JAPAN – VIETNAM – CAMBODIA – UNITED ARAB EMIRATES – THE NETHERLANDS – SWEDEN – ESTONIA – CZECH REPUBLIC – UNITED STATES
Somebody who has less coordination than Tiffany Michelle.
Previously on TAR: Twelve teams gathered at the starting line in Los Angeles where a bombshell was dropped on them. And Eric & Lisa bid farewell in the earliest elimination ever. Once in Tokyo, Maria and Brian found their wasabi bombs too hot to handle. Megan & Cheyne emerged victorious and professional poker players Maria & Tiffany came in last.
The race continued as teams flew to Ho Chi Minh City in a monsoon in Vietnam. Brothers Sam & Dan discovered Maria & Tiffany’s secret then confronted them face to face. At the Roadblock some teams couldn’t control their ducks while others kept them in line. Leading Gary & Matt to a first place finish but in the end Garrett & Jessica finished last and were eliminated.
Ten teams remain; who will be eliminated next?
– Intro time.
– A unique soundtrack plays as Phil introduces us to the Mekong Delta. Very calming music. Phil says the Mekong Delta was a place during the Vietnam War where it was feared as a location of intense fighting. Today it is a place of beauty and simple living.
– During the pit stop, the Bassec III picked up anchor and travelled from Cai Be to My Tho. A destination unknown to the other teams as we see Maria and Gary freak out about it.
Ah, the Steamship Savoie all over again.
– Nightfall. Then the sun arises. Gary & Matt, the first to arrive, will depart from the My Tho docks at 5:45am. Gary reads they must travel by taxi from My Tho to Ho Chi Minh City. Once there they must find the Golden Dragon Water Puppet Theatre where they will find their next clue in the mouth of a water dragon.
– Gary & Matt disagree about directions immediately. Gary says it is tough to step out of the dad role as he gets his way with which direction to go. Matt is irritated that his dad likes to take control and does not see him as an adult.
Although with that neck tattoo, lip piercing, and pink hair, you can see why dad does his best to take control of Matt.
– Sam & Dan depart second at 5:55am. We now get to see how close the other nine teams are in arrival times. Gary & Matt’s ten minute lead may be the biggest. Sam says him and Dan are two years apart and both gay. Other than that they are opposites.
“What?! You mean all gays don’t behave the exact same way?!”
SAM: Dan is impatient and gets frustrated easily. I am the older brother, more spontaneous and go with the flow.
– Sam yells at Dan for his frustration as they fail to hail a taxi.
– Globetrotters depart at 5:56am.
BIG EASY: I lost my dad two days before the race. He was a great inspiration to me. I grew up in the projects of New Orleans. He said no matter where you come from you can do anything in life. The last time I talked to him he said “win the damn race”.
I guess that’s why they call them Flight Time & Grieve Easy.
But in all seriousness, I bet that is why Big Easy has not been shown talking much in confessionals thus far. I cannot imagine going on a gruelling show like The Amazing Race only hours after your dad passes away. It is the closest that an immediate family member has died for a contestant right before the race. Sometimes you hear “my mom passed away last year”, but not “my dad passed away forty-eight hours ago”.
– Lance & Keri/Team Boston depart at 5:57am. Keri is a bit confused.
This is going to be a long race for Lance & Keri. What Lance says seconds later in a confessional is hilarious.
LANCE: We’re a team that’s built for this. You know, the truth of the matter is that we’re the lions and some of these teams are running like a pack of gazelles or zebras.
LANCE: I don’t know where we are!
KERI: My help’s not working!
– Zev & Justin depart fifth at 6:04am. For some reason the edit has Zev shouting “c’mon!” in the whiniest voice possible. Megan & Cheyne are next at 6:10am. Maria & Tiffany 6:11am.
– The three teams are all with locals. Justin convinces a lady to call for taxis because it is two hours away by cab. All three teams are in cabs.
– Mika & Canaan depart at 6:14am in eighth place. Marcy & Ron depart ninth at 6:15am. I doubt we will hear from them.
Oh right. They are over fifty. And if Teri & Ian have taught us anything, is that there is bound to be a Vietnam War story. Why, Ralph of Ralph & Lauren in TAR 10 shared one too.
It turns out that Marcy’s father, General Robert Maloy, was shot down in Vietnam and rescued. Thus, it has been an emotional ride for her.
– Marcy believes she is made of sheer will and determination like her father.
– Sam & Dan finally have a taxi in sixth.
– Lance & Keri are told Ho Chi Minh City is two hours away thanks to a local.
LANCE: It’s like being dropped off on planet Mars because we have no idea where we are dropped off at.
Uh, the lady just told you. Two hours away from Ho Chi Minh City.
– Marcy blows Geoff 26’s whistle to hail a cab. Mika & Canaan have a taxi too.
CANAAN: Sounds like you have to charm the dragon, Mika.
MIKA: I’ll kiss him.
CANAAN: Uh. . .yeah.
– Brian & Ericka depart last at 6:29am. The editors use super fast motion for a couple seconds.
– Ron comments that both of them feel refreshed today.
Holy crap. This is their idea of looking refreshed? I can only imagine what they look like on a bad day.
Maybe just smile. No waving.
– Teams now enter Ho Chi Minh City. 1950s Hannah Barbara music is playing as teams comment on the large number of motorcycles.
It wouldn’t be a TAR visit without commenting on the motorcycles.
– Globetrotters are first to the water puppet theatre. Nate–er, Big Easy tries grabbing the clue first. If we know anything about their three seasons of TAR, Big Easy is not very skilled when it comes to solo tasks on the race.
I like that Big Easy cannot do the task despite being over a foot taller than everybody else on the race. He is stretching over half of the pool!
– Flight Time takes over. He comments that the dragons were quick and perfect timing was necessary to succeed.
My favourite part is the one dragon that comes over from the side just for the sole purpose of spraying Herb, er, Flight Time square in the face. Classic.
– There is a loud Vietnamese drumming band playing while this is going on. When Flight Time grabs the clue, the one drummer moans loudly.
Why is the drummer dressed up like a leader from a central African country?
– The clue is unique. It is a bullet that unravelled shows a picture with a stamp on it.
The Globetrotters are currently number one with a bullet.
I must admit that the unique style of clues is something that really drops off of TAR over the years.
– Teams must figure out that they must travel by taxi to the Ho Chi Minh City Main Post Office. Globetrotters ask a local and he tells them it is the post office. The local tells them to ask a taxi for the exact location.
– Gary & Matt have the clue next. They find the same group of locals. It is only one kilometre away. Matt wants to run because it is only one kilometre away and they do not have much cash. Gary is hesitant but listens to Matt for once.
Oh dear god. He chooses to listen to Matt when he proposes the worst idea. You NEVER walk to a location when you have the option to drive. Especially when you are carrying heavy backpacks in the middle of a hot Vietnamese day.
– Zev & Justin are third to the water puppets. Justin gets sprayed until he finally has it.
– Matt assumes they keep going straight as Gary points out this is exactly why he wanted a taxi.
MATT: Dad, slow down!
Wait, 4’5″ Gary is outrunning his 6’0″ 20-something year old son? I feel embarrassed for Matt.
– Globetrotters are at the post office. They have the clue. It is our first Detour of the season! They must choose the commotion of a noisy city park or the commotion of the noisy streets.
Child’s Play or Word Play.
– In Child’s Play, teams make their way to a local park and choose a concrete animal from the kiosk. They must then transport the animal along the bumpy pathways of the park picking up five balloons from vendors. When they deliver the balloons and the animal to the children’s playground, they will receive their next clue.
The child spinning around in this at hyper speed is rather amusing.
How many exponent signs do you need in the Vietnamese language?
This will give me nightmares for weeks.
Pssst. Don’t choose the giraffe.
Those balloons look like blueberries!
She now has five different coloured balloons. Her bases are covered!
– In Word Play, teams must head to a hotel and reach the top of the observation deck. They will scan the crowded intersection below to identify six people that are bearing a Vietnamese letters moving with the congested traffic. Once they check with the security guard that they have all six letters, they must leave the hotel and find locals to unscramble the letters to spell DOC LAP. The Vietnamese word for independence.
They read a task about LETTERS at a POST OFFICE? Bwahahaahahaha.
I thought doc lap is what people rest in at the farmer’s festival in Cai Be. Ten thousand doc laps.
– There is no explanation for what they do when they have Doc Lap. We presume they have to bring it back to the security guard to receive the clue.
– Globetrotters choose Child’s Play because they have physical strength.
– Gary & Matt find their original cab.
MATT: He said one kilometre. One K is an easy run. Turns out it’s a little more. I should listen to my dad more.
– We head to the playground. They choose the animal that is the smallest. There is an advantage to showing up early. Big Easy wants to push it faster because it is a race but Flight Time warns that they will lose a ton of time if it breaks.
I feel bad for Big Easy’s back.
Ring around the Commies. . .
A three-person teeter-totter? I have seen everything.
– Globetrotters have a red balloon. Blue is next.
Yeah. You can dodge all of those scooters no problem.
– Blue is collected too. Orange is next.
– Megan & Cheyne are fourth to the Golden Dragon. Cheyne attempts an interesting strategy.
If only your hair didn’t stick so far up, perhaps the dragons would not see you.
I wait for the day where a random patron at the water puppet theatre joins in with the teams too.
“C’mon over big boy, I just want to get inside your throat”.
I have heard being premature, but this is just ridiculous.
– Keri does nothing as she cheers on Lance. Sam has a bullet. Then Tiffany. Then Ron. Lance is practically submerged into the water before getting his.
He may be Chuck Norris, but he is no Aqua Man.
– Sam & Dan and Maria & Tiffany work together that they are told it is the post office.
– Marcy & Ron also have a taxi. Marcy brags to Ron that her whistle has come in handy.
MARCY: My whistle worked again, huh?!
RON (disinterested and looking ahead): Yeah, okay.
“You want a f—ing cookie, dear?”
Even though it looks more like a canister than a bullet. How do you not detect the lid? Lance asks Keri if she saw other teams ripping open a clue. She is delusional because she answers she did. Therefore they go back to the entrance thinking they exchange the bullet for a clue.
He looks so confused. Priceless.
-The kid hands back the bullet. Lance is ready to punch somebody out.
– Commercial break as Keri sounds increasingly like Janice from FRIENDS.
– They re-enter the place as Lance opens up the bullet to see the stamp. They exit in a cab as Mika & Canaan show up. And if there was any chance that you thought Mika & Canaan could win this race, please erase those thoughts because they may do one of the stupidest things I have ever seen.
What the hell is this? Really? They are both afraid of water to the point that they refuse to comprehend the possibility that they have to reach their arms in there to receive the clue.
– Brian complains about it being rush hour and how it puts all traffic in major U.S. cities to shame.
– Globetrotters continue on their quest of grabbing balloons. They pass by an interesting dancer on the street.
More like Flight Time and Big Creepy.
– Zev & Justin have the Detour clue. Zev states they do not know Vietnamese, therefore Child’s Play. Gary & Matt and Megan & Cheyne follow suit. I bet the twenty steps for Word Play was a big turnoff too.
– Gary & Matt attempt to get into Megan & Cheyne’s held taxi. Megan & Cheyne state they paid their taxi to wait.
Alright, Gary. This is round three of a twelve round game. One of the nicer teams in the race, and also a team who may beat you to future U-Turns, have paid a taxi to wait for them. Is it really worth it during rush hour when numerous taxis will be on the road and the Detour options are close by? You have two options.
Good call my friend.
– Marcy & Ron have the clue in fifth. After four teams have avoided Word Play, guess how many teams have now chosen that option?
Thanks to Marcy & Ron.
– Yes, they chose Word Play despite my visual pun. Marcy & Ron have a cab.
MARCY: A Dung Hotel?
Wait. . .it’s really called A Dung Hotel? What a s—ty name for a four-star hotel. A Dung Hotel.
– Zev & Justin’s cab is clueless. They have a local who is entering the cab with them. His name is Chung.
Say hello to the camera, Chung.
Justin has the Bransen Seat.
– All that is missing is the green balloon for the Globetrotters. Flight Time tells Mr. Easy to slow down.
– The Vietnamese name for ‘taxi’ is ‘vinataxi’. Dan screams for the vehicle to turn left while it was turning left anyway. They and Maria & Tiffany choose to do Child’s Play.
– Canaan eventually figures out that he has to grab it from their tongue. He is in such a hurry that he virtually collides with Mika.
Look at the aggression.
– Brian is last to grab the bullet. He decides to show the picture to his cab driver. He has it in tenth, which grants him a bronze medal somehow.
– Globetrotters have all five balloons and push the sheep up the ramp. The steep incline appears to be brutal.
The dragon watches closely.
– Megan & Cheyne are second to the Detour. They also choose a sheep. Cheyne baaas as they collect a couple of balloons.
– Globetrotters now have their sheep in a stall at the other side of the playground to receive their clue. For some reason Big Easy screams “OWWWWWWW” really loudly on the audio without a visual explanation.
***EDITOR’S NOTE: An unaired Blind U-Turn was located here. Yeah, editors decided to leave it out of the episode completely. Lance & Keri U-Turned Sam & Dan. It would have been the icing on top of Lance & Keri’s Fail Cake, and would contribute to a storyline for Sam & Dan later, but editors decided to not add in this crucial piece of information.***
Yeah. That’s where they need to go.
– Phil attempts pronouncing all of those words. He in short says they will find their clue at the busy intersection.
I wish there was an Intersection at the intersection.
– Lance & Keri are inside of the post office as they wonder aloud where the clue box is. Mika & Canaan and Brian & Ericka both spot it before them.
LANCE: It’s right here. DAMMIT, KERI!
You missed the super obvious clue too.
How do you miss that?
– All three of these teams choose Child’s Play. Marcy & Ron are the only ones at the Dung Hotel.
– Marcy & Ron are inside of the elevator. You know how sometimes teams will playfully tap their partner with the clue? Well, let’s say Marcy does not grasp her own strength.
MARCY: You’re really good with words.
Even Ron is confused by what happened. He can’t help but crack up after his wife fully slapped him in the face with a clue. It’s like Marcy hung out in Chinatown last night and was re-telling a joke.
“Ronnie Murphy! I got a joke for you, Ronnie. What did the five fingers say to the face?
– Have you ever noticed that Ron looks a mix of Buster Bluth and George Senior from Arrested Development?
– Marcy & Ron identify letters from the roof right away. One is a diamond with a dot underneath it.
MARCY: Pee! I gotta pee!
You gotta pee at the Dung Hotel? It’s going to cost you a few dongs to use the bathroom.
Oh. The letter P. They have five of six letters.
The angle really screwed with them.
– They show it to the security guard who does not give them a thumbs up. They try again. Uh oh.
– Sam & Dan, Zev & Justin, Maria & Tiffany, and Gary & Matt are at the taxi. Zev is reduced to walking speed. Other teams choose zebras, deer, and sheep. Zev & Justin?
The awkwardly tallest and heaviest giraffe available. What were they thinking?
– Zev complains the giraffe is tipping over as he yells for Justin to stop. Why did Justin pick the giraffe?
– Maria & Tiffany’s dolly is broken. Dan backtracks to help Maria & Tiffany. Tiffany does a noble act and orders them to race ahead and refuses to hold them back. Dan complies.
Ugh. A point for Tiffany Michelle.
– Justin tries adjusting the giraffe and. . .
I wish it were an ox just so we could all say “My ox is broken!” and have it be the correct phrasing to use.
– We come back to see the giraffe break for a second time. Justin notes the giraffe was a mistake because they could have grabbed any other animal.
But the giraffe comes with a funky fruit hat!
– The rules are that they must pick up all of the broken pieces and put it onto the cart before collecting more balloons.
– Brian & Ericka intentionally pick a zebra for personal reasons.
Because it was ALL ABOUT RACE.
– Mika & Canaan pick an animal. Megan & Cheyne are second to complete the Detour and comment on the sweatiness of their lips as they kiss. Humidity and heavy lifting is exhausting teams.
– Marcy & Ron find the elusive sixth letter. Marcy is frantic and asks Ron to take a deep breath.
MARCY: Ron, take a deep breath.
RON: I’m fine. You’re the one that’s hyped up today.
My mother is the same way. When she is the one stressed and frantic, she somehow thinks others around her are stressed and tell them to calm down. In reality, she is the only one freaking out and most difficult to handle.
– Gary & Matt finish the Detour in third. Tiffany’s legs are burning. Brian uses Ericka to stop traffic. They run fast with their zebra. Lance & Keri lose a red balloon as they leave the deer in the street.
A deer caught in the headlights.
– Marcy & Ron emerge from the hotel.
MARCY: Ron, we’re going to look for–Ron?
RON: I’m with you. Let’s just talk.
MARCY: We’re going to gain time by being calm.
Aaaand Ron has already checked out from the conversation.
– Sam & Dan finish fourth. Tiffany is elsewhere struggling physically.
TIFFANY: The Detour was so incredibly tough. I was gasping for breath like I’ve never had to gasp before.
You don’t gasp for breath. And stop making variants of a cliche.
Tiffany’s mouth instantly shapes that way when she utters “man” and “hard” in the same sentence.
– Everybody looks like they are going to a birthday party. Maria & Tiffany ask a local man for help up the ramp. Zev & Justin are stumped where the stall is as several teams head up and over the ramp. Keri is lost too, but wow, that’s no surprise. Zev yells at Justin that the stall is very close by.
– Brian & Ericka finish the task in fifth. Maria & Tiffany finish in sixth.
If tenth place gets you a bronze medal, a fifth place finish may get you a silver.
– Tiffany enters the cab and looks like she is preparing to die.
She may in fact die.
And being buried alive by luggage will not help.
– Lance & Keri cannot find the final “balloon lady”. Zev & Justin are nearby. Zev collects the balloon and walks away. Lance screams at Keri that they have found the balloon lady as if it is her fault once again.
I think Fran & Barry have better eyes than Lance & Keri.
– The balloon lady is shocked as Lance bashes into two chairs and a pole as he shoves the deer into the stall.
– Mika & Canaan are finished too and have the clue in ninth. Who is last?
Things aren’t looking good, Buster. You don’t even have the phrase unscrambled. Him and Marcy are stuck looking at signs on the street for the answer. They have yet to ask a local.
– Globetrotters find the clue.
A labour force task. Hooray!
– Phil says that the Vietnamese recycle virtually everything that can be broken down. Today, they will learn to recycle electronics using the tools provided.
Choose your weapon!
– Teams must disassemble and sort two VCRs using the tools provided. Once they are disassembled and sorted, they will receive their next clue.
Sadly, VCRs do not get recycled where I live. In fact, our province just revised the recycling program to make it one of the worst recycling programs outside of the United States.
– Flight Time is doing the Roadblock.
– Megan & Cheyne show up seconds later. Cheyne is going to do it. He asks if he is sexy while doing it. For some reason a local reacts to the statement.
She thinks my VCR is sexy.
– Gary & Matt show up. The spectators gather.
They are like the spectators on the apartment’s roof across from Wrigley Field.
– Matt volunteers to do the Roadblock. Lots of sweat on all of the racers.
MATT: I have taken apart VCRs before as a kid because of curiosity of what was inside of them.
– Marcy & Ron are alone on a side street.
I am amazed that they are trying to decipher a Vietnamese phrase on their own. I think they are approaching this as a fun activity rather than a race. This is an extremely passive style of racing.
RON: I see C-A-P. Where does that lead?
RON: Old cap. Let’s try Old cap.
Old Cap? You mean the thing that protects Ron’s bald head from being filmed on television?
– Marcy & Ron try Old Cap. It is rejected. Dear god. What an awful choice of task and an even more awful choice of strategy.
– VCR parts are flying everywhere. Marcy & Ron finally approach locals and they unscramble it in seconds. They aren’t even running.
– More VCR parts fly as Flight Time completes the task. They read to head to the pit stop: Reunification Palace. It is a significant place in history because it was when a North Vietnamese tank crashed through the palace’s gates and ended the Vietnam War.
Rare use of historical footage is used for The Amazing Race. I think The Amazing Race All Stars when they visited a concentration camp was the last time it was used.
– The Reunification Palace is indeed the pit stop for this leg of the race. The only thing crashing through the gates today may be a roundhouse kick by Lance.
The Reunification Palace thirty-five years later.
Yep. The place is called Dinh Doc Lap. If only Marcy & Ron knew sooner.
– Globetrotters are annoyed that nobody knows Reunification Palace. Yeah. They don’t know one of the biggest landmarks in all of Vietnam.
– Brian and Sam are now ding the Roadblock.
DAN: Sam, just screw whatever you can!
That’s what she said!
SAM: I am! Shut up, Dan!
– Matt suffers from an injury.
A bit too aggressive when it comes to VCRs.
– Gary comes up with an interesting source of motivation for his son to beat Cheyne.
I believe he will prefer being called Surfer Boy.
– Cheyne is second to finish. He may have troubles finding the pit stop because he calls it “Reunification Place”.
– Matt is done in third. All three teams are looking for directions. Big Easy yells at Flight Time to exit the info centre and retreat to a taxi in order to beat them in a foot race. Matt has seven cuts in his finger. Maybe eight. We don’t know.
– Marcy & Ron show Doc Lap at the front of the hotel. They are just starting to head to the intersection. I assume they are over an hour behind.
– Maria & Tiffany show up. Ericka announces to Brian that Maria & Tiffany are present, but shouts back that he does not care. Ericka replies she simply wants him to know.
Tiffany examining a drill for the first time.
In other cultures, working on electronics is a woman’s job.
– The locals laugh at Tiffany doing the Roadblock because she is a woman. There are a lot of things you can hate about Tiffany Michelle, but laughing at her because she is a woman is dumb and rude. Mostly women are shown laughing.
She is the most cheerful woman in Vietnam right now.
– Tiffany defines the tools as “badass”. Sam finishes the Roadblock in fifth. Brian is done in sixth as he blows a whistle. Ericka is SCREAMING in excitement as he blows the whistle.
Did every team bring a whistle this season?
– DAN (unable to hail a cab): Sam, this suuuucks.
SAM (whinier): Dan, stop complaining.
– Globetrotters and Megan & Cheyne discuss the foot race on the horizon. Cheyne thinks they can win the foot race if they exit the taxi first. The editors decide to cut in audio from another episode and edit it into this conversation in the most unnatural way possible. Take it away, Big Easy.
BIG EASY: They’re not gonna wanna take it. They want first.
Why can they take second place? What is subtitled next doesn’t even match what comes out of his mouth.
Yeah. They are really passing over the “My dad just passed away” storyline. It comes out of left field here due to shoddy editing.
– The two vans park at the Palace. Both teams drop their bags and sprint. As well as one other man.
Yes, a fifth person is a local Vietnamese man who ran alongside the teams for a couple seconds here. Hilarious.
– Who will be first? Big Easy wants to “go get that money”.
Cheyne may have been first to the mat, but the most athletic woman he knows in San Diego will finish a few steps shy of Big Easy.
Hey, Tisha 31 is the greeter!
FIRST PLACE: HERB AND NATE/FLIGHT TIME AND BIG EASY
SECOND PLACE: MEGAN AND CHEYNE
My favourite part about a close race for first is that the second place team has to suffer as they hear the winner’s prize that they missed out on by mere seconds.
And it’s a trip to Aruba.
The sunglasses-wearing roaming gnome approves alongside a sweaty Herb.
Snorkelling, Jeep safari, resort beach, dinner sail, and a bunch of other crap.
– Cheyne sees more sprints in the future with the Globetrotters. Big Easy says his father was taken away from him too early, but feels his presence with him.
– Zev & Justin are seventh there. Zev becomes demanding as Justin begins the Roadblock. Tiffany gets help from the ladies while recycling. Ms. Ho is on the sidelines with her Vietnamese sisters. Zev wants Justin to move faster.
– Mika & Canaan have shown up. Canaan enlists himself for the Roadblock while Mika is a Roadblock Dodger in ‘Nam.
He really wants to be on Mad Men.
– Justin is stumped what to do next.
– Lance asks Keri if they are at the right place. She does not want to confirm because she is being yelled at too much, and asks Lance to ask the cab driver. They ask for confirmation that way.
THIRD PLACE: GARY & MATT
– Marcy looks at two pieces of route info. She is curious what the task is.
– Keri refuses to be responsible for their mistakes until Lance wishes to be a teammate.
KERI: Lead the way. Wherever you want.
LANCE: Keri, cut it out.
KERI: I just don’t want to be responsible cause I don’t know where we are and I’m doing the best I can. You’ve gotta stop cause you want a teammate.
LANCE: It can’t be this far, man.
KERI: It can be.
LANCE: We’re going to have to ask again.
KERI: You can ask him. I can’t.
LANCE: Okay, Keri. Thank you. I’m done with you.
Forget Jonathan Baker’s Shove, I think Keri is about to be freakin’ KO’ed.
– We resume. Lance calls out to locals for directions. He approaches a taxi. They enter a cab. Keri hates that Lance acts as if she should know. Lance says they both don’t know, but Keri feels she is still being blamed.
Much of this sounds like it is a bit in Keri’s head.
KERI: Am I the Direction Queen?
Seeing how you couldn’t even pick out a clue box in front of a post office. . .no.
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.
LANCE: My frustration is not on you, it’s on the situation.
KERI: I’ll take my apology now.
LANCE: In that case, I’m sorry.
FOURTH PLACE: BRIAN & ERICKA
Brian proclaims he went from dead last to fourth.
– Ron makes an observation regarding Vietnamese traffic.
– RON: If you don’t have patience in traffic, you should never live in Ho Chi Minh City.
MARCY: If you don’t have patience with the opposite sex, you should not live on planet Earth.
Aaaaand Ron goes back to ignoring Marcy.
– Tiffany is done in sixth. Away they go in a taxi.
FIFTH PLACE: SAM & DAN
– Lance & Keri are at the Roadblock. Lance is doing it. He is using the hammer with surprising little strength. He decides to shred the VCR with his hands rather than removing bolts. A huge shortcut, I assume.
– Canaan finishes the task in seventh. Mika utters cheers of gibberish in the cab.
– Lance is already done! He leaves in eighth as they look for a taxi.
– Zev wants Justin to open up the clue really fast as they assume they are in last because Justin wanted to remove bolts. Lance & Keri are unable to find a cab. Lance nearly steals Zev & Justin’s taxi but Justin was right there to prove it was his.
MARCY: When I first met him, he told me he was really handy.
Just not the way you expected.
SIXTH PLACE: MARIA & TIFFANY
Creepy Phil greeted them.
– Zev & Justin and Lance & Keri assume they are going to be in a foot race for last place.
– Mika & Canaan arrive at the pit stop. Mika is panting incredibly loud.
SEVENTH PLACE: MIKA & CANAAN
But Mika, Canaan, and Mika’s sister Andrea Boehlke celebrate the finish.
– Ron finishes the Roadblock. They enter a cab as Marcy emphasizes to go fast.
– Zev & Justin want Chung to tell the driver to go fast.
And apparently a spider is on the seat between them.
– Lance & Keri comment on the mopeds that the cab has to drive around. Ron’s heart is pounding and hates it is coming down to a cab. Zev is ready to run. Keri is preparing for a miracle. Marcy & Ron’s cab is rather fashionable as they playfully hit him in the shoulder.
Because .5 seconds earlier we see an entirely different driver in Marcy & Ron’s taxi.
– Lance & Keri’s cab is at Reunification Palace first. They run. Zev & Justin are shown trailing roughly twenty seconds behind.
That’s right. They can’t even see the pit stop hanging out in the middle of the grounds. This is an incredible run of missing clues, route markers, and an obvious pit stop.
Their lead is squandered as both teams are in the foot race that they have been expecting all morning.
And that is that. Lance & Keri may have just blown their amazing race.
EIGHTH PLACE: ZEV & JUSTIN
NINTH PLACE: LANCE & KERI
The two teams congratulate one another. Phil even gets into it.
PHIL: The lion is still alive, Lance. The lion is still alive.
LANCE: Oh yeah, baby.
Lion just needs his eyes checked.
PHIL: The zebras and gazelles are what beat you to the mat.
LANCE: They may run fast but will wear out soon.
I don’t know about that. Both of you look very exhausted.
PHIL: Would you say you are the most competitive person on the race.
LANCE: Phil, I will wrestle you right now to the ground.
PHIL: I really don’t want to do that cause I can see how strong you are.
ZEV: Phil, we’ll take him on.
Wait. . .wait a minute. Nobody is supposed to take on our challenge.
– Sad piano music plays. Marcy & Ron jog to the mat.
LAST PLACE: MARCY & RON
– Phil informs them of their elimination. Both sound out of breath. Ron wipes his nose and sniffles twice.
Ron’s left index finger was never seen again. Yet another American casualty in Vietnam.
– Phil knows they wanted more out of their race. It is story time as Marcy talks about being back in Vietnam and repeating the same story about her father that we heard earlier.
MARCY: My dad used to say “you can’t hit a home run unless you step up to the plate”, and I think going on The Amazing Race was stepping up to the plate.
“And it was like grounding out to the left side of the field, and being the third out for your team in the bottom of the 3rd.”
– We say goodbye to Marcy and Balding Butt Squeezer Ron. Farewell, our token old couple.
– Next Time on TAR: Zev puts on a monkey act. And one team breaks the cardinal rule and LOSES their passport.
MIKA.CANAAN 0.0 — First time ever?
FLIGHT TIME.BIG EASY 1.3
Bulls— Round One/Starting Line Eliminations
Eric & Lisa N/A
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A
— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0
11th Ari & Staella 11.0
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0
11th John & Scott 11.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 (Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race.)
10th Neena & Amit 10.0
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0
10th A Black Family 10.0
— F +–
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????)
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
11th Garrett & Jessica 9.5
10th Kate & Pat 9.0
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 – Yielded
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 – Sucked.
9th Marcy & Ron 7.67 – Bald.
9th Isaac & William 7.5
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Aiello Family 7.0
8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/)
8th Tom & Terry 7.0
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
7th Niroo & Kapil 6.75
9th Rogers Family 6.5
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Henry & Terri 6.44 Used Their Yield; Finished last on a non-elimination round THREE times. R.I.P. Henry.
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
9th Brett & Kinar 6.33
8th Pailin & Natalie 6.33
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
7th Daichi & Sawaka 5.83
7th Dave & Lori 5.83
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67 R.I.P. Nancy.
6th Gaghan Family 5.5
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14
7th Ray & Deana – 5.0 FF
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 – Wah.
5th Fran & Barry 4.89
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
6th Mai & Oliver 4.8 – In a car
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83
7th Schroeder Family 4.75
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
5th Paula & Natasha 4.45
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
2nd Pamela & Vanessa 3.92
4th A.D. & Fuzzie 3.90 – U-Turned
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield
4th Diane & Ann 3.75 – Yielded
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
3rd Ida & Tania 3.54
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25
1st TK & Rachel 3.18
4th Godlewski Family 3.18
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 3.17
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF
4thToni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
2nd Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 – Used Yield and U-Turn
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield
2nd Bransen Family 2.85
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
–BEST OF THE BEST–
5th Henry & Bernie/Bunn-Eh 2.75 – Yielded
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2 and Used Yield
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF and Yielded
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF and Used Yield
1st Vince & Sam 2.45 FF
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31
1st Adrian & Collin 2.23 FF
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF
lol 3rd Marc & Rovilson 1.46 Used Yield and Yielded
Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)
11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF
18 legs Danielle 4.78
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 None
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3!
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 None
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 None
* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.
Rank the Legs
1) Cai Be, Vietnam -> Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
No equalizers. They started out the day by traveling a couple hours via taxi to Ho Chi Minh City. The chaotic nature of Ho Chi Minh City and its ties to American history on an American program is always neat to see.
The Teri & Ian moment for this season came through Marcy whose experience became a side story for this round. Perhaps if she made it further her and Ron would have had a more dynamic edit.
The tasks were fine. Disassembling VCRs saw a shift in the leaderboard which means there was some skill to it. Same with the Child’s Play Detour with hauling the heavy animals across a few blocks to collect balloons.
Lance & Keri have officially taken the crown from Fran & Barry. Like, Lance & Keri missed the post office clue, the pit stop, lost on the way to the Roadblock, the lady holding the clue at the end of the Detour, and MISSED THE CLUE THEY WERE HOLDING IN THEIR HANDS!!!
Never before has a team screwed up on every single route marker during the leg.
And somehow they still survived.
The locations were fun. The interaction with locals was necessary after ignoring locals for the first two rounds. Doing a labour related task within the community was great.
I have no complaints about this round except why Marcy & Ron were silly enough to choose Word Play which looked really tough on paper.
The premiere was awful. The second round was passable. But this round? Now we are finally back on track with what Amazing Race is supposed to be like.
P.S. I enjoyed the uniqueness of grabbing the bullet from a dragon’s mouth, needing to open the bullet, and seeing the picture of the post office inside. I thought that was a nice way to start the round.
P.P.S. Lance & Keri had an unaired epic fail by using a Blind U-Turn against Sam & Dan despite Sam & Dan being hours ahead of them. This would have been hilarious to see on TV.
2) Tokyo, Japan -> Cai Be, Vietnam
Producers must have known it was going to be a two-hour two round season premiere beforehand, because there are very few tasks this round.
Placing mud against fruit trees, walking to a farmer’s festival to herd ducks, and walking to the pit stop were the only things they did.
Yes, there was a flight and bus scramble, but none of that mattered as all teams were on the same plane and all teams were equalized at the docks.
The best part about this round is that editors went back to traditional TAR 1 style of editing. There were few tasks, and were crammed into the end of the episode. Their focus was instead on ten of the eleven teams. I say ten because Marcy & Ron were rarely shown for the whole episode.
A surprising amount of focus was on Maria & Tiffany and Sam & Dan. The Globetrotters may go on to play three times, but they were really near the bottom for airtime. Zev & Justin stole the show for their rollercoaster ride as Justin choked with losing the clue but Zev not only gave away his jacket to a stranger but made up a ton of time at the duck herding task.
Maria & Tiffany could have been the first team in TAR history to play two rounds of TAR and finish with a 11.0 average, but the Roadblock being a duck herding task which Tiffany did when she was a kid may be the biggest miracle they could have hoped for.
We learn about Tiffany’s identity because, well, she flat out revealed it to a stranger with teams within earshot, and made the episode about her. God she’s so selfish.
Oh, and the Speed Bump was super easy as usual. People have been complaining that the Country Singers had it too easy with Speed Bumps in TAR 24, but viewers forget that easy Speed Bumps date all the way back to TAR 15. Serving soup or transporting a typewriter?
Even with the faults of this round, it was still ten times the first round. Because instead of it being a cheap game show, this round truly felt like we were watching The Amazing Race.
Oh, and Garrett & Jessica were eliminated. How tragic.
3) Los Angeles, USA -> Tokyo, Japan
Oh god. Where to begin? The design for this round is worse than I remembered. I fully understand now why I quit watching TAR until TAR 20 after this episode aired.
Nothing makes sense. I know this world cannot function without a few idiots in the mix, but did all of them need to be working on the design for The Amazing Race 15?
Every decision they made needs to be followed by a chorus of “Why?!”
Why did they need to eliminate the first team at the starting line?
Why did we need a task at the starting line? What does searching for license plates have to do with the city of Los Angeles or Tokyo?
Why not let teams drive to LAX and determine their own order for flights?
Why do a task at the starting line when you can only do two tasks in Japan?
When the starting line task is essentially in a studio, why did we need the Tokyo task to be in a studio too? What does a game show inside of a Japanese studio have to do with Japanese culture?
Why make it an equalizer at the Roadblock to negate any reason for putting teams on separate flights?
Why make it a randomized order of who eats the wasabi rolls rather than the order of when they arrived?
Why have those unique graphics that make it look like they are meant for a Nickelodeon or YTV game show?
Why have the pit stop immediately after the Roadblock?
Why couldn’t Maria & Tiffany keep track of their tourists?
Why have a non-elimination in a round where you eliminated somebody at the starting line? That is extraordinarily insulting to Eric & Lisa.
What a waste for an awesome location like Tokyo.
I will go on record to say that this is the worst leg design in the history of The Amazing Race. It was awful from start to finish.
P.S. Not only did Eric & Lisa skip out on Elimination Station, but they also refused to be at the Finish Line. It was their stance against putting up with this awful twist which prevented it from appearing ever again.
Rank the Teams
1) Eric & Lisa
Perhaps the only team from California this season that may have been cast as mactors, but had a worthy enough personality that you can understand why they have been cast.
You can see they thought being eliminated was as dumb as we all assessed it to be too.
I can only imagine how they watched from home seeing teams get approved by luck alone. . .and see a team be saved by non-elimination in the very first round.
If only they could have been numero freakin’ uno. They join Bilal & Sa’eed in the Super Duper Screwed teams in TAR history. Both teams would have been interesting to see go further, and both were robbed of a journey they worked so hard for.
2) Marcy & Ron
Not as great as the potential of Eric & Lisa, but heck, a monkey could get a higher ranking than Garrett & Jessica at this point.
Editors did not pay much attention to them. Ron was bald and Marcy was fearless for round one. In round two they were ignored. In round three we learned Marcy’s dad was a Vietnam vet. And considering they were eliminated at the site of where the Vietnam War ended, their elimination was practically tailor made. A bit spooky considering this will be the third of only four visits in twenty-two seasons of TAR, and the only one to go to the Reunification Palace.
Marcy was funky and fun. You can tell she is wound up with high energy. Ron’s face never recovered from being slapped with the clue. I also love how Ron ignored her ninety-nine percent of the time.
They were not long for the race given they finished really low in rounds one and two. The whistle did not help them.
Why they chose to do a really tough Detour (Word Play) while all other nine teams chose the other one (Child’s Play) is beyond me. The route info for Word Play had to be three times as long.
But hey, as long as they had a great bald time, right? Ron’s old cap should be proud.
3) Garrett & Jessica
That’s what you would be saying if it were not for my blog. I tried my best to make Garrett & Jessica entertaining for you. The most electrifying team in reality entertainment, Jessica as Colombiana, and Garrett’s Undertaker eyes.
They could not be a more boring team. Okay, maybe not as boring as Kris & Jon from The Amazing Race 14. . .wait, is that their real names? Ah, fudge it.
If I were a producer, these two would never be cast. Garrett sucks the energy out of a confessional. Jessica is not a great speaker either. If I was the person interviewing them in casting and after both pit stops, I would question my reason for living. I would beg to interview any other team.
Heck, I would beg to interview a blade of grass. I would hate to know who was the 13th team cut in favour of Garrett & Jessica to be on the show.
Garrett proposes to Jessica at Elimination Station. You can tell how healthy that marriage turned out.
In any event, you’re welcome, Garrett & Jessica. Because if it were not for me, nobody on the planet would remember you on The Amazing Race.