TUF 5 episodes 10 + 11 + 12

Episode ten

– Previously on TUF: In the first quarterfinal, Joe defeated Cole after an illegal blow. Gray caught Brandon in a guillotine. Both are Penn’s Prodigies. This episode we will see two fights. Teammates Nate Diaz and Corey Hill face off. In the other fight the well-rounded Matt Wiman will go against the powerful Manny Gamburyan. And Logan has been incredible with his predictions based on editing this season compared to the previous one.

– Intro time.

– Mandalay Bay. Liquor stores. Then the house. Nate is in the backyard around the fire. He is worried about hanging around with someone who he will fight. Brian suggests that Nate train with Penn’s Prodigies. Nate agrees and says nobody can get mad because even though they’re on the same team they’re really not if they have to fight each other in a few days.

– Corey is in the sauna wearing a black garbage bag talking about everything in the hands of Buddy Rowe. Buddy Rowe is a.k.a. Corey Hill. Corey has worked three times as hard as anyone else. He was fat, picked on,  and picked last in dodgeball and basketball. He is talking to himself inthe sauna. Buddy Rowe is the one who makes him non-nervous and says ‘F— it’. He is an ex-coach who comes in when things get down. He exits the sauna and talks to Buddy Rowe in the sauna’s mirror.

– Training session for Team Penn. Nate is behind Penn. Joe was concerned to train with Nate because he has an injured wrist and foot that he wishes to keep a secret from the rest of the competitors.

Isn’t Gray going to be Joe’s opponent? One of them will need to train with Pulver’s team.

– Nate talks about how he likes training with Penn. So does Penn and acknowledges Nate as the top prospect. Geez. Matt Hammill is more coherent than Nate Diaz in confessionals.

– Pulver van. Everyone is in the van and all shocked that Nate trained with the other team. Nate expects to get hated on. Manny gives him The Finger. I therefore conclude that Team Pulver is an idiot. Pulver did not reprimand Diaz for training with the opposing team’s coach. Jens says he is not a hypocrite and needs for everyone to do what makes them comfortable. Did he forget he had forbidden Brandon from training with BJ? I believe that is the definition of hypocrite.

– Nate practices with Pulver’s team to ensure he is not flat out betraying him. Corey and Nate sit on opposite sides of the van and do not sparr with each other. Jens has ensured he is being neutral and will not corner either of these guys.

– Fight day. Brian and Wayne in Nate’s corner while Melendez, the mustache coach, and some other guy in Nate’s corner.

– Both have a rough time trash-talking in their confessionals as they enter the octagon. Corey even says good luck in his confessional. Prediction: Diaz wins.

NATE DIAZ STOCKTON, CALIFORNIA / 21 years old / 5-2
COREY HILL SPRING HILL, FLORIDA / 28 years old / 0-0

– Dang Nate Diaz is young. White wishes them luck. Pulver is waiting for it to be over. big John our referee.

– No gloves touched. Corey swings widly and Nate takes that opportunity to take him down but Corey stuffs it. He takes Nate to the ground but then stands up willingly. They trade on their feet but Nate goes for a takedown. Again Corey stuffs it and takes him to the ground and reigns down hammer fists before standing up. They repeat this process once more except it was Corey who led the takedown. Hard punch landed on Nate’s chin. They trade on their feet. Diazes always have that funny swinging stance. Straight rights and lefts fired by Corey. He takes Nate to the ground then stands up. Nate is being more cautious. Corey looks drained. Nate knees in the clinch but Corey succeeds. Nate is slapping on a triangle and has an arm underneath Corey’s neck. Corey gets his head out but Nate’s triangle is TIGHT and has trapped an arm. Corey taps and fight is over.

– Fight recap. Pulver thinks Corey fought much better than he did in the Emerson fight. He was chucking Diaz. Nate is disappointed that he was unable to strike more and took too many punches. Corey was too comfortable and got too far in Nate’s jiu jitsu world. Diaz said he transitioned from a guillotine to triangle. Jens congratulates Corey and says that in six months to a year he will be a much better fighter. Corey is happy and looking forward to being moulded into a better fighter.

– Burger King TUF Standings time. We are introduced to the final quarter-final between Matt Wiman and Manny Gamburyan. We are shown the vans traveling to the gym.

– Wiman weighs in nude. Dana thinks Wiman will make it far because he is an exciting fighter. Dana thinks Manny does not have enough skill and strength to put up with these better fighters. He is confident that Wiman will win.

– Manny is on the treadmill. Karo creeps up on him and surprises him that he will coach him. Dana jumps in to introduce Karo Parisyan’s fights. They show Karo’s fight with Nick Diaz in UFC 49. Nate Diaz’s older brother. Karo even gives a chance to give a confessional.

– Karo is there to train everybody on Team Pulver but is primarily training Manny for the fight. These two have trained together for fifteen years. Whether that is referred to MMA or Judo is not specified.

– DeSouza and Matt Wiman sparr in the octagon. He knees DeSouza and chases him down. Penn thinks Wiman is a little ball of muscle. BJ believes Matt’s one technique will determine the fight. Matt has a nasty gash under his left eye from the previous fight.

– Manny is holding a watch and cues his Armenian singing in his bedroom. At least this time it isn’t by the pool. Matt talks about God and that he was not meant to lose to him. Does Matt mean Manny or God? What would God’s reach advantage be in the octagon? Just curious.

Prediction: Matt Wiman via submission.

MATT WIMAN TULSA, OKLAHOMA / 23 years old / 6-3
MANNY GAMBURYAN NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA / 25 years old / 8-2

– Herb Dean is our referee.

– They do not touch gloves. Manny starts throwing fists but Matt clinches. Manny gets out of it. Huge underhands by Manny. Another clinch by Matt. They are against the fence. Matt softly works Manny onto the ground. Matt is in Manny’s guard. Wiman is throwing down some leather. Manny is striking from the bottom too. Wiman kneels for two seconds and Manny uses it to buck out. Wiman tries to take Manny’s back in the scramble but Manny is too quick and gets into Matt’s guard. Wiman is able to get up as Manny has Matt in a headlock. They break from the headlock and Manny bloodies up Matt against the fence. Fight clock pauses. Nasty gash above Matt’s eye. Doctor barely looks at it and says it’s fine. They resume There is another clinch and Manny takes Matt to the ground. Penn calls for Matt to breathe. Pulver is calling Manny a good boy. Manny is trying to advance but Matt has kept him in check. Manny is throwing plenty of strikes on top. Manny nearly passes  but Matt nearly gets a heel hook. Manny gets out and Matt nearly has a standing guillotine against the fence. Manny converts it into getting Matt’s side against the fence. Manny takes Matt to the ground against the fence. Guard. Strikes to Matt’s ribs. Matt is elbowing Manny’s back of the head. Herb says it is his last warning but Matt does it again anyway. End of round one.

– Karo is coaching Pulver’s corner. They do not touch gloves. Manny rushes with huge punches. So does Matt but Manny is the one connecting. Matt lands one of his own but Manny turns it into a clinch and takes Matt down. He is looking for side control but we are once again in Matt’s guard. Half guard. Strikes are being fired throughout this process. It goes on for another minute. Penn says Wiman will not win in that position. They are stood up. They trade several legkicks before Matt takes Manny into a ball and has an arm around Manny’s neck. Manny however stands up and they trade for a few seconds before Matt works to take Manny down. Manny is on his knees. Manny has a wrist! Matt rolls around as Manny desperately hangs onto his wrist. Matt takes Manny’s back and is arching him back. Punch to the back of the head goes unpenalized. Matt is hopping around until Manny gets into Matt’s half guard. Matt uses the fence to push off but it does nothing. He is working for an arm from the bottom but fails. Full guard as Manny is kneeling and standing every few seconds. Half guard as Manny shoves Matt against the fence. Fight over. Manny won. My first failed prediction all season? My goodness.

– We do indeed have a decision. Unanimous decision in favour of Manny.

– Fight recap time. Penn and Pulver were praising Manny. BJ insults Matt how he covered his head too many times and did not look at his opponent. You cannot be in the UFC if you are concerned about how you look. Dana finally gives Manny credit for being a powerhouse.

– Matt thinks if they fought ten times that Matt would not beat him. He believes that his head was not in the fight. He wasn’t into it. Matt proceeds to call Manny a bastard a few times under his breath.

– Karo Parisyan goes off on Nate Diaz. Dana and the coaches create the match-ups, and the first semi-final takes place.

Rank the Fights
—-

1) Gray Maynard vs. Brandon Melendez (The second round is perhaps TUF’s best if you exclude finale fights.)

2) Joe Lauzon vs. Brian Geraghty (Lauzon is a monster. No wonder they put him as the first fight as opposed to the second fight where control of the following fight would be up for grabs. Brian was meant to be the sacrificial lamb.)

3) Rob Emerson vs. Nate Diaz (It sets the bar high for the remainder of the season. A perfect combo of striking, grappling, ground game, and submissions.)

4) Allen Berube vs. Cole Miller (The first fight of the season breaks the terrible chain of fights that were prevalent throughout the second half of TUF 4.)

5) Matt Wiman vs. Marlon Sims (Simultaneous punches and a submission that results in unconsciousness is one of the best sub-one minute fights ever.)

6) Matt Wiman vs. Manny Gamburyan (Nobody thought Wiman would win. However the underdog rises and robs Matt of a victory thanks to superior, grappling, striking, and ground game. The bonus points were for Matt acting like a sore loser after the fact.)

7) Joe Lauzon vs. Cole Miller (It was the fastest paced fight I had seen. But the illegal strike… the illegal strike. . . =( )

8) Rob Emerson vs. Corey Hill (It’s entertaining to see two people fight who have an eight inch height disparity. Stand-up wars are fun even if these two did not do an exceptional job of one. The first sudden victory fight of the season had a reasonable pace. Those legkicks on Corey make the fight memorable. They echoed on the tape.)

9) Andy Wang vs. Brandon Melendez (I for one think Andy should have taken Brandon down. A fun and unnecessary stand-up fight for ten minutes is always fun to see though. And hearing Penn quit giving advice in frustration is rare for a TUF coach.)

10) Noah Thomas vs. Manny Gamburyan (Seeing Manny advance his position more and more in a matter of 2 1/2 minutes is a thing of beauty. He puts on a clinic for all up and coming lightweights on how to play the lightweight game.)

11) Gray Maynard vs. Wayne Weems (The Nevada State Athletic Commission should have prevented this fight from happening. Herb Dean took way too long to stop it.)

PENN

GRAY  MAYNARD 0
JOE LAUZON 1
MATT WIMAN 8
ROB EMERSON 0

PULVER

ANDY WANG 0
BRANDON MELENDEZ 0
BRIAN  GERAGHTY 1
COLE MILLER 0
COREY HILL 11
NATE DIAZ 12
MANNY GAMBURYAN 9
WAYNE WEEMS 0

Episode eleven

Previously on TUF: Nate Diaz and Corey Hill fought each other. Diaz knew this match-up would happen because no one wanted to fight him. Nate submitted Corey. Manny was aided by cousin Karo to win a decision over Matt Wiman. Now it’s time for the semis. We shall wait for the Burger King TUF Standings to remind us who is in the Final Four.

– Fight recap. Big John shouts “Let’s get it on”. Corey landed shots as Nate searched for the takedown. Hill was pushing the pace. In Manny’s fight Manny is labeled as the better brawler. Both coaches have two fighters.

– Burger King TUF Standings. Joe Lauzon and Gray Maynard from Team Penn. From Team Pulver we have Nate Diaz and Manny Gamburyan.

– Karo believes Manny is going to champion. Parisyan is pissed that Nate kept talking during the fight. Karo ripped Nate’s shoulder and slapped Nate’s shoulder. Diaz is annoyed that Karo keeps coming at him. Karo is squeezing the back of Nate’s neck. Cweepy. Nate Diaz says “off my nuts bro” in a confessional.

– Pulver notices a fight could break out. Diaz calls Karo a ‘motherf—er’ and thinks Karo is challenging him to a fight. He insists for Karo to not close the distance on him. Parisyan tries to close the distance on Nate. Diaz scrunches his lips like an ape. For once a Diaz brother is the rational one in an argument.

– Karo re-enters the locker room saying he needs to talk to Nate. Diaz ain’t interested in what Karo has to say. Karo insists he needs to talk to him and needs to hear what he has to say. He’s going to ask him out to dinner. Okay, but seriously Nate says it’s cool and Karo says it’s cool then Nate says why does Karo need to talk if everything is cool. Karo calls Nate out for pacing like he wants to fight.

KARO: Do you know me? Do you know who I am? Have some respect.

Karo Parisyan’s fan base has left the building. Nobody needs to get all North Hollywood up in this biz.

– Nate is going to pop Karo if Parisyan comes near him. Corey Hill calmly directs Karo out into the hallway and outside the building without a single bark.

KARO: If he says something Imma slap him and knock him the f— out.
NATE: F— that guy.

I have a feeling Manny will not have Karo in his corner for the next fight. Manny versus Nate in the finals, perhaps?

– Nate wants to leave the locker room but his teammates they have to stay inside until the announcement of the semi-finals are ready. Small locker room for eight people to wait for Penn and Pulver to agree on match-ups. Even if there are only two match-ups. They’ll stir some s—.

– Dana flew to England for a press conference but yet had his camera crew with him. He is on a conference call with Pulver and Penn who are alone in the same room minus camera crew and production crew who are ready to step in if anything happens.

DANA: What are you all pissy about?
PULVER: If it’s gold vs. gold and blue vs. blue Imma start breaking s—. I had this funny feeling it would happen.
DANA: Here’s what I was thinking: Teammate vs. teammate. Sound good?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. This could get ugly. Just remember that Dana is the prez, dear Pulver.

PENN: That’s good because at least one from each team is guaranteed in the final.
PULVER: ……………
DANA: Okay, I f—ed with Pulver a little bit saying it was teammate versus teammate because I knew he wouldn’t like it.
PULVER: Doesn’t that look hokey though? Doesn’t it look like you’re setting up a teammate from each team in the finals?

Dana shows his cards and Pulver is busting up. Dana proposes Nate versus Gray and Joe against Manny. Excellent. Both coaches are happy. Penn would pay to see those fights. Really?

– Coaches enter the main part of the gym. Corey shouts that it’s on like Donkey Kong. I hate that expression.

– First fight (and what will be shown in this episode) will be Joe Lauzon and Manny Gamburyan. Nate Diaz will practice with Manny to help him train for the fight. Jens believes the fight will be a war of attrition.

– Penn has seen Joe grow. One of the assistant coaches think he will be a future champion because of how fast he learns. He is so much further than when he started. Even further than knocking out former champion Pulver, apparently.

– Weigh ins. Instead of Keith Kiver it is Alex Ybarra today. Joe is 156. Dana insists that Manny is too small and that Lauzon will win the stand-up and the ground game. Jens meanwhile says both are hungry and who knocks who over. Manny weighs in at 155.

– House time. Dana came by the house with two large tables pushed together for a big dinner. The coaches, the twelve players, and Dana eat on the porch. Dana takes the role of Anderson Cooper a la The Mole as he asks questions at the dinner table.

DANA: Besides women what do you miss the most?
NATE: My cell phone.
COLE: My brother and MySpace.

MySpace? MySpace?! MYSPACE?!?! God this show is outdated. I bet Cole is on Facebook.

DANA: Is this as bad as you thought it would be? What’s the worst part about it?
????: All the farting.
ANDY: I’m lactose intolerant, okay? I can’t drink milk. It’s genetic.

The chef hands Joe Lauzon an envelope.

DANA: I had a surprise for them courtesy of Direct TV.

I have an announcement for my blog courtesy of WordPress. Yeah. Just doesn’t sound the same.

Joe reads the note.

JOE,

This is a huge turning point in the show. This is not a fake. I wouldn’t waste your time or mine. Just by fighting you in the octagon and shaking your hands a few times I knew I could trust you. That’s hard to find in this house. Hopefully we’re on the same page. Take this note and save yourself from the semis. All the girls will be writing your name down tonight. You use the note to take out Manny and Parvati.

BFFs Forever

JT

– The note really says that whoever makes it into the finals wins a Total Choice Premiere Package. Package includes 250 channels, 31 premium movie channels, 25 sports networks, plus DVR service. Direct TV has the most channels in HD of any provider. Best of luck.

That prize may be the dumbest prize I have heard in a while. They’ll be training full time. Not watching things in HD!

– JOE: I always have a game plan. If you deviate from the game plan bad things happen.
MANNY: I never have a game plan. They f— you up. I hate game plans. I just figure out what feels right in the octagon.
MANNY: Once I throw him down, get on top of him, throw a couple of good elbows, punches, leg lock, ankle lock, chokes, anything I see opening. I’m gonna go for it. That’s my gameplan.

So. . .is Manny going to screw up because he has a gameplan now? I predict Lauzon via submission.

JOE LAUZON EAST BRIDGEWATER, MASSACHUSSETS / 22 years old / 13-3
MANNY GAMBURYAN NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA / 25 years old / 8-2

Dang, Manny is only 5’5″? He must be a featherweight now. Dana informs us this fight will be 3 5-minute rounds.

– Mazzagatti is our mustached referee.

– They touch gloves. Clock is brought to us by Hennessey. Manny shoots and takes Joe down. Full guard. Manny is pushing Joe towards the cage. Joe is trying to slide in the other direction but it does not work. Joe continues to slide. Manny is in Joe’s half guard. Joe gets out of the way. Manny suddenly gets an arm deep around Joe’s throat. Joe’s face is turning red. Joe stands up and pushes Manny against the fence. Joe gets to the ground then somersaults over to get out of the choke. Excellent technique. They scramble and Manny has Joe against the fence. They spin and Manny takes Joe to the mat. Joe goes for an armbar and triangle from the bottom. Heel hook by  Manny that fails. Penn calls for an Oma Plata but Manny will have none of it. Manny has half guard. Joe is leaning in towards Joe’s body to avoid a choke. He pulls full guard. Joe tosses some annoying punches from the bottom. Manny shoves Joe into the fence. Joe spins around and now has the fence for leverage. Manny passes into half guard. Joe is too far away to use the fence anymore. Both of them are flattened out. Joe is defending well and traps Manny’s left arm. Manny is back into full guard. Mazzagatti is warning that he will stand them up. They stand up voluntarily in a clinch. Manny takes Joe down from a headlock. Side control by Joe but Joe bucks and forces Manny into full guard within seconds. Penn calls for Oma Plata or however the eff you spell it. Manny is in half guard. Involuntary headbutt by Manny. Fists by Manny. Joe is attempting to trap any arm he can find. End of round one.

– Penn tells Joe to not look at his corner during the fight. We head into round two. Matt tells Joe to double leg him. Fight resumes. They touch gloves. Legkick by Manny that lands then a clinch against the fence that Joe defends. The clinch breaks. Joe sprawls with Manny. He is temporarily on top of Manny who is in a ball but they stand immediately and Joe is clinched against the fence. Steve has been warning Joe about short holding. Illegal elbows now short holding. Joe is a dirty fighter. Joe has trapped an arm in the clinch but fails. Manny is below Joe but takes him down. Joe is against the fence. Manny is in Joe’s full guard. Joe’s head is pinned against the fence. Manny’s head was under Joe’s left armpit then pulls it out. Half guard. Elbows and fists by Manny. The one judge looks bored as his head rests against his fist. He sees the camera on him and takes a drink of UFC water. Manny is reigning down some nasty fists. They have moved to where Joe’s left leg rests high on the fence. Manny pushes him away. Full mount for Manny. Joe reduces Manny to half mount. Manny stands up then jumps back into full guard. He brings down some fists on Joe. Steve stands them up with questionable judgment. They circle each other until Manny shoots well below Joe’s centre of gravity but Joe defends. Momentarily. Manny has Joe down in ball position but Joe stands up and Manny directs him into the fence. Steve warns Joe about the shorts. Manny tries to trip Joe but Joe gets out of the headlock and spins to have Manny’s head. Manny is lower than Joe and rushes him into the fence. Foot stomps by Manny. End of round two.

– They touch gloves. Manny speaks as they touch gloves. Manny shoots but Joe dodges. Joe dodges another shoot. Massive legkick by Manny. And another. Manny catches a knee as he shoots but he has taken Joe to the ground. Half guard by Manny. Manny is attacking Joe’s head. Joe is attacking Manny’s head too. Manny is in Joe’s full guard. Manny has advanced into half guard. Joe is firing some elbow and forearm strikes from the bottom. Manny smothers him. Joe wraps Manny’s head. Manny tries to use momentum to land shots. Manny puts Joe into a headlock but Joe gets out. Joe is once again leaned into Manny’s body. Manny fires as many punches and elbows as possible. Warning for back of the head. Manny launches a shot into Joe’s ribs. Joe gets out of the head lock as Manny is on the bottom. Joe spins into side control. Manny gives him his back. Joe has inserted the hooks. He is looking for Manny to flatten out. Manny is somewhat turtling. Manny rotates into letting Joe have full mount. Manny spins again but Joe is still on his back. Joe punches Manny a few times then inserts an arm under Manny’s neck. Manny gets the neck away. Repeat except this time Manny rolls over and is in Joe’s full guard.  Punches landed by Manny. Ten seconds away from proving Dana wrong a third time. Manny ends it with a huge flurry in Joe’s full guard. End of fight.

– Fight recap. Jens calls Manny a tank. Penn thinks Joe did alright in the third round. Joe is angry with himself for not being able to choke Manny out in the third round despite having the hooks in.

– Manny shouts “June 23rd! June 23rd!” and says it is somebody’s birthday. Dana admits the two people he has underestimated the most have been Rashad Evans and Manny Gamburyan.

– Penn thinks Lauzon did well because he made it worthwhile to come here and coach. Joe thinks this will somewhat discredit his Pulver win and will be a setback for his career.

Next time on TUF: Lots of booze. Slip n slides. Windows break. Jens and BJ face off in a coach’s challenge for 10k. Last semifinal as Nate goes against Gray’s athleticism. Who will go to the final to match up against Manny Gamburyan?

PENN

GRAY  MAYNARD 1
JOE LAUZON 10
MATT WIMAN 0
ROB EMERSON 1

PULVER

ANDY WANG 0
BRANDON MELENDEZ 3
BRIAN  GERAGHTY 1
COLE MILLER 0
COREY HILL 0
NATE DIAZ 5
MANNY GAMBURYAN 7
WAYNE WEEMS 0

Rank the Fights
—-

1) Gray Maynard vs. Brandon Melendez (The second round is perhaps TUF’s best if you exclude finale fights.)

2) Joe Lauzon vs. Brian Geraghty (Lauzon is a monster. No wonder they put him as the first fight as opposed to the second fight where control of the following fight would be up for grabs. Brian was meant to be the sacrificial lamb.)

3) Rob Emerson vs. Nate Diaz (It sets the bar high for the remainder of the season. A perfect combo of striking, grappling, ground game, and submissions.)

4) Allen Berube vs. Cole Miller (The first fight of the season breaks the terrible chain of fights that were prevalent throughout the second half of TUF 4.)

5) Matt Wiman vs. Marlon Sims (Simultaneous punches and a submission that results in unconsciousness is one of the best sub-one minute fights ever.)

6) Matt Wiman vs. Manny Gamburyan (Everybody thought Wiman would win. However the underdog rises and robs Matt of a victory thanks to superior, grappling, striking, and ground game. The bonus points were for Matt acting like a sore loser after the fact.)

7) Joe Lauzon vs. Manny Gamburyan (Everybody thought Wiman would win. However the underdog rises and robs Matt of a victory thanks to superior, grappling, striking, and ground game. The bonus points were for Joe being extremely close to submitting Gamburyan in the final round.)

8) Joe Lauzon vs. Cole Miller (It was the fastest paced fight I had seen. But the illegal strike… the illegal strike. . . =( )

9) Rob Emerson vs. Corey Hill (It’s entertaining to see two people fight who have an eight inch height disparity. Stand-up wars are fun even if these two did not do an exceptional job of one. The first sudden victory fight of the season had a reasonable pace. Those legkicks on Corey make the fight memorable. They echoed on the tape.)

10) Andy Wang vs. Brandon Melendez (I for one think Andy should have taken Brandon down. A fun and unnecessary stand-up fight for ten minutes is always fun to see though. And hearing Penn quit giving advice in frustration is rare for a TUF coach.)

11) Noah Thomas vs. Manny Gamburyan (Seeing Manny advance his position more and more in a matter of 2 1/2 minutes is a thing of beauty. He puts on a clinic for all up and coming lightweights on how to play the lightweight game.)

12) Gray Maynard vs. Wayne Weems (The Nevada State Athletic Commission should have prevented this fight from happening. Herb Dean took way too long to stop it.)

Episode 12:

Previously on TUF: We recap BJ and Jens’ rivalry to hype up next week’s finale. Their focus has shifted to their re-match as the final semi-final match takes place. Whoever wins between Nate and Gray will fight Manny in a finale that will be overshadowed by BJ and Jens re-match.

– Intro time. Snooze.

– Fight recap time. Dana says Joe had a kick that went over Manny’s head at the beginning but Manny took him down and controlled the ground game. He dominated. Dana is busy promoting the June 23rd final at The Palms.

– Burger King TUF Standings time. Only the semi-finals bracket is shown. Manny defeated Joe. Gray will now fight Nate. Did we need a whole Burger King segment to give us this information?

– Assistant Coach Rudy Valentino says Gray needs to punch and elbow much harder in practice. Penn insists Gray needs to let them help him if he wants to defeat Nate Diaz.

– Gray says he likes getting punched and be the one punching. That’s what MMA is supposedly about. Personally I think it’s about demonstrating several mixed martial arts into an art of its own but whatevs.

– House time. Nate has set out a box of oranges. They pick up oranges and throw it at the window where Brian and Cole are playing ping pong. Nate comes over and has a running start to throw an orange into the window. Luckily the window does not break. Cole opens the door and throws oranges of his own. Joe says he came home and saw a fruit war going on. Just a typical day at the house, I s’pose.

– Nate is now throwing oranges from the swimming pool to the billiards. Gray is throwing oranges through the blinds into the billiard table. Somebody jumped through the windows with the blind and is throwing oranges. Plants and glass are broken. Cole and Brian flip up the ping pong table to defend from six people from both teams combined throwing oranges. Cole and Brian retreat to the bathroom. Nate and a couple other guys go to the bathroom window and throw oranges at it. I should mention everyone is GIGGLING as they do this. Joe is sitting against the bathroom door until Brian has threatened him to get out of the way. The door leads to the hot tub. Brian freaks out at everyone else for breaking the window. If this were Pride FC, they would be dealt a yellow card and have 10% of their purse taken away.

– Brian interrogates who threw an orange at his nipple. Nate brushes it off saying they had nothing to do.

– Corey is playing billiards. Dana says BJ and Jens are to meet at the house. Dana strolls in as all coaches, assistant coaches, and non-ejected players sit on the couches and floor. Dana walks in with a box. The competition? Ping Pong. The winner receives ten thousand dollars. In cash. The losing fighters on Pulver’s team speaks about how big the block of cash was. Maybe it was all one dollar bills? In addition each player on the winning team wins 1k.

– Jens is frazzled, paranoid, and nervous. Meanwhile BJ doesn’t know how to play Ping Pong but is amped up to beat Jens. Dana says that they play to eleven points and that it will be a best-of-three.

1-0 Penn.
1-1 Pulver.
2-1 Penn.
6-3 Penn.
Penn wins game one.
1-0 Penn.
We are privileged to extremely corny slow motion where Dana has comically intense faces.
Pulver wins game two.
1-1.
3-1 Penn.
Dana waves around the cash.
8-6 Penn.
Dana notes Penn is breathing heavy, pacing, and intense. Dana is loving this.
10-9 Penn.
10-10. You have to win by two.
11-10 Penn.
11-11.
12-11 Pulver.
Penn’s shot is too far. Pulver wins! Corey and the others take Pulver on their shoulders. Penn is depressed.

– Andy is excited to have a thousand bucks without getting a black eye for it. Perhaps Andy Wang should be a professional ping pong player?

– Oh right. This is TUF. Training session for Nate Diaz. Pulver thinks all that is missing is some submissions and defense. Nate is on the treadmill alongside Jens. Diaz tells Jens that he is happy to have him as a coach.

– Last training session. It’s Team Penn’s turn. Virtually everyone is laying down on the mat. BJ talks about how everything is about giving your 100 yet he says it as he lays on the ground wearing sunglasses. He recaps the whole experience. BJ takes out a jersey where everyone is instructed to sign it. All four guys who managed to not get sent to Team Pulver or get ejected.

– Final training session for Team Pulver. He is not as sentimental and tells everything it’s time to pack up your s—. Does Pulver have a glass eye? It is half shut but it does move a little. Sorry what he is saying is so boring that his eye is the most distracting.

– Weigh ins. Dana thinks Gray’s ground and pound is vicious, but Nate has more tools and more stand-up. Although Gray is a strong powerful guy and Nate is well-rounded It is an interesting fight in Dana’s eyes.

– Last night in the house. Andy gathers himself and the other eliminated contestants for some Asian culture.

ANDY: When I say Saki you say bombs. Saki?
OTHERS: Bombs.
*smacks table*
ANDY: Saki?
OTHERS: Bombs.
*smacks table harder*

Everyone reaches down for some drinks. The cleaning crew was one day away from not having to work in the house this year. Nate watches them in a chair from the sidelines which is enough.

ROB: There’s something about sliding across that table that looks like fun.

Note that the table is littered with glasses, plates, napkins, bottles, cans, cups, dishes, jars, fruit, cards and AIDS.

Rob proceeds to slide across this table. He remains unscathed. Despite the AIDS. Anyways Rob is now in the backyard throwing rocks at the house. He was missing his target so he goes on the porch and throws a rock through a window.

BRIAN: Anytime you involve twelve dudes and alcohol, things just don’t turn out alright.

– Cole is now shown drinking several bottles. He successfully does a cartwheel in the backyard. Brian believes he is a feminine drunk. High shorts and sandals. Cole eventually passes out on a floor in his room. He smiles with a guilty grin as his eyes roll back. Corey and Brandon drag him away from a spot on the floor where he puked multiple times.

– Manny drags him to the toilet to vomit some more. But something curious happens. Cole falls asleep. Everyone goes to see the Sleeping Circus including Corey who is eating a bowl of cereal. Brian suggests they should shave his head as he sleeps. Manny buzzed his head without Cole waking up until after the fact. Cole does not notice and merely shuts the door.

– Fight day. Turns out Cole has only had his head partially shaved. We move to Gray in his room warming up. Nate thinks Gray is one of the nicest guys to conversate with but Gray is in his way.

GRAY MAYNARD LAS VEGAS, NEVADA / 27 years old / 3-0
NATE DIAZ STOCKTON, CALIFORNIA / 21 years old / 5-2

GRAY: You’ve got to go balls to the wall, right?

Right? Uh, I s’pose so.

– Dana gives his speech then leaves the ring.

– Big John is our referee. Fight clock brought to us by Hennessey.

– They do not touch gloves. They circle each other. Gray has an ugly shoot which Nate takes advantage of. They are in an awkward clinch where they are ready to toss one another until Gray clutches Nate’s head and works their way to the ground. Nate is on the ground. Half guard/half side control for Gray. Nate has the right arm trapped. Gray is struggling to get it out. Nate is very close to slapping on a triangle. Gray pulls out entirely and brings down strikes but Nate slaps on another triangle. Gray pulls out and brings down strikes again until he goes deep into Nate’s guard. Nate is making it tough as Nate willingly throws strikes at Gray’s head. Diaz leans over to reduce Gray’s control. Gray runs away and Nate is ready to chase but Gray turns around to get Nate in a ball and deliver a WICKED elbow. Nate is bleeding all over the mat. Gray is in Nate’s half guard. Nate is composed for someone who is bleeding half their face. Nate is striking from the bottom. Nate brings down more elbows. Nate and Gray are exchanging blows in Nate’s full guard. Nate has the right arm trapped and has his legs wrapped on top of Gray but lets go. Gray stands up and has grabbed Nate’s leg. He uses a downward motion to bring down more strikes. Nate stands up. They trade punches. Gray shoots and takes Nate down. Half guard for Diaz. Nate is working for an armbar. Penn tells Gray to walk around to his back. Nate’s back is exposed. Nate has trapped a leg but Gray stands to get out then reigns down a few elbows from a squat position. Nate is throwing in as many punches as possible as Gray figures out what to do. Gray gets into Nate’s full guard again. Gray advances to side control and almost has Nate’s back but Nate turns onto his back in time. Gray is on Nate’s knees as Nate throws some punches. Nate flips Gray and has a great grip on an arm. He nearly has a kimora but has to give it up with one second. Big John goes to Gray’s corner and says this is his last warning about punches to the back of the head. End of round one.

– Nate fires a legkick to start the second round after faking some punches. Gray backs away. They clinch. Gray has Nate’s back and uses it to land some punches as Nate covers his face. Gray has a headlock around Nate’s neck. Nate lips over and Gray rotates to almost have full mount but Nate masterfully spins to have half guard on Gray. Nate punches Gray’s ribs. Nate slaps an arm under Gray’s throat and reclines back. Gray does not know what to do and taps right away. End of fight. Nate wins.

– Fight recap. Jens was worried about Nate’s eyes. Dana thinks Nate looked awesome for searching for six million submissions. Nate had landed a kick to the face in the second round that I did not see before. Penn thought round one was 10-8. BJ noticed Gray was exhausted in round two and saw Nate had more energy. Nate says that the guillotine on Gray was the first guillotine of his career. As Nate’s hand is raised we see Gray instantly run out of the octagon to the locker room. He wants to do that fight over a million times.

– Dana congratulates Nate on an awesome fight multiple times. He gathers Manny and Nate into the octagon to announce the final fight. Promo time. Manny says anything can happen. Nate believes Manny is the most technical guy of the sixteen. Team Pulver is in the final. Brandon and Jens hug and say a mock ‘I love you’. Andy goes over to say no hard feelings to BJ.

Next time on TUF: The live finale. Manny versus Nate. BJ vs. Jens. And a bunch of other s—. Should be fun.

PENN

GRAY  MAYNARD 7
JOE LAUZON 1
MATT WIMAN 3
ROB EMERSON 1

PULVER

ANDY WANG 4
BRANDON MELENDEZ 3
BRIAN  GERAGHTY 8
COLE MILLER 4
COREY HILL 2
NATE DIAZ 10
MANNY GAMBURYAN 2
WAYNE WEEMS 1

Rank the Fights
—-

1) Gray Maynard vs. Nate Diaz (Awesome awesome fight. You have to love the victories that come from nowhere. Gray Maynard pretty much blew that fight.)

2) Gray Maynard vs. Brandon Melendez (The second round is perhaps TUF’s best if you exclude finale fights.)

3) Joe Lauzon vs. Brian Geraghty (Lauzon is a monster. No wonder they put him as the first fight as opposed to the second fight where control of the following fight would be up for grabs. Brian was meant to be the sacrificial lamb.)

4) Rob Emerson vs. Nate Diaz (It sets the bar high for the remainder of the season. A perfect combo of striking, grappling, ground game, and submissions.)

5) Allen Berube vs. Cole Miller (The first fight of the season breaks the terrible chain of fights that were prevalent throughout the second half of TUF 4.)

6) Matt Wiman vs. Marlon Sims (Simultaneous punches and a submission that results in unconsciousness is one of the best sub-one minute fights ever.)

7) Matt Wiman vs. Manny Gamburyan (Everybody thought Wiman would win. However the underdog rises and robs Matt of a victory thanks to superior, grappling, striking, and ground game. The bonus points were for Matt acting like a sore loser after the fact.)

8) Joe Lauzon vs. Manny Gamburyan (Everybody thought Wiman would win. However the underdog rises and robs Matt of a victory thanks to superior, grappling, striking, and ground game. The bonus points were for Joe being extremely close to submitting Gamburyan in the final round.)

9) Joe Lauzon vs. Cole Miller (It was the fastest paced fight I had seen. But the illegal strike… the illegal strike. . . =( )

10) Rob Emerson vs. Corey Hill (It’s entertaining to see two people fight who have an eight inch height disparity. Stand-up wars are fun even if these two did not do an exceptional job of one. The first sudden victory fight of the season had a reasonable pace. Those legkicks on Corey make the fight memorable. They echoed on the tape.)

11) Andy Wang vs. Brandon Melendez (I for one think Andy should have taken Brandon down. A fun and unnecessary stand-up fight for ten minutes is always fun to see though. And hearing Penn quit giving advice in frustration is rare for a TUF coach.)

12) Noah Thomas vs. Manny Gamburyan (Seeing Manny advance his position more and more in a matter of 2 1/2 minutes is a thing of beauty. He puts on a clinic for all up and coming lightweights on how to play the lightweight game.)

13) Gray Maynard vs. Wayne Weems (The Nevada State Athletic Commission should have prevented this fight from happening. Herb Dean took way too long to stop it.)

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