The Ultimate Fighter 10 episodes 10-12 ranking

Tenth episode

Previously on TUF: In the first quarterfinal fight, Roy Nelson won a controversial decision over Wren. Dana visited the House to check on Matt Mitrione. The fighters wondered who would take Matt’s place against James McSweeney. Up next Brendan Schaub takes on Jon Madsen. Who will earn a spot in the semis and take one step closer to becoming the Ultimate Fighter?

– Intro time.

– Weird whistling sound that has never been used before as Team Rashad’s van pulls in. Rashad talks about how much of an awesome and amazing and superb team he has. Speaks of good energy.

– Turns out Matt’s brain swelled and that it turned into a migraine. In addition, he was throwing up and could barely walk. Of course, this worries Rashad.  Matt feels much better but is worried because he feels ‘slow’. Matt is seeing the doctor on Monday. He is worried about being hit in the head.

ASSISTANT COACH: If you have swelling of the brain, they won’t let you fight. It’s life threatening.
RASHAD: Did he write it up.
MATT: No. . .

In all fairness, a doctor cleared Wayne Palmer to be president while his brain was swelling.

– The assistant coach prompts Matt to make a decision because if there really was swelling, he would be denied right away.

– The coaches wonder if Matt will fight. They think Matt wants to bow out on a good note without looking bad. It seems more like Matt

– McSweeney finds it disrespectful that Matt has made it this far without wanting it. Him, Demico, Junk, and some other eliminated foes sit around in his bedroom. Everyone rags on Mitrione’s lame excuses.

– Rampage training session. Rampage tells his players that it sounds like Matt won’t be fighting. He thinks Kimbo will be back and do well against McSweeney.

– Kimbo explains that Demico put his weight on his knee when they were in practice. This worries Kimbo. Rampage is coaching Kimbo, Demico and Shivers. Kimbo looks withdrawn.  Mr. Slice is told by Rampage that McSweeney is a kickboxer and will keep going after that knee.

– Kimbo tells us that street fighting is purely punching power and is over fast. In the UFC, “you can’t be no punk”. He managed to avoid using “you know what I’m sayin” in an extended confessional.

– Team Rashad enters for their training session. Brendan trains with an assistant coach. He finds Jon Madsen to be a one-dimensional wrestler. No concern over his hands. McSweeney requested Rashad to help Brendan with defending takedowns. Roy walked in on Rashad giving advice, and crowns it as BS. So Rashad walks away.

– Brendan finds it annoying that it’s “every man for himself” which leads it to being every man for himself. Suddenly Rampage is the only one coaching while Rashad refuses to coach.

– Brendan refuses to do lay-and-pray with the wrestler. McSweeney crowns Brendan as “his boy”.

– Doctor checks in with Kimbo. Cartilage is missing in Kimbo’s thigh bone and timbia. It’s like walking around on hard pedals without a shoe on. The solution is a cortizone shot or draining the fluid in his knee. He is in worse shape than Mitrione. Kimbo refuses to be injected with a needle, and proclaims he will fight again.

– We see a volleyball with a TUF logo on it. A beach volleyball game at The Palms. It is definitely evening time. Beach volleyball between two guys who have never played.

RASHAD & MIKE VAN ARSDALE
vs.
RAMPAGE & TIKI GHOSEN

This is the strangest match-up and gaming combination I have seen before. A simple game of beach volleyball between people who have never played. Stakes? 10k for the winning coach, and 1.5k for each fighter on the winning team. Yes, even Mitrione will be awarded money.

– Rampage’s only experience with beach volleyball is watching women’s beach volleyball if they are wearing the tight bottoms on TV. What a surprise.

– I see a lot of illegal pushing with the volleyball.Some dives too. Rampage is up 14-8. Decent volleys. Rampage wins the first game 15-8. Rashad is frustrated. Rampage is loving this.

– We see use of slow motion shots. Rashad starts off with two aces. Rashad wins the second game 15-10 with an illegal bump.

– Certainly no jump-serves either. Mike starts spinning the ball while serving. Rashad dances around in circles. Final set is 13-13. Now 14-13 for Rashad. The final rally from Rampage goes outside. Rashad wins yet again. Even Rampage suffers defeat directly. He shakes hands with everyone on Team Rashad.

– Rashad has the cash. He offers Rampage the opportunity to touch it. Rashad is willing to let everyone on Team Rampage have 1.5k each. Rampage counters that they either take the money or get to see Rampage knock out Rashad in the octagon. Uh, Rampage’s team follows into line instantly. I’m not sure if Rashad offered the 10k out of kindness or as an insult.

– I hope to never see either of them play beach volleyball again. It made my eighth grade gym class experience seem like professional gameplaying skills.

– House time. Or pool time rather. Kimbo looks out into the distance as he worries about his knee. The camera keeps zooming in on Kimbo’s knee whenever he walks.

– Everyone in the house sets up a cold tub with plenty of ice in it inside the living room. Kimbo is invited to sit in it. Marcus doesn’t think Kimbo will do it because “he is a choco brother from Florida”. Apparently the number one rule about “choco brothers” is that they don’t sit in cold tubs. Who knew.

– Kimbo gets in. He doesn’t even get the Team Mir treatment where everyone wears snorkels inside it.

– Kimbo does it for about a minute as he groans. He proceeds to exit as he winces in pain. Everyone found it to be the funniest thing ever. They really lack entertainment.

KIMBO: I am going to be the ultimate fighter.

Bummed knee and you’ve already been eliminated? Even Frank Lester would think you’re crazy for thinking that.

– Rashad is (surprise) coaching Jon Madsen in a training session. Brendan is annoyed that Rashad wouldn’t help with takedowns but understands regardless. He embraces being on his own.

– Crying music starts. Rashad asks Matt if he’s ready. Mitrione tears up.

RASHAD: You’re doing this for the wrong reason.

– Rashad presses Matt for why he wants to be here. Whine whine cry cry. Rashad is annoyed that Mitrione acts as if the rest of Team Rashad is peer pressuring him into fighting and being a bunch of jerks.

Peer pressure to fight on a fighting show? Uhhhhhh.

MATT: I’m tired of this dramatic bulls—. I want this show to be over and go back to my normal life.

You know you could stop making confessionals that involve complaining about the competition, quit stealing other people’s orange juice, and incorporate spirits and religion into TUF, right?

– Rashad ensures nobody will hold any bad feelings towards him if he opts out of the competition. Rashad is tired of possibly looking like the bad guy, so he brings in Dana White to lecture to all sixteen if they want to be an ultimate fighter.

– Dana makes the “you’re never 100 percent” in any speech. Matt thinks it was ninety percent directed towards him. For once, his dramatic bulls— is true. Dana goes on and on about how nobody is being forced to fight.

DANA: Real fighters, in their minds, think they are invincible. I don’t see that in Matt Mitrione.

Matt Mitrione doesn’t see that in Matt Mitrione.

MATT: I am secure in my manhood.

If you were secure, you wouldn’t be whining about peer pressure.

– Dana assures the crowd that at least one fighter each season finds out they don’t want to be a fighter. The speech ends as we wait for the doctor to officially clear

– Official weigh-ins. Brendan weighs in. Dana introduces him as someone out of Greg Jackson’s camp and is a well-rounded fighter. Hence being on Team Rashad. Madsen is a Matt Hughes protege. He weighs in. They square off to pose for photos. The end.

DANA: Whoever imposes their will will win the fight.

Isn’t that every fight?

– Fight Day. Already? Wow.The two fighters are in their respective locker rooms. Fight Day came fast. McSweeney shouts at Brendan.

BRENDAN SCHAUB
26
6’4″
79.5″
4-0
DENVER, COLORADO

JON MADSEN
29
6’0″
72″
1-0
GRANITE CITY, ILLINOIS

That is quite the reach and height advantage.

– Dana introduces the fight. Rosenthal is the referee for the third fight in a row.

– They circle. Jon attempts a takedown. Brendan pushes him away. Reset position. Jon feints. One guy is a striker while the other only possesses a ground game. This has the makings of a boring fight.

– 4:07. No contact since the initial takedown. No punches yet.

– Jon attempts another takedown. Big slam by Jon as he takes Brendan to the mat. Half-guard. Or half-mount depending on your perspective. Jon shoves Brendan against the cage.

– 3:00. Jon hasn’t thrown a punch from up top. Oh he just threw a couple. Brendan holds on for dear life while throwing the odd elbow.

– Rosenthal warns about the back of the head as well as a lack of action.

– 2:22. Rosenthal stands them up.

– Jon throws a punch before going for underhooks. Brendan goes down to one knee but maintains the clinch as he gets back to his feet. Jon has Brendan against the cage Couture-style.

– Brendan has Jon against the cage. He throws a few knees. They spin along the cage. Jon attempts another takedown while Brendan attempts a guillotine. Jon slams down Brendan again.

– Side control as they rotate on the ground. Jon maintains side control. Brendan punches the ribs. Brendan sneaks in a leg to pull half-guard. Jon throws a couple punches at the end of the round. Brendan uses a burst of energy to get up but fails. Jon throws one last punch. End of terrible round one.

– Feints. Jon runs away. In the words of Koscheck, he is gettin’ tired. Brendan charges in with missed strikes. Jon clinches. Brendan throws a couple punches and knees as Jon is against the cage. They get away from the cage. Jon falls to his knee. Brendan shoots in but Jon has his legs. Jon has Brendan against the cage. They break the clinch after throwing a few strikes.

– They spin away from each other. Brendan closes in while Jon backs away. Jon misses a hook. Brendan lands a huge punch on the chin. Then an even bigger one. Jon drops. Brendan swoops in for one more. Fight over. Thank god.

– Fight replay. Jon did a massive takedown but zero damage from top position. Brendan’s plan was to let Jon fatigue himself. We see the other slam from round one. In round two we see Brendan’s knees and being able to push Jon down a couple times. Then those crucial strikes. That was a truly beautiful knockout.

– We haven’t seen any blood since the first fight. Mitrione cheers on Jon’s effort.

– Brendan’s arm is raised. He joins Roy in the semis. Dana appreciates the wrestling aspect being shutdown by Schaub. Madsen wants to be back and will improve his game in the meantime.

– Did anything happen this episode?

Next Time on TUF: Will Mitrione fight? Will Kimbo fight? Will Nelson continue to be ignored? Can Sims make an appearance? I dunno.

RAMPAGE TEAM

ABE WAGNER 0x
DEMICO ROGERS 0x
KIMBO SLICE 5x
MARCUS JONES 0
SCOTT JUNK 1x
WES SHIVERS 0x
WES SIMS 0x
ZAK JENSEN 0x

RASHAD TEAM

BRENDAN SCHAUB 8
DARRILL SCHOONOVER 0
JAMES MCSWEENEY 3
JON MADSEN 5
JUSTIN WREN 0x
MATT MITRIONE 5
MICHAEL WESSEL 0x
ROY NELSON 0!

Rank the Fights

1) Marcus Jones vs. Michael Wessel (The precursor to Rousey Mania. It is the quickest and slickest armbar I have ever seen. Wessel learned what happens when you make Big Baby angry. Sadly, this is the best fight thus far.)

2) Demico Rogers vs. Brendan Schaub (Unusual positions were used in this fight. It was quick but there was non-stop action on the ground. The unique anaconda choke on the ground is the biggest highlight thus far as Rashad is up 4-nil.)

3) Wes Sims vs. Justin Wren (Sims submitted into unconsciousness by an arm triangle? Well, I can’t say he didn’t live up to my expectations. The strikes they traded on their feet was impressive.)

4) Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson (Big names who end up finishing the fight before it goes to the lousy judges? Sadly it’s the best one after three episodes.)

5) Brendan Schaub vs. Jon Madsen (It had the makings of being the worst fight of the season if it weren’t for the lovely knockout in the second round. And so ends Madsen’s invisible 10-episode run.)

6) Wes Shivers vs. James McSweeney (It was a very average affair.)

7) Matt Mitrione vs. Scott Junk (The most pathetic stand-up affair. Even worse than Jay London’s stand-up. Those wind-ups into their punches were slow-motion and seemed to have zero power behind them. The only good thing about the fight is that it triggered Rampage’s reaction to smash a water bottle and collapse a perfectly fine door. 7-0. Pass the Sugar Rashad!

8) Zak Jensen vs. Darrill Schoonover (It was a very sloppy affair. Early triangle choke by Darrill. Fatigue and lack of jiu jitsu knowledge dictated the outcome of this fight.)

9) Roy Nelson vs. Justin Wren (This felt more like a training session than an actual fight. Justin tried to finish the fight while Roy was aiming for a decision victory. It is the least versatile fight I have seen. Jabs and hooks are the only two skills these guys know. I think there were ten leg kicks and a couple clinches the whole fight.)

10) Abe Wagner vs. Jon Madsen (It will be a shame if this isn’t the worst fight of the season. A cut so deep that we saw the bone in Abe’s forehead, though. I can’t recall seeing a fight with three stand-ups in one round.)

Eleventh and “Twelfth” episodes

NOTE: For the first time ever, the final episode before the season finale aired in a 2-hour block. I guess TUF decided to pull a TAR. In the confessional count, I will count this as two episodes.

Previously on TUF: With Matt Mitrione on the fence, Kimbo Slice worked through a hurt knee in hopes of a possible return to the cage. Now get ready for a 2-hour special with FOUR fights. First, James McSweeney prepares for his quarter-final. Will it be against Mitrione or Slice? Next up, Marcus The Darkness Jones takes on Darrill Schoonover. And then it’s the semifinals. Who will face Roy Nelson and Brendan Schaub in the semis and become the Ultimate Fighter?

– Final intro of the season. Rampage is about to receive the offer to play the role of B.A. Baracus in The A-Team.

Fun Fact: The A-Team was the first movie I saw after I graduated high school. Alone.

– We see a recap of Dana White’s speech. He sees those who get affected by his speech and those who don’t.

DANA: Have a good f—ing day, boys.

White’s unnecessary cursing is back.

– White is surprised that nobody tried to step over Mitrione and beg for his spot. Apparently what happens when players in the past are on the fence is that they plead their case to replace a fighter. Nobody has yet to do that.

WHITE: I want to talk to Kimbo.

– Dana White and Kimbo Slice are in the locker room. What’s the first thing we hear?

KIMBO: I can’t fight on my toes.

A street brawler CAN’T FIGHT ON HIS TOES? Holy crap. Kimbo’s knee is in rough shape or doesn’t like fighting for free. So much for eight weeks of post-production hype by producers for something they knew would ever come to fruition.

Production–what a tease. I bet most of the audience is in disbelief that they promoted Kimbo’s return for several months only to discover it never happens. Yeah, he would’ve lost to McSweeney, but still. Casuals wanted to see Kimbo in the cage. The hardcores meanwhile rejoice.

– Kimbo doesn’t want to perform when he knows he will be in defense mode the whole time because he can’t move the way he wants to.

– Dana White tells us that they sent Kimbo to one of the top two knee specialists in the country (if it’s top two, I’m guessing he is second) and that Kimbo has arthritis permanently. There is things to take the pain away from the arthritis, though. But Kimbo refuses the cortisol shot. Dana never expected Kimbo to turn down the fight, but has respect for Kimbo. Sad piano music plays.

– Kimbo tells us that he has never turned down a fight before.

KIMBO: I’m no Einstein or Abe Wagner but. . .

Why would production air this? We haven’t been shown any footage that Abe Wagner is brilliant. His occupation was referenced for about ten seconds in the season premiere. Other than that, he hasn’t had a camera pointed at him since.

– Kimbo takes his bags and exits the Gym. He only has forty percent mobility. We see him tear up in the van. It’s all about his family.

– Team Rashad training session. Mitrione is on the phone with Dr. Jeff Davidson.

DAVIDSON: Your mind is one hundred percent?
MITRIONE: Yep.
DAVIDSON: Your body feels good?
MITRIONE: Yep, ready to throw hands.
DAVIDSON: I can hear it in your voice too. You’re cleared to fight.

Either that is the least thorough doctor ever or Mitrione prevented himself from being cleared for the past week.

– Rashad tells Mitrione that it was because he didn’t want to fight rather than a doctor clearance in the way.

RASHAD: I bet the doctor said “I already told you two days ago you could fight!”

Or production waited until Kimbo dropped out before they let Mitrione take the fight.

– Wessel thinks McSweeney will be too aggressive. Madsen thinks Mitrione is playing mind games. Schaub thinks it should be a landslide victory for McSweeney. McSweeney repeats that he doesn’t like Matt. Mitrione admits to playing mind games and decided to take on the fight once he had his best night’s sleep since his brain was rattled.

MITRIONE: I’m kind’ve unstable, but not THAT unstable.

Or Brandon Hantz-ike unstable.

– You know that eye injury Scott Junk suffered against Mitrione? The injury I kept joking about when Junk insisted he could fight? Well, Junk walks in with what looks like 3D glasses.

– He saw an eye doctor and is informed his fight career could be over. There are two small tears in his left retina. He feels pain in his eye. So he shuts off all lights in his room and sleeps. We see the camera zoom in on the poster of a monkey grinning and covering its eyes. The monkey has horns with flames surrounding it.

This is more messed up than the posters in Big Brother Canada’s Have-Nots room.

– Junk is devastated that his job for the past six years has been fighting. He needs laser surgery. It’s the eye where Mitrione poked him.

– Marcus thought about how he would feel if it was him with the eye injury as he rode from the House to the training facility. Once at the facility, he charges up to Mitrione and tells him off. His face is touching Mitrione’s cheek. Bleeps abound. Mitrione is completely silent.

MARCUS: Hit me, b—-! Hit me, b—-! Mothaf—a! Give me a reason, mothaf—a!

– Schaub, Schoonover, and Wren hold him back and are mystified. So is Mitrione. Marcus cries as he heads into the kitchen. Everyone observes how Marcus was preparing to kill Mitrione. Rashad assumed Mitrione had done something.

– Schaub explains that it’s the same as somebody getting a concussion after being tackled in football. Nobody intends to seriously injure another fighter in MMA. Just the nature of competitive sports. Unless it’s Canada vs. Mexico in the 9th inning of baseball.

MARCUS: I wanna f— him up, coach.
RAMPAGE: Is that more important to you than winning the show?
MARCUS: Right now it is.

MARCUS: You want to know what I wanted to do? I wanted to get him on the ground and choke him. Choke every inch of his life then let him come back to and pound him then I wanted to break his arm. I wanted to make him feel what Junk was feeling.

RAMPAGE: Do I have your word you won’t do anything?
MARCUS: Right now, yeah.
RAMPAGE: And later?
MARCUS: I’m fine, coach.
RAMPAGE: I need you to promise me you won’t do anything ever.
MARCUS: Okay coach. I won’t.

Rampage really outsmarted Marcus in that situation.

– Junk had the surgery. It was a success. He will be out for two months while he wears his glasses. Happy music plays.

MARCUS: I’m glad I didn’t go overboard, right?

. . .Right?

– Official weigh-ins. Mitrione weighs in at 256. White thinks Mitrione will easily win if he fights the same way against Junk, but that McSweeney will be active and throw legkicks in circles. But White banks on Mitrione cutting his circling off. McSweeney weighs in at 229. Big weight difference.

– Mitrione and McSweeney square off for the picture. Faces touch. How romantic. Neither blinks as Mitrione holds his left arm and forms a fist. This goes on for a few seconds.

– Holding pose.

– Holding pose.
.
.
.
.
SHOVE! McSweeney puts everything into shoving Mitrione. Rashad panics and comes between the two fighters. Both fighters have to be held back.

MITRIONE: I can’t wait to put your b—-a– to sleep, mothaf—a!

Did you know P. Diddy coined that term in his TV show “I Wanna Work For Diddy” as a business lesson?

– McSweeney doesn’t think Mitrione deserves any success in the industry.

– Fight Day. Team Rashad all pile into one van. When Mitrione tries to enter it, Schaub instructs him to ride in the other van. The saddest visual in TUF history is seeing Mitrione in a bus all alone. The camera operator and driver are obstructed from view as they sit in the front seats.

– James tells Roy to give advice to Mitrione in the form of “chin up, hands down”.

MCSWEENEY: Never come to my house! He’s dead!

Well that’s one way to pump yourself up for a fight.

MATT MITRIONE
30
6’3″
81″
2-0
INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA

– Mitrione merrily skips to the octagon.

JAMES MCSWEENEY
28
6’4″
75″
3-3
LONDON, UK

– Dana introduces the third quarter-final fight. McSweeney’s pecs bounce. Herby is the referee.

– James and Matt circle. Mcsweeney misses a high leg kick. Several feints. Mcsweeny lands a legkick.

– Both exchange a few punches to the face. Mitrione tries to charge in on James but stops. McSweeney lands a legkick. Mitrione counters with a jab.

– Mitrione lands a combination and engages in the shortest clinch ever.

– Mitrione throws a legkick of his own that is very close to James’ Scott Junk.

– McSweeny punches low followed by a bodykick. McSweeney nearly lands a high headkick. He lands a HUGE punch on Mitrione’s chin. Mitrione is not fazed. McSweeney fires a borderline superman punch.

– Mitrione catches a legkick from McSweeney and punches James in the chin a couple of times. James retrieves his leg back and both fighters trade a series of punches. Mitrione is landing smattering punches. Clinch breaks.

– James lands a combination of his own before clinching Mitrione. He has Matt against the cage. He takes Matt to the ground. Matt attempts a kneebar. Almost has it. James falls to the ground and rotates to escape.

– Now he has Matt in side control. Matt launches his feet using the cage and now has a leg on James. James punches the sides of Matt. He sprawls. He and Matt are up on their feet for a couple seconds.

– James puts an arm around Matt’s throat. Guillotine position with James on top. Wow. Matt taps. He couldn’t get out of what appears to be one of the weakest guillotine positions I have seen.

– Fight recap. Matt’s hard punches are applauded, and James brags that the fight was too easy. Dana White is impressed by James’ performance. Rashad thought Matt tapped too easily and too early.

– Matt clarifies if the conflict is over between him and James. James agrees. McSweeney is happy with his performance because he didn’t incur any injuries.

MITRIONE: I tapped like a b—-!

– Fight Day. Marcus defines himself as an average guy while being in the belly of the  beast.

Who was the guy that wanted to murder another fighter on national television?

– Darrill feels underestimated and understands both him and Marcus are chasing their dreams. Wow. Marcus aims to win two fights in one week. Both are in their locker rooms. Wow, we’re still hearing from Marcus.

– This is the shortest intermission between fights in the history of the show. Zero scenes between the fight recap and fight day other than Marcus sitting on a porch.

MARCUS JONES
35
6’6″
80″
4-2
TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA

DARRILL SCHOONOVER
24
6’2″
76″
10-0
COPPERAS COVE, TEXAS

– Dana White introduces the final quarter-final fight. Herby is the referee again. They do not touch gloves.

– Marcus starts out with a leg kick. Darrill tries to throw a punch but Marcus shoots in to clasp Darrill’s back and take Darrill to the ground. Side control. He traps Darrill’s face for a second. He does it again. Now he’s trapped. Darrill gets his head free again. More punches to the face from Marcus. When he traps Darrill’s face, he punches.

– Marcus takes a wrist and is looking to twist it. Darrill frees it. Marcus tries a couple more times. Darrill gives his back but on his knees. He is very close to escaping but Marcus tosses him back to the ground. Full guard. At least Darrill has improved position.

– Marcus is launching some big punches, and launches himself to pass guard. He stands up over Darrill. Darrill scoots away. As Darrill prepares to get up, Marcus charges in to clinch with him and take him back to the ground. Darrill pulls guard. No idea why Darill didn’t want to get up.

– Darrill fires some punches from the bottom. Marcus is constantly adjusting. He elbows Darrill’s ribs. He lands three punches on Darrill’s chin. Darrill is out. From full guard. Rampage’s team storms the cage. A team that was down 7-0 now has a fighter in the semis. This is possibly the biggest rally in TUF history.

– Fight recap. Everyone applauds Marcus’ ability to be busy on the ground while Darrill played the fight poorly. Rashad was amazed Marcus’ knockout from full guard. Rashad apologized to Marcus and acknowledges he should be calling him “The Darkness” rather than “Big Baby”.

– Dana praises Marcus for being one of the nicest guys in MMA (except to Mitrione) but for having that killer instinct and looking to finish fights.

– Darrill has a towel over his head as he contemplates losing his first MMA fight ever. Luckily it’s only an exhibition match and can preserve his 10-0 record. Schoonver is in the bathroom with his coaches. Darrill intends to train harder. And that is the last we hear from him.

– Celebratory music plays as Marcus sits in the locker room. He reflects on his progress. Only one fight away from Marcus Jones being placed in the finals.

– Semifinal announcement. Both teams line up in front of Dana White. Apparently the fighters and coaches have already been interviewed because the matches are about to be announced.

DANA: Roy Nelson vs. James McSweeney.

DANA: Roy has impressed himself this season, but hasn’t impressed me. James is a fighter and wants it really bad. He wants to outwork Roy Nelson.

DANA: Brendan Schaub vs. Marcus Jones.

DANA: Brendan’s stand-up is a billion times better than Marcus, but I am very impressed with Marcus’ ground game.

– Rashad looks to put Big Baby out of the competition because he wants to have an All-Rashad finale. Cinderella story must be put to rest.

– RAMPAGE: If Marcus believes in Marcus like Rampage believes in Marcus, he could go all the way to the finals.

– All coaches are still in the gym. Rashad talks about how Tiki chose to be an assistant coach for Rampage, and comments on his MySpace pictures.

lol myspace

– Rashad brings up a photo where Tiki is smiling while Rampage is pretending to hit Tiki in the testicles. Rashad mocks the pose several times. Rampage and Rashad keep talking over each other. He tells Rashad to show up to the fight proud and confident and talks about Rashad being served. Rashad claims he won’t be served. Rashad’s team eventually exits.

The movie You Got Served is irrelevant in pop culture by this point.

– Rampage training session. It’s only Rampage and Marcus in the gym. They discuss a gameplan. Both Rashad and Brendan are former pro NFL players. Marcus brags about tackling Reggie Sanders in an open field.

– Tiki ushers Rampage out of the gym to show him a present in his truck. It’s a couple of big pink teddy bears. Time for the final prank. One designed to make Team Rashad mad. If not, Rampage gestures that they must be homosexuals.

I should note that as of 2013 I feel it is my duty to say that I represent the gay community.

– This is definitely staged as Team Rampage paints the locker room pink. There are a bunch of punk animals and a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. It’s like a fifth grader’s birthday party.

– James requests a Sharpie so he can write a word on Zak’s head. Zak is viewed as the geeky older brother who doesn’t stand up for himself. He is told the word “LINDERMAN” is being written on his head.

– ZAK: That didn’t feel like “LINDERMAN”. It felt like something else.

Yep. You guessed it. LINDA is written on the side of his head. There isn’t a single fighter who is comfortable with their sexuality in this season.

– Zak has a mohawk now. I suppose that scene was dropped on the cutting room floor.

– McSweeney promises to fix it. Now it says “LINDAGAY”. Zak looks at himself in the bathroom mirror but can’t see it. He resorts to taking a photo of the side of his head to see. Needless to say he considers himself to be an idiot for being too trusting. The other fighters proceed to have confessionals about how Zak doesn’t stand up for himself and is too trusting.

He is like the Anthony Robinson of MMA.

– Team Rashad enters the locker room. There is a blow-up doll and a bunch of beds. Everyone is amused by the prank on Team Rashad. He sucked on a pacifier in the room. It has a poor aftertaste when he takes it out. That’s why you don’t pacifiers in your mouth at are laying about.

RASHAD: This is nice.

Rampage did not create the desired reaction he wanted.

– Rashad training session. Both fighters are analyzed. Pros and cons are outlined once again.

– A bunch of fighters are lounging around the house. Everyone comments that Zak hasn’t left the bathroom all day. They discuss how everything surrounding the bathroom has smelled horrible. James comes up with the prank of jamming the “toilet room door” so Zak freaks when he initially tries to get out.

ZAK: Nobody knows this but I freak when I can’t get out of an enclosed space.

– Toilet flushes. A bunch of fighters are laughing. We hear banging against the door. Jammed as the door pushes against the open cabinets. James closes the cabinets. Zak opens the door.

– Zak comes out and they trade a bunch of punches. James fires a few kicks. They both freeze as James takes off his mic.

JAMES: I’ll knock you the f— out.

– They trade a few more strikes and James puts Zak in a tight headlock. He lets him go once Zak promises to calm down. Zak gives a little bit of reassurance so James finally releases him.

JAMES: What the f— is wrong with you? I’ll knock you out. Calm down.
ZAK: Get away from me. Get away from me. Get away from me.

ZAK: James is a prostitute’s used d—-bag.

Eh, that’s one way of putting it. Brits haven’t had the best edit in TUF as of the past two seasons.

– James is glad Zak stuck up for himself. Zak requests James to get out of his room. He still refuses. Zak hopes James is kicked out of the house for what he did. Unless you’re Junie Browning, James McSweeney will indeed be ejected from the competition.

– Fight Day. Team Rashad comes by the House. He talks to James and pretend every fight as if it is his last fight. Use that mentality.

– Wow. Zero repercussions for James’ actions. I guess finding a replacement on a few hours’ notice was impossible and left producers to act as if the situation wasn’t serious.

– Roy is in the van. He says James is good friends with Rashad while he isn’t friends with Rashad nor trains with Rashad.

ASSISTANT COACH (to MCSWEENEY): The past has gone. The future will come. The most important part is the present. It’s a gift. That’s why they call it the present.

Another reason why Brazilian fighters hate learning the English language.

– There is a green blanket covering the pink walls of Team Rashad’s room. McSweeney prefers locker rooms that look like a locker room.

– We see both fighters go through a montage of training.

ROY NELSON
32
6’0″
74″
13-4
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA

JAMES MCSWEENEY
28
6’4″
75″
3-3
LONDON, UK

– Mazzagatti is our referee. They touch gloves. Nelson is much more pale than James. Roy misses a combo. Both trade some punches. McSweeney circles. James misses a jab. Both are feinting. James tries to catch Roy’s wrist. James misses a big overhand. James lands a bodykick. James misses afew punches. Roy catches James with a jab. James fires another legkick. James is circling. Roy misses a couple jabs. Roy shoots. James puts Roy in a headlock. Roy has James against the cage. Nobody is worried about the choke.

–  Roy gets his head out. They are still clinched against the cage. Clinch is broken. James misses a jab but lands a legkick. James lands a nice jab on the chin. They clinch but James breaks it. Both connect with simultaneous punches. James taunts Roy. Roy lands a huge hook on James’ chin. Roy takes James down.

– Half mount. Roy’s left hand rests on James’ right wrist. James left hand is around Roy’s head. Position continues until Roy has side control. James tries to launch himself against the cage but fails. Roy has James’ right arm trapped. James tries to trap Roy’s right leg but fails. James attempts to buck but fails.

– Roy has James in the crucifix position and starts wailing on him with punches. Mazzagatti warns James to fight out of it. James is still bucking but is not getting out of it. Mazzagatti stops it prematurely, but I think James wouldn’t get out of it.

– Fight replay. They talk about how James was taunting Roy which was followed by Roy connecting with some big shots. Roy has blood on his chest. It must be from James’ nose.

– James has lost before and has always improved from those losses. He feels this experience will be no different.

– Dana acknowledges that Roy alas put on a good fight. Roy’s hand is raised.

– Roy starts dancing on his feet as he hands to his locker room. He asks Rashad to be in his corner for the final fight. It all depends on Marcus vs. Brendan, I imagine.

– Final fight before the finals. Brendan is shown in a continuous single-shot of him shadow boxing in the octagon. We see it cut to more shadow boxing of him alone in the gym. These are overhead shots, by the way.

– Rashad doesn’t have a problem with Tiki who he views as “Rampage’s man slave”. Once again the coaches meet in the same area.

RAMPAGE: Alright, y’all have a good day–
RASHAD (walking away): B—-es! B—-es!
RAMPAGE: Did he just use the B-word? He walked away and called us “b—-es”.
RASHAD (walks back to get into RAMPAGE’s face): You are a b—-.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a b—-. Thinking you could get out of my face and call me a b—-.
RASHAD: You’re a b—-.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a b—-.
RASHAD: You’re a b—-.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like  a b—-.
RASHAD: You’re a b—- and you know it.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a b—-.
RASHAD: You’re a b—- and you know it.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a b—-.
RASHAD: You’re a b—-.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a b—-.
RASHAD: You’re a b—-.
RAMPAGE: You’re a coward a– b—-.
RASHAD: Back up, dude. Back up, dude.
*30 seconds of silence before trash talking resumes*
RASHAD: Throw it baby. Throw it baby. Let it happen. Let it happen. I said what’s up. I said “b—-” right there and I said it to your face.
RAMPAGE: You said “treat me like a b—-“.
RASHAD: Give me some gum first.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a b—-.
RASHAD: Give me some gum first.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a mothaf—ing b—-.
RASHAD: I’ve got your whole game figured out.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a mothaf—ing b—-.
RASHAD: It’s just gonna be me and you. You won’t have Tiki–
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a mothaf—ing b—-.
RASHAD: You and Tiki–
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a mothaf—ing b—-.
RASHAD: You ain’t got nothin’ to say.
RAMPAGE: Treat me like a mothaf—ing b—-.
RASHAD: I can’t wait to treat you like a b—-. I’ll make you a good b—-. I’ll make you a good mothaf—ing b—-.
RAMPAGE: I’m glad you think that. I’m glad you think that. I’m glad you think that.
*Fight finally ends*

– Rampage training session. We see Marcus wearing brown Tapout socks. Mr. Jackson is hoping Marcus is in the final to wipe off the smirk on Rampage’s face. Marcus is looking to prove himself. Watch him as he trains on a variety of moves with Rampage.

– Fight Day. Marcus wants to prove himself. God, this is the most repetitive episode ever. Brendan and Marcus points out both of them have two stoppages and that he has had the tougher road while Marcus has breezed. Brendan does his Tito Ortiz-like jumps when he enters the octagon.

MARCUS JONES
35
6’6″
80″
4-2
TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA

BRENDAN SCHAUB
26
6’4″
79.5”
4-0
DENVER, COLORADO

– Our random secret scene for the episode. It’s night time and everybody is diving into the pool. Flips and belly flops. Wren dives off the diving board and into the pool as he has a chair on his back. Don’t get the point of that, but okay.

– Rosenthal gets the assignment. They do not touch gloves. Brendan misses a couple jabs. Marcus takes Brendan down. Half guard. Marcus throws a couple punches. Brendan pulls guard. Brendan punches from the bottom.

– Marcus moves into side control. Brendan tries to buck him off. Marcus attempts to control a wrist. Both are punching each other. Fairly active on the ground. Marcus presses his elbow into Brendan’s throat.

– Marcus has full mount. Brendan nearly escapes but fails. Brendan hugs Marcus’ back. Another burst of energy breaks the full mount. Back to half mount. Brendan punches from the bottom. Brendan scrambles to his feet after Marcus lands a couple punches on the chin.

– We’re standing up now. Marcus blocks all of Brendan’s strikes. Big Baby has his chin too high. Marcus clinches Brendan and lands a lethal knee. Brendan is reeling. He backs away. Marcus closes in. Both are huffing and puffing.

– Both fail at landing jabs until Brendan breaks through and connects with a real humdinger that drops Marcus to the mat. Brendan is on top. Marcus pulls guard. Brendan holds Marcus’ head down and punches Marcus’ face. Then another. Marcus still has his hands up. Then lands another punch. And another. Marcus’ hands drop. It’s a KO, man.

– Fight recap. Everyone was amazed that Brendan could escape away from a man the size of Marcus in the full mount. Brendan admits he has survived this position before, but never with a guy Marcus’ size. They comment on the brutal strikes that were landed during the fight.

– Rampage is devastated. Rashad feels bad to see somebody as nice as Big Baby to lose a fight.

– Post-fight. Marcus is lying on the mat attended to by doctors. He makes it to his stool.

MARCUS: Today will be my last night fighting. I don’t want to put my wife through this stuff anymore.

– Rampage tells Marcus he will gain strength from the loss while Marcus has his head down and sulks a bit.

MARCUS: I am grateful for the opportunity but it’s time for me to move on from here. (Marcus proceeds to cry during the confessional and walks away. He is escorted by a paramedic as he heads into an ambulance.)

– Rampage admits to nearly crying after Marcus lost. We see Brendan and Roy square off in the octagon as Dana announces the fight.

DANA: It was a great season. First ever all heavyweights. Some things happened that I never expected to happen. Some guys I thought would fight but ended up not wanting to fight, and we saw a guy with the worst physique in sports make it to the finale. The greatest thing about TUF is you will never know what’s going to happen.

– Next Time on TUF: The finale. Ex-NFL player versus former IFL Champion Roy Big Country Nelson. Can Brendan bring his athleticism and power to bear on Roy or will Big Country throw his weight around again?

Light heavyweights collide as season three alumni Matt The Hammer Hammill takes on UFC young gun Jon Bones Jones.

Also, Marcus The Darkness Jones decides to fight again and settle a score. His opponent: Matt Mitrione.

Then get ready as Kimbo Slice takes on Houston Alexander hoping to prove once and for all he is more than just a backyard brawler.

RAMPAGE TEAM

ABE WAGNER 0x
DEMICO ROGERS 0x
KIMBO SLICE 3x
MARCUS JONES 16
SCOTT JUNK 3x
WES SHIVERS 1x
WES SIMS 1x
ZAK JENSEN 5x

RASHAD TEAM

BRENDAN SCHAUB 9
DARRILL SCHOONOVER 4
JAMES MCSWEENEY 12
JON MADSEN 1x
JUSTIN WREN 0x
MATT MITRIONE 7
MICHAEL WESSEL 1x
ROY NELSON 4

Rank the Fights

1) Marcus Jones vs. Brendan Schaub (The storyline heading into this fight is if Marcus could complete the 7-0 rally and represent Team Rampage in the finals. It looked like Marcus was in a prime position when he successfully took Brendan to the ground and had full mount. But Brendan turned his own underdog position into a position where he could be on his feet with Big Baby. Brendan lands that magical punch and Team Rampage’s dreams are crushed. Great end to the forty days in the house. Now it’s time for the finale.)

2) Marcus Jones vs. Michael Wessel (The precursor to Rousey Mania. It is the quickest and slickest armbar I have ever seen. Wessel learned what happens when you make Big Baby angry. Sadly, this is the best fight thus far.)

3) Demico Rogers vs. Brendan Schaub (Unusual positions were used in this fight. It was quick but there was non-stop action on the ground. The unique anaconda choke on the ground is the biggest highlight thus far as Rashad is up 4-nil.)

4) Wes Sims vs. Justin Wren (Sims submitted into unconsciousness by an arm triangle? Well, I can’t say he didn’t live up to my expectations. The strikes they traded on their feet was impressive.)

5) Matt Mitrione vs. James McSweeney (I like the harsh strikes they traded with one another. However, the fight ends on a disappointing note when Mitrione taps before his oxygen supply is in danger.)

6) Marcus Jones vs. Darrill Schoonover (Marcus follows up his first quick victory with another quick victory. He clasps Darrill’s back, takes him down, and knocks him out from outside the guard. That is some serious power.)

7) Kimbo Slice vs. Roy Nelson (Big names who end up finishing the fight before it goes to the lousy judges? Sadly it’s the best one after three episodes.)

8) Roy Nelson vs. James McSweeney (Action-packed fight as both fighters trade on their feet. It was a “done dolla” when Roy managed to get his weight on top of James. Never before have crucifixes been such a common finish in TUF.)

9) Brendan Schaub vs. Jon Madsen (It had the makings of being the worst fight of the season if it weren’t for the lovely knockout in the second round. And so ends Madsen’s invisible 10-episode run.)

10) Wes Shivers vs. James McSweeney (It was a very average affair.)

11) Matt Mitrione vs. Scott Junk (The most pathetic stand-up affair. Even worse than Jay London’s stand-up. Those wind-ups into their punches were slow-motion and seemed to have zero power behind them. The only good thing about the fight is that it triggered Rampage’s reaction to smash a water bottle and collapse a perfectly fine door. 7-0. Pass the Sugar Rashad!

12) Zak Jensen vs. Darrill Schoonover (It was a very sloppy affair. Early triangle choke by Darrill. Fatigue and lack of jiu jitsu knowledge dictated the outcome of this fight.)

13) Roy Nelson vs. Justin Wren (This felt more like a training session than an actual fight. Justin tried to finish the fight while Roy was aiming for a decision victory. It is the least versatile fight I have seen. Jabs and hooks are the only two skills these guys know. I think there were ten leg kicks and a couple clinches the whole fight.)

14) Abe Wagner vs. Jon Madsen (It will be a shame if this isn’t the worst fight of the season. A cut so deep that we saw the bone in Abe’s forehead, though. I can’t recall seeing a fight with three stand-ups in one round.)

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