TAR 7 episode 7 ranking

Seventh leg

Previously on TAR: Teams raced from Buenos Aires to Johannesburg, South Africa. Ray & Deana took a terrifying Fast Forward and beat Romber to the punch. On the detour a devastating detour set Gretchen back but it didn’t break her spirit. Uchenna & Joyce got emotional at an orphanage. Bruised and battered Meredith & Gretchen finished last. However they were saved and started the next leg with no money and no bags. Once in Botswana teams sped across the African bush. Brian & Greg lost control. Lynn & Alex stopped to help but Romber drove right by. Ray & Deana bickered at the detour. While the brothers snuck up from behind. At the pit stop it was a foot race to the finish with Ray & Deana narrowly defeated. With six teams left who will be eliminated. . .next?

– Intro time.

– Phil introduces to Botswana. An African nation where kids apparently wear short skirts. It’s home to part of the Kalihari Desert. Isn’t that the name of a track from Mario Kart 64? The Majfdhjfdhjhfdjki Pans reminiscent of the surface of the moon was the pit stop in a race “around” the world. Teams arrived here at the end of the last leg where they would spend the night on the cots. Despite their first place finish will Ron & Kelly’s relationship withstand the challenges ahead and will brothers Brian & Greg remain in last place or will their determination move them closer to the front of the pack?

– Ron & Kelly who arrived at an unspecified time in broad daylight will depart at 529am. My guess is that running through the bush in the middle of the night is extremely unwise given the wildlife that production would have to protect them from. Clue directs them 148 miles to Sankuyo Village where a water tower in the town holds their next clue.

– KELLY: Last night I was reading the ‘love’ chapter in the Bible. Every time I read a line I substituted the word ‘love’ for ‘Kelly’ so it read “Kelly is kind”, “Kelly is patient”.

Long pit stop? Every time I read the Bible I substitute every fifth word with ‘poop’. Kelly is kind Kelly poop patient. See? I can do random s— too when on The Amazing Race.

– Ron says he has not put much thought to their relationship because there has not been much time to think about it and because they have rarely fought so far.

KELLY: We’ll go this way.
RON: Rodger that.

-_-

Ron’s Military Count: 8.5

– Romber are next at 543am. So much for their highly edited foot race with Ron & Kelly last episode. They are getting along fine. Rob says the gloves are off and how they have no friends left. He thinks Botswana is beautiful. They see a marker. Apparently they just follow markers for the whole leg. Again. Uchenna & Joyce check out. They jog a little. Uchenna is speechless to be here in Africa.

UCHENNA: My father is a native Nigerian. There’s nothing like putting your feet on soil that your ancestors actually are from.

Yes, the same soil except 900 miles southeast of Nigeria. No biggie smalls, right?

– They pull off the strategy of following the markers. Iceland is harder to navigate than this. Lynn & Alex are next. Alex says that he plays the game different. Other teams bicker while Alex says they get along and are sneaky. Unfortunately, Romber, Uchenna & Joyce, Ron & Kelly, Meredith & Gretchen, and Brian & Greg have all claimed since the start of the season that they rarely bicker. So much for your theory, Alex.

– Gretchen is happy to be alive and happy to have beaten some of the competition along the way. It’s a beautiful morning.

BRIAN: Big bucks big bucks no whammies–you have eighty-five bucks for this leg of the race.

So Brian & Greg depart at 622am. Less than an hour behind first place Ron & Kelly. Brian smells and sees the fresh tracks on the ground. I am surprised Brian is still driving considered he crashed a similar car on this very terrain only yesterday.

BRIAN: I see the dirt hasn’t settled very long. The old wise bushmen from the other leg taught me how to read tracks. We have a sunrise G. I’ve seen so many sunrises with you.
GREG: It’s amazing. We should be dating.

– Ron & Kelly are at the lone junction. Kelly does not know where to go so they just pick a direction and go with it.

Classic case of ostrich on road. Ten bucks if you run him over, Rob.

– Romber discusses how lucky they are and trying to remember everything because this African safari and everything else on the race is special. Lynn & Alex pass Uchenna & Joyce on the road. Surprisingly the road is paved. First paved road in about forty minutes of TAR. Uchenna points out how Lynn passed them like they were driving still. Lynn & Alex go through a cow crossing on the road. One hundred years ago there would be Game as opposed to cows. No wonder there’s no more grass in the bush anymore. Uchenna honks the cow off the road. Meredith & Gretchen stop at a water tower, but Gretchen reads that the water tower is past the city of Maun which they have yet to do. They look for a marker to confirm their beliefs and indeed an arrow appears. I hate how much arrows have influenced the outcome of the past 1 1/2 legs.

– Ron drives through a puddle of water and is four wheeling it through. On the other side is the water tower. Detour time. Carry It or Milk It. In Carry It, teams balance three items on their head one at a time. A plate of corn, a bucket of water, and some firewood. If an item falls they go back to the start. Once all three items have been balanced successfully across the seventy yard stretch they will receive their next clue. They cannot use their hands either. In Milk It, teams choose goats from a pen and tie them up. Milk them until they fill the ten ounce cup with milk. Ron & Kelly choose to milk it but then change their mind to carrying it. They try to carry the water bucket but Kelly can’t do it. Ron is further ahead than Kelly.

RON: You do ballet you should know how to do this.
KELLY: I don’t balance buckets on my head and do pirouettes.
RON: We have to milk goats because ballet girl can’t balance a bucket on her head.

To be fair this is a ballet act. The viewers are disappointed to see their free tickets to watch The Bucketcracker has gone to waste so soon.

– Romber choose to Milk It. Brian & Greg exit their car and are searching the water tower they found earlier.

GREG: Your next clue is under the water tower.

Under a water tower.

Don’t worry. Prepositions can be tricky. You’re not the only one.

– Brian & Greg eventually give up and think that there could be more than one water tower. Ya think? Ron & Kelly tie up several goats. Romber joins them but then switches to balance the stuff. The locals laugh at Rob failing. They give up and switch to the goats. Kelly insists for Ron to hurry. Ron retorts by pointing out they wouldn’t be in this position if she could balance a bucket on her head. Ron thinks it will take forever. Meredith & Gretchen watch for animals. Alex loves the car and wishes they could be in LA. Brian & Greg promise they won’t quit and give up. Ron says he knows how to use the nipple. Amber finds a cooperative goat and Rob believes the other goat is jealous. Lynn & Alex, Uchenna & Joyce, and Meredith & Gretchen all get to the detour simultaneously.

I don’t think the next Ice Age will be coming for a long time before you catch a snowflake.

– ROB: Baby you got the technique down. That’s it baby. Here it comes. Best teets so far.

I swear it’s the last obscene reference I will make for a couple episodes.

– Uchenna has an easy time with the dish of corn. Alex coaches himself saying it is just like modeling. However Lynn & Alex’s load keeps falling while Uchenna & Joyce complete the corn quickly.

LYNN: Let’s do the goats because Uchenna & Joyce were born to do this.

Born? Heh.

– KELLY: Ron is being a drill sergeant. He doesn’t realize he’s adding more frustration to me.

Military Ron Count: 9.5

– Lynn & Alex cuss out the goats like they are children. Uchenna tells Joyce to ‘feel’ the bucket and not concentrate on the teams as he finishes carrying the bucket. Meredith & Gretchen are taking their sweet little time milking a goat. Romber hands their cup to the judge and it is a little under. Ron & Kelly are next and are approved by being given the next clue. Drive yourselves along the marked route to the Khwai River. Kelly is upset that Ron didn’t let her take over and milk the goat for a bit. He is annoyed and said she could have done it in the first place if she wanted.

– Romber is done. Alex expresses his dismay at a team that arrived before them finishing before them as well. Joyce is done the bucket. Both of them do the firewood and are done. Uchenna opens the door for Joyce. Uchenna says his African roots from his father’s village where they did the same thing kicked in. Alex has a new appreciation for goat’s cheese but no newfound appreciation for goat’s milk. Gretchen threatens Meredith if he spills a drip of the cup when handing it over to the judge. He avoids doing so and receives the clue.

GRETCHEN: Where is it Meredith?
MEREDITH: I don’t know where the Khwai is!

They skipped over the part that said ‘marked route’ in their clue.

– Meredith & Gretchen quickly ask for directions and are given a single direction of turning right. Good enough.

LYNN: How many gay guys does it take to milk a goat?

Not enough to take a single eye off Boston Rob.

– Lynn & Alex are done. Brian & Greg, our lovely analytical thinkers, arrive to do the detour and choose goats. Brian wants it to take it home and pour it onto his Frosted Flakes or Cheerios. Ron comments on how amazing the wildlife is around them. We see giraffes. Amber explains the difference between her and Rob and Ron and Kelly is that her and Rob used teamwork while Kelly did nothing. Rob chimes in that Kelly didn’t want to get her pretty little hands dirty. While “his girl” got in there and got it done.

– Meredith & Gretchen continue driving through the bush. They have not seen a flag. Lynn & Alex drive until the car suddenly craps out in the middle of nowhere. Lynn calls for the replacement car. They get inside. Brian & Greg aren’t even done the detour after a replacement car drives all the way out to Lynn & Alex in the bush. In fact it is treated like the car was two seconds away. Brian must have wasted a ton of time climbing up the water tower.

– The two leading teams of Ron & Kelly and Romber comment inside their cars on the elephant they see prior to the clue box. Ron & Kelly are out of the vehicle and grab the clue from the box. Rob is in the same frame as he is only three to four seconds behind. It’s a roadblock. In this roadblock teams will head back into their car as the driver will go through several puddles of crocodile infested water in the river. After that they will continue into the bush where they must choose one of six paths. Choose a marking post and drive onwards to remove logs laying in their way. From there they will drive to their next clue. Ron and Rob are doing it.

– The cars are filled with water. Joyce is excited to see a zebra. Uchenna is doing the roadblock and nearly gets stuck in the first water crossing. Gretchen is happy to see an elephant. Meredith finds the clue box and figures out it must involve driving so he volunteers immediately without letting Gretchen have input.

– Lynn clips a few branches on the road. He is at the roadblock and reads the hint. Alex impulsively wants to do it. Lynn asks if he’s sure because Lynn is certain it involves driving. Alex wants to do it because he has done nothing for three rounds. Alex is pissed to find out it’s a task that involves stick shift. Brian & Greg are done the detour. They appear to be very far behind. Ron and Rob have both removed posts. Rob has snuck into the lead. Ron and Rob have each done a log. Uchenna is next to the logs. Rob has started the second log. Uchenna has the first log done.  Meredith & Gretchen are in awe of giraffes.

– Lynn coaches Alex on how to drive a stick shift. Brian & Greg contemplate ramming the elephants and mock them. Brian wishes they would have blown their trunks at them. Rob is done both logs and done the roadblock. Clue is picked up. Drive to next pit stop nine miles away to Khwai River Lodge. Ron is done the task as well.

KELLY: They got the clue.
RON: Kelly. . .chill for a minute
*Ron back in car*
KELLY: I have nothing to say to you now. What you just said to me was absolutely rude.
RON: Huh?
*Ron reads clue*
KELLY: You need a new attitude.
RON: So what’d I say to you? I don’t even remember what I said.
KELLY: You said shut the f up.
RON: No I did not.
KELLY: Yeah you did.
RON: I don’t think I really said shut the f up.
KELLY: You’ve been acting like a jerk to me all day today. You’re a piece of trash redneck.

Kelly. . .shut the f up.

KELLY: So just chill, Logan?

Yeah. Just chill. Now let me get my blog out of the way for you. . .

– Uchenna is done the task. He grabs the clue and Joyce stands outside the driver’s window to read it. Meredith grabs a post and is ready to remove a log. He almost rammed into the log thinking you had to push it out of the way rather than attach a carabineer and pull it.

Babe jumps out in front of Lynn’s car as part of an appearance fee on TAR. Dang that pig is on the celebrity D-List. He has fallen so far out of fame. I heard he’s going to be on the next season of Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Being a child star just isn’t easy.

– Alex manages to run over a stick and has a flat tire. He has to change it himself.

BRIAN: I hope the roadblock is a manly stunt and isn’t one of those sissy tasks like milking goats or balancing things on your head. Those are for the farmer ladies who do it.

And that is why I have to hear people whine all the time that an all-female team has to win TAR. >_>

– Rob is afraid of the road. Amber loves the giraffe’s tail. Rob thinks he has seen every animal in Africa today. Both of them giggle incessantly. Kelly has an interesting pose here.

KELLY: Let this be a record I didn’t point out everything Ron did wrong today. But Ron pointed out everything I did wrong.

Shut the chill up, Kelly. Also. . .
.
.
.
.
rondidwrongrondidwrongwrongdidronwrong. Dammit! You say it ten times fast. Go. Sound crew blended into the shot by attaching his arm to Kelly’s left shoulder. Neat.

– Ron isn’t impressed that he was the victim of a classic case of using the camera operator to get back at your partner. The last person to use it effectively was Adam from last season. And Colin the season before that. Uchenna shrieks that there is an elephant and quotes the title for the episode. Meredith completes removing the legs. The second replacement vehicle of the afternoon arrives for Lynn & Alex. Lynn speculates if they will wreck a third car. Yet again a replacement car is brought to them without Brian & Greg having a chance to do the roadblock yet.

– Romber and Ron & Kelly find the pit stop. Rob hears their car and insists Ambuh to run. Romber are team number one. They win a trip to Monte Carlo. Really? Five out of seven legs have had a prize, and all three of Romber’s first place finishes have been awarded? I am indeed suspicious if the sponsours only wanted to award a Romber victory to boost their product somehow. They’ll get to see a scene from Iron Man 2. Ron & Kelly hit the pit stop for second. Ron says that they finally started to argue on the race. Kelly believes their arguing prevents her from feeling close to him. Kelly says she is putting the Lord first.

– Uchenna & Joyce excitedly enter the mat in third. Phil says that they are third but they did not complete the roadblock correctly. They have to go back and finish it.

My reaction too. I didn’t catch what they did wrong either. Maybe they did not remove the post from when they chose their lane?

– They mill over what they did wrong as they go back to the roadblock. Uchenna understands what he did wrong when Joyce reads the clue over. They know that this could be costly to their race. Indeed Uchenna did not “take the freakin post”. So Joyce prays to god for a blessing. Lynn guides Alex through pulling the logs and removing the post. Alex is done the first log. Brian & Greg are at the roadblock. It’s Greg’s turn so he goes into the driver’s seat. Brian concedes Greg should have been driving the whole race. Maybe he wouldn’t have crashed the car, either.

– Uchenna grabs the post and they are driving back to the pit stop. Meredith is looking down reading the clue as Gretchen looks out in the distance and misses the clue. Uchenna & Joyce return to the pit stop. Both of them are stoked to be three regardless of their reading incomprehension.

AFRICA!!!

Uchenna when he won a martial arts match.

– Meredith & Gretchen go into the pit stop. Gretchen knows they missed a clue but Meredith says no clue appeared so it must be right. They check into the pit stop anyway. Phil says they were the fourth team to arrive.

PHIL: Meredith & Gretchen. . .you are the fourth team to arrive. Now how did you guys know to come here?
GRETCHEN: We just followed the markers.

How many times can a team check into the pit stop without knowing where it is in the first place? And combining the final task with the pit stop doesn’t count. Like the time when Derek & Drew followed the cyclone arrows to the pit stop despite not doing the roadblock. This is different. A team essentially traveled blind from the roadblock to the pit stop not because they knew the location but entirely by markers along a nine mile stretch.

TAR production dropped the ball.

– Phil tells them to go back and get their clue. Apparently the only real task is reading comprehension this leg and three teams have managed to screw up the sole area where there is room to do so. TAR 6 has been promoted for the time being for smarter gameplay. Lynn coaches Alex through the second log and Alex gets the clue. Lynn is back in the driver’s seat and congratulates Alex on doing something that he knew was difficult for him.

BRIAN: Gregory Michael Smith you move those logs!

Brian misses his mommy, Brian misses his mommy!

– Greg is done the first log. Alex worries about not seeing the brothers. They prepare for the possible chance of it being a non-elimination so Alex puts on a bunch of his clothes. Lynn asks Alex to put on his underwear as a headband. Yes folks, this is where teams at the back of the pack start entering the pit stop in a ridiculous fashion as a smart play to not be absolutely crippled by the new penalty.

PHIL: Lynn & Alex. . .you’re team number four.

LYNN: WHAT?!
ALEX: WHAT?!

Why the face? You mean I put on pants, shorts, sweater, and a shirt in the 140 degree heat for nothing? Yay?

PHIL: The fashion police is going to arrest you.

– Meredith grabs the clue. Gretchen wants to read it but Meredith points out how stupid it is because they know how to get there after being there once. TAR 6 is once again demoted. I never noticed this but I thought it was worth a screen cap. . .

Why is Brian running behind the car? It’s never explained.

– They know they are dead last. Brian has a plan to put on his swimsuit and dare Phil to not eliminate them. Don’t they know that Meredith & Gretchen could have screwed up and that they can beat them in a foot race? Guess not. Meredith & Gretchen are initially lost on the road they already traveled but do indeed check back in fifth. Gretchen says they’re the energizer bunny. Brian & Greg check into the pit stop.

How did Brian get Colby Donaldson’s toque from Survivor: Australian Outback?

colby hat

 

Brian & Greg shake the hands of the greeter.

 

Phil breaks out in laughter. He has to take a second to keep it together before Philiminating Brian & Greg. Unfortunately it’s not a non-elimination and they’re out. Brian’s dare didn’t work. Greg was happy they went out in style.

Then they jump into a pool of water and are never heard from again.

Next time on TAR: Ron & Kelly’s bickering continues. Meredith & Gretchen get a standing ovation.

Team confessionals

Romber 5.5
Uchenna & Joyce 4.4
Brian & Greg 5.6
Lynn & Alex 3.4
Meredith & Gretchen 0.4
Ron & Kelly 7.8

Team averages

12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8

9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
7th Ray & Deana – FF
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
6th Brian & Greg 4.71
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38

Rank the Teams

6) Megan & Heidi

They’re blonde. They like alpha males. Heidi drove 70 in a 50 zone. Drove on the wrong side of the road. However both of them knew how to drive a stick shift which instantly trumps previous best friends to be cast in Meredith & Maria. Their fondness of shopping cost them the race. You need to check your first world tendencies at the door when you go onto the race. I do applaud them for a couple of ‘Wtf’ quotes in two short episodes. Their failed showmance with Brian & Greg was lawlzy.

I’m still crying from them losing in a foot race to their newfound loves. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

5) Ray & Deana

Deana is fairly bland. Extremely bland for anybody who has been on the race. But Ray? That’s a different story. People on YouTube were comparing Ray to Jonathan from TAR 6. I see nothing in common between them except that Ray tries to guide Deana. However by that definition every couple in the history of TAR would be similar to Jonathan. What makes Ray special? His squirrel face right before the last commercial of leg six.

But seriously, he takes part in the most one-sided rivalry in the history of TAR. His rivalry? With the oldest and nicest couple in the race.

MEREDITH: Hey Ray, is all well? You wanna hang out at my cabin after the race. We have fish, you and Deana can use our hot tub, and we have a spare room.
RAY: Yeah, sure.

RAY (confessional): This is all a ploy so I can get free food and board then when the man is weak from giving me everything he has, he’ll be so worn out from his hospitality that I can beat him at checkers! It will be sweet. It’s like getting rid of Jafar’s lamp! Or tricking Biff into a pile of cow manure! I’ve been working at this for a very very long time.

The best part? Ray’s one-sided rivals and the weakest ones he could have picked as a rivalry beat him in the race.  After six episodes the couple who has yet to finish above fifth and only had twenty bucks to their name with zero items defeats Ray.

Way to f—ing go, Ray.

4) Ryan & Chuck

Hillbillies who can speak Portuguese and are taken straight out of the Barenstein Bears books. Luckily none of them had a drinking problem like Papa Bear or anorexia like Sister Bear. I understood what they said a bit more than Tom Buchanan which is a plus. They are the heaviest racers in the show’s history if I do declare.

3) Susan & Patrick

Besides Adam & Rebecca, TAR needed a mother-son team that had a stereotypical  spoiled mother’s boy-mother dynamic. Susan was rational, calm, and optimistic while Patrick was whiny and complained about everything. Hilarious jokes were there to be told the whole time. It was about time TAR broke this barrier.

2) Debbie & Bianca

A team that went on and on about being an all-female team. . .but was actually interesting overall. Both were insanely competitive and worked hard with weaker teams. Bianca’s fluent Spanish propelled them to the front of the pack combined with Debbie’s guts (including the ones she just ate) made them a tough team to beat. However, an unnecessary lie to POW Ron made themselves a target from Romber’s antics. Mix in poor independent map reading and you have a strong team taking an early and disappointing exit from TAR. The Gina Crews of TAR, perhaps.

1) Brian & Greg

Funniest team ever to run the race. Nobody has been so bold as to intentionally screw themselves over if it was a non-elimination. No other team has been last to a pit stop but beat a team to the mat itself in two separate legs.

Rank the Legs

1) Santiago -> Mendoza (One equalizer at the very beginning of the leg at a reasonable time of day. Teams previously on the bottom rose to the top much like the transition of leg four in TAR 3. Unprecedented quitting of the roadblock is a highlight of the series. That’s not even considering the fact that THREE teams quit the task too. What’s even more bizarre is that all three teams weren’t even close to the danger of being eliminated. Romber stealing cabs and Debbie interpreting a map she wasn’t even on makes it a very smooth and unpredictable TAR episode. Good job in the format, production.

2) The LBC where it’s hard being Snoop D O double G -> Cusco (Only because it was the most refreshing episode to see in over a season. The TAR 6 nightmare was officially over.)

3) Buenos Aires -> Johannesburg (We head to a new continent at just the right time. Leaderboard is greatly shaken up as teams have only one equalizer at the start before having to drive their own way for about a ten hour day in the suburbs and city of Johannesburg. The orphanage is a highlight. Gretchen getting stitches is a highlight. Ray & Deana taking part in the scariest task that was taken straight out of The Simpsons on the wobbly volcano bridge for a Japanese game show was another highlight. Brian & Greg being hilarious from start to finish. And a non-elimination penalty that the last place team can finally now dread being last? This leg really stands out for being a mid-season non-elimination.)

4) Johannesburg -> Maghakfjdkjsfdjfhddki Pans (This was an unusual leg. It was part of a two hour episode where the Soweto leg was 46 minutes while this one clocked in at 39 minutes. Significant difference. TAR turns into National Geographic as Botswana is portrayed as composed entirely of bushmen. How other’ing of them. The route markers were pretty much just ‘follow the flags’ to your next task making it impossible for teams to get lost. There were only two tasks and both appeared to take a total of 45 minutes to complete. Lynn & Alex’s obsession was more annoying and biased than it was enjoyable. Brian & Greg’s carwreck is a series first and their ability to rally from behind at the pit stop itself in a foot race for the second time this season is a ridiculous feat. It sent Ray & Deana home who had worn out their welcome by this point. Well, not as much as Ray & Deana had worn out their welcome. This leg also featured Meredith & Gretchen rallying from no money and no bags to arriving in fifth for their best finish yet. The audience rejoices.)

5) Cusco -> Santiago (Too few tasks in Santiago. I wish there was perhaps one more task to even things out. Lynn arguing over a rigged scale, Gretchen ‘OOOOing’ at every little event, and a foot race where the team I was rooting for hit the mat first makes this a quality episode. Plus the irony of Debbie & Bianca being nauseous that another team lied.)

6) Mendoza -> Vincente Cesares (This leg just didn’t quite have the magic that the other legs had. Lynn & Alex reinforce obsession with Romber, Ray obsesses with old wrinkly people, and the last few minutes of the episode is so rushed it throws you for a loop. Not a bad episode by any means though.)

7) The Pans -> Khwai River Lodge (You know a leg sucks when the majority of the footage is inside a car. And a roadblock is performed inside a car. And a team broke a car twice. No change of scenery from the previous leg to make it forgettable. Highlights are limited to two teams being turned away, Lynn & Alex’s car troubles that I have already mentioned, and Brian & Greg entering the pit stop in swimsuits praying that it’s a non-elimination and they’re stuck without a shirt for the rest of the race. It’s as bare bones as the race gets.)

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