Previously on TAR: Eleven teams started a race in Chicago that has traveled more than 28, 000 miles to Shanghai. Some teams approached the teams with humour. For others the competition caused tempers to flare. Family members gained newfound respect for one another. And unlikely adventurers accomplished more than they dared to dream like mediocre teams in Meredith and Maria and the old couple. Seven teams have been eliminated. Who are left?
Hayden & Aaron: Started off strong then stumbled. Their relationship strained such as Aaron’s pole punching. Their genuine love and determination helped propel them into the Final Four.
Kris & Jon: Built their foundation on solid teamwork and used their consistent positive attitude to carry them into the Final Four.
Freddy & Kendra: Slammed by culture shock but their confidence and athleticism has launched them into the Finals.
Adam & Rebecca: Relationship problems from the start. Adam’s fear of almost everything he encountered repeatedly jeopardized their standing in the race. A strategic decision such as a yield came back to haunt them and nearly cost them the race.
Which of these teams will win and put an end to this trainwreck of a season? Intro time.
Payback for making her do the hay bale. The last thing I would do is open my mouth wide when somebody is pumping a liquid from their crotch, Kristy.
– This is Shanghai. The largest city in China. 13 million people in a bustling metropolis. That would make me claustrophobic. Adam & Rebecca were not eliminated because it was the last of three (but really four because of that stupid idiotic and dumb To Be Continued leg in Hungary) and were stripped of all money. Will they be defeated by this obstacle or will their determination to beg at the pit stop’s hotel like any other team that has been in their position bring them back into the running to beat the odds and stay in the race? Will Hayden & Aaron continue to finish at the top of the pack and advance to the Final Three?
– Hayden & Aaron, who arrived first at 11:20am will depart at 11:20pm. Travel by train 800 miles to the city of Xi’an. Once here they will take a taxi to the Drum Tower. I studied Ancient China in the seventh grade which would have been about six months before TAR 6 aired on TV. So I was drawn in. You guys better visit the Terra Cotta Warriors! Hayden is excited about what’s to come and their cohesiveness and ability to work as a team will let them ride this whole thing out and win “this whole she-bang”. She pronounces ‘Xi’an’ as Ex On. Kendra pronounces it as Zen. Freddy has seen Kendra grow and think she will feel comfortable about their life together. Jon mutilates the clue. He says last leg was difficult and the translation made it tough. They’re ready to get it on and start a new chapter. Hayden & Aaron are at the train. Next one leaves at 851am. The ride is seventeen hours. Where is Flo to contemplate quitting less than four days away from a million bucks.
KENDRA: Where do we go in, here?
FREDDY: That’s exit honey. Read exit. We’re going down there. Entrance.
KENDRA: Keep talking to me like that. You’re gonna get real far there, buddy.
What Kendra means is that Freddy will be stopping short on the base paths. First is where you’ll stay until the end of the inning.
– FREDDY: Where you going?
KENDRA: It says ticket office that way. You can’t read?
FREDDY: Keep it up.
They apologize to each other and make up.
– The Little Ones depart at 12:24am. We have a sixty-four minute spread. Adam is still whining about the mistake Freddy made yielding them. He does say something original as he discusses that Freddy has made them stronger and they will not give up. Rebecca begs for money. Adam agrees she is adorable. One hundred and eighty dollars is what they accumulate. Rebecca considers begging on the streets of Shanghai because it has proven to be lucrative. Hmmm. Production should consider revising their non-elimination penalty.
– Kris & Jon purchase train tickets. Adam & Rebecca too. All four teams are on the same train. They board the train. Kendra is pleased to have a bed. Adam does not know how to get into the bed. Rebecca talks to him like a dog and says “honey, ladder. Ladder.” Huh. So that’s what those series of steps are for. Hayden plays with a Chinese baby and their mother on the train. The baby starts crying. No whambulances around so they are on their own.
Sleeping with the enemy, eh? Previous third and fourth place finishers sleep together. They talk about the pleasant surprise of being given beds and blankets.
KRIS: I think the only thing Jon was worried about was if I was miserable and a raging b—-.
ADAM: A raging b— is like her on a really nice day.
ADAM MADE A JOKE
ADAM MADE A JOKE
ADAM MADE A
JOKE JOKE JOOOOKE
It worked! Everyone is laughing! Hellboy swooped in with a witty remark! He is accepted! Yaaaaay!
Well you can’t please everyone.
– Aaron is hanging out the train window. He thought it would be all rice fields but there’s corn growing and reminds him of his home state of Michigan. Hayden comments on how she loves the smell. The first time someone has loved the smell of a foreign country in the history of TAR. Smell is typically the first sense that they use to insult the country.
– The four teams pile into cabs when they get to Xi’an.
HAYDEN: Are you worried we’re not going the right way?
AARON: Nope. You do it enough for me.
– Jon picks a cabbie from a group of people. He is laughing the whole time as he tells him how far away it is and drives them. Laughing at the most random things. Kris likes it and adds that he is probably on something special. Special being marijuana and THC. I thought I would spell it out for you.
JON: Too much green tea.
Nope. Marijuana and only marijuana.
– Hayden & Aaron and presumably all four teams get to Drum Tower. Hours of operation are 8am to 5pm. It is 510. In the morning. Afternoon would be extreme after well over a day of traveling. We fast forward to the daylight where people do Tai Chi and editors play ancient Chinese music. Survivor would steal some of the soundtrack for its fifteenth season.
We have business with the Emperor.
Is this what OutKast in Scooby Doo meant by the Land of a Million Drums?
– Logan stops with the poor captions and they all reach the clue box. We are treated to four clues breaking its seal. Ode to Clue Ripping. Detour time. Spray or Scroll. In spray, teams travel 34 miles to a car factory. Put on uniforms and spray the entire shell of a locally made car known as a Flyer. In scroll, teams travel 31 miles to a textile factory. Once there search through ten bolts of fabric using a light table to search for two Chinese characters stamped somewhere in two of the ten bolts. They’ll need to cut them out using the scissors provided and trade them for their next clue. What a waste of two bolts.
SPRAY: Freddy & Kendra, Hayden & Aaron, Adam & Rebecca, and Kris & Jon
SEARCH: No one in their right mind.
– Kris & Jon are about to hail a taxi and ready to get inside but it is stolen by Freddy & Kendra.
JON: Thanks guys.
Most pitiful argument ever. Where is Mirna and Colin Guinn? Kendra says that Jon was nowhere near the cab and that plenty more of that will happen with only four teams. Rebecca announces that today will be a test of Wills. Just don’t go down a random street in San Francisco hoping to confuse the other team.
– Kris believes in ‘what goes around comes around’. Two seconds later we see Freddy & Kendra stuck in traffic while the other three teams are in less congested lanes. Kris’ prayers were answered rather quickly. God has his button on the TAR finale for once. Glad to see his priorities are in order.
– REBECCA: I’m just gonna tell you now so you don’t scream at me when we get there but I want you to throw on that uniform as fast as you can. Don’t worry about anything else.
Rebecca took twelve legs but she is one hundred percent in control and managing Adam’s weaknesses.
– Hayden notes that none of the teams are in front of them anymore. They are not even on the same road. It worries her because they all left really closely together.
HAYDEN: Aaron you need to get excited right now because I’m getting upset and I need you to do something about it.
HAYDEN: Do you not care?
AARON: We’re at the mercy of this cab driver. We just have to have faith that he knows where he is going.
I would laugh like Aaron too. Hayden is so aware that she is about to freak out and instructs Aaron how to calm her down. Brilliant.
– Jon says he is at the mercy of the cab driver. Adam & Rebecca are first there and slap on the uniform. Rebecca is excited it has their names on it. Adam eels like Michael Keaton in “Gung Ho”. To this day I do not understand that reference. Hayden & Aaron are next to building. Freddy & Kendra and Kris & Jon arrive simultaneously. These four went to the wrong building and are shown to the other team. Lots of annoying spraying noises are being made as all four teams do the task.
– Adam & Rebecca are first done. Travel to TERRA COTTA WARRIORS MUSEUM. SWEET. It guarded the burial site of China’s first emperor and was not found until 1974. Even Phil agrees it was the greatest archaeological discovery of the 20th century. How bada– is this place?
I wish I could hire these guys to defend me after my death. All seven thousand of them.
– Rebecca is shocked to be in the lead. She is amazed she beat Hayden & Aaron for once. She voluntarily kisses Adam and is proud of him. Adam thought Rebecca looked cute in her outfit. They are on a high. Just like Kris’ cab driver. Hayden & Aaron finish. Hayden is frantic thinking the guy won’t give him the clue but fails to notice the guy is taking off his gloves and mask first. Aaron has to reassure her and tells her to relax. The clue is given. Adam & Rebecca’s cab is stopped by an officer.
I give you ten guesses as to why it is stopped.
Have you written them down? This is the answer:
I say bit of bad luck. Government motorcade in arguably the most crucial leg of each season? The ONE time these two have an honest lead? Dang. Since when is there a government motorcade in Xi’an, China? Did he want to watch TAR production scramble through his city?
– They are both miserable. They agree it is the one time they have a lead and it is lost. Hayden & Aaron meanwhile struggle to communicate with their cabbie who speaks zero English. Hayden claims they have been driving for thirty-five minutes. She says it is worth a million dollars. Kris & Jon get their clue. Freddy & Kendra are in dead last. Hooray. Kris freaks out why Adam and Hayden were done by the time they got there. She doesn’t understand why the cabbie was so slow and is “ho-humming” the streets like there is nothing better to do. Dang. Race fatigue is finally getting to Kris.
– Freddy & Kendra finish detour. They find the same driver. All he does is nod and speaks zero English. The motorcade is gone. Kris & Jon reach the motorcade site and instructs the driver to drive around. He complies and they see Adam & Rebecca in the same position on the road as they pass them. Adam & Rebecca yell for the driver to go and follow them. Kris is smiling and chuckling again. Her personality is showing through.
HAYDEN: Honey, make him go.
AARON: Go fast.
HAYDEN: How fast is he going? BUSES ARE PASSING US!
Either Aaron can read the Chinese speedometer or Hayden is under the impression that Aaron has some superpowers where he can feel how fast a taxi is driving based on sensation.
– Freddy & Kendra observes that their driver is lost. Kendra whines why is he lost when they are the ones who have to give him that paper. Kris & Jon get to the Museum but do not see where to buy for tickets. The cab drivers follow them around. Adam & Rebecca are at the ticket counter. Adam yells for Rebecca to move it. Kris & Jon solve the problem of buying tickets.
– Adam & Rebecca are inside. They scan the place for the clue box. Those are a ton of tourists who could direct you to a sparkling red and yellow clue flag. Adam discovers the clue box and Rebecca has to chase him around. Adam takes the clue and Rebecca wants him to open it right then and there. Adam says that if he does so then Kris & Jon will know where it is. So he starts running with the clue and Rebecca agrees it is the smart decision. Kris & Jon are inside and see Adam’s clue sticking out of his pocket. Jon asks where to go and Kris leads.
– Adam finally reads the clue. Go to Mount Hua and find the North Peak. Caution: Government motorcade ahead. Heh. Kris & Jon are unable to find the clue. Jon describes the place as being absolutely huge. If you did a lap of it and missed the clue you likely lose well over twenty minutes. Rebecca credits Adam with the plan of reading the clue on the other side of the pit which led Kris & Jon to search where they saw them. Adam & Rebecca ain’t the Little Ones anymore.
– Freddy characterizes the cab driver as a total buffoon. The driver gets out of his car and asks for directions.
FREDDY: What a dumba–. Do something!
Maybe you should read Mandarin and drive a cab around flawlessly
– The cab driver drops Hayden & Aaron off. Hayden is not confident it is the right place. They go inside and the locals wave their arms frantically saying ‘no, no, no.’ They return to the cab. Hayden is angry and Aaron thinks they are screwed. Freddy’s cab driver is not a dumba– contrary to popular belief and drives them to the Museum. They improved from 4th to 3rd since the completion of the detour. They buy tickets. Kris & Jon are still inside but find the clue. They are shocked to see how they walked everywhere but the area of the clue. They get in a cab.
– Freddy & Kendra pass by Kris & Jon outside the building. Freddy asks them where it is but no response. The inside of the museum has emptied out.
KENDRA: Do we have to dig for the clue?
I am sure the Chinese government has no issues with American tourists digging in a pit of the rarest clay figures in the world. No biggie.
– Kris & Jon wish they had more time to see it. It was cool. Damn right. Freddy & Kendra walked all the way around the wrong way before finding the clue. They get back into the cab. I have a feeling they are last.
– Hayden & Aaron’s cab stops. Hayden asks somebody from their window where the museum is. The person tells them they can walk. It proves to be the correct decision as the museum is indeed right there. Hayden says the cab ride was a nightmare. They find the clue supposedly right away. Hayden refuses to get back in the taxi. Unfortunately the only cab around is the same terrible driver. Hayden asks Aaron if they are really getting into the cab. Aaron responds that they do not have the time to spend ten minutes waiting for another one. The hottest tourist destination in Xi’an should be crawling with cabbies.
HAYDEN: You must go fast. Fast fast fast fast fast!
Heh. Do you think each time you say ‘fast’ really changes things?
– ADAM: We’re going to be number one today. I had a good feeling about it last night even before we got on the train–
REBECCA: Bite your tongue. Oh my god you’re gonna jinx us. I’m gonna knock on wood. Don’t say anything like that.
– JON: The language is very forceful and abrupt. When they’re on their cell phones it always sounds like they’re in an argument. And there’s definitely of a barrier between English and Chinese. There’s no root for base words.
KRIS: Chinese is not a Germanic language. BABEILOVEYOU.
– Adam & Rebecca buy tickets at the entrance then buy tickets for the bus shuttle. They hope the bus will take off. Both of them beg for the bus to go but Kris & Jon do indeed get on after thirty seconds of suspense. It drives away. Freddy & Kendra arrive and get on the next bus.
– *The cab slows down.*
HAYDEN: What are you doing? What are you doing?! Oh my god. He doesn’t know where to go. Aaron, we need a new cab.
AARON: Okay. Let’s get out.
Two of those fingers in this frame will be pulled down very soon.
HAYDEN: Where are you going to get out to get a f—ing goddamn cab?
OH NOOOO! MISO ANGRY!*
* No, Kendra didn’t say this one. I was just being flat out offensive. My sincerest apologies.
They exit the cab and ask for directions from people standing on a road by the gas station.
HAYDEN: Excuse me, where is this? Hua Shan?
*Local points in opposite direction*
HAYDEN: THAT WAY! YOU WERE GOING THE WRONG WAY!
Hayden puts her back into it like she’s Christina Milian. But for opposite intentions. She is a finger snap away from going all out.
HAYDEN: YOU DID NOT KNOW WHERE TO GO! You’re driving the wrong direction??? We need a cab!
HAYDEN: Do not give him any Chinese money!
Dang this place looks desolate. Good luck finding a new cab. And what do you mean don’t give him any CHINESE money? What money do you plan on giving him?
Oh, that’s what she means.
HAYDEN: Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron
*Driver touches Aaron’s shoulder*
AARON: If you touch me I kick your a–.
I wouldn’t touch him either. Look at that stance. It’s the ‘Hayden is Yelling My Name a Million Times As We Race for a Million Bucks and You’re Only Making it Worse’ stance. Aaron is six feet tall and has two full bags.
– A YouTube poster commented that the driver said “It is not my fault I take you the wrong way. I had to take a detour.” Subtitles would have helped to understand this in the episode. Guess producers didn’t want Hayden & Aaron seen too much like the bad guys.
HAYDEN: LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN. No you got us LOST. You went the wrong way! Where is this?
AARON: HEY! THIS WAY!
If I were this driver I would give up. You’re clinging onto a six foot tall man while his girlfriend is shouting in your face. This is a pro wrestling handicap match.
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Regardless if I don’t understand what’s coming out of yours?
– Hayden & Aaron walk away from the cab driver. Aaron holds both bags.
HAYDEN: Where are we gonna get a cab? Hon? You wanna walk to the mountain?
AARON: You know what Hayden?
HAYDEN: Any suggestions on getting a cab in the middle of nowhere?
Hayden continues to talk as Aaron walks with both bags. He looks at Hayden in anger. He ain’t your Zach.
AARON: Here’s your bag.
Have a nice f—ing day.
– Hayden & Aaron find a new cab. They make out in the cab and apologize to each other. Meanwhile Adam & Rebecca and Kris & Jon get into the gondolas. Adam is afraid but Rebecca assures him the structure is safe. If Adam is frightened of a closed and secure gondola then I cannot imagine how he’d do in a ski hill.
– Freddy & Kendra get into a gondola.
KENDRA: I feel like Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and we just busted out of the glass roof and here we are soaring high above the mountain peak.
F—. I have to give her points for referencing a Gene Wilder movie. The best Gene Wilder movie I should say. I was looking forward to slamming her for referencing Johnny Depp’s version. God that version was terrible.
– Kris & Jon follow Adam & Rebecca up the peak blindly. Kris & Jon ask for directions. They are at East Peak instead of North Peak. They turn around while Adam & Rebecca continue to ascend East Peak. They ask near the summit and are re-directed. Kris & Jon are currently in first place. Annoying to be followed isn’t it, Adam & Rebecca? 😉
– Freddy & Kendra are the first to the clue box. Roadblock time. “Which one of you is more methodical?”
In this roadblock the person has to take the unique key given to them and use it to unlock a lock. Easy, right? Think again. There are three thousand locks fastened along the mountain and only ONE opens. This or hay bales, Lena? The locks have been fastened to the mountain over the years by couples as a symbol for their eternal love. Unfortunately four couples will have their love undone as these teams will unlock a lock and trade it for their next clue.
One other hitch: Teams must complete the task by 7:00pm because it is when the final gondola leaves. So one team could have a huge headstart and the other three teams could be theoretically stuck on the mountain until morning. Where’s the equalizers now, b—?
– Kendra does the roadblock. Kris is the next one to do it. Their partners tell them to go through each one in order one at a time. Heh. Really? Because I think they want to skip to whichever locks look the prettiest. Rebecca volunteers to do the roadblock.
– Hayden & Aaron have arrived at the mountain’s base. Hayden purchases an extra ticket. She screams at locals who tell her that a bus ticket is separate from the entrance ticket. Does she not know that you need both? Hayden cusses out anyone in her path as she does not know where the dang bus is. Aaron is responsible for asking around in a manner that does not scare the locals away.
– Back on the mountain Kendra and Rebecca are chanting ‘lucky key wee wee’ over and over.
ADAM: Stop dancing and start opening keys.
REBECCA: I don’t like this key Nazi over here.
– Hayden & Aaron get on a bus after Hayden threatened to quit. A local shows them to the bus. They hand in the tickets. The local tells them it is the wrong ticket.
HAYDEN: . . .What? Aaron figure it out.
Ladies and gentlemen, Hayden has left the building.
AARON: I hate China.
MATCH GAME HOST: Aaron hates China so much that he would throw a blank.
YOU: Uh, a fit? But that’s more of a Hayden thing.
MATCH GAME HOST: The correct answer is. . .
Here comes the pitch. . .
And the release! He should be cast for Mario & Sonic at the Summer Olympic Games with that technique.
– REBECCA: Why is it going in and not turning? Such a tease.
There’s a lot of sexual innuendo as we see tugs, yanks, and twists with the keys in locks. Kris is first one done. Travel by bus to Xi’an and find the south gate of Xi’an City Wall. Six hundred years it was built to defend the area. Last team to check in here WILL be eliminated.
– FREDDY: Kris & Jon have the best luck. They have an angel sitting on them.
KENDRA: They must have been really good in their last life.
I think they were good in this life too. You don’t agree, Kendra?
And if an angel is physically sitting on you I think this is what it would look like. So they might be onto something.
– Jon thinks Kris does a good job of honing in and delivering under pressure. She got them out of their first. Evidently Jon does not believe in the idea that hitting one lock out of three thousand before anyone else requires some luck.
– Freddy and Adam tell their partners to relax. Adam believes Kris & Jon are making out on the gondola. Kris & Jon exit the gondola and pass by Hayden & Aaron. Jon told them they were first. Aaron said it provided a flicker of hope as they enter the gondola. Kendra and Rebecca both went through all three thousand locks. They both start over. Kendra and Freddy have a minor uninteresting freakout. Kendra unlocks the lock. They head down the mountain and pass Hayden & Aaron on the way. Freddy gives them a heartwarming gift that they have their work cut out for them. Oh joy.
– Rebecca apologizes to Adam but Adam says there is nothing to be sorry for. Uh oh. Is Rebecca questioning her own decision and letting Adam have responsibility for once? Hayden & Aaron get to the roadblock.
Each person can only perform six roadblocks. One partner has used up all six while the other has two more to go. Who is the one person you want to do a roadblock that requires you to be calm, relaxed, methodical, and patient?
This should go well.
– Freddy & Kendra talk about how they could all be on the same bus and then it would just be a foot race to the pit stop. TAR production should be shot if they let this happen. They get on the bus to the base of the mountain. Kris & Jon are at the base of the mountain and are searching for the bus to Xi’an. They get inside. The bus departs. Freddy & Kendra get in a second bus that appears to be empty. First and second have been solidified.
– Hayden and Rebecca are the only two people on the mountain. Hayden is right around the 3, 000th lock already. This is much faster than hay bales. Hayden’s key is stuck. She calls for Aaron but Aaron throws his hands up into the air as if to say ‘what the hell’ like he is Alex Angarita. He wishes he could help. Hayden uses her teeth to get it out. That cannot feel good.
HAYDEN: It’s not a matter of being calm it’s a matter of being stuck . . Oh my key broke.
I CHOOSE YOU KEYPACHU!
– Hayden & Aaron have to go to the hotel nearby that gives you a replacement key. Adam tells Rebecca to get it in her head that there is luck and that a lock fits the key. Kris & Jon are back in Xi’an. They catch a cab. So do Freddy & Kendra. Freddy thinks he could come in first this leg.
– REBECCA: Have Hayden & Aaron gotten here yet?
ADAM: No. I have a feeling they will be back here soon.
So that means wherever this hotel is it’s a long ways away based on this dialogue. Something tells me it is down from the gondola. Adam gives her advice. Rebecca says not to start otherwise she will throw him off the mountain. Adam sees Hayden and says “they’re baaaack”. Aaron says it is hard not to jump in and start trying the keys himself. He hates sitting on the sidelines.
HAYDEN: I’ve had nine panic attacks today.
The remedy: Fit a key into one lone lock in a row of three thousand.
– Kris & Jon’s cab and Freddy & Kendra’s cabs get to the South Gate. Thirty seconds of suspense is built. Kris & Jon hit the mat first.
And meet a greeter in 17th century attire. Just tell them they’ve won a trip to luxurious ____ ski resort.
Gah. Sunny Caribbean. Boo. Three points for one season. Phil informs them they are one of the three teams. Jon says all he wanted to do was to make the Final Three today. They’re ready for the next level. Freddy & Kendra are team number two. Freddy fulfilled his only promise to Kendra that he would take her to the Final Three. She says he is her hero.
– Back on the mountain.
REBECCA: What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results? I’ve been doing the same thing for three hours. I think I’m officially insane.
Why I post this quote is that this is where I learned the definition of insanity. When a teacher taught me it later in high school I bragged and said I knew that quote. I was too chicken to own up where I attributed that knowledge to though. Sorry Mr. Edgar. I was not entirely honest with you.
– Adam says it is nerve-wracking as there is only one other team to beat. Hayden points out it is almost seven and the gate will close. Aaron informs her it is 633pm. Whoa. Two teams not making it? The rules state that a four hour penalty occurs if you do not find it by seven. So why not take the penalty that very minute and guarantee victory over the other team? Twenty-seven minutes is not too much time. And you know an equalizer will occur next leg to ensure you have a fighting chance next round.
– Hayden’s and Rebecca’s hands are bleeding and have blisters. Hayden threatens to quit and take the four hour penalty. Adam says Rebecca is not allowed to do it and says better find the key. Rebecca cannot feel her fingers and will not be a hand model.
– Hayden quits the task after Aaron approves of any decision she makes. Four hour penalty. As they put on their bags Rebecca unlocks the lock. Wow. Aaron nearly throws his bag off the mountain. It has taken abuse this leg. It was thrown onto concrete, on Hayden, and who knows what else. Hayden sulks. Adam & Rebecca could not be more joyous. Hayden apologizes for losing the race for them because she did not know how to put the key in a lock.
– Hayden & Aaron and Adam & Rebecca run together from the bus. Hayden & Aaron check in the pit stop in third place. They do a mock celebration. Phil signals for Adam & Rebecca to get on the mat even before he hands out the four hour penalty.
PHIL: Hayden & Aaron, you are the third team to arrive. C’mon in guys. However because you chose not to complete the roadblock you have been penalized four hours. You’ve both been eliminated from the race. Adam & Rebecca, you are the last team to arrive. However because of the penalty from these guys you are still in the race and will go on to race for the one million dollars. This is a strange situation. you guys.
Yep. The forbidden P-Word occurs on our TV set. Way to steal Adam & Rebecca’s finale thunder. Awkward for Adam & Rebecca to observe all of this. They say a bunch of mushy stuff that you don’t give a s— about. I will say this proposal is a lot less awkward than David Murphy and Carolina Eastwood. Potential TAR couple?
– UFC promo time for the first time all season.
“You have to be on your best to beat us.”
“We want to win.”
“It is ANYONE’s game.”
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
5th Lori & Bolo 4.6 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
4th Hayden & Aaron 2.92
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
Rank The Teams
7) Meredith & Maria
Neither of them could drive a stick. Neither of them could follow directions. Neither of them could do any of the tasks well. The out of shape 70 year olds beat them in a physical task. They are good people, but production loses marks for not catching on that this team is incapable of doing virtually any tasks on the Race. Why cast them if you know they will need a miracle or an insane number of equalizers to survive each round?
6) Don & Mary Jean
They earn points for refusing to beg money from locals. They stole cars. They misread clues. They could not find clues. Don was spontaneous and puked in the water to catch fish. I guess they weren’t too bland for the token old couple. Their record of not finishing better than eighth after five legs will not be beat.
5) Hayden & Aaron
For a mactor couple, they reasonably delivered. Anyone from this point forward is worthy of being considered good enough to be cast for TAR. Hayden’s overawareness of her ability to freak out and be impatient works well with Aaron being calming except for his random fits of anger. The way he tells Hayden to shut up in the most humourous ways possible and Hayden to be accepting of it is even better.
Their final episode is one of the best departure episodes I have seen from a team. That alone launches them into a halfway decent casting decision. The proposal is the least groan-worthy proposal stunt I have ever seen. You never got the impression Aaron was wanting to camera whore.
5) Gus & Hera
The minor leagues version of Gus & Hera. Gus views his daughter as being a child. Evidently that changes throughout the course of the race. Gus calls everyone a pain in the a–. He forms a secret alliance that lasts only one round. He cries in Senegal. Gus yells at Hera the first few legs and refuses to do any detour options that are fun. However it is funny to watch him run. I’d like to see him, Kendra, Flo, and Marshall in a foot race together. This team is solid enough to be cast. They should have been the bottom of the talent pool, though. This season however featured many that were worse than them.
4) Avi & Joe
They looked exactly like characters from Seinfeld. Avi had the potential to be one of the most polarizing players in TAR history. It is about as good cop/bad cop as a team could ever get in TAR. I must say it really was too bad that these two went home so early. Avi taunted at teams as he passed them in a car and Joe was a ‘nice guy’ to the others. We will forever question how their storyline would have played out if it wasn’t for a late leg error.
3) Lena & Kristy
They are the only all-female team in the past couple seasons to not talk about the ‘we need a female team to win!!!!1111oneoneone’ crap. Therefore, that alone made me be fans of theirs. They screwed up in the first couple legs but ran a nearly flawless third leg. However it was the same leg when production made its most poorly thought out roadblock in the history of TAR. I wish they would have let Lena find a clue before going onto the course and eliminating them. At least give her that satisfaction.
2) Lori & Bolo
Married professional wrestlers? What a hoot. They were nice racers who happened to have the ability to trash talk each other in a fashion that is humourous. They entertained other racers by having a match on a glacier in Iceland. Jonathan gets called out for shoving but Lori clothesline’s her husband and Bolo body slams his wife without any criticism met by the audience. These two are one of the few teams I give a nod to on this season. They were great.
1) Jonathan & Victoria
The judges declare this a no contest. Imagine how crappy of season TAR 6 is. Now remove Jonathan & Victoria from the first nine episodes. Would there be a single good thing memorable about the season without them? Nope.
Rank the Legs
1) Shanghai -> Xi’an (Terra Cotta Warriors om nom nom. Production made sure this leg was a doozy prior to the finale. Teams could not communicate with their cab drivers. They searched a major tourist destination for a clue relatively out of sight. Hayden & Aaron have one of the biggest blow-ups with a cab driver ever. The roadblock was freakin’ amazing. Pushing hay bales = no technique. Working a key into a lock = technique. A seventeen hour train ride at the beginning can wear you down too. This episode is the only one all season to remind me how fun the race can be.)
2) Goree Island -> Berlin (In a leg where slavery and the Holocaust are memorialized, Kendra calls for a genocide of “Ghetto Africa” and Jonathan shoves his wife. This episode is perhaps the single most important episode to why TAR survived being taken off the air.)
3) Sirigiya -> Shanghai (The least infuriating episode of the season. Unless you are Adam and do not like being called ‘honey’.)
4) Corsica -> Lalibela (One of the least infuriating legs of the season. Yeah there was an equalizer at the ferry and yes it gave Hayden & Aaron plenty of time to render the non-elimination moot. The rest of the episode went smoothly. Kendra’s asthma, Adam and Lori’s eyes for details, Adam & Rebecca’s hoodie pulling, and Jonathan being eliminated from the race literally because of an a– is a great completion to his and Victoria’s storyline.)
5) Reykavik -> Voss (I s’pose it was okay. There were a couple equalizers but at least they drove themselves all leg. Jonathan & Victoria carry this episode from start to finish with their antics. Adam’s ridiculousness persists with doing the roadblock, lost sunglasses, and jumping on train tracks. A pit stop penalty and old people stealing cars makes it a memorable one.
6) Chicago -> Reykavik (Errors, errors everywhere and not a team running flawless. This two hour premiere featured a secret alliance where two of the teams in the alliance finished tenth and eleventh. Nothing original as several equalizers occur and tasks are modeled after TAR 3, 4, and 5. It was okay I guess?
7) Budapest -> Corsica (An equalizer followed by a good battle for flights followed by. . .ANOTHER EQUALIZER! This season smokes the first five seasons for the equalizer record. The only reason why this leg is so high is because of how the tasks were so inspired by such a tiny place. Seeing Rebecca & Adam go from being romantically involved at the start of the race to being a mother-son duo in episode eight is great. Kris’ Lucy face is memorable as well as Jonathan being a major hypocrite and useless at nearly every task this round.)
8) Lalibela -> Sirigiya (Late equalizers really drag down the quality of this leg. A break from Jonathan & Victoria’s screaming did make this leg more refreshing than a country that chooses to be poor. Elephant polo and three teams being set up to swim the length of a pool simultaneously are highlights. The episode was an equalizer or two less away from being at the top of the rankings. Rebecca puts Operation Pretend Boyfriend into effect.)
9) Stockholm -> Dakar (Taking mactors out of their comfort zone is always fun. The only episode where Jonathan comes off as the best cast member in an environment. His adventures with Ejal, Adam whining as he digs up salt, and Don puking into the water was fun. What wasn’t fun were the high number of equalizers and Kendra becoming the absolute least tolerant contestant out of all 114 people to run the race course. This leg would hold the record for earliest non-elimination for a really long time. It is for a good reason because all it did was keep a crappy team in longer.)
10) Budapest -> Budapest (First route marker opens at 10pm. Following route marker opens at 10am. The team that was twelve hours behind is in a position to be in first and win the Fast Forward. Detour appears to take about ten minutes total. Freddy and Hera run into a gate that leads to Freddy freaking out. We see Freddy eat his own puke while other racers endure spicy food and one of the kookiest musical bands I have heard in my life. I s’pose those were the best parts. The equalizers, Gus & Hera’s unexplained elimination, and an unnecessary train brawl results in this leg being annoying.)
11) Berlin -> Budapest or Eger depending on which team you are (Trivants, Jonathan being a superhero, and Jonathan being kicked out of a cab. Jonathan carries a lone cannonball, sweet talks a cop, and attacks Gus & Hera. Oh, and a million equalizers including the first ever To Be Continued leg. What a God Awful twist. -_- )
12) Voss -> Stockholm (F— you producers. Worst episode of all time.)