The Amazing Race Asia 4 episode 4 ranking

Fourth episode

“Gallevanized”

Previously on TAR Asia: Nine teams set off from Kampung Tanjung Aru in Asia. Ivan & Hilda were the first to leave, but the Richards took over. Sunaina & Dimple yielded Michelle & Claire. The Singapore Girls were furious.

Ethan & Khairie and Jess & Lani had major transport issues. In a manic race to the pit stop, Alan & Wendy came last but Luk was on their side.

Nine teams still remain; who will finally be eliminated in TAR Asia?

COUNTRIES VISITED

MALAYSIA – SRI LANKA – PHILIPPINES – NEW ZEALAND – AUSTRALIA – INDONESIA – SOUTH KOREA – SINGAPORE

TEAMS MENTIONED IN THE PREVIOUSLY ON SEGMENT TALLY

SUNAINA & DIMPLE: 2
HARDIN.HERRERA: 3
HUSSEIN.NATASHA: 1
YANI.NADINE: 2
MANAS.SAHIL: 1
JESS.LANI: 2
ETHAN.KHAIRIE: 3
WENDY.ALAN: 2
MICHELLE.CLAIRE: 2
IVAN.HILDA: 3

Everybody except Manas & Sahil and Hussein & Natasha are mentioned. LOL.

– Allan introduces us to Colombo. In case you forgot, Sri Lanka used to be under British rule. Allan lies through his teeth that this will still be a race around the world.

– Sunaina & Dimple, who were the first to arrive at 5:02pm, will depart first at 5:02am. They read that teams must travel by marked taxis to the train station. Once there they will take a train to the port city of Galle.

It is the same place devastated by a 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami just weeks after TAR 6 filmed there. It has rebuilt in the six years since then. Teams must find Galle Fort, formerly built by the Portuguese in the 16th century, where they will find their next clue.

galle flower

yoshis story smiling heart

I swear that same smiling sunflower bobbing its head back and forth is a distant relative of the smiling heart from the Yoshi’s Story stage in Super Smash Bros. 64.

– Dimple has come here to win. She refuses to let anyone get ahead of her. Hussein & Natasha depart second at 5:26am. Hussein speaks in the quietest voice possible. He says something about teamwork being at work despite of arguments. Teamwork.

– Dimple & Sunaina book tickets for a 6:55am train. Ivan & Hilda depart third at 5:37am. Dominatrix fourth at 5:38am. Michelle thinks all of the teams are cool with them except Sunaina & Dimple.

Wait? Every team is cool with you except the team that Yielded you yesterday? That’s news to me.

– Ethan & Khairie begin in sixth at 5:41am. Richards are shown leaving at 5:42am. Herrera comments the teams are all close again. Khairie wished he was in top three, but is fine with fifth.

I am not sure there is much of a difference when second through sixth are barely fifteen minutes apart.

– Jess & Lani commence in seventh at 5:45am. Jess says the only person she cares about is Lani.

LANI: We only have each other here.

galle jess lani

“Other than those eight teams who travel with us everywhere for some reason. It is so lonely to travel with sixteen people, and two crew members assigned to us each leg.”

– Lani loves train rides and is excited. Jess disrupts that excitement by informing her it will be third class halfway across the country.

– Manas & Sahil depart eighth at 5:53am. They lost eight minutes begging for money from other teams.

MANAS: Money has been major problem with us. We’ve been able to do the Roadblock, the Detour, but the money is where we’ve been really bad.

**TWO SECONDS LATER**

galle manas katyal 2

Add trunks to that list.

– Richards are at the train station.

HERRERA: To Gali.
LOCAL: Galle.
HERRERA: Gali?
LOCAL: Galle.
HERRERA: Oh. Galle.

Heh. Anglophone.

– Alan & Wendy are last to depart at 6:05am. They are not as far as behind as I thought. Manas & Sahil were in serious jeopardy.

WENDY: We never stay calm during challenges. I don’t know what’s wrong with us. Maybe we’re too focused on something.

Like something other than the task? Maybe your volatile relationship?

– All nine teams board the 6:55am train ride. Allan says it is a three-hour 116 kiometre train ride. What happened to the last time somebody went on a three hour tour by train?

gilligan

Gilligan is sentenced to forever sewing shirts at Trendy Connections.

I must make a confession. The Full House theme is better than that. It is like saying puke is better than diarrhoea.

galle train

The true race was for the limited window seats. They should really consider adding another morning train.

galle kid

It is rude to point! This kid really has the gall to call out the camera operator like this.

galle ethan lim

Ethan gives a friendly wave to the trees.

– Teams comment on the beauty of the countryside. This is reminiscent of the scene when the “all-star” teams travelled on a similar Sri Lankan train during TAR 24. However, this is broken up by something nasty rather than Leo & Jamal’s dancing.

galle train 2

Thanks, Jess.

– Yes, Jess & Lani have a good laugh over this. They must identify with the man after Saturday nights in downtown Manila.

– The train is already in Galle. Hardin said it was important to get to the tuk-tuk before anyone else. Traffic is as scary as in Galle. Don’t believe me?

galle traffic

If this were Canada, everybody would be getting The Finger.

jim misti raman

Or The Thumb.

– There is a clue box on the side of the road. Hardin uses his feet to stop the momentum of the vehicle. Dangerous. Producers were playing it risky to have a clue. Richards yell at their driver to stay as they read the clue. It’s a Fast Forward.

galle allan wu

Which means a direct route to lay our eyes upon some Wuscles for this leg of the race!

– What locations do you associate with the word ‘Fast’? Maybe a one-armed surfboard? A quick shave of the head? Jumping off of a tower?

galle bus

How about a city bus? It can even outrun Crystal Cox, baby!

– HARDIN: We’ve been looking for the Fast Forward ever since it started. The goal is to always get to the clue box first because you never know what’s in there.

Strategy: Always try to be first and get the Fast Forward if you are in the lead.

galle richards

Herrera falls asleep as if Hardin broke out into a Hussein-like tone of voice.

joseph gordon levitt

hong kong brett money

Are him, Brett Money, and Joseph Gordon Leavitt cousins?

– Alan & Wendy have the clue in second. What is the alternative route marker?

galle lighthouse

A lighthouse. More fun than a bus station if you ask me.

– Wendy states they are not going for the Fast Forward because they know they are not first. Alan listens to her intensely during the interview.

galle alan wendy

He does not even blink or breathe the whole time. The word ‘oxygen’ is on his shirt, but I am not sure he is aware of that element.

– Manas & Sahil see the FF. Sunaina & Dimple too. Ivan denies Hilda the opportunity of the FF. Ethan & Khairie reject it in sixth, Jess & Lani in eighth, Hussein & Natasha in seventh, and Dominatrix currently in last.

I love Ivan’s stuttering when he tries to explain to Hilda why they cannot do the Fast Forward in the rush of things.

– The chaos is evident as teams all get to the lighthouse at roughly the same time. It is a Roadblock.

WENDY: Who can unlock the past?

Oh no. Lock? This could be a luck-based Roadblock, and is our second to involve a lock in just three rounds.

kota kinabalu claire goh penalty

At least this time there is no penalty involved. Just figure it out when you can.

– Teams will grab a treasure chest along the shore, and must unlock it by entering the correct 4-digit combination. The answer is 1972; this is when Sri Lanka officially gained full independence.

dubai big easy 9

Yeah, just a bit tougher than figuring out the time on a watch. The Globetrotters would be eliminated on this task.

ALLAN: Teams who -treasure- history will unlock the -key- to Sri Lanka’s past.

galle allan wu 2

Allan clearly has no consideration for others as he most definitely Double Punned. You can’t Double Pun unless you are alone, Allan.

– Wendy volunteers herself. Alan is not allowed to go with her. Natasha warns Hussein to be careful on the steps as he nearly rams Wendy.

galle hussein baron

Hussein’s competitive side is coming out.

– Natasha orders her dad to chill as he wants her to hurry up to the clue box. They lost one precious second. Hilda is doing the Roadblock, but Ivan has to direct her to the shore. Hussein is doing the Roadblock as well. Wendy is on the beach asking a local what year Sri Lanka changed its name from Ceylon.

At least the treasure chest is not “there are four digits, figure out what the answer is”.

That has been my complaint all season. Editors never tell us what information has been provided to the racers. It is as annoying as crap.

galle wendy lee

NOTE TO WENDY: This guy is not likely to have a smartphone on him.

– Hardin asks if they are at the bus station. Do you know why this question seems ridiculous?

galle bus 2

“Sir? Is this the bus station? Are you sure it is right here with all of these buses?”

– Richards have the clue. Guess what?

galle head shave

This is the first time that shaving your head is a Fast Forward task outside of India. Sri Lanka, India, same thing.

daniel ryan

And later Portugal!

– You are not going to believe what Allan’s pun is here. I laughed out loud instantly. Wu and I truly are kindred spirits.

ALLAN: Only the teams that have the GALLE to take it all off will win the Fast Forward award.

galle allan wu 3

He had the GALLE to steal even my puns!

– Richards are yelling at street barbers to cut their hair until they see the marked stall.

HARDIN: CUT IT OFF, PLAYA!

kevin drew bald

You know what? The Richards getting their heads shaved may perhaps be the lamest head shaving option other than Kevin & Drew. Both wear toques nearly every round anyway, and both must have really short hair in their professions.

I like that the bus station is a big disguise for head shaving, and it saddens me a team like Michelle & Claire or Sunaina & Dimple were not in this position.

– All other teams are at the Roadblock. None of the locals know as they are told 1970 and 1952.

galle local

Because he looks so sure of himself. Much like a Canadian in Social Studies class, this guy slept through Social Studies class when he was a young lad.

– Wendy decided to randomly guess a number. She turns out to be right.

galle wendy lee 2

It is obscure Sri Lankan history, and even then the Chinese student is proven to be the sharpest pupil in the class.

– She reads that teams must head to the Dialog Service Centre. They must check through hundreds of mobile phones until one has a text message of “Congratulations! Correct!”

sri lanka dialog 2

Yes. The banner of ‘Dialog’ from last round in Kuala Lumpur which pointed to Colombo as the destination makes much more sense. According to this, we are looking at the biggest mobile network.

sri lanka dialog 3

Oh, and there’s Axiat again in case you forgot about them. This is why we get 47 minutes per episode, people!

galle phone

And if you thought this is as stupid as the “Search through thousands of Blu Rays for the correct one” from last season, you would be right.

– Hardin criticizes the man for being too slow and beg for him to use the clippers.

galle man

We discover only one can be shaved at a time.

galle movember

Isn’t it December 1st in Sri Lanka now? His moustache can go.

– We cut back to the shores of Galle.

galle llama

Where we get to watch a llama eat. It looks so content with such a simple lifestyle.

– Michelle was told by two people to enter the number of ‘1952’. That is wrong.

According to Wikipedia, the only thing to happen in Sri Lanka that year was the Rice-Rubber Pact with China.

– Michelle tells somebody else that it is not 1952. Now we get to see Ethan being teased with the answer.

galle khairie khaire

lol Poor Ethan.

– Hussein gets frustrated, and explains to us in a confessional that he thought something was wrong with the padlock at the time.

galle hussein natasha

Hussein is wearing a shirt that says “Let’s Talk (Indonesian)”.

Isn’t that hilarious? Because talking seems like the absolute last thing Hussein ever wants to do in a confessional. He is so dang quiet.

It reminds me of a couple people I went to elementary and high school with growing up. They were suspiciously quiet to the point that you thought they had a secret plot to take over the world.

One day in the future I will walk into the front yard and one of them is going to Karate Chop me from behind, and claim victory as I weep in defeat. Well played, Quiet Ones.

– Hardin is done. Now it is Herrera’s turn. What would be worse than being bald?

galle hair

If they left his hair like this. The Van Buren.

– Sunaina is told by locals that the table inside of lighthouse holds the answer. Manas assumes they will get it on the first try because he knows the answer, locals know it, and Sahil knows it. However, Sahil is struggling with the lock.

galle sahil banga

Well this is embarrassing.

– Commercial. We resume.

galle manas katyal 3

Sahil resorts to being the Lock Coach. Yes, the first person ever who has to coach somebody how to unlock a treasure chest. This is special when Manas has to be the brains of an operation.

– NATASHA: Dad, ask again if you don’t know the year.
HUSSEIN: No, just try one by one.

galle hussein baron 22

Such an old man answer.

– Sunaina receives the answer of 1972 from locals in the lighthouse. Michelle opens the clue. Khairie asks Michelle for the answer, and Khairie explains their close relationship. They are away and gone.

– Lani finishes the Roadblock. Did we even see her? Hussein has it undone. There are only thirty reasonable possibilities. Manas yells for Sahil to do it one by one. Sunaina unlocks it in seventh place.

– Sahil is stuck trying to figure out the chest. Hardin rubs his own head several times. The Richards receive their clue along with a prize.

galle richards 2

A bald-headed rubber ducky. . .brought to you by Hilton!

EDITOR’S NOTE: This Fast Forward means Richard & Richard saved fifty percent of their race time on this leg. They can thank this weekend’s Black Friday Stall Crasher’s Sale for this opportunity!

– They read that the pit stop is at Kalutara Kalido Beach which overlooks Kalutara Temple. Coincidence? I think not.

galle kalutara

Survivor: Sri Lanka!

– The flags marking the way to the mat reminds me of the setup for the round twelve pit stop in The Amazing Race 3. You know, back when Hue puns were original.

galle allan wu 4

Why the sudden wardrobe change for Allan? Was he sick of his blue shirt after three hours?

– Richards get into the taxi and hope they can make it to the pit stop in time. Because searching through hundreds of phones and a Detour will not buy them enough time.

– Alan & Wendy begin the search through ringing phones. Boo-urns. Hilda mimes how she was practicing her initial unlocking technique.

HILDA: I was stupid. Sometimes human beings bring out the stupid.

galle hilda tengku

Hilda may have unlocked it faster if she did not try to pluck out the lock like they were two eyeballs.

– How badly is Sahil doing at this task?

galle sahil banga 2

He calls his Mommy from Mumbai to help open it for him!

– Sahil now has it too. Manas says he did an excellent job, but we know that is a lie. He lost to freakin’ Hilda at the Roadblock.

– Alan & Wendy keep searching through phones. Wendy has it before anyone shows up. She opens the clue and reads “now you must save face”.

– Teams must head to Ambalangoda Train Station, and grab a photo of a mask. They must match the mask to a performer in the streets at the nearby street festival to receive their next clue.

galle festival

Good luck with that.

– The masks are known for their intricate detail and be similar to other masks. Once teams are successful, they will also receive a Hilton duck.

galle masks

I am not kidding you. Two locals are wearing these masks and are shown moving to face one another. This is the staring contest to end all staring contests.

galle man 2

He must feel so out of place not wearing a mask.

– Alan & Wendy board the first bus.

galle bus 3

This bus is pulling all of the stops.

– Michelle threw all of the ‘try again’ phones to the other side. Jess & Lani show up and choose the opposite side, and stuck with the discarded phones. Michelle & Claire find a good one to receive their next clue. Ethan & Khairie and Hussein & Natasha enter in the background. Jess & Lani have their clue.

– NATASHA: My dad did not know how to use the phone. I don’t think he understood how to do it.

galle hussein natasha 2

A dad who does not ask for help AND does not know how to use a cell phone? Natasha is enlightening us all.

– Ethan claims they were picking p the exact same phone over and over again.

galle phones

Overhead Phone Cam.

– Ethan & Khairie get one. Sunaina & Dimple are next to sift through the phones. Natasha finds a correct phone too.

SECOND BUS: JESS & LANI

galle bus 4

And it is Express.

– Wendy asks the bus driver if he can go fast. For once, a Sri Lankan driver refuses to do so. She assumes she and Alan have a twenty minute lead on the other teams.

– Richards are cruising in a taxi to the pit stop. They are guaranteed a huge lead heading into the next round. Suddenly we make a shocking discovery in Sri Lanka.

galle cops

The only two traffic cops who are assigned to tour all of Sri Lanka!

– HERRERA: We are counterflowing on two solid lines which is highly illegal.

I am going to add that they were probably speeding too.

– Officers ask for Hardin’s VISA and US passport. Herrera decides to share a laugh with the officers by showing his passport photo. It was taken back when Herrera had hair down to his arms.

galle richards 3

creed with arms wide open

With arms wide open!!!!

Yeah, I would be embarrassed to prove that I once looked like the lead singer of Creed, too.

alec christy

I doubt he even knows what Creed is.

– After the laugh they let the Richards go.

– Ivan & Hilda are there now searching for phones. Sunaina & Dimple complete the task in seventh.

THIRD BUS (Express): Hussein & Natasha; Ethan & Khairie; Sunaina & Dimple

– Ethan wishes the bus would leave already. Hussein repeatedly asks the bus to depart as well.

– Ivan finds the phone. Manas & Sahil have shown up. Manas has it.

– The third bus is driving on the road, but have to stop because Ivan & Hilda are standing in the middle of the road. They were standing in front of the Dialog Service Centre. They saved tuk-tuk (or three-wheeler as Allan would say) fare and got on the earlier bus.

FOURTH BUS (Express): MANAS & SAHIL

– The second bus arrives first. The third bus appears to be seconds later. The six teams are scrambling to find the masks. Hussein & Natasha are first there. Several teams follow with grabbing the picture. Music, dancing, and drums. One of the dancers tries to grind against Sunaina & Dimple.

galle mask

It is as if somebody said “hey, let’s take every creature from Legend of Zelda and make masks from them”.

galle streets

I would love to see this happen somewhere in the Okanagan. The retirees would wonder what the heck is happening.

– Jess & Lani are at a train station. Wrong place. Ivan & Hilda are at a differenct incorrect location.

– Richards run onto the mat at the beach. They are not Mormon, therefore their achilles is not broken.

galle band

A Sri Lankan drumming band welcomes the bald Richards. Allan asks Herrera when was the last time he shaved his head.

amazing race melody chen

And Melody Chen, for some reason.

HERRERA (depressed): Not since the first year of high school.

I would love to hear that story. Sounds traumatic.

FIRST PLACE: RICHARDS

No celebration at all.

– Allan informs them they have each won two thousand dollars for a total of 4, 000 USD from Hilton Hotels. Meanwhile I only earned seventy bucks for cutting my hair.

– Ethan takes a masked dancer by the hands. The remaining two buses are shown.

– The final bus containing Manas & Sahil are next to arrive. Three express buses beat Alan & Wendy. Considering they assumed their lead was twenty minutes, this bus must be at least one hour slower.

– Hussein & Natasha are first to finish the task. I love they are coming out of nowhere to kick everybody’s butt in Sri Lanka.

galle hussein natasha 3

The real kick here is that underneath this costume is a recently paroled felon. It is the only job available when they re-integrate into society.

galle high five

Hussein partakes in his first high five after his daughter demonstrated the technique seconds earlier.

galle high five 2

Which made me wonder if Natasha was double-jointed.

– Hussein takes the celebratory duck. I love how casual he is holding it.

galle duck

You know what they call those rubber Hilton duckies here in Sri Lanka?

golduck

galle allan wu 5

A Galleduck.

– The clue is an immediate Detour. In Coconut Course, teams must complete a treetop rope course after scaling a twenty-five metre coconut tree. Once they finish the task and are at the bottom, teams will receive their next clue.

lori sri lanka 1

Yes, this is a blatant copy of the Roadblock from the Sri Lanka round in TAR 6. TAR has never repeated this task ever since.

What is a treetop rope course anyway?

donkey kong country rope bridge rumble

Haha, no.

galle coconut course

 

As long as Al from The Mole 2 does not have to do this task, I see nobody having issues with this.

– In Language Course, teams must learn ten Sinhalese words from a Sri Lankan student to receive their next clue.

galle words

Yes, the exact same task from a Detour option during TAR 12’s Burkina Faso round.

Except I wish this student would get frustrated when he tries to say ‘King Kong’ for the word ‘gorilla’.
ALLAN: While this task may seem like child’s play, teams who do not have a knack for language may be lost in translations.

galle puns

YOU ARE NOT WINNING THIS BATTLE, ALLAN! I will always wave my pun in your face!

caroline jennifer

caroline jennifer 2

I should mention there was a third option in Galle called Inter Course. We will have to wait until TAR 24 to see how that plays out.

– Hussein & Natasha are away to do the Coconut Detour. Sunaina & Dimple finish it in second. Ethan & Khairie bring their masked man waiting for approval from the judge. There is a pause.
.
.
.
galle judge

JUDGE: YES!

– Sunaina &Dimple and Ethan & Khairie both choose Language Course. You would think that because all of these teams are multilingual that Language Course would be very easy.

– Manas & Sahil’s mask is rejected. Michelle & Claire are just beginning the task. Hilda starts yelling in the tuk-tuk as they have yet to find the train station.

– Manas & Sahil are turned away for a second time. Dominatrix thinks they have the right person. Same with Jess & Lani.

– Dominatrix finish the task in fifth. Jess & Lani in sixth as the judge surprises them due to his exceptionally long pause. They choose Coconut.

– Manas & Sahil are finished in seventh and go for Coconut. Dramatic busy city soundtrack plays. Classic.

– Alan & Wendy are on the bus and see the teams on the street. They are stunned.

WENDY: We see other teams already there.
ALAN: I was like ‘what the hellll’. Do they have a time machine or something?

galle alan wendy 2

Alan is really confused. The only logical explanation is that this is Hussein’s fault.

– Alan & Wendy pick a mask. Ivan & Hilda show up after them. Wow, they really did get lost. Alan says the ewing is off of who they initially think is their performer.

galle ewing

What do you mean the Ewing is off?

patrick ewing

The Ewing.

– Ivan says the street performers are scary because they are throwing themselves onto him.

WENDY: It was really insane, it was chaotic, it was noisy, and they all pretty much look the same.

galle alan wendy 3

Wendy perfectly summed up how I feel about the TAR Asia contestants in general.

– We watch Ivan and Wendy each grab a performer. Ivan & Hilda’s is accepted.

IVAN: One duck, please.
HILDA: I want to carry it.

**TWO SECONDS LATER**

galle ivan hilda

Nope. Too heavy.

– Hilda wants to do Language. Alan & Wendy complete the task in last. Producers are refusing to include footage of them mentioning the Marked for Elimination penalty. It pretty much signals what will happen at the end of this round.

– Sunaina & Dimple are first to the school. Lots of kids around.

galle gene simmons

Which includes Sri Lankan Gene Simmons already mugging for the camera.

– Sunaina & Dimple pick their poison–er, I mean child.

galle kids

It is one thing to be picked last for dodgeball, but not being picked because adults think you look really dumb is a new level of humiliation.

– Sunaina brags about her photographic memory. Because Dimple is a mactress, I think most of these mactors/mactresses should do well at this task.

galle classroom

Where is everyone else? It appears the other teams are playing hooky or are experiencing tardiness.

galle allan wu

“Don’t you mean TARdiness?”

F–K WU!

– Sunaina’s voice reminds me of Sofia Vergara. Ethan & Khairie show up at the school. We cut back to Sunaina & Dimple.

galle window

They are acting as if it is the female locker room at their local rec centre. Weird.

– Hussein & Natasha are at the Coconut Course. Jess & Lani there next. Hussein is first to scale it.

NATASHA: You can do it!

rob schneider

Yes, an Indonesian woman is familiar with Rob Schneider’s greatest cinematic moment.

galle hussein baron 3

santiago adrian davis 22

I really hope Hussein has an Adrian Davis fumble.

– Sunaina & Dimple make their first attempt. Ethan continues reviewing the flash cards elsewhere.

galle khairie khaire 2

And this kid is helping Khairie. The kid is awfully familiar.

arvind

Why it’s Arvind the Spelling Bee Champion of course! Mr. Knaidel!

– Sunaina & Dimple succeed on their first attempt. Dimple is impressed by Sunaina’s work. Sunaina reads that they can head to the next pit stop.

NOTE: Unlike American versions, the host does not repeat the pit stop destination in rounds where a Fast Forward is claimed.

In other words, producers in Asia have more faith in their viewers than American producers do.

galle sunaina dimple

“You have a photographic memory? This calls for a celebratory kiss on the cheek!”

– Ethan & Khairie make their first attempt. One of the words we have heard multiple times sounds like ‘Madea’.

tyler perry

Screw him.

– Natasha thought Hussein was going to fall, and is amazed he didn’t.

galle hussein baron 4

Mainly because of this. Rope burn is one thing, but man, his next trip to the toilet will not be a fun one.

– Now Hussein must descend back to the ground. He loses his grip and falls. Too bad there is a harness. Safety experts lower him and he is laying on his back.

**INSTANT REPLAY**

galle hussein baron 6

NATASHA: Dad-dad-dad–
HUSSEIN (sideways slant in Ahnold voice): Haii-aye-eeeeeee.

I have re-watched him falling about ten times in a row.

Spidiplomat!

galle hussein baron 5

Goo.

– Commercial. We resume. Will he go back up to try again?

galle hussein baron 7

Um. No.

– Hussein says that he has to try again, but refuses to re-do it. Therefore, they must switch.

NATASHA: He puts so many pressure on me to do my best but he never pays attention to himself. I just couldn’t really talk to him at that moment. I was really disappointed.

galle natasha sutadisastra

Choosing the coconut course really proved to be a disaster.

galle allan wu 3

Don’t you mean a DISASTRA?

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT.

– Manas & Sahil are excited to see the coconut trees.

sahran cry

But Sahran is not.

galle manas sahil

Manas’ first coconut tree.

– Ethan & Khairie make a second attempt. They are correct and have the clue. Khairie invites the kid to read the clue with him.

galle ethan khairie

The kid would prefer it if it was written in Sinhalese.

– Into the taxi Ethan & Khairie go. The kids wave and cheer as if The Beatles are leaving them.

galle kids 2

“Dang, we forgot to get their autograph!”

– Alan & Wendy are already at the Coconut Course. Dominatrix informs Alan & Wendy that only one team goes at a time, and will be a long wait as Sunaina is in the tree.

SECOND PLACE: SUNAINA & DIMPLE

Yeah, Language is much easier.

– Ivan & Hilda are at the school. Hilda thinks she can memorize a couple.

– Jess completes the rope course. Now it is Lani’s turn. Dominatrix cheers on Lani. Lani is fearful of heights.

– Hussein & Natasha are already at the other Detour option. Natasha loves kids because they put a smile on her face.

galle natasha sutadisastra 2

Natasha does not know how to sit in a desk properly.

– Hilda is breaking the word into syllables by doing a squat for each syllable while her arms are in the ‘Y’ of the YMCA position.

galle hilda tengku 2

She is truly focused. Until she switches techniques.

galle hilda tengku 3

That’s called a chair, Hilda. You sit on them. . .not two-step with them.

– Ivan & Hilda fail on their first attempt. Probably because Hilda thought one of the words was salmonella.

– Jess proclaims she has a lovely bunch of coconuts for the coconut clue giver. Yes, I already referenced that song recently so no point posting my Lion King screencap again.

– Michelle is now in the trees. She is moving really fast. Hussein & Natasha make an attempt. Natasha laughs when she is silent as the telephone flash card appears, and she is told to go back to the classroom.

galle angry

He is not happy with his pupils.

– Ethan & Khairie hit the mat.

THIRD PLACE: ETHAN & KHAIRIE

– Allan tells Ethan & Khairie that they are too cool for school as they show off their new words.

– Alan & Wendy switch Detours because too many teams are in front of them in line. Claire is on the tightrope. She says her profession declares delicacy more than brute strength. Manas & Sahil are bored.

galle manas sahil 2

Very bored.

– Hussein & Natasha try again. Natasha cannot figure out the word for butterfly. Hussein says NOTHING during both attempts. Ivan & Hilda screwed up the second attempt, and Hilda immediately blames Ivan for a mispronunciation.

– Alan & Wendy are in the classroom. Wendy looks stressed.

galle alan luk

Alan is making sure the kid does not lay eyes on his girlfriend.

– Ivan & Hilda and Hussein & Natasha are on their third attempt. The former receive their clue. So do Hussein & Natasha. Natasha asks for permission to hug the teacher. She praises the teacher for her good students.

galle natasha sutadisastra 3

See? Your father doing terrible at a task truly has its benefits.

– Natasha follows the clue along with her finger to help out the kid. Wendy wants to leave the classroom and go back to the coconuts, but Alan insists she can learn it. Alan cannot do it, but pleads with Wendy to answer if she can. He is slamming the desk and is swinging his arms wildly.

Who knew a task that requires a calm demeanour and focus would lead to bad things for Alan & Wendy. How awkward is this for the student.

galle alan wendy 4

– Commercial. We resume. More fighting. This is why you do not have early NELs. The teams that suck get to humiliate themselves even more.

WENDY: Chill the f–k out!
ALAN: It’s your fault.
WENDY: How is it my fault? You are so defensive.

– CLAIRE: I’d rather cling on and hang on like a r-t-rd rather than fall down.

galle claire goh

This is the second time in four rounds where Claire has used that word. If this were 2014 in North America, there would be a ton of protests and posts of outrage on social media. Claire would instantly become the most unpopular racer of the season.

mark schroeder

Much like Mark Schroeder’s comments in the season premiere of TAR 8.

– Michelle & Claire hand in their coconuts. But there is a special guest.

galle dog

It is an adorable golden retriever. Moving on. . .

– Alan & Wendy show up. Wendy asks if Alan still has their number.

Also known as ‘dead last’.

– Sahil is having a tough time on the ropes. Manas encourages him. Alan & Wendy continue bickering.

ALAN: Always me. Always me. Always me.

galle alan wendy 5

On the left: Always Lee Always Lee.

FOURTH PLACE: JESS & LANI

galle jess lani 2

“On your knees!”

FIFTH PLACE: HUSSEIN & NATASHA

– Alan calls for Sahil to fall. Wendy repeats the same wish. Manas yells to him not to be psyched out. Sahil completes it. Now it is Manas’ turn.

SIXTH PLACE: IVAN & HILDA

SEVENTH PLACE: MICHELLE & CLAIRE

– Manas & Sahil finish the Detour in eighth. Alan is moving across the tightrope. Manas & Sahil are amongst cops begging for money to hire a cab.

galle manas sahil 3

Such brave souls.

– Manas & Sahil have a cab. Alan hopes they get lost. Wendy is up on the course.

ALAN: Anything can happen. They could. . .have a car crash.

galle alan luk 2

And now you wonder why karma may not be on your side.

– Manas & Sahil’s tuk-tuk breaks down. They jump out and give it a push-start. Nothing happens. Thankfully it is not a big truck.

galle alan luk 3

Sri Lankan Flintstones.

– Manas tells local they do not have money, but gets help anyway. Alan & Wendy are finished the Detour and get into a real car rather than a tuk-tuk.

galle alan wendy 6

Wendy is not a fan of the smell inside of the cab.

– EIGHTH PLACE: MANAS & SAHIL

MANAS: QUACK QUACK! ALLAN HOW ARE YOUUUUU?

galle manas sahil 4

Just for that they should get another thirty minute penalty.

– Unfortunately, they do not.

LAST PLACE AGAIN: ALAN & WENDY

And the pointlessness of having early NELs in TAR has a continuous trend in TAR, and TAR Asia overall unless your name is Francesqua.

– Allan makes their elimination official. Wendy said their bus took ninety minutes to get to the route marker. She discovered her high level of determination.

galle alan wendy 7

Alan’s shirt could not be more on point: They really were marked for elimination.

galle wendy lee 3

WENDY: Given the chance I would definitely do this all over again.

galle wendy lee 4

WENDY: But just with a different partner.

galle alan wendy 8

WENDY: Just kidding!

Perfect. That is one of the most memorable and entertaining ending quotes ever. Usually I skip over this crap.

Next Time on TAR Asia: Teams get down and dirty. Can they step up to the intricacies of folk dancing? Or will they fall short?
CONFESSIONAL COUNT

SUNAINA.DIMPLE 4.1
HARDIN.HERRERA 4.3
HUSSEIN.NATASHA 4.4
MANAS.SAHIL 6.2
JESS.LANI 2.2
ETHAN.KHAIRIE 1.1
WENDY.ALAN 10.3
MICHELLE.CLAIRE 4.1
IVAN.HILDA 2.1

Team Averages

Below is a list of all teams from seasons I have blogged to date, ranked by racing average.

e.g. Don & Mary Jean finished 9th, 8th, 8th, 8th, and 8th. Add up the numbers and divide it by the number of legs they have played.

Therefore their average is 8.2.

Bulls— Round One/Starting Line Eliminations
Eric & Lisa N/A
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A

— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0 TAR 4
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0 TAR 3
11th Adrian & Dana 11.0 TAR 16
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0 TAR 14
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0 TAR 13
11th Ari & Staella 11.0 TAR 12
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0 TAR 11
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0 TAR 10
11th John & Scott 11.0 TAR 9
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0 TAR 7
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0 TAR 6
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0 TAR 5
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0 TAR 2
11th Matt & Ana 11.0 TAR 1
10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race TAR Asia 3
10th Yani & Nadine 10.0 Would have survived round two, but were marked for elimination and thus officially finished in last both rounds TAR Asia 4
10th Jody & Shannon 10.0 TAR Adventure 16
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0 TAR 9
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0 TAR 11
10th Neena & Amit 10.0 TAR Asia 3
10th A Black Family 10.0 TAR 8
— F +–
10th Steve & Linda 9.4 TAR 14
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????) TAR 13
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.) TAR 7
11th Garrett & Jessica 9.5 TAR 15
10th Kate & Pat 9.0 TAR 12
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0 TAR 11
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0 May or may not be gutsy. TAR 2
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0 TAR 6
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF TAR 3
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33 TAR 12
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33 TAR 4
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2 Saved by NEL once TAR 6
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0 TAR 10
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0 TAR 1
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 Yielded TAR 9
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 Sucked. TAR 13
7th Mika & Canaan 7.67 Why the heck did they sign up? TAR 15
9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 Bald. TAR 15
9th Isaac & William 7.5 TAR Asia 3
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33 TAR 5
9th Alan & Wendy 7.25 Saved by NEL once TAR Asia 4
8th Aiello Family 7.0 TAR 8
8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/) TAR Asia 2
–D minus–
8th Tom & Terry 7.0 TAR 10
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta TAR 1
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0 Producers refused to hay bail them. TAR 6
10th Hope & Norm 7.0 TAR 2
7th Christie & Jodi 6.67 Saved by NEL–Became the Devil of Casting Later TAR 14
9th Brad & Victoria 6.67 TAR 14
7th Niroo & Kapil 6.75 TAR Asia 3
6th Maria & Tiffany 6.57 Saved by NEL once and Justin’s blunder again TAR 15
9th Rogers Family 6.5 R.I.P. Renee. TAR 8
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5 TAR 7
6th Henry & Terri 6.44 Used Their Yield; saved by a non-elimination round THREE times. R.I.P. Henry. TAR Asia 2
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43 Saved by NEL once TAR 1
9th Brett & Kinar 6.33 Rocky finish. TAR Asia 2
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 6.33 TAR Asia 1
8th Pailin & Natalie 6.33 TAR Asia 3
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25 TAR 9
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2 TAR 13
7th Paul & Amie 6.2 TAR 1
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF TAR 4
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF Saved by NEL once TAR 10
–D+–
8th Lance & Keri 6.0 TAR 15
9th Zev & Justin 6.0 Passport lost. TAR 15
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0 TAR Asia 1
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0 TAR 4
6th Andre & Damon 5.86 TAR 3
7th Daichi & Sawaka 5.83 TAR Asia 2
7th Dave & Lori 5.83 Saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Kami & Karli 5.8 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8 TAR 3
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8 TAR 2
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn TAR 12
9th Heather & Eve 5.75 Legal team beaten by rule book. TAR 3
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67 R.I.P. Nancy. Saved by NEL once. TAR 1
7th Jeff & Jordan 5.67. Saved by a stupid Blind U-Turn once but dead next day. TAR 16
6th Gaghan Family 5.5 TAR 8
10th Alison & Donny 5.5 TAR 5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF TAR 4
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF. Beaten by a bunch of rules. TAR Asia 1
–C minus–
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36 Saved by NEL twice TAR 7
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF TAR 4
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33 TAR 5
9th Monique & Shawne 5.33 TAR 16. Praise Jesus.
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33 TAR 7
7th Gus & Hera 5.29 TAR 6
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25 Saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25 TAR 5
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned TAR 12
5th Mark & Michael 5.22 Saved by NEL once but came up just short TAR 14
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 13
7th Silver & Gold/ Wil & Grace 5.17 TAR 3
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14 TAR 13
7th Ray & Deana 5.0 FF TAR 7
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0. Screwed over by weird penalty for another team. TAR Asia 1
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 FF TAR 4
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 FF TAR 1
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 Wah. TAR 13
5th Fran & Barry 4.89 TAR 9
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88 TAR Asia 1
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded TAR 10
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF and saved by NEL once TAR 3
6th Mai & Oliver 4.8 In a car TAR Asia 3
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83 TAR 11
7th Schroeder Family 4.75 TAR 8
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield TAR 9
6th Brian & Greg 4.71 TAR 7
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70 TAR 10
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 6
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67 TAR 10
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 6
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF TAR 3
8th Kris & Jo–er, Amanda 4.50 U-Turned TAR 14
5th Paula & Natasha 4.45 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 2
4th Louie & Michael 4.36 saved by NEL once, used U-Turn. & trained wolf cubs TAR 16
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 11
8th Joe & Heidi 4.40 – Blind U-Turned with Injured Knee; TAR 16
1st Dan & Jordan 4.33 – FF once TAR 16
3rd Brent & Caite 4.33 – Used U-Turn TAR 16
4th Kisha & Jen 4.27 Saved by NEL once, U-Turned once TAR 14
3rd Brian & Ericka 4.25 saved by NEL once TAR 15
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF TAR 2
–B minus–
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23 saved by NEL once TAR 9
5th Gary & Matt 4.22 saved by NEL once and c—blocked once in Saunabuss TAR 15
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned TAR 12
4th Linda & Karen 4.17 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15 TAR 11
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.) TAR 2
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield TAR 8
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11 TAR 7
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded TAR Asia 1
5th Carol & Brandy 4.00 – U-Turned. May or May Not Be Mean. TAR 16
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL, grew goatees TAR 4
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
2nd Jaime & Cara 3.92 TAR 14
2nd Pamela & Vanessa 3.92 TAR Asia 2
4th A.D. & Fuzzie 3.90 – U-Turned and saved by NEL once TAR Asia 3
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF TAR 2
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85 Saved by NEL twice TAR 4
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77 saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
4th Diane & Ann 3.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 2
4th Jon & Al 3.73 TAR 4
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71 TAR 5
–B+–
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 2
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF TAR 4
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 12
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL once TAR 11
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF, saved by NEL once TAR Asia 1
6th Mel & Mike 3.57 TAR 14
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56 TAR 6
3rd Ida & Tania 3.54 Saved by NEL twice TAR Asia 3
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded TAR 9
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46 TAR Asia 1
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded TAR 6
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45 TAR 12
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st TAR 12
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 2
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield TAR 5
6th Steve & Allie 3.38 – TAR 16, and ain’t got no clothes.
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF TAR 1
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31 Saved by NEL once TAR 5
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25 TAR 13
1st TK & Rachel 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 12
4th Godlewski Family 3.18 Saved by NEL once TAR 8
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield, saved by NEL once
–A minus–
2nd Sam & Dan 3.17 U-Turned Pointlessly TAR 15
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17 TAR 10
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice, saved by NEL twice TAR 8
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF TAR 4
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 7
4th Toni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia TAR 13
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF TAR 3
2nd Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 3.09 Used Yield and U-Turn TAR Asia 3
4th Herb & Nate a.k.a. Flight Time & Big Easy 3.09 TAR 15. Znarf!
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF TAR 10
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 7
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00 – TAR 12
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 6
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield TAR 10
2nd Bransen Family 2.85 – Saved by NEL onceTAR 8
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield TAR 8
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 1
–BEST OF THE BEST–
3rd Margie & Luke 2.75 Used U-Turn once TAR 14
5th Henry & Bernie/Bunn-Eh 2.75 – Yielded TAR Asia 3
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield, Choked TAR 11
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 3
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF TAR 3
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2, Used Yield, saved by NEL once TAR 11
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 – FF, saved by NEL once TAR 13
2nd Jet & Cord 2.58 – Saved by NEL once TAR 16.
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF, Yielded, and saved by NEL once TAR 5
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF TAR 2
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF TAR 1
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF, Used Yield, and saved by NEL twice TAR 9
1st Vince & Sam 2.45 FF TAR Asia 3
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF TAR 13
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF TAR 10
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF TAR 1
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38 TAR 6
1st Tammy & Victor 2.33 Used U-Turn Once TAR 14
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31 TAR 7
1st Adrian & Collin 2.23 FF TAR Asia 2
1st Meghan & Cheyne 2.00 FF TAR 15
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF TAR 9
lol 3rd Marc & Rovilson 1.46 Used Yield and Yielded TAR Asia 2

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)

11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF, saved by NEL twice TAR 10 + 11
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF, saved by NEL once TAR 3 + 11
18 legs Danielle 4.78 yielded, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF TAR 3 + 11
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF TAR 1 + 11
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 TAR 5 + 11
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF, saved by NEL thrice TAR 1 + 11
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2, saved by NEL twice TAR 7 + 11
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF, yielded x3, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3, used Yield, saved by NEL twice TAR 2 + 11
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 used Yield twice, saved by NEL once TAR 10 + 11
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF, yielded x2, saved by NEL once TAR 9 + 11
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 Used Yield TAR 7 + 11

* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.
Rank the Teams

1) Yani & Nadine

In seasons prior to Asia 4, we suffered through weak Speed Bumps that had already aired between seasons twelve and sixteen of the American version. With the twenty-fifth season currently airing, Speed Bumps are openly mocked by all fans.

But seeing the Asian format continue on with Marked for Elimination is refreshing. The penalty puts you in a crappy spot. Particularly when an equalizer halfway through the round makes it nearly impossible for you to beat anyone by much of any time, let alone thirty whole minutes.

Nadine really screwed up the first Roadblock on the cruise ship which earned them that penalty.

Furthermore, Yani failing at the underwater puzzle and being one of five teams to be assessed the four hour penalty put the nail in the coffin.

As I said earlier, they are not the worst team ever. They did beat Jess & Lani and Hussein & Natasha if the thirty minute penalty was erased. Edwin & Monica checked in dead last both legs before the marked for elimination penalty was even factored in.

Their love for Indonesia did not do much to rival with their supposed hatred of Malaysia as they could not do much of anything for two legs. Why, Yani nearly quit over the anaconda task. If Nadine was told by producers to not use physical force, they would have been out right then and there.

In other words, they both contributed to a poorly organized team. They sucked at directions, they sucked at tasks, and could have survived this leg if they could have chosen Rapid Fire as opposed to Rapid Water. So they were bad at decisions too.

Hussein & Natasha choosing Rapid Fire truly made the difference.

Outside of their performance, I thought Yani & Nadine were alright as characters. It appeared they enjoyed their experience for the most part, and got along well. We have seen a lot of mactors in the past do awful in the American and Asian seasons in terms of possessing zero competitive willpower or an interest in the adventure.

So let’s salute what little the second worst statistical team in TAR Asia history were able to accomplish!

2) Alan & Wendy

A bickering dating couple is so rare to find on TAR!!!!!!

They fought a lot by Asian standards not named Mai and Oliver. I am amazed both enjoyed the experience, but Alan was fed up when it came to certain elements of the race.

You need to have some level of cooperation on TAR, and that was certainly not the case with them. Alan screwed up the Roadblock in leg two, they switched Detours and fell behind in leg three, and found themselves with a solid lead this leg but blew it by not understanding the bus system.

However, something tells me the other teams were lucky to be on the express buses rather than knowing they were avoiding the one that was “pulling all the stops”.

The best part about Alan is that his last name is Luk. Everybody in TAR Asia needs to get in on the puns.

Wendy was definitely the better person out of the two, mainly because she was not super jealous all the time and was the only one capable of narrating. Alan was good for the occasional laugh, but hey, there are other characters who provided good laughs too.

I am not saying Alan was bad. . .it is just that his good moments are sprinkled here and there. If anything his Hong Kong English dialect is what made him funnier than what most people would expect from his personality.

Rank the Legs

1) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -> Colombo, Sri Lanka

Yes, round three is our first clean round of the season.

What was with the Axiata route marker in Kuala Lumpur before heading to Colombo? Was it just a way for the trailing teams to have additional time to catch up and show up to Colombo together? But the temple was an equalizer anyway.

Yeah, this had to be just for the sponsour money.

Other than that the only complaint is that the Detour had a counting task which we already saw in the premiere. It is a bit too early to cycle through similar tasks in a season. TAR 16 had a few counting tasks too so I really am getting sick of them.

I enjoyed seeing the Yield revived. I dunno why but I like it when vintage twists are acknowledged by the franchise.

The ice carry (in Sri Lanka of all places), the sewing Roadblock, and selling peanuts were all good tasks. Also the task of surviving the lethally fast taxi drivers or the lethally priced fares for the cab rides.

Watching Manas & Sahil’s approach of asking other teams to pay their own cab was intriguing to watch because that had not happened since the mugging non-elimination penalties in the American version. Yes, Asia 2 used that penalty but Henry & Terri somehow did not need money from other teams after they protested at the mat.

Also, I wish I had Jess & Lani with me whenever someone tried to rip me off.

My favourite part is how surprised I was that it was a non-elimination round. Outside of TAR Asia 1, TAR 3, TAR 5, and TAR 6, this is the first time in a while where a non-elimination surprised me. Nobody had opened the season with two of their three non-elimination legs being used in the first three rounds.

It means teams will be eliminated rapid fire for the remainder of the season. And that’s not such a bad thing compared to other American ones.

In conclusion, the Yield did nothing and Hussein is a sewing beast. The end.

2) Colombo, Sri Lanka -> Galle, Sri Lanka

I love that this round goes from plane to train to walking on foot to bus to tuk-tuk to crossing on a tightrope.

That is a lot of modes of transportation in one round, and this is not even the round notorious for the extensive transportation used.

The equalizer was at the beginning, and the route doesn’t mess around for the remainder of the leg. I like how Alan & Wendy start off with a strong lead, but completely screw up by not researching the bus system properly. Vintage TAR at its finest.

Compared to the previous Sri Lanka round, there is very little crossover with other franchises. Sure, it was unoriginal that there was another lock-based task just two rounds since Kota Kinabalu, or that the coconut rope course was nearly identical to TAR 6, but I do not want to be greedy.

Wait. TAR 12’s Learn Ten Words was the other side of this Detour.

And TAR 4’s Match a Mask with a Performer was an active route info.

And the Fast Forward was a head shaving task which we have seen at least three or four times by this point, and was the first offered outside of India.

And Dialog’s sponsourship was already used two rounds ago, and Hilton just one round ago.

And searching through a pile of cell phones for the clue was identical to searching through a pile of Blu-Rays for a clue, but far less time-consuming.

In other words, nothing was all that original about this leg other than the constant struggle with transportation.

I loved Jess & Lani witnessing somebody vomiting, Alan praying for a car crash, and Hussein nearly falling to his death. Lastly, nothing says a good time like having traffic cops laugh at your passport photo.

That was fun.

P.S. There was an original component to one of the tasks. The treasure chest could only be unlocked if you knew Sri Lanka’s history.

3) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia -> George Town, Penang, Malaysia

Running backwards up a narrow staircase at the starting line? Counting steps at Batu Caves? Driving yourself to a route marker that was aired just a few months ago in the US version, and directly acknowledging it?

Refusing to properly explain a soccer penalty shootout task?

Creating a Detour where ten teams all pick the same Detour where one member pretended to clean a window and the other took a picture?

All of the teams finishing within an hour of each other?

Sorry, that was Bethany Hamilton ranking this leg.

I am glad nobody was eliminated because nothing really happened this round. I applaud producers for trying two unique tasks and a unique visual for the starting line, but re-using Kuala Lumpur and Penang so soon again made it feel stale.

Not to mention my ears burn from hearing Amazing Grace. By the way, did teams ever start forming relationships with each other? I feel like we learned almost nothing about everyone other than a few occupations and country of origin.

Nothing very laugh out loud funny either other than Hilda becoming the new Terri and Jess picking up locals that do NOT like being used.

Losing in your home town is always fun to watch, but seeing you finish in first place for that round comes off as boring as Tammy & Victor. Sorry Ethan & Khairie.

Maybe I just have something against having any more rounds in that whole peninsula. Los Angeles, northeastern China, and the Malay peninsula will always be under fire in these blogs.

I will praise them for doing a Roadblock and a Detour in the season premiere. Lots of tasks squished into one episode, come to think of it.

4) George Town, Penang, Malaysia -> Kampung, Malaysia

What a dumb round design.

An equalizer halfway through the leg?

Give a lousy twenty minute advantage for a team eating 275 chicken balls knowing that failure to complete one of the tasks will automatically give five teams a four hour penalty?

Petting the anaconda looked dangerous.
The underwater puzzle Roadblock was complicated.
The Detour was on par with most tasks in TAR history. Adventure task versus coordination.
Self-drive legs are always what TAR is all about.

But a four hour penalty for a team failing to complete the underwater puzzle Roadblock within ten minutes? Four hour penalties should only be assessed if a team QUITS a task.

angry video game nerd

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

Allan never explains this crucial detail before the task starts. We just see Claire be led out of the water being told time is up fifteen minutes later, and the screen displays a four hour penalty for her. Viewers are led to believe that producers made up this penalty on the spot, but we know there is no way this can be true.

Maybe Allan said it aloud and producers replied “no, when you say it aloud, the twist sounds stupid”.

Well, if it sounded dumb when Allan says it then maybe the idea is REALLY STUPID IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Following TAR 16’s unnecessarily high levels of nastiness towards each other, it is nice to watch a season where everybody gets along. The closest thing to a rivalry is Sunaina & Dimple simultaneously hating and loving Michelle & Claire who they nicknamed Dominatrix.

Lastly, the Richards should be given ten bucks just for spooking Hilda twenty feet from the pit stop mat. Classic.

And screw you TAR 24 for copying half of the round and ruining any good task that occurred for this leg. Shame on you.

***

This is a podcast I help co-host. Isn’t it terrible?

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