The Amazing Race 13 episode 7 ranking

Seventh episode

COUNTRIES VISITED

BRAZIL – BOLIVIA – NEW ZEALAND – CAMBODIA – INDIA (AGAIN, SADLY. . .AND AGAIN) – KAZAKHSTAN – RUSSIA – USA
india fire 2

PHIL: Hey, want to take a trip to Kuwait? We have some time off for the next couple days.

GREETER: Okay.
kuwait towers 2

jonathan race 7

Jonathan! Don’t push her!
oil well fire

Now look at what you’ve done!

phil fire

Welcome to the seventh episode blog of The Amazing Race 13. While the round doesn’t take more than roughly three hours to film from the first team checks out to when the last team arrives at the pit stop. . .this will still take me seven or eight hours to blog from start to finish. -_-

Previously on TAR: Six teams set out from Siem Reap, Cambodia for Delhi, India. Along the way Starr took a shining to Dallas. Andrew & Dan finished the Roadblock first only to face pressing difficulties at the Detour where they fell behind. Taxi troubles plagued separated couple Kenny & Tina who arrived at the pit stop last and were faced with their biggest challenge of the race.

Six teams remain. Who will be eliminated. . .next?

– Intro time.

delhi welcome

Just you. There’s millions of other people, but screw em. We only welcome -you-.

– Phil introduces us to Delhi–the capital and political epicentre of India. In the heart of this hectic city is Baha’i House.

run dmc

Whooooose houuuuuuse?

delhi house

Baha’i’s houuuuuuse!

Yeah, the possessive of Baha’i looks weird in English.

– It was the sixth pit stop in a race around the world.

Phil’s Questions: Will separated couple Ken & Tina be able to overcome the tension in their relationship and a Speed Bump to remain in the race? And will the woman I impregnated during the New Zealand leg finally agree to get that abortion?

– Nick & Starr, who arrived at 855pm, will depart first at 855am. Nick reads they must make their way by taxi to Deshbandhu Apartments. There they must search for the complex’s central park for their next clue. Starr is rockin’ quite the sunglasses.

delhi nick starr

Fistbumpin’ since before Courtney Yates reached eighty pounds.

– Nick feels him and Starr are much bigger targets now which makes them nervous. Starr feels they will do anything sneaky to doing what they need to do to preserve their lead. Nick says little white lies along the way is a big part of their strategy. They get into a cab.

– Kelly & Christy depart at 902am. Christy says her and Kelly feel great they have migrated from the back of the pack to the front of the pack. Probably because they have learned how to read clues.

delhi kelly christy

delhi kelly christy 2

Feeling great.

– Christy refuses to watch people come in first, second, and third. She said hair down was a good idea in Brazil but not so much in India.

I stand at competition watching people come in first, second, and third all the time.

– Toni & Dallas start third at 910am. Toni’s first focus is to have a taxi driver who knows “where the hell he is going”.

– Toni feels differently about her relationship with Dallas and how he is always going to be his baby, and have learned to trust him far more than before.
colby 2

I thought I was your baby.

– Terence & Sarah fourth at 931am. Thirty-four minutes between first and fourth? That’s a bit close together. They have a taxi. Sarah says racing with a romantic partner adds an extra level of complexity.

Since when has Terence been romantic?

– She says her and Terence have focused more on their relationship but still fight. Terence must be awful giving confessionals because we haven’t heard him in one-on-one interviews all season. Producers must have disliked him greatly.

– Terence comments how crazy it is that a family is riding a motorcycle together. Almost as crazy as matching a picture of a facial tattoo with a Maori dancer.

delhi scenery

futurama

– SARAH: That’s so India.

Soooo India.

– Kelly & Christy, who both left their immature and disrespectful husbands, have an intelligent conversation.

CHRISTY: If you had to choose between Dan or Andrew, who would you make out with?

delhi dandrew

Ummmm, Dan. . .why are those ladies looking at us like that?

KELLY: Maybe Andrew because he’s different.

Andrew because he is DIFFERENT?

delhi dandrew

And by different, Kelly really means “might be Jewish”.

– They even comment on the afro. Christy says she would then have to make out with Dan.

CHRISTY: He would step away from the first kiss and start pacing.

Okay. That was funny.

– Dandrew start in 5th at 944am. Not even an hour behind Nick & Starr. Andrew says him and Dan have opposite strengths and hopes the tasks let them both beat everybody. Dandrew wants to keep Ken & Tina out of the way.

– How much did Dandrew blow the Detour by going from first to fifth? Ken & Tina start the leg at 951am. Only seven minutes behind. Ken says the same problems keep arising. He thinks nobody can be successful unless they overcome great challenges. It’s a challenge for him inside the race and the relationship.

– Nick & Starr show up to gate four and see the clue box. Nick looks a bit frightened.

NICK: Who is ready for a colourful experience?
delhi roadblock

It’s like a bunch of aspiring magicians throwing magic powder as the crowd must watch them. . .disappear!

– It’s Holi Festival time in India. In this roadblock teams must make their way to one of three ladders in this celebration.
delhi roadblock 2

Through this crowd of revellers who will be pelting each other and the racers with powdered dye and water per the festival’s tradition. Once there they must climb a ladder and search through hundreds of envelopes to identify one of only six marked The Amazing Race which marks their next clue.

delhi roadblock 3

It’s The Amazing Try Again!

– Starr is doing it. She gets pelted with powdered dye and water. She starts coughing.

delhi starr

Purple Stuff, Yellow Powder, Hey a Clue!

– Kelly & Christy are in transit. Their driver exits to ask for directions. Nick continues to watch. Starr has the clue and returns to Nick.

– Nick reads they must head to Old Delhi and find Charity Birds Hospital. It is a haven for injured birds. They must search the cages for a clue. So they’re just about wrapping up the clue. Nick agrees to stop and wipe off the coloured dye on her face. Starr instructs him to not ruin  her makeup.

delhi nick starr 2

That task was brutal. Glad things are calmed down and everything will be back to normal.

delhi nick starr 3

This is for pushing off that sports bra off the ledge five years ago, you American dogs! The power of pink dye compels you!

delhi nick starr 4

seth rogen

Now that’s how you get pink eye.

– Nick & Starr enter a cab. He points out how he is more covered than Starr without doing the roadblock.

– Toni & Dallas show up. Dallas is doing it.

delhi dallas

No way that colour is called “Mello Yello”.

– Dallas gets hit to the point you can’t see him.

delhi dallas 2

And once the dye settles a  teen wolf shall appear!

– Kelly & Christy have another conversation suited for intellectuals.

KELLY: Not a nice area.
CHRISTY: It stinks.
(Both make retching sounds.)

– In fact the faux retching sound reminds a lot of Master Belch from EarthBound.

master belch

I have moved from Kimmi Kappenberg’s armpits to the insides of taxis within Delhi!

– Dallas has the clue and re-joins his mother. Nobody decides to troll Toni unlike Nick. Or maybe it worked out better because Dallas wasn’t wearing makeup.

– Kelly & Christy show up to the roadblock. They decide they will switch taxis after the task. Kelly is doing it. And oh boy, the results are absolutely hilarious. It’s tough to capture it all.

delhi kelly

Wow. That’s like ten people pelting her at once. It’s a gangdye-ang.
delhi kelly 2

Now cue the water guns! It reminds me of that brutal machine from Casper the Friendly Ghost.

– So Kelly gets through all of that mayhem. . .
delhi kelly 3

To run away from the ladder! She lasted the first seven seconds but the eighth one was just too much! She will circle back right?

delhi kelly 4

Raven from X-Men, oh, Kelly gets a drink from the water bottle. She complains she can’t breathe. What’s hilarious is that they were relentless as she ran all the way back to her partner. Let’s say Kelly isn’t happy with this festival.

KELLY: If this is a celebration or festival, that anyone celebrates this annually is dreadful.

delhi kelly 5

This is my favourite.

– Kelly claims she can no longer do it because they always throw it into her mouth. Meanwhile Terence & Sarah now show up to the roadblock. They have lost a ton of time as not only has one team already passed them during the cab ride but another team has tied them. Sarah crowns her driver as a genius. Kelly decides to put a blue bandana over her mouth and shuts her eyes. Kelly’s panic style running needs to be trademarked.

– Kelly & Christy are finishing in the top because I have said they are fully versed in reading clues now, yes? Well, Not. So. Fast.

KELLY: I thought I only needed one envelope and bring it back to Christy.

Sure enough Kelly takes down the first envelope she can touch and runs it back to Christy.

delhi kelly 6

Christy is going for the Natalie Bolton look it seems.

– She runs back and they look at the clue. It’s empty. Kelly takes off her bandana and sunglasses.

– Terence is doing the roadblock. It leads to one of the most Freudian exchanges ever.

TERENCE: Who’s my girl?!
SARAH: You are!
(Pause.)
SARAH: I mean I am.
TERENCE (unaware and running): You are!

That was great. Terence, clueless about social cues and how others think of him, completely misses on this brilliant piece of dialogue.

And wasn’t Sarah a bit too excited about somebody being her girl?

delhi sarah

TERENCE: Babe, what’s with the pause?
delhi sarah 2

Oh, nothing.

adam eccentric

It’s an early sign for how she will choose to live her life later on.

xian train 2

xian train 3

Her being a raging b—- is her on a bad day while her being a raging lesbian is her on a good day.

xian train 4

Hey Adam, I’ll tell the Chinese cab driver that you have three testicles.

– Sarah throws in three more babes before he runs.

– Terence casually discusses how things are crazy as he retrieves the clue and has it before Sarah.

Sarah’s Roadblock Babe Count: Six.

Four freakin’ times.

– Kelly has brought back another empty clue. She can’t tell the difference between the envelopes because she insists she is blinded too.

– Sarah mixes in a ‘honey’.

– Kelly & Christy wonder if they are doing something wrong. Terence SHOVES people as he returns to Sarah. Let me put it into perspective by how much he is shoving these people.
delhi terence

Okay. Look at the guy on Terence’s right. Standing perfectly still. Not moving. Terence is microseconds away from shoving him.

delhi terence 2

The guy bends over at a forty-five degree angle. That was a freakin’ hard shove. It was such a hard shove that Victoria Fuller has withdrawn her assault charges against Jonathan.

jonathan race 7

Comparing it to Terence, this is practically a lovetap.

– Terence & Sarah exit into a cab. Dandrew show up.

SARAH: Babe, you did awesome.
TERENCE: I know.

So gracious in victory.

– Kelly & Christy have a tough time swallowing the arrival of Dandrew. Dan is doing the roadblock. Really dark music plays as Kelly goes for another look.

– Dan gallops his way to the ladder.

DAN: It was like a wild rave party but instead no hot blonde girls showed up. It was a sausage fest with a bunch of guys throwing paint at you. It’s like the girls never showed up.

– Terence talks about the task inside the cab.

TERENCE: It was like the most physically demanding difficult thing I have ever seen.
SARAH: I know, babe. I know, babe.

Terence should see the Sultan’s Marathon in Morocco. I’d rather do ten thousand of those Holi Festivals than a Sultan’s Marathon.

We’re up to nine babes by the way. Now ten.

TERENCE: It actually went in my nose, babe. I am like hurting.

But this isn’t good enough for Terence. Not only is a marathon runner emphasizing that a SEVEN SECOND RUN is the most physically demanding difficult thing he has ever done, and also talks about the paint and water going up his nose, but now he feels he needs to prove to Sarah that his nose is in bad shape.

What’s better is that Sarah has said “I know, babe” at least ten times if not more. She knew this is where the conversation is going and prepares for the worst.

In moments like this one where one can’t help but be smooth, we turn to one of the smoothest musical themes of all time. Listen and watch the screen caps of Terence’s proof of dye-nose be expressed to Sarah and the world.

delhi terence 3

delhi terence 4

And out the window it goes.

– But even -that- isn’t enough. Terence explains he is spitting out the dye. Oh, and he’s not done there. He makes Sarah look into his mouth to see the chunks of dye that don’t exist.

delhi terence 5

Does this turn you on? Well? Does it, Sarah?

– Sarah just turns away wondering if Rebecca is single.

– Dan has the clue and Andrew applauds him for retrieving it so quickly. They advance ahead. Andrew is happy to be ahead of Kelly & Christy because he is sick of them. Probably because Kelly wants to make out with him.

– Kelly has another empty clue. I love how they haven’t bothered to read the roadblock info after about four or five tries. But the best has yet to come.

delhi kelly 7

What the. . .?

delhi kelly 8

You know the pink blob stretched along the ground? That’s Kelly. She tripped. I rewinded it about eight times because it is the funniest slow motion mixed in with exaggerated scream ever. I am laughing so hard right now.

Hold on. I need to replay it a couple more times.

a) She’s covered in deep purple dye
b) She is the only one who is holding a bandana over her mouth
c) She refuses to open her eyes
d) She rocks her body back and forth while running to undoubtedly remain in a straight line for the ladder
e) She trips
f) It’s in slow motion
g) She lets out an exaggerated scream
h) She gets up two inches from the ladder
i) Runs back the thirty feet to Christy rather than go up the ladder that was in arm’s reach.

So funny.

– She returns and claims there is no way she can do it.

KELLY: I’ll seriously dye.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA a pun.

delhi kelly 9

Seriously dyeing of fear of the easiest roadblock since TAR Family Edition excluding height related tasks.

You’ll never be able to look yourself in the mirror if you quit now, Kelly. Especially now. Good lord lol.

– We come back from commercial. Christy reminds Kelly of the seven-figure prize. They re-read the clue. Between the two of them they see what’s wrong. Boo. I could have watched Kelly do this all day.

– On the sidelines the townspeople are bored and start spraying Christy with the dye. It turns into a game of Scooby Doo Doors as she wildly runs around to elude the dye tossers.

– Kelly has the clue. They spray her several more times. The camera looks to be in rough shape. Kelly worries taxis won’t take her because she is dirty.

delhi kelly 10

Look at how dirty that camera is! I think the cameras from the old school Pizza Pop commercials are cleaner than that one.

pizza pops

Yep. 90s commercials.

– Ken & Tina show up. Ken is doing the roadblock. He charges through there. They spray him good. Kelly & Christy regret letting their taxi go upon getting to the roadblock.

CHRISTY (waves dollar bills) : Taxi! Money!
KELLY: Do we look that bad?
delhi kelly christy 3

Do they look that bad?

two face

Do you look that bad? Wanna flip a coin and find out?

– Tina gets hit with the dye and water guns as Ken searches for the clue. She shoves some of the guys harder than Terence did. The swearing ensues with the locals.

TINA: No! Stop it! Stop it! You stupid asses.

delhi tina

Holi Festival loves free advertising!

delhi tina 2

Heh. It’s like a lazy witch costume for Halloween!
kynt dirty

How come we couldn’t be cast for this season?!

– Kelly runs down a cab. They yell into the cab’s face that it’s an emergency situation but the driver goes away from them. After a few more edited seconds they enter a cab after insisting they’ll pay a lot of money. I bet they will complain about wasting money on taxi drivers in approximately ten minutes.

– Ken & Tina have a taxi. Tina wants Ken to comment on her green hair. Ken appreciates Tina trying to come closer.

– Kelly & Christy comment on how the taxi drivers act like they didn’t exist. Probably because they look like goofy Batman villains and are screaming in their faces in a second language.

– Nick reads the clue that because it is a temple they must act according to the customs. Much like Rob & Ambuh, they are all about the customs. Shoes and socks must be off while inside the temple. Starr yells and spots the bird hospital as well as the Speed Bump.

– Nick didn’t see any birds in cages. He thinks they are for people and the birds are therapeutic. Beats yellow wallpaper.

NICK: I was nervous walking on the ground barefoot because of bird droppings.

No comment.

– Nick & Starr have the clue. It’s a Detour.  Bleary Eyed or Teary Eyed.

– In Bleary Eyed, teams must help the Department. . .of Power!!!! They will walk at street level and follow a power line while also keeping track of number tags that appear along the route.

delhi 93

This task brought to you by the number 93!

– 18, 45, 07, 93. Sadly no 69 to be found.

– They must find a man with a sowing machine and give him the list of numbers. If they are correct he will direct them to a shop across the street.

delhi pacifist

Pacifism Status: Doubtful.

– There they will plug in a musical Ganesha.

delhi ganesha

I hear the ganesha plays ‘My Humps.

dhalsim stage

It came as an exclusive figurine with Super Street Fighter II if you pre-ordered it.

– The small numbers are easy to miss amongst the tangled wires and advertisements that also have numbers.

PHIL: Teams with good eyes and the ability to concentrate may find the speed of their success. . .shocking!

And then we get a 1920s electric sound effect and visual.

delhi phil

Since when did Old Delhi have a Gothic history?

– In Teary Eyed teams must locate a spice market and find the marked stall. Here they will pick up two forty pound bags of dried chilis and deliver them one-quarter mile to Shamar and Kumar’s Sons’ place. Here they will crush the dried chilis to make enough chili powder to fill it up to a line in a bowl. Once they are done that they will receive their next clue.

delhi detour

An old delhightful past time.

– Phil says teams betting brawns over brain can figuratively and literally burn.

– Nick & Starr choose Bleary Eyed and ride on the back of a bicycle taxi. Dallas is shown shaking hands with kids who stand outside of his cab. Then he uses the kids to lead him to the temple.

delhi dallas 3

It’s a White Man! He must be Alex Rodriguez!

– Toni & Dallas run through the hospital as the kid leads them. Toni instructs Dallas to give the kid a high five. They have the clue. Nine kids lead and/or follow them in the streets. Toni loves seeing the joy in Dallas as he runs through the streets.

– From a touching moment to another–Terence is announcing that he needs to get water inside of his nose. Wow. He is never done with the dramatics.

delhi terence 6

The camera operator loves capturing this footage.

delhi terence 7

Sarah’s worst cab ride ever.

delhi terence 8

I wish to never see another booger on TAR ever again.

– They are inside the bird hospital.

TERENCE: These birds are messed up, babe.
SARAH: I know, babe. It’s a bird HOSPITAL.
TERENCE: I feel like it’s underneath the seeds.
SARAH: I feel bad for them, babe.
TERENCE: I’ll close the door. Now move the stuff around.
(SARAH runs hand through.)
TERENCE: Pick up the tray. Move the tray. Now ask him to move.
SARAH (to the bird): Honey, can you please move?

Yep. Sarah has just asked a sick and injured bird to move.

– She lifts the tray with the bird on top. No clue is underneath so she puts the tray down.
delhi sarah 3

From Terence’s boogers to a Birdie Litter Box in a matter of seconds. Welcome to Sarah’s life.

delhi sarah 4

I hope the birdie doesn’t suffer from motion sickness.

– So they search the cages some more. A few babes later and they have the clue. Terence & Sarah choose to do Teary Eyed because of their physical strength rather than reading stuff.

TERENCE: Let’s do our strength. Let’s get physical!
olivia newton john 2

Directly quoting Olivia Newton-John? Maybe Sarah won’t be the only one switching teams after this season finishes filming.

olivia newton john

Come to think of it Olivia Newton-John has a lot in common with Sarah.

bolivia terence sarah 2

– Sarah convinces Terence to board the bicycle taxi.

TERENCE: Are you serious?
SARAH: Go fast, go fast. Go fast! Go fast!
TERENCE: This is crazy, babe. I’m freaking out.
SARAH: Don’t freak out, babe.

delhi terence sarah

We ride on the back of a bicycle as a guy pedals?! THIS IS THE CRAZIEST INVENTION I HAVE EVER SEEN!

– Dandrew ask their cab to wait as they enter the bird hospital. They have the clue. Off to Bleary Eyed and back into the cab.

– Ken & Tina are fifth to the bird hospital. Meanwhile Kelly & Christy are inside a cab and decide to scare people by their appearance. Kelly sticks her head outside the window and roars as loud as she possibly can. Both couldn’t be laughing more.
.
.
.
Are they having. . .
.
.
.
Good, clean, and honest fun for the first time all season? Holy crap.

delhi kelly christy 4

Frowny McFrownerson has now officially upside-downded her own name for the time being. Two Face finds this to be hysterical.

delhi cab

And you ladies wonder why it took you twenty minutes to find a cab who will accept you?

Dang. B—-es be crazy.

– Ken & Tina are fifth into the bird hospital and see their faces on the Speed Bump.

delhi speed bump

Look at those shiny and likely plastic-ridden faces.

– Phil tells us that they must go to a Sikh temple and do a common form of community service–serving holy water. Once hundreds of worshippers have their water and there are no more temple-goers desiring water, they will head back to the bird hospital and retrieve the clue.

Wouldn’t this be a very time-specific task? I don’t know much about worship other than it typically follows a strict routine. Unless there are drop0in worships?

I should point out that the guy shown pouring water is very sloppy. Water spills everywhere.

delhi water

Not a water conservationist.

shane challenge

I think Shane Powers did a better job putting water in the correct place.

– Ken & Tina scramble off to the temple.

– Kelly & Christy have the clue from the bird hospital. Speed Bump twist has worked to their advantage.

– Nick & Starr begin the Bleary Eyed task. Toni & Dallas see the marked beginning of the task too. Nick sees 48.

NICK: Now that we know what they look like, did you want to start again?

Wise strategy.

– Toni & Dallas have caught up. Nick & Starr agree to lie to their faces if they ask for help. Sure enough Dallas asks, and sure enough for the fifteenth time this season, Nick flat out lies.

NICK: I don’t even know what power lines we’re looking on.

Oh c’mon. You can’t seriously believe that people will think you are that stupid, right?

– Nick sees 46. Dallas sees the same number as he says aloud. Nick pretends it is a revelation for all of them. Starr convinces Nick to just work with their crush.

Also wise strategy. The lesson is if you are in first with another team you should work together if doing so provides an efficient alternative. Plus four sets of eyes help tremendously for a task like that.

– Terence & Sarah find the chili bags. She declares it is her own weight on her shoulder. Sarah has the squeakiest response ever when Terence yells at her that she wanted it.

How many times have I said that Sarah’s voice turns into a loud squeak? She’s like a cross between cat eyes who makes mouse noises. Sarah is a great character that has been forgotten over time.

– Dandrew are stuck in traffic. Andrew points out how badly they have always done at a Detour.

– Ken & Tina start serving water in funny orange hats.

delhi ken tina

Oh, and nobody wears those orange hats. It’s just a practical joke that alerts everyone that a crazy American is on the premises. Let the hazing begin!

– Kelly & Christy’s bicycle cab driver gives them a tour as they are forced to go slowly in traffic.

delhi tour

KELLY: It’s been there a while.

delhi tour 2

Not to be confused with another multi-billion dollar company also named McDonald’s.

delhi tour 3

Now Kelly & Christy are bored. They yell at the driver to yell at the slow car in front of them to go faster.

– Tina has learned how to say ‘welcome’ in. . .whatever language Sikhs speak. Punjabi, yes? “Satreeuhcall”? Sounds like the name of a Pokemon.

TINA: Satreeuhcall. God bless you.
delhi ganesha

Ganesha does not approve.

KEN: Not thirsty? It goes good with potato chips.

KEN: Get your water right here! Get it while it’s hot.

Wow. Waaaay too much time spent at football games.

KEN: It’ll hit the spot.

delhi volunteer

What spot? -_-

Holy Water will hit you right in the dharma. Oh. That’s Buddhist? Woops.

KEN: I said ‘Get your H20 it’s the best’.
TINA: It was Holy Water by the way.
KEN: I didn’t know.

We go back to Ken.

KEN: It’s not every day you get served water by the Incredible Hulk.

Charge 50 Rupees per autograph.

– 13. 18. 37. 67. Toni & Dallas and Nick & Starr are doing well.

– Terence & Sarah are ready to crush chilis. Terence stands up to cough. Dandrew show up to Bleary Eyed. They find the marked starting point.

– Tina thinks he has served Holy Water to half of the people on the street. The volunteer approves that everyone has water and gives them the clue which they already have. It probably took fifteen minutes or so.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I should note that it was going to only take five minutes, but Tina arranged with producers to have a bigger Speed Bump.

– Kelly & Christy show up at the Bleary Eyed task. They refuse to exit their auto-rickshaw to do the task. That sounds like a bad idea.

TINA: Now we’re tra-ah-pped.

Clearly Ken & Tina are stuck in traffic.

– Kelly & Christy see the marked pole. Ken & Tina’s traffic issues is bad enough for it to warrant a commercial break.

– We resume. Ken pitches the idea for them to exit the cab and move the rickshaws and bicycles to clear the traffic. The cab driver directs them where to walk until it has cleared. They succeed and hop into the cab. It appears to have some benefit.

– Nick & Starr and Toni & Dallas show their list of numbers. Both teams are faked out until he smiles and hands them a business card of where to go. It appears the ganesha is ten feet away. They read that they must head through the streets to find Humayan’s Tomb. It was built in the 16th century. Not only that but it is a collection of mausoleums. This was possible back when there wasn’t over seven billion people living on the planet.
delhi phil 2

Ah, perfect composition. Phil standing right in the middle of the gateway.

– Toni instructs Dallas to ask for a taxi because she isn’t capable of it herself. Nick & Starr have a rickshaw too. It shall close.

SARAH: I am on fire. My throat is on fire. My eyes are on fire.

mrs white

The flames. Burning. On my head.

– Terence & Sarah regret not counting. The foreman stands in an intimidating fashion. Sarah says he was brutal and was not sympathetic to their current conditions.

Pepper crushing is a thankless job.

delhi foreman

And after you are done you can kiss my feet!

delhi terence 9

The peppers are so suffocating that they have made my face turn purple!

sandra bullock

That is one purple Russian, sir!

purple russian

He shouldn’t have ordered the peppery dish.

– Andrew keeps counting the twelves. Unfortunately it’s the wrong tags.
delhi power line

Uh oh.

– You know how Kelly & Christy sucked with misreading the roadblock?

delhi power line 2

Doing this task from inside a cab must be impossible given that the real number tags are straight up in the air.

– Ken & Tina have the clue from the bird hospital. They choose to do Bleary Eyed. Toni and Nick & Starr comment on the gridlock. This is some of the nastiest gridlock I have seen.

STARR: Why are we the only ones not moving?

delhi scenery 2

I doubt you’re the only ones not moving. Given that the idea of lanes or right of way is out the window. If this were Canada, traffic cops would hand out tickets and grin as they expect a raise in the near future.

– We are re-shown the same monkey on the power line from last leg.

– Dandrew hands in their numbers. The sewing machine guy rejects them. Kelly & Christy says that Indian power lines are much more of a mess than American power lines. Nick & Starr and Toni & Dallas are finally out of the gridlock.

– Sarah feels her and Terence are suffering like fools while everyone else is breezing through Bleary Eyed.

– Here is a minor moment. Dandrew spot a third “15” sign (remember they don’t have a number tag yet). While they write down a number an unassuming local is glancing over their shoulder.

delhi dandrew 2

A spy! He’s going to run over to Kelly & Christy to show them the numbers.

– The ‘blunder chimes’ have been playing non-stop whenever they show the number tags for Kelly & Christy and Dandrew. Kelly & Christy’s first guess is rejected because they are pulling a Kelly & Christy. Nick & Starr meanwhile talk about how Toni & Dallas are right behind them. Dallas re-reads the clue. They are on a hunt for Isa Khan’s Tomb. Both teams have entered the grounds.

– One team has hit the mat.

delhi phil 3

Looks like Phil is going solo. For the first time ever he doesn’t have a greeter with him. Just some guy watering the grass in the background.

delhi phil 4

Much like the Speed Bump, water conservation is not a concern of the Delhi population. I can’t imagine how much water grass and plants need in consistent forty degree Celsius heat.

– Suddenly Phil yells at the guy to stop watering grass. Phil is more aggressive with the locals.
delhi phil 5

“Sir! Excuse me, sir! Away from the hose! We’re filming a show here!”
strange brew

Take off you hoser! Eh!

delhi nick starr 6

delhi nick starr 5

So that’s how Phil finds his greeters. They establish the pit stop and just as a team is arriving he yells at the nearest man or woman to come over and greet the teams. Phil is just that good.

Next round a guy will be shining shoes on the street before being ordered by Phil to join him on the mat.

– So he greets the teams. Phil is about to announce Nick & Starr are–

delhi greeter

He’s back watering the damn grass! Wow. That wasn’t part of the contract.

– Phil is alone to make the announcement.

1ST: NICK & STARR (SAME)

– Nick & Starr found the pit stop mat within ninety minutes of starting the leg. Just only a minute behind Team Gypsy. Their prize is a five day trip to Hawaii. Helicopters, snorkelling, and sailing. Starr says their first goal was to not be eliminated first. Now they feel they are the team to beat.

2ND: TONI & DALLAS (UP ONE POSITION)

– Dandrew hand in their answer again. The guy rejects him. Dan has a heavy reaction.

CHRISTY: That’s so hard.

That’s what she said. No, really. That’s what Christy said.

– Ken & Tina begin the Detour. Ken spots a number right away. He yells at Tina but somehow misses her.

delhi ken tina 2

Ken was looking down the street and thought that other green-haired lady was Tina.

– Ken spots 43. Tina hopes it was the first one. Dandrew stands behind Kelly & Christy to see if their numbers are approved before making another attempt. Kelly & Christy think Dandrew are spying on their numbers. Maybe the same guy is following Kelly & Christy too.

– Kelly & Christy are rejected. Dan proposes that they work together as the Kings and Queens of Botched Detour Tasks.

KELLY: I think it’s really down to the wire. We’re afraid we’re in last.

CHRISTY: I don’t think so.

KELLY: Sorry.

delhi kelly christy 5

Working with Dandrew? Those two look like idiots right now!

delhi dandrew 3

Even on The Amazing Race Dan & Andrew get shot down by two women.

– Dandrew walk off. Terence & Sarah’s pepper smashing has been approved. Into the taxi they go.

SARAH: If somebody said cow manure on your body it will make you feel better, I would lather myself up with it. That’s how much pain I feel.

kelly jon 2

Oh if only you were on TAR 4.

– Ken & Tina continue doing a task correctly. 58. They keep walking.

– Kelly & Christy count more 12s. Ken & Tina see 60. Dandrew see Ken & Tina walking from the opposite direction. Tina asks him to giver a low five while she is still walking.

delhi ken tina 3

We’re in last place. Give me five!

– Kelly & Christy cover their numbers with an orange sheet as Ken & Tina stand behind waiting to submit their guess.

TINA: Don’t worry we’ve got our own numbers. I’m not gonna look.

delhi ken tina 4

Christy successfully protects herself and Kelly from doing the Detour correctly.

– Kelly & Christy are rejected. They have ditched the taxi and are looking with a clear view of the street. Andrew predicts whoever is last to finish this task will be eliminated. No freakin’ kidding.

– Ken & Tina submit their guess. The sewing machine guy PUSHES Tina away. What’s with everyone shoving this episode? Anyways the guy breaks out in a huge grin and directs them to the ganesha.

delhi ken tina 5

In Delhi,  the local custom is for women to not stand next to a man as he counts five numbers. It is a very sensitive topic in Delhi.

– Tina says God blesses him as they receive the clue. Ken corrects Tina on where to go on the street to catch a cab. Dandrew and Kelly & Christy run into each other again. This is how TAR goes when Ken & Tina don’t have the worst taxis possible.

– Kelly suddenly sees the “baby small tag” that lists 45. They are on the right track.

– Dandrew run into Ken & Tina. Dan whines about how he has only seen “twelve, twelve, and twelve. Fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, pi, square root of 85.”

TINA: WHAT?!

tyler mom

WHAT?!

pulp fiction

Say what again!

– Tina leads them to a small tag that shows the number “13”. Ken follows suit to lead them too. Tina insists it is what they have been doing all along.

Or everyone wants Dandrew to make it as far as possible into the season. Or people want Kelly & Christy’s melodrama with Ken & Tina, Nick & Starr, and Toni & Dallas to come to an end.

ANDREW: When you are sweet dudes like us people want to help you out sometimes.

. . .I guess.

3RD: TERENCE & SARAH (UP ONE)

Sarah has yet another squeaky reaction at the pit stop. Her and Terence are stoked.

– Dandrew see 60, 18, and 13. Kelly & Christy have 58. It’s a battle of the people who can’t read. Dandrew think they have the numbers and start running. So do Kelly & Christy. Dandrew submit their numbers. Suspense music plays as the judge tallies their numbers and Kelly & Christy are shown running in the streets.

delhi newspaper 2

The newspaper can also be. . .a hat!

delhi newspaper

What is with India and newspapers? This is the third Indian leg in a row where newspapers have been incorporated into one of the tasks.

– Dan warns Andrew not to dance yet. Suspense builds and builds. Dandrew’s numbers are approved. They plug in the ganesha and receive the clue. Off they go to find a taxi. Kelly & Christy are approved too, plug in the ganesha, and receive the clue. Both teams get into a taxi what appears to be simultaneously. Christy describes the day as a mess.

4TH: KEN & TINA (UP TWO POSITIONS)

– Phil gets them to talk about how proud they must feel by surviving the Speed Bump. Their relationship comes up.

– Both teams complain about the traffic. Suspense.

KELLY: A team is coming in last and it’s not gonna be last.

Christy sends up a prayer.

delhi kelly christy 6

chuck norris

Sorry. Busy.

– More suspense.

delhi dandrew 4

5TH: DANDREW (SAME)

– They are relieved. This of course means. . .

LAST: KELLY & CHRISTY (DOWN FOUR POSITIONS)

– Phil has eliminated them. I guess that happens when you screw up the Detour, Roadblock, and communicating with taxis. Kelly & Christy know they will be best friends. Both are proud about leaving their ex-husbands.

Next Time on TAR: We finally get out of India and into a brand new country that has never appeared before or since in the TAR franchise thanks to it being a relevant country in pop culture at the time. The second of only two Fast Forwards will lead to a major blunder in TAR history. It’s going to be a lot of fun.

We’ve lost America’s most beloved team. . .Kelly & Christy. It’s only fitting that they have their own farewell music. This song is dedicated to you guys! Hit it!

CONFESSIONAL COUNT

TONI.DALLAS 3.1
NICK.STARR 5.3
KEN.TINA 3.3
ANDREW.DAN 3.3
KELLY.CHRISTY 3.7
TERENCE.SARAH 0.2

Rank the Teams:

1) Anthony & Stephanie

So awesome. So incredible. So amazing. Anthony inspired all of Brazil to become car mechanics after the opening two rounds. Brazil celebrates Anthomania on an annual basis.

And Stephanie sure loves thinking about her s–ty apartment and finances. Also, she likes putting things in perspective.

2) Mark & Bill

You know how I said at the start of the season that the long-term cast has far less likeability than TAR 12’s high standard?

Well, Mark & Bill’s premature elimination is a big reason why. Just think of all the big stars so far after three episodes. Nick & Starr? Kelly & Christy? Ken & Tina? Terence & Sarah? NONE of them had any fans at the time.

The only other team shown as much as them after three rounds? Mark & Bill. I can tell you that Mark & Bill had ninety percent of the viewership while Nick & Starr picked up the remaining ten percent (primarily the youth flamboyant demographic at the time).

If there was a 39 Day Survivor Challenge for TAR and the category was ‘Most Disappointing Early Exit’, I can safely say that Mark & Bill would be in the top three vote getters. Bilal & Sa’eed and Lena & Kristy would round out a top three if I was evaluating upon the thirteen seasons we have re-watched thus far.

If Jodi Wincheski was on TAR 13 instead of 14, there is no doubt in my mind that she would have brought back Mark & Bill for Unfinished Business.

It’s a shame that Mark & Bill are in high altitude and screw up reading a clue in a round where the whole round played out within three hours of the newspapers being dropped next to Simon Bolivar.

If you can get your hands on their elimination episode, note Phil’s reaction when he eliminates them. It’s one of the few times where Phil adds in his rare ‘sorry to see you go’ on top of eliminating them. When Phil says that it is a good indication of his personal favourites as well as production discreetly liked.

Unfortunately a bad hour of gameplay can send your favourites to the rail.

Much like the elimination of the Gaghan Family in TAR 8, the season takes a sharp change in tone from this point forward. Because Mark & Bill’s “straight edge” attitude is taken away from the equation, it is now a battle of the goofy and incompetent teams against a group of bland sharp racers.

Recalling how bummed out my mother and sister were when Mark & Bill was eliminated is one of the few things I remember from TAR 13 that doesn’t involve marching. And if you were watching TAR 13 at the time, I can guarantee you were bummed out as myself and the other teams were.

It’s too bad Kelly & Christy chose to learn how to read that round.

3) Aja & Cabbie

A very nice couple. They probably had the most adorable instances of bickering. One of the few couples that made you laugh and smile when they argued as opposed to annoyed and reaching for the remote like most dating couples.

What’s with long distance couples always being likable?

Anyways, Aja & Cabbie never excelled at any point during the race. They just weren’t the greatest with directions, and weren’t competitive enough when they needed to be. In other words, they typically ran the race in too calm of a fashion.

Not much else to say about them. They were a nice and likeable team that had the chance to take advantage of a great opportunity. I find it amusing that out of any team they happen to be the ones in the middle of the Nick & Starr and Kelly & Christy drama during the third round.

But now they’re gone.

4) Kelly & Christy

I didn’t know whether to put them above Anita & Arthur or below them.

Before blogging this season? Kelly & Christy would have been below Anita & Arthur.

After blogging about them? They are now higher than Anita & Arthur.

Why? Because their negativity, mean spiritedness, and holding the record for misreading clues was absolutely hilarious and a pleasure to blog about.

They just don’t seem to be “with it” in terms of integrating into this cast of characters. This season is full of quirky people. Kelly & Christy aren’t exactly quirky. . .they are mean and gossipy.

I forgot nearly everything about them other than the Teen Wolf incident upon this re-watch. I forgot about sports bra gate. If Kelly & Christy hadn’t accused Starr of pushing their bra off the ledge then teams would be able to mingle with each other at pit stops to this day.

But now the race has become much more anti-social thanks to Kelly & Christy’s  accusations that stem from nothing outside of “We saw Starr near our room”. Who knew such a forgettable incident would have an enormous impact on the rest of the TAR franchise’s history (teams still are segregated at pit stops all the way through TAR 23 that is currently airing).

Their feud with Nick & Starr seemed rather short-lived considering that Nick & Starr plotted to U-Turn them the following round. For whatever reason the second teams hit Cambodia put an end to this conflict in round five. It was mentioned but it just didn’t matter to the other teams that much.

Their ability to misread clues is a huge part of their legacy. Seriously? They managed to combine a hybrid of both Detour options and thought they were taking a four hour penalty when they gave up on it? Forgetting to tell cabs to wait as instructed in clues? Park at the base rather than summit? Doing part of a Detour before grabbing the Detour clue? Misreading that you needed a specific envelope  then follow it up by looking at the wrong numbers?

That is an enormous list.

What probably set them over the edge as an extremely unpopular team in the eyes of the general public is how they made fun of Toni & Dallas. Toni & Dallas were arguably the most popular team from the beginning through to the end of the season. Therefore, making fun of them while whispering ten feet away based on their appearance is a huge no-no.

Oh, and did you know they had awful ex-husbands? I don’t know how this enhanced their character on the show, but somehow it did. It made how they conducted themselves on the race make a bit more sense. I am not saying that they wrongly left their husbands, but their personalities don’t seem to be the type that have any interest in male authority.

Kelly & Christy are surprisingly strong-willed. The only thing they need to work on is be a bit more happy around others, don’t look for drama, do not be so quick to judge people, and learn to read.

In other words, they lived up to the reputation of the bitter middle-aged divorcee stereotype in America. We really haven’t had another team like them in the TAR franchise.

In short, are these two likable? Absolutely not.
But was their grumpy attitude, pointless conflict, faulty logic, and misreading clues entertaining as heck? Absolutely.

5) Anita & Arthur

You know those friends you have who say they are hippies just because they go camping every once in a while and have picky tastes? Expose them to Anita & Arthur if you want to shut them up. Hippies in the truest sense. Their two jobs all occur outdoors in the wilderness. Self-reliant. Old school. Probably have run more than one grow-op in their day.

I must admit they look a lot like my uncle did for several decades. Facial hair and, well, regular hair is the best of anything I have seen in TAR, Survivor, and Big Brother.

Unfortunately they don’t have a personality that would captivate enough of the audience on TV. I remember watching a deleted clip online where they lost their clue for two minutes as they search between the seats and their fanny packs in the taxi. They did it in a calm manner, found the clue, kissed, and moved on.

That’s why it was a deleted clip.

Super nice people and big fans of TAR. I am happy that production cast them. It is probably one of the few non-mactor teams that will be most remembered for their looks.

6) Marisa & Brooke

Natalie White and Brooke. Candy. Funny expressions. Least competitive racers. Only reason they were accepted onto the show is because Joe Keoghan was a casting director for this season.

This is the drawback to casting a team without any life experience. Neither of them demonstrated any abilities or attributes that could tell producers that they could be competitive on the race.

Sure enough this oversight by producers led to a 10th-9th-4th-8th run for this team. It’s not their fault. I would go on a trip around the world for four rounds even if I knew I had zero skills. Production clearly wanted “two blondes” to be put on the race. They were a less flirtatious version of Danielle & Dani from TAR 9.

If Marisa or Brooke dated Nick or Dallas, they could be the next TAR All Star winner by Danielle’s criteria.

Rank the Legs:

1) La Paz, Bolivia -> Tauranga, New Zealand

This was by far the greatest designed round from the first four episodes of the season. It wasn’t a five hour day once you entered the country like the first three rounds.

Teams started before dawn and didn’t finish until just before or just after dusk.

That made the round a big grind. Dandrew, Starr, Aja & Cabbie, and Marisa & Brooke all suffered from the attrition of the round. Heck, Starr was hysterical by the time she hit the pit stop with what she thought was a broken arm.

This was easily the toughest gnome finding task of the season. Teams appeared to take several minutes before spotting a gnome several blocks away. Remembering its location and figuring out how to get there once you left the rooftop seems much more difficult than simply searching for it in a hole or around a Lithuanian house.

The roadblock irked me because it took no longer than a minute total. Too bad Amanda & Chris weren’t around to take forty minutes.  The only thing to make up for the task’s easy difficulty is that the Maori warriors intentionally messed with the minds of contestants.

I loved how Starr had to pay the price for what she did in the previous round and once again couldn’t get Kelly & Christy off their back. What’s even funnier is that Nick pretended to help them when really he wanted them to suffer. Then Kelly & Christy end up demolishing the task to make Nick’s diabolical plan blow up in his face.

Given that Detour tasks have seemed really easy thus far, it is no wonder why so many teams switched out from the kiwi crushing to the Blow Kart racing. I think Blow Kart racing was neat because I never knew vehicles like that existed in the first place. New Zealand is truly the capital of adventure sports.

Also, I enjoyed the task of undoing the Gordian Knot. No idea why it had to be done in New Zealand specifically but it was neat regardless.

And lol @ Kelly & Christy running up the entire summit for no reason.

All in all it was a fun round. Sadly the last fifteen minutes of airtime plays out really rushed when you watch it. You’ll notice the choppy commentary in my episode blog for this round but that is because we switched scenes every four seconds. No joke.

Plus. . .PHIL’S DAD!!!!!

2) Taurangua, New Zealand -> Siem Reap, Cambodia

I enjoyed it.
.
.
.
Okay. Going to a new country is always a ton of fun.  You get to visit the most memorable and most unique places in that country when it makes its TAR debut. The floating island community is to this day recognized as one of the most intriguing places visited in TAR.

Oh, and freakin’ Angkor Wat. A modern wonder of the world for the past millennium. It’s right up there with TAR’s visit to The Sphinx. Actually, no. Sphinx and Pyramids were much more awesome.

Anyways, some of the tasks seemed to go by too quickly. The handpump task was just way too easy. . .unless you’re Dandrew.

It was one of those “will our boat break down or not?” leg designs. Luckily the teams weren’t bunched up. Seeing a team go home because a boat broke down seems dumber than a bad taxi because boat travel is a rarer form of transportation in TAR, and there is nothing you can do about faulty boats because you’re not even the one driving it.

Also, the diesel trucks traveling in an ultra linear fashion was also a matter of luck. You had to hope your driver wasn’t slow enough to be passed by other teams as they all traveled in a convoy to the harbour.

No equalizers! I love a round without equalizers. Even if it tragically comes at the expense of Aja & Cabbie.

Plus Kelly & Christy and Dandrew’s fight over “Who could make dumber errors” was a fun storyline that played out this round. Yet somehow neither were eliminated. Aja & Cabbie must have been hours and hours behind but yet it was still daylight. Seeing how teams landed by 705am, the round probably didn’t take more than seven hours total. That isn’t a whole lot.

3) Salvador, Brazil -> Fortaleza, Brazil

Funniest round of TAR in a long time. Everyone delivered.

a) Tina’s sense of entitlement and telling everybody and their mother that they single-handedly increased the size of the plane even though it was really because Kevin Smith was on board

b) Terence being such a mixed bag of right and wrong and crybabyitis. This leg was all about Terence & Sarah from start to finish. He is simultaneously hated and loved by every team.

c) Kelly & Christy continue their quest of inspiring everyone on this season to make horribly dumb decisions. Oh, and did you know they are divorced?

d) Nick & Starr play such an antisocial game because Nick’s sphere of caring does not lie outside of Ken, Tina, and Starr. Also, forcing Starr to kiss seamen is downright amusing.

e) Anthomania. Anthony’s obsession with failed cars.

f) Marisa & Brooke pretty much acting like twelve year olds as they run through the race. I mean, handing out candy and squealing whenever they saw nudity on the beach.

g) The Detour was fairly creative. Even if one of the options was a mirror of a Detour from eight seasons earlier.

The only issue I had was the lacklustre roadblock. But seriously, the huge errors and personality quirks that the teams suffered from makes this an incredible episode from start to finish.

4) Delhi, India -> Two blocks down the street in Delhi, India

This round is well-constructed for being its own round, but is super forgettable.

It was ANOTHER India leg. The franchise’s tenth or eleventh in thirteen seasons. Not only that but it was ANOTHER Delhi leg. Two Delhi legs in a row.

Teams either traveled on foot or by taxi. No trains, planes, buses, boats, or ferries. The least amount of transportation required in TAR history.

No round before had relied only on taxis. Sadly this was only the beginning of the franchise’s budget cuts where rounds would be doubled up in the same city.

The Holi Festival was great because I hadn’t seen anything like it in TAR. Dozens of men throwing dye and water in everyone’s face, regardless if you were participating or not, was downright hilarious.

Kelly running twenty of twenty-one feet to the ladder only to run twenty feet back multiple times provided endless entertainment. Or Terence shoving civilians onto the ground? Then producing mucus for Sarah and the viewers after the task? Hilarious.

The Holy Water Speed Bump was pretty good because it was relevant to the everyday life of people I wouldn’t normally think about. Passing out Holy Water on a daily basis is a foreign concept to me.

The Detour seemed to take a total of fifteen to twenty minutes unless your names are Kelly & Christy or Dandrew. Searching number tags is a task you would expect after thirteen seasons while crushing peppers looked much more interesting.

Crushing peppers should have been a roadblock, now that I think about it. But then we would miss Kelly looking like a squirrel avoiding the crosshairs of a bow and arrow.

Ken & Tina catching up and securing fourth is how it should have been at this point in the season. It proves that bad taxis are pretty much the only reason why Kelly & Christy and Dandrew both beat them in the previous round.

Oh, and Nick & Starr winning a third leg in a row. . .eh.

5) Siem Reap, Cambodia -> Delhi, India

This round drops to #4 solely because of how many times TAR has visited India. In fact, they did multiple tasks in Delhi back in the inaugural TAR season. This would mark the tenth pit stop in India. Ten pit stops in thirteen seasons is ridiculous.

But the round itself was designed well. Ironing clothes and putting together a necklace full of rupees were two creative ideas. Spraypainting and newspapering an auto rickshaw was great too.

Plus the confusing streets were so confusing that most taxi drivers couldn’t handle driving around the nation’s capital. I bet there are places in India that you don’t visit as a taxi driver for several years because of the enormous population and side streets.

The culture shock of India is repetitive by this point in the TAR franchise, but it is always neat to see a clip of teams freaking out or potentially shutting down. These six teams handled themselves well.

One of two non-eliminations being used this round was a surprise for viewers. But what was an even bigger surprise is that Dan & Andrew weren’t the ones that finished in last place.

6) Los Angeles/Where else? -> Salvador, Brazil

The least memorable tasks in a premiere ever? I forgot about baristas, churches, military base, boats, and the descent.

Heck, the only memorable task before I watched this episode was Dandrew crawling up the steps, but that’s because Dandrew can make anything they do memorable. Even if they eat a bowl of Cheerios they would be more interesting than any other team doing anything except Anthony & Stephanie.

But seriously, Dandrew isn’t the only redeeming factor to balance out the uninspired and rehashed tasks this task. There was a lot of hilarious moments of foreshadowing and character interactions that are downright entertaining. In fact. that essentially takes over the episode.

Perhaps the reason why the competition aspect doesn’t engage us is because all eleven teams check in within a space of about eight minutes.  It was far too chaotic for the viewer to follow. That’s what happens when the pit stop is barely a minute away from the end of the Detour. If I was an editor I’d have a tough time making it cohesive on screen.

Get used to appreciating the characters while they last. Anita & Arthur are a fitting first team to be eliminated and made enough of a contribution to the series.

Lastly, this episode receives a major positive boost because Anthony & Stephanie survived, and frankly back when this season originally aired in 2008, that is what we all only cared about.

7) Fortaleza, Brazil -> La Paz, Bolivia

(The round was too short. Seriously. We needed ten minutes spent on Sports Bra Gate. At the time it seemed relatively minor, but in the grand scheme of things we never knew it would forever change the series. After this season teams would no longer be able to mingle with each other at the pit stop.

It’s funny because Christy could have slammed a door too hard, or the wind could have picked up to blow away the sports bra. If Starr really did it, she should have her house egged for making pit stops seem extremely bland for these past five years and making teams estranged from one another.

Newspaper reading wasn’t original given that we saw it as a task just six episodes ago.

The Musical Marching seemed rather bland for a Detour option. I hated that the speed of the musicians was not a fixed speed and differed from crew to crew. They should have been forced to keep up with the speed of the teams.

I can see why Phil Keoghan and Bertram both hyped up the fast wooden bikes. That looked like by far one of the most dangerous tasks in TAR history. I was expecting a team to get med evac’d. Christy is very lucky to escape with a few scratches and bruises.

I am curious how much more exhausted Mark & Bill would have been if they stayed in the high altitude longer. Despite being given a drink to deal with the altitude, teams really had a tough time with being focused or handling the physical tasks.

The roadblock was neat. It is one of the few times where judging was objective. You either fit the criteria or you didn’t. The funny capes and costumes must have been a hoot to wear.

It is too bad that the round ended on a bummer of a note as Mark & Bill check in seventh but a time penalty allowed Fan Least Favourites Kelly & Christy to pass them.

Oh, and did we mention this is the round where Nick continues his quest to be the first edited sociopath in the history of TAR? Prepare to watch TAR’s equivalent to Lord Heidik continue to go through the race.

P.S. lol. Nobody used the U-Turn despite all of the hatred being present.)

Team Averages

Bulls—
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A
— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0
11th Ari & Staella 11.0
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0
11th John & Scott 11.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0
10th A Black Family 10.0
— F +–
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????)
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
10th Kate & Pat 9.0
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 – Yielded
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 – Sucked.
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Aiello Family 7.0
–D minus–
8th Tom & Terry 7.0
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
9th Rogers Family 6.5
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF
–D+–
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
7th Dave & Lori 5.83
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
6th Gaghan Family 5.5
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF
–C minus–
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
6th Kelly & Christy 5.14
7th Ray & Deana – 5.0 FF
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 – Wah.
5th Fran & Barry 4.89
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83
7th Schroeder Family 4.75
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
–B minus–
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
–B+–
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st TK & Rachel 3.18
4th Godlewski Family 3.18
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield
–A minus–
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 3.17
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield
2nd Bransen Family 2.85
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
–BEST OF THE BEST–
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2 and Used Yield
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF and Yielded
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF and Used Yield
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF

Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)

11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF
18 legs Danielle 4.78
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 None
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3!
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 None
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 None

* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.

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