The Amazing Race Asia 3 episode 3 ranking

Episode three ranking

“Long Hue Home”

COUNTRIES VISITED

THAILAND – VIETNAM – TAIWAN – CHINA – INDIA – OMAN

vietnam isaac william 4

nephrite

Even though William was clearly under the influence of Nephrite from the Negaverse, he still failed his mission. I wonder whatever happened to William?

queen beryl

Oh. I fear William is no longer with us. Maybe the Sailor Scouts can recover him some day.

In any event, we must move on!

– Alright, let’s recap what happened in the previous round. But first. . .

asia ads

Isn’t that the most random group of ads you have ever seen for The Amazing Race? I should note that MSN has been out of existence for nearly two years. Who knew I would feel nostalgic for an online messenging service that I used during elementary and high school.

Previously on TAR: Nine teams set out from Chiang Mai, Thailand. At the Roadblock, Geoff 26 could not dodge the paintball snipers. Ida & Tania were the first team to arrive in Ho Chi Minh City, but did not search the flower market hard enough for their clue. Meanwhile Mai & Oliver, the Korean Brothers, and the Beauty Queens were left at Bangkok.

At the Detour the following day, Geoff 26 & Tisha 31, and Ida & Tania failed to move fruit on the Mekong.

donkey kong

Me Kong? I am Kong!

But at the Chicken Detour Henry & Bernie faced their own challenges.

When they finally arrived in Vietnam, Natalie continued to struggle. The charity drive affected different teams in different ways. Henry & Bernie were first to the pit stop. Isaac & William struggled to catch chickens in the dark and were last to the pit stop. Eight teams remain; who will be eliminated next?

– Intro time. You know, that thing where you get to see all ten teams and several locations from around the world.

tar 24 intro

Something that TAR 24 thinks only needs to be done in the season premiere. Sigh.

– Allan introduces us to Ho Chi Minh City. It is the commercial capital of Vietnam. We are introduced to the City Museum too.

– Henry & Bernie, who were the first to arrive at 5:00pm, will depart at 5:00am. They read they must travel by bus to Hue, Vietnam. It is a journey that is one thousand kilometres and will take twenty-five hours to complete.

Wow. They are copying the Vietnam visit in TAR 3. They went to Ho Chi Minh City in round eleven.

teri ian celebrate first place finish

Most remembered for this. . .

gerard fail

And this.

Then in round twelve they went to Hue. Which was most remembered for. . .

flo not getting on train

That.

In fact they had to travel by train from Ho Chi Minh City to Hue. My guess is that the accommodations were slightly better compared to what these teams will experience on the bus.

– Once in Hue, they must search the bus station for their next clue.

– Bernie says she is mentally strong but has never been pushed this physically in her life. Just imagine how Fuzzie feels right now. Henry’s jaw dropped when he hears it is a twenty-five hour ride as opposed to twenty-five minutes.

– A.D. & Fuzzie begin in second at 5:35am. Fuzzie knows they can do better. A.D. believes they second guess themselves too much. They are also met with the twenty five hour travel.

– Sam & Vince are third at 5:40am. They say their friendliness with locals is what helps make up for their lack of skill. They both repeatedly pronounce the ‘H’ in ‘Hue’.

hue vince sam

cool whip

In other news, Sam & Vince would really like some Cool Hwip.

– Niroo & Kapil begin at 6:02am in fourth. Kapil makes a race analogy that involves baseball. I thought they only played Cricket in India. Isn’t the biggest professional Cricket league based out of India? They are at the ticket counter in front of a green sign. The sign reflects onto Kapil and makes him look like the Incredible Delhi Hulk.

hue niroo kapil

You won’t like it when he is parked too far away from a gas tank.

– The first bus drives away with Henry & Bernie and Niroo & Kapil. Somehow Kapil leapfrogged ahead. How uncomfortable is this bus?

hue henry bernie

fat joe

Racers don’t dance they just pull up their pants and lean back. . . lean back. . .lean back. . .

kevin hart

This is where Kevin Hart got his start? Fat Joe’s Lean Back music video back in 2004? Really? I thought it was Chris Tucker in this music video after all these years. Remember before 2012 when nobody knew the name Kevin Hart?

hue ad fuzzie

A.D. wants more than 48% of a seat for the bus ride. This is why you should not have Fuzzie as a teammate. She says people are smoking on the bus.

– They start loading up the bus with boxes next to Henry.

hue henry

HENRY: I’ve got three sacks of washing powder, a box of multi-vitamins, and shop is open!

-Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 commence at 6:31am. They are fifth. There is an annoying beeping sound in the background. Production’s cell phone going off? Geoff 26 -knows- they are a good team.

BUS #1

HENRY & BERNIE
NIROO & KAPIL

BUS #2

A.D. & FUZZIE
VINCE & SAM
GEOFF 26 & TISHA 31

– Bernie’s voice vibrates as she says it is a bone-shaker of a bus and is not intentionally quivering her voice. A ton of supplies on the second bus too.

– 7:08am. Time for Ida & Tania to start in sixth. They both express how much they are enjoying their experience. Their reaction to the bus ride is hilarious.

hue ida tania

“Did she just say what I think she–”

hue ida tania 2

“Scratch what we just said earlier and reverse it.”

hue ida tania 3

Oh no.

– TANIA (to lady): One dayyyyyy??!!

BUS #3

IDA & TANIA

The only way this could have been more torturous is if Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 were on the bus with them.

– You know that psychology experiment where they put you in the waiting room and tell you “it is just going to be a bit longer before the experiment occurs”, but they keep telling you this every ten minutes to see how long it is before you lose your mind?

hue niroo kapil 2

hue niroo kapil 3

hue niroo kapil 4

Look at the fear in Kapil’s eyes. This is great.

– Niroo disagrees that it could be a long journey.

hue niroo kapil 5

hue niroo kapil 6

Yeah, Niroo’s English is not perfect.

alaska donald

I do wonder why he is wearing the Donald inspired green bandana though.

– Kapil tells us that the notion they travel on buses with chickens and no ‘air con’ (Ann Tan’s way of saying air conditioning too) is completely false.

NIROO: Mama mia!

hue niroo kapil 7

He says it in such a playful voice like it is bound to be good news.

hue niroo kapil 8

Look at Kapil’s reaction. He has a bit of a pause before saying a four letter word that rhymes with tuck.

– The buses make their first stop. How much further to go?

hue bus

Twelve kilometres? We’ll be there in no time!

– It is a visibly bumpy ride as the teams rock back and forth in their seat while asleep. Henry is reading a newspaper. Bernie is very comfortable.

hue bernie

Heaven.

– Pailin & Natalie commence at 11:30am in seventh place. They are six and a half hours behind Henry & Bernie. Pailin thinks Natalie’s interpretation of her expectations were much different than what they would end up being. Natalie has her own separate confessional too where she expresses that she underestimated the level of toughness of the race and that for her being dirty is worse than anything.

– I have noticed something over the course of the TAR Asia seasons, but now I can finally confirm it.

hue vince sam 2

What a lovely rhino.

hue pailin natalie

Did the rhino become vicious and force teams to open the clue thirty feet away as lunch time approaches?

That’s right. They never have a pit stop/start mat that we have seen in every episode of the American franchise. Even in TAR 3 and other seasons where they travel by ferry to another city they still have a mat that all teams must check out from.

In TAR Asia it is like they are given a fifty foot radius and can check out anywhere they please inside of the zone. I do not get why there is such a lack of precision in a race that has 100, 000 dollars on the line.

– Mai & Oliver depart last at 11:38am.

MAI: Travel by bus to Hue, Vietnam.
OLIVER: Travel by bus. So it has to be bus.
MAI: It has to be bus.

hue mai oliver

– Then they launch into a confessional.

MAI: It is a roller coaster. Up and down–
OLIVER: Up and dow–
MAI: Up and down.
OLIVER: Up and down.
MAI: Up and down.
OLIVER: I don’t know–
MAI: I don’t know what’s going to happen.
OLIVER: We’re still–
MAI: We’re still in the game.

hue mai oliver 2

Wow. I think the sound guy needs to switch out their mic packs because it has been a brutal echo so far this round.

– Oliver exclaims when he sees the bus saying it looks like a “s— bus!”. Natalie is seen hanging out at a window seat.

PAILIN: So it’s ten now. We get there at five?

Ohohohoho. Whatever you do don’t tell Natalie what the real length is going to be.

hue natalie

Because I don’t think she will continue on in the race if she is told upfront.

BUS #4

PAILIN & NATALIE
MAI & OLIVER

– Ida & Tania wonder if one of the other buses is cheaper and non-air-conditioned. Wow, Ida & Tania sound like they have the best bus.

– Henry & Bernie’s bus is pulled over. A huge nail punctured a tire. I wonder if 26 hours feels much different from a 25 hour journey.

hue henry 2

No Hue Out.

– Another bus breaks down, and the one that does makes viewers rather delighted.

hue tire

Who is driving these buses? Ken Duphiney and Rob Diaz?

hue pailin natalie 2

At least they’ll be there by six.

NATALIE: As if anything else could go wrong!

I cannot wait to see Natalie in eighteen hours.

hue bus 2

I love that even the animals look lazy right now. That bus is not being fixed anytime soon.

– Natalie talks about this being the worst thing ever as the camera operator is even lazy with his camera work as he sits down on the road.

hue camera

The camera operator doing a half-assed job.

– NATALIE: The honking. I can’t sleep.

– Bus #2 passes by bus #1. Bernie somehow identifies that they have air conditioning. Niroo prays to the Hindi gods.

hue niroo

Remember me? I played the uncle in Life of Pi?

– Mai and Natalie both complain about the safety of the repaired bus.

hue pailin natalie 3

Would you like to wait ten hours before a master bus repairperson is able to come out to the middle of a Vietnamese highway?

hue bus 3

Although I can understand their concern.

– Night time now. Teams somehow find a way to sleep on the bus.

hue henry 3

Sleeping Henry is my favourite.

– Morning now. The teams discuss the strong will needed to make it to Hue. If Natalie had known it would be a 24 hour ride, she said she would have freaked out instantly. Mai is annoyed that they are still on the bus.

– Hue time. Henry & Bernie have the clue. They must make their Hue on foot to the local Caltex facility.

hue caltex

Open sesame!

hue caltex 2

Whoa, that actually worked.

– Niroo & Kapil sound exhausted as they read the clue.

– Second bus gets into Hue. Ida reads the clue.

IDA: Good. . .Morning. . .Vietnam!

– They show up to the route marker. After traveling by bus for 25 hours it should be time to race for the day rather than sitting down and doing nothing.

hue hours of operation

I believe that is Caltex’s way of saying “F— you!”

– It is just after six in the morning. The third bus gets in. A.D. & Fuzzie, Vince & Sam, and Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 all walk together. They boost up Tisha 31 to spy on the facility.

hue boost

“You’re not gonna believe it, but there are lots of trucks and fuel over the fence. . .”

– The final bus gets in. I suppose the teams that departed six hours ahead had to wait a few hours for their buses. Otherwise this does not make sense. Mai & Oliver and Natalie groan and moan when they enter Hue.

OLIVER: S—tiest moment of my life.
NATALIE: I don’t want to do this anymore.
OLIVER (reading clue): ‘Welcome to Hue’, yeah right.
NATALIE: I didn’t sleep for the entire 23 hours.
OLIVER: Bulls—. They did sleep. I saw them.

– Pailin hands the clue over to a man at work. There is one problem however. . .

hue clue

He may or may not have a tough time reading the clue.

– Vince relays all of Natalie’s complaints to the other teams waiting for Caltex to open.

GEOFF 26: This is soooo not top model, let’s go.

– Natalie does not think this could be any worse.

– Commercial break.

– We return. Mai & Oliver said they walked for an hour, but discover along with Pailin & Natalie that they were “pretty retarded” (Oliver’s words) that they have to walk back the way they came.

– It is 9:30am. The facility opens up.

IDA: Open! Sesame!

F— you for stealing my joke, bitch.

hue clue 2

That clue box is such a tease. It was ten feet away from them for three hours but forced everybody to wait. Such a diva.

– They read they must choose a marked Jeep with a driver. They must then replace the tires and change the oil. Once that is done they can  receive their next clue.

hue henry bernie 2

Well, Henry & Bernie and Niroo & Kapil should have an advantage considering their bus is breaking down. I am sure Natalie will love the idea of changing a car’s tires and its oil after complaining for two rounds about being dirty.

hue oil

Havoline–the official car oil for The Amazing Race Asia!

– Mai & Oliver and Pailin & Natalie are still on the streets. Natalie takes her insults of the locals to the next level.

NATALIE: This f—er told me it’s that way. Retard.

hue insult

Miss Universe, ladies and gentlemen!

hue shadow

I am glad he is in the shadows. Otherwise his television legacy would be known as “The Retarded Man” in the reality TV industry.

– While repairing the cars, the camera operator decides to do an embarrassing shot of Kapil.

hue kapil

Zoom out.

hue kapil 2

Zoom in.

– Ida & Tania accidentally headbutt when they approach the front of the car simultaneously. Tania says her and Ida both have four-wheel drives but do not have an idea how to change anything.  Everyone is on the oil portion. Niroo & Kapil brag about how they are experienced with needing to fix their own cars back home.

hue kapil 3

Faulty Delhi Automotives finally pays off in big ways!

– A.D. is still adjusting the tire. He looks like he is on the verge of breaking the crowbar. He is cranking it really hard.

hue crowbar

The only person who can crank that crowbar harder.

soulja boy

Now watch me you Crank That Crowbar. . .

– NATALIE: How dense we are? We are so dense. Shoot me for we are being so retarded.

There is no way that would air on TV in 2014.

– They find the place but say that teams would have just started. Sounds like they are no more than fifteen to twenty behind.

– Vince & Sam are first to finish. They read to travel in their Jeep to the Khai Dinh Tomb and search for their next clue. Hence why they have a driver.

– Mai admits she has no clue what to do with cars other than drive them.

– Pailin & Natalie begin. Pailin needs help lifting a tire. I am not joking when I say that Natalie puts ZERO effort into lifting. No exhaling, no struggle, nothing. The tire does not budge an inch.

hue pailin natalie 4

The amount of strength put into the lift is equivalent to that of this still image.

PAILIN: Try a little bit–we’re never gonna leave here if you don’t try.
NATALIE: Then I guess we’re going to die here. I can’t lift it.
PAILIN: I can’t lift it by myself. We’re never gonna–
NATALIE: Good.
PAILIN: C’mon. Please.

hue natalie 2

Nope. Gonna stand here and read the ideas for my 50 Shades of Grey fanfic.

– Mai is actually helping Oliver whenever he tells her to do something.

– Niroo & Kapil finish the task in second. Natalie is repulsed by the tire appearing to look like it is covered in oil. She tries lifting it but drops it right away as she hisses in pain because of her finger.

PAILIN: Fine. Fine. I’ll lift it.

How small is Pailin?

hue pailin

That it takes every ounce of fibre in anorexic-ridden body to lift up that tire.

– Kapil insists that the driver needs to go faster. Vince & Sam pull over for directions. Henry & Bernie are done in third. Oliver says he has a car that he modifies at home.

– Bernie yells at Henry because he thought he would drive before receiving the clue. Fuzzie tells us he will never change the tire in the car.

hue ad fuzzie 2

Fuzzie wears an amusing shirt.

hue ad fuzzie 3

Either he changed oil in the car or now found out that eating chocolate donuts on a hot summer day is not a good idea.

– Ida & Tania finish the task in fourth.

TANIA: Go-go-go.
IDA: Fast-fast-fast. Don’t say go. They get confused and go slow, remember?

You know what’s funny? Niroo & Kapil are furious their driver has gone slow but have been telling him to ‘go-go-go-go’ as well.

hue ida tania 4

Tania sticks her tongue out at you.

– Geoff 26 spills some oil underneath the car.

hue geoff

He should work on BP’s Gulf Coast offshore oil platforms.

– Pailin is screwing in the bolds with a wrench. She calls Natalie over to watch her technique. Natalie says she is screwing in the bolts with an equally effective technique.

hue pailin 2

What could be a better technique than this?

hue natalie 3

Manually screwing in each bolt with two of your fingers.

– Oliver curses multiple times about the heat of the crowbar, the wrench, and the car. Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 finish in fifth as Geoff 26 retrieves the clue in an impressive manner.

hue geoff tisha

“Look ma! No hands!”

Yes, Geoff 26. We are very impressed.

– A.D. & Fuzzie are the last all-male team to finish the task in sixth place. Geoff 26 asks a local where to go. The Jeep however is beginning to slowly drive. Geoff 26 calls out for the Jeep to stop as he GRABS the guy’s shirt. Eventually Geoff 26 has to let go to ensure he does not drag the local behind the car.

hue local

“You know where to go?”

hue local 2

“Well you’re coming with me!”

– Fuzzie says it is awesome that they did another thing that neither of them knew how to do. He does not care if they come last or second-to-last. Tisha 31 finally lashes out at Geoff 26 for trying to tow a Hue man behind the Jeep.

TISHA 31: Calm, cool, collected.

The three C’s of Character on The Amazing Race. She sounds like a freakin’ second grade school teacher when coming up with those three C’s.

– Speaking of school teachers, we switch over to Vince & Sam. Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 jump out to ask a local. He responds in English as he points the way. Geoff 26 commands him to bring it to the driver.

GEOFF 26: Bring it to the driver.
LOCAL: Okay.
TISHA 31: We have to go fast.
GEOFF 26: Ming ming ming ming ming ming.

I have a feeling that is not a word in any language.

hue local 3

He looks a lot like Bruce Kanegai from Survivor: Exile Island minus the strained face when he is in the can.

– The man leads Geoff 26 & Tisha 31’s Jeep as he is out in front in his motorcycle.

– Pailin & Natalie open the front of the Jeep.

NATALIE: Do you know where the engine is? Cause I don’t.

I am in disbelief. I think. . .I mean. . .you’re not gonna believe me when I say this but. . .

hue pailin natalie 5

But Natalie may be the first adult I have ever encountered that knows less about cars than I do.

– Mai & Oliver finish the task in seventh. Henry & Bernie’s Jeep breaks down. He asks the driver if they can help push. Suddenly it works. They are passed by Ida & Tania, but they overtake them in a couple of seconds. Both teams are in great spirits as they wave at each other with smiles.

hue jeep

Ida & Tania in the lead.

hue jeep 2

Ida & Tania not in the lead.

– GEOFF 26: I think we rub off on other people but we don’t rub off on each other.

No one wants to hear about your sex life.

– Ida tells Tania that she thinks Tisha 31 is sweet. Tania feels sorry for her too.

Yep. Tisha 31 is definitely the goddess of the team who is stuck with the big bad wolf.

TISHA 31: I just want to f—ing beat those b—-es.
GEOFF 26: Which b—-es are you talking about?
TISHA 31: There’s only two b—-es on the race together.

Best editing cut ever.

– Geoff 26 pulls out a random blue poncho. Tisha 31 asks who it belongs to. Geoff 26 rubs his oily hands on it before putting it on. Tisha 31 thinks they should give it back.

hue scarf

Give back this blue poncho or tarp looking thing?

hue geoff tisha 2

Ah. It is my favourite fairy tale character. This is Little Blue Riding Jackass.

– Pailin finishes the task in last place. Natalie never finished it but just trails behind Pailin. Pailin commends the driver for being friendly and high fives him.

hue pailin 3

“Will you be my teammate?”

– Pailin & Natalie ride in the Jeep. Natalie looks at herself in a small mirror.

hue pailin natalie 6

NATALIE: Ooooo, attractive. Sweaty.

I thought models ‘glisten’ instead of ‘sweat’? And don’t you know that men prefer women who like to be out in the sun getting all hot and sweaty? No way they want you in an air-conditioned car. That is why they want you frying in a Jeep.

pussycat dolls

It is known as the Pussycat Dolls strategy.

– Niroo & Kapil are first to the Roadblock. Odd to see them in the lead.

KAPIL: Who’s in line for a King’s Ransom?

bob dawg

Woo woo!

hue allan wu

Allan’s muscle tone is on full display for the third episode in a row. By season four he will be in tightie whities just to get attention.

lisi linares

And hopefully not in a Lisi Linares way. Even though Fiji is one of my top five favourite seasons of all time, I put off listening to this for five years.
.
.
.
.
And now I realize I could have waited another five, ten, or even fifty years without listening to this.

Here it is for anyone who wants to be exposed to anything that they will remember for the rest of their lives.

Yep. You regretted it.

– The person who does the Roadblock must travel by Jeep to the tomb of Emperor Minh Mang. There they must collect seven coins that represent the seven emperors of the Nguyen Dynasty. Shockingly my knowledge of Vietnamese last names made me spell ‘Nguyen’ on the first try just by hearing Allan say it aloud.

– Once they have the seven coins they must return to Khai Dinh’s tomb where they will receive further instructions.

hue duc duc

That’s right, folks. The game Duck, Duck, Goose originated from Emperor Duc Duc during his reign in the peak of the Nguyen Dynasty. It was called Duc Duc Noose where the person picked had to run away to avoid being hung from a noose in front of Duc Duc’s castle where he consolidated his power.

– Allan said that without a little bit of good fortune, teams will find scouring the 28 hectare ancient grounds could prove to be a truly exhausting experience.

hue allan wu 2

Allan’s attempt to measure the amount of good fortune teams will need to complete the task.

– Niroo is doing the Roadblock. Vince is next to volunteer for it. Ida and Henry show up next. Henry even takes Ida’s hand and leads her down the steps.

hue henry ida

“Off to our tomb, my lady?”

– Vince says it will be a lot like Indiana Jones as he starts humming the Indiana Jones theme loudly. Fuzzie makes fun of Geoff 26’s alpha male nature. The car stops. A.D. & Fuzzie struggle to get out of the car.

hue fuzzie

Fuzzie stuck in a Jeep? If that is not a sign for Fuzzie to get into shape, I don’t know what is. It is not like he is stuck in a Nissan Micra.

– Geoff 26 instructs Tisha 31 to do the Rocky Balboa with him.

hue geoff tisha 3

rocky balboa

Yeah. Geoff 26 does not quite fit the Rocky mould.

– Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 open up the clue. Tisha 31 reads the hint. You know what Geoff 26’s solution is to decide who will do the task?

hue geoff tisha 4

To rock-paper-scissors for it once again! Is that his solution for everything?

TISHA 31: It’s water.
GEOFF 26: We’ve got no time. I’ll start shaking my hand.

Ooooo. So scared.

– Commercial break.

– We return. Geoff 26 finally agrees to do it. He shakes his head as Tisha 31 reads it has nothing to do with water. She apologizes. A.D. is doing the Roadblock. The players not doing it are all hanging together. Tania tells Tisha 31 to hide around the corner.

hue fight

hue fight 2

hue fight 3

hue fight 4

hue fight 5

– Bernie and Tania are both explaining to Tisha 31 his actions.

BERNIE: We tried to work together with him but he said “are you f—ing trying to get us killed”?

Heh, I remember that one.

– Tisha 31 explains to us that strangers are not used to Geoff 26’s antics and what he is -really- like.

hue geoff tisha 5

Geoff 26 appears to want to murder them all for bad-mouthing him.

hue geoff tisha 6

Or is really bored to the point he is counting the dots on the ceiling. . .even though they are outside.

– Geoff 26 drops another rap lyric.

GEOFF 26: We’re gonna knock this out of the park baby like Babe Ruth.

hue geoff 2

Marc & Rovilson taught him that sports reference.

– Mai & Oliver show up.

OLIVER: Who is in line for a king–
MAI: Not me.
OLIVER: . . .Ransom?
MAI: Ransom is like suicidal.
OLIVER: . . .No.

hue mai oliver 3

rotorua french born aurelia chenat 8

She knows the French word for ‘ransom’. Will that help?

– Oliver volunteers. He says ‘hi’ in a high-pitched squeally voice to the driver. So creepy.

– The players are now searching the whole freakin’ area. Henry and Vince are working together. A.D. poses as he enters a gateway.

hue ad

If Fuzzie did that he could not even fit through the gateway.

– Geoff 26 tells himself that it is the worst Roadblock for him to do. Henry and Vince write down the emperor names. They are all around roughly the same spot. Pailin & Natalie have the clue in last place. Natalie volunteers for it. I did not expect that.

– Geoff 26 is really excited when he starts finding the coins. He realizes it was stupid for him not to write down the name of each coin. Vince is now helping Oliver when he shows up.

I guess all six teams are against Oliver.

– Henry’s Jeep is stuck as he gets two locals to help him push. Geoff 26 yells at the driver to go faster which translates to ‘Ming ming ming ming ming ming’.

– Ida is first to receive further instructions. They must now place the coins in the order of the reign of each emperor. Once they do they will receive their next clue. If they are incorrect, they may return to the original tomb to receive the correct order.

I believe this is the first and perhaps only two-part Roadblock in TAR history.

– Niroo and Vince are now working on putting the coins in order. We cut to Geoff 26 obnoxiously yelling ‘ding/ming ding ding ding ding’ in the Jeep.

hue geoff 3

“Okay. . .maybe my boyfriend is loud and rude.”

– Niroo exhales loudly.

hue roadblock

Uh oh. Is Niroo falling asleep?

– HENRY: So he’s number two and you’re number three. . .yes Henry, you rock.

– Niroo pulls out a Mama Mia as he fails. On his next try the man nods and Niroo holds out his hand for the clue but the man quickly shakes his head. Wow, that judge is a jerk.

hue man

This guy really likes to taunt and egg on the racers. I mean, he NODDED when Niroo asked if he had it right then followed it up with ‘no’.

dj

“You know you know you’re baaaad”.

– Henry promises the other teams that he will show them the answer when he gets it in a minute. He seems certain of the answer. The judge approves. Everybody stands around waiting for Henry to tell them. He says he will tell Vince first because he helped him the most with this task. Then Henry disappears.

NIROO: Henry, you promised you’d help me!
HENRY: He’s got it!
(HENRY runs away.)

hue roadblock 2

Niroo being angry is my favourite part of each episode. I love that he just puts his hands on his hips as if Henry is disrespecting his elders. Although Henry’s impression of Niroo was even better.

– Henry & Bernie read that it is a Detour. Allan explains that it is Sticks or Stalks.

hue allan wu 3

Does Allan have a Wufe Beater in every colour?

– In Sticks, teams must make ten incense sticks using only the incense paste and the materials provided.

ALLAN: Teams lacking the necessary skills and nimble fingers may find themselves incensed.

Ha!

– In Stalks, teams must thresh rice stalks to fill two rice baskets in order to receive their next clue.

ALLAN: Threshing rice the old fashioned is a gruelling task that may push teams to their mental and physical threshold.

Ha!

hue allan wu 4

Allan Wu’s puns have actually gained a following!

– Henry & Bernie push their Jeep again to give it a running start before jumping in. We now see several shots of the statues at the tomb.

hue statue

I never knew Niroo was a former Vietnamese emperor.

– Niroo now asks Ida for help. He sounds like he is going to die any minute. Instead Ida helps A.D. Niroo asks Geoff 26 for help. Geoff 26 tells him to go away so he can concentrate. Niroo makes it out as if everyone is driving him and letting him die after being stabbed in the middle of an intersection.

– Vince is told his answer is incorrect. He blames it on the heat for the dumb mistake. Geoff 26 says the day of birth and death can screw with them. Ida is also rejected. Geoff 26 too. And again. He has fun with the judge though by pushing him to move faster and miming a punch. Every team is rejected.

– Henry & Bernie are already at the Detour. They are doing Sticks. Geoff 26 is rejected. So is Oliver. A.D. is approved. And Vince. Ida is not.

– A.D. & Fuzzie choose to do Sticks. So does Vince & Sam. A.D. helped Ida and hopes Ida did not accidentally mix it up. Geoff 26 is done.

TISHA 31: I like entering the Jeep through the back way. Oh there’s a door.

A door? Since when do cars have doors?!

hue tisha

I can’t imagine Fuzzie entering through the back way.

– I guess none of the four teams want to do the rice task because they already had to make rice the old fashioned way just two episode ago.

Seriously. Two Detours involving old school rice crushing techniques in the first three episodes. Whoever thought that would happen?

– Ida is turned down. She makes a swap and is approved. Ida apologizes to Tania but Tania still congratulates her. Niroo is still at the Roadblock as he goes back to look at the emperors again. Natalie is rejected a couple of times and wishes to throw up.

– Only Natalie, Niroo, and Oliver remain. Niroo can never do well at a task on his own. Natalie is rejected and is preparing to vomit but does not want to do so because it is a sacred site.

hue natalie 4

Natalie falling gravely ill at a tomb.

– Natalie and Oliver continue to struggle. They are trying -really- hard to find the answer.

hue natalie 5

Let’s just sit here and look away from the board!

hue oliver

And I am just going to cover my face with this sheet of paper for no reason at all.

– Commercial break.

– We return. Natalie tells Pailin that she has to go back and look at the emperor’s names if they want to have any hope of solving it. The heat must be brutal because everybody sounds winded and cranky. Every team is struggling with the Sticks Detour.

hue oliver 2

Oliver found a fifty centimetre zone of shade that he is using to finish out the task. Natalie did not even run into the Jeep.

– Fuzzie groans when he exits the Jeep at the Detour. Funny. He gives up out of frustration in seconds. All five teams are there right now. Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 switch to the rice task instantly. Vince knows it is difficult but achievable.

– You would think that doing the rice task would be easy because they already practiced with the rice task in round one.

hue rice

crystal cox rice

Thresh Yo Rice.

– Henry & Bernie are done Sticks. They somehow keep their lead with the broken down Jeep. Henry reads that they must travel in their unreliable Jeep to Quoc Hoc Park and find a traditional Cyclo which will hold their next clue.

gerard fail

If only Ken & Gerard were on this season.

– Henry & Bernie’s Jeep is in worse shape than ever. Even though they repaired it at the start of the day, the driver has to lift up the hood and make some repairs.

hue jeep 3

Maybe they were approved to leave Caltex just a bit too early.

– They are stranded on the side of the road as the driver continues to make repairs. Tisha 31 discusses Geoff 26’s impatience as he tries ordering her to do threshing on his time and to thresh the rice in three slaps. None of that works. Geoff 26 is whipping the rice.

– Vince & Sam are done the Detour in second. Their Jeep is ready and appears to be about a minute ahead of Henry & Bernie’s pushed Jeep. Fuzzie makes fun of A.D. and A.D. tells him to shut up.

– The three teams are still at the Roadblock. Oliver is rejected but tries again seconds later. He is done. Natalie is casually walking around the tomb to check over the dates. Oliver enters the Jeep and informs Mai that he is dehydrated after uttering the loudest cheer ever heard. No wonder he is dehydrated. Mai ignores everything he says.

– Niroo has returned to make another slow attempt. Kapil tells him to take it easy as Niroo moves in slow motion. Niroo’s board is approved. Him and Kapil move down the steps as they pass Natalie.

NATALIE: Are Oliver and Mai still there?
KAPIL: No. They left.

– Natalie makes her new guess. I should note Niroo got it on his first try after re-checking the board. In fact it should be impossible to screw up because you are examining all seven dates after you have been told that this is the final task for the Roadblock. No surprises here.

– Natalie makes her guess and it is wrong. How in the world did she screw up? The “lonely in last place/Dieselgate” soundtrack plays.

hue natalie 6

– Natalie decides she is going to walk away from her board and sit in the shade.

hue natalie 7

moscow dallas 4

Dallas goes to sit in the shade too after getting the Lenin-Stalin puzzle wrong too.

charlie brown

– You know who I feel most bad for in this situation?

hue pailin 4

Her. She knew she should have done this Roadblock and likely would have passed Niroo at the very least. Natalie did not do one second of running during this Roadblock.

– A.D. & Fuzzie are done the Detour in third. Ida is convinced that Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 must have switched. Ida & Tania are done the Detour in fourth.

TISHA 31: Switching from the Detour was either a good idea or a bad idea.

. . .Yep.

– Henry & Bernie and Vince & Sam are still searching for the Cyclos. Ida & Tania and A.D. & Fuzzie are searching for it too. Every team has walked by the Cyclos several times because they want to look for a clue box.

hue cyclo

hue cyclo 2

hue cyclo 3

derek drew

What is it about cyclos that teams always miss?

– Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 are done the Detour too. Geoff 26 delays Tisha 31’s chance to read the clue because he wants to thresh once more just for kicks.

– Mai & Oliver show up to Sticks. Henry & Bernie pass by the Cyclos too. Ida & Tania enter a hut. They all try walking together.

SAM: It can’t be in a bike, right?
VINCE: Yeah they are!!!!!!

Heh, good eyes Vince.

– Vince calls over Ida & Tania and Henry & Bernie. They read that they must ride to the Hue Citadel in a Cyclo. The Hue Citadel is a world heritage site. A.D. drops a couple F-bombs when he sees the clue in the Cyclo.

– Henry and Vince are responsible for driving it. Fuzzie is driving it too as well as Tania. They are all screaming about not knowing how to brake.

hue cyclo 4

This could get dangerous quickly.

– Geoff 26 & Tisha 31 are now on the scene and see the Cyclos instantly.

GEOFF 26: One. Two. Three. Four. So we’re team number six.

Uhhhhhh. . .did I miss something?

hue geoff tisha 7

Phew. Thought I had to go back to preschool for a moment there. Good to know that Geoff 26 is just delusional from the heat.

hue geoff tisha 7

lou bega

“Ladies and gentlemen. . .mambo number six.
One, two, three, four, six,
Everybody in the car so c’mon let’s ride
To the liquor store around the cone
Cause the boys want to run and get some gin and juice
But Dave & Connor and I really don’t wanna
Have Luke busting beers like last week
I like Angela. . .

angie cookie

Pamela. . .

hungary pamela chong 4

Sandra. . .

sandra 2

And Rita

rita

And as I continue you know they’re getting sweeter

So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord

russell swan 2

To me flirting is just like a sport

parvati

Anything fly, it’s all good let me dump it

bob dawg

Please set in the trumpet

A little bit of Monica in my life

monica 1

A little bit of Erica by my side

erica

A little bit of Rita is all I need

rita

A little bit of Tina is what I see

tina

A little bit of Sandra in the sun

sandra 2

A little bit of Mary all night long

tracy

A little bit of Jessica here I am

jessica

A little bit of you makes me your man

hair

– Whoa. I really went on a tangent there. Tisha 31 wants him to slow down before he goes on the Cyclo. He snaps that he is going slowly and is not a blind person. She does not want to get used to his temper forever.

– We head back to Pailin & Natalie. It is shaded over. The heat is gone. She can finish this task no problem.

hue natalie 8

NATALIE: I would like to take a four hour penalty.

This is one of the simpler Roadblocks. It is not like you are far from finishing it. All you have to do now is match up the dates with your coins.  If you know the first five by heart all you have to do is swap the last two. We have only seen her make about four or five guesses over the past twenty minutes. I am sure she must have guessed more than that, but there is no sense of urgency or panic. She seems more relaxed than ever.

But that is not all. Her reason for taking the four hour penalty?

NATALIE: I know we’re last anyways so four hours penalty means four extra hours of sleep which I think I need at the moment.

And you will get to sleep for an eternity if you are eliminated this round.

You know what I think? I think Natalie intentionally wanted to do the Roadblock just so she could take the four hour penalty without looking like she was a quitter and threw in the towel. Simply cite that you are too far behind and you get to save face during your exit.

– Pailin & Natalie choose to do the Sticks task.

PAILIN: You’re so awesome!
NATALIE: I didn’t finish.
PAILIN: Oh.
NATALIE: I took the four hour penalty.
PAILIN: Oh.
NATALIE: I can’t go back there one more time. I am already seeing stars, have a headache, and am ready to throw up. I feel sorry if you feel I let you down.
PAILIN: No. You were out there for a while. You tried hard.

Oh my. I refuse to take Pailin’s last line as anything but a jab.

– AND HOLY CRAP! WHAT DID I MISS WHEN MAKING FUN OF NATALIE?!

hue henry bernie 3

“Need to finish first. . .”

hue henry bernie 4

“If we drive around them, we can win this round!”

hue henry bernie 5

“Where did this Jeep come from?!”

 

hue henry bernie 6

Note to self: There is bound to be a death when somebody on the team is named Henry.

hue henry bernie 7

– Commercial break.

– We resume to see the hilarity once again. Pailin & Natalie have a chance to survive this round if another team ends up cracking their skull on the pavement. A.D. is now pedalling but he needs Fuzzie to get out. I assume it is much heavier for A.D. than for Fuzzie to pedal.

– Every team is screaming at each other about the brakes. Sam lets Vince make decisions when Vince is angry. Fuzzie is too exhausted to pedal.

hue ad fuzzie 4

A four hour penalty may not be enough to finish behind a slow-walking Fuzzie.

– Niroo & Kapil show up to the Detour. Hopefully they do not know about Pailin & Natalie’s penalty to ensure that Niroo & Kapil will be in a panic to complete the Sticks task. Both of them are cursing. Kapil gives up his seat to Niroo out of frustration. Mai & Oliver finish the Detour in sixth.

– Kapil is snapping at Niroo who is struggling with Sticks. Niroo is finally getting it.

hue niroo kapil 9

I wonder if Kapil screaming in his ear really did help.

– Geoff 26 has troubles steering the Cyclo.

hue geoff tisha 8

hue geoff tisha 9

I love ninety degree turns without warning.

– Pailin & Natalie show up to the Detour. Only one team wanted to thresh rice.

– Ida & Tania, Henry & Bernie, and Vince & Sam all park/crash their Cyclos at the front of the citadel.

hue ida tania 5

Eh, it was the wall’s fault.

– The three teams are now running on the grounds. A.D. & Fuzzie is running too. There are a lot of stairs. A.D. & Fuzzie know they are just a couple hundred feet from the mat.

hue fuzzie 2

Not happening.

hue allan wu 5

Allan sporting some neat sunglasses with a woman who is not Paula Taylor.

– They all seem to be close together.

hue henry bernie 8

FIRST PLACE: HENRY & BERNIE

You know you’re a strong team when you can have an inoperable vehicle and crash in the middle of a busy Vietnamese bridge and still win the episode.

– Lots of heavy breathing and hugging ensue.

ALLAN: For winning this leg you two both seriously deserve to be shot!

hue allan wu 6

“You assholes crashed your Cyclo into my Jeep on the way to the pit stop, and did not even wait for the police to show up. I want my f—ing money, which you can enjoy handing over after the race.”

– Henry has the biggest expression of panic as he quickly ducks.

hue henry bernie 9

hue henry bernie 10

You take the bullet, Bernie!

hue camera 2

ALLAN: Kidding! It means each of you have won this Sony HD Handycam Cam Corder. You can shoot yourselves after the race!

hue allan wu 7

Wow. This pun is even a bit gruesome by Wu’s standards.

hue mai oliver 3

“So. . .he means suicide?”

SECOND PLACE: VINCE & SAM

– They check in what appears to be seconds later.

THIRD PLACE: IDA & TANIA

– They are seconds after Vince & Sam.

– A.D. & Fuzzie slowwwwly stroll onto the mat.

FOURTH PLACE: A.D. & FUZZIE

Fuzzie says the day was more than what he could take but is not giving up yet. He repeats that it is insane and torture.

– Mai & Oliver show up to the Cyclo and find it quickly too. Mai and Tisha 31 are both yelling at locals to stay out of their way. Niroo & Kapil finish the Detour. So do Pailin & Natalie.

– Mai attempts to pedal the Cyclo. Oliver refuses to believe that she can do it.

hue mai oliver 4

And as expected, he was right.

SIXTH–ER, FIFTH PLACE: GEOFF 26 & TISHA 31

– Very Film Noir style music plays when they step onto the mat. Geoff 26 never thought it would be this hard as he is drained of all energy. He even starts crying in front of the camera.

SIXTH PLACE: MAI & OLIVER

– Niroo & Kapil show up to the Cyclo. Pailin & Natalie see it but Niroo & Kapil are no longer on the screen. Napil & Kapil are arguing in English as Kapil crashes it. I have to go back and rewind it.

NIROO: What are you doing?
(WOMAN screams when nearly hit.)
KAPIL: Don’t screm at them. Don’t scream at them. They don’t even speak English.

hue niroo kapil 11

hue niroo kapil 10

Close call.

hue niroo kapil 12

NIROO: See that is what I am telling you. You’re not looking very well.
KAPIL: But itt’s difficult! Drive me if you want! Don’t give me any commentary.
NIROO: You’re not listening to me and you are shouting at me.
KAPIL: Where is the brake?
NIROO: That is what I asked you. You’ve gotta know where is the brake.

– Pailin suffers a BRUTAL injury. Let’s see the replay.

hue pailin natalie 7

hue pailin natalie 8

I hope Pailin is flexible.

hue pailin natalie 9

peter sarah

I hope Pailin knows somebody who can make prosthetic legs.

hue pailin natalie 10

Yes, Natalie is laughing aloud because she cannot see behind her. Once she does she starts freaking out. Somebody finally shows them the brake on the Cyclo. Natalie takes over as Pailin comments that her foot is already turning purple.

– I wish that would have happened to Natalie. Niroo & Kapil and Pailin & Natalie are both of their Cyclos. They make it sound like a showdown even when Niroo & Kapil hit the mat.

SEVENTH PLACE: NIROO & KAPIL

– Pailin & Natalie hit the mat. Allan confirms their penalty.

LAST PLACE: PAILIN & NATALIE

Because this season has three non-eliminations instead of five, Pailin & Natalie are indeed eliminated.

NATALIE: We tried our hardest.
PAILIN: We did.

Uh, Pailin did. Natalie is halfway right.

– Their exit interview is eyeroll worthy too.

hue pailin natalie 11

NATALIE: Definitely surprised we were eliminated, but at the same time the suffering has ended for me.
PAILIN: A bit let down maybe because she told me she didn’t want to race anymore which was heartbreaking to me because I really wanna do it. It takes two people to do The Amazing Race.
NATALIE: Hopefully I won’t complain ever again.
PAILIN: Yeah, no more complaining.

hue pailin natalie 12

Yeah, that’s not happening.

Next Time on TAR: Teams hit the roads. For a challenge that will drive them over the edge. And an unprecedented crisis.

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

IDA.TANIA 2.2
VINCE.SAM 4.3
PAILIN.NATALIE 2.8
A.D..FUZZIE 3.3
HENRY.BERNIE 6.4
NIROO.KAPIL 2.4
GEOFF26.TISHA31 3.4
MAI.OLIVER 4.4

Team Averages

Bulls—
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A
— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0
11th Ari & Staella 11.0
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0
11th John & Scott 11.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 (Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race.)
10th Neena & Amit
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0
10th A Black Family 10.0
— F +–
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????)
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
10th Kate & Pat 9.0
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 – Yielded
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 – Sucked.
9th Isaac & William 7.5
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Aiello Family 7.0
8th Singaporean Sophie & French Born Aurelia 7.0 (French Born Aurelia sadly does not know the English words for ‘team averages’. :/)
–D minus–
8th Tom & Terry 7.0
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0 R.I.P. Margaretta
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
9th Rogers Family 6.5
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Henry & Terri 6.44 Used Their Yield; Finished last on a non-elimination round THREE times. R.I.P. Henry.
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
9th Brett & Kinar 6.33
8th Pailin & Natalie 6.33
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF
–D+–
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
7th Daichi & Sawaka 5.83
7th Dave & Lori 5.83
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67 R.I.P. Nancy.
6th Gaghan Family 5.5
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF
–C minus–
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14
7th Ray & Deana – 5.0 FF
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 – Wah.
5th Fran & Barry 4.89
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83
7th Schroeder Family 4.75
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
5th Paula & Natasha 4.45
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
–B minus–
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
2nd Pamela & Vanessa 3.92
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield
4th Diane & Ann 3.75 – Yielded
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
–B+–
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25
1st TK & Rachel 3.18
4th Godlewski Family 3.18
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield
–A minus–
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 3.17
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF
4thToni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield
2nd Bransen Family 2.85
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
–BEST OF THE BEST–
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2 and Used Yield
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF and Yielded
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF and Used Yield
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31
1st Adrian & Collin 2.23 FF
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF
lol 3rd Marc & Rovilson 1.46 Used Yield and Yielded

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)

11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF
18 legs Danielle 4.78
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 None
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3!
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 None
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 None

* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.

Rank the Teams

1) Neena & Amit

A very likeable team. The last cousins to race on TAR were Charla & Mirna.
.
.
.
Yeah, those are impossible shoes to fill.

Neena & Amit were not shown much even in their one episode run. They were genuinely enjoying themselves, asked for directions as often as they could when their taxi was lost at the end, and they performed well at every task.

It really is just a case of a strong team going early due to multiple bad taxis.

I wish them nothing but the best.

2) Pailin & Natalie

Pailin & Natalie looked like they were going to be a tough team. They finished fourth on the first leg, and prided themselves upon being the Beauty Queens who could ear scorpions better than everyone else in the race.

They looked like they could be a more dominating version of Dustin & Kandice.

But episode two came along and we discover that only one of them had a desire to break the competitive model stereotype. Natalie was not disgusted by eating scorpions, but the idea of sleeping in an airport put her over the edge. From that moment onwards she had no desire to compete. The only reason she stuck it out is to not make herself look bad on television and because Pailin really wanted to play.

Somehow they pulled out a seventh place finish. Perhaps a night of sleep would change Natalie’s mood. That was not the case. Natalie was more determined to do nothing like Flo than ever. She never ran once more. She dropped slurs on the locals. She was disgusted with being dirty.

It was like my aunt was on The Amazing Race.

She went to the car repair task and made Pailin do 99% of the work. In fact she was sabotaging the challenge as she did not help Pailin lift a tire, and did not use a wrench to screw in the bolts. She used her freakin’ fingers. For some insane reason, she volunteered to do the Roadblock but appeared to quit after putting in little thought or effort. Natalie claimed she was going to vomit but she never looked pale or sickly.

She took the four hour penalty to doom her and Pailin for good as they took their time to complete the last couple of tasks. Natalie may be the first racer in TAR history at that time to be happy that she was eliminated early. Rarely do you see someone be ecstatic that they do not have to be on the adventure of a lifetime anymore.

Sadly, we learned little of Pailin because much of the focus was on Natalie’s two-episode story arc of quitting.

In short, Pailin is very competitive and would do whatever it takes to win. Even lose a leg in a Cyclo.

Natalie may be the least competitive person ever. I think she went out of the race as if she has her head held high and better than everyone else around her, but in reality she comes off as being one of the weakest people to ever compete in franchise history.

So ends the misfortunate events of Pailin Rungratanasunthorn. Yep, that is her real last name.

3) Isaac & William

This team is viewed as having the most boring intro shot in franchise history. Kicking up a soccer ball. Not even a head turn.

Well, that translated to their personalities. After two episodes they had the least amount of screen caps of any team. For a team that is second out, it shows how little airtime they received in the first place.

They liked sports. They liked God. They do not like chickens. . .dayum! Okay, no Chicken Morris screencap necessary.

They also know that Ho Chi Minh City is located in Vietnam.

The first two teams ousted in this season are simultaneously the two nicest and most boring teams.

Well, Neena & Amit had far more personality. But man, Isaac & William never really gave us much. Becky Lee was also from South Korea, and she is considered to be Survivor’s most boring contestant ever.

Are there no big personalities in South Korea that can be cast on Survivor or TAR? I have a couple of Korean friends, and one of them knows every Dave Chappelle joke from heart. So I know entertaining Koreans are out there, but my goodness, how are they not being discovered by casting?

Rank the Legs

1) Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam -> Hue, Vietnam

The Amazing Race 24 episode 4 just finished airing when I blogged for this week. Oh my word. Comparing the two seasons is like night and day. TAR Asia 3 looks like a real season of TAR while TAR 24 has been designed for babies.

A brutal twenty-five hour bus ride opens up the episode. Most teams were crammed onto the bus without air conditioning. In Hue, they had to get down and dirty to repair a Jeep in the hot sun. Next they had to do a Roadblock that required lots of walking, focus, and concentration in the heat. The Detour was the easiest part of the episode as most teams were happy to sit down and do some artistry with incense.

But then came the Cyclos. Henry & Bernie’s crash may be one of the most brutal things I have ever seen. All that they needed to do was land wrong and they could have been medically evacuated. Other teams crashed too. Fun times.

No subjective tasks nor any video games integrated into the episode made for a brutal race course. Granted, far fewer tasks than the previous 90 minute episode that aired a week earlier, but the 25 hour bus ride and a full day spent in the heat appeared to zap everybody.

The round ends on an unusual note as Natalie repeatedly sabotaged her and Pailin on purpose to guarantee their elimination from the race. Other racers knew that Natalie had signed up for the wrong show. Her initial goal of breaking the supermodel Miss Universe stereotype instead solidified as Natalie declared the idea of traveling into third world countries and not staying at five-star hotels as being an experience for less than humans.

Yes, she can eat scorpions. But doing typical things that most people do when traveling or repairing their cars at home is something that she believes no human should experience. I doubt she has ever camped in her life.

Oh, and how can we forget Mai & Oliver repeating what the other person says? Niroo & Kapil arguing? Henry abandoning Niroo? And everyone hating Geoff 26’s antics? This was a great episode overall.

But yeah, if it weren’t for the Cyclos, the ending would have been dull. I am assuming this is why they did not announce Natalie’s penalty until only eight minutes of airtime remained.

2) Chiang Mai, Thailand -> Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

Depart in the middle of the night. Wait until a flying fox canopy tour opens.

Then go to a plantation. Dodge paintball snipers.

Then go to the airport. Fight for flights to Vietnam.

Then play a F-Zero knock-off where you may actually screw up and lose 90 seconds of time.

Then head to a flower stall where you may have to sleep outside until morning.

Then load up baskets of chickens or do an impossible rowing task before you switch to catching chickens and transporting them.

Then go to a post office to help out a charity for a couple of hours (or minutes if you were in Miss Universe).

Then head to a pit stop via the local zoo.

Include being transported by long bus rides for some of these tasks on top of that.

No wonder why this episode had to be hyper-extended. Even at the end the pit stop check-ins felt really rushed. Production wanted to induce vomiting in round one, but decided to drain teams of all energy by round two. The rests at the canopy tour and flower stall were just a few hours rather than a full night. No way teams slept for more than a couple hours during that 40-48 hour period.

By the end of this episode you had a really good sense for every team excluding Isaac & William who remained to be bland until their elimination. You understand why everyone hates Geoff 26. Ida & Tania are suddenly your favourites. Henry cries as much as Henry from last season. Natalie comes off as a super spoiled brat. Oliver may be the most serious and humourless person ever seen.

This episode did several things right. Although no one chose to do a rowing task because paddling without sleeping for 40 hours is impossible due to the amount of concentration required.

But what it did wrong irks me. Teams were assigned to different charities. Some of them you could be done in a matter of ten minutes while others looked like it took well over an hour. I like that TAR Asia regularly does charitable donations, but you have to keep in mind that it is a race. Teams know not to be big enough jerks to say “hurry the heck up” during this.

And did watching teams play System Rush Revolution urge anyone to buy a Nokia phone as soon as they watched the episode? Although it did lead to Geoff 26 showboating. So I guess it was worth something.

And how many paintball snipers were there? Did they roam or were they set in a fixed spot? Because some of the snipers could have gone rogue and just chased down the same player over and over again. I mean, it was not like the players could fire back and kill the sniper. They were defenseless. I wish production would reveal how they tried to make that task fair.

Other than that, I was shocked that a 68 minute running time did not drag at all.

3) Bangkok, Thailand -> Chiang Mai, Thailand

Thailand makes a rare appearance at this point in the TAR franchise. Only the fourth appearance total for a relatively safe country at the time.

Tuk-tuks may be the least flattering way to take teams to the starting line. Unless production will be going for a gritty and rough motif all season long, tuk-tuks go against the epic nature of TAR’s opening cinematography.

This has to be the most disgusting opening task to a season. It should be a difficult task halfway through a season. I find it odd that it is not only a food eating task, but results in half of the teams vomiting. I think Pailin & Natalie did so well because they had not eaten any food since the conclusion of the last pageant.

Then we were glued to the buses for half of the round. The idea was executed so poorly that after a complicated formula for departures, seven out of ten teams were on the last bus together. Neena & Amit finished fourth on the Buddha Search task but had to wait hours for the trailing teams.

The Detour was original. Well, not doing an eight kilometre ATV course. But putting together those rice balls had never been done before, and seemed brutal on your back and hands.

The shortened hose at the gas station was hilarious, and it was really bizarre to see a first place team preparing to quit on the first leg. That has to be one of the more unbelievable things I have ever seen.

“You just won five THOUSAND dollars!”
“F— your VISAS, we quit.”

So yeah, a really tough premiere compared to the wimpy premiere in TAR 24, and it provided more than enough entertainment.

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