Big Brother Canada Episode four ranking
– Previously on BB Canada: Fifteen complete strangers entered the house and the battle for power began immediately. Tom won the POV and surprised no one with his decision. Gary and his glitter became a real target in the house, but surprisingly Kat was put on the block and evicted.
In the first REAL HoH competition, our beloved lumberjacks held on for dear life. Talla and Jillian made a deal that resulted in Jillian’s HoH reign.
Tom, Peter, Alex, and Talla became battered to become the first have-nots of the season and tasted special green slop.
Emmett and Jillian grew closer in the House. Jillian had her sights on hot-headed (and kung-faux expert) Danielle. Last minute strategy led to a quick change to Gary and Aneal being nominated. Are either of them pawns in Jillian’s plans? And will Emmett and Jillian’s showmance grow?
– Intro time. Aneal has quite the bowtie. I would hate to be the editors who have to figure out how to spread forty minutes of airtime to fourteen contestants and plan for scenarios where those who are irrelevant right now end up being end-gamers for the season.
– Black and white time. Crap we’ve already seen as if a series recap wasn’t enough. We hear Jillian’s speech. Oh yeah. The underestimation crap. Amazingly enough, Jillian was less annoying when she rambled on about her Sandra Bullock similarities.
– Danielle laughs obnoxiously in a confessional. She presents us her reaction to hearing she was safe.
She looks like an extra from Lonely Island’s “Jizzed in My Pants” music video.
– Jillian says it was hard but feels she is strong.
EMMETT: It could not have worked out any better.
Well I should hope so or you seriously suck at making alliances. If you can’t execute nominations, there isn’t any hope for you in BBCanada.
– Gary isn’t surprised. Extraordinary has the required foresight.
GARY: F—ing b—-.
Again, Gary and Danielle do not quite grasp the social game.
– Aneal intends to rally for some votes. Immediately following the ceremony, he requests a chat with Jillian. She accepts and into the HoH bedroom they go. We are re-shown the part where Jillian promises Aneal that she wouldn’t put him up on the block.
In Big Brother Quebec, it’s referred to as bloc.
– Salt in the wound when Aneal recaps the part where Jillian told him that he is her favourite person along with Emmett. The water works come.
Careful, Aneal. Your Harry Potter glasses are prone to fogging up. And don’t try to eat your own knuckles. I did it in the third grade. Drool everywhere. By the way, that crying is so fake.
– Aneal admits it is indeed fake. Jillian is tearing up too. No way she is winning this game. He rubs his eyes with his long sleeves. The real selling item is if snot ends up on his sleeve. Ain’t nobody questioning your credibility when you have a snot party on your sleeve.
JILLIAN: What am I doing? I don’t know what I’m doing.
What happened to the whole being strong thing?
– Aneal cries.
ANEAL: My heart like hurts.
Like hurts? Or hurts? Just hurts? William Hurt? Maybe if contestants stayed away from meat, your heart would be appreciative of the reduction in fat!
– Jillian resumes baby talk in her confessional. In fact, she ALWAYS baby talks in her confessionals.
JILLIAN: He made me feel this big.
It’s also the same size of Jillian’s self-confidence.
ANEAL: Jillian scumbag’d me.
– Aneal exits the room and announces he wants to be alone. His goal is to cry in front of as many people as possible.
Bad move. When someone fake cries they tend to re-do the same pattern over and over again. No way that he can keep up this act for more than a few minutes. Besides, not even Jessica Kiper from Survivor: Gabon could cry for more than ten minutes at a time.
– Aneal angles for the pity vote. Danielle is annoyed that Aneal has been trash-talking her behind her back and how he doesn’t want to be associated with her on a sinking ship.
DANIELLE: F— you!
– Aneal is tearing up in the kitchen with Emmett. Look at how many rooms where Aneal buries his face into his hands.
Living room. Bonus silent Topaz massage!
And the storage room. Great.
– Emmett told everyone in his alliance to prevent Aneal from getting information because he will use it as ammunition. Oh, what happened to honest lil country boy from Nova Scotia?
ANEAL: I don’t wanna cry anymore. My eyes hurt. I feel like you’re Jillian’s Dr. Will.
– Emmett chuckles directly in front of Aneal! He admits he found Aneal’s crying to be funny. Well, there goes your chance for a pity vote, Aneal.
– Nobody has called out Aneal on his fake tears.
– Liza instructs Danielle to clean up the bad air with Jillian and re-align with her. Danielle asks Liza if she will be backdoored. Liza doesn’t know. Talla sits in on the conversation.
– Gary searches for his veil. He praises Jillian’s move of recognizing him as the greatest glittery-laden player in BBCanada.
– Jillian and Emmett’s showmance is observed by Liza and Danielle. We see Emmett squeezing Jillian’s bottom and hugging her from behind at breakfast. Tom just wants to ensure it’s him and Emmett at the end. Emmett doesn’t strike me as being too into this relationship. Jillian is being played.
– We are shown Jillian and Emmett in the HoH bedroom some more. Steamier soundtrack plays. These are always the most boring segments on BB. Kissing. Hugging. Touching. Unless it’s Amanda and David from Big Brother 4, nothing exciting will happen here.
– We get an update on all showmances. Here’s the showmance frame thanks to 13 years of precedent in the BB universe:
Liza likes Tom because he has big arms, smells nice, secure, and is sweet. Tom finds Liza to be sweet but for entirely different reasons.
– Tom finds Liza to be the lone person he can open up to, even moreso than Emmett. And Emmett’s his boy. Big deal. Liza says boys always fall for her (with that tan? really?) and that this will screw up her plans.
TOM: My true allegiance is to the Milkman Emmett.
Can Tom go more than three confessionals without talking about milk? He has an extreme milk fetish like he’s spent more time on a farm than Emmett. Those crazy Albertans.
– Marsha the Moose starts talking to Peter. No. Seriously. It wouldn’t be BBCanada without a talking moose. Whole world must be laughing at us right now.
– It’s a secret mission. The voice sounds A LOT like Trevor Boris. He’s a producer for BBCanada.
As if framed pictures of clowns wasn’t bad enough.
Finally! Someone in the House is talking to me!
– Peter is instructed to take quote cards from the diary room. There are three quote cards. Each contains a quote that he must integrate into conversation with three players of his choosing (yes, one per player).
If the contestants say “what are you talking about?’ he has failed. If not, he passes the mission. , he will be rewarded with a prize for himself and the others in the House. The quote cards must be left in the Diary Room, but can return to look at them for reference. He has one hour to complete the mission.
TREVER BORIS/THE MOOSE: Hey Peter! What does the rest of the house look like? I can’t see anything outside of this room!
PETER: It’s beautiful.
Peter was too taken aback by the talking moose to come up with a witty response.
quote #1: “I’m developing a rash in a really awkward place.”
– Peter picks Talla for this quote. He asks her to come inside to chat privately. I am sure Peter is hoping he can explain all of this when the mission is complete to ensure no strategic damage is taken.
– He chose to talk about their mutual slop experience and that the slop is triggering the rash. Talla tells us that the conversation weirded her out and that an awkward place is in the colon area. Peter concludes the conversation by saying he will request some cream. Success! (For Peter, not Talla).
Quote #2: “A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.”
– Peter chose Liza because of her awkward love triangle with Andrew and Tom. Yes, Andrew gets a mention.
– Peter and Liza chat in the hallway.
PETER: You know how you got two boys after you? You have to pick one, right? It’s like a woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
LIZA (confessional): Something about a woman knows what her heart wants like how a sailor knows the seas he sails? Is he insinuating that I know I want Tom over Andrew or that for strategy I should be drawn to him? I dunno.
– Liza declares Peter to be as smart as he is confusing.
Quote #3: The fool doth think he is wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
– Peter picks AJ because they chat about pro wrestling every once in a while. So Peter tries to test AJ’s pro wrestling knowledge by uttering a quote and for AJ to guess which pro wrestler it is.
Note: I think this has the highest risk of somebody saying ‘What are you talking about?’
PETER: To be the man you got to beat the man.
AJ: Ric Flair.
You don’t even need to watch pro wrestling to know that one. Fairplay quoted it and gave credit in Survivor: Pearl Islands.
– Peter tries the third quote but he can’t remember it correctly and gives up on it before saying a word. So he walks away. Two awkward conversations all for naught. I can only imagine this conversation:
PETER: I swear guys! It was the talking Trevor Boris moose head that made me do it!
Peter can still try to succeed. He retreats to the diary room to look at the quote again. Study it carefully, good sir. Trevor Bo–I mean, Marsha, reminds him that he has to pass the quotes off as his own. He cannot attribute it to somebody else. He hushes him to be quieter because the people at Lowe’s couldn’t create a soundproof corridor that leads into the diary room.
– Trevor is yelling at Peter to wear his shoes. Anyways, Peter walks in on an argument in the jacuzzi. Usually reserved for showmances, this is instead used for AJ and Andrew to have an argument over the worst poker hand. Peter integrates a quote. Andrew can’t recall it in a confessional, but in the jacuzzi says that Peter thinks he is a fool. Hopefully Peter can reveal the mission to smooth things over.
– In a smart move, Peter runs away at full speed to ask what people think of 2/7 offsuit. Sly devil.
PETER: He bought it because Andrew says weird quotes all the time and wouldn’t think it was uncommon for people to say weird quotes back to him.
– Trevor the Moose calls Peter cute. He blushes a little. Mission complete. The reward will be revealed in due time. Peter is not allowed to reveal any information yet. He thinks he could be friends with Marsha for a long time and finds her to be a gentle creature.
– Emmett and Jillian lie together in the HoH room.
EMMETT: I like Jillian a lot. She is smart, she’s gorgeous, and she’s a few years older than me.
Uh oh! Her being a few years older is positive? Who knew Emmett was one for the pumas.
Oh, for those of you new to my blog, a puma refers to a single woman in her 30s. That definition came from Jerri Manthey from Survivor: The Australian Outback, All Stars, and Heroes vs. Villains.
– Emmett feels it is pure. Ugh.
JILLIAN: I am resistant to resisting to kissing Emmett because my family and friends are watching.
JILLIAN: What’s the difference between kissing him now and kissing him later?
– Jillian kisses him in the shower. Yes, producers set it up so their first kiss would be in a shower like it was an artistic European film.
Jillian changed her mind about kissing Emmett faster than changing her mind about nominations.
– Emmett says that the only way things could screw up is if Aneal wins POV because nobody else will stick their neck out to save him.
– So it’s time to pick. Jillian draws Peter.
SUZETTE: Peter always gets chosen!
Yes, all two out of two times. What are the odds?
Actually, they’re 1/4 multiplied by 3/11. Hooray stats!
– Aneal draws AJ. He likes it because AJ is viewed as the weakest competitor. Gary picks Danielle.
Jillian chooses Liza to be the host. Everyone awaits the competition. Gary prepares.
Time for the war paint. It’s no Derek Boyer or Lord of the Flies, but still, war paint nonetheless.
Gary did his war paint in blue glitter because he is feeling blue. So blue streaks appear on his face.
Gary should really look into Happy Happyism.
– There is snow everywhere. Sleighs. Males are dressed up in white sparkly NBA uniforms approved by David Stern while the females wear a snowy cheerleader outfit.
LIZA: The competition is called “Oh Snow You Didn’t”.
LIZA: Oh snow you didn’t!
GARY: Oh snow you didn’t!
ME: Oh snow the f— up! Er, doesn’t have the same effect.
– Make a snowball, go across a balance beam, use a turntable, go across another balance beam, then use the snowball to dump a snowman like it’s a snowy adaptation of Dump the Ump.
-LIZA: Ready. . . Set. . .Snow!
I hate BB puns.
– We see everyone compete and talk about the competition. Gary brags about all of the sports he played in his youth. He is in the lead to the amazement of everyone else. Aneal is performing atrociously. Danielle has 1/6 down while Gary has only two left. Danielle has four left. He gets down to one and has an impressive lead.
TOM: I don’t know if Gary is good with balls or if he is doing a great job.
– Gary is down to one lone snowball in his bucket. Dramatic music plays for several seconds. . .and connects. He rolls around on the ice. Gary kneels before Liza to be presented with the POV. Nobody else seems concerned.
– The company who makes Uno has enough money to advertise it on TV? I’m impressed. Board game advertisements are rare.
– It is Alec’s birthday. Streamers are thrown about. Everyone is in a celebratory mood, or in the case of AJ, a celebatory mood. The catch? Alec has told Peter that it’s not actually his birthday. They made a secret alliance on opening night. It is the BC Buds alliance. Their intention is to pull one prank per week. Wow. Way to put yourselves at risk for no reason whatsoever.
– You know those X’s they were doing at the first eviction? It’s a Shield Alliance.
ALEC: Bromance over showmance.
– Jillian, Talla, and Danielle are in the HoH room. They discuss who wants to be a pawn.
Answer: Nobody. All dates back to the very first eviction in BB 2 with Cheryl. Never ever ever be the pawn early in the game. It’s when everyone is the most comfortable to turn the tables.
DANIELLE: If you want to play the pawn game, you gotta do it early and against someone you know you’re going to win against.
DANIELLE: You could even put me up if you know for sure.
Does she know she was a Jillian’s length attention span from being nominated?
DANIELLE: This is all in my plan to stir up the plan because I don’t like her and she’s got to go.
So why not just lay low, win HoH, nominate her, and boot her that way? Why put yourself in a 50/50 shot of going home? All power you possess effectively crumbles.
– Danielle ensures everyone, including Jillian, will owe her one for being a pawn. Because if we know anything in non-cooperative gameplay, it’s that people repay favours.
– Danielle admits she is scared but Talla tells her she would be the best bet. They vanish from our sights.
– Tom is working out in the backyard with Emmett. He wants to solidify their F2 alliance. Tom’s gut is telling him to boot Jillian. He requests Emmett to boot Jillian. Baaaaad move.
TOM: I believe Emmett is an honest person as long as he thinks with the right head.
– Andrew is upset that he entered the bathroom with urine all over the bathroom seat. The females are grossed out. Jillian and Liza head to chat.
LIZA: Rule number one–it’s bros before hos. That makes me really worried with these three showmances.
– So for the tenth time in four episodes, an all-female alliance is formed. Everyone couldn’t be more obsessed with showmances and gender-based alliances. Jillian resumes baby voice when she talks about her back-up plan with Liza.
– Aneal borrows Talla’s hat. He chats with Emmett and Jillian in the HoH room. Jillian is massaging Emmett’s back.
ANEAL: I’m targeting Danielle because she is a miserable b—-.
– So Aneal wants Jillian to put up Danielle because that is the easiest route to go. She is alone all of the time and hasn’t formed a relationship with anyone besides Gary.
Emmett tries his best to angle his tattoo towards the camera.
– Aneal swears to Jillian that Danielle will put her up. Emmett is undecided. Jillian doesn’t know who to trust. She worries about being played, and asks Emmett. He offers no response.
– Peter announces the mission that he succeeded and the reward. They have won a hot tub party. Everyone is ecstatic. We see them sprint outside. Ski-themed party. Vodka, food, and hot tub. Tom says Gary, Danielle, and Talla got drunk like nine year old girls. They took all of the vodka and ran off. All of it was consumed. Talla didn’t know there was only one bottle.
– Talla and Tom get into a confrontation because Talla hates being accused. This argument is funnier when she is wearing the hat. Danielle mocks Tom in the confessional. Talla refuses to let Tom win the conversation. She returns the vodka in a cup and eats alone in the kitchen.
– TOM: The fire-yeesta is coming out in you right now.
TALLA (alone): Like go f— yourself.
TOM: Everyone’s a little ticked off being so selfish with alcohol to slam it all back just to get White Girl Wasted.
Who knew vodka could be so troublesome. Can we have more hot tub ski parties? And I’m intrigued what composes being White Girl Wasted.
– Liza requests for Tom and Talla to make up. Tom doesn’t want to talk. Talla asks if he’s fired up. He says he is as the apple he eats makes an extra crunch. Awkward silence.
LIZA: Good talk. Hey Emmett, wanna go have sex?
Well, at least some people took advantage of the drunken situation.
– Jillian intends to put up Danielle because she is threatened by her while the other option is AJ because she wonders what he is doing here.
– Gary recites the POV script. Aneal performs the worst rap I have ever seen. Gary sarcastically praises his mad rapping skills. He no longer delays the inevitable and saves himself. Goody.
– Jillian praises Gary’s performance. She clears her throat before thrusting Danielle onto the block because she hasn’t gotten to know her at all before apologizing. Danielle knew beforehand she would be put up as a pawn. She anticipates a clean vote against Aneal. Jillian truly believes that Aneal will be booted.
– Part of me wants to see Aneal’s childhood dreams of being on BB crushed. I mean, I’ve wanted to do BB, Survivor, or TAR since I was eight. Where’s my spot?
Yeah. That’s what I thought. And SHUT UP ABOUT LOWE’S!