The Amazing Race 14 episode two ranking

Second episode

“Your Target of Your Anger is the Blogger’s Keyboard”

COUNTRIES VISITED

SWITZERLAND – GERMANY – AUSTRIA  – ROMANIA – RUSSIA – INDIA – THAILAND – CHINA – USA

Hey, if you want to read Phil’s episode one blog, here it is:

http://popwatch.ew.com/2009/02/16/phil-keoghan-bl-4/

Nothing too absurd in the comments yet. It is a bunch of forty year old women named Karen, Janet, Renee, etc. that all say how much they love the season and how they cried when Margie & Luke finished first in the opening round. I have a feeling Karen, Janet, and Renee do not have a whole lot going for them.

Previously on TAR: Eleven teams set out on a race around the world. Falling behind early took its toll on married couple Steve & Linda. On a steep Swiss hillside, Luke, the race’s first deaf contestant, took a spill. But soldiered on with his mother for a tearful victory.
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– Jennifer struggled to keep up while Linda barely inched forward giving last place Christie & Jodi a glimmer of hope. This set up a final sprint to the mat where Preston & Jennifer came up short.

charla bag

Not that short.

– At the end of the leg all of the teams were impressed by Margie & Luke’s first place finish.

MIKE: It really challenges your sense of what people are capable of.

CHRISTIE: We’re impressed not only by their skill but by their integrity.

TAMMY: Margie is the bionic woman. Luke is super fast and Luke is also extraordinarily observant. They’re definitely a team to be reckoned with.

– Intro time.

NOTE: They have never done that before. They never raved about a team for a full minute prior to the intro. You can tell production wanted to pimp the heck out of Margie & Luke.

NOTE #2: The only other time that we have seen a team talked about at great lengths before the start of the round itself is when Rob & Amber were eliminated from All Stars. And that segment barely lasted twenty seconds. Margie & Luke’s not only tripled that, but occurred before the intro.

– Phil introduces us to the southwestern Swiss alps. Hearing Phil say Stechelberg is hilarious. It is like a made-up word.

– Margie & Luke, who were the first to arrive at 256pm, will depart at 256am. Margie reads that teams must fly for twenty minutes to Munich, Germany and find Ruhpolding. Once there they must ride a cable car to the top of the mountain. There they will find their next clue.

– Margie talks about the misconceptions regarding Luke while growing up. He was called retarded and slow. It couldn’t be further from the truth because he is first and brilliant in getting airtime. Luke talks about proving what deaf people can do.

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colby hat

I see Colby went forward with his hat line.

– Tammy & Victor depart second at 257am. Victor thinks of himself as the leader of the team. He has always been the elder brother. They borrow a cell phone. Tammy hands off the cell phone to him because she cannot figure it out.

– Mark & Michael depart third at 259am. They make up about half a minute because they ran according to them.

Well, everyone else’s legs are twice as long as yours. So factor that in and everyone has maintained the same amount of distance.

– Mark & Michael simultaneously describe their current confidence level and the offensiveness of my latest comment.
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The first time that any part of Mark & Michael have exited out of a frame.

– Mel & Mike begin fourth at 318am. Mel immediately reminds us of injuring his groin. We get a black and white flashback.
germany mel

Apparently him telling us that he injured his groin was not enough.

MEL: I am going to limp my way across the world.

Also known as the Terry Fox method of travel.

– Now we are at Kris & Jon who depart fifth at 347am.

germany kris jon

Wow, I guess they switched spots with Amanda & Chris? Odd. They should totally dominate this round.

– Kris talks about her anxiety. Jon claims the race is sweet.

– Brad & Victoria begin at 356am. Brad is not used to being up this early, even for an old person.

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Best segue into a commercial break ever. But why are my pants suddenly hitched above my belly button?

– Jaime & Cara are seventh to begin the round at 359am. I should note they are the seventh team to borrow a cell phone in the cab.

– Kisha & Jen are eighth at 402am. Kisha laughs. It is like a penguin laughing. First flight is out at 710am. Second flight is 845am. Kisha feels she has to play the older sister role. Jen is pissed off about it.

– Steve & Linda are ninth. 404am. They are that close to the rest of the pack? Impressive. Steve cries about how he treated Linda yesterday. Linda cries too. I cry because of how over-the-top this crying fest is on TV. Linda finds it wonderful that she is not the first person to be eliminated from the race.

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“Somehow we beat at least one team!”

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Will never let down the fact that they were beaten by Steve & Linda. I cannot imagine Linda being involved in a piggyback ride.

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Holy crap. You guys have zero capability of handling The Amazing Race.
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Steve has not cried this much since Max went off to college.

– Steve advises Linda to take her rain jacket off. We see Jon, Jaime, Victor, and Mike all find out about the 710am flights. Steve borrows the cell phone. Linda catches on that they could be on the first flight.

Linda is slowly learning thirteen seasons of TAR history.

– There is a shot of Mel looking like he could be an old school dictator.

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He stares into the soul of the taxi driver’s groin.

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“Yes Jack, I will get to work on the script of School of Rock 2 after I am done promoting your career on The Amazing Race.”

– 710am or 845am. Or 710am. Or 845am.

– Mark & Michael say it is chill time. They know they are starting in third so it is time to relax.
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The snowy Swiss Alps have already made them chill.

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Nothing spells a third place lead like a victory nap on the way to the airport. Everyone will be receiving tickets in the order they arrived at the airport.

– Mel & Mike, Tammy & Victor, Kris & Jon, Brad & Victoria, Jaime & Cara, Steve & Linda all have tickets on the 710am flight.

STEVE: We are starting to feel more comfortable and not as intimidated by the race.

LINDA: And Germany has beer so I hope there is a beer challenge.

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They look intoxicated already.

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Steve in two years after he divorces Linda and is free of her alcoholism.
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No. I am NOT making a Todd Herzog reference, thank you very much.

– Christie & Jodi depart dead last at 412am. They also borrow a cell phone.

– A montage of teams showing up to the airport. Margie & Luke never used a cell phone as they try to book seats on the 710am flight. Mark & Michael get in line too. We see Christie on the phone as if it is a real time race between them.

– Margie & Luke have tickets for the flight.

– Christie & Jodi are turned down. They get on the 845am flight. Mark & Michael are on that flight too.

– Suddenly Phil is recapping who is on which flight.

710AM: JAIME & CARA; KISHA & JEN; STEVE & LINDA; MARGIE & LUKE; MEL & MIKE; BRAD & VICTORIA; TAMMY & VICTOR; KRIS & JON

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They are always at the front of the pack. Thank goodness there are no train tracks in the air.

– Mark tells us that they went from third to ninth. Michael acknowledges they should have called ahead to book flights. Meanwhile Margie & Luke must have lucked out. They await for Christie & Jodi’s arrival.

– Suddenly we are in Munich, Germany. Quick montage of the sights. It feels like this is the third or fourth trip to Munich. Lots of airport running. Mel & Mike nearly collide. Tammy & Victor are first. Kris & Jon second. Margie & Luke third. Margie loves the auto-bahn. Jaime & Cara follow Luke in fourth. Cara loves them. Mel & Mike are fifth as Mel tries out his German.

– Kisha & Jen are sixth. Kisha finds German streets to be very confusing.

roger sexton

Almost as confusing as Roger finds the concept of female homosexuality.

– Tammy & Victor park at the base of the cable car as they are alone inside the cable car. They see teams below running to the building knowing they have a fifteen minute lead. Victor comments on the sights.

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How much do you think that house is worth? I would like to see that on MTV Cribs.

– Tammy & Victor run to the clue box.

VICTOR: Who is ready to fly like an eagle?
TAMMY: I am.

– The Roadblock is the same “run down the hill until you start soaring in the air” task from TAR 5’s Patagonia round in episode three. I assume it is a Roadblock this time because who in their right minds would choose to ride a bike instead of doing the paragliding.
karen ferry

“Don’t chicken out. . .Linda!”

– The other team member will ride down the gondola and find the landing area. They will wait for their partner to land. Thankfully being the one taking a taxi to the landing zone is not considered to be the Roadblock task.

– Phil adds that if it is not safe due to winds and teams have successfully waited a certain amount of time, they have the option to run down the hill for an approximate sixty minute hike or wait for the weather to improve.

I assume this is why it was made a Detour in TAR 5. The stipulation if the weather sucked that day in San Carlos de Bariloche is that you had to ride bikes.

– This Roadblock really is a Detour. Either fly in the air under great weather or run down the hill no matter what the weather could be.

– Victor roots on Tammy as he admits his jealousy.

– JEN: We are lost.
KISHA: We are not lost.
JEN: We don’t know where we are going.
KISHA: Let me look at the map.
JEN: Are we going right or straight?
KISHA: Go straight?
JEN: Okay.

germany jen

All hail euphemisms!

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How did they get this camera angle? Did production place multiple cars of their own to follow teams that are reported to be lost?

– Kris & Jon, Mel & Mike, Margie & Luke, and Jaime & Cara are bunched together.

– The wind changes all of a sudden and is too harsh to fly for the time being. The instructor cannot give Tammy a time of when the wind will change.

There is a lot of strategy to this. Do you wait up to forty minutes hoping you get to do something totally awesome or do you play it safe and go with a sixty minute miserable hike downhill?

Tammy, not willing to relax and chill with a lead, decides to ditch the gear and start running. Victor is no longer jealous of Tammy’s Roadblock.

– The other four teams show up. Cara, Margie, Jon, and Mel. Mel says he is old but wants to do some of the challenges. He talks about his groin some more. A lovely topic.

– Mark & Michael and Christie & Jodi’s flight lands at 845am. 95 minutes after the other teams. They wish to catch up. Mark no longer wants to pretend being a happy person. This cell phone error has really made him feel small.

– Victoria comments on the beauty of the top of the hill as she prepares to jump at six thousand foot elevation.

– Steve & Linda talk in the gondola. Steve admires Linda’s ability to turn anything into a nice situation. She admits being afraid of heights but Steve gets her to focus on the scenery. Then she agrees.

Uh, Steve contradicted what he just said.

– Victoria comments how the wind must change and be perfect for four people flying before her. Seeing the shaky writing on the wall, she ditches the gear and starts running. If the wind continues and knowing Tammy’s cardio, she will launch herself into second place.

– Mel wants her to stay but says she has to move on. Linda shows up and volunteers to do the Roadblock. Margie and Jon agree to run.

– A unique soundtrack plays that sounds like kid’s music. What is this? Family Edition.

– Luke does his first ever solo confessional. Yes, it is all subtitled. This has never happened before in TAR unless you watched The Amazing Race: Cockney Edition.

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Sadly the blind audience of TAR will not know what is going on at the moment.

– Luke writes down a note to Jaime. Jamie tells Cara that he said to kick ass and not get eliminated. Cara shrugs and does an exaggerated kiss as Luke runs off. I have a feeling that Cara has not had much experience dealing with deaf people.

– Brad and Kris talk about Mel’s groin problems and how he will have issues if the wind does not stop.

– We see Mel complain that he will feel crippled if running down the hill.  Linda decides to start running too.

– Tammy runs into an arrow. She sees it and decides to run to the left.
germany arrow

Pretty obvious arrow, right?

– Christie & Jodi and Kisha & Jen show up. Jen and Christie are doing the Roadblock. They see Mel. Mike feels that it is an increasingly uneasy scenario as every team has caught up and knows that Mel cannot run down the hill.

– Christie wonders what she is doing. Mel says that Cara is chickening out and why she is running down the hill. Mel tries to get them to not think about running down the hill. The three of them hope the weather changes.

– Mark & Michael show up. Mark is doing the Roadblock. Mel encourages Mark to stick around.

MEL: Don’t be afraid!
MARK: You’re telling -me- to not be afraid?

– Jodi advises Christie to think about running. Mel doesn’t want everyone to leave because he will look like an idiot. Mark immediately decides to run. So does Christie and Jen. Mel commentates every second of it as he feels bad for Mike and bad for himself for making this decision.

Hey Mike, tell us how you really feel.

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Oh. I see.

– Commercial break.

– Mike says this is the first time that he has been worried about being eliminated. Yeah, finally. I can’t think of a team who is not fearful of elimination by round two.

MEL: I cannot pray for divine intervention. God has enough to do. I can just thank You for this beautiful place. Thank you for having us and a son that is so great. I can’t pray for God to intervene on my behalf for wind. . .but if it changed I would be grateful.

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– Suddenly the wind changes. Mel & Mike both crown it as a miracle. This scene was nearly as excessive as Margie & Luke’s.

– Tammy is done. I think the wind must have lasted a good hour or so. Victor reads the clue but I cannot spell the places he is trying to read.

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Much better. Victor reads they must drive 25 miles to Schonau Am Konigssee where they will find their next clue. Tammy & Victor drive off with a decisive lead.

– Mel is now in the air.

– Margie is second to finish the run. Brad declares that Margie is tough. Margie & Luke drive away.

germany flight

Too bad a tree branch caught him in the groin.

– Jon is next one to finish the run. Jon gets directions from a local before driving. Margie & Luke are busy reading a map. They see it on the map. Kris is thankful Jon ran because she would not have been able to run it.

– Victoria is fourth to finish the run.

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Brad suffocates her as punishment for making him miss his favourite Matlock re-run.

– Mel describes how awesome the visuals are.

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Mel’s eye view.

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MIKE: I went from feeling like it was over and now I feel like there is hope.

hope

– Linda is not sure where to navigate.

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– Cara keeps running as she sees the left arrow. Mark says the running is simple as he follows the arrow. Christie and Jen do it too.

– Mel asks if it is Bavaria. He would stay up in the air all day if he had a sandwich. He wants a beer because it is Bavaria. He lands and hugs Mike. Mel informs Jaime that everybody else is running. For now Mel & Mike are fifth.
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A foot race, eh?

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Linda running for an hour on a trail? Oh, the horror!

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Uh oh!

– Mike jokes that Mel’s bones would have been discovered in the hinterlands of Germany years later if he chose to ran.

– Tammy & Victor have the clue. It is a Detour.

Balancing Dolly

– In Balancing Dolly, teams must ride a Segway through a two mile obstacle course. Once they reach the end they will receive their next clue.

In Austrian Folly, teams must enter a party tent and pick one of many pies to throw at a target. What they do not know is that the target is their partner’s face. They must take turns smacking each other in the face until they find one with cherry filling. Teams will present themselves to the band leader who will give them their next clue.

germany pie

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Smile if you are a Dream Teamer!

– Tammy & Victor choose Austrian Folly.

TAMMY: I think we throw at each other.
VICTOR: Golly!

Tammy & Victor seem to be throwing pie at a relentless pace. They seem to find it on the fifth pie. Victor tries to clean Tammy’s face with the clue.

– Victor reads that they must race on foot to find Woodcutters and have them cut a small piece of wood. Once they have it they will have it stamped. The clue will be on the stamped wood.
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I am a real woodcutter!

– Tammy & Victor find the woodcutters instantly and have their clue. They read they must drive themselves to the Austrian city of Salzburg.

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Andre & Damon have found themselves in Salzburg today too.

–  Once there they must find Schloss Hellbrunn. Schloss, which means castle in German, is an appropriate name for this impressive estate and the pit stop for this round.

– Victor keeps saying the word “Hellbrunn” as if it is a song.

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Tammy and Bruce Kanegai should really meet.

– Victor brags it will be a leisurely stroll to the pit stop.

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Linda meanwhile has ran so far in the wrong direction that she has found the next episode’s pit stop.

– Steve tells us something that does not need to be explained by this point.

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No kidding.

– Cara and Mark show up simultaneously. They have the clues.

– Linda hears traffic. Steve thinks Linda made a wrong turn.

– Jen shows up. Kisha shows up and laughs like a normal person. Jodi waits for Christie. Christie shows up too.

JODI: Drive yourselves to that word and look for your next clue.

Well, saves the time to try and pronounce it.

– Now where did Linda end up?

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She is hitch-hiking on the freakin’ side of the road.

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Steve patiently waits in the sunset well after all teams have passed. He knows it will be a long time before Linda shows up.

– Commercial break.

– Linda finds a lady driving  a minivan on the street. She asks the lady for a lift to the base of the cable cars. She agrees.

Wow. Linda just broke a major race rule. Instead of making up time they are guaranteed a thirty minute penalty. Seeing how the mountain was supposed to be a sixty minute hike, I am curious how much more time you lose if you run to the right.

LINDA: I ran down the mountain the wrong way.
LADY (laughing): The wrong way. Ahahahaha.

– Tammy & Victor see the pit stop and find Phil.

germany greeter

Thanks to Tammy & Victor being covered in pie, this guy is the most normal looking person on camera.

FIRST: TAMMY & VICTOR ^ up 1 from last week

Phil announces they have each won a hybrid go-kart.

germany tammy victor

I guess they like it.

– Phil teases them about how ridiculous they look being covered in pie residue.

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Tammy plays the role of temptress.

– Tammy brags about how great it is for her and Victor to have a twenty-six year long relationship.

– Kris & Jon show up to the clue box. It is a Detour. They choose to throw pies.

KRIS: Go, go, go, faster faster!

Yes, they are still throwing pie.

– They have the clue quickly. When they walk Kris scoops up some pie from Jon’s hair.

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Ah! The Germans are coming!

– Linda follows the markers and finds Steve. He insists they are not far behind. She is happy that Steve is not angry with him. Steve respects her for not pushing.

– Kris & Jon have a spell of bad grammar as they receive the wooden clue.

JON: I can’t wait to get the pie off of me. It is Something About Mary times ten.

Ew.

– Mel & Mike wonder if they have stumbled into Heaven and not know it. They decide to ride Segways. Luke wants to do the Segways too because he does not want to waste time looking through the cherry filling. But Margie overrides the decision and wishes to throw pies. We cannot see Margie sign so it sounds like she is yelling at him to sign.

– We see Mel & Mike go through the obstacle course. Margie & Luke keep throwing pies. Luke could not look like he is having less fun.
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The Segway Cross Guard approves of Mike to go through.

– Mel & Mike complete their task before Margie & Luke are able to expose the cherry filling. Mel & Mike are somehow third right now. Luke wants to switch. Margie shuts him down as he begrudgingly takes a pie to the face as further punishment.

– Mel & Mike have the woodcutters clue.

– Brad & Victoria show up to the Detour. Pie throwing for them. Kisha leads Jen into the wrong direction as she giggles again. Jen knows Kisha continues to attempt being the big sister.

– Steve says they are in good shape as there is nothing to do except for Linda to sit and look pretty.

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Linda pictured next to a pie modeled after Kelly & Christy.

– Margie & Luke keep throwing pies.

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Luke must love being involved in a task against his will that involves obscuring his vision. I am sure that a deaf person loves not being able to see well.

– Margie & Luke complete the task and find woodcutters. Brad & Victoria complete the pie throwing and have the last clue too.

– Jaime & Cara decide to do the Segway option of the Detour because they see old people ride them at the mall. Kisha & Jen and Mark & Michael show up to the Detour simultaneously. Both teams decide to ride Segways. I am surprised Mark & Michael can reach the handles.

– Christie & Jodi show up on the Segway path. Kisha shows Christie & Jodi where the clue box is located for the Detour. Jodi opens up the clue and sees only two clues left. She thinks they are ahead of only one team.

– Linda keeps asking if Steve is mad at him and is thankful he is not yelling at her.

– Mel & Mike have directions and see the gate for the entrance to the pit stop.

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The extent of security along the Germany-Austria border.

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I love this shot.

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Perfect time to fit in a couple sets of eyebrow stretches.

– Kris & Jon show up to the pit stop. Mike asks a local how to open the gate. The guy opens it in .2 seconds. Hilarious.

SECOND: MEL & MIKE ^ up 2 from last week

THIRD: KRIS & JON ^ 2 from last week

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Good for them.

FOURTH: MARGIE & LUKE v 3 from last week

– Margie & Luke celebrate. Phil looks annoyed.

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Phil tells them to read between the lines. He has had a rough day.

FIFTH: BRAD & VICTORIA ^ 1 from last week

– Nothing to show since Phil did not ask them to moon him.

–  Mark & Michael and Kisha & Jen complete the Segway ride as darkness falls. They have their pieces of wood and head to the pit stop.

– Christie & Jodi throw pies at each other repeatedly.

– By the way, we get a unique time stamp for the series.

germany time

For a one hour flight without equalizers today, that is something special. That would make it as early as 456pm.

SIXTH: JAIME & CARA ^ 1 from last week

– Quiet leg for Jaime & Cara.

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So many discarded pies.

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Luckily Bono is protecting a crate of pies for the stahhving children.
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Surpies!

– Christie & Jodi have the cherry filling and have their clue. They ask translation for the word for woodcutters. They run into Steve & Linda who enter the Detour and commence throwing pies. Linda said the pie throwing relieved a ton of pressure. Steve threw a pie with a ton of force. I am surprised Linda’s head did not fall off on impact. If only Jonathan & Victoria did a task like that.

– Meanwhile we see Christie & Jodi go in circles. Look at where they go.

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When I am told to look for ‘to cut wood’, I immediately think of stables!

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Did Jodi just seriously pick up a piece of wood from the stable!

– Jodi wonders who will stamp the wood. Steve & Linda keep having fun throwing pies.

– Christie & Jodi are running in circles. Jodi warns Christie about Steve & Linda nearing completion of their task. Christie asks Jodi if they run through the Segway finish line with their piece of wood. It does nothing.

– Commercial break.

– Jodi keeps worrying about Steve & Linda. Christie tells Jodi to stop talking about them and solely focus on completing the task. Steve & Linda see Christie & Jodi upon exiting the pie task.

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Maybe Christie & Jodi can strip a piece of wood off of that map menu.

– Mark & Michael admit they are driving in the wrong direction. Kisha wants Jen to pull over at a gas station to ask for directions. Jen bad mouths Kisha the second Kisha exits the car because her sister treats her like an idiot.

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This must have been a lovely viewing party at home.

– Christie & Jodi find the woodcutters. Christie admits they are the biggest dumb blondes out there and repeats that they should stop being literal to an extreme. They run away to avoid Steve & Linda catching sight of them.

– Steve & Linda are the last ones to have their wood circumcised and stamped. Now it is a road race. Linda stops to admire a statue near the woodcutters.

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scarecrow

Too bad Scarecrow could not give a brain for Christie & Jodi to share.

– Mark & Michael talk about the day.

MICHAEL: It is one helluva day.
MARK: That is putting it mildly.

Saying it is a hell of a day is mild? What would be putting it in extreme from Mark’s point of view?

“It was a f—ing piece of s— storm day”?

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Thankfully a squirrel on the road cheers him up.

– A montage of all four teams asking for directions and struggling on the road is shown.

LINDA: The yellow sign. Salzburg. That way.
STEVE: What yellow sign?
LINDA: Look at my finger.
STEVE: What yellow–
LINDA: LOOK AT MY FINGER!

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And that is the story of how viewers reported Steve for domestic abuse. He broke his wife’s index finger on freakin’ national television.

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Suddenly a shove does not look so bad anymore. Why do the worst things on TAR only happen in Germany? And here I thought Germany had such a great historical reputation.

– Steve now sees the yellow sign and turns.

– We see a team pull into the castle.

SEVENTH: KISHA & JEN ^ 1 from last week

Jen admits this has been the most frustrating experience of her life.

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Guess which one is Jen.

EIGHTH: MARK & MICHAEL v 5 from last week

– Once again it is a showdown between Christie & Jodi and Steve & Linda to see who sucks less. Editors are portraying it as a footrace because we see two cars pull into the castle simultaneously, but we never see both teams physically in the same frame.

– The ending is predictable.

NINTH: CHRISTIE & JODI ^ 1 from last week

– Phil comments on them repeating their second-to-last place finish in a row.

– That means we have to eliminate such a wonderful team.

LAST: STEVE & LINDA v 1 from last week

– Phil informs them they have been eliminated.

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They may be crying now, but they will be thankful for their free pie dessert later.

STEVE: I couldn’t imagine running this race with anyone else but Linda.

No kidding. Otherwise you would not be out in tenth.

– I am sure with budget cuts that they have teams just go home instead of a paid vacation at Elimination Station, right? But seriously? Where do they go?
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Well that is just not nice.

Next Time on TAR: When the race hits to Romania, teams go for the gold Gymnastics. Kris & Jon make a potentially fatal mistake. And Tammy struggles to be heard.
CONFESSIONAL COUNT

CHRISTIE.JODI 1.2
TAMMY.VICTOR 3.2
MARGIE.LUKE 3
STEVE.LINDA 6.6
KISHA.JEN 3.4
BRAD.VICTORIA 1.1
MEL.MIKE 11.6
AMANDA.KRIS 1.1
MARK.MICHAEL 4.2
JAIME.CARA 1.1

RANK THE TEAMS:

1)

Steve & Linda

I wish I could have done more to make the comparisons of Steve to Goofy. Sadly there is only so much you can do in two rounds.

The lesson here is that Linda is terrible at racing. I think her only skill was spotting the yellow sign. Otherwise she qualifies for the short list as one of the weakest racers in TAR history.

I should note that Steve & Linda DO NOT have an abusive relationship. The screen caps and the yelling and the crying just make it appear that way.

I found them to be more ‘real’ and entertaining than Preston & Jennifer. Other than that they had zero business being on a show as competitive as TAR. It is a miracle that they even made it to round two overall.

2)

Preston & Jennifer

Before I re-watched this season I remember them for nothing except the piggyback ride in the final seconds of the episode.

In fact, their inability to piggyback on the pack is what did them in. They couldn’t even find the first train station and were saved by the 745am departure time.

Preston & Jennifer may be one of the worst 20-something mactor couples in terms of being able to perform well at TAR.

a) They couldn’t find a train station that everyone else found.
b) They must have sucked at driving to end up on the last flight
c) They screwed up a physical challenge such as transporting cheese.
d) They were at the pit stop location before Christie & Jodi, but ran into the wrong direction.
e) A piggyback ride was believed to be necessary in the first round’s final seconds.

There really is nothing this team could do well and definitely deserve finishing in dead last for TAR 14.

Production really wanted to have their next Nathan & Jennifer judging by a couple of their ridiculous arguments, but it is tough to have another Nathan & Jennifer when you cast a team who struggles with every dimension to the race.

RANK THE LEGS:

1) Los Alamitos, California -> Stechelberg, Switzerland

I give kudos to production for allowing their thrill-seeking task to be out of the way early. Doing the second highest bungee jump in the world is certainly no small feat. Believe it or not this was the second bungee jump they have done in Switzerland.

This really needed to be a longer premiere. It truly is a shame that we could not see the first scramble to the airport nor seeing teams interact with each other before the lying and deceiving would begin. Seeing teams have fun before flying to the first route marker is one of my favourite parts to each season.

There was no Detour because production wanted teams to carry cheese down a steep hill instead. Production knew they had struck gold because this had one of the most screen cap intensive scenes in the history of my blog. There is something about people falling on their butt, scooting on their butt, and rogue wheels of cheese crashing through Swiss houses that led to lots of laughter.

Overall, this was a very solid leg, and will probably be my favourite by TAR 14 standards.

2) Stechelberg, Switzerland -> Salzburg, Austria

The round was constructed with zero equalizers. I do not understand why we needed a two minute dedication to Margie & Luke at the start of the episode, but for some reason it was there.

The Roadblock was your usual paragliding task, but seeing it reduced to a one hour jog down the mountain made for some boring television to the point that production did not include any of it except for Linda’s wrong turn on TV.

We saw the growing gap between Kisha & Jen. Seeing Jen’s increasing levels of frustration with Kisha’s older siblingitis was fun to watch.

Watching Mel narrate ten minutes of the episode was annoying because you knew that he is only narrating due to the minor celebrity status of himself and Mike. The part where Mike tries to scale the gate was definitely worthy of being on TV as Phil looks on trying not to laugh.

Pie throwing acting as a needle in the haystack task was boring. The Segway obstacle course was overly linear and straightforward to the point that barely any of the footage made it on TV.

Seeing the woodcutters was neat. The pit stop location was gorgeous.

Mark & Michael being idiots by not asking for a cell phone inside the cab was amusing.

Then watching Steve & Linda’s interactions for the whole round was definitely the meat and potatoes of the episode. Linda’s performance in these two rounds qualifies her as one of the worst racers in terms of ability to appear in the show’s history.

The only person with worse abilities than Linda are the abilities of the casting director for TAR 18.

The trend of seasons that visit Europe are weak overall does not slow down thanks to the kajillionth trip to Germany and Austria.

P.S. When this episode aired on TV I was quite sleepy. Rewatching it today and that has not changed.

Team Averages

Bulls—
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A
— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Preston & Jennifer 11.0
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0
11th Ari & Staella 11.0
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0
11th John & Scott 11.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0
10th A Black Family 10.0
— F +–
10th Steve & Linda 9.5
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????)
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
10th Kate & Pat 9.0
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 – Yielded
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 – Sucked.
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Aiello Family 7.0
–D minus–
8th Tom & Terry 7.0
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
9th Rogers Family 6.5
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF
–D+–
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
7th Dave & Lori 5.83
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
6th Gaghan Family 5.5
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF
–C minus–
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned
3rd Andrew & Dan 5.18
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14
7th Ray & Deana – 5.0 FF
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 – Wah.
5th Fran & Barry 4.89
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83
7th Schroeder Family 4.75
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
–B minus–
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
–B+–
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
5th Terence & Sarah 3.25
1st TK & Rachel 3.18
4th Godlewski Family 3.18
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield
–A minus–
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 3.17
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF
4thToni & Dallas 3.10 Still in Russia
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield
2nd Bransen Family 2.85
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
–BEST OF THE BEST–
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2 and Used Yield
2nd Ken & Tina 2.64 FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF and Yielded
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF and Used Yield
1st Nick & Starr 2.45 FF
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)

11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF
18 legs Danielle 4.78
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 None
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3!
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 None
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 None

* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.

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