TUF 8 episodes 4 + 5 + 6 ranking

Fourth episode

Previously on TUF: After team picks, Junie Browning got drunk and started picking fights with members of Team Nogueira. In the first preliminary fight Light Heavyweight Ryan Bader took control after two vicious takedowns. Using superior strength and wrestling skills, Bader stayed in control before unleashing a first round knockout blow to send shockwaves through Team Mir. Up next the first Lightweight showdown. Who will crumble under the pressure and who will become the ultimate fighter?

-Terrible intro. Most of the names have been displayed before Limp Bizkit has had a chance to sing. In fact the lightweights are shown prior to Fred Durst cutting in.

– House time. Everyone is sitting in front of a TV to watch UFC 84. BJ Penn versus Sean Sherk. They are silent except for the occasional cheers. Junie thought it would be a great time to start drinking. Junie knows if he can keep his head on straight that he’ll be among one of the best fighters in the world. Junie and Shane Nelson progress to the wine bottle.  Tequilla was involved and sure enough Junie goes on to insult the red team. Several curses and Shane Nelson throwing peanuts. People are tring to watch the PPV but Junie is egging people on.

– Junie and Shane Nelson are in a random guy’s face yelling at him. Geez. Don’t invite Junie over for your Movie Night. They are blocking his view of the TV. Junie starts tugging at the guy’s shirt and taunts him. They guy throws peanuts at Junie because they have been doing it as a joke all night. Junie retaliates by pouring his drink. The guy keeps throwing peanuts. Junie takes it to the next level and throws the GLASS at the guy’s left shoulder and it shatters.

Seriously, who throws a glass? How much alcohol is in his system to prevent Junie from knowing that is the worst idea possible? Quickest expulsion from the house ever?

– Kyle  (the anonymous guy) is pissed but in a confessional is smiling about the incident. The glass cut his arm and wine is in his eyes. What irritates Kyle the most is that if the glass lands anywhere else on his body that it would send him home or end his career. The other fighters aren’t too impressed.

– Junie is convinced that he is gone from the house. However he doesn’t give a f— and would f— with all 205 pounders too.

KYLE: You’d f— all of us?
JUNIE: Yeah.
KYLE: You’d f— all of us?

Get it? Because it makes Junie sound like he wants sex with men, and that is funny because it is a deviant trait by our culture’s acceptable norms.

– Junie gets in Kyle’s face but the other fighters hold him back. He is not happy fighters are holding him back. Shane Nelson is insulted for having the alcohol tolerance of a 12 year old. Shane takes his shirt off and challenges the other guys to wrestling. Shane and Junie crowd Roli on his chair. Shane proceeds to push Roli out of the chair. The other fighters once again come in to break it all up. This is the strangest opening to an episode ever. Will any fights even happen? Each time Efrain laughs at Shane Nelson he gets under his skin a bit more. Shane shoves Efrain against the counter.

– What happens? Other fighters hold Nelson back. Shane and Junie have the great idea to go downstairs and look for more drinks. They succeed much to the rest of the house’s chagrin, no doubt. They smash stools and chairs on the lawn and proceed to dump random crap into the swimming pool. Mostly furniture.  The rest of the house comes out onto the balcony and in the backyard to witness Junie and Shane throwing even more stuff. We see the camera operators and producers in some of the shots. Complete chaos.

– Poor BJ and Sean Sherk. Nobody cares about their lightweight title fight. The lightweights in the house should note that this is what people think about their division. Krzystof has reached his breaking point after four hours or so of Junie and Shane’s drunkenness. Junie is in Krzystof’s face and puts his hands on him. Krzystof says to not do it again and thinks it is time for Junie to be kicked out. Junie further puts his ahnds on Krzystof and wants Krzystof to hit him, and says there is no point because he is off the show anyway. He mutters under his breath as he paces around the pool that he wishes everyone was his size so he could take on all of them.

– You know what mixes great with alcohol? Swimming! Junie strips to his boxers and jumps off the diving board into the pool. He exclaims obnoxiously that he’s freezing. Krzystof has clearly had it. He opts to put Junie’s clothes in the pool.

TOM: And then it went downhill from there.

. . .You mean it gets WORSE? Is that even possible by this point?

– Junie gets out to see his clothes in the pool. He screams using several F-bombs.

JUNIE: Everyone’s quiet now a bunch of chick a– mothaf—ers. Who did this?
KRZYSTOF: It was me.
JUNIE: Who did it?
KRZYSTOF (casually): Me.
JUNIE: Come here d—head.

That would be Junie’s way of saying “Krzystof, please come to the principal’s office”. But “Come here you chick a— mothaf—a” sounds so much smoother.

– Krzystof casually walks over. Junie confirms if Krzystof really did it. He asks why Krzystof would do it. Krzystof answers that Junie needs to learn a lesson. He threw other people’s stuff in the water so why not Junie’s clothes? Junie says that was furniture but not clothes. He proceeds to shove Krzystof not once but twice. Tom holds Junie back as Junie begs for Krzystof to hit him.

JUNIE: You’re all a bunch of b—-es.

KRZYSTOF: I don’t need to hit you but you are the biggest b—- of them all. You are the biggest b—-. You can dish it but you can’t take it. You’re a b—-, pure and simple.

I thought Tom says it all goes downhill? I’d say this is all pretty standard stuff.

– Junie throws his clothes at Krzystof multiple times. Krzystof has is still having no problems restraining himself from punching Junie.

KRZYSTOF: See? This is what I mean right here. You’re the biggest b—- of them all.

– Ryan Bader proceeds to throw Junie’s clothes BACK INTO THE POOL. Oh my word. Junie is cursing louder than ever. Bader this time confesses to it too and copies the same script that Krzystof repeated over and over. Junie is once again the biggest b—- of them all. Junie tackles Bader but Bader defends and Junie is dunked in the pool and refuses to let go of Bader.

– It takes about six or seven guys to hold back Browning. Maybe he can really take all of them on. Someone is yelling “ENOUGH!” several times as they hold Browning back. Junie uses a fighter holding him back as a backboard and springs up his legs to dropkick Tom Lawlor who lands on his butt right at the edge of the pool.  Tom is confused why he was dropkicked by Junie.

– Junie pushes Krzystof a few times and says he likes all the guys but hates people attempting to f— with him. Krzystof says he likes him too as Junie breaks down crying and doesn’t know what is wrong with him. Krzystof only dumped the clothes in the pool to help him. Junie shuts off the lights and goes to bed.

– Piano music plays as sunrise arrives. Junie knows he is gone. He attributes it to being too relaxed in the house. Junie plays basketball in his final hours before Dana inevitably sends him home. He hates that he gave up everything. Dana enters the house and tells three guys in the living room to gather everyone up into the living room. He describes Junie as a punk who can fight but has a massive chip on his shoulder.

– Dana lies to us saying he doesn’t know what he is going to do and knows everyone is assuming that Shane Nelson and Junie will be eliminated right there. Does this hint that Junie and Shane are not going home after all? Dana has a sore throat.

DANA: Junie. . .what the f— is wrong with you? You’re a drunken retard. Shane, where are you? You’re a f—ing drunken retard too.

– Dana’s sore throat carries on and on until he says that neither fighter will be kicked off. What! I suppose this is all a ratings ploy. Maybe Dana is hoping for one more drunken rampage by Junie and Shane before eliminating both off the show.

– Fight announcement. Dana is not at the meeting. It’s Efrain against Shane Nelson. Dana told Nogueira to have Shane Nelson fight someone on his team. Nogueira picked Efrain to fight him because Shane tried to fight Efrain at the house. May as well have it happen under the eyes of the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

– Nog training session. He thinks Efrain’s guillotine choke will be key. As well as his jiu-jitsu skills.

– Back at the house Junie predicts out loud that it will be a Mir on Mir final fight. Otherwise Junie believes it will be an extremely boring fight. He keeps telling Efrain that Shane will beat him and gets directly in Efrain’s face. Junie has not learned anything. Efrain informs us that he submitted Junie in an earlier fight.

– JUNIE: Your b—- a– couldn’t take me down with punches. This isn’t the Ultimate Wrestler, b—-.

– Mir training session. Shane thinks Efrain is the best guy on Nog’s team. If he beats Efrain he will have no problem taking everyone else down in the competition. Mir believes Shane can win on the ground and on his feet.

– Weigh-ins. Everyone predicts their teammate will win. Junie hates Efrain’s smarta– smirk. Junie goes to Shane Nelson and trash talks Efrain as he eats sushi in the gym.

– Fight Day. Efrain is running the basketball courts. Shane left his job and home to come out here and fight. His whole career rides on this fight and is confident about it.

– Van time. Usual hype talk.

SHANE NELSON / HILO, HAWAII / 11-3 / (CHARLES DIAZ)
EFRAIN ESCUDERO / SOMERTON, ARIZONA / 10-0 / (IDO PARIENTE)

– Dana gives his spiel. Mazzagatti is our referee. They touch gloves. They dance around. No contact for twenty seconds. Twenty-five. Thirty. Nelson clinches and knees to the head. Both fighters dance around some more. Nelson punches. They get close and Shane fires off some more strikes. Dancing begins again. Shane leg kicks and head kicks. Efrain has his hands way up. They body clinch. Efrain has the underhooks. Knees from Efrain. Nelson defends the takedown when Efrain tries to sweep. Back on their feet. Shane body kicks. Their bodies lock.  Nelson punches the body. Efrain tries to trip but fails. They clinch. Efrain lands a couple knees to the body. Nelson pushes Efrain against the fence. Efrain has a body lock against the cage. Maybe he’ll succeed for once. Mazzagatti breaks them up for inactivity. Back to the centre they go. Shane and Efrain trade strikes on their feet. Efrain shoots for the takedown and has Shane in ground control. Nelson scrambles to pull half guard. Efrain throws them bows to Nelson and throws weak punches to open him up. Efrain stands up and towers over Nelson on the ground. A few kicks to Nelson on the ground. End of round.

– They touch gloves. Shane high kicks right away then comes in to shoot on Efrain. Efrain defends against the cage and punches Shane’s head. He puts Shane in a headlock but Shane gets out. They run around for a few seconds until Efrain picks up Shane and lightly slams him against the cage. Mazzagatti warns Shane not to grab the cage. Full guard. Shane makes his guard higher. Efrain is trying to maneuver for a stronger and more dominant position but is unable to do so. They work to their feet. Efrain punches Shane against the cage before going for a double leg. Shane crouches. Shane has Efrain in a headlock. They spin into weird leg locking positions. The rolling match continues until Shane settles into Efrain’s full guard. Shane throws about two punches for every ten that Efrain throws from the bottom. Efrain spins to take full mount and is choking out Shane with a neck triangle from full mount. Extremely odd position. Shane taps instantly. End of match.

– Fight Replay. Dana was impressed with how active the first round was. Mir thought Shane wasn’t pulling the trigger. Shane agrees he didn’t let his hands go as much as he should have. Efrain says the plan to choke out Shane was set up by tricking him into grabbing a leg then spinning him. Everyone celebrates the win.

JUNIE: That’s exactly what the UFC needs. Another f—ing boring a– wrestler! THERE’S NOTHING F—ING WRONG WITH ME, BABY! YOU JUST LAY ON PEOPLE LIKE A F—ING B—! TRY TO DO THAT ON ME! LET’S GO RIGHT HERE YOU F—ING B—-!

(JUNIE proceeds to jump in the octagon and is restrained by Nogueira and a few other guys.)

– Everyone asks what is wrong with Junie.

Next time on TUF: Anarchy in the octagon. Will Junie’s most recent tirade finally get him sent home? Team Nogueira retrains control of the picks and gets first hand training tips from Anderson Silvaaaaa. Two more light heavyweights will square off. Who will become the next ultimate fighter?

Junie hath no dignity.

Confessional count

TEAM MIR

LIGHTWEIGHT

DAVE KAPLAN 1
GEORGE ROOP 0
JUNIE BROWNING 6
SHANE NELSON 7

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

ELIOT MARSHALL 1
KRZYSTOF SOSZYNSKI 4
TOM LAWLOR 2
VINNY MAGALHAES 0

TEAM NOGUEIRA

LIGHTWEIGHT

EFRAIN ESCUDERO 12
JOHN POLAKOWSI 1
PHILIPE NOVER 0
ROLI DELGADO 1

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

JULES BRUCHEZ 0
KYLE KINGSBURY 2
RYAN BADER 1
SHANE PRIMM 0

Rank the Fights

1) Ryan Bader vs. Tom Lawlor (Excellent control of all aspects by Bader. To top it all off he managed to knock a guy out from half guard. I applaud your work, Bader.)

2) Efrain Escudero vs. Shane Nelson (A triangle choke from full mount??? Is that even possible? A very good technical match in the latter half of the fight. Junie Browning’s WWF-like entrance following the match only boosts its honourable (or dishonourable) finish to the episode.)

3) Wesley Murch vs. John Polakowsi (These guys fought hard. Great battle. Wesley continues to fight on a knee worse than the broken leg that Olaf tried to fight with in match #2 with John Polakowsi. Wesley was completely out of his mind to attempt a flying knee with his hurt leg. Best match in the round of 32.)

4) Mike Stewart vs. Krzystof Soszinski (A memorable fight in the round of 32. I never thought a guy could defend in such a terrible manner on their feet. Krzystof punched through Mike’s barrier which resulted in one of the strangest stoppages I have seen. I didn’t know a guy covering up on his feet could lead to a referee ending the fight.)

5) Junie Browning vs. Jose Aguilar (What a beatdown by Junie. Jose ain’t stand a chance, naw what I mean?)

6) Ido Pariente vs. Efrain Escudero (Great reversals by Efrain to accomplish his game plan.)

7) Shane Primm vs. Sean O’ Connell (Great coaching and one of the neatest moves I have seen makes it one of the best Round of 32 fights.)

8) Dave Kaplan vs. Fernando Bernstein (

There was some flying knees in the air that fight
The kicks and strikes
Then choke Fernandooooo.)

9) Joe Duarte vs. Phillipe Nover (An unfortunate groin strike but the fact Phillipe was able to cause major damage while his back was taken is rather impressive.)

10) Eric MaGee vs. Jules Bruchez (Eric’s ground game sucks. Nothing much else to comment on this pre-house fight.)

11) Ryan Lopez vs. Tom Lawlor (This is ‘Rank the Fights’. How can this be classified as a fight?)

Fifth episode

Previously on TUF: Krzystof instigated a first round prank against Team Nogueira. But it was Junie who drank himself into a rampage that nearly got him kicked off the show. But when fellow teammate Shane Nelson was defeated by Efrain Escudero, Junie lost control once again. And get ready for the second preliminary 205 match-ups plus a visit from UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva. Who will become the ultimate fighter?

– Intro time.

– Fight recap. Mazzagatti raises Efrain’s hand in victory. Kyle thought the fight was awesome. Shane thought Nelson’s stand-up was surprising. Junie said Efrain went for a couple takedowns. Second round was more of the same. John found it funny that when Shane was drunk he would tell Efrain that he would catch him in a triangle. Ah. So there was poetry involved. John was ecstatic for one second but then Junie ruined it.

– Dana watches the whole incident occur in front of him. He said if the Commission weigh-in guy Keith Kizer was there that Junie’s athletic license would be taken away. Luckily it is pretty much the one day Keith wasn’t there so Junie stays alive after about four incidents that could warrant an ejection from the show.

DANA: The kid has got nine lives.

I think it’s more that the other contestants have nine lives. My god. How has everyone survived the tirades?

– Junie has been told he has an anger problem. He admits they are likely right. Well at least admitting is the first step. He promises everyone else that he will change. In Mir’s locker room, Nelson’s loss is overshadowed by telling Junie to calm down.

– Meanwhile in Nogueira’s room it is all smiles and celebrations free from Junie’s intrusions. He goes to Junie’s room and hugs him saying there is no hard feelings. Junie goes to apologize to Mir. Mir is not happy.

MIR: This time my name was brought into it. That’s twice now. Don’t let it happen again.

JUNIE: I won’t.

MIR: We’ll see.

The chances of Junie surviving the whole twelve episode run without being ejected is indicative in Mir’s response. The countdown begins to the next blowup.

– House time. Shane Primm tells Junie at the pool that he wants to fight him because he finds it really disrespectful for somebody to jump the cage after a fight. He wonders if anyone has jumped the cage after a fight. Junie wants to know if Phillipe is the sacrificial lamb to fight him and tells the other team that if he wins they will have to deal with him drunk every night. Wow. He doesn’t get how close he is to going home, eh?

– Junie believes coming to the house was the worst decision he has ever made because he hasn’t been allowed to punch anyone. On the other hand some would say Junie’s visit to the house is a form of therapy and rehab. Actual footage is being taken of how crazy and wild he really is. If he loses to anyone on Team Nog he will go home and get a factory job.

– Shane Nelson and Efrain talk about the Junie incident. Nelson likes Junie and doesn’t want him to be kicked off the show. They discuss if Junie is bipolar.

ROLI: He’s not bipolar. He’s just a f—case.

– Nog training session the next day. Anderson Silva casually shows up. Yep. The best fighter in history just happens to show up. Everyone loves him. He has crazy energy and trains everyone. Ryan Bader has a chance to sparr with Silva. Wow. Silva invites Bader to punch him as much as possible. That’s one of the craziest sparring matches I have seen. Short of Wanderlei Silva’s sparring, of course.

– House time. Krzystof took all of somebody’s underwear and soaked it in the sink followed by freezing them in saran wrap in the freezer. They froze Bader’s underwear then put itching powder in Efrain’s powder. They put some in Kyle’s bed and Phillipe’s bed. Roli’s bed too. I think you’re better off sprinkling cocaine in their food to mess them up, but I suppose this will do the trick. I’d prefer the whole cocaine thing, though.

– Team Nogueira comes home from practice. Efrain reads the note. It says that his underwear is hiding somewhere on the premises. It will be returned if he does not find it by morning. They search all around the backyard until Efrain discovers it in the freezer. He announces that it is war. At night he realizes his butt is itchy in bed which is awkward. So him and the other guys feel the bed and can feel the powder on their hands.

– Team Nog intends to break glass outside of their doors. They know it will escalate quickly and get out of hand really quickly. Add in Junie and Nelson and the whole cast could be kicked out.

– Van time. Team Nog comes up with pranks that brushes on topics such as “poo poo in their beds” or “pubic and a– hair in their bed”. Yeah. These pranks aren’t getting out of hand at all. An upper decker has never harmed anyone.

– Fight announcement. Fighters tell us that Nogueira rarely discusses the fight picks with his own team until the very last minute. No one knows what he is thinking. Kyle says they aren’t told until right before the meeting. It is Shane against Eliot. Shane and Frank Mir both think it will be a good match-up. Eliot says Mir will have control because third time is the charm.

– House time. Team Nogueira puts sardines all over their rooms. Rug. Carpet. Beds. Walls. The juice is poured too. Sardine between the folded towels and rubbing it against the walls. Vinny’s bed too. Now we wait for the repercussions. Kyle eats one of the sardines.

– Team Mir comes home. Eliot and Dave inform us it was easy to clean and it doesn’t smell bad. So that’s the end of that prank. There is the scariest effin clown on the wall of their room. The painters must have put it their as a complete joke this season to frighten the fighters into insomnia to produce higher ratings.

– Vinny smacks on the wall and curses when he finds out someone messed with his bed. Retaliation? Urinating on a pillow. Efrain says only an animal does that and throws the R. Kelly-conditioned pillow into the laundry room. I bet he washed his hands until they were raw. Vinny brags that he could have done worse.

ROLI: You know how when you’re in a room with five dudes that it takes a few seconds before you piss? Well Vinny man just whipped it out and had an immediate piss.

Anyone wonder how Roli knows all of this urinating terminology and relates to everyone about his situations? Care to analyze this, Freud?

– Efrain knows it will get worse but nothing he can’t handle.

– Team Nogueira training session. We are introduced to Shane. I don’t care much about who he is. He started Muay Thai and boxing when he was sixteen.

– Team Mir training session. Someone farted in the van. We see them walk into the desert in the middle of nowhere. Eliot is from Superior, Colorado. His mom is Jewish and his dad was African-American. He was a geek and had no friends until college where he started training. Mir believes Eliot’s worst enemy is himself and that he doesn’t fight in the ring as well as he does in training. If Eliot overcomes that pressure, Mir is certain everyone will know Eliot’s name some day.

– Team Nog training session. Nog observes that Efrain is really tired. Efrain couldn’t sleep because of the lack of pillow and catches Big Nog up on all of the pranks going on at the house. Big Nog is shocked and calmly states that all fighters need to rest. He is worried about the games being played at the house. I suppose itching powder, hidden underwear, and urine soaked pillows could cause worry when you are hours away from a fight.

– Big Nog talks to Mir and requests that his team needs to cease the pranks. Nog is upset that Mir didn’t listen to him one bit. Stankie goes off and recaps the pranks he did as a kid and attributes it to a “boys will be boys” thing but wants to nip it in the bud anyway. He is by far the best assistant coach in TUF history. The guy has been a hoot every episode.

– House time. Big Nog and Stankie visit the house to serve up a plea to stop the pranks. It is distracting the fighters too much. Dana is curious if Big Nog will succeed with his request. Mir’s team arrives. Stankie and Big Nog approaches everyone on their team. Bader is not happy that nobody on Team Mir is giving Big Nog the proper respect. None of them are listening and saying that it wasn’t them. Junie is sleeping on the couch. Wow.

– ELIOT: You’re a grown a– man. Why do you need your coach to come and ask us to stop? You’re an adult. Go cry to your mommy.

– Eliot finally caves and promises to stay away from the beds. Krzystof apologizes if his itching powder crossed the line and will hold off the pranks until Monday. Eliot promises the pranks are not over.

– Fight day. Eliot says Shane Primm is his 200 feet that he has to walk. It is the only thing in his sights. Eliot expects to trade on his feet because that is where he has the advantage.

ELIOT MARSHALL / BOULDER, COLORADO /  5-1 / (NO ONE)
SHANE PRIMM / TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA / 1-0 / (SEAN O’ CONNELL)

– Mazzagatti is our referee. They touch gloves. The fight is on. Eliot feints and lands a couple punches of his own. Shane does an extremely ugly run into Eliot and tries to clinch but Eliot has no issues taking him down and achieving full mount. He takes Shane’s back and almost has the arm under the throat. Shane turns into the choke to escape. Eliot softens up Shane and has a choke nearly applied. Shane grabs both of Eliot’s wrists to create another escape. Eliot goes from full mount back to taking Shane’s back with both hooks in. Another choke attempt. Eliot gives it up and elbows to the back of the head. He has an arm underneath Shane’s throat yet again. He kicks and punches Shane some more and attempts a choke for a fifth time. This time he succeeds and Shane taps. Eliot looks to Bader and is excited to fight him. Bader shakes his hand.

– Mir recaps the fight. He says Shane looked weak when he entered the ring and refused to make eye contact with Eliot. Mir told Eliot that Shane is way too nervous to be a threat. The fight was extremely one-sided. Dana doesn’t even comment in a fight recap for once. Oh. Nevermind. He says Eliot spanked Shane. Eliot is declared the victor and cheers to his teammates. Anderson Silva enters the octagon and is with Shane.

– Eliot enters the locker room and is jumping around and yelling. He was stoked to run through Shane and therefore Team Nog’s confidence must be down. Vinny hates the jokes of his teammates and believes he could take on Krzystof and Eliot at the same time. Mir’s team now has control.

– Silence in Nog’s locker room. It is the roughest day for Nog here. He thought Shane had the best attitude of everyone here and is surprised Shane is already out. Shane knows it sucks but it is part of the sport.

Next time on TUF: Junie Browning will finally get to fight. And when Delgado’s black belt is called into question, he becomes the latest target for Junie’s rage. But does Junie have the strength to back up all of his tough/TUF talk? Or will Delgado give him the beatdown some in the house thinks he deserves? Who will remain standing and become the next ultimate fighter? Your guess is as good as mine.

Confessional count

TEAM MIR

LIGHTWEIGHT

DAVE KAPLAN 1
GEORGE ROOP 0
JUNIE BROWNING 6
SHANE NELSON 2

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

ELIOT MARSHALL 11
KRZYSTOF SOSZYNSKI 2
TOM LAWLOR 1
VINNY MAGALHAES 4

TEAM NOGUEIRA

LIGHTWEIGHT

EFRAIN ESCUDERO 7
JOHN POLAKOWSI 2
PHILIPE NOVER 3
ROLI DELGADO 0

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

JULES BRUCHEZ 1
KYLE KINGSBURY 10
RYAN BADER 1
SHANE PRIMM 11

Rank the Fights

1) Ryan Bader vs. Tom Lawlor (Excellent control of all aspects by Bader. To top it all off he managed to knock a guy out from half guard. I applaud your work, Bader.)

2) Efrain Escudero vs. Shane Nelson (A triangle choke from full mount??? Is that even possible? A very good technical match in the latter half of the fight. Junie Browning’s WWF-like entrance following the match only boosts its honourable (or dishonourable) finish to the episode.)

3) Wesley Murch vs. John Polakowsi (These guys fought hard. Great battle. Wesley continues to fight on a knee worse than the broken leg that Olaf tried to fight with in match #2 with John Polakowsi. Wesley was completely out of his mind to attempt a flying knee with his hurt leg. Best match in the round of 32.)

4) Mike Stewart vs. Krzystof Soszinski (A memorable fight in the round of 32. I never thought a guy could defend in such a terrible manner on their feet. Krzystof punched through Mike’s barrier which resulted in one of the strangest stoppages I have seen. I didn’t know a guy covering up on his feet could lead to a referee ending the fight.)

5) Junie Browning vs. Jose Aguilar (What a beatdown by Junie. Jose ain’t stand a chance, naw what I mean?)

6) Ido Pariente vs. Efrain Escudero (Great reversals by Efrain to accomplish his game plan.)

7) Shane Primm vs. Sean O’ Connell (Great coaching and one of the neatest moves I have seen makes it one of the best Round of 32 fights.)

8) Eliot Marshall vs. Shane Primm (Why not?)

9) Dave Kaplan vs. Fernando Bernstein (

There was some flying knees in the air that fight
The kicks and strikes
Then choke Fernandooooo.)

10) Joe Duarte vs. Phillipe Nover (An unfortunate groin strike but the fact Phillipe was able to cause major damage while his back was taken is rather impressive.)

11) Eric MaGee vs. Jules Bruchez (Eric’s ground game sucks. Nothing much else to comment on this pre-house fight.)

12) Ryan Lopez vs. Tom Lawlor (This is ‘Rank the Fights’. How can this be classified as a fight?)

Sixth episode

Previously on TUF: Junie Browning went ballistic once again. Current UFC middleweight champion gave world class training tips to Team Nogueira. In the second preliminary light heavyweight fight Eliot Marshall forced a quick tapout of Shane Primm. Team Mir now has control. Up next two more lightweights will square off. Who will crumble in the spotlight and who will thrive and move on to become the ultimate fighter?

– This is the first time they have outright spoiled who will be fighting in an episode where it wasn’t a foregone conclusion. I assume it was all for ratings and marketing purposes. Junie I suppose was meant to be this season’s star all along when amongst a not-so-compelling cast. Actually I take that back. They are more compelling than most casts in previous seasons.

– Mir asks Junie to take Delgado out. Junie doesn’t have anything against him but Delgado is a nerd and not entertaining so he has to go.

– Van time for Team Nog. The fighters beg Delgado to beat up Junie. Delgado wonders what was so special about Junie? He got in the house? So did six other 155 pounders. Meanwhile what’s so special about Delgado? Nothin’. He was a replacement for someone who earned their spot.

– Mir and assistant coaches come to the house to celebrate their first win. They have a few drinks. With Junie about ready to fight? Baaaaad idea, bro. Mir questions Delgado about his black belt and where he got it from. He got his black belt from Dijon Paris in Brazil. He was there for a week after training with Drysdale and Jerry Manuel. Apparently everyone has been trying to solve the mystery of where Delgado got his black belt from. It involves Terry English marrying a Gracie-Barra girl and went to move in with him.

JUNIE: He bought his black belt from MacDonald’s because nobody needs a f—ing hour to explain a story about how you fell upon a black belt.

TOM: I think the ceremony Rolando had is where a UPS man comes to his front door and presented him with a package and hand delivered it to him. He opened it and it was his black belt.

– Delgado says Mir is the third person to ask and finds it frustrating. His solution? Put the video on YouTube. Mir tells us he got his black belt by snapping Tim Sylvia’s arm. They came into the ring after he won and threw his black belt at him. That was the promotion.

– Junie agrees that if Roli makes it out of the first round he will make it so Roli wins. Delgado instantly takes the deal. He recognizes that he has graduated from college, owns  own rental property and 8, 000 square foot against Junie who has the brain of a peacock. Junie wants to bet the money they win in the show that he can knockout Delgado in the first round. Delgado says would Trump address people below him who make negative comments? No (except Rosie O’ Donnell) and therefore walks away from Junie.

– Fight announcement. We know what’s coming. Junie against Roli. Junie throws a black belt at Roli, then Roli puts it back on Junie, Junie hurls it onto the ground and spits on it. Anderson Silva does react whatsoever. Mir found it offensive but thinks Junie will never be able to get into the UFC if he behaves like that. Nogueira hates that Junie shows no respect at all. Anderson insists to Roli that Junie is only doing it because he is afraid.

The black belt says “Mcdojo bjj”. Wow. Junie can make a joke.

STANKIE: He’s gonna hate that spit. Bang. Bang. Bang.

– Nogueira training session. Stankie shouts random Abraham Simpson-like things at Roli Delgado. I bet Nogueira was forced to pick Stankie because he has been my favourite person all season. Can somebody make a YouTube video dedicated to all of Stankie’s quotes and the way he utters them?

– Mir training session. Junie senses that Roli is scared. We see him come out of the bathroom. Junie weighs in at 163 pounds. Mir thinks it won’t be a problem because Junie dropped more weight for the round of 32 fight. Junie knows it won’t be a problem either. Plus we saw highlights in the fight previews so there is no suspense here.

– Weigh-ins. Roli is 155. Mir detects Junie not making eye contact with him. Junie is 158 which pisses off Mir. Can Junie ever do something right? It’s one thing after another. Mir wonders if he should get back on his stomach pills to get the antacid. There is a few hours to lose the two pounds. Junie puts on the sauna suit and is running on the treadmill.

– They take the bike outside into the sun to make Junie sweat some more.  Vinny coaches Junie to keep going. Junie stops though. Eliot refuses to listen and says this isn’t an option. A medic watches Junie in the sun. Junie maintains biking but does it without the black sauna suit.

– Junie weighs in again. 186. He succeeds. If it weren’t for Dave Kaplan he wouldn’t have been ready. They square off. Junie yawns during the square off.

JOHN: We’d love to see Junie lose because he can be a real a– sometimes.

Sometimes?

– Fight day. They drive though Vegas as we see exterior shots of Vegas. They are in the locker rooms. Roli’s locker is named “Rolando Delgado”. I guess his nickname of “Roli” wasn’t established yet.

– Junie is more scared of his sister than Roli.

JUNIE BROWNING / LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY / 2-0 / (JOSE AGUILAR)
ROLI DELGADO / LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS / 7-3-1 / (NO ONE)

– Rosenthal is the referee. They don’t touch gloves. Leg kick by Junie. Roli tries a body kick but Junie grabs the leg casually and trips him. Then lets Junie up. They grapple. Junie is punching while Roli throws knees to the body and ones to the head that lightly touch. They body lock with Roli against the cage. They break the clinch. Roli punches Junie’s face a couple times. Roli leg kicks. Junie blocks some of Roli’s strikes and dodges them. Another leg kick by Roli.  Junie attempts a jab but countered by Roli’s own punch. Roli successfully body punches. Both simultaneously leg kick. Roli feints to the face. And again. Roli’s stance is wide open. Junie circles in. Junie punches the body but misses. Roli kicks to the body. Junie leg kicks. Roli misses a body kick and a body punch. Roli knees the body. Roli feints. Junie lightly leg kicks. Roli punches the body. Junie leg kicks but Roli counters with punches to the face. Roli sneaks in a punch. Junie flat out misses. Roli connects with more punches. Junie waves Roli on to punch some more. Junie leg kicks. Both are missing big punches. Junie lands a loud body kick. Roli doesn’t move. They are exchanging strikes. Roli punches the face. Roli attempts a takedown but Junie defends the black belt and keeps Roli on his back. Roli invites Junie to the ground. Junie waves Roli on to get up. Josh orders Roli up. Junie waves and leans in for Roli to punch him. Roli punches Junie square on the cheek. Roli goes for a high knee but Junie catches it and puts Roli on the mat. Roli is back up. Roli spinning back fists but Junie wastes no time throwing some lethal combinations. Roli clinches Junie and throws knees to the chin. End of round one. Will Junie throw the match? That is what we wonder.

– Roli gets in a jab after ten seconds. Junie is definitely not throwing it. Junie throws in a couple punches. Roli misses a knee. Roli ducts an overhand right but Junie defends the takedown. Junie lands a punch on Roli’s chin and another on the body then another on the chin. Roli ducts but Junie defends the takedown. Junie is uppercutting.  Junie punches Roli’s body. Roli is moving slow. Junie has Roli against the cage and striking him plenty. He waves Roli on once again but Roli is landing squat. Roli is hurtin. Junie lands a couple more body punches. Then some more.  A punch to the face. Roli’s hands are dropped.  Leg kicks by Junie.  Roli does a knee and Junie shakes his head to come in some more. A body punch. Junie comes in to body punch some more. They trade punches to the face. Both are smiling.  Roli misses a body kick. Junie fires three consecutive punches to Roli’s chin and another. Then some leg and body kicks. Roli is a real trooper. Junie punches Roli a couple times on the chin and drops Roli. He swoops in for the finish but Roli defends and leads Junie to standing up. Roli upkicks to Junie’s nose. Junie counters. Junie throws an overhand left that lands. Roli’s reflexes are slothy slow. Niether are doing much. Junie throws a couple punches to the noggin. Both trade punches to the face to finish out the fight. End of round two. Wow.

– Both coaches wonder if there will be a third round. There is indeed. This fight is sick.

– Junie leg kicks. And some more. Some more. Neither do any striking. Roli misses a body punch. Junie misses a jab. Roli counters a feint to the face. Roli leg kicks. Junie looks a bit like Gary Busey. Roli knees Junie’s body as Junie strikes Roli’s face. Leg kick by Roli. Roli misses a body punch. Junie lands some overhands and jabs to the face. Junie is ducking all of Roli’s punches. Leg kicks by both fighters. they dodge each other’s punches and block them. Junie lands a punch on Roli’s face. Junie does a spinning back fist of his own. He fires a straight right to Roli. A punch to the chest. Roli attempts a front kick but is tosses to the ground. Junie catches Roli’s foot in the middle of an upkick. He hovers over Roli. Referee and Roli look confused. Junie is not advancing but instead is just doing the occasional kick to the thigh. Roli voluntarily stands up. Junie misses a couple punches but has great body movement. Roli has a flying knee. Junie throws some overhand punches. Junie lands a HUGE punch to Roli’s face that nearly drops him. Roli almost drops Junie with a body kick. Junie catches Roli’s foot but simply lets it go. Roli leg kicks and body kicks. Junie lands some punches. Roli misses a few and misses a body kick. They dodge each other’s attacks. End of round. They hug.

– Fight recap.

– Junie was disappointed with his performance. He views it as a loss because he let the fight go past round one. He has respect for Roli and apologizes to Big Nog for the black belt comments. A humble Junie?

– In Roli’s locker room he cries like a little whiny b—-. He is absolutely sulking both in the locker room and outside the gym.

Next time on TUF: Team Mir retains control of the picks and cranks up the intensity with some unorthodox training. While Team Nogueira takes a more casual approach. And the pranks get more personal. And a spot in the semis is on the line as two more light heavyweights face off. Who will emerge victorious and move one step closer to becoming the ultimate fighter?

Confessional count

TEAM MIR

LIGHTWEIGHT

DAVE KAPLAN 1
GEORGE ROOP 0
JUNIE BROWNING 12
SHANE NELSON 0

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

ELIOT MARSHALL 1
KRZYSTOF SOSZYNSKI 1
TOM LAWLOR 3
VINNY MAGALHAES 0

TEAM NOGUEIRA

LIGHTWEIGHT

EFRAIN ESCUDERO 0
JOHN POLAKOWSI 2
PHILIPE NOVER 0
ROLI DELGADO 10

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

JULES BRUCHEZ 0
KYLE KINGSBURY 0
RYAN BADER 0
SHANE PRIMM 0

Rank the Fights

1) Ryan Bader vs. Tom Lawlor (Excellent control of all aspects by Bader. To top it all off he managed to knock a guy out from half guard. I applaud your work, Bader.)

2) Efrain Escudero vs. Shane Nelson (A triangle choke from full mount??? Is that even possible? A very good technical match in the latter half of the fight. Junie Browning’s WWF-like entrance following the match only boosts its honourable (or dishonourable) finish to the episode.)

3) Wesley Murch vs. John Polakowsi (These guys fought hard. Great battle. Wesley continues to fight on a knee worse than the broken leg that Olaf tried to fight with in match #2 with John Polakowsi. Wesley was completely out of his mind to attempt a flying knee with his hurt leg. Best match in the round of 32.)

4) Mike Stewart vs. Krzystof Soszinski (A memorable fight in the round of 32. I never thought a guy could defend in such a terrible manner on their feet. Krzystof punched through Mike’s barrier which resulted in one of the strangest stoppages I have seen. I didn’t know a guy covering up on his feet could lead to a referee ending the fight.)

5) Junie Browning vs. Jose Aguilar (What a beatdown by Junie. Jose ain’t stand a chance, naw what I mean?)

6) Ido Pariente vs. Efrain Escudero (Great reversals by Efrain to accomplish his game plan.)

7) Shane Primm vs. Sean O’ Connell (Great coaching and one of the neatest moves I have seen makes it one of the best Round of 32 fights.)

8) Eliot Marshall vs. Shane Primm (Why not?)

9) Dave Kaplan vs. Fernando Bernstein (

There was some flying knees in the air that fight
The kicks and strikes
Then choke Fernandooooo.)

10) Joe Duarte vs. Phillipe Nover (An unfortunate groin strike but the fact Phillipe was able to cause major damage while his back was taken is rather impressive.)

11) Eric MaGee vs. Jules Bruchez (Eric’s ground game sucks. Nothing much else to comment on this pre-house fight.)

12) Ryan Lopez vs. Tom Lawlor (This is ‘Rank the Fights’. How can this be classified as a fight?)

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