“Now please welcome our host. . .Julie–er, Arisa Cox! Did I spell that right? Anyways, introduce the host that ISN’T Julie Chen or Davina!”
– We’re told BBCanada is trending on the ol Twittersphere and the website is so popular that it crashed. Oh, get off your high horse. I think Arisa’s outfit was stolen from Gary’s wardrobe.
– Cue pointless recap.
“Things were VERY Canadian!”
In other words, not American.
– A POV ceremony, an eviction, and a HoH all in one hour? This is going to be a very rushed episode.
– Ooooo. Our first intro!
– We are reminded of the 100k prize, new Chevrolet car, and a 20k shopping spree from The Brick.
– Topaz is fixing her hair in preparation for the ceremony.
– Suzette is pissed that Tom thinks he has power. Well, he has the power to stay. Tom tells us that he has the power.
Does he not understand that this isn’t a Diamond Power of Veto? Ugh.
– TOM (talking to EMMETT): Everyone is going to think we’re a Power Duo.
In other words, if the contestants have a brain, they are guaranteed to eliminate Emmett to isolate you onto their side. I love it when two people refuse to be discreet in BB!
– Kat sits on the couch with several females. She proposes an all-female alliance. Liza tells us that it isn’t happening for no particular reason.
That means she is digging the Titty Man and the Country Boy. Excellent.
– Danielle is not thinking about alliances. Why? Because it’s too early. Unfortunately it’s tough not to be in an alliance on day one in 2013 of reality TV. Everyone wants to pick a side and fast.
I wonder what I should use if I want to be a floater? Maybeee I should ask Tom. . .
– Topaz is the only other female in on the conversation. She gives the camera a sarcastic dance. I love it.
– Suzette introduces us to her HoH room. She claims she has been doing a good job of keeping emotions under wraps. She forgot about the three times she cried last episode and the one time she has teared up this episode. Then there’s the confessionals. And I’m sure the feeds I have yet to see.
– She prepares to read the letters.
TOM: I’m going to sit down because I don’t want to get emotional and s—.
– Andrew discusses how Suzette’s victory wasn’t earned. Well, blame the producers for that one. Suzette misses her family and they miss her. My goodness. It’s barely been a week. She is treating every day as if it is day 31 of each season of Survivor.
– Glitter segment.
LIZA: I feel like I have glitter up my a–.
I don’t want to ask how it got there except that it has to be your own fault.
– The males all tell each other that they have swallowed some glitter. Again, their own fault. Gary puts on glitter in the shower. Does it replace body wash? Hopefully the body wash isn’t supplied by The Brick.
– Aneal’s love for Gary is gone. He finds some glitter and pours it up and down the hallway. He hides it when people discuss a meeting with Gary about the glitter.
Shame. Mr. Extraordinary was having so much fun.
– Aneal pitches to Suzette and Peter to have Gary as a replacement. Nobody views Gary as a threat.
– Kat hears she could be put up on the block, and goes to Suzette to ensure that doesn’t happen. Unfortunately Kat is panicking and doesn’t hear the hints that Suzette doesn’t want to talk about the game. She walks away to put on makeup. Kat is annoyed that Suzette’s head isn’t in the game.
Classic case of nervous overstrategizing that drives everyone crazy. Blah blah better get it together there’s 100k on the line blah blah blah why do these people want to have fun?
Kat hasn’t smiled once this whole episode, and she isn’t even on the block. Yet. Gary has yet to be frantic.
It’s unbelievable that Kat can’t be more under the radar than this guy.
– Kat hates that Suzette won’t look at her outside and walks away. Tom wants to put up Gary as a replacement. Has he not figured out that he does not have control over it?
– Tom has to read the POV Ceremony lines. Wow, Canadians being more lazy than Americans? Amazing. Emmett makes his case.
EMMETT: Me and Tom are good buddies. . .
– Tom removes himself from the block. Gary frowns and does his nails.
SUZETTE: One of the things I am against is bullying. With that being said, Kat you have to replace him.
KAT (confessional): What an idiot. I have been nothing but nice to you. I have been nothing but understanding. Maybe she knows ‘hey this girl knows what she is talking about and is a very big threat’.
I love irony. Sadly Kat, you do not fit Brenda Lowe criteria to be deemed an Asian Sensation.
ARISA/HOST: I told you, you never know what to expect in the BB Canada house.
Really? Viewers couldn’t guess that someone who has a bad attitude and mean-spirited would be put up on the block?
– Kat thinks that Suzette will be the villain. Tom thought it was a lock that Gary would go up.
TOM: She has a burnt a huge bridge with me.
Like the Golden Gate as opposed to one that stretches over Lumby?
I should note too that Tom is an idiot if he doesn’t think that a bridge was already burned when Suzette nominated him.
– Everyone is informed that they must be handcuffed to somebody in the house for 24 hours. If they succeed, they will win a prize.
TOM: When I found out I’d be handcuffed to Gary, it was worse than being put on the block. Our team nickname is Tall, Dark, and Handcuffed.
TALLA & LIZA: TAZA!
KAT & ANEAL: The Attack.
– Suzette, the only one not handcuffed, thinks everyone should have fun with it. Uh, you’re not the one tethered to Gary or Kat. I wish Kat and Suzette were tethered, personally.
– Alec and Jillian talk about being in the shower. Alec is in the shower. Jillian has to dip her hand into the shower to put Alec’s pants on. This is more like BB After Dark.
– AJ & Andrew are handcuffed. No team nickname for them either. Thank god. We see them switching seats in the toilet.
– Peter is attached to Danielle. Everyone agrees he had the worst experience. Danielle is in full on diva mode. Jillian leaves Danielle.
– Topaz & Emmett are handcuffed. They’re having fun. The only two mellow people in the house.
– Gary struts down the hallway. Tom bears it. Both think the other is cool. Despite the whole voting each other out thing. The competition is announced to be over after two minutes of airtime. They are rewarded with Old Dutch chips and beer.
– Topaz and Alec proclaim they have a cuddlemance. Tom comments on it worrying about them possibly being too close. Of course, Topaz doesn’t view it as too close and limits their time together.
– Liza figures out that Emmett and Tom have an Ox/Ram alliance. No s—, Sherlock. She aims to separate the alliance.
– Aneal, Liza, and Talla have a strategy session to eliminate Emmett. Andrew and AJ are viewed as the swing.
– Aneal enters the HoH room. Suzette cries some more. Aneal indirectly points out her stupid decision was to oust Kat. Bad move. She doesn’t even have a vote. Danielle, Gary, Liza, and Andrew are proposed as the votes against Tom. Suzette considers ousting Tom’s boy. She thinks anyone who wants to have sex with Tom, be friends with Tom, or allied with Tom is viewed as a threat.
– Everyone is gathered in the living room. Arisa reminds everyone of the grand prize yet freakin’ again. Players are prompted to applaud and cheer. Er, The Brick shopping spree is 25k. Gary and Tom discuss their day. Gary liked getting to know Tom. Tom did it because he will do ‘whatever he’s gotta do’. Cuddlemance is updated. Topaz clarifies it is not a showmance. Gary makes a face at the camera when Topaz tries to make the distinction to ensure a target is not on her back.
– Peter busts out his street talk. He avoids giving away information.
GARY: I’m in a cuddlemance with myself.
ARISA: Kat, how are you feeling?
I was expecting that answer from Suzette.
– Kat and Emmett are stuck on stools. It seems more inspired from Survivor than BB chairs. Kat pleads her case. It sounds more like a parting speech. Emmett says another thing that is generic. Producers hope he is gone.
– BB voting is explained. Arisa says “Suzanne will break the tie” before correcting her name.
Up next, we hear from Survivor: Africa winner, Ethan Zorn.
– Aneal votes to evict Kat. She’s gone.
– Topaz pretends to weep as she votes Kat.
– AJ votes Kat. All ducks falling in line.
– Tom votes Kat. No material for me to work here.
– Andrew votes Kat. I know who he looks like! Michael from season three of The Apprentice. Or Vince Vaughn.
– Liza votes Emmett. Hooray! A rogue vote to stir paranoia. Too bad she will likely reveal her vote within 24 hours. Have you seen BB? The person is always exposed quickly.
– I should note that Liza, Jillian, and Talla still look the same to me. Liza has a wider mouth is the only distinguishing feature so far.
– Jillian evicts Kat. This is dragging out too long. It’s why they don’t vote to evict live in BB USA until it gets down to about ten players.
– Gary votes for “Kat to go back to her hat”. No idea what that means. She’s gone.
– Danielle follows suit.
– Peter runs into the room. He casts the quickest vote ever as he flashes a sign.
Don’t come to his hood.
– Arisa admits Talla hasn’t had a huge impact. She overdramatizes before voting Kat. Flicking her hair, breathing over-the-top. Reminds me of my friend Karinna. I was not expecting that comparison. Which means I’m also comparing her to Rebecca from The Amazing Race 6.
– Talla exits into the hall where she meets Alec.
On BB Canada, a tradition that all evictions require a booty shake. I told you my theory of BB Canada being more sexualized would hold up.
– Alec, who looks as unclean shaven as a UBC Vancouver student, casts the final vote for Kat.
And don’t come by his hood either.
– Music nearly falls silent before amping back up to reveal the final landslide vote. Unanimous votes typically occur in BB Canada. Kat is grinning. Emmett frowns.
You would think Emmett was the one informed that he had been evicted. He has the personality of Becky Lee.
– Kat slams down her hat in celebration as she hugs the others. Everyone applauds as she exits. Don’t know what to make of that.
KAT: Smell ya later.
Wow. She is really stuck in the 90s.
– Kat enters the outdoors after just two days in the house. That was quick. She is overwhelmed.
KAT: You always see the same fourteen people.
Same fourteen people? As if that is a low number? Wow. Does she live in a sorority house?
– Kat had a defeated attitude and couldn’t anticipate things. She is talking too fast to kee us engaged. Kat doesn’t have regrets.
KAT: I wasn’t going to tell people I was an athletic person, but there was nothing to doso I told them.
As if the backwards hat and low cut tanktop didn’t clue us in. And answering phones as well as popping balloons requires athleticism.
KAT: I wish people had their heads more in the game. Some people are here to be on TV.
Making friends + being well-liked by the audience = greater chance of winning = playing the game. She really has a shallow understanding of it all.
– Goodbye messages. Aneal attributes it to intimidation. Gary says she talked too much. If Gary says YOU talk too much, then wow. Suzette admits she should have listened to her. I don’t believe that.
– Fourteen houseguests are dressed up as lumberjacks.
“Lumberjack and Jill”
– Gary turns the lumberjack outfit into a belly shirt. So do the females. Emmett loosens a couple buttons.
– Everyone climbs onto the first step of the pole. An early endurance competition for the season. Everyone is struggling to find a grip. Some hump the tree. Classy. Talla whines her back hurts. Suzette is content sitting.
“We’ll be joined by Big Brother superstar Dan Gheesling”.
Can anyone truly be a superstar just from being on a crappy summer reality show?
– Dan enters the studio. He endorses Peter and Aneal. Production will undoubtedly slant the table to make it harder for those two guys.
– We watch the lumberjacks hug a tree. That be all.