TAR 14 episode 8 ranking

Eighth episode

“Going Around Online Watching The Amazing Race 14 Can Be Unpleasant”

COUNTRIES VISITED

SWITZERLAND – GERMANY – AUSTRIA – ROMANIA – RUSSIA – INDIA – THAILAND – CHINA – USA

gaghan intro 3

TAMMY: Over these past few rounds we have forced our kids to be like little adults.

siberia mark michael 4

Little adults.

http://popwatch.ew.com/2009/03/30/phil-keoghan-4/

Ride Across America blah blah blah sad to see Mel & Mike go blah blah blah didn’t you feel bad for Margie & Luke at the pit stop? blah blah blah.

Phil had NOTHING to say about the previous episode. That may be the least informative blog ever.

COMMENT FROM RONDA ON PHIL’S BLOG: IS MARGIE OK? WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HER. HATED TO SEE MIKE AND MEL GO THEY ARE KINDA FUNNY, LOVED THE SCENES IN THE HERB SHOP. BUT I’M LOVING THS SEASON, ALL THE TEAMS ARE STROLLING ALONG AND NOT ALOT OF SCREAMING GOING ON KINDA NICE FOR A CHANGE. ALSO ALL THE RACERS SEEM TO APPRECIATE THEIR DESINATIONS A LITTLE MORE.

COMMENT FROM LUCY:
Last night’s episode was great! Sorry to see Mel and Mike go home as well. I was hoping it would be the fake redheads! Man, that one chick is nasty and annoying. I thought they might get a 30 penalty because I thought they all had to use the travel agent and they went straight to the airport. LOL at the one sister sneezing in the cab…too funny!

Glad somebody else enjoyed Kisha sneezing.

COMMENT FROM JCJ28:
Phil – Last night Tammy said she had visited Thailand before — have you ever canceled a location because a contestant lived there or had visited before?

Your question will be answered very soon, JCJ28.

COMMENT FROM LISA:
Noticed in the scenes from the next episode they did not show Margie and Luke. Did anyone else notice that?

Did you notice a few other teams were not shown in the preview, too?

COMMENT FROM J:
Phil, Kisha and Jen clearly took a NONPROFESSIONAL vehicle to the pit stop last night! People have been time docked for this before, why not now? I don’t understand.
—–A fan of Mel and Mike

Hey J, production decided to completely ignore a race rule “just for the hell of it”. Hope that helps.

COMMENT FROM IOWAJULIA:
I was greatly disturbed by the treatment of the tiger and elephants in the zoo portion of the show. As were many of the commentators to Josh’s recap. That chain around the tiger’s neck, and the prodding by the “trainer,” was upsetting. And elephants should not be separated from their herd, and forced to do such silly stunts. Any comments on this from you or the producers, Phil? I love TAR, have watched from beginning, but was quite bothered by this apparent ignorance of the abuse of zoo and circus animals.

I was going to respond thoughtfully to this, but I could not help but notice you are from Iowa.

At least in North America animals have nothing to do except sit behind a cage!

COMMENT FROM HEYPHIL:
Can I repeatedly jab you in the face with a stick while people get their pictures taken with you?

Hey HeyPhil, that sounds great and all, but Phil is more into whips and chains. Thanks.

COMMENT FROM DANNY:
I’ve been lucky enough to go to Thailand and specifically Phuket many times. The Thai people are the most loving and gracious people on the planet. To see Cara treat the Thai people the way she did was agonizing to watch. Notice how the shopkeeper reacted to Mel and Mike when they treated him with respect. Cara=Ugly American.

I agree. All redheads look alike.

COMMENT FROM INPHUKET:
I live in Phuket, Thailand and I can’t believe CBS were using Phuket Zoo as the backdrop for this episode (it aired Monday in Asia).
The treatment of animals at the zoo is cruel. I visited once several years ago and the tiger was in exact the same position as the last episode. Singapore has a beautiful zoo where animals are well cared for. Phuket Zoo is the opposite.
The owners of the zoo has for years practiced double pricing. Caucasians pay a much higher price for entry as Asians do.

phuket mark michael 11

Those f—ing Asians. . .

COMMENT FROM ALEX:
I love Americans. Instead of talking about the poor children on the side of the road begging for money or food from Kisha and Jen they whine about the animals in the zoo. What the %^&* is the matter with you people?

Welcome to the Internet, Alex.

COMMENT FROM MsDaisy:
The contestants should be made to take a sensitivity course before they depart U.S. soil. English is not the official language everywhere. Taxi drivers who probably make $2 a week don’t care about getting some rude and idiotic Americans to a destination “faster, faster” because they happen to be racing for $1 million. Stop reinforcing the “ugly American” stereotype. Oh, and enough with cheerleaders already.

But then the race would be boring. You wouldn’t want that would you, MsDaisy?

COMMENT FROM lovetherace:
Phil, you said you don’t know how you would communicate with Luke if something happened to Marge…….uh does anyone know how to use pen and paper?!?

I know the first thing I do when someone faints in my arms is to run away from them to grab a pen and paper and come back to explain to Luke that something is wrong.

Sadly no one did that and Luke thought his mom was perfectly fine as she laid unconsciously on the ground.

COMMENT FROM CARLI:
Hmm…well, that blog was unnecessary.

Thankfully this was posted on Phil Keoghan’s blog. I was scared for a minute.

COMMENT FROM STEVE: Abused and mistreated animals??? The guy had one arm. Who’s being abused here?
Anyways, good show, Phil. Keep up the good work.

Good one. I wish I said that one myself.

COMMENT FROM JOHNSON:
I’m unhappy with the previous episode over two things: Abuse of animals and abuse of people (Margie).
As earlier comments mentioned, the show should not condon beating of animals.
As for Margie, I was really disappointed to see Phil signing so slowly, almost like waiting to see her faint. Margie asked for water the minute she saw Phil, yet she got nothing until she fainted. It’s obvious the crew had water, but didn’t want to give it to her.

PHIL: You. . .are. . .getting dizzy. . .and you. . .are. . .team. . . number. . .after the break!
(MARGIE faints.)
PHIL: Ha ha, b—- fainted right in front of me. You guys get that?
(CAMERA OPERATOR behind MARGIE gives the thumbs up.)

Previously on TAR: Six teams raced from Jaipur, India to Phuket, Thailand. Teams took a walk on the wild side at the Phuket Zoo. While Jaime’s temper flared in the heat of Thailand. Mark & Michael thought they won the leg, but two penalties cost them the victory. Margie pushed it in the hot sun and collapsed at the pit stop. Margie recovered. And in the end, Mel & Mike fell short.

mark michael intro 2

Hope he says the same when Mark & Michael are eliminated.

Coming Up Tonight: Kisha & Jen make a costly mistake.

– Intro time. Preston & Jennifer fall on a Swiss hill. Victor gets a pie in the face. Steve & Linda in a gondola. Kisha & Jen running with a bride. Mark sticking his head out a window per usual. Kris scooping pie off of Jon’s head. Christie & Jodi decorating an elephant. Mel & Mike dancing on the streets shaking for money.

– Phil introduces us to Phuket. We see a montage of production laughing at the animal abuse in zoos.

PHIL: Phuket–although devastated by the tsunami in 2004–has rebuilt itself into a major commercial centre.

Ah. I remember that story now. One of many devastating tropical acts of nature that have become tragically frequent.

– Tammy & Victor, who arrived first at an undisclosed time, will depart at 927am. Victor reads the clue because he is the eldest male sibling. He reads that they must fly to Bangkok, Thailand. When they land they will travel by taxi to the outskirts of town and find a boatyard and search the grounds for their next clue.

bangkok dogs

Animals. Not abused. They are snoozing through the action like King.

king earthbound

Yeah, him.

– But seriously, Bangkok eh? This is no ordinary venue. It is like Iceland or the Philippines or Hastings, or this place known as Bangkok. I hope the racers really utilize Bangkok as their oyster.

– Tammy says she wants her and Victor to take it one leg at a time. For some reason his head is bobbing up and down as she says this. I do not understand why because it is a bland statement. Is the camera operator making funny faces?

bangkok tammy victor

Wipe that silly smirk off of your face, Jet Li.

– She says that leg three showed you can go from first to last easily. We then get a flashback.

bangkok tammy

TAMMY: If you want to make decisions, then please make one before Brad is done watching his Matlock reruns on the airplane and shoots up.

– Jaime & Cara depart second at 12:31am. Cara asks if it is an official taxi. The driver claims it is. Jaime does not accept because it looks more like a BMW. They find a cop on the street. Because if there is anybody who is honest in this world, it is a Thai military official. The driver tries to defend himself in Thai.

JAIME: Stop talking to him! Listen! Listen! Stop talking!

alex angarita

Stop talking, Thai taxi driver! Stop talking. You want me to say it in Thai?

Edgardo, can you somehow translate?
edgardo rivera

Je ne sais no?

bangkok jaime cara

futurama 2

bangkok thai

Okay. Vote 4 Pedro!

– Jaime explains the language barrier.

bangkok jaime cara 2

JAIME: The language barrier really aggravates me.

o rly owl

JAIME: It makes me become a lunatic. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

dr jekyll mr hyde

Worst video game ever. It is a perfect analogy for this season as a whole!

angry video game nerd

He would rather have a buffalo take a dump in his ear than watch TAR 14!

– Mark & Michael Munoz depart third at 12:46am.

mark munoz

Not this Mark Munoz. Unless he is a Filipino Bike Pump Wrecking Machine.

– They are given fifty-three dollars cash for this round. Mark discusses the penalties that they received in the previous leg.

MARK: It was a 50/50 misunderstanding.

A 50/50 misunderstanding? What does that even mean? Mark & Michael forgot fifty percent of the rules, and production failed to recognize fifty percent of Mark & Michael’s brilliance?

– We see a full twenty second flashback of both penalties.

MARK: We will have some good luck.
MICHAEL: As long as we don’t shoot ourselves in the foot.

Luckily their feet are small.

– Tammy & Victor walk up to a ticket counter in the airport. They use the counter’s phone. The first flight to Bangkok is at 725am. However, they cannot purchase tickets until their office is open at 6:00am.

– Margie & Luke begin in fourth place at 12:53am. She complains about the heat at one o’ clock in the morning. Luke worries about her because she does not want her to faint.

– Kisha & Jen depart last at 1:05am.  They do not think it is impacting their relationship in a negative way. Jen claims they are getting along well. They know when to get in each other’s face. . .

jonathan baker joe rogan

jonathan baker joe rogan 2

And when to give each other space.

– Jen says it is fun to watch the other four teams become progressively more paranoid as the race goes on.

– We a shot of a clock and fast forward to 725am.

bangkok early

Pharewell, Phuket!

– The flight lands in Bangkok to the old school bell chiming Bangkok music in the background. And also another song.

bangkok murray head

He gets Thai’d of talking to American tourists whose  moves on TAR are supposed to be among the purest.

– The five teams all get into taxis. Anyone’s race for the time being. Margie & Luke see Kisha & Jen behind them. The cab passes Margie & Luke. Margie instructs the driver to follow them. The driver suddenly exits out of Kisha’s cab to ask Margie & Luke’s driver. The driver for Margie & Luke suddenly knows but Margie forbids him to tell Kisha & Jen’s driver.

– Suddenly Margie & Luke’s driver exits to chat with men on the side of the street to have precise directions. Kisha & Jen’s driver kept going straight. Kisha wonders where Margie & Luke drove towards to on the street. Their driver is forced to get new directions because Margie’s driver lied directly to their face.

bangkok kisha jen

Jen thinks Bangkok is just one crowded, polluted, stinking town.

– Jaime & Cara are in their cab.

JAIME: I call dogs as “doogies”. Just because I like to.
CARA: I call dogs just “dogs”.

Wow. Not much material for a 42 minute episode, eh?

– Tammy & Victor see Mark & Michael right behind them.

bangkok garbage

Classic case of losing a taxi around Garbage Bend. Those dark bags conceal us well!
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.
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And the city really needs to consider bumping up garbage pick-up by a day.

– Mark & Michael instruct the driver to catch the driver in front of him. He is confused and slows down.

– Margie & Luke arrive at the boatyard. There is a balance beam that they must cross.

bangkok margie luke

roger sexton 2

Hug the log, Luke!
dan and ryan

Still on their way to the boatyard. Also caught malaria in the process.

– Margie has the clue. It is our first Thai Roadblock.

MARGIE: Who is ready to propel the team forward?

In this Roadblock, that person must tap into their mechanical abilities and transform them into one of the most common forms of transportation–a long tow boat. They must figure out how to attach an unwieldy rod to a propeller. It only works if secured the right way. Once it is working properly they will receive their next clue.

bangkok guy

May or may not be stoned.

bangkok propeller

Not a Roadblock for Logan or anybody who relies on their parents for most work around the house to complete.
rihanna

She wishes more people could learn how to put together her propellas ellas ellas. . .eh. . .eh.
bangkok margie luke 2

Just like Christmas time at the Adams residence, Luke immediately volunteers his mother to put yet another toy together.

– Luke puts the backpacks onto the boat as he cheers her on.

– Jaime & Cara arrive at the Roadblock next. Cara hesitates, therefore Jaime volunteers herself to do it. Margie tells us about using power tools and nails. It is already working. Quick. Since when is the person performing the Roadblock first shown completing it in two seconds? Jaime just got there, and the other three teams have yet to show up.

Margie must have completed it in no more than three minutes. Yikes.

It reminds me of the TAR 3 Swiss bike Roadblock where the younger teams had no idea what they were doing while the oldest teams blew through it with ease.

– So anyways, teams must now get into the boat and head through the canals of Bangkok (seriously Thailand needs to rename some of their cities) as they must use the map in their clue to find Peninsula Pier.

bangkok pier

A great place for tires when cars break down is to have them on the edges of canals where only boats can be used. Such a well-thought out location.

animal crossing

No wonder that guy from Animal Crossing is always catching a tire.

– Jaime starts cranking it in Bangkok.

bangkok jaime

It is one of Jaime’s favourite positions. . .to do a Roadblock.
bangkok michael

Michael and a driver cannot help but watch Jaime complete the task.

– Tammy & Victor tell their cab to wait as they run into the boatyard. Victor is doing the Roadblock. Mark & Michael are fourth. Mark is going to do it.

MICHAEL: Funny, it’s like we are all here at the same time.

Except you aren’t.

– Jaime is done the Roadblock. The boat starts to pull away but Jaime realizes they need their bags. So she communicates with the driver nicely to come back and get the bags. They try not to tell anyone why they are re-docking.

– Victor is trying to copy Jaime’s method to complete the task. Kisha & Jen pass by Jaime & Cara who are still running back to their cab to grab their bags.  Jaime pays the driver and they re-board the boat. Victor and Mark continue to work.

MICHAEL: Jam it, Mark. Jam it.

That is the worst advice for putting anything together ever.  Otherwise you will end up like James Miller from Survivor: Palau with a staple in the eye.

– As Jaime & Cara re-board the boat. . .

bangkok michael 2

Michael cannot help but check them out once again.

– The flute soundtrack that has been in TAR since TAR 3 Vietnam round plays.

– Mark calls the propeller a “bitch”. He is then approved.

bangkok kisha

Kisha’s butt is annoyed by being in last.

– Mark & Michael are on the boat and realize they need their bags too.

MICHAEL: They come back here. Now we need to navigate to the pier.

Yeah. Come back. Riiiight.

– Kisha is finished with the propeller. They embark in the boat.

KISHA: Our packs are back there and our clothing is at the dock. Even my shoes.
JEN: Everybody’s stuff is over there. Just go.

bangkok kisha 2

She looks like BJ & Tyler after a non-elimination round.

cory lee

In the words of Cory Lee, No Shoes No Pit Stop.

– Victor thinks the propeller is fine. It is approved. They have the clue. Oh no. The decision is reversed.

What kind of Roadblock design is that?

FOREMAN: Yeah it works. Oh wait, no. You have to come back and re-do the task.

So dumb. Even if it is Tammy & Victor.

– Tammy decides to make the strategic move to go back to the dock and re-claim their bags because she knows Mark & Michael nor Kisha & Jen took their bags with them.

– We now see teams travel in the canals. Cara says the brown water does not look like the turquoise water in Florida.

– Kisha & Jen have a discussion about the fanny pack.

JEN: Where is our fanny pack?
KISHA: At the dock. Just like I told you.
JEN: Oh. I thought they were in the taxi.
KISHA: No. At the dock just like I told you.

james and abba

Leaving it in a taxi is not much better.

– Kisha & Jen have a discussion if they really need to go back.

bangkok kisha jen 2

Oh my god, Kisha. If our fanny packs are still at the dock, why did you not panic at the time just like I am right now?

Kisha’s response?

bangkok kisha jen 3

Jen is troubled by Kisha not only being presumptuous, but by putting a sentence together that is not proper English.
bangkok jen

JEN: If anything, our passports are in there, you fool!

She is willing to run in her underwear to go back and get their bags.

bangkok kisha jen 4

Jen is reading the newspaper and hears Nunavut.

And the word “probably” being used in regarding to retrieving a passport makes Kisha sound like a dangerously carefree person.
bangkok kisha jen 5

Talking time is over.

– Jen stops talking because she does not want to start a confrontation over Kisha’s stupidity.

– Victor waves at monks on a bridge. Margie & Luke find the clue. Detour.

Broken Teeth or Broken Record.

– In Broken Teeth, teams must find the street known as “The Street of Happy Smiles”.

malibu teeth

In the U.S., this is known as Malibu, California.
cambodia dentist

In Cambodia, it is known as the Floating Dentist.

Did we really need a dentistry task in back-to-back seasons? I never thought that would be something to occur two seasons in a row.
bangkok teeth

I swear this is the last time I put my teeth away in a communal bowl.

– They will sift through fifty sets of dentures to find good matches for five of the patients.

PHIL: Rooting around in people’s mouths could be unpleasant, but if they can overcome the squeamishness, they could find themselves finishing quickly.

bangkok teeth 2

Just show this photo to your partner, and you will be making out in no time!

13 dead end drive

Somehow he looks like the gardener from 13 Dead End Drive.

bangkok phil

Dr. Phil recommends a tooth brush made of dried kiwis for healthy looking teeth!
bangkok clue

Good to know they are practicing quality hygiene!

bangkok teeth 3

That will put a smile on anyone’s face thanks to the dentures.

bangkok teeth 4
This one is my favourite.

bangkok teeth 5

I have heard of overcrowding, but this is just ridiculous.

– In Broken Record, teams must make their way to a parking lot and choose a party taxi that is equipped with an onboard karaoke system. While riding with a group of locals, they will sing repeatedly to a well-known Thai pop video until they reach their destination. There is nothing unpleasant about the task. It could be a lot of fun. But. . .

bangkok traffic

This could be a problem. I have a feeling those cars are not all rushing to go to a dentist.

Once they arrive at their destination, they will receive their next clue.
bangkok taxi

This is how American pop music comes across in Bangkok? Yikes.

bangkok taxi 2

These party taxis are accompanied by Minor Leaguers in the RuPaul Farm System.

bangkok detour

Oh! So THAT’S why people in Southeast Asia have the last name “Tran”.

bangkok detour 2

Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda. . .hey, anyone seen Samantha?
bangkok detour 3

I swear the guy on the right was in TAR 12.

– Phil hanging out with transvestites is something I would have liked to see much more than him being at a dentist office.

– Margie says the most unintentionally offensive thing all season.

MARGIE: I am a bad singer but he is a REALLY bad singer.

bangkok margie luke 3

Yes. Who knew someone who is deaf and relies on sign language would have a difficult time with vocals. Who knew.

Coming Up Next: Blind people attempt to audition for Major League Gaming.

– So they head to do some dentistry.

– Mark & Michael is excited to have caught up to Jaime & Cara.

bangkok mark michael 2

“Hey bro, I want to get into those stone cold foxes, don’t you? Did you see the way she was cranking that propeller?

bangkok mark michael 3

Michael does indeed check out Jaime & Cara yet again.

– They become discouraged when they see that Jaime & Cara have their bags. The Munoz brothers come to an agreement that they need their bags.
bangkok mark michael

“Dude, where’s our boat? Those Asian lawyers will catch up to us in no time!”

bangkok boat

Rhine Falls’d.

jill becky lee

John Vito & Jill will appear any moment now.

– Margie & Luke’s driver is getting out to ask for directions. Instead they find another driver who knows the place and speaks perfect English. Dream taxi.

bangkok margie

See? Dentist?

– Luke nearly gets hit by a car in the process.

– Kisha & Jen show up. Kisha walks the streets of Bangkok barefoot. Holy crap she is fearless. I do not even walk around my own house barefoot. They enter a cab quickly.

croatia no

They cannot enter a taxi with wet clothes in Croatia, but Kisha can enter a Thai cab without shoes.

– Tammy & Victor show up and are happy they have their bags. They decide to do karaoke.

VICTOR: We have to do karaoke because we are Chinese.

You are Chinese and must do karaoke because Chinese people love karaoke or Chinese people are not good with their teeth? Please be specific.

– You know how at the start of the episode when Phil discussed the tsunami that came through and destroyed Phuket?

bangkok car

Well, the flooding situation in Bangkok is not much better.

– It is Jaime & Cara’s cab. They comment on the ridiculousness of the flooding. Mark & Michael show where they need to go to some locals. Some of them say it is too far to drive. Mark wants to go to Chinatown while Michael insists they need a cab.

MICHAEL: We can’t give up our backpacks. We need our backpacks.

True.

– But Mark still brings up the fact that they do not have enough money. They really are screwed right now.
bangkok kisha 2

At least they have shoes and do not look like Britney Spears entering a public bathroom.

– Speaking of Kisha & Jen, how is Kisha handling her barefoot situation?

bangkok flood

Oh god. Stepping into flooded streets of a borderline third world country barefoot? God. Why in the world would Kisha agree to this?

But that is not the worst of it. Their backpacks, passports, money, and fanny packs are all at the dock. How they managed to hail a cab without going back is beyond me.

– Tammy could not be more excited for karaoke as she wonders if they will be singing a Thai version of Whitney Houston.

– Margie & Luke begin the task. Luke is hesitant while Margie gets her hands right in there. We go back to Jaime & Cara. The driver admits he does not know and he will ask in five minutes. Remember this is after twenty minutes of driving through flooded streets.

bangkok jaime cara 3

Jaime looks away as she gives up on a driver who is likely doing this to run up the metre.

– Mark & Michael have found a cab driver from the same company who can call their original driver’s cell phone back at the docks.

bangkok driver

He is lookin stylin’.

– Michael wants the driver to come to their current location. Mark says that is too expensive and that they need to head to Chinatown to do the Detour. Michael wants the bags now because they have no idea where their following destination will be.

Now Mark is right in this situation. They have shoes, and a cab driver who can hang onto their stuff for a cheaper price. Why pay for a cab who you cannot barter with? Time is money in this situation, but it does not suck anywhere near as much as Kisha & Jen’s.

– The disagreement is so heavy that they do not even get along in a confessional.

bangkok mark michael 4

Mark looks like he is ready to kill Michael. Michael says there are things in his bag that cannot be replaced.

Why would you bring things onto the race that are irreplaceable? Isn’t that just setting yourself up for trouble?

beyonce song

Even Beyonce thinks that is crazy. Anything that was irreplaceable she would place in a box to the left before going on the race.

– Kisha & Jen show up first to the Detour. Jaime & Cara show up just after them. Kisha is surprised, although this lead is nothing more than illusion.

– Tammy & Victor are now in fourth as they enter the Party Taxi. Of course their deficit is an illusion.

bangkok tammy victor 2

Tammy could not be more excited.

– Their singing hurts my ears, so it is time to go back to the dentures.

bangkok detour 4

Unpleasant audio or unpleasant visuals? A true Detour for the viewers.

bangkok detour 5

Smile, you’re on reality TV camera!

LUKE: I tried one woman. It was hard.

Who knew Luke would have a difficulty with trying women for the first time.

– Margie tells us that he was putting bottom teeth as top teeth. She mimed the woman’s face. Margie has two already.

– Mark & Michael discuss with people on the streets. They pay two hundred of the local currency to meet up with their original cab driver. Mark gives in and TEARS into Michael for not being willing to sacrifice their bags for the whole round, and just stick with their money, clothes on their backs, and passports.

True. I guess Mark’s real argument that editors failed to convey up to this point is that he is not even making the return to their bags a priority, while Michael is not willing to make that same sacrifice.

MARK: You said you would rather be eliminated and take your clothes home. You’d rather be comfortable and not go through the race and that’s the problem. You don’t want the million dollars, you just want to play.

Mark, you have earned yourself a snap. You just owned Michael. That ladies and gentlemen is what we call a closer.

bangkok mark

I just owned you, right?

bangkok michael 3

F— me. I think he did.

– Commercial. This is really reminding me of season one where the actual tasks are on pause as teams like Mark & Michael and Kisha & Jen encounter real world situations when traveling. How much can you leave behind and how much do you need?

– Michael asks Mark if they can really do the rest of the race in their current clothes. Mark tries to encourage Michael to take a chance.

Here is another grievance I have with Michael: Why enter a boat without your bags in the first place if they are that much of an issue? Because that just seems really stupid to me.

bangkok detour 6

More smiles for Margie & Luke as Margie is single-handedly slaughtering everyone on today’s race course.

– Margie tells us that her nursing background led her to feeling comfortable in someone’s personal space.

bangkok margie 2

I love Luke awkwardly standing in the background.

– They finish the task. Margie reads that they must make their way to the pit stop–Phya Thai Palace. This lead will work out to about an hour. Margie brags that she fit all five herself and does her best Kathy Vavrick-O’ Brien laugh.

bangkok margie 3

kathy vavrick

Haw haw haw.

– We go back to Kisha & Jen

(KISHA laughs in background. It is quiet but you can hear it.)
JEN: My first question was “Are they transvestites?”
(Ding sound effect plays.)
JEN: My second question was “Why do they wear so much make-up?”
(Blunder sound effect plays.)
JEN: My third question was “Why are we in a Party Taxi with three transvestites?”
LOGAN: Why -not- be in a Party Taxi with three transvestites?

bangkok kisha 3

My question is “Does Kisha need glasses or is stumped by reading Thai?”

bangkok kisha jen 6

Nope, but Kisha uses glasses. . .and wears no underwear. Also she wets the bed.

– Jen admits the task is a lot of fun.

– Cara tells us that their motto is always to pick the Detour that sounds more fun.

CARA: Who does not love to sing karaoke? Karaoke is fun.

Uh, Luke.

bangkok cara

Cara shamelessly begging for our attention.

bangkok jaime cara 4

Jaime may hate taxi drivers, but she sure loves her transvestites.

– Tammy likes the companions in her Party Taxi.

bangkok tran

Including this one who wins the award for Best Unnecessary Makeup.

– Tammy found them encouraging. Victor said they raised the bar high.

– Margie & Luke are already at the palace. Holy crap. And Luke makes a suggestion against the wisdom of the round.

bangkok margie luke 4

Oh. So you wait until the END of a round to ditch your bags. Not the beginning. So that is where everyone else is going wrong.

MARGIE: I am not going to faint today.

bangkok pit stop greeter

We meet the pit stop greeter. Is this the first time we have seen a bird on the shoulder of a greeter?

simon blackquill

Who is he trying to be? Simon Blackquill? I dono.

– Phil signs Margie & Luke’s number.

bangkok phil 2

The stress of learning sign language.

bangkok phil 3

ROAR!

FIRST: MARGIE & LUKE ^ 3 from last week

bangkok phil thumb

You can even see Phil’s finger in this frame.

– Phil signs the word ‘congratulations’.

bangkok phil 4

Well, he has learned one additional word in sign language since the first round. Just imagine what he can do if Margie & Luke can play the game two more times, but that will never happen.

– PHIL: You have won a sensational. . .

Sensational? Wow. He even learned a new English word too.

– Their prize is a trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Phil brings up how wiped Margie was just 24 hours earlier. It probably helps the sun is not out.

– Kisha & Jen finish the Detour in second. No taxi is around. Kisha wants to head to the pit stop. They enter a cab but cannot go because of a lack of funds. Geez. How can they even check in?!

– Jaime & Cara are done. They have yet to find a cab. Tammy & Victor are done as they see Kisha running barefoot. It is a scramble for cabs. This round is turning into complete mayhem.

VICTOR: Looks like we left the Detour earlier than Jaime & Cara which is shocking to me because they left the Roadblock sooooooo much earlier than we did.

bangkok tran

Sounds like Victor’s cab ride with the transvestites went on for a bit toooooooo long.

– Jaime & Cara order the driver to follow Tammy & Victor’s taxi. Cara is studying the map as she tells Jaime to make sure they do not lose Tammy & Victor. Jaime is on good terms with their taxi driver from the backseat.

bangkok jaime cara 5

Off to yet another great relationship with a cab driver.

– Kisha & Jen beg a driver in a taxi to drive them to the pit stop for free. Impressive.

bangkok kisha jen 7

You just cannot turn down those puppy dog eyes.

JEN: And then I guess we will figure out how to get the rest of our stuff. I’m not too worried about my clothes that are there. I am just worried about my passport.

So why are you checking into the pit stop? I guess they did not see TAR 13.

– Mark & Michael have gone back to the docks and met with their taxi. Mark points out there is another cab too. I assume it is Kisha & Jen’s. They pay four hundred Thai whateverthehecksthecurrencyitisbecause it was never explained and enter their original taxi driver’s cab.

If only this season did the currency puzzle from TAR 23’s finale, we would know what the Thai currency would be.

bangkok currency

Say it ten times fast.

Thai baht
Thai baht
Thai baht
Thai baht
Thai baht
Toy baht
Toy boat
Toy boat.

Dammit.

– Mark & Michael are ready to go the Detour. Michael notices that another team is making the same mistake they did because he finally realizes why another cab is waiting.

bangkok driver 2

Ten more minutes and I am the owner of a brand new pair of shoes!

– Michael announces they are indeed heading to the Detour.

bangkok driver 3

The bars are temples but the pearls ain’t free. . .

The last time we saw a close-up of the cab metre was when. . .

chip money

Yep, the Chip incident. Who knew Dubai could be so expensive.

– Victor opens up the additional information sheet as he reads the pit stop clue to the driver. Let’s have a peek, shall we?

bangkok clue 2

“Remember, failure to settle your bill with your taxi driver may result in a. . .”

That’s where the additional info cuts off? The only piece of interesting info on the sheet is cut off? That is such BS.

– Victor orders their driver to get out and ask. Jaime orders their own driver to not tell Victor’s driver. Their bossiness succeeds. Tammy tells us that the two taxis turned in contrasting directions. This should make for interesting results.

– Kisha & Jen truck along until they are right behind Tammy & Victor. Kisha is prepared to run it to the end. I am guessing they believe they are last. So it will likely come down to a (bare)foot race.

barefoot contessa

Even the Barefoot Contessa would not put herself at risk like that.

jack reacher

Even Jack Reacher owns more clothes than Kisha as of right now.

– So Kisha & Jen prepare for the run. Kisha has no shoes. They have no bags. No passports. No money. And are on the other side of the city away from where the Roadblock was located. How is their situation?

bangkok kisha jen 8

Depends on who you ask.

– Mark feels a bit discouraged but no point fixing the past.

MARK: We have enough stuff to bargain with if we do not have enough money.

Another great plan set up by Mark. You can always have a back-up plan when you are on The Amazing Race.

bangkok driver 4

I cannot get over the pink steering wheels. I wonder if pink is viewed as a professional colour like blue or black is in North America?

SECOND: JAIME & CARA – from last week

– They jump and down in excitement of their great finish.

bangkok driver 5

Who is the meek driver now, b—-es?

bangkok jaime cara 6

I think Jaime just Jen Hoffman’d her pants.

bangkok jaime cara 7

The excitement has yet to wear off.

bangkok phil 5

Enough. Be thankful we gave you two confessionals for the whole round.

– Tammy & Victor exit the cab with the driver to lead them. Kisha & Jen pull up right behind them and start running. A barefoot Kisha beats them to the mat.

THIRD: KISHA & JEN

FOURTH: TAMMY VICTOR

– No one is celebrating. Phil informs Kisha & Jen that they left behind their travel documents at the Roadblock.

PHIL: You are not going to be able to leave Thailand to head to another travel destination. So I cannot check you in.

In other words, “what the f— were you thinking?”
bangkok kisha jen 9

Wah wah wahhhhh.

– Commercial.

– We see the same ending clip over again. It seems like the round has only lasted two hours since the Roadblock. It appears to be a really quick round today.

THIRD: TAMMY & VICTOR v 2 from last week

– Phil informs Tammy & Victor of their improved placing after Kisha & Jen run away.

– It seems like Kisha & Jen are dead in the flooded water. They manage to get a different driver to bring them to the Roadblock. It sounds like they can just pay the driver when they get there. It sounds like something a Thai driver has heard a million times before, but is willing to believe a couple of American tourists.

– Mark & Michael are now at the Detour. It is a mystery how far it is between the pit stop and the Roadblock location.

– Mark offers up some of his belongings to make up the remaining 185 baht on their 785 baht fare. Flashlight and compass. The driver accepts.

Yeah, he did that.

– MICHAEL: Karaoke seems fun.
MARK: It is easy. It is like waking up in the morning and putting my clothes on. Second nature.

– Kisha & Jen are back at the Roadblock. Mark & Michael continue singing their way through the Detour.

Remember how I said that Mark & Michael are just naturally oblivious people to their surroundings?

MICHAEL: All I know is we had to please these crazy local girls. Pretty local girls I should say.

Mark & Michael are not rating the same type of mate that the trans are contemplating. Thankfully TAR has invited us to watch Mark & Michael be used as the circumstances of this task will excite you.
bangkok michael 4

I haven’t had a woman come onto me in years!

charlie murphy

Wrong! Wrong!

– Kisha & Jen have successfully located their bags and ask to head back to the palace. Their original driver was -still- there. Onwards they go. Jen is not optimistic.

– Mark & Michael finish the Detour. They can now head to the pit stop. Mark asks a taxi driver how much it will be. 500 baht. He offers to pay 200 plus bargain.

Whoa. He is bargaining personal items even when he has cash? Something tells me that is highly discouraged by the race.

– They successfully hire the cab.

– Kisha says they will not change regardless of what happened and will not get worked up.

MARK: Those girls were pretty high energy. At the worst times you got to have a good time so we rocked it.

I bet they had no idea until they watched this episode air several months later.

– Kisha & Jen never knew they could have a day like this and understand to never leave behind a fanny pack.

– Mark & Michael exit the cab. Mark gives up his watch and 200 baht. The driver is content as Mark & Michael enter the mat.

FOURTH: MARK & MICHAEL

bangkok mark michael 5
They cannot believe their combined strategies work. It is a miracle. They have survived because of their sheer brilliance. Those nice girls in the cab wished them luck.

bangkok phil 6

PHIL: However, I understand you broke a race rule?

bangkok mark michael 6

We did the ten jumping jacks and bought the sugar cookie, right?

bangkok phil 6

PHIL: By using personal possessions to settle a bill, is that correct? And then you failed to correctly identify the transvestites, did three rotations on the dizzy bat instead of five, and uttered a couple of racial slurs directed at Tammy & Victor?

bangkok mark michael 7

bangkok mark michael 8

You can spot the exact moment when Mark utters the F-bomb under his breath.

– They admit to their actions.

PHIL: You have incurred a two hour penalty. You did that twice.

– We see a highlight reel of their errors.

PHIL: Which means your total penalty is four hours. You have to wait over there until we check you in.

MICHAEL: If we survive this it will be amazing.
MARK: I doubt it.

bangkok mark michael 9

Cheer up, Mark & Michael. You only have 3 hours, 59 minutes, and 57 seconds to go!

– Kisha & Jen exit the cab and are on the palace grounds.

bangkok mark michael 10

What would be really cruel is if Kisha & Jen took 3 1/2 hours just so Mark & Michael are stuck sitting or standing on that patch of grass for nearly four hours. They may as well start recording their confessionals at that point.

PHIL: Kisha & Jen. . .
JEN: You are the last team to arrive?
PHIL: No, you are actually the fourth team.

bangkok kisha jen 10

Jen maintains this pose for a solid ten seconds. No joke.

FOURTH: KISHA & JEN ^ 1 from last week

PHIL: You thought you were out of it, didn’t you Kisha?

After going back to the first task to retrieve shoes, bags, money, and passport? Uh yeah.

– Jen must feel bad for whoever had to go through a worse day than they did as she has yet to remove her hands.

– Jen chalks up to their survival to God. They just do not respect to luck.
bangkok mark michael 11

One day in Bangkok really makes hard men tumble.
bangkok phil 7

Phil just stands there and stares as Mark & Michael’s remaining 3 hours, 10, minutes, and 12 seconds runs out.

– Okay, he checks them in right then.

LAST: MARK & MICHAEL v 2 from last week

– However, it is a non-elimination round. They are not even relieved as Phil informs them that the remainder of their penalty will be added to their release time at the start of the next leg, and there will be a Speed Bump.

Eh, all it takes is a plane equalizer and a five minute Speed Bump.

– Michael says it was their only option anyway.

MICHAEL: In a land of Buddha, I do not want to create bad luck.

– Neither are too worried because all it takes is a bit of luck to grant them survival.

Next Time on TAR: An equalizer. And the idiocy of contestants continues as Kisha & Jen and Margie & Luke decide who can beat Jonathan Baker’s record for the best shove of all-time.

Yeah. Sounds like a fun one.

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

TAMMY.VICTOR 5.3
MARGIE.LUKE 7.4
KISHA.JEN 6.10
MARK.MICHAEL 6.8
JAIME.CARA 1.1

RANK THE LEGS:

1) Los Alamitos, California -> Stechelberg, Switzerland

I give kudos to production for allowing their thrill-seeking task to be out of the way early. Doing the second highest bungee jump in the world is certainly no small feat. Believe it or not this was the second bungee jump they have done in Switzerland.

This really needed to be a longer premiere. It truly is a shame that we could not see the first scramble to the airport nor seeing teams interact with each other before the lying and deceiving would begin. Seeing teams have fun before flying to the first route marker is one of my favourite parts to each season.

There was no Detour because production wanted teams to carry cheese down a steep hill instead. Production knew they had struck gold because this had one of the most screen cap intensive scenes in the history of my blog. There is something about people falling on their butt, scooting on their butt, and rogue wheels of cheese crashing through Swiss houses that led to lots of laughter.

Overall, this was a very solid leg, and will probably be my favourite by TAR 14 standards.

2) Bran, Romania -> Krasnoyarsk, Russia

A battle for flights at the beginning was great. Four flight paths for eight teams? You do not see that happen too often.

But that collapsed when all teams were connecting on the same Moscow flight. However, for a relatively unexplained reason, teams were split between two Moscow airports to head to Krasnoyarsk. I think half of the teams were dropped off at the domestic airport while the other half were at the international airport.

The time difference was roughly four hours between flights. The equalizer at the dam was reasonable because it opened at 8:30am and stayed open relatively late.

Anyways, I loved the wood stacking and window constructing Detour. It is a Detour that could be used in Siberia or northern Canada. Both tasks appeared rather difficult. The falling stacks of wood was rather amusing.

The group of people at the Detour camping out as they eat strange food and laughing at the falling stacks as well as the drunken lady who was dancing and singing the whole time. I have never seen people so energetic in the morning.

The Roadblock added an extra layer to what was becoming a tired task. They have used multiple bobsled runs in the past where all they had to do was complete it under a specific time limit. The addition of coming up with a Russian last name that does not require you to know his name, and instead use logical reasoning, was a refreshing change to the task.

The introduction of the Blind U-Turn is a change I do not particularly mind. Whether it is a Blind U-Turn or have its senses fully functional does not matter much to me. However I do not understand why its use had to be hyped up at the start of the episode.

The only con to the episode was how much airtime Margie & Luke received, but I guess that is expected from a team that production wanted to be the first three-timers in TAR history.

And the round in Siberia proved that it is drastically different from the previous four Russian rounds in TAR where they spent it in major cities west of the Urals.

3) Phuket, Thailand -> Bangkok, Thailand

I liked the old school aspect to the teams being lost and traveling to preserve their travel gear. Losing your stuff is apart of real life traveling and evaluating the time you spend retrieving certain stuff made this episode feel like season one over all again.

Mark & Michael are not only oblivious to the people around them (again) such as mistaking transvestites as women, but oblivious to the rules as they managed to rack up a total of four infractions in these two rounds. Seeing them get struck down after each moment of brilliance was hilarious.

Margie also was a one-woman wrecking crew this round. Seeing her just beast it through the propeller Roadblock, taking the bags, and slaughtering the dentures. Granted this round overall seemed to play out rather quickly. Who knows if Margie was just that good or if a knowledge of what you are doing made everybody take anywhere between a minute to ten minutes to complete those tasks at the most.

Kisha running barefoot through flooded streets all the way to the pit stop without her passport may be one of the dumbest moves ever made. If her and Jen took their bags in the first place, they would have finished second. But instead they had to waste time begging for free rides and constantly worry about their bags.

Seeing Jen’s reaction to being declared fourth as opposed to dead last by fifty minutes was a highlight for the season.

Jaime & Cara were pretty much invisible this round. The only times we saw them were the two times that Jaime freaked out at drivers or calling one “meek”. That was it. I think editing wanted us to hate Jaime & Cara because we have not been given anything else about their edit for the past few rounds.

The only reason why this is not at the top is because the day in Bangkok seemed too easy and too fast.

Also, what exactly is the bargaining rule? Can you not settle a cab bill with your personal possessions when you still have money? That makes sense. If you are not allowed to use personal possessions at all, then many teams in the past have tried breaking that rule because we have seen shoes and watches offered in the past.

4) Novosibirsk, Russia -> Jaipur, India

It is somehow in the top half out of the first six legs of the season. As much as I rag on production sending teams to India for the eleventh leg in TAR history, they were able to come up with some unique tasks. In fact it beat the India rounds from TAR 12 and 13.

The tasks were original except for the Speed Bump. Feeding camels was neat to see before they go on to be a bunch of divas in Abu Dhabi.

Jaime freaking out at taxi drivers for no good reason was great too.

The sweltering heat really took its toll on teams. I just wish the camel task and the Shakers tasks were a bit tougher.

But do you know how they have run out of ideas for India? Because they decided to plop a red phone next to a sacred tree. I never thought production would stoop so low as to make teams listen to a call centre.

Mark & Michael provided most of the entertainment this round as they were oblivious to their awful jokes and their offensive ululating like they were doing a bad Leo & Jamal impersonation.

The two huge negatives are the over-the-top Margie & Luke moments of emotion, and yet another freakin’ “there is poverty but they are all so harmonious” clips. There must be an hour of that footage total that has aired on TAR over the years.

But why this leg is up to number three for the time being is because of two things:

– Man spontaneously kicked by camel.
– Pit stop greeter playing a flute up his nose.

5) Salzburg, Austria -> Bran, Romania

Gymnastics. Loading up a gypsy cart. Minimal equalizers. A quote from Young Frankenstein. Running aimlessly through the woods. A new country. Scrambling for the best flights.

These are all makings of a great round of TAR. In fact I would have ranked this as the best round of the season by far because this is the only new country of the season and the tasks were great.

But then it had to be ruined by showing Tammy & Victor for the majority of the episode! Just look at the confessional counts of the episode. For once Margie & Luke were pushed to the side in favour of Tammy & Victor of all people. We saw a minimum of a five minute breakdown of each of their tasks.

Production is trying way too hard to make us like Tammy & Victor. It is not like they were hidden in the first two episodes either. Why keep showing us a team that mildly annoys us and has a personality that is impossible for the viewers to identify with as they watch?

To make things worse, the only team other than Brad & Victoria to be shown was. . .virtually no one. We had the first Jaime blow-up, a bit of Kris & Jon because of their blunder, and Mel & Mike’s victory.

But other than that it is impossible to think of a single thing that the other teams did. It was entirely from the perspective of Brad & Victoria and Tammy & Victor.

Ugh. They ruined the best round of the race by doing this. Now it is an episode that many TAR viewers have forgotten because Tammy & Victor are people you try your absolute best to forget!

6) Krasnoyarsk, Russia -> Novosibirsk, Russia

The underwear run should have been longer and more gruelling. No navigation to the pit stop was a bit annoying (unless you were Mark & Michael).

Too much focus on Luke and Victor yet freakin’ again.

Not seeing teams check out of the pit stop annoyed me.

The snowplows were far easier than the bride task. Like people who never drive cars were completing the snowplows on their first try.

The only thing that saves this round is that teams had to drive themselves to a couple of route markers using the Lada and struggling with a stick shift. It shocks me that there will always be players who do not learn how to drive a stick upon entering the race!

And another indoor pit stop at a theatre two rounds in a row was repetitive. These two rounds have been molded into one in my memory for the past five years. I thought the last round was going to be underwear running and the bobsled Chekhov puzzle, but realized that those were both Roadblocks.

Two rounds in a row in not only the same country, but also the same climate, and also using identical locations for the pit stop really drags down this episode.

Oh, and it was a non-elimination.

7) Stechelberg, Switzerland -> Salzburg, Austria

The round was constructed with zero equalizers. I do not understand why we needed a two minute dedication to Margie & Luke at the start of the episode, but for some reason it was there.

The Roadblock was your usual paragliding task, but seeing it reduced to a one hour jog down the mountain made for some boring television to the point that production did not include any of it except for Linda’s wrong turn on TV.

We saw the growing gap between Kisha & Jen. Seeing Jen’s increasing levels of frustration with Kisha’s older siblingitis was fun to watch.

Watching Mel narrate ten minutes of the episode was annoying because you knew that he is only narrating due to the minor celebrity status of himself and Mike. The part where Mike tries to scale the gate was definitely worthy of being on TV as Phil looks on trying not to laugh.

Pie throwing acting as a needle in the haystack task was boring. The Segway obstacle course was overly linear and straightforward to the point that barely any of the footage made it on TV.

Seeing the woodcutters was neat. The pit stop location was gorgeous.

Mark & Michael being idiots by not asking for a cell phone inside the cab was amusing.

Then watching Steve & Linda’s interactions for the whole round was definitely the meat and potatoes of the episode. Linda’s performance in these two rounds qualifies her as one of the worst racers in terms of ability to appear in the show’s history. Wonderful people, but Steve & Linda were not built for TAR.

The only person with worse abilities than Linda are the abilities of the casting director for TAR 18.

The trend of seasons that visit Europe are weak overall does not slow down thanks to the kajillionth trip to Germany and Austria.

P.S. When this episode aired on TV I was quite sleepy. Rewatching it today and that has not changed.

P.P.S. What was up with the one minute dedication to Margie & Luke between the ‘Previously On’ and Intro segments? Ridiculous.

8) Jaipur, India -> Phuket Thailand

This was a lame design. A zoo where you just move between two stations is not challenging. Neat, but not challenging. That picture seemed easy to figure out if you spent at least one minute on the street.

The ‘Pick a Drawer’ task may be the lamest task I have ever seen on TAR that does not involve gas stations or climbing up onto a big chair.

Nobody bothered with the Fast Forward, thus making it the first season ever where a Fast Forward was offered but ignored for the whole season.

And there was no reason to not have a Roadblock. It just gives the weaker players a free pass.

Did we really need to see that many monkeys?

The only things that made up for it this round is that Tammy & Victor and Margie & Luke received far less attention this round. Jaime & Cara, Mark & Michael, and Kisha’s sneezes provided ninety-nine percent of the entertainment. I think Mark & Michael may be my favourite characters because of how odd and unique their personalities are.

Oh, and their penalties for doing things that are clearly stated in the race rules. Nobody has received two penalties for breaking race rules in the same round. A one hour penalty is unheard of in TAR.

Lastly, Margie passing out after being declared the Bionic Woman was a great example of dark comedic timing. Phil could not have said it at a better time.

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