess poses at the mat. . .and Lani really needs to pull up those shorts if that string is what I think it is.

FIFTH PLACE: JESS & LANI

Jess wanted to be first. Too f–king bad. You’ll always be middle or bottom of the pack.

– Jess in a confessional states she would love to be first, but overall loved the leg anyway.

LANI: What she’s trying to say is that the Intersection screwed her over.

You guys do realize you were fifth entering the Intersection, yes?

SIXTH PLACE: IVAN & HILDA

HILDA: Again.

Yeah. I wonder whose fault that is?

– Natasha is doing the Roadblock because Hussein does not want to do it. She paddles out really fast. Manas is doing the Roadblock. Natasha keeps hitting the back of Manas’ kayak.

legazpi natasha sutadisastra

At the nearest fork in the path, they split into different directions. Unless Natasha wanted to guarantee herself to be last to the clue.

legazpi showdown

I love it when an outcome is determined by pure luck.

legazpi manas sahil 11

So do they.

– Who found the clue first?

legazpi hussein baron sutadisastra 2

Probably the one acting like he is in a rodeo.

– Natasha has the clue. Manas appears to have it seconds later, but I assume it is a minute or so. Manas & Sahil are not running to the jet skis. They take their time. Where is their sense of urgency? Sahil is praying that God intervenes on their behalf.

– Nothing happens on the jet skis. We see them do a slow run into the Jeep, but not run after they exit the Jeep. The conclusion is set.

SEVENTH PLACE: HUSSEIN & NATASHA

Natasha jumps around. That is all we see of their reaction because Hussein did nothing.

LAST PLACE: MANAS & SAHIL

They talk about never giving up.

legazpi manas sahil 12

Except Sahil who refused to give up his hair.

Sahil loved this whole race, and Manas wishes the other teams nothing but luck.

legazpi manas sahil 13
Now wipe those silly smirks off your faces and. . .

legazpi manas sahil 14

GET OUT!!!!!!

FUN FACT: This was the most expensive leg in the history of TAR Asia history.

FUN FACT #2: East Indian teams suck on TAR Asia.

sahil prashant

Out in leg five.

taiwan niroo kapil

Out in leg four.

artie jasmine

Out in leg one.

sri lanka manas sahil 2

Out in leg five.

FUN FACT #3: This is the third time where Hussein & Natasha finish next to last, and the fourth time overall where they were in the bottom two entering the final task of the round. How are they still surviving?

Next Time on TAR: The Asianness takes a breather as we head to New Zealand and Australia for a while. And guess what? The first (and only) U-Turn of the season makes an early appearance. Will it prove to be as pointless as the Yield in round three?

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

SUNAINA.DIMPLE 3.0
HARDIN.HERRERA 7.9
HUSSEIN.NATASHA 3.8
MANAS.SAHIL 6.5
JESS.LANI 5.5
ETHAN.KHAIRIE 7.5
MICHELLE.CLAIRE 4.2
IVAN.HILDA 9.1

Team Averages

Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.

e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.

Therefore their average is 8.2.

Bulls— Round One/Starting Line Eliminations
Eric & Lisa N/A
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A

— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0 TAR 4
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0 TAR 3
11th Adrian & Dana 11.0 TAR 16
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0 TAR 14
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0 TAR 13
11th Ari & Staella 11.0 TAR 12
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0 TAR 11
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0 TAR 10
11th John & Scott 11.0 TAR 9
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0 TAR 7
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0 TAR 6
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0 TAR 5
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0 TAR 2
11th Matt & Ana 11.0 TAR 1
10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race TAR Asia 3
10th Yani & Nadine 10.0 Would have survived round two, but were marked for elimination and thus officially finished in last both rounds TAR Asia 4
10th Jody & Shannon 10.0 TAR Adventure 16
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0 TAR 9
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0 TAR 11
10th Neena & Amit 10.0 TAR Asia 3
10th A Black Family 10.0 TAR 8
— F +–
10th Steve & Linda 9.4 TAR 14
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????) TAR 13
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.) TAR 7
11th Garrett & Jessica 9.5 TAR 15
10th Kate & Pat 9.0 TAR 12
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0 TAR 11
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0 May or may not be gutsy. TAR 2
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0 TAR 6
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF TAR 3
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33 TAR 12
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33 TAR 4
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2 Saved by NEL once TAR 6
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0 TAR 10
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0 TAR 1
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 Yielded TAR 9
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 Sucked. TAR 13
7th Mika & Canaan 7.67  Why the heck did they sign up? TAR 15
9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 Bald. TAR 15
9th Isaac & William 7.5 TAR Asia 3
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33 TAR 5
9th Alan & Wendy 7.25 Saved by NEL once TAR Asia 4
8th Manas & Sahil 7.0 TAR Asia 4
8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/) TAR Asia 2
8th Aiello Family 7.0 TAR 8
–D minus–
8th Tom & Terry 7.0 TAR 10
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta TAR 1
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0 Producers refused to hay bail them. TAR 6
10th Hope & Norm 7.0 TAR 2
7th Christie & Jodi 6.67 Saved by NEL–Became the Devil of Casting Later TAR 14
9th Brad & Victoria 6.67 TAR 14
7th Niroo & Kapil 6.75 TAR Asia 3
6th Maria & Tiffany 6.57 Saved by NEL once and Justin’s blunder again TAR 15
9th Rogers Family 6.5 R.I.P. Renee. TAR 8
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5 TAR 7
6th Henry & Terri 6.44 Used Their Yield; saved by a non-elimination round THREE times. R.I.P. Henry. TAR Asia 2
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43 Saved by NEL once TAR 1
9th Brett & Kinar 6.33 Rocky finish. TAR Asia 2
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 6.33 TAR Asia 1
8th Pailin & Natalie 6.33 TAR Asia 3
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25 TAR 9
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2 TAR 13
7th Paul & Amie 6.2 TAR 1
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF TAR 4
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF Saved by NEL once TAR 10
–D+–
8th Lance & Keri 6.0 TAR 15
9th Zev & Justin 6.0 Passport lost. TAR 15
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0 TAR Asia 1
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0 TAR 4
6th Andre & Damon 5.86 TAR 3
7th Daichi & Sawaka 5.83 TAR Asia 2
7th Dave & Lori 5.83 Saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Kami & Karli 5.8 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8 TAR 3
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8 TAR 2
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn TAR 12
9th Heather & Eve 5.75 Legal team beaten by rule book. TAR 3
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67 R.I.P. Nancy. Saved by NEL once. TAR 1
7th Jeff & Jordan 5.67. Saved by a stupid Blind U-Turn once but dead next day. TAR 16
6th Gaghan Family 5.5 TAR 8
10th Alison & Donny 5.5 TAR 5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF TAR 4
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF. Beaten by a bunch of rules. TAR Asia 1
–C minus–
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36 Saved by NEL twice TAR 7
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF TAR 4
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33 TAR 5
9th Monique & Shawne 5.33 TAR 16. Praise Jesus.
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33 TAR 7
7th Gus & Hera 5.29 TAR 6
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25 Saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25 TAR 5
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned TAR 12
5th Mark & Michael 5.22 Saved by NEL once but came up just short TAR 14
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 13
7th Silver & Gold/ Wil & Grace 5.17 TAR 3
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14 TAR 13
7th Ray & Deana 5.0 FF TAR 7
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0. Screwed over by weird penalty for another team. TAR Asia 1
9th Steve & Josh 5.0  FF TAR 4
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0  FF TAR 1
9th Mark & Bill 5.0  Wah. TAR 13
5th Fran & Barry 4.89 TAR 9
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88 TAR Asia 1
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded TAR 10
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF and saved by NEL once TAR 3
6th Mai & Oliver 4.8 In a car TAR Asia 3
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83 TAR 11
7th Schroeder Family 4.75 TAR 8
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield TAR 9
6th Brian & Greg 4.71 TAR 7
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70 TAR 10
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 6
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67 TAR 10
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 6
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF TAR 3
8th Kris & Jo–er, Amanda 4.50 U-Turned TAR 14
5th Paula & Natasha 4.45 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 2
4th Louie & Michael 4.36 saved by NEL once, used U-Turn. & trained wolf cubs TAR 16
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Joe & Heidi 4.40 – Blind U-Turned with Injured Knee; TAR 16
1st Dan & Jordan 4.33 – FF once TAR 16
3rd Brent & Caite 4.33 – Used U-Turn TAR 16
4th Kisha & Jen 4.27 Saved by NEL once, U-Turned once TAR 14
3rd Brian & Ericka 4.25 saved by NEL once TAR 15
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF TAR 2
–B minus–
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23 saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Gary & Matt 4.22 saved by NEL once and c—blocked once in Saunabuss TAR 15
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned TAR 12
4th Linda & Karen 4.17 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15 TAR 11
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.) TAR 2
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield TAR 8
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11 TAR 7
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded TAR Asia 1
5th Carol & Brandy 4.00 – U-Turned. May or May Not Be Mean. TAR 16
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL, grew goatees TAR 4
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
2nd Jaime & Cara 3.92 TAR 14
2nd Pamela & Vanessa 3.92 TAR Asia 2
4th A.D. & Fuzzie 3.90 – U-Turned and saved by NEL once TAR Asia 3
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF TAR 2
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85 Saved by NEL twice TAR 4
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
4th Diane & Ann 3.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 2
4th Jon & Al 3.73 TAR 4
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71 TAR 5
–B+–
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF TAR 4
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 12
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL once TAR 11
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
6th Mel & Mike 3.57 TAR 14
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56 TAR 6
3rd Ida & Tania 3.54 Saved by NEL twice TAR Asia 3
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded TAR 9
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46 TAR Asia 1
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded TAR 6
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45 TAR 12
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st TAR 12
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 2
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield TAR 5
6th Steve & Allie 3.38 – TAR 16, and ain’t got no clothes.
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF TAR 1
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25 TAR 13
1st TK & Rachel 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 12
4th Godlewski Family 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 8
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once
–A minus–
2nd Sam & Dan 3.17 U-Turned Pointlessly TAR 15
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17 TAR 10
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL twice TAR 8
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF TAR 4
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 7
4th Toni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia TAR 13
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF TAR 3
2nd Geoff 26 & Tisha 31  3.09 Used Yield and U-Turn TAR Asia 3
4th Herb & Nate a.k.a. Flight Time & Big Easy 3.09 TAR 15. Znarf!
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF TAR 10
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 7
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00 – TAR 12
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 6
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield TAR 10
2nd Bransen Family 2.85 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 8
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield TAR 8
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 1
–BEST OF THE BEST–
3rd Margie & Luke 2.75 Used U-Turn once TAR 14
5th Henry & Bernie/Bunn-Eh 2.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 3
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield, Choked TAR 11
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 3
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF TAR 3
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2, Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 11
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 13
2nd Jet & Cord 2.58 – Saved by NEL once TAR 16.
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF, Yielded, and saved by NEL once TAR 5
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF TAR 2
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF TAR 1
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF, Used Yield, and saved by NEL twice TAR 9
1st Vince & Sam 2.45 FF TAR Asia 3
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF TAR 13
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF TAR 10
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF TAR 1
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38 TAR 6
1st Tammy & Victor 2.33 Used U-Turn Once TAR 14
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31 TAR 7
1st Adrian & Collin 2.23 FF TAR Asia 2
1st Meghan & Cheyne 2.00 FF TAR 15
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF TAR 9
lol 3rd Marc & Rovilson 1.46 Used Yield and Yielded TAR Asia 2

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)

11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 10 + 11
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 3 + 11
18 legs Danielle 4.78 yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF TAR 3 + 11
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF TAR 1 + 11
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 TAR 5 + 11
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF, saved by NEL thrice TAR 1 + 11
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2, saved by NEL twice TAR 7 + 11
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF, yielded x3, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3, used Yield, saved by NEL twice TAR 2 + 11
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 used Yield twice, saved by NEL once TAR 10 + 11
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF, yielded x2, saved by NEL once  TAR 9 + 11
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 Used Yield TAR 7 + 11

* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.

Rank the Teams

1) Yani & Nadine

In seasons prior to Asia 4, we suffered through weak Speed Bumps that had already aired between seasons twelve and sixteen of the American version. With the twenty-fifth season currently airing, Speed Bumps are openly mocked by all fans.

But seeing the Asian format continue on with Marked for Elimination is refreshing. The penalty puts you in a crappy spot. Particularly when an equalizer halfway through the round makes it nearly impossible for you to beat anyone by much of any time, let alone thirty whole minutes.

Nadine really screwed up the first Roadblock on the cruise ship which earned them that penalty.

Furthermore, Yani failing at the underwater puzzle and being one of five teams to be assessed the four hour penalty put the nail in the coffin.

As I said earlier, they are not the worst team ever. They did beat Jess & Lani and Hussein & Natasha if the thirty minute penalty was erased. Edwin & Monica checked in dead last both legs before the marked for elimination penalty was even factored in.

Their love for Indonesia did not do much to rival with their supposed hatred of Malaysia as they could not do much of anything for two legs. Why, Yani nearly quit over the anaconda task. If Nadine was told by producers to not use physical force, they would have been out right then and there.

In other words, they both contributed to a poorly organized team. They sucked at directions, they sucked at tasks, and could have survived this leg if they could have chosen Rapid Fire as opposed to Rapid Water. So they were bad at decisions too.

Hussein & Natasha choosing Rapid Fire truly made the difference.

Outside of their performance, I thought Yani & Nadine were alright as characters. It appeared they enjoyed their experience for the most part, and got along well. We have seen a lot of mactors in the past do awful in the American and Asian seasons in terms of possessing zero competitive willpower or an interest in the adventure.

So let’s salute what little the second worst statistical team in TAR Asia history were able to accomplish!

2) Manas & Sahil

An East Indian all-male team who goes early? Who saw that one coming? Their average is right around the absolute worst for a team to finish in eighth (7.0 after five rounds of play). Even Sahil & Prashant did well a couple of times. Niroo & Kapil had one good round to pull off a 6.75 round.

They might be in the running for worst all-male team in their 20s. In fact, they are. I just looked at the Team Averages. I cannot help but feel sympathy for them that they were beaten by Hussein & Natasha repeatedly who suck overall.

But seriously, they were the first all-male East Indian team to not act like complete divas in TAR Asia. They were also the first ones to not be completely bitter about their eliminations. I think after finishing near the bottom a few times that they knew their days were numbered. Five rounds and being the third team out was a longer life expectancy than anticipated.

They delivered some great moments in their elimination round. Well, it started off with Manas shaving his head for no reason right after the Richards did it for a Fast Forward. They picked a plane rather than a bus knowing the bus is scheduled to arrive earlier than the plane. Sahil completely messes up the pinata game and chucks the stick across the field, and nearly hit a kid in the head. Manas & Sahil were given a miracle thanks to the Intersection due to ditching Pig and the Jig. They went on to screw that up too as they slowed Hussein & Natasha down at stick collecting. Lastly, Manas’ good luck shave did not pay off at the Roadblock, and

Also, begging money from other teams to pay off a cab driver before Alan & Wendy showed up ten minutes later was an unprecedented move. It bought them an elimination.

Manas is better off finding success with the next season of The Bachelor India. Sahil will just go back to depression. I guess.

3) Alan & Wendy

A bickering couple is so rare to find on TAR!!!!!!

They fought a lot by Asian standards not named Mai and Oliver. I am amazed both enjoyed the experience, but Alan was fed up when it came to certain elements of the race.

You need to have some level of cooperation on TAR, and that was certainly not the case with them. Alan screwed up the Roadblock in leg two, they switched Detours and fell behind in leg three, and found themselves with a solid lead this leg but blew it by not understanding the bus system.

However, something tells me the other teams were lucky to be on the express buses rather than knowing they were avoiding the one that was “pulling all the stops”.

The best part about Alan is that his last name is Luk. Everybody in TAR Asia needs to get in on the puns.

Wendy was definitely the better person out of the two, mainly because she was not super jealous all the time and was the only one capable of narrating. Alan was good for the occasional laugh, but hey, there are other characters who provided good laughs too.

I am not saying Alan was bad. . .it is just that his good moments are sprinkled here and there. If anything his Hong Kong English dialect is what made him funnier than what most people would expect from his personality.

Rank the Legs

1) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -> Colombo, Sri Lanka

Yes, round three is our first clean round of the season.

What was with the Axiata route marker in Kuala Lumpur before heading to Colombo? Was it just a way  for the trailing teams to have additional time to catch up and show up to Colombo together? But the temple was an equalizer anyway.

Yeah, this had to be just for the sponsour money.

Other than that the only complaint is that the Detour had a counting task which we already saw in the premiere. It is a bit too early to cycle through similar tasks in a season. TAR 16 had a few counting tasks too so I really am getting sick of them.

I enjoyed seeing the Yield revived. I dunno why but I like it when vintage twists are acknowledged by the franchise.

The ice carry (in Sri Lanka of all places), the sewing Roadblock, and selling peanuts were all good tasks. Also the task of surviving the lethally fast taxi drivers or the lethally priced fares for the cab rides.

Watching Manas & Sahil’s approach of asking other teams to pay their own cab was intriguing to watch because that had not happened since the mugging non-elimination penalties in the American version. Yes, Asia 2 used that penalty but Henry & Terri somehow did not need money from other teams after they protested at the mat.

Also, I wish I had Jess & Lani with me whenever someone tried to rip me off.

My favourite part is how surprised I was that it was a non-elimination round. Outside of TAR Asia 1, TAR 3, TAR 5, and TAR 6, this is the first time in a while where a non-elimination surprised me. Nobody had opened the season with two of their three non-elimination legs being used in the first three rounds.

It means teams will be eliminated rapid fire for the remainder of the season. And that’s not such a bad thing compared to other American ones.

In conclusion, the Yield did nothing and Hussein is a sewing beast. The end.

2) Galle, Sri Lanka -> Legazpi, Philippines

The most expensive leg in TAR Asia history. Planes, buses, Jeepneys, boats, kayaks, tuk-tuks, jet skis, and Jeeps. That is truly an adventure.

The Detour of catching pigs or doing a dance becomes an international TAR staple whenever Legazpi is a destination.

I -love- that teams were able to decide between traveling by bus domestically or by plane. That had never been done in TAR before. Two teams knowingly made the wrong decision while six teams all took a bus into the lead, and guaranteed to survive the round.

It was also a truly great episode for comedy. Proper pig catching techniques, people dissing Manas & Sahil’s racing abilities, Hilda’s tambourine usage or lack thereof, Manas shaving his head for good luck only to be ousted, and the amusing Jeepney designs.

Oh, and what TAR Asia leg would be complete without an easy Caltex task that has nothing to do with actual racing? Well, to make it ridiculous you turn it into an Intersection of course! I did not like how close the Intersection was to the end of the leg because it served as a minor equalizer, and the only task after the Intersection was a Roadblock dependent upon luck. Producers put as much effort into that Roadblock as Manas did into catching pigs.

The Legazpi environment was great, though. It is a bummer they are suffering from major storms at the moment here as 2014 comes to an end.

By the way, where were Sunaina & Dimple this round? They were rarely shown.

And how the heck did Hussein & Natasha survive again?

3) Colombo, Sri Lanka -> Galle, Sri Lanka

I love that this round goes from plane to train to walking on foot to bus to tuk-tuk to crossing on a tightrope.

That is a lot of modes of transportation in one round, and this is not even the round notorious for the extensive transportation used.

The equalizer was at the beginning, and the route doesn’t mess around for the remainder of the leg. I like how Alan & Wendy start off with a strong lead, but completely screw up by not researching the bus system properly. Vintage TAR at its finest.

Compared to the previous Sri Lanka round, there is very little crossover with other franchises. Sure, it was unoriginal that there was another lock-based task just two rounds since Kota Kinabalu, or that the coconut rope course was nearly identical to TAR 6, but I do not want to be greedy.

Wait. TAR 12’s Learn Ten Words was the other side of this Detour.

And TAR 4’s Match a Mask with a Performer was an active route info.

And the Fast Forward was a head shaving task which we have seen at least three or four times by this point, and was the first offered outside of India.

And Dialog’s sponsourship was already used two rounds ago, and Hilton just one round ago.

And searching through a pile of cell phones for the clue was identical to searching through a pile of Blu-Rays for a clue, but far less time-consuming.

In other words, nothing was all that original about this leg other than the constant struggle with transportation.

I loved Jess & Lani witnessing somebody vomiting, Alan praying for a car crash, and Hussein nearly falling to his death. Lastly, nothing says a good time like having traffic cops laugh at your passport photo.

That was fun.

P.S. There was an original component to one of the tasks. The treasure chest could only be unlocked if you knew Sri Lanka’s history.

4) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -> George Town, Penang, Malaysia

Running backwards up a narrow staircase at the starting line? Counting steps at Batu Caves? Driving yourself to a route marker that was aired just a few months ago in the US version, and directly acknowledging it?

Refusing to properly explain a soccer penalty shootout task?

Creating a Detour where ten teams all pick the same Detour where one member pretended to clean a window and the other took a picture?

All of the teams finishing within an hour of each other?

Sorry, that was Bethany Hamilton ranking this leg.

I am glad nobody was eliminated because nothing really happened this round. I applaud producers for trying two unique tasks and a unique visual for the starting line, but re-using Kuala Lumpur and Penang so soon again made it feel stale.

Not to mention my ears burn from hearing Amazing Grace. By the way, did teams ever start forming relationships with each other? I feel like we learned almost nothing about everyone other than a few occupations and country of origin.

Nothing very laugh out loud funny either other than Hilda becoming the new Terri and Jess picking up locals that do NOT like being used.

Losing in your home town is always fun to watch, but seeing you finish in first place for that round comes off as boring as Tammy & Victor. Sorry Ethan & Khairie.

Maybe I just have something against having any more rounds in that whole peninsula. Los Angeles, northeastern China, and the Malay peninsula will always be under fire in these blogs.

I will praise them for doing a Roadblock and a Detour in the season premiere. Lots of tasks squished into one episode, come to think of it.

5) George Town, Penang, Malaysia -> Kampung, Malaysia

What a dumb round design.

An equalizer halfway through the leg?

Give a lousy twenty minute advantage for a team eating 275 chicken balls knowing that failure to complete one of the tasks will automatically give five teams a four hour penalty?

Petting the anaconda looked dangerous.
The underwater puzzle Roadblock was complicated.
The Detour was on par with most tasks in TAR history. Adventure task versus coordination.
Self-drive legs are always what TAR is all about.

But a four hour penalty for a team failing to complete the underwater puzzle Roadblock within ten minutes? Four hour penalties should only be assessed if a team QUITS a task.

angry video game nerd

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

Allan never explains this crucial detail before the task starts. We just see Claire be led out of the water being told time is up fifteen minutes later, and the screen displays a four hour penalty for her. Viewers are led to believe that producers made up this penalty on the spot, but we know there is no way this can be true.

Maybe Allan said it aloud and producers replied “no, when you say it aloud, the twist sounds stupid”.

Well, if it sounded dumb when Allan says it then maybe the idea is REALLY STUPID IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Following TAR 16’s unnecessarily high levels of nastiness towards each other, it is nice to watch a season where everybody gets along. The closest thing to a rivalry is Sunaina & Dimple simultaneously hating and loving Michelle & Claire who they nicknamed Dominatrix.

Lastly, the Richards should be given ten bucks just for spooking Hilda twenty feet from the pit stop mat. Classic.

And screw you TAR 24 for copying half of the round and ruining any good task that occurred for this leg. Shame on you.

***

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One Response to The Amazing Race Asia 4 round 5 rankings

  1. Jim Rama gives this blog a thumb.

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