TAR 6 episode 9 ranking

Ninth leg

1) If I recall correctly, six teams making it to leg nine is a record. In an era where all seasons were thirteen legs and a structure of a sequence being 8-8-7-7-6-6 compared to TAR 1-9 where you would be lucky to have one non-elimination prior to top five,  I say this is a record. Thank goodness because six episodes with six couples is much better than eight episodes with six couples.

2) Now that Kris & Jon have been given airtime everyone was on the ‘please let Kris & Jon’ bandwagon. The CBS popularity polls from the early years was one of my favourite things to research. Kris & Jon were in the high 80s percentile while all other teams were in the 30s-50s range with the exception of Hayden & Aaron who were in the 60s or Lori & Bolo. Kris & Jon are perhaps the only team cast for TAR not only because they appear to be mactors but because they are all around nice people. Can you name one mean thing that they have done? They even coach other teams to be nicer to each other. They aren’t like Rupert Boneham who appear to be nice but have large condescending egos. Kris & Jon are people you want to be your neighbour.

In other words, fans were ready to give up on this season if Kris & Jon were eliminated. If Adam won or Jonathan & Victoria or Freddy & Kendra, production would have to pretend this season never happened and hope the audience would come back. The finish to this season rides on Kris & Jon.

Previously on TAR: Jonathan gave Victoria a noogie. Teams raced to the French island of Corsica. Adam’s Fast Forward attempt is described by Phil as both comical and serious. He and Rebecca eventually claimed Fast Forward and the lead. At the roadblock Kendra made quick work of wine making. While Jonathan just made Victoria whine. Heh heh. Good one, Keoghan. Hayden and Aaron’s relationship problems continued to impact their performance and struggled all the way to pit stop. They were granted reprieve via non-elimination. Six teams remain. who will be eliminated–oh! A sparkly new mat! It’s a first! It is as unique as the pit stop mat used in the Songwe Village leg in the season premiere of TAR 1.

(ethiopia mat)

One of the more inspired changes to the race this season. That gorgeous mat may be criteria enough to make this leg the best of all for this season.

– Intro time.

– This is Corsica. French island on the Mediterranean. Hayden & Aaron were not eliminated but are stripped of all cash. Will Hayden & Aaron be defeated by this obstacle or will they rebound? Adam & Rebecca, who have now changed to Rebecca & Adam, arrived at 12:12pm, now depart at 12:12am. Travel by ferry to city of Nice, France and find a park that has a bust of a French WW1 hero. Rebecca goes to a hotel because she has a feeling a ferry will not be open at this hour. They talk about the ups and downs of their relationship. Freddy & Kendra depart at 2:03am. Whoa. Adam screws up in the SCUBA badly but they still have a two hour lead. An equalizer must be coming for TAR 6 production to let that happen.

– Ferries leave at 11:30am. Lori & Bolo call the city as ‘Nice’ as opposed to ‘Niece’. Bolo has lost twenty pounds from not being able to eat and running all the time. Hmmm. I never considered the potential of weight loss on TAR. Bolo’s muscle mass would lose about fifty pounds if he went on Survivor. Everyone eventually departs and talks about their communication or lack thereof. They all sit at the hotel. Hayden & Aaron get out at sunrise to beg for money. The hotel cost 115 Euros so I don’t know where Hayden & Aaron slept. The episode merely skips to the sunrise. Hayden & Aaron have so far succeeded with begging. The five teams get on the ferry as Hayden gets in at the last second. They begged for fifty more dollars on th ferry itself.

– Jonathan & Victoria wait at the ferry’s exit thinking the taxis will be waiting outside. They seem to have a solid minute head start as they enter the cab while the other five teams are calmly exiting the ferry’s stairs. Kris & Jon are the only team to not find a taxi immediately. Jonathan & Victoria are first to the statue. The clue tells them to go to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Africa. Kendra will be stoked. When they land they will sign up for a charter plane that will take them to the small town of Lalibela. The clue will sit on the van. Lori & Bolo are second. Rebecca exclaims when she discovers they will be going to Ethiopia. In the cab though she talks about how it will be depressing and sad. Adam scolds her for complaining about the poverty and not focusing on buying airline tickets.

– Hayden & Aaron and Freddy & Kendra fourth and fifth to the clue. Kendra said the country with excitement in her voice. Jonathan & Victoria continue their strategy of going to a travel agent.

Freddy does his best Tony Hawk impression as he clears the bushes at the park no problem. Next he’ll hold the back of the cab and hang on as it speeds down the mean streets of Nice.

FREDDY: Back to Africa.
KENDRA: It’s Ethiopia. It’s going to be depressing and third world. We just went to a third world country.

Oddly enough you are one of few people who are truly unhappy in a third world country. The locals do just fine. Maybe there is a Prozac App on your iPhone that you can use when you travel to a third world country. Kris & Jon are last to the clue and say they will go to a travel agent. Jonathan keeps asking the travel agent to look up flights to Addis Ababa and to do it fast. One problem:

How does that travel agent stay in business?! Ten bucks said they made up that the computer was down to stop Jonathan from screaming. Victoria was relatively calm asking for tickets. They head back into a cab.

JONATHAN: From now on this is my part. You just sit there at the back and sit on the chair and let me handle it.
VICTORIA: Shh, please don’t yell. Shhh. I told you to handle it and you scared her.
JONATHAN: No!

Jonathan is right. There is nothing scary about an American coming in and tapping on my desk rapidly telling me to look for tickets as fast as possible and repeats it three times in two seconds.

– First flight at Air France is 6:05pm for Lori & Bolo. They wander elsewhere. Adam & Rebecca talk to other airlines but they don’t have flights to Ethiopia today. Freddy & Kendra get in line at Air France but Lori cuts in front. Kendra gives an over the shoulder confessional calling them barbarians again and how she is tired of their childish antics. It’s okay. There will be an equalizer or an empty plane for everyone to get on anyway. Or both.

– The plane arrives at 10:00pm tomorrow. Freddy promises he will never let a team butt in front of her again and embraces her. What a tender moment for such a trivial incident. Lori & Bolo are flying through Rome and will get in at 10:00pm. So will Adam & Rebecca. The other flight goes through Cairo and gets in at 3:00am. Production is setting up 6:00am charter flights as we speak. No. 8:00am. Model alliance gets on 3:00am flight. Kris & Jon have an additional connection before getting to Addis Ababa. Victoria books a flight that gets in at 10:00pm.  Jonathan said Victoria was victorious. Strongest compliment he has given her all season. He said Victoria was flawless. So much for Jonathan’s plan for her to sit in a chair. Lori & Bolo are sleeping in the Rome hotel. The other teams sleep in the Nice hotel.

Hayden does a double take to both sides of her as she wakes up. Is it not normal to wake up from a dream in a French airport? What about the cameras stuffed in your face as you open your eyes? It is as enjoyable as breakfast in bed.

– Adam talks about how he woke up early and strayed from his mommy to search for better flights. He goes to Alitalia and purchases tickets for a 10:00pm flight. Maybe Rebecca has a bit more confidence in Adam’s abilities to talk to agents in a cool manner despite the Hellboy hair. Rebecca ruins their advantage by telling Kris & Jon about the flight. Big deal because the racers assume there will be an equalizer and sharing information when equalizers are abound will pay off for the last third of the leg when you will receive information in a racing situation. Can’t fault her for that. Adam is angry at Rebecca for not keeping her mouth shut and not playing the game. She is present for the confessional as Adam both addresses the camera and Rebecca simultaneously. He follows her as she slumps into a chair. Survey says Rebecca does not care that the race is tighter. Adam hates that he broke his neck trying to get this flight.

REBECCA: I’m so over it. I love the game and love being here and love doing this but I don’t love being with you I hate being with you. You make me so miserable. All the time. All the time.

How will Adam overreact this time?

Rebecca stands up but Adam tackles her back into the seat. The Shove is soooo four legs ago.

ADAM: Scoot over.
REBECCA: No!
ADAM: I don’t hate you for telling them. I just think it was not the right move.
REBECCA: You are very abusive and you know what you’re just as bad as Jonathan & Victoria. And you know what I’m the a– because I stay. And as soon as we get home I’m out of this relationship.
ADAM: That’s fine, that’s fine.
REBECCA: I wasted so much energy on you. I wasted two years on you. I don’t want to waste another minute.

What happened to dumping him in Norway slightly then adding the finishing touch in Hungary? How many countries can you break up with somebody?

This is a perfectly normal distance to have this conversation, right? Don’t exes keep no further than five millimetres from each other.

Why is mommy angry?

– Commerical. Adam apologizes and tells her to stop crying.

Rebecca demonstrates that she too can have a flare for the dramatics. Will Adam let himself be outmatched?

He stretches his T-Shirt as far as possible and does it too! What the heck is the purpose of that?  What is this? Trayvon Martin Day?

– Phil recaps everyone’s flights. Kris & Jon, Adam & Rebecca, and Jonathan & Victoria have joined Lori & Bolo. Jon is shocked to hear Bolo tell him that they have been here since last night. The two charter flights? One departs at 8:00am and the other at 8:30am. Adam & Rebecca are first to sign up and are on the first charter. Jonathan & Victoria are second. Adam signals Bolo to where the charter counter is so they’re third. Kris & Jon are pushed to the second charter. Adam & Rebecca tell us they wanted Lori & Bolo on the charter because they view Kris & Jon as their strongest competition.
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THEN WHY DID YOU JUST GIVE THEM YOUR FLIGHT INFORMATION TO ADDIS ABABA TEN MINUTES AGO!

– The second flight was delayed to 3:30am. Freddy barely has his eyes open when he gives a confessional. Him and Aaron are confident they are the last teams. It does not matter as a 5 1/2 hour disadvantage turns into a 30 minute disadvantage and being bunched with Kris & Jon. First charter flight departs. Adam thought it would be all desert but it is actually lush and green.

– Next charter departs as a million mactors take up all seats. Jonathan & Victoria are first to the van. They must direct their driver to Lewz Village to receive their next clue. Jonathan & Victoria ruin their lead by asking around the airport for guides. Lori & Bolo move up to first with Adam & Rebecca on their tail. How much time do Jonathan & Victoria waste looking for a guide?

VICTORIA: LET’S GO! YOU’RE WASTING TIME! THE OTHER PLANE IS COMING IN RIGHT NOW!
JONATHAN: Oh be quiet.

– They enter the van. Jonathan tells the driver to stop if he sees a guide. Good luck with a driver being able to identify a guide within seconds of passing by them on the road. The other three teams enter vans.

– KENDRA: This place is much better than Dakar. It’s a different kind of poverty it’s like these people choose to be this way. I think it’s actually refreshing.

The only reason people are happy to hear Kendra’s comment is because she is in last place. The audience expects sweet justice to be served.

By the way, I have broken down Kendra’s mind and how it views Africa. I present to you Kendra’s geographic knowledge of the third world!

The map may or may not be to scale. Wait, Kendra has more to say?

KENDRA: The animals aren’t even as skinny.

Perfect.

– Bolo stops to ask for directions momentarily. This allows for Adam & Rebecca to pass them. Jonathan sees a guide on the road.

JONATHAN: You guide? You speak English? What colour is that up there?
GUIDE: Sky.
JONATHAN: No, no, no–
GUIDE: Sun.
JONATHAN: Oh sun, okay. C’mon. I pay you half now half later.
VICTORIA: Does he know where it is?
JONATHAN: It doesn’t make a difference.
VICTORIA: It does make a difference.
JONATHAN: It doesn’t. Show him the clue.

This will work well. Guides who respond with ‘sky’ and ‘sun’ as colours and may not know where the route marker is fits Jonathan’s criteria for a guide. I am pretty sure the definition of a guide is ‘someone who may or may not know where to take you where you want to go’.

JONATHAN: Do you know what a competition is?
GUIDE: …..
VICTORIA: We just need to get there fast.
JONATHAN: Victoria work with me here. He’s in the car.Let’s see if we can communicate.

Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

– Aaron gets out to ask for directions. Jonathan & Victoria, Lori & Bolo, and Adam & Rebecca are in a foot race to the clue box. Adam is there first.

If Slippy from Star Fox was a Chinese person who spoke Broken English, he’d be saying “DO A BOLO ROLL!”

– Detour time. Raise the Roof or Mud the Hut. In Raise the Roof, teams will join locals to carry a thatched roof two-thirds of a mile to a small house. Once there they will place the roof on top and receive their next clue. Wow. That’s it? A really simple task if you ask me. Two-thirds of a mile is not far. In Mud the Hut, teams use a plaster made of dirt, mud, and water to cover a wall of a traditional Ethiopian hut. It’s messy and covering a wall takes a while. The three teams decide to shovel mud and throw it at a hut. Really? Oh and Jonathan strips down to his shorts. Wait. Adam & Rebecca are carrying the thatched roof. The seven locals volunteer instantly. I am surprised Lori & Bolo did not choose the option that utilizes their strength.

– The trailing three teams get to the detour. Freddy & Kendra are throwin’ mud. A little kid greets the teams as they run past. All the teams greet him. Kris & Jon and Hayden & Aaron are raising the roof. All of the teams doin’ mud are stripping down. Freddy says his finger is cut. Oh gracious. Is this like when he hit his head on the gate and there were no visible marks?

Can you guess which one? 😀

– Kendra tells him he needs first aid. Freddy says to wait until after. The best treatment for skin torn apart is to get as much dirt, mud, and water in there as possible. That will wipe away the bacteria guaranteed. Kendra is back in Wilma mode. Adam & Rebecca complete detour after they place a jug on the thatched roof.  Teams must now lead a couple of donkeys to St. George’s Church three miles away. They will hand the donkeys to a farmer who will hand them the next clue.  Did you know St. George’s is a UNESCO site? I only found out until recently. Caution: Yield Ahead.

Tell me that is not bada–. Kendra believes they chose to carve it that way. For once a guess about a third world country is correct.

– Adam & Rebecca pass Hayden & Aaron. Kendra tells Freddy that she is putting his cut finger into crap.

REBECCA: Move your a– you a–. HEH HEH HEH. Is there instruction on donkey handling?

– Hayden & Aaron and Kris & Jon finish carrying the roof. They are in second and third.I do declare that carrying a roof with the help of locals was indeed as easy as it sounded. Rebecca imposes her will on the donkeys. She yanks on the donkey and is highly amused by how futile her efforts are proving to be. She catches up with Adam and takes his donkey. He has to go back and drag a new one.

AARON: I’m good at guiding asses.

AARON: Just kidding.

I am sure Hayden is rolling her eyes at Aaron at home. Hayden asks children how to walk to St. George’s Church. She passes Adam & Rebecca. Lori & Bolo finish detour and are fourth. Kris & Jon pass Adam.

– Jonathan & Victoria are close to finishing.

VICTORIA: Everywhere that you touch Jon–AHHHH. AHHH. AHHHHHHHHH. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

Victoria takes off to a station where locals or people hired by production pour a liquid on Victoria.

JONATHAN (still casually flinging mud at the wall): I don’t know what’s going on.
KENDRA: JONATHAN HELP HER!

Whoa. Freddy & Kendra are last but Kendra decides to engage in the shouting relationship of Jonathan & Victoria. Kendra even puts her feet together and scrunches her shoulders as she fires Jonathan dirty look. If Jonathan stops on the wall then maybe Freddy & Kendra can pass them. I doubt that was Kendra’s intentions are though. She is not diabolical enough to come up with that big of a strategic play.

– KENDRA: You okay, sweetie?
VICTORIA: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.
JONATHAN: Victoria–
KENDRA: She’s screaming go help her you a–hole.
FREDDY: Jonathan, c’mon.
VICTORIA: I’m not gonna get eliminated because my fingers hurt.
JONATHAN: I don’t know what’s wrong babe.
KENDRA: HE DIDN’T EVEN HELP HER!
VICTORIA: We’re never gonna finish now.
JONATHAN: Mind over matter.
VICTORIA: AHH AHH AHH. GODDDDDD.
JONATHAN: Let’s go. Mind over matter.
VICTORIA: MY HAND!

Screamers always end up at the back of the pack. Kendra may not care for “Ghetto Africa” but caring for other teams is on her list. Victoria’s hand is mauled. Jonathan sits at the wall and did not throw any mud the whole time. He spends his energy coaching Victoria to come back rather than throw mud at the wall himself. Freddy & Kendra take the time from the dead last position to yell at him. What a hot mess this task is.

– In a world where people are sane, Aaron & Hayden are in the lead while Jon learns the origin of the words ‘Jackass’. It is the most vocal I have heard Jon all season.

– Jonathan & Victoria finish. They cannot find the donkeys and the map in their bag. Victoria is screaming at Jonathan the whole time. Victoria reads the clue and reads the map to see where they need to go.  She tells Jonathan to grab the donkeys. Freddy & Kendra find the donkeys. Lori & Bolo, Adam & Rebecca, and Kris & Jon are all bunched together as they use the children to guide them where to go along the way.

VICTORIA: MY FEET ARE GETTING CHEWED ON LET ME PUT MY SHOES ON GIVE ME MY SHOES GIVE ME MY  SHOES.
JONATHAN: Let’s go.
VICTORIA: Thanks for taking us the hard way.
JONATHAN: Let’s go.
VICTORIA: It’s not like you’re carrying anything.

Yep. All of that screaming in a single sentence. And is she being sarcastic about that last part?

Nope. She is carrying a bag and the ‘Sky is a Colour’ Guide is carrying the other. Jonathan’s shorts are all the weight he can muster to carry. And a two pound Hungarian cannonball. Victoria can hold the other four cannonballs.

– Freddy & Kendra get the TWO donkeys and are fearful of being yielded.

There’s Jonathan & Victoria’s donkey. But where’s the other donkey? Seriously where is the other one? There is no other one? Crap.

VICTORIA: How did Freddy & Kendra beat us?
JONATHAN: Why can’t you quiet down?
VICTORIA: I don’t want to lose because of you.
JONATHAN: It’s not because of me.

So by process of elimination the person that will make the team lose in Jonathan’s eyes is. . .? It’s not like both of you are playing the blame game for the ninth leg in a row.

– Hayden & Aaron deliver the donkeys who may or may not be that night’s dinner. They step on the Yield mat. Phil explains us the concept of the Yield. Hayden & Aaron yield to no one and do not yield anyone themselves. Roadblock time. Who has an eye for detail? In this roadblock one person will enter the 850-year old church carved deep into the Earth from solid rock. Inside they will receive a pendant from the head priest. They will search a crowd of one hundred worshippers who are lined up wearing pendants. It is a classic ‘match what you have with this local’ and you will receive your next clue. Aaron is confident Hayden can do it. She enters alone (with camera personnel no doubt) into the church. Candles light the dark room and music plays outside.

– A unique TAR soundtrack plays. Like something from A Knight’s Tale or some Middle Ages inspired piece. Hayden feels energy like she has never felt in her life. Bolo puts his hands on a donkey and backs that ass up. Juvenile would be proud. We transition to a freak attack.

KENDRA: OOOOH UHHHH. HONEY. OOOOOH UHHH.
FREDDY: Huh?
KENDRA: I can’t breathe. OOOH UHHHH.
FREDDY: Slow down. Deep breaths.
KENDRA: I can’t breathe. OOOH UHHH.
FREDDY: Deep breaths honey deep breaths.
KENDRA: I used to have asthma as a little girl. OOOH UHHH.
FREDDY: Control your breathing. Hyperventilation. Think about your breathing. Slow it down.
KENDRA: Honey this hasn’t happened to me in fifteen years!

Control your breathing? What is she? Bruce Banner? Where is Kendra’s heart monitor so it doesn’t go above 200 beats per minute! In other news I think Kendra is not used to this much exercise in fifteen years and the anxiety of being in last because of a yield is not helping.

– KENDRA: The kids are just unbelievable. They actually held my backpack and said ‘c’mon Kendra we’ll get through this together’. I want to take them home.

Why can you not take them home? Did production tell you that slavery and child labour in the home violates certain American laws? I bet that is where the interview cuts off.

– What’s golden is we cut to Victoria who is struggling to breathe. Jonathan’s prescription is that she needs some self-respect. How supportive. Hayden gives a clue and receives the clue. A kid chats with her on the way out and make small talk. It was Hayden’s favourite experience so far in the race. The pit stop is located at the Lalibela Lookout. Teams are required to race on foot on this rocky trail to get there. Last team to check in here unless TAR wants to go overboard with non-eliminations. I wonder if Heather & Eve would have still convinced themselves to catch a cab in this environment?

– Lori & Bolo pass Kris & Jon. She will do the roadblock. Kris & Jon arrive next. Kris is doing it. She sees the people lined up and examines the pendants.

The roadblock asked who has an eye for detail.

Has an eye for detail or rather a lineup of a hundred worshippers.

Does not have an eye for a hundred people standing in a line. Lori asks for directions to a group of people down below in plain sight. Something tells me the wrong person did this roadblock.

– Freddy & Kendra have caught up with Adam & Rebecca. They find a short route but they are forbidden passage because there is a religious ceremony going on. They are frustrated to walk all the way around it. Precious time has been lost. You know who lost more time? The team who delivered one donkey. Victoria starts crying and declares it is over. Jonathan said if she did not panic it would have been fine. Victoria proceeds to tell Jonathan that he is capable of reading too. Three miles back and three miles there again. Wonderful. They had fourth locked down before this. We transition to Kris doing the roadblock. Lori went through everyone and cannot find a match. She fails once and tries again. Kris finishes the roadblock. A kid leads them to the pit stop. Where are their parents?

– Lori reluctantly hands over a pendant. It is correct. She completes the roadblock and meets back up with Bolo. They start walking. Jonathan & Victoria insist for Adam & Rebecca to yield Freddy & Kendra who are a few steps ahead of them. Kendra is stuck on the top of the hill and allows for Adam & Rebecca to pass them. Jonathan’s persistence pays off as Adam & Rebecca do indeed yield Freddy & Kendra. They say it was a move of self-preservation. Two teams at least fifteen minutes behind you is better than one. Jonathan & Victoria waste time screaming at Adam & Rebecca to find out if they used the yield. Rebecca screams back they did. How fast can Jonathan & Victoria make up six miles?

– Freddy picks Kendra up from the hill. They non-chalantly acknowledge being yielded. Freddy points out it was because Kendra was stuck on the hill. She is pissed Freddy is pinning this on her. Freddy gives up and says it does not matter. Kendra rolls her eyes and stands away from Freddy. I wish I could see Flo be yielded in TAR.

– Adam & Rebecca are at roadblock. Rebecca says she does not have an eye for detail and they both laugh. Inside joke that she has poor vision? Adam is doing it. Rebecca screams for Adam to hurry up and we hear the voice echo.

REBECCA: Oops. It’s a very sacred place. I shouldn’t scream. Sorry.

Something Jonathan & Victoria should observe for at least thirty minutes per day.

Also has an eye for detail. Why is it so hard to miss a gathering of one hundred people?

REBECCA: Never said a woman to do a man’s job.

SSSSNAP!

– Adam talks to a local who will send him where the monks live. He has a bad feeling about this. Although the clue did say to seek the worshippers. But do they wear fancy schmancy pendants? Hayden & Aaron are led to the pit stop. Getting all of their money taken away really hindered them, eh? A trip to a ‘beautiful’ place I imagine? But first Phil must tell them they are team number one.
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It’s exotic Mexico. Again. Boo. I’m stuck at two points. Hayden believes the non-elimination gave them a kick in the pants.

– Lori & Bolo hit the pit stop second. Phil tells them they do not smell good. see what I mean about Phil slowly building on creating a personality as a host? Lori offers a hug but Phil shakes his head. Kris & Jon are team number three. Adam freaks out at a local who says the monks have returned to St. George which is where he and the local started. Freddy & Kendra’s sand runs out. Freddy is doing the roadblock regardless if he wears those huge glasses. He bails on the bridge to Terabithiopia. I can’t get a clear screen cap of it though.

– The donkey’s gear pokes Victoria in the butt. She does not scream about this one though.

Awkwarrrd.

KENDRA: Why did you guys yield us? Why didn’t you guys yield them?
REBECCA: Those are great questions.

Well if Freddy & Kendra don’t hate you now then I am sure your response made them hate you forever, Rebecca.

– Freddy is inside the church. He hands the pendant over and kisses the man’s robes. Unusual Freddy behaviour. He and Kendra win the clue together. Adam has found his way back to the church and is done. Rebecca reads the clue and out of NOWHERE Adam starts whining and crying about he screwed up and paces up and down the hill. This is what Rebecca has meant all along that she has to be more of a mother than a girlfriend. She calms him down as Adam is flailing his arms around and pouting about the situation.

– Victoria requests the guide’s extra shirt so she can wear it inside the church. I s’pose a bikini top inside the church would not be appropriate. She is indeed doing the roadblock and succeeds. Her and Jonathan have a powwow to discuss that it is a pit stop. Freddy & Kendra check into it in fourth place. The yield had little effect. Jonathan requests the locals to put their arms up. Adam & Rebecca are doing the more useful act of running. They arrive in fifth. Adam pouts for a split second before we transition to Jonathan & Victoria.

Jonathan has brought back to life the 1968 Olympic Games podium salute. I doubt Kendra would know what that means.

– Jonathan & Victoria check into the pit stop. But first. . .

Jonathan has to bow before all thirty of his new friends before he turns to check into the pit stop. Did he have time to explain to them the shove incident that will appear on cable television in a few months?  I would love to know their reaction to it.

– Jonathan begs for it to be a non-elimination as he shakes Phil’s hand. It is a solemn mood. Phil tells them they are last and that they have been eliminated. Victoria is crying and Jonathan said it was a trying day.

JONATHAN: The world is a very tough place. And if you can conquer anything about it individually or as a couple then you’re doing a good job. And that’s really what it comes down to.

Contrast it with the nine weeks of screaming and screaming and playing the blame game, then yes, I’d say a calm departure is the biggest victory they’ll get.  They wander off to the hillside’s ledge and cry in each other’s arms. I would have preferred more screaming myself.

Next time on TAR: Rebecca gives Adam a dose of his own medicine. Hayden barks up the wrong tree. And Lori freaks out at Bolo.

So that ends the TAR legends of Jonathan & Victoria. It is the only time they finished in last place but incidentally so many non-eliminations have been used up that there was no hope to be saved. I predict the number of screen caps will go down by thirty percent for the remaining four episodes. I leave you with this video:

A thing of beauty.

*SPOILER* He gets too close to Joe.

P.S. A YouTube commenter expressed that the only reason an a– is eliminated from the race is literally because of an a–. Fantastic.

Confessionals

Adam&Rebecca 6.6
Freddy&Kendra 4.7
Hayden&Aaron 5.3
Jonathan&Victoria 5.2
Kris&Jon 2.0
Lori&Bolo 1.2

12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8

9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
6th Jonathan & Victoria 3.56
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF

Rank The Teams

5) Meredith & Maria

Neither of them could drive a stick. Neither of them could follow directions. Neither of them could do any of the tasks well. The out of shape 70 year olds beat them in a physical task. They are good people, but production loses marks for not catching on that this team is incapable of doing virtually any tasks on the Race. Why cast them if you know they will need a miracle or an insane number of equalizers to survive each round?

4) Don & Mary Jean

They earn points for refusing to beg money from locals. They stole cars. They misread clues. They could not find clues. Don was spontaneous and puked in the water to catch fish. I guess they weren’t too bland for the token old couple. Their record of not finishing better than eighth after five legs will not be beat.

3) Gus & Hera

The minor leagues version of Gus & Hera. Gus views his daughter as being a child. Evidently that changes throughout the course of the race. Gus calls everyone a pain in the a–. He forms a secret alliance that lasts only one round. He cries in Senegal. Gus yells at Hera the first few legs and refuses to do any detour options that are fun. However it is funny to watch him run. I’d like to see him, Kendra, Flo, and Marshall in a foot race together. This team is solid enough to be cast. They should have been the bottom of the talent pool, though. This season however featured many that were worse than them.

2) Avi & Joe

They looked exactly like characters from Seinfeld. Avi had the potential to be one of the most polarizing players in TAR history. It is about as good cop/bad cop as a team could ever get in TAR. I must say it really was too bad that these two went home so early. Avi taunted at teams as he passed them in a car and Joe was a ‘nice guy’ to the others. We will forever question how their storyline would have played out if it wasn’t for a late leg error.

2) Lena & Kristy

They are the only all-female team in the past couple seasons to not talk about the ‘we need a female team to win!!!!1111oneoneone’ crap. Therefore, that alone made me be fans of theirs. They screwed up in the first couple legs but ran a nearly flawless third leg. However it was the same leg when production made its most poorly thought out roadblock in the history of TAR. I wish they would have let Lena find a clue before going onto the course and eliminating them. At least give her that satisfaction.

1) Jonathan & Victoria

The judges declare this a no contest. Imagine how crappy of season TAR 6 is. Now remove Jonathan & Victoria from the first nine episodes. Would there be a single good thing memorable about the season without them? Nope.

Rank the Legs

1) Goree Island -> Berlin (In a leg where slavery and the Holocaust are memorialized, Kendra calls for a genocide of “Ghetto Africa” and Jonathan shoves his wife. This episode is perhaps the single most important episode to why TAR survived being taken off the air.)

2) Corsica -> Lalibela (One of the least infuriating legs of the season. Yeah there was an equalizer at the ferry and yes it gave Hayden & Aaron plenty of time to render the non-elimination moot. The rest of the episode went smoothly. Kendra’s asthma, Adam and Lori’s eyes for details, Adam & Rebecca’s hoodie pulling, and Jonathan being eliminated from the race literally because of an a– is a great completion to his and Victoria’s storyline.)

3) Reykavik -> Voss (I s’pose it was okay. There were a couple equalizers but at least they drove themselves all leg. Jonathan & Victoria carry this episode from start to finish with their antics. Adam’s ridiculousness persists with doing the roadblock, lost sunglasses, and jumping on train tracks. A pit stop penalty and old people stealing cars makes it a memorable one.

4) Chicago -> Reykavik (Errors, errors everywhere and not a team running flawless. This two hour premiere featured a secret alliance where two of the teams in the alliance finished tenth and eleventh. Nothing original as several equalizers occur and tasks are modeled after TAR 3, 4, and 5. It was okay I guess?

5) Budapest -> Corsica (An equalizer followed by a good battle for flights followed by. . .ANOTHER EQUALIZER! This season smokes the first five seasons for the equalizer record. The only reason why this leg is so high is because of how the tasks were so inspired by such a tiny place. Seeing Rebecca & Adam go from being romantically involved at the start of the race to being a mother-son duo in episode eight is great. Kris’ Lucy face is memorable as well as Jonathan being a major hypocrite and useless at nearly every task this round.)

6) Stockholm -> Dakar (Taking mactors out of their comfort zone is always fun. The only episode where Jonathan comes off as the best cast member in an environment. His adventures with Ejal, Adam whining as he digs up salt, and Don puking into the water was fun. What wasn’t fun were the high number of equalizers and Kendra becoming the absolute least tolerant contestant out of all 114 people to run the race course. This leg would hold the record for earliest non-elimination for a really long time. It is for a good reason because all it did was keep a crappy team in longer.)

7) Budapest -> Budapest (First route marker opens at 10pm. Following route marker opens at 10am. The team that was twelve hours behind is in a position to be in first and win the Fast Forward. Detour appears to take about ten minutes total. Freddy and Hera run into a gate that leads to Freddy freaking out. We see Freddy eat his own puke while other racers endure spicy food and one of the kookiest musical bands I have heard in my life. I s’pose those were the best parts. The equalizers, Gus & Hera’s unexplained elimination, and an unnecessary train brawl results in this leg being annoying.)

8) Berlin -> Budapest or Eger depending on which team you are (Trivants, Jonathan being a superhero, and Jonathan being kicked out of a cab. Jonathan carries a lone cannonball, sweet talks a cop, and attacks Gus & Hera. Oh, and a million equalizers including the first ever To Be Continued leg. What a God Awful twist. -_- )

9) Voss -> Stockholm (F— you producers. Worst episode of all time.)

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