The Ultimate Fighter 8 episode 1 + 2 + 3 rankings

The Ultimate Fighter (season 8)

– We are old UFC champions begin here to climb their way to the top. Although that only applies to two out of eleven champions thus far. Leben, Bisping, Evans, Sanchez, and particularly Forrest Griffin is featured. This season 32 heroes will be trained by submission specialist Frank Mir and Antoinio Rodrigo Noguiera who is the only fighter to win both PRIDE Heavyweight title and UFC Heavyweight. Noguiera has the chance to be the greatest fighter.

“It begins now!”

– Several unnamed fighters look around silently in the gym. Dana White pops in and tells all fighters to line up. It will be identical to the rushed mess of last season.

DANA: Welcome to the UFC training centre, —

*Guy faints on his feet*

No joke. A man faints onto the ground. Everyone yells at each other about what they should do. Dana White cracks up laughing as he recounts what happened. The most random s— occurs in these later seasons. The finale of last season is Jesse Taylor going on a 3am drunken rampage and now the premiere of TUF 8 has a guy faint on his feet? Wow.

– Antwain thought it got real way earlier than he thought it would. Jose was expecting carbon monoxide and waited for more people to pass out. This isn’t Battle Royale, Jose. You have to be at least 200 metres away from the gym. Now.

– Phillip says he isn’t used to how hot it is in Vegas. Although it was an air conditioned gym that he fainted in. Phillipe is the fainter I assume. He said it was 105 degrees that day. Yikes. That’s like 40 degrees celsius. That heat is real. Dana said nothing was serious so he carried on. Ryan Bader is waiting for the blood flow through him so he can be ready for the cage. Jason Guida (the brother of the carpenter no doubt) is ready for Anderson Silva. Sure buddy. Sure. He’ll fight Chuck Liddell for five hundred bucks.

– Dana says they have the opportunity to train with two of the greatest coaches ever. We get to see Noguiera’s awesome highlights. Heh. Noguiera’s speech is subtitled even though he is speaking English. Not even Bisping got that treatment. Mir is then introduced as being a super aggressive and slick heavyweight. Mir found it overwhelming to see a field of new fighters and is nervous. Dana says these two fighters will face off at the first UFC event following the TUF finale.

DANA: That’s it f—ers! Welcome to the UFC training centre! You have 48 hours. Good luck.

– Weigh-ins and random training is taking place. Ugh. I hate the 32 person format. Mir feels the energy as 32 guys have hopes and dreams and are training hard. Jules Bruchez thinks Nogueira will train them to have real heart in battle.

– Nogueira chats with a guy who is biking wearing a black bag. The man, Joe Duarte, has to lose ten pounds by the end of the day. Joe knows there is no messing around. When they say make weight they really mean make weight.

– Dana says the weight cutting process takes time. It is part of being a fighter. If you can’t cut weight you shouldn’t be in the sport. Jason Guida weighs in at 217. This season has 16 lightweights and 16 light heavyweights by the way. Jason says he has cut weight plenty of times before and has no problem doing it. Mir notes that Jason is struggling more than the other 31. We see Jason Guida vomiting and is cramping up bad.

BRANDON: Jason’s muscles were cramping up. His ribs. His neck. His back.

KHIA: Lick my p—y and my crack!

Whoa. Why did that reference enter my head?

– Jason asks Brandon for ice to keep his core temperature down. Dana jumps in to confirm that Jason Guida is indeed Clay Guida’s brother. I saw Jason Guida fight in WEC before I saw Clay Guida’s debut in UFC.

DANA: Clay Guida is 155 pounds. Jason Guida is 205 pounds. Or so we thought. Uh heheheheheheheheheh.

You laugh too much at your own jokes Dana.

*Cue Jason vomiting into toilet*

Ah. A good ice breaker for the new recruits.

– Jason explains he is 30 and cannot toil around for the UFC dream. We witness numerous people weigh in without incident. A guy named Krzystof Soszynski has a confessional where he talks about training and weighing in is no problem for him. He surpasses Mark Rzceybinski for most irrelevant letters in one’s name.

– Jason is in the locker room and screams in pain. Doctor analyzes that Jason’s blood pressure is low. Dana says doctors can stop you from cutting so much weight because your kidneys can shut down if done to an extreme. Not to mention the long term effects of weight cutting affecting your heart.

– Doctor and the weigh-in official agrees that if Jason weighs in at 206 right away that he is allowed to fight. Jason comes out wearing nothing but a towel. What happens?
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Silence. Until Jason proclaims he will not be Gabe Ruediger. He will walk out of the house unless someone forces him to make weight.
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Jason weighs in at 207. One lousy pound. Krzystof doesn’t care if Jason made weight or not. He believes Jason should have been prepared. Which I agree. Mir informs Jason that Athletic Commission won’t let him fight because Jason cannot lose any more weight safely. Doctor mentioned earlier that Jason needs IVs after the weigh-in. Mir tried talking to the Commission himself but it didn’t fly.

– Oddly enough Jason is not pleased. He yells to speak to the Commission. Mir warns him that you will not have a future in the sport if you piss off anyone in the Commission.

JASON: You’ve been doing this for 20 years. Just let me do this, Doc.
KIZER: I’m not a doc but no.

That’s when you know someone is really out of it. The weigh-in expert being mixed up with a doctor? You have really lost your mind.

– Dana says the Commission made the right call and were looking out for Jason’s safety. Jason will never forgive the Commission. Dana doesn’t want Jason here because he has been doing the right things to come in and fight at the right weight. Nogueira awkwardly touches Jason’s shoulder on the way out. Jason is carried out in an ambulance with IVs pumped in him. Jason confesses that he messed up.

– Dana brought in an alternate. Mike Stewart came in at 203 pounds. Mike thanks Guida for not making weight. We fast forward to Fight Day. Hands are being taped. Same deal as last season. The coach’s cornermen coach a side while the coaches evaluate all thirty-two fighters throughout the sixteen duels.

FIRST FIGHT (LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT)

MIKE STEWART / NEW ROCHELLE NEW YORK / 1-0
KRZYSTOF SOSZYNSKI / TEMECULA CALIFORNIA / 16-8-1

– Krzystof’s big record and scary name leads me to believe it will be a quick victory.

– Mazzagatti is our referee. They touch gloves. Krystof lands a solid punch. Then a few more until Mike squats and covers. He managed to get through to Mike’s face. Mazzagatti stops it. Mike appreciates the stoppage. The coaches and Dana are impressed. Dana loves kids who are fired up to be in the UFC. Krzystof has waited five years for this. Note I will misspell Krzystof’s name numerous times during fights. Going from ‘R’ to ‘Z’ to ‘Y’ on a keyboard is unnatural for me.

SECOND FIGHT (LIGHTWEIGHT)

FERNANDO “MACHETE” BERNSTEIN / SAN CLEMENTE CALIFORNIA / 2-0
DAVE KAPLAN / WASHINGTON DC / 2-1

– Dave only fights for the money. Mazzagatti is our referee. They touch gloves.

– They trade punches and leg kicks. Fernando goes for a body kick. A few leg kicks by both. Fernando lands a solid combo before clinching. Dave throws some major bombs but nothing lands solidly. Fernando lands some big punches and a high leg kick. Dave connects with some hooks. Fernando clinches. Dave knees in the clinch. Dave chases Fernando around the cage. Dave goes in for some bigger punches. Fernando is turning a deep red. Dave has Fernando’s back and awkwardly brings him to the ground. Fernando has ZERO ground game. Dave has no problem taking Fernando’s back and works for a choke. Fernando is slowly flattening out. Dave has the arm under the neck. Fernando has his hand in ‘tap’ position. Then ends.

– Mir thinks the other fighters will be looking at Dave as a top contender.

DANA: If you’re the machete you better be looking to knocking people’s heads off. He was more like the butterknife. Uhehehehheheheheheheh.

Thank you! He’ll be here all week!

THIRD FIGHT (Lightweight)

JOE DUARTE / SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA / 3-0
PHILLIPE NOVER / BROOKLYN NEW YORK / 4-0-1

– Joe came to the States from Guam with five hundred bucks in his pocket. Does he not know Guam is part of the United States?

– The Fainter is on the scene. Joe wants to make him faint again. The fainter is so screwed.

– Large amount of suspense music until the fight begins. Rock music blares. Herb Dean is our referee. They touch gloves.

– Phillipe head kicks and leg kicks. Joe clinches Phillippe’s body. Phillipe knees Joe a few times. Herb warns them about where the knees are going. Inevitable groin shot occurs and timeout is called. Joe is ready after an unspecified amount of time. They bounce around each other. Phillipe leg kicks and body kicks but Joe counters with a big punch to the chin that sends Phillipe flying. Joe charges in and they clinch. Joe is against the cage. Phillipe lands a knee before Joe rotates to put Phillipe into the cage. They trade knees in the clinch. None of them hit the groin. Another rotation.  Phillipe has great flexibility as he connects with the stomach in the clinch. Marco Ruas foot stomps from Phillipe before Joe rotates Phillipe into the cage. Another rotation. More knees from Phillipe. Herb breaks them up. Centre of the octagon. Joe leg kicks. Phillipe head kicks. Joe lands a HUGE overhand right that puts Phillipe onto the mat. Joe has side control. Er, half guard. Phillipe has no idea how to defend. He spins out but Joe stays on top of him and takes Phillipe’s back. Phillipe punches Joe in the nose from this position. Joe is extremely bloody. End of round.

– They touch gloves again. Joe fires off a punch. So does Phillipe. He locks Joe’s body and takes him to the mat. Half mount. Phillipe brings down some major punches. Joe tries to get up but Phillipe maneuvers to take Joe’s back and locks on a choke. Joe was ready to pass out but was bright enough to tap. Dana said he will stop making fun of him for being the guy who fainted.

FOURTH FIGHT (Light Heavyweight)

ERIC MAGEE / WHITMAN MASSACHUSETTS / 3-1
JULES BRUCHEZ / LAFAYETTE LOUISIANA / 0-0

– Jules says he grew up on the farm and is a farmer boy. Oh joy. -_-

– Herb Dean is our referee. They touch gloves. Jules tries to leg kick but Eric immediately grabs the leg and takes Jules down. Something tells me Eric has a wrestling background. Jules attempts to get up from the full guard but Eric slaps on a guillotine and squeezes as hard as he can. Jules eventually escapes. Eric is vulnerable from losing all of that energy. Jules is in Eric’s full guard. Jules stands up which leads Eric to scrambling up but Jules takes Eric’s back. He has a heavily locked in guillotine and Eric taps instantly. Jules screams and brags. Mir thinks Jules is acting too confident.

FIFTH FIGHT (Light heavyweight)

VINNY MAGALHAES
LANCE EVANS

– We are only shown highlights. Lance is indeed the brother of Rashad. I thought so but I didn’t want to racially profile either. We are given about three seconds of clips and the round ends. Lance clenches his ribs. There was a kick by Vinny at the end of the round that caught Lance in the ribs. Lance is wincing. Every time Lance countered his bone would pop out. He cannot continue. So that’s the end of that.

SIXTH FIGHT (Light Heavyweight)

ANTWAIN BRITT
RYAN JIMMO

– Only highlights again. Various strikes and stomps are shown. Nogueira and Mir hate foot stomps and agree to not do it in their fights. Both coaches are impressed that Antwain is small for his weight class but is extremely explosive. Antwain wins by majority decision.

SEVENTH FIGHT (Lightweight)

BRIAN MCLAUGHLIN
BRANDON GARNER

– Josh Rothenhal is the referee. Mir was impressed by both fighters. Brandon fired an illegal knee when Brian still had a foot on the ground. Josh calls time and Dana informs us of the rules regarding knees. The fight is declared a no contest because Brian cannot continue. Dana says it puts them in a really weird position. There are sixteen slots but two of the thirty-two have a fate yet to be determined.

– Dana’s decision is that Brian dominated most of the fight and Brandon didn’t gain the upper hand until the illegal knee. He won’t speculate if Brandon did it intentionally but Brandon will indeed go home. Brandon is disappointed to say the least.

EIGHTH FIGHT (LIGHTWEIGHT)

JUNIE BROWNING / LEXINGTON KENTUCKY / 2-0
JOSE AGUILAR / LAS CRUCES NEW MEXICO / 2-0

– Junie says what distinguishes him from the other guys is that he can actually fight. Ah. I’ll have no problem identifying him this season. Well, other than the do—iest hat style I have ever seen. He thinks the other guy is in it for a Tapout shirt.

– Dana talks to the other coaches and informs them during the tryouts how Junie came to Dana and asked what to beat the other guy with. Dana requested a triangle choke. Junie put the guy in a triangle, looked over at Dana, then squeezed the guy’s head and made him tap.

JUNIE: He has almost zero chance of beating me. He has a better chance of getting me pregnant.

That’s a whole other reality show Junie.

– Herb Dean is our referee. They touch gloves. Junie head kicks but Jose clinches. Junie takes Jose to the ground. Jose looks for a leg lock but Junie stretches and escapes. Suddenly Junie is in Jose’s guard and reigns down some punches and elbows. Junie has side control and throws down some elbows. Jose scrambles to put Junie in full guard. Jose keeps rotating. Junie and Jose are both on their feet. Junie throws several upper cuts before Jose clinches. Even in the clinch Junie connects with some devastating strikes. This kid is for real. Junie leg kicks once the clinch is broken. A few more strikes by Junie and a couple knees to the head. Jose is bouncing around. They clinch and find themselves on the ground. Jose locks Junie’s arm between his legs but Junie flips to escape. He is in Jose’s full guard. Action freezes. Jose slaps on a triangle. Junie pulls his head down. He reigns down a front kick to the belly before coming in with a punch to the head. This is not Jose’s day. Jose goes for another leg lock but Junie escapes and has side control. Junie tries to pass but Jose is defending well. Junie stands up and brings down some more punches. Jose attempts to grab Junie’s feet but Junie comes into side control. This fight should be over soon. Junie has a knee on Jose’s right arm. Junie has Jose’s arms trapped. Junie has full mount. Junie  has some lethal elbows. Forty seconds left.  Junie has elbow after elbow after elbow after elbow. Jose bucks but Junie keeps it under control.  More punches and elbows by Junie. Ten seconds left. And that’s the end of the round. I thought the fight would end by now.

– Jose quits at the end of the round. Mir really likes Junie and though it was a great display of athletic ability. The fight is fully recapped by Mir. Junie must be his favourite. Mir says it will be his first pick.

JOSE: I’m pretty. That’s all that matters dawg.

– Junie knew it was over but wanted it to go another round to improve his cardio. He hears there is free alcohol in the house which isn’t good.

Next time on TUF: The tournament battle rages on. Four from both weight classes have moved on but sixteen still have to fight. There is a three round blood bath and for one victory won’t be enough to enter the house. Who will become the ultimate fighter?

Confessional count

ANTWAIN BRITT 1
BRANDON GARNER 3
BRIAN MCLAUGHLIN 1
CHARLES DIAZ 0
DAVE KAPLAN 1
EFRAIN ESCUDERO 0
ELIOT MARSHALL 0
ERIC MAGEE 1
FERNANDO BERNSTEIN 1
GEORGE ROOP 0
JASON GUIDA 4
JOE DUARTE 2
JOHN POLAKOWSI 0
JOSE AGUILAR 3
JULES BRUCHEZ 2
JUNIE BROWNING 4
KARN GRIGORYAN 0
KRZYSTOF SOSZYNSKI 3
KYLE KINGSBURY
IDO PARIENTE 0
LANCE EVANS 1
MIKE STEWART 3
PHILIPE NOVER 3
ROLI DELGADO 0
RYAN BADER 1
RYAN LOPEZ 0
SEAN O’ CONNELL 0
SHANE NELSON 0
SHANE PRIMM 0
TOM LAWLOR 0
VINNY MAGALHAES 0
WESLEY MURCH 0

Rank the Fights

1) Mike Stewart vs. Krzystof Soszinski (A memorable fight in the round of 32. I never thought a guy could defend in such a terrible manner on their feet. Krzystof punched through Mike’s barrier which resulted in one of the strangest stoppages I have seen. I didn’t know a guy covering up on his feet could lead to a referee ending the fight.)

2) Junie Browning vs. Jose Aguilar (What a beatdown by Junie. Jose ain’t stand a chance, naw what I mean?)

3) Dave Kaplan vs. Fernando Bernstein (

There was some flying knees in the air that fight
The kicks and strikes
Then choke Fernandooooo.)

4) Joe Duarte vs. Phillipe Nover (An unfortunate groin strike but the fact Phillipe was able to cause major damage while his back was taken is rather impressive.)

5) Eric MaGee vs. Jules Bruchez (Eric’s ground game sucks. Nothing much else to comment on this pre-house fight.)

Second episode

Previously on TUF: 16 lightweights and 16 light heavyweights enter the UFC training centre. Half of them fought. Eight made it into the house. After Jason Guida failed to make weight, Mike Stewart was KOed by Kryzstof in NINETEEN SECONDS. Junie Browning put on a ground and pound clinic that was too much for Jose Aguilar to handle. And Jules Bruchez wasted no time choking out Eric MaGee in the first round. Joining them in the house are light heavyweights Vinny Magalhaes and Antwain Britt, and lightweights Brian Maclaughlin, Dave Kaplan, and Phillipe Nover.

Eight more elimination fights remain. Who can handle the pressure and the pain and move one step closer to becoming. . .The Ultimate Fighter?

– More tape on hands. No intro yet again. Players mimicking Ortiz jumps. Dana wonders what will happen with the next eight fights.

NINTH FIGHT (Lightweight)

WESLEY MURCH / BRISTOL, UK / 3-2
JOHN POLAKOWSKI / SAN LUIS OBISPO CALLIFORNIA / 2-1

– Wesley cannot stop shaking his wrists. He fulfills the stereotypical British role by quoting his favourite hero Winston Churchill. Do people have a least favourite hero, I wonder?

– John Polakowski. Olaf’s nemeis. Can TUF 9 just be a best-of-seven between Polakowski and Olaf? John won the series with Olaf 2-1. John says he has ADHD and can’t sit still. Oddly enough we are viewing his ADHD in HD. John informs us it is exciting because he doesn’t know Wesley and Wesley doesn’t know him.

– Josh Rosenthal is our referee. They touch gloves. Both come in to trade. Hard punches. Wesley goes in for a takedown but John punches and they keep the clinch up to their feet. John pushes Wesley against the cage. Dana and Mir love the lightweights. Dana doesn’t want these two to be lethargic and boring like the heavyweights. Wesley works for a sweep and takes John down. Wesley drops down a fist. into John’s full guard. Wesley stands up over John. Wesley comes in attempting a heel hook but John counters with one of his own. Frank coaches Wesley on the heel hook. John maneuvers to take John’s back and is on top. Wesley doesn’t know what he is doing. This is an ugly technical battle. John is extremely close to full mount but settles for side control instead. They rest. John throws some bombs but it doesn’t connect. They clinch and Wesley is against the cage. John has Wesley in a headlock. Wesley has an arm around John’s neck and takes John’s back. John’s mouthguard falls out. It doesn’t look terribly tight. John turns into Wesley and here we are in full guard. Wesley attempts to slap on triangles but John stands up and walks away. Both fighters are on their feet. Time stops for Josh to give John his mouthguard. John drops Wesley right before the end of the round. Wesley cannot get up as he holds his shin. Noguiera stands up to check on it. Wesley makes it to his corner. Somehow Wesley agrees to continue fighting.

– Round begins. Wesley is wobbling. Sweep the leg, John. Wesley goes for a flying knee with his HURT LEG. In the shocker of all shockers Wesley goes down after the failed flying knee and John swoops in to punch. Josh was wise enough to end the fight before John put full force behind the punch. It’s over. John runs around the octagon and hugs Nogueira’s corner. John is ready to train and wants this. He hugs the coaches and Dana. Nogueira likes John because he likes to hug too. Huh.

– Wesley is in the locker room and has his right arm elevated. He is bummed. Doctor comes in to give advice. Wesley signals for us to hang loose as he is helped into the back of a van.

TENTH FIGHT (Light heavyweight)

SHANE PRIMM / TAMPA BAY FLORIDA / 1-0
SEAN O’ CONNELL /SALT LAKE CITY UTAH / 1-1

– We are introduced to Shane Primm. He wants us to get to know him because he will be around for a long time. Doubtful. Shane cannot believe that there is fried chicken in the house.

– Sean has watched every season and his favourite fighter is Forrest because of his journey. Sean sounds lame. I’ll predict he loses. Sean quotes Forrest that the juice is worth the squeeze. He may be the first and only man on the planet to quote Forrest.

– Josh is our referee. They touch gloves. Sean punches, clinches, knees in the clinch, another knee, another knee, punches. Sean goes for the legs but Shane defends well by issuing more punches. Sean eventually succeeds and slams Shane into the mat. Shane goes for an armbar by trapping Sean’s right arm between his legs. Action slows as Sean figures out what he wants to do. Sean escapes and goes for a headlock. Guillotine but Shane has side control so that guillotine is gone in 1.2 seconds. Sean is flailing but somehow gets to his feet. Shane knees the belly in the clinch. And knees again. Sean has a leg but Shane drops Sean with a weird wrist lock + flip. Shane has side control again. Knee to the kidney. Shane advances to full mount and Sean rotates to give his back. Mir calls for a Hughes-like flattening of Sean. Sean tries to buck and move but it is only to Shane’s advantage. Sean taps. Shane cheers and runs around the cage. He loves Mir’s great coaching. Shane wants to go into the house tonight and order a steak.

Shouldn’t you be focused on your training?

– Sean shivers and cries in his locker room. Shaking uncontrollably like he has a seizure. He says it is back to the drawing board and he will train to get better.

ELEVENTH FIGHT (LIGHTWEIGHT)

IDO PARIENTE / TEL AVIV, ISRAEL / 13-4
EFRAIN ESCUDERO / SOMERTON, ARIZONA / 10-0

– Ido is proud of where he comes from and proud to be an Israeli. Well no s—. He admits to being extremely nervous.

– Efrain’s fighter info is listed in the locker room. That is a series first. In the other 80+ matches of TUF the fighter info is shown as they are in the hallway. Why the sudden change to show it in warm-up is beyond me. I guess the editors wanted to use their creative license. He wants to fight as a profession rather than in the streets. Plan is to ground and pound then rear naked choke. Good plan.

– Mazzagatti is our referee. They touch gloves. No clock again. The clinch. Both go for each other’s legs. Ido has Efrain against the cage. Ido trips Efrain to the mat. Ido wails on Efrain’s sides then hugs Efrain. Efrain works his way up but Ido grabs a leg. He lets go of the leg but used the time to fire a knee to Efrain’s face. Everyone is impressed. They feel each other out and bounce around. Ido charges in with some overhand punches but Efrain shoots and has Ido down. Half guard. Efrain lands one lone elbow then leans over to deliver some of the weakest elbows I have ever seen. They work their way to their feet. Efrain keeps ahold of Ido’s neck. Ido manages to snag Efrain’s hands but Efrain re-arranges it to take Ido’s back on the ground and is awfully close to a rear naked choke. Plan is coming to fruition. Ido is going limp but is looking close to turning around. He fires a punch to Efrain with one hand while tapping out with the other hand. Nogueira approves of Efrain’s skill. Game plan fulfilled. Efrain is stoked that he carried out his plan.

TWELFTH FIGHT (LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT)

RYAN LOPEZ / OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA / 4-3
TOM LAWLOR / ORLANDO, FLORIDA  4-1-1

– Ryan says he is a bounty hunter by day and a fighter by evening. The job market in Oklahoma must not have much to offer. He used to do men’s modeling but there isn’t much money in that. I don’t see Oklahoma having much of a cosmopolitan market. He suddenly jumps extremely high.

– Tom says if he doesn’t fight he doesn’t eat. And if he doesn’t eat he will die. Well I guess his path is determined by default.

– Herb Dean is the referee. They touch gloves. They dance around. Leg kick by Ryan but Tom shoots in to take Ryan down. Herb warns about the back of the head. Tom works to take Ryan’s back. Ryan flattens out and taps a few seconds later from rear naked choke. Tom says the chimpanzee or a gorilla is off of his back.

THIRTEENTH FIGHT (Lightweight)

ROLI DELGADO
GEORGE ROOP

– Mir comments that it is the tallest 155 pounders that he has ever seen. We are shown only highlights. Overhand strikes. High kicks. Once it is taken to the ground George Roop is in a submission hold but follows Mir’s instructions and gets out of it. In round two George has better punches and kicks. George won by decision. Both are impressed.

– George says it was sloppy but happy to rally back and win. Roli has never fought anyone taller than him so he failed to make the adjustment.

FOURTEENTH FIGHT (Light heavyweight)

KYLE KINGSBURY
RYAN BADER

– Highlights again. Mazzagatti is the referee. Bader is a great wrestler. Nogueira thinks Bader has the eye of the tiger. Kyle ran into a wrestler and gets into a darth choke. Bader wins. Dang Bader is ripped. Roids? Kyle hates that he wasted such a good opportunity.

FIFTEENTH FIGHT (Lightweight)

CHARLES DIAZ
SHANE NELSON

– As the fight goes on it is increasingly dominating from strikes by Shane Nelson. Both coaches are impressed. It goes to decision. We’re not even told the verdict but we assume Shane won easily.

SIXTEENTH FIGHT (Light heavyweight)

ELIOT MARSHALL / BOULDER COLORADO / 5-1
KARN GRIGORYAN  / TIM LAKE MASSACHUSSETS / 5-0

– Eliot has been fighting in MMA for two years. Before that he was in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu since 1999.

– Karn is Armenian I gather. Dana in fact confirms he is Armenian. Karn has been fighting his whole life. Does he have a Judo background?

– Mazzagatti is our referee. Karn throws an overhand right. And a few more. A leg kick. Eliot shoots in but Karn defends and puts Eliot on his back. Rat-a-tat-tat he never hesitates to put a fighta on his back. Eliot slaps on a triangle. Karn is spinning around like mad until he is out. Eliot upkicks but Karn brings down some punches. He tries to hold Eliot down. Eliot sweeps and has full mount! He suffocates Karn. He sets up numerous punches. Karn bucks to give his back. Eliot has the hooks in and the back. Karn spins and is in Eliot’s full guard. Eliot has another head triangle but Karn gets out and is back in Eliot’s guard. Eliot has a rubber guard. End of round. I guess a couple minutes were cut out. Noguiera tells Karn to close his elbows.

– They touch gloves again. Karn throws a knee to belly and a leg kick. And another leg kick. And another. Eliot throws some weak punches to the head. Karn throws a leg kick but Eliot counters with a jab. They exchange punches. Karn has the better of the exchange. Clean hits by Eliot. They both trade. Karn is already looking at the clock. Eliot breaks through to connect with Karn’s face. They start playing a game of shot-for-shot. When Karn throws some overhand punches Eliot ducks to shoot and has Karn in side control. Knees to the kidney. Karn is exhausted. Eliot punches Karn from the top and knees the side some more.

– It’s a draw. So we go to round three. It’s a rough way to get into the house.

– They touch gloves. They exchange a few jabs. Eliot locks the body and takes Karn down with an Armenian Judo throw. Karn sweeps and is in Eliot’s guard. Eliot locks on a rubber guard. Eliot is warned about the fence. Eliot sweeps using the rubber guard and punches Karn’s belly. He takes Karn’s back and is trying to sink his arms into Karn’s neck. Eliot opts to maneuver himself in full mount on top of Karn. Karun uses the fence to roll both of them and suddenly Karn is on top of Eliot. Karn is bleeding all over Eliot’s chest. His nose is leaking with blood. That is a ton of blood. Mazzagatti wants to stop the action and have it on their feet. We hear the clap. Neither attack until the very end where Eliot leg kicks and Karn punches. Both are exhausted. Karn is a huge bloody mess. The winner by split decision is Karn Grigaryan. Eliot cannot believe it and neither can Mir. Dana sympathizes with Eliot and completely disagrees with the judge’s decision. Mir is pissed while Nogueira congratulates Karn. Eliot sits on the edge of the mat and complains to Dana.

– Dana gives the lesson of never leaving it to the hands of the judges despite thinking Eliot should have won the decision.

– Dana gathers the 32 fighters on the mats. He says nobody has anything to be ashamed of and kicks out the sixteen fighters. He congratulates the sixteen who made it. We are then notified Antwain broke his hand and it will take six to eight weeks for it to heal. Therefore for the third season in a row somebody will finish in 17th place via an injury in the first round of the House. He’s going home. The coaches and Dana got together so they are bringing back Eliot. Dana is happy he can counter a judge’s decision for once and is allowed to second guess them. He congratulates everyone again and wants them to make the most of it.

Next time on TUF: It’s an overall preview for the season. Sixteen have survived the first round of the tournament but some may be too injured to continue. TUF’s version of Fans vs. Favorites, perhaps? Is somebody about to get a second chance? And apparently that is just the beginning. Random cheering, yelling, fighting, drinking, shoving, and injuries. More drinking. More fighting. And a KO in the House. And more fighting. Holy s—. This season looks like a production nightmare. I bet the lightweights are the only ones who get ejected.

Confessional count

ANTWAIN BRITT 0
BRANDON GARNER 0
BRIAN MCLAUGHLIN 0
CHARLES DIAZ 0
DAVE KAPLAN 0
EFRAIN ESCUDERO 2
ELIOT MARSHALL 2
ERIC MAGEE 0
FERNANDO BERNSTEIN 0
GEORGE ROOP 1
JOE DUARTE 0
JOHN POLAKOWSI 2
JOSE AGUILAR 0
JULES BRUCHEZ 0
JUNIE BROWNING 0
KARN GRIGORYAN 2
KRZYSTOF SOSZYNSKI 0
KYLE KINGSBURY 1
IDO PARIENTE 1
LANCE EVANS 0
MIKE STEWART 0
PHILIPE NOVER 0
ROLI DELGADO 1
RYAN BADER 1
RYAN LOPEZ 1
SEAN O’ CONNELL 2
SHANE NELSON 0
SHANE PRIMM 3
TOM LAWLOR 2
VINNY MAGALHAES 0
WESLEY MURCH 2

Rank the Fights

1) Wesley Murch vs. John Polakowsi (These guys fought hard. Great battle. Wesley continues to fight on a knee worse than the broken leg that Olaf tried to fight with in match #2 with John Polakowsi. Wesley was completely out of his mind to attempt a flying knee with his hurt leg. Best match in the round of 32.)

2) Mike Stewart vs. Krzystof Soszinski (A memorable fight in the round of 32. I never thought a guy could defend in such a terrible manner on their feet. Krzystof punched through Mike’s barrier which resulted in one of the strangest stoppages I have seen. I didn’t know a guy covering up on his feet could lead to a referee ending the fight.)

3) Junie Browning vs. Jose Aguilar (What a beatdown by Junie. Jose ain’t stand a chance, naw what I mean?)

4) Ido Pariente vs. Efrain Escudero (Great reversals by Efrain to accomplish his game plan.)

5) Shane Primm vs. Sean O’ Connell (Great coaching and one of the neatest moves I have seen makes it one of the best Round of 32 fights.)

6) Dave Kaplan vs. Fernando Bernstein (

There was some flying knees in the air that fight
The kicks and strikes
Then choke Fernandooooo.)

7) Joe Duarte vs. Phillipe Nover (An unfortunate groin strike but the fact Phillipe was able to cause major damage while his back was taken is rather impressive.)

8) Eric MaGee vs. Jules Bruchez (Eric’s ground game sucks. Nothing much else to comment on this pre-house fight.)

9) Ryan Lopez vs. Tom Lawlor (This is ‘Rank the Fights’. How can this be classified as a fight?)

Third episode

Previously on TUF: Eight light heavyweights and eight lightweights survived their tournament fight to earn a spot in the house. After a dominant first round Junie Browning forced his opponent to quit. And light heavyweight Krzystof only needed seven punches to claim his victory. But for Brian McLaughlin and Karn Grigoryan hard shots may have left them too injured to continue. Now the race for two UFC contracts begins. Who will become the ultimate fighter?

– Intro time. New style with the beginning. An unnamed fighter’s ripped abs is displayed as they move their arms on a dark background. It is also much bluer. The only change they needed to make however is that terrible song by Limp Bizkit. Just typing that name makes me feel trashy in my fingers. End of intro. Heh. Glass shatters in the intro.

– Exterior and fast motion shots of Las Vegas. Scandalous women. Vans. Now there’s the house. They are doing a BBQ out back. Ryan says this is his time to shine and prove to himself he can fight. Junie meanwhile is drinking alcohol and says he grew up poor and piss poor in a small trailer with arguments. He has two older brothers who beats the s— out of him all the time. We see him drinking numerous times. Krzystof says he didn’t have his first fight in his life until he was in a jiu jitsu gym. Good ol’ alliteration.

– Morning in the house. Junie put too much alcohol on the pan and creates HUGE flames as Phillipe handles the pan. Brian and Karn were both diagnosed with fractured noses. They hope both of them aren’t sent home because it is not broken. Fractured noses are a bit much though.

– Team selection in the gym. Dana congratulates them on the good fights. He wants Brian and Karn to step forward and announces their injuries. The results are that the Nevada State Athletic Commission has put them on 180 day suspension. In other words both are gone. Sombre mood. Dana says they have to go home but neither fighter leaves the gym. Dana feels bad for them. He knows how much of a blow it is to the mind. Brian sits on the bench and Karn presses his head (and hopefully not his nose) against the wall. The sound is at zero. Brian looks over at the fighters and Dana. Tears up. Karn isn’t facing the camera. Holy crap this is a well edited scene. Dana has to tell them again that they must walk out the door cause they’re not welcome anymore.

– Brian and Karn both exit. Dana got together with the coaches and says “this guy fought hard and has the determination to be in the UFC”. Which loser will have a second chance? Kyle Kingsbury. The guy who went on his back against a wrestler. The 155 pounder that they want has already been flown home so they will do the team picks. The team with the empty slot receives the 155 pounder mystery man once he has landed in Vegas.

What a messy episode this has proven to be. So why do they do a round of 32? Mir can pick the first fight or first fighter. Mir wants first fighter. Instantly takes Krzystof. Nogueira takes Ryan believing Ryan will likely be a champion. Bold prediction Big Nog.

MIR: Vinny.
NOGUEIRA: Shane Primm.
MIR: Eliot.
NOGUEIRA: Kyle.
MIR: Tom.
NOGUEIRA: Jules.
MIR: Junie.
NOGUEIRA: Phillipe.
MIR: Shane Nelson.
NOGUEIRA: Efrain.
MIR: Dave.
NOGUEIRA: John.
MIR: George.

– Mystery 155 pounder will be on Nogueira’s team. The first fight will be 155 pounder. John hugs Dana White for too many seconds. Vinny was expecting to be Nog’s first pick and thinks Nog made the biggest mistake of the season.

– Mir training session. He likes exposing himself to other fighters.

O.o

– He hopes he will improve his own skills as he teaches the other fighters. Ken Hahn is the assistant coach for Mir. He does most of Mir’s stand-up. Drysdale is an Abu Dhabi submission champion. Mir knows it is an individual sport and that at the end of the day they are by themselves fighting.

– House time. Food and drinking. Junie is cursing and faking out with a handshake with somebody on the other team. Junie squeezes in a few more F-words. He pokes everyone on his team with a billiards cue to pronounce they will not lose to someone in a red jersey. Shane Primm says Junie gets drunk and has Red Bull in his system. Junie agrees to be lashed with the billiards cue. He says the drinking is his strategy. He manages to shatter a glass bottle and tips over s— before drinking himself another glass. Krzystof knows that Junie loves the attention. Junie says it is all a strategy so nobody takes him seriously in the octagon. Efrain catches on it might be a strategy.

– Junie shouts for the red team from the swimming pool. Junie breaks more crap and throws into the pool and yells that he wants to fight. Phillipe thinks that Junie just wants some love and that his parents must not have been loved as a kid.

– Junie gives us the ‘I know I grew up than any of these people here’ speech. Ugh. Don’t be so certain you presumptuous a–. He sulks face down on the pavement. The other fighters watch him sulk by the swimming pool and say he has nothing to live for. Junie went from happiness to anger to depression to crying to happiness to ‘I love you guys’ as we are shown the montage that fulfills this cycle. Somebody puts a blanket on him in the living room.

– Next morning. Everyone speculates who the 155 pounder will be. John knows a bunch of the losers were injured and cannot recall who is well of the losers and who isn’t. It’s. . .well, I don’t know who it is.

– Turns out it’s Roli Delgado. People think he’s a good guy. George knows what it takes to beat him so he is prepared to defeat Roli again and again and again.

– Nog’s training session. They do close hugging exercises. Daniel Valverde for jiu-jitsu and a guy named Stankie who is a 67-year-old guy who does boxing and works really hard.

– Fight Announcement. Nog picks Ryan to fight Tom. He thinks Tom is a good wrestler but isn’t good enough yet. Bader is the one who can stop Tom before Tom gets too strong. Tom feels he is underestimated. He clearly does not understand why he was picked. Tom thinks his stand-up will make the difference in the fight.

– Vegas exterior shots before we re-enter the house. Krzystof watches Nog’s team comes home from practice. Krzystof ordered a ton of shrink wrap so he decided to lead the team in shrink wrapping all of Ryan’s stuff to Ryan’s bed. They gathered all of Nog’s team’s underwear together and cling it to Bader’s bed too. Wow. They did a great job. Someone drew a sketch that has a wide eyed guy saying “GOTCHA”.

– Introduced to Bader again. He fights out of Tempe, Arizona and was a two-time American. He had a desk job. He says other bland crap.

– More shots of Vegas. Nog’s team realizes one’s sandals were missing. Did Sam Hoger take it? They speculate if Mir’s team would hide any of it. They think it’s too early for those types of schenanigans to occur yet. On the diving board there is shrink wrap attached to the diving board. Inside is everyone’s underwear. It took them fifteen minutes to unwrap it. They check the rooms. Finally check Bader’s bed.

BADER: This is war. . .

– Everyone hopes it won’t lead to someone urinating on each other’s pillows.

– Someone is shadow boxing in the backyard. It’s van time. Followed by gym time. Followed by official weigh-in. Dana thinks two wrestlers are interesting because if both are equal on the ground then they will stand up and trade. Both weigh in fine.

– Nog enters the house with his coaches for dinner. Like this isn’t the first time it has happened. Nog thinks they are very talented making food. If some of them don’t make it as a fighter they could open a restaurant. They all brag about team unity. Junie makes fun of them for calling Nog their coach. Junie says f— these coaches. They are as temporary as Coach in South Pacific. His real coaches are back home.

JUNIE: They talk like they are raised around each other. They are gay as hell.

Wow. That statement would not fly in 2012.

– Nog likes to see how a fighter reacts a day before the fight. He likes how Bader reacted via his joking and relaxation. Nog is glad Bader is on his team.

– Fight Day. Bader is doing laps around the basketball court.

TOM: He’s bigger than me, he’s stronger than, me he’s faster than me, he’s better looking than me, he has better hair than me, he dresses better than me, you know I–ugh, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to win. It’s going to be hard and scary. I have nothing going for me except this horrible haircut and the fact I am motivated to win because I am the underdog.

How did rehearsal go for you when you read the script yesterday for that confessional?

Light heavyweight

– Dana introduces the fight. Heh. I realize why there are two weight classes. They caught on there were too many fights last season. Good for Dana.

TOM LAWLOR / ORLANDO FLORIDA / 4-1-1 / (RYAN LOPEZ)
RYAN BADER / TEMPE ARIZONA / 7-0 / (KYLE KINGSBURY)

– Herb Dean is our referee. They touch gloves. They trade punches until Ryan shoots but it is a weak shoot. Tom pushes him off. Ryan clinches and throws punches and knees. So does Tom. Ryan throws a near open palm strike on Tom’s face. Ryan shoots in yet again and takes Tom down. Half guard. Both are scrambling on the ground but Ryan is maintaining the hold. He punches Tom’s side. Then his head. Tom is working to pull Ryan close into him. Neither are doing much. Ryan throws a few strikes. They work their way up onto their feet. Tom clinches Ryan to knee him in the chest before breaking. Both exchange but neither connect with anything. Tom throws an overhand right but Ryan ducks to take Tom down. Half guard. Close elbows. Right when Ryan fires another elbow is when Tom attempts to scramble but Ryan manages to defend the flip. Herb warns Ryan about the back of the head. Blood is coming out of somebody. I think it’s Tom. Ryan punches Tom’s chin once then stands up for half a second to reign down another punch on Tom’s chin.

TOM IS KNOCKED OUT!!! Herb ends the fight right there. Holy crap. I have not seen that before. There was barely any room and time but Ryan managed to knock out Tom on the chin in half guard? Impressive. Same technique Couture likes to use. Or Tom has a really weak chin. Nog’s team cheers.

– Fight replay. Punches. Knees. You just read about it. We hear sounds of the fight until Mir recaps it.

– Bader is on somebody’s shoulders. Nog thinks Bader is ready to beat everyone at 205. Bader thinks it lifts moral and the ball will stay in their court. Or keeping the hammer as Shamrock would say.

– Mir meanwhile said there was just one lousy mistake. Nothing for Tom to be ashamed of. He said the only strike harder than that would be a slam from the top. He says part of being a man is to survive being hit like that. If anybody isn’t prepared to be hit like that needs to go home right away.

Next time on TUF: A night of drinking gets out of control. Shane Nelson tries to egg on Efrain Escudero into a fight. And Junie Browning takes it too far by terrorizing the entire house with his violent behaviour. Dana is forced to step in and make a difficult decision. Then get ready for the first preliminary fight. Who will stay in the running to become the next ultimate fighter? That’s a lot to be crammed into one episode, I must say.

Confessional count

TEAM MIR

LIGHTWEIGHT

DAVE KAPLAN 1
GEORGE ROOP 1
JUNIE BROWNING 5
SHANE NELSON 1

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

ELIOT MARSHALL 0
KRZYSTOF SOSZYNSKI 7
TOM LAWLOR 6
VINNY MAGALHAES 0

TEAM NOGUEIRA

LIGHTWEIGHT

EFRAIN ESCUDERO 2
JOHN POLAKOWSI 3
PHILIPE NOVER 2
ROLI DELGADO 1

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT

JULES BRUCHEZ 0
KYLE KINGSBURY 1
RYAN BADER 11
SHANE PRIMM 3

NO TEAM

BRIAN MCLAUGHLIN 1
KARN GRIGORYAN 1

Rank the Fights

1) Ryan Bader vs. Tom Lawlor (Excellent control of all aspects by Bader. To top it all off he managed to knock a guy out from half guard. I applaud your work, Bader.)

2) Wesley Murch vs. John Polakowsi (These guys fought hard. Great battle. Wesley continues to fight on a knee worse than the broken leg that Olaf tried to fight with in match #2 with John Polakowsi. Wesley was completely out of his mind to attempt a flying knee with his hurt leg. Best match in the round of 32.)

3) Mike Stewart vs. Krzystof Soszinski (A memorable fight in the round of 32. I never thought a guy could defend in such a terrible manner on their feet. Krzystof punched through Mike’s barrier which resulted in one of the strangest stoppages I have seen. I didn’t know a guy covering up on his feet could lead to a referee ending the fight.)

4) Junie Browning vs. Jose Aguilar (What a beatdown by Junie. Jose ain’t stand a chance, naw what I mean?)

5) Ido Pariente vs. Efrain Escudero (Great reversals by Efrain to accomplish his game plan.)

6) Shane Primm vs. Sean O’ Connell (Great coaching and one of the neatest moves I have seen makes it one of the best Round of 32 fights.)

7) Dave Kaplan vs. Fernando Bernstein (

There was some flying knees in the air that fight
The kicks and strikes
Then choke Fernandooooo.)

8) Joe Duarte vs. Phillipe Nover (An unfortunate groin strike but the fact Phillipe was able to cause major damage while his back was taken is rather impressive.)

9) Eric MaGee vs. Jules Bruchez (Eric’s ground game sucks. Nothing much else to comment on this pre-house fight.)

10) Ryan Lopez vs. Tom Lawlor (This is ‘Rank the Fights’. How can this be classified as a fight?)

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2 Responses to The Ultimate Fighter 8 episode 1 + 2 + 3 rankings

  1. Katheleen Mihovk says:

    The subsequent time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my option to read, but I really thought youd have one thing interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you could fix if you werent too busy searching for attention.

    • Oh man, it has been ages since I have read any of my TUF blogs. That was years ago. My TUF blogs were extremely bare bones. I don’t think I even directly link to it on my main page anymore.

      I for one am stoked by the TUF 26 announcement and format.

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