Big Brother Canada Episode Eight
– Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the episode featuring the worst twist ever in the narrow history of Canadian competitive reality television. The twist you are about to see is so stupid that it makes Suzette look like a genius in comparison.
Logan, you better shut your f—ing mouth when you criticize producers!
– And yes. I truly mean that. It’s as if the producers don’t have any understanding of the program they are attempting to produce. It makes some of the twists Alison Grodner has used since Arnold Shapiro left as a producer of BB USA seem relatively mild.
– Foxy Cleopatra makes her first appearance as host of BB Canada.
I suppose Arisa took the day off. She probably sat out for the day as a form of protest to the upcoming twist.
– Foxy insinuates that things are already wild but that they will be “even more wild”. Audience cheers for no apparent reason. It’s time for a BB recap.
– Previously on BBCanada: Tom proved he knew more than the majority.
This is the third unique phrasing to recap Tom’s win. They’re going to need to be creative in the fourth or fifth recap of Tom’s win.
– . . .It was a win that made Suzette lose her s— and lash out at everyone.
We get to see Suzette cuss Aneal once again.
I still laugh every time I see this. Laughing at my own jokes is a bad habit to develop.
– . . .which put her square in Tom’s crosshairs along with Gary.
Surprisingly, the guy grinding his butt against the railing is the one with the strong social game.
– . . .when Gary struck a deal with Tom he became a pawn for this week’s nomination. At the PoV challenge, Suzette crossed yet another line, and Tom won ultimate power. But power corrupts and made Tom oblivious to his surroundings.
Such as the things that this creepy mothaf—a is doing. Sponsoured by Doritos!
-. . .his own Quatro alliance started plotting against him. As promised, Garywas taken off the block at the PoV ceremony. Tonight, will Suzette start playing smart?
– . . .will Quatro become a trio? Will Liza keep playing the boys? Will Tom’s power become his weakness? And how will the House react to when they find out that executive producer Ralph Wiggum decided that Canada holds the real power of veto? How many more questions can the voiceover ask before we get to any real content? Find out on Big Brother Canada!
This producer thought stripping the players of the right to play a game would be fun just for the heck of it.
– Intro time. Emmett looks like he wants to murder the viewer in the intro. Sadly I think that is his entire emotional range.
– Prize money is recapped for the millionth time. Foxy recaps what the voiceover just recapped. Yep. Not much material to use this episode.
– It’s time for the Chevrolet Power Shift.
FOXY: It’s time for the FIRST Chevrolet Power Shift of the season.
You mean there’s going to be MORE of these during the season? Oh god. That’s it. This will be the one and only season of BB Canada that I will blog.
– We see the ending to the PoV ceremony again. Dare I say it’s a recap?
– Finally we start seeing some new material. AJ talks about how this is a ploy to gain the trust of all players, including Tom. Suzette hugs him.
That hug totally isn’t awkward.
– Tom wants AJ to keep the seat warm as Suzette exits to receive some respect. Gary points out AJ is annoying and that pawns do go home.
– AJ tells Gary that he is scared. Gary says AJ is the worst liar in the house and can see right through him. Plus Gary attempts to mock AJ’s laugh in the confessional. I for one am amused.
– AJ is smoking a cigarette. . .INDOORS. I guess smoking bylaws do not apply to sauna rooms? Gary randomly starts crumping while talking to him. I suppose that is Gary’s version of a sigh bi. Er, sigh bye.
How did AJ not leave the room? Cigarettes can’t be THAT addicting, can they?
– AJ refers to himself in the third person AGAIN. Logan is getting very annoyed by this.
– Gary invites AJ inside.
– Suzette is crying alone in one of the bedrooms.
SUZETTE: I definitely feel like I am all alone in the house.
Oh god. This AGAIN? We already went through this for the past two episodes, Suzette.
Suzette as Donkey and myself as Shrek.
– Suzette longingly drinks from a water bottle. She sounds sombre when Andrew quickly asks her how she’s holding up as he passes by.
SUZETTE: I have different morals and values. My priorities are completely different.
You don’t want to win. You’re not here to make friends. You’re uncomfortable on TV. You called Tom a redneck and tossed offensive names at others.
What are you here for?!
– Suzette has zero energy to lie and scheme. Oh. She pulled that card.
– Liza claims ownership of the hammock as she lies on there with Andrew. I swear Liza has been on the hammock in tandem with each of the men at least once in the past eight episodes.
– Liza’s strategy is to form her own personal relationship with each of the men.
Surprisingly, this reminds me of a story I heard where a male asked somebody I knew in high school all because they were lying together on a hammock at a party.
And no, Liza didn’t go to high school with me. She’s about ten puma years my elder.
– Liza joined Andrew on the hammock. Tom sees Liza and Andrew outside on the hammock.
TOM: Whenever I’m not around her Andrew is instantly with her.
I guess Tom didn’t bother to check Casey at the Bat’s Big Brother comic called “Who’s on the Hammock First?”
– What is Tom doing while he complains about this?
As if there wasn’t enough showmances on BB Canada.
– Tom tells Topaz that he is flat out using her as a showmance. Topaz smiles.
What is it called when you tell the person it’s a flat out showmance? A show-for-showmance?
– Tom tells Topaz he wants to make Liza jealous. She giggles and smiles.
In all fairness to Topaz, she is half asleep when Tom is telling her this.
And in all fairness to the naysayers,Topaz is never awake beyond “half asleep”.
– Tom tells Emmett he wants to boot Andrew. Emmett says that would be strictly personal, and that Andrew has zero desire to make enemies. He points out Andrew is a floater who can go anytime before the end. Tom finds it to be a bunch of crap.
-Tom is certain that him and Liza are making a Final Two. Emmett thinks that is silly, and that Liza’s true intentions are to boot the other members of Quatro wile aiming to take Tom to Final Two. Tom vows to not let that happen.
– Alec has his shirt off in the backyard. Peter is alone on the hammock (Liza must have been there early). Tom chats with them. He pitches that Andrew will be tough to eliminate him.
– Peter immediately reaches Dan Gheesling Decibel in a confessional as he expresses concern over Tom being influenced by Liza.
– Alec and Peter privately chat about Tom and Liza as a pair. Alec says Tom and Liza are the only pair that makes him paranoid. He wants to go after them before they can mount a strike of their own. Peter reaLizas that this jeopardizes his pact with Liza.
– Being unaware that he is proving Alec’s point, he runs to Liza about the paranoia because he has a secret alliance with Liza.
– It’s laundry day and Peter admits he is two days late for laundry. He scootches Liza to a bedroom and tells her about the paranoia. Liza says it makes her trust Peter more. Peter coaches her to stay away from Tom or at least stop the perception that she is controlling him. He needs to distribute the time she spends with others.
Like with Andrew?
– Peter is still delusional that he thinks Liza will evict Tom when called upon.
– 3/4 of Quatro meet upstairs. Emmett, Alec, and Peter discuss Tom and Andrew. They know they must deal with Tom because if Tom is making decisions for Quatro, and Liza controls Tom, it’s Liza who is running Quatro.
ALEC: By proxy. . .
I’m glad Alec learned a word at UBC.
– Emmett is questioning his Final 2 with Tom. Him and Tom talk. Tom wants to backdoor Andrew, and insists Liza is on board. Emmett thinks that is a bunch of crap.
– Day 22. Talla is nervous because she hates talking the males about organizing their clothes and stuff because she knows they are making fun of her. They each raise a pillow to ask where it goes. Talla is oblivious to the joke that is going on.
TALLA: I don’t think they take me serious. I know I always take myself serious.
Says the person who says she laughs at her own jokes.
Taking herself serious. She may as well be asking someone to prom in a schoolyard when she does that.
– They ask if pillows colour coordinate or go with another. They asked if the pillows should be presented face up. Talla realizes they won’t be doing what she asks.
– Liza and Tom are together in a shower. Clothed, surprisingly. Liza thinks Tom needs to join her Oompa Loompa Army.
And the award for the most suggestive screen cap in the history of the Supacoowackiestblogintheuniverse goes to. . .
– Peter recaps how there isn’t any TV, phones, video games, etc. There’s nothing. Except a bunch of people, drinks, food, sauna, hot tub, weights, decks of cards, and glitter to keep them entertained.
– They throw a bunch of things. Scream at each other. Play with their belly. Exercise. Gary wants Emmett and Alec to help him with his workout.
Gary Fonda workout tapes are undoubtedly on their way.
EMMETT: Gary is a bit overdramatic.
GARY: I’m throwing up.
EMMETT: That’s spit. C’mon, let’s go.
Spit = what smokers do when hanging outside.
Vomit = What the janitor needed to clean up ASAP in the library after I was feeling sick one day in the ninth grade.
Thank god there’s no screen caps for that online.
– Suzette overhears a hot tub conversation from the males. She was about to go inside to join them but instead stayed out to hear. They say they have nothing to worry about because Suzette is going. It’s a plan for a couple weeks.
– She tells this to Gary. Gary finds it silly that they feel secure in a game that is unpredictable. He orders her to start campaigning. So she begins with Liza. Liza says she must do whatever Tom wants.
– Suzette pleads with Aneal. For once, Aneal is allowed to open his f—ing mouth around Suzette.
– Then she goes to the “Van City” boys, Peter and Alec. Unlike Gary’s view of Aneal’s false Toronto origins, Alec has yet to criticize Peter for being from Surrey which “isn’t really Vancouver”*
* Only because the skytrain connects there.
– Peter tells her he would consider keeping her if she has something to offer. She claims she will be loyal. Peter is acting as if it is his little sister asking a pony for Christmas.
– Suzette talks to Topaz. Topaz is too fixated on her nails and says she will talk to Alec. Topaz couldn’t sound less enthusiastic.
Or maybe she is sleep-nailing. Her eyes are closed after all.
SUZETTE: The girls have become COMPLETELY dependent on the boys.
Oh my, Suzette. You couldn’t be further out of the loop if you tried.
– Suzette talks to Baby Voice.
SUZETTE: I have the numbers.
SUZETTE: Topaz, Alec, Gary, Aneal, Jillian.
Oh my. None of those votes count.
– AJ and Tom are chatting in the hot tub room.
TOM: You’re not even a pawn, you’re a seat filler.
AJ: I feel very very safe
Wait. Repeat that.
AJ: I feel very very safe–
Holy crap! He spoke in the first person! Who knows what AJ will do next. He could be streaking two minutes from now for all I know.
– AJ wants to have all ten votes in his favour. Whoever doesn’t vote with him will become not only his target, but everyone’s target.
– Foxy visits the houseguests in the living room. She asks if the power has gone to Tom’s head. Everyone else denies it. Tom claims he is trying his best to win.
FOXY: Hey AJ. . .Arisa wants to know why you always talk in the third person.
(AJ raises eyebrows once.)
One eyebrow raise means “I don’t know”. Two means “yes”. Beyond that, I don’t know Eyebrowese.
– AJ says it is a habit and makes others smile.
– Foxy informs them they will drop a massive twist on them. Everyone reacts. Suzette smiles and crosses fingers because she is the one who could potentially benefit. Talla mugs for the camera. Tom looks like he will join me in plotting production’s demise.
Oh no! That pillow doesn’t have its laces facing up!
– Chevrolet Power Shift. I won’t acknowledge what is going on.
*Note: There are no Canadian laws that regulate Internet voting. So essentially production does whatever they want. Just the way it goes with this crap.
– Production/viewers save Suzette. Pre-recorded laugh track plays as they cheer. Tom must choose a replacement nominee and will only have a commercial break to think about it.
– Production arbitrarily decides that Tom cannot nominate Gary because he already received a PoV.
Who’s calling? Oh yeah, it’s “Bulls—“. And he’s been calling nonstop ever since the start of this episode.
– Tom asks Emmett if they should put up Topaz to ensure AJ is gone. Or do they put up Aneal to ensure AJ goes? Commercial over.
– Tom is the first person ever in BB history to put four people up for nomination in the same week. Yeah, the phone is still ringing.
– Blah blah blah production sucks blah blah blah production sucks blah blah blah production sucks blah blah blah producers have zero respect for Canadian reality TV blah blah blah blah blah this round will have an asterisk to it once the game ends blah blah blah whoever wins this season will not have a credible win blah blah blah I should have been a producer this season blah blah blah.
– Andrew votes Aneal.
The biggest highlight of the episode. The goatee inverse.
– Topaz votes Aneal.
2-0 Aneal. Topaz stumbles around in her dress. Her and Emmett quickly chat in hallway.
– 3-0 Aneal. Poor Aneal. Production found him to be the most boring. Talla speaks to Emmett in the hallway.
– 4-0 Aneal. Talla and Gary speak too.
– 5-0 Aneal. Gary is still sitting in the room. We go to commercial.
– Jillian votes AJ. 5-1. Oooooh. Rogue vote.
– Alec also has the reverse goatee. Votes Aneal. 6-1. He’s out.
– Liza votes AJ. 6-2. But it doesn’t matter.
– Peter votes Aneal and flashes the shield. 7-2.
– Suzette suddenly finds herself in a position to vote.
FOXY: Suzette must feel like the luckiest person in the world right now.
Meanwhile, our friend Logan in the blogosphere feels like the unluckiest chump in the world. Er, the first-world. It would suck to be in a country where homelessness or being one of a billion people to not have access to clean drinking water.
– Suzette votes Aneal in the most arrogant tone possible. 8-2.
– Suzette should have been eliminated 10-0. Instead we’re stuck in the dumbest situation possible. AJ has the reverse goatee too. Poor Aneal. He didn’t have time to put on fake tears to reverse the decision again. A bunch of people hug him. Including Gary.
– Can we have a Chevrolet Power Shift that reverses the twist we just saw? Because fans would be more on board for that than letting the game be interrupted to spare Suzette. Just sayin’.
Conclusion: I think Tom refused to go out with one of the female producers, and this is her way of paying him back.
– Aneal comes out of the house. He puts on a fake smile to cover up fake (or real) tears that are bound to flow. The audience cheers. Does the audience never -not- cheer?
– Aneal thinks his knowledge of the game is what hurt him because he had been watching it since the age of ten.
ANEAL: I got double back-doored.
Gary is all about getting double back-doored.
– Foxy asks what Aneal could have done if he had more time. Obviously, he would have talked to Tom. Or, you know, saved himself in the same manner that he did the previous round.
– Aneal’s interview is over. Someone who was a real strategist and a savvy scrambler is sent home prematurely. Now unless another phone rings in the House or we have another Chevrolet Power Shift, the houseguests will be more than willing to boot Suzette. If I were them, I would be too scared to wait any longer because another twist could screw them over again.
That’s why production intervention sucks. You have to assume each week is your only chance to remove a player from the house.
– HoH time. Everyone is dressed up as bumblebees.
FOXY: The winner of HoH will have their own suite for the week.
Heh. She used the word ‘suite’ when everyone was dressed as a bumblebee.
– Challenge: Bee’s Knees. Players must retrieve pollen balls from the beautiful flowers in the Big Brother Garden (powered by The Brick) and put them into their hive.
Peter is wearing the same face in that bee costume as he did when his mom made him put it on for Halloween shortly after his third birthday. Zero intention to be a Honey Nut Cheerios spokesperson.
– Most of the pollen is yellow. However, there are a few red and blue pollen balls. They must collect at least three of each colour.
Did they intentionally arrange it in the shape of a smiley face? It reminds me of a Pikachu keychain that my sister-in-law made for me.
– You can’t use your hands to transfer the balls using your hands. You must use the mesh pockets around your knees.
Oh, Foxy. You’re too much.
– Fastest bee to fill their hive to the red line will win HoH. Talla looks intense.
FOXY: Let’s get bizzzzee.
Sadly this is the best idea that production has come up with all episode.
– Gary runs out first. People thrusting balls into their knees. Gary is first to run back. Foxy thinks the ideal strategy would be to go for red and blue first. Gary and Liza are emptying their pockets first. Tom stands and watches the craziness play out. The camera refuses to pan away from Gary.
– Foxy warns that Jillian and Talla are transferring balls with their hands. It may be a disqualification. Gary is in the lead. I can’t say this is the most exciting competition to watch. BB6’s Finger Endurance is more exciting than this.
– Gary and Andrew are on the second row of their hive. Emmett and Talla too. Tom is invested in this competition. Emmett is done and celebrates his HoH victory. Over just like that.
– With Emmett as the new HoH, we assume nothing changes. We have to suffer through a whole new week of Suzette crying, blaming everyone else, saying how stupid everyone else is, her and Gary no doubt being nominated again, and her being evicted because she sucks at all games.
Producers must love the idea of all three episodes essentially looping again. That will keep viewers invested! Let the one-week rehash begin!
– The bees are hanging out in the living room. Foxy is happy to not be allergic bees. She talks to Suzette about how she feels. Suzette says she is shocked and grateful to still be in the house.
SUZETTE: It’s like a clean slate.
– We talk to AJ. He feels fine but feels bad for Aneal. Happy to still be in. Ended by an eyebrow raise.
– Foxy asks Tom if he feels out of place and upset he is not wearing a bee costume.
TOM: It’s fine, it’s nice to see everybody misbeehaving.
Tom will be a producer for BB Canada if he keeps those zingers coming.
– Foxy asks Tom and Emmett about their bromance and what they talked about in the storage room. Tom promised AJ to keep him, and feels Aneal was the only option. Him and Emmett have had the bromance since they were nominated together by she who shall not be named. Suzette cracks a smile whenever Tom indirectly references her.
– Emmett is happy to have his room back (Foxy insinuates the relationship between him and Jillian). Emmett is happy to play in his first PoV since the season premiere. He aims to bring the win home.
– Order is now restored. Nominations next episode followed by veto followed by–
FOXY: Our first double eviction night!
I remember in Big Brother 5 when Double Eviction WEEK was a big deal. It isn’t as terrible as this episode’s twist, but Double Eviction Night is always the most rushed piece of crap ever.
– We see Suzette struggle for a full minute getting her bee costume. Then credits.
JILLIAN 0 (Thankfully)