Previously on TAR: Teams logged onto AIM in an Internet cafe (that’s what I always like to see in a race around the world. Checking their e-mail.), Lori & Bolo were left behind, Hera and Freddy took a blow but Freddy freaked out and accused the others of sabotage. Freddy ate spicy soup as Kendra cried and Jonathan pressured Victoria to finish. Lori & Bolo chugged blood to win the Fast Forward and go from last to first place. Gus & Hera could not get to the pit stop in time but gained new respect for each other. Cue Hera crying.
– Intro time. We’re in Budapest known as the pearl of the Danube. In the centre is Fisherman’s Bastion. It was the sixth/seventh pit stop in a race around the world. Six teams are waiting here having no idea where they’ll go next. Will Hayden’s outburst strain her relationship with Aaron or will they get it together and work as a team? And will Freddy and Kendra’s alliance with Hayden & Aaron be enough to take them out of last place? Lori & Bolo, who arrived first at 11:12am will depart at 11:12pm. Head to the neighbourhood of Promontor Borudvar and find the winery. Follow the underground path to a 14, 000 gallon wine cap. Bolo thinks they need to make the correct decisions.
– Everyone pronounces the route marker like it’s “Boodaf—”. Odd. Jon is happy to have Kris with him and how they respect each other as they depart at 12:01am. Super duper fan favourite right now. 11:12pm to 12:01am is not a big advantage gained by the Fast Forward for the team who left a route marker in first place. Victoria is not the type to be overly affectionate and have someone hold her hand. Aaron tries to kiss Hayden but she turns her head away. Hayden admits she is obnoxious and a brat when she sees Aaron so laid back. Why are producers pumping her up the new Flo? She is nowhere near Flo’s legacy of one episode as we head into the eighth episode into this season. She has already performed more roadblocks than Flo. Hayden believes Aaron needs to be assertive otherwise they will be screwed.
– Rebecca loves Adam but is not enough for a relationship to work. She does not want to be anybody’s mother anymore. Adam hates being treated like a little kid by Rebecca. Maybe Adam should threaten to move out of his parent’s or jump on train tracks to get his message across. Rebecca instructs Adam to hail the cab that is directly in front of them. Adam responds with ‘yes, ma’am’.
– Freddy & Kendra depart at 12:19am. Very short interval from second to sixth. The editing from last leg made it appear that the soup took hours. Evidently it was only five to fifteen minutes. Meanwhile Nicole took five hours to eat a bowl of caviar. What a weak season. Freddy says that everyone else refers to him and Hayden’s team as the model alliance. I never did. That never came up in my mind. When half the teams consist of models pretty much half of all alliances are bound to be model alliances. Freddy spoke with Aaron last night and said Aaron would help them get to the front.
– Surprise surprise. Hours of operation are 1000am to 5pm. They tried really hard to make it an equalizer. Everyone is sarcastically enthusiastic about sleeping outside for the night. Morning comes and teams run in the cellar to the clue box. Aaron comments that the ceiling was well below six feet while he had to duck the whole time and is around 6’5”. Bolo is the shortest and it is a sprint so he can run to the clue no problem. Teams are told to fly to the town of Ajaccio on the island of Corsica. CORSICA?! I wrote that as an episode for a route marker in one of my early Amazing Race fanfics! Beat you to a super obscure territory to race in, producers! Teams fly 1, 300 miles and drive four miles to Napoleon’s Birth House to a where a guy in Napoleon cosplay will hand them their next clue. Bolo ran in the wrong direction for a few seconds. Hayden & Aaron are first to cab but Hayden insists to wait for Freddy & Kendra who are third to cab. Instead of getting a lead in booking tickets they opt to guarantee that everyone in their alliance is behind. Brilliant.
– Kris & Jon are fourth to cab but tell driver to wait. They know teams will be ahead of them so they go into a dog saloon and use their phone to ensure they are the first to book tickets. One of the best moves made all season long. My guess is it won’t matter because there will be an equalizer when they land.
If this were TAR Family Edition, this pet groomer’s would be a route marker as Scraggly would hand them their next clue.
– Kris points out she is allergic to tickets for once but is a good sport about it. She sneezes in the car and Jon gets a subtitled ‘Bless you’. Jonathan & Victoria book tickets at a travel agency. Adam asks if he can deal with the ticket counter for once or if Rebecca will take control again. She shushes him like his mother and Adam mumbles a ‘that’s what I thought’. Lori & Bolo purchase tickets. Their flight is on Malev Airlines and connects in Lyon. Arrival time unspecified so I imagine everyone is on the same flight/same arrival time for the seventh leg. Rebecca tries to purchase tickets as Adam bugs her saying he will go to a different ticket counter and will do the same thing. She tells him he is being annoying so Adam lays on a bench and gives a confessional about he will behave. Rebecca gets tickets.
REBECCA: Adam, come here.
Heh. She has such a motherly tone. I have a brother named Adam and holy crap that gives me childhood flashbacks.
– JONATHAN: When we get to the airport we will know who’s playing this game for real and who’s not. Can’t win the physical battle–
–but I can certainly outthink anybody. Like Lori & Bolo. ‘I gotta pee’. God do I hate her. Just looking at her with her masculine voice doing the ‘I’m gonna get you in a headlock and I’m gonna give you a noogie!’
The Noogie. How many seconds before a million YouTube commentators say it is one-sided spousal abuse?
– Jonathan & Victoria is on a flight with Lori & Bolo.
JONATHAN: Other teams? Why does this always happen!
You echo my very thoughts, Jonathan. Ask production why they are so stupid for me. Lori says Jonathan gets on her nerves after a while.
JONATHAN: I’m in a happy place.
What’s happening to Lori’s face? Is she. . .
She’s laughing! What happened to Jonathan getting on your nerves, Lori? My goodness. You’re harder to make laugh than Alicia Callaway and Jonathan is the one to break it.
– Whoa. They’re on different flights. Lori & Bolo and Jonathan & Victoria are on the first flight. Adam & Rebecca, Hayden & Aaron, and Freddy & Kendra are on the second flight. Kris & Jon go to the counter with their reservations. The agent says they cannot give them tickets. Huh? But there’s a reservation? Isn’t that the whole point of the reservation is that you RESERVE tickets so that nobody else can get those seats on the flight? The agent informs them they cannot open it because reservations are closed in the system. How can you close reservations? Malev Airlines sounds horrible. Kris & Jon do not blow up but are extremely calm and merely utter a few ‘are you kidding me’s to ease the tension.
– We return from commercial where Kris & Jon are given tickets in literally two seconds. TAR editors have fun with the situation.
REBECCA: We don’t know if Kris & Jon made it.
ADAM: Kris & Jon are five feet behind you.
REBECCA: Oh. Yay. It’s one big party.
If there is ever a TAR Funny 115 for seasons 1-11 then this moment needs to come in at #115. It is the first time TAR makes fun of themselves for the ‘will this team make the flight?’ commercial segment. Adam’s delivery is perfect. He swings in to interrupt her then walks away in disgust. Rebecca’s reaction tops off the moment where she ignores Adam and is just mildly excited to see them.
– JONATHAN: Guess we have to make an alliance with Lori & Bolo.
VICTORIA: Safety in numbers, Jon.
Make an alliance with those in the lead with you simultaneously. Good move. I commend you. The four agree to travel to the house together. This doesn’t matter because it closed at 6:00pm. They were less than thirty minutes away from making it. Second flight arrives at 7:15pm. You do know I was just being sarcastic that an equalizer would happen for this route marker right? Since when do things close as early as six? It does not open until 9:00am. Teams sleep on the beach we are told as it fast forwards to 9:00am.
– The house opens at 9:00am. Each team walks up the stairs one at a time. Adam & Rebecca are first for whatever reason and take the clue. Lori & Bolo are second.
Jonathan however offers to shake Napoleon’s hand who is confused but finally accepts. I believe Jonathan wished to congratulate him on all of his hard work over the past several centuries. Just avoid mentioning the Waterloo part as a measure of good etiquette, Jonathan. I hear that does not bode well with Corsicians/Corsicannese/Corsicanians.
– Adam & Rebecca read the clue outside. It’s a Fast Forward for the second and final episode in a row. Why did they get to enter the house first? In this Fast Forward teams must travel to a harbour, put on old school diving suits that weigh more than one hundred pounds each, and both must each individually walk on the ocean floor to a lobster trap where the Fast Forward clue awaits.
REBECCA: We have to go diving. I’m certified.
ADAM: I’m not. Rebecca I don’t think this is wise.
This should ring alarm bells for Rebecca. If Adam is telling you beforehand that he can’t do something and is whining about it then perhaps consider the Fast Forward to be counter-productive and potentially a chickening out by Adam. Of course this task is heckuva lot easier than shaving your head or drinking pig’s blood or being shot into the air. You’re protected, you can breathe, and are at no obvious injury risk. But seriously, how did they get into the house first?
– Lori & Bolo read the next route marker. Choose a marked car and drive over a hundred miles (Corsica is that big?) to the beach city of Calvi and find Camp Rafalli which serves as a camp for the French foreign legion.
– Jonathan is dumb and says they should go for the Fast Forward. Hayden & Aaron are fourth, Freddy & Kendra are fifth, and Kris & Jon are last. Adam & Rebecca walk to the marina. Adam makes a few pathetic noises indicating he is not comfortable in the suit. Adam asks his mom what they are doing. Rebecca tells her they are looking for a lobster trap. Jonathan & Victoria show up. Victoria reminds him there is a risk to them staying. Jonathan wonders what the chances of them getting it are. Victoria replies why in the world Adam & Rebecca wouldn’t get it. They leave.
However they will be upset to know their chances would have drastically increased.
I don’t know if he likes this.
– The other five teams all see the marked cars. Hayden cannot figure out how to drive the car so Aaron has to drive.
AARON: What about directions?
HAYDEN: I’ll do it.
AARON (under his breath): No, you. . .can’t.
HAYDEN: Go go go–
AARON: Shut up.
*10 seconds later*
HAYDEN: I don’t know where to go. You’ll have to let Freddy pass you then follow him because I don’t know where to go.
Nothing is stress free while driving and reading a map simultaneously on The Amazing Race. Can Aaron map out where he needs to go before the light turns green? I hear Corsica’s lights may change a bit faster than Manhattan’s.
– Instructors tell Adam that he has to hit a button on the side with his head to empty the extra air. He acknowledges it a few times.
Rebecca was told this as well and is doing it fine. Scuba certification helps. Meanwhile. . .
Adam cannot reach the valve. The one he tested out on the ledge about thirty seconds ago. His suit is about as useful as the People’s Choice Awards when they used those suits as the award (okay it was an astronaut suit but can you really tell the difference?). I can spot tourists in this screen cap taking photos of the bumbling SCUBA driver. Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Sorry. Needed to show off that I know the acronym. Experts have to dive in and help him. He is screaming for them to stop. What else is bothering Adam?
The one expert appears to attempt butt raping him but (no pun) Adam will have none of it. He is now whining about minor ailments like his jaw. Why would his jaw hurt? All you’re doing is tilting your head. Jaws are not involved in a head tilt.
– JONATHAN: We should’ve had that Fast Forward, Victoria! I’m so pissed off! It is your fault one hundred percent.
VICTORIA: I’m upset too, Jon!
JONATHAN: Yeah you should be upset at yourself!
VICTORIA: You’re gonna drill that home until I commit suicide.
JONATHAN: Yes until you commit suicide.
This is used by the casual audience who think Jonathan is extremely abusive as further evidence. Evidence from a highly edited TV show. -_- They cannot detect the sarcasm in his voice. We should point out that Jonathan was the one who suggested to go to the Fast Forward when they grabbed the clue. I believe he threw in a few extra “let’s go let’s go’s” for extra measure.
– Freddy & Kendra and Hayden & Aaron stop at a gas station to ask for directions. Jonathan asks a car as he is driving by and passes the newly coined ’Model Alliance’ on the road.
JONATHAN: Damn I’m good.
You are invincible Jonathan when any mistake the team makes lands on Victoria and all of the successes are because of your brilliance. Isn’t it great how that has held up for 100% of the time so far?
– Kris & Jon pull over at an outdoor restaurant/cafe. Corsica is apart of France so I’ll go with cafe.
FREDDY: Lori & Bolo may not pick that up. They’re dumb as a stick in the mud.
BOLO: I found it on the big map, Lori! Right here, boom!
The model who owns the Squints glasses and threatened to break a professional wrestler in half may be the one who is actually dumb as a stick in the mud.
– Aaron informs us the model alliance is in full effect on the road. They lose Freddy & Kendra a few seconds later. Kendra’s soundbyte of ‘this is a race we can’t wait on them forever’ is replayed from the Hungary leg when Freddy tried to start Hayden’s car and is now taken out of context. Oops. Hayden thinks Aaron is going the wrong way and yells for Aaron to get out and let her drive. Now she is driving the car fine. If only they did this earlier.
– Rebecca has the clue from the trap and is celebrating. Meanwhile. . .
Adam is being saved from a potential drowning like he is Osten Taylor in the Pearl Islands. Get me the nearest pelican! Rebecca is pulled up too and is smiling.
ADAM: You okay?
REBECCA: Uhhhhh, yeah honey. You okay?
ADAM: I couldn’t reach the button my head.
REBECCA: Ever? I got the clue?
Adam scrunches up his face and is shedding tears. He says she is gonna kill him if he doesn’t do it. Because the clue is no longer in the trap and production did not foresee someone being unable to reach the valve there is a provision: Touch the trap and come back.
REBECCA: Adam, let’s prevail. Show everyone what you can do. Not only do you have to do it but you have to do it fast.
Dang. Rebecca is indeed 100% in motherly role. She doesn’t even give Adam an option. Adam even uses the words ‘she is going to kill me if I don’t do this’. How is that not like racing with your mom? He scrunches his face and sheds a few more tears. They put back on the head of the suit.
REBECCA: This is not such a fast forward. It is a slow fast forward.
What a brilliant pun, Rebecca. This time Adam successfully pushes on the valve and gets to the bottom. He asks if ‘anyone can hear me’. Rebecca takes the mic from the top like she is talking to the Apollo 13.
ADAM: How do I walk?
REBECCA: Push your toes.
How the heck was Adam trying to walk before? With his hands? The instructor in the background is laughing. Adam touches the trap and returns to the surface. Voyage complete. They can skip all remaining tasks. They will fly in a small private plane to the city of Calvi and drive themselves to La Pietra. A cab drives them to the international airport and are surprised to see how small the plane is. Rebecca is nervous and asks Adam to hold her hand. Adam jumps on the point that this is the first time she has been nervous about something when he is not. They laugh about it even though it is the very reason why the relationship ended, why Adam jumped on train tracks, and why Rebecca just birthed a twenty-five year old son in the course of the race.
– Jonathan & Victoria are first to the camp. Detour time. Climb Up or Fly Behind. In Climb Up, teams will climb a 45 foot wall using a mechanical ascender much liked the one in the Philippines leg of TAR 5 and ascend the rock wall. At the top they will go to a terrace and receive a medal from a legionnaire. After they receive their medal they will repel 75 feet down to receive their next clue. A very physical task. In Fly Behind, teams must ride in a Zodiac boat. One team member will ride on an inflatable raft that is attached to a small boat that their partner will be standing in. The partner in the boat must spot a buoy. How much tougher is this task? There are twenty-five buoys and only twelve contains a clue. Lori & Bolo know they will use their strength. Freddy & Kendra arrive.
JONATHAN: Here’s another team–MAKE A DECISION!
VICTORIA: I don’t know where to go–I don’t know where to go.
JONATHAN: Victoria, you’re just useless.
VICTORIA: You don’t know where to go?
JONATHAN: No. Well we’re here at the climb. I think we should do the other one.
VICTORIA: You want to go and do the boat? You’re gonna have a hard time with this.
JONATHAN: C’mon. I’m not gonna do something I can’t do.
The hypocrisy of this exchange is too much. Jonathan’s muscles rip off the army uniform just fine when they switch tasks. Do you know where to go Jonathan? WHAT?! How is it my fault, Jonathan?
– Kris & Jon are next. They will do the climb along with Lori and Freddy. Jonathan is in the flyfish. Victoria is in the boat and does not see any buoys for miles. Adam & Rebecca’s flight ends. They are in a convertible and drive to the pit stop. Phil informs them that they are first regardless of the Slow Forward. Did they win a ‘sunny’ trip?
YEP! Sunny Caribbean! My second point of the season! Rebecca explains Adam is building confidence and she can identify a change in him. On the other side of the island Hayden is threatening to ram the car in front of her. Aaron politely asks her to calm her road rage.
HAYDEN: Calm my ROAD RAGE?!
You certainly fulfilled the definition of the phrase, Hayden.
– Freddy gets up the wall first passing Bolo. Bolo is not using it correctly as he keeps slipping further. Kendra and Kris are catching up with Bolo. The women are right up with him but Bolo figures it out. He claims to have no more strength in his arms. All power and no endurance it seems. Jon tells Kris to push it up like she’s JDiggz’s girlfriend. Freddy & Kendra are at the top. They are first to repel. Freddy tells her to lean back on the repel. Way to quote Fat Joe. Lori and Jon start up at the same time up the wall. Jon whoops Lori. They enter the terrace to get the medallion. Kendra repels then Freddy. She reads the clue. Go to the village of Zilia and find a vineyard. I’m so sick of vineyards. There’s a million of them where I live.
– Hayden & Aaron arrive at detour. They are currently last. Lori & Bolo get their medallion. Aaron is up the wall. Hayden struggles. Jonathan finds a second marked buoy without a clue. Victoria throws stuff down and is whining that they will lose. They find another buoy after the commercial and get the clue. Huh. They appear to have made up time.
JONATHAN: I saw teams up repelling when we got back and I was like ‘good, I know what to do’.
Which would be. . .drive?
– Kris & Jon complete detour. Currently in fourth. Lori & Bolo do the repel. Hayden’s turn to descend. She tumbles back like she is Flo. Aaron has a feeling it will take a while. Freddy & Kendra get to the roadblock. ‘Who is ready for a barrel of fun?’ Most obvious hint to what the task will be? One teammember will stomp fifty-five pounds of grapes with only their feet. Once they squeeze enough juice to fill five wine bottles they will then drink a glass of their own foot-stomped juice before receiving their next clue.
* I am having flashbacks to Al and Heather stomping grapes in The Mole 2 with Al’s hairy size fourteen feet. They had to convince the other four players at dinner to drink the wine. Somebody found a hair in theirs. Both of them were drunk because of how much wine they drank at the vineyard (wine not stomped by them of course). A must-watch moment.
– Kendra is doing the roadblock. Hopefully she has better luck than the Dream Teamer who tested this roadblock:
– Kendra starts stomping. Aaron says Hayden freaked out a little bit but will do fine. She does. Kendra completes bottle number one. Aaron is now repelling. Hayden says when she is not high-paced and aggressive they suck.
HAYDEN: Baby, where do I go?
AARON: I have not uh clue.
HAYDEN: How do you not know?!
AARON: You’re such a…
HAYDEN: I’m not a b—, I’m not any of that. We’re lost going out of here. Aaron you need to do something or I’m going to hyperventilate.
Ah. I hate it when model couples fight.
Such simpler times.
– Kendra is done four bottles. Jonathan reaches the roadblock. He will do this one. Kendra is amazed by the glass and receives the clue. We are re-acquainted with La Pietra as Freddy exits before Jonathan starts. Kris & Jon pull in at the same time they exit.
FREDDY: It’s a blast. Just down that hill.
KENDRA: Don’t give them information. Ever. Even if it puts them one second ahead.
Because we all know Kris & Jon would have ran away from the vineyard.
– Jonathan is done the fourth bottle. Quick roadblock it seems. Kris enters a barrel. She is done one. The fifth bottle was halfway up when Jonathan shuffled everything around and plugged it up. Victoria screams at Jonathan to take out the rocks in the funnel. Jonathan yells at Victoria to shut up. Kris is done the five bottles and drinks the wine. Bolo is done and drinks.
The third dog to be featured this season. It must be an inside joke with editors because the dog shots are so random and are never included in any of the first five seasons. Lori randomly screams at Bolo to go. Jonathan has screwed up for the millionth time this leg. Because it is a roadblock I am anxious to see how he blames Victoria for this.
– KRIS: I have seen a lot of I Love Lucy episodes. When she smashes the grapes and I think my face really helped.
From Jonathan Baker being inspired to make sausage because of an I Love Lucy episode earlier this season to Kris being inspired by I Love Lucy to stomp grapes, it appears maybe even production watched I Love Lucy episodes to create task ideas. The after effects though are indeed appalling.
By the way: What person who is younger than forty and not a stay-at-home-mother can start out a sentence with ‘I have seen a lot of I Love Lucy episodes’? Kris has got some explaining to do.
– Freddy asks for directions. They arrive at the pit stop wearing their medals. They are second. Freddy thought that is exactly where he thought they would be. Jonathan is now putting his hands into the barrel trying to eliminate the water.
VICTORIA (crying): That’s not stomping that’s just kicking it around! Do you know what stomping means!
– Cuts between Jonathan doing the task and Hayden & Aaron driving to the route marker. Hayden hates losing. She is frustrated by how the day has been going. She apologizes to Aaron. He is sick of her apologies and says she does not have to do that. Hayden says he has been relatively calm this leg and we are shown Aaron shaking his head slightly. Jonathan completes the detour. They argue over whether or not Hayden & Aaron are first. Jonathan is convinced they are not. What’s Jonathan’s excuse if they are last? It’s because they do not work together.
– Roadblock time for Aaron. He stomps le grapes. That’s what it is in French, right? Jon asks for directions. They get back inside and see Lori & Bolo turning the wrong way. Lori said to drive by them when they asked for directions so they can’t follow them. Backfired. Jonathan wonders why Hayden & Aaron weren’t with Freddy & Kendra. Victoria says the model alliance must not be as tight as we think. Aaron fills the five bottles and drinks it.
– Lori & Bolo are not lost after all. They are slightly ahead of Kris & Jon in a foot race. Bolo has smoker’s cough when he gets to the mat. They’re third. Phil waves them onto the mat in fourth. Aaron sees a shortcut on the map. He is happy about the route they found. Jonathan & Victoria get to the pit stop. They slowly walk. For whatever reason Jonathan runs on bare feet on the cement and rocks. Victoria screams that she sees Hayden & Aaron not far behind on foot. This may not be true as Jonathan & Victoria check in and are not even the same shot as Hayden & Aaron entering the mat. Jonathan claims Phil is a hard man to find.
– Hayden & Aaron are last. Zero pause as Phil tells them it is the third non-elimination leg of the race. Hayden claps her hands and hugs Phil. They hand over their money to Phil. Aaron is frustrated by Hayden’s pattern of behaviour. He is trying his hardest to calm her down but nothing is working. Hayden’s reasoning is that they are not working together but Hayden acknowledges most of it is her doing.
Next time on TAR: Adam & Rebecca’s relationship falls apart further. Kendra cannot breathe for the first time in fifteen years. Victoria suffers an injury where Kendra SCREAMS at Jonathan to help her. Only one non-elimination remains for the rest of the season. Holy crap we used up three non-eliminations up early on.
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Team Seinfeld/Avi & Joe 11.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Meredith & Maria 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
8th Don & Mary Jean 8.2
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
9th Lena & Kristy 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
7th Gus & Hera 5.29
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
4th Linda & Karen 4.17
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
1st Chip & Kim 3.38
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
3rd Brandon & Nicole 3.31
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
2nd Colin & Christie 2.54 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF
Rank The Teams
5) Meredith & Maria
Neither of them could drive a stick. Neither of them could follow directions. Neither of them could do any of the tasks well. The out of shape 70 year olds beat them in a physical task. They are good people, but production loses marks for not catching on that this team is incapable of doing virtually any tasks on the Race. Why cast them if you know they will need a miracle or an insane number of equalizers to survive each round?
4) Don & Mary Jean
They earn points for refusing to beg money from locals. They stole cars. They misread clues. They could not find clues. Don was spontaneous and puked in the water to catch fish. I guess they weren’t too bland for the token old couple. Their record of not finishing better than eighth after five legs will not be beat.
3) Gus & Hera
The minor leagues version of Gus & Hera. Gus views his daughter as being a child. Evidently that changes throughout the course of the race. Gus calls everyone a pain in the a–. He forms a secret alliance that lasts only one round. He cries in Senegal. Gus yells at Hera the first few legs and refuses to do any detour options that are fun. However it is funny to watch him run. I’d like to see him, Kendra, Flo, and Marshall in a foot race together. This team is solid enough to be cast. They should have been the bottom of the talent pool, though. This season however featured many that were worse than them.
2) Avi & Joe
They looked exactly like characters from Seinfeld. Avi had the potential to be one of the most polarizing players in TAR history. It is about as good cop/bad cop as a team could ever get in TAR. I must say it really was too bad that these two went home so early. Avi taunted at teams as he passed them in a car and Joe was a ‘nice guy’ to the others. We will forever question how their storyline would have played out if it wasn’t for a late leg error.
1) Lena & Kristy
They are the only all-female team in the past couple seasons to not talk about the ‘we need a female team to win!!!!1111oneoneone’ crap. Therefore, that alone made me be fans of theirs. They screwed up in the first couple legs but ran a nearly flawless third leg. However it was the same leg when production made its most poorly thought out roadblock in the history of TAR. I wish they would have let Lena find a clue before going onto the course and eliminating them. At least give her that satisfaction.
Rank the Legs
1) Goree Island -> Berlin (In a leg where slavery and the Holocaust are memorialized, Kendra calls for a genocide of “Ghetto Africa” and Jonathan shoves his wife. This episode is perhaps the single most important episode to why TAR survived being taken off the air.)
2) Reykavik -> Voss (I s’pose it was okay. There were a couple equalizers but at least they drove themselves all leg. Jonathan & Victoria carry this episode from start to finish with their antics. Adam’s ridiculousness persists with doing the roadblock, lost sunglasses, and jumping on train tracks. A pit stop penalty and old people stealing cars makes it a memorable one.
3) Chicago -> Reykavik (Errors, errors everywhere and not a team running flawless. This two hour premiere featured a secret alliance where two of the teams in the alliance finished tenth and eleventh. Nothing original as several equalizers occur and tasks are modeled after TAR 3, 4, and 5. It was okay I guess?
4) Budapest -> Corsica (An equalizer followed by a good battle for flights followed by. . .ANOTHER EQUALIZER! This season smokes the first five seasons for the equalizer record. The only reason why this leg is so high is because of how the tasks were so inspired by such a tiny place. Seeing Rebecca & Adam go from being romantically involved at the start of the race to being a mother-son duo in episode eight is great. Kris’ Lucy face is memorable as well as Jonathan being a major hypocrite and useless at nearly every task this round.)
5) Stockholm -> Dakar (Taking mactors out of their comfort zone is always fun. The only episode where Jonathan comes off as the best cast member in an environment. His adventures with Ejal, Adam whining as he digs up salt, and Don puking into the water was fun. What wasn’t fun were the high number of equalizers and Kendra becoming the absolute least tolerant contestant out of all 114 people to run the race course. This leg would hold the record for earliest non-elimination for a really long time. It is for a good reason because all it did was keep a crappy team in longer.)
6) Budapest -> Budapest (First route marker opens at 10pm. Following route marker opens at 10am. The team that was twelve hours behind is in a position to be in first and win the Fast Forward. Detour appears to take about ten minutes total. Freddy and Hera run into a gate that leads to Freddy freaking out. We see Freddy eat his own puke while other racers endure spicy food and one of the kookiest musical bands I have heard in my life. I s’pose those were the best parts. The equalizers, Gus & Hera’s unexplained elimination, and an unnecessary train brawl results in this leg being annoying.)
7) Berlin -> Budapest or Eger depending on which team you are (Trivants, Jonathan being a superhero, and Jonathan being kicked out of a cab. Jonathan carries a lone cannonball, sweet talks a cop, and attacks Gus & Hera. Oh, and a million equalizers including the first ever To Be Continued leg. What a God Awful twist. -_- )
8) Voss -> Stockholm (F— you producers. Worst episode of all time.)