Only one month until Halloween! Have you bought your costume yet?
Previously on TAR: Eight teams set out from La Paz, Bolivia to Auckland, New Zealand in a race around the world. At the airport in La Paz, long distance dating couple Aja & Cabbie clashed when Aja tried to assert her control. Ken & Tina beat frat brothers Andrew & Dan to the Fast Forward only to come face-to-face with Tina’s fear of heights.
The rivalry between divorcees Kelly & Christy and siblings Nick & Starr continued regardless of the fact nobody cares for either team. Then Starr crashed during the Detour and they fell behind.
After successfully completing the Fast Forward, Ken & Tina came in first while best friends Marisa & Brooke fell far behind and never caught up.
Seven teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?
– Intro time. I wish John Keoghan and Phil Keoghan would host as a duo. . .or become contestants on The Amazing Race 27.
– I miss Anthony & Stephanie.
That foothold is the only source of stability in Terence & Sarah’s relationship.
– Phil introduces us to Taurangua, New Zealand.
Home of local celebrity, Taurangua Leela.
– We see sheep and a dog on the farm.
I wonder if Gene Simmons is from New Zealand too.
– Do we have more pit stop drama? Nope. No questions from Phil either. Instead we get to see Ken & Tina comment on their vacation to Rio. Apparently it will be doing Carnival week.
I wonder if bringing the gnome is part of the deal for their paid vacation? And do they make a new batch of gnomes for each season of TAR or do they re-use the same seasons?
– Ken & Tina arrived at an unspecified time. They will depart at 603am. Again, I hate that they don’t do 12 hour pit stops. I imagine this will be a fifteen hour pit stop because they arrived in the middle of the day. It’s still pitch black when they depart. 603am and dark? But this was filmed in April. It should be light by now.
– Tina reads ‘Cambodia’. That’s all she says.
– Teams must fly to Siem Reap, Cambodia. Fifth round and already our second new country of the season! Just like in TAR 11 and 12, actually.
– Once in Siem Reap, they must find a roadside gas pumping station. Tina reads they have $98 dollars.
– Ken says him and Tina are having fun when they do things together.
TINA: Other side!
How quickly we forget things.
KEN: I feel like a kid again! What is an old man and old woman doing out here competing?
TINA: Speak for yourself.
What, honey? Did I say something wrong?
– Ken calculates it will be a three hour drive to Auckland. Tina says Terence & Sarah are on their heels.
– 819am. Terence & Sarah depart. Wow, that is one of the bigger Fast Forward advantages as of late. Two hours isn’t exactly being on someone’s heels. Terence hopes the race will be more physical. No kidding because their mental agility isn’t too great.
– Ken & Tina enter the airport.
TINA: WHO IS THE FASTEST BOOKER?!
Is this lady for real?
I think we know who the fastest booker is.
Can you dig these quickly dispensed tickets, suckaaaaaaa?!
– 932am. Kelly & Christy begin third. Kelly says her and Christy are intelligent people, but get caught up in the race which has prohibited them from being in the front of the pack. They intend to use their brain power from now on. And all of the missing sports bras in the world won’t stop them.
– There is a Singapore Airlines flight to Singapore this afternoon. From there they will take Jetstar flight to Siem Reap. One of two flights. It departs at 1225pm. Tina is bummed that Terence & Sarah will make it.
Who knew people would be pulled over for speeding on a show called The Amazing RACE.
– Ken & Tina’s prayers for a bigger time gap has been answered.
– Much like Andy from TAR Asia, Terence doesn’t know how to deal with traffic cops.
COP: You were going 117.
TERENCE: It was only 100 here, right?
Wow. Terence sounds like he fully knew he was going 17 kilometres over the speed limit.
Terence would be a fan of this video.
– The cop surprisingly lets Terence’s crazy hair away with a warning.
Have a good day, meow.
– Terence apologizes and thanks the cop.
SARAH: I always thought of you as a slow driver.
TERENCE: You’re such an ass. You’ve got to comfort somebody who nearly got a speed ticket and I always thought–
SARAH: You’re a very good driver. You’re a very good driver.
I know, babe. I know, babe. Getting pulled over by a cop is the craziest thing you have ever done.
– Toni & Dallas depart fourth at 1015am. I love these old school gaps between departure times. Something that we don’t see as much nowadays.
– Toni wishes to race smarter and not harder because she cites her lack of physical ability and speed. And given Dallas’ boneheaded moves and lack of basic knowledge in the previous round, that may be wise. She wishes to work EVERY angle.
There’s angles in there, somewhere.
Just a bit of light reading. Works as well as a morning newspaper.
DALLAS: I don’t even know where Cambodia is.
Well, given he said the same thing about New Zealand, I’d be shocked if he knew the location of Cambodia.
Hey Dallas, I know how to get across the location of Cambodia at your level of comprehension:
You know where’s from? Yeah, Cambodia is right next to that.
NOTE: I went to Victoria once. We went to an Italian restaurant that was run by a Cambodian family. The lesson learned is that Cambodian culture definitely clashes with Italian cuisine.
– Even Chandler Bing shares his thoughts on Dallas’ knowledge of Cambodia.
He thinks Sean Penn is the capital of Cambodia!
– Terence & Sarah enter the airport and ask if a team already came in. They ask if they can copy that flight. 1220pm? Sarah thinks they can make that. The agent types it into the computer and–
Not so fast!
Closed for the DAY?! It’s not even noon! How can a gate be closed for the day before noon? Noon IS the day! When is the gate NOT CLOSED?! Between nine and eleven? This is beyond ridiculous. Why have a gate at all?
– The spread continues. 1134am is when Nick & Starr begin the round in fifth place. Over three hours behind Terence & Sarah. I am curious if they are aware how much Terence & Sarah find them to be rude? Starr’s arm is not broken but is in pain. Nick knows Starr will not give up.
Then don’t pace yourself like you’re running a New York Marathon, Terence. Act like it’s a sprint.
What’s worse is that Sarah once again apologizes for acting out of line. How DARE she run ahead of her man! When will she learn that women shall always be behind men? Even though all logic dictates that pleasure only arises if a man is behind a woman, but I digress.
We get one of those ‘mad dash to the counter’ sequences.
– Ken & Tina are nearly twenty feet apart because Tina asked for bigger distance between them.
By the way, check out the sweet moustache on the guy in the back row.
– The flight to Siem Reap takes off.
– 1244pm. Dandrew begin the round in sixth. Again, another hour. Seeing how Dandrew checked in during dusk, I am highly doubtful that this was any less than a sixteen hour pit stop. For some reason I don’t think dusk occurs at 1244am in New Zealand.
– Andrew says Dan is intense and that this is the turning point in their relationship. Turning point in their relationship? What? Loser is kicked out of the fraternity?
ANDREW: What is Cambodia?
DAN: What? Asia. You didn’t learn that in school?
ANDREW: I didn’t go to fancy private school like you.
Yes, because maps in American public schools just shade out southeast Asia or are given maps that dogs have chewed the corners off. You have to pay an additional twenty grand if you want to see that corner of the map. And atlases in public schools? Unfortunately those empty skulled kids drew genitalia and curse words over the atlases to the point that the names are obscured.
ANDREW: He can be pretty wacky. Sometimes too wacky and then we don’t focus enough on what we’re doing.
Oh. He doesn’t know what he just got himself into.
– Kelly & Christy find the same Flight Centre as everyone else. The next flight departs at 455pm. Everyone may not end up on the same flight because Tina isn’t around to negotiate for a bigger plane.
-Toni & Dallas find vacant seats next to Kelly & Christy at the Flight Centre.
DALLAS: Look who we found.
KELLY & CHRISTY: Hiiiiii.
That couldn’t be more Valley Girl-like if they tried.
Even Nicholas Cage is put off Kelly & Christy’s tone.
You can tell right then with that head turn that Christy is preparing the skewers.
– Dallas doesn’t help the situation when Kelly & Christy overhear one of his statements.
Dallas successfully pokes his mother awake AND points at Kelly & Christy simultaneously. Now that takes talent!
– The agent replies she is doing so and Dallas does a cheesy businessman “I know you’ll make me happy!”
– Kelly takes the first jab. It’s time for some payback against that Starr-crossed lover.
It’s time to play. . .
How Old Are You, Really?
You can get botox to hide wrinkles, but you can’t hide your age when you reference a Michael J. Fox movie that was released before the Back to the Future trilogy.
Christy scans for Toni & Dallas who are only five feet away.
Christy stalks upon Dallas’ profile picture.
– Dallas is annoyed because Kelly & Christy act like they are God’s gifts to this Earth but the only difference is they got stuck in crappy marriages.
DALLAS: I wonder what they would look like when they don’t paint their faces in the morning.
Dallas is too afraid to ask who Teen Wolf is. Then he is too afraid to ask what Back to the Future is.
I searched high and low for somebody that best resembles Teen Wolf, and I think I found it:
There we go. Now THAT’s a similarity.
Buh-buh-buh-buh. . .buhbuhubhubuhbuhbuhbuh.
CHRISTY: It looks like Teen Wolf and Wolfmother will be on the flight.
Kelly & Christy need their eyes checked.
– Both teams are on the 455pm flight.
– Aja & Cabbie depart in dead freakin’ last at 304pm. That’s nearly 2 1/2 hours behind Dan & Andrew, and NINE hours behind Ken & Tina. Not since TAR All Stars have we seen such extreme gaps. And to think Marisa & Brooke would have departed at around 400am this round.
– Aja says she is going to be supportive and calm this round. She knows they will respect each other. Cabbie says all relationships have hiccups.
CABBIE: I wouldn’t trade it in for a Porsche or anything like that.
AJA: . . .Porsche?
Just got her relationship valued at roughly sixty thousand dollars.
Or just got her relationship valued at sixty thousand dollars worth of plastic surgery.
– Nick & Starr enter the airport. Dan hopes he won’t be duking it out for last place with Aja & Cabbie.
CABBIE: I wanna see Dan’s face.
AJA: Why do you want to see Dan’s face?
– Cabbie wants to see Dan’s face when they catch up to him.
– Nick & Starr pick up the tickets without incident. The 455pm flight gets into Siem Reap at 705am.
– Dandrew enters the flight centre. Dan finds out about the 455pm flight. He starts celebrating and claims to be doing his happy dance.
Dan mugging for camera time.
AGENT: It’s doubtful.
Dan continues talking to the camera as the woman says they could be closing check-in.
– Aja & Cabbie creep closer on the road.
– Suspense builds as keyboards clatter and the woman talks on the phone.
– We head to commercial. We resume to see the last five seconds repeated.
Dan is getting caught up pretty bad, Terry.
– Cabbie loves the equalizer of plane flights.
– Dan decides to head directly to the Emirates counter for a second opinion. He tells them that it would make his life. The agent accepts them. Dandrew runs through the airport to board the plane. They make the plane and point out Toni & Dallas who smile.
– Andrew admits he wouldn’t have thought of to check the Emirates counter like Dan did. The agent at Flight Centre must be looking like an idiot right now.
What is with everyone sticking out their tongues this round? I already made a Gene Simmons joke!
– Aja & Cabbie enter the airport and have tickets. We’re not even told what time their flight departs.
– Ken & Tina and Terence & Sarah land in Singapore. Seconds later they see all of the teams minus Aja & Cabbie. Not impressed.
Siem and Reap.
– TINA: We’re all back together.
Sans Aja & Cabbie.
– Aja & Cabbie enter Singapore Airport. She complains she always has to beg for a kiss. We get a mushy moment about how much she loves him and loves the energy.
So they’re definitely gonna be last.
It makes the number of bikes in Beijing seem rather small.
Can we take a moment to appreciate how awesome the Cambodia flag looks? As somebody who used to memorize national flags for fun, I found the Cambodia flag to be incredible.
Thankfully it’s not a Pol Pot.
– Nick & Starr are first into a taxi. They must head to Phlau Ben Lane on Chong Kuav Sou Road. The marked gas station.
– Dan yells for taxi but sees nothing. Toni & Dallas hail a taxi and laugh at the Frat Boys who are standing around hoping one gravitates to them.
– Toni & Dallas know they are in trouble when the driver says “hotel?” after Toni & Dallas tell him to go to Phlau Ben Lane.
It’s not surprising. They just picked them up from an airport. How many American tourists DON’T go to a hotel upon landing in Cambodia?
In fact, if you were a Cambodian taxi driver, would you think your ears were full of wax when you heard that they want to go to a gas station?
AMERICANS: To the gas station, please.
DRIVER: F— you! My taxis have great mileage!
– Kelly & Christy are third into a taxi. Christy shoves the clue into the driver’s face.
dafuq did I just get myself into?
– Terence & Sarah are fourth into a cab. Ken & Tina fifth. Dandrew sixth.
TINA: Follow them!
– Nick & Starr and Toni & Dallas’ taxis have split off into two directions. I have a feeling Toni & Dallas will end up at a five-star hotel in no time.
– And they do.
Claremont Hotel? Chong Kuav Sou Road? Practically the same thing.
– Kelly & Christy pull into a gas station. I love what Kelly ends up doing.
KELLY: Is this THE gas station?
a) The driver doesn’t know what the emphasis on ‘The’ is supposed to mean.
b) As if everyone in a city as big as Siem Reap knows THE gas station.
– Kelly & Christy get out to search for their clue.
It is not THE gas station, but rather A gas station.
Fonz approves of its name.
-Funky India remix music plays. Nick & Starr show up to the clue box. They are told to choose a truck. In this task, teams will use a hand pump, a fuelling technique most commonly used in this part of Cambodia as opposed to THAT gas station.
I hear Aaron & Arianne and Flo & Zach just showed up to this task.
Fudge! You guys fell for it again! Not unleaded, guys.
Once they fill the truck with twenty-five litres of diesel fuel, one of the gas station attendants will hand them their next clue.
I am Little Red Siem Reap Hood.
– Nick starts cranking the handpump. Each tank is five litres. Kelly & Christy continue walking through the streets like it’s the first round in Brazil all over again. Kelly & Christy ask the driver if they are at the right location.
I love how his eyes look longing into the distance.
“You’re the one who put the clue to my head and told me to drive, lady.”
– Nick & Starr are done. That task must have taken no more than five minutes if no other teams have shown up. I know Kelly & Christy are at the wrong gas station and Toni & Dallas are at a hotel, and the other three teams were the last ones into cabs, but I still don’t buy this task took more than five minutes.
What a stunning visual.
– The driver knows where to go. Nick sees Toni & Dallas showing up as they pull away. Terence & Sarah, Ken & Tina, and Dandrew all show up to the clue box simultaneously. Sarah decides to copy Toni & Dallas. Sarah compliments Terence’s pumping.
– Andrew is pumping continuously.
How it should not look.
My diesel is broken!
– Dan orders him to pump stronger. Kelly & Christy finally show up. Andrew is still failing. Andrew asks Ken how to do it. He claims there is none. Dandrew see nothing as they watch Kelly & Christy pump. Kelly & Christy make fun of Andrew’s bewilderment as he stalks their pumping techniques. They assume he will never figure it out.
What they don’t realize is Andrew isn’t looking to figure it out.
– Ken & Tina complete the task shortly followed by Terence & Sarah.
– Aja & Cabbie’s flight lands. Whether it is in real time or not is unknown. Kelly & Christy are done. Dandrew’s pump is still empty.
– AJA: It is hotter than a Satan’s toenail in here.
CABBIE: Anything is possible.
*cut to Dandrew*
ANDREW: This is impossible.
I am amused.
– Dan takes over and puts everything into the pump. Miraculously the pump works. It just needed more muscle compared to Andrew’s lazy efforts. Nick wants to pull down trees and block the team’s path. Tina keeps screwing up who is ahead and who is behind. Terence & Sarah’s truck passes them. Terence & Sarah’s truck also passes Toni & Dallas. Ken & Tina’s truck passes Toni & Dallas. They high-five each other.
Racing in diesel trucks on a rural road is surprisingly entertaining.
– Dandrew is done. Dan says they need to start getting things if they want to avoid getting into trouble.
Starting with Andrew’s fashion sense.
– Aja & Cabbie begin the diesel task. Cabbie is pumping. Starr stands up in the truck because she is worried they are going in the wrong direction. She jumps out to ask a guy on the side of the road. He doesn’t know. Nick yells for Starr to re-enter because Terence & Sarah passed them. Ken & Tina pass them too as Starr begs the driver to go faster. Toni & Dallas pass them too.
Evidently Starr’s emotions got the best of her.
– The first four teams all jump out together and into boats. Tina thinks the driver doesn’t hear Kenny for them to go. Her impatience builds until the boat moves. Ken & Tina and Nick & Starr are past Toni & Dallas. Terence & Sarah currently sit in first. Starr greets her parents as she passes them.
TINA: Gosh dang them turkey lips. Our kids can’t do that, Ken. They’re bad children.
That is one of the most unusual confessionals I have heard on TAR. Plus Ken’s hat is a bonus.
And what is so bad about turkey lips?
Is it as repulsive as cow lips?
– Toni & Dallas pass Ken & Tina.
TINA: Who passed us?
– Incorrect. Aja & Cabbie finish the task. Cabbie tosses her into the truck.
Up and over you go!
Jet is jealous that he didn’t get to toss Aja.
– Kelly & Christy enter a boat.
CHRISTY: There is a person swimming! It breaks my heart!
People swimming in a lake?! Oh muh werd.
– Christy channels Vyxsin and has one of those “oh my god look at the shocking poverty in a third world country” drawn out confessional.
What? They get to swim in a lake full of chocolate milk? Rad!
It’s like Cambodia is home to the Wonka Factory.
Meanwhile in Gabon. . .
Crystal would find this lake inhabitable.
– Christy is amazed by the culture and work ethic. Dandrew enter a boat. Dan wants to move on up.
– Terence & Sarah watch the teams racing behind them. Terence’s motor is smoking. It broke down Terence picks up a stick and starts pushing the boat. Nick & Starr and Toni & Dallas them. Terence gives up the stick. Now Ken & Tina pass them.
Going about 1/100th the speed of a motorized boat.
– Terence keeps pushing. Cabbie comments on the beauty of the place. Terence is screaming and whining in agony.
– Nick & Starr find the clue box. It’s a Detour. Village Life or Village Work.
– In Village Life, teams use their boats to pick up three items: A set of teeth from the dentist, a doll from the tailor, and a basketball from a floating basketball court where each team member must make a basket. Then deliver the items to the man at the dock where they will receive their next clue.
Dentists not held liable if waves get choppy.
Isn’t this one of the most unique things you have seen in TAR history? A floating basketball court? Man, if you are seasick, good luck getting into an athletics program here in Siem Reap.
I wonder if these kids would get landsick if they had to play basketball on like, you know, land? The Staples Center is making me feel soooo dizzy.
Just show up before these two turn it into an ice rink!
– In Village Work, teams take their boat to these fishing grounds and search waist-deep water for numerous fishing traps with two that are filled with fish. Then they must deliver the fish back to the dock and transfer them into baskets. Once done, they will receive their next clue.
– Nick & Starr and Toni & Dallas both choose to do Village Work. Dallas follows Nick & Starr’s boat. Nick thought it would be easier because you can get down and dirty then be on your way. Toni & Dallas’ reasoning other than “it seems easier” is unknown. Ken & Tina stray and choose Village Life.
– Terence & Sarah board the restaurant. He yells at the driver repeatedly to fix the boat while they are gone for ten seconds. Terence is unhappy when he is told the boat is indeed broken. They choose to do Village Life.
– Kelly & Christy are stunned to see kids in the water alone with their parents’ permission. What kind of kids?
It’s either that or play Pokemon X on their Nintendo 3DS at home.
– Dan says everything has been in slow motion. They cannot sustain any breaks they receive.
Clearly you haven’t seen a John Woo film to understand what slow motion is.
– Dallas admits that this is like Waterworld. I would never admit to watching such an awful movie. Toni insists the water is not that bad. It’s just mud.
This reminds me of the Welcome to Lagos documentary.
The gong plays when Tina hits her head.
If Tina can’t duck low enough, there isn’t much hope for the 6’4″ former NFL player.
– Terence & Sarah’s boat is still smoking. Driver says it will take ten minutes to empty out the water. Sarah is going crazy.
Not that crazy.
– Aja & Cabbie have now picked a boat. Cabbie & Aja are ready to make a comeback. Terence & Sarah’s boat is fixed.
– Nick said finding the traps is tougher than he thought it was going to be. Tina is looking forward to picking out new teeth. Dang she loves her cosmetic changes. Dallas is struggling with knots. Tina has her new clattering teeth.
TINA: Hola, perro.
Apparently greeting the dog barking in Spanish seems to fit right in with Cambodian culture.
Ken prepares to crash through the dentist’s office like he’s the Kool Aid Men.
I have a feeling that the houses on the lake in Cambodia are not structured to accommodate the size and mass of a professional football player.
So this is what happened when Ken & Tina were separated.
– Nick & Starr get back on the boat. Toni & Dallas for some reason untied a trap and put it into the boat despite no fish. So they do one more trap and are done.
– Terence & Sarah were trying to do Village Work but end up at the basketball court with Ken & Tina. They decide to switch to Village Life out of convenience. Tina has the worst basketball shooting from I have seen. Terence & Sarah join them. Kelly & Christy see the two teams playing basketball.
– Terence & Sarah finish the basketball drill before Ken & Tina. Terence & Sarah run to pick up teeth. Kelly & Christy continue to watch teams playing basketball. Note that Kelly & Christy don’t even have their clue from the restaurant yet.
We. Are. Not. Going. To. Read. The. Clue.
– Dandrew has the clue. Kelly & Christy finally catch on they are not doing something right. They get directions and see Dandrew atop the restaurant. Dandrew is surprised to see them just getting to the dock. Dandrew opt to do Village Work (fishing).
– Kelly & Christy decide to do Village Life and choose to return to the basketball court. Sarah claims the clattering teeth.
– Nick & Starr properly drop off their traps of fish. They receive their clue. Starr reads that teams must choose the almighty tuk-tuk that has been seen in every Southeast Asian leg ever made, and ride with a driver into Angkor Wat.
Wait, we’re allowed to ride motorcycles now?!
– Angkor Wat. A twelfth century temple built for its king at the time and was the capital city. It is now the symbol of Cambodia (note that Angkor Wat is pictured on the flag). It is here where teams will find their next clue.
Now that is majestic.
– Ken & Tina are done the task and inside a tuk-tuk. Toni & Dallas done too. Aja & Cabbie show up to the Detour. They opt to do the Village Work.
Christy has mad hoop dreams. She sinks this basket and she will instantly be on the Cambodian Olympic team.
She sinks it and they are done the task.
In West Houston, Texas born and raised
Where Kelly and I spent most of our days
B—-in, whinin’, watchin’ complainin’,
About sports bras bein’ whisked out the window
while playin some b-ball outside the schools
Until we got to Cambodia
We were up to no good
Started making fun of other people’s kids
Who looked like Michael J. Fox or some other dude
We put a basketball into our hands
And the editors thought
‘just shoot the basket, it will be edited out, we don’t care’
– Sorry. I had to fit in all of the basketball references that I could. It is rare for basketball to be incorporated into TAR. I doubt we will see basketball on this show ever again.
– Kelly & Christy have a doll. Dandrew has a trap. Terence & Sarah complete the Detour. Off into Tuk-Tuks they go. Aja yells at the driver to go faster. Kelly & Christy go to pick up the teeth. Once again they really overthink things.
CHRISTY: Do we take the teeth?
Christy looks absolutely mortified. I LOVE the dentist’s reaction on the left. He knows full well that he is tricking them. He should have let it play out longer to see if Christy experiments with her unsanctioned dentist practice.
Somebody has taken Robert Munsch books too seriously.
– Eventually they catch on to take the clattering teeth. Aja & Cabbie have fun with the fishing traps.
– Nick appreciates Angkor Wat as a world wonder. It’s a Roadblock. Teams must get inside the largest religious structure in the world.
– In this Roadblock, that person must search the grounds of Angkor Wat for a small elusive room. It is called the Chamber of Echo. Once inside the small room, they must thump their chest three times to create an echo. Once they have done so they may grab their next clue.
Which happens to be in the form of stones taken from Easter Island.
I pledge allegiance to the flag. . .
If Courtney tried to do this, no echo would be made and instead her bones would snap in half.
– HINT: Who has a better sense of direction?
Two can play that game.
She’d make for a great attorney.
– Kelly & Christy receive the clue while Dandrew were too busy untying the second trap. Dan comments that Kelly & Christy passed them for the “80 millionth time” this round.
– Kelly & Christy do an evil laugh as they passed Dandrew. Dan thinks they will be last place eventually at this rate.
– Nick enters the temple. Apparently it is huge. It sure looks like it. Terence is doing the Roadblock. Nick finds a local to help him. Tina is confused.
– Nick has the stone clue after beating his chest. The pit stop is Bayon Temple. It looks as extravagant as Angkor Wat.
Angkor wat? Oh, Angkor please.
– Nick stuffs the clue in his chest and asks other teams if they have found it yet. He has no qualms about lying to other teams to buy himself a thirty second lead. Nick & Starr run into the Tuk-Tuk.
– Kelly & Christy wants to be first in order to frighten the other teams. Dan intends to pass people. Cabbie is proud of Aja. Tina understands the needs of an enormous religious structure.
I am sure everyone loved the guy who always does a cannonball into a pool inside a Buddhist Temple.
At least the stone clue is more subtle than the mistakes Kamkar and Fran & Barry would make.
– Ken realizes he should have done it as Kelly & Christy show up. Christy volunteers to do it. We go to commercial.
– Christy has a tourist with her. Tina finds it two seconds later. We are now shown Christy. She skips ahead of the tourist as the tourist calls her back into the room. I have a feeling she would have been super duper lost without a guide.
– Kelly & Christy are reunited. They are excited. Tina finally finds her way out. Nick & Starr hit the pit stop mat at Bayon Temple.
1ST: NICK & STARR
“I went bald at the age of twenty. I covered up my natural baldness by becoming a monk.”
– PHIL: You have won a trip for two to St. John.
Not that St. John’s. Thank god because that town looks miserable with Heart Attack Hills. Plus I don’t think they can do snorkelling.
– Nick says it brought them back to winning that first leg, and proves for him it wasn’t a fluke.
When I think of the largest religious building in the world, I think of an 80-year-old-man rounding up silicon-filled blonde-haired women to engage with them inside of a Buddhist Temple.
Oh, and I have a feeling the rest of the town hears you if you use the Echo Room of all things.
– Dan instantly volunteers Andrew as having a sense of direction.
– 2ND: TONI & DALLAS
3RD: TERENCE & SARAH
They hit the mat at what appears to be the same time.
– Aja & Cabbie see sign for Angkor Wat. Kelly & Christy run up the middle of the temple. Ken & Tina explore it as well. Ken thinks it is low because “it is on the grounds”.
– Andrew is done the roadblock after a monk directs him. They re-enter the Tuk-tuk.
– Aja & Cabbie show up. Cabbie is doing the roadblock. He has a guide.
4TH: KEN & TINA
TINA: We should be team number one.
Yes. You should be team number one if three teams hadn’t beaten you to the mat. I agree.
– Because they beat Ken & Tina at the roadblock, Kelly & Christy are all smiles expecting a fourth place finish.
– 5TH: KELLY & CHRISTY
Frowny McFrownerson and Christy pull off the thinnest smiles possible.
Did we not read the clue? Was there a Fast Forward that we missed?
– Cabbie is done the roadblock and into the Tuk-tuk.
AJA: It shows what you can do when you focus, and get that fire under your booty!
CABBIE: . . .Man, we got to get there.
– Dandrew run into Bayon Temple. They are lost. Dan yells out if people have seen Americans around. He finally sees the pit stop mat and cameras.
Ever seen the movie Superbad? Don’t those two guys look a lot like the guys from Superbad?
– They are relieved. Dan quietly says he’ll take the sixth place finish.
LAST: AJA & CABBIE
– Phil asks what they’re going to do about their long distance relationship. Cabbie doesn’t want to be with anyone else. He shall move to LA to make the relationship grow. Aja says that love has been redefined for her since she met Cabbie.
They’re all smiles now, but not when the cameras shut down for good.
– We get a weird postscript.
PHIL: Because Terence & Sarah were stopped for speeding, they have received a thirty minute penalty that did not affect the outcome of this leg, but will be applied to the start of the next.
At least it’s less confusing than a two minute penalty per kilometre you were speeding over the limit.
P.S. This is the first time I recall Phil revealing a time penalty at the end of the episode after a team had their farewell speech. Why not just air it at the start of next leg like they have done with all other non-game ending penalties? You know American viewers will forget by next week.
I thought the producer pouring water into the boat was the time penalty.
Next Time on TAR: Dallas puts the moves on Starr. After constant pressure from Tina, Ken finally snaps.
I can’t get over the strange postscript. It reminded me of those biopics where we get updates on what people did with their lives after the movie has ended.
And he’s gone!
Rank the Teams:
1) Anthony & Stephanie
So awesome. So incredible. So amazing. Anthony inspired all of Brazil to become car mechanics after the opening two rounds. Brazil celebrates Anthomania on an annual basis.
And Stephanie sure loves thinking about her s–ty apartment and finances. Also, she likes putting things in perspective.
2) Mark & Bill
You know how I said at the start of the season that the long-term cast has far less likeability than TAR 12’s high standard?
Well, Mark & Bill’s premature elimination is a big reason why. Just think of all the big stars so far after three episodes. Nick & Starr? Kelly & Christy? Ken & Tina? Terence & Sarah? NONE of them had any fans at the time.
The only other team shown as much as them after three rounds? Mark & Bill. I can tell you that Mark & Bill had ninety percent of the viewership while Nick & Starr picked up the remaining ten percent (primarily the youth flamboyant demographic at the time).
If there was a 39 Day Survivor Challenge for TAR and the category was ‘Most Disappointing Early Exit’, I can safely say that Mark & Bill would be in the top three vote getters. Bilal & Sa’eed and Lena & Kristy would round out a top three if I was evaluating upon the thirteen seasons we have re-watched thus far.
If Jodi Wincheski was on TAR 13 instead of 14, there is no doubt in my mind that she would have brought back Mark & Bill for Unfinished Business.
It’s a shame that Mark & Bill are in high altitude and screw up reading a clue in a round where the whole round played out within three hours of the newspapers being dropped next to Simon Bolivar.
If you can get your hands on their elimination episode, note Phil’s reaction when he eliminates them. It’s one of the few times where Phil adds in his rare ‘sorry to see you go’ on top of eliminating them. When Phil says that it is a good indication of his personal favourites as well as production discreetly liked.
Unfortunately a bad hour of gameplay can send your favourites to the rail.
Much like the elimination of the Gaghan Family in TAR 8, the season takes a sharp change in tone from this point forward. Because Mark & Bill’s “straight edge” attitude is taken away from the equation, it is now a battle of the goofy and incompetent teams against a group of bland sharp racers.
Recalling how bummed out my mother and sister were when Mark & Bill was eliminated is one of the few things I remember from TAR 13 that doesn’t involve marching. And if you were watching TAR 13 at the time, I can guarantee you were bummed out as myself and the other teams were.
It’s too bad Kelly & Christy chose to learn how to read that round.
3) Aja & Cabbie
A very nice couple. They probably had the most adorable instances of bickering. One of the few couples that made you laugh and smile when they argued as opposed to annoyed and reaching for the remote like most dating couples.
What’s with long distance couples always being likable?
Anyways, Aja & Cabbie never excelled at any point during the race. They just weren’t the greatest with directions, and weren’t competitive enough when they needed to be. In other words, they typically ran the race in too calm of a fashion.
Not much else to say about them. They were a nice and likeable team that had the chance to take advantage of a great opportunity. I find it amusing that out of any team they happen to be the ones in the middle of the Nick & Starr and Kelly & Christy drama during the third round.
But now they’re gone.
4) Anita & Arthur
You know those friends you have who say they are hippies just because they go camping every once in a while and have picky tastes? Expose them to Anita & Arthur if you want to shut them up. Hippies in the truest sense. Their two jobs all occur outdoors in the wilderness. Self-reliant. Old school. Probably have run more than one grow-op in their day.
I must admit they look a lot like my uncle did for several decades. Facial hair and, well, regular hair is the best of anything I have seen in TAR, Survivor, and Big Brother.
Unfortunately they don’t have a personality that would captivate enough of the audience on TV. I remember watching a deleted clip online where they lost their clue for two minutes as they search between the seats and their fanny packs in the taxi. They did it in a calm manner, found the clue, kissed, and moved on.
That’s why it was a deleted clip.
Super nice people and big fans of TAR. I am happy that production cast them. It is probably one of the few non-mactor teams that will be most remembered for their looks.
5) Marisa & Brooke
Natalie White and Brooke. Candy. Funny expressions. Least competitive racers. Only reason they were accepted onto the show is because Joe Keoghan was a casting director for this season.
This is the drawback to casting a team without any life experience. Neither of them demonstrated any abilities or attributes that could tell producers that they could be competitive on the race.
Sure enough this oversight by producers led to a 10th-9th-4th-8th run for this team. It’s not their fault. I would go on a trip around the world for four rounds even if I knew I had zero skills. Production clearly wanted “two blondes” to be put on the race. They were a less flirtatious version of Danielle & Dani from TAR 9.
If Marisa or Brooke dated Nick or Dallas, they could be the next TAR All Star winner by Danielle’s criteria.
Rank the Legs:
1) La Paz, Bolivia -> Tauranga, New Zealand
This was by far the greatest designed round from the first four episodes of the season. It wasn’t a five hour day once you entered the country like the first three rounds.
Teams started before dawn and didn’t finish until just before or just after dusk.
That made the round a big grind. Dandrew, Starr, Aja & Cabbie, and Marisa & Brooke all suffered from the attrition of the round. Heck, Starr was hysterical by the time she hit the pit stop with what she thought was a broken arm.
This was easily the toughest gnome finding task of the season. Teams appeared to take several minutes before spotting a gnome several blocks away. Remembering its location and figuring out how to get there once you left the rooftop seems much more difficult than simply searching for it in a hole or around a Lithuanian house.
The roadblock irked me because it took no longer than a minute total. Too bad Amanda & Chris weren’t around to take forty minutes. The only thing to make up for the task’s easy difficulty is that the Maori warriors intentionally messed with the minds of contestants.
I loved how Starr had to pay the price for what she did in the previous round and once again couldn’t get Kelly & Christy off their back. What’s even funnier is that Nick pretended to help them when really he wanted them to suffer. Then Kelly & Christy end up demolishing the task to make Nick’s diabolical plan blow up in his face.
Given that Detour tasks have seemed really easy thus far, it is no wonder why so many teams switched out from the kiwi crushing to the Blow Kart racing. I think Blow Kart racing was neat because I never knew vehicles like that existed in the first place. New Zealand is truly the capital of adventure sports.
Also, I enjoyed the task of undoing the Gordian Knot. No idea why it had to be done in New Zealand specifically but it was neat regardless.
And lol @ Kelly & Christy running up the entire summit for no reason.
All in all it was a fun round. Sadly the last fifteen minutes of airtime plays out really rushed when you watch it. You’ll notice the choppy commentary in my episode blog for this round but that is because we switched scenes every four seconds. No joke.
Plus. . .PHIL’S DAD!!!!!
2) Taurangua, New Zealand -> Siem Reap, Cambodia bold
I enjoyed it.
Okay. Going to a new country is always a ton of fun. You get to visit the most memorable and most unique places in that country when it makes its TAR debut. The floating island community is to this day recognized as one of the most intriguing places visited in TAR.
Oh, and freakin’ Angkor Wat. A modern wonder of the world for the past millennium. It’s right up there with TAR’s visit to The Sphinx. Actually, no. Sphinx and Pyramids were much more awesome.
Anyways, some of the tasks seemed to go by too quickly. The handpump task was just way too easy. . .unless you’re Dandrew.
It was one of those “will our boat break down or not?” leg designs. Luckily the teams weren’t bunched up. Seeing a team go home because a boat broke down seems dumber than a bad taxi because boat travel is a rarer form of transportation in TAR, and there is nothing you can do about faulty boats because you’re not even the one driving it.
Also, the diesel trucks traveling in an ultra linear fashion was also a matter of luck. You had to hope your driver wasn’t slow enough to be passed by other teams as they all traveled in a convoy to the harbour.
No equalizers! I love a round without equalizers. Even if it tragically comes at the expense of Aja & Cabbie.
Plus Kelly & Christy and Dandrew’s fight over “Who could make dumber errors” was a fun storyline that played out this round. Yet somehow neither were eliminated. Aja & Cabbie must have been hours and hours behind but yet it was still daylight. Seeing how teams landed by 705am, the round probably didn’t take more than seven hours total. That isn’t a whole lot.
3) Salvador, Brazil -> Fortaleza, Brazil
Funniest round of TAR in a long time. Everyone delivered.
a) Tina’s sense of entitlement and telling everybody and their mother that they single-handedly increased the size of the plane even though it was really because Kevin Smith was on board
b) Terence being such a mixed bag of right and wrong and crybabyitis. This leg was all about Terence & Sarah from start to finish. He is simultaneously hated and loved by every team.
c) Kelly & Christy continue their quest of inspiring everyone on this season to make horribly dumb decisions. Oh, and did you know they are divorced?
d) Nick & Starr play such an antisocial game because Nick’s sphere of caring does not lie outside of Ken, Tina, and Starr. Also, forcing Starr to kiss seamen is downright amusing.
e) Anthomania. Anthony’s obsession with failed cars.
f) Marisa & Brooke pretty much acting like twelve year olds as they run through the race. I mean, handing out candy and squealing whenever they saw nudity on the beach.
g) The Detour was fairly creative. Even if one of the options was a mirror of a Detour from eight seasons earlier.
The only issue I had was the lacklustre roadblock. But seriously, the huge errors and personality quirks that the teams suffered from makes this an incredible episode from start to finish.
4) Los Angeles/Where else? -> Salvador, Brazil
The least memorable tasks in a premiere ever? I forgot about baristas, churches, military base, boats, and the descent.
Heck, the only memorable task before I watched this episode was Dandrew crawling up the steps, but that’s because Dandrew can make anything they do memorable. Even if they eat a bowl of Cheerios they would be more interesting than any other team doing anything except Anthony & Stephanie.
But seriously, Dandrew isn’t the only redeeming factor to balance out the uninspired and rehashed tasks this task. There was a lot of hilarious moments of foreshadowing and character interactions that are downright entertaining. In fact. that essentially takes over the episode.
Perhaps the reason why the competition aspect doesn’t engage us is because all eleven teams check in within a space of about eight minutes. It was far too chaotic for the viewer to follow. That’s what happens when the pit stop is barely a minute away from the end of the Detour. If I was an editor I’d have a tough time making it cohesive on screen.
Get used to appreciating the characters while they last. Anita & Arthur are a fitting first team to be eliminated and made enough of a contribution to the series.
Lastly, this episode receives a major positive boost because Anthony & Stephanie survived, and frankly back when this season originally aired in 2008, that is what we all only cared about.
5) Fortaleza, Brazil -> La Paz, Bolivia
(The round was too short. Seriously. We needed ten minutes spent on Sports Bra Gate. At the time it seemed relatively minor, but in the grand scheme of things we never knew it would forever change the series. After this season teams would no longer be able to mingle with each other at the pit stop.
It’s funny because Christy could have slammed a door too hard, or the wind could have picked up to blow away the sports bra. If Starr really did it, she should have her house egged for making pit stops seem extremely bland for these past five years and making teams estranged from one another.
Newspaper reading wasn’t original given that we saw it as a task just six episodes ago.
The Musical Marching seemed rather bland for a Detour option. I hated that the speed of the musicians was not a fixed speed and differed from crew to crew. They should have been forced to keep up with the speed of the teams.
I can see why Phil Keoghan and Bertram both hyped up the fast wooden bikes. That looked like by far one of the most dangerous tasks in TAR history. I was expecting a team to get med evac’d. Christy is very lucky to escape with a few scratches and bruises.
I am curious how much more exhausted Mark & Bill would have been if they stayed in the high altitude longer. Despite being given a drink to deal with the altitude, teams really had a tough time with being focused or handling the physical tasks.
The roadblock was neat. It is one of the few times where judging was objective. You either fit the criteria or you didn’t. The funny capes and costumes must have been a hoot to wear.
It is too bad that the round ended on a bummer of a note as Mark & Bill check in seventh but a time penalty allowed Fan Least Favourites Kelly & Christy to pass them.
Oh, and did we mention this is the round where Nick continues his quest to be the first edited sociopath in the history of TAR? Prepare to watch TAR’s equivalent to Lord Heidik continue to go through the race.
P.S. lol. Nobody used the U-Turn despite all of the hatred being present.)
Bilal & Sa’eed N/A
— F minus–
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Anita & Arthur 11.0
11th Ari & Staella 11.0
11th John Vito & Jill All Stars 11.0
11th Vipul & Arti 11.0
11th John & Scott 11.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Lisa & Joni 10.0
10th Kevin & Drew All Stars 10.0
10th A Black Family 10.0
— F +–
10th Anthony & Stephanie 9.5 (Why them?????)
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
10th Kate & Pat 9.0
9th David & Mary All Stars 9.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
9th Marianna & Julia 8.33
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kellie & Jamie 8.0
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
8th Danielle & Dani 7.8 – Yielded
8th Marisa & Brooke 7.75 – Sucked.
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Aiello Family 7.0
8th Tom & Terry 7.0
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
9th Rogers Family 6.5
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
9th Wanda & Desiree 6.25
7th Aja & Cabbie 6.2
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
6th David &Mary 6.13 FF
10th Ernie & Jeena 6.0
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
7th Dave & Lori 5.83
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
7th Shana & Jennifer 5.8 Used U-Turn
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
6th Gaghan Family 5.5
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
8th Sahil & Prashant 5.4 FF
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
6th Joe & Bill All Stars 5.25
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
8th Lorena & Jason 5.25 U-Turned
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
7th Ray & Deana – 5.0 FF
7th Melody & Sharon 5.0
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
9th Mark & Bill 5.0 – Wah.
5th Fran & Barry 4.89
6th Howard & Sahran 4.88
–C + —
3rd Lyn & Karlyn 4.85 – Yielded
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
7th Teri & Ian All Stars 4.83
7th Schroeder Family 4.75
6th Lake & Michelle 4.71 – Used Yield
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
5th Erwin & Godwin 4.70
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF and Used Yield and Yielded
9th Duke & Lauren 4.67
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
5th Uchenna & Joyce All Stars 4.33 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
3rd Ray & Yolanda 4.23
3rd Nicolas & Donald 4.18 FF and U-Turned
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
3rd Charla & Mirna All Stars 4.15
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
5th Paolo Family 4.13 FF and Used Yield
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11
5th Andy & Laura 4.00 – Yielded
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
1st Zabrina & Joe Jer 3.77
2nd Sandy & Francesca 3.77 – Used Yield
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
5th Kynt & Vyxsin 3.63 Used Yield
1st Eric & Danielle All Stars 3.62 – Yielded Twice
4th Mardy & Marsio 3.58 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
4th Joseph & Monica 3.50 – Yielded
3rd Andrew & Syeon 3.46
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46 – Used Yield and Yielded
2nd Ronald & Christina 3.45
4th Nathan & Jennifer 3.40 – Never finished in 1st
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38 – Used Yield
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st TK & Rachel 3.18
4th Godlewski Family 3.18
4th Dustin & Kandice 3.17 – Used Yield
7th Peter & Sarah 3.17
9th Aubrey & Jacqueline 3.17
3rd Weaver Family 3.15 – Yielded Twice
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
2nd Rob & Kim 3.08 – FF
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00 – Yielded
6th Azaria & Hendekea 3.00
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
2nd Dustin & Kandice All Stars 2.92 – Used Yield
2nd Bransen Family 2.85
1st Linz Family 2.77 – Used Yield
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
–BEST OF THE BEST–
8th Rob & Amber All Stars 2.75 – Used Yield
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny All Stars 2.67 FF x2 and Used Yield
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF and Yielded
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
1st BJ & Tyler – 2.46 FF and Used Yield
1st Tyler & James – 2.38 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31
2nd Eric & Jeremy 1.69 FF
Combined Team Averages (Repeats Only)
11 legs David & Mary 6.91 FF
11 legs John Vito & Jill 5.36 FF
18 legs Danielle 4.78
19 legs Teri & Ian 4.63 FF
13 legs Kevin & Drew 4.38 FF
20 legs Charla & Mirna 4.00 None
21 legs Joe & Bill 3.71 FF
22 legs Uchenna & Joyce 3.64 FF x2
*31 legs Eric & Danielle 3.48 FF
23 legs Oswald & Danny 3.30 FF x3!
25 legs Dustin & Kandice 3.04 None
26 legs Eric 2.65 FF
17 legs Rob & Amber 2.41 None
* I determined Eric & Danielle’s average in this last section by adding up all of their individual points from TAR 9, then adding up their total points in All Stars and dividing it by 31.