Previously on TAR: Jonathan & Victoria picked a slow line at the airport that allowed trailing team Gus & Hera to go to a faster line and take the remaining seats on the flight. Jonathan was pissed off and yelled at ticketing agents as well as Gus. Females performed a roadblock earlier in the episode. Several teams had troubles with Trivants. Adam broke it down but Rebecca took the driver’s seat. Lori & Bolo fell into last place. Six teams made it to the Net Klub Kafe while delays continued for Lori & Bolo. Seven teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?
– Intro time. This season sucks. This season sucks. This season sucks. This season sucks. Except for the route. This season sucks. This season sucks. This season sucks. End of intro.
– Lori & Bolo grab their bags as Lori spits and Bolo checks for more planes.
– Kafe opens. Only three teams are allowed in at once. Freddy & Kendra, Gus & Hera, and Jonathan & Victoria. They open a message where Phil performs a video clue that tells them to check their AOL e-mail address inbox. It is AOL 9.0 optimized.
JONATHAN: Communicating with AOL is like communicating with my best friend.
TAR has succumbed to product placement at the start of the leg. Groan.
– Next clue is three miles away in Hungary’s Heritage Museum. Once here they will ride one team at a time to the next clue on a tiny train car that travels up to sixty miles an hour.
KENDRA: Hours of operation. . .10am to 6pm.
>_> F— you, production. This is a 24 hour pit stop.
– JON: That’s sweet!
KRIS: I miss AOL.
– Lori & Bolo are told by a conductor that a train goes to Budapest at 2:55am. Production intervention, I guarantee you. Employees don’t go from telling you trains leave at 7:30am to 2:55am.
– Jonathan & Victoria are first out of the Kafe.
JONATHAN: R-A-C-E. Race, Victoria.
Meanwhile the audience is thinking nothing but S-H-O-V-E, Jonathan.
– JONATHAN: Let’s go let’s go. Hurry up. Come on. There’s a taxi. Hold the cab, run run, run, fast, fast, fast.
– Freddy & Kendra slip into the cab. I should note Jonathan was way closer to the cab than Victoria.
JONATHAN: What part of ‘hold the cab’ don’t you understand?
VICTORIA: Why didn’t you get the cab if it was so important?
JONATHAN: Shut up. Shut up. This is why women don’t rule the world.
Nothing indicates the inadequacy for women power when Victoria fails to SHOVE Jonathan out of the way to hold a cab. I can’t imagine how boring and how much more I would hate this season if these two were not around to expel their crazy energy into the streets of Budapest. This is still the same day that Jonathan was thrown out of a cab and charmed a police officer. How can these two possess so much energy?
– Gus is looking forward to rest.
ADAM: Wait I just did it wrong.
REBECCA: Babe, why are you retarded right now?
AOL statement (disclaimer–this is made up): If somebody fails to use our product correctly, then you must be retarded. That is the only explanation as our technology is so easy to use that only a retard could screw it up. . .not that there’s anything wrong with being a retard.
AOL said only retards can’t use their product. Yay for product placement?????
– Lori & Bolo get on the ghost train. Not many tourists ride at three o’ clock in the morning. The four young couples meet on the street. They agree to find a place to eat at three in the morning. Adam will have none of it.
ADAM: Is that a pizza place down there? C’mon Rebecca. Follow me.
Adam has his mind on a romantic pizza date with Rebecca.
Rebecca either did not hear him nor care as she follows the other teams. Shut down on a date by your own teammate.
– ADAM: Rebecca where you are going?
REBECCA: C’mon, Adam.
Where is she going? What’s more puzzling is you walked alone from seven other players, four camera operators, and four sound crew.
– Kris’ team and Hayden’s team comments on the awesome Gothic architecture of Budapest. Adam’s whiny voice chimes in to spoil the mood.
ADAM: Let’s go be romantic by ourselves.
REBECCA: I’m so over being romantic with you. I don’t wanna be romantic with you. You’re like my brother. I like being with them.
ADAM (squeaky): I like being with them too, but–
REBECCA: They don’t wanna be with us because we suck
ADAM (puts hand on her hair): We’re not fighting–
REBECCA: And the sucky part about it is that I’m a cool chick. I’m fun to hang out with.
ADAM: I just want you to remember every time you say something bad about being romantic or anything like that, I offered I said ‘lets go by ourselves–
REBECCA: Whatever, Adam. I’m so over you. Go away. I’d rather be by myself than with you.
Rebecca looks at the other three couples and sees their relationships to be so much healthier. Adam says their relationship has issues but still has love for her. Tara & Wil anyone? Where’s Alex so Rebecca can start dating him and send the message to Adam?
By the way, everything up to this point has been Rebecca stating in confessionals from episode two or three that their relationship is over. This is the first time she said it to Adam’s face. What a way to dump an ex. You did it on the Gothic steps on the Stephen Colbert Hid in Budapest at four o’ clock in the morning during the filming of a reality TV show. That’s eternal bragging rights.
– What does Jonathan say about Victoria?
Any other brilliant insults you have up your sleeve, Jonathan? And did Jonathan fail to recall that this fight is over a cab that only has to drive three miles for a route marker that does not open for over eleven hours? Take the time to rest.
– The six teams enter a hotel that sits on a boat. Bolo accidentally knocks into a guy as he steps off the train. He proceeds to whistle loudly for a cab. Lori corrects him that this is not New York Cit-Eh. They both look like members of alcoholics anonymous. They get to the Kafe at dawn and are first to the railway station. They made up a ten hour deficit in about six minutes of footage. The equalizers this season have been more abusive than Jonathan.
– The six teams are shown flagging down taxis and head to the railway station. Jonathan is animate with his hands to describe that it is a race. Lori & Bolo tell the others they are at the front of the line. Freddy & Kendra are the last team there. There is a gate in front of the railway station. All seven teams are lined up along it. The catch here is that when the gate goes up everybody has to run to pull a number to be on the train because only one team gets on the train per fifteen to twenty minutes.
– The gate goes up but it stops momentarily midway.
Freddy hits his head, Aaron braces himself with his hands, Kendra may have clipped it, and Hera ran into it full on. The adrenaline should keep them going.
KENDRA: Are you bleeding?
FREDDY: I don’t know.
KENDRA: Do you think somebody held it.
FREDDY: I don’t know.
Pulling numbers is insane compared to the gate crash. What was once a stand is lying horizontally on the ground held by Jon, Adam, and Bolo. They are shoving each other for numbers. Hayden gets in on it too and Aaron sneaks in. The last few teams struggle to find numbers as they are in the rocks, concrete, and bottom of people’s shoes. Safety was not a concern for production.
– But there is a new issue on the table.
FREDDY: Who pulled the gate down?
JON: You mean the stand for the numbers that we mauled?
FREDDY: No, the gate! Who pulled it down?
EVERYONE ELSE: Dunno. Shrug. We didn’t.
LORI: Us four couldn’t have. You really think it was us?
Kris looks like a kid denying she took a cookie from the cookie jar. Father Freddy stares into her pressuring her to confess.
FREDDY: Who pulled the gate down? I wanna know NOW!
Intimidating model pose.
FREDDY (to JON): I WANNA KNOW NOW! WAS IT YOU?!
JON: Calm down, buddy.
LORI: It couldn’t have been any of us four, we were too far ahead.
I love this random shot of Bolo sheepishly holding up ‘1’ to the camera. He can’t believe he made up twelve hours of time and jump to the ‘1’ spot while Freddy is throwing a tantrum in his Squints-like glasses.
FREDDY: WHEN I FIND OUT WHO PULLED THE GATE DOWN IT’S SOMEBODY’S A–!
Freddy jumps into an index finger point while he shouts this. He looks like a vanishing figure from The Mummy or Egyptian lore. Someone goes over to calm Freddy down and tells him to walk it off. This person is comforting. Compassionate. A known diffuser of all situations. Passive.
It’s effing Jonathan. You know you have truly gone nuts and over the top when Mr. ShoveMaster and Mr. I Jump at the Starting Line is injecting you with a chill pill. He rubs his shoulder.
JONATHAN: C’mon. Walk it off. Walk it off. Seriously.
– The players talk about the situation. Hera was hit the hardest based on the footage. However she cries about it quietly and explains to everyone else what happened.
But more pressing issues are needed to attend to as Freddy is on a tirade.
FREDDY: ONE OF YOU I’M GOING TO BREAK IN HALF!!!
Unless it’s Lori, Bolo, Jonathan, Gus, Victoria, Rebecca, Kris, Kendra, Hera, Hayden, Aaron, or Jon. Hellboy is the only person Freddy could successfully take.
FREDDY: I’M TELLING YOU NOW ONE OF YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!
RAILWAY DRIVER: Team number one?
Heh. Perfect transition. From the petty tantrum to, you know, something that actually matters.
– Lori & Bolo are on the train.
LORI: It don’t mean we’re ahead.
BOLO: . . .We’re first.
Ohhh. Lori understands why you guys were hitting your heads on gates or mauling stands to pull the ‘1’. They are at the clue box. There’s a Fast Forward. Phil explains that this is one of two Fast Forwards and that teams can only take one on the race, and thus decide when it is most advantageous to go for it. You’ll understand why that last part is really dumb to explain under the new rules, Phil. In this Fast Forward, teams will enter a Hungarian underground labyrinth. Hungary used to be a part of Transylvania. Therefore teams will take part in the legend of the vampire and each person will drink a goblet of pig’s blood to claim the Fast Forward. More difficult than the days where you had to fly with the Voladores.
– Lori & Bolo are indeed going for the Fast Forward because it is the only strategic move that ever makes these sense under the new rules. Hayden & Aaron somehow are second on the train. Avoiding the initial dogpile benefited Hayden. Next clue is seven miles away at the Marquee Island on the Danube River in Nemzeti Sportuszoda. Hayden deduces that Lori & Bolo aren’t dumba–es so they head to the Sportuszoda.
– LORI: Why did Freddy keep looking at us?
BOLO(nasal imitation of Freddy): You messed my face up! You messed my face up! Waaaah,
BOLO (imitation of a MC): They ain’t gonna take no pictures with that face! Supermodelll!
I never knew Bolo had that great of capabilities to possess a sense of humour. I am not doing this moment justice. I was waiting for it all episode.
– Kris comments the car is “vibraty”. Hayden & Aaron struggle to find a cab that is empty. Adam & Rebecca are fourth inside. Another cab passes Hayden. Kris & Jon catch a cab and pass Hayden on the way. Aaron nearly fingers them. Kris calls them ‘Heron’ and ‘Ayden’. She says she always screws it up. Freddy is still whining about his face. Aaron catches a cab. Freddy & Kendra are fifth in the car. Jonathan is next. Gus & Hera are dead last. Do you like that 24 hour break now Gus? Freddy & Kendra and Gus & Hera are the last two teams to find a cab. Freddy says that it was like taking the lid off a pressure cooker and he lost all control. No. Kidding.
GUS: Do you speak English?
GUS: Hopefully you know where it is.
This could be bad.
– Kris & Jon are first to next clue. Detour time. Swim or Paddle. In Swim, teams find an Olympic sized swimming pool. They will play water polo and work together to score a point on a top Hungarian water polo player. In paddle, teams will go on the Danube and inflate a raft with a hand pump to paddle across the Danube. That sounds really slow. Bolo says they’re back in it and Lori counters that you’re not back in it until you’re first on the mat. Kris & Jon have already finished the detour. That took about two seconds. No other team is even at the detour yet. Jon put on a speedo and Kris put on a gymnast’s outfit. I was going to type that before but that is how quick the detour finished. Their next clue is three miles away at a 300-year-old restaurant named Gundel. Kris comments on saying they just played water polo in Hungary. They find a full cab to call for another cab. It arrives. Adam & Rebecca are next to do the detour.
REBECCA: Distract him!
ADAM (turns to goalie and waves): Hi.
That brilliant Marty McFly-like plan does not work but they score ten seconds later. 2-on-1 is a huge advantage in this detour evidently.
– Hayden & Aaron ask for directions unable to see the building two feet away while Jonathan & Victoria race to the detour.
AARON (in Sammity Sam voice): I’m gonna run your doll like a dog, Jonathan!
Why is everyone doing voice imitations this leg?
VICTORIA: Paddle or swim?
VICTORIA (frustrated): Alright let’s do the swim.
JONATHAN: WHAT DO YOU WANT, VICTORIA?!
VICTORIA: LET’S DO THE SWIM I SAID!
JONATHAN: I don’t wanna paddle something up! I’d take off my underwear and jump in!
Jonathan is ready to run his doll like a dog.
– Hayden & Aaron do detour in two seconds.
AARON: I just totally burned that. That goal keeper had no chance. I have a cannon for an arm. I am the Michael Jordan of water polo.
You do know that there’s usually defenders in water polo, right?
– Jonathan & Victoria do the detour. Gus & Hera are second to last. Gus claims he can paddle really fast. This is the first time African-Americans avoid a swimming task on a reality show NOT because they cannot swim but rather because they excel at the other option. Although it would be hilarious if the underlying reason is that Gus & Hera can’t swim.
– Freddy & Kendra do water polo. Gus instructs Hera to row harder. That Danube is pretty good. Lori & Bolo go down a road they already have before. The driver is lost. Lori is the millionth time to say they have the worst luck with cabs. Gus & Hera finish detour in sixth. Oh my. Freddy & Kendra are in dead last. Justice will be served. They finish the detour.
– Lori & Bolo find the labyrinth. Locals surround the building. Did word of TAR’s presence spread?
You think this fellow would be enough of a deterrent to keep locals away. He tells Lori & Bolo both must drink. In an impressive feat both accomplish the task without any stalling or hesitation. It is consumed in a single gulp. They are awarded the Fast Forward. Travel to Point Zero and go up a funicular on foot. At the top they must find Fisherman’s Bastion. It is a statue in honour of a fisherman who fought the Turks in the Middle Ages. They run to the funicular and find the pit stop.
The Hungarian fellow is intense. Oh my. He smells blood. Pig’s blood, to be exact.
– Lori starts barking and jumps Phil to softly bite his neck.
Like so. I imagine the joke is that she is turning Phil into a vampire. Can Kiwis be vampires? Does anyone know? Have they won a ‘beautiful’ trip? Dang. It’s a ‘romantic’ trip. To where? We do not know. It could be a romantic trip to their favourite local diner.
– Kris & Jon are first to the roadblock. Eat a spicy bowl of soup. Really spicy. Kris does not want to do it but only if Jon does not want to do it. She has done less roadblocks but Jon will ultimately do it. Violins and other upbeat string instruments play. Adam & Rebecca are stuck in traffic. Hayden & Aaron are next to roadblock. Aaron is ecstatic to eat something spicy. Jon’s eyes are watery.
CORBIN BERNSEN: Today is my forte and tomorrow is my farte.
That’s all I think about as this task is going on. The quote is from Celebrity Mole Hawaii during the hot and spicy pepper eating challenge. Jonathan & Victoria are next to roadblock.
JONATHAN: Who is ready to spice up their life? Victoria.
VICTORIA: *Eyeroll* Tsk.
Sounds like Victoria knew what the clue meant and is not particularly enthusiastic.
The wacky House band ladies and gentlemen! How is this for a dinner experience?
– Jonathan shouts at the violin to stop playing in Victoria’s ear. Everyone else complains about the band too.
HAYDEN: I’m gonna cheer for you.
AARON: If you do that I’ll stop eating.
*BAND frantically plays in background*
JONATHAN: You’re not doing it right.
VICTORIA (lifts small spoon): Look at how big my spoon is!
JONATHAN: He obviously loves it. You see how he’s doing it?
VICTORIA: I’m going to stop until you shut up.
KRIS: Jon’s just the man.
JONATHAN: She’s a lightweight. What can I say?
KRIS: Support her. Support her.
JONATHAN: I don’t care what it is this is a race.
Who knew eating a bowl of soup could demonstrate the dynamics of a relationship. Kris encourages Jon and tells Jonathan to be supportive. Jonathan on the other hand bickers, fights, and trash talks his own partner. The fact Jonathan tells Victoria ‘is not doing right’ is hilarious on its own. How can you not eat right? Do you shove the spoon up your nose? Do you not lift your pinky off the spoon? Eating is perhaps the most basic human function possible. All you need to do is say ‘eat’ and your message will come across. Do it like you are Ms. Trunchbull telling Bruce Bogtrotter to eat a big a– chocolate cake.
AARON: Why aren’t you eating Jonathan?
VICTORIA: Because I do all the work.
JONATHAN: She’s the eater.
Ah yes. Victoria. The Eater. Jon is done. Adam & Rebecca take the roadblock and re-enter the cab to read it. Rebecca decides to do it. She asks Jon if it’s bad. They say it’s bad and Jon is visibly sick. Victoria pukes and says she cannot put it into her body without killing her. Aaron tells Rebecca that the soup is bad too. What happened to being a lover of spicy food? Aaron burps. Victoria yells there is a hair in her soup (it could only be hers). Everyone hears Victoria pukes as they eat. and proceeds to cry like Dixie Kong after she gets hit by an obstacle in Donkey Kong Country 2. Aaron pukes on the ground.
ADAM: . . .I think we need more music.
Adam is on his comedic game today.
– Rebecca is done.
VICTORIA: She already ate the whole thing? How did she do it?!
– Rebecca pukes in the grass outside the restaurant. Adam wants to try and get back with Rebecca because he loves her. Jon requests a window seat.
– JONATHAN: Drama queen.
HAYDEN: Throw up when you’re done.
JONATHAN: We’re gonna lose.
VICTORIA: Please go away you’re making it worse.
As if the violinists and drums guy is helping. Jonathan screams at the musicians to be quiet. They oblige. Victoria pukes three more times.
JONATHAN: Drama Queen.
AARON: It’s her that’s getting to me.
You mean someone vomiting two inches away from you has reduced your appetite?
– Freddy & Kendra get to roadblock. He loves spicy food too. But this appears to go smoothly.
– Victoria is done seconds before Aaron. Aaron vomited three more times before they finished. Jonathan apologizes for not doing it but thought she could do it. Victoria tells him shutting up would have really helped. Kendra tells him to look underneath everyone else’s tables. Looking at vomiting triggers Freddy to vomit. Hayden & Aaron catch a cab as well as Jonathan & Victoria.
HAYDEN: Hurry. Mouri Rapideau.
AARON: That’s Spanish.
HAYDEN: I don’t care if it’s Spanish.
– Freddy accidentally vomited four ounces back into his bowl. Kendra is the one who nearly pukes and sulks and apologizes she made him do this.
– Kris & Jon and Jonathan & Victoria enter the funicular. The latter halfway make up but Victoria says he should stop being a jerk. The four talk about the task. Jonathan is overly dramatic as he describes Rebecca as the biggest monster he has ever seen. Adam tells Rebecca in the cab that it was one of the most amazing things he has seen in his life. Hayden says she should have done it because she pours Tobasco sauce on everything. Aaron tells her there is no way she could do it. Hayden interrupts to tell him snot is dripping. Jonathan yells at an unassuming local to get out of the way from the front door. Him and Victoria yell at her to get out of the way for the whole ride until she is scared and sits down. She is startled to say the least.
How would you like this guy screaming at you in a foreign language? She must have thought he was FBI or something.
– Victoria is crying and whining she will vomit.
VICTORIA: I’m gonna vomit. You gotta help me.
*VICTORIA commences crying*
JONATHAN: Here we go again.
VICTORIA: Jon, c’mon, c’mon!
JONATHAN: Don’t go into the pit stop crying again.
VICTORIA: We’re gonna lose.
JONATHAN: Shut up.
The audience at this point is not too receptive to another hysterical breakdown and/or shoving. TAR’s public relations would be dispatched pronto.
Kris & Jon are second. They scream and holler to the pit stop mat where they both jump up and down to hear they are third. Hayden is in the cab asking how many minutes in Spanish. Adam believes a funicular is a little two person bicycle. He will be pleasantly surprised. Freddy completes the roadblock. He has an ice pack on his head. Did he suffer a concussion from the head smash? Gus & Hera find the roadblock after they leave. Gus enters last. Hayden & Aaron get to funicular where Hayden is freaking out. Gus supposedly breezes through the task without vomiting. How the heck did they lose hours and hours? I will assume it was a bad cab.
– Rebecca wants to watch a march of soldiers but Adam promises to bring her back. Hayden & Aaron appear out of nowhere as they engage in a foot race. Unnecessary 4th place suspense is built as Hayden & Aaron arrive in fourth. Adam & Rebecca are fifth. Rebecca whines they cannot get out of five. Huh. I never noticed that has been their cursed number. Freddy & Kendra find pit stop as he whines with the ice pack on his head. Gus & Hera go up the funicular. Freddy & Kendra are running around. Solid thirty seconds of suspense is built.
– Ugh. Freddy & Kendra are sixth. The concussion does not hold them back. They do not react too emotionally to being saved. Gus & Hera arrive last. They are eliminated. Hera cries. Phil asks what went wrong. They say it was one thing after another. Most unexplained elimination story ever?
Next time on TAR: Hayden & Aaron’s relationship takes a turn for the worst. Adam looks hilariously useless in a scuba. And a good time was had by all.
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
Rank The Teams
5) Meredith & Maria
Neither of them could drive a stick. Neither of them could follow directions. Neither of them could do any of the tasks well. The out of shape 70 year olds beat them in a physical task. They are good people, but production loses marks for not catching on that this team is incapable of doing virtually any tasks on the Race. Why cast them if you know they will need a miracle or an insane number of equalizers to survive each round?
4) Don & Mary Jean
They earn points for refusing to beg money from locals. They stole cars. They misread clues. They could not find clues. Don was spontaneous and puked in the water to catch fish. I guess they weren’t too bland for the token old couple. Their record of not finishing better than eighth after five legs will not be beat.
3) Gus & Hera
The minor leagues version of Gus & Hera. Gus views his daughter as being a child. Evidently that changes throughout the course of the race. Gus calls everyone a pain in the a–. He forms a secret alliance that lasts only one round. He cries in Senegal. Gus yells at Hera the first few legs and refuses to do any detour options that are fun. However it is funny to watch him run. I’d like to see him, Kendra, Flo, and Marshall in a foot race together. This team is solid enough to be cast. They should have been the bottom of the talent pool, though. This season however featured many that were worse than them.
2) Avi & Joe
They looked exactly like characters from Seinfeld. Avi had the potential to be one of the most polarizing players in TAR history. It is about as good cop/bad cop as a team could ever get in TAR. I must say it really was too bad that these two went home so early. Avi taunted at teams as he passed them in a car and Joe was a ‘nice guy’ to the others. We will forever question how their storyline would have played out if it wasn’t for a late leg error.
1) Lena & Kristy
They are the only all-female team in the past couple seasons to not talk about the ‘we need a female team to win!!!!1111oneoneone’ crap. Therefore, that alone made me be fans of theirs. They screwed up in the first couple legs but ran a nearly flawless third leg. However it was the same leg when production made its most poorly thought out roadblock in the history of TAR. I wish they would have let Lena find a clue before going onto the course and eliminating them. At least give her that satisfaction.
Rank the Legs
1) Goree Island -> Berlin (In a leg where slavery and the Holocaust are memorialized, Kendra calls for a genocide of “Ghetto Africa” and Jonathan shoves his wife. This episode is perhaps the single most important episode to why TAR survived being taken off the air.)
2) Reykavik -> Voss (I s’pose it was okay. There were a couple equalizers but at least they drove themselves all leg. Jonathan & Victoria carry this episode from start to finish with their antics. Adam’s ridiculousness persists with doing the roadblock, lost sunglasses, and jumping on train tracks. A pit stop penalty and old people stealing cars makes it a memorable one.
3) Chicago -> Reykavik (Errors, errors everywhere and not a team running flawless. This two hour premiere featured a secret alliance where two of the teams in the alliance finished tenth and eleventh. Nothing original as several equalizers occur and tasks are modeled after TAR 3, 4, and 5. It was okay I guess?
4) Stockholm -> Dakar (Taking mactors out of their comfort zone is always fun. The only episode where Jonathan comes off as the best cast member in an environment. His adventures with Ejal, Adam whining as he digs up salt, and Don puking into the water was fun. What wasn’t fun were the high number of equalizers and Kendra becoming the absolute least tolerant contestant out of all 114 people to run the race course. This leg would hold the record for earliest non-elimination for a really long time. It is for a good reason because all it did was keep a crappy team in longer.)
5) Budapest -> Budapest (First route marker opens at 10pm. Following route marker opens at 10am. The team that was twelve hours behind is in a position to be in first and win the Fast Forward. Detour appears to take about ten minutes total. Freddy and Hera run into a gate that leads to Freddy freaking out. We see Freddy eat his own puke while other racers endure spicy food and one of the kookiest musical bands I have heard in my life. I s’pose those were the best parts. The equalizers, Gus & Hera’s unexplained elimination, and an unnecessary train brawl results in this leg being annoying.)
6) Berlin -> Budapest or Eger depending on which team you are (Trivants, Jonathan being a superhero, and Jonathan being kicked out of a cab. Jonathan carries a lone cannonball, sweet talks a cop, and attacks Gus & Hera. Oh, and a million equalizers including the first ever To Be Continued leg. What a God Awful twist. -_- )
7) Voss -> Stockholm (F— you producers. Worst episode of all time.)