Big Brother Canada Episode 3 Ranking


Four weeks until the end of another university semester. Sadly I can only do episodes on the weekend now (Saturday I was blogging episodes nine and ten of TUF 10).

Big Brother Canada, which relies heavily on a college audience, decides to hold the season during every post-secondary student’s worst six weeks of the year? At least everyone will be catching the climax of the season, I s’pose.

I should be doing homework myself, to be honest. But instead I’m here blogging for you. I hope my brain doesn’t crash like it’s an EA server.

– Previously on BBCanada: 15 contestants moved in, each of them (except Kat and Suzanne) on a mission to be the winner of BBCanada. Suzanne answered the call to be HoH (pun intended). Tom and Emmett were nominated, but Tom won a POV that luckily wasn’t too close to call. Suzanne went against the anti-Gary campaign and instead picked Kat to replace Tom on the block due to her personality issues. Since Emmett was likable, Kat was packing with the exception of a rogue vote placed by one of Liza/Talla/Jackie because I can’t tell those three apart. The HoH competition is underway. Who will be nominated. . .tonight?

DANIELLE: I need to get Jackie out because she’s a physical threat to all of the girls.

lol wut

– Intro time.

– Black and white footage. It indicates this is previously aired footage. Suddenly colour resumes.


ANEAL: 23 seconds into it I knew I couldn’t win.

Twenty-three? I could’ve sworn it was twenty-two. Did you hold a Mississippi too long?

GARY: My leg is shaking like I have Parkinson’s.

It wouldn’t be BBCanada without an extraordinary Michael J. Fox reference.

– Tom complains about his size 12 feet. He is coached by another male voice to squeeze the tree as hard as he possibly can like it’s a Husafell stone.

husafell stone

Look at Magnus Ver Magnusson go.

**Level 2–45 minutes**.

– It seems Level 2 means they go further up the tree and what I assume is a smaller foothold. This is a blatant copy of the challenge that originated in day 27 of Survivor: Fiji. You know, the one where Yau-Man won and where Edgardo threw the challenge out of boredom.

– Alec whines about the pain. His six number one assets won’t help him here. Emmett says it hurts his biceps.

– Jillian balances on one foot. She attributes it to her yoga poses where she balances on her “super strong legs”. Yoga power!

yoga flame

Jillian’s Yoga flames.
Oh c’mon. You knew a Street Fighter reference was coming sooner or later.

– Gary ties his shirt around the tree. That is the first time I have seen in a Survivor or BB pole holding competition where somebody successfully ties their shirt around the pole. Bravo, Gary. What an extraordinary idea.

**Level 2–One Hour**

– Tom is pissed that Gary isn’t grabbing with any hands and is leaning back while he hangs on for dear life. He says it adds fuel to Jillian’s Yoga Fire.

– Aneal and Danielle take off their lumberjack shirts. It’s gettin hot in herr.

DANIELLE: I am a gymnast.

. . .Really?

LIZA: I am sweating like a whore in church.

– Liza drops out. Even though she is first out, she has won the bronze medal. Well, even if she was first or second she would win the bronze medal regardless.

– AJ slipped and throws a rock as he falls off. Not as bad as Eliza Orlins’ fall.

**Level 2–One Hour and Fifteen Minutes**

ALEC: There is a 38 year old man and I am sweating more than him.

What is this? The Kat Edorsson School of Thought? What’s next? Alec is in disbelief that he lost to a 28 year old?

– Aneal drops.

**Level 3–One Foot.

– Danielle’s ankle is giving out. She questions if it is worth it and drops. Tom notes the jiggle before he resumes focus on the competition.

– Alec quits. Andrew voluntarily drops. Topaz falls on her back. Jillian isn’t sweating.

**One Hour and Thirty Minutes**

– Andrew drops. Emmett’s body squeals against the tree. Gary’s shirt wears too thin and he is done.

– Emmett sees Jillian playing with the tree. He is no longer optimistic that he can win. Emmett is done with the competition.

**One Hour and 45 Minutes**

– Peter intended to throw the competition all along. He wanted a good exit. So he launches himself off the tree in what could have been one of the worst intentional injuries in reality TV history. The audience applauds his effort.

– Peter pretends to limp. Others ask if he is okay. Peter insists his 25 years of watching pro wrestling (what a waste of time that is) contributed to his fake ankle injury. He went out of his way to create sympathy for himself.

If that ankle injury is discovered to be fake, Peter will immediately be labeled as untrustworthy. Is it worth the gamble?

– We increase to Level 4. Talla and Jillian step higher. Hopefully I can finally tell the difference between the two of them.

JILLIAN: She could see me but I couldn’t see her so she could tell my leg was shaking. I could only see her if I turned around.

Why in the world would you turn around?! Is it necessary to publicly deal bargain in HoHs yet? There’s fourteen still in the game! Just don’t nominate her if you win.

**Time Elapsed: Two Hours**

– Okay, Talla’s hair is much longer. Jillian pretends to be bored to show herself to be much longer. Talla asks Jillian if she is her target. Jillian confirms she isn’t. So Talla jums.

**Time Elapsed: Two Hours–Fifteen Minutes**

– They enter the house. Gary is happy for Jillian but he knows he will be put up because Tom-Emmett-Jillian are in power. They are a trio.

So why is Gary happy for Jillian?

JILLIAN: Rumour has it that Danielle has a crush on Emmett. She hasn’t told me though.

Truth: Rumour started by production. I bet producers asked her in the diary room about her thoughts on it.

DANIELLE: I know she is jealous of me. Anytime I go near Emmett she flips out.

Really? Jillian has no ill towards you.

– They have Mountain Dew!

– Jillian tells Emmett that she intends to nominate Danielle and Gary.

JILLIAN: She is a little b—-.

Strike what I said before.

– Emmett and Jillian snack on grapes. Emmett assumes that if Danielle doesn’t win POV that Danielle will go home. Seeing how Danielle was shown to be annoying in the opening week, we could have another personality deficit resulting in eviction.

– Gary is in the bedroom whining that nobody is getting to know him other than Danielle.

I love how in the first two minutes of BBCanada that Gary poked Danielle’s chest and that is the person who has had the BEST response to him.

gary blue

Truth be told, in some cultures, a guy wearing a star-laden sweater with a forehead ring and blue lip gloss is typically not the first one spoken to in a group of strangers. A young farmer with a six-pack is at the front of the queue.

I am depressed that a UBC student has a higher social ranking than Gary.

– Danielle and Gary feel Aneal is fake and that Tom is full of himself, they can’t trust Sue, and Alec doesn’t think for himself.

DANIELLE: Who do you want to kill the most?

Well that explains their social game.

GARY: AJ. . .His nipples gross me out.

Gary is focused on everyone’s chests. The first thing I judge about a person is their nipples. That divides friends from foes right there.

– Danielle demonstrates kung fu moves that she intends to use on Jillian.

DANIELLE: B—, I got you f—ing figured out. You f—ing ho!

danielle kick

She is a gymnast after all.

Here is how I imagine Danielle and Jillian by the end of the week. . .

chun li cammy

Look at Danielle’s kick!

– We are reminded of their grand prizes as we head to commercial.

– Jillian invites everyone to head to their HoH room. Liza is wrapped up in a head towel and blanket train. Jillian suddenly breaks out baby voice as she lists off her snacks and comfort items. Grow up.

liza towel

She is like a ten year old pretending to be a jedi from Mos Eisley.

– Danielle is sarcastic in her confessional about seeing her house. We see the TV installed in the HoH bedroom where she can spy on everyone. We see Gary strut and kick throughout the house as everyone else watches. At least he isn’t spanking himself with a spatula.

Yes, someone else has done that in the past.

gary paint

The blueness has moved from his lips to his cheeks.

– Tom and Jillian are in the HoH bedroom. Jillian thinks Tom is playing it too hard. Tom proposes that he doesn’t trust Aneal and Suzette. Jillian is dumbstruck, but agrees regardless. Jillian is only allied with Tom because he is strong after winning all one of POV competitions.

– Tom insists that he will support Jillian’s decision to eliminate Danielle. They pinky swear and thumb swear to ‘triple lock’ it. BB gets silly.

– Aneal says nobody knows where anyone is at including Jillian. Right on cue. He talks to Jillian to no longer trust Tom. Aneal tells Jillian that Alec-Peter-Tom-Emmett are in an alliance and each of them has a female under ther belt.

Peter-No one.

– AJ and Jillian conclude Tom is the leader. They agree they can eliminate them and take out Tom. Jillian is against Emmett like that. She continues her baby talk in her confessionals.

– Cock-a-doodle-doo. Everyone is awaken. Anytime before noon is too early for these folks. Gary is wearing a toga. I don’t know if this is part of the competition or if he was able to fit it into his bag.

JILLIAN: Who is egg-cited for the first food competition of the season?

jillian egg

Oh no. It was a pun. F— this. Why am I blogging this s—?

– It’s Haves vs. Have Nots. Red has an extra player. They chose to sit out Suzette. Well this competition wasn’t thought out.

– A BB classic. Jump into a pool of batter–the other player scoops the batter off of you.

JILLIAN: Ready? Batter up!

Stop talking.

BLUE – Emmett, Liza, AJ, Andrew.

RED – Aneal, Topaz, (Suzette), Danielle, Gary.

GREEN – Alec, Tom, Talla, Peter.

– Everyone discusses their strategy. It’s waffle mix batter, apparently. Everyone is under the assumption that the red team will lose. Gary stuffed it into his shirt and mouth. The other teams copied his technique. Red team ain’t no joke like everyone else thought. Consider yourself outsmarted by Gary.

– Tom is cocky. Speaking of cocks, Alec giggles when Talla removes batter from Alec’s crotch.

– Blue team claims first place. Tom hates that Green team lost their lead.

– Red team takes the inevitable second spot. The edit certainly tippes us off to it. The Green Team is on “slop”.

GARY: I am a force to be reckoned with. A glitter force.

There is a regular force. . .then a glitter force!

– The “oh my god we’re on slop” confessionals trigger.

– Gary vomits from swallowing too much waffle batter. The coverson the windows are lifted to reveal the slop. It’s green.

– Peter is secretly happy because it will garner sympathy. Tom is an Albertan boy who will miss his beef. The Have-Not room is revealed. It has creepy clowns, static TV, and a circular bed. Oh, and a cot. Gary is the only one who loves the room. He wants it to be all orange like Liza’s face.

Who designed this room? William Gacy? This is the most disturbing room I have seen in the history of BB. This is worse than the episode of MTV Cribs where they take a tour of Ronald MacDonald’s house.

– Tom fully intends to take the cot for two days. I have a feeling Tom doesn’t possess the charm to do it without notice.

– It’s a green slop smoothie served with water and protein. It looks like curry sauce as a leftover after a day.

Yeah, I’ve had a lot of curry.

– Emmett and Jillian chat. Emmett is prepared to use her headphones as he tells Jillian that Aneal lies about everything. Emmett wishes to backdoor Aneal and use Danielle as a pawn. Something tells me that everyone has heard that Aneal exposed the alliance. Regardless if it’s real or not.

EMMETT: We need to cut the head off the snake.

That is the 101st time that has been used in reality TV.

– Emmett describes Aneal as a poop disturber. Yeah, unlike BBCanada, this blog has censors.

– Tom asks Talla if she wants to be with the physical players or be lost in the house. They talk about who will Jillian put up on the block. Talla knows she deserves to stay. Tom admits he knows he can’t win against Emmett, but has a F2 deal with Emmett. Whoa, Tom is making a decent move. Tom is concerned that Emmett will take Jillian. He is really thinking long term.

TOM: Right now all we need to think about is slop and clowns. Sloppy clowns.

– Emmett and Jillian discuss Aneal’s poop disturbing a bit further. Apparently Aneal is a bigger threat in competitions than Danielle. It’s straying from Gary-Danielle nomination.

– Jillian asks Peter and Emmett if she should announce her plan to the house. Peter and Emmett convince her not to do so, but Jillian still wants to tell him before the ceremony so she won’t hate him. Peter convinces her that she can reconcile everything with Aneal after the nomination.

– Jillian stares at keys. Aneal thinks only him and Emmett knows what is going on in the house.

TOM: I really like Danielle. I really wish I could keep her.

I don’t think we need to be told why.

– Everyone speculates which two of Danielle, Gary, and Aneal will need to be put up. AJ feels safe. And bye AJ. Jillian changes her nominations at the last second. She puts up rumour spreaders and claims she will feel safer.

JILLIAN: We’re going to cut the head off the rat.

– It’s time for our first non-live nomination ceremony.

– Jillian removes the first key from the wall. Then that person removes that key. They can’t afford a box or a Lazy Susan. Classic.


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah. Aneal is stunned. Gary merely removes some glitter in his eye. He may want to do a Glitter Willy to Jillian.

– Jillian tells Gary that he is a threat and is underestimated. She starts to cry. Oh my god. Nobody likes a HoH who cries. Jillian tells him that she was sincere that she said she was not going to put him up, but since then she has learned some things about Aneal. He immediately jumps up and runs into his room.

– Tom hugs Jillian. Gary hugs her too and is happy that his faux Torontonian enemy is up on the block.

GARY: I am going to fight like I never fought before to stay in this house.

Okay, Brenda Lowe.

gary hidden

Gary’s hidden face had more airtime than Suzette and Topaz combined this episode.

– This is the first episode to not feature Arisa.

– Somebody cries in the end credits. I don’t care who.


AJ: 1






GARY: 15







TOM: 11

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