TUF 6 episodes 4 + 5 + 6

Episode Four

Previously on TUF: Joey wandered into the sunset. Dorian succumbed to Matt Arroyo and Billy was choked out by John Kolosci. Team Serra has a 2-1 lead. It is a race to control the quarter-final fights. Who will Team Serra choose to fight next?

– Intro time.

– Recap time. John dances around as his arm gets raised. Whoa Jared’s ear is taped up like Mike Tyson had bitten some of it off. Dorian felt like it was an episode of the Twilight Zone when John took Billy down. They describe the look on Billy’s face when John took him down. It is disaster for Team Hughes who blew their own match-up pick. Three down five to go.

– Hughes Locker Room. Hughes looks crushed. He has his head down. He says this is not about him but Billy did not do the things he should have. This sport is 50/50. Fifty percent physical and fifty percent mental. They are not the only ones apart of this season. His name is in the middle of the octagon. He does not fight unless he knows he can win. Well that’s a poor sport. He’s not mad that Billy lost but that Billy shouldn’t have. Training session right away. Grab a partner and wrestle.

– Dan said they paid with pain as they wrestled Hughes. Blake says it wasn’t punishment but it’s the first word to come to his mind. Mac said they paid for Billy’s inability to implement a game plan in the ring. Dan loves it. Hughes knows Billy was disgusted with his performance. Billy is helping the other guys out.

– Hughes knows Serra will go over the weaker guys. Either Blake or Paul who were later picks. Blake knew he did not do well during try-outs and thinks Hughes is under the impression he is a bumbling buffoon.

– Serra is beaming. He loves seeing Hughes pissed. Serra guarantees that Hughes thinks he did not work his guys hard enough and punished them harder than ever. They discuss who will fight Blake or Paul. Serra knows everyone wants the KO or submission and have the 5k bonus. Ah. So the 5k bonus is on the line. Jon really wants to fight Blake and make the easy 5k. Serra doesn’t know if he wants a guy like that around.

– Fight Announcement. Richie versus Blake. Hightower did not have much pride in fighting Blake. Hughes is not impressed by their pick because he is not impressed by Hightower’s performance in the evaluations. Blake has a fighting chance. It was strategy for Serra. He wanted a slightly less weaker guy against a weak guy.

– House time. Blake is more of an entertainer than a fighter. They find him hilarious. Mac does not know why Blake is here but is willing to help train Blake to beat up Hightower.

MAC: You’re Crocop man.
BLAKE: I’m not Crocop.
MAC: I thought you broke an orbital bone?
BLAKE: It was an accident.

– Training time for Blake. Hughes laughs at his antics. Massages Blake’s head in the octagon. Blake only did fighting as a hobby and does not have any high profile fights. He was told to quit fighting but wants to take it to the next level. Hughes thinks Blake is not a practicer. What that new word means is that he sucks in practice but does it well when it comes to the octagon.

– Blake strained his sternum. He cries because he cannot take deep breaths. Danzig tells him to see the doctor. Blake wants to finish the hour in practice before seeing a practice.

– The doctor’s visit is edited out. He came back. It’s inflammation of the ribs. The doctor told him to avoid contact for a week but Blake is ignoring the advice. He puts on gloves and Hughes says to just not do contact training.

– Dorian sparred and was seeing stars. He feels dizzy. He went into the bathroom and put water on his face. Mac Danzig said he should tell the coaches and take it easy. The coaches, including Coach Robbie the Brawler Lawler, tell him to take the day off. Dorian is pissed because he hates missing any days of training. Dorian is here to soak up knowledge. He even has a sponge in his bag to remind him that he is here to soak up knowledge. What an odd modus operandi in TUF. A sound operator nearly put a boom mic up his booty. Dorian swatted the mic away. The operator told him that he can’t use the mic. Dorian says he should be filming someone else who is still in the competition.

– A cameraman is over fifty feet away filming Dorian. He sees the cameraman and comes over to the cameraman but Billy steps in. Dorian had no intention to fight the cameraman. He just intended to use his superlatives and get out of his face.

– Dana comes into the empty gym to discuss with Hughes. Apparently the number one rule is that you cannot hit or threaten the crew. Hughes explains that Dorian had problems with his head today and was frustrated he could not train. Dorian did not want to be a “p—y”. Dana likes Dorian but you cannot EVER threaten Dana’s production crew. So what will happen?

– Dorian is worried about how they will spend it on TV. Mac thinks Dorian is going crazy but he is a nice guy and wishes he could stay. Dorian hates that no one is talking to him except Mac who is the only stand-up dude. Billy thinks Dorian was not prepared to do what he signed up for. It’s not just about training. It’s about reality and production in their faces broadcasting them on national television. Dorian is certain he is gone. It’s in Dana’s and God’s hands.

– Dana calls Dorian into the gym. He asks about how much he wants to be here and how long he has been in the MMA game. Conversation ends that this is Dorian’s final warning because Dorian scared a couple crew members and none of them have any desire to fight him.

DORIAN: You’re not gonna hear nothing from my black a– no more. I’m shutting the eff up for the rest of my time here. Quiet, baby.

He may be the first reality TV contestant to escape an incident of threatening the crew without being ejected from the program.

– Dorian believes Dana is cool in the Black community amongst the likes of Ice Cube. He does not want to be a one-hit wonder in the community. He desires longevity.

– We are introduced to Richie. He talks about being fortunate and blessed to be where he is. Serra believes this fight will go to decision. A fight that goes to a second round? I don’t believe it.

– House time. Birthday cake is in the kitchen. It’s Blake’s birthday. Jon decorates it with the provided cake decorations. No one else contributed. He thought it was his good deed for the day. And they aren’t even on the same team. How nice. Richie feels bad he has to bash Blake’s face in. A birthday tradition is usually to have all your friends beat you up. Today Richie will have to represent all of his friends.

Where the heck is he celebrating his birthdays?!

– Mac hates Richie because of the way he wears his hat and his attitude. He finds Richie annoying physically and verbally. Meanwhile Richie plays with a balloon on his hand. Jared finds his aura and persona to be garbage. As if both of those things are synonymous.

– Fight day. Blake typically plays video games, watch movies, and play with his dog on fight day. That changes here. Blake is not worried about his ribs. Blake thinks his advantage is on the ground but his stand-up is one hundred percent better. He wants his first knockout. Richie intends to strike him until he’s gone. Hughes improves Blake’s ground game in the locker room.


Prediction: Richie rear naked chokes him after beating him down. That 7-1 record may have a slight advantage.

– Big John is our referee. Clock sponsoured by Castrol Syntec.

– Richie feints. So does Blake. Richie fires a legkick. It lands. Combo by Blake that misses. Blake tries a combination but Richie clinches Blake against the cage. Uppercut after uppercut by Richie. Blake returns with a knee to the face but Richie catches Blake on the chin and Blake drops to the ground. Richie drops in for fifteen more punches before Big John swoops in and stops the fight. Blake had zero desire to defend once he got on the ground.

– Fight recap. Blake liked that he landed a bodykick. Serra says Blake’s knee to Richie woke up the beast and the rest was punch after punch after punch by Richie. Fight ends quickly. Blake isn’t even around for the final decision.

– Richie says a good day is when you break more of a sweat during training in the morning than you do during the fight. Serra is happy with making the correct picks while Hughes didn’t.

– Hughes says an apology isn’t necessary for Blake. Blake is carried out of the ring and his legs are taped up in plastic. Blake agrees to not make excuses and apologizes. He knows much training lies ahead. Hughes thinks that they control three of the next four fights. In his mind it is even.

– Hughes struggles to find a way to win. Mac turns on Bowman. He wonders what Blake is doing here. Team Serra turns on Mac as they bash up his soy milk jug. Paul receives tragic news from home. Who will advance to the next round and become the next Ultimate Fighter?





Rank the Fights

1) Blake Bowman vs. Richie Hightower (A 45-second game of Rock em Sock em Robots. Both struck each other furiously until only one was left standing. Nobody gave up or looked for a way out.)

2) Dorian Price vs. Matt Arroyo (He ate a huge flying knee and still won in the first round? Matt Arroyo, you my friend are impressive.)

3) Joey Scarola vs. Mac Danzig (A black belt jiu jitsu specialist has his guard passed quickly and is submitted by a triangle choke. Danzig = best ground fighter in the house then?)

4) John Kolosci vs. Billy Miles (Billy thinks the best position possible is to sit someone in a guard against the cage and hold them there. That should be tough to counter, right?)

Fifth episode

Previously on TUF: Mac tried Blake to win his fight but nothing could help Blake in his loss to Richie. After knocking out Serra’s number one pick, Hughes’ team has gone on a slide. Dorian, Billy, and Blake have all bitten the dust. the team that wins the most preliminary fights controls the quarter-finals. Which fighter will emerge from the pack and get a shot at becoming the ultimate fighter?

– Intro time. Two players currently do not have confessionals. Tommy Spear and Paul GEORGIEFF.

– Fight recap time. Blake surprised all of them with his scrappy attitude. He landed solid knees. The second knee was really good. Dana heard it all the way across the gym.

DANA: Oh ho ho ho. Did you hear that?

A right hook dropped Blake however. He twisted his knee on the way to the ground apparently. Mac thinks he is not a real fighter because he lost in the most ridiculous fashion by jumping to the mat.

– Blake and Richie hug. Mac thinks Blake lost to a little turd in a mohawk. His words not mine.

SERRA: His first name is c–k and his last name is head. I’m loving it. The pressure is all on him.

That name

– Blake went to the doctor. Diagnosis is he tore a muscle behind his knee. Ouch. Mac wonders why Blake signed up for this. He is not a very good teammate. Mac trashes him to the others. He says that Blake does not deserve to be here over and over. The fighters get to watch the finale of TUF 5. We are shown the Cole Miller and Andy Wang fight. Blake is friends with Cole Miller while Mac attributes to being on the show to his good friend Andy Wang. Ah. Now we know why this fight is shown.

– Blake celebrates Cole’s headkick while Mac is shocked and in tears. Mac isin his room eating snacks. He thinks it was an early stoppage. Blake comes into the room and does not think it was an early stoppage. Mac says to Blake’s face that he shouldn’t talk because he lost to f—ing Richie f—ing Hightower. He goes off on Blake and says he is a f—ing hick from f—ing Alabama. Blake does not say anything and thinks it was uncalled for.

– Team Hughes training session. They skip around the gym. Hughes and Lawler observe the four remaining available fighters. He is confident in J-Rock. The two weak guys are Troy and Paul. Mac gives his input. Hughes thinks J-Rock should fight George.

– House time. Richie is shuffling cards. Hughes’ team enters the House including Coach Hughes. Hughes shakes the opposing team’s hands and jokingly offers to play cards with him. Oh, our first confessional by Paul! Everyone is on the board now. Hughes wants to talk to Paul. This can’t be good.

– Hughes asks if anyone is outside. No one is. Hughes takes him outside. In a confessional Matt states that he got a call that Paul has some news from home. He was told that Paul needs to hear it straight from the source. They are in the billiard room. Hughes hands Paul a cell phone. A phone call home? That’s a first. Paul has to call his mom.

The news: His cousin passed away.

The funeral is a few days away. It’s Paul’s decision if he leaves. His cousin was a fan of UFC. ‘Tis quite the dilemma. The cousin was seventeen or eighteen years old. Just out of high school. He is depressed. The rest of the team hugs him individually. Paul breaks into tears. Mac says to go be by himself and that they will all be there for him. Will he stay or will he go? He sits in the Joey chair and stares out into the sun.

– Paul sleeps on the decision. He gets a call from Dana. Dana says he is fine to go to the funeral and come back to the house. The catch is that he must fight this week. How in the world can he train and focus on the fight? I don’t understand why that needed to be a condition.

– Dana states the show is tough enough and a death in the family is brutal on top of it. He gives him all the credit. It switches Hughes’ game plan. He personally asks Paul who he wants to fight. Hughes is in a tough decision because he has not seen Troy nor Jon/War Machine for more than the two hour evaluation. He knows nothing else. All he wants is the win.

– Dana is in the gym. It’s Hughes turn to pick. Paul will fight Troy. Hughes thinks Paul can take Troy down and submit him. After the meeting Dana discusses with Paul. the cousin was nineteen and lived in the same town as Paul. That’s brutal. He has been training part time during grad school for engineering. Paul is a full on grappler. He needs to get the fight to the ground. Hughes points out Paul is bigger than Troy. Paul’s record is 7-1. All of his fights have been twenty seconds.

– Serra training session. Troy is from Hawaii and friends with BJ Penn. It’s how he got into martial arts. He cannot sing despite playing the ukulele. He likes to strike and has some jiu jitsu. His nickname is Rudeboy. Serra thinks Troy has big punches. Serra says a more violent fight will favour Troy.

– House time. Mac found a bee drowning in the pool.

MAC: There’s a bee. He  feels pain. Why not if you can save the bee. Don’t be afraid of bees. There’s a lot more dangers in people. People can walk up to you and punch you in the face. They can shoot you. They can run you over with their car. I’ve got a bond with nature and these guys don’t understand it.

Unless you’re allergic to bees. I hear that’s common. I’d prefer it if the bee stung him and see him freak out at him like he’s Blake Bowman. Oh Mac, you crazy vegan.

– In the house Dorian chases down a fly and is willing to kill him. The others catch the fly in their hand and kill it. They know Mac will freak out. Mac does not understand why they had to kill the fly for being annoying. Richie and Blake are annoying but they are not
killing them with flip flops. Good point. The fly is more hygenic because Mac observes it cleaning its hands.

DAN: Doesn’t it annoy you crawling over your leg like that?
MAC: No. We’re different. It’s like I’m a Democrat and he’s a Republican. We can still get along.

– Team Hughes washes the dishes. He is pissed nobody from Team Serra is cleaning dishes. Blake is pissed people are putting dirty knives with peanut butter into the clean dishes.

– Mac sacrificed everything in his life for this sport. He drove from Pennsylvania to Los Angeles with two hundred dollars to his name to pursue this sport while Blake is here as a court jester and not doing anything. Mac is offended. He hates him and the two black guys on their team. Again, what a team player. Mac is ready to snap.

– Blake maintains freaking out about the dishes and says the two teams do their separate dishes. Everyone outside discusses Blake’s freakout. Regardless which team they are on. Jon mocks Blake that nobody on Team Hughes does dishes except Bowman. They think it’s because he has lost and nothing else to do. Blake is angered that someone verbally attacked him. He is talking about Mac. Richie agrees and asks for a name.

TOMMY: I won’t say who it was but I did used to drive a MAC truck

– Hughes is at the gym frustrated to hear that Mac told Blake that he is not a real fighter. He calls for a team meeting. Is he going to pull a P Diddy and shut down the studio? Nope. It’s an ambassador speech. They need to be role models and present themselves as intelligent human beings. Hughes gives Mac a tongue lashing for using Andy Wang’s defeat as a way to yell at Blake. He needs to apologize to Blake but Mac walks away silently. Hughes needs to get moral together and get people positive.

– House time. Mac recaps the meeting and how Hughes never asked for his side of the story. He stands by his comments that Blake is not a real fighter. He is willing to discuss with Hughes that Blake is not a real fighter. Mac knows Hughes was legitimately pissed but sticks by what he said.

JARED: He wants to fight but his body screams for a pencil and a desk.

Troy starts his own TV program called FlyHunters with a Steve Irwin accident. After each fly death they make an apology to Mac. Ben takes a soy milk carton and drew an angry face on it to represent Mac. Everyone joins in on imitating his face and punching and kicking his soy milk face. They use roundhouse kicks to rattle around the soy milk. Troy thinks it was stupid and funny.

– Fight Day. I think Paul wins on the ground. Serra calls for Troy to be a Hawaiian Tyson. Troy is living paycheque to paycheque. This is his dream.

– This is a tough episode to trash talk each other considering Paul’s cousin just died.

TROY MANDALONIZ /  LAS VEGAS, NEVADA / 27 years old / 3-1

– For the first time ever the ring girl blows a kiss to the camera. Dana introduces it as the fifth preliminary fight. Will Serra go up 4-1? Hughes our referee. Paul’s submission here we come?

– They touch gloves. Legkick by Paul. Another one. Missed punch for Paul. Troy captures him mid-punch and puts him in guard. Paul has a triangle on Troy’s midsection. He is having a tough time freeing himself. Elbows from the bottom for Paul. Paul brings Troy down with his feet. This looks lopsided. Troy’s technique is terrible. Paul has an arm. Troy is trying to get out of full guard but it is fruitless. Troy moves his hands in a way that makes it look like he’s tapping. He frees his arm. Elbows on Paul’s head. Serra says to pick his hands from the floor and put it on Paul’s shoulders. He eventually complies. Troy reigns down a punch and stands up. They are on their feet.  They trade punches standing. Troy lands a punch that KNOCKS HIM OUT. Highlight reel knockout. Paul freezes mid-air and slowly slumps  to the ground like El Burro’s kick to Mark Coleman in overtime in UFC 13 or 14.

– Fight recap time. Paul threw some kicks and punches until Troy threw him a right hand that made Paul pull guard. Hughes thinks Paul did a good job on the ground. Paul thinks Troy’s ground game sucked because he did not attempt to pass guard. Troy has good kimora defense and said Paul’s kimora attempt was weak. Then the punch.

PAUL: I’ve been knocked out sledding but other than that I’ve never been knocked out. He just hit me right on the button I didn’t see the punch coming.

What kind of sledding excursion did he go on?????? Serra is right there with the doctors.

SERRA (to Paul): I’ve been there myself. It could’ve been worse. It could have been a spinning backfist.

Ah. Serra will always use Shonie Carter as his go-to joke.

– Troy’s hand is raised while Paul is still down. Hughes is disappointed in Paul that he did not focus and did not follow the game plan. Serra comes over and says champions pick themselves up and come back stronger. Serra is a great coach. Serra brags it’s 4-1. The only loss is Joey the Quitter.

– Hughes is pissed that Paul had a hair up his butt and convinced himself to throw punches. Paul exits in the van to head to the airport and go to his cousin’s funeral. I s’pose he might fight better once he gets over his loss.

Next time on TUF: One more loss and Hughes has no say in the quarter-final match-ups. They need three straight victories from J-Rock, Silent Tommy, and Dan. Is Hughes is pushing his team too hard? Who will step it up and become the next ultimate fighter?





Rank the Fights

1) Paul Georgieff vs, Troy Mandaloniz (Sometimes a highlight reel KO is all you need to make a fight stand out.)

2) Blake Bowman vs. Richie Hightower (A 45-second game of Rock em Sock em Robots. Both struck each other furiously until only one was left standing. Nobody gave up or looked for a way out.)

3) Dorian Price vs. Matt Arroyo (He ate a huge flying knee and still won in the first round? Matt Arroyo, you my friend are impressive.)

4) Joey Scarola vs. Mac Danzig (A black belt jiu jitsu specialist has his guard passed quickly and is submitted by a triangle choke. Danzig = best ground fighter in the house then?)

5) John Kolosci vs. Billy Miles (Billy thinks the best position possible is to sit someone in a guard against the cage and hold them there. That should be tough to counter, right?)

Sixth episode

Previously on TUF: Paul was knocked out by Troy and went home following the fight to go to his cousin’s funeral. We shall hope all is well. So far only Mac Danzig has been victorious from Team Hughes. Matt Arroyo, John Kolosci, Richie Hightower, and Troy Mandaloniz have advanced. One more loss and Team Hughes is out of luck. Did we mention Team Serra has control this round?

I foresee the fifth lopsided preliminary round in six seasons of TUF. All six if you include TUF 2 where Franklin’s one weight class swept and in the other weight class Hughes had swept. What an odd situation that was. Why does one coach prove to be much smarter with their picks or end up being the better coach? I don’t know.

– Intro time.

– Sunrise. We have yet to be told what day it is in the house. We are treated to a bunch of scenery shots before the two teams are rounded up into the gym. We start with a fight announcement this episode. Whaaaat? I don’t understand why the episode starts with fight announcement. Does this mean we go to a second round for once? Usually it’s five to fifteen minutes into the episode this season.

– Serra wastes no time matching up Ben with, dang I don’t have any edit to guess who’d fight, maybe Tommy? Nope. Mildly visible Dan is brought out.

SERRA: If Ben, wait, WHEN Ben wins this fight we have control of the fights.

– Hughes reminds us that he needs to start his rally here. Dan is confident they can rally. Weigh-ins are tomorrow. Hughes talks about how much energy Dan has. Reminds Dan about how much his wife is important to him. Dan repeats an episode one confessional that he is prepared to go balls out. Blake says Dan trains harder than he has to. Hughes agrees in his own confessional. Dan understands but thinks training hard is key. He throws strikes anyway and knees Jared in the testicles. Lovely. Blake says you can adapt or let him elbow you until the next partner tags in.

– Dan defends it as a knee to the testicles or a bloody nose occurs. Jared and everyone knows it was uncalled for so he puts the heat on Dan. Ah the subtleties of sparring.

– Ben has a burst of energy as he karate chops Serra. Serra labels Ben as unique. His style is the same as Bruce Lee’s. The last time I heard that in UFC it was like UFC 5 or 6. This should go well. Ben has trained for at least six years. Kempo? Is that Bruce Lee’s discipline? Ben’s advantage is striking. Saunders is looking to keep it standing and is much taller than Dan.

– At 415am every morning Dan wakes up without an alarm and runs. what a strange time to awake. I bet he could change that pattern if he stayed up later and later.

DAN: My wife says ‘You’re crazy, people aren’t like you. You need medication,’ I say ‘Honey, this is the way God made me. I don’t think I need medication.’

What an interesting home life.

DAN: These cats would have to stab me in my sleep or throw me out in front of a trainwreck to stop me from running my three to five miles every day.

So he does not get thrown out of a train but the wreckage of a train would change his sleeping patterns? Poorly thought out statement boasting about your ability to wake up at 415am. He could also have insomnia. God-given insomnia, according to Dan.

– Paul returns from the funeral and trains. Noah Inhofer screams at his TV why he didn’t get the same treatment. Ah Noah.

– Hughes training session. Dan is the last one to practice because he was in the bathroom. He disappears several times to the bathroom during practice. People wonder what he’s doing there. Of course he’s fappity fap fapping. Oh wait. We see him miming his boxing skills in front of the mirror. He checks out his guns. Perhaps God-given narcissism?

– Private training session with Hughes. Hughes gets revenge on Dan for punching Blake in practice. Hughes hopes he taught the lesson and is looking to pull his reins harder and harder with Dan.

– Van time. Hughes sends them off to the van. Dan’s hand is swollen. He popped a couple blood vessels. Everyone checks it out. It looks nasty. The hand is two or three times larger than usual.

BLAKE: Dan’s hand looks like a second greater druid.
JARED: Three times the size of a normal person’s hand.
MAC: It looks like when you take one of those Latex gloves and blow it up like a balloon.

None of you are particularly good comedians. Stick with MMA. It’s for the best.

– Mac hopes Dan can still fight. House time. Everyone examines his hand. The hand is “elephant sized”. Dan is in the pool.

MATT: He looks like Professor Klump with his big fat hand.

Don’t worry. A Klump reference was outdated in 2007 too. You’re not that old.

– Everyone speculates if the hand is broken. The fight would be off. Serra celebrates and high fives his team. Oh my. Oh wait. It’s not for sure. Dan is at the bone specialist with Dr. Saunders. The same guy who Roman freaked out at. How much did they pay him to stay with the show? They take  X-rays. Results are unknown. Dan says it is in God’s HANDS.

– No music plays as Dan walks in. We don’t know the results for several seconds. It is stitched up. Wait. Is he faking out everyone out? He says it’s broken. Yep. He’s messin. That trick has been done before. Dan is cleared to fight tomorrow. He attributes to God as his ultimate healer. Yeah, he’s on the right team. with Hughes.

– Dan is painting flowers and fish on some paper. He shows off his wife’s name tattoed on his arm. He went to Iraq for a few months after dating her then came back and got married. He was 21 and she was 18. Dan shows everyone her picture. He cries every night and is confident is protecting her blah blah blah.

– Suddenly we see Dan on a phone. There has never been a phone call in the first five seasons and suddenly there are two in back to back episodes. This has to be a rough filming season for production. The roughest since season two. Who knows. Maybe rougher. No fun conflict at the house and everyone is cordial with one another. In addition, two phone calls is never good.

DANA: Normally we don’t allow any phone calls on TUF but the only exception is if there’s a family emergency. Well Dan’s wife has a medical situation so we’re going to let Dan talk to her.

Dang. The day of the fights? The timing could really not be any worse.

DAN: Talk to me please.
WIFE: I swear to God, I knew I was dying!
DAN: Why?
WIFE: I don’t know, I am dying!

Er. You knew you were dying? This is the most effed up TUF has ever been since Leben urinated on Jason Thacker’s bed.

Her description makes Dan believe it was a seizure.

WIFE: I just had some kind of attack. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. I don’t know. Some kind of a panic anxiety attack, I guess.
DAN: Sounds like a seizure.
WIFE: I felt like I was dying! No one f—ing believes me! I was praying my last f—ing prayers! I swear to God! I was dying!
DAN: You’re not gonna die.
WIFE: I haven’t slept in three days! I haven’t eaten in like a week!

Whoa. That person sounds similar to somebody suffering from manic depression. But I’m not a doctor. I do like the praying mixed with the F-word. Swearing to God takes a whole new meaning. The music is very dark and ominous. Almost mocking the situation.

WIFE: I’m f—ing delirious. I don’t know what’s wrong in my brain!
DAN: Would you please eat something? Like some cottage cheese or some Cheetos?
WIFE: Everything is falling apart!

Cottage cheese or Cheetos? Those are your first options? Dan managed to pick two of the least healthiest things.

WIFE: Everything is going crazy, honey!

Maybe it’s just you. Good luck getting out of this relationship, Dan.

WIFE: It’s like the devil’s doing all this while you’re gone, on purpose.

Either this conversation is staged or she is developing schizophrenia. I have an uncle and a cousin who have it and those remind me of the beginning symptoms. Not eating. Not sleeping. Religious images being brought in. Dan tried to get her to pray on the phone and she said it’s not working. Dan prays on the phone while she cries. He dispatches her sister to stay with her until he gets back from the gym. What a way to head into Fight Day.

– Dan does not explain what happened to his teammates. Unbeknownst to him it will all be broadcast on the show. I’m curious what was edited out. Dana pulls him aside at the gym and brings him into the office. Dan says it’s all a test. He quit his job to be on the show. She is freaking out. Dana is sympathetic and acknowledges this phone call could not come at a worst time. We all wonder if it will impact his performance.

– Fight Day. Dan is painting some more. Are we supposed to acknowledge that Ben is even fighting this episode? Ben must win this match-up.

– Dan and Ben in the locker rooms. Ben giggles in his confessionals. Dan has horses, a dog, and his wife. Why not sell the horses?

DAN BARRERA / FORT KNOX, KENTUCKY / 26 years old / 1-0
BEN SAUNDERS / ORLANDO, FLORIDA / 24 years old / 4-0-2

– Herb Dean our referee. They do not touch gloves.

– They clinch. clinch is broken. Knee to the body by Ben. Headkick by Ben. They trade a few punches. Exchange legkicks. Ben misses a looping headkick. Dan lands a punch on Bens head. They clinch for half a second then break away. Headkick by Ben. More punches. Body kick by Ben. They trade punches. Kicks. Dan lands a HUGE punch on Ben’s face. He drops. The crowd roars. And there’s only fifteen people in the crowd. Dan swoops in then Ben slaps on a triangle. Dan has enough strength to slam Ben on the ground a few times before he lets go. Dan stands above Ben. The crowd is loud. Herb asks that he works. Dean eventually stands Ben up. They circle each other. Legkick by Ben. Dan comes in but Ben catches him and Dan drops. They clinch. Couple knees in the clinch that hit Dan’s body. Ben goes to the ground and Dan stands above him again. Herb calls for them to work again. They are doing nothing. Ben wears the same stupid smile on his face. Herb stands Ben up. Ben misses the punch but connects with an elbow that nicks Dan. Dan is running in for punches but they miss. Headkick misses for Ben. Ben misses a superman punch. They swoop in to clinch. Ben throws him down but Dan stands up. Body punch connects on Ben. Failed supermans by Dan. Headkicks by Ben. Dan is running around the cage. Huge knee hits Dan’s face. Ben fires such a big headkick that Ben falls after connecting. Dan is standing above him. End of round one. Both are extremely bloody.

HUGHES: You’re doing nothing I f—ing say. SIT DOWN!

Dan is bleeding from the forehead and the top of his head. Blood is gushing from Ben’s nose. This is the first fight all season to past round one. It’s like a WEC card. One out of six go more than five minutes.

– They touch gloves for round two. Ben fires several legkicks that do not connect. Ben closes the distance and connects with a right hook. Nearly connects with more headkicks. Dang Dan’s face is bloody. Dan is working not to lose. Ben lands a straight left. Bodykick. and another. Ben is ripping him apart. Another big bodykick counter. Dan lands a right hook. So does Ben. then a huge knee to the head. Dan is still defending. Ben fires a legkick countered by a Dan right hook. A few feints. Dan misses a bodypunch. Ben misses a punch to the head. Huge looping headkick that misses for Ben. He connects with bodykicks and headkicks. Dan lands a straight right to the body. Bodykick for Ben and a headkick. Action slows down. Ben lands another big bodykick. Dan connects with a punch to the head. More bodykicks and a punch to the head by Ben. They clinch where Ben lands a knee and takes Dan to the ground. They are stranding. Combination of bodykick and punch by Ben. Ben lands several uppercuts to Dan before standing again. Dan is running around where Ben lands a left hook and Dan stumbles around the ring. Huge knee to the head by Ben and a headkick by Ben. Herb stops the clock. He asks Dan if he wants to fight. No immediate response and Herb waves off the fight but Dan interrupts and says he wants to finish. He is buying time. Clock resumes with 1:12 left. They touch gloves. Straight rights miss by Ben. He lands more knees in the clinch. Another knee in the clinch. Dan is running around. He misses a superman attempt. Bodykick by Ben. Brutal headkick by Ben. Another headkick by Ben. More knees. They clinch. Dan tries to take Ben to the ground but it fails. Ben takes Dan to the ground and attempting a submission. End of round.

– Dana believes there will be sudden victory round. So does everyone else. Herb informs us the fight is over and there is a winner. Serra is shocked. Did Ben win 10-8?

– Fight recap before results are revealed. Dana says they’re blasting kicking and punching. Dan dropped Ben at one point. Ben was laughing while blood is dripping from his nose. HOLY CRAP DAN’S FACE IS BRUTAL. Hughes’ corner was shouting for Dan to let him up but he didn’t three or four times in the first round. Hughes was pissed. He thinks Dan won the first round 10-9.

– Fight recap for round two. Ben was landing big kicks and punches and Dan was jogging around the cage. I think the second round was 10-8.  Dana is looking at the scorecard but defends Hughes from peeking at it. Dana is giggling to himself. Hughes didn’t know who won the fight. Ben won by majority decision. Majority? Two of the refs gave the first round to Ben. Wuh?

Hughes goes over to the athletic commissioner.

HUGHES: There’s nothing to be said anywhere.
HUGHES: Nothing at all?
HUGHES: Where do your judges go to school at? Who’s their teacher? I’m being serious here. Are they getting judges from a Classified ads saying ‘hey, we need judges’?
COMMISH: You’re a little subjective here. Right? HEH HEH HEH. It was your guy. It was a close first round that’s all I can say.
DANA: I don’t want to say anything bad about the judges but that was some horrible judging.

DANA (to SERRA): That was the worst f—ing judging I’ve seen in my life. Both of them deserve to go to another round. It sucks.

Heh. Dana did not want to say anything about the judging but proceeds to blast them on national television. Serra is stoked to lock in control of the quarter-finals. 5-1. Yowzers.

Dana congratulates Ben on one of the best f—ing fights he’s seen on the show. Matt tells Dana he should get the five thousand dollar bonus for that. They all look into Dana’s eyes. Dana agrees and says BOTH will get a five thousand dollar bonus because both fought such a great fight.

DAN: I don’t deserve it.
DANA: Yes you f—ing deserve it. That was a nice f—ing fight.

– Serra comes into Hughes’ locker room. He congratulates Dan and says he will be back. Hughes is in the gym alone pouting. He is pissed nobody is following his game plan. Hughes is frustrated. The garage door closes on Hughes still inside. He is frustrated.

Next time on TUF: Having lost control of the quarter-finals Matt Hughes is at the end of his rope. Dana offers some sage advice. Is Team Hughes about to leave the show? Or will Jared or Tommy help Matt save face?





Rank the Fights

1) Dan Barrera vs. Ben Saunders (Regardless if Dan listened to his coach or not this fight had to be the absolute best of any preliminary fight ever in the house. Tons of blood from both fighters and it was a ten minute stand-up war. I wish there was a third round to put the icing on the cake but a fight that goes longer than 4:53 and not be a 10 minute heavyweight borefest deserves some major kudos. Five thousand dollars for both fighters is well earned.)

2) Paul Georgieff vs, Troy Mandaloniz (Sometimes a highlight reel KO is all you need to make a fight stand out.)

3) Blake Bowman vs. Richie Hightower (A 45-second game of Rock em Sock em Robots. Both struck each other furiously until only one was left standing. Nobody gave up or looked for a way out.)

4) Dorian Price vs. Matt Arroyo (He ate a huge flying knee and still won in the first round? Matt Arroyo, you my friend are impressive.)

5) Joey Scarola vs. Mac Danzig (A black belt jiu jitsu specialist has his guard passed quickly and is submitted by a triangle choke. Danzig = best ground fighter in the house then?)

6) John Kolosci vs. Billy Miles (Billy thinks the best position possible is to sit someone in a guard against the cage and hold them there. That should be tough to counter, right?)


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