TAR 5 episode 10 ranking

Leg ten

What?! He is on leg ten already?! Oh. My. God.

Previously on TAR: Teams went to India. Brandon & Nicole went to go for the fast forward after Brandon couldn’t make bricks. However the models found out they had to shave their head leaving only fast forward to be used for the whole season. Big drop from nine used last season. Colin & Christie and Chip & Kim got locals to push them in cabs. Chip’s strategy of letting Colin win vacations and build confidence worked out as Colin wins a vacation likely worth around 10k. Brandon & Nicole didn’t recover but were saved by the second non-elimination leg in a row which happened to be the exact same rounds when TAR pulled this stunt in TAR 3. They emptied their pockets. Without mentioning the Bowling Moms or Kamkar in this whole sequence who will be eliminated next?

– Heh I just noticed that TAR’s logo of a map has a smaller gleaming map in the centre. This is the first time I have noticed it. I wonder if viewers would be bats— crazy if the remaining non-elimination leg appeared this episode. I hoped for history to be made at the time.

– Calcutta. It is densely populated which is what Phil says about every TAR visit to India. Brandon & Nicole were not eliminated but will start the leg in zero. For the first time since TAR 2 during Wil and Alex’s feuds with other players in South Africa or Tara romancing Alex’s stones, we follow Brandon & Nicole asking for money in a 5-star hotel. The final request we see has two older tourists laughing in their face. I assume they think these young models wasted all of their money and are confident they’ll find it another way.

– Colin & Christie arrived at 2:35pm. Because this isn’t the new era of TAR, there is a rule you must leave 12 or 36 hours later at 2:35am. Wonderful. Rip that clue up Colin! We know Colin is not fond of India. What is Colin’s reaction to flying to New Zealand?

One Hantz, two Hantz, Colin jizzes in his pants.

He does a very Schrute-like fist pump in the process. This reaction to the clue confirms to me that Colin is a real life version of Dwight K. Schrute. I will never re-watch TAR 5 the same way again. But I digress. It’s off to Auckland, New Zealand. From there teams must drive over two hundred miles to Rotorua.

– Local laws prevent teams from booking international tickets in airports so they have to go to a travel agent. I love these little curveballs in airfare strategies. Why do local laws prevent people from buying tickets in airports? Does anyone know why that’s a law? Brandon & Nicole still beg for money and find success with two small bills.

– Chip & Kim comment on how they are using Colin & Christie for their alliance. They are trying to book seats on a 11:35pm flight that goes from Calcutta to Bangkok to Auckland. However, the second half of the journey (although distance wise it is much more than half) is fully booked so both teams are on standby. They get to Bangkok then wait.

– 3:25am departure for Bowling Moms. Linda says their goal is to stay in the top three. Oh gee.

– Brandon & Nicole are begging for money. Nicole pulls out the “I’m not used to begging for money”. The same line incidentally used by the Bowling Moms when they begged in Egypt.

Brandon challenges a tourist to a game of rock, paper, scissors.
BRANDON: It’s really tough to do. It takes me out of the comfort zone.
(LOCALS laugh aloud.)

The strategy works. They receive money.

– Ticket counter does not open until 7:00am. Much to Chip & Kim and Colin & Christie’s dismay as they sit in the airport at 4:00am.

– Bowling Moms find the same tickets.

– Twins shock us with the fact that twins are alike and react in a similar fashion to the same situations.

– Twins are lucky. Flights are magically opening up to Kamkar. They get tickets that arrives in Auckland at 2:35pm. Nine hour advantage. Can you believe these two are in a prime position to win the whole game?

– 6:07am departure for Brandon & Nicole. Brandon speaks of how they are grateful to be in the race and that they need to support each other. Real exciting stuff. Young love. They get to the travel agent book the 2:15pm flight. There’s a catch though. The flight leaves at 9:30am but they checked out of the pit stop at 6:07am and booked it almost right away.

Apu explains to us that you have to be there THREE HOURS BEFORE THE FLIGHT LEAVES?! Are you allowed to do nothing your whole day except sit in an airport and wait for your flight to leave? What is the explanation for this law? The travel agent is stereotypically polite.

– Colin & Christie and Chip & Kim research further into what has become a disastrous 11:35pm arrival time. The catch is that the office only allows one team inside at a team. Chip & Kim are evicted from the office without any input from the Head of Household. They must find another counter and it seems the counters are stalling and unsure what to do. Both teams are shown begging to get onto the flight.

– Colin & Christie are issued the tickets. Chip & Kim are informed Colin & Christie received the last tickets for 11:35pm flight. They’re now pushed back even later to 11:55pm.

CHIP: We’re now on a flight that gets in twenty minutes later than that doggone Colin & Christie.

Is that a term of endearment or is ‘doggone’ used hurtfully in this context? The real mysteries in life.

– Chip gives Brandon some leather despite having their hopes and dreams crushed. Brandon & Nicole are apparently on the 11:55pm flight. Brandon & Nicole have one of the dumbest teasing exchanges ever when Brandon assumes the flight arrives at 12:20pm before Nicole checks against his wishes. Nicole asks if he went to pre-k or kindergarten. Brandon says she was held back a few years. I’ll leave the conversation there.

Survey says he want to kindergarten. Where else would he learn that face?

Is he pulling a Rick James? Brandon is going to lick the side of Nicole’s cheek without shame? Unity!

Not gonna fly. Nicole is ready to issue ahizzead.

– Kamkar is on hold with the reservation desk. Linda & Karen have a 12:20am flight arrival in Auckland. Four separate flights thus far. Kamkar wish to find better tickets once they get to Bangkok.

– Bowling Moms are only ones connecting through Kuala Lumpur. They have left Bangkok. The remaining four teams continue to chase. Kamkar’s tickets are 2:15am. Why the heck did I think it was 2:15pm? Screwup by me? Screwup by the race? These are tough to keep track of late at night. Why can’t Phil say “teams with the best flight are ______, then two hours later ______ arrives, followed by ______ who arrives even later”. If I can’t keep track of it then your beloved casual audience will not follow.

– Kamkar go to Singapore Airlines ticket counter. One of them comes up with the most genius plan created in five seasons of TAR. Superior to Wil eliminating his lead by getting out of the cab right before the finish line so Chris & Alex can win season 2.

Is that a logo representing origami?

What’d you lie about? That it’s an emergency? Your mom is sick in New Zealand and you need to get home to her?

Well I don’t think that will ‘fly’ real well with the ticket agents. Aren’t airports the only place universally secure in the world? Besides the Korean border. The best part is that the agent is looking at her computer for their reservations. Let’s do a basic check to ensure these are the correct names on the flight. . .

AGENT: You are not confirmed.
KAMKAR: I called and confirmed my flight.

Oh crap. I didn’t plan for this. Why didn’t we plan this far ahead?! The only option is for Kamkar to feint frustration.

– Colin & Christie depart on the best plane possible.

– Kamkar have business class tickets and are trading in their business class tickets for economy. We are shown Chip & Kim and Brandon & Nicole boarding their flight.

– Minute 16 and we are stuck in the dang airport. Holy crap their plan works! Kamkar get tickets. Stupid plan after stupid plan leads to a desperate move that works out in their favour. Bowling Moms are suddenly the trailing team.

KIM: We can’t have the twins on the flight. They’re too doggone fast.

Kim uses ‘doggone’ too? Their children will be so doggone over that phrase before they get into kindergarten.

– Here we are. Auckland. Christie tells the camera directly that she is happy to be in a country where she can move.

– Next flight gets in.

– There is a mystical #1 south highway that everyone needs to take to Rotorua. Christie finds it on the map and directs Colin. Nicole finds it on the map and directs Brandon. Kim cannot find it and are on a wild goose chase.

The #1 highway that we are shown whenever a team correctly announces when to turn. Used twice so far in the episode.

– Kamkar land at 12:15pm. Bowling Moms at 12:20pm.

– Chip pulls over to ask for directions to Rotorua. Kamkar cannot read the map. Karen directs Linda to the correct road.

– Chip & Kim pull over at a gas station. Kamkar hit up some unknown city hall-like building. Info centre? I don’t know.

– Colin & Christie find the museum. We suffer through a yield explanation. The third doggone time it will go unused.

CHRISTIE: We’re not going to yield a team to screw them over.

The cast is satisfied with not yielding each other it seems. Detour time. Clean or Dirty. Clean requires teams to drive 13 miles to a Falls where they must do the sport of sledging. Go down a one mile turbulent river that is bleeping scary. In dirty, teams drive 10 miles to a place called Hell’s Gate. Find a clue buried in hot mud. It ain’t scary but you’ll be filthy while digging up a needle in a haystack.

– Christie says they are driving the wrong way. Colin insists she gives him the map while he stops at the red light. He reads the map  before following through on Christie’s request.

COLIN: Aren’t you the least bit excited about whitewater sledging?
CHRISTIE: I’m frustrated that you won’t listen to me. You’re not trusting me.
COLIN: I apologize. I stand corrected I’m wrong. You’re right.

Why is this argument worth showing?

– Brandon & Nicole do the dirty. Detour. Heh. Brandon says he wants to protect Nicole from banging her head.

– Bowling Moms hit the yield mat and say they won’t yield because they are in last. Did they not clue in that they picked up the number ‘3’ from the Yield box????? Somebody is brain dead. They are ready to kill more brain cells because they will sledge.

– Kamkar catch up to Chip & Kim. Chip in the truck says now be the time to yield.

– Colin & Christie are in the water. Christie takes the least graceful dive with a board I have ever seen.

– As stated before, Brandon & Nicole prepare to do the dirty. It’s disgusting and cool.

That is some scary s—. Christie is screaming the whole way.

– Adventure hardcore music for the clean detour plays as the comical ‘out in the middle of a desert’ music plays as Brandon & Nicole find nothing.

Well no choice but to make it its b—, Christie.

She does the waterfall. They build suspense by not showing her surface right away but you know she doggone will. Seconds later and she surfaces. I wait for the day that I am proven to be an insensitive a–hole and TAR editors fool us by having someone really die in a detour or roadblock.

– Next clue is in Matapara Farms.

– Chip & Kim hit the mat. They are in fourth place. Kamkar are seconds behind as they see Chip in plain sight. It’s leg 10. This HAS to be an elimination leg.

The Chip Who Stole Christmas.

CHIP: We choose to yield the. . .nobody! Because we love you!

If Chip & Kim go home this round it will go down as one of the dumbest moves ever in TAR history.

– Chip freaks out when he sees the last two clues in the box. He thought the Bowling Moms were way behind. Now he’s kicking himself inside the car for not making the twins. However he redeems himself by going for the clean detour while Kamkar go to the mud. Kamkar’s reasoning is that they’d rather be in hot mud than cold water. I know.

– Bowling Moms go to clean.

LINDA: How tough is this?
INSTRUCTOR: It’s difficult.
LINDA: Want to go to the other one?

Karen makes the decision for her because she puts on the wetsuit immediately. Creative editing at work I am sure.

– Karen is hesitant on doing the big drop but does it anyway. They are in second place. Their best standing in the race in a really long time.

– The mud can make you go crazy. Brandon is making a couple dozen mud balls.

– Nicole is practicing yoga. As Probst would say, you need to dig RIGHT NOW!

– Colin & Christie find the farm. Roadblock. Colin’s turn. Inflate and go inside a zorb. From there roll down a huge a– hill until they are on a straightaway where they run across to the red finish line. Once they exit the zorb they will join their partner and run up a hill to the pit stop.

I assume a task was edited out. A museum and a farm? Those are the only two route markers for the whole leg? I am sceptical.

– CHRISTIE: I knew Colin would love to do this. He loves doing these stunts because it helps him get his high on life.

So excited he does a spinning bird kick in preparation for the roadblock. Next leg he’ll kick a car really fast with his left leg until the car is demolished.

I wonder if New Zealand mass produces zorbs whenever there is a major disease outbreak?

Colin wins! Capcom’s programmers are tallying his bonus points as we speak. Now for the love of god don’t enter your high score name as ASS. Considering you never appear in the ASS season anyway.

“I do not know much about this ‘Amazing Race,’ but Colin & Christie, you have won a trip for two to romantic Europe compliments of American Airlines”.

– Karen is doing the roadblock. She completes it. Bowling Moms check in. They’re second despite getting in on the last flight. Excellent performance.

– Brandon & Nicole are in mud. Chip & Kim and Kamkar are searching for the detour. Brandon acknowledges they made a huge mistake. More of Nicole’s underwear is showing. Brandon falls into a Puddle of Mudd but without the crappy alternative music to accompany it.

– BRANDON: I had to calm myself down and say ‘Brandon, you are not in control. The Lord is in control of our lives’. . . Want to stop and pray?

LOL. Pwned! Pwned! Ten legs into a difficult race and Nicole may be an atheist once the season is over and done with. Hilarious.

– Brandon prays and prays and prays until he gets the clue.
NICOLE: Thank God. Literally.
BRANDON: Thank you, Lord.

– Brandon & Nicole get lost on the way to the roadblock. They turn around only to see the twins enter Hell’s Gate.

– Hold on. Brandon & Nicole voluntarily went to a place called Hell’s Gate? Perhaps Brandon is not as extremely religious as I thought he was.

– Kamkar are inside Hell’s Gate. Chip & Kim are shown arriving at the waterfalls a few seconds later.

– Brandon & Nicole get to the roadblock. Brandon runs around in a zorb. Nicole and Christie have yet to do a roadblock before or since eating caviar. They picked the best roadblock of all. Brandon & Nicole finish third in the leg.

– Several cuts between Kamkar and Chip & Kim. Who will finish in fourth? Oh the mystery. It is edited similarly to leg 7 of TAR 4 where Reichen & DK and Tian & Jaree are the last two teams to complete separate detours.

– Suspense. Suspense. Suspense. Suspense. Suspense. Chip & Kim are in fourth.

KIM: You gonna do the roadblock?
CHIP: Uh. . .what is it?
KIM: You gonna do it regardless.

So much for Kim trying so hard in Luxor to contribute more to the team. It’s nighttime.

– Chip & Kim receive hero’s music as they enter the pit stop. Chip is extremely out of breath.

PHIL: What’s the moral of the story?
CHIP: Use the yield!

Nobody’s gonna doggone stop me from using that doggone yield!

– Later in the evening we see Kamkar do the roadblock. I don’t know which one did it. No names are mentioned. Sad music plays as they cry. They’re last. Eliminated.

KAMKAR: We’re so much alike that it’s tough to deal with ourselves times two.

You think so? I had to combine both of you into a single confessional count all season because I could not identify who was who!

Next time on TAR: Chip confronts fear of heights. Colin & Christie have a meltdown. And one team will face a betrayal.

Brandon&Nicole 7.3
Kami&Karli 13
Linda&Karen 7.2
Colin&Christie 6.10
Chip&Kim 8.4

12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
5th Kami & Karli 5.8
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8

9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF

Rank the Legs
——-

1) St. Petersburg -> Giza (Ancient Egypt? The race goes to freakin Ancient Egypt?! God this leg was memorable. Egypt never entered my mind as a destination. The leg was very up and down for all of the teams. Unless you’re Colin & Christie. Yeah there was a stupid Fast Forward but it had no bearing on this leg. Colin & Christie finished with perhaps the biggest lead at a pit stop. Kamkar effs up with a puzzle, Linda effs up her ankle, and Marshall effs up his knee. Nobody was safe. Well, actually everyone was safe. I remember how blown away I was when the last place team lost all of their money and would have zero money for the next leg. My biggest complaint about the first four seasons of TAR had been eliminated. All of the viewers speculated how much of an impact having zero dollars to your name would paralyze you in the race. Charla & Mirna’s Trojan attack in the airport was pretty good too. This is the best non-elimination leg as well because TAR broke the predictable structure of 6-5-4-3 or 5-5-3. Even though there is only four non-eliminations we see it first occur with seven teams which was a necessary shake-up for the race. It forced you to run hard on every leg. Best location ever for the race and a very memorable episode.)

2) San Carlos de Bariloche -> St. Petersburg (I have nothing bad to say about this leg. Mirna continued her path of destruction with other teams as she interrupts Colin and hurls nasty insults. In addition she taunts teams at the roadblock for good measure. If nobody knew who Colin was last episode, they certainly did this episode as he once again stepped in the leader role and booked bus tickets for four teams. They in turn gave them the best flight available. Speaking of flights, the journey from Patagonia to St. Petersburg is perhaps my favourite of all-time in the series. There were five–FIVE planes! Editors should be given an Emmy for editing an episode that likely lasted four or five days into a 40 minute block. Seriously. The tasks were very inspired too. Vodka at midnight, hockey shots with amateurs, and eating the delicacy known as caviar. Do the rich have terrible taste? Chip & Kim’s random jump from being next to last several times into being first place and passing the mactors was great. Nicole and Christie’s reaction to the caviar was one of the funniest things I had seen on the race. Nicole nearly goes unconscious because she doesn’t like the food! The pit stop location is pretty dang epic. Brandon & Nicole cutting ties with their closest allies was also entertaining for its short-sighted move. Overall a very very very good episode of TAR. Even if we lose Bob & Joyce.)

3) Cairo -> Luxor (A gigantic equalizer at the start of the leg is a quick strike. Colin & Christie’s lead should not have been taken down from seven hours to zero minutes before they reach the inside of the pyramid. The shove between Mirna and them was proof of how much nearly everyone hates Mirna which had never been witnessed before. It made the Guidos look like moral gods. Tasks were very inspired. We moved from the royal Ancient Egypt tasks in leg five to the more peasant like tasks of Ancient Egypt here in leg six. No one knew what a scarab was. Junk shots from the goats. Colin awkwardly riding a donkey. The only other downer for this leg is that the Pizza Bros were DOA from the moment I saw Marshall walking out of the pit stop. Kamkar’s poop allergy balanced this.

4) Buenos Aires -> San Carlos de Bariloche (Awesome leg. Pizza Bros’ confrontation with Mirna is so quotable. I have imitated Marshall saying “I hate her sooo much” at least once a month. I have yet to get the accent down. The frenzy in the airport is one of the series’ best. Brandon & Nikki betraying Mirna was great. Mirna wondering why everyone treats her so badly by then pulling an underhanded move on Pizza Bros was great. Colin joining in on the bashing by saying “we have to beat the midget!” creates a clear theme for the season. No taxis are present in this leg which is always awesome. The tasks are great considering how small of a space they are in. Well rounded. Oh, and Kamkar swimming to the pit stop.)

5) Luxor -> Kilimanjaro (Ranking these legs are really tough for TAR 5. I s’pose the midway leg will hover around the midway point because it was solid but not terribly memorable. Nobody quits, hangs out at the Sphinx, or shouts ‘b—’ in opposing taxis. In fact if anything this leg would be considered a slight disappointment. Right when Mirna has a shoving battle with Christie, Mirna is knocked out along with Charla because of luck as opposed to one titan or another using brilliant strategy to get ahead. How in the world was the yield not used by Colin & Christie? Despite losing our star team it was a fun leg. This is one of the most remote locations for the race but also fairly populated. The chaos between Brandon & Nicole with the Calgary guy was fascinating. Chip & Kim stop to hang out with people on the detour on the race is even better. Seeing Colin’s intensity mount to nothing more than whining about eggs was great. There is not much else to say about the leg. Perhaps too much time spent in airports pumping up ‘clash of the titans’ when it amounts to nothing?)

6) Dubai -> Kolkata/Calcutta/Mother Teresa Land (Non-eliminations are plagued by police intervening on cab fare disputes. Teams catch up on flights. Wicked waterslide. The beginning of Chip’s campaign to foster Colin’s self-destruction. India’s train rides minus Kelly’s booty getting pinched from last season. Unique engine-less taxi. Two non-eliminations in a row can be a bit much. At least they caught us off guard with the non-elimination at the very least.)

7) Kilimanjaro -> Dubai (It’s tough to rank an episode where only one event worthwhile happens. No elimination, no roadblock, and one big equalizer. This leg was all about money. Colin didn’t want to spend it to the point he would go to jail, Brandon does it only if there is no other choice, and Chip thinks tipping cabs will only have its benefits such as cheap skating a different cab by giving him ten less dollars than required. Nothing else occurs this episode.)

8) Montevideo -> Buenos Aires (Mega discos are awesome. Charla asking directions from a prostitute. Kamkar and Chip & Kim get into a mud fight thinking they are last place but it turns out it was all for naught and in fact the face-off in the cab nearly had Alison & Donny catch up. Taxi vs. Bus dilemma was good because it made you think short term versus long term. At the time Alison’s elimination was a bonus because the stunt casting team would not be able to corrupt more than two episodes. The only negative is that we had to see dogs having sex.)

9) Calcutta/Kolkata -> Rotorua (Too predictable in editing techniques. Only noteworthy moments are Kamkar lying about having reservations booked to sneak onto a flight and Chip faking out that he will use the Yield when he was extremely close to making TAR’s biggest blunder. Zorbs and sledges are cool.)

10) Santa Monica -> Maldonado (Although it is this low it is by no means a bad premiere. It’s a great premiere. Jim’s knee injury, Charla & Mirna’s craziness, Chip, Kim, Kamkar, and Donny ignoring a preposition in the clue would be enough to have this premiere be the best leg in any season. But this is TAR 5. There’s just too many memorable and entertaining legs that topple the premiere. The fact Jim & Marsha survive and boring couple Dennis & Erika are first out was one of the better scenarios. Biggest negative for the leg is that the semi-celebrity team is the one that wins the leg. Nearly everyone in the audience thought Alison’s win on this leg was rigged. Obviously this would prove to not be the case. There was also too many equalizers.)

Rank the Teams
—-

7) Dennis & Erika

Why is it that I have nothing to say about the first couple that gets eliminated in each season? They are likely underdeveloped and are branded with zero personality so we do not care about them. Matt & Ana, Hope & Norm, Debra & Steve, and now Dennis & Erika. Dennis played the nice guy to the point it was irritating. All because he could not handle being labeled as a scumbag which none of the other teams really meant too seriously. I doubt anyone cared about their storyline of getting back together and being re-engaged.

6) Alison & Donny

I never approved of Alison being cast on the race. Although Big Brother is not too popular internationally I would say it is still unfair to the other players. Why not cast someone who has yet to appear on one of the big three reality shows? Instead Alison is cast solely for her name. We are lucky that the couple’s extreme lack of compatibility made them have the most ridiculous fights ever seen on TAR, and we are also lucky they did it in an honest and non-camera whoring fashion. They earned their airtime by winning the first leg then falling to last place on the next. I just wished TAR didn’t continue the practice of casting d-list celebrities in the future.

5) Kami & Karli

A difficult team for me to rank. On one hand there was about zero instances where I rooted for them to win the season, but approximately zero instances where I was rooting against them. I sincerely hope casting picked up on the fact that these two are so similar and have unorthodox logic skills that they would make some of the biggest mistakes ever on the race. In addition, the fact they survive six eliminations is a miracle in itself. They did not deliver when they did well on a leg. Do you remember anything about the twins if they succeeded on a leg? Do you remember all of the screwups on any leg where they finish next to last? Of course.

In short these two were never meant to be competitive for the million bucks. They were merely the figures appointed for oddball moments on the race. And it worked.

4) Marshall & Lance

Pizza Bros who are loud, witty, and offensive to anyone they don’t like. They gave great confessionals and got along surprisingly well for being a loud sibling team. They were ultimately a casting mistake, though. Marshall should never have been allowed to enter the race as heavy as he was. I cannot recall anybody who has entered the race heavier than he was. His knees were bound to be ruined. I think even Steve & Dave from TAR 4 had an easier time.

However, if you eliminate the weight, there is no real reason why this team should not have been cast. They were great television despite being scumbags. That’s right. Scumbags.

3) Bob & Joyce

The Internet dating couple. Both lost a spouse to cancer but on the race discovered they truly loved each other. They were at the front of the pack for most of the race until a business class ticket screwed them over. Bob looking humorously old and Joyce’s wacky attitude only made them more likeable. They were the first older team outside of Teri & Ian that I truly liked in TAR. Sure Bob got into an odd fight with my man Chip, but hey, who knows how much of that two second clip was set up by editing. It sucks how they went out.

2) Jim & Marsha

One of my favourite teams. Who wasn’t disappointed to see them go early? They nearly miss the first flight of the game because Jim tripped on the pier and had a nail go into his knee. A ton of blood. They were nice and polite to the other teams but remained competitive. Incidentally the only time they finished outside of last place (or next to last place) is a leg that did not involve planes. Sometimes the bad luck is not with the taxis but rather with airports.

They are also the first father-daughter team to be on the race.

1) Charla & Mirna

Otherwise known as “Schmirna & Mirna”. Seriously, can you think of a reason why these two should not be cast? Charla is the first Little Person on the race. However her partner is perhaps the most polarizing person to ever be on The Amazing Race. It goes against the stereotype of reality TV contestants who are celebrated for their disabilities and positively breaking barriers. Mirna & Charla contradict this. Mirna is a conniving mothaf—er and Charla plays along. They have fun, cry, yell at other teams, play victim, play bully, and can do the whole cycle in every single episode. Plus they have the highest ranking of any team to finish in sixth.

Need we say more? Or as we say on Martha Stewart’s Apprentice, need we play more?

P.S. I never saw this leg when it originally aired. I was on vacation at my aunt’s in the United States. My other aunt had to record the episode for me back in Canada that would be ready for me when I returned. Sure enough I come back and am given seven days to watch it. Naturally having already read the recap on CBS.com about half a dozen times I fit in two viewings of the episode. I returned the tape and never saw the episode for years until OLN re-aired several seasons of TAR. I successfully set up the VCR to record my missing episode while I was in the 10th grade  and was stoked to track down one of my ‘lost episodes’. The same applies to the Erin boot in Survivor: Thailand.

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