The Amazing Race 8 episode two ranking

Second episode

Previously on TAR: Ten families of four set out from New York City on a race for one million dollars. Then were stuck there for half of an episode. The Gaghan Family surged ahead. While the Paolo family got lost in their home territory. Teams retraced the steps of George Washington crossing the Delaware River. But the black family had trouble.

What’cha talkin about, Phil?

– At the detour the Weavers had a close call. But screamed nonetheless. While the Aiellos faltered the Gaghans triumphed. Teams struggled with construction and each other. But it was the Godlewski Sisters who finished first. A close race between the Linz Family and the Black Family ended in the first elimination. Not nine families remain. Who will be eliminated next?

On this craaaazy upside down mat! Whoa! I didn’t see that Shyamalan twist coming!

– Intro time. The only time all nine families aren’t shouting is during the silent intro. Heh. Paolos and their lasagna. Aiellos flex. Hunter Schroeder boxes. Godlewskis do nothing outside of a ferris wheel. Rogers are fishing. Linzes form a pyramid. Bransens bike. Weavers have horses.

– This is Lancaster, Pennsylvania. A smelly farming area that is also the centre of the Amish and Men in Night (or Men in Black as they say in cinema but the Black family is gone so they can’t say that anymore) community. In the heart of the cow and horse manure is the Rohrer Family Farm. This traditional Men in Night homestead was the first half a–ed pit stop in The Amazing Race. Ah. Phil doesn’t say in “a race around the world this season”.

Phil’s Questions: Will the constant bickering of the Paolo Family affect their performance for the rest of the race? And can the Linz family overcome their navigation problems to climb out of last place?

– The Godlewski Family, or the “stupid old farts” as Rolly Weaver has coined them, arrived at an undisclosed time will depart at 757am. They will drive fifteen miles to the town of York and find Shoe House Road and find this shoe. Search the big a– shoe for their next clue.

There was once a clue
That was stored in a shoe

Seriously? Who puts a clue on a shoe? Honestly?

– Viewers may recognize this shoe from a Snoop Dogg music video.

Snoop Doggy Dogg just inspired the family edition of racy race.

– Tricia talks about being proud of finishing first and that it boosts their confidence in the race. Ten minutes later Gaghan Family takes off. Tammy thinks that the other teams looked at her like someone who drags their kids on a family vacation. I doubt the other teams had the time for that sophisticated of an analysis in the first two days of the race. The Weavers were too busy distracting everyone by screaming. Tammy thinks that the other teams see them as a threat after finishing second. Nope. You’ve still got little kids. So everyone believes a 2nd place finish was a fluke.

– Weavers depart. Linda says she took the role of leader in the household after her husband died. She believes the race will bring the four of them together. We heard that in the first episode, Linda. Rogers next. Brock describes his dad as a leader and that it’s his way or the 97A or 95 West highway. Again we heard this last episode. I s’pose Brittney and Renee are that bland.

– Nine minutes later cues the Schroeder Family. Stassi says they thought they knew everything and would be number one in every leg. But they were proven wrong. She is happy they are learning, though. Is it odd that I had a crush on you when I watched on TV in the ninth grade? Would it be strange to have that crush now? I mean you’re like 21 or 22 now but in these episodes you’re still like 16. Luckily I got out in the real world and away from television.

– Godlewskis fill up at the gas station. Tammy Gaghan gives a confessional regarding how her and Bill read the maps last episode and have the highways planned out. Meanwhile in the back seat. Billy is giving funny faces while Tammy is driving.

13 and his first act of camera whoring. Boy kids sure grow up fast these days.

BILL: We’re not in ‘Stupid’ mode.

Kami & Karli are nowhere to be found. Breathe a sigh of relief, Bill.

– Weavers study the map. Is the Big Shoe a state? Linda asks for help from God for road directions. Rogers are keeping their eyes for She House Road.

Brock daydreams hoping he will  be cast for Survivor. The boredom of The Amazing Race needs to be erased from his memory.

That day will come when you least expect it Brock. Tell your future self to keep a foot on the Attack Zone before you first make contact.

– Mark Schroeder spots a shortcut. He announces they’ll take a more direct route. Paolos depart. They start yelling 1.5 seconds into the leg.

DJ: You talk when it’s so unnecessary!

*drops jaw*

Did a Paolo really just utter those words? Holy canoli.

– Bransens are next. Wally is pleased with how his girls have performed. Geez. His confessionals make him sound like a pimp. “I’m proud of all my girls. They work so hard and do their job so well”. Before this gets too weird the Aiello Family checks out at 837am. Kevin talks about how Tony is an incredibly protective father. It is phrased as a compliment. Matt wants to make him proud. You know, Matt Aiello? What? You’re saying he’s not a standout character?

– Linz family is last to leave at 845am. Exactly 48 minutes after the first place Godlewskis. Not much of a spread for the start of the second leg. Megan gives a confessional about being the only girl but nobody is listening.

Meg Linz.

Shut up, Meg. God just stop talking. Tommy takes over and says something more interesting.

– Bill runs to the top of the shoe. Carissa wants to run up but Tammy tells her to stay in the car and don’t talk to strangers. Bill comes back with the clue. Teams must drive 110 miles to the country’s capital–Washington D.C. It’s where monkey’s brain is a popular cuisine. Once there they must ignore the Washington Pingas Monument and instead find the U.S. Capitol Reflecting Pool.

THE U.S. CAPITOL Reflecting Pool. Oddly enough it’s the only building with a British spelling in the U.S. Search the perimeter for the clue.

– Schroeders are the second team to the shoe. Stassi is looking se–fast running up the shoe. Mark’s shortcut was brilliant. Godlewskis are behind. Tricia ran. Then Rolly appears (much skinnier than his 101 Dalmatians counterpart) and runs up to snag the ol clue.

REBECCA: Where’s Washington, D.C.?
RACHEL: What city is that in? Washington?
LINDA (looks at map): We’re going to Maryland.

The American education system has failed you. This is painful for someone like me who had every country city, provincial capital, state capital, and country flag memorized when I was nine years old.

– Denny casually comments on the Shoe House. Brock runs up to snag the clue. Denny and Brock swap seats. Denny proclaims to be the navigator. He tells Brock to go 30 East and 83 South. It’s subtitled. Must be important.

– DJ makes a sound effect as he pulls into the shoe. He hops out himself and grabs the clue. DJ is doing all the work. Tony instructs to drive 30 West then 83 South.

30 West?! But the Rogers Family is going 30 East? Either the Paolos will get into the shouting match of the season or Denny will make some jerk a– remark. Time will tell. Bransens see Paolos. Beth cheers on Lindsay who takes the clue. Huh. Beth is the driver for Team Bransen.

– Aiellos are next. David Aiello runs up to the clue. He opens it in the car and is really excited because he lives in northern Virginia which is ten minutes away from Washington, D.C. He knows exactly where it is unlike the Weavers.

– Linz family is once again. Alex retrieves the clue. They’re going 30 West. Gaghans, Schroeders, Godlewskis, and Weavers all take 83 South. Brock hasn’t found a sign for 83 South. Ouch. Let’s get ready for a Brock Zbacnik meltdown. Will he call Denny a backwoods hick and spit in his face?

– Paolos are at 83 South. Bransens.

DAVID AIELLO: D.C. is like home to me. The reflecting pool is actually between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial.

PHIL KEOGHAN: Outside the U.S. Capitol Building, teams will find the reflecting pool.

NICK LINZ: There are two reflecting pools on this map. Which one does the clue say?

ALEX: Search for the one at the U.S. Capitol.

David Aiello prepare to be humiliated on national television. You have about as much knowledge of your hometown as I do mine. And I’m the one who doesn’t even have a car.

– Nick says there will be no rest stops. If somebody has to urinate they must do so in a cup. Megan is grossed out. Wouldn’t she be prepared for this or did she not see the movie Rat Race?

– Denny Rogers announces he screws up.

DENNY: Excuse me, excuse me, we have messed up! We are way off!

BROCK: Did we go the wrong direction?

DENNY (shrug): Well, I’m reading the map.

BROCK: We didn’t pass it, though.

RENEE: We did pass it, Brock.

BROCK: I did not see it.

RENEE: Okay. Let Dad drive.

DENNY: Not seeing it and not passing it are two different things.

Denny’s self-proclaimed Southern charm, ladies and gentlemen!

– DENNY: We took our eye off the ball. We said 83 South to the driver and he passed up the exit.

Way to not name names, Denny.

Rogers that.

Did you hear Denny screaming at me about accusing of me passing the exit, dude?

Re-re-re-read the map screaming at me dude, I wanted to spit in his face! He’s a weak little bossy punk! Backwoods hick.

– Gaghans are first to the Lincoln Memorial. Tammy says she wants some good eyes. I s’pose she could be old enough to have cataracts along with Bill. Just like an episode of 24, running the perimeter will fail. Schroeders see Gaghans. Mark’s first question is to ask if there’s another reflecting pool. Bill insists there is not. Schroeders make the wise move and get back in their car and keep driving. Gaghans do what they do best and run in a straight line on pavement.

– Godlewskis are on fire. They are at the U.S. Capitol building. Weavers ask for directions to the reflecting pool. The local tells them it is a mere three hundred meters away. Cue screams all the way to the clue box. Godlewskis hear the screams from the opposite side and are in pursuit.

– Weavers read the clue. Run to the limousine parked on Third Street where an “unseen contact” will give them a briefcase.

The unseen contact.

– Once they have the briefcase they will take it across town to the Tidal Basin. In the shadow of the Jefferson Memorial teams will find their next clue. And bird poop on the boardwalk too.

– Godlewskis are next to the clue. Both teams have their briefcase.

BILLY: Wait, what is that?!
(Everyone turns.)
BILLY: Oh. It’s just a ‘No Smoking’ sign.
BILL: Thanks.

– Schroeders are bright enough to ask a local if it is indeed the only reflecting pool. The local says there is one at the Capitol building too. They throw their hands up in despair at the Gaghans to trick them. They want to get ahead. Marion Paolo inquires about the low gas tank.

MARION: It’s low.
DJ: It’s also a very big tank.
ME: It’s also a very big car. Percentages don’t matter.
DJ: ?

– DJ takes the briefcase. Marion continues rambling about the low gas tank. Bransens arrive at the Lincoln Memorial. U.S. Capitol, Lincoln Memorial, tomato Nelly Furtado. Aiellos get to the Memorial but David reads the tourist info board and sees there is another pool at the U.S. Capitol. He feels like an idiot but at least they checked before searching the grounds.

– Gaghans have completed a full lap. They have yet to consult with locals. Linzes are at the Capitol building and unfortunately parked on the opposite side of where the clue box sat. Schroeders sneak in through the other side and are currently fourth place after snagging the clue. Linzes are right behind. Both teams meet up and Linzes high five them in a line.

And starting for the Cincinnati Bengals, #26, Tommy Linnnnnz.

– Aiellos comment they are morons then take the briefcase from the limousine. I wonder if there are two Tidal Basins? Godlewskis are first to the Basin. Weavers must have gotten lost. It’s a roadblock! “Who’s ready for a covert operation?”

– Teams must find a spy. There are fifty people carrying a briefcase around the Tidal Basin. Teams will go around uttering ‘the sky is blue’ to the people around the Basin. If the person is one of ten spies, they will answer the ‘sea is green’ and exchange briefcases. Inside is their next clue.

Uncle Pennybags sold off Park Place and Boardwalk to move to D.C. and get in on the ol spy game.

– Sharon performs the second dumbest roadblock so far in Race history. Only the hay bale roadblock is dumber because of production’s inability to think it out properly. Anyways, Linda yells at Rebecca that she has two lanes open to turn right. What happens when Rebecca misses the turn because there is not enough room?

Activate Weaver Screams!

ROLLY: You should’ve turned.
LINDA: Just relax.

Says the woman who acts like she is passing a kidney stone. Paolos are next to the clue. DJ volunteers to do it. He creepily trails a woman. Sharon Godlewski is successful. She reads that teams must drive 49 miles to Welbourne Manor in Middleburg, Virginia. Search outside this house in the countryside and find the next clue. Rebecca Weaver is doing the roadblock. Rebecca is lucky and is second to finish. 50 West is the key highway.

– DJ completes the roadblock. Bad luck to drop one spot. Schroeders are next. It’s Mark.

MARK: I’ll go. It might be hard.

Right. When I think of Family Edition I think of complex tasks.

MARK: The sky is blue.
WOMAN: Nope.
MARK: You sure the sky is not blue?
(WOMAN walks away.)
MARK: Her panties are too tight.

Only a matter of time before you divorce again so you can find out for yourself, Mr. Schroeder.

– Marion Paolo says life is looking good when you pass by the Pentagon. Gaghans are still at the Lincoln Memorial Park. Wally Bransen is sweltering in the heat and cannot keep up. The daughters fight over the frustration of Wally not keeping up. David Aiello is doing the roadblock followed by Nick. Mark runs around aimlessly.

MARK: Hey pops, the sky is blue?
UNCLE PENNYBAGS: The sea is green.

– DJ can’t find a gas station. Marion yells at DJ to find the local streets and that next time he needs to fill up when they see one. David Aiello beats Nick by a second to a spy. Off to Virginia they go. Brittney Rogers asks for directions to THE reflecting pool. The guy tells them it is at the Washington Monument. If only Brittney specified where is THE U.S. Capitol Reflecting Pool and there’d be a whole new story.

LOCAL: Famous words–you  can’t miss it.

Famous last words–Rogers Family, I am sorry to tell you you have been eliminated from the race.

– At the Lincoln Memorial sage advice comes out.

BILLY: Let’s ask people. It’s at the point where we have to.
TAMMY & BILL: What are you gonna ask people, Billy? Let’s just keep looking.

When the trolling faces of Billy is outsmarting you that’s when you wonder if he should be allowed to remain in the household anymore. Emancipation beckons! They’re at the Lincoln Memorial. The Emancipation Proclamation is in Billy’s favour.

– Rogers family arrive. Bransens read the clue and see it is the US Capitol. They ask and are on their way. Rogers meet up with Gaghans. They read the clue together. Tammy says multiple times they have been there for two hours. They catch on to the ‘US Capitol’ part and are driving together in eighth and last place. Wise move.

– Gaghans run ahead to be seventh to the reflecting pool. Tammy drives to the limousine. Billy takes the briefcase. Lauren Bransen has the briefcase. The Rogers family walk together to the limousine and slowly walk back. Way to scramble out of last place.

MARION: It would have taken three seconds to pull in and buy gas.
DJ: You’ve said that five hundred times.
MARION: Well you’re gonna hear it five hundred more times.

Hey buddy, how many times will Marion say they should have bought gas?

She’ll say it over NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!

What! NINE THOUSAND?! There’s no way she can say it that many times!

– DJ finds a gas station and fills it up. Brian directs DJ. Nick is still searching for a spy when Gaghans get there. It’s Tammy’s turn. Nick succeeds. He high-tails it back. Tammy finds a spy much closer than Nick’s. Gaghans’ fast feet pay off and they make up time. Linz are behind. Wally volunteers to do a roadblock despite being the one person out of four people to be exhausted on the team. The daughters agree they were stupid to let him have his way. Oh Wall-E, Wall-E.

– Rogers ask for directions to the Tidal Basin. Denny appreciates the perfect directions. Tony Paolo announces they are going the wrong way.

DJ: Apparently our three people in the back behind me and not one of them read a map.
MARION (who did not read a map): Don’t blame the three people in the back. Blame the three of you because none of you ever listen to me.

What the heck? That is completely unrelated to you not reading a map, Marion. In fact you should be blamed because it’s your only role when you are not driving. It’s a completely random and illogical point. I’ll just assume you’re super PMSing for the duration of this round.

– DJ reads the map and understands how much they screwed up. DJ drives, navigates, and does the roadblock. All while Tony sits silently thinking about how he moved from Italy when he was twelve years old, Brian who is camera shy, and his mom who is PMSing two feet away from him.

– All of the teams hit huge traffic. Nick reads the map and sees there is an alternate route on 34 as opposed to the traffic-laden 50 to Welbourne Manor.

So much traffic when you’re riding Fitty.

– Wally is done. He is out of breath. Out of the Tidal Basin they go. Wally sees the alternate route on his map. Rogers get to the roadblock.

RENEE: She’ll do it. She’s the daredevil.

Yes. Twenty years ago Evil Knievel once carried forty briefcases to the Tidal Basin and tossed them simultaneously at ten spies who combined to collect all forty briefcases. Brittney, the daredevil who says girls aren’t meant to build tents, will show off her stuff and exchange a briefcase. We all hold our breaths.

– Weavers beat the traffic and are first to Welbourne Manor. Detour. Heat of the Battle or Heat of the Night. In Heat of the Battle, teams must take part in a full scale civil war re-enactment and use the stretchers to transport five soldiers off the battle field into the surgical tent. That’s it. In Heat of the Night, teams must roll a barrel of oil to a work station where they will have to fill up twenty oil lamps then take the lamps to a table and light all twenty for the quarter (?) master. Once they’ve completed the task they will be given a regimental flag and run down the winding road to the pit stop in the meadow. The last team to check in will be eliminated.

– Weavers get lost following the clearly labelled signs for the paths to the detour paths. How can you miss a civil war re-enactment? Godlewskis are next to the detour. They’re gonna carry five wounded soldiers too.

– Godlewskis begin. Weavers wonder if Civil War is a state next to Maryland as they meander through until they spot the Godlewskis. Weavers concede they cannot carry five soldiers and thus opt to light up. Twenty lamps, that is.

– Linz Family made up a ton of time during a drive rather than lose it all on the drive like last leg. They don’t learn their lesson from last leg and choose the more physical task again. The Black kid isn’t around this leg to get stuck in water and save them again. Linz is on their own.

Remember: There is a sign that we CANNOT break character, Jim–I mean Jebediah. Even if we get taken hostage like the South Park museum. You don’t get any IVs even if you were really shot with a musket. They didn’t exist back then. It’s this canteen or we drain out your blood to release the devil’s toxins.

– Linzes playfully yell at the Godlewskis that they will catch up to them. Schroeders are bing followed by Aiellos and Bransens. Aiellos are carrying people as well as Bransens. Schroeders opt for the oil. Weavers have six lamps lit. They are burning their hands.

DAVID: Gives me goosebumps. Being a Marine and being out here in the middle of a Civil War battle and carrying the wounded. I can’t put it into words.

1) You just did, you stupid f—.

2) This battle is not real. A pro wrestling match is more real than this.

3) You already made a Marine reference last leg when you hit the beach to grab the flag on the Delaware. We all know you’re aiming to suck up airtime with the ‘patriotic’ angle. Stop trying so hard to portray yourself as receiving the Hero edit for this season.

Thank you.

– Linz family has done four. Zoom in on the American flag blowing in the wind.

Oh Say Can You See. . .Hmmm. This shot needs more Chuck Norris.

– Weavers are done their task. They scream and almost knock over the oil lamps. Easily excitable Weavers and oil lamps is NOT a good combination. Linzes are done carrying soldiers and see the Weavers. They intend to chase after them and beat them. Godlewskis fell behind by only having four done.

– The Weavers win the leg. As the winners they have won a trip of four to the Bermuda estate. Whoa. They get to travel around the world!!!!. . .after the race is over. Linz family is team number two. Departing last this leg to finishing in second is not bad when there is not an equalizer did not occur.

– Godlewskis are three. They mirror the Weavers’ finish. Wally Bransen is drained and insists that he can’t do it anymore. Do the daughters not know that Wally can’t run more than ten steps without turning beet red? If I were them I would choose the lamps considering a stretcher requires four people to carry. Unless you want the wounded soldier to trade spots with Wally.

– Schroeders have the twenty lanterns. Time to light. Billy wants to do the battlefield task. Uh oh. A 13 year old and a 9 year old carrying people on a stretcher? Not wise. Bill takes two handles. Billy calls out Carissa for not doing anything. Tammy tells him to hush rather than telling him he is an idiot for making them do this task.

CARISSA: The guys are fighting. How do we know we’re not going to get shot?

Don’t worry, Carissa. These men how to handle the muskets. It’s the safe part of Virginia. You’re not in the part where old men hang out on their porch with their sawed off shotguns waiting to blast anyone who is not fit for his daughter.

– Gaghans have one down. Stassi says she has oil on her hands and (rubs it on her. . .lamps) nobody thinks that it is a dangerous hazard.

– Schroeders are fourth. Tony is “wicked tired”. Matt decides to take over Tony’s portion. This leads to a heartfelt confessional from Tony where he claims how proud he is of his son-in-laws and that they really step up to the plate.

– Aiellos are done. Bransens are done too.

WALLY: I can’t do this.
BETH: It’s the finish line.

Heh. Even Flo doesn’t quit at the finish line. Aiellos and Bransens are in the same frame as they finish twenty seconds apart. They are fifth and sixth. Wally thinks this is cool but doesn’t know if he’ll recover. Gaghans are seventh.

– Paolos are carrying people on the stretcher. After the first one DJ complains his legs are shot. If Marion and Tony are not whining about carrying people with their out of shape bodies then DJ should remain mum about the whole thing.

See the green in DJ’s ears? All teams were required to wear earplugs. At least the producers wanted to avoid a lawsuit by blowing out the eardrums of the younger racers.

– DJ wants water from the soldier’s canteen. Marion is the next one to say she can’t do it and makes them stop. Rogers are there next and are carrying soldiers too. They carry one.

RENEE: I can’t do it.
DENNY: Your mom can’t do it. We’re switching.

Brock is frustrated. How does he react?

Cannot. . .contain. . .frustration. . .much. . .longer. . .loves. . .twins. . .

Brock’s reaction in his mind to Renee quitting?

Got beat by a bunch of quitters.

– Tony Paolo doesn’t let Marion quit thanks to him and the two sons yelling at her. See? Shouting how pissed you are that someone is giving up has its benefits. Paolos have four soldiers done. Rogers have the twenty lamps. DJ is exhausted and ready to quit but Marion is doing fine. DJ crumbles onto the ground like a wounded soldier before carrying the flag. Tony Paolo leads the pack.

TONY: I’m 54. Pick it up, dammit!

His wife and his two teenage sons being beaten in a foot race by an ailing garbage man? I blame the food in our public schools.

– Brock has the flag and stays behind his three family members so nobody has to see the pissed off look on his face. They are barely running. The Paolos finish the pit stop in eighth.

PHIL: Tell me about your mom.
BRIAN: She’s a fighter. She complains about everything but she comes through in the clutch.

I believe that is called a compliment sandwich. Brian’s first confessional too, incidentally.

* Note: Tony avoids tackling Phil this round. I guess an eighth place finish doesn’t warrant a tackle.

– Sad music plays as the Rogers land on the mat. They are last and eliminated. Renee cries. Denny admits he made a mistake and it was his responsibility. Brock wishes people would listen to him more.

BROCK: If my family listened to some of the things we had to say we wouldn’t have been eliminated.
DENNY: One thing I always try to show Brock is you can’t get to where you need to go in this life casting stones and blaming other people for your misfortunes.
BROCK: My family they’ll always be the same. They know what’s right in their minds. It’s frustrating. I hate it. I can’t stand it.
RENEE: I’m the glue that will hold us together. It’s extremely hard but at the end of the day we’re still the Rogers Family.

Jesus. I think Alison & Donny had a less dysfunctional exit than what the Rogers Family had. I have a feeling Brock will be moving out by the time he’s 21 and Renee will move in with her soon-to-be husband. All females are required to get married in the South by the time they’re eighteen, right?

Next time on TAR: Teams take a wild ride at NASA Centrifuge and the Aiellos spin their wheels. Well if that’s not the least appealing promo I have heard in my life.

Confessional counts

Carissa.Bill.Tammy.Billy 0.0.2.0
Megan.Tommy.Nick.Alex 1.1.1.0
Tony.DJ.Brian.Marion 0.2.1.1
Lauren.Beth.Wally.Lindsay 0.1.2.0
Linda.Rachel.Rebecca.Rolly 1.1.0.0
Tony.Kevin.David.Matt 1.1.2.1
Stassi.Mark.Char.Hunter 1.0.0.0
Michelle.Christine.Sharon.Tricia 0.0.0.1
Brittney.Denny.Renee.Brock 0.2.1.2

Team averages

12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th A Black Family 10.0
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
9th Rogers Family 6.5
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8

9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
4th Meredith & Gretchen 5.36
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
7th Ray & Deana – 5.0 FF
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
5th Lynn & Alex 4.11
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
1st Uchenna & Joyce 3.15 FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Ron & Kelly 3.00
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38
2nd Rob & Amber 2.31

Rank the Teams:

2) The Rogers Family

One of the few teams I was looking forward to analyzing again in their short run. My analysis leads me to conclude they are not only the least entertaining team all season but also in the bottom tier for least likable. Denny seems like a man straight out of a 50s TV show where he expects dinner the moment he comes home from work, Brittney plays the “I’m just a girl so I can’t do _____ card, Renee plays the role of Donna Reed where she just wants everything to be perfect for everyone around her, and Brock is saturated with angst and hates rules.

If it were up to me I would eliminate them round one.

1) The Black Family

Ever wanted to see a crossover between The Cosby Show and The Amazing Race? What would be produced is the Black Family. They don’t scream or yell. The family works together to do fun little tasks. If an issue does come up they deal with it calmly and say it is all about trusting their family bond. They are not nasty to any teams.

In addition it plays out like a Cosby Show episode. At the beginning nothing happens to any of them and by the end nothing has happened to any of them. The 90s G-rated urban sitcom has officially played out.

P.S. Thanks for giving me a ton of material to work with in the first episode.

Rank the Legs

1) Lancaster -> Middleburg (After viewers have grown accustomed to the disappointing nature of Family Edition, this episode breathes life into the season. Missed highway exits leads to screaming. Traffic congestion leads to screaming. An empty gas tank leads to screaming. Oh, and a government-based theme combined with the Civil War battle makes this leg very distinct like the Amish and NYC fusion of the season premiere. David Aiello’s errors were amusing as well as Papa Gaghan who refused to ask for directions at the reflecting pool. The big shoe gave me an excuse to reference Snoop Dogg so that was G double O D. And the Rogers were mercifully removed from the race.)

2) NYC -> Lancaster (The last time the race started in New York they flew to Johannesburg. This season they don’t even fly. They drive across a couple states. Viewers were extremely disheartened to see after two hours that the ten families only traveled a little over 100 miles from the starting line. The Gaghans have probably run from New York to Pennsylvania in less time than the several days it occupied in the show’s filming. This marked the first episode where Phil started became an Advil popper.)

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