TUF 7 episodes 7 + 8 + 9 ranking

Seventh episode

Previously on TUF: Team Forrest racked up their fourth straight win when Matt Brown’s swift kick to the face clobbered Jeremy May out of the competition. But then the tide turned for Team Rampage when Dan Cramer outhammered Luke Zachrich in a gruelling two round beat down. Now Quinton has his first fight pick.  Will he retain control in the battle to become the ultimate fighter?

RAMPAGE: MUAHAHAHAHA!

– Intro time. That might be the first time the voiceover referred to Rampage by his real name and only his real name. There’s Rampage. Rampage Jackson. Quinton Rampage Jackson. But just Quinton? That just seems inappropriate to me.

– Fight announcement. Oh right. There’s two fights again. First thing we see is Rampage doing an air guitar solo in his confessional.

RAMPAGE: I feel like a rockstar baby. I’m in control. You feel me? I’m in control. Yay-er.

It appears we have picked up from the same minute where we left off last episode.

– Dana congratulates Rampage on “finally” having control. He goes out of his way to emphasize “finally” a few times.

RAMPAGE: I’m going to milk this control for as long as I can milk it. I’m going to take my time and controllll.

Call Tommy Speer. Rumour has it he worked on a farm.

– Rampage picks Gerald Harris.

RAMPAGE: I need to choose my control very wisely.

You can choose control? I thought it was something one possesses. Stephen Harper is going to choose whether or not he has power over Canada by Rampage’s standards.

– The opponent is Amir.

RAMPAGE: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It’s classic wrestler versus grappler.

– Amir comments that Gerald is one of the best grapplers and sarcastically says he is lucky to fight Gerald. Everyone exits the gym.

RAMPAGE: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

– Rampage training session. Gerald claims he slams the s— out of people. Rampage says Gerald is a Mini-Me but that Rampage’s breath is better.

– Forrest training session. Amir’s first pro fight was the one to get in the house. Forrest knows Amir is scared of Gerald’s ability to throw people on their head. But every slam is an opportunity to get to his feet. Forrest doesn’t know if Amir is confident. Forrest makes a side bet with Amir. If Amir loses, Forrest will shave his head. If he wins, Amir can shave Forrest’s head however he wants.

– Fight day. Both fighters must be exceedingly boring because we are in the locker room. Gerald has two boys to feed and came here to win. Anything other than something he only has a 1/32 odds of accomplishing would leave him crushed. Yeesh, he expects a bit much for himself. Also Gerald Harris wears the baggiest jeans I have seen.

GERALD HARRIS / TULSA, OKLAHOMA / 7-2
AMIR SADOLLAH / RICHMOND, VIRGINIA / 0-0

I have a feeling Gerald wins this. Dana introduces the fight as two 5-minute rounds. Burger King plug. Rosenthal is our referee. And we are off.

– They touch gloves. Circling. Gerald shoots and takes Amir down against the cage. Full guard. Neither are striking. Amir has Gerald’s arms trapped. Gerald frees his hands and strikes a bit. He stands up for half a second to reign down a punch. Amir is rotating on the ground. Amir has a really high guard as he goes for an arm. Gerald fires a short elbow. Amir scrambles to his feet. Gerald has the under hooks. Amir rests against the cage. Gerald picks up Amir, rotates him in the air, and crashes him to the ground. It was close to being a Samoan slam. Gerald has  half mount. Amir scrambles to his feet but Gerald shoots. He picks up Amir. Amir grabs the top of the cage. Gerald spear slams him into the mat. The wind appears to be sucked out of Amir. Gerald has half mount and offers a couple elbows. Amir strikes half-heartedly from the bottom. Amir has the arms trapped. Rampage calls for a knee to the butt. Amir scrambles to his feet and launches a flying knee but Gerald ducks and works to get underneath Amir. Amir grabs the fence a couple times. Rosenthal warns him. Amir has Gerald’s back from the side and tries to sink a rear naked choke but Gerald has no problems getting up and clinching Amir against the cage. End of round.

– They touch gloves. Amir feints with a few shots as he circles. A leg kick. A punch. Gerald is looking down at Amir’s legs. Another leg kick from Amir. Gerald charges. They exchange a few punches before Gerald shoots. Amir is against the cage. Gerald has taken down Amir against the cage. Full guard. Amir is keeping him tight. Gerald brings up Amir. He rests in this position. Amir pushes off the fence and pushes Gerald away. A knee to Gerald’s face. Gerald goes for a leg but Amir defends. Amir spins out to take Gerald’s back. Gerald spins. Gerald throws a few terrible strikes before charging Amir into the fence. Amir is sitting on his butt against the fence. Gerald is pushing into Amir. Amir stands and knees the body. Uppercuts from Gerald. Amir lands a devastating knee on the chin. Gerald goes DOWN and is limp. Amir punches Gerald’s head a few times before Rosenthal stops it. Gerald screams he was not out.

– Fight recap. Rampage said Gerald looked like a madman. Amir said he got smashed so fast he didn’t have time to think about the slams. Dana said Gerald slammed Amir like he was a little kid and Amir was tough to survive all of those slams. Amir’s scrambling abilities were great when he would fire knees at Gerald before the takedown. Patrick was shocked and said Cramer was uttering “oh my god” a bunch of times.

RAMPAGE: I remember the fight. I wanted to go home and drink myself to depression like an alcoholic in the street. It’s like going to the bartender and saying “one more round please”. My boy just got his a– kicked.

– Amir won respect for himself and wanted to cry. Gerald is screaming and throwing s— even when Amir’s hand is raised. Him and Gerald both cry when they hug. Gerald storms out of the ring. We see the cameras film him. Gerald sits on the couch. He curses as loud as possible. Gerald is whining that he let everyone down. Rampage asks for a hug. Gerald says it is time to move on.

– House time. Patrick is so pumped to fight. He thinks Cale better pick him. If Cale doesn’t pick him then Cale is a p—y and if Klein picks him then he’ll look over at Cale. Why Patrick has to fight Cale is never explained in the show. Seven episodes and the only storyline Patrick has is that he has an amusing accent and that he lost to the sixteenth best fighter of the original core of sixteen. Cale’s storyline is. . .well, I don’t know.

– Fight announcement. Forrest picks Cale to fight Patrick. Dana says they may as well call the last fight. It’s CB Dollaway against Nick Klein. Forrest and Cale discuss something in an unintelligible manner. The cast of Redneck Island is easier to comprehend than whatever they just said.

– Forrest tells us Cale has zero concept of the ground game. Same thing with Patrick. Cale wanted a kickboxing fight so he got it. Rampage bugs Cale about his wrestling record. He goes on to say he is not impressed with Cale because his only win has been against John Clarke who dropped seventeen pounds prior to the fight. He thinks his mom could beat Cale.

– Forrest training session. We are introduced to the standup fighting of Cale. Forrest says if Cale avoids the wrestling and jiu jitsu nonsense that he’d be the best fighter. Unfortunately this is called Mixed Martial Arts.

– Rampage training session. Introduced to Patrick. Patrick hopes Cale is looking to punch so both will have a chance to get the knockout. Rampage says Patrick is under the radar.

– Fight day. Both are in their locker rooms.

PATRICK SCHULTZ / BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS / 7-1-1
CALE YARBROUGH / ATHENS, GEORGIA / 0-0

– Dana seems growingly agitated with giving the same speech. Mazzagatti’s mustache is our referee.

– They touch gloves. Patrick fires a right hand. Cale misses a head kick. Cale trips. Patrick misses a right. Body kick by Patrick. Cale jabs. Both miss punches. Leg kick by Cale. Both miss punches. They block each other’s strikes. Head kick by Cale. Patrick lands a straight right. Cale connects with a knee. Patrick lands a big left that drops Cale. Patrick lets Cale up. Patrick aims for the stomach with his fist. Misses. Lands a body kick instead. Cale strikes wildly. Both trade with smattering punches. It’s like MMA’s version of shot for shot. Patrick takes Cale down with a leg kick. Then a punch to the top of the head. Patrick misses a looping leg kick. Cale connects with three head kicks. A knee. Patrick punches the belly. Patrick lands a solid shot on the chin. Another one. Cale misses a few kicks. Patrick connects with a straight right. Cale takes Patrick to the ground. Full guard for Patrick. Cale lands hammer fists and elbows. Cale lets Patrick up only to fire a head kick but Patrick dodges. Patrick fires a straight right that misses and countered by a leg kick. Patrick punches the chest. Patrick aims for the stomach. Cale fires a leg kick. Cale takes down Patrick again. Hammer fists by Cale. Patrick’s mouthguard pops out with three seconds left. End of round.

– They do not touch gloves. Both miss strikes. Patrick lands a leg kick and a punch. Cale has a combination of his own. Big head kick to the chin by Cale. Patrick shoots but Cale pushes him away to kick him. Both exchange punches. Cale shoots and takes Patrick down. Half mount. Elbows. Hammer fists. Rinse and repeat for the next three minutes. Patrick is turtling. He knows nothing. Patrick’s face is awfully red. Cale’s leg is still trapped. More strikes. I am surprised Mazzagatti did not stop it. End of round.

– Everyone waits for the third round. Dana says there’s been a decision. Something tells me Cale won the second round 10-8. Rampage keeps saying he doesn’t hear Dana and everyone around the octagon wants a third round. So does Forrest. Mazzagatti stands silently in the centre with Patrick and Cale. Maybe Burger King will give away free burgers for life to ease the pain? Rampage says that Patrick dropped Cale twice. Forrest says only once. Patrick cuts in and says he can’t handle Forrest and to stay in his corner.

– Cale indeed wins by majority decision as he should. Rampage will bet his whole purse that his fight with Forrest won’t go to decision. Rampage retreats to his locker room. So does Forrest. Dana notes all of the jokes and laughter is gone with both of them. The two class clowns hate each other.

Next time on TUF: Post-fight trash talk causes Forrest to unleash the fury within. And friendly coach rivalry escalates into a full scale conflict. Then hold on for the final preliminary fight between Nick Klein and Team Rampage’s first pick CB Dollaway. Plus the quarter-final announcements. Eight move on but only one will be the ultimate fighter.

P.S. Fewest confessionals in an episode ever. This was bare bones with two long fights. No fight recaps. No goodbye confessional from Patrick. House scenes were about ten seconds. Odd.

MIDDLEWEIGHTS

TEAM RAMPAGE

BRANDON SENE 0
CB DOLLAWAY 0
DANIEL CRAMER 0
GERALD HARRIS 6
JEREMY MAY 0
MATTHEW RIDDLE 0
MIKE DOLCE 0
PATRICK SCHULTZ 3

TEAM FORREST

AMIR SADOLLAH 6
CALE YARBROUGH 2
DANTE RIVERA 0
JESSE TAYLOR 0
LUKE ZACHRICH 0
MATT BROWN 0
NICK KLEIN 0
TIM CREDEUR 1

Rank the Fights
—-

1) Dan Simmler vs. Matthew Riddle (Guys? What happened? Which episode are we on? Did these two fight? I can’t remember if they fought. They didn’t fight? Was it an amateur bout? Was it real? F— you, Rampage tell me what happened!)

2) Matthew Riddle vs. Tim Credeur (The pace was great. There was some decent striking. Excellent back and forth on the ground. No idea who would win either. Tim pulled out the submission with only 50 seconds left in the fight to avoid a Cecil Peoples scorecard. Awesome.)

3) Gerald Harris vs. Amir Sadollah (Gerald engineers the biggest slams ever seen on TUF. Sure there was a bit too much holding but Amir’s striking and scrambling that concludes with a KO by a knee to the chin makes this fight worth viewing again and again.)

4) Josh Hall vs. Matt Brown (An incredible pace. Both guys gave it their all. Submission attempts, slams, kicks, punches, grappling. Funky positions on the ground. Another one of Rampage’s friends goes down. The unknown Cincinnati Kid takes it all with a really smart game plan. Best fight of the first two episodes beside the outrageous knockout.)

5) Jeremy May vs. Matt Brown (Jeremy May acts like a jack— all season. His cardio is terrible. He appears that he may beat Matt Brown after all. But then the pain comes. And a sweet head kick KO.)

6) Daniel Cramer vs. Luke Zachrich (A fight where fatigue was a factor. Both of these guys deserve credit for taking a bunch of knees and nasty hits before Luke had zero energy left in him and let Daniel win.)

7) Cale Yarbrough vs. John Clarke (Excellent grappling match-up. Dropping seventeen pounds in one day can really affect your fighting ability.)

8) Tim Credeur vs. Erik Charles (Erik’s claim to being the fastest guy is debunked as Tim’s slick black belt jiu jitsu travels at rocket speed to successfully take Erik down and submit him within about thirty seconds. Great lessons to be taught from Tim’s technique.)

9) Brandon Sene vs. Dante Rivera (‘Twas a fine grappling match for a good chunk of it. Fights going to the third round avoid BS decisions. For the most part. Unfortunately this fight should have been a draw in round three and go to a fourth round. Oh well. It triggered Rampage flipping over s—.)

10) Patrick Schultz vs. Cale Yarbrough (Neither fighter knew what to do on the ground. A few strikes traded until Cale decides to take Patrick down halfway through the first round and continue to do so until the end of the fight.

11) Luke Zachrich vs. Patrick Schultz (Great technique by both fighters except with Patrick taking himself down despite having the under hooks.)

12) Prince McLean vs. Mike Dolce (An overall good match I s’pose. Striking and grappling proves both of them were very capable of making it into the house.)

13) Steve Byrnes vs. Amir Sadollah (A slow war of attrition before Amir pulls out the victory/the arm.)

14) Nick Rossborough vs. Jesse Taylor (There was a guy who somewhat resembled Slim Shady and possessed a Boston Rob accent. That’s about it.)

15) Jeremy May vs. Dave Roberts (Nothing noteworthy about this early bout. Rampage loses a dear friend.)

16) Mike Dolce vs. Jesse Taylor (Jesse could have finished the fight so much earlier. Or be more aggressive with his excellent position. Same goes for Dolce in the few instances when he had the dominating spot.)

Eighth episode

– Previously on TUF: Amir Sadollah was getting pounded on by Gerald Harris before mounting a stunning comeback. After a gruelling battle with Cale Yarbrough, Patrick Schultz had harsh words for Forrest when Cale got the decision. The coaches’ rivalry ignited. One preliminary fight remains. CB Dollaway versus Nick Klein. Who will keep alive their dream of becoming the ultimate fighter?

– Intro time. Heh. Patrick has the first spot in the intro. Because we know he is such a star. I hate how we know nothing about any of the people this season except Mike, Chipper, Matt, and Jeremy. Only one fight has been given any hype.

– We pick up where we left off. A fight recap. Patrick is blasting Cale. Phenomenal first round. Rampage was pleased too. Dana gave Schultz the first round. In the second round Cale football tackled Patrick and held Patrick on his back for five minutes and beating him. Dana has it 10-8 therefore Cale should win. Otherwise it’s a draw that goes to sudden victory.

– Forrest is mad by Rampage’s comments from last episode.

DANA: He goes in and Chris Leben’s the door.
GERALD: Karate kicked the door.
BRANDON: Donkey Kong’s the door.
CHIPPER: Like gorilla style.

Holy crap. The door is absolutely broken in half. Dana is astounded. He sees Forrest shadow boxing. Dana says it is the first time anyone has damaged the gym in the history of TUF. Hurting the house however is a long time tradition.

– Patrick says he should never leave it in the judge’s hands. Cale is proud he is responsible for hyping Rampage and Forrest’s fight. Forrest tells his players to keep Schultz away from him. Patrick comes in and apologizes to Forrest. Forrest tells him to look at his hand at the doctor. Dana introduces the CB and Nick fight.

– House time. Chipper is convinced Nick Klein is sacrificed to CB Dollaway because CB is no joke. Nick is nervous and scared. He says he is the weakest link. He hates confrontation. Why in the world would you be in the UFC if you hate confrontation? He says he always gets like this before every fight.

– Forrest training session. Forrest admits he overtrains his guys but thinks it is fine to do it a little bit. Nick is thinking his body is beat up and gradually decreasing his performance according to Forrest. An odd segue for Forrest to bring in a net gun to the gym. Everyone runs away. The net gun fires a net that captures anyone in its way. Cameron captured the punching bag with it. The players tell Forrest to capture Rampage with it. Everyone speculates how Rampage will take it.

– Rampage training session. Rampage is training one of his guys. Rampage is now lying against the cage. Forrest enters with his net gun. He gets on top of the cage and launches it. He captures Rampage with it.

RAMPAGE: This is war!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I a fish? Do I look like a fish to you? Why would you net a human being? Dammit, the whole world saw me get netted on TV. My family will make fun of me for being netted on national TV. I can’t let him get away with that. I got netted on national TV.

– CB enters with a red hoodie. CB calls him Little Red Riding Hood and that he is the big bad wolf. Well not mixing up your fairy tales was never a requirement to be a MMA fighter. CB hated a desk job and refers to himself in the third person. He knows the Peruvian necktie. Rampage thinks CB’s head is so big from being full of himself. Rampage is ready to put twelve inches of his. . .foot up CB’s a–. Rampage and CB sparr. CB slaps on the Peruvian necktie. Rampage admits he got destroyed in the sparring match.

– Forrest training session. Nick is a farm kid. Ugh. Tommy Speer wore me out with his farm talk. Nick has been improving and coaches are impressed. Forrest thinks his stand-up and jiu jitsu and scramble is good.

– Weigh ins. Chris Tognoni works out the scales. Dana says CB is Rampage’s golden boy because he was very well-rounded as well as mean and nasty. Nick is the jiu jitsu guy who is big but will have his hands full with CB. They square off. Rampage makes fun of Nick for having monkey patterned boxers. You would think those would be Forrest’s boxers. CB’s eyes are really wide in the showdown. Rampage considers CB to be his ace on the team. CB is not here to be on TV and be famous. Just to better his life.

– House time. Luke thinks CB is overrated and Nick is underrating himself. Tim tells Nick that CB is supposed to crush him so all of the pressure will be on CB.

– Fight day. CB knows he has more to lose given his 6-0 perfect record and that he is a rising star. Nick is ready to step up. Locker room time. Rampage thinks CB will be the ultimate fighter. CB didn’t come here for his teammates. He came here to win.

CB DOLLAWAY / TEMPE, ARIZONA / 6-0
NICK KLEIN / MADISON, WISCONSIN / 4-0

– Dana tells everyone to f— themselves. Mazzagatti is unfortunately our referee.

– They touch gloves. Clock sponsoured by Autozone. They circle. CB fires a body kick. Nick catches the leg and takes CB down. CB has Nick in a headlock so he has control. Nick bucks. CB keeps the headlock and swivels to take Nick’s back. Nick covers his head and rolls. CB punches really hard. Mazzagatti warns about the back of the head. Nick attempts a kneebar but fails. CB punches the back of the head. He still has Nick’s back. Nick grabs the elbow and uses it to pull full guard. He attempts body triangles and trap arms but CB keeps escaping. Another body triangle but CB puts Nick in a turtling position. He works Nick into half guard. CB has his left leg on Nick’s elbow. He retreats to full guard. Nick is working the wrists. A successful upkick when CB stands. CB passes from full guard to half guard. He gets his legs out into side control but Nick spins. CB keeps with him to maintain side control. Half guard. Several elbows from CB. Hard punches and elbows from CB. Blood is spattering on the mat. Several unanswered punches. Nick scrambles but CB regains Nick’s back. Nick has an arm while he turtles. CB is in Nick’s guard. Nick wraps his legs around CB’s wrist but the movement is paralyzed. End of round.

– Mazzagatti goes to CB and warns him if there is one more punch to the back of the head that a point will be deducted. They circle. Nick jabs but misses. CB leg kicks. Forrest screams to have his hands up. They lazily leg kick. Nick throws a punch. CB fires a leg kick and two punches but all miss. They trade until Nick clinches. Forrest screams “NO!” as Nick pulls CB to the ground. Nick tries to trap an arm. Mazzagati warns Nick to not grab the fence. CB is doing squat in Nick’s full guard. Nick punches from the bottom. CB swivels to take Nick’s back. Nick is turtling. Nick tries to stand but CB drags him back down and improves to side control. Nick gets him back to full guard. CB tries side control but is back in full guard. Nick does an upkick but CB was kneeling. Mazzagatti warns him. CB has Nick’s head. Mazzagatti warns about the back of the head. Nick spins and is on top but CB has a head lock and thanks to a camera angle Nick taps without us knowing why. It turns out to be a guillotine choke. I thought wrestlers freak out when they are on their back?

– Fight recap. Dana thought the fight was better than he thought it was going to be. Nick almost got the kneebar. Rampage was hoping CB would finish Nick faster. CB says Nick was much tougher than what he initially thought. Forrest admits CB lived up to the hype. CB was thinking he might not get the 10k but luckily choked out Nick. Rampage is happy his first pick won. Unlike Serra’s first pick from last season.

– Nick is in the locker room. He knows he is better than that but says CB was the better fighter. CB saves face for his team and Rampage. The assistant coach tells Nick that CB’s punches were slaps. CB says it is now every man for himself.

– House time. Cale says CB and Chipper are boyfriends because of their d—-bag sunglasses. Cale giggles about “how gay they look”. CB says Cale’s comments are eating at him. CB hopes that the coaches will make the match-up between him and Cale.

– Gym time. Camera lingers on Forrest’s hole in the door after he exits the room. Forrest’s head is being shaved by Amir thanks to the bet from last episode where if Amir won that he could shave Forrest’s head however he wanted. Rampage meanwhile has a water gun in his locker room.

RAMPAGE: Forrest shot me with a net gun. Muahahahaha.

– Amir cuts lines into Forrest’s head.

– Loony serial killer music plays as Rampage enters Forrest’s room. He sprays Forrest with the water gun. It has quite the range. So childish.

– Forrest, Rampage, and Dana all sit together. The rules from last season where whoever won more preliminary fights picks the quarter-final match-ups is abandoned this season. It didn’t work out well on TV because it allowed Serra to pick his favourites anyway. And in a hilarious twist both of Hughes’ guys ran through Serra’s match-ups to get to the finals together despite Hughes’ 6-2 record. Could we see a repeat run this season?

– Rampage feels confident that the winner will come from his team (probably CB). They will call in the fighters one at a time and ask what match-up they want. Tim talks to his buddy saying it doesn’t matter who he fights as long as he is making money. CB is first. He wants to fight Cale because of the poolside argument from the day before.

CB: Cale.
CALE: Cramer because he is from the other team.
AMIR: Cale or Dante. Matt but I don’t want to lose an eye.
DANTE: Daniel Cramer.
MATT: I don’t want to fight someone from my own team. . .but me and Amir would have a fun fight. He’s my best friend in the house but we’re here to fight. I didn’t see much from CB.
RAMPAGE: You should fight CB, Matt. So you’ll fight CB?
JESSE: I don’t care. What do you think Forrest? . . .Cramer or Matt Briwn.
CRAMER: #1- Cale, #2- Matt Brown, #3- Amir. Same reason for all 3. They will all stand up and trade punches.
TIM: Cramer. He’s a lot hotter than me and I want to know that I’m a better fighter.

– Dana announces the fights.

DANTE VS. JESSE
AMIR VS. MATT
CRAMER VS. TIM
CB VS. CALE

– Next time on TUF: The teams are shuffled up as the quarter-final fights get underway. Jesse Taylor squares off against former teammate Dante Rivera. And best friends go head-to-head in the brawl everyone has been waiting for. It’s crunch time in the octagon. Eight fighters remain but only one will call himself the next ultimate fighter.

MIDDLEWEIGHTS

TEAM RAMPAGE

BRANDON SENE 0
CB DOLLAWAY 10
DANIEL CRAMER 1
GERALD HARRIS 0
JEREMY MAY 0
MATTHEW RIDDLE 1
MIKE DOLCE 0
PATRICK SCHULTZ 2

TEAM FORREST

AMIR SADOLLAH 3
CALE YARBROUGH 2
DANTE RIVERA 1
JESSE TAYLOR 0
LUKE ZACHRICH 2
MATT BROWN 1
NICK KLEIN 8
TIM CREDEUR 1

Rank the fights
—-

1) Dan Simmler vs. Matthew Riddle (Guys? What happened? Which episode are we on? Did these two fight? I can’t remember if they fought. They didn’t fight? Was it an amateur bout? Was it real? F— you, Rampage tell me what happened!)

2) Matthew Riddle vs. Tim Credeur (The pace was great. There was some decent striking. Excellent back and forth on the ground. No idea who would win either. Tim pulled out the submission with only 50 seconds left in the fight to avoid a Cecil Peoples scorecard. Awesome.)

3) Gerald Harris vs. Amir Sadollah (Gerald engineers the biggest slams ever seen on TUF. Sure there was a bit too much holding but Amir’s striking and scrambling that concludes with a KO by a knee to the chin makes this fight worth viewing again and again.)

4) CB Dollaway vs. Nick Klein (Numerous sweeps and submission attempts. Striking on the feet. It’s too bad Nick tapped out so quickly at the end.)

5) Josh Hall vs. Matt Brown (An incredible pace. Both guys gave it their all. Submission attempts, slams, kicks, punches, grappling. Funky positions on the ground. Another one of Rampage’s friends goes down. The unknown Cincinnati Kid takes it all with a really smart game plan. Best fight of the first two episodes beside the outrageous knockout.)

6) Jeremy May vs. Matt Brown (Jeremy May acts like a jack— all season. His cardio is terrible. He appears that he may beat Matt Brown after all. But then the pain comes. And a sweet head kick KO.)

7) Daniel Cramer vs. Luke Zachrich (A fight where fatigue was a factor. Both of these guys deserve credit for taking a bunch of knees and nasty hits before Luke had zero energy left in him and let Daniel win.)

8) Cale Yarbrough vs. John Clarke (Excellent grappling match-up. Dropping seventeen pounds in one day can really affect your fighting ability.)

9) Tim Credeur vs. Erik Charles (Erik’s claim to being the fastest guy is debunked as Tim’s slick black belt jiu jitsu travels at rocket speed to successfully take Erik down and submit him within about thirty seconds. Great lessons to be taught from Tim’s technique.)

10) Brandon Sene vs. Dante Rivera (‘Twas a fine grappling match for a good chunk of it. Fights going to the third round avoid BS decisions. For the most part. Unfortunately this fight should have been a draw in round three and go to a fourth round. Oh well. It triggered Rampage flipping over s—.)

11) Patrick Schultz vs. Cale Yarbrough (Neither fighter knew what to do on the ground. A few strikes traded until Cale decides to take Patrick down halfway through the first round and continue to do so until the end of the fight.

12) Luke Zachrich vs. Patrick Schultz (Great technique by both fighters except with Patrick taking himself down despite having the under hooks.)

13) Prince McLean vs. Mike Dolce (An overall good match I s’pose. Striking and grappling proves both of them were very capable of making it into the house.)

14) Steve Byrnes vs. Amir Sadollah (A slow war of attrition before Amir pulls out the victory/the arm.)

15) Nick Rossborough vs. Jesse Taylor (There was a guy who somewhat resembled Slim Shady and possessed a Boston Rob accent. That’s about it.)

16) Jeremy May vs. Dave Roberts (Nothing noteworthy about this early bout. Rampage loses a dear friend.)

17) Mike Dolce vs. Jesse Taylor (Jesse could have finished the fight so much earlier. Or be more aggressive with his excellent position. Same goes for Dolce in the few instances when he had the dominating spot.)

Ninth episode

– Previously on TUF: Eight fighters have had their hands raised. Now it’s time for the quarter-finals. First off the raw power of Jesse Taylor versus the experienced ground game of Dante Rivera. And then get ready for the most anticipated (what about the finals?) fight of the competition: Matt Brown versus Amir Sadollah. Who has the strength to survive and become the ultimate fighter?

– Intro time. Patrick Schultz is terrible. Atrocious. Awful. Horrible. Weak. Bostonian. Sorry, trying to pass the time describing his ground game while the intro plays. I wonder if Chipper will be brought back? Someone is bound to get injured after the quarter-finals because it is their third fight in less than a month.

– Dana says on Friday because it is teammate versus teammate and all are Forrest’s guys that they need to figure out who will be cornered by Rampage. Just like with Serra they flip the coin. Forrest will corner Jesse and Amir. Rampage is happy to coach Dante and has nothing bad to say about Matt Brown. They’re still Team Brown Nose.

– Meat, sushi, and prawns all being consumed. Jesse is eating terrible. He still eats oreos and microwavable cheeseburgers. Tim tries to clue him into the food being garbage. Jesse says it tastes better if dipped in ranch. We are shown him eating a wide variety of foods and drinking alcohol. Luke concludes it must work.

– Training session. Dante says he has the jiu jitsu while Jesse has the wrestling. Stand-up could go either way. Rampage doesn’t think it is possible to get to know a fighter in two or three days so he opts to sleep on the mat instead. Dante trains with Juanito Ibarra. Forrest says Jesse will do what he wants to do and learned it a long time ago. Jesse is over 190 so he puts on the black plastic and plays ping pong all day. There is sweat all over the table. Jesse went below 185 from ping pong alone which is not normal. Then he urinates in the hot tub to lose even more weight. He jumps out and jumps back in. Pretty soon Dante goes into the hot tub too and nobody tells him. Dante does not find out until he does a confessional.

– Fight day. Jesse will be using his right hand. Dante will try his hardest to win 10k.

JESSE TAYLOR / TEMECULA, CALIFORNIA / 6-2
DANTE RIVERA / JACKSON, NEW JERSEY / 10-2

– Dana White switches up his speech for the first time in nine fights. It is the first quarter-final fight. Rosenthal our referee. Rampage is air guitaring again.

– They touch gloves. Circling. Dante misses a left which leads to Jesse swooping in and taking Dante down. Half mount for Jesse. Dante is holding Jesse close. Jesse gets in some extremely weak strikes. Jesse smothers before striking some more. He has Dante’s left arm. The arm is given up and a few more punches. They are annoying more than damaging. Jesse fires a few more before resting. Full guard. Jesse’s fingers are awfully close to poking Dante’s eyes. Jesse punches some more. Rosenthal says to work to advance position. No kidding. Jesse rests some more. Dante is looking for arms to grab onto. Neither of these guys are making much of an impression. Jesse stands and spins around to be upkicked before going in to Dante’s full guard. Jesse smothers. Dante’ jiu jitsu is overrated. End of round. Both stand up and appear to be in fine condition.

– They touch gloves. They run around. Jesse feints before taking Dante down. This takes me back to the heavyweights of TUF 2. Joy. I’ll check my Facebook. Log into my Tumblr. See how low this fight will rank. Ponder the meaning of life. Watch a clip from the Sister Act. Oh. Something is happening. Jesse is standing up over Dante and reigns down some punches. Rampage tells Dante to look for something. Dante nods. Dante is doing very little to put pressure on Jesse. Smothering. Hammer fists. Rosenthal warns that Jesse must advance position. He stands them up at 2:40. Dante misses an overhand left which Jesse ducks again and takes down Dante. Maybe Dante should try a kick next time. -_-. Full guard. No effort to submit from either fighter. Few punches thrown. Jesse stands up over Dante before going back into Dante’s guard. These two are too good of friends. I haven’t drank coffee in over three years but I might need it to not fall asleep through this fight. Half guard! OMG! Now back to full guard. Smother. Not a scratch on either fighter. End of round. Rampage wants one more round but Dante did not strike nor make an effort to do damage.

– Dana sums up the fight as Jesse holding down Dante on his back. Jesse wins by unanimous decision. Dante sits in the locker room. He didn’t expect Jesse would neutralize his guard. And that be all from Dante.

– House time. Chipper talks about Amir and Matt who are sitting together. Chipper thinks it will be a blood bath and it will be in record books. Amir prefers to fight his friends. He would rather lose to a friend than an enemy.

– Forrest training session. Forrest sums up Amir as having little confidence compared to no confidence. He vocalizes what every fighter has and Forrest says he is the only one sissy enough to vocalize it.

– Rampage is training with Matt. He uses a jousting stick straight out of American Gladiators to sparr with him. Rampage claims Matt has the fighting samurai spirit and was born to fight.

– Official weigh ins. Nick says Matt likes to be beat in the face and his technique gets better the more he is beat up. This isn’t a character from Mike Tyson’s Punchout, Nick. Cale says Amir’s Muay Thai is really good and both possess power that can end your career. Chipper predicts someone will leave in a body bag. That will look bad for the UFC. John McCain would have a field day if that were to occur.

– Fight day. Matt says there is no game plan. They will stand and bang. Both are in their respective locker rooms. Matt Brown wins because he is the only one who has been given any sort of edit besides Chipper and Jeremy all season?

AMIR SADOLLAH / RICHMOND, VIRGINIA / 0-0
MATT BROWN / CINCINNATI, OHIO / 9-6

– Rosenthal is our referee. Big paycheque bump from his WEC days. They do not touch gloves. A few feints from Amir. Matt comes in with punches that are blocked and a swift body kick. Amir misses a kick. Matt comes in with hard punches that are blocked. A couple more kicks and a punch. Amir fools around with blocked kicks of his own. They clinch. Matt knees the thigh. Amir clinches Matt against the cage. Amir knees the body. So does Matt. Amir punches. Matt looks to trip but Amir defends for thirty seconds. Matt manipulates Amir further but Amir is still standing. An elbow from Matt. A knee. A few more punches to the head of Amir. They trade. Amir leg kicks and head kicks. Amir misses a head kick. Matt comes in with a punching combo that is blocked. They clinch. Both fire knees to the body. Amir is against the cage. This could be a finals fight, really. Both are excellent at defending and taking opportunities to strike. Amir feints. Matt bullrushes but Amir blocks every strike. Matt uppercuts and misses. Amir lands a body jab. A straight left. Matt connects with a straight right and a leg kick that almost drops Matt but Matt keeps his balance. They clinch. Amir against the cage. They trade knees. They break and trade punches. Amir goes on the offensive. Matt’s punches have a really good rotation on them. Matt takes down Amir and rolls him around until they are in a standing position against the cage. Foot stomps from Amir. End of round.

– Amir leg kicks until Matt charges in and unleashes the fury. Amir lands a straight left that sends Matt running back. Matt initiates a superman kick. For real. It somewhat connects. Amir punches, kicks, then knees in a clinch. Matt tightens the clinch. Amir is controlling Matt’s body. Matt has Amir’s back. Matt knees Amir in the face. Amir kicks Matt in the face. Matt misses a head kick. Matt fires off another combo. Amir feints a combo. Matt holds Amir’s face to punch him. They clinch. Amir knees then traps Matt. Full guard. Matt has a high triangle that forces Amir to stand up and adjust his position. Amir wants the full mount really bad. Amir is so close and finally has it but Matt is holding onto him so tightly. Elbows and punches from Amir. Amir is up on his feet but is squatting over Matt to punch him. Matt pushes him off temporarily but Amir comes in to get full mount. Matt bucks to send Amir to the side but Amir still finds a way to strike with punches and elbows. Matt seems perplexed. Amir is squeezing Matt’s body. Matt clinches Amir and nearly has an arm trapped. Matt flips himself over using the cage and is suddenly in Amir’s high triangle. Amir has an arm. Matt uses his strength to pick Amir up and slam him. Amir’s triangle is really tight. Matt taps. Amir kisses him afterwards and stands up to do a spinning dance.

– Fight recap. Both fired big punches and knees. Amir’s chin was awesome. Amir’s knee to the body in the first round made Matt visibly and audibly wince. Matt says Amir was a warrior.

– So Amir wins. Best case scenario because neither of them are too hurt. Amir says it came down to whoever was better that day. You don’t say. My Matt prediction seems stupid now. Matt is not disappointed and is proud of Amir. There was nothing to be ashamed of.

– Next time on TUF: Jeremy May tries to get rid of Jesse Taylor. Then in the second half of the quarterfinals co-habitation breathes contempt as CB gets a crack at Cale. And it’s an all out brawl between Tim and Dan. Plus the semi-finals are announced.

MIDDLEWEIGHTS

TEAM RAMPAGE

BRANDON SENE 0
CB DOLLAWAY 0
DANIEL CRAMER 0
GERALD HARRIS 0
JEREMY MAY 0
MATTHEW RIDDLE 1
MIKE DOLCE 0
PATRICK SCHULTZ 0

TEAM FORREST

AMIR SADOLLAH 10
CALE YARBROUGH 1
DANTE RIVERA 5
JESSE TAYLOR 4
LUKE ZACHRICH 2
MATT BROWN 8
NICK KLEIN 1
TIM CREDEUR 3

Rank the fights
—-

1) Dan Simmler vs. Matthew Riddle (Guys? What happened? Which episode are we on? Did these two fight? I can’t remember if they fought. They didn’t fight? Was it an amateur bout? Was it real? F— you, Rampage tell me what happened!)

2) Amir Sadollah vs. Matt Brown (Rock em sock em robots in the octagon. Both have excellent chins. I have never seen fighters survive so many doggone knees. The ground game was highly technical prior to Amir locking on the submission.)

3) Matthew Riddle vs. Tim Credeur (The pace was great. There was some decent striking. Excellent back and forth on the ground. No idea who would win either. Tim pulled out the submission with only 50 seconds left in the fight to avoid a Cecil Peoples scorecard. Awesome.)

4) Gerald Harris vs. Amir Sadollah (Gerald engineers the biggest slams ever seen on TUF. Sure there was a bit too much holding but Amir’s striking and scrambling that concludes with a KO by a knee to the chin makes this fight worth viewing again and again.)

5) CB Dollaway vs. Nick Klein (Numerous sweeps and submission attempts. Striking on the feet. It’s too bad Nick tapped out so quickly at the end.)

6) Josh Hall vs. Matt Brown (An incredible pace. Both guys gave it their all. Submission attempts, slams, kicks, punches, grappling. Funky positions on the ground. Another one of Rampage’s friends goes down. The unknown Cincinnati Kid takes it all with a really smart game plan. Best fight of the first two episodes beside the outrageous knockout.)

7) Jeremy May vs. Matt Brown (Jeremy May acts like a jack— all season. His cardio is terrible. He appears that he may beat Matt Brown after all. But then the pain comes. And a sweet head kick KO.)

8) Daniel Cramer vs. Luke Zachrich (A fight where fatigue was a factor. Both of these guys deserve credit for taking a bunch of knees and nasty hits before Luke had zero energy left in him and let Daniel win.)

9) Cale Yarbrough vs. John Clarke (Excellent grappling match-up. Dropping seventeen pounds in one day can really affect your fighting ability.)

10) Tim Credeur vs. Erik Charles (Erik’s claim to being the fastest guy is debunked as Tim’s slick black belt jiu jitsu travels at rocket speed to successfully take Erik down and submit him within about thirty seconds. Great lessons to be taught from Tim’s technique.)

11) Brandon Sene vs. Dante Rivera (‘Twas a fine grappling match for a good chunk of it. Fights going to the third round avoid BS decisions. For the most part. Unfortunately this fight should have been a draw in round three and go to a fourth round. Oh well. It triggered Rampage flipping over s—.)

12) Patrick Schultz vs. Cale Yarbrough (Neither fighter knew what to do on the ground. A few strikes traded until Cale decides to take Patrick down halfway through the first round and continue to do so until the end of the fight.

13) Luke Zachrich vs. Patrick Schultz (Great technique by both fighters except with Patrick taking himself down despite having the under hooks.)

14) Prince McLean vs. Mike Dolce (An overall good match I s’pose. Striking and grappling proves both of them were very capable of making it into the house.)

15) Steve Byrnes vs. Amir Sadollah (A slow war of attrition before Amir pulls out the victory/the arm.)

16) Nick Rossborough vs. Jesse Taylor (There was a guy who somewhat resembled Slim Shady and possessed a Boston Rob accent. That’s about it.)

17) Jeremy May vs. Dave Roberts (Nothing noteworthy about this early bout. Rampage loses a dear friend.)

18) Mike Dolce vs. Jesse Taylor (Jesse could have finished the fight so much earlier. Or be more aggressive with his excellent position. Same goes for Dolce in the few instances when he had the dominating spot.)

19) Dante Rivera vs. Jesse Taylor (Jesse’s third showing and my goodness it is worse than ever. Snoozer. Heavyweight fights in TUF 2 have more action than a Jesse fight.)

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