SINGAPORE – PHILIPPINES – HONG KONG – NEW ZEALAND – JAPAN – SOUTH KOREA – GERMANY – CZECH REPUBLIC – HUNGARY – SOUTH AFRICA
Lil Kim–Experimenting with more freaky hair colours than an Asian video game character since 1993.
And welcome to the second episode of the TAR Asia blog!
Previously on TAR: Locating a taxi with a souvenir caused instant confusion. Daichi immediately faced his greatest fear and traversed between buildings that were one hundred eighty-one metres above the ground. It was where teams also discovered that they were heading to the Philippines. But not all teams made the same flight and some were left behind.
In a race through Manila, most struggled to eat a local delicacy. But locals Henry & Terri were right at home. Monica & Ed finished last but it was a non-elimination leg. Ten teams still remain, but who will first to be eliminated on The Amazing Race Asia?
– Intro time.
– Allan introduces us to the Philippines. For once we see a clip regarding the Philippines without the follow-up of a donation to the Red Cross. He talks about Fort Santiago for about .1 seconds. A neat 16th century fortress for the Spanish. You know, before Japanese and American occupation in the 20th century.
– Guess what? Phil Keoghan, who ditched questions altogether after TAR 13, has not influenced other hosts to do the same.
Allan’s Questions: Will Henry & Terri’s local knowledge help them catch up to the other teams? And can Edwin & Monica’s relationship withstand the pressures of the race, or will they continue to s— the bed?
– Vanessa & Pamela, who arrived first at 7:19pm, will depart at 7:19am.
What happened to them being Pamela & Vanessa? This has annoyed me to no end in the TAR Asia franchise. They are never consistent about teammates standing on the left or right, and always change up if a team is referred to as “Vanessa & Pamela” or “Pamela & Vanessa”.
Like this crap. The same person is standing on the left, but yet they switch around whose name it could be! Just think that this is only the second episode. Am I really going to remember which one is Pamela and which one is Vanessa?
This is where the American version always blows the Asian version out of the water. They not only never change how the names are shown on screen, but everything from running together to entering the pit stop mat forces them to maintain their position for the camera.
In other words, the American franchise knows how stupid the viewers are, but for some reason the Asian franchise expects its viewers to study up a bit more.
Okay, maybe they do have a point. I will blame my Canadian education.
– Pamela (or is it Vanessa? I assume Pamela is the one on the left) reads that they must take taxi to the Green Star bus terminal and catch a bus to the Pila Laguna Municipal Center which is ninety minutes outside of Manila. This is where they will find their next clue.
I have heard of a building with rust, but this is ridiculous.
– Vanessa says that being sisters helps them because they know each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
– Marc & Rovilson depart second at 7:26am. Marc says they will be rude to each other in everything, but when it comes to the race, they will be as supportive as possible.
Marc shows off his muscles as he flags down a cab.
– Marc & Rovilson and Pamela & Vanessa are shown back and forth describing the fierceness of the competition that surrounds them in the race.
They switch their names around too, but at least they switch it according to who is who on screen.
– MILFinators begin in third at
See, they change it correctly according to who is on screen. Also, we have the added bonus of jazz hands!
– I should note I mixed up Diane & Ann frequently on the previous round. Ann is the older dark-haired lady while Diane is the shorter, brown-haired, and younger looking one.
They cringe at my description of Ann.
– Ann does not mind being in the middle of the pack, but will push themselves as much as they can. They are proud of themselves so far.
Geez. They are even more soft spoken than Sharon & Melody. Or was it Melody & Sharon?
Okay, okay, okay. I’ll stop focusing on that.
– In the taxi, Rovilson slaps Marc with their limited funds repeatedly.
If the Philippine Peso is anything like American currency, Marc should be afraid of being hit in the face with cocaine-infested and feces-laden peso notes.
– MILFinators successfully hail a taxi.
– Brett & Kinar begin the round in fourth place. You can tell English is Kinar’s second language because she breaks down the clue into unnatural syllables. The way she speaks reminds me of the Chinese woman, Wu Mei, who dates Pierce in that episode of Community during season two.
JEFF: What a lovely name for a lovely–
WU MEI: Not interested. Please take weird haircut and stupid grin and go sniff another dog’s ass.
Okay. If you remember that clip and the tone of voice Wu Mei had, apply it directly to how Kinar is reading the clue. It is identical.
KINAR: Go to Pila and take stupid camera operator to sniff another dog’s ass.
You really do live and die by the taxi driver!
– Brett and Kinar have agreed to do -anything- to survive this race.
ANN: Today’s strategy is to come out first.
This is why you and Diane are rarely shown.
– Rovilson says that attempting to charm the driver into not picking up any more passengers on the bus. Pamela & Vanessa yell at locals at the bus station before boarding a bus. Diane & Ann meanwhile make an interesting discovery.
ANN: This is Marc from the Philippines team on the airport map. Can you imagine? His face is splattered all over our maps.
Yeah. That definitely looks like Marc in 144p.
– Singaporean Sophie and French-Born Aurelia are out of the gate in fourth place at 7:44am. FB Aurelia says they need to make decisions better and talked about strategies that can improve them as a team.
You’re supposed to cross your fingers BEHIND your back when making a false promise. You do not do it in front of you for everyone to see!
– Pamela & Vanessa tell the driver to move before another team arrives.
MARC: Howdy, ladies!
– Marc & Rovilson put their seats in business class. Apparently you can get seats in business class on The Amazing Race after all.
– Rovilson says that bus drivers typically wait a while because it is their livelihood and need the money. Therefore, he invites the “girls” to help him beg.
Because real men ask women to beg on their behalf.
– Oh yeah? Those shirts that Marc & Rovilson are wearing?
So far I can only make out Rovilson’s which says “REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS”.
– Pamela & Vanessa agree to beg the driver. They proceed to mime how they begged drivers on the street to start moving.
Asian Damsels in Distress.
– ROVILSON: C’mon! This is the fun bus!
They get a driver in what seems to be a short amount of time.
MARC: It is amazing what pretty girls get away with in this country.
Or just don’t look like a 1990s angry 20-something year old American punk fan.
– Marc’s shirt? It says “TEAMMATE WITH A SENSE OF DIRECTION”.
I still prefer Cho Bros’ reward of a bushel of kiwis.
– Brett & Kinar are already at the bus station. They board the second bus. Diane & Ann board it too.
– Rovilson tells us that buses are scheduled to leave fifteen minutes apart, but adds that they will have a tough time convincing a driver to leave if it is completely empty.
– So bus number two is in motion.
BUS #1: MARC & ROVILSON; PAMELA & VANESSA
BUS #2: DIANE & ANN; BRETT & KINARYOSHIH
– Singaporean Sophie & French-Born Aurelia.
SINGAPOREAN SOPHIE: How long?
DRIVER: Three hours.
SINGAPOREAN SOPHIE: Three hours?!
You have a French teammate. Did you seriously expect to have anything go your way on the race?
– Paula & Natasha commence in sixth at 8:21am. We cut into Adrian & Collin who begin seventh at 8:22am.
– Singaporean Sophie & French-Born Aurelia convince a driver to leave in ten minutes.
Although based on where the driver was looking, he was convinced by French Born Aurelia’s chest rather than his eyes.
– Paula & Natasha say that they understand each other on a level that nobody else on the planet are able to do so. Adrian proceeds to remind us about the non-verbal communication advantage.
Could that saying sound any more Asian?
– Singaporean Sophie chased down the driver. The third bus departs five minutes ahead of schedule much to the delight of Singaporean Sophie and French-Born Aurelia. Also to the delight of the other teams who do not have to be on a long bus ride with them.
– Rovilson brags that they are flirting with Marc as Pamela giggles.
– Daichi & Sawaka begin the round in eighth at 8:49am. They praise each other’s strength and the strengthening of their relationship as siblings. We see a montage of teams sleeping of the top five teams sleeping on a bus.
– Natasha jokes with Adrian & Collin that the bus is full. Paula & Natasha and Adrian & Collin keep yelling in a fun manner until the driver agrees to leave.
– Daichi & Sawaka are immediately shown boarding bus number five. Henry & Terri begin the round in ninth at 9:40am.
HENRY: Look out because we’re coming like a freight train! We’re knockin’ em down like bowling pins!
This is how people talk when they have seen too many American sports interviews.
– HENRY: Our advantage is we’re strong and we want this.
TERRI: This is our leg. Number two is my lucky number!
In other words, they said a whole lot of nothing.
– BUS #1: PAMELA & VANESSA; MARC & ROVILSON arrives in Pila.
– They initially struggle to find the clue box, but Marc points it out. Pamela & Vanessa yell something in a language that is not English.
– It is a Roadblock. They must travel to a rice patty. Once there, they must pick a marked carabao and direct it to plough a figure eight slalom style between the marked poles and back to receive their next clue. The task is largely dependent on how well teams can control their carabao. Should they need assistance from a farmer, they need to re-do the entire course from the beginning.
Unlike Filipino oxen, carabaos are not broken.
As if this blog was not dirty enough.
I think someone needs to visit Dr. Adams for some dentures.
– Marc and Pamela are doing the Roadblock. It is strange to see teams get into a cab together to go to a separate location. Marc attempts to change inside of the tricycle.
Look at how much they struggle to get into that tricycle. Imagine if Marshall & Lance Hudes had to do something like this? The tricycle would have the axles break on the ground instantly.
– Rovilson attempts to take off sandals and pants to put on the required attire.
– Henry tells us that the location is three hours away. He thinks he can make up some time. Diane is growing impatient as she hears the ride will take thirty minutes.
– Henry & Terri discuss team nicknames. They have nicknamed Marc & Rovilson “Team Magnum P.I.”
I don’t really see it.
– Rovilson gives Marc some advice.
That’s right. Rovilson was legitimately convinced that Marc would attempt to shove a bull/carabao/ox/they all look alike through ankle deep mud.
– Henry & Terri continue their description of the other teams. We hear Terri’s first confessional from the round. Get ready for it.
TERRI: . . Japs.
Aaaaand everybody hates them. I guess if there is a team that casually calls somebody else a Jap and laughs about it, I would leave it to an American-Filipino team.
TERRI: The other one is an American princess.
HENRY (defensive): They’re pretty. They are pretty girls.
Pssst. If you are a retired NAVY member and go on reality TV, you can get away with any slurs. You’ve earned it.
– We cut to Paula & Natasha who are on the bus with Adrian & Collin. We see Paula & Natasha pull a maneuver that has since been banned in TAR.
Begging money in a third world country with several members of a television crew present.
– Adrian thinks Paula & Natasha are brave for doing so, and concedes it is easier for women to do it than men.
This episode is odd. Between Pamela & Vanessa, Diane, and Paula & Natasha, they make it sound like they will deceptively charm their way to a headstart and deceive locals out of cash.
In the words of 50 Cent, they get money, they get money. They they they get it.
– Rovilson takes Marc’s bags and shoes as he tells him to run. It does not matter because they have to stop to listen to instructions.
INSTRUCTOR: You have to go ‘heyyyyy’, and flick it once. Make it touch the body. And ‘gooooo’. There’s run, there’s stop, there’s right, there’s left.
We see a montage of everybody yelling ‘heyyyyy’ between Marc, Pamela, and the instructor.
ROVILSON: Let’s go Marc. It’s just like your last date.
– The carabao misbehaves as he guides it back. The carabao is dragging Pamela.
I have never seen somebody drag another person through mud without mercy like that since Joel and Chet in Survivor: Micronesia.
– So we are roughly thirteen minutes into the episode. Everybody is out on the race course.
Oh. Right. They are still in this.
– Monica defines herself as emotional and bases things on gut instinct while Edwin is logical. They get into a taxi. Meanwhile Rovilson yells out to Marc if he wants his mud mask. No response. Pamela is going skiing on the mud as the carabao is relentless. She raises her right arm to indicate that she needs to restart. She said she never wanted to do this task.
– Commercial break.
– Pamela complains she never wanted to do this task. Edwin & Monica are in a cab.
EDWIN: Green star bus terminal. Read it. What’s wrong with you?
Ah. Monica was zoned out. Her competitive spirit really takes over when they are in dead last.
– Henry & Terri exit a cab.
The taxi trunk delivers some karmic retribution for Henry.
– Henry & Terri run onto bus number six. Terri struggles to remove her backpack. Brett & Kinar and MILFinators brace for entering Pila.
By heading to a Caltex Star Mart–a place where champions re-fuel after a day of hard labour!
– Once at the star mart, they must collect four boxes of donation and pile it into the back of a jeepney. They will deliver it to a children’s shelter where they will receive their next clue.
It’s the Charitymobile.
You guys are so much nicer than those Amazing Race 14 cast members who ignored me in Thailand.
Something tells me that the kids are not expecting a Wii U inside of the box.
– Pamela finishes the task. Both teams are now in taxis.
– MILFinators show up right behind Brett & Kinar. Kinar and Diane are doing the Roadblock.
– Adrian jokes with Paula & Natasha that they could buy a flight.
Wow, everything is cheaper in Asia.
– Brett thinks that directing the carabao will be like riding a horse. Marc & Rovilson is bummed how close Pamela & Vanessa are, but are just happy to be ahead of the other teams.
– Pamela & Vanessa show up to a random Caltex. Apparently they failed to note that the place is located in MANILA. Kinaryoshih shows up and tries to get on the carabao’s back.
– The farmers laugh at her for trying to ride the carabao. She eventually clues into the plough once it is pointed out to her.
Oh look, he found his dentures.
– Edwin & Monica are stuck in rainy traffic. Diane struggles to get her carabao to move. She makes the same skiing reference as Pamela did.
– Marc & Rovilson board the bus back to Manila. Pamela & Vanessa are growing frustrated on the streets as they ask people where the Caltex Store Mart could be.
– Terri convinces everyone on her bus to sing the chorus for the song about the Filipino flag.
My ears are shot from screaming my whole life. You’re gonna need to sing louder!
Henry laughs at Terri’s discreet slurs into the song. Terri continues to conduct the crowd with her clue.
Let the conductor continue in peace!
Conduct in peace?
There is no peace in conducting!
– TERRI: My idea to get all those people to sing to make the bus feel alive and make the bus driver alive.
Wouldn’t the noise be a distraction for the driver and make him need to drive slower in order to concentrate?
– French-Born Aurelia and Singaporean Sophie are in Pila.
FRENCH-BORN AURELIA: I can see the red building right there. It really stands out. And I even see the clue.
Good for freakin’ you.
– On the other side of Pila, Diane is working hard to get her carabao to move.
That poor carabao just wants to sniff a camera.
– French-Born Aurelia and Singaporean Sophie get into a tricycle after French-Born Aurelia decides to do the Roadblock.
SINGAPOREAN SOPHIE: In the tricycle I had to explain to her what plowing was because she had no clue what ploughing was.
Singaporean Sophie knows it’s true.
– FRENCH-BORN AURELIA: I know the French word I just did not know the word in English.
FRENCH-BORN AURELIA: Like what zee fucz?
– So where are we on bus number six?
Terri leads her choir into the Filipino Idol rendition of Seal’s Kiss From a Rose.
Did you know. . .
That when it snows. . .
In Tokyo. . .
Their eyes become larger than life. . .
– Diane completes the Roadblock. Back into a tricycle they go. Marc & Rovilson insist for the driver to go. Pamela & Vanessa are on the streets still searching for Caltex. Marc & Rovilson’s persistence pays off as the driver moves.
ROVILSON: We apologize to our parents for our rude social skills, but this is a race and we need to be ahead of the girls.
– Pamela & Vanessa is annoyed as their accents come on in full force. They do not see jeepneys anywhere as they fail to read their clue. The lead is slippin’, slippin’, slippin.
This is the most bourgeoisie thing she has ever done.
– Paula & Natasha and Adrian & Collin are in Pila. They head into tricycles. Edwin & Monica are still in Manila. They find out the bus will not leave for another twenty minutes.
This is bulls—! Er, I mean carabaos—!
No wonder they perform so poorly. They don’t even check the subtitles on screen for confirmation!
– Kinar finishes the task in fourth. She and Brett read that it is in Manila. Pamela & Vanessa ask for directions and are told the exact street names. In addition they are told it is in Manila. Instantly they check the clue.
VANESSA: Manilaaaaa! It is in Manilaaaaaaa! We didn’t check the whole bloody clooooo! Hey! Can you take us to uh bus stop!
– Into the tricycle they go. Commercial break.
– Pamela & Vanessa yell simultaneously at the tricycle driver to be taken a bus that will return them to Manila. Then they proceed to yell at each other about whose fault it was.
– Pamela & Vanessa are on the second bus back with Brett & Kinaryoshih.
– Adrian signs the instructions for Collin. He is on the course as French-Born Aurelia retrieves the clue from the farmer.
The only thing more stubborn than Natasha and carabao.
I wonder if the carabao has a tough time understanding Collin’s instructions? I know Collin’s English is probably more clear than French-Born Aurelia’s, but I am wondering if the carabao was able to listen to him.
And to make matters worse. . .
I love Collin’s sense of humour in this situation when it comes to his unfortunate disabilities.
COLLIN: 4 LUKE: 1
– Diane asks Ann if she can hear a song. They then combine dancing with eating.
Who knew you could work your hips into devouring a snack.
– Natasha is finished the Roadblock in sixth place. French-Born Aurelia and Singaporean Sophie enter the fourth bus back to Manila. Collin is now done the Roadblock. Natasha is visibly in pain as she enters a tricycle.
– Daichi & Sawaka are at the Roadblock.
ROADBLOCK HINT: Who has an animal instinct?
– Daichi volunteers. Adrian & Collin and Paula & Natasha board the same bus back.
HENRY: It sounds like whatever the challenge is there won’t be difficult.
Based on. ..what information exactly?
– Henry is doing the Roadblock. Sawaka and Daichi laugh as Daichi keeps going in circles with the carabao. Edwin & Monica are now in Pila. Edwin is going to do it. We hear him read the Roadblock task word for word in the blandest tone of voice possible. Daichi finishes the Roadblock in eighth.
– A lot of locals have gathered to watch Henry do the Roadblock. He thinks they have made up a lot of time as he finishes the task quickly.
Even if Terri is doing nothing on the race, she always stands front and centre.
Terri now auditions for So You Think You Can Dance Philippines.
She still has her mouth open for the whole time Henry is talking! Even when she is not speaking she cannot shut her mouth.
– Daichi & Sawaka board the sixth bus back to Manila.
– Edwin & Monica do not know what a carabao is, but from living in Toronto, they probably are thinking it is some sort of caribou.
Edwin & Monica’s idea of a carabao.
– Bus number two, which consists of Brett & Kinar and Pamela & Vanessa, ends up breaking down.
PAMELA: The driver was topless under a tire. What a sight!
Move over Marc, we have a new stud of Manila!
– Brett says that he was trying to stay calm during the pressures of the race and the heat outside.
So they are stuck keeping the driver company.
– Pamela & Vanessa decide to take a taxi from that point and return to Manila. They want to be on their own anyway. Marc & Rovilson are now in a taxi too as “International Everybody Takes a Taxi” is really tomorrow. He brags they are taking a service road.
For some reason a camera operator gets in front of Ann while she is sleeping and films her for several seconds. Creepy.
– Henry & Terri board the seventh bus back to Manila. Edwin is now out on the course.
EDWIN: How do I make a turd?
That carabao shall teach you.
Oh. Nevermind. I rewind the clip and figured out what he really said.
EDWIN: How do I make it turn?
That makes much more sense.
– Brett & Kinar are dropped off in the middle of somewhere. Marc & Rovilson are at the Caltex Star Mart. They load up the jeepney quickly. Pamela & Vanessa are there next and ask which of the drivers is the fastest. No one seems to volunteer.
– Brett & Kinar are on the road asking for a taxi.
– Marc & Rovilson show up to the orphanage.
Rovilson takes the time to autograph some of those items.
Even at an orphanage Rovilson can’t stop picking up women.
– Marc & Rovilson have a clue. It’s a Detour.
Allan Wu becomes the night man as he explains the Detour.
– Teams must travel by jeepney to Santa Cruz which is a district in northern Manila. They must choose between Heel or Wheel.
In Heel, teams must choose a pile of shoes and match up all 250 pairs of shoes to receive their next clue.
Sounds like what people are forced to do after a night of drinking. Hopefully a shoe does not end up on a roof this time.
– The task may appear simple, but matching 250 pairs of shoes will test the patience of teams. In Wheel, teams must put together a bicycle using only the tools provided. It may be complicated, but those who are mechanically savvy can finish quickly.
Yeah, I’d match up the shoes.
– Edwin comments on the thickness of the mud. Marc & Rovilson say they loved the challenge.
What challenge? You delivered boxes to an orphanage. How is that difficult?
– Monica covers her face as she dreads their current position.
– Pamela & Vanessa run into the orphanage. They describe how crazy they are and everyone else as they see complete mayhem when boxes open. Pamela was amazed by how hard the kids were tugging on their hands.
I have never seen kids fight over a box like that since I played a few rounds of Super Smash Bros. Melee.
PAMELA: I’ll go back to the carabao now.
Yep. She would abandon orphans for carabao. I am sure the lady at the orphanage loves to hear that.
Looks like somebody has been playing too much Rapy Ghosty.
– Edwin finishes the Roadblock. Him and the farmers light up before heading out with Monica.
– MILFinators are in Manila as they get into a taxi. Brett loves to hear that his driver knows a shortcut. MILFinators somehow are third to the Star Mart as they go to the orphanage.
Rovilson looks longingly at his favourite general.
– Paula & Natasha stand comfortably on the bus as it prepares to stop in Manila.
Oh! A penny under the seat!
– Henry & Terri are on the ground running too. Both teams have a taxi. Marc & Rovilson decide to run on the streets. Ann is not a big fan of Manila because of the chaos.
– Marc & Rovilson choose Wheel.
ROVILSON: You take the front and I take the back.
Knowing how much Marc & Rovilson are into women, I have a feeling these words are not limited to just putting a bicycle together.
In fact, they probably did this task so women would ride their bicycle.
– Diane says some crap about how she now knows that she has to help everyone she meets. Edwin & Monica board the eighth and final bus to Manila. Holy crap there are a ton of buses to Manila.
– Adrian & Collin and Paula & Natasha show up in fifth and sixth together at the Star Mart. French-Born Aurelia & Singaporean Sophie are now in Manila too. Natasha SCREAMS for the driver to stop then go as they are racing in the chaotic streets of Manila. Adrian loves his driver as the guy weaves in and out of traffic like it was a Mindjolt game of Kamikaze.
I would say Kris & Jon’s taxi driver in Senegal from TAR 6 was cooler.
Just be thankful that people from the province of Alberta do not have cities as populated as Manila. That would be a traffic nightmare.
– Pamela & Vanessa are dropped off at the wrong place for the Detour. Singaporean Sophie & French-Born Aurelia have the boxes from the Star Mart. Brett & Kinar, Paula & Natasha, and Adrian & Collin show up to the orphanage’s playground together. They all choose Heel.
– Marc & Rovilson are stumped by how few of tools they are provided. Pamela & Vanessa are once again asking for directions to a route marker.
– Asian Joseph Gordon Levitt tries to form of a strategy with Kinar. Pamela & Vanessa show up to the Wheel task as they see Marc & Rovilson are still working. Marc complains of a busted screw.
– Ann & Diane show up just a couple minutes later at the Wheel task too. I expect mothers to go through a mechanical task quickly.
ROVILSON: How are they doing?
MARC: Just like us. Headless chickens.
– Singaporean Sophie & French-Born Aurelia decide to do Wheel. This may be a problem because French-Born Aurelia does not know the English word for wheel.
But she knows La Grand Roue.
– Daichi & Sawaka are at the Star Mart as they put boxes into the jeepney. Marc realizes the wheels are spinning in the wrong direction.
Hey gentlemen, look at what Mr. Tour de Manila champion has?
You’re never gonna get this! You’re never gonna get this!
– We resume with Marc & Rovilson figuring out that the handlebar was put on the wrong way. They had to take -everything- off and re-wire. Brett & Kinar show up at the same place for Heel as well as Paula & Natasha and Adrian & Collin.
– Paula tells us that Natasha has an enormous collection that exceeds the 250 pairs before them. She insists it would not even be a challenge for her.
– Brett yells that Kinar’s shoe collection got bigger when she started dating Brett.
Is he insinuating that she is a gold digger?
– Daichi & Sawaka choose to do Wheel.
– Terri says that a woman behind her on the bus is giving her a freshly baked cake for free.
HENRY: Whatever Terri wants Terri gets.
TERRI: Like what?
HENRY: Whatever you want.
Especially during their one fight when Terri told Henry to drop dead.
Terri having her cake and eating it too.
– Edwin & Monica are on a bus as Monica tells us that corn is her favourite food.
I must admit I stopped eating corn on the cob about five years ago. The pain of corn getting stuck in my teeth was too painful. I do love opening a pot of corn on the cob with only the broth inside. That is my favourite smell ever.
Anywayyyyys, we move on.
Dancing “Mums”? Talk about British spelling.
– We see the seven teams all in the same area as they keep working through the Detour. Marc & Rovilson are finished. They read that they must go to Paco Park & Cemetery in Manila. It is the resting place for Filipino hero Jose Rosale.
Unlike Paco Loco Park in New Mexico.
– Marc & Rovilson run through the streets. We see an exceeding amount of cleavage as Vanessa is above Pamela putting the bike together. Marc & Rovilson pay a lot for a jeepney to Paco Park. All they want is that first place finish.
– Singaporean Sophie & French-Born Aurelia begin doing the Wheel task. French-Born Aurelia immediately makes a mistake that the judge laughs at.
SINGAPOREAN SOPHIE: Do not do anything until I tell you to screw.
– The crowd cheers as MILFinators finish the task. Pauala & Natasha finish it third. Pamela & Vanessa drop two spots as they are now fourth.
– Rovilson emphasizes how much he wants to be first. The other three teams beg for regular taxis on the street. It must be rush hour. Marc & Rovilson see a flag as they run onto the mat. They joke about running to the right then to the left despite Allan being ten feet away.
They leap so high that they exit the frame.
The greeter is amused. Wu not so much.
Fingers crossed once again until Wu gives the news.
Just a little excited.
Well that’s a bromance if I have ever seen one.
– Allan gives them the good news–they have won 5k each on a standard credit card which they can start “swiping after the race”.
As if Caltex was not enough for this round.
– Paula & Natasha walk up to a taxi with someone inside. They beg the passengers that they would pay for their taxi if they can enter inside with her. She agrees. Just a bit crowded inside as they ride with a random woman.
– Edwin yells at Monica’s technique of stopping cars in Manila. Adrian & Collin finish the Heel task in fifth.
Just a bit crowded in there.
– MILFinators and Adrian & Collin are all in taxis.
– Daichi & Sawaka show up to the Detour.
– Henry & Terri show up at the Caltex Star Mart. Edwin & Monica do the same. Henry drops off the boxes. Henry & Terri choose Wheel. I would assume Henry’s life in the military will make it easy. He tells us that it is one of those times where Terri -has- to listen to her.
Never step between a man and showing off skills he learned in the military. The only person I can think of who would step in between that would be Terri, though.
SECOND: PAULA & NATASHA
– They scream. A lot.
– Edwin & Monica show up to the orphanage. One kid decides to mug for the camera.
That kid has a bigger head than O.J. Simpson.
– Daichi & Sawaka struggle putting the bike together as Edwin & Monica high five a bunch of orphans. Monica wants to do Heel. They bid farewell to the orphans.
– Brett & Kinar finish the Detour in sixth.
THIRD: DIANE & ANN
Consistent MILFinators but more airtime today. Their reaction is mild compared to the top two teams.
– Monica thinks Wheel will be faster but will be longer if you don’t know how to do it. She changes her mind and wants to do Wheel.
FOURTH: PAMELA & VANESSA
Their expression reads as “thank god this leg is f—ing over”.
They sigh and hug. Allan interrupts them as he convinces orders them to step off the mat because another team is coming.
FIFTH: ADRIAN & COLLIN
– Allan does not use any sign language.
– French-Born Aurelia tries to help but Singaporean Sophie stops her yet again.
SIXTH: BRETT & KINAR
KINAR: That’s not bad.
– Singaporean Sophie’s work is approved as she is sweating like a pig.
Not her finest of days.
– Edwin & Monica walk to the Detour place. Edwin complains there is not enough light for him to work on the wheel.
– Daichi & Sawaka finish the Detour in eighth.
– Edwin curses non-stop as he does not want Monica to push on a bike. He is stumped as twenty thousand more bleeps are reigned down.
– Henry tries to run ahead but Terri yells for Henry to wait.
Whoa. Edwin & Monica are ninth right now? Wow.
– Edwin identifies another problem with what they are doing.
EDWIN: HELP ME PUSH IT IN!
(Twenty seconds later.)
EDWIN: What did you use to screw it in?
MONICA: Nothing. My fingers.
EDWIN: How did it fall out?
MONICA: I don’t know.
EDWIN: You screwed it in so tight that I can’t get it out.
Uhhhh, this is not the task for Monica. Sounds like me being forced to build a bike.
– HENRY: She needs to shut the f— up and not mess with me and not do nothin’. It’s my time.
– Edwin & Monica speak in Cantonese to each other. What is this? Vancouver or Richmond, BC? He tries to calmly talk to her as he finally announces that she is being useless at the moment.
JUST at the moment?
SEVENTH: SINGAPOREAN SOPHIE & FRENCH-BORN AURELIA
They are relieved to still be alive in the race.
– Daichi & Sawaka, who have been rarely shown all episode, are now shown crying in a cab.
SAWAKA: He said that he does not want to put one hundred percent into everything in the race he will get tired by the end of the race.
They laugh it off as Sawaka promises to slow down. Wow he is not competitive.
EIGHTH: DAICHI & SAWAKA
ALLAN: You are the first team today to just casually stroll up here.
Yep. Daichi does not have a warrior’s spirit.
Henry knows that those people are lazy.
– EDWIN: You’re not doing anything unless I say so. You just stand here.
– Terri works as Henry’s assistant.
EDWIN: Do it the other way. Screw this in. Screw this. Screw this. Screw this.
(Ten second pause.)
Is he talking about the bike or his attitude towards the race?
EDWIN: Why is there a cap here?
Because I thought it would look nice. . .
– Henry & Terri have their clue. In the background we hear Edwin saying “Oh my god, what did you do, what did you do. . .”
– Henry takes Terri’s bag because Terri thinks it will ‘probably’ make her run faster.
– Edwin & Monica finish the task. He cusses her out in Cantonese in the cab.
– HENRY: I think we lost five minutes because I made it more perfect than it had to be.
– Allan toys with Henry & Terri before presenting the news.
NINTH: HENRY & TERRI
– They wanted a higher placing, but glad to not be last.
– Edwin & Monica casually stroll onto the mat.
Monica already hanging her head in shame.
LAST: EDWIN & MONICA
– They are eliminated.
EDWIN: Anything to say?
Wow. He really wanted to rub in how much she sucked.
– Monica did not imagine being first out.
Well we all certainly did.
– And that is pretty much all they say as Allan wishes them the best in their doomed relationship.
Next Time on TAR: An equalizer, and a remotely competitive team goes home.
P.S. I like this round and all, but do you know what it needed?
P.P.S. Edwin & Monica said they were going to be the Rob & Amber of this season and make other teams fear them. They also said that the teams from the first season were boring.
Yeah, I know.
SINGAPOREAN SOPHIE.FRENCH-BORN AURELIA 1.2
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A
— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0
11th Ari & Staella 11.0
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0
11th John & Scott 11.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Edwin & Monica 10.0 (Only team to finish last for the first two rounds of the race.)
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0
10th A Black Family 10.0
— F +–
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????)
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
10th Kate & Pat 9.0
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 – Yielded
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 – Sucked.
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Aiello Family 7.0
8th Tom & Terry 7.0
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
9th Rogers Family 6.5
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
7th Dave & Lori 5.83
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
6th Gaghan Family 5.5
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14
7th Ray & Deana – 5.0 FF
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 – Wah.
5th Fran & Barry 4.89
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83
7th Schroeder Family 4.75
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25
1st TK & Rachel 3.18
4th Godlewski Family 3.18
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 3.17
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF
4thToni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield
2nd Bransen Family 2.85
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
–BEST OF THE BEST–
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2 and Used Yield
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF and Yielded
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF and Used Yield
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF
Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)
11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF
18 legs Danielle 4.78
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 None
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3!
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 None
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 None
* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.
Rank the Teams:
1) Edwin & Monica
Wow. It actually happened. A team managed to finish last on the first leg, but the second leg as well. As of the beginning of 2014, this has never happened again.
Does that mean they are by default the worst team ever because they could not beat a single team for the opening two rounds?
No. Remember that in the American franchise, teams are almost always bunched together into one or two flights for the second round of play. This is why we occasionally see a team go from first to last or from the back to the front in the opening rounds of play.
Without an equalizer you could say that Edwin & Monica could have done better than other teams in round two simply based on time to complete the tasks, but finished last because their surplus was not enough to climb out of last. The only bottom-feeders along with them were Henry & Terri, and Henry & Terri knew their hometown well in addition to having a Detour that fit in with their skillset.
Furthermore, Edwin & Monica never had the chance to drive themselves. For all we know other teams suck at driving a stick while Edwin may be a master at it. They could have very well lived and died by the taxi and bus drivers in the opening two rounds.
Other teams who have been eliminated suffered from not knowing how to talk to locals politely. Edwin & Monica were never rude to others that they met.
I would say that the only sub-par elements of their game in the first two rounds is that Monica has atrocious cardio. She is one of the skinniest racers ever, and could not even keep up with Edwin who carried everyone’s bags. Both rounds involved a lot of running which meant Monica’s speed could have easily dropped them thirty minutes in the process.
They had a tough time navigating themselves with running on the streets. That is how they fell to last right away. Stuck on the streets of Singapore as they could not adjust their way of thinking with only minutes into the race. They easily lost a couple hours right there.
Add in a Detour at the end of round two where Monica had no idea how to put a bike together, and suddenly you see why it is not much of a surprise that they wound up last in back-to-back rounds.
Monica may have a case as the slowest racer ever, but Edwin not so much as he did well with his Roadblock, made the right decisions, and could move well for carrying twice as many bags as a typical team member.
Personally, from the first fourteen seasons of TAR, I would still have Meredith & Maria, Don & Mary Jean, or John & Scott as the nominations for worst racers ever.
Rank the Legs:
1) Singapore, Singapore -> Manila, Philippines
This was ten times better than the opening round from TAR Asia 1.
Go-karting and descending a mall is replaced by eating balut, flying to another country, no equalizers, and a wicket 181 metre high tower traverse. I should also note that the teams are a bit more compelling and more extraverted than the crowd gathered for the first season. No Sahil & Prashants or Sahrans.
The only slight con is that Marc & Rovilson occupied more than a quarter of the airtime while the first place team, Pamela & Vanessa, were shown half as much as them.
Oh, and the tricky non-elimination in the opening round for the second season in a row was a nice fakeout by production. We also see the introduction of the TAR 10/11 non-elimination penalty being introduced to the East.
2) Manila, Philippines -> Manila, Philippines
What I loved about this round? There were no equalizers. Well, there was buses that left every fifteen minutes, but nearly every team had their own bus multiple times during the leg.
I think it is even more important this happened because the previous round was a non-elimination. So how you finished on the first leg carried over directly to this second round.
I must say this has to be the most forgettable trip to an orphanage in the history of TAR. In fact anytime you integrate product placement into a round will certainly make it an unmemorable task. And when it is the same product placement in the form of Caltex, you get a lot of snoozers.
Although if it were not for Caltex’s heavy advertising, TAR Asia may never exist in the first place.
Heading out to Pila and directing an animal that I never heard of before was definitely a treat. It is tough to go to a location that the “real” TAR has been to before, but find unique things to do.
That Roadblock seemed rather difficult, come to think of it.
I approve of the Detour. Do a task that will have a small variant in how long it will take compared to a high risk-high reward option made for a great dilemma. Do you chance it on hoping you can fix a bike quickly or do you sort through 250 pairs of shoes?
The insight into the public transportation of the Philippines, and truly understanding the how common the sight of jeepneys are in Manila, produced an interesting bit of info for viewers during the episode.
I would say that dropping boxes off at the orphanage should have been more difficult to navigate, but after seeing what happened with Pamela & Vanessa, may be it was difficult enough.
Lastly, seeing Edwin & Monica finish dead last in each of the first two legs is a highlight for the franchise. Granted there was no equalizer to make it as two distinct last place finishes, but still funny to think about when it comes to the TAR franchise.
And the round needed more carabao.