TAR 7 episode 4 ranking

Fourth episode

Previously on TAR: Nine teams raced from Santiago, Chile to Mendoza, Argentina. Romber stole Debbie & Bianca’s cab for no apparent reason during a night time equalizer and wasted a bunch of money. But Debbie & Bianca’s problems were just beginning as they could not distinguish mountains from ocean until it was too late. Teams enjoyed a breathtaking drive through the Andes. On the detour Brian & Greg lost momentum while the competition paddled past. At the roadblock, Uchenna screamed like Chewbacca.

AHHHH! Why is my right cheek expanding?! It’s not a tumour!

– A roadblock challenged teams to eat FOUR pounds of meat. Rob struggled. And rolled the dice that other teams would take the four hour penalty. Patrick wanted to give up (and did in behind-the-scenes footage) while Debbie gorged to the finish. But in the end it wasn’t enough. Eight teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?

– Intro time. All-male friends followed by two all-female friends have been eliminated to start out the season for the second time in a row. If trend continues the old couple shall be eliminated.

– Phil introduces us to Mendoza which is a lush farm community in western Argentina. On the outskirts of the city is San Istanzia Premaportabellowhateverthe heck it is. It was the third pit stop in a race “around” the world. Can Susan & Patrick find a way to climb out of last place? And will Romber’s unorthodox strategies continue to alienate the other teams? And is Phil aware that two out of three questions have been regarding Rob & Amber?

– Lynn & Alex, who arrived first at 349pm, will depart at 349am. Drive yourselves 25 miles to the small town of La Lunta and find the Cabana La Guantana Ranch. Lynn talks about how they beat Rob & Amber. Alex also chimes in about how they beat Rob & Amber and are determined to keep their advantage. Uchenna & Joyce must have been really lost on an eight mile drive because they are eighteen minutes behind Lynn & Alex. I think Debbie was able to find the pit stop faster than you guys. Uchenna likes being in second place and that supporting each other and firing at all pistons will keep them ahead.

LYNN: Hopefully we can get on a plane and really secure our lead. That’s where the great divide is. *HONK* I’ll run you off the road bee-otch.

– Brian & Greg and Ron & Kelly depart simultaneously at 455am.

RON: Kelly and I don’t have a long term alliance with anyone at all. Coming from MILITARY you’re used to being able to trust people but this is completely different because you can’t trust anyone.

Editing crew only allowed a streak of thirteen words before Ron uttered the M-word.

Military Ron Count: 4.5.

And nine teams remain. This is going to be a long season with them if they are not eliminated soon.

– Brian & Greg follow Ron & Kelly in an envoy. Greg feels great they went from last to third. They are confident they can cross the finish line in first. Their mission today is them repeating that they will make no mistakes. Fortunately you need that mission locked down because this isn’t a bunch of TAR 6 minor leaguers.

– Lynn & Alex get to the stable. It’s six o’ clock in the morning and opens at 630am. Only a thirty minute wait which is not serious given the huge spread between teams. Uchenna & Joyce pull over at a gas station for directions.

**Flashback to episode two**

RON: Do you know where we’re going?
KELLY: I don’t know. I don’t read Spanish.
RON: You need to be navigating while I’m carrying the books.

**Back to current episode**

KELLY: What did that sign say? Do you know where we’re going?
RON: I don’t read Spanish.
KELLY: You’re supposed to be navigating while I’m driving.

50/50 does not exist in Ron & Kelly’s relationship.

– Beauty music plays. Brian comments on the mountainous beauty. Lynn & Alex enter the stables alone at 630am.

ALEX: Looks like it’ll be horses.
LYNN: Roadblock–Who’s ready to horse around?

Phil says that in this roadblock players will participate in a traditional gaucho challenge. They will weave in and out of barrels along a course until they reach the end where they will spear the ring and come back.

Smiley.

If they can do it in forty seconds or less, a competitive time for an Argentine cowboy, they will receive their next clue. Alex is doing the roadblock because he has rode a horse. He comments on how pretty his helmet is before he gets on the horse.

– Romber check out of the pit stop at 659am. He asks if they can take someone else’s car that has more gas in it. Amber says that it would be breaking a race rule.

Plus they already tried it.

– Rob understands he took a penalty but he likes to be under pressure because it makes him do better. Since when being in the middle of the pack is a pressure position is unknown to me. Uchenna & Joyce get to the roadblock. Joyce has rode a horse. She asks for a nice horse. The gaucho appoints the ‘nice one’ for her. Lynn tells Alex to do hard kicks and use a deep voice. Alex does it in forty-one seconds on his first attempt.

ME: On a chalkboard? And it’s an integer? That’s real scientific. Why is there no timer?
GAUCHO: We’ve got a system.
ME: Really? What system would that be?
GAUCHO: One Mississippi Two Mississippi. . .

– Alex tries it again. Joyce’s horse is acting all crazy and falls off. She acts if she can pick another horse but the Gaucho Nazi says no.

Memories of Christopher Reeves flashes before her eyes.

– Alex clocks in at 39. Teams must now fly on one of two flights to Buenos Aires. The first departs from Mendoza at 930am. The other at 230pm. Five hour separation? Yikes, Scoob! When they land they will travel by taxi to the English Clock Tower where a man who looks like Antonio Banderas will give them their next clue. Lynn comments on how crazy Joyce’s horse is. The horse bucks Joyce off again.

The real question is how did the horse NOT trample over Joyce?

– Ron & Kelly find South Gate. Brian & Greg continue driving past it and stay on the highway. Greg says they should go south gate but Brian convinces him to run this out for a bit. Ron & Kelly are right as they are next to the roadblock. Kelly gets to ride a horse while Ron states that he had to eat crap. He specifically tells the gauchos this. Joyce succeeds on her next time and celebrates on the horse. During her celebration the horse hops all around and Joyce freaks out. Lesson is that the horse is easily excitable. Joyce clocked in at 37 seconds for the record. She is excited to head to Buenos Aires.

– Romber admit they are lost on the road for the first time all race.

ROB: We literally have no clue.

But you literally have a clue in your fanny pack. Learn what the word f—ing means.

– Kelly completes the roadblock with a time of 39 seconds. Joyce is currently the leader. Brian & Greg note they drove past it. They backtrack to meet Ron & Kelly who are just driving out. Kelly notes they weren’t angry but rather were disappointed that they split off from the envoy that was already here to begin with. Brian is horsing around.

– Lynn & Alex have the ticket. Brian smashes the record with a time of 33.75 seconds. He even slows it down at the end. What a pro jockey. Unfortunately he is about two feet too big. Uchenna & Joyce have the tickets. Ray & Deana depart at 834am. This is the longest spread we’ve seen between teams since the Egypt rounds in TAR 5.

RAY: Now we’re stuck at the back of the pack. We’re the bottom feeders and I don’t want to be associated with teams of that calibre. I feel embarrassed to be where we are right now.

It would have been faster to say it is all Deana’s fault to take the penalty last round.

Now Ray is starting to talk my language. Ray is of such high calibre that his biggest competition is a team in their late 60s. I hear they stole a car in Norway.

Ray’s biggest threats.

– Meredith & Gretchen depart at 844am. Gretchen states they are competing with much younger people and it’s quite a challenge to keep up with them but still in it. Susan & Patrick are in the rear at 856am. Holy crap they were really close to the teams who took the four hour penalty. I always thought it was an extra hour or so. That means Debbie & Bianca were extremely close to ousting Meredith & Gretchen from the race.

– Romber randomly see a sign for the place while driving around. Amber laughs at their luck and insists an angel is watching. Rob agrees to horse around. Ron & Kelly are on the first flight. Romber have thirty minutes to get on the flight. Brian & Greg get to the airport at 925am.

AMBER: If we caught up to the other four teams after taking a four hour penalty they would die. It would mean they went through all of that suffering for nothing.
ROB: Who cares about any of them?
AMBER: I hate the fact we’re doing well.
ROB: The other teams love us. They are striving to be like us. On a good day. Maybe.

Editor’s note: Portions of today’s program have been reproduced so that the middle-aged housewives who have hated Rob Mariano since 2002 will scream at their television screens. Will this equate to more ratings?

– The four teams had to get their luggage checked. Lynn says it’s no big deal because they are so far ahead of the other teams. They were the four teams who ate the meat. Romber get to the airport and purchase the tickets. The plane is being held for them. Lynn & Alex celebrate that Rob & Amber didn’t make the flight.

ALEX: Survive that.

And the terrible Survivor related puns continue. Commercial as Romber celebrate going from fifth to first and Amber not being able to wait to see the look on their face. They board the flight.

BRIAN: That’s horse crap.
ROB: Ron how’s your stomach? *Matty Laugh*
KELLY: Rob’s strategy to quit working and that just makes me sick.
LYNN: If it was any other team we would have given them a round of applause. But because it was Rob & Amber and it was just terrible.
ALEX: I hate them.

You would have been fine if it was any other team that quit? Screw Lynn & Alex’s double standard up the booty then. I’m happy Romber made the flight so the double standard can be shoved into your face.

– Ray & Deana find the stable. Deana is volunteering to do it. She already quit a roadblock so she may as well do another.

GRETCHEN: He’s out here paying his college. God bless them.

COMMENTER FROM YOUTUBE: Gretchen says “Pay for his college” about the juggler. What an? insult! That is pay to live you ignorant, middle-class snob. I can’t what til you get to Africa or Asia. Where’s college then, Mrs Insulated from reality?

PATRICK: What is that clown doing?
SUSAN: I don’t know but he’s in my way.
PATRICK: If there’s ever a time you wanted permission to run over a clown. . .

. . .Would be during the movie ‘It’. Oddly enough, a statement about running over a clown meets no objection on YouTube.

– Deana does not know what to do. Ray says it isn’t hard and that it is not broken nor needs batteries. It’s not an ox. Meredith is next to the roadblock and does this one after quitting one. Rob, Deana, and Meredith are all doing this episode’s roadblock after quitting the previous one. Guess their partners wanted their failness out of the way early on in the season.

– Deana tells Ray to shut up several times while Ray tells her to get mad at the horse.

S— just got real. The Michael Jordans of TAR are here.

– Deana has newfound motivation and screams at the horse. The horse bucked. Meredith clocks in at 36.12

GRETCHEN: What a gaucho you are! What a gaucho! Poor Deana. She cannot make the horse go faster.

– Deana fails yet again. Ray is frustrated. Deana is crying as her legs are being cut. Ray insists she needs to yell at the horse more.

DEANA: There’s Susan and Patrick.
RAY: Patrick is weak. You’re better than Patrick.

So Ray takes off his shirt and straps it to Deana’s leg to prevent more cuts. Deana takes off her own shirt and straps it to the horse. Weak Patrick is doing the roadblock. It’s a showdown between Deana on her fifth attempt and Patrick on his first. Who shall reign supreme?

– Ray is proud of Deana possessing the record at 33 seconds. The second they enter the car though and Ray says he is not happy with being at the back of the pack and that he won’t accept it. He won’t accept it. Back at the ranch Susan claims Patrick is not being aggressive enough and needs to give the horse hell. Patrick clocked in at 45 seconds. Patrick will not be a gaucho in the future.

– PATRICK: My legs are killing me.
SUSAN: You don’t even have your feet in the stirrups.
PATRICK: Hey mom, let’s try to be quiet while I’m doing this.
SUSAN: If you concentrate and get him at a fast pace. Get him back here.
PATRICK: It’s easy for you to say mom. It doesn’t help at all to hear your mom nagging at you while you’re trying to do this.
SUSAN: I was gonna help you by yelling.
PATRICK: Mom, I want you to stop before we have an embarrassing moment.

I’d stop Patrick. Anymore and she will not be afraid to spank you in front of the other gauchos for talking back.

Like so.

Patrick did it in 35 seconds. He comments that the first four teams got a big head start. That’s what happens when three teams quit the roadblock and another quit the task for about an hour.

– We’re in Buenos Aires before Susan & Patrick are at the airport. Romber claims their bags will be out first. They are.

ROB: See you at the finish.

– Brian & Greg are next into a cab followed by Ron & Kelly then Uchenna & Joyce. Lynn & Alex have fallen to fifth. Romber find the man in the raincoat.

He hands Romber the clue but there is no ‘Z’ on his shirt. On closer inspection this guy looks a lot like me. Long hair, long clothes, beard, and the top hat. I’m serious. That’s what I usually look like. I am rather eccentric if you haven’t been able to notice by now in my blogs.

– Clue says to take a train twenty miles to Tigre. Uruguay TAR 5 music plays. Once here find the docks at 700 Lavalle to receive their next clue. Romber step into Retiro Train Station. Named after the retired tourists who frequent Buenos Aires. Brian & Greg and Ron & Kelly board the same train as Romber. Uchenna & Joyce and Lynn & Alex bombard rain coat man in the same minute. All five teams are on the same train anyway so the Banderas clue was pointless. Lynn prefers to race for first rather than last.

– Meredith & Gretchen buy tickets for 230pm flight. So do Ray & Deana. Susan & Patrick board it too.

GRETCHEN: We’re still here. The menage a trois.

An old couple, the ugly couple, and a mother-son are labeled by Gretchen as a menage a trois? I puke upon that thought faster than eating four pounds of meat.

– Gretchen talks about the suspense about how they are on a level playing field amongst each other and that one of them will be eliminated.

– RAY: Deana and I are on the 230 flight to Buenos Aires with the old couple and two people who weigh about twenty. We’re at the back of the pack and I’m gonna make sure we don’t stay here.

– Lynn & Alex scheme to walk to the front of the train with their map so they can be off first and lose the other teams. Rob sees them and follows to stand with them at the front of the train.

ALEX: Lynn and I just don’t talk to Rob and Amber.
LYNN: Bottom line is they’re like a STD. You gotta protect yourself from them. The only way to do it is to just stay away from them.

The Rob haters cheer while the Rob lovers think Lynn is low for comparing Rob Mariano to a STD. Who knows what was in the Fafaru though. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into. Romber follows Lynn & Alex. Uchenna & Joyce and Ron & Kelly lost the two leading teams.

– Detour time for the frontrunners. Teams must choose between two difficult searches. Ship wreck or island. In shipwreck, teams search for abandoned ships for a specific shipwreck. Their only reference is a thirty year old photograph. When teams find the shipwreck they’ll receive their next clue. In island, teams travel four miles along the waterways of the delta on the San Antonio River. Tim Duncan is nearby. When they find the island they will hop onto the island and snag their next clue. Both tasks require the boat.

And here’s a gold sticker for you reading this blog. ^_^

– Lynn & Alex go island searching while Romber head for the shipwreck. Rob searches for an English speaking driver.

ROB: Do you speak English?
DRIVER: More or less?

Such a fluent answer would be music to my ears. Romber hops in. Uchenna & Joyce and Ron & Kelly have yet to find the docks. Best part is thee’s an overhead view of the airport and the docks in the same shot. It’s about ten blocks. You think the key is following the river. Brian & Greg get to the dock and sees Romber in the water. Greg says they’re wasting time and continue running along the water.

ALEX: Rob and Amber are going the other way.
LYNN: Good. I detest them.

At this stage I wonder how much is editing and how much of it is an obsession.

– Uchenna & Joyce choose shipwreck. Ron & Kelly get to the box before Brian & Greg. Kelly wants to do island. Brian & Greg’s boat passes Ron & Kelly instantly. Ron explains the task as he shouts at the camera operator in another boat. That would have been tricky to tell Ron to explain the star on the map as the motor screams over the audio. We see Alex pointing to the star on the map as well to indicate the island.

ROB: Holy canoli! The boat just cracked in half. One guy says go back while the other is saying let’s go. I’m with Carlos. Let’s go!

It would be funny if the boat splits again in half and they sink miserably.

– Lynn & Alex notice something is wrong with the boat. Water is leaking in. Lynn’s shoes are dirty. Alex is happy that at least Romber aren’t in sight. Guys, focus on the water sinking into the boat please?

LYNN: Alex, I’m having a heart attack.
ALEX: That’s awful! Well, at least Rob and Amber aren’t here to help and watch me give you CPR.
LYNN: Airrr.
ALEX: At least Rob and Amber aren’t here to hear you gasp for air.

– Romber find the shipwreck.

ROB: It’s the old man and the sea! Thanks buddy!

– Rob receives the clue. Go back to shore and travel by taxi thirty-five miles to the next pit stop. If memory serves me correct it is a polo club. Holy crap. I’m right. La Martina which is in the town of Vecenti Vesaurus. Last team to check in here may be eliminated.

Stare at this picture of the horse in the polo club for a full minute. Then try to fall asleep. Report back to me your nightmares.

– So after I celebrate my memory victory Romber heads back. Lynn & Alex’s motor is falling off the sides of the boat and Alex gives in to call for a new boat. Uchenna & Joyce describe finding the shipwreck like a needle in the haystack. Brian & Greg find the shipwreck before them. Moving on up, boys.

Ah! Hot fire handshake!

– Romber’s boat is still cracked so they have to go slow. Brian & Greg’s boat meanwhile speeds through. Rob says that because Carlos the Driver has helped so much that he needs to give a bit of himself to Carlos.

Boston Carlos.

ROB: There’s nothing better than a Red Sox hat.

For the viewer–Please keep in mind this is the end of 2004. World Series hadn’t even happened yet when filming began. Pirates hat had more value at this time.

– Romber make it back to the docks first. Brian & Greg are right behind. Romber flag down a cabbie first. Brian & Greg hot on their heels. Phil informs us of the ‘If a vehicle breaks down through no fault of the team a replacement will be given to them without a time credit for this unlucky situation’ lecture before Lynn & Alex get onto their new boat. Ron & Kelly find the island. Kelly raises her arms in celebration. Uchenna & Joyce, who were initially looking for the shipwreck, found the clue for star island.

– Lynn & Alex find the clue for star island. Lynn’s “There’s a flaaag” confessional from episode three is recycled. Ron & Kelly thanks the driver before heading up to the road to catch a taxi. Uchenna & Joyce struggle to find a cab. Lynn & Alex sneak past and flag a cab of their own.

The cabbie looks awesome, doesn’t he?

Indeed.

– Somebody shows off a flag that is not the Argentine national flag as Uchenna & Joyce get into a cab. Rob proceeds to brag about how lucky they have been so far.

ROB: Luck has always been on my side. It was like I was born with a horseshoe. Right up my a–.

Does anyone know the correlation between luck and a horseshoe? Is that a New England thing? And since when are horseshoes a suppository?

– Brian & Greg think they will be stepping onto the mat first. That is put to rest as Romber hits the mat first. They manage to avoid being first on the non-prize round as they have won a trip from Travelocity to London. Oh. That’s a London. Celine Dion tickets would be more valuable than that. Amber says that Rob’s decision to quit the roadblock didn’t hurt them at all. Brian & Greg excitedly hit the mat in second. Happy to move up the ladder.

– Ron is frustrated that their cab driver (who he has named Pokey like the fat kid from the EarthBound video games) is taking his sweet time while cars honk at them and pass them easily on the highway like they’re not moving. Lynn & Alex’s cab driver is equally problematic as he pulls over at a gas station because he does not know where he’s going. Alex face palms half his face.

His fingers are going straight into the indents of his eyes.

– Joyce thinks the cab moved really fast and made up a couple minutes. They’re excited to be third. Ron & Kelly are bummed that a team beat them out and settle for fourth. Phil is Ron’s favourite man. My how things have changed from TAR 1 when Phil greeted only the last place team. Lynn & Alex hit the mat in fifth. They claim they would have won today if it weren’t for the suckiest boat in the world.

– With only nine minutes to go in the episode the next plane lands at 405pm with the three remaining teams. Ray & Deana are first into the cab. Meredith throws up his hands in the air when he sees a driver too busy to open the trunk because he is sipping on coffee. By the way, want to know how Ray can ensure that anybody over the age of 50 universally hates his guts?

Why?

. . .Go on. . . .

I’ll pay you ten bucks if you elaborate what that exactly means. I am sure we can all savour the fact that Ray will be crushed the moment he finds a grey hair.

– Susan & Patrick are last into the cab. Ray says the two weakest teams are behind them. Taxi takes Ray to the hotel besides the clock tower. Driver thought they could walk but obliges and gets back in to drive them directly to it. This lets Meredith & Gretchen slip into sixth place. Oh the rivalry that Meredith & Gretchen doesn’t even know about continues! Gretchen boards the train with three minutes before it goes. Of course Gretchen tells us this in her loud and worried voice. Ray & Deana join them in time.

– Susan & Patrick find the clue. The train left without Susan & Patrick. Gretchen brags that she has a one up on somebody for the first time in her life. Susan & Patrick are on the next train. Both of them are excited to see no other teams show up. Patrick even begs for no other teams to show. Unfortunately Patrick the one thing you should have begged to see was other teams. Last place has been solidified for the train ride. They are ecstatic nonetheless. On the other hand Gretchen is excited to not see Susan & Patrick. It’d be bizarre if Ray & Deana had been on the train before them also thought nobody was ahead of them.

I’ll go on before I get carried away.

Patrick reveals his Jay Leno chin only during times of presumed victory.

– Train arrives at 535pm. It was a 65 minute train ride. Meredith & Gretchen are first inside a cab while Ray & Deana decide to run it out. Susan & Patrick also run it. Meredith & Gretchen find the clue box. They are going to search for the island. Susan & Patrick get to the clue. Ray & Deana see Meredith & Gretchen in a boat on the water. They’re pissed. They are in the same frame as Susan & Patrick when they get the clue. All three teams are searching for The Island. Homer Simpson’s friend has his boat prepared with forks and toilet paper to escape from it.

– Susan & Patrick’s boat breaks down at the start. Luckily a replacement is pretty much right there. Gretchen says there is not a star on the sign to indicate it’s the island. Hold up. She is looking for a physical star on the trees and signs? No wonder why Ray is adamant about not losing to them. Ray & Deana are first to discover the island (out of this bunch anyway). They are confident nobody found it quicker.

– Deana shrug at Meredith & Gretchen who pass by. Not realizing that their shots of being eliminated are one-in-three, Gretchen tells the driver to turn around. Ray explains that the further Meredith & Gretchen follow them the further away they’ll be from the clue. Brilliant.

Deana shrugs while Ray turns his head away to catch Old People Rabies. Side effects include being retired, nice and gullible.

DEANA: They’re gonna hate us.
RAY: These people don’t belong in the game with us.

Dang. Ray has gone on a bigger tirade than Kendra Bentley against the Senegalese.

– Susan says to not give up while Patrick says they’ve done it. Susan says she is not done.

– Ray is happy they got out of there when they did because a couple more minutes and Meredith & Gretchen would’ve spotted them. Ray brags they’ll be out here until tomorrow morning. Meredith & Gretchen are baffled and agree it is the wrong way so they turn around.

SUSAN: If there’s any inkling of hope, I keep goin.
PATRICK: Mom, there’s no inkling of hope. When it’s done it’s done.

All hope is lost if you can’t even find an inkling. Susan is wearing glasses so maybe she sees inklings that we don’t.

– RAY: Meredith & Gretchen stopped. I don’t see them. I’m not losing to a seventy year old man and his wife. Even if it were checkers we’ve got them beat. No matter what.

HOLY S—! RAY CAN EVEN BEAT THEM AT. . .AT. . .AT. . .CHECKERS?! THE KASPAROV OF CHECKERS?!

Even if it were checkers he’s got them beat!

Even if it were checkers he’s got them beat!

Even if it were checkers he’s got them beat!

Even if it were checkers he’s got them beat!

Congratulations Ray, you have the capabilities to outwit the stiffest competition that The Amazing Race has to offer. Just give him the cheque now, Bertram. It will save us a bunch of time.

– Ray & Deana get into a taxi. Gretchen says “Oh God oh God oh God” a bunch of times when they find the island and realize they were two feet away. Susan & Patrick get to the clue box on the island. Meredith & Gretchen go inside the hotel to find out where one gets taxis and returns to the taxi stand. They get one. Susan & Patrick also have a taxi.

PATRICK: This is so stupid.
SUSAN: Don’t say that.

Is Patrick really eight years old by any chance?

– Ray & Deana hit the pit stop in sixth.

RAY: I’ll take it. . .for now.

– Taxi showdown. Meredith and Susan both refuse the idea that they are eliminated. Meredith & Gretchen are shocked to be seventh. Meredith says the most amazing thing is that they’re still upright. Phil tells Susan & Patrick they are last place. Susan is crying. She is optimistic and Patrick is pessimistic. It is the most inconclusive ending for a team ever. All that happens is Patrick thinking he needs to lighten up on his pessimism.

Next time on TAR: Ray & Deana take the high road. Gretchen takes a fall. Uchenna & Joyce get emotional at an orphanage. And Brian & Greg have an accident.

Susan & Patrick 3.6
Ray & Deana 9.0
Romber 7.5
Uchenna & Joyce 4.2
Brian & Greg 1.1
Lynn & Alex 8.3
Meredith & Gretchen 1.5
Ron & Kelly 3.4

Team averages

12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Ryan & Chuck 11.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
10th Megan & Heidi 9.5 (Wow. They sucked.)
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
8th Susan & Patrick 6.5
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8

9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
9th Debbie & Bianca 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
3rd Adam & Rebecca 4.69 FF
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
1st Freddy & Kendra 3.46
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
2nd Kris & Jon 2.38

Rank the Teams

4) Megan & Heidi

They’re blonde. They like alpha males. Heidi drove 70 in a 50 zone. Drove on the wrong side of the road. However both of them knew how to drive a stick shift which instantly trumps previous best friends to be cast in Meredith & Maria. Their fondness of shopping cost them the race. You need to check your first world tendencies at the door when you go onto the race. I do applaud them for a couple of ‘Wtf’ quotes in two short episodes. Their failed showmance with Brian & Greg was lawlzy.

I’m still crying from them losing in a foot race to their newfound loves. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

3) Ryan & Chuck

Hillbillies who can speak Portuguese and are taken straight out of the Barenstein Bears books. Luckily none of them had a drinking problem like Papa Bear or anorexia like Sister Bear. I understood what they said a bit more than Tom Buchanan which is a plus. They are the heaviest racers in the show’s history if I do declare.

2) Susan & Patrick

Besides Adam & Rebecca, TAR needed a mother-son team that had a stereotypical  spoiled mother’s boy-mother dynamic. Susan was rational, calm, and optimistic while Patrick was whiny and complained about everything. Hilarious jokes were there to be told the whole time. It was about time TAR broke this barrier.

1) Debbie & Bianca

A team that went on and on about being an all-female team. . .but was actually interesting overall. Both were insanely competitive and worked hard with weaker teams. Bianca’s fluent Spanish propelled them to the front of the pack combined with Debbie’s guts (including the ones she just ate) made them a tough team to beat. However, an unnecessary lie to POW Ron made themselves a target from Romber’s antics. Mix in poor independent map reading and you have a strong team taking an early and disappointing exit from TAR. The Gina Crews of TAR, perhaps.

Rank the Legs

1) Santiago -> Mendoza (One equalizer at the very beginning of the leg at a reasonable time of day. Teams previously on the bottom rose to the top much like the transition of leg four in TAR 3. Unprecedented quitting of the roadblock is a highlight of the series. That’s not even considering the fact that THREE teams quit the task too. What’s even more bizarre is that all three teams weren’t even close to the danger of being eliminated. Romber stealing cabs and Debbie interpreting a map she wasn’t even on makes it a very smooth and unpredictable TAR episode. Good job in the format, production.

2) The LBC where it’s hard being Snoop D O double G -> Cusco (Only because it was the most refreshing episode to see in over a season. The TAR 6 nightmare was officially over.)

3) Cusco -> Santiago (Too few of tasks in Santiago. I wish there was perhaps one more task to even things out. Lynn arguing over a rigged scale, Gretchen ‘OOOOing’ at every little event, and a foot race where the team I was rooting for hit the mat first makes this a quality episode. Plus the irony of Debbie & Bianca being nauseous that another team lied.)

4) Mendoza -> Vincente Cesares (This leg just didn’t quite have the magic that the other legs had. Lynn & Alex reinforce obsession with Romber, Ray obsesses with old wrinkly people, and the last few minutes of the episode is so rushed it throws you for a loop. Not a bad episode by any means though.)

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